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I'm starting to care less and become more immaterial. Apart from my hobbies, I don't spend much money on anything apart from the bare necessities. I'm content with doing the bare minimum in activities during my time off. I just enjoy time to think and be at peace.
I'm quite jealous of people who can just sit and be at peace. I got the ADHD and the only time that's ever been available to me is for 5 minutes after yoga or if I'm in nature with a weed gummy in my stomach. And even then it has to be the right amount of weed, I took too much on a hike in Canada once (not even that much but I'm a lightweight) and my bear radar was pinging off the charts, think I detected about 4 million bears in a 500m radius. Everyone else was perfectly calm for some reason.
Mine used to, but it doesn’t work for me anymore. Now I feel physically ill and my brain goes into overdrive, like just the worst, most prolonged panic attack mixed with intense overthinking. It’s awful. I’ve tried a few different strains in a couple different methods, and each time was worse than the last. I threw in the towel and will never touch weed again.
I got that for a while after I stopped smoking for a couple of years. The thc just interacted with my body in a totally different manner. Turned out I was just the biggest lightweight ever again & it took about a grain of rice worths of weed to get me massively stoned for hours.
Had the same when I tried gummies for the first time too. Smooth sailing now, I'm still a lightweight but no racing heart or panic. An eighth lasts me months now!
I went through that had to stop. A few years later I tried a bit at a party and it was really nice, and have enjoyed it occasionally since then. The trick for me was knowing the dosage or starting by just having one or two tokes. I'm also waaaay less anxious in general than I was when I was having problems with it though so think that was probably a big part of it. That and only having it rarely.
Not saying that's the issue with you of course, everyone is different
i always wondered about those kind of retreat things, like if you're basically on holiday doing meditation and yoga around other likeminded people with no job to go to, it's not exactly a lifestyle you can or will bring back home. i wonder how beneficial it actually is in practice, once you've come back to your 'real life'. like how you could crash diet or fast in the day for a week to lose weight, but you can't do that sustainably for the rest of your life.
I've gone the opposite way. I grew up without much money around, so through my 20s I continued always buying the cheaper versions of things, even though I earn good money and could afford better.
But now, as I prefer to spend more and get high quality items that last longer. I find I dont' want to waste the time repeatedly shopping for items when I could just spend more and waste less time.
I don't think those are two opposing opinions, they never said they don't buy *anything.*
I'm certainly the combination of the two. When I buy stuff I like to make sure I'm buying quality, but simultaneously I simply don't buy that much stuff.
Amen to that, my dad is a boomer and can’t understand it, he’s like “why are you wasting time doing that shit or just sitting on your arse watching tv, you should be out and about”.
His favourite saying is “but you’ll miss out if you don’t do it now”, we’ll I’ve done everything I want, so if I die tomorrow not going to XYZ isn’t going to erm, bother me.
I'm 33 turned 30 during lockdown and feel like I've lost key years of my early 30s and still I'm trying to figure things out in life. Spent the majority of my 20s travelling/living abroad on multiple occasions right up until covid happened.
I Don't own a home, don't drive, I have no kids and I've become single recently. By societies standards I should be depressed but I've realised there are no rules to life. You've just got to figure out whats important to you as you go along and block out the noise.
Is that not the trade off though? Travelling in your 20’s means potentially giving up stability and a career in your 30’s or at least starting from scratch.
Yeah exactly travelling was in some ways. Its still a big part of my life.
that's why you have to block out the noise. Everyone asks me when I'm settling down or why I'm not dating anyone when that's not my journey it feels like peer pressure because everyone else my age is doing so.
I love my career which I'm in, I will eventually get my driving license in the next few months and hopefully be on the property ladder in the next few years once the market cools but these things will be on my own accord.
Yes and no. I travelled in my 20s and came back during lockdown in my very late 20s.
3 years since then I did a complete career change into accounting where I’m now earning more then I ever would have been in my previous field and I’m almost fully qualified and chartered. I was also lucky enough to save money for a deposit which I’ll hopefully use later this year.
Granted had I not gone travelling and went straight into accountancy in my early/mid 20s I could be miles ahead of where I am, but I still think I was able to settle back down fairly quickly. I’d rather have done the travel then be 2 pay grades above where I currently am.
This is me but with education. I went straight from high school to a bachelor’s to a master’s and then moved to the UK for my PhD and ended up staying here.
The downside is that I really only started my career in my early 30s (now 36) and have only just got to the point where I’m in a decent paying job. Wouldn’t change a thing, but there certainly have been drawbacks; I sometimes feel miles behind everyone else my age.
I also hit 30 during lockdown. At the time I thought that it was the worst way to enter the 30s club!
I spent the entirety of my 20s on education and training. No house, no car, not even a companion at the time, and a very modest income (stipend).
All for the hope that life could've gotten better with all my qualifications at hand. Only to find out my disposable income, factoring in inflation, and living costs had remained pretty much the same as during my time as a Ph.D student living off a Stipend.
Thankfully, I found better opportunities elsewhere.
I'm in roughly the same boat, pissed off at 18 and just kept going, ended up building a career out of it. Covid too was the thing that put the stops on things and I came back to the UK with a CV that apparently screamed 'unemployable' which was fun as you sit there feeling old and useless.
However I'm glad I did it. I've looked at some of my peers that went the 'normal' route and they look very bored. Content perhaps but bored and, if I am honest, boring; not sure I'd survive a 9-5 grind doing the same things every week for a couple of weeks holiday 'somewhere hot' with the 2.5 kids. Plus with Covid gone I've just gone back to the old job, as you say you figure out what is important and realise the 'rules' people set are for them, not you.
Yep as someone in a regular 9-5 I often wonder how my life would have been if I joined the military or went traveling in my 20s.
The normal office life isn’t exciting.
Same, at 33 I’ve learned enough about myself to start having autonomy and the money to fund it but I don’t feel like I’ve travelled or partied or experimented much or even formed ‘enough’ strong friendships and hope all that is all still ahead of me to pursue. Easier to say since I don’t think I want to start a family, ever, aside from a chosen family of dear friends
The 9-5 grind is the worst way to live life.
I got out of it to work for myself - I’m financially worse off, and some weeks I work more hours than I would in a normal job, don’t get paid holiday etc but the stress is less and what does exist is better and I am the ultimate master of my own destiny - no boss and no staff.
I’d really struggle to go back to normal employment now.
I don’t know if self employment is an option for you, but I’d definitely recommend it.
Fuck me the Covid years really did a number on me I feel the same I lost some years of my life and felt Everton else grew up around me and I felt a bit stagnant and lost some youth.
I lived away from a lot of my friends and naturally a lot of them had kids during that period I think because they all did.
I’ve noticed lately a disconnect with some staff in their early 20’s. Sometimes I haven’t a clue what they are on about
I'm 33 and only just bought my first home. Also travelled a lot in my 20's, bounced around a few jobs and in the last few years really got head down and focused. My sister bought her first flat at 36, which probably helped me not to stress too much.
Live your life. It's a bit cliché, but nobody turns 90 and says they're grateful for not travelling in their 20s. Who cares if you buy a house a little later.
Would you back 15 years and so everything differently? I wouldn't. Had some amazing times, even if I was skint, and your personality today is shaped by what you did back then.
Keep living, because we're all dying.
Why is everyone getting a bee in their bonnet over how old they are when buying their first home, anyway? It shouldn't matter.
You might be 23. You might have maxed out every buying scheme imaginable and bought somewhere on a brutal 30 year mortgage with literally the bare minimum deposit your lender will accept.
You might be 37, buying the same place on a 50% deposit and higher salary, meaning your mortgage terms are more favourable.
Or you might be 53... paying in cash and not having a mortgage.
---
Why is the first of these considered "better" than the others? You could make the argument on saving money instead of renting, but you don't know what the circumstances of the other two people are.
Have you ever seen the “wait but why” article about [how we actually have like 8 chapters in our lives](https://waitbutwhy.com/2015/12/the-tail-end.html)? I found it super helpful to stop the panic around thinking I should be further ahead by my age. If we only live til we’re 53, that’s like our entire conscious life so far all over again. Statistically we’ll probs live longer than that, so it’s the cheesy thing of it never being too late to start on a new goal!
I first went to university in 2005.
My peers from that era - and other random people I see on LinkedIn who also started university in 2005 and are therefore my age - seem to have smashed it. I haven't. We all started out exactly the same.
They have good houses in perfect nick, a fairytale marriage while still in their 20s, 14 kids, always on holiday, top of their professional game, razor sharp and never suffering from any kind of brain fog or stress. Everything is so fucking perfect.
I don't really know any of my old friends who _aren't_ like that now and I feel the odd one out. Finding someone like me is a rare thing.
I’m 34, always done the “right” thing and tried to save along the way. Now in a comfortably sized house, lovely husband and 4yo son, am a SAHM. I wish I had pushed myself to travel more during my 20s. I always worried about finances eg affording a house, a wedding, a child and didn’t allow myself to relax.
I’ve got friends on both sides and everyone seems to regret their choices to some degree, I think it may be one of those grass is always greener things.
Also, I’m still trying to figure out life. I’m not sure it’s possible to. To my mind we just exist and we should make the most of our short time here - that’s depressing and/or uplifting whichever way you choose to look at it.
It’s my 47th birthday today and I still feel like I’m 27 as well. My 73 year old dad does too. He once said “I look in the mirror and it’s like ‘Who’s this old guy staring back at me?’” A lot of his friends have been dying lately, you just have to make sure you stop to enjoy life and don’t waste time worrying about stuff you can’t control.
Happy birthday.
I caught myself in this when I was walking through town for my bus home from work a few years ago.
Just noticing people on the street: 'young mum pushing a buggy, bunch of school kids, older guy crossing the road'..... "shit! That 'older' guy is probably younger than me!'
That's the problem with aging....your brain stays in yer 20's whilst mother nature gives you the "privilege" of watching your own body decay. Nobody ever warned me about that and how hard it can be to reconcile what you see in the mirror with the image you have of yourself. I got called an old biddy by some drunk on his phone behind me a few months ago, fair upset me it did.
Yep. The mirror is always a surprise isn't it. Particularly when you catch that middle aged person pulling a facial expression you have seen your parents/grandparents pull and you realise just how much of a family resemblance there is!
I look at photos of myself aged 16-18 and barely recognise myself. When in my late 20s and nearly 30, people genuinely thought I was younger and were shocked when they learned my real age.
Now, in my later 30s, I'm definitely looking older. Getting ever more grey facial hair as well.
I think what's weird is (at least IME), your memories all kind of sit next to each other in your head, so you know something happened ten or twenty years ago, but it doesn't seem that far removed from something that happened last year, or a couple of months back.
I've become real fucking zen when driving. I used to get really pissy at arseholes around me, which fucked my mood for the rest of the day, so I've trained myself to be mindful in those situations, and rationalise my feelings.
Are they driving like a cunt? Yes. But they didn't cause an accident (this time) and I'm ok. So why hold on to those feelings? I also consider whether I'll remember the incident tomorrow, or next week, and almost always the answer is no.
I won't lie, it's much better.
Most impatient drivers know they can't win them all, but even if they get through the lights before you 50% of the time, they still consider it worthwhile.
I find this as well but I don't think it's due to aging. Now that I don't compute 2-3 hours a day I have become a far calmer driver. The 40 minutes I drive every 3 days is now quite enjoyable instead of being an intolerable burden.
Similar. Back in my mid-to-late twenties, I'd treat my horn like a drum when I was behind the wheel. Now I rarely use it. Used it yesterday but it was first thing in the morning and I wasn't in the mood. But still!
When I was a kid I assumed adults were right and knew what they were doing, now I'm 40 I realise we don't have a fucking clue. A lot of adults are basically bumbling through life feeling like three kids in a trenchcoat, waiting for a time when we feel 'grown up' and have life figured out but it never comes.
People treat the management at their place of work like they're some kind of mythical being, unencumbered by issues of mortality. But the truth is that they eat, shit, and try to pay their bills the same as the rest of us. When I started to think about that more, I got way more relaxed around them, and developed the ability to tell them what I thought. Ended up getting a promotion...
I think I've had the opposite issue. Early on I realised management were just normal people and I've since found it very hard to respect the decisions they make (often lacking in any empathy)
Whenever I see friends doing proper practical things like car maintenance or DIY, I wonder how and where they learned to be a grown up. I still feel like I'm winging it on all that stuff.
Worse than that a ton of "adults" are so desperate to come off as informed that they ignore facts and create their own version while relying on nobody calling them out
I’m nearly 50 and for 45 years, I was barely aware of having knees. Shit just worked. I also used to be able to sit in a comfy chair without making an ‘Urghhhhhhh…’ noise as I sank into it.
My knees are seriously fucked. I've always had very minor pain in my knees even when I was younger but I just ignored it. Sometimes my knees hurt so much now that even simple things like walking up and down the stairs is pure agony, I'm just constantly grimacing.
I'm worried tbh, I'm not even 40 yet. In all other ways I'm fine, no aches and pains anywhere else - it's just the knees. I should probably see a GP.
I was overweight for a wee while, but I since lost the weight and while I think my knees improved for a while, they hurt again just as much as they did when I was fat.
People's mental health is getting worse.
I don't know if it was always bad and nobody talked about it, or if the 21st century has stressors that mean people need medication to cope with daily life.
Bit of both I imagine. Certainly there were people in the past who just struggled along in silence with their mental health and nobody talked about it.
For example, I know in her 50s before I was born my nan had what from everything I know was quite clearly a mental breakdown. But she didn't get any support for it and it's always been referred to euphemistically in my family. Likewise, my mother in law has said how she now realises her mum quite clearly had untreated manic depression.
On the other hand, I've seen enough research that suggests that mental health is legitimately getting worse now, it's not just greater awareness and treatment. When you really think about it, is it a surprise? Think about our phones, and rolling news, and social media and instant messaging and so on and so on. Our brains are utterly unequipped to cope with that level of information and stimulation. It's hardly surprising that anxiety is so on the rise.
I think mental health is the same but less people spoke about it and acknowledged it so less was done.
For example the kids in school who had ADHD or other issues were just classed as being naughty and put in the special class. Hence why there's now an increase in ADHD in millennials, it's only just being diagnosed. It's always been there.
Edit - social media does not help with people's mental health whatsoever
Slightly tangential point, but your post has reminded me about the articles you see blaming TikTok for giving people ADHD, and how they never question why the dopamine generator app attracts so many people who then realise they have ADHD.
As someone afflicted with ADHD, I avoid TikTok like the plague, because my productivity sucks ass as it is.
That's interesting, it's easy for other's to blame tiktok instead of admitting that the services afforded to ADHD and it's diagnosis have just been terrible in the past. It's possible that things like tiktok and social media are bad triggers for people with it.
Speaking of which, I really need to get off Reddit and get back to work...
Yeah apparently nice only really started recognising adhd in kids in the 2000s and then adult adhd only really started getting recognised in 2008 so it's no wonder so many of us slipped through the net
Especially if you have Inattentive type adhd which often presents more subtly and can put you on a path of being someone who didn't seemingly struggle too much at school and then you end up crashing hard as an adult
There's an analogy I found on tumblr that sums it up well
Very Slow Tigers
Basically we have a nervous system that was designed to deal with stressors that were designed for like oh shit act now or we are going to die but our nervous system can't differentiate between that and like modern day stressors that are less lethal and so treats them the same and we can't escape those stressors so it continuously builds up on us and doesn't end very well.
I think it’s mainly the fact people talk about it makes it seem like it’s everywhere. I think my mental health has always been rocky but I never had the words to talk about it until way in to my 20s.
I noticed somewhere between 5 and 10 years ago it became normal for my friends to just talk about mental health casually.
45 and mentally still 23. Despite being quite senior in a traditional and respectable profession, I sometimes can’t understand how and why I got here. Surely I’m still not good enough - it appears that no matter where you get to, all the hoops through which you’ve jumped, all the accomplishments, the childhood traumas always creep in and hammer away at you. Not sure what more I could ever do to escape them.
I don't wish to suggest your comment is fine, but it's comforting you feel that way, from someone who is on a similar trajectory but over a decade younger.
You know what, it sounds awful, but I’m in a much better place than when I was growing up and I’m actually happy. But how? And do I deserve it? They’re the questions which resonate. Should probably get some therapy…
I hope you’re happy @wingman0401 😁
Changes in my body that I’m struggling to process. I’m 27 now and have gained a bit of weight, but the way I carry it is completely different to just a few years ago and have no idea if this new tummy is all fat or just comes with approaching 30
THIS!! I’m 30 and have 2 kids, and I’ve *finally managed* to get back to my pre-baby weight and my ‘sharp’ jawline hasn’t returned, my arms that were always slim still look flabby and I am holding weight in places I never used to. Sucks in a way, but with this age comes this humble acceptance that I didn’t have before, so it feels okay overall.
"Average intelligence" is a lot lower than i thought in my teens/early 20s.
I used to think of the average person maybe at GCSE level understanding for most things - given thats where compulsory education stops. Yet during the pandemic, we had people unable to follow basic health advice we give to primary school children.
Where i live, we had our county level elections in May - yet in my hometown, the majority of people when polled couldnt name their county correctly the month before. It became such a thing, even Reach PLC sent "journalists" to interview people in the street to see if they could get it right - this is a simple fact, easily looked up, that affects residents on at least a weekly basis.
The sad thing is, i dont know how this developed. I didnt go to some fancy private school or anything - yet id happily argue 90% of my peers were reasonable. The people who now seem average to me were very much the 10% before, and i just dont know where that snuck up on me from.
It's the "[Amusing ourselves to Death](https://i.imgur.com/hPjeq15.jpeg)" generation.
Entertainment and trivialities have taken over our daily lives. The majority of the population now spend most of their time scrolling through social media feeds the moment they have any spare time.
Distraction and irrelevancies are now the norm.
I've been working on a project recently for the general public and we had to ensure the language used is suitable for 8 year olds as that's a standard reading / comprehension age for many in the UK
Pushing 30, and I've become acutely aware of noise recently.
In my teens and early 20s I needed noise. If there wasn't music playing in the background, a TV on, people talking, etc. I would feel like I was going crazy.
But now, I have come to hate noise (specifically noise pollution). Going to the local nature reserve and hearing cars in the distance; just driving normally, not honking their horns or whatever, really irritates me. Looking to move house, and my number one requirement is it has to be a quiet area, because the constant noise of traffic outside the house is driving me crazy; it's not heavy, or busy. But having the sound of cars drowning out the sound of rain on stormy nights... ARGH
However, I also find that I'll put something on in the background to listen to whilst working and when it finishes I will go a while without noticing just working in silence. Whereas before, I wouldn't be able to work in the silence.
Same, I think COVID had a big impact on this for me. Getting used to working at home in the quiet, not being around crowds etc. I found it hard to get used to the noisy outside world again
I’m 35 (f) and suddenly I realized it. It’s a weird age, young in some ways, old in other ways. The realisation that statistically my body is old compared to how it was at 29 is wild! Thinking that I was “very young” at 29 but I am “almost old” at 35 is so wild! Going from super young to kind of old in 6 years is insane?!
I’ve become more of myself, I’m 32 and my husband had cancer in 2021, he’s thankfully alive and just turned 30 but the brush with death was a bit much and now I’m just like, you know what, I like having pink hair, I like having stupid stickers all over my laptop, I like wearing clothes with cartoon characters on. Why am I diluting myself when I could literally find out at any moment my life is coming to an end? He’s the same, he grabs life by the balls(or as he’d say, by the ball because he’s only got one left) and doesn’t give a shit if others think he’s silly or too old for a green Mohawk or anything. We’re both fully concentrated versions of ourselves now because we are not squash, we are pure fruit juice and don’t need watered down.
I don’t know why I leaned so far into the juice metaphor so hard 😅I’m sorry
I'm turning 40 this year and mentally I'm still 25 but physically probably 50! I think I've become more apathetic especially when it comes to work stuff, I used to get so worried about little mistakes or convincing myself I said something stupid now I'm just like 'meh'
Crazy that my niece is now a teenager (and taller than me) makes me realise how quickly time has gone
I think the biggest thing I've noticed is how much of a lie the whole 'live your dream' 'be the best you' stuff is. There is nothing wrong with being average and living a modest life. I'm single and probably will be for my whole life, and that's totally ok!
This. I work out constantly, and eat well, but the weight stays the same! Compared to my early twenties when I had a similar routine and was absolutely shredded within months.
I feel like I’ve become more worried about dying early myself, but I’m not as worried about my elderly relatives passing away as I realised it’s something that will happen and we can’t control it.
I spent a lot of my childhood and even into my teens anxious about family members dying. But in 2017 I was 21 and my grandad was given less than a year to live with pancreatic cancer. I was in denial he was ill and in denial he was going to die.
Then I remember talking to my grandma one evening who was heartbroken but she was so calm about everything. We got talking about life in general and it just hit me that it is the circle of life. We’re all by my grandad’s side in his final days in the hospital, and one day that’ll more than likely be my grandkids by my bedside and so fourth.
My grandma has dementia now and we know the clock is ticking where she’s not going to be here anymore. We’re caregivers for her now but me and my girlfriend openly talk about the fact she will pass away one day and openly talk about funeral arrangements and things
My elderly grandma has dementia and as far as I’m concerned she died years ago so I’ve come to terms with it.
Part of me thinks life can make it easy on you because those last few years can be so difficult that death is a bit of a relief for everyone involved, as cold as that sounds.
I'm 50 next year and have started taking the concept of daily exercise more seriously. When I was a kid my two frames of reference for old people was my nan who spent all day sitting down and smoking, or my friends nan who was around the same age, maybe a bit older, but still fully mobile, active and spry, even. If I have an average of twenty-five years left in this life, I do not want to spend it slowly falling apart.
Some of the things I enjoy most (e.g. singing) are things I am not objectively very good at.
When I was younger I thought things were only worth doing if I could be good at them and could impress other people. I was missing out.
I've found there's a certain relief in doing things I'm bad at for fun, because I have no ego about them and so I can just relax and do them. If it's terrible, who cares? I already knew I wasn't good at this. Anything good that happens is a win. If, on the other hand, I'm doing something I'm good at, I always feel like I have to do it well and it's a big hit to the self-esteem if it fails.
How quickly time flies.
I'm 28 and 10 years ago, all I wanted was a house, a partner, pets and child(ren). I have all of these things now but I just want time to stop still. The more I wish time would slow down, the faster it goes. I'll be 30 next year and I'm dreading it.
Not looking forward to it. Every time I look at my toddler, he just seems to have gotten a bit bigger. Those memories that pop up on my phone just make me realise how quickly it's all gone. I feel like I'm going to wake up one day and be 80 and think "what the fuck has just happened".
10% of people are cunts 100% of the time. 100% of people are cunts at least 5% of the time.
True cunts are in a minority, they just shout loudly. Everyone has a blind spot when they act like a cunt, even the best people; this doesn't mean they are a bad person, they are still human.
But really, fuck the 10%.
I've noticed my parents ageing.
They're both in their seventies and, while mum's still a bit of a spring chicken, her hair's greying and thinning, and dad's just declined massively over the last 5-10 years. He uses a wheelchair now because he can barely walk (it's more of a shuffle) and his short-term memory is virtually non-existent.
That absolutely everyone in the corporate world has no idea what they're doing and are absolutely winging it.
Also as I've got older I've noticed a lot of people do cocaine.
I know this sounds depressing but I’m 42 years old. If I’m lucky I’m halfway through my life and the way the time is flying by, it’s not gonna be long!
I’ve just turned 43 and think like this. It is very depressing. I then start thinking about things in a way I shouldn’t, such as, in 12 years I should be winding down to retiring (with any luck 😀). Then, well, I’ll only have about 15-20 years left all being well.
24F
1. Repetitive strain can happen at any age, im still a spring chicken yet I’ve got carpal tunnel in my left hand from a job i had at 21. Thought i still had 10 years until my body starts to deteriorate.
2. Potential friends are everywhere and nurturing friendships are super important. Some of the best friends I’ve made are so rouge. One of my closest friends is a middle age man (56) that i met down the pub i used to work at. I was a little lonely when i moved back to my home town at 23, so id hover around the bar and chat to one of my friends after a shift. Met this guy who’s a regular and now every friday i meet him for a pint. Top bloke, i sometimes make him batch food cause im a chef and he’s a lorry driver so doesn’t have the best diet, he gave me my first ever bike.
3. Measuring yourself by your own standard of success and bot other people’s is the only way you’ll truly be happy. Because im a chef so many people just assume that i must have done shit in school and had no other options rather than it just simply being my dream job just because it doesn’t pay well. If i let other people’s perception of what i want to do with my life matter, id be miserable. You only have 1 life, this isn’t a free trial, you have to make the most of it and do what *you* want.
4. Dont let people practice tattooing on you lol
I'm 57...worked since I was 15..made some poor choices along the way...but proud father of 3 great kids..older I get the more I realise you have to look after yourself and your close one's...be less immaterial..and sprinkle some kindness when you can
Recently I fell over coming down the stairs and ended up in a heap at the bottom. Nothing broken, but a bit sore.
Not long ago I'd have hopped straight up, sworn a bit, and got on with life. Instead I found myself just sitting there for a few seconds and needing a mental effort to uncurl from the tangle I'd ended up in. I realised that it had transitioned from "falling over" to "having a fall". I'm only in my 40s FFS.
I am 50. Divorced. Two children 9 & 7 who I love dearly. Separated from their mum. Accepted I was gay at 48.
Top advice is enjoy it all. Be you as soon as you can. Don't live a life for anyone else's expectations.
Now I spend as much time with my girls as I can, I 50% parent then. During my week alone I enjoy gardening, beer and going out. My body is breaking a bit, glasses, blood pressure, etc..
Life is so short. Don't miss a moment doing something or being someone that makes you unhappy
If you make noises or your bones crack when you get up, you're getting old.
But don't worry OP. Death is something you can't do anything about. Sign of a kind heart when you care about the welfare of others before your own but seriously, fuck it. Enjoy yourself.
I'm 46. I've realised that watching TV and reading Reddit is just as valid a hobby as any other! I no longer feel like I am missing out on life because I don't go on walks.
That currently the world is fucked. But the ways to un-fuck it are actually incredibly simple.
Everything is a choice, and we are arbiters of our own destruction, or improvement.
FYI, the only really hard thing is getting everyone on the same page. Because people are too cowardly and unwilling to accept realities of this Earth, wildlife, and in their own lives, and make improvements to them by cutting out their own brand of BS. That's it. everything else will come in time, if people keep on this path. And it needs to be almost everyone working together, for a change. Especially the rich.
But it can happen.
I like just not doing a lot these days. In my 20's I had plans every weekend, if I didn't do something on a day off it was a waste.
I'm 38 now and I genuinely enjoy having days off just watching a bit of TV, having a beer at home just not really doing a lot! This change seems to have happened without me even really realising it.
I'd always thought this behaviour was for an old person but here I am!
Bad things: connections with others become a lot harder. I don't care about people and things as much as I used to and I find it harder to make friends. I haven't constructively replaced my previous activities with anything, so it's basically pub or nothing else. I find it hard to get really interested in anything...the enshittening of life. Everything just seems a bit dimmer and greyer. I am pretty bored and lonely most of the time.
Good things: I am MUCH more comfortable in my own skin and with my own time. I don't need constant validation from others which has had a massively positive impact on my marriage to be honest. I'm a lot more motivated for my own goals beyond just socialising. This could be seen as self interest, but it helps me to navigate through life a bit easier.
That's it I think. I don't have anywhere near as much fun as I used to. All the stuff I used to consider fun I find boring now cos I've done it so much and I haven't found anything interesting to replace it with. Even when I do find something fun I always think..."this is going to end soon and it will be back to normal" whereas when you're young that sense of adventure seems infinite.
I've learned that it seems around 85% of people you meet, don't listen, can't actually hold a conversation, happily interrupt with some non-sensical bs that isnt related to the current topic, and just want to talk at you as if you're some npc.
I've started phasing out and walking away with 0 explanation after several attempts to join the 1-sided conversation, only to realise it wasn't a pause. They were just breathing in to carry on.....
Not so much death, but watching everyone I love grow older and slowly atrophying is terrifying.
The fact that I still mentally feel like I'm in my early 20s, and having both my parents confirm that they, at 60, feel the same, scares me too.
There's small comfort in the fact that most people probably feel the same, which means every single confident adult you've met is in reality just a 20-something in an 'older person suit' pretending they know what they're doing, sometimes enough to convince themselves for a time.
Things get progressively harder each year for me. I naively thought they would get easier, but no. It's harder. I am better off financially than I was in my 20s, but everything else, emotional, phisical, relationships, etc. seems fxxxed.
I’m 27 and somethings that I’ve learned over the last 5 or so years would be:
- No one will ever care about you more than they will care about themselves so make yourself your top priority and everyone else should do the same. I believe it would end a lot of suffering if we all stopped looking for happiness from everyone else.
- There is no time limit to anything. There is no race. I always thought by my age I’d have it all figured out with a house and kids but I still have decades to go! Take it slow and enjoy the slow route, what happens when you hit 40 and it’s all been figured out and you’ve done and achieved everything you want to do? What do you do with the next 30 years?
- Love is the point to life, not the big fancy house and expensive car that you need to work 60 hour weeks to afford. Make as much time as possible to be with those you love. As you say in your post, no one is around forever, appreciate the time that you have together right now, especially when everyone has their health!
- Health is wealth! I’m still learning this one as I’m not quite at the point where I’ve ever experienced my body failing me, but alcohol effects me more now and it takes me longer to recover from and that’s only going to get worse over time.
- Everything school taught you about being a “functioning member of society” is a lie. School is a system designed to make you just another person to tax. That’s it. You and everyone on this planet is worth so much more than that. Community is what we need and supporting local businesses and valuing none monetary contributions - for example, mothers. Never devalue your contributions just because they don’t produce a wage. Being a kind person can be worth millions to others.
- There is a God/Spirit/Universal Energy after all. Growing up in an Atheist household, this one really blew my mind when I opened the door. My entire belief system changed.
- No one really knows what they are doing. We’re all just mucking through and doing our best and therefore if anyone makes you feel stupid for not knowing what they apparently know, realise they could be wrong and their lack of open mindedness speaks more about them than you admitting you don’t know something. In the grand scheme of the Universe we know a minuscule fraction of this reality and there is about 99.999999% of stuff we don’t even know we don’t know. So give grace when presented with something new and be open that the other person may have something valuable to contribute rather than just assuming you know better.
Time goes by sooooo fast. I blinked and it's already June when I'm still mentally in February. I also find I can enjoy little things like just taking in beautiful views or listening to bird song much more. Oh and back pain....lots of it.
Approaching 40 and it is mad to me how much I used to worry about what other people thought. Like, how I looked, or acted, or what I said. Now it's clicked that 1. barely anyone even notices what anyone else is doing at any given moment and 2. it doesn't matter one single bit if they judge me anyway, the world will keep turning, I'll go on going on 🤷🏻♀️
For me personally, it’s that I’ve done all the “right” things (uni, good job, mortgage etc etc), and it’s actually TRAP. I feel like a hamster on a wheel sometimes, and like maybe I didn’t actively make any choices about where I’ve ended up, even though I thought I did…
-my metabolism has changed from what I internalised when I was early 20s
-when it’s cold, apparently I *can* “feel it in me bones”
-My family’s not prone to balding on either side, but I’ve definitely got less hair than when I was younger.
In 1968 I bought the Bookends album by Simon & Garfunkel. I found the lyric: ‘Preserve your memories; they’re all that’s left you’ quite profound and poignant ( even at that age). But, as the time is quite near, I find ‘how terribly strange to be seventy’ even more so.
I'm from two old, old families, not just 'I had kids at 40' older, but the kids of the kids of the parents who were older, everyone was in their 50s and 60s before I even got there. It mean that when I was growing up, everyone was dying - \*everyone\*. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, parents' friends. Had a few peers who died as well. Life before I was 15 was awful, it was such a sad house to be in (not anyone's fault, just... luck).
It meant that as a teen, I did not have the joyous, care-free attitude I was supposed to have, it was stressful and miserable and I fucked up my life drinking a lot.
In my 20s, I finally got myself back on track, and it's still going, but by the time I'm 40, I should own property, working in the field I want to work in, and be doing the things that make me happy, with great work-life balance.
And that's what I've realised in my 20s and 30s while everyone else around me panics - life is really fucking short, too short to care about the opinions of others, too short to not do the things you want to do, too short to prioritise doing what society expects of you (marriage, home, children), rather than finding out who you want to be. I've got friends now who are getting divorced, who are losing their home, who raced to the finish line and are devastated they're not 20 and didn't go backpacking in Cambodia.
Make time to do the things you want to do. Age is a number, do what your body and mind feel like?
Prioritise your health, stretch, run; prioritise your mental health. Let things go! (It feels amazing). Drink on weekends if you wanna but don't use alcohol to cope, it probably means that there's something that needs changing.
And on the days that you need to be a bit delulu; take 4 years off your age (during Covid none of us got anything done), and plan to live to at least 90. That makes you a third of the way through, you have plenty of time.
We've got two new hires who were born after 9/11. They were barely 10 years old and still in primary school when I started my full time career, they are now adults working full time just as I'm an adult working full time.
I'm nearly 40. I had my son a couple years ago and it's nearly a year since I lost my mum. Ageing has just made me not give a fuck about anything except my family and my spare time.
My job is fine enough, just the right balance, but I've hit a decent level of wage/benefits now. I want my son to remember me for anything but work.
Technology is annoying. I work in tech and I’m 25, but I’m sick of going on to any website and having cookies pop ups, sign up to this, ads etc. Can't talk to anyone on the phone in customer service, have to do an online form or webchat with a bot or AI
Noise as well for me. I do have ADHD but I think the whole too much noise thing has got worse as I've got older
Eye sight is getting worse in the sense that I can't see close anymore. The minimum focus distance is getting longer. This has been the biggest change.
World is also darker than it used to be. I need brighter lights or flashlight to see in places like basement where there is dark.
There is little stuff in the body that doesn't work as well as it used to be. Like back ache sometimes.
Less and less tooth in mouth as they get pulled away when they break too badly or such. Not that I'm running out of tooth, but missing still a few.
Every year there is less and less (older) relatives alive.
The mind has not changed and I feel the same as always. Perhaps I have become more cynical and at work more and more often just don't care, but I guess that is just life experience gathering.
I am 47 and still feel mentally in my 20's. My body on the other hand knows better, last year got diagnosed with rather high blood pressure so that was an eye opener.
These days I would rather spend time working in the garden than going out. If you had told me in my 20's I was going to enjoy gardening I would have laughed at you as back then it was a different "green" I was into then.
I went to the funeral of a 17 year old when I was in my late teens myself. Her death will be 20 years ago soon and I was recently hit with I’ve lived her entire lifespan all over again since then. My grandparents died when I was fairly young as well.
I’ve always battled the nagging voice in my head that I shouldn’t be doing something or enjoying something because it kinda fucks you up to be a teenager having to comfort a 40something year old man who is thanking you for coming and trying not to sob because we just watched his daughter’s coffin get sent off for cremation.
I think it’s easy to get into a routine and forget about that stuff but every now and again something reminds you and I think hurtling through my 30s at what feels like a blink has done that for me. Enjoy your life, obviously be responsible as much as you can, but if you can afford the thing and it’s a nice thing that will make you happy, just do it. My friend probably didn’t wake up that morning expecting to die at 17. Try not to waste a moment.
Btw on the age thing I feel frozen at early 20s in my mind. My dad tells me that’s about the age his brain thinks he is until his body reminds him (he just turned 70) I think it’s pretty normal you’re just gonna always feel like your younger self but with more experiences behind you.
Most organizations and management don't want to improve systems, efficiency or get better outcome in this country, there's no desire or ability to think outside of how things are already done . It's a tick box exercise, there's a few kpi's and that's it. Most business register success by how much they can cut, not how they can improve or invest. There's no long term strategy, most of leadership is concerned with getting there bonuses and getting to the next rank or scrapping to retirement. Businesses have become an increasingly wobbly jenga tower.
I went into the pandemic relatively young and came out middle-aged. Now that I'm 'old' people's attitude towards me has changed in that they expect me to be a Karen but I'm nothing like that. I started to try hard to prove people wrong but I don't care anymore. I know who I am and if strangers want to make an assumption based on my age then that's their problem.
Which is what I've discovered as I've gotten older. I simply don't care anymore about what other people think. My values are still strong but feel I no longer have to prove myself to anyone.
Mentally and physically I feel better than I did in my 20s, so I'm getting on with life until my body tells me to stop. I've never settled and apart from a few hiccups along the way, I've had a good life.
Of course death scares me. My sister had a major heart attack this year, and I lost cousins who were my age during the pandemic. Instead of going mad and trying to fit everything in before I die, I doing things my way and what gives me the most enjoyment.
Almost 48 here. Still feel 25 in my head and often surprised that I’m not looking at a 25 yr old in the mirror. I’ve lost friends along the way, they never got to reach this age so whenever I see a new grey hair or line on my face I try to be thankful. I have fewer friends these days (not just because some died), but they are genuine firm friends. I don’t want drama for the sake of drama.
I find I’m more curious now than when I was younger. I did well at school but they never taught me what I really wanted to know. I didn’t know what I wanted to know. Now I want to know everything. I want to be a polymath when I grow up.
Getting older is pretty great, you really do stop with all the BS mostly, very little need to waste all of that energy you did trying to impress members of the opposite sex, no need to feel you need to dress up to be someone you’re really not.
Life definitely slows down a bit but that just lets you enjoy things other than going out, and throwing away all of your money getting drunk.
I hear this! Just got my first tattoo at the grand old age of 35. Both my parents hated them but they’re both dead and gone now so I thought fuck it I’m just going to do it! Glad I did.
I'm 41, I don't even think I reached 27 in terms of maturity.
I think I stopped developing mentally around 22
I think the only observation I really have is that 90% of people are winging it and making it up as they go along.
This is both a comforting and terrifying thought.
I am 27, I lost my fiancé recently to cancer.
It taught me that friends don’t exists and family in law is not family. Tell me what you want but the moment you are at your lowest, everyone disappear. Not scared of my own death, I actually can’t wait as I don’t have any future anymore. But I would be hurt if someone else dies before I do.
That thing I did to my back in my 20’s that the doctor said was probably just tissue damage wasn’t tissue damage and I should’ve made more of a point of it at the time.
1. You start falling apart at 30 but it accelerates noticeably by 50. All the minor ailments are kicking in. The major ones will start at 70.
2. You get whole new interests. Stuff that you couldn't possibly imagine caring about at 25 is a great new hobby by 50. Things that used to bore you fascinate you and vice versa.
3. You stop caring what people think, and it too accelerates. I completely get old people saying outrageous things.
4. Falling asleep easily, not staying aeep easily.
5. The elderly. Once I was surrounded by an older generation telling me what to do (get a job, buy a flat, get a girlfriend, cut your hair) now I'm surrounded by an older generation who can't do anything, I help them put their coats on, drive them around, suggest they might need a stairlift, explain the new recycling rules.
6. You sit down when you get a chance.
62M - the older I get, the harder I find it to judge age; I Iook at people working in shops etc. and think 'are you old enough to be working here, shouldn't you be in school?'
I noticed at a young age that some things in life just aren't fair.
I realised as I got older that it's generally tough and moaning about them won't change how unfair they are.
You fart when you pick stuff up
,you swear to yourself more( yes I know you think you do it a lot already but you are in for a shock )
You dress for comfort
Had a new member of the team join us at work a few months ago and I noticed she had a pendant that had 2,000 on it. Naturally I asked the significance of the number and the response was "oh that's a year I was born". Jeez!!
Still felt young in my 30s, physically and emotionally. I’m 45 now and it feels like an old number, I still feel like a young spirit but the aches and pains started a couple of years ago. And over the last couple of years it’s really hit me that the clock is ticking.
My mum died when I was 23 when my mum died, she was 53. It recently hit me I’m approaching being without her longer than I had her with me. And it won’t be too long before I’m the age she was when she died. That makes me quite emotional.
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I'm starting to care less and become more immaterial. Apart from my hobbies, I don't spend much money on anything apart from the bare necessities. I'm content with doing the bare minimum in activities during my time off. I just enjoy time to think and be at peace.
>I just enjoy time to think and be at peace. I find those two incompatible
Depends how much of a mess your head is
I'm quite jealous of people who can just sit and be at peace. I got the ADHD and the only time that's ever been available to me is for 5 minutes after yoga or if I'm in nature with a weed gummy in my stomach. And even then it has to be the right amount of weed, I took too much on a hike in Canada once (not even that much but I'm a lightweight) and my bear radar was pinging off the charts, think I detected about 4 million bears in a 500m radius. Everyone else was perfectly calm for some reason.
This is exactly why I used to get stoned. My brain slows down.
Mine used to, but it doesn’t work for me anymore. Now I feel physically ill and my brain goes into overdrive, like just the worst, most prolonged panic attack mixed with intense overthinking. It’s awful. I’ve tried a few different strains in a couple different methods, and each time was worse than the last. I threw in the towel and will never touch weed again.
I got that for a while after I stopped smoking for a couple of years. The thc just interacted with my body in a totally different manner. Turned out I was just the biggest lightweight ever again & it took about a grain of rice worths of weed to get me massively stoned for hours. Had the same when I tried gummies for the first time too. Smooth sailing now, I'm still a lightweight but no racing heart or panic. An eighth lasts me months now!
I went through that had to stop. A few years later I tried a bit at a party and it was really nice, and have enjoyed it occasionally since then. The trick for me was knowing the dosage or starting by just having one or two tokes. I'm also waaaay less anxious in general than I was when I was having problems with it though so think that was probably a big part of it. That and only having it rarely. Not saying that's the issue with you of course, everyone is different
I've done a few 7 day silent meditation retreats before. The stillness you can achieve is amazing, but coming back into normal life is pretty jarring.
i always wondered about those kind of retreat things, like if you're basically on holiday doing meditation and yoga around other likeminded people with no job to go to, it's not exactly a lifestyle you can or will bring back home. i wonder how beneficial it actually is in practice, once you've come back to your 'real life'. like how you could crash diet or fast in the day for a week to lose weight, but you can't do that sustainably for the rest of your life.
I've gone the opposite way. I grew up without much money around, so through my 20s I continued always buying the cheaper versions of things, even though I earn good money and could afford better. But now, as I prefer to spend more and get high quality items that last longer. I find I dont' want to waste the time repeatedly shopping for items when I could just spend more and waste less time.
I don't think those are two opposing opinions, they never said they don't buy *anything.* I'm certainly the combination of the two. When I buy stuff I like to make sure I'm buying quality, but simultaneously I simply don't buy that much stuff.
I wouldn't think spending more money on higher quality items is materialistic though.
Amen to that, my dad is a boomer and can’t understand it, he’s like “why are you wasting time doing that shit or just sitting on your arse watching tv, you should be out and about”. His favourite saying is “but you’ll miss out if you don’t do it now”, we’ll I’ve done everything I want, so if I die tomorrow not going to XYZ isn’t going to erm, bother me.
I'm 33 turned 30 during lockdown and feel like I've lost key years of my early 30s and still I'm trying to figure things out in life. Spent the majority of my 20s travelling/living abroad on multiple occasions right up until covid happened. I Don't own a home, don't drive, I have no kids and I've become single recently. By societies standards I should be depressed but I've realised there are no rules to life. You've just got to figure out whats important to you as you go along and block out the noise.
Is that not the trade off though? Travelling in your 20’s means potentially giving up stability and a career in your 30’s or at least starting from scratch.
Yeah exactly travelling was in some ways. Its still a big part of my life. that's why you have to block out the noise. Everyone asks me when I'm settling down or why I'm not dating anyone when that's not my journey it feels like peer pressure because everyone else my age is doing so. I love my career which I'm in, I will eventually get my driving license in the next few months and hopefully be on the property ladder in the next few years once the market cools but these things will be on my own accord.
I feel you, it’s just people putting their insecurities onto you.
Yes and no. I travelled in my 20s and came back during lockdown in my very late 20s. 3 years since then I did a complete career change into accounting where I’m now earning more then I ever would have been in my previous field and I’m almost fully qualified and chartered. I was also lucky enough to save money for a deposit which I’ll hopefully use later this year. Granted had I not gone travelling and went straight into accountancy in my early/mid 20s I could be miles ahead of where I am, but I still think I was able to settle back down fairly quickly. I’d rather have done the travel then be 2 pay grades above where I currently am.
This is me but with education. I went straight from high school to a bachelor’s to a master’s and then moved to the UK for my PhD and ended up staying here. The downside is that I really only started my career in my early 30s (now 36) and have only just got to the point where I’m in a decent paying job. Wouldn’t change a thing, but there certainly have been drawbacks; I sometimes feel miles behind everyone else my age.
I also hit 30 during lockdown. At the time I thought that it was the worst way to enter the 30s club! I spent the entirety of my 20s on education and training. No house, no car, not even a companion at the time, and a very modest income (stipend). All for the hope that life could've gotten better with all my qualifications at hand. Only to find out my disposable income, factoring in inflation, and living costs had remained pretty much the same as during my time as a Ph.D student living off a Stipend. Thankfully, I found better opportunities elsewhere.
I'm in roughly the same boat, pissed off at 18 and just kept going, ended up building a career out of it. Covid too was the thing that put the stops on things and I came back to the UK with a CV that apparently screamed 'unemployable' which was fun as you sit there feeling old and useless. However I'm glad I did it. I've looked at some of my peers that went the 'normal' route and they look very bored. Content perhaps but bored and, if I am honest, boring; not sure I'd survive a 9-5 grind doing the same things every week for a couple of weeks holiday 'somewhere hot' with the 2.5 kids. Plus with Covid gone I've just gone back to the old job, as you say you figure out what is important and realise the 'rules' people set are for them, not you.
Yep as someone in a regular 9-5 I often wonder how my life would have been if I joined the military or went traveling in my 20s. The normal office life isn’t exciting.
Same, at 33 I’ve learned enough about myself to start having autonomy and the money to fund it but I don’t feel like I’ve travelled or partied or experimented much or even formed ‘enough’ strong friendships and hope all that is all still ahead of me to pursue. Easier to say since I don’t think I want to start a family, ever, aside from a chosen family of dear friends
The 9-5 grind is the worst way to live life. I got out of it to work for myself - I’m financially worse off, and some weeks I work more hours than I would in a normal job, don’t get paid holiday etc but the stress is less and what does exist is better and I am the ultimate master of my own destiny - no boss and no staff. I’d really struggle to go back to normal employment now. I don’t know if self employment is an option for you, but I’d definitely recommend it.
Fuck me the Covid years really did a number on me I feel the same I lost some years of my life and felt Everton else grew up around me and I felt a bit stagnant and lost some youth. I lived away from a lot of my friends and naturally a lot of them had kids during that period I think because they all did. I’ve noticed lately a disconnect with some staff in their early 20’s. Sometimes I haven’t a clue what they are on about
I'm 33 and only just bought my first home. Also travelled a lot in my 20's, bounced around a few jobs and in the last few years really got head down and focused. My sister bought her first flat at 36, which probably helped me not to stress too much. Live your life. It's a bit cliché, but nobody turns 90 and says they're grateful for not travelling in their 20s. Who cares if you buy a house a little later. Would you back 15 years and so everything differently? I wouldn't. Had some amazing times, even if I was skint, and your personality today is shaped by what you did back then. Keep living, because we're all dying.
Why is everyone getting a bee in their bonnet over how old they are when buying their first home, anyway? It shouldn't matter. You might be 23. You might have maxed out every buying scheme imaginable and bought somewhere on a brutal 30 year mortgage with literally the bare minimum deposit your lender will accept. You might be 37, buying the same place on a 50% deposit and higher salary, meaning your mortgage terms are more favourable. Or you might be 53... paying in cash and not having a mortgage. --- Why is the first of these considered "better" than the others? You could make the argument on saving money instead of renting, but you don't know what the circumstances of the other two people are.
Have you ever seen the “wait but why” article about [how we actually have like 8 chapters in our lives](https://waitbutwhy.com/2015/12/the-tail-end.html)? I found it super helpful to stop the panic around thinking I should be further ahead by my age. If we only live til we’re 53, that’s like our entire conscious life so far all over again. Statistically we’ll probs live longer than that, so it’s the cheesy thing of it never being too late to start on a new goal!
Sounds like you're doing pretty well tbh although I'd recommend learning to drive to pretty much anyone.
Agree 34, lockdown seems to have fucked us over in a few ways mentally and financially.
Same
I first went to university in 2005. My peers from that era - and other random people I see on LinkedIn who also started university in 2005 and are therefore my age - seem to have smashed it. I haven't. We all started out exactly the same. They have good houses in perfect nick, a fairytale marriage while still in their 20s, 14 kids, always on holiday, top of their professional game, razor sharp and never suffering from any kind of brain fog or stress. Everything is so fucking perfect. I don't really know any of my old friends who _aren't_ like that now and I feel the odd one out. Finding someone like me is a rare thing.
I’m 34, always done the “right” thing and tried to save along the way. Now in a comfortably sized house, lovely husband and 4yo son, am a SAHM. I wish I had pushed myself to travel more during my 20s. I always worried about finances eg affording a house, a wedding, a child and didn’t allow myself to relax. I’ve got friends on both sides and everyone seems to regret their choices to some degree, I think it may be one of those grass is always greener things. Also, I’m still trying to figure out life. I’m not sure it’s possible to. To my mind we just exist and we should make the most of our short time here - that’s depressing and/or uplifting whichever way you choose to look at it.
It’s my 47th birthday today and I still feel like I’m 27 as well. My 73 year old dad does too. He once said “I look in the mirror and it’s like ‘Who’s this old guy staring back at me?’” A lot of his friends have been dying lately, you just have to make sure you stop to enjoy life and don’t waste time worrying about stuff you can’t control.
Happy birthday. I caught myself in this when I was walking through town for my bus home from work a few years ago. Just noticing people on the street: 'young mum pushing a buggy, bunch of school kids, older guy crossing the road'..... "shit! That 'older' guy is probably younger than me!'
That's the problem with aging....your brain stays in yer 20's whilst mother nature gives you the "privilege" of watching your own body decay. Nobody ever warned me about that and how hard it can be to reconcile what you see in the mirror with the image you have of yourself. I got called an old biddy by some drunk on his phone behind me a few months ago, fair upset me it did.
Yep. The mirror is always a surprise isn't it. Particularly when you catch that middle aged person pulling a facial expression you have seen your parents/grandparents pull and you realise just how much of a family resemblance there is!
Happy Birthday!!! Keep feeling 27 - as long as that’s good for you 😁😁
Happy birthday buddy, hope it’s a good one
I look at photos of myself aged 16-18 and barely recognise myself. When in my late 20s and nearly 30, people genuinely thought I was younger and were shocked when they learned my real age. Now, in my later 30s, I'm definitely looking older. Getting ever more grey facial hair as well.
Hope you had a good Birthday buddy
I think what's weird is (at least IME), your memories all kind of sit next to each other in your head, so you know something happened ten or twenty years ago, but it doesn't seem that far removed from something that happened last year, or a couple of months back.
I give less of a fuck when driving. Let the impatient drivers overtake me, just to see them slow down less than a mile later. 🤣
I've become real fucking zen when driving. I used to get really pissy at arseholes around me, which fucked my mood for the rest of the day, so I've trained myself to be mindful in those situations, and rationalise my feelings. Are they driving like a cunt? Yes. But they didn't cause an accident (this time) and I'm ok. So why hold on to those feelings? I also consider whether I'll remember the incident tomorrow, or next week, and almost always the answer is no. I won't lie, it's much better.
I just smile at them at the next red light.
Most impatient drivers know they can't win them all, but even if they get through the lights before you 50% of the time, they still consider it worthwhile.
Yep. I salute as they pass and say ‘see you at the lights’
I find this as well but I don't think it's due to aging. Now that I don't compute 2-3 hours a day I have become a far calmer driver. The 40 minutes I drive every 3 days is now quite enjoyable instead of being an intolerable burden.
Similar. Back in my mid-to-late twenties, I'd treat my horn like a drum when I was behind the wheel. Now I rarely use it. Used it yesterday but it was first thing in the morning and I wasn't in the mood. But still!
When I was a kid I assumed adults were right and knew what they were doing, now I'm 40 I realise we don't have a fucking clue. A lot of adults are basically bumbling through life feeling like three kids in a trenchcoat, waiting for a time when we feel 'grown up' and have life figured out but it never comes.
People treat the management at their place of work like they're some kind of mythical being, unencumbered by issues of mortality. But the truth is that they eat, shit, and try to pay their bills the same as the rest of us. When I started to think about that more, I got way more relaxed around them, and developed the ability to tell them what I thought. Ended up getting a promotion...
I think I've had the opposite issue. Early on I realised management were just normal people and I've since found it very hard to respect the decisions they make (often lacking in any empathy)
Whenever I see friends doing proper practical things like car maintenance or DIY, I wonder how and where they learned to be a grown up. I still feel like I'm winging it on all that stuff.
Worse than that a ton of "adults" are so desperate to come off as informed that they ignore facts and create their own version while relying on nobody calling them out
My knees make more sounds when I bend them
Sometimes, when I time it right, I can crack both knees and both elbows at the same time! Makes quite the noise
That’s a talent, honestly 😃
Same. My wife says when I get out of bed and stretch, it sounds like bubble wrap being scrunched up.
I’m nearly 50 and for 45 years, I was barely aware of having knees. Shit just worked. I also used to be able to sit in a comfy chair without making an ‘Urghhhhhhh…’ noise as I sank into it.
My knees are seriously fucked. I've always had very minor pain in my knees even when I was younger but I just ignored it. Sometimes my knees hurt so much now that even simple things like walking up and down the stairs is pure agony, I'm just constantly grimacing. I'm worried tbh, I'm not even 40 yet. In all other ways I'm fine, no aches and pains anywhere else - it's just the knees. I should probably see a GP. I was overweight for a wee while, but I since lost the weight and while I think my knees improved for a while, they hurt again just as much as they did when I was fat.
People's mental health is getting worse. I don't know if it was always bad and nobody talked about it, or if the 21st century has stressors that mean people need medication to cope with daily life.
Bit of both I imagine. Certainly there were people in the past who just struggled along in silence with their mental health and nobody talked about it. For example, I know in her 50s before I was born my nan had what from everything I know was quite clearly a mental breakdown. But she didn't get any support for it and it's always been referred to euphemistically in my family. Likewise, my mother in law has said how she now realises her mum quite clearly had untreated manic depression. On the other hand, I've seen enough research that suggests that mental health is legitimately getting worse now, it's not just greater awareness and treatment. When you really think about it, is it a surprise? Think about our phones, and rolling news, and social media and instant messaging and so on and so on. Our brains are utterly unequipped to cope with that level of information and stimulation. It's hardly surprising that anxiety is so on the rise.
I think mental health is the same but less people spoke about it and acknowledged it so less was done. For example the kids in school who had ADHD or other issues were just classed as being naughty and put in the special class. Hence why there's now an increase in ADHD in millennials, it's only just being diagnosed. It's always been there. Edit - social media does not help with people's mental health whatsoever
Slightly tangential point, but your post has reminded me about the articles you see blaming TikTok for giving people ADHD, and how they never question why the dopamine generator app attracts so many people who then realise they have ADHD. As someone afflicted with ADHD, I avoid TikTok like the plague, because my productivity sucks ass as it is.
That's interesting, it's easy for other's to blame tiktok instead of admitting that the services afforded to ADHD and it's diagnosis have just been terrible in the past. It's possible that things like tiktok and social media are bad triggers for people with it. Speaking of which, I really need to get off Reddit and get back to work...
Yeah apparently nice only really started recognising adhd in kids in the 2000s and then adult adhd only really started getting recognised in 2008 so it's no wonder so many of us slipped through the net Especially if you have Inattentive type adhd which often presents more subtly and can put you on a path of being someone who didn't seemingly struggle too much at school and then you end up crashing hard as an adult
Every second we travel further and further from the world we evolved to live in. It's no wonder everyone is depressed and anxious.
There's an analogy I found on tumblr that sums it up well Very Slow Tigers Basically we have a nervous system that was designed to deal with stressors that were designed for like oh shit act now or we are going to die but our nervous system can't differentiate between that and like modern day stressors that are less lethal and so treats them the same and we can't escape those stressors so it continuously builds up on us and doesn't end very well.
Oh yeah, I bet the 1800s were a stress free and jubilant time for everyone involved.
I think it’s mainly the fact people talk about it makes it seem like it’s everywhere. I think my mental health has always been rocky but I never had the words to talk about it until way in to my 20s. I noticed somewhere between 5 and 10 years ago it became normal for my friends to just talk about mental health casually.
People took plenty of medication back in the day as well.
That I get more and more shit at guessing someone's age.
45 and mentally still 23. Despite being quite senior in a traditional and respectable profession, I sometimes can’t understand how and why I got here. Surely I’m still not good enough - it appears that no matter where you get to, all the hoops through which you’ve jumped, all the accomplishments, the childhood traumas always creep in and hammer away at you. Not sure what more I could ever do to escape them.
as a 23 year old we welcome you back.
Thanks!!! I’d probably want to mother you all as well. It’s a bizarre in-between 😂
I don't wish to suggest your comment is fine, but it's comforting you feel that way, from someone who is on a similar trajectory but over a decade younger.
You know what, it sounds awful, but I’m in a much better place than when I was growing up and I’m actually happy. But how? And do I deserve it? They’re the questions which resonate. Should probably get some therapy… I hope you’re happy @wingman0401 😁
Thank you for your comment. You deserve to be happy, at least that’s what I think!
Rapid demographic change.
It's a weird thing because obviously it happened gradually. But it seemed like it happened from one day to the next, in about 2019 for me.
I should have taken better care of my back
This made me sit up straight immediately
Here , here.
Where, where?
I'm a 33 year old woman and I don't think I've ever been as comfortable in my own skin as I am now. It's a strange sort of confidence really.
Changes in my body that I’m struggling to process. I’m 27 now and have gained a bit of weight, but the way I carry it is completely different to just a few years ago and have no idea if this new tummy is all fat or just comes with approaching 30
THIS!! I’m 30 and have 2 kids, and I’ve *finally managed* to get back to my pre-baby weight and my ‘sharp’ jawline hasn’t returned, my arms that were always slim still look flabby and I am holding weight in places I never used to. Sucks in a way, but with this age comes this humble acceptance that I didn’t have before, so it feels okay overall.
"Average intelligence" is a lot lower than i thought in my teens/early 20s. I used to think of the average person maybe at GCSE level understanding for most things - given thats where compulsory education stops. Yet during the pandemic, we had people unable to follow basic health advice we give to primary school children. Where i live, we had our county level elections in May - yet in my hometown, the majority of people when polled couldnt name their county correctly the month before. It became such a thing, even Reach PLC sent "journalists" to interview people in the street to see if they could get it right - this is a simple fact, easily looked up, that affects residents on at least a weekly basis. The sad thing is, i dont know how this developed. I didnt go to some fancy private school or anything - yet id happily argue 90% of my peers were reasonable. The people who now seem average to me were very much the 10% before, and i just dont know where that snuck up on me from.
It's the "[Amusing ourselves to Death](https://i.imgur.com/hPjeq15.jpeg)" generation. Entertainment and trivialities have taken over our daily lives. The majority of the population now spend most of their time scrolling through social media feeds the moment they have any spare time. Distraction and irrelevancies are now the norm.
I've been working on a project recently for the general public and we had to ensure the language used is suitable for 8 year olds as that's a standard reading / comprehension age for many in the UK
Pushing 30, and I've become acutely aware of noise recently. In my teens and early 20s I needed noise. If there wasn't music playing in the background, a TV on, people talking, etc. I would feel like I was going crazy. But now, I have come to hate noise (specifically noise pollution). Going to the local nature reserve and hearing cars in the distance; just driving normally, not honking their horns or whatever, really irritates me. Looking to move house, and my number one requirement is it has to be a quiet area, because the constant noise of traffic outside the house is driving me crazy; it's not heavy, or busy. But having the sound of cars drowning out the sound of rain on stormy nights... ARGH However, I also find that I'll put something on in the background to listen to whilst working and when it finishes I will go a while without noticing just working in silence. Whereas before, I wouldn't be able to work in the silence.
I think I’ve always been old as I’ve always hated noise. Give me silence any day
Same, I think COVID had a big impact on this for me. Getting used to working at home in the quiet, not being around crowds etc. I found it hard to get used to the noisy outside world again
I’m 35 (f) and suddenly I realized it. It’s a weird age, young in some ways, old in other ways. The realisation that statistically my body is old compared to how it was at 29 is wild! Thinking that I was “very young” at 29 but I am “almost old” at 35 is so wild! Going from super young to kind of old in 6 years is insane?!
Sensory overload gets worse with age, not better.
I’ve become more of myself, I’m 32 and my husband had cancer in 2021, he’s thankfully alive and just turned 30 but the brush with death was a bit much and now I’m just like, you know what, I like having pink hair, I like having stupid stickers all over my laptop, I like wearing clothes with cartoon characters on. Why am I diluting myself when I could literally find out at any moment my life is coming to an end? He’s the same, he grabs life by the balls(or as he’d say, by the ball because he’s only got one left) and doesn’t give a shit if others think he’s silly or too old for a green Mohawk or anything. We’re both fully concentrated versions of ourselves now because we are not squash, we are pure fruit juice and don’t need watered down. I don’t know why I leaned so far into the juice metaphor so hard 😅I’m sorry
Young people are rude and stupid...
Old people are far worse. I work in retail and have never had anyone under 70 kick up any kind of fuss. Some are just downright nasty and cruel.
and so are old people.
God yes. I have young children so I'm tired and rude.
I'm turning 40 this year and mentally I'm still 25 but physically probably 50! I think I've become more apathetic especially when it comes to work stuff, I used to get so worried about little mistakes or convincing myself I said something stupid now I'm just like 'meh' Crazy that my niece is now a teenager (and taller than me) makes me realise how quickly time has gone I think the biggest thing I've noticed is how much of a lie the whole 'live your dream' 'be the best you' stuff is. There is nothing wrong with being average and living a modest life. I'm single and probably will be for my whole life, and that's totally ok!
i can't lose weight anywhere near as easily as i could in my 20s, or even early 30s.
I'd eat and drink all sorts of junk in my 20s, yet my stomach was virtually concave. These days no such luck.
This. I work out constantly, and eat well, but the weight stays the same! Compared to my early twenties when I had a similar routine and was absolutely shredded within months.
Apparently our daily maintenance calories decline as we age, so this makes total (and annoying) sense.
I genuinely despise 90% of other human beings.
I have noticed that 95% of everything is based on bullshit. People's conversations, advertising, trends, fame... its all bullshit.
I feel like I’ve become more worried about dying early myself, but I’m not as worried about my elderly relatives passing away as I realised it’s something that will happen and we can’t control it. I spent a lot of my childhood and even into my teens anxious about family members dying. But in 2017 I was 21 and my grandad was given less than a year to live with pancreatic cancer. I was in denial he was ill and in denial he was going to die. Then I remember talking to my grandma one evening who was heartbroken but she was so calm about everything. We got talking about life in general and it just hit me that it is the circle of life. We’re all by my grandad’s side in his final days in the hospital, and one day that’ll more than likely be my grandkids by my bedside and so fourth. My grandma has dementia now and we know the clock is ticking where she’s not going to be here anymore. We’re caregivers for her now but me and my girlfriend openly talk about the fact she will pass away one day and openly talk about funeral arrangements and things
My elderly grandma has dementia and as far as I’m concerned she died years ago so I’ve come to terms with it. Part of me thinks life can make it easy on you because those last few years can be so difficult that death is a bit of a relief for everyone involved, as cold as that sounds.
<3
Everyone gets younger people in their 20s seem like kids now but people in their 60s seem middle aged.
I still can’t stop wanking.
i honestly thought it would tail off in my 30s but approaching 33 if anything it's ramping up
I'm 50 next year and have started taking the concept of daily exercise more seriously. When I was a kid my two frames of reference for old people was my nan who spent all day sitting down and smoking, or my friends nan who was around the same age, maybe a bit older, but still fully mobile, active and spry, even. If I have an average of twenty-five years left in this life, I do not want to spend it slowly falling apart.
Some of the things I enjoy most (e.g. singing) are things I am not objectively very good at. When I was younger I thought things were only worth doing if I could be good at them and could impress other people. I was missing out.
I've found there's a certain relief in doing things I'm bad at for fun, because I have no ego about them and so I can just relax and do them. If it's terrible, who cares? I already knew I wasn't good at this. Anything good that happens is a win. If, on the other hand, I'm doing something I'm good at, I always feel like I have to do it well and it's a big hit to the self-esteem if it fails.
How quickly time flies. I'm 28 and 10 years ago, all I wanted was a house, a partner, pets and child(ren). I have all of these things now but I just want time to stop still. The more I wish time would slow down, the faster it goes. I'll be 30 next year and I'm dreading it.
Hello from 38. It gets faster. Much fucking faster.
Not looking forward to it. Every time I look at my toddler, he just seems to have gotten a bit bigger. Those memories that pop up on my phone just make me realise how quickly it's all gone. I feel like I'm going to wake up one day and be 80 and think "what the fuck has just happened".
10% of people are cunts 100% of the time. 100% of people are cunts at least 5% of the time. True cunts are in a minority, they just shout loudly. Everyone has a blind spot when they act like a cunt, even the best people; this doesn't mean they are a bad person, they are still human. But really, fuck the 10%.
I've noticed my parents ageing. They're both in their seventies and, while mum's still a bit of a spring chicken, her hair's greying and thinning, and dad's just declined massively over the last 5-10 years. He uses a wheelchair now because he can barely walk (it's more of a shuffle) and his short-term memory is virtually non-existent.
From someone whose parents passed early, just be glad they are around for you to see the signs of their ageing.
You can’t trust a fart anymore
That absolutely everyone in the corporate world has no idea what they're doing and are absolutely winging it. Also as I've got older I've noticed a lot of people do cocaine.
I know this sounds depressing but I’m 42 years old. If I’m lucky I’m halfway through my life and the way the time is flying by, it’s not gonna be long!
I’ve just turned 43 and think like this. It is very depressing. I then start thinking about things in a way I shouldn’t, such as, in 12 years I should be winding down to retiring (with any luck 😀). Then, well, I’ll only have about 15-20 years left all being well.
24F 1. Repetitive strain can happen at any age, im still a spring chicken yet I’ve got carpal tunnel in my left hand from a job i had at 21. Thought i still had 10 years until my body starts to deteriorate. 2. Potential friends are everywhere and nurturing friendships are super important. Some of the best friends I’ve made are so rouge. One of my closest friends is a middle age man (56) that i met down the pub i used to work at. I was a little lonely when i moved back to my home town at 23, so id hover around the bar and chat to one of my friends after a shift. Met this guy who’s a regular and now every friday i meet him for a pint. Top bloke, i sometimes make him batch food cause im a chef and he’s a lorry driver so doesn’t have the best diet, he gave me my first ever bike. 3. Measuring yourself by your own standard of success and bot other people’s is the only way you’ll truly be happy. Because im a chef so many people just assume that i must have done shit in school and had no other options rather than it just simply being my dream job just because it doesn’t pay well. If i let other people’s perception of what i want to do with my life matter, id be miserable. You only have 1 life, this isn’t a free trial, you have to make the most of it and do what *you* want. 4. Dont let people practice tattooing on you lol
I'm 57...worked since I was 15..made some poor choices along the way...but proud father of 3 great kids..older I get the more I realise you have to look after yourself and your close one's...be less immaterial..and sprinkle some kindness when you can
Recently I fell over coming down the stairs and ended up in a heap at the bottom. Nothing broken, but a bit sore. Not long ago I'd have hopped straight up, sworn a bit, and got on with life. Instead I found myself just sitting there for a few seconds and needing a mental effort to uncurl from the tangle I'd ended up in. I realised that it had transitioned from "falling over" to "having a fall". I'm only in my 40s FFS.
I am 50. Divorced. Two children 9 & 7 who I love dearly. Separated from their mum. Accepted I was gay at 48. Top advice is enjoy it all. Be you as soon as you can. Don't live a life for anyone else's expectations. Now I spend as much time with my girls as I can, I 50% parent then. During my week alone I enjoy gardening, beer and going out. My body is breaking a bit, glasses, blood pressure, etc.. Life is so short. Don't miss a moment doing something or being someone that makes you unhappy
If you make noises or your bones crack when you get up, you're getting old. But don't worry OP. Death is something you can't do anything about. Sign of a kind heart when you care about the welfare of others before your own but seriously, fuck it. Enjoy yourself.
I'm 46. I've realised that watching TV and reading Reddit is just as valid a hobby as any other! I no longer feel like I am missing out on life because I don't go on walks.
Thank you 😊 for that. It's good to know I'm not the only one.
I’m 37 and I have to do Pilates in order to not seize up now… :|
That currently the world is fucked. But the ways to un-fuck it are actually incredibly simple. Everything is a choice, and we are arbiters of our own destruction, or improvement. FYI, the only really hard thing is getting everyone on the same page. Because people are too cowardly and unwilling to accept realities of this Earth, wildlife, and in their own lives, and make improvements to them by cutting out their own brand of BS. That's it. everything else will come in time, if people keep on this path. And it needs to be almost everyone working together, for a change. Especially the rich. But it can happen.
Paper mache spine Coffee and tea are the only fluids you need
That rose tinted spectacles apply to everything
Getting older means facing the harsh realities of life, like loss and illness. It's a wake-up call to prioritize what truly matters.
I like just not doing a lot these days. In my 20's I had plans every weekend, if I didn't do something on a day off it was a waste. I'm 38 now and I genuinely enjoy having days off just watching a bit of TV, having a beer at home just not really doing a lot! This change seems to have happened without me even really realising it. I'd always thought this behaviour was for an old person but here I am!
Bad things: connections with others become a lot harder. I don't care about people and things as much as I used to and I find it harder to make friends. I haven't constructively replaced my previous activities with anything, so it's basically pub or nothing else. I find it hard to get really interested in anything...the enshittening of life. Everything just seems a bit dimmer and greyer. I am pretty bored and lonely most of the time. Good things: I am MUCH more comfortable in my own skin and with my own time. I don't need constant validation from others which has had a massively positive impact on my marriage to be honest. I'm a lot more motivated for my own goals beyond just socialising. This could be seen as self interest, but it helps me to navigate through life a bit easier. That's it I think. I don't have anywhere near as much fun as I used to. All the stuff I used to consider fun I find boring now cos I've done it so much and I haven't found anything interesting to replace it with. Even when I do find something fun I always think..."this is going to end soon and it will be back to normal" whereas when you're young that sense of adventure seems infinite.
I've learned that it seems around 85% of people you meet, don't listen, can't actually hold a conversation, happily interrupt with some non-sensical bs that isnt related to the current topic, and just want to talk at you as if you're some npc. I've started phasing out and walking away with 0 explanation after several attempts to join the 1-sided conversation, only to realise it wasn't a pause. They were just breathing in to carry on.....
Bladder
The older you get the more people you know have died. Sad but true
Not so much death, but watching everyone I love grow older and slowly atrophying is terrifying. The fact that I still mentally feel like I'm in my early 20s, and having both my parents confirm that they, at 60, feel the same, scares me too. There's small comfort in the fact that most people probably feel the same, which means every single confident adult you've met is in reality just a 20-something in an 'older person suit' pretending they know what they're doing, sometimes enough to convince themselves for a time.
When I was young I had no money but wanted everything. Now I have money, there's nothing I want.
Things get progressively harder each year for me. I naively thought they would get easier, but no. It's harder. I am better off financially than I was in my 20s, but everything else, emotional, phisical, relationships, etc. seems fxxxed.
Now in my 40s, I pay way more attention to my bowels than I ever thought I’d have to when I was a teenager. I’m not a fan of this development.
M52. People are much more ruder (especially since covid) Everything hurts. Modern music is rubbish.
My tolerance for bullshit lowers. I'll call people on shit. It's probably damaged my career but ...fuck it, I won't deal with it.
Time goes faster these days
I’m 27 and somethings that I’ve learned over the last 5 or so years would be: - No one will ever care about you more than they will care about themselves so make yourself your top priority and everyone else should do the same. I believe it would end a lot of suffering if we all stopped looking for happiness from everyone else. - There is no time limit to anything. There is no race. I always thought by my age I’d have it all figured out with a house and kids but I still have decades to go! Take it slow and enjoy the slow route, what happens when you hit 40 and it’s all been figured out and you’ve done and achieved everything you want to do? What do you do with the next 30 years? - Love is the point to life, not the big fancy house and expensive car that you need to work 60 hour weeks to afford. Make as much time as possible to be with those you love. As you say in your post, no one is around forever, appreciate the time that you have together right now, especially when everyone has their health! - Health is wealth! I’m still learning this one as I’m not quite at the point where I’ve ever experienced my body failing me, but alcohol effects me more now and it takes me longer to recover from and that’s only going to get worse over time. - Everything school taught you about being a “functioning member of society” is a lie. School is a system designed to make you just another person to tax. That’s it. You and everyone on this planet is worth so much more than that. Community is what we need and supporting local businesses and valuing none monetary contributions - for example, mothers. Never devalue your contributions just because they don’t produce a wage. Being a kind person can be worth millions to others. - There is a God/Spirit/Universal Energy after all. Growing up in an Atheist household, this one really blew my mind when I opened the door. My entire belief system changed. - No one really knows what they are doing. We’re all just mucking through and doing our best and therefore if anyone makes you feel stupid for not knowing what they apparently know, realise they could be wrong and their lack of open mindedness speaks more about them than you admitting you don’t know something. In the grand scheme of the Universe we know a minuscule fraction of this reality and there is about 99.999999% of stuff we don’t even know we don’t know. So give grace when presented with something new and be open that the other person may have something valuable to contribute rather than just assuming you know better.
Time goes by sooooo fast. I blinked and it's already June when I'm still mentally in February. I also find I can enjoy little things like just taking in beautiful views or listening to bird song much more. Oh and back pain....lots of it.
Approaching 40 and it is mad to me how much I used to worry about what other people thought. Like, how I looked, or acted, or what I said. Now it's clicked that 1. barely anyone even notices what anyone else is doing at any given moment and 2. it doesn't matter one single bit if they judge me anyway, the world will keep turning, I'll go on going on 🤷🏻♀️
Everything fucking hurts!
For me personally, it’s that I’ve done all the “right” things (uni, good job, mortgage etc etc), and it’s actually TRAP. I feel like a hamster on a wheel sometimes, and like maybe I didn’t actively make any choices about where I’ve ended up, even though I thought I did…
-my metabolism has changed from what I internalised when I was early 20s -when it’s cold, apparently I *can* “feel it in me bones” -My family’s not prone to balding on either side, but I’ve definitely got less hair than when I was younger.
> My family’s not prone to balding on either side Normally the top you need to worry about.
In 1968 I bought the Bookends album by Simon & Garfunkel. I found the lyric: ‘Preserve your memories; they’re all that’s left you’ quite profound and poignant ( even at that age). But, as the time is quite near, I find ‘how terribly strange to be seventy’ even more so.
I'm from two old, old families, not just 'I had kids at 40' older, but the kids of the kids of the parents who were older, everyone was in their 50s and 60s before I even got there. It mean that when I was growing up, everyone was dying - \*everyone\*. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, parents' friends. Had a few peers who died as well. Life before I was 15 was awful, it was such a sad house to be in (not anyone's fault, just... luck). It meant that as a teen, I did not have the joyous, care-free attitude I was supposed to have, it was stressful and miserable and I fucked up my life drinking a lot. In my 20s, I finally got myself back on track, and it's still going, but by the time I'm 40, I should own property, working in the field I want to work in, and be doing the things that make me happy, with great work-life balance. And that's what I've realised in my 20s and 30s while everyone else around me panics - life is really fucking short, too short to care about the opinions of others, too short to not do the things you want to do, too short to prioritise doing what society expects of you (marriage, home, children), rather than finding out who you want to be. I've got friends now who are getting divorced, who are losing their home, who raced to the finish line and are devastated they're not 20 and didn't go backpacking in Cambodia. Make time to do the things you want to do. Age is a number, do what your body and mind feel like? Prioritise your health, stretch, run; prioritise your mental health. Let things go! (It feels amazing). Drink on weekends if you wanna but don't use alcohol to cope, it probably means that there's something that needs changing. And on the days that you need to be a bit delulu; take 4 years off your age (during Covid none of us got anything done), and plan to live to at least 90. That makes you a third of the way through, you have plenty of time.
How young everyone else is getting.
We've got two new hires who were born after 9/11. They were barely 10 years old and still in primary school when I started my full time career, they are now adults working full time just as I'm an adult working full time.
I'm nearly 40. I had my son a couple years ago and it's nearly a year since I lost my mum. Ageing has just made me not give a fuck about anything except my family and my spare time. My job is fine enough, just the right balance, but I've hit a decent level of wage/benefits now. I want my son to remember me for anything but work.
Honestly I’m just forgetting my age, I keep thinking I’m 23 but I’m turning 25 😂 Other than that I’m not old enough to be too cynical yet
Technology is annoying. I work in tech and I’m 25, but I’m sick of going on to any website and having cookies pop ups, sign up to this, ads etc. Can't talk to anyone on the phone in customer service, have to do an online form or webchat with a bot or AI Noise as well for me. I do have ADHD but I think the whole too much noise thing has got worse as I've got older
Listening to drama already makes me tired so if I am ever involved in one, I will simply cut myself away from it.
Eye sight is getting worse in the sense that I can't see close anymore. The minimum focus distance is getting longer. This has been the biggest change. World is also darker than it used to be. I need brighter lights or flashlight to see in places like basement where there is dark. There is little stuff in the body that doesn't work as well as it used to be. Like back ache sometimes. Less and less tooth in mouth as they get pulled away when they break too badly or such. Not that I'm running out of tooth, but missing still a few. Every year there is less and less (older) relatives alive. The mind has not changed and I feel the same as always. Perhaps I have become more cynical and at work more and more often just don't care, but I guess that is just life experience gathering.
Joint pain, mainly.
I am 47 and still feel mentally in my 20's. My body on the other hand knows better, last year got diagnosed with rather high blood pressure so that was an eye opener. These days I would rather spend time working in the garden than going out. If you had told me in my 20's I was going to enjoy gardening I would have laughed at you as back then it was a different "green" I was into then.
I went to the funeral of a 17 year old when I was in my late teens myself. Her death will be 20 years ago soon and I was recently hit with I’ve lived her entire lifespan all over again since then. My grandparents died when I was fairly young as well. I’ve always battled the nagging voice in my head that I shouldn’t be doing something or enjoying something because it kinda fucks you up to be a teenager having to comfort a 40something year old man who is thanking you for coming and trying not to sob because we just watched his daughter’s coffin get sent off for cremation. I think it’s easy to get into a routine and forget about that stuff but every now and again something reminds you and I think hurtling through my 30s at what feels like a blink has done that for me. Enjoy your life, obviously be responsible as much as you can, but if you can afford the thing and it’s a nice thing that will make you happy, just do it. My friend probably didn’t wake up that morning expecting to die at 17. Try not to waste a moment. Btw on the age thing I feel frozen at early 20s in my mind. My dad tells me that’s about the age his brain thinks he is until his body reminds him (he just turned 70) I think it’s pretty normal you’re just gonna always feel like your younger self but with more experiences behind you.
Back pain
Most organizations and management don't want to improve systems, efficiency or get better outcome in this country, there's no desire or ability to think outside of how things are already done . It's a tick box exercise, there's a few kpi's and that's it. Most business register success by how much they can cut, not how they can improve or invest. There's no long term strategy, most of leadership is concerned with getting there bonuses and getting to the next rank or scrapping to retirement. Businesses have become an increasingly wobbly jenga tower.
Dog shit isn't white anymore.
I can’t stand teenagers’ rebellious behaviours even though I used to do the same stuff lol
I went into the pandemic relatively young and came out middle-aged. Now that I'm 'old' people's attitude towards me has changed in that they expect me to be a Karen but I'm nothing like that. I started to try hard to prove people wrong but I don't care anymore. I know who I am and if strangers want to make an assumption based on my age then that's their problem. Which is what I've discovered as I've gotten older. I simply don't care anymore about what other people think. My values are still strong but feel I no longer have to prove myself to anyone. Mentally and physically I feel better than I did in my 20s, so I'm getting on with life until my body tells me to stop. I've never settled and apart from a few hiccups along the way, I've had a good life. Of course death scares me. My sister had a major heart attack this year, and I lost cousins who were my age during the pandemic. Instead of going mad and trying to fit everything in before I die, I doing things my way and what gives me the most enjoyment.
Almost 48 here. Still feel 25 in my head and often surprised that I’m not looking at a 25 yr old in the mirror. I’ve lost friends along the way, they never got to reach this age so whenever I see a new grey hair or line on my face I try to be thankful. I have fewer friends these days (not just because some died), but they are genuine firm friends. I don’t want drama for the sake of drama. I find I’m more curious now than when I was younger. I did well at school but they never taught me what I really wanted to know. I didn’t know what I wanted to know. Now I want to know everything. I want to be a polymath when I grow up.
That age doesn’t equal wisdom.
Getting older is pretty great, you really do stop with all the BS mostly, very little need to waste all of that energy you did trying to impress members of the opposite sex, no need to feel you need to dress up to be someone you’re really not. Life definitely slows down a bit but that just lets you enjoy things other than going out, and throwing away all of your money getting drunk.
I hear this! Just got my first tattoo at the grand old age of 35. Both my parents hated them but they’re both dead and gone now so I thought fuck it I’m just going to do it! Glad I did.
The false consensus effect is strong and prevalent.
People are cunts
How I have adopted a gallic shrug to the vast majority of topics that a lot of people get riled up about.
I'm 41, I don't even think I reached 27 in terms of maturity. I think I stopped developing mentally around 22 I think the only observation I really have is that 90% of people are winging it and making it up as they go along. This is both a comforting and terrifying thought.
That I’m becoming a grumpy old git.
I am 27, I lost my fiancé recently to cancer. It taught me that friends don’t exists and family in law is not family. Tell me what you want but the moment you are at your lowest, everyone disappear. Not scared of my own death, I actually can’t wait as I don’t have any future anymore. But I would be hurt if someone else dies before I do.
That thing I did to my back in my 20’s that the doctor said was probably just tissue damage wasn’t tissue damage and I should’ve made more of a point of it at the time.
1. You start falling apart at 30 but it accelerates noticeably by 50. All the minor ailments are kicking in. The major ones will start at 70. 2. You get whole new interests. Stuff that you couldn't possibly imagine caring about at 25 is a great new hobby by 50. Things that used to bore you fascinate you and vice versa. 3. You stop caring what people think, and it too accelerates. I completely get old people saying outrageous things. 4. Falling asleep easily, not staying aeep easily. 5. The elderly. Once I was surrounded by an older generation telling me what to do (get a job, buy a flat, get a girlfriend, cut your hair) now I'm surrounded by an older generation who can't do anything, I help them put their coats on, drive them around, suggest they might need a stairlift, explain the new recycling rules. 6. You sit down when you get a chance.
Very little that I didn't already realise when I was so much younger
I'm dropping to bits at an alarming rate?
Most rich people aren't any cleverer than most poor people.
Getting laid is harder.
62M - the older I get, the harder I find it to judge age; I Iook at people working in shops etc. and think 'are you old enough to be working here, shouldn't you be in school?'
I noticed at a young age that some things in life just aren't fair. I realised as I got older that it's generally tough and moaning about them won't change how unfair they are.
You fart when you pick stuff up ,you swear to yourself more( yes I know you think you do it a lot already but you are in for a shock ) You dress for comfort
How needy everyone is. Social media has turned people into a world of fools demanding attention. I absolutely hate it.
Had a new member of the team join us at work a few months ago and I noticed she had a pendant that had 2,000 on it. Naturally I asked the significance of the number and the response was "oh that's a year I was born". Jeez!!
I like to be alone or with just a few friends around.
Still felt young in my 30s, physically and emotionally. I’m 45 now and it feels like an old number, I still feel like a young spirit but the aches and pains started a couple of years ago. And over the last couple of years it’s really hit me that the clock is ticking. My mum died when I was 23 when my mum died, she was 53. It recently hit me I’m approaching being without her longer than I had her with me. And it won’t be too long before I’m the age she was when she died. That makes me quite emotional.