I’m so glad your choosing to leave! It sounds like a really toxic environment to be in. You don’t deserve to be spoken to in such a way at all. Good for you for making a tough decision to leave. I hope you find another host family that speak to you much nicer!
You’re welcome - I’m so sorry you’re even in this situation! Some families are unfortunately in this for the cheap childcare. If you can make it through the next 12 days then definitely do! If not then please leave sooner!! Make clear the reason you’re going so that hopefully they won’t verbally abuse any future au pair they may have.
Host parent is verbally abusive. I would tell her that her behaviour during this instance was verbally abusive and intimidating and beyond unacceptable and that if there are any further instances of this, you will be immediately ending work early for the day and stopping providing any childcare or housework for her or her children, every single time, and that you will also not be communicating with her when she speaks to you like that. I would also tell her that if you do need to end services early for the day because of unacceptable language or behaviour on her part, then you will still require full payment and providing of full room and board plus you won't be making up those hours.
Thank you for the support, because of the contract I signed I have to do 14 days, which is now 11 more days. To be honest, I'm scared to do that. That's why I just ignore it and say ok and move on. You can't win with these people like that, only way is to go.
She’s in breach of contract with this abuse OP! You can terminate immediately on grounds of that -
If this is with an agency I’d report it and all details you did here and say you don’t feel safe. Also make sure to report it to help keep her from abusing future au pairs
Actually, you can leave right this minute if you want to. You aren't a prisoner. And, I bet the host family signed an agreement too and it's likely they are in violation of it based on the way they are treating you. It doesn't matter what your contract says - you shouldn't be required to stay in a situation that is abusive and could become unsafe. You need to call the agency immediately and tell them that the host family is verbally abusing you and that you are afraid and that you need to leave now. I can't imagine that an agency is going to let you stay in a situation like that, if only because they may have some culpability if the situation takes a bad turn.
Ok, good. Do it if you need to. Don’t sacrifice your safety for the sake of fulfilling a contract. I hope that things calm down and the next 12 days fly by.
Call your friend tomorrow and ask the host parent to intervene with your agency. You should be released from the contract immediately. Some unstable bosses get more abusive when they know that you're leaving and there's no reason to stay the final days.
No. OP, contact the agency and explain you are being verbally abused and fear she will turn the abuse physical. State they need to help you NOW or you will take legal action.
I left for way less than this, shove the contract and go to your au pair friends family, trust me nothing bad will happen from this when you tell the agency this is what was happening
My goodness, what a shame you can't leave straight away. Also, if she speaks to you like this again, tell her to kiss your ass. You need to make sure you report her to the agency so they dont place another nanny in this abusive environment.
If the agency is ok with you being abused then you need to make sure you do not accept another assignment from them. Let anyone and everyone know they are not a good company.
OP if you’re talking about the 14 day contract directly with the host family, you do NOT have to stay if they’re verbally abusing you. Document everything with dates and times (in case they try anything legal) and get the hell out.
Do they realise the extent of her verbal and emotional abuse ? If they don’t you have nothing to lose anyway because then the agency is just as bad as she is
The Hosts are breaking the contract with their aggressive and hostile behavior. Therefore you can and must leave early for your own safety. The contract is not enforceable. LEAVE!
This is an escalating situation and you need to be alert for your safety. How do you know that they are going to pay you at the end if there is no contract? You don't owe them anything if they are becoming abusive.
There is no need to stick it out because you said you would if they treated you without decency. It's only going to harm you mentally later.
Stay safe.
I know you signed a contract about this, but I would report HM’a abusive treatment and ask what you’re supposed to do if this continues? They want you to stay even when she’s treating you this way?
Wow this is horribly abusive! Absusive of you and the whole au pair situation- I’m so so sorry!! Can you leave immediately? 12 days even seems too long! Did you get this through an agency? If so report this asap? If not if you can I’d just pack up and leave immediately- I’m so terribly sorry!!
Horribly abusive host mom, oh my god, leave!!
That said, I don’t know if you were 100% in the right in what you did! ITS NO EXCUSE FOR HOSTS MOMS BEHAVIOR AT ALL THOUGH!
however since older kid is also your charge, I would’ve said something like “I don’t know where it is, maybe your costume box, but you can ask your mom to help you find it, or I can help you look for it if you want”.
However I also think no matter what you’d said, you wouldn’t have won, as host mom probably would’ve found any other excuse to yell at you
I can’t imagine yelling and shaming a young lady I’ve brought into my home in a “cultural exchange” but tbh I can’t imagine acting that way with anyone unless something serious had occurred like my AP was on her phone and my child was hurt or was lost. Drinking, drugs etc. it would have to be something absolutely horrible. But then I don’t speak to anyone in my family or the public like a lunatic. You have less than a week and I will apologize in advance for this HM since she never will. I hope you can rematch and go on to have a great experience.
I’m so glad your choosing to leave! It sounds like a really toxic environment to be in. You don’t deserve to be spoken to in such a way at all. Good for you for making a tough decision to leave. I hope you find another host family that speak to you much nicer!
Thank you for the support, I literally can't wait to leave
You’re welcome - I’m so sorry you’re even in this situation! Some families are unfortunately in this for the cheap childcare. If you can make it through the next 12 days then definitely do! If not then please leave sooner!! Make clear the reason you’re going so that hopefully they won’t verbally abuse any future au pair they may have.
I would feel free to leave immediately if you can cover the cost of a hostel or hotel. She's unreasonable and verbally abusive.
Host parent is verbally abusive. I would tell her that her behaviour during this instance was verbally abusive and intimidating and beyond unacceptable and that if there are any further instances of this, you will be immediately ending work early for the day and stopping providing any childcare or housework for her or her children, every single time, and that you will also not be communicating with her when she speaks to you like that. I would also tell her that if you do need to end services early for the day because of unacceptable language or behaviour on her part, then you will still require full payment and providing of full room and board plus you won't be making up those hours.
Thank you for the support, because of the contract I signed I have to do 14 days, which is now 11 more days. To be honest, I'm scared to do that. That's why I just ignore it and say ok and move on. You can't win with these people like that, only way is to go.
You need to contact the agency and tell them you are being abused.
She’s in breach of contract with this abuse OP! You can terminate immediately on grounds of that - If this is with an agency I’d report it and all details you did here and say you don’t feel safe. Also make sure to report it to help keep her from abusing future au pairs
Sound like another twelve days of hell. unless your agency is making you stay per the agreement with family I’d leave sooner.
If you can leave sooner, I’d do that!
I wish, because of the contract I cannot
Actually, you can leave right this minute if you want to. You aren't a prisoner. And, I bet the host family signed an agreement too and it's likely they are in violation of it based on the way they are treating you. It doesn't matter what your contract says - you shouldn't be required to stay in a situation that is abusive and could become unsafe. You need to call the agency immediately and tell them that the host family is verbally abusing you and that you are afraid and that you need to leave now. I can't imagine that an agency is going to let you stay in a situation like that, if only because they may have some culpability if the situation takes a bad turn.
Hugs to you. I’m sorry. Do you have somewhere safe to stay if they get aggressive or make you feel unsafe?
I have a friend here also au pair and she and her host family told me to come if something happens.
Ok, good. Do it if you need to. Don’t sacrifice your safety for the sake of fulfilling a contract. I hope that things calm down and the next 12 days fly by.
Hopefully, from now is 11 more days hahah. Thank you once again
You have every right to simply leave now you are not bound to that contract in any way given her behaviour!!!
Good.
Call your friend tomorrow and ask the host parent to intervene with your agency. You should be released from the contract immediately. Some unstable bosses get more abusive when they know that you're leaving and there's no reason to stay the final days.
Thank you for the support
No. OP, contact the agency and explain you are being verbally abused and fear she will turn the abuse physical. State they need to help you NOW or you will take legal action.
I left for way less than this, shove the contract and go to your au pair friends family, trust me nothing bad will happen from this when you tell the agency this is what was happening
My goodness, what a shame you can't leave straight away. Also, if she speaks to you like this again, tell her to kiss your ass. You need to make sure you report her to the agency so they dont place another nanny in this abusive environment.
Unfortunately not with the agency
If the agency is ok with you being abused then you need to make sure you do not accept another assignment from them. Let anyone and everyone know they are not a good company.
I think she saying she’s not with an agency
She is with an agency. They won't let her leave until she has been there 14 days.
OP if you’re talking about the 14 day contract directly with the host family, you do NOT have to stay if they’re verbally abusing you. Document everything with dates and times (in case they try anything legal) and get the hell out.
Do they realise the extent of her verbal and emotional abuse ? If they don’t you have nothing to lose anyway because then the agency is just as bad as she is
The Hosts are breaking the contract with their aggressive and hostile behavior. Therefore you can and must leave early for your own safety. The contract is not enforceable. LEAVE!
Please leave asap.
This is an escalating situation and you need to be alert for your safety. How do you know that they are going to pay you at the end if there is no contract? You don't owe them anything if they are becoming abusive. There is no need to stick it out because you said you would if they treated you without decency. It's only going to harm you mentally later. Stay safe.
You can be very clear to her that you will not accept any abuse or the use of certain words or you’ll file a report
I know you signed a contract about this, but I would report HM’a abusive treatment and ask what you’re supposed to do if this continues? They want you to stay even when she’s treating you this way?
Or leave early and file police report that you didn’t feel safe!
Police report is a great idea.
Wow this is horribly abusive! Absusive of you and the whole au pair situation- I’m so so sorry!! Can you leave immediately? 12 days even seems too long! Did you get this through an agency? If so report this asap? If not if you can I’d just pack up and leave immediately- I’m so terribly sorry!!
I would report this behavior to the agency. And then I would go stay at the LCC house.
Horribly abusive host mom, oh my god, leave!! That said, I don’t know if you were 100% in the right in what you did! ITS NO EXCUSE FOR HOSTS MOMS BEHAVIOR AT ALL THOUGH! however since older kid is also your charge, I would’ve said something like “I don’t know where it is, maybe your costume box, but you can ask your mom to help you find it, or I can help you look for it if you want”. However I also think no matter what you’d said, you wouldn’t have won, as host mom probably would’ve found any other excuse to yell at you
I can’t imagine yelling and shaming a young lady I’ve brought into my home in a “cultural exchange” but tbh I can’t imagine acting that way with anyone unless something serious had occurred like my AP was on her phone and my child was hurt or was lost. Drinking, drugs etc. it would have to be something absolutely horrible. But then I don’t speak to anyone in my family or the public like a lunatic. You have less than a week and I will apologize in advance for this HM since she never will. I hope you can rematch and go on to have a great experience.