I just read about this, and he does many of these things to me, but he definitely did them all to his ex wife! He even tells the story as if it was all her fault
Please rematch immediately and do not tell him until you have left, ideally. He sounds controlling and dangerous.
No one gets to yell at you, especially over hearing a simple No.
Please be safe and get out
>and do not tell him until you have left, ideally
Highlighting this because this is seriously what you need to do. This is quite literally a domestic abuse situation. Your safety is very much at risk.
In a lot of places, you could go to the police station and request an officer to escort you to the home to pick up your stuff because you feel unsafe. I'd very much suggest doing this.
OP just posted an update and I genuinely don't think I've ever been SO relieved about any update on Reddit ever. (She's told her coordinator, is staying somewhere else, and taking proper steps to rematch.)
He is not safe. Or at list statistically he has more of a chance of not being safe because of these behaviours. So it’s not worth the risk and I feel OP needs to be very careful how she leaves. I feel he could be one that turns when he finds out she is leaving
For some reason this sub keeps popping up for me. I’m not an Aupair or a host family but as a fellow human being who cares about the lives of others, I say get out now. Red flags all over the place. Wishing you only the best.
Reddit Boomer Dad here. Same, have no idea why this sub pops up.
OP, leave asap. Make sure (right now!) he hasn’t taken your passport or other important documents. He might be snooping to keep you literally there.
If you know any huge guys, bikers preferably, have them help you move out.
Same… I have young kids and we’ve talked about an Au Pair… but we’ve never actually looked it up.
Guy feels like hired a “live in nanny” thinking that he could turn them in to his next wife & “bang maid”.
OP needs to get out NOW.
I agree! Also a mom, but no experience with Aupairs and get shown this Reddit cause well now I read it… but I read this one and was like hell no, this guy wants an obedient “mail order bride” otherwise known as human trafficking and she isn’t safe.
Yeah I'm not sure why this sub pops up for me either. I'm not even sure what an Aupair is (other than old movies) but this story sounds sketchy as hell. I'd get out of there.
Same this sub pops up for me too and it is terrifying at how common it seems for such an intimate work situation inside someone’s home to result in randos literally abusing these young women. OP I see from your post history you’ve rematched before—I hope that doesn’t make you hesitant to switch again. That’s life—Please don’t ignore the red flags, you deserve to be safe.
Also no idea why the sub keeps popping up as I'm a CFBC boomer, but regardless, this does not sound like a safe situation! It actually sounds like he is behaving enough somewhat possessive manner towards you. Almost like he's looking for another partner. I would get out ASAP.
Oh no! Request a rematch right now. This is not good and will likely only get worse. I'm sorry. I really think you need to let your caseworker know you feel unsafe.
I agree that you need to leave and have a safe place to go to. The problem is how and who will help you. Is there a lock on your bedroom door?
I suggest getting in touch with the aupair agency and tell them that you feel unsafe. What emergency assistance can they offer? There should be another aupair close to you. Ask if that family can assist you temporarily until a different placement can be found. Tell them that it is essential that you leave immediately.
If aupair agency not responsive, get in touch with local women’s domestic violence organization. Tell them that all of your instincts are telling you to leave immediately. You should be able to outreach over chat so he cannot hear a conversation. They will respect your gut feeling and should have a place to house you. They will know how to keep you safe. Be ready to leave your possessions behind except for passport. Everything else can be retrieved later. Take pictures of what you have. Wear two shirts, two pairs of underwear and jeans. If passport is missing, they can help get police involved later.
Edit to add: make sure women’s shelter knows your age and aupair status. This will expedite help.
I wouldn’t lock my door in the process of trying to get out. This may anger him and make it harder on the OP. There is not other option besides LEAVING
Even if I wanted to lock it, I couldn't because there are no locks on any doors, not even the bathrooms - one of the things he promised to change when I arrived and saw
Holy Crow! I am so glad you trusted your instincts and followed some great advice given in this thread. So happy you’re safe and probably prevented this from happening to someone else. Best of luck to you!:)
🚩🚩🚩him taking all the locks off the doors is a major red flag. I have a feeling that what you didn’t tell us is even worse? Sending you lots of love and strength.
Leave immediately.
I'm getting the vibe that he is hoping for you to turn into his next wife, like some weird rom-com where the aupair and the single dad fall in love and live happily ever after.
Eeeewwwwww. He's a gross, controlling, creeper. Get out immediately even if that means staying in a hotel or hostel while awaiting a new match.
Also, report his behavior to your staffing/placement agency so they don't send him a new aupair to abuse.
Good luck!
This sounds like it could end up being a dangerous place for you after a while. So much of this is inappropriate and borders on illegal. Take tons of notes and document as much as possible w photos then go to your agency and voice your concerns. You absolutely need a new job asap but the agency also needs fo know so they don’t place someone else here. I know live ins that have been sexually assaulted from their host and his behavior scares me for your safety.
Host parent here, our LCC one asked us to take in another Au pair for a few days. She was friends with our Au pair, and had a similar situation with her host family. For your own safety, rematch and get out.
Agreeing with everyone else but also… once you are out and safe if you are concerned for the safety, wellbeing, or health of the kids PLEASE inform someone who can intervene. This guy sounds like a loose cannon and I worry for the kids. If you’re in the US you can call the child abuse helpline.
If you suspect that a child is being abused or neglected, or if you are a child who is being mistreated, call 800-422-4453 immediately. This ChildHelp National Child Abuse Hotline is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
You might need to change your phone number and get a restraining order. This guy seems like he’s grooming you to be a stepford wife then “accidentally” kill you. This is major creep vibes.
Yep. I’d rematch ASAP.
Is he a single dad? If he is, that’s worse and I’d leave ASAP for your safety in that case as he may try to stop you from leaving.
Gah! I am so stressed out just reading this! Please get out of there, that cannot be good for your mental health! Who knows what he is doing in your room?!?
This man is abusive. Leave. Rematch. Do whatever it is you have to do to get away from him. He isn't going to change and get better. He is only going to escalate this
Pack secretly and leave when he is out. Don’t tell him you are leaving for good.
This is not a safe environment and you may be at risk of assault. Once you’re in a safe space report him.
Ideally get the help of the woman in a house with another au pair whom you trust.
Please get out of there ASAP. He should never be in your room without your permission. This is a huge violation of privacy and a safety concern. Please check for hidden cameras. You are making the right decision. Trust your gut.
Thats straight up abuse. You have to leave immediately for your well being. Speak with llc , pack stuff, stay with friend, don’t tell him you are leaving until you already out of his house. If he catches you packing and you sense he is getting aggressive , immediately call police. He most likely would escalate when he would learn that you are leaving. Run!
Last two bullet points are so unhealthy and dangerous. Nobody should behave like that with a other person! Don’t wait up and don’t come up with any excuses to give him a break. Fiy calling police for safety is pretty normal and wont give any consequences for you
Old dude who somehow had this pop up randomly. Make sure a friend or family member knows where you are and who will make appropriate phone calls if you go out of contact. Like everyone else is saying, leave now. Don’t worry about your stuff. Bring your ID’s/passport if he doesn’t already have them. Most localities have shelters for people in potential domestic violence situations. Consider contacting the consulate/embassy for your home country. In any case, leave now.
If you're in SC, NC , GA area and have transportation, I have a place for you to stay temporarily while you're rematched or your agency makes alternative plans. (I operate 2 bed and breakfasts ) Send me a private message if I can help.
Definitely rematch and I just want to say he sounds like this can get bumped up to a dangerous level with some of the things you have listed. Do not subject yourself to this and rematch
Omg!! Run away. I wish we had an aupair. I would give you your own mil unit and let you roam free on time off. Pay for all your stuff and make sure you feel safe and meet new friends.
Even if you have to lie to him to make it happen, GET OUT ASAP. This guy has control issues. Everyone who has responded to your post agrees you need to leave. Do not go back into that house alone. If you must go back to retrieve documents or photos that cannot be replaced, for example, make up an excuse why you need to bring a friend or better yet get a police escort and go get your essentials and get out. And do not return again. No material items are worth losing your safety or freedom over. You can report him to child protective services if you’re concerned about the children but you cannot save the children by staying. I’m worried for you. Good luck and stay safe.
Truly concerned for your safety OP. None of this behavior is okay. Dont wait to leave. Get your docs and get safe. Then reach out to your agency. Report his behavior so they don’t send him someone else!
You should definitely leave. I'm worried for the children, though. I hope there is someone who has eyes on the situation in that home. I wonder if CPS or even his ex wife should be informed. The lack of locks on the doors is weird.
If it’s possible, when you are leaving have someone with you. and I’ll also emphasize to not indicate you are leaving until you are walking out and not coming back.
This is scary!! I'd definitely recommend a rematch and temporary housing. Don't tell him you're leaving because you don't want to upset him. Go to the police and ask for a police escort to get your belongings.
You are doing the right thing by getting out 100%.
#1 is getting you to safety.
BUT once you are out, please don’t forget about those kids because a predator is a predator and the police should not just drop this once you are out. If you can, write a letter detailing everything and send it to his ex-wife, the agency you are using, any other agencies, whoever can make sure that his behavior is documented. It may be the difference between another au pair or even his kids staying in that house or not.
Run. This is almost like being in abusive marriage. This is why I’m no longer married. My ex-husband was the same way. If you’re working for him, you should be allowed to be able to spend your money anyway you want so long as it’s not drugs.
Rematch now! He is controlling and toxic
I didn’t even have to read past the first bullet point. Rematch and ask your LCC to find temp housing for you in the meantime.
Perpetrator behavior. Rematch asap.
I just read about this, and he does many of these things to me, but he definitely did them all to his ex wife! He even tells the story as if it was all her fault
If she can leave a binding marriage contract over his behavior, you can absolutely rematch from a far less binding au pair post. And should. Yikes.
This should be more than enough for a rematch. Please do everything you can to get rematched!
He is possibly dangerous. Get temp housing Now
Grooming. As if he read a manual. Get away.
Please rematch immediately and do not tell him until you have left, ideally. He sounds controlling and dangerous. No one gets to yell at you, especially over hearing a simple No. Please be safe and get out
>and do not tell him until you have left, ideally Highlighting this because this is seriously what you need to do. This is quite literally a domestic abuse situation. Your safety is very much at risk. In a lot of places, you could go to the police station and request an officer to escort you to the home to pick up your stuff because you feel unsafe. I'd very much suggest doing this.
This. Please. Do not tell him you are leaving. Show the company this post so they get how dangerous this is potentially
OP just posted an update and I genuinely don't think I've ever been SO relieved about any update on Reddit ever. (She's told her coordinator, is staying somewhere else, and taking proper steps to rematch.)
Thank you for making this update easy to find. 🙏🏽🌹
Run from this narcissist
As a current host mom, I agree with you. This is extremely strange behavior and not appropriate. This is definitely a case for rematch.
I’m really concerned he’s not a safe person. I would tell the agency you need leave the home before you rematch
He is not safe. Or at list statistically he has more of a chance of not being safe because of these behaviours. So it’s not worth the risk and I feel OP needs to be very careful how she leaves. I feel he could be one that turns when he finds out she is leaving
Please get out of that house as soon as possible. This behavior sounds very freighting.
For some reason this sub keeps popping up for me. I’m not an Aupair or a host family but as a fellow human being who cares about the lives of others, I say get out now. Red flags all over the place. Wishing you only the best.
Reddit Boomer Dad here. Same, have no idea why this sub pops up. OP, leave asap. Make sure (right now!) he hasn’t taken your passport or other important documents. He might be snooping to keep you literally there. If you know any huge guys, bikers preferably, have them help you move out.
Same… I have young kids and we’ve talked about an Au Pair… but we’ve never actually looked it up. Guy feels like hired a “live in nanny” thinking that he could turn them in to his next wife & “bang maid”. OP needs to get out NOW.
He is absolutely looking for a bangmaid. I want OP out of there like tonight. I hope the agency feels the same way.
I agree! Also a mom, but no experience with Aupairs and get shown this Reddit cause well now I read it… but I read this one and was like hell no, this guy wants an obedient “mail order bride” otherwise known as human trafficking and she isn’t safe.
Same here. I think it’s because I follow r/Parenting.
Yeah I'm not sure why this sub pops up for me either. I'm not even sure what an Aupair is (other than old movies) but this story sounds sketchy as hell. I'd get out of there.
Same this sub pops up for me too and it is terrifying at how common it seems for such an intimate work situation inside someone’s home to result in randos literally abusing these young women. OP I see from your post history you’ve rematched before—I hope that doesn’t make you hesitant to switch again. That’s life—Please don’t ignore the red flags, you deserve to be safe.
Also no idea why the sub keeps popping up as I'm a CFBC boomer, but regardless, this does not sound like a safe situation! It actually sounds like he is behaving enough somewhat possessive manner towards you. Almost like he's looking for another partner. I would get out ASAP.
Get out. You are not safe.
Oh no! Request a rematch right now. This is not good and will likely only get worse. I'm sorry. I really think you need to let your caseworker know you feel unsafe.
THIS
I agree that you need to leave and have a safe place to go to. The problem is how and who will help you. Is there a lock on your bedroom door? I suggest getting in touch with the aupair agency and tell them that you feel unsafe. What emergency assistance can they offer? There should be another aupair close to you. Ask if that family can assist you temporarily until a different placement can be found. Tell them that it is essential that you leave immediately. If aupair agency not responsive, get in touch with local women’s domestic violence organization. Tell them that all of your instincts are telling you to leave immediately. You should be able to outreach over chat so he cannot hear a conversation. They will respect your gut feeling and should have a place to house you. They will know how to keep you safe. Be ready to leave your possessions behind except for passport. Everything else can be retrieved later. Take pictures of what you have. Wear two shirts, two pairs of underwear and jeans. If passport is missing, they can help get police involved later. Edit to add: make sure women’s shelter knows your age and aupair status. This will expedite help.
This response is so comprehensive and kind. The world needs more people like you.
I wouldn’t lock my door in the process of trying to get out. This may anger him and make it harder on the OP. There is not other option besides LEAVING
Completely agree. I was more curious. I’m just praying that she has some place to go to.
Even if I wanted to lock it, I couldn't because there are no locks on any doors, not even the bathrooms - one of the things he promised to change when I arrived and saw
Where are you? Has aupair agency responded? Have you outreached to anyone?
Holy Crow! I am so glad you trusted your instincts and followed some great advice given in this thread. So happy you’re safe and probably prevented this from happening to someone else. Best of luck to you!:)
🚩🚩🚩him taking all the locks off the doors is a major red flag. I have a feeling that what you didn’t tell us is even worse? Sending you lots of love and strength.
Leave immediately. I'm getting the vibe that he is hoping for you to turn into his next wife, like some weird rom-com where the aupair and the single dad fall in love and live happily ever after. Eeeewwwwww. He's a gross, controlling, creeper. Get out immediately even if that means staying in a hotel or hostel while awaiting a new match. Also, report his behavior to your staffing/placement agency so they don't send him a new aupair to abuse. Good luck!
Yep, 100% that. He's looking for his next partner and Beyond being really inappropriate, it's really scary.
As a dude I get the same vibes. Creepy.
I get the same vibe! Or more sinister? Human trafficking vibes. OP leave IMMEDIATELY
Is he German by chance? Get the hell outta there!
Tell your agency you don't feel safe.
This sounds like it could end up being a dangerous place for you after a while. So much of this is inappropriate and borders on illegal. Take tons of notes and document as much as possible w photos then go to your agency and voice your concerns. You absolutely need a new job asap but the agency also needs fo know so they don’t place someone else here. I know live ins that have been sexually assaulted from their host and his behavior scares me for your safety.
OP: please update us when you are safe.
Host parent here, our LCC one asked us to take in another Au pair for a few days. She was friends with our Au pair, and had a similar situation with her host family. For your own safety, rematch and get out.
Get out now.
Guy’s a creep. Get out. I feel sorry for the kids.
His poor kids! Of course leave, but it’s sad they can’t
Agreeing with everyone else but also… once you are out and safe if you are concerned for the safety, wellbeing, or health of the kids PLEASE inform someone who can intervene. This guy sounds like a loose cannon and I worry for the kids. If you’re in the US you can call the child abuse helpline. If you suspect that a child is being abused or neglected, or if you are a child who is being mistreated, call 800-422-4453 immediately. This ChildHelp National Child Abuse Hotline is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
Update me.
Yikes, get out now and give as little warning as possible. Make sure you're clearing your device history. Stay safe friend!
You might need to change your phone number and get a restraining order. This guy seems like he’s grooming you to be a stepford wife then “accidentally” kill you. This is major creep vibes.
Yep. I’d rematch ASAP. Is he a single dad? If he is, that’s worse and I’d leave ASAP for your safety in that case as he may try to stop you from leaving.
GTFO while you can, sounds like a nightmare. Prolly has an aupair cause no non-paid person can stand him.
This sounds predatory and dangerous. Rematch immediately. He sound unhinged and leaving in the middle of the night might be your best bet.
Get the hell out of there NOW! That dude is as dangerous as F!
Gah! I am so stressed out just reading this! Please get out of there, that cannot be good for your mental health! Who knows what he is doing in your room?!?
RUN
Rematch ASAP. This man sounds controlling and he has no respect for your time, your privacy, or you.
Leave now.
This man is abusive. Leave. Rematch. Do whatever it is you have to do to get away from him. He isn't going to change and get better. He is only going to escalate this
LEAVE FAST
rematch! also that behavior is against most policies
Oh girl this man is trying to wife you whether you're interested or not. Run.
Current host mom! This is extremely scary. Rematch asap.
Whoa…that sounds like my friend’s toxic ex. Get out, as fast as possible.
It’s time to GO. This is STRAIGHT UP ABUSE. Leave as SOON AS YOU CAN!
Yeah, this is not the start of a Hallmark Movie.
More like LMN, "The Host Daddy Nightmare."
Pack secretly and leave when he is out. Don’t tell him you are leaving for good. This is not a safe environment and you may be at risk of assault. Once you’re in a safe space report him. Ideally get the help of the woman in a house with another au pair whom you trust.
Please get out of there ASAP. He should never be in your room without your permission. This is a huge violation of privacy and a safety concern. Please check for hidden cameras. You are making the right decision. Trust your gut.
Absolutely get out of there!! Those poor kids
Thats straight up abuse. You have to leave immediately for your well being. Speak with llc , pack stuff, stay with friend, don’t tell him you are leaving until you already out of his house. If he catches you packing and you sense he is getting aggressive , immediately call police. He most likely would escalate when he would learn that you are leaving. Run! Last two bullet points are so unhealthy and dangerous. Nobody should behave like that with a other person! Don’t wait up and don’t come up with any excuses to give him a break. Fiy calling police for safety is pretty normal and wont give any consequences for you
Omg please remove yourself from this situation
I'm so sorry you're in this situation. That's terrible.
Old dude who somehow had this pop up randomly. Make sure a friend or family member knows where you are and who will make appropriate phone calls if you go out of contact. Like everyone else is saying, leave now. Don’t worry about your stuff. Bring your ID’s/passport if he doesn’t already have them. Most localities have shelters for people in potential domestic violence situations. Consider contacting the consulate/embassy for your home country. In any case, leave now.
If you're in SC, NC , GA area and have transportation, I have a place for you to stay temporarily while you're rematched or your agency makes alternative plans. (I operate 2 bed and breakfasts ) Send me a private message if I can help.
Yes, go. Disrespectful of your privacy is by itself a deal breaker.
Definitely rematch and I just want to say he sounds like this can get bumped up to a dangerous level with some of the things you have listed. Do not subject yourself to this and rematch
Get out of this now. It’s just going to get worse.
Have you left yet?
This sounds like the beginning of a true crime podcast. Rematch.
Omg!! Run away. I wish we had an aupair. I would give you your own mil unit and let you roam free on time off. Pay for all your stuff and make sure you feel safe and meet new friends.
Even if you have to lie to him to make it happen, GET OUT ASAP. This guy has control issues. Everyone who has responded to your post agrees you need to leave. Do not go back into that house alone. If you must go back to retrieve documents or photos that cannot be replaced, for example, make up an excuse why you need to bring a friend or better yet get a police escort and go get your essentials and get out. And do not return again. No material items are worth losing your safety or freedom over. You can report him to child protective services if you’re concerned about the children but you cannot save the children by staying. I’m worried for you. Good luck and stay safe.
Truly concerned for your safety OP. None of this behavior is okay. Dont wait to leave. Get your docs and get safe. Then reach out to your agency. Report his behavior so they don’t send him someone else!
Please update when you get a chance!
Xx
Get the heck out of there and warn them not to place other people with him. That’s creepy and incredibly inappropriate.
You should definitely leave. I'm worried for the children, though. I hope there is someone who has eyes on the situation in that home. I wonder if CPS or even his ex wife should be informed. The lack of locks on the doors is weird.
I informed his ex wife about everything especially bc I’m leaving and I care about this kids
Agree - do not tell him you are leaving. Get out of there and have the agency call him. He is a sick man. Tell the agency you’re worried.
If it’s possible, when you are leaving have someone with you. and I’ll also emphasize to not indicate you are leaving until you are walking out and not coming back.
Leave ASAP! but I would check for hidden cameras in your room before you do
This is scary!! I'd definitely recommend a rematch and temporary housing. Don't tell him you're leaving because you don't want to upset him. Go to the police and ask for a police escort to get your belongings.
This guy wants to have s€X with you and manipulates you in very agressive way. So dangerous. Leave asap.
You are doing the right thing by getting out 100%. #1 is getting you to safety. BUT once you are out, please don’t forget about those kids because a predator is a predator and the police should not just drop this once you are out. If you can, write a letter detailing everything and send it to his ex-wife, the agency you are using, any other agencies, whoever can make sure that his behavior is documented. It may be the difference between another au pair or even his kids staying in that house or not.
Update Me
This is really scary... Get out, ya. 🙏
Those poor children. It seems like he wants you to be his new wife
Run. This is almost like being in abusive marriage. This is why I’m no longer married. My ex-husband was the same way. If you’re working for him, you should be allowed to be able to spend your money anyway you want so long as it’s not drugs.
He wants a wife not a nanny get out asap!
He sounds like a controlling husband not an employer! Get away from him!