That I am autistic! That would be number one!
Then I would tell myself that fitting in is unnecessary and that I will never be perfect, so free myself from the constraints of that.
I’d tell myself not to focus on trying to have a conventional life. That I would never truly be happy until I embraced myself as a single woman, a creative and a breaker of bad cycles.
It depends on where you live! My brother keeps telling me to come live in the country with him, and I’m like noooooo thanks. I prefer a nice big city full of diversity and weirdos, thanks!
I’m between two places. My parents live by the ocean and my in laws by the mountains. I haven’t had much luck by the ocean, can’t even walk around the neighborhood as a mom unless you have tight leggings and a crop top on.
We need help with the kids so maybe the mountain country towns might be better suited for our lifestyle. Might as well try :)
Mine would probably be teaching my younger self what burnout is and allowing myself to take things easier. I wish I knew I wasn’t “lazy” but actually just autistic and severely burnt out from constant masking. I would have had a lot more compassion for myself like I do now if I understood that I didn’t need to overwork myself so hard to blend in
Yes that’s a big one. I’m 30 and self diagnosed. I try to explain to my parents and they think I’m making it up. Shake their heads at me, tell me to stop looking into myself too much.
Yeah my parents are the same :( But I’m pretty certain mine are also autistic so they think all the traits are “normal” when in reality it’s just because they have it too
Yeah, same. I spent most of my life frustrated that I couldn't just be normal, but I couldn't grasp wtf was so different. Tried so hard and always ended up failuring and exausted.
I just don't care anymore, I do what is possible and that's it
* I wish I knew how unfair I was being to myself by valuing my actions and performance against how I perceived the most successful person in the room.
* I wish I knew just how much my confidence would suffer through the years trying to model myself after everyone else around me.
* I wish I knew how important reaching out for encouragement from others would be in teaching me to never give up on myself.
I wish boundaries & consent had been taught when I was younger. Everything I 'learned' on these was absorbing how I was treated & working out the 'rules' based on that. Seriously messed me up & had knock-on effects. The MeToo thing was mind-blowing for me.
That I’m autistic, but most importantly, that I’m not a broken human, or worthless.
I’ve felt that way for as long as I can remember (I only ever didn’t feel that way up until the age of 7), and I’m only now, at 24, starting to dismantle that thought pattern. It is very difficult to stop thinking this way, because it’s all I’ve known for pretty much my whole life. It feels like I’m lying to myself when I think positively about myself, but like I’m starting to believe the lie.
I completely get it. I was 9 when I started feeling worthless. I’m 30 now and just started loving myself. All the positive thoughts are the truest thoughts you’ve had about yourself.
that i’m autistic to never ever take summer classes don’t be afraid to cut off your hair and that even though change is super hard and grueling i can adapt changes and except them and i wish i could give baby me the ability to voice that i had childhood depression
I’m currently in this situation. And have had to grieve my living mother. I’m not the daughter she wanted and she’s not the mom I needed. It sucks coming to that realization and not holding onto hope. When someone shows you who they are the first time, believe them. It’ll save you from so much heartache. I married someone that is similar to my mom but went down the loving, present path. We’re not perfect but we choose each other. Just like my mom and I choose each other. We all have our traumas.
This resonates. My mother loved me immensely until I started school, and for decades I chased that love until it ruined my mental health. Now I grieve.
Yes when I started to heal a couple months ago I was overcome with grief and sadness and sobbed uncontrollably for 5 minutes.
I have to let that dream go just like she has to for me. It’s very painful but we are all worth it.
I would tell myself that highschool is literally just a tiny part of my life and that everything will get better once I would finish it and move out from home.
I would tell myself to not give a single fuck about my bullies and to not be afraid to punch some asshole in the face if needed.
Yes! I taught my 5 year old that because he started kindergarten and told me about bullies already.
We have to move so I pulled him out and we’re homeschooling for the rest of the year.
You cannot fight through burnout. Get earplugs, sunglasses, and take them nap halfway through the day in complete silence and darkness. This is a part of keeping you happy
I felt so lazy before my self diagnosis, not able to keep up with the NT world and wondering what’s actually wrong with me. At 30 years old married with two kids, I experienced a 2 week long burnout where all I could do was make sure my kids were safe, happy and fed. I couldn’t let that happen again so I started researching and healing
Definitely. Burnout comes from chronic overstimulation or just living in a NT world. I was crying during and after work, feeling like I have a severe energy issue or something and always overstimulated. I could not even engage in any hobby. Now I get through the work day but after-work is still a problem
Since I WFH now, I am able to go and cover my eyes and ears during my lunch break. Before the break I feel about 80% overstimulated (like I have no more than 2hrs left before the burnout starts). I always get up feeling like ~20% of my overstimulation was taken away by then. Perhaps autists should work in a 1hr nap
8am - 12pm: feel good but progressively getting worse
1pm: reaching shutdown stage, need a rest
1-1:30pm: rest in complete darkness and silence
1:30-4: im ok
4-7pm: I’m getting super fatigued again but I don’t want to waste free time with another nap
7-12am: attempt to engage in a hobby but am too fatigued.
Saturday: sleep a lot
Sunday: can do hobby for a few hours but am not fully recovered
What is WFH? I realized I was never able to relax fully or settle down unless I forced myself to.
After I started healing, I would grow naturally drowsy after being true to myself. That got me thinking...there's no need to mask anymore. I'm an adult, I'm ok.
I'm glad you found that, I hope others read this and just rest when they have to.
I've passed out 3 times, ages 7, 21, and 28. Looking back I think that might have had something to do with this.
It’s hard for me to remember even now, but this:
Other people are not always RIGHT about you.
Ever since I was a little kid, I believed things people said about me. The word for me as a child was “miserable.” I was told growing up I was too loud, too hyper, too moody, too fussy, m too weird, too shy, so many things.
As an adult in relationships, I was told I was super manic and funny, but also secretive and manipulative (when I unmasked in front of people and stopped being fun and zany!), too uptight, and too lazy.
I spent my whole life trying to prove I was NOT these terrible things people said I was. I went to Burning Man three times even though I was terrified (I actually enjoyed it, but I didn’t take good care of myself). I ate bugs to prove I wasn’t a picky eater (would NOT do that again). I pushed myself out of my own comfort zones to appear cool, calm, relaxed, easygoing, and I’m so angry.
All along, I’ve known who I am! I’m a good person and all of these stupid labels should’ve just rolled off my back but I let them consume me. To this day, I still have a hard time taking criticism because I assume everyone knows me better than I do.
Some parents don’t realize that having children means bringing different personalities into the world.
Tears for the ones that don’t understand you or want to,
Nourish the ones that try to or are willing,
Action for ourselves, to keep pushing and keep healing
I was given those three words during a spiritual reading about almost 10 years ago. I never fully understood until now.
Happy healing <3 I don't think I touched on your comment much, I think I was trying to tie it back to my issues.
People use labels to justify their opinion. We try so hard to be accepted and "perfect"
I'm so glad you had the courage to push yourself outside of your comfort zone. Makes me think of when my hubby and I used to get goodies, he would always get the Reeses of the season and I would always get hot Funyuns..everytime I would try to deviate from what I liked, about half the time I would regret it.
something so simple, but its like, you already know who you are, trust yourself.
That I don't have to base my whole life around what my parents want for me.
That it is ok to not be straight.
That getting tested and seeking help should not be something to be ashamed of.
And that trans people exist and can live perfectly average lives, oh and that I am one of them too. (although that one would be a tough idea for younger me to understand or accept.)
You found yourself Im so proud of you.
I’m a bisexual female ND married to a straight male NT who has the same moon phase as my narc mom. It gets tough but I’m willing to put in the work for our family.
I wish I had had the language to describe what I was experiencing.
I remember being really confused and scared about a lot of things when I was little but... I never told anyone? And I don't know why. I never once attempted to explain how I felt or ask for help, and even as a teenager in therapy I often refused to take part. I always just felt weird and bad for seemingly no reason. I couldn't even identify that I was overwhelmed from a particularly grating sound. It was all random to me. I couldn't see the patterns. Even today I'll feel really weird and only later realise "oh that's anxiety"
If I could go back in time I'd explain to myself why I felt the way I did. I'd tell myself "you have a developmental disorder that means you are developmentally delayed in XYZ, and so any activities that rely on XYZ are difficult for you and leave you very stressed and overwhelmed".
I named my blog “silence isn’t golden” for this reason. I was always told to be quiet, listen up, do this and that, be polite, eye contact, hand shake.
www.awokenwords.blogspot.com
Its tiring to a kid and then have to maintain that as an adult because the people you trust told you to be like this. Cultural, generational traumas.
We literally can’t speak up already.
I’m teaching my kids to be the biggest advocate for themselves and “be who you are, say what you feel. Because those that matter don’t mind and those that mind don’t matter” Dr. Seuss
As a kid we here all these sayings and “love yourself” “take care of yourself” “stand up for yourself” but we don’t get that at all a little kid.
1. My way is the right way, but only for me. everyone has their own perception of what is the “right” way as well.
2. Since my way is the right way for me, I should never ever force myself to fit into someone else’s idea of “right.” Worst thing you can do to yourself.
3. Right and wrong is often subjective, and the only constant is the basics of ethics.
4. Society is man-made and imagined. There are no rules. You can make your own.(with the baseline being basic ethics).
5. Human beings are complex. Opposite emotions can co-exist. It’s not black “or” white. It’s black “and” white and all the colours of the rainbow. I can be upset with someone for something while still loving them. If someone is upset with me, it doesn’t mean all the love is gone and only “upset” exists.
6. People’s behaviours are based on their personal insecurities.
7. When someone says no, it may not be a no forever. It’s ok to check-in in another moment/a different scenario again.
8. “Never go to bed angry,” is the worst advice someone can give you. Always sleep on it. Think when the emotions are not actively surging.
9. People process thoughts muchhhh slower than me (AuDHD). That is why it feels to them that I get escalated too quickly. It’s because I have processed it that quickly. So my speed is right for me. That’s ok. But everyone else has their own processing method and time. It may be even days or months. Yes, even if I am ready to talk about it right now, someone else may need a week.
10. People say a LOT of things they don’t mean. All the time. Cannot take everything literally.
11. You are not inherently weak. The amount of masking you do, and the anxiety you have of being “found out” is literally making you sick. CONSTANT stomach issues, headaches, fatigue are all because of how much energy masking takes.
12. Three-hour written exams and your scores tell nothing about how smart you actually are. Written exams where you only need to learn by rote are NOT your strength and hardly useful for success in the real world.
EDIT: Added points 11 and 12.
I love this whole comment, I really resonate with 5. My birth color from my life path number (4) is gray. Black and white, and all the colors in between. When I realized this I was like oh wow that would explain a lot. You can’t have the light without the dark.
That it's OK fo me to be different. That I'm likely autistic.
That those girls are nor my friends. They're bullies.
To give up on that one friendship before getting out of my teens because it was only meant for then.
That being "overweight" was a normal part of me growing up and I didn't have to turn to anorexia.
To stay in public school so I wouldn't be more isolated.
That one boy really isn't the one for you so don't spend over 5 years crushing on him.
Go to Project Charlie you need to know more about yourself.
Keep your diaries and journals you'll need them.
The loner thing honestly is better than trying to be friends with those bullies. You'll be OK. They all go their own ways eventually anyway.
Look up parenting about special needs kids because that thing about it being a 1 percent chance ot less is a horrid lie!
Don't give up your passion for that stupid boy that didn't even know what he wanted in life.
There's a reason why you keep thinking you are unique.
We were conditioned at a young age that being different is weird, not celebrating everyone for their own individuality, at least not where I live.
Could even start as babies, being made to cry it out. We’re already in fight or flight mode at a young age on top of not being aware of our autism or type of neurodivergence.
We’re thrust into school sometimes as young as 2-3 for the next 15 years so our parents can provide a different kind of stability than what we needed.
I grew up in strict religious home. Being used to going to church was OK in routine until I grew up and started questioning things (still a Christian just believe differently than how I was raised).
I've wondered if the strictness was a unknown aba like upbringing. I didn't even think of autism for myself until after my kids got diagnosed.
Could be a type of religious abuse. I definitely went through that being raised Catholic and going to catholic school and then getting SAed by the class clown of that school. Brought up a lot of questions and inner turmoil and self hatred, shame..mixed with my narcissistic mom who is also hurting from things.
That’s how I started learning about it too. My son is 5 and his teachers haven’t said anything about it but he definitely has some sensory processing issues and is more sensitive than others. I’ve grown so much more patience and understanding for him and everyone else
I read on here that neurotypical people communicating with neurodivergent people is like the blind trying to communicate with the deaf. Very difficult.
Some just talk to talk, and they’re not even honest.
We see all their facial expressions and body movements, all I ask is be honest, it saves time and I can trust you.
Edit: very difficult, almost impossible
You are valuable and worthy of love simply for being who you are. You don’t have to earn it through perfection.
Fitting in is overrated
Figure out what YOU love. Not what ever tells you you’re supposed to love.
Blaze your own trail. It will be harder but so much more fulfilling.
Yes I always that I had to attain perfection through the thickest of masks. Took me 30 years to let that go and hopefully help someone else in that predicament. I stopped trying with my mom finally.
It’s so not worth it, it’ll end up in a 2 week long burn out after 30 years of trying to understand people so they can understand you and feel safe for once.
I would always look for love externally my whole life, looking to fill that parent void.
At 30, i realize now that I am my own safe space, I’m responsible for it.
I wished I knew to stay away from boys and find a good career instead. Boys do nothing but ruin your life til you’re at least 35. Piggybacking off that, I wish I knew to walk away with my middle finger up when someone was abusing me.
I’ve always self sabotaged and kept coming back to the abusive situation because of the trauma bond.
My parents tried to teach me that to instill education, but I also had the belt used on my bare ass a few times because of bad grades, so I still love learning just not in the traditional sense.
You don’t need to force yourself to like things to fit in. You didn’t have to give up your tamagotchis, or your dolls. It’s okay to collect and like them
People lie and you shouldn’t trust them.
People are dangerous.
Don’t be so quick to make friends.
Always read the contract.
Advocate for yourself.
Learn to negotiate and ask for what you want/need.
Having values, morals, and doing good is not enough to have a good life.
You also have to heal yourself along with having your good morals and values cause that doesn’t mean shit if you’re making people feel bad about themselves.
That I am autistic! That would be number one! Then I would tell myself that fitting in is unnecessary and that I will never be perfect, so free myself from the constraints of that. I’d tell myself not to focus on trying to have a conventional life. That I would never truly be happy until I embraced myself as a single woman, a creative and a breaker of bad cycles.
Why can’t standing out be more acceptable. Like embrace your uniqueness, individuality. Love that for you!
It depends on where you live! My brother keeps telling me to come live in the country with him, and I’m like noooooo thanks. I prefer a nice big city full of diversity and weirdos, thanks!
I’m between two places. My parents live by the ocean and my in laws by the mountains. I haven’t had much luck by the ocean, can’t even walk around the neighborhood as a mom unless you have tight leggings and a crop top on. We need help with the kids so maybe the mountain country towns might be better suited for our lifestyle. Might as well try :)
Mine would probably be teaching my younger self what burnout is and allowing myself to take things easier. I wish I knew I wasn’t “lazy” but actually just autistic and severely burnt out from constant masking. I would have had a lot more compassion for myself like I do now if I understood that I didn’t need to overwork myself so hard to blend in
Yes that’s a big one. I’m 30 and self diagnosed. I try to explain to my parents and they think I’m making it up. Shake their heads at me, tell me to stop looking into myself too much.
Yeah my parents are the same :( But I’m pretty certain mine are also autistic so they think all the traits are “normal” when in reality it’s just because they have it too
My dad might be, my mom is a hurt little girl who comes off as a narcissist.
Yeah, same. I spent most of my life frustrated that I couldn't just be normal, but I couldn't grasp wtf was so different. Tried so hard and always ended up failuring and exausted. I just don't care anymore, I do what is possible and that's it
* I wish I knew how unfair I was being to myself by valuing my actions and performance against how I perceived the most successful person in the room. * I wish I knew just how much my confidence would suffer through the years trying to model myself after everyone else around me. * I wish I knew how important reaching out for encouragement from others would be in teaching me to never give up on myself.
I wish boundaries & consent had been taught when I was younger. Everything I 'learned' on these was absorbing how I was treated & working out the 'rules' based on that. Seriously messed me up & had knock-on effects. The MeToo thing was mind-blowing for me.
I’m so sorry you went through that. We had to learn the hard way for the next generations to come.
Same I also wish this. I’m sorry this happened to you
That I’m autistic, but most importantly, that I’m not a broken human, or worthless. I’ve felt that way for as long as I can remember (I only ever didn’t feel that way up until the age of 7), and I’m only now, at 24, starting to dismantle that thought pattern. It is very difficult to stop thinking this way, because it’s all I’ve known for pretty much my whole life. It feels like I’m lying to myself when I think positively about myself, but like I’m starting to believe the lie.
I completely get it. I was 9 when I started feeling worthless. I’m 30 now and just started loving myself. All the positive thoughts are the truest thoughts you’ve had about yourself.
That means a lot, thank you.
Of course, it’s tough out here
It will get better. ❤️ (Also, yes if you keep asking mum and dad will let you get a dog)
Awww so happy you got your doggo
‘There is NOTHING wrong with you/you don’t have to fit in’
Yes! You’re not too sensitive or emotional. You’re made this way for a reason.
that i’m autistic to never ever take summer classes don’t be afraid to cut off your hair and that even though change is super hard and grueling i can adapt changes and except them and i wish i could give baby me the ability to voice that i had childhood depression
You're mother is unfortunately, a very unpleasant person, and you shouldn't feel as if you need to fix her
I’m currently in this situation. And have had to grieve my living mother. I’m not the daughter she wanted and she’s not the mom I needed. It sucks coming to that realization and not holding onto hope. When someone shows you who they are the first time, believe them. It’ll save you from so much heartache. I married someone that is similar to my mom but went down the loving, present path. We’re not perfect but we choose each other. Just like my mom and I choose each other. We all have our traumas.
This resonates. My mother loved me immensely until I started school, and for decades I chased that love until it ruined my mental health. Now I grieve.
Yes when I started to heal a couple months ago I was overcome with grief and sadness and sobbed uncontrollably for 5 minutes. I have to let that dream go just like she has to for me. It’s very painful but we are all worth it.
I would tell myself that highschool is literally just a tiny part of my life and that everything will get better once I would finish it and move out from home. I would tell myself to not give a single fuck about my bullies and to not be afraid to punch some asshole in the face if needed.
Yes! I taught my 5 year old that because he started kindergarten and told me about bullies already. We have to move so I pulled him out and we’re homeschooling for the rest of the year.
You cannot fight through burnout. Get earplugs, sunglasses, and take them nap halfway through the day in complete silence and darkness. This is a part of keeping you happy
I felt so lazy before my self diagnosis, not able to keep up with the NT world and wondering what’s actually wrong with me. At 30 years old married with two kids, I experienced a 2 week long burnout where all I could do was make sure my kids were safe, happy and fed. I couldn’t let that happen again so I started researching and healing
Definitely. Burnout comes from chronic overstimulation or just living in a NT world. I was crying during and after work, feeling like I have a severe energy issue or something and always overstimulated. I could not even engage in any hobby. Now I get through the work day but after-work is still a problem Since I WFH now, I am able to go and cover my eyes and ears during my lunch break. Before the break I feel about 80% overstimulated (like I have no more than 2hrs left before the burnout starts). I always get up feeling like ~20% of my overstimulation was taken away by then. Perhaps autists should work in a 1hr nap 8am - 12pm: feel good but progressively getting worse 1pm: reaching shutdown stage, need a rest 1-1:30pm: rest in complete darkness and silence 1:30-4: im ok 4-7pm: I’m getting super fatigued again but I don’t want to waste free time with another nap 7-12am: attempt to engage in a hobby but am too fatigued. Saturday: sleep a lot Sunday: can do hobby for a few hours but am not fully recovered
What is WFH? I realized I was never able to relax fully or settle down unless I forced myself to. After I started healing, I would grow naturally drowsy after being true to myself. That got me thinking...there's no need to mask anymore. I'm an adult, I'm ok. I'm glad you found that, I hope others read this and just rest when they have to. I've passed out 3 times, ages 7, 21, and 28. Looking back I think that might have had something to do with this.
It’s hard for me to remember even now, but this: Other people are not always RIGHT about you. Ever since I was a little kid, I believed things people said about me. The word for me as a child was “miserable.” I was told growing up I was too loud, too hyper, too moody, too fussy, m too weird, too shy, so many things. As an adult in relationships, I was told I was super manic and funny, but also secretive and manipulative (when I unmasked in front of people and stopped being fun and zany!), too uptight, and too lazy. I spent my whole life trying to prove I was NOT these terrible things people said I was. I went to Burning Man three times even though I was terrified (I actually enjoyed it, but I didn’t take good care of myself). I ate bugs to prove I wasn’t a picky eater (would NOT do that again). I pushed myself out of my own comfort zones to appear cool, calm, relaxed, easygoing, and I’m so angry. All along, I’ve known who I am! I’m a good person and all of these stupid labels should’ve just rolled off my back but I let them consume me. To this day, I still have a hard time taking criticism because I assume everyone knows me better than I do.
Some parents don’t realize that having children means bringing different personalities into the world. Tears for the ones that don’t understand you or want to, Nourish the ones that try to or are willing, Action for ourselves, to keep pushing and keep healing I was given those three words during a spiritual reading about almost 10 years ago. I never fully understood until now.
Thank you. Screenshot this for myself to keep in my phone and mull it over. 💖
Happy healing <3 I don't think I touched on your comment much, I think I was trying to tie it back to my issues. People use labels to justify their opinion. We try so hard to be accepted and "perfect" I'm so glad you had the courage to push yourself outside of your comfort zone. Makes me think of when my hubby and I used to get goodies, he would always get the Reeses of the season and I would always get hot Funyuns..everytime I would try to deviate from what I liked, about half the time I would regret it. something so simple, but its like, you already know who you are, trust yourself.
That I don't have to base my whole life around what my parents want for me. That it is ok to not be straight. That getting tested and seeking help should not be something to be ashamed of. And that trans people exist and can live perfectly average lives, oh and that I am one of them too. (although that one would be a tough idea for younger me to understand or accept.)
You found yourself Im so proud of you. I’m a bisexual female ND married to a straight male NT who has the same moon phase as my narc mom. It gets tough but I’m willing to put in the work for our family.
🥰
I wish I had had the language to describe what I was experiencing. I remember being really confused and scared about a lot of things when I was little but... I never told anyone? And I don't know why. I never once attempted to explain how I felt or ask for help, and even as a teenager in therapy I often refused to take part. I always just felt weird and bad for seemingly no reason. I couldn't even identify that I was overwhelmed from a particularly grating sound. It was all random to me. I couldn't see the patterns. Even today I'll feel really weird and only later realise "oh that's anxiety" If I could go back in time I'd explain to myself why I felt the way I did. I'd tell myself "you have a developmental disorder that means you are developmentally delayed in XYZ, and so any activities that rely on XYZ are difficult for you and leave you very stressed and overwhelmed".
I named my blog “silence isn’t golden” for this reason. I was always told to be quiet, listen up, do this and that, be polite, eye contact, hand shake. www.awokenwords.blogspot.com Its tiring to a kid and then have to maintain that as an adult because the people you trust told you to be like this. Cultural, generational traumas. We literally can’t speak up already. I’m teaching my kids to be the biggest advocate for themselves and “be who you are, say what you feel. Because those that matter don’t mind and those that mind don’t matter” Dr. Seuss As a kid we here all these sayings and “love yourself” “take care of yourself” “stand up for yourself” but we don’t get that at all a little kid.
1. My way is the right way, but only for me. everyone has their own perception of what is the “right” way as well. 2. Since my way is the right way for me, I should never ever force myself to fit into someone else’s idea of “right.” Worst thing you can do to yourself. 3. Right and wrong is often subjective, and the only constant is the basics of ethics. 4. Society is man-made and imagined. There are no rules. You can make your own.(with the baseline being basic ethics). 5. Human beings are complex. Opposite emotions can co-exist. It’s not black “or” white. It’s black “and” white and all the colours of the rainbow. I can be upset with someone for something while still loving them. If someone is upset with me, it doesn’t mean all the love is gone and only “upset” exists. 6. People’s behaviours are based on their personal insecurities. 7. When someone says no, it may not be a no forever. It’s ok to check-in in another moment/a different scenario again. 8. “Never go to bed angry,” is the worst advice someone can give you. Always sleep on it. Think when the emotions are not actively surging. 9. People process thoughts muchhhh slower than me (AuDHD). That is why it feels to them that I get escalated too quickly. It’s because I have processed it that quickly. So my speed is right for me. That’s ok. But everyone else has their own processing method and time. It may be even days or months. Yes, even if I am ready to talk about it right now, someone else may need a week. 10. People say a LOT of things they don’t mean. All the time. Cannot take everything literally. 11. You are not inherently weak. The amount of masking you do, and the anxiety you have of being “found out” is literally making you sick. CONSTANT stomach issues, headaches, fatigue are all because of how much energy masking takes. 12. Three-hour written exams and your scores tell nothing about how smart you actually are. Written exams where you only need to learn by rote are NOT your strength and hardly useful for success in the real world. EDIT: Added points 11 and 12.
I love this whole comment, I really resonate with 5. My birth color from my life path number (4) is gray. Black and white, and all the colors in between. When I realized this I was like oh wow that would explain a lot. You can’t have the light without the dark.
I definitely took a lot literally which caused a lot of fights with my parents. They did their best with what they had and what they knew.
That it's OK fo me to be different. That I'm likely autistic. That those girls are nor my friends. They're bullies. To give up on that one friendship before getting out of my teens because it was only meant for then. That being "overweight" was a normal part of me growing up and I didn't have to turn to anorexia. To stay in public school so I wouldn't be more isolated. That one boy really isn't the one for you so don't spend over 5 years crushing on him. Go to Project Charlie you need to know more about yourself. Keep your diaries and journals you'll need them. The loner thing honestly is better than trying to be friends with those bullies. You'll be OK. They all go their own ways eventually anyway. Look up parenting about special needs kids because that thing about it being a 1 percent chance ot less is a horrid lie! Don't give up your passion for that stupid boy that didn't even know what he wanted in life. There's a reason why you keep thinking you are unique.
We were conditioned at a young age that being different is weird, not celebrating everyone for their own individuality, at least not where I live. Could even start as babies, being made to cry it out. We’re already in fight or flight mode at a young age on top of not being aware of our autism or type of neurodivergence. We’re thrust into school sometimes as young as 2-3 for the next 15 years so our parents can provide a different kind of stability than what we needed.
I grew up in strict religious home. Being used to going to church was OK in routine until I grew up and started questioning things (still a Christian just believe differently than how I was raised). I've wondered if the strictness was a unknown aba like upbringing. I didn't even think of autism for myself until after my kids got diagnosed.
Could be a type of religious abuse. I definitely went through that being raised Catholic and going to catholic school and then getting SAed by the class clown of that school. Brought up a lot of questions and inner turmoil and self hatred, shame..mixed with my narcissistic mom who is also hurting from things. That’s how I started learning about it too. My son is 5 and his teachers haven’t said anything about it but he definitely has some sensory processing issues and is more sensitive than others. I’ve grown so much more patience and understanding for him and everyone else
That I wasn’t weird, just miss understood.
I read on here that neurotypical people communicating with neurodivergent people is like the blind trying to communicate with the deaf. Very difficult. Some just talk to talk, and they’re not even honest. We see all their facial expressions and body movements, all I ask is be honest, it saves time and I can trust you. Edit: very difficult, almost impossible
That I don't have to break myself to fit.
Yes lovely wording, poetic.
You are valuable and worthy of love simply for being who you are. You don’t have to earn it through perfection. Fitting in is overrated Figure out what YOU love. Not what ever tells you you’re supposed to love. Blaze your own trail. It will be harder but so much more fulfilling.
Yes I always that I had to attain perfection through the thickest of masks. Took me 30 years to let that go and hopefully help someone else in that predicament. I stopped trying with my mom finally.
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It’s so not worth it, it’ll end up in a 2 week long burn out after 30 years of trying to understand people so they can understand you and feel safe for once.
Spend your life learning how to make you fall in love with yourself, not others.
I would always look for love externally my whole life, looking to fill that parent void. At 30, i realize now that I am my own safe space, I’m responsible for it.
I wished I knew to stay away from boys and find a good career instead. Boys do nothing but ruin your life til you’re at least 35. Piggybacking off that, I wish I knew to walk away with my middle finger up when someone was abusing me.
I’ve always self sabotaged and kept coming back to the abusive situation because of the trauma bond. My parents tried to teach me that to instill education, but I also had the belt used on my bare ass a few times because of bad grades, so I still love learning just not in the traditional sense.
You don’t need to force yourself to like things to fit in. You didn’t have to give up your tamagotchis, or your dolls. It’s okay to collect and like them
Yes! Collections are amazing
People lie and you shouldn’t trust them. People are dangerous. Don’t be so quick to make friends. Always read the contract. Advocate for yourself. Learn to negotiate and ask for what you want/need. Having values, morals, and doing good is not enough to have a good life.
You also have to heal yourself along with having your good morals and values cause that doesn’t mean shit if you’re making people feel bad about themselves.