Its possible that you may not be able to differentiate between "sub" feelings and "romance" feelings and that's ok as long as it's discussed and agreed to with your partner. My first Dom was very much just my Dom, and we were friends with benefits. He sensed I was catching feelings and wanting more so things ended. I knew not to make that mistake again and that going forward I needed to date with the intention of finding ONE person to fill both roles for me. My new dynamic/relationship (very new like 2 weeks), we discussed it very early on exactly what we were looking for. He agreed that if I am to be his sub, I am also his girlfriend. That made it easier for me to feel comfortable moving forward with him, because I know when/if I fall for him, it will be reciprocated!
As for how to switch in and out of the dynamic when you're getting to know each other, this is something else to be negotiated. My Dom knows if he refers to me as "pet" or if I call him "Sir" that we are turning the D/s roles ON. The cue we've agreed on when we're in person is that he will either open the car door for me, or gently place his hand on the back of my neck. These actions will signal to me that this is going to be a "Dom Date" and the rules of our dynamic will be in play.
It all comes down to just talking to your partner! Good luck navigating your new dynamic!
It seems like you’re trying to figure out the boundaries of when your dynamic is “on” and when it’s “off”. The best way to do that is communicate.
You can signal when you want to be “on” with a piece of jewelry, clothing, collar, etc. if that would help you.
You can also decide “dynamic is only on in the bedroom” or “weekends but not weekdays” or that it’s fluid and you’ll both go in and out at any moment.
We do not differentiate but that is just how our relationship evolved. It took much talking as things evolved since neither of expected what came from starting a Daddy/babygirl together to happen. If both of you are ok with the dynamic and the more casual date type things being intermingled, nothing says you can't do that. If there is intent to be romantically inclined towards one another already then by all means talk about it! If you guys talk about it and both want to try to keep the romantic side and the D/s side more separated, come up with ideas together for how to do so. It all comes down to doing what works for you guys.
Daddy and I are as 24/7 as we can be so there is always an air of dominance from him as there is submissiveness from me. It is how we both are comfortable and happy. So unfortunately I don't have much advice on keeping the D/s and romantic parts more separated, we only shift our actions due to surroundings and need for discretion. So like if we go to the local dungeon, we have no fear of treating each other with full protocol type dominance/submission since we are around others who understand the lifestyle. When we go out to a restaurant or shopping or a zoo date, we do more discreet dom/sub type things. I still call him Daddy, but everything else to anyone else would just look like a "regular" relationship.
Married 11 years here: there is no differentiation between romantic vs sexual roles they are the same for me as a sub. I do not turn it off, I am always his subordinate. For my Master he can turn it off, and on at will. However he has a naturally dominant personality, authoritative, and commanding. We have extremely tradition gender roles, and this suits us. TPE. I actually hate the term “dynamic” because it makes at seem as if my submission to him negotiable, or temporary. It is not. There is no relationship outside of our “dynamic”. I am his to keep, and he is mine to serve. We like it this way. Though it is extremely intense, and does makes vanillas uncomfortable. Really is up to the individuals involved.
Would it be helpful to have two separate apps for messaging, for instance, signal for the kinky bits and messenger for the casual dating stuff? That way you won't be confused as to what's an order vs a suggestion.
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Its possible that you may not be able to differentiate between "sub" feelings and "romance" feelings and that's ok as long as it's discussed and agreed to with your partner. My first Dom was very much just my Dom, and we were friends with benefits. He sensed I was catching feelings and wanting more so things ended. I knew not to make that mistake again and that going forward I needed to date with the intention of finding ONE person to fill both roles for me. My new dynamic/relationship (very new like 2 weeks), we discussed it very early on exactly what we were looking for. He agreed that if I am to be his sub, I am also his girlfriend. That made it easier for me to feel comfortable moving forward with him, because I know when/if I fall for him, it will be reciprocated! As for how to switch in and out of the dynamic when you're getting to know each other, this is something else to be negotiated. My Dom knows if he refers to me as "pet" or if I call him "Sir" that we are turning the D/s roles ON. The cue we've agreed on when we're in person is that he will either open the car door for me, or gently place his hand on the back of my neck. These actions will signal to me that this is going to be a "Dom Date" and the rules of our dynamic will be in play. It all comes down to just talking to your partner! Good luck navigating your new dynamic!
Thank you! I am gonna test this out by setting aside a specific time during our next time together to just talk as if it's a normal date.
It seems like you’re trying to figure out the boundaries of when your dynamic is “on” and when it’s “off”. The best way to do that is communicate. You can signal when you want to be “on” with a piece of jewelry, clothing, collar, etc. if that would help you. You can also decide “dynamic is only on in the bedroom” or “weekends but not weekdays” or that it’s fluid and you’ll both go in and out at any moment.
We do not differentiate but that is just how our relationship evolved. It took much talking as things evolved since neither of expected what came from starting a Daddy/babygirl together to happen. If both of you are ok with the dynamic and the more casual date type things being intermingled, nothing says you can't do that. If there is intent to be romantically inclined towards one another already then by all means talk about it! If you guys talk about it and both want to try to keep the romantic side and the D/s side more separated, come up with ideas together for how to do so. It all comes down to doing what works for you guys. Daddy and I are as 24/7 as we can be so there is always an air of dominance from him as there is submissiveness from me. It is how we both are comfortable and happy. So unfortunately I don't have much advice on keeping the D/s and romantic parts more separated, we only shift our actions due to surroundings and need for discretion. So like if we go to the local dungeon, we have no fear of treating each other with full protocol type dominance/submission since we are around others who understand the lifestyle. When we go out to a restaurant or shopping or a zoo date, we do more discreet dom/sub type things. I still call him Daddy, but everything else to anyone else would just look like a "regular" relationship.
Married 11 years here: there is no differentiation between romantic vs sexual roles they are the same for me as a sub. I do not turn it off, I am always his subordinate. For my Master he can turn it off, and on at will. However he has a naturally dominant personality, authoritative, and commanding. We have extremely tradition gender roles, and this suits us. TPE. I actually hate the term “dynamic” because it makes at seem as if my submission to him negotiable, or temporary. It is not. There is no relationship outside of our “dynamic”. I am his to keep, and he is mine to serve. We like it this way. Though it is extremely intense, and does makes vanillas uncomfortable. Really is up to the individuals involved.
Would it be helpful to have two separate apps for messaging, for instance, signal for the kinky bits and messenger for the casual dating stuff? That way you won't be confused as to what's an order vs a suggestion.
I have adhd so that might work by using my object permanence issues in my favor. Thanks! I'll run that by him.