I'm just really hoping for OP to embrace that he also would have been 100% reasonable if he'd broken up with her after she continued to tickle him after he said no, before it ever got to the car incident. It's not OK to touch people in ways they have asked not to be touched.
Exactly. He told her that he did not like being touched in a certain way, explained that it was due to trauma, and instead of respecting that she chose to weaponize his trauma for her own entertainment. She showed him who she was early on and he didn’t believe her until it nearly got them killed. Still, better late than never.
Even if it wasn't due to trauma it would have been reasonable to break up with her! If you don't like being tickled just because with no deeper reason that should still be a respected boundary. The fact that he did have a deeper reason makes her a bigger asshole but someone just going "I don't like being touched in x way" should be the only reason you ever need to not touch them in that manner.
Oh absolutely. He didn’t have to give her a reason or any explanation at all. He could’ve simply said “I don’t like being tickled, please don’t do that anymore” and that should’ve been enough for her to never do it again. The fact that he confided in her about his past trauma to explain it just really drives home how selfish and sadistic this girl is. She knew about his trauma and took pleasure in triggering it.
There's also the classic case of "I'm going to give some fake ass apology where I say a hollow sorry followed by BUT and proceed to invalidate the apology by saying why it's not actually my fault. But you still have to accept it because I said the magic word first."
That's somebody who never actually feels sorry for anything and truly doesn't understand the meaning of the word.
I’m probably being really dramatic, because I hate HATE being tickled, but I think non consensual tickling should be assault. It feels like a weird power/control thing to me. It’s so cruel.
NGL it may be dramatic but I low-key agree. I *hate* tickling. My mum would do it all the time when I was a kid and I'd beg her to stop, but she'd keep going until I was either crying or boiling with rage (and then it'd be my fault for being angry!).
Hey, I didn't know I had a sibling!
No, but seriously, my mum always tickles me when I'm stretching (like a cat I love to do a *biiig stretch*), no matter how many times I've told her to knock it off these last 33 years. "kNocK iT oFF!", she teases me then with childish voice, like a god damn 12 year old bully.
I hate it so much. And I just don't get it (her behaviour)? Because if someone told me they didn't like a kind of behaviour of mine, I wouldn't do it to them again.
My grandfather would do it to me when I was little.He would tickle me until I wet my pants. The whole time I was trying to get away, my mother would just sit there and laugh while telling my grandfather that he should probably stop because he knew what would happen. Then, we I inevitably wet my pants ,I was punished and shamed for something totally out of my control. I am in my 60's and remember exactly how humiliated I was.
My mom “tickled” me so hard it left bruises on me as a kid. Finally, in the FUCKING FIRST GRADE, I threatened her with CPS if she ever tickled me again. She never did.
It was this weird grabby motion she did when she tickled, and the bruises perfectly aligned with her fingertips. Because of my threat in first grade, she’s never tried to tickle my kids. (Due to her being caretaker for family I am close with, I am forced to occasionally interact with her so I don’t lose contact with them/can keep an eye on the situation. I can’t go NC at this time, but will in the future)
This is abuse. Truly. There is nothing dramatic about it. Abusers use tickling because it's easy to gaslight people with it, but they are doing something physically unpleasant and emotionally distressing that you have clearly told them you don't want. This is deliberate abuse.
Exactly. I think people use non-consensual tickling as the first step to even worse :/.
At the day, bodily autonomy is important. People of all ages should be respected if they don't want to be tickled, hugged, etc.
Not dramatic. My parents learned very early on that when I said NO TICKLING I meant it.. mainly because I completely lose control and flail all my limbs. Dad caught an elbow to the nose when I was five, immediately stopped, and didn't do it again.
...my brothers did but kid siblings are a different matter.
My husband got two bloody noses from me at the beginning of our 20+ year relationship and I told him the same thing both times. Hasn't tickled me since.
Agreed. I'm VERY ticklish and was extremely petite in my younger days. I had friends literally hold me down and tickle me. Now I tell people that my reflex is to throw hands. They learn
I would rather be slapped in the face (which is definitely assault) than tickled. Nonconsensual touching is assault, even spitting on someone is considered assault (during the first parts of the covid epidemic, people were actually jailed for spitting on others).
Additionally, attempts have been made to tickle me by people who were using that to move into sex, neither of which I was ok with.
Unwanted tickling *is* assault.
It certainly *feels* like assault. When someone tickles me, I feel violated. I can feel the ghost of their contact long after it's gone and it makes my skin crawl. It makes me feel uncomfortable around them and, at times, unsafe.
So, I would agree with it being assault.
hard agree...I felt assaulted by it for years. my husband is the first person who respects me when I say that I've had enough or I don't want to be tickled at all.
When I warned my chiropodist that my feet are extremely ticklish she said she feels bad when a patient is ticklish because it's basically a form of torture. I'm used to it by now since I need to get my feet checked regularly, I barely kick now but it still sucks.
I also used to have a friend as a kid that thought jabbing me in the throat was tickling, which I think I'd rather the tickling.
Depending on where you live, it may be. I live in Minnesota, here any unwanted touch is assault. Except men touching a woman's clothed buttocks, which is really disgusting.
I agree!!! I hate it so much and I hate how it’s hard to communicate how much you hate it bc you’re laughing instead of, like, screaming in pain. So then people don’t take you seriously when you tell them to stop. I have a toddler and I’m super careful with making sure she’s enjoying being tickled bc she can’t properly tell me yet if she wants me to stop.
Any non-consensual touching is a form of battery. You can’t get a cop to arrest anyone over it, but you *can* sue someone for unwanted tickling in pretty much every jurisdiction in the U.S.
One of the definitions of battery: The unlawful and unwanted touching or striking of one person by another, with the intention of bringing about a harmful or offensive contact.
He made it clear in no uncertain terms that this was unwanted and offensive to him.
You are completely correct and not at all dramatic. Abusers use tickling because it's easy to gaslight people about it, but touching someone in ways that distress them when you have to told not to is abusive and is controlling.
Well at least he now knows for sure that it's best to break up.
The cherry on top?
Even an almost car crash *wasn't* clear enough for her to see it. Like even when your life was literally on the line and you're still blind to it? Yeah this relationship has run it's course.
I had an ex who would hold me down and tickle me, saying "But you like it! You're laughing!" when I'd tell him to stop. I started kicking him to get him off me, and he'd act all hurt and upset. I finally had to threaten to break up with him, and he stopped.
It was a small symptom of a bigger issue. If I said no to sex, or a particular act, he wouldn't force me but he also wouldn't take no for an answer. He'd ask repeatedly, beg, give me stupid puppy dog facial expressions and talk in a cutesy voice...I finally got the ick and broke up with him. He was my first boyfriend in university, and if I hadn't been so naive, it would've happened much sooner. But in my mind I thought "oh he's such a nice guy though" and kept forgiving him. When we first got together, I wondered why his ex had ever given up on him (he got dumped, long term relationship) and after a while I realised-- he was pathetic and boring but also cocky and wouldn't accept the word NO
Ugh, so sorry that happened to you. It's unfortunately a lot easier to gaslight people (especially kids just learning about relationships) when people present their boundary-trampling as something cute or innocent.
I had a highschool ex that would tickle me dispite telling them numerous times I hated it. I think that just encouraged them. It eventually progressed to boundery crossing in other ways. This person would not respect a no and and in some cases I would have to get violent to make them stop. I did not want that kind of dynamic and broke it off. And what would you know, this was also a person that wouldn't accept a breakup. That relationship ended with a RO.
Controlling/abusive people are always testing boundaries, both to normalize their ugly behavior and because they enjoy the feeling of power it gives them. This sort of thing (unwanted tickling) is so often the thin end of the wedge.
100%. I HATE being tickled. I don’t have trauma or anything but it is somewhat related to some childhood stuff and I made it super clear to my husband that I never want to be tickled, ever. I would absolutely not keep dating someone who couldn’t respect that bc I would never feel 100% comfortable around them. It’s the easiest thing in the world to not tickle someone.
I have issues with tickling and also being restrained. Tickling causes extreme ans iqnvoluntary movement. If somond tries to get me in for of restraint or headlock etc I very rapidly lose control, not in an aggressive way I guess. I just blank and am in a state where I don't feel pain, I just anything to get out. Friends that haven't quite understood have told me they heard bones and joints clicking as I pulled myself out of a hold.
In my case it goes back to my childhood. I was the youngest. My much older siblings fun games usually involved "tie up mike", "tie up Mike and lock in the closet" and the ever popular "pin Mike down and tickle him till he pees"
On a plus note I never did pee and I'm damn good at escaping restraintslol
Thank you. I came out fine and my wife respects my boundaries. Oddly she is the only person that can touch my ribcage without triggering a reaction. I guess trust help :)
>An hour ago her mom texted me asking what happened and I told her everything.
Is it just me, or the fact that his ex's mom asked him what exactly happened shows that the ex might have said the same thing she did to her friend, but her mom knew better by asking OOP? It seems to me, it's not the first time the ex did something outwordly stupid/dangerous.
Exactly. Mom knows what’s up while the friend only wanted to be the center of attention and simply protect the ex regardless of what she did. Had the shoe been on the other foot, both girls would’ve bit OOP’s head off just the same.
My mother used to think it was cute to pinch me (lightly, but still!) if I made a bad pun or joke, even if I was driving. I kept telling her not to do that, explained why, yelled at her a few times… nothing worked. So one day we happened to be on a long, clear stretch of road with no traffic when she pulled that; I swerved all over the road like I’d lost control. She never did it again.
She’s not a bad mother, just occasionally thoughtless/short-sighted. I don’t usually have to be that drastic to get my point across, thankfully.
I had to have something similar happen with my mom before she got it. She would nag horrendously when I was driving (I'm a safe driver who has never gotten a ticket or been at fault in an accident in over 20 years of driving). When I bought my new car and we were leaving the dealership she was berating me about not driving with the radio on and I almost pulled out in traffic right in front of another car that flew up unexpectedly. I hit the brakes and avoided the accident and she at least looked ashamed when I told her that she almost caused it by distracting me with her rant and nagging about the radio that was on low and that I hadn't even been paying attention to. I still try to avoid driving with her because she shrieks whenever something comes remotely close to hitting us.
My mom keeps randomly yelling while I'm driving, and each time it happens it's when my gaurd is down and I'm relaxed. I'll jump and swerve as a result in each time but she doesn't fucking stop!!!
We literally almost got into an accident the other day cause I swerved into the other lane when she yelled randomly, "SHUT UP!!" After several moments of silence.
I ended up screaming back, "I TOLD YOU TO STOP SCREAMING WHEN IM DRIVING"
She responded with a shy, "I was just telling the dog to stop panting" (my dog pants for the first 30 min of a car ride due to anxiety)
And then she proceeded to stew in anger before exploding back at me about how I am disrespectful and an awful person, etc etc stfup mother I don't give af about filial piety when you almost get us killed
I'm still pissed lmao
Oh my cousin did that to me too…once. I smashed her face to front console in automatic response. My hand react fast to any kind of threat to my life even my brain not really fully understand it. Actually not just my hand…my whole body ready to bail out so I could jump off a car and left them crash too,
There’s clearly something wrong with her because these aren’t the actions of a sane person. And I mean everything she’s done e.g trying to go in for a kiss
OOP: Are we clear on what the issue was?
OOP Ex: Yep 100% clear. Can we go home now?
OOP: That was a break up chat, so obviously we are not actually 100% clear on anything...
Someone is not a thinker.
Not even distracting. Waving hands, trying to show a video is distracting and real bad.
Tickling is a whole extra level.
Yes. Let's possibly kill ourselves and/or others but it's fine cuz joke see?
This c*** if they had driven someone else off the road for swerving : bUT I wAS juST BOndInglG or some other stupid excuse. No attachment between actions and results. Someone skipped science in school.
If this is real I hope she gets the help she needs before she permanently damages someone or herself.
So many people don't realize that there are a lot of people who have trauma over tickling, specifically. I'm one of them. It's one of my few HARD limits and boundaries. Tickling me will result in someone being punched and me having a severe panic attack. When I read this, I admired OP, because I would probably not have been able to control the car as well.
Tickling actually stimulates pain receptors. Tickling someone who doesn't want it is literally torturing them with pain.
I hate it, idk what it trips in some people but they delight in doing it to someone that can't get away. It's like a socially acceptable outlet for people that get off on non consensual behavior.
It's also an abuse technique. My ex was a big guy. He'd flip me face down, sit on my ass facing my feet, and tickle me until I screamed and cried and was completely out of my mind while he laughed and made fun of me. This would lead to days of him reminding me how emotional and horrible I was for acting "like a bitch over getting tickled because he was just trying to be playful with me."
It's been 17+ years and just thinking about it has my heart pounding right now.
Playfulness only works if both people know things will immediately stop if either one asks to stop. I don't think tickling a partner spontaneously is inherently bad, but what is def completely unacceptable is continuing behavior that someone's expressed strong distaste for.
I have no trauma associated with it. I don't really like it though. I do have dramatic reactions on being surprised by it! I've given many bruises, and broken three fingers and a nose (none mine). All were idiots that know what I'm like and "thought it would be funny to see you jump" forgetting it would mean they are close enough to possibly be in the way of a flying arm or foot.
Nope. They were very correct. For some people it's all good fun, and that's absolutely fine! But more hate it than we realize, we're just conditioned to deal with it because "it's playful and funny!"
Me too, my father and brother used to pin me down and tickle me when I was a kid and no amount of struggling and screaming would get them to stop. My father had really long sharp nails and he used to really hurt. They 100% traumatised me.
Now, if anyone tries to tickle me, my body will automatically lash out punching and kicking. I assume it’s because of the panic attack
I'm so sorry you went through that. It's hard to explain to people why something that's seen as innocent fun and games can be so horrible for some of us!!!!
Yea my body think this is a threat to my life so I react very violently to people who tickle me like use my elbow to smash their stomach, or in case I driving I will use free hand to hold on their hair and smash their face to front console or if I standing I swipe their feet and use knee on their chest. Well it just automatic response. I can’t control it.
Play stupid games rofll!
She's frankly lucky! My brother is 6' 7" 250 lbs, size 17 feet, and psychotically ticklish. I saw him kick some kid like 6 feet across the room as a reflex when he tried that on him. Not intentional, but also not something anyone can control.
We are old, and it used to be really bad. He's gotten shoes ordered for college teams and pro players that never got picked up. Usually, pretty cheap, too!
Nowadays, selection is really good for me at 15 comparably. My brother wears sneakers and boots exclusively, and the boots are usually custom. Sneakers just run really big these days.
EDIT: Flip flops!! Easy to get custom flip flops, too. He's a surfer. A Bigfoot Cowboy Surfer. you can't miss him lmao.
My boyfriend used to like tickling my feet, especially when I was still asleep. I told him to stop and he would, but would forget and do it again a few months later. I'd usually end up flailing around, but would try to hold back to avoid hurting him.
I turned the tables on him. I started tickling his feet when he was sleeping. He hated it. I also "accidentally" almost kicked him in the crotch with my flailing. Between the two, he stopped tickling. He realized how stupid and annoying it was. Plus he liked having uncrushed balls.
I can imagine this idiot ex, sobbing in a courtroom had things gone really bad, and wailing, "It was just a harmless joke, your honor! I didn't realize we would take out a whole other family! It was an accident!"
Fuck her. Fuck her idiot friends. I hope they all leave OOP alone.
Getting angry and yelling at someone for tickling you when you're driving and almost causing you to Swerve off the road doesn't mean you have anger issues. If anything, it means you're a very well adjusted person (at least more so than the fucking Maniac who tries to tickle a driver) because that's a fucking crazy thing to do to someone while they're driving
I cannot get over tickling someone while they drive, I feel like that is just begging to get into an accident. OOPs gf is lucky all that happened was that the car got scratched, both of them easily could have died from this and it would 100% be because of her stupidity.
I may be crazy or having serious Deja Vu but I swear that I’ve read almost this exact same story before. I was so surprised that it was only posted a day ago. Anybody else remember a story like this or if not, have any good recommendations for anti-psychotics?
Ex is triggering OP, after repeatedly telling her to stop. (I'm assuming the reaction has some childhood trauma attached to it).
She did so *knowingly*.
# Bye, Felicia.
What did she think would happen if she tickled him while driving? Was he supposed to laugh and let go of the wheel and tickle her back and play all while driving? Makes no sense at all
My boyfriend has a similar issue about tickling due to childhood trauma. I did slip up a couple of times after he told me, mainly because I'm a very physically affectionate person and tickling has always been a playful way of showing love for me, but once I got used to it that was it. It's been 6 years and not only is he not bothered by it anymore but he is the one initiating it more. But leaving all of this aside, I would have never, EVER, dared to touch him in any way while he was driving. What is wrong with her?
NTA. This isn’t ghosting. It was abundantly clear that he broke up with her, and why. She only wanted contact so she could try to wheedle him into changing his mind.
Tickling can be a form of physical abuse, if the person being tickled tells the offending party to stop, and they don't.
Your hopefully exgf needs to learn and understand boundaries. I would sue her for damages to your car, to drive the point home.
NTA, but she is.
You made the right decision. You do not want someone that stupid and lacking common sense to build a future with. Can you imagine her raising a child or relying on her for the serious stuff that life throws at you. Maybe this is the kick in the pants she needs to think about consequences before she does stupid stuff.
>Update - 1 days later
>So the past couple of hours have been insane, honestly. Before the actual update, I just wanted to sort some things out:
>I've seen people talking about this post being rage bait or fake. Honestly, I wish it was, but I actually needed to hear some opinions on what happened.
I'm not saying it's AI, but all these wild ass BoRU's got a type.
I'm just really hoping for OP to embrace that he also would have been 100% reasonable if he'd broken up with her after she continued to tickle him after he said no, before it ever got to the car incident. It's not OK to touch people in ways they have asked not to be touched.
Exactly. He told her that he did not like being touched in a certain way, explained that it was due to trauma, and instead of respecting that she chose to weaponize his trauma for her own entertainment. She showed him who she was early on and he didn’t believe her until it nearly got them killed. Still, better late than never.
Even if it wasn't due to trauma it would have been reasonable to break up with her! If you don't like being tickled just because with no deeper reason that should still be a respected boundary. The fact that he did have a deeper reason makes her a bigger asshole but someone just going "I don't like being touched in x way" should be the only reason you ever need to not touch them in that manner.
YES.
Oh absolutely. He didn’t have to give her a reason or any explanation at all. He could’ve simply said “I don’t like being tickled, please don’t do that anymore” and that should’ve been enough for her to never do it again. The fact that he confided in her about his past trauma to explain it just really drives home how selfish and sadistic this girl is. She knew about his trauma and took pleasure in triggering it.
There's also the classic case of "I'm going to give some fake ass apology where I say a hollow sorry followed by BUT and proceed to invalidate the apology by saying why it's not actually my fault. But you still have to accept it because I said the magic word first." That's somebody who never actually feels sorry for anything and truly doesn't understand the meaning of the word.
I’m probably being really dramatic, because I hate HATE being tickled, but I think non consensual tickling should be assault. It feels like a weird power/control thing to me. It’s so cruel.
NGL it may be dramatic but I low-key agree. I *hate* tickling. My mum would do it all the time when I was a kid and I'd beg her to stop, but she'd keep going until I was either crying or boiling with rage (and then it'd be my fault for being angry!).
Hey, I didn't know I had a sibling! No, but seriously, my mum always tickles me when I'm stretching (like a cat I love to do a *biiig stretch*), no matter how many times I've told her to knock it off these last 33 years. "kNocK iT oFF!", she teases me then with childish voice, like a god damn 12 year old bully. I hate it so much. And I just don't get it (her behaviour)? Because if someone told me they didn't like a kind of behaviour of mine, I wouldn't do it to them again.
That would piss me off because it ruins the stretch. You should ask her when the hell she plans to grow up.
my mom does that too! and laughs it off! she never stops doing something unless it becomes an enormous fight, and then she always slowly starts again.
My grandfather would do it to me when I was little.He would tickle me until I wet my pants. The whole time I was trying to get away, my mother would just sit there and laugh while telling my grandfather that he should probably stop because he knew what would happen. Then, we I inevitably wet my pants ,I was punished and shamed for something totally out of my control. I am in my 60's and remember exactly how humiliated I was.
I'm so sorry they treated you that way. They were sadistic pricks.
My mom “tickled” me so hard it left bruises on me as a kid. Finally, in the FUCKING FIRST GRADE, I threatened her with CPS if she ever tickled me again. She never did. It was this weird grabby motion she did when she tickled, and the bruises perfectly aligned with her fingertips. Because of my threat in first grade, she’s never tried to tickle my kids. (Due to her being caretaker for family I am close with, I am forced to occasionally interact with her so I don’t lose contact with them/can keep an eye on the situation. I can’t go NC at this time, but will in the future)
I'm sorry that happened to you. Even if you as a child were okay with being tickled, she should've been alarmed that she bruised you from tickling.
This is abuse. Truly. There is nothing dramatic about it. Abusers use tickling because it's easy to gaslight people with it, but they are doing something physically unpleasant and emotionally distressing that you have clearly told them you don't want. This is deliberate abuse.
Exactly. I think people use non-consensual tickling as the first step to even worse :/. At the day, bodily autonomy is important. People of all ages should be respected if they don't want to be tickled, hugged, etc.
Not dramatic. My parents learned very early on that when I said NO TICKLING I meant it.. mainly because I completely lose control and flail all my limbs. Dad caught an elbow to the nose when I was five, immediately stopped, and didn't do it again. ...my brothers did but kid siblings are a different matter.
I’ve told multiple people that if you tickle me, I am not responsible for my actions and you will get hit. Simple as that.
My husband got two bloody noses from me at the beginning of our 20+ year relationship and I told him the same thing both times. Hasn't tickled me since.
Agreed. I'm VERY ticklish and was extremely petite in my younger days. I had friends literally hold me down and tickle me. Now I tell people that my reflex is to throw hands. They learn
I would rather be slapped in the face (which is definitely assault) than tickled. Nonconsensual touching is assault, even spitting on someone is considered assault (during the first parts of the covid epidemic, people were actually jailed for spitting on others). Additionally, attempts have been made to tickle me by people who were using that to move into sex, neither of which I was ok with. Unwanted tickling *is* assault.
It certainly *feels* like assault. When someone tickles me, I feel violated. I can feel the ghost of their contact long after it's gone and it makes my skin crawl. It makes me feel uncomfortable around them and, at times, unsafe. So, I would agree with it being assault.
“Ghost of their contact” is a wow statement and so, so true in this instance.
hard agree...I felt assaulted by it for years. my husband is the first person who respects me when I say that I've had enough or I don't want to be tickled at all.
Good man.
When I warned my chiropodist that my feet are extremely ticklish she said she feels bad when a patient is ticklish because it's basically a form of torture. I'm used to it by now since I need to get my feet checked regularly, I barely kick now but it still sucks. I also used to have a friend as a kid that thought jabbing me in the throat was tickling, which I think I'd rather the tickling.
I would absolutely rather be jabbed in the throat.
Depending on where you live, it may be. I live in Minnesota, here any unwanted touch is assault. Except men touching a woman's clothed buttocks, which is really disgusting.
>Except men touching a woman's clothed buttocks Da fuck?
I agree!!! I hate it so much and I hate how it’s hard to communicate how much you hate it bc you’re laughing instead of, like, screaming in pain. So then people don’t take you seriously when you tell them to stop. I have a toddler and I’m super careful with making sure she’s enjoying being tickled bc she can’t properly tell me yet if she wants me to stop.
This is exactly it. It seems funny because you are laughing. But it’s because you literally cannot control your physical response.
Yes!!
Any non-consensual touching is a form of battery. You can’t get a cop to arrest anyone over it, but you *can* sue someone for unwanted tickling in pretty much every jurisdiction in the U.S.
One of the definitions of battery: The unlawful and unwanted touching or striking of one person by another, with the intention of bringing about a harmful or offensive contact. He made it clear in no uncertain terms that this was unwanted and offensive to him.
You are completely correct and not at all dramatic. Abusers use tickling because it's easy to gaslight people about it, but touching someone in ways that distress them when you have to told not to is abusive and is controlling.
It's technically battery in the US and other countries. It's unwanted touching.
Well at least he now knows for sure that it's best to break up. The cherry on top? Even an almost car crash *wasn't* clear enough for her to see it. Like even when your life was literally on the line and you're still blind to it? Yeah this relationship has run it's course.
I had an ex who would hold me down and tickle me, saying "But you like it! You're laughing!" when I'd tell him to stop. I started kicking him to get him off me, and he'd act all hurt and upset. I finally had to threaten to break up with him, and he stopped. It was a small symptom of a bigger issue. If I said no to sex, or a particular act, he wouldn't force me but he also wouldn't take no for an answer. He'd ask repeatedly, beg, give me stupid puppy dog facial expressions and talk in a cutesy voice...I finally got the ick and broke up with him. He was my first boyfriend in university, and if I hadn't been so naive, it would've happened much sooner. But in my mind I thought "oh he's such a nice guy though" and kept forgiving him. When we first got together, I wondered why his ex had ever given up on him (he got dumped, long term relationship) and after a while I realised-- he was pathetic and boring but also cocky and wouldn't accept the word NO
Ugh, so sorry that happened to you. It's unfortunately a lot easier to gaslight people (especially kids just learning about relationships) when people present their boundary-trampling as something cute or innocent.
I had a highschool ex that would tickle me dispite telling them numerous times I hated it. I think that just encouraged them. It eventually progressed to boundery crossing in other ways. This person would not respect a no and and in some cases I would have to get violent to make them stop. I did not want that kind of dynamic and broke it off. And what would you know, this was also a person that wouldn't accept a breakup. That relationship ended with a RO.
Controlling/abusive people are always testing boundaries, both to normalize their ugly behavior and because they enjoy the feeling of power it gives them. This sort of thing (unwanted tickling) is so often the thin end of the wedge.
100%. I HATE being tickled. I don’t have trauma or anything but it is somewhat related to some childhood stuff and I made it super clear to my husband that I never want to be tickled, ever. I would absolutely not keep dating someone who couldn’t respect that bc I would never feel 100% comfortable around them. It’s the easiest thing in the world to not tickle someone.
for me, it's really overstimulating to a painful degree. i can handle a little bit of tickling, but when i say stop, i mean **stop.**
yes!!
I have issues with tickling and also being restrained. Tickling causes extreme ans iqnvoluntary movement. If somond tries to get me in for of restraint or headlock etc I very rapidly lose control, not in an aggressive way I guess. I just blank and am in a state where I don't feel pain, I just anything to get out. Friends that haven't quite understood have told me they heard bones and joints clicking as I pulled myself out of a hold. In my case it goes back to my childhood. I was the youngest. My much older siblings fun games usually involved "tie up mike", "tie up Mike and lock in the closet" and the ever popular "pin Mike down and tickle him till he pees" On a plus note I never did pee and I'm damn good at escaping restraintslol
I'm really sorry that you were treated that way.
Thank you. I came out fine and my wife respects my boundaries. Oddly she is the only person that can touch my ribcage without triggering a reaction. I guess trust help :)
>An hour ago her mom texted me asking what happened and I told her everything. Is it just me, or the fact that his ex's mom asked him what exactly happened shows that the ex might have said the same thing she did to her friend, but her mom knew better by asking OOP? It seems to me, it's not the first time the ex did something outwordly stupid/dangerous.
Yep. To me I was like, "Oh mom knows what's up."
Exactly. Mom knows what’s up while the friend only wanted to be the center of attention and simply protect the ex regardless of what she did. Had the shoe been on the other foot, both girls would’ve bit OOP’s head off just the same.
My mother used to think it was cute to pinch me (lightly, but still!) if I made a bad pun or joke, even if I was driving. I kept telling her not to do that, explained why, yelled at her a few times… nothing worked. So one day we happened to be on a long, clear stretch of road with no traffic when she pulled that; I swerved all over the road like I’d lost control. She never did it again. She’s not a bad mother, just occasionally thoughtless/short-sighted. I don’t usually have to be that drastic to get my point across, thankfully.
I had to have something similar happen with my mom before she got it. She would nag horrendously when I was driving (I'm a safe driver who has never gotten a ticket or been at fault in an accident in over 20 years of driving). When I bought my new car and we were leaving the dealership she was berating me about not driving with the radio on and I almost pulled out in traffic right in front of another car that flew up unexpectedly. I hit the brakes and avoided the accident and she at least looked ashamed when I told her that she almost caused it by distracting me with her rant and nagging about the radio that was on low and that I hadn't even been paying attention to. I still try to avoid driving with her because she shrieks whenever something comes remotely close to hitting us.
My mom keeps randomly yelling while I'm driving, and each time it happens it's when my gaurd is down and I'm relaxed. I'll jump and swerve as a result in each time but she doesn't fucking stop!!! We literally almost got into an accident the other day cause I swerved into the other lane when she yelled randomly, "SHUT UP!!" After several moments of silence. I ended up screaming back, "I TOLD YOU TO STOP SCREAMING WHEN IM DRIVING" She responded with a shy, "I was just telling the dog to stop panting" (my dog pants for the first 30 min of a car ride due to anxiety) And then she proceeded to stew in anger before exploding back at me about how I am disrespectful and an awful person, etc etc stfup mother I don't give af about filial piety when you almost get us killed I'm still pissed lmao
Oh my cousin did that to me too…once. I smashed her face to front console in automatic response. My hand react fast to any kind of threat to my life even my brain not really fully understand it. Actually not just my hand…my whole body ready to bail out so I could jump off a car and left them crash too,
There’s clearly something wrong with her because these aren’t the actions of a sane person. And I mean everything she’s done e.g trying to go in for a kiss
OOP: Are we clear on what the issue was? OOP Ex: Yep 100% clear. Can we go home now? OOP: That was a break up chat, so obviously we are not actually 100% clear on anything... Someone is not a thinker.
I think she’s a person who hasn’t really ever had to face consequences for her actions
She really somehow seemed to still think they were dating by then. Ma’am you almost killed that dude. No y’all aren’t still dating!
I think she's just profoundly stupid.
As the kids say, delulu.
Yep, she certainly gets off on his discomfort. Wouldn't be surprised if there wasn't other things she was torturing him with.
Ignoring OOP's boundaries is bad enough on its own. Distracting him while driving is whole other deal. This girl needs to grow up.
Not even distracting. Waving hands, trying to show a video is distracting and real bad. Tickling is a whole extra level. Yes. Let's possibly kill ourselves and/or others but it's fine cuz joke see? This c*** if they had driven someone else off the road for swerving : bUT I wAS juST BOndInglG or some other stupid excuse. No attachment between actions and results. Someone skipped science in school. If this is real I hope she gets the help she needs before she permanently damages someone or herself.
I know right? The best part? *She still didn't see what she did wrong*.
So many people don't realize that there are a lot of people who have trauma over tickling, specifically. I'm one of them. It's one of my few HARD limits and boundaries. Tickling me will result in someone being punched and me having a severe panic attack. When I read this, I admired OP, because I would probably not have been able to control the car as well. Tickling actually stimulates pain receptors. Tickling someone who doesn't want it is literally torturing them with pain.
I didn't know that. Thanks for sharing that piece of info.
I hate it, idk what it trips in some people but they delight in doing it to someone that can't get away. It's like a socially acceptable outlet for people that get off on non consensual behavior.
It's also an abuse technique. My ex was a big guy. He'd flip me face down, sit on my ass facing my feet, and tickle me until I screamed and cried and was completely out of my mind while he laughed and made fun of me. This would lead to days of him reminding me how emotional and horrible I was for acting "like a bitch over getting tickled because he was just trying to be playful with me." It's been 17+ years and just thinking about it has my heart pounding right now.
Bully. I wish him every possible misery.
As do I!
May he always step on Lego blocks.
Playfulness only works if both people know things will immediately stop if either one asks to stop. I don't think tickling a partner spontaneously is inherently bad, but what is def completely unacceptable is continuing behavior that someone's expressed strong distaste for.
I have no trauma associated with it. I don't really like it though. I do have dramatic reactions on being surprised by it! I've given many bruises, and broken three fingers and a nose (none mine). All were idiots that know what I'm like and "thought it would be funny to see you jump" forgetting it would mean they are close enough to possibly be in the way of a flying arm or foot.
I think that should be our standard response after being tickled or touched without consent! Maybe someone will learn.
Huh so my chiropodist wasn't exaggerating when she said it's torture.
Nope. They were very correct. For some people it's all good fun, and that's absolutely fine! But more hate it than we realize, we're just conditioned to deal with it because "it's playful and funny!"
Me too, my father and brother used to pin me down and tickle me when I was a kid and no amount of struggling and screaming would get them to stop. My father had really long sharp nails and he used to really hurt. They 100% traumatised me. Now, if anyone tries to tickle me, my body will automatically lash out punching and kicking. I assume it’s because of the panic attack
I'm so sorry you went through that. It's hard to explain to people why something that's seen as innocent fun and games can be so horrible for some of us!!!!
Yea my body think this is a threat to my life so I react very violently to people who tickle me like use my elbow to smash their stomach, or in case I driving I will use free hand to hold on their hair and smash their face to front console or if I standing I swipe their feet and use knee on their chest. Well it just automatic response. I can’t control it.
Play stupid games rofll! She's frankly lucky! My brother is 6' 7" 250 lbs, size 17 feet, and psychotically ticklish. I saw him kick some kid like 6 feet across the room as a reflex when he tried that on him. Not intentional, but also not something anyone can control.
And *this* is why it's best to listen to those that asks to stop. Cause human reaction are very unpredictable.
Can your brother find shoes...? Or like does he just tie some cardboard to his feet and call it good.
We are old, and it used to be really bad. He's gotten shoes ordered for college teams and pro players that never got picked up. Usually, pretty cheap, too! Nowadays, selection is really good for me at 15 comparably. My brother wears sneakers and boots exclusively, and the boots are usually custom. Sneakers just run really big these days. EDIT: Flip flops!! Easy to get custom flip flops, too. He's a surfer. A Bigfoot Cowboy Surfer. you can't miss him lmao.
My boyfriend used to like tickling my feet, especially when I was still asleep. I told him to stop and he would, but would forget and do it again a few months later. I'd usually end up flailing around, but would try to hold back to avoid hurting him. I turned the tables on him. I started tickling his feet when he was sleeping. He hated it. I also "accidentally" almost kicked him in the crotch with my flailing. Between the two, he stopped tickling. He realized how stupid and annoying it was. Plus he liked having uncrushed balls.
I can imagine this idiot ex, sobbing in a courtroom had things gone really bad, and wailing, "It was just a harmless joke, your honor! I didn't realize we would take out a whole other family! It was an accident!" Fuck her. Fuck her idiot friends. I hope they all leave OOP alone.
You can't fix stupid.
I always warn people: “If you tickle me, I WILL become violent. So, if you tickle me and I hurt you, it’s your own damn fault.”
Getting angry and yelling at someone for tickling you when you're driving and almost causing you to Swerve off the road doesn't mean you have anger issues. If anything, it means you're a very well adjusted person (at least more so than the fucking Maniac who tries to tickle a driver) because that's a fucking crazy thing to do to someone while they're driving
I cannot get over tickling someone while they drive, I feel like that is just begging to get into an accident. OOPs gf is lucky all that happened was that the car got scratched, both of them easily could have died from this and it would 100% be because of her stupidity.
Super fun to know these are the people I gotta walk in front of at stop signs
This is why you don't move in with people you've known for less than a year.
I may be crazy or having serious Deja Vu but I swear that I’ve read almost this exact same story before. I was so surprised that it was only posted a day ago. Anybody else remember a story like this or if not, have any good recommendations for anti-psychotics?
Ex is triggering OP, after repeatedly telling her to stop. (I'm assuming the reaction has some childhood trauma attached to it). She did so *knowingly*. # Bye, Felicia.
What did she think would happen if she tickled him while driving? Was he supposed to laugh and let go of the wheel and tickle her back and play all while driving? Makes no sense at all
That girls got to be the dumbest broad in creation. Brain just stopped cooking at age 9.
She's just one of many, sadly.
My boyfriend has a similar issue about tickling due to childhood trauma. I did slip up a couple of times after he told me, mainly because I'm a very physically affectionate person and tickling has always been a playful way of showing love for me, but once I got used to it that was it. It's been 6 years and not only is he not bothered by it anymore but he is the one initiating it more. But leaving all of this aside, I would have never, EVER, dared to touch him in any way while he was driving. What is wrong with her?
NTA. This isn’t ghosting. It was abundantly clear that he broke up with her, and why. She only wanted contact so she could try to wheedle him into changing his mind.
Even ppl who don’t respect boundaries should know - Don’t Duck With The Driver.
Tickling can be a form of physical abuse, if the person being tickled tells the offending party to stop, and they don't. Your hopefully exgf needs to learn and understand boundaries. I would sue her for damages to your car, to drive the point home. NTA, but she is.
I don't even have the words. Wtaf was the ex on that they thought *tickling the driver!!* was the correct action in that moment?! 🤯🤯
You made the right decision. You do not want someone that stupid and lacking common sense to build a future with. Can you imagine her raising a child or relying on her for the serious stuff that life throws at you. Maybe this is the kick in the pants she needs to think about consequences before she does stupid stuff.
She's like a brick wall, but dumber.
She should definitely check a therapist for bpd and adhd ,I've got too much stories .
>Update - 1 days later >So the past couple of hours have been insane, honestly. Before the actual update, I just wanted to sort some things out: >I've seen people talking about this post being rage bait or fake. Honestly, I wish it was, but I actually needed to hear some opinions on what happened. I'm not saying it's AI, but all these wild ass BoRU's got a type.
Orrrr maybe people should cool it on calling everything fake/AI?
It's like people got bored saying "ok Liz" and now think they're smart for saying it's AI.
It's really hard not to when they use the exact same wording over and over and over again to generate hype for the day after update.
You’re on a BORU sub. You’re going to find similarities.
Nta....I don't think that this is I er b cause she sounds nuttier that a snicker bar