She pursued me but I don't think it's a bad sign at all if women pursue first, would honestly like to see more of that.
However for my case she pursued me in a way that contains a lot of red flags- orbiting, putting me on a pedestal, head over heels "in unrequited love" the moment I returned the attention- I didn't see it clearly until my friends (women) pointed out how her behavior would be extremely creepy and considered dangerous if she were a man.
I have never met a person who had such focused, single-minded interest. That interest was me, she stared right into my brain. Its hard to discribe but I bet a lot of you guys here know what I mean.
Mine aggressively "introduced" herself and was the primary pusher of the romantic meth pipe. It seemed refreshing at first because it sliced through the sometimes-superfluous courtship customs and boosted my confidence regarding her unambiguous interest. Little did I know how important those customs would be for a relationship that shouldn't have passed customs.
Great question. Because the way mine tells the story since we split is that I’m some kind of predator for traumatised women. Initially I thought she was right, and that I pursued her.
But now the fog is lifting, that’s not how it went. She pursued me in a very calculated way. She knew I was 6 months out from another relationship with a very insecure woman. She pretended to be all kinds of things she knew would appeal to me… independent, maybe a little avoidant, not clingy… the mask dropped after a month and it took me another few months to figure out how to get away from her.
Can relate to this. I’m a very independent person, and prefer to be around other independent people who can support themselves, do their chores, generally have their life together. My ex pwBPD first presented as someone like that, but I eventually realized they weren’t that way at all and I had slowly overlooked it. They lived with a friend “temporarily”, but only moved from friend to friend because they couldn’t get a place of their own. They got fired and never said anything. Said they would pay for things, then ended up being too broke and I would have to. Looking back - how the hell did I get so manipulated?!
She absolutely made the first move, but it’s not the first time that’s happened and I don’t think anything was wrong with the other women (things just didn’t work out with them). It’s more concerning that she was, apparently, crying when I didn’t respond at first.
Initially I pursued, but a single date turned into,”Are we dating? I feel like we’re dating and I’m just going to assume we are because this is the third date and that’s a pattern.”
I didn’t realize it at the time but they moved in that day.
Yeah. Grabbed my phone and put her number in it. Wish she had gotten a digit or two wrong. I will say it was a welcomed change to not have to pursue, she caught me.
That’s a big part of my ongoing frustration. I was chilling. Mine came after me like a laser-guided missile. It put me off at first! I can’t believe that shit worked. I see it as a core feature of the disorder now. and understand that it’s the mechanism that leads so many people to find themselves in these situations.
I definitely pursued her. It took me 5 months to get her to go out with me. Then she said she wanted to just be friends. We went out on Sunday, then Tuesday and on Thursday she jumped me and we weren't friends anymore. Lol
First for everything. I sent a message on a dating app saying I thought she was pretty, and she matched me saying I was cute. From there on, she was the first to say I love you, she was the first to ask me to be her boyfriend/label us, she was the first to bring up sex, she was the first to devalue me and throw me aside and break up with me.
No. 1998, at a bar out of town while on permission (was in the army back then). One buddy hooks up with a girl. Then her friend was alone so he does the usual: “so which of these fine gentlemen would you like to hold you company?”
And just like that, my destiny was decided.
Yeah mine was exactly like that. When I met her with a group of her friends she just came over and was no longer going out with those friends, she didnt even say by to them. Looking back at it, its definitely a red flag. Just dropping friends on a whim without saying anything is just mean.
I made the first move (dating app), and made a consistent effort to talk to her.
I was content to take things slow, though, whereas she basically wanted to rush into a long-term relationship immediately. I was the “best man she ever met” after 2 dates. Creeped me out.
She pursued me but I don't think it's a bad sign at all if women pursue first, would honestly like to see more of that. However for my case she pursued me in a way that contains a lot of red flags- orbiting, putting me on a pedestal, head over heels "in unrequited love" the moment I returned the attention- I didn't see it clearly until my friends (women) pointed out how her behavior would be extremely creepy and considered dangerous if she were a man.
She definitely made the first moves on me. I felt so relieved at the moment. She definitely loved bombed hard at first as well
I have never met a person who had such focused, single-minded interest. That interest was me, she stared right into my brain. Its hard to discribe but I bet a lot of you guys here know what I mean.
Mine aggressively "introduced" herself and was the primary pusher of the romantic meth pipe. It seemed refreshing at first because it sliced through the sometimes-superfluous courtship customs and boosted my confidence regarding her unambiguous interest. Little did I know how important those customs would be for a relationship that shouldn't have passed customs.
We matched I can’t remember, I think I made the first move but it was constant contact which my lonely ass got excited about
Great question. Because the way mine tells the story since we split is that I’m some kind of predator for traumatised women. Initially I thought she was right, and that I pursued her. But now the fog is lifting, that’s not how it went. She pursued me in a very calculated way. She knew I was 6 months out from another relationship with a very insecure woman. She pretended to be all kinds of things she knew would appeal to me… independent, maybe a little avoidant, not clingy… the mask dropped after a month and it took me another few months to figure out how to get away from her.
Can relate to this. I’m a very independent person, and prefer to be around other independent people who can support themselves, do their chores, generally have their life together. My ex pwBPD first presented as someone like that, but I eventually realized they weren’t that way at all and I had slowly overlooked it. They lived with a friend “temporarily”, but only moved from friend to friend because they couldn’t get a place of their own. They got fired and never said anything. Said they would pay for things, then ended up being too broke and I would have to. Looking back - how the hell did I get so manipulated?!
She absolutely made the first move, but it’s not the first time that’s happened and I don’t think anything was wrong with the other women (things just didn’t work out with them). It’s more concerning that she was, apparently, crying when I didn’t respond at first.
Initially I pursued, but a single date turned into,”Are we dating? I feel like we’re dating and I’m just going to assume we are because this is the third date and that’s a pattern.” I didn’t realize it at the time but they moved in that day.
Yeah. Grabbed my phone and put her number in it. Wish she had gotten a digit or two wrong. I will say it was a welcomed change to not have to pursue, she caught me.
> Wish she had gotten a digit or two wrong lol. Man, if only.
That’s a big part of my ongoing frustration. I was chilling. Mine came after me like a laser-guided missile. It put me off at first! I can’t believe that shit worked. I see it as a core feature of the disorder now. and understand that it’s the mechanism that leads so many people to find themselves in these situations.
I definitely pursued her. It took me 5 months to get her to go out with me. Then she said she wanted to just be friends. We went out on Sunday, then Tuesday and on Thursday she jumped me and we weren't friends anymore. Lol
At first she wasn’t interested, I told her I liked her very much. Eventually she pursued me.
First for everything. I sent a message on a dating app saying I thought she was pretty, and she matched me saying I was cute. From there on, she was the first to say I love you, she was the first to ask me to be her boyfriend/label us, she was the first to bring up sex, she was the first to devalue me and throw me aside and break up with me.
No. 1998, at a bar out of town while on permission (was in the army back then). One buddy hooks up with a girl. Then her friend was alone so he does the usual: “so which of these fine gentlemen would you like to hold you company?” And just like that, my destiny was decided.
Mine chased hard. I kept running into her at the bar and she would drop everything to come up and chat with me.
Yeah mine was exactly like that. When I met her with a group of her friends she just came over and was no longer going out with those friends, she didnt even say by to them. Looking back at it, its definitely a red flag. Just dropping friends on a whim without saying anything is just mean.
Nope, both of the BPD girls I dated asked me out and we're very aggressive.
I remember the interest being mutual with my ex-fiance wBPD, but my exBF wASPD was very forward with his interest. Love-bombing at its finest.
Technically she messaged me first, but I think the flirt was sort of accidental?
I made the first move (dating app), and made a consistent effort to talk to her. I was content to take things slow, though, whereas she basically wanted to rush into a long-term relationship immediately. I was the “best man she ever met” after 2 dates. Creeped me out.
My ex-wife definitely made the first move.