BPD is a toxic cocktail of all unhealthy coping patterns known to man basically.
All they do is use those coping patterns to survive. The smear campaign is a overinflated sense of self in a effort to safe their very fragile ego. There's 0 logic or sense to it.
The mistake you made (well-intended but still a mistake) was trying to do something to try to get your ex- to seek therapy.
I don’t care if it’s BPD or drugs or depression or anything. You can’t force someone to do something they don’t want to do.
When you try to put pressure on an unwilling person to seek help, you’re effectively inflating a balloon. And the more you inflate it, the more they’re going to try to pop it with a pin, and the bigger it gets, the bigger the pin until they switch from a pin to a switchblade and a switchblade to a butcher knife. And BPD seem to go for the butcher knife much earlier in the process because of the degree of emotional volatility. You’re effectively re-asserting a rejection of who they are (since they don’t view what you think of as their “best self” as who they are.) And to have heard it described to me by other BPD who have sought therapy and attempted to better themselves, it is pretty much on par with severe physical pain at its worst.
Your best bet is to let the situation go. Let all the air out of the balloon. Let there be nothing to pop. If they’re going to stab, let them stab at air.
You counter the smearing by living life without them.
You’re welcome. I know these things are easier said than done. Especially in the immediate aftermath of an event or a break-up we are in this “I am in pain but I love this person and I want to help them be better” mode. So I 100% understand where you are coming from. Just remember that your well-being is also important. I wish you peace and healing.
So I didn’t counter the smearing I just lived my life like normal. and people who have to deal with us both , like our daycare lady etc. have learned she’s ticking time bomb and I’m not what she described .
Of course.
When my ex left me in a rage I warned everyone who mattered including the woman he monkey branched to. I by chance saw her some later and she told me I was right. Her life had turned to gaslighting and insanity and she kicked him out.
His erratic behavior was palpable by everyone eventually. He ghosted our mutual friends and pretty much blew up his own life. This was also pretty common behavior for the other cluster B’s I knew. They just can’t keep friends or stay consistent in anyway. The ones who get sucked into the borderlines cycles of love bombing, victimhood, and devaluation will eventually become confused shells too.
So yeah they can put on a mask and do the smear campaign, but eventually their own brain will catch up with them and they will eventually turn on their flying monkeys.
Time and focusing on getting better ourselves is all that is needed on our end fortunately despite how painful it may be for a time. We can heal. It’s more bleak and hopeless for the borderline.
>My head is boiling at the fact that I talked to a common friend with a psychology background and explained the situation to her with the sole intention of incentivizing my ex to seek therapy.
I keep having to quote the late great Dr. John Gunderson on this sub. If you don't know he's like THE BPD expert. His words (not mine), the majority of psychologists, therapists are caretaker types and are easily manipulated by people with BPD. They do not work at recognizing the signs of BPD and are easily manipulated for the same reason you were OP. Never, ever do this again OP unless you want to be triangulated against. Not your fault but just keep this in mind. You keep your mouth shut, and speak of your ex like it just fizzled out for no real reason. It sucks, I know but it will make them look bat crap crazy when they can't let go of talking shit about you and here you are saying things just faded away.
Look up the karpman drama triangle, all cluster B's are experts at this. It will answer so many questions for you, including why they are able to turn therapists against their victims.
I read from some literature that their insight shuts down just enough to not particularly question why they’re doing what they’re doing. Don’t take it personally. Just don’t engage in it, don’t get in a fight, take a step back and let it ride over. Those rumors will never last.
BPD is a toxic cocktail of all unhealthy coping patterns known to man basically. All they do is use those coping patterns to survive. The smear campaign is a overinflated sense of self in a effort to safe their very fragile ego. There's 0 logic or sense to it.
The mistake you made (well-intended but still a mistake) was trying to do something to try to get your ex- to seek therapy. I don’t care if it’s BPD or drugs or depression or anything. You can’t force someone to do something they don’t want to do. When you try to put pressure on an unwilling person to seek help, you’re effectively inflating a balloon. And the more you inflate it, the more they’re going to try to pop it with a pin, and the bigger it gets, the bigger the pin until they switch from a pin to a switchblade and a switchblade to a butcher knife. And BPD seem to go for the butcher knife much earlier in the process because of the degree of emotional volatility. You’re effectively re-asserting a rejection of who they are (since they don’t view what you think of as their “best self” as who they are.) And to have heard it described to me by other BPD who have sought therapy and attempted to better themselves, it is pretty much on par with severe physical pain at its worst. Your best bet is to let the situation go. Let all the air out of the balloon. Let there be nothing to pop. If they’re going to stab, let them stab at air. You counter the smearing by living life without them.
This made me feel much much better. Thank you
You’re welcome. I know these things are easier said than done. Especially in the immediate aftermath of an event or a break-up we are in this “I am in pain but I love this person and I want to help them be better” mode. So I 100% understand where you are coming from. Just remember that your well-being is also important. I wish you peace and healing.
So I didn’t counter the smearing I just lived my life like normal. and people who have to deal with us both , like our daycare lady etc. have learned she’s ticking time bomb and I’m not what she described .
I just waited for the truth to reveal itself. These people can’t keep shit up for long.
Can you tell me more about that?
Of course. When my ex left me in a rage I warned everyone who mattered including the woman he monkey branched to. I by chance saw her some later and she told me I was right. Her life had turned to gaslighting and insanity and she kicked him out. His erratic behavior was palpable by everyone eventually. He ghosted our mutual friends and pretty much blew up his own life. This was also pretty common behavior for the other cluster B’s I knew. They just can’t keep friends or stay consistent in anyway. The ones who get sucked into the borderlines cycles of love bombing, victimhood, and devaluation will eventually become confused shells too. So yeah they can put on a mask and do the smear campaign, but eventually their own brain will catch up with them and they will eventually turn on their flying monkeys. Time and focusing on getting better ourselves is all that is needed on our end fortunately despite how painful it may be for a time. We can heal. It’s more bleak and hopeless for the borderline.
>My head is boiling at the fact that I talked to a common friend with a psychology background and explained the situation to her with the sole intention of incentivizing my ex to seek therapy. I keep having to quote the late great Dr. John Gunderson on this sub. If you don't know he's like THE BPD expert. His words (not mine), the majority of psychologists, therapists are caretaker types and are easily manipulated by people with BPD. They do not work at recognizing the signs of BPD and are easily manipulated for the same reason you were OP. Never, ever do this again OP unless you want to be triangulated against. Not your fault but just keep this in mind. You keep your mouth shut, and speak of your ex like it just fizzled out for no real reason. It sucks, I know but it will make them look bat crap crazy when they can't let go of talking shit about you and here you are saying things just faded away.
Please explain more what being triangulated against means. And yes, I will definitely not do this again.
Look up the karpman drama triangle, all cluster B's are experts at this. It will answer so many questions for you, including why they are able to turn therapists against their victims.
Also, for my previous posts on this you can just check out the last two posts on my profile
I read from some literature that their insight shuts down just enough to not particularly question why they’re doing what they’re doing. Don’t take it personally. Just don’t engage in it, don’t get in a fight, take a step back and let it ride over. Those rumors will never last.