No kidding. Most of the time he’s so great, like he even has set strong hard boundaries with his mom after she treated me horribly. But with grandma it’s like he just folds at everything. I would even understand just taking it and then dumping it to save her feelings but him expecting us to actually use any of it??? I’m fine washing and using clothes or something but this stroller just nearly broke *my* finger.
That’s definitely weird that she’s where he crumbles like a stale cracker. And like you said, I could totally see taking it and maybe taking a picture in it then tossing it aside to save feelings being a thing- but legitimately *using* it? Fuck no. Nobody’s feelings in the world including mine are more important than the baby’s safety, dude.
Grandma's don't always understand. You shouldn't expect them to. Just say thank you and stick it in a closet or the garage. Your baby is lucky to have an extra generation in their life.
OR explain to grandma that you’re so lucky to have such loving people in baby’s life but a lot of these products aren’t considered safe anymore. Tell her you’d love to take anything sentimental but your house is already getting full of all of the stuff you have for baby, and don’t have space for duplicates. Just because they’re lucky to have grandma doesn’t mean they have to make themselves crazy bending over backwards for something she likely only wants them to take to be helpful. If it’s not helpful or wanted, it’s not a gift.
It’s not unreasonable to ask a grandparent to understand that something isn’t safe. Particularly where some of these “gifts” have literally been recalled. There is nothing about being old that means she can’t learn.
Could you and him discuss a compromise? Like if the stroller/crib etc are unsafe for use are they safe for photos maybe? Like could you make a photo album of baby in the vintage stuff just so it wasn’t saved for nothing?
This is a great idea! Dress baby up, pop them in crib/ stroller while supervised, take a few pictures then get rid of unsafe items. Make a beautiful little album to share with Grandma and call it a day.
Forget the spine, where is she keeping his brain? This is his literal job! He's supposed to stop people from doing this!
Please tell your husband he has eroded my confidence in CPS.
This is the strange thing—he would NEVER let this stuff slide with a family we were working with. I don’t understand why our kid doesn’t get the same standard. I guess I need to bring that up.
I told my MIL “We’re not using anything that’s not brand new and baby safe according to up to date guidelines”. She wasn’t happy, because she wanted to give my son my husband’s THIRTY FOUR years old ratty dog plush that’s made mostly of his old drool, mites and dirt at this point.
She got over it. They always do, just say no.
We said something similar to people trying to pawn older items off on us. They generally mean well and don’t understand that safety standards have changed but I will not take any of it into my house. We bought our stroller gently used but the crib, mattress, and car seat are new.
I might be real type A and write/print a reminder about safe sleep, not using baby powder, etc go when family offers to help. They are all receptive thank goodness, I just don’t want to constantly explain. I’ve already sent emails out about being up to date on Tdap and how we don’t want people kissing our baby.
This happened to me with a few items and I took a picture with the baby in it and then recycled it and put a couple items in the attic. You are in charge of your child and their safety. A lot of old stuff is dangerous. If there is something given that is safe and use that often in front of them. Your job now is your baby and don’t feel badly about putting your babies safety first.
Crying at 1994 being vintage but you're totally justified in taking that crap to recycling centers since it's all garbage. This is 100% a put your foot down and don't be afraid of coming off as the bad guy moment. Also, get other friends or family members to rally behind you if you really need to use a mob to get his head out of his ass. Good luck!!
My mom gave me a bassinet from when she was born. It's from the 1950s 😬 I had to explain to her that it's not safe. She wasn't happy, but we compromised and use it as a book shelf/toy storage.
Curious about safety with these things. What about them is unsafe - provided it’s not painted. I have an old cradle/bassinet that my dad used (in 1947) that’s just stained wood. And I’m not even sure he was the first to use it at that time. It’s very basic with wood spindles. My son used it as a newborn up until about 9 months with no issues. Currently pregnant with number 2 and now y’all have me wondering what I’m unaware of.
I would be super worried about accepting that crib or any older items due to lead paint! Be very careful. I wouldn't even touch that crib without gloves on.
Even not just from the 60’s.
We have a gorgeous table that’s less than 30 years old, turns out the finish on it is full of arsenic. And was already chipping off when we found out. :(
That’s just too old. They will never get it. Keep it In storage for a few years in case they find out and want it back and just use a modern one. If anyone finds out, say, “oh yeah, I was bummed because it’s so cute, but when we did some research we found out it wasn’t up to safety standards! Too bad 🤷♀️”
On stuff that's 30+ years old?! You have to be trolling
Edit to add: getting second hand stuff that's only a few years old is perfectly fine but when it's literally DECADES that goes in the trash
You can save money on these items without accepting 30 year old hand me downs with recalls. You can get stuff for super cheap on Facebook marketplace. You can accept (and ask for) recent hand me downs from other parents. You can go to donation centers. We literally didn’t pay for any of our baby gear, but none of our stuff is out of date or recalled. It’s not worth the gamble.
I mean would you die in a well made car in the 1970's? Prob not
But you would break down or die if it hasn't been maintained and you try to drive it now.
Oh, so he just wants peace, huh? So all you have to do is throw a bigger fit than his mom & grandma, right? 😈
He’s smarter than this. Why are their feelings more important than baby safety? No one wants to hear that the stuff they’ve been storing is garbage, but it sounds like they didn’t keep up with safety standards or anything.
Yeah, this is a situation where you take all the unsafe baby shit, haul it to the dump, and text grandma directly (but kindly!) that baby stuff isn’t safe to use after X years and you’ve thrown it away.
I'm Native American and Mexican American. We respect our elders, even if we disagree. Blatantly rubbing something like this in an elders face (she's over 80 years old) is utterly cold hearted and contemptuous. I've lived my life differently than what elders thought, but never intentionally hurt them. I will never understand this logic, to belittle an elder to get a final point across.
Literally bitched about this in my due date group today. Hubby's mother has pulled this vintage cot from somewhere that looks like it last appeared in a haunted orphanage. It's to go in bub's room at her house (even though we have said that bubby doesn't need a room at her house).
It's metal, the bars are too far apart, it doesn't fit a modern (safe!) mattress, it's rusty and the paint is peeling (and she refuses to test the paint for lead).
I hate every single part of it but because I've already said no so many times I'm trying to get hubby to and he says no because "she's just excited".
I'm furious. I'll need to perform an exorcism on my baby if she comes home after sleeping in that cursed thing.
I was like, this is the place where she meets her imaginary friend that actually turns out to be a ghost. Like no, no bad juju shall enter my home piggybacking on my daughter, thank you.
Kind of off topic, but your comment made me pause on the thought of the grandparent setting up an unneeded room for the new grandchild- I've read about that multiple times on this sub. It just hit me how the boomer generation never downsized. They were the first generation really addicted to literal stuff and clutter, filling up their homes, and they as a whole never downsized their homes as they became empty nesters with vacant space. They have empty unused rooms set up for babies when new families are sharing rooms with their babies, not just for safe sleep, but because there isn't enough affordable housing. Our generation's parents have bigger homes and yards where children could play, but no children live in them. Not to target your parents, it just sort of hit me as sad. I'm bitter that despite having a good job and savings I can't set up a room for my baby. She won't have a nursery or a yard. I live in a high cost area and can't move because of my husband's job. A two bedroom apartment is 3,200 a month minimum and we just can't afford it. Meanwhile there are all these giant houses with 2 people living in them.
This thought exactly struck me when I was at my in-laws, all three “boys” still have their rooms, even though they are married and building their own families now. None of the kids could afford a house like that despite really good jobs. Since something they bought for like 180 000K is now 1.8 mil…
The house has lots of random knickknacks and collections. My MIL has saved all their baby stuff and all this other junk that no one is coming back for.
OMG that's me too. We live in a tiny 1 bed and are saving like crazy that when baby is a bit older we can move to a 2 bed so he can have his own room (no chance of buying). But we visit grandparents and they all empty rooms after all her kids grew up. I would hate for them to sell it and downsize because memories and all holidays are at their house, but still the idea that my kids will not have that is a bit sad.
Your vivid writing is hilarious, but honestly the biggest thing is “if she comes home”! Not trying to be dramatic just if it’s nasty and unsafe that really is scary for the baby’s health and safety. I would definitely put my foot down and die on that hill and see that thing go in the trash before she ever got to babysit (if she ever did since she apparently doesn’t listen to your safety asks!)
If it’s from 1964 it’s probably v beautiful, wheel it into the backyard and plant flowers in it 😂
Example: https://c8.alamy.com/comp/D89PR0/pram-used-as-a-planter-chelsea-flower-show-2013-D89PR0.jpg
Edit: I just realized the crib is from 1964, not the stroller. 😂
Not exactly a baby item but my grandma offered us a table that needed to be repainted and immediately followed it up by saying she wasn’t sure if there was lead paint on it, so maybe not. Uh, duh?
I understand to some extent the emotion behind this but I don’t force my sentimentality-based hoarding onto anyone else. No one else wants my memories! Why would I want yours?
My MIL tried to do this with my husband’s baby furniture. We all had a real battle about it, but my husband stuck to our boundaries (which I was very proud of). In the end we recommended my MIL read a couple books on modern grand parenting, she read both of the books we recommended and things have been much better since then.
Good to Be Grand: Making the Most of Your Grandchild's First Year and Nanaville are the 2 we suggested to her.
I would look them up, read the summary and make sure the theme of the book matches what you'd like them to work on. Thats how we landed on our list.
Nope, don’t give it away. Bring it straight to the dump.
You don’t want some other person using a recalled baby item.
Also most places won’t accept used baby stuff like that.
You can also call a junk company to come and grab it. If there is lots of metal, look on FB for a scrapper and they will take it for free.
Yep, you can never trust that other parents won't use that stuff without understanding how unsafe it is. My uneducated cousin put her newborn in a forward-facing carseat from the early 2000s because she found it for free on the side of the road.
On this very post there is a comment from someone who admits that they would use 30-60 year old baby gear to save money. As if any money is worth the life and safety of your baby.
A favorite line of mine, and what I remind my husband all the time, is that it matters to me way more to be a good mother, than a good daughter. Your husband is choosing being a good son over a good dad, and if that’s his priority then 🚩
Oh this brought back flashbacks for me 😭. I had my son in 2022. My fiancé was born in 1990 and his grandmother held onto every single baby item as well, including cloth bibs 😩. He is also an only child on both sides. The metal high chair she pulled out for my son to use during a holiday almost sent me over the edge.
I am in no way sentimental so I don’t hold attachments to things, like decades old baby furniture and would not hold onto that stuff for as long as she did. The safety concerns along with improper storage were too much for me to handle. If she offered for us to take anything I would have tossed it right out!
Its trash. If he wants to bring it home and toss it thats on him, but its unsafe, you can’t therefore donate it. You shouldn’t have to deal with it. If he wants to instead of saying no thank you, that’s on him.
Super relatable. My mom was insisting that I take a 1940s foldable bassinet that she was placed in as a baby. It was a large basket that was painted (lead paint??) and the rickety metal legs kept folding in on themselves. She also kept the ORIGINAL mattress and bedding. "It fell apart in the wash and destroyed my washer, but I managed to salvage it and put it back together!"
She also wanted me to take the childhood 80s oak high chair she openly talked about needing repair (and full of metal clasps that I literally remember pinching my fingers on). Obviously she was super insulted when I declined 🫠
I think it’s because they make a mental leap that we’re calling them bad parents for making different decisions than them. I had to explain this to my mom multiple times that my choice to do something different with my baby has absolutely nothing to do with criticizing how she was as a parent.
Right, like times were different and they did their best with the information they had available. It is not a judgement at all, it’s just that we have more information and a better understanding of risks now. Obviously I’m grateful for the job she did in raising my FIL and helping with my husband when he was a baby, I just want the best and safest I can do now with the information we have today.
I believe it is because the Gen X and Millennials tend to have a condescending way of acting superior -- as if they invented child-rearing. Each generation has "new" ways of doing things, and the old folks think is unnecessary.
Throw it all out after taking a hammer to it. There are some things where a parent should be able to make a unilateral decision on it and items that are dangerous to your kid is one of them.
Just another perspective - I’d be happy that they were giving me all these things so I could choose not to use them because I imagine an alternate universe where all this unsafe stuff is at their house for “when the baby come over”
I guess that’s a great point although I’d never trust his grandma to babysit. She doesn’t like me much to begin with so I just don’t feel the relationship is good enough that I could trust her. Plus she’s 81 and pretty frail 😬
Just take it and get rid of it! Husband and I take anything his mom offers just to get rid of it. Otherwise she’ll hold on to whatever it is and we’ll be chucking it 20 years from now when we clean out her house.
Just demand respect as a mother! :D
It so funny to me because I was on that road myself until I basically said: "enough is enough" and these *wonderful gifts* stopped.
List of things what she tried to give me got more and more ridiculous so I just said that if you keep bringing i will donate or throw away because it's not safe or hygienic.
Once I was greeted with 40 year old see through plastic diapers (they looked like plastic bags from a store) with text: "they are perfectly fine to use" .
You’re the mom mama. Say no and buy your own things tbh. Do not risk the baby’s safety to save anyone’s feelings. Hope all goes well. Can’t imagine how frustrated you are.
Maybe someone on eBay wants it for a movie prop. He could take pictures and make a book for them to remember the items and memories by. But safety first, that stuff doesn't belong in your house.
So,
This is a serious hard line for me too. I understand not wanting to hurt his grandmother’s feelings. But 100% his child’s safety should come before her feelings.
But, are there certain pieces that could be used for something else? Is the crib real wood that could be taken apart and maybe made into frames? We had an old crib my great-grandmother used (it was walnut) but not in the best condition. We had someone take it apart and actually made into large frames to put our family pictures in. We had a whole bunch of different sizes. (They checked the wood and made sure it was in good condition first). Maybe even like a shadow box that you can put 1 of some of the items in for your partner. It’s not being used, but he still has some for his memory.
I don’t think that you’re being unreasonable. I think what bothers me about this situation is his blatant disregard when you showed him the recall. He knows kids do everything you DON’T want them to do right? This is a hard line and I’d tell him that. I’d want it to be gone, because who’s to say he wouldn’t try using it if you’re not around and grandma comes to visit.
That’s fair, but it does seem like they’re giving tired new parents chores to do in order to save stuff they don’t even want. The grandparents could arrange for that repurposing but it wouldn’t be fair to expect the working tired pregnant mama to figure out how to salvage their hoarding.
Just toss it and get will see that the safety of your child is more important than saving everyone feelings. That or talk to them yourself because he isn't gonna do it. If they get mad then just tell them "I'm sorry you feel that way but I'm no longer accepting any of these items and you could take back the items you gave us. If not they are gonna go in the trash because of safety issues. Although I do appreciate it I don't want to put the baby at any risk." Now if they are normal human beings then they will understand. But if they don't then tell them "If you don't understand why I won't be accepting the items then how would I know that my baby would be safe if I was to leave her in your care. So should I make sure that never happens?" Watch them change their tone so fast. Just know your husband won't be happy about it but the safety of your child is more important than anything else!
Time for grandma to pack up the idea that you’ll be using any of that stuff. I would just toss it. I’ve done that with a few things my mom gave me because they weren’t safe to donate. Grandma will be fine, she’ll get over it. Your babies safety is all that matters.
Whyyyyy are they like this?? MIL has everything either of her sons ever touched and kept trying to give us all of it. Was stored in an attic that they’ve had to get various animals out of over the years. Then she got hand me downs from some cousin that were about ten years old and started trying to give me all that too. Including a used breast pump. Just whyyyyyy
I was bitching to my Mum about my MIL who saved absolutely everything. My Mum said that 30-40 years ago when they were having babies there weren't as many cheap kids clothes, sheets etc. everything was quite expensive (at least in my country) and you couldn't get a back of onesies for $5 like we do now.
so people were really happy to get hand me downs and everybody did it. My mum, who is normal and saved like 2 outfits and a blanket, said she thought my MIL probably saved everything back then thinking she'd be seen as a hero for saving her children loads of money. Which is sweet but also so annoying because she could have given all those things to people who actually needed them 30 years ago and instead they're just ending up in the bin.
Your mum is very kind taking this view of MIL lol. My MIL however doesn’t throw anything away. Wouldn’t replace chipped dishes because they still function as dishes. Her idea of purging is trying to give us stuff instead of throwing it out. When I first started dating hubs and spending time in his house and then his room, we cleaned out his room out. We were well into our 20s and his drawers still had toys from when he was eight. His room looked like something out of hoarders. We organized and threw away. Ended up w like 8 bags of garbage. MIL took in all the bags from the curb and went through them one by one. Never saw anything like it.
This makes a lot of sense considering they just had to replace her air conditioner today. She had my husband and FIL dig out an old used one out of the same garage the baby stuff was stored in and it had a giant gaping rust hole in it. They told her they couldnt replace her broken one with another broken unit. She said she’d rather take the heat than have to spend money on a new one so FIL went and dropped over a grand for her to have air conditioning. I think the “new is wasteful” mindset is really the motivation here over nostalgia.
Put that stuff right at the curb. You don't have to keep or use something dangerous just because it came from a family member. My MIL offered me a dangerous crib I didn't want for three years before just dropping it at my house. I brought it out on trash day. Even when I tell her I don't want or can't use certain things, she brings them anyway. She is output only. You can't control their behavior, but you can control yours.
If he won’t say something then you should. I understand wanting to keep the peace but safety is safety. Or just take the stuff and then donate it or throw it away if they aren’t getting it through their heads.
This post has me wanting to hit my head into a wall.
You're baby's safety > nostalgia.
You can offer to take cute pics of your baby in those items so you can do side by side with your husband's baby pic and your baby pic to find a compromise but I wouldn't even donate those items once you're done.
You're the only one with a brain in this situation. I'm sure everyone else will encourage you to donate.
How far along are you might I ask? I feel like men are simple creatures who compartmentalize and don't think of things until it's physically in front of me.. which drives me nuts lol
My husband was not worried at all first or even second trimester about safety and would grt stressed when I would bring it up. Then, when I was very very pregnant at like 7 months a flip switched and he was down for baby cpr, reading all manuals to make sure things were safely installed. It was night and day. But I was seriously concerned the first 2 trimesters
I’m 23 weeks. He eventually said tonight “you have to be okay with it too if we’re going to use it,” but went on trying to convince me. We have some safety trainings for work coming up so maybe that will help him realize.
I would speak sense into him or accept the stuff and then get rid of it. Like donate it or throw it out or whatever, if they ask about it say it didn’t meet safety standards so you donated it
My husband is an only child and my MIL does the same! The other day she gave me his baby spoon engraved with his name and birthdate. We're not going to use it and now I have to keep track of it, so I'm not happy about that.
What frustrated me the most about my MIL saving everything is feeling like I had no control over any items. I explained to my husband that she had her moment to pick out the items she wanted, and now I want that moment. For any older items, like stuffed animals, toy boxes, etc., I told him that the material those items were made of might not be safe now. After I explained my reasoning behind not wanting the items, he was more open to telling her no to most items.
Stand your ground when it comes to safety and good luck!
My husband’s mom also kept everything and we just explained safety standards/a lot of the clothes were not usable and she totally understood and I don’t think expected us to actually use anything, she just enjoyed walking down memory lane. So for Christmas, we surprised her with a few canvas of our son wearing my husband’s outfits from 1994/95 and she loved it!
Is there anyway you could store the items and have a vintage style photo shoot once baby is born and then sell or donate to a photographer? Explain how you love the idea of the memories attached to said items, but with all these new studies it was proven to not be safe to use in your day to day life but still wanted to honor the items which is why you took the pictures and have now passed the items on so more people can create precious memories with their babies.
Love this. We've done a couple of barbie doll days where I've dressed bub in 10 different outfits throughout the day, to get pics of her in clothes she otherwise wouldn't have worn because we don't leave the house much. Family get a pic of her in a cute dress they bought, Op shop or friends having babies get some beautiful clothes that were worn for a few minutes.
When I vintage, I thought of cute baby prams…but the 90’s, I can imagine how dangerous they are. Grandma feeling might get hurt, but she’ll get over it. That’s only good for reborn dolls…as display. Her grandson needs to stop tripping, safety first!
Just throw it away. Anything he brings home from them goes right into the trash pile. You’ll be doing everyone a favor. Grandma gets the junk out of her house and you in turn get it out of your house.
Otherwise, send a text to the family saying, “Due to safety reasons, we won’t be accepting any hand me downs.” That’s it, don’t give any further explanation.
As the wife of an only child, I feel this. It’s so annoying! My husband is pretty good about saying no and saying we don’t want to collect a bunch of junk or talk about safety concerns but other times we take the stuff and throw it out. I would definitely sit down with him and tell him enough is enough and he needs to stand with you for the safety of your baby!
As long as she doesn't stick her fingers in it?!
How exactly does he expect to control where a baby sticks their fingers? He's being unrealistic at best. Babies health and safety is more important. If he wants to take them to not hurt her feelings he should have a place to store them because it is not ok to put your baby in danger to avoid some unpleasantness.
Imagine him explaining to your daughter when she's older that she's missing her fingers because he didn't want to hurt grandma's feelings.
Babies are like magnetically drawn to putting their fingers random places. When I was 18 months I nearly crushed my pinky in a folding stool and it’s still a little crooked.
So you are trying to logic your way out of something they've arrived at emotionally. Personally I'd go with "It's so sweet you kept all these things. I just want the chance to sit and think about my baby while I pick out what I want for her! It's the first thing I get to do for her as a Mom" bonus points if you can get a little weepy.
This is probably the only respectful thing I've read. We can disagree politely with elders (the grandma is 81 which is Silent Gen, not a Boomer) without being disrespectful. Some people on here are suggesting texting them it was thrown away or outright telling them off. I don't understand why people cannot just be kind, especially to elders. Catch more flies with honey than vinegar is a thing.
Oh it's not respectful at all. It implies I think they are way too stupid to be convinced with facts and basic safety information. This is just the least headache for OP. Also unless she's demented her age shouldn't be factoring in, my 74 year old Mom happily listened to modern baby safety standards
I definitely get not wanting to cause issues but when it comes to your child’s safety, you know better than anyone, you’ve got to be firm. You’re gonna have to put your foot down and tell them no. As much as I get wanting to gift vintage items from when he was a kid, they’ve got to know that’s not safe. Times have changed since he was a baby plus, most moms want to buy new things for their babies, they can’t expect you to only use what they used back then.
If it were me, I’d tell my husband firmly that this needs to be discussed and then say “look, it’s not that I’m not grateful but in our line of work, we both know better than anyone that we can’t keep accepting vintage items for our baby. I’ve asked you several times to talk to your family about this and you refuse - I’m going to give you one last chance to do so and if not, I’ll put my foot down and tell them myself. Period, end of story.” And give him the rest of the day to say something.
Throw it all out when he’s not home! The only thing we got from his Grandparents was a high chair that’s only like 7 years old. We were given a pretty much brand new stroller (daycare parent didn’t use for her baby), and until we bought an actual crib she slept in the pack n play full bassinet.
I didn’t have much hope in CPS in the first place after going through some stuff with husbands nieces and nephews, but had felt better for a while about CPS. Your husband should stop and think about what he would do walking into a house on a case with all the unsafe baby items.
I'd graciously accept, take pics of baby using each item one time, and toss them. The leg work they're putting on you is inordinate, though... idk I might consider just calling a disposal company.
My family has a vintage bassinet that is lovely to look at but terrifying to put a baby in. It was bought for my great aunt who is probably about 80 now so it is ultra vintage. It became such a point of contention and my mom even made a big deal about how I have to make a decision because if I don’t want it my cousin (who was due a few months after me) wanted it. I talked to her at my baby shower and it turns out she never wanted it and she was also getting a lot of pressure to take it. The older generations are convinced it’s some kind of good luck but I gotta say I don’t think it’s done anyone any favors haha
I just can't comprehend why hoarders think this old junk is still safe to use. They don't care about safety or the baby, they just want to see their old memorabilia be useful again to justify their hoarding.
We refused tons of stuff from his family. Our place is small enough without them offloading their literal trash onto us.
Oh goodness me. I would be staying a hard no.
The amount of times my mil would put my baby down for a sleep and put random shit in the cot with him.
I ended up losing it because I told her multiple times it’s not safe and she wouldn’t listen.
She was banned from putting him down for a nap after that and I made it very clear why.
Fine, your kids didn’t die from you doing xyz but someone’s kid DID die, a few in fact, that’s why standards have changed. So fuck off with your survivor bias and do it the way I have asked you too.
This. We need harder boundaries like this when people won’t listen. It’s literally life and death for a child vs. people who just have feelings and don’t want to accept change. Baby (and mama) are more important than their guilt trip survivor bias nonsense.
It’s called respect. People go to the trouble storing things, you take it with a smile and thank them. When did society become so rude? If you don’t use it, it’s your call. People have too much spines nowadays and burn our relationships.
Yeah my mom held on to a lot of my old baby clothes and toys and is now trying to give them to me for my baby. Not a safety hazard like your "gifts", but still not interested in the old crap you hung onto for 35 years.
Somehow I’m really interested in this stroller. Which one is it? On a “child bearing through the ages” level you have a time capsule on hand. Yes the 90s aren’t that far away but I’m sure there are museums somewhere who would love those old things.
For MIL: maybe pick some photos and reenact them for her. She clearly is very sentimental about her experience as a new mom. I bet it would mean a lot for her to see those things used (if only for one photo!)
Than again…my MIL kept 2 boxes and when I send her a picture of my daughter in her dads clothes my mil can’t even remember that those are the clothes she kept… but she also is irritated when we send photos at all. Ugh! This woman!
I agree it’s a cool piece of history for sure. [it is this stroller in a different print.](https://offerup.com/item/detail/87027396-c880-3e16-ab6b-12f6b1482c5c)
I think my parents had that stroller with me! It looks very similar to pictures I’ve seen of myself in a stroller anyway.
My parents aren’t hoarders do anything left from when I was a baby was given away long, long ago!
Be gentle and diplomatic in this situation! Your frustration is understandable. But imagine the state of his grandma, that held on to these things for decades? She's an old lady and he is right not to want to hurt her feelings. What I would do is store all the items that are unsafe away and maybe take a few out when she's around. I think people's feelings shouldn't be hurt when it's avoidable and this situation can be resolved!
My MIL saved a side rocking cradle that looks likes it for dolls but apparently it’s for a baby. I politely declined. She looked sad but oh well!
She also asked if we wanted a vintage doll pram. Rusting, with springs in it. Didn’t look safe. Said I thanks. She kept it anyway “for later” 🫠
Put it straight to your husband.
You will not compromise on safety, so these thing must not be used.
Either he tells his family or you will.
Give him a deadline to refuse or dispose the items. Then do it yourself if you have to.
It shouldn't be your job to deal with his family, but in this case safety trumps all. Then after this is settled, talk to your husband and tell him that stuff like this is divorce worthy in the future, if he ever puts your child in danger again. If he doesn't understand, then you have a huge problem.
Just bin things. And tell them the things are going to the bin because you already have x y z and space isn't infinite. I find this is the only way that works at preventing random shit being handed to you from well meaning family members.
My issue with this is your house isn't a junkyard. I have my own struggles with organization and keeping things tidy so all the extra junk can really overwhelm me. Not to mention the safety hazards.
I would just tell Grandma about the recall any the reasons why, and that you can't keep it in your home but it's so sweet of her to hold onto it for so long. Ask if she wants it back as a keepsake or for you to dispose of it.
Honestly, my grandmother did that with a couple of things (nowhere near the amount it sounds like you’re getting though) we just accepted them and had them on “display” when she visited. But we’re lucky to have an attic to store it in otherwise! The really old bassinet we kept upstairs and told her she used that to sleep in at night but during the day slept downstairs 😂 she’s a really sweet woman and I didn’t want to hurt her feelings!
We got a vintage crib too. I accepted the gift. Then I did some research and unfortunately it went on the curb. A vintage crib with missing hardware and too wide slats will not be the reason my baby dies. It just is not going to happen, sorry grandma, lol.
I never said anything about it to the giver or to anyone.
If it were me, I’d accept the items and say “we will go through them at a later date” or “we will see if it’s something we’re able to use” and then store it. I wouldn’t use what you were uncomfortable with, and when they ask why you’re using a new stroller, I’d just say “my baby’s health and safety come first, and there was a recall on that product” and leave it at that. Obviously though the bigger issue is your husband being afraid to offend them. That’s a big convo y’all need to have because if you have any boundaries planned for this kid, such as no more than x amount of sugar or something, you best believe they’ll be saying to the kid “what mommy doesn’t know…” and that’s a concern.
you could always just say something of how grateful you are however some of these things no longer meet safety standards today, however you’d love to incorporate as much as you can, and even use some of the stuff as “props” for some pictures for keepsakes for her as you know how much it means to her to have this stuff used for your daughter.
Instead of focusing on people’s feelings, have him focus on the facts. Given your field of work, you’re both very aware of the risks. Baby comes first. Surely, even his family would understand this. Nothing is more important than the baby’s safety, especially not having your baby in a decades-old death trap just for them to go “aww, their daddy used that.”
Offer to keep some items as decor for the nursery or a photoshoot, but in terms of usable items like the bassinet, high chair, etc., get what you trust. Idk why babies become some sort of fun spectacle for grandparents.
Among all the stuff they hoard, is there anything that you can use safely now? I'm unhoarding my mom's attic, we found some treasures too. Strollers and stuff were out of service for 30+ years stored up there but we found toys, my old Barbies even if I'm expecting a boy and have a 10yo stepson. Baby clothes have been given away a very long time ago, I got second hands from friends and family and I'll get everything from my BFF she used 3 years ago when she had her daughter.
Anyway, I'm glad I also found vintage clothes to wear during pregnancy, especially my dad's, spare me the spending of maternity clothes and it feels good to share my pregnancy somehow with him, since he passed and won't know his grandchildren.
Oh the Baby Looney toons 😍
Most of the plastic items from my attic (some had 50+ years) didn't resist though time, I would use the bibs for feeding the baby, maybe her dolls later. That's maybe one of the little things with car seat I wouldn't buy second hand. My BF kept a car seat at his mom's he bought for his 10yo, it'll be perfect because he knows if it wasn't wrecked
It’s always the only children! My husband and I both are, and this was a pregnancy long battle. If you find a solution to get them to stop let me know. My baby is almost 2 months and it’s still going on. My MIL is toxic and started so many arguments with me. I had to cut her off at the end of pregnancy because I couldn’t take it anymore.😒
I told my mom I didn’t want the WICKER bassinet she kept from when I was an infant because it’s not safe anymore. And the bassinet I chose will better fit our needs.
Not only has she not talked to me since March because of this— but she hasn’t bought a single thing for her grandchild.
Our relationship wasn’t the greatest to begin with— but this really solidified things for me.
No need to be sorry! I’m very to terms with the whole situation. She makes her own beds and dies on her own hills.
I just very much relate!!! That generation just doesn’t understand!
Especially with you and your husband being in your line of work!!!
Is there anything you can keep and use as cute storage or baby toys? We have a tiny wicker stroller that I let my kid use for her dolls. She gets a baby stroller, worst case scenario she breaks it and I get to throw it away lol.
Only other thing is check stuff for lead paint. We've had to deal with old furniture and I know it can be on toys too. Safety issue but also gives you an excuse to throw stuff out.
We are using the bassinet for toy storage. I just can’t justify having two cribs, two bassinets, two strollers, etc. due to space and safety. We don’t have any extra storage space really. Our home wasn’t built with that in mind apparently 😅
im not expecting but when i will be my mom is the same way. she saved EVERYTHING !!! its all in pretty good condition, but its just not my style or cute. someone told me to just use the stuff when they come visit and not use it when they don’t. what they don’t know won’t hurt them. good luck !!!
I've had to have tough conversations with some of my family and my FIL (MIL passed 4 years ago otherwise I'd have to tell her too. I've gotten lots of the "how did my kids survive if it's so unsafe?" Or "wow my kids must have been extra tough to have survived." And other such snarky comments. My go to response has been, "I'm glad nothing happened, but someone's child was injured or killed and so we've made things safer. I'm sure there are things we'll use that our kids will have to change too. We all do the best with the information we currently have and this is what we know."
I swear they take it as an insult or criticism of their parenting, but I always reiterate that last line: you did the best you could at the time with the information available.
That’s a hard no. I would not even entertain that for one minute, and I would have no issue telling grandma that it’s very nice she held onto these things for you guys but safety standards have changed greatly, there’s plenty of resources out there showing the harm and death caused by these items, and you are therefore unable to use them. Or else seriously just take the items and take them to the dump, and if she ever asks about it, you can tell her why you threw it out. The items are gone and there’s nothing she can do about it.
My mom has been cleaning out her basement lately where she has also kept so many things from my childhood, and in an attempt to clean a booster seat for the dinner table, it straight up broke. Which was kind of a blessing to happen while I was cleaning it and not while my toddler was in it. My mom has been understanding in the sense that we don’t want to use everything from the 90s, and she also got a LOT of things second hand so who knows how old they actually are. I have been checking things over to see if they’re safe first or not and I’ve just been asking her to throw out any things that I’m not comfortable using, and she has been in agreement.
Please show your husband the associated safety reports with the items grandma is trying to give you guys. Idk why he thinks you and your family are exempt to accidents caused by unsafe baby gear.
Sounds like a family of hoarders who are now dumping their stuff on you. Old stuff could have lead in it btw. You could tell your husband that you’re putting your foot down and you won’t be using any of the things you feel are unsafe. He can get upset over it, but boundaries have already been crossed and he can deal with hurt feelings while you keep your baby safe.
I would also be concerned what else they are going to push you guys to do once baby is here… and disregard your babies safety because they think they know better. I would show your husband horror stories about things that can happen if you keep the unsafe items
“Take it back or it’ll be trashed. I’m not risking our child’s life because your family’s feeling are more important to you. If you can’t shine your spine enough to do it, I will”
Baby Boundaries, The Lemon Clot Essay and the FU Binder —> https://reddit.com/r/Mildlynomil/s/WPm6JsLMhI
Photoshoot. Take a "now and then" photoshoot when baby arrives ... what they actually use, vs what Dad did. Recreate some of Dad's classic photos. Get his mom and Grandma collectimg those photos That will be a balm. You will have an exit plan to move it on.
unfortunately i think you may have to take it upon yourself, because (and i apologize because this will be rude) he's chosen to be spineless about your child's safety. i hate to have to put in law relationships in jeopardy but baby safety isn't something a grown man should be rolling over, belly up to grandma about
I would toss some of it, especially the things you’re worried about the safety, and just say they broke. They might be like “well it wasn’t broken n MY care” - well too bad, it broke now and it’s gone.
My sibling wanted me to take “the family crib” that my step sister currently had, and it has that unsafe side to it that can potentially fall down. I said no thanks and he was upset I wouldn’t take it. But then my step sister apparently wouldn’t give it to me anyway and told him and my step dad so lol so I didn’t have to take it.
It can be really annoying when people offload their old shit onto you, I just had my first and I’ve been through it. I just wanted some nice things for my baby, not some dusty, broken, dented, chewed up shit that I have to take to be polite.
Throw the things in the basement/attic/closet or better yet, throw them out. Tell him your child's safety is non-negotiable. And then tell him to spend his free time locating his spine.
Ugh men and their mommy/grandmommy issues. I'm sorry he's being difficult.
Same thing here. I finally just took one picture with said item, cute caption and then donated the shit. Some stuff is legit not safe and I pushed several times not to take the crap but a picture put it to rest.
My SIL got the same treatment and she also kindly said thank you and took stuff straight to donation.
We had the same issue!! Stuff from 1987 when my husband was born!! He’s also an only child and his parents were already in their 40s when they had him. They were already using old-fashioned stuff from their own siblings’ kids. They have no idea how baby stuff has changed since the 70s/80s. At one point my husband had the NERVE (!) to refuse a beaten up plastic garden chair and they sent passive-aggressive messages daily for two weeks, it was awful. Nowadays I’m just super clear and loud about how I found something I want that specific model of stroller/toy/whatever oh I’m so sorry I know you had something but I already bought it oops… then there’s my FIL modified an old plastic electric car to go something like 30 mph and keeps insisting we bring our 3-year-old over to try it on their high traffic street… most of my grey hairs have been from dealing with this for the past four years or so, since I got pregnant.
Boomers never listen to us.. so blame everything on some expert like the pediatrician or the latest and greatest baby book of guidelines. Site sources. My MIL started supporting the head of my newborn when I said the pediatrician said to do it. THEN she listened.
You may not be on the same page with him but you do NOT need to keep that stuff! You’re allowed to disagree. But your boundaries are the only ones you can control.
If he’s okay with the possibility of your daughter getting injured then use them.
Him working for cps and you too, he needs to use his brain and not his heart.
Personally, I would throw it away while no one is looking. And if anyone asks say "I'm not sure, honey where did you put the death stroller? What about the Full Send 5000 carseat? Are you sure you didn't put the bye bye baby bassinet in the spare room, I swear I just saw it the other day". I get where he is coming from, I really do. It's awkward to say no. But when it's literally 30-40 years old, it's a no. Would you buy a used 40 year old car? How about a 40 year old boat? Mobile home? Pair of shoes?
And gosh she saved the bottlleesssss. Like are they even bottles now?! Donate to an animal shelter lol.
Remember you and your baby come FIRST and you know what’s best. Never sacrifice you and your babies wellbeing for anyone else’s happiness. That being said, if it were me, I would let them know that it is unsafe and if they still push for you to take it, then take it to keep the peace and donate it! You don’t need more junk to stress you out with the new baby. I made it clear to my in laws that I’m very picky and do not want anything old at all. Plus old items hold energy im weird like that I like everything brand new.
We had a similar situation, and the way I dealt with it is I told granny to keep them all at her house so that whenever we visit baby can use them and we do not have to bring items over all the time. Mind you, we will probably visit like 3 times in a year where I will keep crazy watch, but that way there is peace. Luckily she though it was a great idea and now her house looks like she's the one expecting a baby from 1970s.
This is what I did. Plan a date where you, your husband, and his momma can go through ALL of it at once. It’s the parcelling out that makes it worse. I did this and took what I genuinely wanted and his mom felt like her grandson got a lot and to the stuff we didn’t want we told her to save it for other babies or that we had one/had one picked out. I still left with a piles of sentimental blankets and a few toys and now I take pictures of our baby boy with the stuff. MIL seems thrilled.
Just have your husband tell them you already have everything you need. No argument, and no lectures like showing the recall notices. If they do manage to drop sometimes off, just say nothing and dump it.
I hope she’s got your husbands spine stored away somewhere too, it sounds like he needs it back.
No kidding. Most of the time he’s so great, like he even has set strong hard boundaries with his mom after she treated me horribly. But with grandma it’s like he just folds at everything. I would even understand just taking it and then dumping it to save her feelings but him expecting us to actually use any of it??? I’m fine washing and using clothes or something but this stroller just nearly broke *my* finger.
That’s definitely weird that she’s where he crumbles like a stale cracker. And like you said, I could totally see taking it and maybe taking a picture in it then tossing it aside to save feelings being a thing- but legitimately *using* it? Fuck no. Nobody’s feelings in the world including mine are more important than the baby’s safety, dude.
Grandma's don't always understand. You shouldn't expect them to. Just say thank you and stick it in a closet or the garage. Your baby is lucky to have an extra generation in their life.
OR explain to grandma that you’re so lucky to have such loving people in baby’s life but a lot of these products aren’t considered safe anymore. Tell her you’d love to take anything sentimental but your house is already getting full of all of the stuff you have for baby, and don’t have space for duplicates. Just because they’re lucky to have grandma doesn’t mean they have to make themselves crazy bending over backwards for something she likely only wants them to take to be helpful. If it’s not helpful or wanted, it’s not a gift.
Just wondering, why stick it in a closet or a garage instead of disposing of it? For how long should the unsafe baby item be saved?
It’s not unreasonable to ask a grandparent to understand that something isn’t safe. Particularly where some of these “gifts” have literally been recalled. There is nothing about being old that means she can’t learn.
They sound like hoarders. Easiest is to accept and then toss away on the way home. Problem is your husband here who actually wants to keep AND use!
Could you and him discuss a compromise? Like if the stroller/crib etc are unsafe for use are they safe for photos maybe? Like could you make a photo album of baby in the vintage stuff just so it wasn’t saved for nothing?
This is a great idea! Dress baby up, pop them in crib/ stroller while supervised, take a few pictures then get rid of unsafe items. Make a beautiful little album to share with Grandma and call it a day.
Forget the spine, where is she keeping his brain? This is his literal job! He's supposed to stop people from doing this! Please tell your husband he has eroded my confidence in CPS.
This is the strange thing—he would NEVER let this stuff slide with a family we were working with. I don’t understand why our kid doesn’t get the same standard. I guess I need to bring that up.
I told my MIL “We’re not using anything that’s not brand new and baby safe according to up to date guidelines”. She wasn’t happy, because she wanted to give my son my husband’s THIRTY FOUR years old ratty dog plush that’s made mostly of his old drool, mites and dirt at this point. She got over it. They always do, just say no.
We said something similar to people trying to pawn older items off on us. They generally mean well and don’t understand that safety standards have changed but I will not take any of it into my house. We bought our stroller gently used but the crib, mattress, and car seat are new. I might be real type A and write/print a reminder about safe sleep, not using baby powder, etc go when family offers to help. They are all receptive thank goodness, I just don’t want to constantly explain. I’ve already sent emails out about being up to date on Tdap and how we don’t want people kissing our baby.
This happened to me with a few items and I took a picture with the baby in it and then recycled it and put a couple items in the attic. You are in charge of your child and their safety. A lot of old stuff is dangerous. If there is something given that is safe and use that often in front of them. Your job now is your baby and don’t feel badly about putting your babies safety first.
Throw it away & tell him if he brings anything else it’ll also go in the trash
Crying at 1994 being vintage but you're totally justified in taking that crap to recycling centers since it's all garbage. This is 100% a put your foot down and don't be afraid of coming off as the bad guy moment. Also, get other friends or family members to rally behind you if you really need to use a mob to get his head out of his ass. Good luck!!
To be fair the crib they want to give us is from 1964 when his dad was born so definitely vintage!
Sounds like a fun decorative item but a baby death trap 😬
Well, if a children's museum needs a prop...😅
Lead paint city. It was the durable high end stuff.
My mom gave me a bassinet from when she was born. It's from the 1950s 😬 I had to explain to her that it's not safe. She wasn't happy, but we compromised and use it as a book shelf/toy storage.
Wait I need to know what thing looks like?!
Curious about safety with these things. What about them is unsafe - provided it’s not painted. I have an old cradle/bassinet that my dad used (in 1947) that’s just stained wood. And I’m not even sure he was the first to use it at that time. It’s very basic with wood spindles. My son used it as a newborn up until about 9 months with no issues. Currently pregnant with number 2 and now y’all have me wondering what I’m unaware of.
I would be super worried about accepting that crib or any older items due to lead paint! Be very careful. I wouldn't even touch that crib without gloves on.
Even not just from the 60’s. We have a gorgeous table that’s less than 30 years old, turns out the finish on it is full of arsenic. And was already chipping off when we found out. :(
That’s nearly a damn antique!
My mom inherited a vintage pram from a family member and it was so cool! I think like 1950s? Had big bicycle wheels and everything.
A crib from 1964 might be a great place for stuffed animals and baby dolls!
Tbh I don't think I would even want it in my house due to the lead paint risk. It's a shame because items like thst can be so gorgeous.
That’s just too old. They will never get it. Keep it In storage for a few years in case they find out and want it back and just use a modern one. If anyone finds out, say, “oh yeah, I was bummed because it’s so cute, but when we did some research we found out it wasn’t up to safety standards! Too bad 🤷♀️”
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On stuff that's 30+ years old?! You have to be trolling Edit to add: getting second hand stuff that's only a few years old is perfectly fine but when it's literally DECADES that goes in the trash
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That’s called survivor bias. I’m sure the people who HAVE lost babies using unsafe items would love to have that decision back.
You can save money on these items without accepting 30 year old hand me downs with recalls. You can get stuff for super cheap on Facebook marketplace. You can accept (and ask for) recent hand me downs from other parents. You can go to donation centers. We literally didn’t pay for any of our baby gear, but none of our stuff is out of date or recalled. It’s not worth the gamble.
I mean would you die in a well made car in the 1970's? Prob not But you would break down or die if it hasn't been maintained and you try to drive it now.
Say sike bc this garbage cannot honestly be your take on this.
Oh, so he just wants peace, huh? So all you have to do is throw a bigger fit than his mom & grandma, right? 😈 He’s smarter than this. Why are their feelings more important than baby safety? No one wants to hear that the stuff they’ve been storing is garbage, but it sounds like they didn’t keep up with safety standards or anything.
This.
I’m here for this petty rage today.
Yeah, this is a situation where you take all the unsafe baby shit, haul it to the dump, and text grandma directly (but kindly!) that baby stuff isn’t safe to use after X years and you’ve thrown it away.
I'm Native American and Mexican American. We respect our elders, even if we disagree. Blatantly rubbing something like this in an elders face (she's over 80 years old) is utterly cold hearted and contemptuous. I've lived my life differently than what elders thought, but never intentionally hurt them. I will never understand this logic, to belittle an elder to get a final point across.
Literally bitched about this in my due date group today. Hubby's mother has pulled this vintage cot from somewhere that looks like it last appeared in a haunted orphanage. It's to go in bub's room at her house (even though we have said that bubby doesn't need a room at her house). It's metal, the bars are too far apart, it doesn't fit a modern (safe!) mattress, it's rusty and the paint is peeling (and she refuses to test the paint for lead). I hate every single part of it but because I've already said no so many times I'm trying to get hubby to and he says no because "she's just excited". I'm furious. I'll need to perform an exorcism on my baby if she comes home after sleeping in that cursed thing.
I empathize deeply but I’m cackling at the idea of exorcising a baby 😂
I was like, this is the place where she meets her imaginary friend that actually turns out to be a ghost. Like no, no bad juju shall enter my home piggybacking on my daughter, thank you.
Sneak into the house and throw it away. Tell her the ghosts that haunt that crib finally got to it
I won't need to, I don't think. The poltergiest she bought home with this thing has 5 months to create chaos. I for one welcome her new Peeves.
Cackling 😂😂😂😂😂 Definitely expecting updates from The Shining
Kind of off topic, but your comment made me pause on the thought of the grandparent setting up an unneeded room for the new grandchild- I've read about that multiple times on this sub. It just hit me how the boomer generation never downsized. They were the first generation really addicted to literal stuff and clutter, filling up their homes, and they as a whole never downsized their homes as they became empty nesters with vacant space. They have empty unused rooms set up for babies when new families are sharing rooms with their babies, not just for safe sleep, but because there isn't enough affordable housing. Our generation's parents have bigger homes and yards where children could play, but no children live in them. Not to target your parents, it just sort of hit me as sad. I'm bitter that despite having a good job and savings I can't set up a room for my baby. She won't have a nursery or a yard. I live in a high cost area and can't move because of my husband's job. A two bedroom apartment is 3,200 a month minimum and we just can't afford it. Meanwhile there are all these giant houses with 2 people living in them.
My grandparents moved in with my parents when they became less mobile, I think many are worried something similar will come up.
This thought exactly struck me when I was at my in-laws, all three “boys” still have their rooms, even though they are married and building their own families now. None of the kids could afford a house like that despite really good jobs. Since something they bought for like 180 000K is now 1.8 mil… The house has lots of random knickknacks and collections. My MIL has saved all their baby stuff and all this other junk that no one is coming back for.
https://www.nytimes.com/2024/02/01/realestate/empty-nests-millennials-boomers.html https://www.nytimes.com/2024/04/20/health/seniors-home-equity-mortgages.html
OMG that's me too. We live in a tiny 1 bed and are saving like crazy that when baby is a bit older we can move to a 2 bed so he can have his own room (no chance of buying). But we visit grandparents and they all empty rooms after all her kids grew up. I would hate for them to sell it and downsize because memories and all holidays are at their house, but still the idea that my kids will not have that is a bit sad.
Your vivid writing is hilarious, but honestly the biggest thing is “if she comes home”! Not trying to be dramatic just if it’s nasty and unsafe that really is scary for the baby’s health and safety. I would definitely put my foot down and die on that hill and see that thing go in the trash before she ever got to babysit (if she ever did since she apparently doesn’t listen to your safety asks!)
That stuff needs to accidentally get lost forever. And don’t let them watch the baby. There’s sure to be some items they kept for babysitting.
If it’s from 1964 it’s probably v beautiful, wheel it into the backyard and plant flowers in it 😂 Example: https://c8.alamy.com/comp/D89PR0/pram-used-as-a-planter-chelsea-flower-show-2013-D89PR0.jpg Edit: I just realized the crib is from 1964, not the stroller. 😂
Crib could totally be doubled for this too tho!
I was a BIG stuffed animals girl growing up, and we have a vintage crib that was the home for all those stuffies😂
Not exactly a baby item but my grandma offered us a table that needed to be repainted and immediately followed it up by saying she wasn’t sure if there was lead paint on it, so maybe not. Uh, duh? I understand to some extent the emotion behind this but I don’t force my sentimentality-based hoarding onto anyone else. No one else wants my memories! Why would I want yours?
My MIL tried to do this with my husband’s baby furniture. We all had a real battle about it, but my husband stuck to our boundaries (which I was very proud of). In the end we recommended my MIL read a couple books on modern grand parenting, she read both of the books we recommended and things have been much better since then.
Drop those book titles! I have a grandma in need of education
Good to Be Grand: Making the Most of Your Grandchild's First Year and Nanaville are the 2 we suggested to her. I would look them up, read the summary and make sure the theme of the book matches what you'd like them to work on. Thats how we landed on our list.
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Nope, don’t give it away. Bring it straight to the dump. You don’t want some other person using a recalled baby item. Also most places won’t accept used baby stuff like that. You can also call a junk company to come and grab it. If there is lots of metal, look on FB for a scrapper and they will take it for free.
Yep, you can never trust that other parents won't use that stuff without understanding how unsafe it is. My uneducated cousin put her newborn in a forward-facing carseat from the early 2000s because she found it for free on the side of the road. On this very post there is a comment from someone who admits that they would use 30-60 year old baby gear to save money. As if any money is worth the life and safety of your baby.
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A favorite line of mine, and what I remind my husband all the time, is that it matters to me way more to be a good mother, than a good daughter. Your husband is choosing being a good son over a good dad, and if that’s his priority then 🚩
Looooooove this line and will remember it! It’ll come in handy with my own mother.
I just saved this comment to come back to in the future if we ever have issues like this!
Oh this brought back flashbacks for me 😭. I had my son in 2022. My fiancé was born in 1990 and his grandmother held onto every single baby item as well, including cloth bibs 😩. He is also an only child on both sides. The metal high chair she pulled out for my son to use during a holiday almost sent me over the edge. I am in no way sentimental so I don’t hold attachments to things, like decades old baby furniture and would not hold onto that stuff for as long as she did. The safety concerns along with improper storage were too much for me to handle. If she offered for us to take anything I would have tossed it right out!
Its trash. If he wants to bring it home and toss it thats on him, but its unsafe, you can’t therefore donate it. You shouldn’t have to deal with it. If he wants to instead of saying no thank you, that’s on him.
Super relatable. My mom was insisting that I take a 1940s foldable bassinet that she was placed in as a baby. It was a large basket that was painted (lead paint??) and the rickety metal legs kept folding in on themselves. She also kept the ORIGINAL mattress and bedding. "It fell apart in the wash and destroyed my washer, but I managed to salvage it and put it back together!" She also wanted me to take the childhood 80s oak high chair she openly talked about needing repair (and full of metal clasps that I literally remember pinching my fingers on). Obviously she was super insulted when I declined 🫠
What is wrong with our parents and grandparents that they are so offended we want to protect our children???
I think it’s because they make a mental leap that we’re calling them bad parents for making different decisions than them. I had to explain this to my mom multiple times that my choice to do something different with my baby has absolutely nothing to do with criticizing how she was as a parent.
Right, like times were different and they did their best with the information they had available. It is not a judgement at all, it’s just that we have more information and a better understanding of risks now. Obviously I’m grateful for the job she did in raising my FIL and helping with my husband when he was a baby, I just want the best and safest I can do now with the information we have today.
I believe it is because the Gen X and Millennials tend to have a condescending way of acting superior -- as if they invented child-rearing. Each generation has "new" ways of doing things, and the old folks think is unnecessary.
Throw it all out after taking a hammer to it. There are some things where a parent should be able to make a unilateral decision on it and items that are dangerous to your kid is one of them.
I understand taking it to keep the peace but then coming home and trashing it.
Yup. We’ve done this. Take it to keep the peace and toss it
Just another perspective - I’d be happy that they were giving me all these things so I could choose not to use them because I imagine an alternate universe where all this unsafe stuff is at their house for “when the baby come over”
I guess that’s a great point although I’d never trust his grandma to babysit. She doesn’t like me much to begin with so I just don’t feel the relationship is good enough that I could trust her. Plus she’s 81 and pretty frail 😬
Just take it and get rid of it! Husband and I take anything his mom offers just to get rid of it. Otherwise she’ll hold on to whatever it is and we’ll be chucking it 20 years from now when we clean out her house.
I never thought of this, you're a genius.
Just demand respect as a mother! :D It so funny to me because I was on that road myself until I basically said: "enough is enough" and these *wonderful gifts* stopped. List of things what she tried to give me got more and more ridiculous so I just said that if you keep bringing i will donate or throw away because it's not safe or hygienic. Once I was greeted with 40 year old see through plastic diapers (they looked like plastic bags from a store) with text: "they are perfectly fine to use" .
You’re the mom mama. Say no and buy your own things tbh. Do not risk the baby’s safety to save anyone’s feelings. Hope all goes well. Can’t imagine how frustrated you are.
Maybe someone on eBay wants it for a movie prop. He could take pictures and make a book for them to remember the items and memories by. But safety first, that stuff doesn't belong in your house.
The summer is a perfect time for a bonfire if you know what I mean… 🙃
Pfft, who knows what chemicals are in that stuff.
True… maybe poison control can help with where to dispose of them.
So, This is a serious hard line for me too. I understand not wanting to hurt his grandmother’s feelings. But 100% his child’s safety should come before her feelings. But, are there certain pieces that could be used for something else? Is the crib real wood that could be taken apart and maybe made into frames? We had an old crib my great-grandmother used (it was walnut) but not in the best condition. We had someone take it apart and actually made into large frames to put our family pictures in. We had a whole bunch of different sizes. (They checked the wood and made sure it was in good condition first). Maybe even like a shadow box that you can put 1 of some of the items in for your partner. It’s not being used, but he still has some for his memory. I don’t think that you’re being unreasonable. I think what bothers me about this situation is his blatant disregard when you showed him the recall. He knows kids do everything you DON’T want them to do right? This is a hard line and I’d tell him that. I’d want it to be gone, because who’s to say he wouldn’t try using it if you’re not around and grandma comes to visit.
We are going to use the bassinet for stuffy storage/decor.
Just be safe on lead/whatever else could be in that finish!
That’s fair, but it does seem like they’re giving tired new parents chores to do in order to save stuff they don’t even want. The grandparents could arrange for that repurposing but it wouldn’t be fair to expect the working tired pregnant mama to figure out how to salvage their hoarding.
Just toss it and get will see that the safety of your child is more important than saving everyone feelings. That or talk to them yourself because he isn't gonna do it. If they get mad then just tell them "I'm sorry you feel that way but I'm no longer accepting any of these items and you could take back the items you gave us. If not they are gonna go in the trash because of safety issues. Although I do appreciate it I don't want to put the baby at any risk." Now if they are normal human beings then they will understand. But if they don't then tell them "If you don't understand why I won't be accepting the items then how would I know that my baby would be safe if I was to leave her in your care. So should I make sure that never happens?" Watch them change their tone so fast. Just know your husband won't be happy about it but the safety of your child is more important than anything else!
Throw it all away
Time for grandma to pack up the idea that you’ll be using any of that stuff. I would just toss it. I’ve done that with a few things my mom gave me because they weren’t safe to donate. Grandma will be fine, she’ll get over it. Your babies safety is all that matters.
Whyyyyy are they like this?? MIL has everything either of her sons ever touched and kept trying to give us all of it. Was stored in an attic that they’ve had to get various animals out of over the years. Then she got hand me downs from some cousin that were about ten years old and started trying to give me all that too. Including a used breast pump. Just whyyyyyy
I was bitching to my Mum about my MIL who saved absolutely everything. My Mum said that 30-40 years ago when they were having babies there weren't as many cheap kids clothes, sheets etc. everything was quite expensive (at least in my country) and you couldn't get a back of onesies for $5 like we do now. so people were really happy to get hand me downs and everybody did it. My mum, who is normal and saved like 2 outfits and a blanket, said she thought my MIL probably saved everything back then thinking she'd be seen as a hero for saving her children loads of money. Which is sweet but also so annoying because she could have given all those things to people who actually needed them 30 years ago and instead they're just ending up in the bin.
Your mum is very kind taking this view of MIL lol. My MIL however doesn’t throw anything away. Wouldn’t replace chipped dishes because they still function as dishes. Her idea of purging is trying to give us stuff instead of throwing it out. When I first started dating hubs and spending time in his house and then his room, we cleaned out his room out. We were well into our 20s and his drawers still had toys from when he was eight. His room looked like something out of hoarders. We organized and threw away. Ended up w like 8 bags of garbage. MIL took in all the bags from the curb and went through them one by one. Never saw anything like it.
This makes a lot of sense considering they just had to replace her air conditioner today. She had my husband and FIL dig out an old used one out of the same garage the baby stuff was stored in and it had a giant gaping rust hole in it. They told her they couldnt replace her broken one with another broken unit. She said she’d rather take the heat than have to spend money on a new one so FIL went and dropped over a grand for her to have air conditioning. I think the “new is wasteful” mindset is really the motivation here over nostalgia.
Put that stuff right at the curb. You don't have to keep or use something dangerous just because it came from a family member. My MIL offered me a dangerous crib I didn't want for three years before just dropping it at my house. I brought it out on trash day. Even when I tell her I don't want or can't use certain things, she brings them anyway. She is output only. You can't control their behavior, but you can control yours.
If he won’t say something then you should. I understand wanting to keep the peace but safety is safety. Or just take the stuff and then donate it or throw it away if they aren’t getting it through their heads.
This post has me wanting to hit my head into a wall. You're baby's safety > nostalgia. You can offer to take cute pics of your baby in those items so you can do side by side with your husband's baby pic and your baby pic to find a compromise but I wouldn't even donate those items once you're done.
I don’t plan to donate them! I know better than to use them but someone else might not.
You're the only one with a brain in this situation. I'm sure everyone else will encourage you to donate. How far along are you might I ask? I feel like men are simple creatures who compartmentalize and don't think of things until it's physically in front of me.. which drives me nuts lol My husband was not worried at all first or even second trimester about safety and would grt stressed when I would bring it up. Then, when I was very very pregnant at like 7 months a flip switched and he was down for baby cpr, reading all manuals to make sure things were safely installed. It was night and day. But I was seriously concerned the first 2 trimesters
I’m 23 weeks. He eventually said tonight “you have to be okay with it too if we’re going to use it,” but went on trying to convince me. We have some safety trainings for work coming up so maybe that will help him realize.
I would speak sense into him or accept the stuff and then get rid of it. Like donate it or throw it out or whatever, if they ask about it say it didn’t meet safety standards so you donated it
Tell him that family members will get over hurt feelings, but baby can’t “get over” an amputated finger or a death from a serious injury
This!
My husband is an only child and my MIL does the same! The other day she gave me his baby spoon engraved with his name and birthdate. We're not going to use it and now I have to keep track of it, so I'm not happy about that. What frustrated me the most about my MIL saving everything is feeling like I had no control over any items. I explained to my husband that she had her moment to pick out the items she wanted, and now I want that moment. For any older items, like stuffed animals, toy boxes, etc., I told him that the material those items were made of might not be safe now. After I explained my reasoning behind not wanting the items, he was more open to telling her no to most items. Stand your ground when it comes to safety and good luck!
My husband’s mom also kept everything and we just explained safety standards/a lot of the clothes were not usable and she totally understood and I don’t think expected us to actually use anything, she just enjoyed walking down memory lane. So for Christmas, we surprised her with a few canvas of our son wearing my husband’s outfits from 1994/95 and she loved it!
you showed him the recall. at that point I'd just throw it away
Is there anyway you could store the items and have a vintage style photo shoot once baby is born and then sell or donate to a photographer? Explain how you love the idea of the memories attached to said items, but with all these new studies it was proven to not be safe to use in your day to day life but still wanted to honor the items which is why you took the pictures and have now passed the items on so more people can create precious memories with their babies.
Love this. We've done a couple of barbie doll days where I've dressed bub in 10 different outfits throughout the day, to get pics of her in clothes she otherwise wouldn't have worn because we don't leave the house much. Family get a pic of her in a cute dress they bought, Op shop or friends having babies get some beautiful clothes that were worn for a few minutes.
Sounds like you should take shears and blades to all these unsafe items to make them utterly useless to protect your child.
Sounds like a lot of lead poisoning to me. Especially with toys. Stick to your guns!
When I vintage, I thought of cute baby prams…but the 90’s, I can imagine how dangerous they are. Grandma feeling might get hurt, but she’ll get over it. That’s only good for reborn dolls…as display. Her grandson needs to stop tripping, safety first!
Just throw it away. Anything he brings home from them goes right into the trash pile. You’ll be doing everyone a favor. Grandma gets the junk out of her house and you in turn get it out of your house. Otherwise, send a text to the family saying, “Due to safety reasons, we won’t be accepting any hand me downs.” That’s it, don’t give any further explanation.
As the wife of an only child, I feel this. It’s so annoying! My husband is pretty good about saying no and saying we don’t want to collect a bunch of junk or talk about safety concerns but other times we take the stuff and throw it out. I would definitely sit down with him and tell him enough is enough and he needs to stand with you for the safety of your baby!
As long as she doesn't stick her fingers in it?! How exactly does he expect to control where a baby sticks their fingers? He's being unrealistic at best. Babies health and safety is more important. If he wants to take them to not hurt her feelings he should have a place to store them because it is not ok to put your baby in danger to avoid some unpleasantness. Imagine him explaining to your daughter when she's older that she's missing her fingers because he didn't want to hurt grandma's feelings.
Babies are like magnetically drawn to putting their fingers random places. When I was 18 months I nearly crushed my pinky in a folding stool and it’s still a little crooked.
So you are trying to logic your way out of something they've arrived at emotionally. Personally I'd go with "It's so sweet you kept all these things. I just want the chance to sit and think about my baby while I pick out what I want for her! It's the first thing I get to do for her as a Mom" bonus points if you can get a little weepy.
This is probably the only respectful thing I've read. We can disagree politely with elders (the grandma is 81 which is Silent Gen, not a Boomer) without being disrespectful. Some people on here are suggesting texting them it was thrown away or outright telling them off. I don't understand why people cannot just be kind, especially to elders. Catch more flies with honey than vinegar is a thing.
Oh it's not respectful at all. It implies I think they are way too stupid to be convinced with facts and basic safety information. This is just the least headache for OP. Also unless she's demented her age shouldn't be factoring in, my 74 year old Mom happily listened to modern baby safety standards
I definitely get not wanting to cause issues but when it comes to your child’s safety, you know better than anyone, you’ve got to be firm. You’re gonna have to put your foot down and tell them no. As much as I get wanting to gift vintage items from when he was a kid, they’ve got to know that’s not safe. Times have changed since he was a baby plus, most moms want to buy new things for their babies, they can’t expect you to only use what they used back then. If it were me, I’d tell my husband firmly that this needs to be discussed and then say “look, it’s not that I’m not grateful but in our line of work, we both know better than anyone that we can’t keep accepting vintage items for our baby. I’ve asked you several times to talk to your family about this and you refuse - I’m going to give you one last chance to do so and if not, I’ll put my foot down and tell them myself. Period, end of story.” And give him the rest of the day to say something.
Throw it all out when he’s not home! The only thing we got from his Grandparents was a high chair that’s only like 7 years old. We were given a pretty much brand new stroller (daycare parent didn’t use for her baby), and until we bought an actual crib she slept in the pack n play full bassinet. I didn’t have much hope in CPS in the first place after going through some stuff with husbands nieces and nephews, but had felt better for a while about CPS. Your husband should stop and think about what he would do walking into a house on a case with all the unsafe baby items.
I'd graciously accept, take pics of baby using each item one time, and toss them. The leg work they're putting on you is inordinate, though... idk I might consider just calling a disposal company.
My family has a vintage bassinet that is lovely to look at but terrifying to put a baby in. It was bought for my great aunt who is probably about 80 now so it is ultra vintage. It became such a point of contention and my mom even made a big deal about how I have to make a decision because if I don’t want it my cousin (who was due a few months after me) wanted it. I talked to her at my baby shower and it turns out she never wanted it and she was also getting a lot of pressure to take it. The older generations are convinced it’s some kind of good luck but I gotta say I don’t think it’s done anyone any favors haha
I just can't comprehend why hoarders think this old junk is still safe to use. They don't care about safety or the baby, they just want to see their old memorabilia be useful again to justify their hoarding. We refused tons of stuff from his family. Our place is small enough without them offloading their literal trash onto us.
Oh goodness me. I would be staying a hard no. The amount of times my mil would put my baby down for a sleep and put random shit in the cot with him. I ended up losing it because I told her multiple times it’s not safe and she wouldn’t listen. She was banned from putting him down for a nap after that and I made it very clear why. Fine, your kids didn’t die from you doing xyz but someone’s kid DID die, a few in fact, that’s why standards have changed. So fuck off with your survivor bias and do it the way I have asked you too.
This. We need harder boundaries like this when people won’t listen. It’s literally life and death for a child vs. people who just have feelings and don’t want to accept change. Baby (and mama) are more important than their guilt trip survivor bias nonsense.
It’s called respect. People go to the trouble storing things, you take it with a smile and thank them. When did society become so rude? If you don’t use it, it’s your call. People have too much spines nowadays and burn our relationships.
Respect would be accepting that the mom doesn't want items that could harm her baby.
Yeah my mom held on to a lot of my old baby clothes and toys and is now trying to give them to me for my baby. Not a safety hazard like your "gifts", but still not interested in the old crap you hung onto for 35 years.
Somehow I’m really interested in this stroller. Which one is it? On a “child bearing through the ages” level you have a time capsule on hand. Yes the 90s aren’t that far away but I’m sure there are museums somewhere who would love those old things. For MIL: maybe pick some photos and reenact them for her. She clearly is very sentimental about her experience as a new mom. I bet it would mean a lot for her to see those things used (if only for one photo!) Than again…my MIL kept 2 boxes and when I send her a picture of my daughter in her dads clothes my mil can’t even remember that those are the clothes she kept… but she also is irritated when we send photos at all. Ugh! This woman!
I agree it’s a cool piece of history for sure. [it is this stroller in a different print.](https://offerup.com/item/detail/87027396-c880-3e16-ab6b-12f6b1482c5c)
Oh the 80s... I wanna know if that came with aerobics gear for mom in the matching print.
I think my parents had that stroller with me! It looks very similar to pictures I’ve seen of myself in a stroller anyway. My parents aren’t hoarders do anything left from when I was a baby was given away long, long ago!
I mean helped generations right
Be gentle and diplomatic in this situation! Your frustration is understandable. But imagine the state of his grandma, that held on to these things for decades? She's an old lady and he is right not to want to hurt her feelings. What I would do is store all the items that are unsafe away and maybe take a few out when she's around. I think people's feelings shouldn't be hurt when it's avoidable and this situation can be resolved!
My MIL saved a side rocking cradle that looks likes it for dolls but apparently it’s for a baby. I politely declined. She looked sad but oh well! She also asked if we wanted a vintage doll pram. Rusting, with springs in it. Didn’t look safe. Said I thanks. She kept it anyway “for later” 🫠
Bottles for 30 years?? That's super gross. No way
Oh those hit the trash the second they came inside. He had no problem with throwing those away.
You’re responsible for protecting your baby, not the feelings of a grown ass adult. Your husband needs to say something
Put it straight to your husband. You will not compromise on safety, so these thing must not be used. Either he tells his family or you will. Give him a deadline to refuse or dispose the items. Then do it yourself if you have to. It shouldn't be your job to deal with his family, but in this case safety trumps all. Then after this is settled, talk to your husband and tell him that stuff like this is divorce worthy in the future, if he ever puts your child in danger again. If he doesn't understand, then you have a huge problem.
Just bin things. And tell them the things are going to the bin because you already have x y z and space isn't infinite. I find this is the only way that works at preventing random shit being handed to you from well meaning family members.
My issue with this is your house isn't a junkyard. I have my own struggles with organization and keeping things tidy so all the extra junk can really overwhelm me. Not to mention the safety hazards. I would just tell Grandma about the recall any the reasons why, and that you can't keep it in your home but it's so sweet of her to hold onto it for so long. Ask if she wants it back as a keepsake or for you to dispose of it.
Honestly, my grandmother did that with a couple of things (nowhere near the amount it sounds like you’re getting though) we just accepted them and had them on “display” when she visited. But we’re lucky to have an attic to store it in otherwise! The really old bassinet we kept upstairs and told her she used that to sleep in at night but during the day slept downstairs 😂 she’s a really sweet woman and I didn’t want to hurt her feelings!
Having said that, the stroller would be gone! There’d be a line somewhere i’d have to put my foot down!
I take the items and say thank you and I just pitch them. And then they ask about them she outgrew them or she’s unable to use them.
We got a vintage crib too. I accepted the gift. Then I did some research and unfortunately it went on the curb. A vintage crib with missing hardware and too wide slats will not be the reason my baby dies. It just is not going to happen, sorry grandma, lol. I never said anything about it to the giver or to anyone.
If it were me, I’d accept the items and say “we will go through them at a later date” or “we will see if it’s something we’re able to use” and then store it. I wouldn’t use what you were uncomfortable with, and when they ask why you’re using a new stroller, I’d just say “my baby’s health and safety come first, and there was a recall on that product” and leave it at that. Obviously though the bigger issue is your husband being afraid to offend them. That’s a big convo y’all need to have because if you have any boundaries planned for this kid, such as no more than x amount of sugar or something, you best believe they’ll be saying to the kid “what mommy doesn’t know…” and that’s a concern.
you could always just say something of how grateful you are however some of these things no longer meet safety standards today, however you’d love to incorporate as much as you can, and even use some of the stuff as “props” for some pictures for keepsakes for her as you know how much it means to her to have this stuff used for your daughter.
When my family does this I just take it and toss it lol. Immediately to the trash.
Instead of focusing on people’s feelings, have him focus on the facts. Given your field of work, you’re both very aware of the risks. Baby comes first. Surely, even his family would understand this. Nothing is more important than the baby’s safety, especially not having your baby in a decades-old death trap just for them to go “aww, their daddy used that.” Offer to keep some items as decor for the nursery or a photoshoot, but in terms of usable items like the bassinet, high chair, etc., get what you trust. Idk why babies become some sort of fun spectacle for grandparents.
NOPE.
Among all the stuff they hoard, is there anything that you can use safely now? I'm unhoarding my mom's attic, we found some treasures too. Strollers and stuff were out of service for 30+ years stored up there but we found toys, my old Barbies even if I'm expecting a boy and have a 10yo stepson. Baby clothes have been given away a very long time ago, I got second hands from friends and family and I'll get everything from my BFF she used 3 years ago when she had her daughter. Anyway, I'm glad I also found vintage clothes to wear during pregnancy, especially my dad's, spare me the spending of maternity clothes and it feels good to share my pregnancy somehow with him, since he passed and won't know his grandchildren.
Yep, we’ve kept some bibs, clothes, even a little baby looney toons cooler bag for breastmilk. I’m not just pitching everything, just unsafe stuff.
Oh the Baby Looney toons 😍 Most of the plastic items from my attic (some had 50+ years) didn't resist though time, I would use the bibs for feeding the baby, maybe her dolls later. That's maybe one of the little things with car seat I wouldn't buy second hand. My BF kept a car seat at his mom's he bought for his 10yo, it'll be perfect because he knows if it wasn't wrecked
It’s always the only children! My husband and I both are, and this was a pregnancy long battle. If you find a solution to get them to stop let me know. My baby is almost 2 months and it’s still going on. My MIL is toxic and started so many arguments with me. I had to cut her off at the end of pregnancy because I couldn’t take it anymore.😒
I told my mom I didn’t want the WICKER bassinet she kept from when I was an infant because it’s not safe anymore. And the bassinet I chose will better fit our needs. Not only has she not talked to me since March because of this— but she hasn’t bought a single thing for her grandchild. Our relationship wasn’t the greatest to begin with— but this really solidified things for me.
Oof. I’m so sorry! I hate this for you. People are so petty for no good reason.
No need to be sorry! I’m very to terms with the whole situation. She makes her own beds and dies on her own hills. I just very much relate!!! That generation just doesn’t understand! Especially with you and your husband being in your line of work!!!
Is there anything you can keep and use as cute storage or baby toys? We have a tiny wicker stroller that I let my kid use for her dolls. She gets a baby stroller, worst case scenario she breaks it and I get to throw it away lol. Only other thing is check stuff for lead paint. We've had to deal with old furniture and I know it can be on toys too. Safety issue but also gives you an excuse to throw stuff out.
We are using the bassinet for toy storage. I just can’t justify having two cribs, two bassinets, two strollers, etc. due to space and safety. We don’t have any extra storage space really. Our home wasn’t built with that in mind apparently 😅
im not expecting but when i will be my mom is the same way. she saved EVERYTHING !!! its all in pretty good condition, but its just not my style or cute. someone told me to just use the stuff when they come visit and not use it when they don’t. what they don’t know won’t hurt them. good luck !!!
If it’s not a safety issue then I think this is fine. Let the kid wear an ugly sweater one time to please the grandparents, who cares.
I've had to have tough conversations with some of my family and my FIL (MIL passed 4 years ago otherwise I'd have to tell her too. I've gotten lots of the "how did my kids survive if it's so unsafe?" Or "wow my kids must have been extra tough to have survived." And other such snarky comments. My go to response has been, "I'm glad nothing happened, but someone's child was injured or killed and so we've made things safer. I'm sure there are things we'll use that our kids will have to change too. We all do the best with the information we currently have and this is what we know." I swear they take it as an insult or criticism of their parenting, but I always reiterate that last line: you did the best you could at the time with the information available.
That’s a hard no. I would not even entertain that for one minute, and I would have no issue telling grandma that it’s very nice she held onto these things for you guys but safety standards have changed greatly, there’s plenty of resources out there showing the harm and death caused by these items, and you are therefore unable to use them. Or else seriously just take the items and take them to the dump, and if she ever asks about it, you can tell her why you threw it out. The items are gone and there’s nothing she can do about it. My mom has been cleaning out her basement lately where she has also kept so many things from my childhood, and in an attempt to clean a booster seat for the dinner table, it straight up broke. Which was kind of a blessing to happen while I was cleaning it and not while my toddler was in it. My mom has been understanding in the sense that we don’t want to use everything from the 90s, and she also got a LOT of things second hand so who knows how old they actually are. I have been checking things over to see if they’re safe first or not and I’ve just been asking her to throw out any things that I’m not comfortable using, and she has been in agreement. Please show your husband the associated safety reports with the items grandma is trying to give you guys. Idk why he thinks you and your family are exempt to accidents caused by unsafe baby gear.
When 1994 is considered vintage 😳 😢
Sounds like a family of hoarders who are now dumping their stuff on you. Old stuff could have lead in it btw. You could tell your husband that you’re putting your foot down and you won’t be using any of the things you feel are unsafe. He can get upset over it, but boundaries have already been crossed and he can deal with hurt feelings while you keep your baby safe.
I would also be concerned what else they are going to push you guys to do once baby is here… and disregard your babies safety because they think they know better. I would show your husband horror stories about things that can happen if you keep the unsafe items
“Take it back or it’ll be trashed. I’m not risking our child’s life because your family’s feeling are more important to you. If you can’t shine your spine enough to do it, I will” Baby Boundaries, The Lemon Clot Essay and the FU Binder —> https://reddit.com/r/Mildlynomil/s/WPm6JsLMhI
Photoshoot. Take a "now and then" photoshoot when baby arrives ... what they actually use, vs what Dad did. Recreate some of Dad's classic photos. Get his mom and Grandma collectimg those photos That will be a balm. You will have an exit plan to move it on.
unfortunately i think you may have to take it upon yourself, because (and i apologize because this will be rude) he's chosen to be spineless about your child's safety. i hate to have to put in law relationships in jeopardy but baby safety isn't something a grown man should be rolling over, belly up to grandma about
I’d accept the vintage stuff and don’t use it and tell your husband to stop being afraid of his family. 🤷🏼♀️
I would toss some of it, especially the things you’re worried about the safety, and just say they broke. They might be like “well it wasn’t broken n MY care” - well too bad, it broke now and it’s gone. My sibling wanted me to take “the family crib” that my step sister currently had, and it has that unsafe side to it that can potentially fall down. I said no thanks and he was upset I wouldn’t take it. But then my step sister apparently wouldn’t give it to me anyway and told him and my step dad so lol so I didn’t have to take it. It can be really annoying when people offload their old shit onto you, I just had my first and I’ve been through it. I just wanted some nice things for my baby, not some dusty, broken, dented, chewed up shit that I have to take to be polite.
Throw the things in the basement/attic/closet or better yet, throw them out. Tell him your child's safety is non-negotiable. And then tell him to spend his free time locating his spine. Ugh men and their mommy/grandmommy issues. I'm sorry he's being difficult.
Same thing here. I finally just took one picture with said item, cute caption and then donated the shit. Some stuff is legit not safe and I pushed several times not to take the crap but a picture put it to rest. My SIL got the same treatment and she also kindly said thank you and took stuff straight to donation.
We had the same issue!! Stuff from 1987 when my husband was born!! He’s also an only child and his parents were already in their 40s when they had him. They were already using old-fashioned stuff from their own siblings’ kids. They have no idea how baby stuff has changed since the 70s/80s. At one point my husband had the NERVE (!) to refuse a beaten up plastic garden chair and they sent passive-aggressive messages daily for two weeks, it was awful. Nowadays I’m just super clear and loud about how I found something I want that specific model of stroller/toy/whatever oh I’m so sorry I know you had something but I already bought it oops… then there’s my FIL modified an old plastic electric car to go something like 30 mph and keeps insisting we bring our 3-year-old over to try it on their high traffic street… most of my grey hairs have been from dealing with this for the past four years or so, since I got pregnant.
And this is how you know they will never, ever need to babysit.
Vintage baby gear sells well. Get that bag.
I just want to say I am one of the kids who got the tip of my finger cut off from an unsafe baby item. And yeah that s*** sucked!!!!
Boomers never listen to us.. so blame everything on some expert like the pediatrician or the latest and greatest baby book of guidelines. Site sources. My MIL started supporting the head of my newborn when I said the pediatrician said to do it. THEN she listened.
Donate/trash everything. She hoarded 30 year old baby items, she’s clearly not in her right mind if she thinks any of that crap is safe
You may not be on the same page with him but you do NOT need to keep that stuff! You’re allowed to disagree. But your boundaries are the only ones you can control.
If he’s okay with the possibility of your daughter getting injured then use them. Him working for cps and you too, he needs to use his brain and not his heart.
Personally, I would throw it away while no one is looking. And if anyone asks say "I'm not sure, honey where did you put the death stroller? What about the Full Send 5000 carseat? Are you sure you didn't put the bye bye baby bassinet in the spare room, I swear I just saw it the other day". I get where he is coming from, I really do. It's awkward to say no. But when it's literally 30-40 years old, it's a no. Would you buy a used 40 year old car? How about a 40 year old boat? Mobile home? Pair of shoes? And gosh she saved the bottlleesssss. Like are they even bottles now?! Donate to an animal shelter lol.
Remember you and your baby come FIRST and you know what’s best. Never sacrifice you and your babies wellbeing for anyone else’s happiness. That being said, if it were me, I would let them know that it is unsafe and if they still push for you to take it, then take it to keep the peace and donate it! You don’t need more junk to stress you out with the new baby. I made it clear to my in laws that I’m very picky and do not want anything old at all. Plus old items hold energy im weird like that I like everything brand new.
We had a similar situation, and the way I dealt with it is I told granny to keep them all at her house so that whenever we visit baby can use them and we do not have to bring items over all the time. Mind you, we will probably visit like 3 times in a year where I will keep crazy watch, but that way there is peace. Luckily she though it was a great idea and now her house looks like she's the one expecting a baby from 1970s.
I'd just throw it all away or donate if something is not dangerous.
This is what I did. Plan a date where you, your husband, and his momma can go through ALL of it at once. It’s the parcelling out that makes it worse. I did this and took what I genuinely wanted and his mom felt like her grandson got a lot and to the stuff we didn’t want we told her to save it for other babies or that we had one/had one picked out. I still left with a piles of sentimental blankets and a few toys and now I take pictures of our baby boy with the stuff. MIL seems thrilled.
Just have your husband tell them you already have everything you need. No argument, and no lectures like showing the recall notices. If they do manage to drop sometimes off, just say nothing and dump it.