>My paternity leave is short, I want to make the most of it by relaxing a bit.
This tells us all we need to know about OOP's husband. And then he gets worse.
Same. I was screaming internally that it's not a fucking holiday that you get as a reward for being a dad; it's supposed to be time that you spend actively caring for your newborn and wife.
Exactly. When our kiddo was born my husband was only a month recovered from major abdominal surgery and was actively undergoing chemo, and he still did more to support me than this dude
When my sister was born in the early 80’s my dad was a junior associate at a giant law firm going on business trips (and had a drinking problem) and he *still* was a bigger support to my mother than this guy *was to his wife*
ETA: fixing it for clarity, but I’ve italicized my edit because the comment pointing out my error was hilarious.
In all seriousness, my sister had colic as an infant and, despite the fact that my dad was always working and always gone, when he *was* there, he was *always* an active parent. Both he and my mother spoke often of having to drive my sister around in her carseat for **hours** all night because it was the only way she would stop crying and go to sleep. He was an incredibly active father for both of our childhoods (read to us, played with us, did one on one activities with us, we share common interests & hobbies, etc), which is why it was so jarring when he suddenly wasn’t when his alcoholism got really really bad when I got older. He passed away when I was 22, missing 3 awesome grandkids (my sister’s).
I didn’t have a perfect father, but my dad taught me the **bare minimum** of what to expect from a man if I have a child with him, and what OOP’s husband’s got ain’t it.
My paternity leave was 30 years ago, but I still remember my baby having a hard time transitioning when I returned to work because I did EVERYTHING except breastfeed.
That was MY time to spend every possible second with my children and let my wife rest and recover.
My "holiday" was spending every spare moment with my children as they greeted the world.
I would be so sad now looking back and knowing I missed that time because I wanted to "rElAX"
Yup, read that and was like oh boy.
The man really thought paternity leave was vacation while his wife gets 3 hours of sleep a week. And his behavior only got worse and worse. Yikes.
the number of men who come out of paternity leave "ahead" is ... not happy making.
> A male assistant professor’s tenure probability increased by 19.4 percentage points when a clock stop is used, whereas a female assistant professor’s tenure probability decreased by 22.4 percentage points. This gap is primarily attributed to men having more time to conduct research and publish; men tend to use the leave period as a time to work whereas women tend to spend it caring for their child. >More specifically, the additional time gives men the ability to resubmit rejected papers to top journals and to take more risks with regards to where they submit their work.
https://gendereconomy.org/gender-neutral-parental-leave-policies-in-academia/
As a little light heartedness to help soothe the rage I feel about the depressingly true info above: my dad is an academic who did the reverse of the jerks who use paternity time for research.
There was no paternity time in academia in the 90s (and/or it would have really screwed up the semester to take it), so my dad took a sabbatical to take care of my newborn sister (and kid me) full time while my mom went back to work. That was his one and only sabbatical because he had no research to show at the end of the year--- he used to joke that he was going to attach a picture of my sister to the forms that asked about his "sabbatical productivity" 😂
"Engaged in biological observation of infant primate and initial development. The subject is thriving on a milk-based diet but interestingly defies physics when the input to output ratio is examined. Introduction of strained pears failed in first trials; research team anticipates successes with mashed peas. The subject is currently fascinated by car keys and the flavor of the dog's ear.
Anticipate needing additional research time to investigate language development (and convince subject to say 'dada' first)."
Comparing to friends who recently had a baby, where I asked *him* "What did you do today?" and got back "Kid won't let us sleep. But we've kept the baby alive. Go us! That's really all we've done. I have no clean socks."
My husband did more to help out when we had two pets get knee surgery back-to-back, while working full time!
This guy's behavior has me both fuming and feeling incredibly lucky.
This made me so angry. My husband was sad when his leave was over because he missed being with our baby so much. Not because he couldn't "relax" anymore 🙄
Agreed. My bf beyond stepped up with both my boys because I had to have a c-section with both. Even when I was suffering from PPD his work allowed him to work half days so he could be home with me. The other half of the day one of my friends daughters stayed with me.
6 fucking weeks... mother fucker I had 2 weeks that was actually my PTO for the YEAR when I had my kids. Technically with the second I think I had 15 days total but wanted to save some for other needs.
The only time where "my paternity leave is short, I want to make the most of it" is a respectable response if he's taking over all of the baby's needs and letting mother sleep through the entire night. Relaxing when you've got a newborn... What a jerk.
Lol paternity leave for me was taking as much as I can on so my wife can recover and put herself in a better position when I had to go back to work and she was solo.
OOP's husband saw it as a government subsidized vacation.
I never had kids of my own but I worked with a few new dads, they would come back from paternity leave looking utterly wrecked due to the sleepless nights.
The fact that he easily convinced her that she was a jerk for not being concerned about HIM after she passed out rather than being pissed that he didn’t care she passed out in the first place indicates he’s actually been abusive for quite some time and she just hadn’t realized she was the boiling frog yet.
What did I do with my 2 weeks of paternity leave? I got so hyper focused on wife and son that I lost almost 14 lbs by the time I went back to work. That wasn’t ‘me time’ it was time for me to be there to help.
OOP needs an emergency custody order and a restraining order ASAP as her husband is starting to escalate in his behaviour and who knows what he will do next to "keep his family together"
She should have gone to the hospital after the cops left. Got the bruising on record and had the baby assessed just in case. The cops are idiots for saying "no harm was done" when they don't have medical training, and not all signs are instant. I don't know who pisses me off more, OOPs husband (STBX I hope) or the cops.
Well there is an IQ cap to becoming a police officer, so you can’t be too smart but you can’t be tooooooooooo dumb but I think there was a study done saying that most police had an IQ of 90
Maybe added that they're malicious idiots doing more harm than help in most cases, they're only good at protecting property if you're rich enough, writing tickets, beating their families and happily admitting to it
Agreed. If she had gone to the hospital with her sister, they would have medical records, [IN CERTAIN STATES](https://mandatedreporter.com/blog/which-states-have-mandatory-domestic-violence-reporting/) the hospital would have mandatory reported it to law enforcement, a trained police person would have taken the statement and in many states that's an automatic prosecution for domestic violence.
In fact in many states there doesn't even NEED to be physical violence or harm, the threat of imminent harm is sufficient for prosecution and this guy crossed that line twice by pushing both OP and her sister, and a third time by holding his own child hostage. How they claimed "no harm done" means they need more training on prosecutable offenses because their bias siding with "paternity leave is vacation for me to play and not take care of my child to the point my run ragged wife passed out from exhaustion" guy is just showing what terrible misogynists they are.
Based on the spelling of paediatrician rather than the American spelling and the part about her having 16 weeks maternity leave, I’d wager she’s not from the states. Maybe Aussie? But they could have similar reporting laws.
For the record, since this is **dangerous misinformation:** hospital staff in the US **will not** automatically make any kind of police contact unless they credibly suspect a risk of immediate danger or neglect towards a vulnerable person (child, disabled, elderly). They will ask about a patient’s safety, and encourage them to connect with law enforcement or social services, but there will be no report without the patient’s consent.
If you are in a position where it isn’t safe for you to escalate by reporting your abuse, you can still go to the hospital if you need to. The staff will not betray your confidence. Please don’t tell people otherwise.
Edited to add for certain states, but it's not misinformation. Also you forgot "most women" in your list of vulnerable people.
[https://mandatedreporter.com/blog/which-states-have-mandatory-domestic-violence-reporting/](https://mandatedreporter.com/blog/which-states-have-mandatory-domestic-violence-reporting/)
Yeah, sorry, in hindsight I should have been clearer that I’m talking about the specific situation in this post, which would not trigger mandatory reporting laws. They’re written to apply only to very serious injuries, as, to quote from the site you linked:
> The goal of mandatory reporting is to enhance the safety and well-being of the victim. However, many survivors of domestic abuse fear that reporting will put them—and their children—in harm’s way. Oftentimes, mandated reporting can put DV victim at risk of retaliation from their abusers. Violence typically escalates when survivors attempt to get outside help or to separate from their abusers.
>Mandated reporting brings a particular set of ethical issues, as well.
>According to The Family Violence Prevention Fund, mandatory reporting does not respect the autonomy of DV survivors.
If you show up at the ER with bruises, nobody’s going to call the cops on you.
Something like 40% of cops have self reported as admitting to domestic violence. It's little wonder that they turn a blind eye to it when they see it happening.
Given OOP's user name, it's entirely possible the cops who who showed up had literal 0 jurisdiction. The cops intervened and nobody got shot. I'd say that's probably as good as can reasonably be expected in Oklahoma right now.
Considering during a DV study on cops they self reported commiting DV at 40%. Imagine how many more were smart enough to keep quiet.
The national average of DV for regular people is 10% for reference.
Two guys roll up to a domestic violence call with Punisher tattoos. One says to the other one “would you feel threatened by that?” Other one says “nah, I wouldn’t feel threatened by that.” Then they drive off in their $75k taxpayer funded vehicle while talking about how good they are “protecting and serving”.
Where’s the joke? Oh it’s the police protection women get as taxpayers. That’s the fucking joke.
It is interesting when this gets triggered for various assholes. Some seem to start when they get engaged, others married, and others (if they do things in this order) wait until there is a baby.
It's all about when they feel the most comfortable with how 'trapped' you are. Some are arrogant enough to think once they have you 'promised forever' then you're willing to accept whatever they do to keep that. Some go for the baby right off the bat tbh. Some wait til the baby after marriage literally because they're not getting all the attention anymore and are expected to step up and they don't want to do that. They have a certain idea that a woman will become domesticated and subservient once she has a child because of 'hormones' and to keep that child happy and in a 'nuclear' home.
The promised forever thing is actually pretty historically ingrained. Some cultures still practice marriage by abduction. Look up Franca Viola from Italy who made headlines in the sixties for refusing a “rehabilitation marriage” after she was kidnapped and SA by a man for declining his proposal. A lot of men don’t know the history of misogyny but they understand the consequences.
He held an infant hostage. It still makes my blood boil, even though it’s my second time reading the story.
Thank goodness mother and baby left. I hope they have a safe future.
I’ve been watching true crime constantly for like a month, and things like this can go sideways so fast. That’s an infant. I’m sorry but I would be kicking in a door or two to make sure a vulnerable child was safe.
Right? There was a case in Germany, where a father threw his kids of the balcony because he wanted to punish his wife.
And this dude doesn't seem that much more sane.
And they’ll give him partial custody if he wants it 🙃
Be careful who you have children with. So many women stay in bad marriages, even dangerous marriages, because for some insane reason most courts in the US don’t seem to think that if a man is violent toward his wife he’s dangerous to their children
My sister had to share custody with a man who police saw slam her head against her baby’s crib
In NZ at least, and I’m saying this bc I’m a law student whose volunteering at the local legal clinic and only found this out from one of the lawyers there, that any violence done in front of the children (so anything they can see or hear, they don’t have to understand what is happening) is considered violence to the child and would count as such in a parenting order
In other ways, our family legislation is a bit so-so:
E.g in order to get a parenting order you must first take a parenting through separation class (4hrs) (both parents must do this but they don’t do it together, if one parent neglects to do it then it’ll count against them) then they have to do mediation (which does cost but you can apply for it to be covered by the government) if mediation fails then you can apply to the courts for a parenting order
This just takes ages so if there’s something happening soon but not enough to get emergency assistance then it can takes ages to get it sorted
On the other hand, protection orders can be given super fast: protection orders are the word for restraining orders but specifically against a previous romantic partner. If you get an emergency protection order - it will be issued on the same day you apply, if it’s not emergency then it will be approved in the same week
The ex partner then has 3 months to appeal this protection order, where you both bring proof to a judge and they decide, if they do not appeal within the 3 months or they lose the appeal then the protection order automatically becomes permanent for the rest of your lives
So family law is a bit hit and miss here
There was a dude that raped and stabbed his wife over a dozen times in front of their two daughters (I think they were like 3 and 5). The kids ended up getting away and calling police. She spend months in the hospital recovering. The kids are traumatized as fuck. All 3 are in therapy.
He went to prison for a year, now he's out and the courts want him to be given partial custody. Even the kid's therapist said that if the courts force those girls to go with him she won't be able to pick up the pieces, they're terrified of this man, he's the monster in their nightmares.
Police investigated and found their bruising was self inflicted on some stairs and the baby refused to unlock the door. Nothing to be done about it unless he decides to press charges
I feel the same way and would struggle to fight the instinct to go charging in but the police did get the baby out safe. Breaking down the door would have escalated the situation which is the last thing they needed in that moment. It’s crazy to me that they didn’t arrest him though
Exactly, infants are so, so fragile it would have taken an instant for that vile piece of shit to kill her if the cops had escalated, and no matter how low the chances were that he would you simply cannot gamble on a child's life. What I'm displeased about was him not being arrested right then and there once they did successfully get him out and the baby safe, so it wasn't all exactly A+ police work going on there.
From the police’s perspective it’s safer for the child if they negotiate with him to peacefully open the door and give up the kid, as opposed to kicking in a door and wrestling a man holding a newborn to the ground.
Where the police fucked up is that this was a DV scenario and he probably should have been arrested, even if there were no charges.
Well, there were many vulnerable children in Uvalde and police didn't care, why would they care about one kid? It's not like someone important was in danger /s
I would've lost any sanity I had an broken the door down myself (of course it helps that I am a tall woman with some weight behind her) and things may not have ended well for that "man".
Hind-sight is always 20/20, so she now knows that baby should've stayed with sis and she should've gotten a friend/relative (preferably a man) to go with her.
Good thing is she saved the texts and can/will use them to her advantage.
40% of cops beat their wives, so their total inaction to him hitting them or trying to kidnap the infant is totally unsurprising to me. Cops probably spent most of the time trying to convince him to come out by telling him how much courts hate men.
She needs to go to the police station and make sure there is a written report of this police visit and what was happening. Let the duty sergeant know that there were visible signs of abuse on OP and sister. This is important for custody hearing.
I was done reading at the "my paternity is running out so I need to relax" bit. I spent the entirety of my paternity leave on 2 hour sleep shifts being the primary care giver for my daughter because my then wife was recovering from a c-section. That's what the leave was for and I was more than happy to do it because I was a DAD now. Something just switched on when I held my daughter for the first time and I was compelled to protect her. Was it rough? Yes. There were times when I was dealing with a collicky baby screaming and I was in a daze from lack of sleep and I was like..."This is it. This is the moment people snap and shake the baby." Stories of shitty partners dealing with newborns really irritate me.
I’m convinced that the first 2 years of my son’s life did irreparable damage to my body. I had to deal with so much of it alone because of my husband’s job.
Yea - that's exactly where I shouted out loud. That's NOT what paternity leave is for. It's not vacation for dad, it's to bond with the kid and help out the mom.
It's fully terrifying how often that happens. My best friend's ex was never my favourite guy in the world, but he was tolerable. Once she got pregnant, the mask started slipping. He's a monster.
His new wife looks miserable now that they have a child of their own. People like this just keep doing it.
OP needs to go down to the precinct and file a report in person. After reading a lot of stories that sadly end like this there seems to be a pattern of beat cops not wanting to do anything but going to theprecinct gets results.results.
This is very close to one of the incidents when I was married. It wasn't the last one but it should have been.
I'm hoping OOP is doing a lot better now.
Typical behaviour of domestic abusers. The MiL seems reasonable but could be unintentionally fanning flames by chewing out her son for his behaviour. She has to do something, but probably needs to work the problem from a different direction.
That MF of a husband sent OOP vile and threatening texts and then actually harmed OOP and her sister - he shoved each hard enough to leave bruises. I think that is grounds for a restraining order, at least where I live, and I hope it is wherever she lives, too. (I’m assuming not US because of how she spelled pediatrician.)
I knew this was going to go downhill fast in the first paragraph, when STBXH said “something along the lines of, ‘My paternity leave is short, I want to make the most of it by relaxing a bit.’” Dude, you were not on vacation, and paternity leave isn’t for relaxing and shoving 100% of the work on your exhausted partner!
Whos also healing, I think that's why men get paternity leave. Men get leave so that they are there to help while their wife heals. Even vaginal births can be damaging and rough. It can be traumatic pooping after a vaginal birth and you're given all kinds of rules like how you're not allowed to lift anything heavier than your baby and limit how many times you go up and down stairs.
OOPs posts are eerily similar to what I went through. I just want to tell her that being an actual single mother of one child is *sooo* much less stressful than being a single mother with one child and one adult child.
Things are harder, sure. Finding childcare and working your schedule around your child's is difficult. And one income means there are some creature comforts you have to go without. But the difference in the amount of *stress* I felt... I wish I'd left sooner. It's not worth it, you and your child will be happier without the negative emotions in the house.
Cops: “you, a woman, want to defund the police? But what would you do in a domestic violence situation?! Who would you call then?!”
The un-defunded police in a domestic violence situation: “I mean no harm was done”
She’s physically and mentally exhausted and is going to be struggling to think straight even in the best circumstances. Time away from this man to recover somewhat and reflect will do her the world of good.
I agree. I’m just worried that she’s not reacting fast enough and she or the baby are going to get really hurt. I know it’s so easy to see what she “should” do; it’s not so clear-cut from the inside.
I’m so glad she’s leaving him, she’s got her priorities straight, it just feels like she doesn’t truly realize how dangerous he is. When I read that he took the baby and locked himself in a room, my heart was in my throat.
Jesus...I read that part so fast, I almost got motion sickness. I'm glad OOP is safe, but I cannot IMAGINE what was going through her head when he had her baby locked away from her.
I feel like that was the first real fear she felt? And it’s awesome that she has strong instincts for her baby! I just really wish she had them for herself too. She barely talked about how he manhandled her and her sister, although he left bruises!! She’s important too.
>They didn't arrest him since "no harm was done" even though my sister and I have bruises to prove otherwise, but they held him outside while I packed my stuff.
This is why DV is at epidemic levels across the world
This doesn't surprise me. My ex was normal until we had our first kid. Something about having kids broke his brain in all kinds of ways. I really hope OP ends up safe and away from this walking pile of refuse.
The fact that the cops thought this was non-criminal behavior is chilling.
That woman and her baby are in danger.
Yet, the authorities charged to "protect and serve" the community think they don't have to protect her from her husband even after they had to *physically restrain him* to allow her to get her possessions from her own home to FLEE him.
This explains so much about society.
I hope she is able to protect herself. This is far from over and she and her baby are shackled to him for 18 years. Document, document, document.
The venn diagram of police and domestic abusers is close to a circle. They couldn't possibly consider him a threat, and those bruises must have been self inflicted to make him look bad.
Every time I read text exchanges like that... going from *"oh i love you, let's please try to make this work"* to *"F YOU B DIAF"*... I'm always reminded of that intercom scene from Happy Gilmore:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ji5Pltc19bQ
Nothing says “love” like a message saying “come back and we’ll work it out, u dumb bit—!”
I can’t understand how this guy hid it so long. He’s a horrible, terrible person, husband, and father.
So he held the baby hostage (that may be kidnapping), physically assaulted her and her sister (I REALLY hope she took pictures of the bruises), and sent her harassing and threatening texts? Her divorce/custody lawyer is gonna be smiling ear to ear taking on this case!
he waited until he thought she was helpless and wouldnt run to show his true colours. who's to say his mother didnt know what he would do. OP cant trust any of them!!
When you read something like this, it's hard not to think he should be evaluated by a psychiatrist.
She's dead on her feet and he's screaming at her. How could she ever look at him the same again?
Six weeks while fathers in the military only get ten days.my husband did all primary things with our baby because i had a c-section and he was heading back to asskrackstain.your husband is a hot pile of crap
I really don't understand how men refuse to help with babies they played a part in making.
I welcome a nephew some weeks ago and my sister has to wrestle me to get him away from me. Picking him up when he cries amd soothing him back to sleep feels like my greatest achievement 😂 So i wonder how anyone would not want to take care of their own kid.
Glad she's away from the pos.
So no DIR, or any documentation that he assaulted both mother and sister, and that he held that kid in a room, while he was unstable.
Hopefully she has gone to a lawyer, and has backed those texts up somewhere, since screen caps aren't admissible.
Not sure what country OP is in but as a UK police officer who works in child protection he can get TF.
If it is the UK, then OP and the sister need to give their statements (OP on video to explain the emotional impact) and FULLY support a prosecution.
This guy is deranged and manipulative and I’d never allow him near my child until they were old enough to speak (even then I’d be requesting a third party supervising).
So glad to read OP has now up and left though, you wouldn’t believe the amount of families I deal with where the parent hides/enables this abuse so in some ways it’s a good update.
If I had received all those texts I'd have simply said "bro, I was *sleeping* because at least my own sister knows I need a break"
What a shit person that man is. "Would that teach you what your doing is wrong" come off it dude
I’m a dad. I’m cuddling with my littlest right now. I changed all the diapers for weeks after each was born. My wife needed to get better. Wtf is this dudes problem? He may be a sperm donor. He is not a dad. Or a partner.
Every day, yet another woman only realises she picked a POS loser *after* the baby arrived.
So sorry for OOP. Hope she stays safe and has a better future.
Often abusers mask their behavior until they believe they’ve permanently trapped their partner. And it worked here for a little bit, she put up with his lack of help because she was too exhausted and overwhelmed to fight with him.
A lot of abusers don’t ramp up until she’s pregnant or just gave birth because then she’s completely vulnerable, and you have a little 10 lb ball of leverage….which he used.
Psychos who have enough control to be in a relationship don’t usually start escalating their behaviors until their prey is vulnerable.
A lot of abusers don’t ramp up until she’s pregnant or just gave birth because then she’s completely vulnerable, and you have a little 10 lb ball of leverage….which he used.
Psychos who have enough control to be in a relationship don’t usually start escalating their behaviors until their prey is vulnerable.
Reading the headline only I was thinking it was a father who got too excited and drank himself into a stupor on accident. Oh boy was I so wrong. I've never been around it personally but I have heard that fatherhood can really flip men - either scumbags into dad of the year or perfect partner to abusive shit. He seems to be the latter. I really hope she finds a safe place and gets safe resolution.
Holy Hera. I sincerely hope the family court system actually works for once and gives this mom sole custody of her baby, because that is absolutely terrifying! What the actual fuck what that... being of the male persuasion... thinking?!? And the cops didn't help either! It doesn't surprise me, sadly, but there was a child at stake, usually even the bad cops want to help babies...
Even the way this guy texts bugs me. Not even the things he says, even though he says ridiculous disgusting things...but, like, leaving the h out of "what" and all that. He writes like a 13 year old, back when kids were stuck using flip phones where you had a character limit and you had to punch numbers multiple times to get to the letter you wanted, so they started typing like douchebags to save time and letter count. Except I'm guessing he doesn't have restrictions like that, and he's just a moron.
Don't marry people, don't have kids with people, who talk and write like tweens. Just...don't do it.
She should’ve grabbed his gaming station and offered to trade hostages.
In all seriousness though, I’m glad she’s getting out and hope she makes it to safety.
People always stress get married before children, choose wisely. How are either party going to no that the husband is actually going to become jealous of the mother and her child?
So many fucking morons who don't deserve to have a child with that sort of problems or mentality. People, please try and get help for yourself if you're feeling depressed, angry or tired before you decide to have a baby.
Is there a chance that the husband got PPD and it somehow altered his personality?
I know nothing about it, which is why I'm asking. He is clearly a sorry excuse for a husband and dad, but it sounds like he wasn't like that at all before?
Btw I'm not trying to say I disagree with anyone here, I was just wondering if PPD could possibly be the cause.
I'm grateful she and baby got away and damn those police officers were useless
Her last post says LAST UPDATE in the title so I hope she can safely keep her daughter from that violent disgusting POS! I know we probably won't know more about her since when a redditor posts with last update they usually mean it, but I truly hope she'll be safe and her baby will too. Far away from that disgusting dude
OOP's obvious need for help was making the POS husband feel uncomfortable. Instead of doing the responsible and kind thing to relieve that discomfort, ie actually helping to look after his daughter, instead he blamed OOP for *his* feelings of discomfort. I went through something similar with my own ex husband, who I believe has NPD.
I think this husband must be a narcissist too, because everything is about him - him being able to relax, and his image being impacted by OOP collapsing due to severe sleep deprivation. His initial reaction was "she made him look bad" when her body just couldn't take any more, and (with other people around to look after the baby) her body took that opportunity to shut down for some desperately needed sleep. They should have insisted that she got to sleep immediately, never mind trying to fix it with dessert! (Tbf, they didn't realise how sleep-deprived she was - but her POS husband did. If he wanted to "look better" then he should have insisted that she got some rest right then).
Breastfeeding is literally very draining on the body, add such severe sleep deprivation on top of that and OOP did miraculously well to look after her baby as well as she did! And without even losing her temper once at her husband! It shows that she saw him clearly when the threat was against her baby rather than herself, that's when he'd crossed the line with her. I think she's a great mum.
I'm glad that she finally sees him clearly now and sincerely wish her all the best for the future.
>My paternity leave is short, I want to make the most of it by relaxing a bit. This tells us all we need to know about OOP's husband. And then he gets worse.
I was so glad a commentator on the original post called that out because I immediately started fuming at that point.
Same. I was screaming internally that it's not a fucking holiday that you get as a reward for being a dad; it's supposed to be time that you spend actively caring for your newborn and wife.
Exactly. When our kiddo was born my husband was only a month recovered from major abdominal surgery and was actively undergoing chemo, and he still did more to support me than this dude
When my sister was born in the early 80’s my dad was a junior associate at a giant law firm going on business trips (and had a drinking problem) and he *still* was a bigger support to my mother than this guy *was to his wife* ETA: fixing it for clarity, but I’ve italicized my edit because the comment pointing out my error was hilarious. In all seriousness, my sister had colic as an infant and, despite the fact that my dad was always working and always gone, when he *was* there, he was *always* an active parent. Both he and my mother spoke often of having to drive my sister around in her carseat for **hours** all night because it was the only way she would stop crying and go to sleep. He was an incredibly active father for both of our childhoods (read to us, played with us, did one on one activities with us, we share common interests & hobbies, etc), which is why it was so jarring when he suddenly wasn’t when his alcoholism got really really bad when I got older. He passed away when I was 22, missing 3 awesome grandkids (my sister’s). I didn’t have a perfect father, but my dad taught me the **bare minimum** of what to expect from a man if I have a child with him, and what OOP’s husband’s got ain’t it.
Well, yeah, this guy wasn't even alive in the early eighties. How can you expect him to help your mom?
You’re hilarious and I see how my annoyance at the asshole made me unable to write properly. 😂
My paternity leave was 30 years ago, but I still remember my baby having a hard time transitioning when I returned to work because I did EVERYTHING except breastfeed. That was MY time to spend every possible second with my children and let my wife rest and recover. My "holiday" was spending every spare moment with my children as they greeted the world. I would be so sad now looking back and knowing I missed that time because I wanted to "rElAX"
Same. I read this one to my husband. As soon as I got to that line, he was pissed.
Same! 😭 Throw the whole man out even before the irk at looking bad (cos he IS bad. She bloody fainted!) and actual physical abuse.
Yup, read that and was like oh boy. The man really thought paternity leave was vacation while his wife gets 3 hours of sleep a week. And his behavior only got worse and worse. Yikes.
the number of men who come out of paternity leave "ahead" is ... not happy making. > A male assistant professor’s tenure probability increased by 19.4 percentage points when a clock stop is used, whereas a female assistant professor’s tenure probability decreased by 22.4 percentage points. This gap is primarily attributed to men having more time to conduct research and publish; men tend to use the leave period as a time to work whereas women tend to spend it caring for their child. >More specifically, the additional time gives men the ability to resubmit rejected papers to top journals and to take more risks with regards to where they submit their work. https://gendereconomy.org/gender-neutral-parental-leave-policies-in-academia/
As a little light heartedness to help soothe the rage I feel about the depressingly true info above: my dad is an academic who did the reverse of the jerks who use paternity time for research. There was no paternity time in academia in the 90s (and/or it would have really screwed up the semester to take it), so my dad took a sabbatical to take care of my newborn sister (and kid me) full time while my mom went back to work. That was his one and only sabbatical because he had no research to show at the end of the year--- he used to joke that he was going to attach a picture of my sister to the forms that asked about his "sabbatical productivity" 😂
"Engaged in biological observation of infant primate and initial development. The subject is thriving on a milk-based diet but interestingly defies physics when the input to output ratio is examined. Introduction of strained pears failed in first trials; research team anticipates successes with mashed peas. The subject is currently fascinated by car keys and the flavor of the dog's ear. Anticipate needing additional research time to investigate language development (and convince subject to say 'dada' first)."
I'm going to send this to my dad, he'll love it, haha
Comparing to friends who recently had a baby, where I asked *him* "What did you do today?" and got back "Kid won't let us sleep. But we've kept the baby alive. Go us! That's really all we've done. I have no clean socks."
My husband did more to help out when we had two pets get knee surgery back-to-back, while working full time! This guy's behavior has me both fuming and feeling incredibly lucky.
>But we've kept the baby alive. Go us! Perfect answer.
I told him "I think that's all you're really supposed to do the first few weeks. That and stand around staring at the baby going 'We made that. Wow.'"
OMG, did they give birth to a clone of my oldest??? I aware I’ve said that exact same thing after he was born.
Right? I didn't need anything after that. Take your baby and go because you're already a single mother. But then he got ever so much worse.
This made me so angry. My husband was sad when his leave was over because he missed being with our baby so much. Not because he couldn't "relax" anymore 🙄
What is he relaxing from? He's acting like he carried and birthed a child. What a loser.
His mother needs to yell at him some more.
why? he doesn't seem to respond to it and just forwards the abuse to OOP
Agreed. My bf beyond stepped up with both my boys because I had to have a c-section with both. Even when I was suffering from PPD his work allowed him to work half days so he could be home with me. The other half of the day one of my friends daughters stayed with me.
6 fucking weeks... mother fucker I had 2 weeks that was actually my PTO for the YEAR when I had my kids. Technically with the second I think I had 15 days total but wanted to save some for other needs.
The only time where "my paternity leave is short, I want to make the most of it" is a respectable response if he's taking over all of the baby's needs and letting mother sleep through the entire night. Relaxing when you've got a newborn... What a jerk.
Lol paternity leave for me was taking as much as I can on so my wife can recover and put herself in a better position when I had to go back to work and she was solo. OOP's husband saw it as a government subsidized vacation.
Ikr. That line was enough to realize how much of POS the husband is
I read that line and instantly knew he was a piece of shit.
Holy red flag Batman!
I never had kids of my own but I worked with a few new dads, they would come back from paternity leave looking utterly wrecked due to the sleepless nights.
Yeah, I was thinking, "If he's not doing 50% while he's on leave, there's **NO WAY** he'll be doing anything for her when he's back at work"
The fact that he easily convinced her that she was a jerk for not being concerned about HIM after she passed out rather than being pissed that he didn’t care she passed out in the first place indicates he’s actually been abusive for quite some time and she just hadn’t realized she was the boiling frog yet.
Happy Cake Day!
Right? Like she started at the bottom of the hill and then went to more and more deep-ass pond scum behavior of his.
What did I do with my 2 weeks of paternity leave? I got so hyper focused on wife and son that I lost almost 14 lbs by the time I went back to work. That wasn’t ‘me time’ it was time for me to be there to help.
Holy red flag Batman!
lol so glad my company gave us paternity leave AFTER we had a baby 🙃
OOP needs an emergency custody order and a restraining order ASAP as her husband is starting to escalate in his behaviour and who knows what he will do next to "keep his family together"
She should have gone to the hospital after the cops left. Got the bruising on record and had the baby assessed just in case. The cops are idiots for saying "no harm was done" when they don't have medical training, and not all signs are instant. I don't know who pisses me off more, OOPs husband (STBX I hope) or the cops.
> The cops are idiots You could've just stopped there, honestly
Well there is an IQ cap to becoming a police officer, so you can’t be too smart but you can’t be tooooooooooo dumb but I think there was a study done saying that most police had an IQ of 90
I really thought you were joking. Oh my sweet Jesus in heaven. That is nauseating
That’s still a whole ass standard deviation below the mean (100.) like, 33rd percentile.
Maybe added that they're malicious idiots doing more harm than help in most cases, they're only good at protecting property if you're rich enough, writing tickets, beating their families and happily admitting to it
Lazy bastards need to paint their ceilings.
Agreed. If she had gone to the hospital with her sister, they would have medical records, [IN CERTAIN STATES](https://mandatedreporter.com/blog/which-states-have-mandatory-domestic-violence-reporting/) the hospital would have mandatory reported it to law enforcement, a trained police person would have taken the statement and in many states that's an automatic prosecution for domestic violence. In fact in many states there doesn't even NEED to be physical violence or harm, the threat of imminent harm is sufficient for prosecution and this guy crossed that line twice by pushing both OP and her sister, and a third time by holding his own child hostage. How they claimed "no harm done" means they need more training on prosecutable offenses because their bias siding with "paternity leave is vacation for me to play and not take care of my child to the point my run ragged wife passed out from exhaustion" guy is just showing what terrible misogynists they are.
Based on the spelling of paediatrician rather than the American spelling and the part about her having 16 weeks maternity leave, I’d wager she’s not from the states. Maybe Aussie? But they could have similar reporting laws.
For the record, since this is **dangerous misinformation:** hospital staff in the US **will not** automatically make any kind of police contact unless they credibly suspect a risk of immediate danger or neglect towards a vulnerable person (child, disabled, elderly). They will ask about a patient’s safety, and encourage them to connect with law enforcement or social services, but there will be no report without the patient’s consent. If you are in a position where it isn’t safe for you to escalate by reporting your abuse, you can still go to the hospital if you need to. The staff will not betray your confidence. Please don’t tell people otherwise.
Edited to add for certain states, but it's not misinformation. Also you forgot "most women" in your list of vulnerable people. [https://mandatedreporter.com/blog/which-states-have-mandatory-domestic-violence-reporting/](https://mandatedreporter.com/blog/which-states-have-mandatory-domestic-violence-reporting/)
Yeah, sorry, in hindsight I should have been clearer that I’m talking about the specific situation in this post, which would not trigger mandatory reporting laws. They’re written to apply only to very serious injuries, as, to quote from the site you linked: > The goal of mandatory reporting is to enhance the safety and well-being of the victim. However, many survivors of domestic abuse fear that reporting will put them—and their children—in harm’s way. Oftentimes, mandated reporting can put DV victim at risk of retaliation from their abusers. Violence typically escalates when survivors attempt to get outside help or to separate from their abusers. >Mandated reporting brings a particular set of ethical issues, as well. >According to The Family Violence Prevention Fund, mandatory reporting does not respect the autonomy of DV survivors. If you show up at the ER with bruises, nobody’s going to call the cops on you.
Something like 40% of cops have self reported as admitting to domestic violence. It's little wonder that they turn a blind eye to it when they see it happening.
And that's just the ones who admit to it...
40% of cops admit it. Less than 100% of cops are married.
Given OOP's user name, it's entirely possible the cops who who showed up had literal 0 jurisdiction. The cops intervened and nobody got shot. I'd say that's probably as good as can reasonably be expected in Oklahoma right now.
I thought OP was british given how she spelt paediatrician ;P
Which post is your flair from? It sounds familiar.
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/YSnsUwVqbz Hope it works
It did! Thank you, what a wild and crazy ride.
If he could have convinced the sister to leave, he would have absolutely beat the shit out of her and made it so much harder for her to leave.
The age-old story of a man revealing that he's an asshole once he thinks you can't walk away. I'm glad OOP is out.
Also the age old story of cops being useless as shit and being forgiving towards DV perpetrators
No wonder given how many of them are abusers themselves
Considering during a DV study on cops they self reported commiting DV at 40%. Imagine how many more were smart enough to keep quiet. The national average of DV for regular people is 10% for reference.
Two guys roll up to a domestic violence call with Punisher tattoos. One says to the other one “would you feel threatened by that?” Other one says “nah, I wouldn’t feel threatened by that.” Then they drive off in their $75k taxpayer funded vehicle while talking about how good they are “protecting and serving”. Where’s the joke? Oh it’s the police protection women get as taxpayers. That’s the fucking joke.
It is interesting when this gets triggered for various assholes. Some seem to start when they get engaged, others married, and others (if they do things in this order) wait until there is a baby.
It's all about when they feel the most comfortable with how 'trapped' you are. Some are arrogant enough to think once they have you 'promised forever' then you're willing to accept whatever they do to keep that. Some go for the baby right off the bat tbh. Some wait til the baby after marriage literally because they're not getting all the attention anymore and are expected to step up and they don't want to do that. They have a certain idea that a woman will become domesticated and subservient once she has a child because of 'hormones' and to keep that child happy and in a 'nuclear' home.
The promised forever thing is actually pretty historically ingrained. Some cultures still practice marriage by abduction. Look up Franca Viola from Italy who made headlines in the sixties for refusing a “rehabilitation marriage” after she was kidnapped and SA by a man for declining his proposal. A lot of men don’t know the history of misogyny but they understand the consequences.
He held an infant hostage. It still makes my blood boil, even though it’s my second time reading the story. Thank goodness mother and baby left. I hope they have a safe future.
I’ve been watching true crime constantly for like a month, and things like this can go sideways so fast. That’s an infant. I’m sorry but I would be kicking in a door or two to make sure a vulnerable child was safe.
Right? There was a case in Germany, where a father threw his kids of the balcony because he wanted to punish his wife. And this dude doesn't seem that much more sane.
And they’ll give him partial custody if he wants it 🙃 Be careful who you have children with. So many women stay in bad marriages, even dangerous marriages, because for some insane reason most courts in the US don’t seem to think that if a man is violent toward his wife he’s dangerous to their children My sister had to share custody with a man who police saw slam her head against her baby’s crib
In NZ at least, and I’m saying this bc I’m a law student whose volunteering at the local legal clinic and only found this out from one of the lawyers there, that any violence done in front of the children (so anything they can see or hear, they don’t have to understand what is happening) is considered violence to the child and would count as such in a parenting order
That is fantastic legislation. In the USA, unfortunately, it’s state dependent and often up to the discretion of a judge :-/
In other ways, our family legislation is a bit so-so: E.g in order to get a parenting order you must first take a parenting through separation class (4hrs) (both parents must do this but they don’t do it together, if one parent neglects to do it then it’ll count against them) then they have to do mediation (which does cost but you can apply for it to be covered by the government) if mediation fails then you can apply to the courts for a parenting order This just takes ages so if there’s something happening soon but not enough to get emergency assistance then it can takes ages to get it sorted On the other hand, protection orders can be given super fast: protection orders are the word for restraining orders but specifically against a previous romantic partner. If you get an emergency protection order - it will be issued on the same day you apply, if it’s not emergency then it will be approved in the same week The ex partner then has 3 months to appeal this protection order, where you both bring proof to a judge and they decide, if they do not appeal within the 3 months or they lose the appeal then the protection order automatically becomes permanent for the rest of your lives So family law is a bit hit and miss here
Im hoping that the texts, + witness will go far enough to prove (in this case) he is unfit to be a parent but I know it's not always that simple 😮💨
You would think. OP needs a very experienced custody lawyer yesterday
There was a dude that raped and stabbed his wife over a dozen times in front of their two daughters (I think they were like 3 and 5). The kids ended up getting away and calling police. She spend months in the hospital recovering. The kids are traumatized as fuck. All 3 are in therapy. He went to prison for a year, now he's out and the courts want him to be given partial custody. Even the kid's therapist said that if the courts force those girls to go with him she won't be able to pick up the pieces, they're terrified of this man, he's the monster in their nightmares.
What the fuck
Alright, that's enough reddit for today
Police investigated and found their bruising was self inflicted on some stairs and the baby refused to unlock the door. Nothing to be done about it unless he decides to press charges
I feel the same way and would struggle to fight the instinct to go charging in but the police did get the baby out safe. Breaking down the door would have escalated the situation which is the last thing they needed in that moment. It’s crazy to me that they didn’t arrest him though
Exactly, infants are so, so fragile it would have taken an instant for that vile piece of shit to kill her if the cops had escalated, and no matter how low the chances were that he would you simply cannot gamble on a child's life. What I'm displeased about was him not being arrested right then and there once they did successfully get him out and the baby safe, so it wasn't all exactly A+ police work going on there.
From the police’s perspective it’s safer for the child if they negotiate with him to peacefully open the door and give up the kid, as opposed to kicking in a door and wrestling a man holding a newborn to the ground. Where the police fucked up is that this was a DV scenario and he probably should have been arrested, even if there were no charges.
Well, there were many vulnerable children in Uvalde and police didn't care, why would they care about one kid? It's not like someone important was in danger /s
I would've lost any sanity I had an broken the door down myself (of course it helps that I am a tall woman with some weight behind her) and things may not have ended well for that "man". Hind-sight is always 20/20, so she now knows that baby should've stayed with sis and she should've gotten a friend/relative (preferably a man) to go with her. Good thing is she saved the texts and can/will use them to her advantage.
Were any of the cops from Uvalde?
A percentage of cops beat their spouses so they tend to side w abusers.
That percentage is 40%, and that's self reported.
I was referring to the refusal to open the door forcefully sooner.
Held an infant hostage ans was given the benefit of doubt by cops....cool cool cool
It's a classic at this point, cops who can't do the fucking bare minimum
Normal cop decision ): still fucks my head that USA cops have no legal requirement to protect people ):
Normal cop decision ): still f’s with my head that USA cops have no legal requirement to protect people ):
40% of cops beat their wives, so their total inaction to him hitting them or trying to kidnap the infant is totally unsurprising to me. Cops probably spent most of the time trying to convince him to come out by telling him how much courts hate men.
>40% of cops beat their wives, ... 40% **admit** to beating their wives.
The rest are lying.
She needs to go to the police station and make sure there is a written report of this police visit and what was happening. Let the duty sergeant know that there were visible signs of abuse on OP and sister. This is important for custody hearing.
I was done reading at the "my paternity is running out so I need to relax" bit. I spent the entirety of my paternity leave on 2 hour sleep shifts being the primary care giver for my daughter because my then wife was recovering from a c-section. That's what the leave was for and I was more than happy to do it because I was a DAD now. Something just switched on when I held my daughter for the first time and I was compelled to protect her. Was it rough? Yes. There were times when I was dealing with a collicky baby screaming and I was in a daze from lack of sleep and I was like..."This is it. This is the moment people snap and shake the baby." Stories of shitty partners dealing with newborns really irritate me.
I’m convinced that the first 2 years of my son’s life did irreparable damage to my body. I had to deal with so much of it alone because of my husband’s job.
Yea - that's exactly where I shouted out loud. That's NOT what paternity leave is for. It's not vacation for dad, it's to bond with the kid and help out the mom.
He thought she was trapped and the mask fell off.
It's fully terrifying how often that happens. My best friend's ex was never my favourite guy in the world, but he was tolerable. Once she got pregnant, the mask started slipping. He's a monster. His new wife looks miserable now that they have a child of their own. People like this just keep doing it.
>They didn't arrest him since "no harm was done" even though my sister and I have bruises to prove otherwise Unsurprising, but still disappointing.
OP needs to go down to the precinct and file a report in person. After reading a lot of stories that sadly end like this there seems to be a pattern of beat cops not wanting to do anything but going to theprecinct gets results.results.
I wonder if she can specifically file a complaint against the cops for their inaction but I'm not sure how that process would work where OP is
Welp, we tried nothing and we're out of ideas!
ACAB
Police don’t do anything unless you’re actively bleeding to death and even then if your black, they’ll just let to die
It's a "civil matter", no you assholes it's DV.
Cops.exe has stopped working
Oh it's working exactly as intended. Which is to say, not very well at all
No problem in the cop code found, perhaps user error?
Uhh yeah that's now how it works in a lot of countries. DV is one of the things cops CAN'T ignore.
This is very close to one of the incidents when I was married. It wasn't the last one but it should have been. I'm hoping OOP is doing a lot better now.
Husband is really dangerous. Dude acted like a good dad before the sister but as soon as she's out of the room, he showed his true colors.
Typical behaviour of domestic abusers. The MiL seems reasonable but could be unintentionally fanning flames by chewing out her son for his behaviour. She has to do something, but probably needs to work the problem from a different direction.
She is reasonable but when it comes to it, he's her son and most moms don't see how awful they are.
It's just more proof that Lundy is right. These abusers can control themselves just fine, they *choose* to abuse their partners.
That MF of a husband sent OOP vile and threatening texts and then actually harmed OOP and her sister - he shoved each hard enough to leave bruises. I think that is grounds for a restraining order, at least where I live, and I hope it is wherever she lives, too. (I’m assuming not US because of how she spelled pediatrician.) I knew this was going to go downhill fast in the first paragraph, when STBXH said “something along the lines of, ‘My paternity leave is short, I want to make the most of it by relaxing a bit.’” Dude, you were not on vacation, and paternity leave isn’t for relaxing and shoving 100% of the work on your exhausted partner!
Whos also healing, I think that's why men get paternity leave. Men get leave so that they are there to help while their wife heals. Even vaginal births can be damaging and rough. It can be traumatic pooping after a vaginal birth and you're given all kinds of rules like how you're not allowed to lift anything heavier than your baby and limit how many times you go up and down stairs.
Yes!! Can’t believe I left that out.
OOPs posts are eerily similar to what I went through. I just want to tell her that being an actual single mother of one child is *sooo* much less stressful than being a single mother with one child and one adult child. Things are harder, sure. Finding childcare and working your schedule around your child's is difficult. And one income means there are some creature comforts you have to go without. But the difference in the amount of *stress* I felt... I wish I'd left sooner. It's not worth it, you and your child will be happier without the negative emotions in the house.
How tf a man can take 1 mo infant hostage for 30mins and dont even get a slap on the wrist?! Its infuriating!
40% of cops.
40% *self-reported*
Yeah A cop moved in down the street from us about six months ago. It’s been… quite bad.
ACAB
30 minutes once the cops arrived. God knows how long he actually shut himself in with the baby for.
Funny how his good behaviour disappeared when questioned.
Cops: “you, a woman, want to defund the police? But what would you do in a domestic violence situation?! Who would you call then?!” The un-defunded police in a domestic violence situation: “I mean no harm was done”
ACAB
Take their fucking "protection" racket money and give it to shelters.
And once again, with visible bruises, witnesses and a men holding a baby hostage, the police did nothing.
>She was fine, though, so I can’t be too mad. This feels like a theme throughout. OOP is *seriously* underreacting to her husband’s abuse.
She’s physically and mentally exhausted and is going to be struggling to think straight even in the best circumstances. Time away from this man to recover somewhat and reflect will do her the world of good.
I agree. I’m just worried that she’s not reacting fast enough and she or the baby are going to get really hurt. I know it’s so easy to see what she “should” do; it’s not so clear-cut from the inside. I’m so glad she’s leaving him, she’s got her priorities straight, it just feels like she doesn’t truly realize how dangerous he is. When I read that he took the baby and locked himself in a room, my heart was in my throat.
Jesus...I read that part so fast, I almost got motion sickness. I'm glad OOP is safe, but I cannot IMAGINE what was going through her head when he had her baby locked away from her.
I feel like that was the first real fear she felt? And it’s awesome that she has strong instincts for her baby! I just really wish she had them for herself too. She barely talked about how he manhandled her and her sister, although he left bruises!! She’s important too.
You get used to it
>They didn't arrest him since "no harm was done" even though my sister and I have bruises to prove otherwise, but they held him outside while I packed my stuff. This is why DV is at epidemic levels across the world
I agree with the commenter in the post who said he should take a long walk down a short pier.
With concrete shoes PLEASE
I was thinking doing a backflip off the Empire State Building with no protective gear. :^D
He’s not worth the traffic jam
He traumatise some poor people on the street too. I'd hate for them to have to deal with that.
This doesn't surprise me. My ex was normal until we had our first kid. Something about having kids broke his brain in all kinds of ways. I really hope OP ends up safe and away from this walking pile of refuse.
The fact that the cops thought this was non-criminal behavior is chilling. That woman and her baby are in danger. Yet, the authorities charged to "protect and serve" the community think they don't have to protect her from her husband even after they had to *physically restrain him* to allow her to get her possessions from her own home to FLEE him. This explains so much about society. I hope she is able to protect herself. This is far from over and she and her baby are shackled to him for 18 years. Document, document, document.
The venn diagram of police and domestic abusers is close to a circle. They couldn't possibly consider him a threat, and those bruises must have been self inflicted to make him look bad.
Yeah no. That would be no way on gods earth would I allow that man near my kid again.
Every time I read text exchanges like that... going from *"oh i love you, let's please try to make this work"* to *"F YOU B DIAF"*... I'm always reminded of that intercom scene from Happy Gilmore: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ji5Pltc19bQ
Nothing says “love” like a message saying “come back and we’ll work it out, u dumb bit—!” I can’t understand how this guy hid it so long. He’s a horrible, terrible person, husband, and father.
Your family's answer to you *passing out* was not to get you to bed, not taking you to the doctor but to feed you cake? WTF
Among other things, fainting can occur due to low blood sugar. Cake was a quick way to give her sugar.
So he held the baby hostage (that may be kidnapping), physically assaulted her and her sister (I REALLY hope she took pictures of the bruises), and sent her harassing and threatening texts? Her divorce/custody lawyer is gonna be smiling ear to ear taking on this case!
he waited until he thought she was helpless and wouldnt run to show his true colours. who's to say his mother didnt know what he would do. OP cant trust any of them!!
My god, police are SO FUCKING USELESS.
Unsurprising that the cops were useless
When you read something like this, it's hard not to think he should be evaluated by a psychiatrist. She's dead on her feet and he's screaming at her. How could she ever look at him the same again?
Yet another woman who finds out that her conservative "trad male" husband is a toxic POS
Six weeks while fathers in the military only get ten days.my husband did all primary things with our baby because i had a c-section and he was heading back to asskrackstain.your husband is a hot pile of crap
The first thought I had was.. Oh so when does she get to relax during her maternity leave then? What an asshole.
I really don't understand how men refuse to help with babies they played a part in making. I welcome a nephew some weeks ago and my sister has to wrestle me to get him away from me. Picking him up when he cries amd soothing him back to sleep feels like my greatest achievement 😂 So i wonder how anyone would not want to take care of their own kid. Glad she's away from the pos.
I hate the police never do their damn job. He assaulted them and they didn’t arrest him wth is wrong with them.
He held a baby hostage and bruised his wife and sister. How is there no harm done
These are the kinds of behaviours that escalate into murder. I so hope OP stays safe and somewhere her spouse doesn’t know about.
The cops didn't arrest him because they're probably all abusers themselves.
So no DIR, or any documentation that he assaulted both mother and sister, and that he held that kid in a room, while he was unstable. Hopefully she has gone to a lawyer, and has backed those texts up somewhere, since screen caps aren't admissible.
Not sure what country OP is in but as a UK police officer who works in child protection he can get TF. If it is the UK, then OP and the sister need to give their statements (OP on video to explain the emotional impact) and FULLY support a prosecution. This guy is deranged and manipulative and I’d never allow him near my child until they were old enough to speak (even then I’d be requesting a third party supervising). So glad to read OP has now up and left though, you wouldn’t believe the amount of families I deal with where the parent hides/enables this abuse so in some ways it’s a good update.
He could have killed or seriously harmed his child and the cops wouldn't arrest him????? Genuinely fuck the cops
If I had received all those texts I'd have simply said "bro, I was *sleeping* because at least my own sister knows I need a break" What a shit person that man is. "Would that teach you what your doing is wrong" come off it dude
I’m a dad. I’m cuddling with my littlest right now. I changed all the diapers for weeks after each was born. My wife needed to get better. Wtf is this dudes problem? He may be a sperm donor. He is not a dad. Or a partner.
Every day, yet another woman only realises she picked a POS loser *after* the baby arrived. So sorry for OOP. Hope she stays safe and has a better future.
Often abusers mask their behavior until they believe they’ve permanently trapped their partner. And it worked here for a little bit, she put up with his lack of help because she was too exhausted and overwhelmed to fight with him.
A lot of abusers don’t ramp up until she’s pregnant or just gave birth because then she’s completely vulnerable, and you have a little 10 lb ball of leverage….which he used. Psychos who have enough control to be in a relationship don’t usually start escalating their behaviors until their prey is vulnerable.
It's scary that a lot are very capable of hiding their true nature until that line has been crossed...
A lot of abusers don’t ramp up until she’s pregnant or just gave birth because then she’s completely vulnerable, and you have a little 10 lb ball of leverage….which he used. Psychos who have enough control to be in a relationship don’t usually start escalating their behaviors until their prey is vulnerable.
Reading the headline only I was thinking it was a father who got too excited and drank himself into a stupor on accident. Oh boy was I so wrong. I've never been around it personally but I have heard that fatherhood can really flip men - either scumbags into dad of the year or perfect partner to abusive shit. He seems to be the latter. I really hope she finds a safe place and gets safe resolution.
Holy Hera. I sincerely hope the family court system actually works for once and gives this mom sole custody of her baby, because that is absolutely terrifying! What the actual fuck what that... being of the male persuasion... thinking?!? And the cops didn't help either! It doesn't surprise me, sadly, but there was a child at stake, usually even the bad cops want to help babies...
Even the way this guy texts bugs me. Not even the things he says, even though he says ridiculous disgusting things...but, like, leaving the h out of "what" and all that. He writes like a 13 year old, back when kids were stuck using flip phones where you had a character limit and you had to punch numbers multiple times to get to the letter you wanted, so they started typing like douchebags to save time and letter count. Except I'm guessing he doesn't have restrictions like that, and he's just a moron. Don't marry people, don't have kids with people, who talk and write like tweens. Just...don't do it.
She should’ve grabbed his gaming station and offered to trade hostages. In all seriousness though, I’m glad she’s getting out and hope she makes it to safety.
People always stress get married before children, choose wisely. How are either party going to no that the husband is actually going to become jealous of the mother and her child?
Sigh. You know it’s probably real when the police are completely useless
I hope OOP and her sister went and showed his mother their bruises.
OMG… That escalated quickly he’s really a fucking nut. His true color showed.
I’m sorry, this woman FAINTED because she was so sleep-deprived, and he was acting like she’d intentionally made him look bad??? What the FUCK???
I wonder how the guy was before the kid was born. Something tells me he wasn’t ever a very great guy.
Police suck
So many fucking morons who don't deserve to have a child with that sort of problems or mentality. People, please try and get help for yourself if you're feeling depressed, angry or tired before you decide to have a baby.
I hope they both report the shoving, it will help later.
Is there a chance that the husband got PPD and it somehow altered his personality? I know nothing about it, which is why I'm asking. He is clearly a sorry excuse for a husband and dad, but it sounds like he wasn't like that at all before? Btw I'm not trying to say I disagree with anyone here, I was just wondering if PPD could possibly be the cause. I'm grateful she and baby got away and damn those police officers were useless
He wouldn't even do the laundry. what a champion
Her last post says LAST UPDATE in the title so I hope she can safely keep her daughter from that violent disgusting POS! I know we probably won't know more about her since when a redditor posts with last update they usually mean it, but I truly hope she'll be safe and her baby will too. Far away from that disgusting dude
OOP's obvious need for help was making the POS husband feel uncomfortable. Instead of doing the responsible and kind thing to relieve that discomfort, ie actually helping to look after his daughter, instead he blamed OOP for *his* feelings of discomfort. I went through something similar with my own ex husband, who I believe has NPD. I think this husband must be a narcissist too, because everything is about him - him being able to relax, and his image being impacted by OOP collapsing due to severe sleep deprivation. His initial reaction was "she made him look bad" when her body just couldn't take any more, and (with other people around to look after the baby) her body took that opportunity to shut down for some desperately needed sleep. They should have insisted that she got to sleep immediately, never mind trying to fix it with dessert! (Tbf, they didn't realise how sleep-deprived she was - but her POS husband did. If he wanted to "look better" then he should have insisted that she got some rest right then). Breastfeeding is literally very draining on the body, add such severe sleep deprivation on top of that and OOP did miraculously well to look after her baby as well as she did! And without even losing her temper once at her husband! It shows that she saw him clearly when the threat was against her baby rather than herself, that's when he'd crossed the line with her. I think she's a great mum. I'm glad that she finally sees him clearly now and sincerely wish her all the best for the future.