This post has been confirmed fake because a month ago OOP was 25F and recently [dumped](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1cywocz/aitah_for_breaking_the_relationship_between_my/) by her 25M boyfriend John, and now she is 28F and married.
I don’t disagree with you that it’s less than ideal and a dick move. But when he immediately moved onto his AP, what did he, and Beatrice expect? That his parents would just welcome her with open arms?
What really pissed me off though. Is his parents think that Beatrice isn’t good enough for their “intellectual son”. *”Oh! You mean the intellectual son who is a liar and a cheater? Yeah. You’re right. He’s a real catch!”*/s.
These parents are delulu and are incredibly snobby. The only quality they want a DIL to have, is that she reads books - everything else can suck, but she *MUST* READ ALL THE BOOKS or else she’s a beneath them. Like WTF.
Yea I was gonna say. It sounds like ex’s parents are still bitter and angry at their own son for not just having an emotional affair but losing a future DIL that they liked. They may have taken the betrayal and also the shock of finding out that their son would even have an affair, pretty hard. Instead of taking it out on him, they directed it towards Beatrice.
OOP’s poor FIL getting dragged into this and having no idea what’s going on.
>Instead of taking it out on him, they directed it towards Beatrice.
I mean, a little should be directed at Beatrice. Unless otherwise stated, OP was very loud about how small their town was and how everyone was in each other's business. 99% chance Beatrice knew OP/ex were together, and she still chose to be an affair partner.
It takes a special type of shitty person to choose to be an affair partner. It's like someone choosing to be a serial their, liar, etc. I wouldn't want to have someone like that in my family, which are supposed to be some of the closed people in my life.
Oh definitely, a lot should be directed at Beatrice too. She knowing was the affair partner. And you’re right, they’re vile and lack morals. It seems like she was fully aware that her fiancé was taken but didn’t care then. She suddenly is threatened by OOP because she thinks OOP would stoop down to her level too. That seems to be their thought process when accusing someone of cheating, while cheating or being the cheater’s AP. They think everyone thinks as low as them.
I’d also be bitter in the parents position. But I wouldn’t be subtle about why. Which is why I think they’re going the passive aggressive route of subtle comments and digs at Beatrice because they refuse to say what they really mean. Hell I wouldn’t want to be associated with my child anymore if I found out they cheated. I think that’s why it seemed that way to me. Not everyone is willing to cut off their child for cheating. It’s not easy. But it seems like the parents are pretending like they’re fine but they’re stewing underneath it and directing it all at Beatrice instead of acknowledging that both their son and Beatrice made terrible choices that hurt OOP and acted immorally. Poor OOP was used as an unwilling weapon by the parents in their passive aggressive attacks.
So I see two awards that just happened to be free, I have three of one and five of the other because I’ve used two already. I think they just credited them to the account when they reintroduced awards
Right? Fucking hell the woman just wants to read and discuss it afterwards with some pals.
Sometime you just mind your own business and a drama whirlwind happens. Then you’re left like “oh well, better clean up then”
Hopefully they leave her be now.
When you’re constantly surrounded by drama and haven’t learned how to create and hold boundaries to protect yourself, it takes some time to learn how to nope out. I was in my late 20s when I finally figured it out.
I have a top tip for Beatrice if she’s worried about being thought of as an affair partner. Try not being an affair partner in the future.
Follow me for more top tips.
You'd think. It's surprising how often people cheat with other people and get shocked when they're thought of badly by people who witness it and have to live with the fallout ( friends, the person/s cheated on.)
Such as the Redditor who met her now husband at the park where he was with his wife and children, and they proceeded to have an affair from there. Couldn’t understand why his oldest child was not accepting of her.
The projection on her part for accusing OOP for trying to “take other women’s men” lmao like girl, has the kettle met the pot?
She’s clearly insecure and feels like attacking OOP will make things better or somehow make her feel more welcomed in the family. I doubt that will ever happen
This is țhe thing with cheater - every accusation is a confession. It is honestly text book how text book cheaters are. It is like whatever device in their brain allows them to cheat permanently turns off their ability to take accountability and makes them believe that everyone is just as shitty as they are.
Exactly, you can't really blame Jim's parents for disliking Beatrice, or for resenting their son for the way his relationship with OOP ended. If they were just being catty and classist about Beatrice being more into fashion than literature, that would be shitty, but in their shoes, I'd be judgemental of Beatrice too for her actions. It's just unfortunate everyone made the situation OOP's problem. Jim already wronged her once, and now he's doing it again by dragging her unwillingly into his family's obnoxious conflict.
ehhhh, I'm not impressed with Jim's parents behavior either. Being upset about their son being a cheater, sure. Being upset that he's now dating the woman he had an emotional affair with, sure.
But they keep banging on and on and on and on about how shallow she is because she doesn't read and likes clothes and make-up which is \*terrible\* and, hypocritcally, incredibly shallow reason to dislike someone.
and the person doing the cheating is still more culpable than whoever they're cheating with.
Nah. If it walks like an ass, sounds like an ass, behaves like an ass, it's likely an ass.
It's the same concept as revenge and justice. Justice is not accepting Beatrice in the parents circle because she's the affair partner. Revenge is insulting her intelligence and personality, and taking gifts back.
So I have a harder time automatically blaming the other person in an emotional affair, because they can easily be one sided. Did she know Jim left the OP to be with her? Men often take kindness as more, and if they didn’t immediately start dating she may have thought it was above board.
Or k could be wrong. I just think emotional cheating can be one sided in a way that physical cheating can’t be.
This is the question I was going to ask. It's not explicitly stated that she knew or not the relationship between Jim and OP. Then again, she did state that it's a small town so it's probable that Beatrice would know about it, Given that she is from the town.
If not, her job could prevent her from being in town a lot. I don't really know what a boutique buyer implies, but I guess she would buy small, failing shops and then run them well enough to start profiting. Then keep the business or sell it off. Sort of a restaurant franchise/flipping homes sort of thing. Either way, she would probably be at the boutique running it. There probably aren't many boutiques in a small town, so I would guess that she's not around a lot. Which would provide the ideal situation for Jim to cultivate an affair while she is not privy to his prior relationship.
Another thing is that she and her friends posted on FB to slander OP instead of gossiping. It may just be a generational thing, but it also could be that her friends are from out of town so FB would be the medium to do the drama.
Yep. If my son cheated on my beloved DIL(Seriously, she's an angel), he'd better not be bringing his affair partner around the family! Especially if she as shallow as this "person" seems to be.
If you’re embarrassed about not being well read, pick up a book and read something. You can ask your more well read friends for recommendations of great places to start.
Or you can decide that reading isn’t important to you. That’s also fine. But don’t make your choices other people’s problem.
I like to read, but it’s mostly romance novels at the moment. People can and do shit on those books because they aren’t serious enough. So, she may read, but not serious enough books for Jim’s parents.
Right, and people do suck about judging other people’s reading choices, I fully agree.
But I’m arguing that it doesn’t matter what other people think. If she herself feels bad about her reading choices, she can change them. If she doesn’t feel bad, then what’s the problem? She should love herself as she is then, instead of talking shit about people who make other choices online.
Realising you'd rather be with somebody else, and breaking up rather than actually cheating on them isn't cheating at all.
"Emotional affair" is an expression meant for those long-term couples who give up on their relationship to spend time with the new fling but choose not to end it officially. It doesn't really fit here.
He was in a long-term relationship with OP. Inappropriate emotional intimacy with someone else while in that situation totally counts as an emotional affair
Phew, I'm glad OOP was able to successfully extricate herself and deescalate the unnecessary drama...
>FIL then told me that Beatrice had taken down the posts, but he was pissed, so my FIL had already made another post tagging Jim and his family, on how they didn't know how to keep it in the family and were certainly not as classy as they seemed to be if they were slandering other people on Facebook.
Goddammit, FIL, read the room! Way to blow everything back up after OOP had bent over backwards repairing the damage.
Yeah I thought that was so completely in opposition to what OOP was trying to do that it was kinda hilarious. The main reason this was a whole big deal was people posting about each other on social media and not just shutting up and leaving each other alone. You don't have to get the last word!!! You almost want to start spraying them with water every time they start angry posting
Everybody in Jim's family is awful.
Also, the way they just write Beatrice off as shallow cause she's into fashion, but its a given as its part of her job? I know she's a dick for being a mistress, but looking down on people for their interest is a shitty thing to do.
Yeah. Jim's parents definitely come across as the incredibly annoying intellectuals who look down on anyone that they perceive as less intelligent than them.
I think it’s an intersection of things. She has a job they don’t value, she doesn’t have hobbies they value, and they’re not happy with the way she entered their lives.
(I tend to work pretty grody jobs, but can do the impress-rich-people thing because I’ve got hobbies that are seen as intellectual/fancy. Snooty people will give you a “bohemian” pass if you can talk fancy)
OOP needs to turn over a new leaf and just move on to the next chapter in her life. Clearly she and her ex’s mom were not on the same page. She should have better evaluated the prose and cons before letting her into the club.
>Many people are asking, so yes, Jim did sort of cheat on me with Beatrice. He admitted to having an emotional affair with Beatrice and dumped me. I later heard that his parents did not take it well.
>most people in Jim's circle thought of her as the affair partner
I mean, Beatrice needs to understand she *is* the affair partner. The comments from the parents looking down at her for not being into reading were uncalled for, but she and OPs ex need to realize a lot of people will have a hard time welcoming cheating.
Had they started off without it, maybe the parents and others wouldhave been more gracious and not kept trying to find reasons to put her down
I agree with you. Unfortunately Beatrice is going to have to either find someway to live with being known as “the affair partner” (because that’s exactly what she is) or she just needs to cut her losses and leave Jim. I have no doubt it’s distressing and upsetting for Beatrice to constantly be looked and put down upon but she kinda made her bed when she decided to have an affair. Many people don’t like cheaters or people who have affairs and they especially don’t like it if they liked the former partner like it seems Jim’s family liked OP.
Granted from how OP describes them I think even without the affair Jim’s family and circle would have looked down at Beatrice which is just assholish of them. Just because someone has different interests or jobs doesn’t mean they’re lesser than you.
>I think even without the affair Jim’s family and circle would have looked down at Beatrice
Maybe so, but maybe they'd have reigned it in and tried to be more civil. With the whole affair thing (especially when it meant losing someone more their style) they think they have the green light to be as mean as they can because Beatrice is some affair chick
And while op escaped the drama, I doubt beatrice is Amy better now. The mom got kicked out from something she enjoyed and publicly called out. She's likely even angrier at Beatrice now
True maybe they would have been more subtle or civil if the relationship hadn’t started with an affair. They definitely seemed to have taken the affair as a green light to be mean to Beatrice.
Unfortunately you’re probably right. Amy is probably going to take this as further “proof” of how horrible Beatrice is for her son and will take her frustration out on Beatrice. Granted unfortunately for her Beatrice’s own behavior didn’t help the situation when she decided to blast OP on social media. I don’t see Beatrice and Jim lasting much longer.
Sounds like OP was their dream daughter in law. Whoever was the follow-up act was going to have a hard time, but being the person who caused the breakup? Beatrice was doomed to be on their shit list.
I mean, OP seems considerate and intelligent and Beatrice seems rude and shallow.
They could be judging her unfairly, or they could be judging her fairly and blind to Jim sucking too.
Especially if Beatrice is going to post stuff like
>even tagged my FIL in one of them, on how snobbish and mean-minded 'bookish' women try to take other women's men
insinuating that OOP (who is married to someone else) is trying to steal her ex BACK from Beatrice.
I think if I had started my relationship with my husband by breaking up a long term relationship he was already in, I would be constantly low-level afraid that the same thing would happen to me.
Cheaters gonna cheat.
FIL might have had her back *too* much. I don't know what he thought he was doing by publicly attacking Jim's family *after* OOP had already put the situation to bed and gotten everyone to move on, but he only made the situation much, much worse.
Cheaters are interesting like that. They like feeling like they “won”, because haha they’re so irresistible, but they can’t shake also knowing the prize is stealable.
The maturity level of Jim, his parents and fiancée is sad. I've seen 10 y/o act more mature.
OOP just wanted to share her love of books, even if it was with exes mother. In small towns, it's very hard to avoid some people, especially if everyone shares interests.
For the folks who can't understand why OOP would have any connection at all with her ex's mom - as OOP said, it's a small town. In a small town, you can't always avoid seeing people when a relationship ends like you can in a bigger city. Sometimes, you maintain a cordial connection and continue to move on with your life. The "No contact with an ex or anyone connected with them ever again!" rule that seems to propagate throughout Reddit can't always work or you risk isolating yourself from an entire community.
Also, they're just people. I lived with my ex's parents for a month, a while after we'd broken up, when I was between housing. I met up with his sister years later when she visited my city. We broke up, we didn't declare a family feud.
A not small part of why his parents are rejecting Beatrice is because they loved OP and know that their son cheated with her and ended their relationship for her. Their bitter over their son's actions and taking it out on his wife.
It sounds like OOP dodged a huge bullet when Jim broke up with her, as all of the family seem kinda terrible.
Her husband defending her to Beatrice really stands in contrast to Jim's behaviour and his not defending Beatrice to her parents too.
Really the lesson for everyone here is just to let people live their lives. It annoys me so much when people look down on others for not enjoying the same hobbies.
"How dare you bring your family drama online for all the world to see! I shall chastise you for doing so...online! For all the world to see!"
I can picture poor OOP just sipping tea trying to read her books in peace like "...goddamn boomers."
I wondered if he thought he was somehow defending his son—if Beatrice thinks OOP wants Jim back, it kind of implies that she’s unhappy with her husband. But that for sure wasn’t the way to go about it.
I mean, I guess. He definitely had the right to feel betrayed by Amy's friendship and feeling used, but he just stooped to their level *after* all contact was cut off and apologies were given.
So Amy is a real piece of work, huh? I mean, not accepting Beatrice is one thing, but she takes it to another level with these romcom hijinks. The fact that she’s friends(or was) with OOP’s FIL makes it so much scummier.
>Beatrice was insecure, as when they got together, most people in Jim's circle thought of her as the affair partner
I mean… she was. If she doesn’t want to be labeled as an affair partner, then don’t start an (emotional) affair with a man who was spoken for.
But damn… that entire family sucks. Jim for emotionally cheating. His parents seem very snobbish. Beatrice, well… duh!
Why is everyone acting like Beatrice was alone having an affair. That dude Jim admitted to the emotional affair, like why are they not humiliating him? Sure, Beatrice doesn't want to read but Jim is getting too much of a pass here. And Jim's mom took a nice thing and turned it into a snobby contest because she can't deal with the situation. OP should be able to enjoy her book club and other hobbies without this nonsense
I'm sure Jim's parents are angry at him too, but at the end of the day, he's their son, and they love him. Beatrice is always going to be a symbol of the affair to them as long as she and Jim stay together.
To anyone who didn't birth or raise Jim, it's evident that Jim is much more to blame for the affair than Beatrice is, but it's not surprising his parents aren't able to be objective about blame here.
The blaming Beatrice for the affair and putting down her job and intelligence just screams sexism. I don't want to be friends with Beatrice because she seems annoying and posts stupid call out posts on Facebook. I don't care about her job or how much she reads. I learned by watching Legally Blonde about not being sexist to women who are traditionally feminine for being feminine, it is not a hard lesson.
I don't want to be friends with Jim because he sounds annoying and terrible at interpersonal relationships. Jim's parents sound sexist, elitist, rude, and annoying. I have multiple college degrees and would not want to be around them. OOP's father in law would get an eye roll from me for restarting online drama, but he might be okay.
This truly is some small town shit. Only thing it's missing is the town arsonist interrupting book club by setting a nearby field on fire, or somebody's cousin thrice removed dying delaying the update.
I wish I was joking lol.
Idunno man Beatrice *was* an affair partner. She kinda deserves being called shallow and feeling dumb. No wonder the parents were upset, theyd dislike her regardless of personality because Jim cheated with her.
I’ll never understand why former affair partners get upset when they’re called or treated like an affair partner. That’s exactly what you were! Just because you get into an official relationship doesn’t suddenly magically make the affair go away or never happen.
And especially since it seems Jim’s family and circle of friends like OP, Beatrice will always be the affair partner to them no matter what.
Someone using sexist insults or stereotypes to make fun of or put down someone is wrong even if they are a bad person. But they also need to decide what they want to do about it. You do not invite your son and his new partner to your home to insult the partner, if you take issue with the affair you either stop inviting them over or you learn to act like a host with manners.
Beatrice is not a great person and people not wanting to be her friend because she posts stuff on Facebook or she is an affair partner is okay. But remaining friends with Jim while being rude to her, or inviting her to your house to insult her intelligence and job is just being sexist and an AH.
she deserves being called a "sort of" emotional affair partner, this does not translate to being shallow or needing to be made to feel dumb. The family is a pack of assholes and Jim is definitely one of them but christ lord almighty why is everyone so hyperfixated on Beatrice being "the affair partner", Jim's the one who actually had the affair! He's the one who betrayed OOP.
It’s always tricky when discussing these things what to put focus on. For me, jim is obviously a shit because he cheated, and it was unclear initially if Jim’s parents are assholes or if Beatrice has reasons for being disliked.
Personally, I lean towards both being true. Beatrice and Jim’s parents all suck as human beings.
I hate cheaters and women who knowingly get with men that are in a relationship, but Beatrice needs to run too. Even without the affair these people sound like they're stuck up enough to hate the things Beatrice likes. It's been 3 years. No kids. No division of assets it sounds like. Like damn Jim do something.
there is absolutely no way Jim's parents will treat her any better once they are married. they are just going to get worse and Jim might start resenting her for forcing his parents away. she can only lose if she stays
Jim threw her under the bus, his parents will always hate her, and she made that production of someone stealing her man because she knows he’s stealable. Doesn’t sound worth it.
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She honestly should have kicked the mother out of the book club the moment she used the book club as a weapon against her future daughter-in-law. Actually she never should have invited the mother of the ex who emotionally cheated on her into her book club. Just because they were kind to her. Blurred Lines leads to drama. And this is exactly what happened I hope she learned a lesson LOL
Beatrice is mad that people are viewing her as the sidechick when she was 100% the sidechick. I would also bet that the affair wasn't "just" emotional. If everybody thinks she's a gold digger who broke up a happy couple with her vajayjay, there's probably a kernel of truth in there.
Oh no, this isn't the end of this. Despite her claims otherwise, the OOP loves the drama far too much. She wallows in it, calling the participants repeatedly and stirring, stirring, stirring the pot. How many times in this saga did she call her ex?
It sucks that OP got dragged into it, but the pretty part of me appreciates how everyone in Jim's life independently decided that they were going to express their solidarity toward OP and snub the new girlfriend.
> Amy had been talking about what books the Book Club had recommended and I guess Jim's dad had made a comment on how he wished he had a daughter to talk about books to, and that had hurt Beatrice.
...
>so my FIL had already made another post tagging Jim and his family, on how they didn't know how to keep it in the family and were certainly not as classy as they seemed to be if they were slandering other people on Facebook.
JFC GenXers are exhausting. I mean, obviously not all of us, but I swear a ton of us never grew up at all and are mired in nostalgia and pettiness.
It's a good thing OOP uninvited Amy from the book club. The next meeting, Amy will eventually make snide remarks and comparisons about the characters to Beatrice.
Honestly her exs parents sound like awful snobby people and I think her ex just need to put Beatrice first and his own mental/emotional health and go nc with them.
Sonyoure telling me that for 3 years, while OOP was sort living her best life, marrying and having fun, her ex's family has silently been telling about his partner and just waiting for a chance to dump on her??
Reads like a side story to a terrible small town romance movie. There’s a token Asian/interracial relationship, a small-town bigshot FIL owning a Restaurant, intellectual family condescends to beauty shop owner, Jim the ex fiance bumbling his way through life and relationships.
The true protagonist is Beatrice. She is in a redemption arc and on a path to winning back her in-laws approval or at least respect as she finds herself or sth.
please I want to join this book club it sounds so rad
Beatrice is gonna have a rough life when she doesn't have OP to blame her shit on but I am sure she'll find another woman to harass instead of working on self-improvement. woof
How did she screw up by inviting Amy to the book club? If she had been the one to cheat, staying friendly with Jim's mom would feel a bit asshole-ish, or if she had, say, invited Amy on a girls' trip to the Caribbean *just* to stick it to Jim as revenge, that would be petty. But I don't think she did anything wrong by staying on good terms with Amy after the breakup, given the circumstances.
This post has been confirmed fake because a month ago OOP was 25F and recently [dumped](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1cywocz/aitah_for_breaking_the_relationship_between_my/) by her 25M boyfriend John, and now she is 28F and married.
Basically everyone in Jim's life was using OP as a stick to beat each other with. All she wanted to do was have a nice book club!
Pretty much yeah. OOP had moved on but it turned out her ex or rather his parents hadn't.
Well the parents more than anything..... Like damn. Imagine being like "why you not with that nice girl you only dated for a year". For like 5 years.
I don’t disagree with you that it’s less than ideal and a dick move. But when he immediately moved onto his AP, what did he, and Beatrice expect? That his parents would just welcome her with open arms? What really pissed me off though. Is his parents think that Beatrice isn’t good enough for their “intellectual son”. *”Oh! You mean the intellectual son who is a liar and a cheater? Yeah. You’re right. He’s a real catch!”*/s. These parents are delulu and are incredibly snobby. The only quality they want a DIL to have, is that she reads books - everything else can suck, but she *MUST* READ ALL THE BOOKS or else she’s a beneath them. Like WTF.
Yea I was gonna say. It sounds like ex’s parents are still bitter and angry at their own son for not just having an emotional affair but losing a future DIL that they liked. They may have taken the betrayal and also the shock of finding out that their son would even have an affair, pretty hard. Instead of taking it out on him, they directed it towards Beatrice. OOP’s poor FIL getting dragged into this and having no idea what’s going on.
>Instead of taking it out on him, they directed it towards Beatrice. I mean, a little should be directed at Beatrice. Unless otherwise stated, OP was very loud about how small their town was and how everyone was in each other's business. 99% chance Beatrice knew OP/ex were together, and she still chose to be an affair partner. It takes a special type of shitty person to choose to be an affair partner. It's like someone choosing to be a serial their, liar, etc. I wouldn't want to have someone like that in my family, which are supposed to be some of the closed people in my life.
Oh definitely, a lot should be directed at Beatrice too. She knowing was the affair partner. And you’re right, they’re vile and lack morals. It seems like she was fully aware that her fiancé was taken but didn’t care then. She suddenly is threatened by OOP because she thinks OOP would stoop down to her level too. That seems to be their thought process when accusing someone of cheating, while cheating or being the cheater’s AP. They think everyone thinks as low as them. I’d also be bitter in the parents position. But I wouldn’t be subtle about why. Which is why I think they’re going the passive aggressive route of subtle comments and digs at Beatrice because they refuse to say what they really mean. Hell I wouldn’t want to be associated with my child anymore if I found out they cheated. I think that’s why it seemed that way to me. Not everyone is willing to cut off their child for cheating. It’s not easy. But it seems like the parents are pretending like they’re fine but they’re stewing underneath it and directing it all at Beatrice instead of acknowledging that both their son and Beatrice made terrible choices that hurt OOP and acted immorally. Poor OOP was used as an unwilling weapon by the parents in their passive aggressive attacks.
And what is a club but a stick optimized for beating?
Came for this comment and wasn't disappointed.
Truly a shame that free awards aren’t a thing anymore bc your comment definitely deserves one! 🏅
I think they are now? It looks like the awards system was brought back after that weird upvote thing. I have like eight free awards to give
Are you able to redeem them through the mobile app? I’m never on desktop
I’ve been using the mobile app, there’s a button between the reply and upvote buttons on the Reddit app for iOS
I only see getting awards for gold which you have to pay for, but not the free weekly awards like before
So I see two awards that just happened to be free, I have three of one and five of the other because I’ve used two already. I think they just credited them to the account when they reintroduced awards
You, person, deserve more upvotes for that joke
If this is anything like the small town I grew up in, the drama won’t stop …. they’ll find a different “stick” to beat each other with. 😂
Sure, but OOP can go back to gardening and reading in peace.
nahh, she will be blamed for the shortcommings of the new stick, by that stick's people. Got to love small towns
Right?! OOP sounds like a very nice, considerate person. Who was used as a weapon.
OOP was the club, just not the club she wanted to see in the world.
I would like to attend a witchy book club! She sounds fun.
Right? Fucking hell the woman just wants to read and discuss it afterwards with some pals. Sometime you just mind your own business and a drama whirlwind happens. Then you’re left like “oh well, better clean up then” Hopefully they leave her be now.
An excellent reason not to be friends with your exes parents. Especially when they turn out to Be AH
Now OP needs to do is find a book with a similar plot for her club to read.
I'm so annoyed that I can't join this book club tbh. I've wanted to try a book club myself, but none of my friends read/read the same things.
And they just wanted to club with books.
>All she wanted to do was have a nice book club! *Coven.
Spellbooks are books too! A valid genre!
[удалено]
When you’re constantly surrounded by drama and haven’t learned how to create and hold boundaries to protect yourself, it takes some time to learn how to nope out. I was in my late 20s when I finally figured it out.
I have a top tip for Beatrice if she’s worried about being thought of as an affair partner. Try not being an affair partner in the future. Follow me for more top tips.
Amazing! So elegant yet so simple
You'd think. It's surprising how often people cheat with other people and get shocked when they're thought of badly by people who witness it and have to live with the fallout ( friends, the person/s cheated on.)
Such as the Redditor who met her now husband at the park where he was with his wife and children, and they proceeded to have an affair from there. Couldn’t understand why his oldest child was not accepting of her.
[удалено]
On mobile and pretty useless at Reddit, but see if this link works: https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/F45mhagc8J
Not to mention if there are are kids on either side.
Right? Sweetie, YOU WERE the affair partner, of course that's how people see you...
The projection on her part for accusing OOP for trying to “take other women’s men” lmao like girl, has the kettle met the pot? She’s clearly insecure and feels like attacking OOP will make things better or somehow make her feel more welcomed in the family. I doubt that will ever happen
This is țhe thing with cheater - every accusation is a confession. It is honestly text book how text book cheaters are. It is like whatever device in their brain allows them to cheat permanently turns off their ability to take accountability and makes them believe that everyone is just as shitty as they are.
I would like to subscribe to Top Tips.
Okay, I'm off to the flair thread to look up whatever you have going on here
It's from the comments [on this post](https://redd.it/t5kile).
What the hell is even that? Angry babyman bullshit. How do people live like that?
I’m in too! In fact, I propose you create a whole new Subreddit dedicated to these Top Tips & Words of Wisdom.
Exactly, you can't really blame Jim's parents for disliking Beatrice, or for resenting their son for the way his relationship with OOP ended. If they were just being catty and classist about Beatrice being more into fashion than literature, that would be shitty, but in their shoes, I'd be judgemental of Beatrice too for her actions. It's just unfortunate everyone made the situation OOP's problem. Jim already wronged her once, and now he's doing it again by dragging her unwillingly into his family's obnoxious conflict.
ehhhh, I'm not impressed with Jim's parents behavior either. Being upset about their son being a cheater, sure. Being upset that he's now dating the woman he had an emotional affair with, sure. But they keep banging on and on and on and on about how shallow she is because she doesn't read and likes clothes and make-up which is \*terrible\* and, hypocritcally, incredibly shallow reason to dislike someone. and the person doing the cheating is still more culpable than whoever they're cheating with.
Nah. If it walks like an ass, sounds like an ass, behaves like an ass, it's likely an ass. It's the same concept as revenge and justice. Justice is not accepting Beatrice in the parents circle because she's the affair partner. Revenge is insulting her intelligence and personality, and taking gifts back.
Jim's parents are the biggest assholes in this story. If going NC with their own son and DIL is their end result, they're on the right track.
Shocking, if people are ashamed of their behavior they should consider, you know, actually behaving better.
This would fit perfectly in the "Skeletor meme" format.
So I have a harder time automatically blaming the other person in an emotional affair, because they can easily be one sided. Did she know Jim left the OP to be with her? Men often take kindness as more, and if they didn’t immediately start dating she may have thought it was above board. Or k could be wrong. I just think emotional cheating can be one sided in a way that physical cheating can’t be.
Did she know she was an affair partner?
This is the question I was going to ask. It's not explicitly stated that she knew or not the relationship between Jim and OP. Then again, she did state that it's a small town so it's probable that Beatrice would know about it, Given that she is from the town. If not, her job could prevent her from being in town a lot. I don't really know what a boutique buyer implies, but I guess she would buy small, failing shops and then run them well enough to start profiting. Then keep the business or sell it off. Sort of a restaurant franchise/flipping homes sort of thing. Either way, she would probably be at the boutique running it. There probably aren't many boutiques in a small town, so I would guess that she's not around a lot. Which would provide the ideal situation for Jim to cultivate an affair while she is not privy to his prior relationship. Another thing is that she and her friends posted on FB to slander OP instead of gossiping. It may just be a generational thing, but it also could be that her friends are from out of town so FB would be the medium to do the drama.
I think as a boutique buyer, she's buying clothing (or whatever items the boutiques sell) for boutiques to sell.
Ooooh, like a reseller. That makes more sense.
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I spat water all over my bed. Good night to you too.
Now, will you stop being so practical here. tsk.
This is the type of sage wisdom I need in my life.
Revolutionary idea!
Yep. If my son cheated on my beloved DIL(Seriously, she's an angel), he'd better not be bringing his affair partner around the family! Especially if she as shallow as this "person" seems to be.
Fucking nerd with her books and excellent grammar.
If you’re embarrassed about not being well read, pick up a book and read something. You can ask your more well read friends for recommendations of great places to start. Or you can decide that reading isn’t important to you. That’s also fine. But don’t make your choices other people’s problem.
I like to read, but it’s mostly romance novels at the moment. People can and do shit on those books because they aren’t serious enough. So, she may read, but not serious enough books for Jim’s parents.
Right, and people do suck about judging other people’s reading choices, I fully agree. But I’m arguing that it doesn’t matter what other people think. If she herself feels bad about her reading choices, she can change them. If she doesn’t feel bad, then what’s the problem? She should love herself as she is then, instead of talking shit about people who make other choices online.
I consider myself a pretty confident person, but if someone was constantly judgmental and cutting me down I would be insecure too.
I'm not 100% sure he cheated, OOP had the chance to mention that but didn't.
It’s in there. The edit says Jim admitted to at least an emotional affair and then dumping OP for Beatrice.
Realising you'd rather be with somebody else, and breaking up rather than actually cheating on them isn't cheating at all. "Emotional affair" is an expression meant for those long-term couples who give up on their relationship to spend time with the new fling but choose not to end it officially. It doesn't really fit here.
He was in a long-term relationship with OP. Inappropriate emotional intimacy with someone else while in that situation totally counts as an emotional affair
I skipped over that for some reason. Yeah I do get it then although tbh I doubt his relationship with OOP would have lasted.
She says emotional affair, which imo is worse than a mindless fling.
Emotional affairs are still cheating.
He left oop FOR her, that much is explicitly stated, it was not physical, "just" emotional
Local loser worried about being a loser but won't fix it. News at 11
Phew, I'm glad OOP was able to successfully extricate herself and deescalate the unnecessary drama... >FIL then told me that Beatrice had taken down the posts, but he was pissed, so my FIL had already made another post tagging Jim and his family, on how they didn't know how to keep it in the family and were certainly not as classy as they seemed to be if they were slandering other people on Facebook. Goddammit, FIL, read the room! Way to blow everything back up after OOP had bent over backwards repairing the damage.
Small towns are gonna small town.
Boomers gonna boomer, really. (Even if they aren't actually boomers lol)
OP most probably looked at that and thought better to keep out of it. My guess is FIL is fucked off that OPs name was dragged through the mud in this.
Why is it in all these situations, as soon as shit starts to calm down or at least plateau for a bit, someone always posts on Facebook?!
Yeah I thought that was so completely in opposition to what OOP was trying to do that it was kinda hilarious. The main reason this was a whole big deal was people posting about each other on social media and not just shutting up and leaving each other alone. You don't have to get the last word!!! You almost want to start spraying them with water every time they start angry posting
Everybody in Jim's family is awful. Also, the way they just write Beatrice off as shallow cause she's into fashion, but its a given as its part of her job? I know she's a dick for being a mistress, but looking down on people for their interest is a shitty thing to do.
Yeah. Jim's parents definitely come across as the incredibly annoying intellectuals who look down on anyone that they perceive as less intelligent than them.
I think it’s an intersection of things. She has a job they don’t value, she doesn’t have hobbies they value, and they’re not happy with the way she entered their lives. (I tend to work pretty grody jobs, but can do the impress-rich-people thing because I’ve got hobbies that are seen as intellectual/fancy. Snooty people will give you a “bohemian” pass if you can talk fancy)
Sounds like OOP really….threw the book at them.
YEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!
Go on, take my angry upvote.
OOP needs to turn over a new leaf and just move on to the next chapter in her life. Clearly she and her ex’s mom were not on the same page. She should have better evaluated the prose and cons before letting her into the club.
On the other hand, I admire how she covered things and has a strong spine.
And sadly, Beatrice can’t read the room.
>Many people are asking, so yes, Jim did sort of cheat on me with Beatrice. He admitted to having an emotional affair with Beatrice and dumped me. I later heard that his parents did not take it well. >most people in Jim's circle thought of her as the affair partner I mean, Beatrice needs to understand she *is* the affair partner. The comments from the parents looking down at her for not being into reading were uncalled for, but she and OPs ex need to realize a lot of people will have a hard time welcoming cheating. Had they started off without it, maybe the parents and others wouldhave been more gracious and not kept trying to find reasons to put her down
I agree with you. Unfortunately Beatrice is going to have to either find someway to live with being known as “the affair partner” (because that’s exactly what she is) or she just needs to cut her losses and leave Jim. I have no doubt it’s distressing and upsetting for Beatrice to constantly be looked and put down upon but she kinda made her bed when she decided to have an affair. Many people don’t like cheaters or people who have affairs and they especially don’t like it if they liked the former partner like it seems Jim’s family liked OP. Granted from how OP describes them I think even without the affair Jim’s family and circle would have looked down at Beatrice which is just assholish of them. Just because someone has different interests or jobs doesn’t mean they’re lesser than you.
>I think even without the affair Jim’s family and circle would have looked down at Beatrice Maybe so, but maybe they'd have reigned it in and tried to be more civil. With the whole affair thing (especially when it meant losing someone more their style) they think they have the green light to be as mean as they can because Beatrice is some affair chick And while op escaped the drama, I doubt beatrice is Amy better now. The mom got kicked out from something she enjoyed and publicly called out. She's likely even angrier at Beatrice now
True maybe they would have been more subtle or civil if the relationship hadn’t started with an affair. They definitely seemed to have taken the affair as a green light to be mean to Beatrice. Unfortunately you’re probably right. Amy is probably going to take this as further “proof” of how horrible Beatrice is for her son and will take her frustration out on Beatrice. Granted unfortunately for her Beatrice’s own behavior didn’t help the situation when she decided to blast OP on social media. I don’t see Beatrice and Jim lasting much longer.
Beatrice behaved like a child having a tantrum.
I definitely would be.
Sounds like OP was their dream daughter in law. Whoever was the follow-up act was going to have a hard time, but being the person who caused the breakup? Beatrice was doomed to be on their shit list.
I mean, OP seems considerate and intelligent and Beatrice seems rude and shallow. They could be judging her unfairly, or they could be judging her fairly and blind to Jim sucking too.
Especially if Beatrice is going to post stuff like >even tagged my FIL in one of them, on how snobbish and mean-minded 'bookish' women try to take other women's men insinuating that OOP (who is married to someone else) is trying to steal her ex BACK from Beatrice.
I think if I had started my relationship with my husband by breaking up a long term relationship he was already in, I would be constantly low-level afraid that the same thing would happen to me. Cheaters gonna cheat.
I feel bad for OOP, they're a drama magnet with no taste for the stuff.
At least her husband and FIL had her back
FIL might have had her back *too* much. I don't know what he thought he was doing by publicly attacking Jim's family *after* OOP had already put the situation to bed and gotten everyone to move on, but he only made the situation much, much worse.
If he's being tagged in posts and getting dragged into the drama, he has the right to clap back.
Yeah and the fact she has supportive normal people in her life is a testament to how she doesn't seek the drama lifestyle.
At least she handled it really well!
Beatrice making a post about someone else “stealing“ her man that she stole stole in the first place is hilarious
Cheaters are interesting like that. They like feeling like they “won”, because haha they’re so irresistible, but they can’t shake also knowing the prize is stealable.
“Pot, meet kettle” moment lol
there truly is no drama like small town drama
Like crabs in a bucket. And not the fun kind dancing at a crab party.
The maturity level of Jim, his parents and fiancée is sad. I've seen 10 y/o act more mature. OOP just wanted to share her love of books, even if it was with exes mother. In small towns, it's very hard to avoid some people, especially if everyone shares interests.
To be fair, the apology really did sound sincere.
For the folks who can't understand why OOP would have any connection at all with her ex's mom - as OOP said, it's a small town. In a small town, you can't always avoid seeing people when a relationship ends like you can in a bigger city. Sometimes, you maintain a cordial connection and continue to move on with your life. The "No contact with an ex or anyone connected with them ever again!" rule that seems to propagate throughout Reddit can't always work or you risk isolating yourself from an entire community.
Also, they're just people. I lived with my ex's parents for a month, a while after we'd broken up, when I was between housing. I met up with his sister years later when she visited my city. We broke up, we didn't declare a family feud.
Wow. I think OOP dodged a giant bullet by being broken up with and not becoming a part of that family!
A not small part of why his parents are rejecting Beatrice is because they loved OP and know that their son cheated with her and ended their relationship for her. Their bitter over their son's actions and taking it out on his wife.
It sounds like OOP dodged a huge bullet when Jim broke up with her, as all of the family seem kinda terrible. Her husband defending her to Beatrice really stands in contrast to Jim's behaviour and his not defending Beatrice to her parents too.
Another great example of the "Facebook" effect bringing communities and families closer together!
Really the lesson for everyone here is just to let people live their lives. It annoys me so much when people look down on others for not enjoying the same hobbies.
Damn, well now I want to join OPs witchy book club! Just maybe without all the drama.
Ya that was my takeaway she is cool and her book club sounds witchy and amazing
*FIL is mad people would bring drama online* *FIL brings drama online* ...someone smack this man with a mirror.
**FIL:** Oh, they want online drama, do they?! (Proceeds to flame them all on Facebook.)
"How dare you bring your family drama online for all the world to see! I shall chastise you for doing so...online! For all the world to see!" I can picture poor OOP just sipping tea trying to read her books in peace like "...goddamn boomers."
And Beatrice, the home wrecker, posting about women trying to steal her stolen man …
We're gonna need more mirrors...
I wondered if he thought he was somehow defending his son—if Beatrice thinks OOP wants Jim back, it kind of implies that she’s unhappy with her husband. But that for sure wasn’t the way to go about it.
I mean, I guess. He definitely had the right to feel betrayed by Amy's friendship and feeling used, but he just stooped to their level *after* all contact was cut off and apologies were given.
So Amy is a real piece of work, huh? I mean, not accepting Beatrice is one thing, but she takes it to another level with these romcom hijinks. The fact that she’s friends(or was) with OOP’s FIL makes it so much scummier.
I particularly enjoyed the part where OOP’s ex’s affair partner made a post about bookish women trying to take other women’s men.
>Beatrice was insecure, as when they got together, most people in Jim's circle thought of her as the affair partner I mean… she was. If she doesn’t want to be labeled as an affair partner, then don’t start an (emotional) affair with a man who was spoken for. But damn… that entire family sucks. Jim for emotionally cheating. His parents seem very snobbish. Beatrice, well… duh!
Normally book clubs are very ordinary and uneventful but this was such a saga itself.
I wish I could be part of OOP book club. It sounds wonderful
Are people not able to see the "CONFIRMED FAKE" tag on mobile or something?
The least people could do if they’re going to make shit up, is make it interesting. This was a snooze-fest.
Why is everyone acting like Beatrice was alone having an affair. That dude Jim admitted to the emotional affair, like why are they not humiliating him? Sure, Beatrice doesn't want to read but Jim is getting too much of a pass here. And Jim's mom took a nice thing and turned it into a snobby contest because she can't deal with the situation. OP should be able to enjoy her book club and other hobbies without this nonsense
I'm sure Jim's parents are angry at him too, but at the end of the day, he's their son, and they love him. Beatrice is always going to be a symbol of the affair to them as long as she and Jim stay together. To anyone who didn't birth or raise Jim, it's evident that Jim is much more to blame for the affair than Beatrice is, but it's not surprising his parents aren't able to be objective about blame here.
The blaming Beatrice for the affair and putting down her job and intelligence just screams sexism. I don't want to be friends with Beatrice because she seems annoying and posts stupid call out posts on Facebook. I don't care about her job or how much she reads. I learned by watching Legally Blonde about not being sexist to women who are traditionally feminine for being feminine, it is not a hard lesson. I don't want to be friends with Jim because he sounds annoying and terrible at interpersonal relationships. Jim's parents sound sexist, elitist, rude, and annoying. I have multiple college degrees and would not want to be around them. OOP's father in law would get an eye roll from me for restarting online drama, but he might be okay.
This gives me flashbacks. You are just going about your business while your mere existence is lighting people's houses on fire.
This truly is some small town shit. Only thing it's missing is the town arsonist interrupting book club by setting a nearby field on fire, or somebody's cousin thrice removed dying delaying the update. I wish I was joking lol.
> Small town... Tells me everything I need. Especially the Vaguebooking posts...
Social media is a disease. * she said on social media
Being a fashion buyer is not something to be ashamed of. Beatrice should dump the snooty assholes
Beatrice might be the affair partner, but did she know he was taken?
Idunno man Beatrice *was* an affair partner. She kinda deserves being called shallow and feeling dumb. No wonder the parents were upset, theyd dislike her regardless of personality because Jim cheated with her.
I’ll never understand why former affair partners get upset when they’re called or treated like an affair partner. That’s exactly what you were! Just because you get into an official relationship doesn’t suddenly magically make the affair go away or never happen. And especially since it seems Jim’s family and circle of friends like OP, Beatrice will always be the affair partner to them no matter what.
Someone using sexist insults or stereotypes to make fun of or put down someone is wrong even if they are a bad person. But they also need to decide what they want to do about it. You do not invite your son and his new partner to your home to insult the partner, if you take issue with the affair you either stop inviting them over or you learn to act like a host with manners. Beatrice is not a great person and people not wanting to be her friend because she posts stuff on Facebook or she is an affair partner is okay. But remaining friends with Jim while being rude to her, or inviting her to your house to insult her intelligence and job is just being sexist and an AH.
she deserves being called a "sort of" emotional affair partner, this does not translate to being shallow or needing to be made to feel dumb. The family is a pack of assholes and Jim is definitely one of them but christ lord almighty why is everyone so hyperfixated on Beatrice being "the affair partner", Jim's the one who actually had the affair! He's the one who betrayed OOP.
It’s always tricky when discussing these things what to put focus on. For me, jim is obviously a shit because he cheated, and it was unclear initially if Jim’s parents are assholes or if Beatrice has reasons for being disliked. Personally, I lean towards both being true. Beatrice and Jim’s parents all suck as human beings.
I hate cheaters and women who knowingly get with men that are in a relationship, but Beatrice needs to run too. Even without the affair these people sound like they're stuck up enough to hate the things Beatrice likes. It's been 3 years. No kids. No division of assets it sounds like. Like damn Jim do something.
there is absolutely no way Jim's parents will treat her any better once they are married. they are just going to get worse and Jim might start resenting her for forcing his parents away. she can only lose if she stays
Jim threw her under the bus, his parents will always hate her, and she made that production of someone stealing her man because she knows he’s stealable. Doesn’t sound worth it.
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Jesus lmao that* family sounds so snooty and obnoxious
Does anyone else think this *reeks* with middle school Drama? "If you're friends with *her*, you can't be friends with *ME!!*"
Rule 1 of book club.... Omg, I hate how stupid and mean "adults" can be.
She honestly should have kicked the mother out of the book club the moment she used the book club as a weapon against her future daughter-in-law. Actually she never should have invited the mother of the ex who emotionally cheated on her into her book club. Just because they were kind to her. Blurred Lines leads to drama. And this is exactly what happened I hope she learned a lesson LOL
Wonder why teh account got suspended. Surely lying isn't violating reddit policies, otherwise they would have to ban everyone from the AITA subs lol
Beatrice is mad that people are viewing her as the sidechick when she was 100% the sidechick. I would also bet that the affair wasn't "just" emotional. If everybody thinks she's a gold digger who broke up a happy couple with her vajayjay, there's probably a kernel of truth in there.
Well that sounds stupid and exhausting
Oh no, this isn't the end of this. Despite her claims otherwise, the OOP loves the drama far too much. She wallows in it, calling the participants repeatedly and stirring, stirring, stirring the pot. How many times in this saga did she call her ex?
It sucks that OP got dragged into it, but the pretty part of me appreciates how everyone in Jim's life independently decided that they were going to express their solidarity toward OP and snub the new girlfriend.
‘Intellectuals’ calling ‘non-intellectuals’ shallow is always so ironic. It’s the most shallow thing you can do!
> Amy had been talking about what books the Book Club had recommended and I guess Jim's dad had made a comment on how he wished he had a daughter to talk about books to, and that had hurt Beatrice. ... >so my FIL had already made another post tagging Jim and his family, on how they didn't know how to keep it in the family and were certainly not as classy as they seemed to be if they were slandering other people on Facebook. JFC GenXers are exhausting. I mean, obviously not all of us, but I swear a ton of us never grew up at all and are mired in nostalgia and pettiness.
It's a good thing OOP uninvited Amy from the book club. The next meeting, Amy will eventually make snide remarks and comparisons about the characters to Beatrice.
Honestly her exs parents sound like awful snobby people and I think her ex just need to put Beatrice first and his own mental/emotional health and go nc with them.
Sonyoure telling me that for 3 years, while OOP was sort living her best life, marrying and having fun, her ex's family has silently been telling about his partner and just waiting for a chance to dump on her??
These parents need to get their heads out their asses. Reading doesn't make someone fkn smart or intellectual..
This definitely sounds like small-town drama.
Reads like a side story to a terrible small town romance movie. There’s a token Asian/interracial relationship, a small-town bigshot FIL owning a Restaurant, intellectual family condescends to beauty shop owner, Jim the ex fiance bumbling his way through life and relationships. The true protagonist is Beatrice. She is in a redemption arc and on a path to winning back her in-laws approval or at least respect as she finds herself or sth.
Hmm, OP using "to" incorrectly instead of "too" Kinda sus
Also "mum" and "mom". Something isn't adding up. How does she know what was said at dinners she wasn't attending?
OP sounds pretty dramatic herself, although Jim's mum and Beatrice both seem to be vying for top spots.
Beatrice could cure her insecurity about not being well read by reading. You can educate yourself, B. Take charge of your own brain.
please I want to join this book club it sounds so rad Beatrice is gonna have a rough life when she doesn't have OP to blame her shit on but I am sure she'll find another woman to harass instead of working on self-improvement. woof
On an unrelated note, here's Burn from the musical Hamilton: https://youtu.be/ibiXMtfG6a8?si=PzWwGIbZx0VOFh7O
Not really sure OOP ever recognized that she screwed up by inviting Amy to the book club but all’s well that ends well I guess
How did she screw up by inviting Amy to the book club? If she had been the one to cheat, staying friendly with Jim's mom would feel a bit asshole-ish, or if she had, say, invited Amy on a girls' trip to the Caribbean *just* to stick it to Jim as revenge, that would be petty. But I don't think she did anything wrong by staying on good terms with Amy after the breakup, given the circumstances.
I would say that staying friends with your Ex’s mom opens you up to being drawn into unnecessary drama. And here we are!