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After reading that update I have a bad feeling the employee knew how the owner would handle the situation so was trying to find some sort of solution where OOP could still use the gym. It’s still messed up there’s no debate there but I’ve had my unfair share of crappy bosses that I had to help cover for. I never said or did anything like that but I can see it happening especially if the employee needs the job bad enough.
I was about to post this. I wonder if the employee knew the man was in the wrong but knew the only solution would be for the girl to change her gym time.
The cameras in businesses very rarely record sound. When I worked the register at the drive thru, I had like 5 cameras on me and every button I pressed would show up in small text on them. I could say absolutely anything I want though and they'd never have any idea. My word against the customer's.
I wouldn’t be so certain that no one had access to the sound recordings. While you or your manager may not have had access to the sound recordings, I’m sure someone, owner or the company itself, had access to them.
This isn't really true. My work has a mic array at the front desk, entirely so we have evidence if customers start kicking off at the front desk. The output is quite clear.
It's not to spy on the desk staff, that would be vastly more effort than it's worth.
I've been in both small privately owned gyms and gym chains in 3 different state over the course of my life. All of them were fairly loud even if there wasn't music being pumped through the sound system, which there usual was, so the mics probably wouldn't pick up a conversation even if they had them.
Even without sound. The more direct the employee would have been, the higher the risk of OOP letting something like, "But your employee said that you are best buddies with the creep and that you enable him to creep...!"
At best, the employee would lose their job over something like this, at worst, the owner and his buddy could try to sue for slander and defamation against the business.
IF they had a chance to win with that is one question, but spite + money can quickly drain the nerves and account of someone who has neither.
The employee literally did what reddit always demands or they'd call someone a doormat: they didn't lit themselves on fire for OOP.
That could have backfired on the employee if she brought up that the employee told her it was known the guy was a creep, but that he was good friends with the owner. She could go to the owner and say, "Even your employee told me he is a creep, and told me..." etc. I've had customers I tried to help by being honest with them tell my boss and get me in trouble.
Honestly, if she had, the creep would have suddenly had a timing change at his job and accuse her of showing up at HIS new time, and she'd have been asked not to return (probably with some financial penalty, knowing gyms). Not because I think it's fake and that's the most outrageous outcome, either. That guy wants to punish women who won't fuck him.
The owner isn't oblivious. I'd bet a lot of money he knows oop was being truthful. Why else would he refuse to review the footage? If he was right, it would exonerate his friend. He knows what this guy is like and that footage has long been erased.
If they themselves aren’t the problem the majority of employees are just trying to find the solution that causes the least problems. The moment he wasn’t chasing the guy out, it was clear the creep had something backing him up.
We only care about single women. If you’re married, there’s a good chance you have a man at home who can come up there, threaten the gym owner, and knock some sense into him (physically) if necessary, to protect you.
So yeah, it only applies to women not in a relationship (or in a lesbian relationship) as they don’t have a big strong man to defend their honor for them.
(Whole thing is /S - in case it’s not clear. I’m poking fun at the misinterpretation because I read it like u/Ignantsage did as well, and laughed at myself. Apparently I too, need a cup of coffee.)
This girl should tell other folks about that time her previous gym owner was friends with an old married ~~pedophile~~ groomer creeper.
If this were in the USA, one Yelp review would cause the gym to close down, but I guess things are more regressive for women in small town Colombia where some men have to use all that loud machismo display to camouflage their tiny members because they can't afford that mid life crisis Ferrari.
OOP is 19. While he's definitely a creep, but calling him a pedophile isn't accurate. There's no good reason to make shit up in the hopes of making the owner look worse, especially not when it actually makes the warning less helpful to potential victims. (Unless you think a grown woman would hear that some guy is a creepy pedophile and assume that it would directly translate into a threat to her, as opposed to children?)
Honestly, it wouldn't even help that much if the main goal was to simply punish the owner, either. If you say he's shielding a pedophile creep, should people find out that the victim in question was actually 19, they're just gonna assume you're completely full of shit, and creating problems where none exist.
Reddit is really funny with the definition of pedophile sometimes. Yes, creeping on teenagers isn't good, but a 19 year old deserves to not be categorized together with toddlers.
Unfortunately, a lot of men minimise their friends' behaviour like this, because accepting that their friend is in the wrong makes them feel cognitive dissonance.
It's how we end up with a society where basically every woman I know has been sexually harassed (at a minimum) and hardly any of the guys admit to knowing someone who would do that...
I hope it's better these days but when I was a teen/young adult, consent and partner rape were really poorly understood.
The time when I was about 17 and really, really unwell, didn't want to be left alone because I was concerned I'd pass out and just wanted my boyfriend to cuddle me and keep me company, and he kept trying it on, and I kept saying "no" until I'd said no at least 50 times and was literally too tired to talk any more..? After he finished I pointed out it was "technically" rape. Then he cried so even though I just wanted to sleep I then had to deal with his emotions about his behaviour.
Then we broke up a bit after, and a while later he invited me to visit me at his university (so maybe a year later when we were 18). I thought he wanted me back and when we hooked up that was us getting back together... Next day he told me I had been so drunk I hadn't known what I was doing so it didn't count and we hadn't got back together after all... (I'd been drinking but not heavily. Also didn't explain the morning after.) I kinda wanted him to admit he was lying and telling me what was actually going on so I asked him if he was telling me he'd been in a position to judge I was too drunk to consent and had sex with me anyway. He said yes. So I asked him if he was telling me he had raped me. He said no and got incredibly flustered. I pointed out that having sex with somebody who is too drunk to consent is rape and he had just told me we had done that, even though I didn't think I'd gone past tipsy, had perfect recall of the night before, etc, and asked if he wanted to try to tell me again what was going on between us... And he told me again he didn't think we should get back together because I had been too drunk to know what I was doing. We went around in circles a bit more.
And then he had the gall to ask me if I really thought he was capable of raping somebody. Because apparently he had forgotten about that time he had raped me. I reminded him...
He then told some of our mutuals that I had called him a rapist. One of them called me up, very flustered, and keen to smooth things out so the friends group wouldn't flounder. So *that* was the point I actually told somebody what he'd done to me back when we'd been dating, to explain why I had said that yes, I did think he was capable of rape, but also, that I didn't think he'd raped me recently and had only asked him if he was calling himself a rapist in the context of him telling me he'd had sex with me when he thought I couldn't consent... The friend was trying to come at it from an "I'm sure you both did things you regret and it can be smoothed over..." angle and ended up conceding "I can't really see that you did anything wrong there, though".
(His ex-best friend also told me shortly after that the reason that he'd decided not to get back together with me was because he'd gotten together with the ex-best friend's girlfriend instead... Hence the dissolution of their friendship.)
I genuinely thought it was odd, a few years later, when I got actually plastered drinking with my now-husband at a student event, a few months after we moved in together, and he took me home, tucked me up in our bed and wouldn't get in it with me because he'd just helped me up the stairs, and had concerns I wasn't actually able to consent fully. Then thought about it and realised that no, that's how people should treat eachother! He didn't know I could still think reasonably clearly, and because I rarely drink to excess didn't know that I'd remember what happened properly in the morning...
I knew what my ex had done wasn't *right* - that it was _technically_ rape. But it was so far removed from the "stranger dragging you off down an alley with a knife at your throat", violent scenario that I didn't really think it really counted at the time. He evidently didn't think it did and had forgotten that I'd pointed out it even did on a technicality at the time... But it's the sort of scenario where it would have been impossible to prove. I felt more annoyed about him not respecting my boundaries than violated. There wouldn't have been any point reporting it, and rapists like him may be controlling, arrogant gits and bad boyfriends (he was anyway) but they're probably not going to escalate to kidnapping and murder.
Imagine choosing to lose business over a perv. Then again, sounds like the owner might be a perv too with that comment about not being able to even look at woman or whatever it was. So gross
yeah. Guys like this don’t wake up one day in their late 30s/early 40s and decide to start creeping on teenagers. This is behaviour that they felt was ok twenty years ago and they just never stopped.
It's kind of sad that gyms can really attract some creeps around.
Honestly, that gym sounds terrible and maybe I'm petty, it should be blasted to the public.
I remember hearing a (probably apocryphal) sorry about a punk bar where the teller witnessed a bartender tell some perfectly polite customer to get the fuck out. He questioned why, and the bartender said the dude had an SS patch on his jacket. Sure, he was polite, wasn't bothering anyone. But if he stays, hell start bringing friends. And before long, all the good people are chased off and now it's a Nazi bar.
Keeping creeps around just makes it a place that only creeps can hang out at
I had this Twitter thread bookmarked because it was an Internet classic. But unfortunately, the author deleted it. I’m going to blame Elon Musk for driving so many people off Twitter.
Like attracts like.
This place sounds like a lawsuit in the making. The fact that the owner wouldn't check the cameras and the employee went right to blaming the teenage girl for not being nice to the dirty old man shows that this is only going to end when some poor girl ends up needing to press charges... And then they will still blame women.
The irony is that then the gym will become a sausage fest and the poor old creepy men won't have any more 19 year olds to harass. So sad. I think I hear a microscopic violin playing.
Heard a brilliant story about a guy that signed up for a yoga class but just stood in the back taking pictures so he could refer to them later for “good form”. The women in the class asked him to stop but he wouldn’t. So he ends up the in hospital and tells police that the women all started throwing their 2 pound weights at him to discourage his attendance and *they* claim that he fell into a rack of weights that fell on him at random angles, so it’s really sort of a he-said/she-said situation.
Believe it or not, most police officers are really very happy to look the other way when a sexual predator gets beaten.
A while ago, when I was a student living in a bad part of town, a dude was known for "seducing" teenage girls. Except no one could prove shit, so the police just knew it withoit having a chance at arresting him for it. Well, one day he "fell down the stairs" and the police knocked on a great total of 2 doors before going "yep, fell down the stairs".
Never seen someone burst their lips and get a black eye from falling down the stairs since but eh, police did their job.
You missed the point of the comment. They were saying the cops don’t care when a sexual predator gets his ass beat by the involved parties, bc the predator is a piece of shit and deserved it.
The attention a report receives is unfortunately a very different conversation though I agree with you. Comment is saying IF people take action into their own hands and hurt the offender. I can see this being true as it requires a hell of a lot less effort. Investigating and bringing a case to justice unfortunately is a long process and hence another convo.
"GRRRRROOOOOOAAAAAAAHHHHH!!! *GRUNT!* *GRUNT!* WRRROAH. RRRRRRR. FRRRRT. HRROAFGH. GRRRRROOOOOOAAAAAGH!!!! And don't forget to exhale, ladies. Okay! Good hustle, everyone! Let's move on to our cores..."
I go to a gym with a women-only floor, it’s great for me because I’m super shy after being harassed previously and even though this gym is really good about gender ratios in general I still feel waaay more comfortable in that space when solo
We have a small gym at my work that avoid completely if a man is in there; it’s a huge office building so none of my coworkers. And, even if it’s just some dude minding his own business—I still don’t feel like having to worry if he’s staring at me while I’m working out. Again, could be a perfectly normal, nice man.. but I just don’t even want to have to deal with it.
Exactly. This info should definitely be out there. Maybe the next person he creeps on will see it and not question themselves like OOP. And maybe people with a choice will just stay away fro the whole disgusting scene.
>he replied something along the lines of “these days you can’t even look at the direction of a woman because only god knows what she’ll accuse you of”
Oh, he's one of *those* creeps.
Gross.
yeah probably when he sees a young woman or teenage girl come in he thinks she now belongs to him, and he can give her to his buddies.
I've seen this shit before, an older guy with a business who likes having young women in his power.
I hope OOP dropped some great negative reviews of the gym, employee, owner and his friend online. Sadly gyms are fav locations of stalkers to choose their victims. Anytime I need to change gyms, I never ignore reviews by women about stalker-friendly gyms
I'm torn. On the one hand, I'd like the first creep to take a long walk off a short pier. On the other hand, it would be hilarious if he harassed the wrong person and the gym faced a lawsuit it can't afford.
As a woman, going to the gym in Colombia sucks. I had men literally remove weight from my bar between sets because "women shouldn't lift that much". Just another reason to never go back to that shit hole country.
That's ridiculous. I go to a powerlifting gym and I bet most of the girls there can lift more weights than these men who claim "women shouldn't lift heavy."
Yep. I had similar experiences in Turkey. Was doing a low bar squat and a "trainer" came over to "correct my form". listened to him prattle and when he was done I said that would all be great feedback - for a different lift. Suggested he google low bar squat before correcting other people. later he told me I should be careful because Turkish men don't like women with muscles and I responded with "i don't give a fuck what Turkish men like" and started my next set of deads. he left me alone after that.
Guys like that legiterally think any woman not being attracted to them is rude. Anything aside from jumping into his arms would have been an insult to his character.
I remember one day when I was 14, I was posting on a general board on GameFAQs about how I think a girl (who was of average attractiveness and in the upper tiers of popularity) might like me because she always said hi to me in the hallway. One of the replys to my post said something like "Look at what forum you are posting on. This girl clearly doesn't like you". While the post was a little blunt though, they had a point, no girl is going to like the awkwardly tall, overweight kid with glasses, who has below average social skills and spends his night talking on GameFAQs. In reality this girl was just being nice, or possibly even mocking me behind my back. But I feel like a lot of undatable and creepy guys need to have someone tell them this.
There's someone for everyone, but the reality is men overwhelmingly misinterpret general friendliness by women as attraction or flirting. This has been pretty widely studied.
I would have blasted the gym and the owner on every SM media possible and tagged him and their pages if they had including posting on their professional pages if any, mentioning what happened and what the owner said and he tried to minimise the predatory creeps actions because he is married and he knows him for 30 years.
Edit. If possible tag the creep and his family as well and blast him GO NUCLEAR, but only if it is safe for you to do so.
It only exists for people who are known enough that cancelling them would give the influencers more exposure or news outlets bigger ratings.
If cancelling someone doesn't make them money then the issue isn't important enough to cancel
The weird thing is that OOP's story is surprisingly common in small gyms in South America, in the sense that the owner's friends are treated like royalty at the expense of all other customers. It's a terrible business model and I have no clue how it "works".
From what I've seen, they thrive until this preferential treatment blow up in their faces. There's a gym here in my town that has been doing well, until the owner's wife found out the many perks that a certain woman had in his gym, who eventually turned out to be the owner's mistress.
This is why women are taught to be borderline abrasive. It's the only way to get dumbasses to listen.
Show up, go through the polite polite motions. Make it clear you're indifferent to their sweet talk by getting straight to the point. Refuse compromise and demand what you want using polite words but a firm tone. Question their verbal inconsistencies. If they don't cave, walk away like it's nothing. Cry in the car.
Wash, rinse, repeat, ladies.
I hope the creep takes the gym down with him and his buddy. He’s going to eventually lose customers if he continues to allow this slime to harass the members of the gym. Imagine losing money over a creep who most likely doesn’t pay, I’m glad he’s not good with business.
omg have you seen the bs response these manscape interviewers are putting out against this... "would you rather be in the woods with a woman or a dog?"
>The owner said that he didn’t need to check the cameras because “he’s known him for more than 30 years, he know that he’s a good man and I must have misinterpreted the situation”
Owner is going to continue getting complaints and start wiping the security videos because a lawsuit is inevitable, though he'll claim everyone "misinterpreted" how these predators acted. Even if he doesn't get sued into oblivion, he's ruining his gym because it's only going to attract and keep predators, but they're chasing away the prey so eventually, they'll leave, too. No more business for shithead owner.
So annoying. Fuck that guy.
and I don't know if it's different elsewhere from where I lived or where I grew up, but if you enter a place and it's empty and you don't want to be alone in an empty place, because we're human, you don't pick the space that's right next to the only other person that's there. You pick a space that's two spaces down, or in the row above, or below (imagining a cinema or a classroom). You don't go and stay right next to them like you know them.
Bro was really out here like damn you can’t even follow an uncomfortable woman half your age around from treadmill to treadmill anymore these days, MY RIGHTS TO ANYTHING I WANT HAVE BEEN VIOLATED
Problems like this only get fixed with said gym being called out in public for these kind of actions.
How many other women have had a similar experience and the employee has attempted to gloss over the problems with in the gym.
The gym owner needs to be called out
Why do people think they can just talk to people at the gym? If someone ignores you, then move on... most people wanna work out and not get hit on.
Get over yourselves. Not everyone wants to talk when they're in their moment. For many people this is their time to distress. Don't force them or you're an AH.
NTA on this. Glad OOP changed gyms.
Hopefully she posted reviews with this information. A couple of reviews like that can kill new business for a gym. Especially of a woman feeling unsafe. In fact the more generic the better. “As a woman I felt unsafe around other clientele at this gym.” Nail in the coffin right there.
>“these days you can’t even look at the direction of a woman because only god knows what she’ll accuse you of”
Yo owner... the guy is approaching her not just glancing at her. Both of you are creeps. Who defends that behavior. Any respectable man would apologize and back off.
I do hope she filled out reviews on every review platform and social media outlet she could find for her country. I definitely look at reviews before getting memberships.
Man or woman, gym equipment has the same rules as bathroom stalls and urinals. If there's an available alternative and you take the spot right next to someone else, you are to be regarded as a sex criminal. I don't give a shit how attractive you are or any of that nonsense. People are here to work out. Get away from them.
After that conversation with the owner I would name and shame so fucking hard. But I know not everyone is as confrontational as I am so glad OP found another gym.
OOP needs to figure out a way to expose this predatory gym while keeping herself safe. I’m not sure how it would be possible tho…someone is going to get hurt…
Why is she not blasting this all over their local Facebook groups to let everyone know what a creep the guy and the gym owner are!?
I'm so bloody sick of men pulling this crap
Lol these days women would accuse men of anything... meanwhile this chode's friend not only creeped on a woman but also accused her of being rude. You'd think that according to their rulebook, these manly men would be able to handle a little rudeness. Fragile much?
In a world where every person is rational, and emotionally mature the gym would be a place where it is considered EXTREMELY rude to hit on, try to have casual conversations, or gawk at other people. People that treat the gym like a singles bar need to be kicked repeatedly in the throat.
Why not post it in a review right now with the simple facts? Limit the potential pool of victims for Owner’s Creepy Friend.
No need to wait until someone else gets hurt.
Jiminy Cricket! Woman tries to exist, man cries she's mean because she didn't immediately fall to her knees for him; woman has to find somewhere else to exist.
No wonder women choose the bear.
This is a depressing post and I feel bad there’s no authority you can report institutions run by inept old boys club types of people
Too bad she didn’t just blast them online. They would deserve to be boycotted IMO and any backlash they got they deserved. I know people will say “WHAT ABOUT THE EMPLOYEES?! Their jobs?!” Well I’ll classify this as creative distraction. Sure we can’t all pick where we work, that’s fine. You can choose to work at gyms runs by sexist misogynists, who are also probably the type to be rape supporters and apologists “because if she has just blah blah blah”. Sure. But the public can ALSO choose not to allow owners like to stay in business or remain open in their communities and wanting to set a higher moral standard all around. Thus removing the difficult choice from the employees plates and only offering ethical employers for them to choose from
>I tried to stay firm and tell him that if he looks at the cameras he can see how everything I said is true, he replied something along the lines of “these days you can’t even look at the direction of a woman because only god knows what she’ll accuse you of”
Yeah I would be telling every woman I know not to go to that gym ever.
Ugh, this just makes me angry. As a woman who's been sexually harrassed (unfortunately one of many), this is too often the narrative. You try to be politely uninterested and they just escalate. You try to be firm and you're overreacting.
I’m both conflict avoidant and gross so I would have taken the passive aggressive approach. When the man brought over the employee to complain I would have apologized fawningly and said I have problems with severe flatulence while running on treadmills. Just total ass-blasting Metatron farts. I was being KIND and COMPASSIONATE by moving away.
Anyone else really want the name of this gym so they can keep themselves safe? Like legit, that's disgusting. I don't care HOW LONG you've known someone, you're running a BUSINESS not your own little Boys Club.
Really sucks that OP is going to walk away from this feeling even less empowered to speak up, and I hope she doesn't ever feel like she has to 'stay put' the next time she feels uncomfortable enough to 'want to move'
Ugh I know she can't leave them a bad review for her own safety but... Like if a guy friend could leave a review for this gym and say hey the owner lets his creepy friends harass young women here with his full support and blames them for it... That would be cool. Cuz I would like to know that kind of thing before going to a gym.
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After reading that update I have a bad feeling the employee knew how the owner would handle the situation so was trying to find some sort of solution where OOP could still use the gym. It’s still messed up there’s no debate there but I’ve had my unfair share of crappy bosses that I had to help cover for. I never said or did anything like that but I can see it happening especially if the employee needs the job bad enough.
I was about to post this. I wonder if the employee knew the man was in the wrong but knew the only solution would be for the girl to change her gym time.
If that was the case and I was in the employees' shoes, I would have given the OP the heads up in someway.
She said there are cameras. Maybe the employee was afraid being more direct would cost their job?
The cameras in businesses very rarely record sound. When I worked the register at the drive thru, I had like 5 cameras on me and every button I pressed would show up in small text on them. I could say absolutely anything I want though and they'd never have any idea. My word against the customer's.
I wouldn’t be so certain that no one had access to the sound recordings. While you or your manager may not have had access to the sound recordings, I’m sure someone, owner or the company itself, had access to them.
It’s normally that a) mics cost extra and b) in a noisy area you can’t actually pick up on what is being said over background noise.
This isn't really true. My work has a mic array at the front desk, entirely so we have evidence if customers start kicking off at the front desk. The output is quite clear. It's not to spy on the desk staff, that would be vastly more effort than it's worth.
I've been in both small privately owned gyms and gym chains in 3 different state over the course of my life. All of them were fairly loud even if there wasn't music being pumped through the sound system, which there usual was, so the mics probably wouldn't pick up a conversation even if they had them.
Even without sound. The more direct the employee would have been, the higher the risk of OOP letting something like, "But your employee said that you are best buddies with the creep and that you enable him to creep...!" At best, the employee would lose their job over something like this, at worst, the owner and his buddy could try to sue for slander and defamation against the business. IF they had a chance to win with that is one question, but spite + money can quickly drain the nerves and account of someone who has neither. The employee literally did what reddit always demands or they'd call someone a doormat: they didn't lit themselves on fire for OOP.
That could have backfired on the employee if she brought up that the employee told her it was known the guy was a creep, but that he was good friends with the owner. She could go to the owner and say, "Even your employee told me he is a creep, and told me..." etc. I've had customers I tried to help by being honest with them tell my boss and get me in trouble.
Honestly, if she had, the creep would have suddenly had a timing change at his job and accuse her of showing up at HIS new time, and she'd have been asked not to return (probably with some financial penalty, knowing gyms). Not because I think it's fake and that's the most outrageous outcome, either. That guy wants to punish women who won't fuck him.
The owner isn't oblivious. I'd bet a lot of money he knows oop was being truthful. Why else would he refuse to review the footage? If he was right, it would exonerate his friend. He knows what this guy is like and that footage has long been erased.
Maybe the owner is like his friend. So he knows it's true and don't care.
Wouldn't surprise me one bit.
If they themselves aren’t the problem the majority of employees are just trying to find the solution that causes the least problems. The moment he wasn’t chasing the guy out, it was clear the creep had something backing him up.
Name and shame these fucking places. Every single female that pays this man to use his gym should know about his opinion on the subject.
Read that as every female not in a relationship at first and thought, I think married women should know as well! … I should really drink coffee
We only care about single women. If you’re married, there’s a good chance you have a man at home who can come up there, threaten the gym owner, and knock some sense into him (physically) if necessary, to protect you. So yeah, it only applies to women not in a relationship (or in a lesbian relationship) as they don’t have a big strong man to defend their honor for them. (Whole thing is /S - in case it’s not clear. I’m poking fun at the misinterpretation because I read it like u/Ignantsage did as well, and laughed at myself. Apparently I too, need a cup of coffee.)
Coffee sounds so good right now. I’m out of beans, after digging through my cabinets and drawers i found a bag of decaf 😭
Nooooo not decaf 💔💔
This girl should tell other folks about that time her previous gym owner was friends with an old married ~~pedophile~~ groomer creeper. If this were in the USA, one Yelp review would cause the gym to close down, but I guess things are more regressive for women in small town Colombia where some men have to use all that loud machismo display to camouflage their tiny members because they can't afford that mid life crisis Ferrari.
One bad Yelp review isn't enough to get a place like this shut down, unfortunately.
OOP is 19. While he's definitely a creep, but calling him a pedophile isn't accurate. There's no good reason to make shit up in the hopes of making the owner look worse, especially not when it actually makes the warning less helpful to potential victims. (Unless you think a grown woman would hear that some guy is a creepy pedophile and assume that it would directly translate into a threat to her, as opposed to children?) Honestly, it wouldn't even help that much if the main goal was to simply punish the owner, either. If you say he's shielding a pedophile creep, should people find out that the victim in question was actually 19, they're just gonna assume you're completely full of shit, and creating problems where none exist.
Reddit is really funny with the definition of pedophile sometimes. Yes, creeping on teenagers isn't good, but a 19 year old deserves to not be categorized together with toddlers.
Pedophiles don't go after ADULTS which is what OOP is.
I’m afraid this isn’t the first time this guy has been a creep nor his last. And his owner friend must have swept other instances under the rug too.
Unfortunately, a lot of men minimise their friends' behaviour like this, because accepting that their friend is in the wrong makes them feel cognitive dissonance. It's how we end up with a society where basically every woman I know has been sexually harassed (at a minimum) and hardly any of the guys admit to knowing someone who would do that...
"well he's never been like that to me" - every dudebro ever.
I hope it's better these days but when I was a teen/young adult, consent and partner rape were really poorly understood. The time when I was about 17 and really, really unwell, didn't want to be left alone because I was concerned I'd pass out and just wanted my boyfriend to cuddle me and keep me company, and he kept trying it on, and I kept saying "no" until I'd said no at least 50 times and was literally too tired to talk any more..? After he finished I pointed out it was "technically" rape. Then he cried so even though I just wanted to sleep I then had to deal with his emotions about his behaviour. Then we broke up a bit after, and a while later he invited me to visit me at his university (so maybe a year later when we were 18). I thought he wanted me back and when we hooked up that was us getting back together... Next day he told me I had been so drunk I hadn't known what I was doing so it didn't count and we hadn't got back together after all... (I'd been drinking but not heavily. Also didn't explain the morning after.) I kinda wanted him to admit he was lying and telling me what was actually going on so I asked him if he was telling me he'd been in a position to judge I was too drunk to consent and had sex with me anyway. He said yes. So I asked him if he was telling me he had raped me. He said no and got incredibly flustered. I pointed out that having sex with somebody who is too drunk to consent is rape and he had just told me we had done that, even though I didn't think I'd gone past tipsy, had perfect recall of the night before, etc, and asked if he wanted to try to tell me again what was going on between us... And he told me again he didn't think we should get back together because I had been too drunk to know what I was doing. We went around in circles a bit more. And then he had the gall to ask me if I really thought he was capable of raping somebody. Because apparently he had forgotten about that time he had raped me. I reminded him... He then told some of our mutuals that I had called him a rapist. One of them called me up, very flustered, and keen to smooth things out so the friends group wouldn't flounder. So *that* was the point I actually told somebody what he'd done to me back when we'd been dating, to explain why I had said that yes, I did think he was capable of rape, but also, that I didn't think he'd raped me recently and had only asked him if he was calling himself a rapist in the context of him telling me he'd had sex with me when he thought I couldn't consent... The friend was trying to come at it from an "I'm sure you both did things you regret and it can be smoothed over..." angle and ended up conceding "I can't really see that you did anything wrong there, though". (His ex-best friend also told me shortly after that the reason that he'd decided not to get back together with me was because he'd gotten together with the ex-best friend's girlfriend instead... Hence the dissolution of their friendship.) I genuinely thought it was odd, a few years later, when I got actually plastered drinking with my now-husband at a student event, a few months after we moved in together, and he took me home, tucked me up in our bed and wouldn't get in it with me because he'd just helped me up the stairs, and had concerns I wasn't actually able to consent fully. Then thought about it and realised that no, that's how people should treat eachother! He didn't know I could still think reasonably clearly, and because I rarely drink to excess didn't know that I'd remember what happened properly in the morning... I knew what my ex had done wasn't *right* - that it was _technically_ rape. But it was so far removed from the "stranger dragging you off down an alley with a knife at your throat", violent scenario that I didn't really think it really counted at the time. He evidently didn't think it did and had forgotten that I'd pointed out it even did on a technicality at the time... But it's the sort of scenario where it would have been impossible to prove. I felt more annoyed about him not respecting my boundaries than violated. There wouldn't have been any point reporting it, and rapists like him may be controlling, arrogant gits and bad boyfriends (he was anyway) but they're probably not going to escalate to kidnapping and murder.
Cognitive dissonance causes so much fucked shit in this world. I wish so many people weren't so goddamn weak on the head.
Imagine choosing to lose business over a perv. Then again, sounds like the owner might be a perv too with that comment about not being able to even look at woman or whatever it was. So gross
yeah. Guys like this don’t wake up one day in their late 30s/early 40s and decide to start creeping on teenagers. This is behaviour that they felt was ok twenty years ago and they just never stopped.
It's kind of sad that gyms can really attract some creeps around. Honestly, that gym sounds terrible and maybe I'm petty, it should be blasted to the public.
And then ownership doesn't realize why they have a pile of creeps and all the respectable people have fled the building.
I remember hearing a (probably apocryphal) sorry about a punk bar where the teller witnessed a bartender tell some perfectly polite customer to get the fuck out. He questioned why, and the bartender said the dude had an SS patch on his jacket. Sure, he was polite, wasn't bothering anyone. But if he stays, hell start bringing friends. And before long, all the good people are chased off and now it's a Nazi bar. Keeping creeps around just makes it a place that only creeps can hang out at
I had this Twitter thread bookmarked because it was an Internet classic. But unfortunately, the author deleted it. I’m going to blame Elon Musk for driving so many people off Twitter.
If it was a punk bar, he’s lucky he was told to fuck off. Punks tend to really not like Nazis and they’re not afraid to throw a punch.
Yup, I’ve heard that story as well.
Like attracts like. This place sounds like a lawsuit in the making. The fact that the owner wouldn't check the cameras and the employee went right to blaming the teenage girl for not being nice to the dirty old man shows that this is only going to end when some poor girl ends up needing to press charges... And then they will still blame women.
Lawsuit in Colombia for machismo? I am sceptical.
Dang I completely missed where they are located. This is just going to be laughed off.
The irony is that then the gym will become a sausage fest and the poor old creepy men won't have any more 19 year olds to harass. So sad. I think I hear a microscopic violin playing.
TBF, all the creeps gatheing there while normal people go elsewhere and can workout in peace sounds awesome.
Why would the owner care? The patrons are only creeps to women.
At that point it is not petty, it's a warning for other women.
Heard a brilliant story about a guy that signed up for a yoga class but just stood in the back taking pictures so he could refer to them later for “good form”. The women in the class asked him to stop but he wouldn’t. So he ends up the in hospital and tells police that the women all started throwing their 2 pound weights at him to discourage his attendance and *they* claim that he fell into a rack of weights that fell on him at random angles, so it’s really sort of a he-said/she-said situation.
Just curious, how many women did it take for their corroborating stories to be given equal weight to the one man's by the police?
This is a really depressing question but I'm glad you asked it.
Believe it or not, most police officers are really very happy to look the other way when a sexual predator gets beaten. A while ago, when I was a student living in a bad part of town, a dude was known for "seducing" teenage girls. Except no one could prove shit, so the police just knew it withoit having a chance at arresting him for it. Well, one day he "fell down the stairs" and the police knocked on a great total of 2 doors before going "yep, fell down the stairs". Never seen someone burst their lips and get a black eye from falling down the stairs since but eh, police did their job.
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You missed the point of the comment. They were saying the cops don’t care when a sexual predator gets his ass beat by the involved parties, bc the predator is a piece of shit and deserved it.
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The attention a report receives is unfortunately a very different conversation though I agree with you. Comment is saying IF people take action into their own hands and hurt the offender. I can see this being true as it requires a hell of a lot less effort. Investigating and bringing a case to justice unfortunately is a long process and hence another convo.
If someone takes a picture of someone they don't know the instructor should have kicked him out immediately.
Yeah, no shit. You can participate and look up the poses online, or you can gtfo before I start posting flyers around the neighborhood. Fuck that.
It honestly makes women-only gyms seem more appealing.
I hear the bears are teaching Pilates now.
"GRRRRROOOOOOAAAAAAAHHHHH!!! *GRUNT!* *GRUNT!* WRRROAH. RRRRRRR. FRRRRT. HRROAFGH. GRRRRROOOOOOAAAAAGH!!!! And don't forget to exhale, ladies. Okay! Good hustle, everyone! Let's move on to our cores..."
“Ok, next, paws in straps, one blue one yellow. You gals set up while I go tear apart this guy taking pictures. Brb!”
I go to a gym with a women-only floor, it’s great for me because I’m super shy after being harassed previously and even though this gym is really good about gender ratios in general I still feel waaay more comfortable in that space when solo
We have a small gym at my work that avoid completely if a man is in there; it’s a huge office building so none of my coworkers. And, even if it’s just some dude minding his own business—I still don’t feel like having to worry if he’s staring at me while I’m working out. Again, could be a perfectly normal, nice man.. but I just don’t even want to have to deal with it.
the gym deserves to go bankrupt if it’s housing sexual predators. fuck that noise.
Exactly. This info should definitely be out there. Maybe the next person he creeps on will see it and not question themselves like OOP. And maybe people with a choice will just stay away fro the whole disgusting scene.
>he replied something along the lines of “these days you can’t even look at the direction of a woman because only god knows what she’ll accuse you of” Oh, he's one of *those* creeps. Gross.
So in short, that gym \*is\* a haven for predators.
Owner: it’s not a bug, it’s a feature
yeah probably when he sees a young woman or teenage girl come in he thinks she now belongs to him, and he can give her to his buddies. I've seen this shit before, an older guy with a business who likes having young women in his power.
My childhood abuser now is part owner of a nightclub to make sure he has regular access to young women consuming alcohol 🤢
I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you're doing better now.
"You can't give a woman a compliment anymore these days!" The compliment: "I want to suck your tits" The "woman": me, when I was 11.
I hope OOP dropped some great negative reviews of the gym, employee, owner and his friend online. Sadly gyms are fav locations of stalkers to choose their victims. Anytime I need to change gyms, I never ignore reviews by women about stalker-friendly gyms
I'm torn. On the one hand, I'd like the first creep to take a long walk off a short pier. On the other hand, it would be hilarious if he harassed the wrong person and the gym faced a lawsuit it can't afford.
Well you can guarantee that they will still blame the victim.
Yes - a vindictive, spiteful creep who was pissed off he couldn't get a reaction from her, so wanted her out of his way.
The owner probably watched the tapes, but with his dick in hand.
I hope OP left a short, factual review of the gym.
That’s so ironic considering she barely looked and spoke to the guy and she got accused of something lmfao.
It’s kind of nice when people out themselves like that. Then you know not to take them or their half brain cell seriously.
I really hope she left a scathing review warning women to stay away from that gym Owner won't do shit to defend them
She should leave a review of her experience on Google maps so that other people can be aware the owner is a scumbag
This is the answer. It’s not going to be the only time his ‘married, good man’ friend does this. Leave reviews anywhere possible.
This is the answer. It’s not going to be the only time his ‘married, good man’ friend does this.
I'd probably name and shame.
As a woman, going to the gym in Colombia sucks. I had men literally remove weight from my bar between sets because "women shouldn't lift that much". Just another reason to never go back to that shit hole country.
That's ridiculous. I go to a powerlifting gym and I bet most of the girls there can lift more weights than these men who claim "women shouldn't lift heavy."
Yep. I had similar experiences in Turkey. Was doing a low bar squat and a "trainer" came over to "correct my form". listened to him prattle and when he was done I said that would all be great feedback - for a different lift. Suggested he google low bar squat before correcting other people. later he told me I should be careful because Turkish men don't like women with muscles and I responded with "i don't give a fuck what Turkish men like" and started my next set of deads. he left me alone after that.
I love this
Guys like that legiterally think any woman not being attracted to them is rude. Anything aside from jumping into his arms would have been an insult to his character.
Legiterally is such a fun typo
That wasn’t a typo, this is just how I talk/write
Well I salute it! Indubitadeed
Thanks, I like the cut of your gibberish too
I remember one day when I was 14, I was posting on a general board on GameFAQs about how I think a girl (who was of average attractiveness and in the upper tiers of popularity) might like me because she always said hi to me in the hallway. One of the replys to my post said something like "Look at what forum you are posting on. This girl clearly doesn't like you". While the post was a little blunt though, they had a point, no girl is going to like the awkwardly tall, overweight kid with glasses, who has below average social skills and spends his night talking on GameFAQs. In reality this girl was just being nice, or possibly even mocking me behind my back. But I feel like a lot of undatable and creepy guys need to have someone tell them this.
lol, I only dated big autistic dudes and the one I’ve been with for almost 14 years is still confused about why I’m with them. The fucking irony
There's someone for everyone, but the reality is men overwhelmingly misinterpret general friendliness by women as attraction or flirting. This has been pretty widely studied.
Yeah I’m actually grateful for my RBF now
The polite employees "help" makes more sense if you understand the boss is a creep, too. He knew nothing would be done and suggested she keep away.
In his head he was probably resigned to the fact that he can’t do anything.
I would have blasted the gym and the owner on every SM media possible and tagged him and their pages if they had including posting on their professional pages if any, mentioning what happened and what the owner said and he tried to minimise the predatory creeps actions because he is married and he knows him for 30 years. Edit. If possible tag the creep and his family as well and blast him GO NUCLEAR, but only if it is safe for you to do so.
That gym should definitely be blasted on social media. Where the hell is this cancel culture I keep being told exists.
It only exists for people who are known enough that cancelling them would give the influencers more exposure or news outlets bigger ratings. If cancelling someone doesn't make them money then the issue isn't important enough to cancel
It’s a small gym in Colombia. Not every place in the world has a Facebook account.
I would contact the local media, as well.
The weird thing is that OOP's story is surprisingly common in small gyms in South America, in the sense that the owner's friends are treated like royalty at the expense of all other customers. It's a terrible business model and I have no clue how it "works".
It doesn't, they just bleed out money perpetually I'm pretty sure.
From what I've seen, they thrive until this preferential treatment blow up in their faces. There's a gym here in my town that has been doing well, until the owner's wife found out the many perks that a certain woman had in his gym, who eventually turned out to be the owner's mistress.
This is why women are taught to be borderline abrasive. It's the only way to get dumbasses to listen. Show up, go through the polite polite motions. Make it clear you're indifferent to their sweet talk by getting straight to the point. Refuse compromise and demand what you want using polite words but a firm tone. Question their verbal inconsistencies. If they don't cave, walk away like it's nothing. Cry in the car. Wash, rinse, repeat, ladies.
I hope the creep takes the gym down with him and his buddy. He’s going to eventually lose customers if he continues to allow this slime to harass the members of the gym. Imagine losing money over a creep who most likely doesn’t pay, I’m glad he’s not good with business.
What a disappointment that gym owner is, I'm not surprised, which is sad..
Ofc he’s friends with the owner. Creep.
Better rude than raped. That's my motto.
Be rude, stay alive
Fuck: that guy, the workers, the owner, the gym, and the sexist culture in that country and region.
🐻 > 🧔♂️
omg have you seen the bs response these manscape interviewers are putting out against this... "would you rather be in the woods with a woman or a dog?"
They just keep proving to us that we are right to choose the bear!
Proving that once again, that type of man does not understand the meaning of the word no.
Is one of the qualifying questions “can I rape the dog?”
So in other words, the owner willfully allows his friend to use his gym as a hunting ground.
>The owner said that he didn’t need to check the cameras because “he’s known him for more than 30 years, he know that he’s a good man and I must have misinterpreted the situation” Owner is going to continue getting complaints and start wiping the security videos because a lawsuit is inevitable, though he'll claim everyone "misinterpreted" how these predators acted. Even if he doesn't get sued into oblivion, he's ruining his gym because it's only going to attract and keep predators, but they're chasing away the prey so eventually, they'll leave, too. No more business for shithead owner.
It's out of the US so I don't think lawsuits are a thing.
Yeah I’m guessing a lawsuit in Colombia for being a dick to women …won’t be successful.
People who try to start conversations at gyms are DEMONS. Put your noise canceling headphones on, workout, and go home!
Men have the audacity to get angry about women only gyms but I’m pretty sure they’re the predators too
I would be leaving reviews everywhere to warn women not to go there.
So annoying. Fuck that guy. and I don't know if it's different elsewhere from where I lived or where I grew up, but if you enter a place and it's empty and you don't want to be alone in an empty place, because we're human, you don't pick the space that's right next to the only other person that's there. You pick a space that's two spaces down, or in the row above, or below (imagining a cinema or a classroom). You don't go and stay right next to them like you know them.
Post a negative review on every website you can find.
Bro was really out here like damn you can’t even follow an uncomfortable woman half your age around from treadmill to treadmill anymore these days, MY RIGHTS TO ANYTHING I WANT HAVE BEEN VIOLATED
Problems like this only get fixed with said gym being called out in public for these kind of actions. How many other women have had a similar experience and the employee has attempted to gloss over the problems with in the gym. The gym owner needs to be called out
This is peak South America.
Please leave a review for this gym so other women know not to go there.
Put the gym on blast on social media. Make sure everyone knows the owner lets his creepy friends in to harass women and protects him.
Why do people think they can just talk to people at the gym? If someone ignores you, then move on... most people wanna work out and not get hit on. Get over yourselves. Not everyone wants to talk when they're in their moment. For many people this is their time to distress. Don't force them or you're an AH. NTA on this. Glad OOP changed gyms.
And that is life as a woman
This gym needs to be blasted and ruined on social media
Hopefully she posted reviews with this information. A couple of reviews like that can kill new business for a gym. Especially of a woman feeling unsafe. In fact the more generic the better. “As a woman I felt unsafe around other clientele at this gym.” Nail in the coffin right there.
>“these days you can’t even look at the direction of a woman because only god knows what she’ll accuse you of” Yo owner... the guy is approaching her not just glancing at her. Both of you are creeps. Who defends that behavior. Any respectable man would apologize and back off.
So creep went on a power trip because he knew there would be no consequences to his action. She should leave 1 star reviews everywhere
I choose the bear.
BEAR!
I would have blasted them online. This kind of bullshit is why I go to female only gyms.
This story is infuriating. Poor girl.
I do hope she filled out reviews on every review platform and social media outlet she could find for her country. I definitely look at reviews before getting memberships.
Man or woman, gym equipment has the same rules as bathroom stalls and urinals. If there's an available alternative and you take the spot right next to someone else, you are to be regarded as a sex criminal. I don't give a shit how attractive you are or any of that nonsense. People are here to work out. Get away from them.
Sounds like creeps flock together at that particular gym.
I wonder if the guy’s wife would be interested in the video. They could all watch together.
So basically the guy got offended that OP wasn’t into to him and complained that he was “uncomfortable”. I really can’t with reality anymore.
I really hope she left a review about that bs.
After that conversation with the owner I would name and shame so fucking hard. But I know not everyone is as confrontational as I am so glad OP found another gym.
She needs to name and shame this gym so that other women can avoid it.
I’d be putting this gym on blast. Making sure everyone knows about how they manage it.
The only unrealistic part of this story is that she was actually allowed to cancel her gym membership
Well she is in Columbia…
Owner is a POS
OOP needs to figure out a way to expose this predatory gym while keeping herself safe. I’m not sure how it would be possible tho…someone is going to get hurt…
She also needs to keep an eye out because gym owner has her address and is probably fine with letting his upstanding friend have access to it.
Planet Fitness is allowing all sorts of horrifying stuff to happen to women in the US. And we're always overreacting.... 🙄
I wonder if the owner is in on it.
Creep is friends will equally creepy gym owner. Gee i wonder how many women have cancelled their memberships there
Psycho. Tell someone to post it on their facebook or instagram
The guy in her DM’s, what a sack-less streak of piss.
This creep probably thinks he’s being such a nice guy.
Why is she not blasting this all over their local Facebook groups to let everyone know what a creep the guy and the gym owner are!? I'm so bloody sick of men pulling this crap
Owner knows his friend is a creep and does not care. That shit needs to be blasted.
I would leave a review about this situation and include what the owner said. Women need to know that this isn’t a safe space for them.
Lol these days women would accuse men of anything... meanwhile this chode's friend not only creeped on a woman but also accused her of being rude. You'd think that according to their rulebook, these manly men would be able to handle a little rudeness. Fragile much?
In a world where every person is rational, and emotionally mature the gym would be a place where it is considered EXTREMELY rude to hit on, try to have casual conversations, or gawk at other people. People that treat the gym like a singles bar need to be kicked repeatedly in the throat.
Let the gym owner keep his creepy friend. They belong together. Glad OOP got away from that gym.
That creep is going to cross the line one day and the owner is going to act blind-sided.
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Why not post it in a review right now with the simple facts? Limit the potential pool of victims for Owner’s Creepy Friend. No need to wait until someone else gets hurt.
I'm a man and I say: Fucking Men
Put that gym on blast!
Jiminy Cricket! Woman tries to exist, man cries she's mean because she didn't immediately fall to her knees for him; woman has to find somewhere else to exist. No wonder women choose the bear.
God I hope she left a review.
This is a depressing post and I feel bad there’s no authority you can report institutions run by inept old boys club types of people Too bad she didn’t just blast them online. They would deserve to be boycotted IMO and any backlash they got they deserved. I know people will say “WHAT ABOUT THE EMPLOYEES?! Their jobs?!” Well I’ll classify this as creative distraction. Sure we can’t all pick where we work, that’s fine. You can choose to work at gyms runs by sexist misogynists, who are also probably the type to be rape supporters and apologists “because if she has just blah blah blah”. Sure. But the public can ALSO choose not to allow owners like to stay in business or remain open in their communities and wanting to set a higher moral standard all around. Thus removing the difficult choice from the employees plates and only offering ethical employers for them to choose from
I would be blasting theirbsocial that the owner is protecting a creep who was harrashing a young women. Let's see how well his business is after that.
POST THE GYM NAME!!! pls
Make sure to post and blast this place on your private socials too
This gym is his personal hunting grounds. Wonder if he'll complain when there's no more women going there
I am so sorry, this is awful. Can you give them terrible, and descriptive, reviews all over social media?
Latino machismo; I’m glad OP canceled her membership because the gym owner was never going to help her.
Squicked me out.
If i was her I would be all over that gyms fb and google reviews leaving complaints and 1 star reviews.
Name the gym on your local fyp, tell your friends, make a TikTok. Make it so this creep and his groomer/accomplice can't do this to other ladies.
Bad review it on google. People need to know.
>I tried to stay firm and tell him that if he looks at the cameras he can see how everything I said is true, he replied something along the lines of “these days you can’t even look at the direction of a woman because only god knows what she’ll accuse you of” Yeah I would be telling every woman I know not to go to that gym ever. Ugh, this just makes me angry. As a woman who's been sexually harrassed (unfortunately one of many), this is too often the narrative. You try to be politely uninterested and they just escalate. You try to be firm and you're overreacting.
Should 100% write a review on google.
She needs to blast the gym on social media. This creep is going to keep doing his creepy things.
report the gym, that's an unsafe enviornment for women
I’m both conflict avoidant and gross so I would have taken the passive aggressive approach. When the man brought over the employee to complain I would have apologized fawningly and said I have problems with severe flatulence while running on treadmills. Just total ass-blasting Metatron farts. I was being KIND and COMPASSIONATE by moving away.
*maybe 40s M.* ouch....
Anyone else really want the name of this gym so they can keep themselves safe? Like legit, that's disgusting. I don't care HOW LONG you've known someone, you're running a BUSINESS not your own little Boys Club. Really sucks that OP is going to walk away from this feeling even less empowered to speak up, and I hope she doesn't ever feel like she has to 'stay put' the next time she feels uncomfortable enough to 'want to move'
Not really, cuz I don't live in Colombia
uhhh, out the gym??? what the fuck!!!
Ugh I know she can't leave them a bad review for her own safety but... Like if a guy friend could leave a review for this gym and say hey the owner lets his creepy friends harass young women here with his full support and blames them for it... That would be cool. Cuz I would like to know that kind of thing before going to a gym.