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>2 days ago my soon-to-be-ex called me and I was puzzelled. What does he want now? In few months our divorce will be finalized. He has moved on with his AP. He called to ask me how I am. It was small chit chat. He then asked if we can hangout now. It was 9pm at night. I obviously declined.
>
>The next day I got to know from a friend that his AP posted on social media about being in an open relationship.
He is in an open relationship. Therefore he can have sex with you *and* his AP. And of course you would jump at that offer (blargh).
Or having the new gf open up their relationship made him insecure and he reflexively tried getting some physical validation from his ex. Throwing away his marriage for someone who calls you “work husband” and quickly wants to open the relationship must be.. challenging to come to terms with. Well deserved if that is the case.
I had a guy at work flirt with me for like eight months. He even asked me out.
Two years later I literally sat up on my couch and went "Hey, that guy was hitting on me!" I was so damn busy at that job that social interactions went out of my head the minute they were over. Sorry, guy who hit on me. I don't date co-workers anyway but it would have been polite to at least notice.
I catch shit for it every time I say it on Reddit, but getting romantically involved with people you work with is a straight up terrible fucking idea and you should never, ever do it. Not only will it likely cost you both the job and the relationship, if either of you have any kind of authority, your tryst will instantly become the business of every other person you two work with whether you like it or not.
Here's how that works: Since you just unilaterally decided that getting your dick wet (or your bell rung) is more important than maintaining a level playing field in the workplace, your colleagues can no longer assume they're being evaluated on the basis of performance or merit. This can, and often does, cause a huge shitstorm of petty drama, and the worst part is that quite often, nobody realizes that the reason the entire dynamic changed is because two people started fucking. It can have far-reaching consequences for the whole organization, which is why nearly every business past a certain size has an anti-nepotism policy.
If you can't muster up the nerve to flirt with your coworkers, that's a good thing! Don't make things awkward, keep it up, you're doing great! Save that shit for when you're off the clock. Take my word for it, every time I've ever been interested in someone I worked with, there was always another opportunity to pursue it after one or both of us left the job. If it's meant to be, love will find a way.
I've seen some coworker dating relationships work out for the best, but those are the exception rather than the rule. In general, "Don't shit where you eat," is a safe bet.
Honestly, I don't generally want any sort of 'relationship' with the people I work with outside of work. I don't like work. I don't enjoy work. I don't want reminders of work every time I hang out with friends because I work with them. Plus it helps cut down on drama. If you are professional and polite but keep everyone at basically an arms distance it is very hard to get roped into some stupid interpersonal work drama. It also helps keep 'misunderstandings' to a minimum.
There was a girl I was really close friends with that I worked with (although she has sadly passed on now). At the beginning I was interested but was quite sure the feelings weren't mutual and I really valued the friendship so I left it at that.
We traveled and did all kinds of fun stuff together. She was the friend I could sporadically call to go to a really fancy restaurant spur of the moment or she would call and say she got awesome concert tickets to a show states over in a few days and we'd plan the flight and find covers at work. We shared beds when our cheapest option was to just crash at a friend's place in the area.
People could *not* accept that we were just friends though. It really got on my nerves. Especially when she got a boyfriend. I even got along well with the guy! I remember before our last trip together one of the older women I work with was like "well what does her *boyfriend* think about that?" The insinuation was really upsetting.
Like is it that hard to believe that some people aren't constantly thinking about their next fuck buddy? Some people really don't believe you can be friends with someone of the opposite sex, or whatever orientation you are interested in.
I mean, she's 25. That's a *prime* age for not being particularly serious about relationships, feeling like you're grown enough to avoid silly mistakes, and that flirting with an older, married coworker is both "safe" (he's married!) and can make you feel powerful (after all, he's *married*) without any significant commitment of time or energy.
I suspect she's a dog that's caught a car. She probably didn't even want it- but if the guy you've been flirting with suddenly becomes NOT married, it sure does put you in a pickle!
I like this analogy, and would add that in most cases if a cheater winds up in an actual relationship with their AP, they are probably feeling like "the dog that caught the car". There are no day-to-day problems with an AP! AP doesn't need you to pull your weight or run errands or help pay bills! AP does not leave whiskers in the sink and AP does not snore. (as far as you know). Does AP get crampy periods? Does AP have PITA family? Who knows? Every day is the honeymoon with AP.
Then your affair partner becomes your real-life partner. How did they get in so much debt? How come they never told you their parents are monsters? Why do they let the trash pile up so high? Why are they so secretive with their phone?
I think it's true *in general*, but probably even more so in this genre of situation.
OOP said they were having an *emotional* affair. Obviously that's a betrayal on behalf of her husband, but it's not necessarily the case that the coworker *ever* intended to have the flirtation go anywhere.
And, again, the coworker was not behaving *well*- but what feels like titillating boundary pushing and maybe sticking a toe in the water at 25 is OBVIOUSLY over the line for most relationships of people in their 30s.
Maybe some of this is impacted by my own experiences; I definitely had "flirty but going absolutely nowhere" relationships, including with coworkers, at that age. The people involved were single and in my age group, with one notable exception.
I immediately backpedaled when I discovered that the Notable Exception (who WAS single) was 50 to my 25 (I had thought maybe early 40s, which, still inappropriate) and *definitely* had intentions to do More Than Flirt.
I think it's extremely plausible that the coworker *never* intended to do anything more than flirt with OOP's husband, and had a VERY ugly realization when The Married Guy She Charmed At Work was free to pursue her.
Id throw in that she may just get kicks out of being the woman he “really” wanted. I doubt hes really poly and eventually will get stressed about her seeing other people. Im just feeling inner warmth about that outcome!
Thank goodness for OOP’s standards or eventually hubbie would have come to her with the ‘we should open our relationship’ conversation, and we all know how well that usually goes.
This!!! He probably wasn't expecting her to hit him with "I'm not monogamous" when they got together and he just decided to go along with it because at that point he'd already thrown away his marriage so he'd look pretty stupid if they broke up if he went against it. What a fool.
OOP may need to move away and start fresh. Starting over in your early 30s isn't the horrible thing she thinks it is. May she find a beautiful love after she's fully healed and have beautiful babies ❤️.
I was thinking AP isn’t giving him as much attention as she was when he was married and she was chasing him so he thought if he could sleep with OP, or even just go out a few times, AP would get jealous and refocus on him.
Agreed. He's in an open relationship with AP because she wasn't going to be tied down and it was "put up with it or leave".
Now he needs something to occupy his time whrn she's out fucking other people (likely closer to her age, too).
Poor Ex. /s
I read it in the opposite direction: Dude realized affair partner wasn't going to be in the kind of relationship he wanted, so he was trying to monkeybranch back in the other direction and OP wisely shut it down.
AP just wanted someone fun to do and the affair aspect made it even more exciting. She didn’t want a whole ass relationship with the guy. And here he goes blowing up his whole adult life for her.
The *one and only* time I’ve ever been presented with AND tempted by the opportunity to be the AP, I realized I just wanted the sex and this guy would lose his entire life for it. Wife, kid, career, everything. I had nothing to lose and he had everything to lose. Was he sleezy for even offering? Sure. But there’s a difference between “damn this person and I have a genuine connection and under different circumstances I’d like to be with him for the rest of our lives- I’m going to talk to him about getting a divorce so we can actually have a go” vs “let’s bang it out in your truck”. For OP’s husband it was the former, for his AP it was the later. Should have had that conversation before he blew up his life.
I feel like women like the "work wife" here are attracted to married men because they see them as stable, able to commit, responsible. And then once they get divorced and are just another single man the women subconsciously are turned off by that because it turns out they're NOT able to commit and are NOT responsible after all. It's a double edged sword, you want the married man for that reason, and then once they leave they're wife for you they're not married anymore and the attraction is gone.
Maybe. I think they’re attracted to them because there’s no strings attached. They don’t want the whole relationship package- just a fun romp in the sheets or even just the fun flirty relationship will-they-won’t-they chemistry thing. It’s sexy, it’s fun, it’s completely unserious.
And then the committed one goes and blows up their commitments and *wants to commit to them* and suddenly shit just got *really real, really fast*, and that’s not what they were looking for at all.
He seems like the type of person who just takes what he can get, nothing more to it. Much younger woman hitting on you? Cool, I'll take it! Can I take it and keep my wife, too? Oh well, gave it a shot. Will ex-wife be desperate enough to be a booty call? Oh well, gave it a shot.
Yes, that did not require deep insight into the human condition to grok.
Good for her for moving on. Of course it was hard, of course it sucked, but every single thing he did confirmed she made the right decision.
And fuck all of the friends and family who urged her to reconcile. Thank heavens her parents had her back.
>Yes, that did not require deep insight into the human condition to grok.
I can think of two people in this story to whom this seems like a genius insight.
Yup. Although I'll say this sounds more like he's "poly under duress" and she's out fucking around and he went back to the well as it were.
I suspect that there is a severe difference in what his side of the relationship looks like compared to hers.
I think bring open was her idea. She doesn't want to actually be with him and was probably caught off guard when he came to her with the "good news" that they can be together now. Having a sneaky no strings relationship is much more fun that dealing with a man who just lost his marriage and had decided that you can fill that spot.
Mmm, I figured the open relationship thing caught him by surprise, and the 9pm phone call was a panicked attempt to try to salvage something from the burning ruins of the relationship he left behind.
Nah, it was her.
He accepted because not doing that would mean he ended his marriage for nothing.
He decided to try his luck with his ex, but that's because his AP was probably already with someone else
I have seen people do this before and omg it is wild. Sunk costs fallacy to the nth degree. The lucky ones have managed to accept that yes, they blew up their lives for basically nothing, and then move on. I have seen other dumb mother fuckers double down though, and watching them suffer year in year out gets sad at a certain point. Not too sad, bc FAFO. But it’s like watching someone shock themselves changing a light bulb, over and over again. It looks painful, and you wanna shout “Wtf is wrong with you? Why do you keep doing this?”
Personally, I think the AP is poly and he is so obsessed with her he's willing to pretend he is too, to keep her. He's gonna get so fucked up in the head, bless him.
He has to accept it. Otherwise, he would have to face the music and admit to himself that he threw away his marriage for nothing. He has to stay with the ap because then he can convince himself that he's got a cool new gf and it's fine that he lost his ex-wife. Even if he hates the open relationship thing. It's better to suffer in the new relationship than to be left with nothing over a bit of fun.
I was thinking that the poly thing was a surprise hor him - hence the late evening call to OP. He was trying to save face. He destroyed his marriage for her and she's not even willing to be monogamous for him.
At this point the most face saving thing to do is to pretend he's all for the open relationship - it's actually better for him, after all once a cheater always a cheater. Now he gets to sleep with other people without being unfaithful...
This must be what it's like on the other side of those enemies to lovers stories lol
>Thank god you do not have stinky feet like Jess.
This should've been a Soviet parade of red flags because how did he know/why would he care what her feet smelled like?
I've worked blue collar. Big dudes working hard labor 10-12 hour shifts in thick steel toe boots. Only the greasiest, most unhygienic guys have foot odor that you can smell from standing height.
So I really have to wonder how nasty are Jess's feet, that she achieves the same result working what I'm assuming is an 8 hour shift behind a desk in an air conditioned office?
You also have to consider shoes. If they keep their shoes on, sure. But some people will take their shoes off under their desks. If you're wearing nice open heels you can't smell any difference because it isn't like that much more foot is being uncovered. But sometimes...
This is exaclty what's gonna happen. If i was OOP i would start don't give a fuck and laugh at the idea that he got himself in the emotional trap for a fresh girl
Well, that's just your average Bonding Tuesday! Not to be confused with Bonding Thursday, where you wrap your best friend up in rope and then have sex.
I’ve read this a few times now and the masturbating in front of each other gets me every time. The fuck? How is that not cheating? How is that “a loophole”? And if Jess is really into ethical non-monogamy, she SHOULD NOT have done that. If that very basic understanding is lacking, how on earth is she really polyamorous? I think that “manic pixie dream girl” was probably a very accurate description of her. She reads incredibly immature.
Hence the need for someone jumping on the bed. Because then YOU aren't thrusting.
Purity culture hurts all of us. In this case, the concept hurt my brain lol.
🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️ That is the most stupid thing I heard in a while, and at the same time I absolutly can believe that some people do this/think this way.
JFC
>! Soaking is popular with religious youth. it involved one person putting their penis in their partner’s vagina, and often involves a third person to jump on the bed and create friction. the “logic” is that “since there’s no actual thrusting, it doesn’t count as sex, thus everyone remains a virgin !<
Seriously, to me this is worse than "normal" cheating xD Like if you're gonna cheat on me at least don't be so weird about it. Pretending this is a loophole is not only gonna make me lose the trust and respect I had but also question their sanity lmao.
I'm wondering if that's just the version he told his wife because he thought that was somehow better than saying they had sex but no it isn't, it's worse actually (imo). So dumb.
Honestly, if you’re gonna cheat on me be a man and do it frankly. Don’t mutually masturbate in front of each other in the name of “respecting” me and my relationship.
What an absolute pisstake.
Jess knew how to build sexual tension and make him lust for it, that’s for sure. It never would have gotten to be this “wild crazy” and intense if Jess had immediately put out.
It's weird, but there is no risk of an STD or anyone getting pregnant, so IMO that's much better. Honestly the worst is when the cheater gives the spouse an STD or accidentally brings a child into the equation.
I mean, she's 25. And it is totally cheating!!
They didn't fuck so it's ok that they masturbated together? It's a no from me, dawg. I can't believe some people are telling OP to get over it. Fuck that noise.
It's absolutely wild anyone was telling her to forgive him. I want those people to explain themselves in the open lmao. wtf was she going to salvage from that? Man's a bad husband yo
I'm picturing a bunch of sweaty-palmed men hunched over reading her posts and yelling, "Crap, they're on to us! We've got to convince them that it's not cheating." Then they compose responses trying to sound rational, wipe the sweat off their mice, and go masturbate with their receptionists.
I really wish I *wasn't* picturing this, mind you. Thanks, thread.
Well I'm 26 and into non-monogamy, and I still wouldn't even consider being an AP of a person in monogamous marriage, that's just icky and wrong. Once or twice people in committed relationships hit on me while withholding this information and it felt horrible when I found out.
ha yeah that made me laugh out loud. jerking off in front of each other. it could have been: anytime we had phisical contact i had my eyes shut, if i did‘t see us fucking, it didn‘t happen.
The way my jaw dropped when I saw that. Like, hey, we whipped it out in front of each other in semi-public but I swear we never even kissed and that's what's important
OOP's ex and little miss Nemesis are in an open relationship because she's been sleeping with others the whole time. Eventually he's going to get shoved aside when the shiny newness rubs off her latest stolen husband and she's found other newer, better boy toys to replace him with.
He'll come crawling back to OP then. Hopefully she has the spine to send him packing.
Miss Nemesis loved the chase of a married man but is bored when he is finally divorced. She likes the chase of a “taken” man.
OOP blew up his life for nothing. The upshot is that he will get the life he deserves.
I have no doubt in my mind that the open relationship wasn't ex hubby's idea and he's just agreed to it through a mixture of limerence and sunk cost fallacy. Oop is doing better than she thinks she is.
Same, and for those who are also part of today's [lucky 10,000](https://xkcd.com/1053/)
Limerence: a state of involuntary obsession with another person, usually romantic.
I'm curious what culture OOP is a part of. Because cheating is very normalized amongst men in a lot of cultures. The "leftover" comment makes me think China. And if it's anything like Korea, then her brother almost certainly cheats.
I initially thought Japan or a similar culture (because of the cultural attitude that over 30 is old). In Japan, there's a tradition of having cake for Christmas. Single women over 25 years old are called "Christmas cakes" because "nobody wants them after the 25th."
But in Japan, the general attitude is that an emotional affair with a coworker is a *really big deal,* and some women actually consider a man having an emotional affair with a friend or coworker to be a way more serious offense than having actual sex with a prostitute (because with a prostitute, no feelings are involved). So it seems like relatives would be more on her side in that case. And based on my parents' experiences in Taiwan, I think other East Asian countries are likely to have similar attitudes too. So the ageism matches, but the dismissiveness regarding an emotional affair doesn't as much.
Could be Slavic. 30s is too old, all men only want sex and sometimes they cheat, but it's your fault: smells like home.
Thank fuck I moved away years ago.
>You cheated on me, put me through hell, you are dating your AP and now you guys are in nonmonogamous relationship?
Especially when she has sTiNkY FeEt.
Christ, OOP dodged a bullet.
Good for her.
I think that her ex called her that night because AP had recently told ex that it was going to be an open relationship. I'm guessing that ex doesn't like that, but doesn't have a choice in the matter. So he called OOP hoping to get a booty call out of it. But OOP shut him down.
So now he's stuck with a woman who he knows is going to be sleeping with other people. But he's got nowhere else to go.
I had a friend dating and madly in love with a guy. The guy was “forced” to marry someone else by his parents. He kept talking to her / messaging her for over a year after his marriage . How he can’t sleep with someone else. She is the only one he wants to have sex with. How they don’t even sleep on the same bed. That was until we found his wife’s Facebook profile and saw that she was very very much pregnant.
How she got pregnant without being on the same bed as him , you ask? Well, it’s a wonder.
Seems like OOP’s ex and the “nemesis” are using the same bed
When I was young and naïve, I had an affair with a married man (I know, I was mentally unstable and had lots of therapy during and after). The excuses that man had for having sex with his wife were legendary. He also didn’t speak to me (no calls, no visits, nothing) for two years and then called me to complain that I had purchased a house without his input. Liars gonna lie.
I’m so proud of you for being able to get out of the situation. Never underestimate the capabilities of a toxic manipulator. They’ll have you dancing on their finger tips before you realise what’s going on
HA!!
Open relationship, lol
That's not gonna last, OOP needs to see that she's free of that idiot
He tried reaching out to her because he's not really that happy about the open relationship and was hoping to crawl his way back to OOP
I bet OOP will have another update where he broke up with his young flame and has been pleading for OOP to take him back, it was a mistake, don't quit on us
lelelelel
>he once told me she was dressed like a clown (she just wore red lipstick).
I am always wary of men who call women clowns simply for wearing red lipstick. He's the clown, and unsavory comment aside, she is well rid of him!
I don't know why but the car masturbation session seems somehow worse than them actually having full on intercourse. Like he was sober minded enough to take a "loophole" because he knew how wrong it was. ICK.
It was quite satisfying to read they are in an open relationship - it was obviously Jess' great idea - that girl seems to have a lot of those. OPs ex deserves all that is happening to him.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks that was actually worse. Regular cheating is absolutely awful, and I don't buy the "one thing lead to another and it just happened" nonsense some people try to use as an excuse, but *that* took so much *more* thinking about the decision making going on than even normal cheating would. And then they have to decide that *that's* where the line is, but they still won't tell anyone it happened until it can't be avoided, because they know that the line is *actually* way further back and got crossed long ago. They know they're still doing something wrong that would destroy their partner to find out, they have to.
I don't think I'd be able to stay in a relationship where I know my partner had cheated at all, *but* if I were going to try anyway I'd be more likely to successfully "get over it" in a more normal scenario where my partner straight up fucked someone else. I'd never be able to regain trust if I knew they were willing to exploit the stupidest loopholes I'd never think of in the first place, that's for sure.
I feel so bad for her.. especially since she said emotional affair when they "masturbated" in front of each other.. that is not a loophole and that is not emotional.. that is cheating.. that is not the same as just sitting at home and watching porn.. thank goodness she got a divorce and saw through his weirdness.
> "Thank god you do not have stinky feet like Jess. She always wears shoes that looks weird on her."
> They just jerked off in front of each other IN HIS CAR.
> The next day I got to know from a friend that his AP posted on social media about being in an open relationship.
ಠ_ಠ
Nah, he'll keep trying to convince his nemesis to close the relationship, but she's so freespirited and energetic that it would be totally unfair to everyone she hasn't fucked to be monogamous.
In psychoanalytic theory, reaction formation (German: Reaktionsbildung) is a defense mechanism in which emotions, desires and impulses that are anxiety-producing or unacceptable to the ego are mastered by exaggeration of the directly opposing tendency.
OOPs ex husband still doesn't get to eat the entire cake himself despite divorcing his loyal ex wife. Happily accepted consolation prize of open relationship !
the ex and the AP are in open relationship because AP got bored with him and forced it on him.
The ex had no say in it. And it's so pathetic of him to try to have an affair with his ex wife. What a loser.
I think the AP was always poly but it just wasn’t a reality for the ex until it became one. Then the scales fell from his eyes and he shifted into a sort of panic. Calls OOP as a way to cope with what is happening, maybe trying to hopefully reconcile, or at least lineup a secondary which is audacious (but can we really be surprised here?).
But yeah, he is a fucking loser.
The first update about the ex and his AP having an open relationship convinced me that this is a real post. My first reaction to that was "the hell...?" and OP obviously had that 100x worse, thinking who did she marry. Something about that reaction sounded really realistic.
>The biggest plot twist for me was when I came to know that he and his mistress are in an open relationship. It was funny to me.
It's gonna be downright hilarious when things implode. My bet's on her dumping him when she finds someone better.
> He confessed that though there hasn’t been any physical touch or contact, he did have a moment of weakness and they masturbated in front of each other. He swears he didn’t touch her. They just jerked off in front of each other IN HIS CAR. It was Jess’s idea. She knew about his crush but she has “morals” so they found a weird loophole.
I erm... No, no thats not how that works.
> I didn’t get a house in the divorce like many of you suggested. Honestly, I didn’t even want it. I am living with my parents now for a while. I know it sucks because I am in my 30s and have to start from 0.
This is a sad development. Seeking ownership or part ownership on a shared asset like the house doesn’t have to be about ‘wanting the house’, the sale of the house can be compelled and she could have had half the equity to use to help avoid ‘starting from 0’.
I’ve seen stories here before where people pass on any ownership of the house because of the memories and it’s like they don’t understand that it can be converted into dollaridoos. :(
It was a premarital asset, sounds like (passed down from his grandmother) so that’s likely why he didn’t have to sell. Sucks for OOP but I can understand her comforting herself with ‘I didn’t want it anyway’.
OP should tell her idiot brother to have his significant other go jerk off in a car with another person, then we’ll see what he has to say about staying in a marriage.
The poly community is plagued by co-cheating asshole parasites who know cheaters will cheat again, so wedge themselves into polycules, and abuse rules and culture to make themselves blameless for the ever expanding scope of assholery they want to commit.
Did she not realize that when her ex asked if he could come over & hang out he was trying to hookup w/her b/c he’s now in an open relationship? He is literally so full of himself that he thought he had a chance of turning his ex-wife into his new gf. Lol. Idiot!
Gunna be honest, I kept reading waiting for something interesting to happen, but it just never did. This was so boring: man cheats with coworker he pretends to hate, six updates about getting divorced. Not interesting.
I’m so positive that he’s only staying w her in an open relationship because he gave up everything for her and can’t bear w the aftermath of her leaving him
I notice every time a woman involves herself in some mess in a lot of these posts, her name is always Jess. On a serious note, it’s sad that she was surprised that her parents would be on her side. Everybody else telling her she’s wrong to want to leave sucks though, and would probably do the same thing as her ex-husband and Jess if given a chance.
[She](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Manic_Pixie_Dream_Girl) is the kind of girl who fulfill all these support roles in a dude’s life without having any needs of her own to be reciprocated. She also possesses no identity (in his mind) beyond that.
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>2 days ago my soon-to-be-ex called me and I was puzzelled. What does he want now? In few months our divorce will be finalized. He has moved on with his AP. He called to ask me how I am. It was small chit chat. He then asked if we can hangout now. It was 9pm at night. I obviously declined. > >The next day I got to know from a friend that his AP posted on social media about being in an open relationship. He is in an open relationship. Therefore he can have sex with you *and* his AP. And of course you would jump at that offer (blargh).
Or having the new gf open up their relationship made him insecure and he reflexively tried getting some physical validation from his ex. Throwing away his marriage for someone who calls you “work husband” and quickly wants to open the relationship must be.. challenging to come to terms with. Well deserved if that is the case.
Yup. I bet money that's exactly what's going on here.
She only wanted someone to fool around with casually. Or she’s using him for something at work.
Am I the only one who is so anxious at work that hitting on someone doesn’t even occur?
I had a guy at work flirt with me for like eight months. He even asked me out. Two years later I literally sat up on my couch and went "Hey, that guy was hitting on me!" I was so damn busy at that job that social interactions went out of my head the minute they were over. Sorry, guy who hit on me. I don't date co-workers anyway but it would have been polite to at least notice.
I think it’s cool you didn’t notice honestly. IMO really inappropriate to ask people out at work.
Nope I’m the same.
I catch shit for it every time I say it on Reddit, but getting romantically involved with people you work with is a straight up terrible fucking idea and you should never, ever do it. Not only will it likely cost you both the job and the relationship, if either of you have any kind of authority, your tryst will instantly become the business of every other person you two work with whether you like it or not. Here's how that works: Since you just unilaterally decided that getting your dick wet (or your bell rung) is more important than maintaining a level playing field in the workplace, your colleagues can no longer assume they're being evaluated on the basis of performance or merit. This can, and often does, cause a huge shitstorm of petty drama, and the worst part is that quite often, nobody realizes that the reason the entire dynamic changed is because two people started fucking. It can have far-reaching consequences for the whole organization, which is why nearly every business past a certain size has an anti-nepotism policy. If you can't muster up the nerve to flirt with your coworkers, that's a good thing! Don't make things awkward, keep it up, you're doing great! Save that shit for when you're off the clock. Take my word for it, every time I've ever been interested in someone I worked with, there was always another opportunity to pursue it after one or both of us left the job. If it's meant to be, love will find a way.
I've seen some coworker dating relationships work out for the best, but those are the exception rather than the rule. In general, "Don't shit where you eat," is a safe bet.
The only time I've ever seen it work is if they were dating/married before they started working together.
Yeah either that or one (or both) change jobs pretty quickly into the relationship.
Honestly, I don't generally want any sort of 'relationship' with the people I work with outside of work. I don't like work. I don't enjoy work. I don't want reminders of work every time I hang out with friends because I work with them. Plus it helps cut down on drama. If you are professional and polite but keep everyone at basically an arms distance it is very hard to get roped into some stupid interpersonal work drama. It also helps keep 'misunderstandings' to a minimum.
There was a girl I was really close friends with that I worked with (although she has sadly passed on now). At the beginning I was interested but was quite sure the feelings weren't mutual and I really valued the friendship so I left it at that. We traveled and did all kinds of fun stuff together. She was the friend I could sporadically call to go to a really fancy restaurant spur of the moment or she would call and say she got awesome concert tickets to a show states over in a few days and we'd plan the flight and find covers at work. We shared beds when our cheapest option was to just crash at a friend's place in the area. People could *not* accept that we were just friends though. It really got on my nerves. Especially when she got a boyfriend. I even got along well with the guy! I remember before our last trip together one of the older women I work with was like "well what does her *boyfriend* think about that?" The insinuation was really upsetting. Like is it that hard to believe that some people aren't constantly thinking about their next fuck buddy? Some people really don't believe you can be friends with someone of the opposite sex, or whatever orientation you are interested in.
COVID slashed my self-esteem, so hitting on someone (at work or not) doesn't even occur.
I mean, she's 25. That's a *prime* age for not being particularly serious about relationships, feeling like you're grown enough to avoid silly mistakes, and that flirting with an older, married coworker is both "safe" (he's married!) and can make you feel powerful (after all, he's *married*) without any significant commitment of time or energy. I suspect she's a dog that's caught a car. She probably didn't even want it- but if the guy you've been flirting with suddenly becomes NOT married, it sure does put you in a pickle!
I like this analogy, and would add that in most cases if a cheater winds up in an actual relationship with their AP, they are probably feeling like "the dog that caught the car". There are no day-to-day problems with an AP! AP doesn't need you to pull your weight or run errands or help pay bills! AP does not leave whiskers in the sink and AP does not snore. (as far as you know). Does AP get crampy periods? Does AP have PITA family? Who knows? Every day is the honeymoon with AP. Then your affair partner becomes your real-life partner. How did they get in so much debt? How come they never told you their parents are monsters? Why do they let the trash pile up so high? Why are they so secretive with their phone?
I think it's true *in general*, but probably even more so in this genre of situation. OOP said they were having an *emotional* affair. Obviously that's a betrayal on behalf of her husband, but it's not necessarily the case that the coworker *ever* intended to have the flirtation go anywhere. And, again, the coworker was not behaving *well*- but what feels like titillating boundary pushing and maybe sticking a toe in the water at 25 is OBVIOUSLY over the line for most relationships of people in their 30s. Maybe some of this is impacted by my own experiences; I definitely had "flirty but going absolutely nowhere" relationships, including with coworkers, at that age. The people involved were single and in my age group, with one notable exception. I immediately backpedaled when I discovered that the Notable Exception (who WAS single) was 50 to my 25 (I had thought maybe early 40s, which, still inappropriate) and *definitely* had intentions to do More Than Flirt. I think it's extremely plausible that the coworker *never* intended to do anything more than flirt with OOP's husband, and had a VERY ugly realization when The Married Guy She Charmed At Work was free to pursue her.
I love that phrase: dog that’s caught a car
Id throw in that she may just get kicks out of being the woman he “really” wanted. I doubt hes really poly and eventually will get stressed about her seeing other people. Im just feeling inner warmth about that outcome!
Jess may be in an open relationship, but that doesn't mean he is.
Hey, that's the bed he made now, and OOP didn't fall for it because she's got standards.
It sucks that her friends and brother don’t tho. But hey, way to go parents for supporting their daughter!
Yeah that is so weird to me! I can't imagine telling my sibling they should stay in a marriage they don't want to be in regardless of the reasons!
What do you want to bet her brother is also having affairs?
I don’t think it’s called betting if everyone knows the answer
Thank goodness for OOP’s standards or eventually hubbie would have come to her with the ‘we should open our relationship’ conversation, and we all know how well that usually goes.
This!!! He probably wasn't expecting her to hit him with "I'm not monogamous" when they got together and he just decided to go along with it because at that point he'd already thrown away his marriage so he'd look pretty stupid if they broke up if he went against it. What a fool. OOP may need to move away and start fresh. Starting over in your early 30s isn't the horrible thing she thinks it is. May she find a beautiful love after she's fully healed and have beautiful babies ❤️.
I was thinking AP isn’t giving him as much attention as she was when he was married and she was chasing him so he thought if he could sleep with OP, or even just go out a few times, AP would get jealous and refocus on him.
While you might be right on the first part, i don't think the second part was his thought process.
Agreed. He's in an open relationship with AP because she wasn't going to be tied down and it was "put up with it or leave". Now he needs something to occupy his time whrn she's out fucking other people (likely closer to her age, too). Poor Ex. /s
Bro really tried to booty call OOP. Boy bye.
I read it in the opposite direction: Dude realized affair partner wasn't going to be in the kind of relationship he wanted, so he was trying to monkeybranch back in the other direction and OP wisely shut it down.
AP just wanted someone fun to do and the affair aspect made it even more exciting. She didn’t want a whole ass relationship with the guy. And here he goes blowing up his whole adult life for her. The *one and only* time I’ve ever been presented with AND tempted by the opportunity to be the AP, I realized I just wanted the sex and this guy would lose his entire life for it. Wife, kid, career, everything. I had nothing to lose and he had everything to lose. Was he sleezy for even offering? Sure. But there’s a difference between “damn this person and I have a genuine connection and under different circumstances I’d like to be with him for the rest of our lives- I’m going to talk to him about getting a divorce so we can actually have a go” vs “let’s bang it out in your truck”. For OP’s husband it was the former, for his AP it was the later. Should have had that conversation before he blew up his life.
I feel like women like the "work wife" here are attracted to married men because they see them as stable, able to commit, responsible. And then once they get divorced and are just another single man the women subconsciously are turned off by that because it turns out they're NOT able to commit and are NOT responsible after all. It's a double edged sword, you want the married man for that reason, and then once they leave they're wife for you they're not married anymore and the attraction is gone.
Maybe. I think they’re attracted to them because there’s no strings attached. They don’t want the whole relationship package- just a fun romp in the sheets or even just the fun flirty relationship will-they-won’t-they chemistry thing. It’s sexy, it’s fun, it’s completely unserious. And then the committed one goes and blows up their commitments and *wants to commit to them* and suddenly shit just got *really real, really fast*, and that’s not what they were looking for at all.
He seems like the type of person who just takes what he can get, nothing more to it. Much younger woman hitting on you? Cool, I'll take it! Can I take it and keep my wife, too? Oh well, gave it a shot. Will ex-wife be desperate enough to be a booty call? Oh well, gave it a shot.
Yes, that did not require deep insight into the human condition to grok. Good for her for moving on. Of course it was hard, of course it sucked, but every single thing he did confirmed she made the right decision. And fuck all of the friends and family who urged her to reconcile. Thank heavens her parents had her back.
>Yes, that did not require deep insight into the human condition to grok. I can think of two people in this story to whom this seems like a genius insight.
Yup. Although I'll say this sounds more like he's "poly under duress" and she's out fucking around and he went back to the well as it were. I suspect that there is a severe difference in what his side of the relationship looks like compared to hers.
This !!
I will bet money that this was his genius idea, have his cake and eat hers too.
I think bring open was her idea. She doesn't want to actually be with him and was probably caught off guard when he came to her with the "good news" that they can be together now. Having a sneaky no strings relationship is much more fun that dealing with a man who just lost his marriage and had decided that you can fill that spot.
Mmm, I figured the open relationship thing caught him by surprise, and the 9pm phone call was a panicked attempt to try to salvage something from the burning ruins of the relationship he left behind.
And wash his socks
How does it go, when a mistress becomes a girlfriend, it creates a job opening?
Nah, it was her. He accepted because not doing that would mean he ended his marriage for nothing. He decided to try his luck with his ex, but that's because his AP was probably already with someone else
I have seen people do this before and omg it is wild. Sunk costs fallacy to the nth degree. The lucky ones have managed to accept that yes, they blew up their lives for basically nothing, and then move on. I have seen other dumb mother fuckers double down though, and watching them suffer year in year out gets sad at a certain point. Not too sad, bc FAFO. But it’s like watching someone shock themselves changing a light bulb, over and over again. It looks painful, and you wanna shout “Wtf is wrong with you? Why do you keep doing this?”
Personally, I think the AP is poly and he is so obsessed with her he's willing to pretend he is too, to keep her. He's gonna get so fucked up in the head, bless him.
He has to accept it. Otherwise, he would have to face the music and admit to himself that he threw away his marriage for nothing. He has to stay with the ap because then he can convince himself that he's got a cool new gf and it's fine that he lost his ex-wife. Even if he hates the open relationship thing. It's better to suffer in the new relationship than to be left with nothing over a bit of fun.
I was thinking that the poly thing was a surprise hor him - hence the late evening call to OP. He was trying to save face. He destroyed his marriage for her and she's not even willing to be monogamous for him. At this point the most face saving thing to do is to pretend he's all for the open relationship - it's actually better for him, after all once a cheater always a cheater. Now he gets to sleep with other people without being unfaithful...
>He's gonna get so fucked up in the head I wish i could feel bad about that 🤔
It literally says it was her idea...
It just keeps going. "Nemesis" check out Batman over here. Even from the first post you could tell he had a hormonal teenage obsession.
In the old days, he would have been pulling her pigtails or dipping her hair in an inkwell.
It's funnier if you picture it as Nemesis from the Resident Evil games.
He totally had mention-itis, but since he couldn’t gush about his crush the only other option was to hate on her.
nemesistance, please.
Ahh, the ol' "Love-Hate"...
Dude had a mid-life crisis at 33, which is honestly kind of pathetic. OOP is well out of it.
Think she owns a pig farm?
This must be what it's like on the other side of those enemies to lovers stories lol >Thank god you do not have stinky feet like Jess. This should've been a Soviet parade of red flags because how did he know/why would he care what her feet smelled like?
To be fair, you can definitely smell certain people's feet in the office...
This is true. But the comment was whack either way
I've worked blue collar. Big dudes working hard labor 10-12 hour shifts in thick steel toe boots. Only the greasiest, most unhygienic guys have foot odor that you can smell from standing height. So I really have to wonder how nasty are Jess's feet, that she achieves the same result working what I'm assuming is an 8 hour shift behind a desk in an air conditioned office?
You also have to consider shoes. If they keep their shoes on, sure. But some people will take their shoes off under their desks. If you're wearing nice open heels you can't smell any difference because it isn't like that much more foot is being uncovered. But sometimes...
Intimate knowledge of Jess' toe jams? Ew.
I need you to never type that again.
I have to know, who is your pfp?
Her name is Yisu. She's from Shining Nikki, a dress up game (my guilty pleasure/addiction, haha)
I want another update when the AP meets a new partner and ex hubby is jealous and accuses Jess of cheating
Same! 😂
This is exaclty what's gonna happen. If i was OOP i would start don't give a fuck and laugh at the idea that he got himself in the emotional trap for a fresh girl
>they masturbated in front of each other "we're just friends!"
Man you never pulled over on the way to McDonald's and masturbate with your best friend?
Well, that's just your average Bonding Tuesday! Not to be confused with Bonding Thursday, where you wrap your best friend up in rope and then have sex.
Wouldn’t that be Bondage Thursday then?
No, that would be too easy.
Olive Garden, m'am. Have some standards, please.
I laughed way too hard with this comment.. xD
I’ve read this a few times now and the masturbating in front of each other gets me every time. The fuck? How is that not cheating? How is that “a loophole”? And if Jess is really into ethical non-monogamy, she SHOULD NOT have done that. If that very basic understanding is lacking, how on earth is she really polyamorous? I think that “manic pixie dream girl” was probably a very accurate description of her. She reads incredibly immature.
The same way Christian girls are still virgins if they only masturbate and have anal sex and no vaginal penetration.
Or do some soaking with a 3rd person being a jumper. It totally doesn’t count.
I... I don't know wether I want to hear the answer, but what the heck is soaking?!
IMHO just sticking it in, no thrusting.
Hence the need for someone jumping on the bed. Because then YOU aren't thrusting. Purity culture hurts all of us. In this case, the concept hurt my brain lol.
So it's basically a threesome with some sports involved 😁
🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️ That is the most stupid thing I heard in a while, and at the same time I absolutly can believe that some people do this/think this way. JFC
If you lie naked on a woman but stay perfectly still the holy Ghost can't see you so it's not a sin.
"Gods hate this one simple trick!"
Did you watch Jury Duty too?
Heck, the same way some people latched onto *soaking*.
I have no idea what this "Soaking" thing is and I am having a spider-sense level bad gut feeling about googling it lol
>! Soaking is popular with religious youth. it involved one person putting their penis in their partner’s vagina, and often involves a third person to jump on the bed and create friction. the “logic” is that “since there’s no actual thrusting, it doesn’t count as sex, thus everyone remains a virgin !<
That's technically a threesome, isn't it?
Yeah, 100 %! But I would think that someone who says they are into ethical non-monogamy would know a while lot better than teens with purity rings?
Seriously, to me this is worse than "normal" cheating xD Like if you're gonna cheat on me at least don't be so weird about it. Pretending this is a loophole is not only gonna make me lose the trust and respect I had but also question their sanity lmao. I'm wondering if that's just the version he told his wife because he thought that was somehow better than saying they had sex but no it isn't, it's worse actually (imo). So dumb.
Honestly, if you’re gonna cheat on me be a man and do it frankly. Don’t mutually masturbate in front of each other in the name of “respecting” me and my relationship. What an absolute pisstake.
maybe that's a part of the 'wild crazy' charm he claims she has? -massive eyeroll-
Jess knew how to build sexual tension and make him lust for it, that’s for sure. It never would have gotten to be this “wild crazy” and intense if Jess had immediately put out.
It's weird, but there is no risk of an STD or anyone getting pregnant, so IMO that's much better. Honestly the worst is when the cheater gives the spouse an STD or accidentally brings a child into the equation.
They didn’t do anything physical because Jess has *morals*, but wanking in front of each other is A-OK.
Really telling that he says Jess is the one with morals… not himself.
THANK YOU!!! I kept thinking that their actions in a different context would make them sex offenders so there is some physical component there.
I mean, she's 25. And it is totally cheating!! They didn't fuck so it's ok that they masturbated together? It's a no from me, dawg. I can't believe some people are telling OP to get over it. Fuck that noise.
It's absolutely wild anyone was telling her to forgive him. I want those people to explain themselves in the open lmao. wtf was she going to salvage from that? Man's a bad husband yo
I'm picturing a bunch of sweaty-palmed men hunched over reading her posts and yelling, "Crap, they're on to us! We've got to convince them that it's not cheating." Then they compose responses trying to sound rational, wipe the sweat off their mice, and go masturbate with their receptionists. I really wish I *wasn't* picturing this, mind you. Thanks, thread.
Well I'm 26 and into non-monogamy, and I still wouldn't even consider being an AP of a person in monogamous marriage, that's just icky and wrong. Once or twice people in committed relationships hit on me while withholding this information and it felt horrible when I found out.
He was trickle truthing. He absolutely had sex with her. What a stupid excuse though. Like that's the best you can come up with?
The way my jaw dropped when I read that
As much of a loophole as the good ol poophole... people will always do the craziest mental gymnastics to avoid guilt.
ha yeah that made me laugh out loud. jerking off in front of each other. it could have been: anytime we had phisical contact i had my eyes shut, if i did‘t see us fucking, it didn‘t happen.
My eyebrows went to the heavens and my jaw went to hell when I read the masturbating bit.
it’s 6am and I’m laying next to my partner nearly woke him up with my “what the fuck?!” when I read about the masturbating, I mean,, WHAT the FUCK?
I can’t and won’t understand. It’s not cheating to stare directly into someone’s vagina and beating off while she’s flicking the bean? Come on now.
The way my jaw dropped when I saw that. Like, hey, we whipped it out in front of each other in semi-public but I swear we never even kissed and that's what's important
OOP's ex and little miss Nemesis are in an open relationship because she's been sleeping with others the whole time. Eventually he's going to get shoved aside when the shiny newness rubs off her latest stolen husband and she's found other newer, better boy toys to replace him with. He'll come crawling back to OP then. Hopefully she has the spine to send him packing.
Oh she's using him for money
Good for her
Miss Nemesis loved the chase of a married man but is bored when he is finally divorced. She likes the chase of a “taken” man. OOP blew up his life for nothing. The upshot is that he will get the life he deserves.
Remember, folks: the opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference. And I think this is a great example of that manifesting itself.
Couldn’t agree more.
I have no doubt in my mind that the open relationship wasn't ex hubby's idea and he's just agreed to it through a mixture of limerence and sunk cost fallacy. Oop is doing better than she thinks she is.
This was exactly my thought too. I think he called OOP because he’s now in over his head and knows he messed up.
I don’t know how OP stopped herself from trolling them both
> limerence New word today.
Same, and for those who are also part of today's [lucky 10,000](https://xkcd.com/1053/) Limerence: a state of involuntary obsession with another person, usually romantic.
Brother is definitely cheating on his partner.
This. Only cheaters defend cheaters.
I'm curious what culture OOP is a part of. Because cheating is very normalized amongst men in a lot of cultures. The "leftover" comment makes me think China. And if it's anything like Korea, then her brother almost certainly cheats.
I initially thought Japan or a similar culture (because of the cultural attitude that over 30 is old). In Japan, there's a tradition of having cake for Christmas. Single women over 25 years old are called "Christmas cakes" because "nobody wants them after the 25th." But in Japan, the general attitude is that an emotional affair with a coworker is a *really big deal,* and some women actually consider a man having an emotional affair with a friend or coworker to be a way more serious offense than having actual sex with a prostitute (because with a prostitute, no feelings are involved). So it seems like relatives would be more on her side in that case. And based on my parents' experiences in Taiwan, I think other East Asian countries are likely to have similar attitudes too. So the ageism matches, but the dismissiveness regarding an emotional affair doesn't as much.
Could be Slavic. 30s is too old, all men only want sex and sometimes they cheat, but it's your fault: smells like home. Thank fuck I moved away years ago.
Smells like Balkans, thank God there are some decent men
The whole way the post is written suggests that it's not what we would determine to be a Western culture I think
For the record mutual masturbation is in fact physical/sexual cheating
Of course it is. I think everyone but OOP's husband was clear on that. Including Jess.
If you wouldn't do it with your mom, you're crossing a sexual boundary. And if you would do it with your mom, that's an... interesting choice.
But what if you have 2 broken arms?
That's just lending a helping hand to a family's member. There is a point to be made that he already had his penis inside his mom though.
>You cheated on me, put me through hell, you are dating your AP and now you guys are in nonmonogamous relationship? Especially when she has sTiNkY FeEt. Christ, OOP dodged a bullet.
and an ex husband with sTinkY fEEt fetish !
Well, wouldn't say she dodged it, exactly... More like got hit by a bullet and then took the gun away
Good for her. I think that her ex called her that night because AP had recently told ex that it was going to be an open relationship. I'm guessing that ex doesn't like that, but doesn't have a choice in the matter. So he called OOP hoping to get a booty call out of it. But OOP shut him down. So now he's stuck with a woman who he knows is going to be sleeping with other people. But he's got nowhere else to go.
I had a friend dating and madly in love with a guy. The guy was “forced” to marry someone else by his parents. He kept talking to her / messaging her for over a year after his marriage . How he can’t sleep with someone else. She is the only one he wants to have sex with. How they don’t even sleep on the same bed. That was until we found his wife’s Facebook profile and saw that she was very very much pregnant. How she got pregnant without being on the same bed as him , you ask? Well, it’s a wonder. Seems like OOP’s ex and the “nemesis” are using the same bed
When I was young and naïve, I had an affair with a married man (I know, I was mentally unstable and had lots of therapy during and after). The excuses that man had for having sex with his wife were legendary. He also didn’t speak to me (no calls, no visits, nothing) for two years and then called me to complain that I had purchased a house without his input. Liars gonna lie.
I’m so proud of you for being able to get out of the situation. Never underestimate the capabilities of a toxic manipulator. They’ll have you dancing on their finger tips before you realise what’s going on
The "open relationship" is him trying to save face while the woman he cheated with cheats on him. I find this hilarious.
"awwwww why can't relationships that start out cheating end up happy" 🥴
Him asking to hang out at 9pm killed me. He didn’t know he wasn’t going to be the only one and wants his stability back. Lmao.
HA!! Open relationship, lol That's not gonna last, OOP needs to see that she's free of that idiot He tried reaching out to her because he's not really that happy about the open relationship and was hoping to crawl his way back to OOP I bet OOP will have another update where he broke up with his young flame and has been pleading for OOP to take him back, it was a mistake, don't quit on us lelelelel
That husband is about to be put through the cuckhold wringer.
I hope we get an update about it!
He's gonna lose it at work when she dumps him and he's gonna get fired, I'd bet.
>he once told me she was dressed like a clown (she just wore red lipstick). I am always wary of men who call women clowns simply for wearing red lipstick. He's the clown, and unsavory comment aside, she is well rid of him!
“You don’t look like a clown. You do look like a prostitute who caters exclusively *to* clowns.”
I don't know why but the car masturbation session seems somehow worse than them actually having full on intercourse. Like he was sober minded enough to take a "loophole" because he knew how wrong it was. ICK. It was quite satisfying to read they are in an open relationship - it was obviously Jess' great idea - that girl seems to have a lot of those. OPs ex deserves all that is happening to him.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks that was actually worse. Regular cheating is absolutely awful, and I don't buy the "one thing lead to another and it just happened" nonsense some people try to use as an excuse, but *that* took so much *more* thinking about the decision making going on than even normal cheating would. And then they have to decide that *that's* where the line is, but they still won't tell anyone it happened until it can't be avoided, because they know that the line is *actually* way further back and got crossed long ago. They know they're still doing something wrong that would destroy their partner to find out, they have to. I don't think I'd be able to stay in a relationship where I know my partner had cheated at all, *but* if I were going to try anyway I'd be more likely to successfully "get over it" in a more normal scenario where my partner straight up fucked someone else. I'd never be able to regain trust if I knew they were willing to exploit the stupidest loopholes I'd never think of in the first place, that's for sure.
I feel so bad for her.. especially since she said emotional affair when they "masturbated" in front of each other.. that is not a loophole and that is not emotional.. that is cheating.. that is not the same as just sitting at home and watching porn.. thank goodness she got a divorce and saw through his weirdness.
> "Thank god you do not have stinky feet like Jess. She always wears shoes that looks weird on her." > They just jerked off in front of each other IN HIS CAR. > The next day I got to know from a friend that his AP posted on social media about being in an open relationship. ಠ_ಠ
Soon enough, ex-husband might just come running back or turn into a crybaby when his nemesis dumbs his poor bottom.
Nah, he'll keep trying to convince his nemesis to close the relationship, but she's so freespirited and energetic that it would be totally unfair to everyone she hasn't fucked to be monogamous.
After reading all of this, I'm not convinced that he could *get* dumber of ass. (Please don't fix your typo ❤️)
And they definitely didn’t have sex/s Eye rolling
In psychoanalytic theory, reaction formation (German: Reaktionsbildung) is a defense mechanism in which emotions, desires and impulses that are anxiety-producing or unacceptable to the ego are mastered by exaggeration of the directly opposing tendency.
In elementary school we just called that pulling a girl's pigtail.
Someone please give this stupid cheater ex-husband and the person who invented the term "work husband" and "work wife" smack on the head from my side.
Lol.Nemesis is goddess of revenge and retribution.
OOPs ex husband still doesn't get to eat the entire cake himself despite divorcing his loyal ex wife. Happily accepted consolation prize of open relationship !
the ex and the AP are in open relationship because AP got bored with him and forced it on him. The ex had no say in it. And it's so pathetic of him to try to have an affair with his ex wife. What a loser.
I think the AP was always poly but it just wasn’t a reality for the ex until it became one. Then the scales fell from his eyes and he shifted into a sort of panic. Calls OOP as a way to cope with what is happening, maybe trying to hopefully reconcile, or at least lineup a secondary which is audacious (but can we really be surprised here?). But yeah, he is a fucking loser.
The first update about the ex and his AP having an open relationship convinced me that this is a real post. My first reaction to that was "the hell...?" and OP obviously had that 100x worse, thinking who did she marry. Something about that reaction sounded really realistic.
Lol I’ll be surprised if that relationship lasts 6 months to a year!
>The biggest plot twist for me was when I came to know that he and his mistress are in an open relationship. It was funny to me. It's gonna be downright hilarious when things implode. My bet's on her dumping him when she finds someone better.
How would he know her feet stink unless she’s had her shoes off with him.
> He confessed that though there hasn’t been any physical touch or contact, he did have a moment of weakness and they masturbated in front of each other. He swears he didn’t touch her. They just jerked off in front of each other IN HIS CAR. It was Jess’s idea. She knew about his crush but she has “morals” so they found a weird loophole. I erm... No, no thats not how that works.
> I didn’t get a house in the divorce like many of you suggested. Honestly, I didn’t even want it. I am living with my parents now for a while. I know it sucks because I am in my 30s and have to start from 0. This is a sad development. Seeking ownership or part ownership on a shared asset like the house doesn’t have to be about ‘wanting the house’, the sale of the house can be compelled and she could have had half the equity to use to help avoid ‘starting from 0’. I’ve seen stories here before where people pass on any ownership of the house because of the memories and it’s like they don’t understand that it can be converted into dollaridoos. :(
It was a premarital asset, sounds like (passed down from his grandmother) so that’s likely why he didn’t have to sell. Sucks for OOP but I can understand her comforting herself with ‘I didn’t want it anyway’.
I think it was his grandmothers, so she really didn’t stand much of a chance. Which sucks since she is starting from scratch again
OP should tell her idiot brother to have his significant other go jerk off in a car with another person, then we’ll see what he has to say about staying in a marriage.
She should've reported them to hr
"at least you don't have stinky feet like jess" apparently OOP was married to a 6 year old cause who the fuck else brings up shit like that
The poly community is plagued by co-cheating asshole parasites who know cheaters will cheat again, so wedge themselves into polycules, and abuse rules and culture to make themselves blameless for the ever expanding scope of assholery they want to commit.
Did she not realize that when her ex asked if he could come over & hang out he was trying to hookup w/her b/c he’s now in an open relationship? He is literally so full of himself that he thought he had a chance of turning his ex-wife into his new gf. Lol. Idiot!
Want a update where jess did believed they were nêmesis and ALL of this was a plan to ruin ex's life and makes him a fool of himself.
Gunna be honest, I kept reading waiting for something interesting to happen, but it just never did. This was so boring: man cheats with coworker he pretends to hate, six updates about getting divorced. Not interesting.
Probably next update will be “In a relationship but ex husband is stalking me and begging for a reconciliation”
I’m so positive that he’s only staying w her in an open relationship because he gave up everything for her and can’t bear w the aftermath of her leaving him
I notice every time a woman involves herself in some mess in a lot of these posts, her name is always Jess. On a serious note, it’s sad that she was surprised that her parents would be on her side. Everybody else telling her she’s wrong to want to leave sucks though, and would probably do the same thing as her ex-husband and Jess if given a chance.
She will get bored of him and dump him and he will crawl back to OP. Hope she will have moved on by then and know not to take him back.
That's not an emotional affair, watching them masturbate is sexual.
Can someone explain to me what manic pixy dream girl means cause oop says it a lot. I don't get it .
[She](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Manic_Pixie_Dream_Girl) is the kind of girl who fulfill all these support roles in a dude’s life without having any needs of her own to be reciprocated. She also possesses no identity (in his mind) beyond that.
Dude threw away his marriage for a girl who doesn't want to commit. Hope that was worth it.
The kind of morals that make it cool to jerk it together in the back of a car.
yep, trickle truthing husband definitely slept with her
Maybe this is just me but I think masturbating in front of eachother is slightly worse than just outright fucking
Yea nemesis means he has passion for her. The opposite of love is apathy. He obviously is feeling something intense.
My flair checks out