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As a fellow writer, I just hope no one looks at how many books I have on poisonous plants and make assumptions.
(That's right FBI, they are for writing purposes only!)
I remember a Dateline episode that had some sort of poisonous flower as the deadly toxin. Maybe it was a blue flower? But I remember starting to Google it and then putting Dateline with it so the FBI wouldn’t be alarmed.
I work on a hospital floor that has a lot of cardiac patients. They have a picture of Dicentra flowers (bleeding hearts) on the wall. I told the floor director if they're gonna have pictures of poisonous plants on the wall, they should at least use Digitalis (foxglove) since the main toxin, digitoxin, can be used to make heart medications! They were both impressed and concerned by my knowledge 😅
Yes, it is incredible to understand how many things in the lab are based off what occurs in the green world.
I could be very wrong, but I always assumed it was to standardize in some way? Or is it less effort?
Thank you 🙏🏼 🫶🏻
That's one of the reasons that we need to fight climate change. There are tons of toxins in nature that we haven't been able to discover and catalogue, that might have beneficial properties that are being made extinct.
It is much, much less effort. Antibiotics are this way as well - most existing antibiotics are based on compounds naturally produced by other bacteria. It is much easier to study the toxins bacteria produce to kill their rivals than it is to come up with a bacteria-killing drug from scratch.
My go to response when someone starts doing the whole “It’s natural therefore it’s good for you” dance is to point out that strychnine and arsenic are also naturally occurring and tend to be bad for us.
The thousands of healers, throughout the time when they were very systematically testing everything in the green world, would be horrified by such simple thinking. Just because it grows there or there does not mean you haphazardly try. 🙂
People still dying to stupid shit like that. Using random plants to stir their tea, dead. Using random mushrooms in dishes, dead. Hell. even honey can kill you if you are stupid enough to eat wild honey in the wrong area.
We may be great at finding new and wonderful ways to kill ourselves, but don't worry, the classics never... umm... die.
Forensic Files plant murders are nuts. There's one where the wife tried to poison her husband with some kind of toxic bean, and I can't remember the name of it.
I'm a great liar, so if I ever needed to do him in, my husband will never see it coming. He hasn't even blinked at the "how to complete the perfect murder" tabs on my laptop. Or the "poisonous plants of the Sahara" tabs on my phone. Or the anatomy books with copious notes on the best spot for specific murder weapons on my bookshelf.
My husband is sweet & smart, but the ADHD also makes him a little prone to missing (how shall I appropriately understate this...?) GIANT clues. So while I think I'll keep the guy around, and he has become my best editor/constructive critic/praise giver, he does drive me nuts sometimes, but I would never lie to him before killing him. And I'd make it painless. And that, Reddit Land, is the foundation for a healthy, lasting relationship, so any talk of "he should leave you!" will be promptly ignored.
/s Because there's always that *one* person. Also, he has no life insurance, so trust me, he is perfectly safe.
This. I used to threaten my husband with suffocating him in his sleep, and that I’d get away with it because he has untreated sleep apnea. But now that we’re retired, he’s worth more alive than dead. Plus, there’s no way I’m mowing grass in this heat, lol.
My first thought was: do you know how many times I check divorce laws, tree laws, child protective services laws and domestic violence shelters on my computer while scrolling through Reddit? Calm down dude and talk.
I NEVER would have guessed some are worth so much. Never!
Did you see the post about the construction crew across the street from the OP who somehow took down trees on their property?!
It upsets me so much someone would hurt a tree like that. Which probably sounds melodramatic but I don’t care.
There was a post which makes it to BestOf about someone’s neighbor yoinking their saplings out of the ground!
AITA if I divorce my husband because he’s spending more time with the tree we planted? It’s a sapling FYI and I think he is neglecting to mulch properly.
Yesterday I was checking all those things for a project I’m working on, and on Saturday my chickens decided to attack me, so I’ve got a few bruises from hitting the pen wall by accident. 😂 luckily my husband and and friends know about it.
Edit: word
I am very close to finishing my residency giving dubious medical advice on reddit! 🎓🎓
Next my law degree, pilot license from hours on flight simulator, and NASA will have to hire me!
I run a Delta Green game for my friends, so my Internet history has things like "Capacity of Remington 870 Express Tactical Magpul" or "Bypass home security system". I'm sure I'm on like 12 watchlists.
My mom has been waiting YEARS.for her grandkids to grow a bit so she could replant her poison garden, she offers to make "moon flower cookies" whenever someone upsets me, it's hysterical 😂
I'm drawing a blank on the name, but there was a rockstar who got in a bit of a mess while writing his autobiography. He'd been SA as a child and was using search engines on the subject...
I had read Pete Townshend was doing research like “for a friend” or something along those lines but didn’t know he had been a victim. How sad and horrible for him.
They said he was accessing places with CSAM but they didn’t find any on his computer, if I recall correctly, nor could they show he had ever downloaded any.
Not only is that a song, it's an important part of Tommy's entire story, both the album and the character. His inability to stop what's going on to him -- bullying from his cousin, molestation from his uncle -- due to being deaf, mute, and blind form his early characterization. It feeds into why he spends so much time playing pinball, which is where the entire rest of the story comes from.
Way back when the internet was still new for the general public, we did a project about currently existing exploitation/modern day slavery. And I got sex trafficked children as a topic.
I remember googling during class when we were working on it in our computer room and a page that I clicked on had actual CSAM on it. Like, a page just filled with a bunch of pictures. I have never in my life closed a program that quickly.
I regretted it almost immediately because I couldn't find it again and I would have liked to report it. But damn, how the fuck did that even get indexed?!
I had a similar experience in the late 90s/early 00s. I can’t remember the exact year, but I was like 12-13 at the time. I was aware of the concept of CSAM but had been told it was this underground thing you had to know a person who knew a person to access. So when I stumbled onto it I freaked out and tried to convince my friend to help me report it to the police, but he dismissed me and said “it’s on the internet so they already know about it” or something like that. That didn’t really make much sense to me at the time but I also didn’t want to keep thinking about it so I just closed it and tried to pretend it didn’t happen, but I still feel kind of guilty that I didn’t report it.
I had a job over a decade ago where I had to constantly look up terror attacks and things. My boss once asked me to see what I could find about bomb making on the internet. I had days I got a bit nervous about my search history for sure.
I used to write romcoms, so now I’m imagining a boyfriend coming across a whole screen full of bridesmaid dress tabs when we haven’t even discussed the possibility of marriage yet.
I have looked up so many illegal activities as part of my bachelors and masters degree in forensic accounting and fraud management that I 100% have a partial satellite watching me.
In Sweden, there was actually a murder case where the murderer entered a Facebook group for authors and asked for poisons to kill someone in “research for a novel”. She used ~~aresenic~~ cyanide.
I feel that if you need a Facebook group to tell you the most typical poison used in murder mysteries.. the FB is probably just the first of many flawed decisions
It's such a dumb and dramatic one to use.
I have come across three criminal cases in the wild where men decided to poison their wives with arsenic. You know how we know? Because the wives live long enough to go to the ICU and be in a mysterious coma with unusual and highly suspicious symptoms. It's a terrible choice compared to a bunch of other (easily attainable) household poisons.
Just finished a podcast “Happily Never After-Dan and Nancy” a real life romance writer turned murder suspect. What she researches and purchases for her writing is pretty suspicious.
Fortunately I think my inability to keep my office plants alive will work in my favor if I need to prove my interest in plant poisons is academic only.
Yessss
Like "how easy is it to make poison from oleander -> Growing zones for oleander -> Purchasing oleander online -> How long after oleander poisoning until death -> (it only gets worse from there)
I watch and read a lot of murder based content (I love mysteries and psychology) and my husband jokes I’m studying how to use him for The Perfect Murder.
As a DM, I've found putting "5e" at the end of any search is a great way to explain away the most dubious search history. "I was researching what happens when you drop an elephant on someone from 200m up, because my players are inventive bastards."
I have hemlock growing wild in my backyard. You know, the one which made Socrates say, “I drank what?”
I had to stop talking about it, as I realized that either the next mysterious death would bring the police to my door, or someone would use it to shut me up.
I once mistakenly made a joke about “just how much poison is in my plants” to a deli worker I knew pretty well. The look on his face was absolutely priceless, and made me realize “oh shit I can’t just say stuff like that” so I then had to explain that in fact ALL my plants are edible plants, but some parts of them are insanely toxic to humans (like potatoes, you can only eat the root, the rest of the plant would make you crazy sick). Definitely did not alleviate his very obvious fears in the slightest until I saw him the next week and he told me about a documentary he watched about home gardening and how careful you have to be to not just eat the leaves and roots will nilly unless you know that part of the plant is safe to eat.
I was thinking the same. "a "cozy mystery" with a divorce-turned-murder" - OP was fortunate she was still only researching the first half of that concept.
Cooking and writing for me.
“How to cook a Swede” “How to skin a Swede” “lizard mating plugs” “how long does it take anaphylaxis to kill” “Diet Coke and mentos in body orifices” “politician hit in face with dildo” “Diogenes chicken incident” “how long to crochet a five foot penis” “ways to assassinate people” “dick in a box lyrics” “drag queens” “how to build a bomb with household chemicals” “how to heat someone with hypothermia”
And that’s just off the top of my head. There’s some weird shit in my search history lol.
I need to hope no one I know dies mysteriously because my google searches would have me as a suspect for sure.
I had a feeling it was something unrelated to their marriage.
He seems like a lot and I hope that there is medication as well as therapy in his future. Would benefit them both a lot if his head could be more clear.
People with BPD who are in stable relationships and seek therapy have pretty good treatment outcomes.
He may be a stage one clinger, but it seems like his wife likes being wanted and loved as much as he likes showing his love.
Yeah, I'm playing DnD with someone right now, who's playing a necromancer professor. Our GM actually cares about weight limits and endurance and such, so we need to actually write down the weights of all our items, and all our various bizarre magical items and spell components (in this version of the system, the fighters don't carry *shit*. Y'all I'm already carrying all this scale mail. Put it on the damn donkey! No I will not carry your shit, I do not care that I have a strength score - it is *occupied* by this *armor*).
Anyway, my friend has... backup friends. You know, skeletons he can summon in a pinch. The thing is, he doesn't just have skeletons walking around, he has their bones just waiting to be all magicked up. So. He had to look up the weights of various skeletons. We figured, a gnome or halfling skeleton would be roughly equivalent to the weight of a child's skeleton...
Anyway, my friend is definitely on a list now.
A gnomes' skeleton would theoretically weigh about 8lbs. An adult human skeleton weighs approx 11lbs once defleshed. Makes sense, I've received cremated remains before and that tracks. So I guess, enjoy that info without being tracked by the NSA.
I can’t remember where I read this, but somewhere on the Internet there’s an account by a grad student who worked in a biology lab. His regular tasks included boiling the carcasses of animals to get the last of the flesh off the bones. Well, at some point, the forensic anthropology lab brought him a donated-to-science cadaver for processing.
All the paperwork was in order, and he was in his fascinated, science boy happy place. So he stayed late on the weekend and went about disassembling the cadaver, putting parts in large boiling pots, and then retrieving bones with tongs. At some point, he looked up to find several freaked out police officers pointing guns at him. Apparently, another late working student had seen him through the window, at his work, come to an understandable conclusion, and called 911.
Several highly placed members of the administration were woken, and he later had it explained to him that while his work ethic was admirable, *any* work with human remains had a full set of paperwork and supervision attached, and he was not to skip those steps again.
I was DMing a game in which my players were finding corpses, and boy, the stuff I looked up so that I a) could have a sense of how decomposition progressed over several days and b) could figure out the most effective ways to paint a mental picture of that for my players...
This is probably a good thing to remember to explain if I'm ever letting a non-D&D friend use my computer!!
I too as a fellow writer (albeit more graphic as I have discovered the beauty of writing & illustrating web novels).. my search history would land me in jail for some form of attempted murder.
honestly in my experience with loved ones who have BPD - this is a super accurate (and fascinating!) look into one of their brains. a million miles a minute, every emotion in its strongest form, and worst possible conclusion to every scenario. it's like being on shrooms but instead of a Bob Ross funtime, it's a Junji Ito funtime.
and on a related and personal note, glad he's in CBT! it's done wonders for this super fun new OCD diagnosis of mine. wishing him well.
Yup, and he demonstrated the core issue for BPD sufferers: a pathological fear of abandonment (real or perceived) and the intense negative responses that thought loop and escalate the longer it's unresolved/ unmanaged.
I thought I had it for a while, turns out cptsd has some overlap in symptoms especially if you have ASC too.
Autistic Spectrum Condition. Generally interchangeable with ASD (d for disorder) or just autism. According to what I found, ASD is typically used in diagnosis by medical professionals, while ASC tends to be used by laypeople to describe someone presenting traits. The use of “spectrum” is more modern over just “autism”.
I’m struggling so much now because of this post. My soon to be ex wife has expressed in the past concerns that I may have BPD, but nothing ever came of it. I now only found out about this FP syndrome and it is horrifyingly close to home for me. So many people abandoned me as a child, I have always been afraid of her leaving me and I took it as that trauma + my PTSD + mild tism for hating myself and worshiping everything about her.
I hate that I’m only now finding out why I always saw some way to excuse her faults and only amplified my worst traits to her. constant over thinking and reading too much into situations was my go to whenever she would hesitate or sigh. Clearly she didn’t actually want to be around me or do something, I’m just a fucking bother.
Well, identifying the problem is the first step towards addressing the problem! Now you can learn more about the charateristic thought patterns in BPD and, when they arise, learn to think "oh, that's probably not true, just BPD distorting things". You can learn language that relates to your experience (like how the FP syndrome resonates with you). You can look into techniques they use to manage BPD - dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT) is generally considered the most effective.
Unfortunately, you may see when researching that BPD has a bit of a stigma around it as being difficult to treat - but that's often because the person with BPD refuses to see themselves as the problem and wants to blame everyone else (or, conversely, they see themselves as the worst and unfixable so why bother trying). As with all therapy, the person receiving it has to want to change and be willing to put in the work. DBT does work, I personally know several people with BPD who have found it enormously helpful, but the person with BPD has to be willing to spend time on the therapy and using the techniques in their lives.
Good luck moving forward. I hope resonating with this post is the first step for you in seeking appropriate support and learning to manage your mental health in a way that improves your life!
It's good that you recognise the possibility. A lot of BPD sufferers have difficulty getting diagnosed because someone mentioning the possibility that they have a mental health condition surrounding rejection is exactly the kind of thing that triggers an intense rejection sensitivity response and usually an end to seeing that psych.
Even in your comment, there's rejection sensitivity, the 'sainthood to worst scum instant opinion flip', and the 1000000% intense attachment to a person (until they hit a rejection trigger) common to bpd, too. I'd bet you have persistent chronic feelings of emptiness or numbness inside that has lead to some dark intrusive thoughts or plans, no? Because if your fav person isn't there to trigger your feelings, then you'd have to endure the empty?
Please consider revisiting it. It's a totally manageable condition. You don't sound happy and you don't deserve to continue suffering.
I have BPD and so does my husband. We are quite a pair at times lol
It's hellish thinking that no one likes you or loves you or even want to be around you. The only thing I'd like to add is that OOP should look into DBT instead of CBT because CBT doesn't always have the best results for those with BPD
Yes yes yes! I’ve heard the same, explicitly from my DBT therapist! I don’t have BPD but my sister does and when she finally got a therapist who did DBT her quality of life went up exponentially. DBT is a godsend!!!
There are a lot of crossover symptoms (for example, impulsivity, rejection sensitivity, higher likelihood of eating disorders, etc.); it's why DBT can be really effective for ADHD, even though it was originally developed to treat BPD.
Fun fact: women with ADHD are more likely to be misdiagnosed with BPD (or anxiety/depression, with OCD also being a common-ish misdiagnosis); it's my theory that, conversely, men with BPD are more likely to be misdiagnosed with ADHD.
Yup! When I was finally able to see a psychiatrist when I was in my mid 20s we went through the process of considering BPD, ADHD, ASD, PTSD, and bipolar until eventually we figured out I'm AuDHD :)
There can be a lot of overlap on the surface!
Yeah, I think it is - I was going for a little bit of humour whilst also feeling slightly "called out".
The ADHD bit is real, I was diagnosed as a child, but, have only really stepped back and understood a lot later as an adult. I hate my brain sometimes.
There's a bit of a joke with ADHD/autism that when a child is diagnosed, you then have to figure out which parent it comes from lol.
[Related meme...](https://freeimage.host/i/d3FcQ24)
CBT is slightly upsetting to me because it is doing wonders now that I have finally gotten myself into therapy after believing that since I know all the cbt-things and they didn't work, I wouldn't really benefit.
The newest thing is going "I want to" instead of "I have to" and it is such an incredibly dumb feeling that it is actually working, even though I'm consciously correcting myself. My brain is 100% aware that I am tricking it and yet it still falls for it.
(Don't get me wrong, it's absolutely awesome, but... Damn, brains are dumb.)
omg same !! so often my therapist will recommend something and i'm like "surely my brain is clever enough to see through that" and in fact, no, my brain is just as foolish as my therapist assumed 😭 like i'm glad it's working but it makes me feel like i'm a toddler learning how to walk for the first time lmfao
Running dungeons and dragons does this too.
"How long until a body smells"
"How far away smell dead body"
"How far away smell dead body d&d 5e"
Phew no list for me!
I am very grateful my husband is a very confident man because this post made me realize how sketchy my browser history is.
Divorce, cheating subs, child support links, human trafficking resources, etc.
My problem is that I fact check everything and I dislike not knowing this so if i read something that sounds off or is a new concept, I absolutely will spend a good bit researching it or trying to understand the perspective of the perpetrator.
I saw a comment that claimed
> thomas midgley jr, inventor of leaded gasoline, died in a motorized fleshlight harness accident
And I wondered if it was a typo/autocorrect error and googled it. As far as I could tell, he was killed by a contraption that could lift him out of bed and into a wheelchair, but I guess it could have been a be dual purpose machine.
I like fact checking, too. If I don't understand something or have never heard of it before I happily go to look stuff up to expand my horizon. So my search history is all over the place.
"my diagnosis coming up in 5 months." 5 MONTHS! This just makes me want to scream. I know what reality I'm living in and it still makes me furious to see something like this casually tossed out there at the end of a post.
It's a different mental illness situation for me, but I'm currently on a 15-month waitlist to speak to a psychiatrist. I still have about 5 months to go, and once I'm there, I am so incredibly afraid that they'll say there isn't a problem despite the overwhelming problems I face daily. Because I don't even know if I'll get cycled back to the start of the queue in that case.
Gotta love healthcare where I live. It might be free but everyone is underpaid and underworked and all the doctors are leaving for other provinces and countries and everything is being run by skeleton crews all the time. It makes me want to scream. I have so little faith in our medical system.
whatever u think u have, i’d write down as much stuff as you can in case you blank or forget stuff. i’ve learnt this from the ADHD subs i’m on, because forgetting, downplaying, or just having trouble formatting thoughts is a big thing around that.
i think it applies to mental illnesses in general, especially if ur doctor turns out to not be able to fill the gaps that might be missing. i had a really good experience w my anxiety diagnosis cos the psychiatrist was able to fill in the gaps and ask the right questions which all matched me and helped me catch stuff i wouldn’t have otherwise—but there’s no guarantee your doctor will be as helpful.
When I had insurance they wouldn't even test me for ADHD because I am bipolar. They said there wasn't a point because I can't take adhd medicine. I know that I can't, but don't you think knowing for sure would allow me to take appropriate steps?
Anyways I don't have insurance so I haven't been medicated in three years. Yay america
Interesting. I'm bipolar and I'm on an ADHD med (which I did test positive for) but I've heard similar about stimulants and bipolar. The med im on is not a stimulant
the key here is that you're on a non-stimulant. Stimulants can cause severe mania in a bi-polar patient... and unfortunately there are far fewer non stimulant ADHD medications than stimulants.
I have a relative that was diagnosed with bi-polar at a very young age because they were prescribed Ritalin. It triggered a full blown psychotic episode and lead to a 2-week stay at an inpatient psychiatric hospital for diagnosis. They've been stable for most of their life, but they've gone through every non stimulant adhd medication available with no relief.
I'm not a doctor so I'm not saying this is the case for you, but my friend was diagnosed bipolar and trying to figure out the right meds for over a decade. Last year, she went to a different doctor who told her she had ADHD, not Bipolar disorder. She got on ADHD meds instead and so far no complaints. Doctors make mistakes and diagnosing criteria changes, it's always worth getting a second or third opinion.
And the doubly infuriating thing is that in a lot of cases the formal diagnosis might not help that much. We've made a lot of progress on not treating BPD as the 'being a bad person disease' anymore but I do remember when I was growing up a lot of therapists wouldn't touch you if you had a BPD diagnosis because it was considered impossible to treat and the patients were thought to be particularly abusive to their doctors.
I'm so glad things like CBT and DBT have been shown to have a positive impact in this area and that more effective treatment options are available. But there's still so much stigma.
This hurts my heart for him. He was raised in chaos. He and his wife are trying so hard to make something wonderful together out of all of the pain and suffering. And if it’s BPD, his brain can create chaos because it is what he’s used to.
But he was absolutely not jumping to conclusions when he saw what he saw on the laptop. Anyone could think that.
I hope they live as happily and as peacefully as they can for the rest of their days.
Yeah. BPD is hard, a close friend of mine has it. He did very well, I think, in not panicking and taking a few days to think it over despite his anxieties. And it was nothing, like he thought. But he really should get therapy—I think CBT will be really useful for him, because it’s all about managing thoughts and anxieties like this in a healthy way.
It's Dialectical Behaviour Therapy! It has stuff in common with CBT but it kinda goes beyond it? I did group skill-based therapy based on it and it covers things like distress tolerance and managing interpersonal relationships. As well as dealing with unhealthy thought patterns it also helps with recognising emotions, learning to self regulate, acceptance, and other things that CBT doesn't really touch on (I've done CBT before and it was my CBT therapist who actually recommended DBT because much of my problems stemmed from emotional regulation, not just thought patterns).
This is super interesting, thanks so much for sharing. It does sound like exactly what he needs; ideally his therapist will get him where he needs to go on that front.
I wonder if this would be helpful for me. I have OCD and have been really struggling lately. I’ll mention it to my psychiatrist and see what she thinks.
So funnily enough, I don't actually have BPD - I actually have OCD and ADHD! I definitely found it helped mine, but it is unfortunately not a standard recommended therapy for either of those things (i just got lucky). Hopefully you'll have good luck asking after it!
DBT is marvelous. One of the biggest things is learning to stop black and white thinking, and realizing that two things can be true.
E.g. if you had an amazing day, but then something really shitty happened. The shitty thing happening does not take away from the fact that the rest of the day was great. It’s replacing ‘but’s with ‘and’s. ‘I had a great day, AND this bad thing also happened’ as opposed to thinking ‘I had a great day BUT this bad thing happened—‘. etc
Highly recommend looking into it, being able to hold multiple perspectives at once is also really good for interpersonal relationships too. I’ve found DBT more impactful than CBT.
Yep. Because I downloaded Deadly Doses: a Writer's Guide to Poisons doesn't mean I intend to feed arsenic to my husband. I needed to know the best way for the villain to kill the heroine's father so she would be forced to marry him.
I mean, I do intend to feed arsenic to my husband, but that’s not why I got the book. I figured “lots” is plenty, but then I got curious and decided to learn more!
Mushrooms. Certain kinds give the victim extreme gastric upset shortly after eating, but after they throw up, they feel better for a time. But the toxins are still circulating in the body, destroying the liver and kidneys.
I've looked up divorce stuff because it was somewhat related to work, and then decided to satisfy my curiousity even further. I've done the same with bankruptcy exemptions as well since I got curious, and had a bit of time to start researching.
The cops ever look at my internet history they're going to find lots of suspicious things on it.
That's because if see something, I frequently Google about it. So if they asked me, "Why were you looking up how long it takes someone to die from cyanide poisoning?" I'd tell them, "Because I must have seen something where someone was killed with cyanide."
“OK, QuesoChef, a reminder you’re under oath. We are going to start at the top of your internet history and work to present.”
Me: “Oh boy. I’m ready. Is everyone else?”
They’re not.
>It wasn't for a friend or family or anyone we knew. The divorce tabs was because she recently read a "cozy mystery" with a divorce-turned-murder and thought it was so bad and unrealistic that she could write one better.
As a writer, I feel this in my bones.
Also, I'm pretty sure I'm on a watch list for all the shit I've researched over the years.
I dated someone with BPD and this took me right back to her accusing me of cheating on her if I didn't return a text within an hour (including while I was at work or sleeping). Abandonment issues + catastrophizing. It's exhausting.
I had BPD (in remission. Woo!) and dated somebody else who had BPD... except they didn't go to therapy like I did. I will never in my life do that again.
I got diagnosed, went through extensive treatment, tonnes of therapy, some meds, and now I don't have symptoms anymore except a mild anxiety disorder. No more crazy mood swings, violent self harm or drugs, wild thoughts, nothing. My ex is still out there, living the highly destructive, partner crushing dream last I checked. Lots of hospitalisation for both physical and mental issues, organ damage, surgeries, running away from hospitalisations to avoid therapy... it wasn't fun.
Prognosis for people in therapy with BPD is actually shockingly good, it just takes a lot of work to get there. According to one study, in a 10 year period, **93%** of patients were in remission for at least 2 years. 86% for at least 4 years. That's pretty huge! But breaking through your traumatised shell and getting the help you need is hard, and many don't. I just hope that more and more people do try, because man do I love living now in a way childhood me never imagined. But so many times you hear the words 'BPD' and people, including sufferers, immediately think it's a hopeless condition with no light at the end of the tunnel, which just isn't true at all.
I didn't either when I got diagnosed! Which... seems like something they should tell people.
'Cure' doesn't quite fit, so when you simply reach a point where you no longer have the symptoms of BPD, they consider it remission. It may or may not return. These days I do about 1/4th of the therapy I used to, and that seems to be more than enough to keep everything at bay.
After the third paragraph of trauma dumping backstory that didn't really seem called for I started skimming. Glad he had an outlet for those thoughts, but damn dog needs to find something more consistent than internet strangers of undetermined age.
Yeah, I didn’t even skim. I just stopped. Also, from what I remember in rehab, you aren’t supposed to stay with your FP. It’s unhealthy. Not just for you, but them. You treat them horribly and lash out at them all the time.
Poor wife went from parents who tried to hold her hostage to a husband who is never away from her. How did she get 25 minutes alone to even try and do research for a book.
If the OOP reads the comments here, I strongly recommend he look into DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy). It's fantastic. It was initially only really used for people with BPD, but now it's used for a ton of stuff, and it is really helpful. I know someone who's in DBT purely for anxiety, and it's been great for them.
*I read some of it this morning and my wife's short story is better than most movies to be honest.*
lol First paragraph, and he can't help but stan for his amazing wife.
I think it's a sweet post. They both clearly came from a lot of trauma, have found real love, and are very determined to heal themselves and build a solid life together. He has mental health issues that need to be worked out, he is self-aware and willing to do the work. But at no point did he allow his issues to make him react in any extreme fashion beyond freaking out and airing it on the internet while he took a night to calm down. I have seen a LOT worse reactions to suspicions and fear from people not dealing with currently undiagnosed and unmedicated mental health problems. Honestly, he handled this very well.
I'm rooting for them. His fondly mentioning his wife likes experts on life improvement topics, talking about therapy for himself etc - it's clear they both want to build a better life than either of them previously had. I hope they work through their pasts and get to where they want to be.
My first thought was "author!"
But then, I know a *lot* of authors, so have listened into a lot of conversations about fatal sword wounds, starvation rates, poisons, and so forth.
Also, I was raised in a stable and loving home where, when people got angry, they didn't hurt anybody and then worked out what was wrong and talked about it.
Wow. The co decency is strong in this situation. One person who is strong, having a lifeline to grab onto for security and the other clinging for dear life to something that they never had and holding on so tight that they may eventually smother it.
Unfortunately it's a pretty common one. She's just lucky they waited until she was an adult with a job, instead of selling her off as soon as she had her first period.
This is actually really sweet. I know it probably isn't healthy to hold onto someone like they are a life preserver and you are in danger of drowning, but to love someone so completely is really wonderful.
What makes it sweet to me is that despite his fear and anxieties, OOP had enough focus to not escalate beyond posting anonymously on Reddit to vent and calmed down enough to have a real conversation with his wife. This won’t be his last catastrophizing crisis but it seems like he’s doing a good job at building out his toolbox to ground his actions even when his feelings are on high. He knows his immediate reactions can be unhealthy and is being (and has been) proactive in working on that.
Good on OOP. A lot of people don’t put in that work and Reddit is filled with stories about the interpersonal disaster that ensues.
When two people who both come from loss and chaos find each other, if they are gentle and loving people, holding on to each other can be one of the most healing processes.
Part of deeply loving someone is also learning healthy ways to depend on each other. I hope the best for these two, they sound like they deserve some smoother sailing ahead.
That was quite the read I felt OOPs panic as I often also feel like my partner is gonna realize I'ma mess of clingy disorders and run for the door lol. Glad they talked and are working things out to make sure they stay happy and functional.
I just wanna say that my partner and I are pretty reliant on one another. We both work from home and spend all of our free time together. We also live in a state where we don’t have a social circle or nearby family(this will soon change). So, we are each others company. He is very clingy and so am I. It works. We are happy and very much in love.
I get where OOP is coming from. But it sounds like they have a good foundation and plenty of love.
Not that I want to inflict the struggles of mental health issues on anyone, but god DAMN do I wish I could show some of the people in the thread how disgustingly unempathetic they're being. I can't imagine reading this post an feeling anything but my heart breaking for OP knowing how rough that day must have been for him feeling like his life was going to fall apart while still knowing logically that it isn't, and yet feeling even worse still because his logical understanding of the situation and the reality he's perceiving are so different.
I've had these kinds of days before, but I've also had a couple absolutely brutal physical wounds, so for anyone whose never experienced this kind of thing I'd like you to know that at least for me, I'd *literally* rather be stabbed again than have another day like the one OP had.
Reading this and just thinking "wow calm down dude just hold on until you can chat with her it's nothing serious" or something displays a lack of ability or willingness to step outside your personal life experience which you should want to work to address immediately. fucking hell.
> I was the product of a one night stand to two parents who didn't want me. Neither of them had steady jobs or relationships or really any desire to parent. If I was too much of a burden for my dad, he'd drop me off to my moms, who wouldn't be home. I'd be locked outside her apartment until she came home at 2am. There'd be nothing in the fridge. School wasn't much better. I was the weird short kid with long greasy hair and two day old clothes and I was relentlessly bullied. When I was 14, I was finally taken away by my maternal grandparents, who didn't have a relationship with my mom. Though they loved me, they couldn't really take care of me because they were old...
If I were Empress of America, I would make birth control of all types not just free and easily accessible, but impossible to miss. Ubiquitous. I would be spamming billboards and airwaves about not creating new humans unless you *really, really want them* and have planned out how you are going to raise, house, feed, and educate them.
This kind of thing and worse is what happens to all the unwanted kids out there. This needs to figure much more prominently in the public discourse.
I'm so ambivalent. On one hand this guy is so needy, clingy and so fixated on his wife that I feel claustrophobic reading this. On the other hand, he loves her so much its kind of sweet.
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As a fellow writer, I just hope no one looks at how many books I have on poisonous plants and make assumptions. (That's right FBI, they are for writing purposes only!)
I remember a Dateline episode that had some sort of poisonous flower as the deadly toxin. Maybe it was a blue flower? But I remember starting to Google it and then putting Dateline with it so the FBI wouldn’t be alarmed.
Foxglove? Has digitalis which affects the heart function.
I love that the poison plants are the strongest medicines, when used right 🙏🏼🫶🏻
As my botany professors always say "the poison is in the dose"
I work on a hospital floor that has a lot of cardiac patients. They have a picture of Dicentra flowers (bleeding hearts) on the wall. I told the floor director if they're gonna have pictures of poisonous plants on the wall, they should at least use Digitalis (foxglove) since the main toxin, digitoxin, can be used to make heart medications! They were both impressed and concerned by my knowledge 😅
Yes, it is incredible to understand how many things in the lab are based off what occurs in the green world. I could be very wrong, but I always assumed it was to standardize in some way? Or is it less effort? Thank you 🙏🏼 🫶🏻
Also: I would be thrilled to have a staff member knowing the green world equivalents to the tablets and meds 🤙🏼🫡💐
That's one of the reasons that we need to fight climate change. There are tons of toxins in nature that we haven't been able to discover and catalogue, that might have beneficial properties that are being made extinct.
It is much, much less effort. Antibiotics are this way as well - most existing antibiotics are based on compounds naturally produced by other bacteria. It is much easier to study the toxins bacteria produce to kill their rivals than it is to come up with a bacteria-killing drug from scratch.
And aspirin was originally from willow bark!
My go to response when someone starts doing the whole “It’s natural therefore it’s good for you” dance is to point out that strychnine and arsenic are also naturally occurring and tend to be bad for us.
The thousands of healers, throughout the time when they were very systematically testing everything in the green world, would be horrified by such simple thinking. Just because it grows there or there does not mean you haphazardly try. 🙂
People still dying to stupid shit like that. Using random plants to stir their tea, dead. Using random mushrooms in dishes, dead. Hell. even honey can kill you if you are stupid enough to eat wild honey in the wrong area. We may be great at finding new and wonderful ways to kill ourselves, but don't worry, the classics never... umm... die.
The dose makes the poison! 😉
Turns out the plants that do something to people can be really useful when that's the thing you need to do.
Basically, any toxic/poisonous organism--pufferfish, jellyfish, snakes, spiders--researchers are all over those guys.
Foxglove is a favorite option for Forensic Files murderers. Wouldn’t be surprised if this is what it was.
Forensic Files plant murders are nuts. There's one where the wife tried to poison her husband with some kind of toxic bean, and I can't remember the name of it.
Ooh ooh! Castor beans! Which of course, I would only know because I watched Breaking Bad.
And lily of the valley!
Castor beans, most likely.
Thank you for saying digitalis, I’ve been trying to think of the Latin name for foxglove for AGES. I can sleep tonight.
Blue and deadly = monkshood, wolf bane, Aconitum, aconite (all the same thing, multiple species in the genus).
Oleander?
Probably wolfsbane, it's a classic "pretty poison" because the flowers are blue and they can cause cardiac arrest.
Oh, okay. Thank you, I’ve learned something new today.
We still use digoxin today for heart failure! (Not as often as in the past, but still useful) Pharmacognosy is fascinating.
Blue flower, red thorns! This would be so much easier if I weren’t colorblind.
Monkshood, botanical name aconitum, super toxic, also very pretty and a common garden plant.
Nightshade?
I'm a great liar, so if I ever needed to do him in, my husband will never see it coming. He hasn't even blinked at the "how to complete the perfect murder" tabs on my laptop. Or the "poisonous plants of the Sahara" tabs on my phone. Or the anatomy books with copious notes on the best spot for specific murder weapons on my bookshelf. My husband is sweet & smart, but the ADHD also makes him a little prone to missing (how shall I appropriately understate this...?) GIANT clues. So while I think I'll keep the guy around, and he has become my best editor/constructive critic/praise giver, he does drive me nuts sometimes, but I would never lie to him before killing him. And I'd make it painless. And that, Reddit Land, is the foundation for a healthy, lasting relationship, so any talk of "he should leave you!" will be promptly ignored. /s Because there's always that *one* person. Also, he has no life insurance, so trust me, he is perfectly safe.
> Also, he has no life insurance, so trust me, he is perfectly safe. Lmao I'm rolling over here
This. I used to threaten my husband with suffocating him in his sleep, and that I’d get away with it because he has untreated sleep apnea. But now that we’re retired, he’s worth more alive than dead. Plus, there’s no way I’m mowing grass in this heat, lol.
My first thought was: do you know how many times I check divorce laws, tree laws, child protective services laws and domestic violence shelters on my computer while scrolling through Reddit? Calm down dude and talk.
The tree law sub fascinates me no end!
Trees are so expensive!
I NEVER would have guessed some are worth so much. Never! Did you see the post about the construction crew across the street from the OP who somehow took down trees on their property?!
I have no idea what post you are talking about but as a crazy plant lady I want to know now.
/amIthegrasshole and /treelaw are where you need to be!
I love all the tree tampering posts! Fuck with an old growth tree and you will find out, in harsh monetary terms!
It upsets me so much someone would hurt a tree like that. Which probably sounds melodramatic but I don’t care. There was a post which makes it to BestOf about someone’s neighbor yoinking their saplings out of the ground!
Fully agree. That’s why tree law is so satisfying.
Wasn't there a BORU about someone having their trees stolen?
AITA if I divorce my husband because he’s spending more time with the tree we planted? It’s a sapling FYI and I think he is neglecting to mulch properly.
Ummm, he's clearly having an emotional affair with the tree, and I'm concerned about the age gap since you say it's a sapling. You need to leave asap.
Yesterday I was checking all those things for a project I’m working on, and on Saturday my chickens decided to attack me, so I’ve got a few bruises from hitting the pen wall by accident. 😂 luckily my husband and and friends know about it. Edit: word
I am very close to finishing my residency giving dubious medical advice on reddit! 🎓🎓 Next my law degree, pilot license from hours on flight simulator, and NASA will have to hire me!
I do the same because each state is different
I run a Delta Green game for my friends, so my Internet history has things like "Capacity of Remington 870 Express Tactical Magpul" or "Bypass home security system". I'm sure I'm on like 12 watchlists.
Oh lord, this. The number of awful web searches I do in order to get a proper horror atmosphere going in Delta Green ...
"terminal ballistics .50 BMG human torso" "fracture strain of adult femur newtons" "secondary blast injury M67 grenade"
My mom has been waiting YEARS.for her grandkids to grow a bit so she could replant her poison garden, she offers to make "moon flower cookies" whenever someone upsets me, it's hysterical 😂
My little gothic heart loves the idea of a poison garden. Complete with a twisted black iron gate and fence.
r/plantgoths looks forward to meeting you
There is one in [Alnwick, Northumberland](https://www.alnwickgarden.com/the-garden/poison-garden/), complete with the black gate!
So, you’re down with [the Alnwick Garden.](https://www.alnwickgarden.com/the-garden/poison-garden/). It’s literally all that you asked for.
Absolutely! It is my inspiration and I would love to visit it someday!!
Complete with tea set that says "You've been poisoned" written on the inside of the cup.
I'd be curious what the research would look like for the book, "Murder Your Employer: The McMasters Guide to Homicide".
Love that book! So so so good!
I'm drawing a blank on the name, but there was a rockstar who got in a bit of a mess while writing his autobiography. He'd been SA as a child and was using search engines on the subject...
Pete Townsend from the Who.
I had read Pete Townshend was doing research like “for a friend” or something along those lines but didn’t know he had been a victim. How sad and horrible for him. They said he was accessing places with CSAM but they didn’t find any on his computer, if I recall correctly, nor could they show he had ever downloaded any.
Was it Pete Townshend? I remember him being tried and acquitted of charges in the early days of the internet.
Definitely Pete Townshend, and story totally checks out. He even wrote a song about a boy being SA'd for the Tommy album.
Not only is that a song, it's an important part of Tommy's entire story, both the album and the character. His inability to stop what's going on to him -- bullying from his cousin, molestation from his uncle -- due to being deaf, mute, and blind form his early characterization. It feeds into why he spends so much time playing pinball, which is where the entire rest of the story comes from.
Way back when the internet was still new for the general public, we did a project about currently existing exploitation/modern day slavery. And I got sex trafficked children as a topic. I remember googling during class when we were working on it in our computer room and a page that I clicked on had actual CSAM on it. Like, a page just filled with a bunch of pictures. I have never in my life closed a program that quickly. I regretted it almost immediately because I couldn't find it again and I would have liked to report it. But damn, how the fuck did that even get indexed?!
I had a similar experience in the late 90s/early 00s. I can’t remember the exact year, but I was like 12-13 at the time. I was aware of the concept of CSAM but had been told it was this underground thing you had to know a person who knew a person to access. So when I stumbled onto it I freaked out and tried to convince my friend to help me report it to the police, but he dismissed me and said “it’s on the internet so they already know about it” or something like that. That didn’t really make much sense to me at the time but I also didn’t want to keep thinking about it so I just closed it and tried to pretend it didn’t happen, but I still feel kind of guilty that I didn’t report it.
I had a job over a decade ago where I had to constantly look up terror attacks and things. My boss once asked me to see what I could find about bomb making on the internet. I had days I got a bit nervous about my search history for sure.
I used to write romcoms, so now I’m imagining a boyfriend coming across a whole screen full of bridesmaid dress tabs when we haven’t even discussed the possibility of marriage yet.
I have looked up so many illegal activities as part of my bachelors and masters degree in forensic accounting and fraud management that I 100% have a partial satellite watching me.
In Sweden, there was actually a murder case where the murderer entered a Facebook group for authors and asked for poisons to kill someone in “research for a novel”. She used ~~aresenic~~ cyanide.
I feel that if you need a Facebook group to tell you the most typical poison used in murder mysteries.. the FB is probably just the first of many flawed decisions
It's such a dumb and dramatic one to use. I have come across three criminal cases in the wild where men decided to poison their wives with arsenic. You know how we know? Because the wives live long enough to go to the ICU and be in a mysterious coma with unusual and highly suspicious symptoms. It's a terrible choice compared to a bunch of other (easily attainable) household poisons.
Just finished a podcast “Happily Never After-Dan and Nancy” a real life romance writer turned murder suspect. What she researches and purchases for her writing is pretty suspicious.
Fortunately I think my inability to keep my office plants alive will work in my favor if I need to prove my interest in plant poisons is academic only.
For real. The 4 I have in my house are my boyfriend's and they are alive because I don't touch them 😂
I do film and I work in horror. I had to make a prop made of human skin once and you don't want to know what my searches looked like.
Yessss Like "how easy is it to make poison from oleander -> Growing zones for oleander -> Purchasing oleander online -> How long after oleander poisoning until death -> (it only gets worse from there)
How How much worse? Like, "Can I get residual poisoning from having unprotected sex with a dead victim of oleander poisoning?"
I watch and read a lot of murder based content (I love mysteries and psychology) and my husband jokes I’m studying how to use him for The Perfect Murder.
I’ve been listening to so much true crime content I’m genuinely starting to consider going into criminal psychology
As a DM, I've found putting "5e" at the end of any search is a great way to explain away the most dubious search history. "I was researching what happens when you drop an elephant on someone from 200m up, because my players are inventive bastards."
I have hemlock growing wild in my backyard. You know, the one which made Socrates say, “I drank what?” I had to stop talking about it, as I realized that either the next mysterious death would bring the police to my door, or someone would use it to shut me up.
I once mistakenly made a joke about “just how much poison is in my plants” to a deli worker I knew pretty well. The look on his face was absolutely priceless, and made me realize “oh shit I can’t just say stuff like that” so I then had to explain that in fact ALL my plants are edible plants, but some parts of them are insanely toxic to humans (like potatoes, you can only eat the root, the rest of the plant would make you crazy sick). Definitely did not alleviate his very obvious fears in the slightest until I saw him the next week and he told me about a documentary he watched about home gardening and how careful you have to be to not just eat the leaves and roots will nilly unless you know that part of the plant is safe to eat.
Awww, you sparked his interest in something cool to learn! (Through terror, but still...)
I was thinking the same. "a "cozy mystery" with a divorce-turned-murder" - OP was fortunate she was still only researching the first half of that concept.
Cooking and writing for me. “How to cook a Swede” “How to skin a Swede” “lizard mating plugs” “how long does it take anaphylaxis to kill” “Diet Coke and mentos in body orifices” “politician hit in face with dildo” “Diogenes chicken incident” “how long to crochet a five foot penis” “ways to assassinate people” “dick in a box lyrics” “drag queens” “how to build a bomb with household chemicals” “how to heat someone with hypothermia” And that’s just off the top of my head. There’s some weird shit in my search history lol.
😧
I’m sorry Swedish Person. You’re all so delicious. And so are your turnips.
I need to hope no one I know dies mysteriously because my google searches would have me as a suspect for sure. I had a feeling it was something unrelated to their marriage. He seems like a lot and I hope that there is medication as well as therapy in his future. Would benefit them both a lot if his head could be more clear.
People with BPD who are in stable relationships and seek therapy have pretty good treatment outcomes. He may be a stage one clinger, but it seems like his wife likes being wanted and loved as much as he likes showing his love.
Yeah. I love that for them both and I’m happy it was resolved. I can’t wait to read her book one day.
Yeah, I'm playing DnD with someone right now, who's playing a necromancer professor. Our GM actually cares about weight limits and endurance and such, so we need to actually write down the weights of all our items, and all our various bizarre magical items and spell components (in this version of the system, the fighters don't carry *shit*. Y'all I'm already carrying all this scale mail. Put it on the damn donkey! No I will not carry your shit, I do not care that I have a strength score - it is *occupied* by this *armor*). Anyway, my friend has... backup friends. You know, skeletons he can summon in a pinch. The thing is, he doesn't just have skeletons walking around, he has their bones just waiting to be all magicked up. So. He had to look up the weights of various skeletons. We figured, a gnome or halfling skeleton would be roughly equivalent to the weight of a child's skeleton... Anyway, my friend is definitely on a list now. A gnomes' skeleton would theoretically weigh about 8lbs. An adult human skeleton weighs approx 11lbs once defleshed. Makes sense, I've received cremated remains before and that tracks. So I guess, enjoy that info without being tracked by the NSA.
I can’t remember where I read this, but somewhere on the Internet there’s an account by a grad student who worked in a biology lab. His regular tasks included boiling the carcasses of animals to get the last of the flesh off the bones. Well, at some point, the forensic anthropology lab brought him a donated-to-science cadaver for processing. All the paperwork was in order, and he was in his fascinated, science boy happy place. So he stayed late on the weekend and went about disassembling the cadaver, putting parts in large boiling pots, and then retrieving bones with tongs. At some point, he looked up to find several freaked out police officers pointing guns at him. Apparently, another late working student had seen him through the window, at his work, come to an understandable conclusion, and called 911. Several highly placed members of the administration were woken, and he later had it explained to him that while his work ethic was admirable, *any* work with human remains had a full set of paperwork and supervision attached, and he was not to skip those steps again.
I can neither confirm nor deny that I had a similar concern when I looked up blowfish toxin.
I was DMing a game in which my players were finding corpses, and boy, the stuff I looked up so that I a) could have a sense of how decomposition progressed over several days and b) could figure out the most effective ways to paint a mental picture of that for my players... This is probably a good thing to remember to explain if I'm ever letting a non-D&D friend use my computer!!
I too as a fellow writer (albeit more graphic as I have discovered the beauty of writing & illustrating web novels).. my search history would land me in jail for some form of attempted murder.
honestly in my experience with loved ones who have BPD - this is a super accurate (and fascinating!) look into one of their brains. a million miles a minute, every emotion in its strongest form, and worst possible conclusion to every scenario. it's like being on shrooms but instead of a Bob Ross funtime, it's a Junji Ito funtime. and on a related and personal note, glad he's in CBT! it's done wonders for this super fun new OCD diagnosis of mine. wishing him well.
Yup, and he demonstrated the core issue for BPD sufferers: a pathological fear of abandonment (real or perceived) and the intense negative responses that thought loop and escalate the longer it's unresolved/ unmanaged. I thought I had it for a while, turns out cptsd has some overlap in symptoms especially if you have ASC too.
What is asc
Autistic Spectrum Condition. Generally interchangeable with ASD (d for disorder) or just autism. According to what I found, ASD is typically used in diagnosis by medical professionals, while ASC tends to be used by laypeople to describe someone presenting traits. The use of “spectrum” is more modern over just “autism”.
I’m struggling so much now because of this post. My soon to be ex wife has expressed in the past concerns that I may have BPD, but nothing ever came of it. I now only found out about this FP syndrome and it is horrifyingly close to home for me. So many people abandoned me as a child, I have always been afraid of her leaving me and I took it as that trauma + my PTSD + mild tism for hating myself and worshiping everything about her. I hate that I’m only now finding out why I always saw some way to excuse her faults and only amplified my worst traits to her. constant over thinking and reading too much into situations was my go to whenever she would hesitate or sigh. Clearly she didn’t actually want to be around me or do something, I’m just a fucking bother.
Well, identifying the problem is the first step towards addressing the problem! Now you can learn more about the charateristic thought patterns in BPD and, when they arise, learn to think "oh, that's probably not true, just BPD distorting things". You can learn language that relates to your experience (like how the FP syndrome resonates with you). You can look into techniques they use to manage BPD - dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT) is generally considered the most effective. Unfortunately, you may see when researching that BPD has a bit of a stigma around it as being difficult to treat - but that's often because the person with BPD refuses to see themselves as the problem and wants to blame everyone else (or, conversely, they see themselves as the worst and unfixable so why bother trying). As with all therapy, the person receiving it has to want to change and be willing to put in the work. DBT does work, I personally know several people with BPD who have found it enormously helpful, but the person with BPD has to be willing to spend time on the therapy and using the techniques in their lives. Good luck moving forward. I hope resonating with this post is the first step for you in seeking appropriate support and learning to manage your mental health in a way that improves your life!
It's good that you recognise the possibility. A lot of BPD sufferers have difficulty getting diagnosed because someone mentioning the possibility that they have a mental health condition surrounding rejection is exactly the kind of thing that triggers an intense rejection sensitivity response and usually an end to seeing that psych. Even in your comment, there's rejection sensitivity, the 'sainthood to worst scum instant opinion flip', and the 1000000% intense attachment to a person (until they hit a rejection trigger) common to bpd, too. I'd bet you have persistent chronic feelings of emptiness or numbness inside that has lead to some dark intrusive thoughts or plans, no? Because if your fav person isn't there to trigger your feelings, then you'd have to endure the empty? Please consider revisiting it. It's a totally manageable condition. You don't sound happy and you don't deserve to continue suffering.
I have BPD and so does my husband. We are quite a pair at times lol It's hellish thinking that no one likes you or loves you or even want to be around you. The only thing I'd like to add is that OOP should look into DBT instead of CBT because CBT doesn't always have the best results for those with BPD
Yes yes yes! I’ve heard the same, explicitly from my DBT therapist! I don’t have BPD but my sister does and when she finally got a therapist who did DBT her quality of life went up exponentially. DBT is a godsend!!!
I was just looking in the thread, hoping someone else would bring that up. DBT all the way it saved my life and my relationship
I've just read this and am now wondering if I have BPD, or, if it's just ADHD related shit.
There are a lot of crossover symptoms (for example, impulsivity, rejection sensitivity, higher likelihood of eating disorders, etc.); it's why DBT can be really effective for ADHD, even though it was originally developed to treat BPD. Fun fact: women with ADHD are more likely to be misdiagnosed with BPD (or anxiety/depression, with OCD also being a common-ish misdiagnosis); it's my theory that, conversely, men with BPD are more likely to be misdiagnosed with ADHD.
Yup! When I was finally able to see a psychiatrist when I was in my mid 20s we went through the process of considering BPD, ADHD, ASD, PTSD, and bipolar until eventually we figured out I'm AuDHD :) There can be a lot of overlap on the surface!
It could absolutely be ADHD, don’t worry!
Yeah, I think it is - I was going for a little bit of humour whilst also feeling slightly "called out". The ADHD bit is real, I was diagnosed as a child, but, have only really stepped back and understood a lot later as an adult. I hate my brain sometimes.
My son was diagnosed. My wife looked right at me and said,"He's just like you. Maybe you should talk to your doctor." She was right.
Ha, there does seem to be a genetic link.
There's a bit of a joke with ADHD/autism that when a child is diagnosed, you then have to figure out which parent it comes from lol. [Related meme...](https://freeimage.host/i/d3FcQ24)
Yeah, this thread is bumming me out about myself because none of his assumptions seemed that crazy or out of line to me 😭
I just had the exact same thought process 😅
CBT is slightly upsetting to me because it is doing wonders now that I have finally gotten myself into therapy after believing that since I know all the cbt-things and they didn't work, I wouldn't really benefit. The newest thing is going "I want to" instead of "I have to" and it is such an incredibly dumb feeling that it is actually working, even though I'm consciously correcting myself. My brain is 100% aware that I am tricking it and yet it still falls for it. (Don't get me wrong, it's absolutely awesome, but... Damn, brains are dumb.)
omg same !! so often my therapist will recommend something and i'm like "surely my brain is clever enough to see through that" and in fact, no, my brain is just as foolish as my therapist assumed 😭 like i'm glad it's working but it makes me feel like i'm a toddler learning how to walk for the first time lmfao
i love junji ito so thats an amazingly horrifying description
Me, a writer, googling "How much blood can a person lose without dying? It's for a novel - please don't put me on a watchlist"
I've googled that (the first half, not the FBI qualifier part) after donating blood. It's a natural question!
We Googled this after watching an episode of Archer. "Barry, what's a gill?"
Running dungeons and dragons does this too. "How long until a body smells" "How far away smell dead body" "How far away smell dead body d&d 5e" Phew no list for me!
I am very grateful my husband is a very confident man because this post made me realize how sketchy my browser history is. Divorce, cheating subs, child support links, human trafficking resources, etc. My problem is that I fact check everything and I dislike not knowing this so if i read something that sounds off or is a new concept, I absolutely will spend a good bit researching it or trying to understand the perspective of the perpetrator.
I saw a comment that claimed > thomas midgley jr, inventor of leaded gasoline, died in a motorized fleshlight harness accident And I wondered if it was a typo/autocorrect error and googled it. As far as I could tell, he was killed by a contraption that could lift him out of bed and into a wheelchair, but I guess it could have been a be dual purpose machine.
Why have you done this to me? *sighs and opens up laptop*
I like fact checking, too. If I don't understand something or have never heard of it before I happily go to look stuff up to expand my horizon. So my search history is all over the place.
"my diagnosis coming up in 5 months." 5 MONTHS! This just makes me want to scream. I know what reality I'm living in and it still makes me furious to see something like this casually tossed out there at the end of a post.
It's a different mental illness situation for me, but I'm currently on a 15-month waitlist to speak to a psychiatrist. I still have about 5 months to go, and once I'm there, I am so incredibly afraid that they'll say there isn't a problem despite the overwhelming problems I face daily. Because I don't even know if I'll get cycled back to the start of the queue in that case. Gotta love healthcare where I live. It might be free but everyone is underpaid and underworked and all the doctors are leaving for other provinces and countries and everything is being run by skeleton crews all the time. It makes me want to scream. I have so little faith in our medical system.
whatever u think u have, i’d write down as much stuff as you can in case you blank or forget stuff. i’ve learnt this from the ADHD subs i’m on, because forgetting, downplaying, or just having trouble formatting thoughts is a big thing around that. i think it applies to mental illnesses in general, especially if ur doctor turns out to not be able to fill the gaps that might be missing. i had a really good experience w my anxiety diagnosis cos the psychiatrist was able to fill in the gaps and ask the right questions which all matched me and helped me catch stuff i wouldn’t have otherwise—but there’s no guarantee your doctor will be as helpful.
When I had insurance they wouldn't even test me for ADHD because I am bipolar. They said there wasn't a point because I can't take adhd medicine. I know that I can't, but don't you think knowing for sure would allow me to take appropriate steps? Anyways I don't have insurance so I haven't been medicated in three years. Yay america
Interesting. I'm bipolar and I'm on an ADHD med (which I did test positive for) but I've heard similar about stimulants and bipolar. The med im on is not a stimulant
the key here is that you're on a non-stimulant. Stimulants can cause severe mania in a bi-polar patient... and unfortunately there are far fewer non stimulant ADHD medications than stimulants. I have a relative that was diagnosed with bi-polar at a very young age because they were prescribed Ritalin. It triggered a full blown psychotic episode and lead to a 2-week stay at an inpatient psychiatric hospital for diagnosis. They've been stable for most of their life, but they've gone through every non stimulant adhd medication available with no relief.
I'm not a doctor so I'm not saying this is the case for you, but my friend was diagnosed bipolar and trying to figure out the right meds for over a decade. Last year, she went to a different doctor who told her she had ADHD, not Bipolar disorder. She got on ADHD meds instead and so far no complaints. Doctors make mistakes and diagnosing criteria changes, it's always worth getting a second or third opinion.
And the doubly infuriating thing is that in a lot of cases the formal diagnosis might not help that much. We've made a lot of progress on not treating BPD as the 'being a bad person disease' anymore but I do remember when I was growing up a lot of therapists wouldn't touch you if you had a BPD diagnosis because it was considered impossible to treat and the patients were thought to be particularly abusive to their doctors. I'm so glad things like CBT and DBT have been shown to have a positive impact in this area and that more effective treatment options are available. But there's still so much stigma.
This hurts my heart for him. He was raised in chaos. He and his wife are trying so hard to make something wonderful together out of all of the pain and suffering. And if it’s BPD, his brain can create chaos because it is what he’s used to. But he was absolutely not jumping to conclusions when he saw what he saw on the laptop. Anyone could think that. I hope they live as happily and as peacefully as they can for the rest of their days.
Yeah. BPD is hard, a close friend of mine has it. He did very well, I think, in not panicking and taking a few days to think it over despite his anxieties. And it was nothing, like he thought. But he really should get therapy—I think CBT will be really useful for him, because it’s all about managing thoughts and anxieties like this in a healthy way.
CBT can be good, but I really hope he gets DBT - it's designed specifically for BPD and its definitely much more effective!
Interesting! What is DBT? How does it work?
It's Dialectical Behaviour Therapy! It has stuff in common with CBT but it kinda goes beyond it? I did group skill-based therapy based on it and it covers things like distress tolerance and managing interpersonal relationships. As well as dealing with unhealthy thought patterns it also helps with recognising emotions, learning to self regulate, acceptance, and other things that CBT doesn't really touch on (I've done CBT before and it was my CBT therapist who actually recommended DBT because much of my problems stemmed from emotional regulation, not just thought patterns).
This is super interesting, thanks so much for sharing. It does sound like exactly what he needs; ideally his therapist will get him where he needs to go on that front. I wonder if this would be helpful for me. I have OCD and have been really struggling lately. I’ll mention it to my psychiatrist and see what she thinks.
So funnily enough, I don't actually have BPD - I actually have OCD and ADHD! I definitely found it helped mine, but it is unfortunately not a standard recommended therapy for either of those things (i just got lucky). Hopefully you'll have good luck asking after it!
DBT is marvelous. One of the biggest things is learning to stop black and white thinking, and realizing that two things can be true. E.g. if you had an amazing day, but then something really shitty happened. The shitty thing happening does not take away from the fact that the rest of the day was great. It’s replacing ‘but’s with ‘and’s. ‘I had a great day, AND this bad thing also happened’ as opposed to thinking ‘I had a great day BUT this bad thing happened—‘. etc Highly recommend looking into it, being able to hold multiple perspectives at once is also really good for interpersonal relationships too. I’ve found DBT more impactful than CBT.
Lol. The first thing I thought was.....she's looking this up for writing a story. Cause I've done that before
Yep. Because I downloaded Deadly Doses: a Writer's Guide to Poisons doesn't mean I intend to feed arsenic to my husband. I needed to know the best way for the villain to kill the heroine's father so she would be forced to marry him.
I mean, I do intend to feed arsenic to my husband, but that’s not why I got the book. I figured “lots” is plenty, but then I got curious and decided to learn more!
Mushrooms. Certain kinds give the victim extreme gastric upset shortly after eating, but after they throw up, they feel better for a time. But the toxins are still circulating in the body, destroying the liver and kidneys.
Fascinating! Can you tell me which of these mushrooms I should avoid eating and definitely make sure my husband doesn’t consume?
I've looked up divorce stuff because it was somewhat related to work, and then decided to satisfy my curiousity even further. I've done the same with bankruptcy exemptions as well since I got curious, and had a bit of time to start researching.
My first guess was that there was cheating in a relationship of one of her friends, and she was googling info for them.
The cops ever look at my internet history they're going to find lots of suspicious things on it. That's because if see something, I frequently Google about it. So if they asked me, "Why were you looking up how long it takes someone to die from cyanide poisoning?" I'd tell them, "Because I must have seen something where someone was killed with cyanide."
“OK, QuesoChef, a reminder you’re under oath. We are going to start at the top of your internet history and work to present.” Me: “Oh boy. I’m ready. Is everyone else?” They’re not.
Well, I hope the wife is a better writer.
"Turns out it was research for a book she's writing. False alarm! Anyway, here's my whole life story."
I feel so bad because I legit skipped all of that 😭
That made me eye roll.
I kept scrolling waiting for the flashback to end and it just....didn't
>It wasn't for a friend or family or anyone we knew. The divorce tabs was because she recently read a "cozy mystery" with a divorce-turned-murder and thought it was so bad and unrealistic that she could write one better. As a writer, I feel this in my bones. Also, I'm pretty sure I'm on a watch list for all the shit I've researched over the years.
Dude got issues. Serious issues. Glad he is getting therapy.
Borderline is really rough. I feel for him
I dated someone with BPD and this took me right back to her accusing me of cheating on her if I didn't return a text within an hour (including while I was at work or sleeping). Abandonment issues + catastrophizing. It's exhausting.
I had BPD (in remission. Woo!) and dated somebody else who had BPD... except they didn't go to therapy like I did. I will never in my life do that again. I got diagnosed, went through extensive treatment, tonnes of therapy, some meds, and now I don't have symptoms anymore except a mild anxiety disorder. No more crazy mood swings, violent self harm or drugs, wild thoughts, nothing. My ex is still out there, living the highly destructive, partner crushing dream last I checked. Lots of hospitalisation for both physical and mental issues, organ damage, surgeries, running away from hospitalisations to avoid therapy... it wasn't fun. Prognosis for people in therapy with BPD is actually shockingly good, it just takes a lot of work to get there. According to one study, in a 10 year period, **93%** of patients were in remission for at least 2 years. 86% for at least 4 years. That's pretty huge! But breaking through your traumatised shell and getting the help you need is hard, and many don't. I just hope that more and more people do try, because man do I love living now in a way childhood me never imagined. But so many times you hear the words 'BPD' and people, including sufferers, immediately think it's a hopeless condition with no light at the end of the tunnel, which just isn't true at all.
I didn't realise it was possible to be in remission for something like that. Thanks for sharing.
I didn't either when I got diagnosed! Which... seems like something they should tell people. 'Cure' doesn't quite fit, so when you simply reach a point where you no longer have the symptoms of BPD, they consider it remission. It may or may not return. These days I do about 1/4th of the therapy I used to, and that seems to be more than enough to keep everything at bay.
No one wins when mental health is not treated as seriously as physical health.
Yea no disrespect, but I got tired of him just reading this…
After the third paragraph of trauma dumping backstory that didn't really seem called for I started skimming. Glad he had an outlet for those thoughts, but damn dog needs to find something more consistent than internet strangers of undetermined age.
Yeah, I didn’t even skim. I just stopped. Also, from what I remember in rehab, you aren’t supposed to stay with your FP. It’s unhealthy. Not just for you, but them. You treat them horribly and lash out at them all the time.
Poor wife went from parents who tried to hold her hostage to a husband who is never away from her. How did she get 25 minutes alone to even try and do research for a book.
If the OOP reads the comments here, I strongly recommend he look into DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy). It's fantastic. It was initially only really used for people with BPD, but now it's used for a ton of stuff, and it is really helpful. I know someone who's in DBT purely for anxiety, and it's been great for them.
My search history is fucked up. I just googled Pele of Añal while watching Archer. . If you read a lot researching a lot is expected.
Framboise!
Baboo sent me into a deep dive on Ocelot
*I read some of it this morning and my wife's short story is better than most movies to be honest.* lol First paragraph, and he can't help but stan for his amazing wife. I think it's a sweet post. They both clearly came from a lot of trauma, have found real love, and are very determined to heal themselves and build a solid life together. He has mental health issues that need to be worked out, he is self-aware and willing to do the work. But at no point did he allow his issues to make him react in any extreme fashion beyond freaking out and airing it on the internet while he took a night to calm down. I have seen a LOT worse reactions to suspicions and fear from people not dealing with currently undiagnosed and unmedicated mental health problems. Honestly, he handled this very well.
I'm rooting for them. His fondly mentioning his wife likes experts on life improvement topics, talking about therapy for himself etc - it's clear they both want to build a better life than either of them previously had. I hope they work through their pasts and get to where they want to be.
My first thought was "author!" But then, I know a *lot* of authors, so have listened into a lot of conversations about fatal sword wounds, starvation rates, poisons, and so forth. Also, I was raised in a stable and loving home where, when people got angry, they didn't hurt anybody and then worked out what was wrong and talked about it.
Wow. The co decency is strong in this situation. One person who is strong, having a lifeline to grab onto for security and the other clinging for dear life to something that they never had and holding on so tight that they may eventually smother it.
His wife was literally kidnapped by her family. I have a lot of morbid curiosity about that story…
Unfortunately it's a pretty common one. She's just lucky they waited until she was an adult with a job, instead of selling her off as soon as she had her first period.
I run a TTRPG and need to look up a lot of weird stuff to write my games.
Ahh communication to save the day. Love to see it.
geez that back story in itself leading up to their marriage is a novel..
This is actually really sweet. I know it probably isn't healthy to hold onto someone like they are a life preserver and you are in danger of drowning, but to love someone so completely is really wonderful.
What makes it sweet to me is that despite his fear and anxieties, OOP had enough focus to not escalate beyond posting anonymously on Reddit to vent and calmed down enough to have a real conversation with his wife. This won’t be his last catastrophizing crisis but it seems like he’s doing a good job at building out his toolbox to ground his actions even when his feelings are on high. He knows his immediate reactions can be unhealthy and is being (and has been) proactive in working on that. Good on OOP. A lot of people don’t put in that work and Reddit is filled with stories about the interpersonal disaster that ensues.
Yeah, the fact that he was able to keep it together until her big work project was done was impressive.
When two people who both come from loss and chaos find each other, if they are gentle and loving people, holding on to each other can be one of the most healing processes. Part of deeply loving someone is also learning healthy ways to depend on each other. I hope the best for these two, they sound like they deserve some smoother sailing ahead.
That was quite the read I felt OOPs panic as I often also feel like my partner is gonna realize I'ma mess of clingy disorders and run for the door lol. Glad they talked and are working things out to make sure they stay happy and functional.
I just wanna say that my partner and I are pretty reliant on one another. We both work from home and spend all of our free time together. We also live in a state where we don’t have a social circle or nearby family(this will soon change). So, we are each others company. He is very clingy and so am I. It works. We are happy and very much in love. I get where OOP is coming from. But it sounds like they have a good foundation and plenty of love.
Glad he found the reason, and they are happy together.
Not that I want to inflict the struggles of mental health issues on anyone, but god DAMN do I wish I could show some of the people in the thread how disgustingly unempathetic they're being. I can't imagine reading this post an feeling anything but my heart breaking for OP knowing how rough that day must have been for him feeling like his life was going to fall apart while still knowing logically that it isn't, and yet feeling even worse still because his logical understanding of the situation and the reality he's perceiving are so different. I've had these kinds of days before, but I've also had a couple absolutely brutal physical wounds, so for anyone whose never experienced this kind of thing I'd like you to know that at least for me, I'd *literally* rather be stabbed again than have another day like the one OP had. Reading this and just thinking "wow calm down dude just hold on until you can chat with her it's nothing serious" or something displays a lack of ability or willingness to step outside your personal life experience which you should want to work to address immediately. fucking hell.
Well now I can imagine the nightmare that is the life of someone with severe anxiety!
OOP: "yeah my wife chooses to work 80 hours, it's possible I have bpd, and I'm scared to death of losing her" Redditors: "clearly you're abusive"
I’m not even a writer and yet I hope my fiancé will not search my history (I am very curious person). Poor OOP, but very happy for him!
> I was the product of a one night stand to two parents who didn't want me. Neither of them had steady jobs or relationships or really any desire to parent. If I was too much of a burden for my dad, he'd drop me off to my moms, who wouldn't be home. I'd be locked outside her apartment until she came home at 2am. There'd be nothing in the fridge. School wasn't much better. I was the weird short kid with long greasy hair and two day old clothes and I was relentlessly bullied. When I was 14, I was finally taken away by my maternal grandparents, who didn't have a relationship with my mom. Though they loved me, they couldn't really take care of me because they were old... If I were Empress of America, I would make birth control of all types not just free and easily accessible, but impossible to miss. Ubiquitous. I would be spamming billboards and airwaves about not creating new humans unless you *really, really want them* and have planned out how you are going to raise, house, feed, and educate them. This kind of thing and worse is what happens to all the unwanted kids out there. This needs to figure much more prominently in the public discourse.
DBT is a really great type of therapy for those who struggle with emotional regulation
I'm so ambivalent. On one hand this guy is so needy, clingy and so fixated on his wife that I feel claustrophobic reading this. On the other hand, he loves her so much its kind of sweet.