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If a man eats pussy, he’s basically licking every dick that’s been in there: gay.
If a man sucks a dick, he’s basically licking every pussy the dick has been in: straight.
It’s so simple.
This logic is undeniable.
Unless of course, you’re a human with critical thinking skills, have a background in deductive reasoning, and have acquired a honed in bullshit-sniffer-o’ meter.
The amount of people who DO NOT qualify to be in that group of people is…unfortunate to say the least, and quite worrisome. Idiocracy is becoming more and more of a realistic future, and not just the farce/comedy it was intended to be.
Half of women's DNA comes from her father. Which means a woman is 50% man.
But since we established a woman is 50% man, her mother was also 50% man, so the half she got from her mother was already 50% man, making the woman actually 75% man.
But her grandmother was also 50% man. Which means the mother was 75% man, and the woman is actually 87.5% man.
But her great-grandmother was also 50% man. Which means the grandmother was 75% man, the mother was 87.5% man, and the woman is actually 93.75% man.
But her great-great-grandmother was also 50% man. Which means the great-grandmother was 75% man, the grandmother was 87.5% man, the mother was 93.75%man, and the woman is actually 96.875% man.
But her great-great-great-grandmother was also 50% man. Which means the great-great-grandmother was 75% man, the great-grandmother was 87.5% man, the grandmother was 93.75% man, the mother was 96.875% man, and the woman is actually 98.4375% man.
____________________
As we can see by this irrefutable and ironclad logic, every woman is actually 99.9999999% man. Which means having sex with them is pretty gay.
nope. gotta kiss a lesbian (platonically)
the double not gay from it being a woman and it being platonic cancels out the single gay from her being a lesbian
I agree, in theory, but how do you propose we solve for the transitive property of gayness?
I suppose I could always use the queerdratic theory, but I'm trying to do *less* maths not *more!*
I remember a BORU where a man was considering changing his name to his wife's name or doing a hyphenated surname and his dad told him that's gay.
Fellas, is it gay to marry your wife?
I saw a picture of a very beautiful, athletically built woman with visible abs. Someone had commented that being attracted to that woman meant you were attracted to men.
Someone responded, “Fellas, is it gay to like women?”
Exhausting
Edit: found it!
https://x.com/Gohanthemenace/status/1786397707608674706
A guy (with a beard no less) let his young adorable daughter put makeup on him. Not to go out to work or dinner or anything, but he was playing with her and she wanted to.
Apparently it's gay to have the biological product of proof you've had sex with a woman put makeup on you.
I have a game with a friend of mine where we randomly will call things gay because of this. An actual thing one of us came up with was “Using an umbrella is kinda gay. Why are you using it? Is it so you aren’t soaking wet when you get to your boyfriend’s house?” Another one was “Why are you breathing air? Do you just want to breathe in air because it’s been inside another man?”
Does my boyfriend make me gay because he also likes women or cure my gay since a bi woman with a boyfriend is just “pretending” for attention? Maybe it all cancels out and makes me asexual.
["Wanting to be with a woman? How gay is that?? You **win** sex against a man, that's as straight as it gets."](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9IXHdnjQZNI)
You joke but that's something that white supremacist, Nazi enthusiast, and homophobic repressed gay man Nick Fuentes said a while back. He claimed that [dating and having sex with women made you gay](https://www.rawstory.com/nick-fuentes-gay/).
I kept writing and erasing my replies to your comment. I'm so confused why he thought that.
Edit: just read the article and found this gem:
"I think if anything — if anything — it makes me less gay. If anything, it makes me not gay — as opposed to less gay, not that there's any gay, but it makes me not gay," he argued.
He is suuuuuuper gay, is repressed and psycho homophobic about it.
In May he ended one of his streaming shows and left the stream on and pulled up his gay porn browser and started streaming gay porn. He claims it was an Israeli intelligence op.
Yeah I don't like to go there but this is the one exception where I will. Part of that is because he advocates for criminalizing gay folks among other horrible things so like... he opens himself up to it.
He also cancelled/iced out his #2 in the groypers a few years ago because the dude went out and got a girlfriend and slept with her and it had distinct jealous friend zone neckbeard vibes to it. IIRC that is about where the whole incel/volcel/not having sex is super hetero when you think about it thing ramped up.
And this gem: "And if you want to know the truth, the only really straight, heterosexual position is to be an asexual incel."
I don't think one is both asexual and in incel. That's contradictory. Asexuals don't want to have sex. It's literally the point. Incels do want sex, but don't get any because, ya know, they're incels (which came first?!?!). You cannot be both!
One minor correction: asexuals don’t experience sexual attraction, it’s not that they don’t want to have sex. To be sure some asexuals don’t want to have sex, but there are some that either do want to or don’t mind having sex, they just don’t get the pantsfeelings that allosexuals do
I wondered how long it was gonna take for that to come back around. We did that in the 90s, when the least gay thing you could do was win a game of gay chicken. The boys never lost.
By college it was cool to kiss girls again, so I’d say an approximate 10 year cycle. That’s when it will be straight to kiss your girlfriend again.
There is an episode of the show The Sopranos where it becomes a scandal that people find out that a mafia boss is going down on his girlfriend because it is seen as gay in their culture.
Gay men like feminine things...
Women are feminine...
...ergo liking women is gay.
That's why I only kiss men. The manliest of men who have moustaches and wear leather. I'm super straight.
That’s stupid. Having a girlfriend is pretty damn straight. No, the problem here is kissing, which is a limp-wristed beta cuck behavior. Real men just grunt stoically without ever making eye contact, much less physical contact with a ~~girl~~ female.
"You're the gay one! Wanting to spend the rest of your life with a woman, how gay is that?"
"You win sex against a man, that's as straight as it gets."
- Devon Banks, 30 Rock
Reminds me of this hilarious askreddit question: [https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/hs87fm/straight\_men\_of\_reddit\_what\_is\_the\_strangest/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/hs87fm/straight_men_of_reddit_what_is_the_strangest/)
Yea I appreciate his concern for doing things right. I would absolutely HATE being in a relationship where I am poked, tickled, and bumped all the time so it's definitely good to check in and have conversations about limits.
Whereas, while I don't mind cuddling and hand-holding and stuff (and definitely enjoy it sometimes), my husband and I are usually the type who are comfortable to do our own thing or sit and game near each other, and just tap one another on the shoulder to share stuff sometimes. But we do the kind of stuff OP does all the time, to the point where *our dog* learned to do it (which has unfortunately caused some embarrassing situations). I'd probably feel a bit neglected if he didn't occasionally try to grab my butt to make me squeal.
Omg I just realized something about my ex 😳 he would tickle me and wrestle me. I never consented and I hated it and made it known I didn't like it. It totally escalated in time and I would end up with bruises and a bloody nose.
He also raped me and stole from me, among many other horrible things.
But that's so different from this situation!
The thought of tickling as abuse is a tricky one, because I def had a bf when I was 17 or 18 that would tickle me until I couldn't breathe for screaming and begging him to stop. He'd keep saying "but you're laughing!" He was much bigger than me so there was never a way for me to escape. I would beg him to not tickle me, I hated it, it wasn't funny, nobody can help if they laugh. It didn't matter.
That is what it looks like when it's entry-level abuse. Luckily the relationship didn't last long, but honestly it's the one thing my parents remember about him. They came home once and I was scream-crying begging for him to stop tickling and they were like wtf is going on here?
He would have called it tickling. For me, it was so much more and worse than that.
Ugh.
I felt this in my soul. In my case one of the guys that used to do this escalated after a few years to not listening to no at other important times either. I didn't let the next guy who did it stay long enough to get that far (although god I stayed with him too long still anyway).
I hope you're in a far healthy place now, be it another relationship or solo.
I think we don’t hear from them too often because they’re too busy communicating and not causing drama lol It creates a bias because i’d wager there are more mature adults but we just don’t hear too often from them 🤷♀️
You don't come across it often because those people rarely have something to complain about on reddit. They mostly resolve things before they become a great issue.
Not to be the cynical negative Nancy, but it gives me pause that they’re already living together when he just escaped an abusive relationship a little over a year ago. Wish them the best though, truly
ahh which might make asking for reassurance on reddit risky. 😬
i'm glad he got good and supportive responses, but hopefully he doesn't let it spiral out.
i have ocd and reassurance-seeking is one of the worst things you can do for it. temporary relief of the anxiety only reinforces it in the long run.
hopefully he has a good ocd therapist he can reach out to for stuff like this.
Same thing
If you're worried about having OCD, talk to a mental health professional.
The internet is truly one of the worst places for OCD, especially with the rise in posts like "You're a horrible irredeemable person if you've ever done X (tickled your gf, bought from a certain company, watched a certain youtuber)." So offline help is generally better.
Not the original commenter, but as someone with ocd a big part of it is intrusive thoughts and thinking of the worst case scenario. I know I’ve definitely struggled with the fear of hurting someone unintentionally, his thought process is very similar to mine. For instance, I find brown eyes attractive, instead of taking this attraction at face value, my ocd made me think I had an asian fetish and for about a year I was convinced I was a terrible person and fetishizing anyone I was attracted to. The thing about ocd is that you take small things such as attraction to brown eyes or a tik tok about abuse and go with the worst possible situation of a racist fetish or being an abuser. So basically that’s all to say ocd makes you think the worst of yourself and make jumps that don’t make sense to people without ocd which is what he’s doing in this post.
Thanks for writing this so succinctly. I am the OC and this is how my OCD manifests as well. The leap from poking someone to abuse from a video is what made me think OCD,
I think this is less about TikTok specifically and more about anxiety type thinking. At least with me, even if I rationally know something, the brainworms that say that there’s even the slightest chance of me being wrong means that I eventually give in.
The good sign is that he had enough awareness to ask others and confirm if his anxieties are rooted in reality or not, instead of just assuming that they were right and withdrawing from his girlfriend without saying anything.
Another commenter here went on his profile and found he has OCD, so it tracks.
Guy needs therapy, and if he's already in it, needs to talk to his therapist about tweaking their treatment plan.
The overwhelming amount of reinforcement by Reddit to always talk with his gf about this stuff is great, but overthinking or thought loop prominent psychological conditions *can* drive this into toxic levels even inadvertently.
Not even getting into the all too common complaint of men using their partner as their sole emotional support system due in part to the unfortunate persistence of toxic male gender roles/ expectations that cripple emotional development and/or healthy support structure building.
It can breed relationship-killing resentment if not actively managed.
**Reddit** relationship advice is speedrunning a breakup.
**Tiktok** relationship advice is being gay and not gay at the same time
**Twitter** relationship advice is men are evil and women are also evil
**YouTube** relationship advice is **
Only 2 unskippable ads? I've been getting 4-6 unskippable ads in a row, sometimes I try to watch a video and end up spending more time watching ads than the thing I actually wanted to see
The thing is, the quoted bits are actually accurate in characterizing the beginnings of abuse. I’ve lived it and it’s eerily accurate.
OP is reflecting and checking in which is great. Play fighting or tickling your partner doesn’t mean you are abusive—ignoring their boundaries during these play behaviors IS abusive and abusers will often use these “innocent” opportunities to break down your boundaries and make you feel bad for saying no. That’s the difference.
Everything on tiktok is BS. I know there are a few actual experts on tiktok explaining things, but they should seriously bow out and leave that cesspool before it rots their reputation by association.
If someone starts a post with "I saw on tiktok", then everything after that will be ridiculous
Depend on how you hold your hand. If you rest your head or chin in the palm of your hand, then your wrist will naturally bend. However, if you rest your head on the *tops* of your fingers or make your hand into a fist, your wrist will remain straight.
It’s not necessarily a sign of adhd, but it is a sensory stim. People often forget that NT people also stim, they just do it less often and for different reasons, which is why stimming and sensory seeking behaviours aren’t part of the diagnostic criteria for any neurodivergences but will always be discussed as part of assessments.
Yep, when NTs do it it's "fidgeting" but when NDs do it it's "stimming." I don't think stimming is a bad term at all but the way sensory regulation gets pathologized even though everyone does it sure is something.
They’re both stimming, but as I said, there’s a difference in frequency and reasoning (and outcome, both emotionally and that can be observed through brain imaging)
I do lectures on adaptations for people with disabilities and one of the sections is on stims. You are absolutely correct, everyone stims in some way. It’s a way for us to release tension (both good and bad) from overstimulation and we often don’t automatically realize we’re doing it.
Anecdotally, to support your post, I'm not ADHD and have a sensory stim. It's just a little thing that I find comforting. I think I've always done it, but didn't even realize it until fairly recently.
If you're worried about whether you have a condition or not: The oversimplified difference between pathological or not comes down to the context and use of the stim. Essentially, the origin of the stim (what is it solving), how often, how much, the distress levels if you don't do it, and the presence of other potential symptoms of a potential condition.
Your stimming doesn't mean you have a condition necessarily unless there's some type of dysfunctional level of issues surrounding it.
Source: have multiple conditions that require stimming as part of managing them.
I've been diagnosed late with ADHD (I'm 33) and I've found the information about ADHD on Instagram and Facebook to be incredibly harmful
At first I was like "oh my God so much stuff to learn this is great" but then I started over analysing everything about my personality because all aspects of my life had a post claiming it was ADHD. There were also so many posts of people excusing shitty behaviour because of ADHD
I hyper focus on my work and hobbies and have a over sensitive sense of justice (I don't like it be described as hyper vigilant or whatever, I'm often wrong). Everything else is just the dash of weird everyone has
Yeah it's a tricky one. On the one hand, awareness really helps people understand themselves and manage the negative symptoms of whatever they might have. On the other, like you say, it's easy to over analyse everything and start to pathologise normal personality traits which comes with its own problems
And it's worth considering that a) ADHD really does affect people more extensively than anyone understood until very recently and b) most ADHD symptoms are normal human behavior when present at a low level, the diagnosis comes when they're elevated to a point of impairing function. It's hard to express the difference between a normal level of something and an ADHD level because it's all on a spectrum. I can say "I'm clumsy because of ADHD" and that's true in my case (proprioception issues are a symptom), but it doesn't mean all clumsy people have ADHD, nor does it define a level of clumsiness or mean there's any hard and fast rule about it. It doesn't even mean all people with ADHD have proprioception issues at a noticeable level, or that I'd necessarily be less clumsy without ADHD.
For anyone wondering: the exact mechanisms of ADHD are not firmly known but it's known that dopamine levels are involved, and dopamine has a role in regulating body movement. Proprioception is your sense of where your body is in space and in relation to itself.
I am currently and continuously bopping to Not Like Us in my head. I guess it’s the ADHD that I don’t have. Maybe my partner’s ADHD is the contagious type.
You always gotta consider the medium. Ad revenue? Suspect. Too short to cover nuance? Suspect. Lives or dies by algorithm? Suspect.
TikTok advice must be useless to harmful by design.
This is why I just treat all social media the same. I choose to see certain things as “their own personal experience” if that's what it is but I always look it up myself as social media isn't a reliable research for anything.
There was a reddit post that said that everything on Tiktok is rubbish. Then I watched a a Tiktok that claimed that everything on Reddit is 100 % true.
There certainly is a lot of BS on tiktok, but I don't think the tiktok referenced in this post was necessarily bs.
>The post said: "did you know physical abuse can start as: flicking, poking, biting, tickling, squeezing, throwing things, knocking you off balance, and laying on you?"
There's nothing untrue about this. It doesn't say "if your bf pokes you, he is abusive." It just says that abusive behavior can start with these types of seemingly innocuous actions, and that is often the case. I think it's meant to be helpful to some who is in the beginning stages of an abusive relationship. That type of person might not like that their boyfriend always pokes, tickles, play wrestles with them and doesn't stop when she says stop or pouts and guilt-trips her when she asks him to stop. But because he's not "angry" when doing it or punching or kicking her, she might not realize it's abuse, because "my boyfriend is an abuser because he tickles me" sounds silly until someone points out the lack of consent, the pushing boundaries, the escalation of unwanted physical contact, etc.
Same for Instagram. I’m a psychology students and sometimes see some ‘certified psychologists’ making seemingly valid and interesting points but if they are a ‘psychologist influencer’ i just don’t trust their ass automatically.
The only people I follow on instagram that I don't know are museums and knitting/embroidery accounts. I used to follow a few gardening accounts, but then I was inundated with reels with really dumb \#planthacks that most certainly don't work
I do a lot of reading out of session with my therapist and so I see a lot of that crap come up. I also see a \*lot\* of junk stories that say "if you think this 4 times a day you're an amazing person according to psychology" or whatever. Clickbait garbage.
Pop psychology has always been trendy and has almost always been garbage.
The advice is completely true though, and even specifically mentioned in "Why Does He Do That" - the key point here, as mentioned by commenters, is that they both like and consent to the play, while in the abusive relationship that touch is used to harrass the victim by violating physical boundaries, and then bully them for "complaining over something as silly as bring poked". It's less "if you do this you're abusive!" and more "hey you're not crazy if this makes you uncomfortable and unhappy".
There was a post here just the other day about a woman whose husband kept sneezing in her food and blowing it off like he wasn't doing anything worth complaining about, but would get angry with her if she wouldn't eat it after he blew snot all over it, and I'd say that would be a good (and disgusting) example of that behavior
Or at least just have the situational awareness to not take advice from teenagers. Like, hey, maybe the 14 year old doesn't know how relationships work.
I really feel his 'when you grow up with abusive parents you fear you'll become like them' thing. I'm a decade into a healthy marriage and still terrified I'm doing things to belittle my partner or gaslight them or make them feel bad about themselves the way my parents did.
My partner, individual therapist, and couples therapist reassure me I do none of those things and yet the fear persists
I saw that picture and immediately control+F'd for wrist, thanks for sleuthing! I did think it looked a little .. idk like, precise? Not like wounds from self harm, that circle around the outside etc.
I'm so glad that OOP posted because this will also help other people's relationships! It's wonderful to see an "am I being healthy?" post!
I'm a Teen Dating Violence Prevention advocate. There's a great website/resource called Love Is Respect (loveisrespect.org) for teens and young adults. You can look on there to see if what you're doing is healthy or unhealthy. The Domestic Violence hotline (thehotline.org) is always an option since dating abuse is under the DV umbrella, but Love Is Respect has a lighter approach as well as it meeting young people where they are.
So yay OOP and gf!!!!
That website is pretty awesome. My public school health class teachers were very earnest when teaching us about abuse (and I appreciate them for that 🫶) but this is far more comprehensive and informative. Thanks for sharing :)
She’s a licensed social worker that advocates against domestic abuse. On her page she has links to help domestic abuse victims. How to recognize abuse, different forms of abuse, How to make an exit plan, etc. She’s even helped on posts asking for advice giving them info. She’s a truly beautiful soul in my opinion. Her posts have helped me as well.
Context is super important. These are all playful behaviors that my husband and I engage in, but it's in good fun, and we both consent. Maybe have a conversation with her, a temperature check if you will, and ask her if these behaviors bother her or if she enjoys them.
It made me think of how you hear people describe behaviors that indicate if someone is lying. A lot of the things they describe are also innocent natural behaviors for an autistic person or someone with ADHD. Like not making eye contact or fidgeting while speaking. They're not lying, that's just how they are. So while in one scenario, yes, the others it's no, and it's always important to keep that in mind.
Honestly, I feel for OOP. When you leave an abusive relationship, it is hard to know what is healthy and what isn't healthy. I'm glad they talked it through.
As someone who HATES being tickled, it's so nice to see someone who even considered that maybe he was in the wrong rather than dismissing it out of hand as a non-issue. The fact he was concerned is refreshing, and I'm glad to hear his girlfriend is a thousand percent ok with their playfulness.
Having been with a few guys who absolutely refused to believe that tickling could be a bad thing, it's easy to see how she might have been putting up and shutting up. Some people just do not listen when you state 'don't tickle me I hate it'. Tickling (and the other things mentioned) itself isn't the problem, it's the continual pushing of the boundary and dismissiveness of the clearly stated request. And you do start to wonder what else they will push or dismiss if they can't do such a basic thing.
(Am now happily with a guy who stopped immediately when I said I hated it and has never tickled me again. It was a huge eye opener in what I'd put up with in the past).
I'm glad this is a positive (And sort of dumb conflict) kind of thing, but I can't help but side eye that OOP was in an abusive relationship for two years, ended it "over a year ago" and he's already living with another girlfriend... when one of the red flags of the other relationship was moving too fast...
and describes her like she's perfect...yeah I felt it too.
He might be anxious-attached, it's harder to stay single with anxious attachment. His worry about being unintentionally abusive may have had as much to do with fear of abandonment. He could have gone to her saying "hey I just saw this thing on tiktok and I was wondering how you feel about it..."
But he was too scared to do that (in spite of her being the sweetest person on earth) and asked anonymous people, with whom there was no fear of abandonment, instead.
OP has OCD. he got stuck in an anxiety spiral about if he was behaving in an abusive manner. these spirals are very hard to explain to other people and it's difficult to communicate *why* these thoughts are taken to their extreme. so i am not surprised he wouldn't ask his girlfriend first.
I hate being tickled. Like legit hate it. Now in my defense I am extremely ticklish and in the past I have had men not just tickle me, but refuse to stop as I was saying "No, stop" repeatedly because apparently laughing means consent and enjoyment. It does not.
One guy, a boyfriend at the time, had me on the ground and literally tickled me to the point I could not breathe, my limbs gave out and my vision was going dark when his cousin said "Dude, I don't think she is breathing."
He stopped, air flooded back in my lungs. I immediately started sobbing because I had been so completely vulnerable, no way to fight, escape or breathe.
Boyfriend looked at me and said I was being dramatic and it wasn't a big deal.
THAT is abuse. Someone who disregards your boundaries, refuses to take no for an answer, and then downplays it. And he was not the only person to do something like this.
Hubby knows I hate being tickled and never intentionally does it.
Consent is the key that detemines abuse vs playing around.
I relate to this guy. I'll hear "this is a sign you're a bad person" and get really anxious over it to the point I have to ask others if I am, including my partner. It's nice to see OOP and his partner are fine :3
As worrying as it is that an adult saw a random thing in social media and worried it could be true...at least he tried asking opinions about it instead if immediately assuming. Even if said opinions were also from social media lol
I feel OOP so much. Overthinking if I'm treating my wife horribly is my clear sign that I should stop reading aita and ra for a while. That's how I landed here, actually. And I know my thought patterns well enough to work against them.
I'm just glad OOP is happy with his current gf.
People on TikTok like to play untrained armchair psychologists.
Fellas is it abusive to consensually and mutually engage in a little shenanigans with your partner?
Absolute dumbass hours jfc
TikTok can really be a source of misery.
That said the OP is not wrong to ask questions, being a *bit* over cautious can be a good thing and its always good when doing so reaffirms you are doing the right thing.
Oop is learning that just because something on one social media platform came up and stated something doesn’t always mean it’s true or doesn’t include other pertaining info.
Always look at more than one source for relevant info. I like fixing things and if I need info I don’t just watch one YouTube video on the task at hand I probably watch 10 and go with the info that 7 out of the ten videos stated.
Huge difference when it’s done maliciously vs done playfully/welcomed and reciprocated..
If current Gf says “I don’t like that” and OP were to continue- then yes it’s definitely a form of abuse!
I mean, I’m glad it worked out for them, but the idea that tiktok relationship advice is awful and reddit relationship advice is good is like…laughable
That's made my day.. people on Reddit complaining about people taking advice from tiktok.
If this isn't the most "pot calling kettle black" thing I've ever seen, I don't know what is 🤣💀
And the moral of the story is-! The crap posted on tik tok is 95% weird reactionary oftentimes puritan, paranoid crap and if something is being said mainly on tik tok? It’s usually BS.
Well, it's clear OOP has OCD. Given their post history it seems that they're at least somewhat aware (posting in the OCD sub), but can't prevent themselves from making validation-seeking posts like this one.
As someone who deals with OCD myself, seeking validation through others acts as a "quick fix" for mental anguish or stress revolving around a specific obsession or situation but is highly discouraged because it builds a dependency on 3rd party validation and given the cyclical nature of the disorder, can make getting over the obsession feel impossible without it.
I hope OOP can deal with their issue in a healthy way, and to anyone who has OCD remember: if you're putting this much effort and thought and stress in not wanting to be a bad person, you're probably not a bad person. <3
My abusive relationship started exactly as the TikTok describes, and I was also too worn down, unsure, and afraid to say no that I learned to stop objecting and the behavior did escalate.
The important context here is that, initially, I DID object to the behaviors. I DID attempt to set boundaries. He manipulated me and made fun of me and made me question the “validity” of my boundaries so I stopped objecting.
If OPs partner engages in this type of play, and is enthusiastic, and does not object, then this is innocent and normal play. I had boyfriends tickle me and play fight before and it never went too far or made me feel uncomfortable. My abusive relationship DID go to far, and early on I DID object.
That is the difference.
That being said, that relationship ruined a lot for me and I do not tolerate being tickled or play fighting anymore. It’s very triggering and I DO NOT like it. I told this to my husband EXACTLY ONCE and he never EVER EVER did it again and it’s been almost 12 years. He listened the first time and everything is fine.
eh it sounds like just a short hitting a big insecurity in a rough spot, i wouldn't go that far, it's pretty normal for everyone to doubt themselves even over something that sounds that stupid if you're coming out of a bad situation. if he had taken it and ran with it just assuming it true then yeah, but asking for some confirmation/validation with his kinda background even when it sounds like he did know it wasn't true is a pretty average thing
Yeah there's a reason why I don't get on most social media any more. It's bad for me. Some of it I can curate enough to be a net neutral or positive, but a lot of it really makes my mental health worse.
This is your sign for today to just fucking delete TikTok. No amount of having something to scroll in front of the TV is worth scrutinising your life through the lens of the most braindead discourse started by overconfident 19 year-old psych majors for clout.
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I saw a Tik Tok say that a man kissing his girlfriend means he's gay.
"kissing someone who likes men (your girlfriend) is super gay, that's why kissing men is the straightest thing you can do because they like women"
If a man eats pussy, he’s basically licking every dick that’s been in there: gay. If a man sucks a dick, he’s basically licking every pussy the dick has been in: straight. It’s so simple.
I've unironically heard the first half of this.
It’s depressing that that doesn’t surprise me.
This man just solved the body count debate. I guess that MD (more dicks) paid off!
This logic is undeniable. Unless of course, you’re a human with critical thinking skills, have a background in deductive reasoning, and have acquired a honed in bullshit-sniffer-o’ meter. The amount of people who DO NOT qualify to be in that group of people is…unfortunate to say the least, and quite worrisome. Idiocracy is becoming more and more of a realistic future, and not just the farce/comedy it was intended to be.
Women can't give straight men blow jobs because that would be gay
If you shake hands with a man, you're basically masturbating him as many times has he's masturbated himself. That's gay.
Half of women's DNA comes from her father. Which means a woman is 50% man. But since we established a woman is 50% man, her mother was also 50% man, so the half she got from her mother was already 50% man, making the woman actually 75% man. But her grandmother was also 50% man. Which means the mother was 75% man, and the woman is actually 87.5% man. But her great-grandmother was also 50% man. Which means the grandmother was 75% man, the mother was 87.5% man, and the woman is actually 93.75% man. But her great-great-grandmother was also 50% man. Which means the great-grandmother was 75% man, the grandmother was 87.5% man, the mother was 93.75%man, and the woman is actually 96.875% man. But her great-great-great-grandmother was also 50% man. Which means the great-great-grandmother was 75% man, the great-grandmother was 87.5% man, the grandmother was 93.75% man, the mother was 96.875% man, and the woman is actually 98.4375% man. ____________________ As we can see by this irrefutable and ironclad logic, every woman is actually 99.9999999% man. Which means having sex with them is pretty gay.
As man is 3 of the 5 letters of woman, your premise is off and woman is actually 60% man to start!
But what about when you throw Kurt Angle into the mix?
Damn, wouldn't have expected a Steiner Maths reference in this subreddit
nope. gotta kiss a lesbian (platonically) the double not gay from it being a woman and it being platonic cancels out the single gay from her being a lesbian
Excellent math.
I agree, in theory, but how do you propose we solve for the transitive property of gayness? I suppose I could always use the queerdratic theory, but I'm trying to do *less* maths not *more!*
This guy maths
[Gay men _fuck men_. That's hardly gay.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6xxiK6Z4eXs&t=160s&pp=ygURYXVzc2llIGdheSBjb21pbmM%3D)
There is nothing more masculine than a dude banging a dude.
Found the Ancient Greek!
At this point, there's a laundry list of things that means a man is gay. And yes, liking women is on there.
Laundry? Sounds kinda fruity...
Bro, you eat *fruit?* Like, do what you gotta do on your own time, but my kids aren't coming over anymore.
I'm going to go out on a loom and say it is.
You weave some interesting tales.
I remember a BORU where a man was considering changing his name to his wife's name or doing a hyphenated surname and his dad told him that's gay. Fellas, is it gay to marry your wife?
I saw a picture of a very beautiful, athletically built woman with visible abs. Someone had commented that being attracted to that woman meant you were attracted to men. Someone responded, “Fellas, is it gay to like women?” Exhausting Edit: found it! https://x.com/Gohanthemenace/status/1786397707608674706
We hit the peak when Andrew Tate said it was gay for men to have sex with women for pleasure.
A guy (with a beard no less) let his young adorable daughter put makeup on him. Not to go out to work or dinner or anything, but he was playing with her and she wanted to. Apparently it's gay to have the biological product of proof you've had sex with a woman put makeup on you.
I have a game with a friend of mine where we randomly will call things gay because of this. An actual thing one of us came up with was “Using an umbrella is kinda gay. Why are you using it? Is it so you aren’t soaking wet when you get to your boyfriend’s house?” Another one was “Why are you breathing air? Do you just want to breathe in air because it’s been inside another man?”
Signaling when turning or merging is gay. Who are you trying to get the attention of with that light? Another man? 🤨
Does my boyfriend make me gay because he also likes women or cure my gay since a bi woman with a boyfriend is just “pretending” for attention? Maybe it all cancels out and makes me asexual.
I went to school for gay maths and I can tell you that you're gay²
Damn, getting cancelled by your own boyfriend is rough. Hope you're okay.
The gayness transfers to him, making you straight and him gay, simple science.
The transitive power of gay math.
["Wanting to be with a woman? How gay is that?? You **win** sex against a man, that's as straight as it gets."](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9IXHdnjQZNI)
I was expecting to see this lol.
You joke but that's something that white supremacist, Nazi enthusiast, and homophobic repressed gay man Nick Fuentes said a while back. He claimed that [dating and having sex with women made you gay](https://www.rawstory.com/nick-fuentes-gay/).
I kept writing and erasing my replies to your comment. I'm so confused why he thought that. Edit: just read the article and found this gem: "I think if anything — if anything — it makes me less gay. If anything, it makes me not gay — as opposed to less gay, not that there's any gay, but it makes me not gay," he argued.
Wow. I think he might be a little gay but maybe not. 🤔
He is suuuuuuper gay, is repressed and psycho homophobic about it. In May he ended one of his streaming shows and left the stream on and pulled up his gay porn browser and started streaming gay porn. He claims it was an Israeli intelligence op.
I was gonna rag on you for the repressed gay stereotyping but uhhhh that’s pretty repressed gay of him 😬
Yeah I don't like to go there but this is the one exception where I will. Part of that is because he advocates for criminalizing gay folks among other horrible things so like... he opens himself up to it. He also cancelled/iced out his #2 in the groypers a few years ago because the dude went out and got a girlfriend and slept with her and it had distinct jealous friend zone neckbeard vibes to it. IIRC that is about where the whole incel/volcel/not having sex is super hetero when you think about it thing ramped up.
And this gem: "And if you want to know the truth, the only really straight, heterosexual position is to be an asexual incel." I don't think one is both asexual and in incel. That's contradictory. Asexuals don't want to have sex. It's literally the point. Incels do want sex, but don't get any because, ya know, they're incels (which came first?!?!). You cannot be both!
One minor correction: asexuals don’t experience sexual attraction, it’s not that they don’t want to have sex. To be sure some asexuals don’t want to have sex, but there are some that either do want to or don’t mind having sex, they just don’t get the pantsfeelings that allosexuals do
...was this Jeremy fragrance? It sounds like his Jeremy cadence and I've been waiting for that poor bastard to leave the closet
Andrew Tate said it is gay to have sex with women. This is where the alpha male/red pill crowd is now.
i read that whole article twice and still don’t understand wtf is logic is
Fellas, is it gay to breath? FELLAS, IS IT GAY TO LOVE YOUR WIFE?
I wondered how long it was gonna take for that to come back around. We did that in the 90s, when the least gay thing you could do was win a game of gay chicken. The boys never lost. By college it was cool to kiss girls again, so I’d say an approximate 10 year cycle. That’s when it will be straight to kiss your girlfriend again.
There is an episode of the show The Sopranos where it becomes a scandal that people find out that a mafia boss is going down on his girlfriend because it is seen as gay in their culture.
"Fellas, is it gay to give a woman pleasure?"
Gay men like feminine things... Women are feminine... ...ergo liking women is gay. That's why I only kiss men. The manliest of men who have moustaches and wear leather. I'm super straight.
That’s stupid. Having a girlfriend is pretty damn straight. No, the problem here is kissing, which is a limp-wristed beta cuck behavior. Real men just grunt stoically without ever making eye contact, much less physical contact with a ~~girl~~ female.
"You're the gay one! Wanting to spend the rest of your life with a woman, how gay is that?" "You win sex against a man, that's as straight as it gets." - Devon Banks, 30 Rock
Those i skip past so quickly. They are so stupid. Just on it for short skits and music. Not that shit
They say outrageous shit for engagement and we all fall for it every time. It’s the new trolling
>means he's gay What is this, the 90s? Who cares about gay anymore?
Reminds me of this hilarious askreddit question: [https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/hs87fm/straight\_men\_of\_reddit\_what\_is\_the\_strangest/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/hs87fm/straight_men_of_reddit_what_is_the_strangest/)
I dream to be in a relationship as healthy and loving as OOP and their current GF. This...this is just sweet!
Yea I appreciate his concern for doing things right. I would absolutely HATE being in a relationship where I am poked, tickled, and bumped all the time so it's definitely good to check in and have conversations about limits.
Whereas, while I don't mind cuddling and hand-holding and stuff (and definitely enjoy it sometimes), my husband and I are usually the type who are comfortable to do our own thing or sit and game near each other, and just tap one another on the shoulder to share stuff sometimes. But we do the kind of stuff OP does all the time, to the point where *our dog* learned to do it (which has unfortunately caused some embarrassing situations). I'd probably feel a bit neglected if he didn't occasionally try to grab my butt to make me squeal.
Reading this post made me so happy; his girlfriend found the story too. Sweet all around
Omg I just realized something about my ex 😳 he would tickle me and wrestle me. I never consented and I hated it and made it known I didn't like it. It totally escalated in time and I would end up with bruises and a bloody nose. He also raped me and stole from me, among many other horrible things. But that's so different from this situation!
The thought of tickling as abuse is a tricky one, because I def had a bf when I was 17 or 18 that would tickle me until I couldn't breathe for screaming and begging him to stop. He'd keep saying "but you're laughing!" He was much bigger than me so there was never a way for me to escape. I would beg him to not tickle me, I hated it, it wasn't funny, nobody can help if they laugh. It didn't matter. That is what it looks like when it's entry-level abuse. Luckily the relationship didn't last long, but honestly it's the one thing my parents remember about him. They came home once and I was scream-crying begging for him to stop tickling and they were like wtf is going on here? He would have called it tickling. For me, it was so much more and worse than that. Ugh.
I felt this in my soul. In my case one of the guys that used to do this escalated after a few years to not listening to no at other important times either. I didn't let the next guy who did it stay long enough to get that far (although god I stayed with him too long still anyway). I hope you're in a far healthy place now, be it another relationship or solo.
Mature adults in their early 20s that can communicate in their relationship? Maybe there's hope after all.
I think we don’t hear from them too often because they’re too busy communicating and not causing drama lol It creates a bias because i’d wager there are more mature adults but we just don’t hear too often from them 🤷♀️
You don't come across it often because those people rarely have something to complain about on reddit. They mostly resolve things before they become a great issue.
Not to be the cynical negative Nancy, but it gives me pause that they’re already living together when he just escaped an abusive relationship a little over a year ago. Wish them the best though, truly
Well this kind of post is more of a survival bias thing. Healthy relationship wouldn't go to internet.
OOP may have OCD.
I checked his profile and he does!
ahh which might make asking for reassurance on reddit risky. 😬 i'm glad he got good and supportive responses, but hopefully he doesn't let it spiral out. i have ocd and reassurance-seeking is one of the worst things you can do for it. temporary relief of the anxiety only reinforces it in the long run. hopefully he has a good ocd therapist he can reach out to for stuff like this.
Sounds like his GF is equally caring and was right on top of things to make sure they didn't go that way!
Yeah that's the comment I left on the original post. I thought I was in the OCD subreddit at first.
My OCD gets triggered hard when I start a new relationship.
how did you get into that conclusion
Obsessing about secretly being bad, evil, abusive, etc is one of the ways OCD symptoms can manifest
Hypothetically, what if you’re worried you’re a moron and just don’t realize you’re doing it vs being actively evil etc.
Ppl who are actively being evil are usually not worried about if they're evil or not! I think that's a good way to differentiate it
Same thing If you're worried about having OCD, talk to a mental health professional. The internet is truly one of the worst places for OCD, especially with the rise in posts like "You're a horrible irredeemable person if you've ever done X (tickled your gf, bought from a certain company, watched a certain youtuber)." So offline help is generally better.
Not the original commenter, but as someone with ocd a big part of it is intrusive thoughts and thinking of the worst case scenario. I know I’ve definitely struggled with the fear of hurting someone unintentionally, his thought process is very similar to mine. For instance, I find brown eyes attractive, instead of taking this attraction at face value, my ocd made me think I had an asian fetish and for about a year I was convinced I was a terrible person and fetishizing anyone I was attracted to. The thing about ocd is that you take small things such as attraction to brown eyes or a tik tok about abuse and go with the worst possible situation of a racist fetish or being an abuser. So basically that’s all to say ocd makes you think the worst of yourself and make jumps that don’t make sense to people without ocd which is what he’s doing in this post.
Thanks for writing this so succinctly. I am the OC and this is how my OCD manifests as well. The leap from poking someone to abuse from a video is what made me think OCD,
I think this is less about TikTok specifically and more about anxiety type thinking. At least with me, even if I rationally know something, the brainworms that say that there’s even the slightest chance of me being wrong means that I eventually give in. The good sign is that he had enough awareness to ask others and confirm if his anxieties are rooted in reality or not, instead of just assuming that they were right and withdrawing from his girlfriend without saying anything.
Another commenter here went on his profile and found he has OCD, so it tracks. Guy needs therapy, and if he's already in it, needs to talk to his therapist about tweaking their treatment plan. The overwhelming amount of reinforcement by Reddit to always talk with his gf about this stuff is great, but overthinking or thought loop prominent psychological conditions *can* drive this into toxic levels even inadvertently. Not even getting into the all too common complaint of men using their partner as their sole emotional support system due in part to the unfortunate persistence of toxic male gender roles/ expectations that cripple emotional development and/or healthy support structure building. It can breed relationship-killing resentment if not actively managed.
OOP seems like really great guy, but yeah, don't get relationship advice from tiktok.
Get it from reddit instead.
**Reddit** relationship advice is speedrunning a breakup. **Tiktok** relationship advice is being gay and not gay at the same time **Twitter** relationship advice is men are evil and women are also evil **YouTube** relationship advice is **
Only 2 unskippable ads? I've been getting 4-6 unskippable ads in a row, sometimes I try to watch a video and end up spending more time watching ads than the thing I actually wanted to see
**Instagram** relationship advice is to go take pictures of each other in Greece.
When you have untreated anxiety, anything can set off a spiral. That message could have been on a roadside billboard
And not perpetuating the cycle of abuse is so important to be mindful of.
The thing is, the quoted bits are actually accurate in characterizing the beginnings of abuse. I’ve lived it and it’s eerily accurate. OP is reflecting and checking in which is great. Play fighting or tickling your partner doesn’t mean you are abusive—ignoring their boundaries during these play behaviors IS abusive and abusers will often use these “innocent” opportunities to break down your boundaries and make you feel bad for saying no. That’s the difference.
Everything on tiktok is BS. I know there are a few actual experts on tiktok explaining things, but they should seriously bow out and leave that cesspool before it rots their reputation by association. If someone starts a post with "I saw on tiktok", then everything after that will be ridiculous
I once saw something along the lines of "hearing music in your head is a symptom of ADHD!" Motherfucker everyone has that!
If you pretend to shake salt into your mouth from a salt shaker and then you're able to taste salt that means you have cancer.
I have terrible news for everyone whose hand is larger than their face.
I saw one that said bending your wrist when you rest your head on your hand means you have adhd 🤦♀️
...how else are you supposed to do it lol
Depend on how you hold your hand. If you rest your head or chin in the palm of your hand, then your wrist will naturally bend. However, if you rest your head on the *tops* of your fingers or make your hand into a fist, your wrist will remain straight.
I rest my head on my fist with my wrist bent 😅
So gay.
I do both... And that checks out.
Small problem, my fingers bend pretty far back as well.
It’s not necessarily a sign of adhd, but it is a sensory stim. People often forget that NT people also stim, they just do it less often and for different reasons, which is why stimming and sensory seeking behaviours aren’t part of the diagnostic criteria for any neurodivergences but will always be discussed as part of assessments.
Yep, when NTs do it it's "fidgeting" but when NDs do it it's "stimming." I don't think stimming is a bad term at all but the way sensory regulation gets pathologized even though everyone does it sure is something.
They’re both stimming, but as I said, there’s a difference in frequency and reasoning (and outcome, both emotionally and that can be observed through brain imaging)
I do lectures on adaptations for people with disabilities and one of the sections is on stims. You are absolutely correct, everyone stims in some way. It’s a way for us to release tension (both good and bad) from overstimulation and we often don’t automatically realize we’re doing it.
Anecdotally, to support your post, I'm not ADHD and have a sensory stim. It's just a little thing that I find comforting. I think I've always done it, but didn't even realize it until fairly recently.
If you're worried about whether you have a condition or not: The oversimplified difference between pathological or not comes down to the context and use of the stim. Essentially, the origin of the stim (what is it solving), how often, how much, the distress levels if you don't do it, and the presence of other potential symptoms of a potential condition. Your stimming doesn't mean you have a condition necessarily unless there's some type of dysfunctional level of issues surrounding it. Source: have multiple conditions that require stimming as part of managing them.
I've been diagnosed late with ADHD (I'm 33) and I've found the information about ADHD on Instagram and Facebook to be incredibly harmful At first I was like "oh my God so much stuff to learn this is great" but then I started over analysing everything about my personality because all aspects of my life had a post claiming it was ADHD. There were also so many posts of people excusing shitty behaviour because of ADHD I hyper focus on my work and hobbies and have a over sensitive sense of justice (I don't like it be described as hyper vigilant or whatever, I'm often wrong). Everything else is just the dash of weird everyone has
Yeah it's a tricky one. On the one hand, awareness really helps people understand themselves and manage the negative symptoms of whatever they might have. On the other, like you say, it's easy to over analyse everything and start to pathologise normal personality traits which comes with its own problems
And it's worth considering that a) ADHD really does affect people more extensively than anyone understood until very recently and b) most ADHD symptoms are normal human behavior when present at a low level, the diagnosis comes when they're elevated to a point of impairing function. It's hard to express the difference between a normal level of something and an ADHD level because it's all on a spectrum. I can say "I'm clumsy because of ADHD" and that's true in my case (proprioception issues are a symptom), but it doesn't mean all clumsy people have ADHD, nor does it define a level of clumsiness or mean there's any hard and fast rule about it. It doesn't even mean all people with ADHD have proprioception issues at a noticeable level, or that I'd necessarily be less clumsy without ADHD. For anyone wondering: the exact mechanisms of ADHD are not firmly known but it's known that dopamine levels are involved, and dopamine has a role in regulating body movement. Proprioception is your sense of where your body is in space and in relation to itself.
I am currently and continuously bopping to Not Like Us in my head. I guess it’s the ADHD that I don’t have. Maybe my partner’s ADHD is the contagious type.
Huh. My partner has ADHD too and I get songs in my head all the time. I think this stuff is catching!
Yeah, not every musician has ADHD, otherwise every orchestra performance would be a trainwreck.
You always gotta consider the medium. Ad revenue? Suspect. Too short to cover nuance? Suspect. Lives or dies by algorithm? Suspect. TikTok advice must be useless to harmful by design.
TikTok store beneath the video? Suspect.
Tiktok? Suspect.
I watched a TikTok on how TikTok is swamped with misinformation and stupid takes and now I’m really conflicted and confused.
This is why I just treat all social media the same. I choose to see certain things as “their own personal experience” if that's what it is but I always look it up myself as social media isn't a reliable research for anything.
There was a reddit post that said that everything on Tiktok is rubbish. Then I watched a a Tiktok that claimed that everything on Reddit is 100 % true.
One social media site tells only truths, the other tells only lies...
There certainly is a lot of BS on tiktok, but I don't think the tiktok referenced in this post was necessarily bs. >The post said: "did you know physical abuse can start as: flicking, poking, biting, tickling, squeezing, throwing things, knocking you off balance, and laying on you?" There's nothing untrue about this. It doesn't say "if your bf pokes you, he is abusive." It just says that abusive behavior can start with these types of seemingly innocuous actions, and that is often the case. I think it's meant to be helpful to some who is in the beginning stages of an abusive relationship. That type of person might not like that their boyfriend always pokes, tickles, play wrestles with them and doesn't stop when she says stop or pouts and guilt-trips her when she asks him to stop. But because he's not "angry" when doing it or punching or kicking her, she might not realize it's abuse, because "my boyfriend is an abuser because he tickles me" sounds silly until someone points out the lack of consent, the pushing boundaries, the escalation of unwanted physical contact, etc.
Every social media is filled with BS.
Same for Instagram. I’m a psychology students and sometimes see some ‘certified psychologists’ making seemingly valid and interesting points but if they are a ‘psychologist influencer’ i just don’t trust their ass automatically.
The only people I follow on instagram that I don't know are museums and knitting/embroidery accounts. I used to follow a few gardening accounts, but then I was inundated with reels with really dumb \#planthacks that most certainly don't work
I do a lot of reading out of session with my therapist and so I see a lot of that crap come up. I also see a \*lot\* of junk stories that say "if you think this 4 times a day you're an amazing person according to psychology" or whatever. Clickbait garbage. Pop psychology has always been trendy and has almost always been garbage.
We're using a social media platform that's just as bad. It's all about curating your own for you page.
The advice is completely true though, and even specifically mentioned in "Why Does He Do That" - the key point here, as mentioned by commenters, is that they both like and consent to the play, while in the abusive relationship that touch is used to harrass the victim by violating physical boundaries, and then bully them for "complaining over something as silly as bring poked". It's less "if you do this you're abusive!" and more "hey you're not crazy if this makes you uncomfortable and unhappy".
There was a post here just the other day about a woman whose husband kept sneezing in her food and blowing it off like he wasn't doing anything worth complaining about, but would get angry with her if she wouldn't eat it after he blew snot all over it, and I'd say that would be a good (and disgusting) example of that behavior
Or at least just have the situational awareness to not take advice from teenagers. Like, hey, maybe the 14 year old doesn't know how relationships work.
> Everything on tiktok is BS. Yeah. Come over here and get your advice on Reddit where everything is legit.
Some person on tik tok made a video about how to survive a plane crash and ended up being completely debunked by an actual airline pilot.
I really feel his 'when you grow up with abusive parents you fear you'll become like them' thing. I'm a decade into a healthy marriage and still terrified I'm doing things to belittle my partner or gaslight them or make them feel bad about themselves the way my parents did. My partner, individual therapist, and couples therapist reassure me I do none of those things and yet the fear persists
I was worried about that scar on her wrist, but I found in the original sub that it's a surgery scar from a car accident. Phew!
I saw that picture and immediately control+F'd for wrist, thanks for sleuthing! I did think it looked a little .. idk like, precise? Not like wounds from self harm, that circle around the outside etc.
>I saw that picture and immediately control+F'd for wrist Guilty
Thank you! I was about to ask if everyone was just ignoring it. But I also didn't want to be the one to point it out!
>she really is the sweetest human ever and I truly don’t know I got so lucky with her. 🥲
I'm so glad that OOP posted because this will also help other people's relationships! It's wonderful to see an "am I being healthy?" post! I'm a Teen Dating Violence Prevention advocate. There's a great website/resource called Love Is Respect (loveisrespect.org) for teens and young adults. You can look on there to see if what you're doing is healthy or unhealthy. The Domestic Violence hotline (thehotline.org) is always an option since dating abuse is under the DV umbrella, but Love Is Respect has a lighter approach as well as it meeting young people where they are. So yay OOP and gf!!!!
That website is pretty awesome. My public school health class teachers were very earnest when teaching us about abuse (and I appreciate them for that 🫶) but this is far more comprehensive and informative. Thanks for sharing :)
This is very sweet. Also like that ebbie45 is still active. She is such a treasure
Yeah, I was so excited to see her comment. She's my Reddit hero!
context?
She’s a licensed social worker that advocates against domestic abuse. On her page she has links to help domestic abuse victims. How to recognize abuse, different forms of abuse, How to make an exit plan, etc. She’s even helped on posts asking for advice giving them info. She’s a truly beautiful soul in my opinion. Her posts have helped me as well.
Context is super important. These are all playful behaviors that my husband and I engage in, but it's in good fun, and we both consent. Maybe have a conversation with her, a temperature check if you will, and ask her if these behaviors bother her or if she enjoys them.
It made me think of how you hear people describe behaviors that indicate if someone is lying. A lot of the things they describe are also innocent natural behaviors for an autistic person or someone with ADHD. Like not making eye contact or fidgeting while speaking. They're not lying, that's just how they are. So while in one scenario, yes, the others it's no, and it's always important to keep that in mind.
Poor guy. Being abused really warps your thinking so I understand why he flipped out over a tiktok.
Honestly, I feel for OOP. When you leave an abusive relationship, it is hard to know what is healthy and what isn't healthy. I'm glad they talked it through.
If you think tiktok is a good source for information, you might want to rethink that...
Oop and their girlfriend are super cute
What a lovely dose of wholesomeness.
As someone who HATES being tickled, it's so nice to see someone who even considered that maybe he was in the wrong rather than dismissing it out of hand as a non-issue. The fact he was concerned is refreshing, and I'm glad to hear his girlfriend is a thousand percent ok with their playfulness. Having been with a few guys who absolutely refused to believe that tickling could be a bad thing, it's easy to see how she might have been putting up and shutting up. Some people just do not listen when you state 'don't tickle me I hate it'. Tickling (and the other things mentioned) itself isn't the problem, it's the continual pushing of the boundary and dismissiveness of the clearly stated request. And you do start to wonder what else they will push or dismiss if they can't do such a basic thing. (Am now happily with a guy who stopped immediately when I said I hated it and has never tickled me again. It was a huge eye opener in what I'd put up with in the past).
Can't wait to see a "we're married" update. Maybe in the near future!
I'm glad this is a positive (And sort of dumb conflict) kind of thing, but I can't help but side eye that OOP was in an abusive relationship for two years, ended it "over a year ago" and he's already living with another girlfriend... when one of the red flags of the other relationship was moving too fast...
and describes her like she's perfect...yeah I felt it too. He might be anxious-attached, it's harder to stay single with anxious attachment. His worry about being unintentionally abusive may have had as much to do with fear of abandonment. He could have gone to her saying "hey I just saw this thing on tiktok and I was wondering how you feel about it..." But he was too scared to do that (in spite of her being the sweetest person on earth) and asked anonymous people, with whom there was no fear of abandonment, instead.
OP has OCD. he got stuck in an anxiety spiral about if he was behaving in an abusive manner. these spirals are very hard to explain to other people and it's difficult to communicate *why* these thoughts are taken to their extreme. so i am not surprised he wouldn't ask his girlfriend first.
Tik tok the only social media worse than reddit for relationship advice
I hate being tickled. Like legit hate it. Now in my defense I am extremely ticklish and in the past I have had men not just tickle me, but refuse to stop as I was saying "No, stop" repeatedly because apparently laughing means consent and enjoyment. It does not. One guy, a boyfriend at the time, had me on the ground and literally tickled me to the point I could not breathe, my limbs gave out and my vision was going dark when his cousin said "Dude, I don't think she is breathing." He stopped, air flooded back in my lungs. I immediately started sobbing because I had been so completely vulnerable, no way to fight, escape or breathe. Boyfriend looked at me and said I was being dramatic and it wasn't a big deal. THAT is abuse. Someone who disregards your boundaries, refuses to take no for an answer, and then downplays it. And he was not the only person to do something like this. Hubby knows I hate being tickled and never intentionally does it. Consent is the key that detemines abuse vs playing around.
I relate to this guy. I'll hear "this is a sign you're a bad person" and get really anxious over it to the point I have to ask others if I am, including my partner. It's nice to see OOP and his partner are fine :3
As worrying as it is that an adult saw a random thing in social media and worried it could be true...at least he tried asking opinions about it instead if immediately assuming. Even if said opinions were also from social media lol
I feel OOP so much. Overthinking if I'm treating my wife horribly is my clear sign that I should stop reading aita and ra for a while. That's how I landed here, actually. And I know my thought patterns well enough to work against them. I'm just glad OOP is happy with his current gf.
tbh i empathise quite a bit with op, the fear of somehow turning out like the shitty people in the family is real
People on TikTok like to play untrained armchair psychologists. Fellas is it abusive to consensually and mutually engage in a little shenanigans with your partner? Absolute dumbass hours jfc
TikTok can really be a source of misery. That said the OP is not wrong to ask questions, being a *bit* over cautious can be a good thing and its always good when doing so reaffirms you are doing the right thing.
Oop is learning that just because something on one social media platform came up and stated something doesn’t always mean it’s true or doesn’t include other pertaining info. Always look at more than one source for relevant info. I like fixing things and if I need info I don’t just watch one YouTube video on the task at hand I probably watch 10 and go with the info that 7 out of the ten videos stated.
Awww!!! I wish them the nicest least dramatic relationship possible. And they'd better update us in a few years once they're married!
If your questioning whether your being abusive, your probably not being abusive
If Ebbie says you’re ok, it’s a pretty good sign,
Tik Tok is full of emotionally immature people giving relationship advice.
Pretty sure people who abuse their partners don't stop and reflect on whether they're abusing their partners.
Huge difference when it’s done maliciously vs done playfully/welcomed and reciprocated.. If current Gf says “I don’t like that” and OP were to continue- then yes it’s definitely a form of abuse!
I mean, I’m glad it worked out for them, but the idea that tiktok relationship advice is awful and reddit relationship advice is good is like…laughable
OOP is a nice person.
That's made my day.. people on Reddit complaining about people taking advice from tiktok. If this isn't the most "pot calling kettle black" thing I've ever seen, I don't know what is 🤣💀
Love seeing Ebbie45 giving advice on there. Such an amazing resource. Such an amazing person! ♥️
OOP should look into therapy if he hasn’t already, esp before marriage
Reddit getting mad he took advice from tik tok is like the pot calling the kettle a therapist
Don’t get relationship advice from Tik tok nor reddit
And the moral of the story is-! The crap posted on tik tok is 95% weird reactionary oftentimes puritan, paranoid crap and if something is being said mainly on tik tok? It’s usually BS.
TikTok is somehow a magnet for dumb people who once heard a thing and decide they need to educate everyone else about it, poorly.
I'm going to come back and update once I read this, but based on Tik Tok being in the title I assume it's some dumb bullshit.
So yeah, pretty much.
Have you established a safe word? 😁 whatever it is, I bet it's adorable.
Well, it's clear OOP has OCD. Given their post history it seems that they're at least somewhat aware (posting in the OCD sub), but can't prevent themselves from making validation-seeking posts like this one. As someone who deals with OCD myself, seeking validation through others acts as a "quick fix" for mental anguish or stress revolving around a specific obsession or situation but is highly discouraged because it builds a dependency on 3rd party validation and given the cyclical nature of the disorder, can make getting over the obsession feel impossible without it. I hope OOP can deal with their issue in a healthy way, and to anyone who has OCD remember: if you're putting this much effort and thought and stress in not wanting to be a bad person, you're probably not a bad person. <3
I fail to understand how people take life advice from Tiktok. People basically say shit there that can get them views
If they don’t get married I’m giving up on love
Welp. I can officially take a step back from reddit for now bc this is an excellent spot to push pause at
My abusive relationship started exactly as the TikTok describes, and I was also too worn down, unsure, and afraid to say no that I learned to stop objecting and the behavior did escalate. The important context here is that, initially, I DID object to the behaviors. I DID attempt to set boundaries. He manipulated me and made fun of me and made me question the “validity” of my boundaries so I stopped objecting. If OPs partner engages in this type of play, and is enthusiastic, and does not object, then this is innocent and normal play. I had boyfriends tickle me and play fight before and it never went too far or made me feel uncomfortable. My abusive relationship DID go to far, and early on I DID object. That is the difference. That being said, that relationship ruined a lot for me and I do not tolerate being tickled or play fighting anymore. It’s very triggering and I DO NOT like it. I told this to my husband EXACTLY ONCE and he never EVER EVER did it again and it’s been almost 12 years. He listened the first time and everything is fine.
I love that comment were mad about him getting advice from Tik Tok. Because getting advice from Reddit is sooooooo much better.
Brain rot TikTok to the finest and they're barely 20yo god damn. This shit should be banned.
eh it sounds like just a short hitting a big insecurity in a rough spot, i wouldn't go that far, it's pretty normal for everyone to doubt themselves even over something that sounds that stupid if you're coming out of a bad situation. if he had taken it and ran with it just assuming it true then yeah, but asking for some confirmation/validation with his kinda background even when it sounds like he did know it wasn't true is a pretty average thing
Yeah there's a reason why I don't get on most social media any more. It's bad for me. Some of it I can curate enough to be a net neutral or positive, but a lot of it really makes my mental health worse.
This is your sign for today to just fucking delete TikTok. No amount of having something to scroll in front of the TV is worth scrutinising your life through the lens of the most braindead discourse started by overconfident 19 year-old psych majors for clout.