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It’s the best. The moment my daughter called out her grandma (my mom) so I didn’t have to do it was the day I realized I succeeded as a parent.
“Making fun of the gay waiter at lunch is not on the list anymore, your grandchild just made that clear” lmao
Damn. When I told my grandmother that I wouldn't be int he same room with her until she learned to stop using the n-word, my parents YELLED at me for being "disrespectful" to her. Glad to see other parents care more about being decent than being arbitrarily "polite".
Respect is earned, and NOT simply by being a disgusting racist for 60+ years. Good on you, know that you’ve got our support even if you don’t have your family’s.
I've always had the opposite view on respect. That every human being deserves respect until proven otherwise. Where we can both agree though is that being racist instantly negates that right to be respected.
I think all humans deserve a baseline level of respect where they are treated with basic human decency. But anything beyond that most basic level of respect is earned, and can be taken away if you prove you are not deserving of it.
Well, like medical care. And professionalism. Like they should have the dignity of those things. I don’t need racists boils popping on me, and their spit already flies readily. I prefer they get treated for what ails them.
They drive so I prefer their mechanics not cut their brakes. And I prefer they have optometrists who will give them corrective lenses.
Like I want these people to receive the minimum. That’s the baseline dignity in my opinion. I don’t want them put off of getting the necessary things to minimize the damage they’re likely to cause.
And also I can’t bring myself to deny anyone living those things. Radical.
I feel like we need to modify the social contract on that one. Any cogent person who targets medical providers, including threatening immunologists or abortion providers, has lost any expectation of a baseline of care.
I’ve seen it said before that the difference is between “respect me as a human” vs “respect my authority”. When a boomer says “respect goes both ways” or “why should I respect you if you won’t respect me” etc etc what they really mean is:
“Respect my authority, and if you don’t then I won’t respect your humanity”
My parents believe that you can't have respect without fear and as an adult now, I can't even fathom my own kids being AFRAID of me and calling that respect.
Drives my mother crazy that I don't recieve her texts. I do. But I refuse to open them. I literally won't open my texts at all because knowing she's lurking in my inbox gives me so much anxiety. She's blocked across all my social media.
These kinds of discussions are where your definition of respect comes into play.
Some people define treating someone with respect as "treating someone with a basic level of human dignity" and others define treating people with respect as "treating someone as an authority".
When people (usually older/parents/grandparents) who use the latter definition say things like "If you don't treat me with respect, I won't treat you with respect" what they mean is "if you don't treat me like an authority, I won't treat you with a basic level of human dignity"
Nah. Respect is earned. Freedom from judgment is the default. Basic decency is the limit for how much leeway I'll give a stranger.
A staggering amount of people are not deserving or worthy of respect and, in fact, deserve nothing but disgust and hatred.
Same kind of thing happened to me. My grandmother was being sort of racist (it was subtle). I had a polite conversation with her on why that was not ok. She told my father that I made her upset and he sent me to my room (it was 5 or so) for the rest of the day and I wasn’t allowed to eat or do anything.
Maaaaaaannnnn, my mom and I used to SCREAMMMM at each other about that. Because she’d say the n-word, but she’d never *call* anyone the n-word. She would agree that you shouldn’t call people that or use it to talk down to or insult anyone, but she felt strongly for years that it was still appropriate to say because she grew up with the n-word being about the same as a regular cuss word apparently….
I don’t date white guys tho, and I got into a serious relationship with this guy who is Hispanic. My mom, in the first few months I was dating him, COMPLETELY stopped saying the n-word and any/all other racist terms because she liked him so much with me and she had started to feel uncomfortable about saying it because of how long I’d been saying it was wrong and offensive, and that anyone who’s white saying that is insulting. Pisses me off how long it took her to get here, but I can’t lie and say it makes me happy and so much more comfortable to bring my partner around her.
My uncle stopped talking so openly about how he thinks that immigrants and "those darker people" are "ruining the country" when my cousin made it clear that she was 1) engaged to her boyfriend, who she hadn't told the family about for FIVE YEARS, and he was black and 2) that if her dad wanted to ever see her or any potential grandbabies he would fix his attitude. Luckily, he decided his kid was more important than being openly racist.
I remember when I told my grandmother (same one mentioned above) that I was dating a mixed guy in high school, she had MAJOR issues with it and told me that, if I was smart, I would never date "one of THOSE men" again. I have a wife now so... Moot point?
My granny was abusive, and she let her men be abusive, too. She blamed her kids for their abuse, blamed my mom for being molested.
I made it clear when my mom passed away that I'd have nothing further to do with her mother. I'd only put up with her (on the rare, rare occasions I saw her) out of respect for *my* mother, and I guess I'd put on a good enough show that they didn't know that. I wasn't dramatic, I didn't make a scene; I just told them that (after the funeral,) if Granny was going to be at a gathering I wouldn't be.
The yelling and screaming I got from my aunts and uncles (and Dad... wtf, Dad, she wasn't *your* mother) because 'I wasn't being respectful!' was wild. The last couple of years before she finally died I had to reassert myself to almost cartoonish levels to get my family to back off my decision; culminating in threatening to sing 'Ding Dong the Witch is Dead' at the top of my lungs if made to go to her funeral.
I *still* don't get why they all fell in line behind that old monster... it's not like she had a mask she hid behind; she was always awful to everyone. The world is better off without her poison in it.
Yeah. My family has quite a few of those older folks who like... Think that it is worse to be impolite and to "cause drama" than it is to be bigoted. So pointing out that the language is awful did nothing for me.
Haven't been to Thanksgiving with them in a few years. Luckily, my cousins are all cool as hell and now, if my family members want to say bigoted shit, they need to either keep it quiet to say it to me and my cousin's faces (I'm queer, her husband is black and their kids are mixed and they all KNOW if they talk shit they're not seeing their grand babies)
Oh wow, that's super disappointing that your parents would yell at you for getting upset specifically about that.
My grandma would use the n-word too, but she was also a huge fan of Tiger Woods. It was weird. But one day when I was at her house she said it and I spoke up and said I don't use that word and I don't like that she does. I never heard her say it again.
Yeah- no that was the last time I heard my grandmother say it, too. Her mind sadly started going not too long after that.
There were a lot of ways in which she really was wonderful but I was not willing to overlook the racism. My parents tried to tell me that I should because she was very charitable, but I said it didn’t matter how much she gave if she was talking like other humans were beneath her.
I tried this with my racist family every Thanksgiving. As my cousins got older, they went from embarrassed to laughing at me and doubling down. I don't speak to my cousins anymore.
I had to tell my dad he was no longer welcome at my home, or around me for that matter.
He refused to stop "asking questions" that came straight from the Antiliberal morons on Fox News. All he did was insult mine and my father in-laws intelligence with his bullshit questions that were really just personal attacks...
My grandparents almost didn't see my sister for prom cause her date was black...they were super nice dudes too. My parents got so fucking mad at them, they ended up taking pics.
My mom told my grandmother she wouldn't bring us around anymore if she kept using that word. From what I understand from my cousins, she still used it, but never around us because my mom put her foot down. Small victories, I guess.
Off topic, but am I the only one that heard that mentally like that hacker guy from the First Micheal Bay Transformers?
“Granmama, Drink yo prune juice!”
My three year old has already called out her grandmother for and I quote “feeding her too much crap” 🤣. I don’t even know where she heard that word but she’s not wrong.
Grandma feeds her buckets full of junk food under the logic that her kids came out just fine eating that stuff and grandmas can’t say no….
My kid ate a ton, threw up, felt terrible then started telling grandma off and asking for healthy snacks. I’m so proud!
This reminds me of kind of the opposite happening where my grandpa called out my brother's wife's family for saying bad stuff about Jews. It was at a dinner at our house and after they got up and went to sit in the living room. I was proud of my grandpa. And my grandpa wasn't a city guy either, he was a lifelong dairy farmer in the country. Of course he was Silent, not a Boomer.
My grandmother who grew up in a small town in the very rural south would call out people when she heard them use the n-word. I was always so proud of her. She didn't take crap from anyone.
You’re a good mom.
My recluse uncle, who I never knew existed until I was 10 and he stopped to talk to my dad in a parking lot, dad had to tell me who it was... and didn’t start coming to family stuff until my grandfather died in my teens. Huge asshole, my mom didn’t even like him.
This is 2016, pre-Trump presidency and he’s bitching about Obama not being experienced enough, blah blah blah.
So I respond: “Well he has a degree in constitutional law, that’s more qualified than Trump or most Politicians.”
“Degrees don’t mean anything, just that you got brainwashed.” (He never went to college, I was currently in college)
“See, people say that. But I’m in college right now and you get out of it what you put in. If you’re gullible and don’t do your own research or reading sure, you’ll come away thinking whatever you are told. But most students aren’t like that, and we challenge our professors opinions all the time. But how would you know what it’s really like, you’ve not been.”
Nowhere did I denigrate him for not going to college, just pointing out its easy to talk shit about something you don’t know shit about.
I got pulled into a side room by my parents and older brother for ruining Christmas and “disrespecting” my uncle who NEVER showed me an ounce or even acknowledge when I walked in a room, even before I was mouthy to him.
Only ever told people he had a nephew while growing up because he played sports and had pictures in the paper he could brag about. Never gave my brother the time of day either.
Like huge piece of shit. I’m a straight women, before 2016 I had a pixie cut and he walked in to Thanksgiving that year, no hi, just: “No boy will date you with that haircut.”
Said by the man who has never been in a serious relationship....
Why do families protect that shitiest members but double down on the youngest one for railing against the bullshit? Oh yeah, because it’s easier to bully the youngest member of the family than stand up to a bully (that no one but his mother barely liked him.
My mom isn't homophobic or racist but does have some outdated views about women covering themselves, while I've chosen to take a more biblical view: Men should gouge out their own eyes before they take issue with how my daughter dresses. Well my daughter was wearing a shirt that showed like the smallest amount of midriff. Wasn't even a crop top, just a shirt was getting small and through multiple washes the hem had crept up a little higher. My mom made a comment about her needing to cover her belly and my daughter said "You're kind of being really toxic right now." Such a proud moment!
That "oh, he's a great guy, just being friendly, you're overreacting, can't take a joke, I've never seen him do anything like that" shit can start awfully early.
Well aware - I was like that in high school. It took until after graduating college to unlearn that shit. For me it took multiple people cutting ties with me, and a guy I really admired to remind me that "If you meet one asshole, you meet one asshole. If everyone you meet is an asshole, it's you."
In some rarish places, everyone you meet can truly be an asshole. If you're for instance obviously gay in a small rural religious town, you might run into a very high percentage of assholes.
You can also be the kind of human that attracts assholes. Maybe because you're a people pleaser, maybe because you were never taught how to draw boundaries (so you could be easier exploited), maybe because of other reasons.
In any case your next step should be to find a trustworthy, neutral person with which you can analyze your interactions.
and last forever! my local registered sex offender, who lives a couple of houses away - another neighbor was saying, "oh, he's ok. He's are really good guy and besides, he's not drinking anymore, etc ..."
Ask them to explain why it's funny and keep insisting that you'd like to understand the joke. People's reaction as you keep pressing them to explain what makes it funny is usually to shut down or get embarrassed
It’s not always easy to stand up to people like that especially when you are younger, been told to respect your elders, and don’t have experience with that type of confrontation.
And these days you don’t know who’s unhinged and gonna blow up in your face.
Edit: just reread OP and he said “laughing at her discomfort” not “laughing in discomfort”. So you’re right. .
I’ve met a great number of elders who don’t deserve my respect and despite the teachings of the US south where I grew up… I learned pretty early on that just because you’re older does not mean you’re better, wiser, kinder, or more responsible in every case.
Definitely got in trouble a lot for being disrespectful… but ya know, two way street.
That’s said, I can’t really do confrontation when it involves myself. For strangers and loved ones though……
Brothers can be dicks, but they will not let someone treat their sister that way. My brother can be an absolute dick to me, but if anyone else tried to mess with me he would not let them. Especially if I was visibly uncomfortable.
That was me as a kid. I'd bully the shit out of my little brother. But let someone else try, I literally threw hands lol. That's my kid to pick on back off lmao.
One of my brothers would laugh at me having to deal with that (but would probably get mad if it was his gf being harassed instead of me). The other might laugh because he knew the creepy old guy was going to be put in his place by me when I was ready and he was in for a good show. 😈
Good job on you for raising a daughter that is confident enough to not only handle that situation for another young girl, but also calling out the other kid! Thank you!
I'm WAY older than your daughter and, shamefully, I may have hesitated. That she jumped right into it - twice!! - is incredible. That she had that confidence at such a young age is unbelievably awesome.
You, madam, have raised a queen. She's going to run the world. Good on you both!
I have multiple times before. When I managed the McDonald's he wanted to kiss one of my cashiers. I stepped in and said try kissing me and see what happens. He drove off fast.
Maybe if more people called him (the creep) out he might leave town before he gets seriously hurt.
Congratulations to your daughter for doing her part to protect other (shy?) girls.
As a former cashier who had a manager who took every customers side over employees, THANK YOU. To both your daughter and you. I would have loved it if a customer stepped in like that.
Awesome reaction and good teaching moment for everyone weighing earshot (not just the teenage boy, the girl just learned how to handle it too).
What a creep.
Best response I've seen when someone claims their creepy, insulting, or mild racist comment is "just a joke", is to ask the person to explain how it's funny.
Usually shuts then up fast
My 27 year old daughter lives in a condo that is predominantly senior citizens. She has endured an elderly man sexually harassing her saying that he wants to see her in a bikini. One man has insisted that she go to a comedy club with him and now she’s going. She just won’t shut these boomer fools down. Could you send your daughter over to talk with her? Maybe she can get thro to her where her father and I have failed.
Good for her! 😊 People today don’t usually stand up for others when they’re in situations they can’t handle themselves, but they should! You definitely raised a good daughter!
This was over 10 years ago, but one of the boys my best went to school with got severely beat up on the playground by a boy who was extremely violent (at only 10 years old). All the teachers were allowed to do to break it up was blow a whistle, no contact (that’s grounds for firing, believe it or not). The teacher looked over this badly battered boy and told him he was fine, he could go to class… I guess she was blind or stupid, I don’t know… My son happened to run into him in the boy’s room right after and this boy was crying because he was so badly hurt and had to go back to class. My son literally said, “The hell with this,” and took him to the nurse’s office. It’s a good thing he did. The boy had a black eye, a sprained arm and a broken leg from the attack… Yes, it was that violent. My son, for doing the right thing, got yelled at and lost recess for 3 days (can we say cover up?) He didn’t tell me until AFTER he’d served his sentence what had transpired and I’d never been so proud of him and told him so. He stuck up for what was right, took punishment he didn’t deserve to stand in his principals and didn’t ask me for help. But you know I didn’t let that go… I called the principal and did what I was best at. I lost it on him as best I could without involving four letter words because it was BS. Seriously, you’re going to punish children for doing what’s RIGHT?! THAT’S brilliant… I actually remember saying that to him… If they think that’s not going to make the kids worse, guess again. Needless to say, my son got an apology from his teacher for punishing him for doing the right thing but was told that, next time, just let her know where he was going first. Fair enough…
People learned nothing from Crosby, Stills and Nash… Teach your children well… That went in one ear and it the other with some people.
What she did is a hell of a lot better than some ignorant asshole trying to be a "white knight" and beating up some weak old mentally ill old guy without knowing the whole story. (The girl in OP's story)
What your son did was wonderful, and what evey student should do, but most don't.
And Jesus Fucking Christ this thing at schools where teachers/staff can't break up fights needs to go back to how it was before - as long as teachers aren't touching kids "private parts" and no one is taking off clothes, or saying sexual things to minors, teachers need to be able to handle problems like breaking up fights.
And absolutely they should be REQUIRED to file a police report ANY time there is an assault where one child did not participate in the fight by choice.
We have to accept that sometimes kids will fight, and it's not a big deal - but it's not OK for one kid to beat up another when they want nothing to do with it. Any kid that bullies and picks on smaller kids that can't fight back needs to be isolated and given therapy as likely they might be going through abuse at home.
Oh man that had to feel good! Good for your daughter for stepping up and doing the right thing and reassuring her self confidence, good for you for raising her right, and good for the poor girl who was being harassed by a predator.
I'm so proud of her as well!! Good on her for protecting a sister and tearing into boyfriend as well. I knew the next generation of women would do us proud!! Tell her there is an old lady out here that's heart is swelling with joy after reading this.
I am so proud of your daughter! I can only hope to raise my son such that he doesn’t ever need to be lit into because he did the right thing to begin with.
Well done, you.
Cool of her, but also be careful. I've had men put their hands on me for sticking up for my shyer/smaller friends. There's no end to the audacity of some people, particularly when in an altered state of mind (drugs, alcohol, dementia, etc).
I remember when my boomer mom said something about my child's strawberry mark on her shoulder and my kid told her "we don't talk about other people's bodies". It was awesome, I kind of wish I could see her have more opportunities to respond like that but obviously not having them often is preferable.
Your 17 year old had more guts then most people do in their 30s (including me)
She sounds pretty bad ass and you should be proud 👏
That old man sounds like a real piece of trash. I hope no woman falls for his bullshit.
Ugh! I worked somewhere where an 80+ year old man would hit on me. I was 23. At least I was of age, but my middle aged conworers just laughed. I wished someone would have stepped in for me like your daughter did. Great job!!
This is exactly what everyone should do and honestly, the target gal should have been trained to be much more forceful. We’re always so worried about being nice. She doesn’t owe that guy his comfort.
Awe! Similar story with my kids. Daughter steps between, old guy bows up like he's going to hit her, and before I could breathe, my sons were all over it. I've never been more proud to be the one raising them. ❤️
My daughter took on her teenage niece for being mean to grandma and other aunt. Honestly how I raised 3 kids willing to take on anyone 🙄 (I’m a major introvert but will come to the defense of children).
Woodchippers go brrrrrr....
But seriously if it's a small enough town I'd organize a group to come camp outside his house with flyers and shit. Make him worried to provoke "extreme" reactions. I don't care how young/old you are, if you're over 20/21 and hitting on anyone younger than 18/19 you're nasty.
Good on your daughter for being protective. We ladies have to stick together.
You are amazing!! Thank you for standing up for that poor young woman, and teaching your daughter to do the same! When we women support & care for each other, the cycle of abuse is broken, and we can live freely! 😁
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You've done a good job raising your girl if she's willing to step up to deal with people like that, I hope my little one ends up the same!
It’s the best. The moment my daughter called out her grandma (my mom) so I didn’t have to do it was the day I realized I succeeded as a parent. “Making fun of the gay waiter at lunch is not on the list anymore, your grandchild just made that clear” lmao
Damn. When I told my grandmother that I wouldn't be int he same room with her until she learned to stop using the n-word, my parents YELLED at me for being "disrespectful" to her. Glad to see other parents care more about being decent than being arbitrarily "polite".
Respect is earned, and NOT simply by being a disgusting racist for 60+ years. Good on you, know that you’ve got our support even if you don’t have your family’s.
I've always had the opposite view on respect. That every human being deserves respect until proven otherwise. Where we can both agree though is that being racist instantly negates that right to be respected.
I think all humans deserve a baseline level of respect where they are treated with basic human decency. But anything beyond that most basic level of respect is earned, and can be taken away if you prove you are not deserving of it.
DIGNITY everyone deserves. RESPECT - that is EARNED.
My geek slip is going to show, but I am going to quote Deanna Tori from Star Trek TNG “Respect is earned, not bestowed.”
The dignity of bigots is worthless and they shouldn’t be treated with dignity or respect.
Well, like medical care. And professionalism. Like they should have the dignity of those things. I don’t need racists boils popping on me, and their spit already flies readily. I prefer they get treated for what ails them. They drive so I prefer their mechanics not cut their brakes. And I prefer they have optometrists who will give them corrective lenses. Like I want these people to receive the minimum. That’s the baseline dignity in my opinion. I don’t want them put off of getting the necessary things to minimize the damage they’re likely to cause. And also I can’t bring myself to deny anyone living those things. Radical.
I feel like we need to modify the social contract on that one. Any cogent person who targets medical providers, including threatening immunologists or abortion providers, has lost any expectation of a baseline of care.
I’ve seen it said before that the difference is between “respect me as a human” vs “respect my authority”. When a boomer says “respect goes both ways” or “why should I respect you if you won’t respect me” etc etc what they really mean is: “Respect my authority, and if you don’t then I won’t respect your humanity”
My parents believe that you can't have respect without fear and as an adult now, I can't even fathom my own kids being AFRAID of me and calling that respect.
Oh god that’s gross. And I bet now they’re confused why you choose to “respect” them from a distance.
Drives my mother crazy that I don't recieve her texts. I do. But I refuse to open them. I literally won't open my texts at all because knowing she's lurking in my inbox gives me so much anxiety. She's blocked across all my social media.
Exactly. Folks with that mindset equate respect for them eith deference.
These kinds of discussions are where your definition of respect comes into play. Some people define treating someone with respect as "treating someone with a basic level of human dignity" and others define treating people with respect as "treating someone as an authority". When people (usually older/parents/grandparents) who use the latter definition say things like "If you don't treat me with respect, I won't treat you with respect" what they mean is "if you don't treat me like an authority, I won't treat you with a basic level of human dignity"
i used to think like you. Then i met people.
Nah. Respect is earned. Freedom from judgment is the default. Basic decency is the limit for how much leeway I'll give a stranger. A staggering amount of people are not deserving or worthy of respect and, in fact, deserve nothing but disgust and hatred.
For a generation that loved to say "Respect is earned" they sure do struggle with the concept they haven't done anything to earn that respect.
It's like they want respect just for being around for so long...kinda like a participation trophy?
Holy shit! Good for you, stick to your guns.
Same kind of thing happened to me. My grandmother was being sort of racist (it was subtle). I had a polite conversation with her on why that was not ok. She told my father that I made her upset and he sent me to my room (it was 5 or so) for the rest of the day and I wasn’t allowed to eat or do anything.
Maaaaaaannnnn, my mom and I used to SCREAMMMM at each other about that. Because she’d say the n-word, but she’d never *call* anyone the n-word. She would agree that you shouldn’t call people that or use it to talk down to or insult anyone, but she felt strongly for years that it was still appropriate to say because she grew up with the n-word being about the same as a regular cuss word apparently…. I don’t date white guys tho, and I got into a serious relationship with this guy who is Hispanic. My mom, in the first few months I was dating him, COMPLETELY stopped saying the n-word and any/all other racist terms because she liked him so much with me and she had started to feel uncomfortable about saying it because of how long I’d been saying it was wrong and offensive, and that anyone who’s white saying that is insulting. Pisses me off how long it took her to get here, but I can’t lie and say it makes me happy and so much more comfortable to bring my partner around her.
My uncle stopped talking so openly about how he thinks that immigrants and "those darker people" are "ruining the country" when my cousin made it clear that she was 1) engaged to her boyfriend, who she hadn't told the family about for FIVE YEARS, and he was black and 2) that if her dad wanted to ever see her or any potential grandbabies he would fix his attitude. Luckily, he decided his kid was more important than being openly racist. I remember when I told my grandmother (same one mentioned above) that I was dating a mixed guy in high school, she had MAJOR issues with it and told me that, if I was smart, I would never date "one of THOSE men" again. I have a wife now so... Moot point?
Malicious compliance?
My granny was abusive, and she let her men be abusive, too. She blamed her kids for their abuse, blamed my mom for being molested. I made it clear when my mom passed away that I'd have nothing further to do with her mother. I'd only put up with her (on the rare, rare occasions I saw her) out of respect for *my* mother, and I guess I'd put on a good enough show that they didn't know that. I wasn't dramatic, I didn't make a scene; I just told them that (after the funeral,) if Granny was going to be at a gathering I wouldn't be. The yelling and screaming I got from my aunts and uncles (and Dad... wtf, Dad, she wasn't *your* mother) because 'I wasn't being respectful!' was wild. The last couple of years before she finally died I had to reassert myself to almost cartoonish levels to get my family to back off my decision; culminating in threatening to sing 'Ding Dong the Witch is Dead' at the top of my lungs if made to go to her funeral. I *still* don't get why they all fell in line behind that old monster... it's not like she had a mask she hid behind; she was always awful to everyone. The world is better off without her poison in it.
Simple answer. There's nothing respectable about that sort of language.
Yeah. My family has quite a few of those older folks who like... Think that it is worse to be impolite and to "cause drama" than it is to be bigoted. So pointing out that the language is awful did nothing for me. Haven't been to Thanksgiving with them in a few years. Luckily, my cousins are all cool as hell and now, if my family members want to say bigoted shit, they need to either keep it quiet to say it to me and my cousin's faces (I'm queer, her husband is black and their kids are mixed and they all KNOW if they talk shit they're not seeing their grand babies)
Oh wow, that's super disappointing that your parents would yell at you for getting upset specifically about that. My grandma would use the n-word too, but she was also a huge fan of Tiger Woods. It was weird. But one day when I was at her house she said it and I spoke up and said I don't use that word and I don't like that she does. I never heard her say it again.
Yeah- no that was the last time I heard my grandmother say it, too. Her mind sadly started going not too long after that. There were a lot of ways in which she really was wonderful but I was not willing to overlook the racism. My parents tried to tell me that I should because she was very charitable, but I said it didn’t matter how much she gave if she was talking like other humans were beneath her.
I tried this with my racist family every Thanksgiving. As my cousins got older, they went from embarrassed to laughing at me and doubling down. I don't speak to my cousins anymore.
I had to tell my dad he was no longer welcome at my home, or around me for that matter. He refused to stop "asking questions" that came straight from the Antiliberal morons on Fox News. All he did was insult mine and my father in-laws intelligence with his bullshit questions that were really just personal attacks...
My grandparents almost didn't see my sister for prom cause her date was black...they were super nice dudes too. My parents got so fucking mad at them, they ended up taking pics.
My mom told my grandmother she wouldn't bring us around anymore if she kept using that word. From what I understand from my cousins, she still used it, but never around us because my mom put her foot down. Small victories, I guess.
Good on both of you. Shut up grandma!
Off topic, but am I the only one that heard that mentally like that hacker guy from the First Micheal Bay Transformers? “Granmama, Drink yo prune juice!”
*Grandma flips him off*
My three year old has already called out her grandmother for and I quote “feeding her too much crap” 🤣. I don’t even know where she heard that word but she’s not wrong. Grandma feeds her buckets full of junk food under the logic that her kids came out just fine eating that stuff and grandmas can’t say no…. My kid ate a ton, threw up, felt terrible then started telling grandma off and asking for healthy snacks. I’m so proud!
Holy shit, did the "smoke the whole pack" method actually work?
This reminds me of kind of the opposite happening where my grandpa called out my brother's wife's family for saying bad stuff about Jews. It was at a dinner at our house and after they got up and went to sit in the living room. I was proud of my grandpa. And my grandpa wasn't a city guy either, he was a lifelong dairy farmer in the country. Of course he was Silent, not a Boomer.
My grandmother who grew up in a small town in the very rural south would call out people when she heard them use the n-word. I was always so proud of her. She didn't take crap from anyone.
You’re a good mom. My recluse uncle, who I never knew existed until I was 10 and he stopped to talk to my dad in a parking lot, dad had to tell me who it was... and didn’t start coming to family stuff until my grandfather died in my teens. Huge asshole, my mom didn’t even like him. This is 2016, pre-Trump presidency and he’s bitching about Obama not being experienced enough, blah blah blah. So I respond: “Well he has a degree in constitutional law, that’s more qualified than Trump or most Politicians.” “Degrees don’t mean anything, just that you got brainwashed.” (He never went to college, I was currently in college) “See, people say that. But I’m in college right now and you get out of it what you put in. If you’re gullible and don’t do your own research or reading sure, you’ll come away thinking whatever you are told. But most students aren’t like that, and we challenge our professors opinions all the time. But how would you know what it’s really like, you’ve not been.” Nowhere did I denigrate him for not going to college, just pointing out its easy to talk shit about something you don’t know shit about. I got pulled into a side room by my parents and older brother for ruining Christmas and “disrespecting” my uncle who NEVER showed me an ounce or even acknowledge when I walked in a room, even before I was mouthy to him. Only ever told people he had a nephew while growing up because he played sports and had pictures in the paper he could brag about. Never gave my brother the time of day either. Like huge piece of shit. I’m a straight women, before 2016 I had a pixie cut and he walked in to Thanksgiving that year, no hi, just: “No boy will date you with that haircut.” Said by the man who has never been in a serious relationship.... Why do families protect that shitiest members but double down on the youngest one for railing against the bullshit? Oh yeah, because it’s easier to bully the youngest member of the family than stand up to a bully (that no one but his mother barely liked him.
My mom isn't homophobic or racist but does have some outdated views about women covering themselves, while I've chosen to take a more biblical view: Men should gouge out their own eyes before they take issue with how my daughter dresses. Well my daughter was wearing a shirt that showed like the smallest amount of midriff. Wasn't even a crop top, just a shirt was getting small and through multiple washes the hem had crept up a little higher. My mom made a comment about her needing to cover her belly and my daughter said "You're kind of being really toxic right now." Such a proud moment!
Yes this! Your daughter is a boss! Great job!
Proud of your daughter, and I genuinely hope that young woman is smart enough to leave the guy who thought it was funny to let an old guy harass her.
That "oh, he's a great guy, just being friendly, you're overreacting, can't take a joke, I've never seen him do anything like that" shit can start awfully early.
Well aware - I was like that in high school. It took until after graduating college to unlearn that shit. For me it took multiple people cutting ties with me, and a guy I really admired to remind me that "If you meet one asshole, you meet one asshole. If everyone you meet is an asshole, it's you."
It's never too late to grow up and do better. Good for you for getting your head turned around.
I'm stealing the "if everyone you meet is an asshole, it's you." Seeing as I don't understand people.
another common phrase in the same vein is "if everywhere you go smells like shit, it might be time to check your own shoes"
In some rarish places, everyone you meet can truly be an asshole. If you're for instance obviously gay in a small rural religious town, you might run into a very high percentage of assholes.
You can also be the kind of human that attracts assholes. Maybe because you're a people pleaser, maybe because you were never taught how to draw boundaries (so you could be easier exploited), maybe because of other reasons. In any case your next step should be to find a trustworthy, neutral person with which you can analyze your interactions.
True, there are exceptions that prove the rule. But as a straight white man, I think the rule fully applies to me. 🙃
Admitting the problem is the first step. 👍
I love the accountability, truly, keep it up!
I like "if you smell shit everywhere you go, check your shoes". I don't know where I first heard it but it's basically the same thing.
and last forever! my local registered sex offender, who lives a couple of houses away - another neighbor was saying, "oh, he's ok. He's are really good guy and besides, he's not drinking anymore, etc ..."
Welcome to some of the reasons why women choose the bear.
A line for your 'I forgive the sex offender' neighbour: Cool cool cool... Have you asked him to babysit for you? Why not?
"It's not a "joke" unless *everyone* finds it funny."
Ask them to explain why it's funny and keep insisting that you'd like to understand the joke. People's reaction as you keep pressing them to explain what makes it funny is usually to shut down or get embarrassed
The boy is the man in the making.
It’s not always easy to stand up to people like that especially when you are younger, been told to respect your elders, and don’t have experience with that type of confrontation. And these days you don’t know who’s unhinged and gonna blow up in your face. Edit: just reread OP and he said “laughing at her discomfort” not “laughing in discomfort”. So you’re right. .
I’ve met a great number of elders who don’t deserve my respect and despite the teachings of the US south where I grew up… I learned pretty early on that just because you’re older does not mean you’re better, wiser, kinder, or more responsible in every case. Definitely got in trouble a lot for being disrespectful… but ya know, two way street. That’s said, I can’t really do confrontation when it involves myself. For strangers and loved ones though……
Pretend that you are your own loved one and you are worthy of you standing up for yourself and that you deserve better. It becomes true :)
Sure, that's what OP said. You gonna believe a redditors interpretation of social cues though?
Kinda wondering if it was her brother. Brothers can be dicks.
Brothers can be dicks, but they will not let someone treat their sister that way. My brother can be an absolute dick to me, but if anyone else tried to mess with me he would not let them. Especially if I was visibly uncomfortable.
Good siblings will be willing to both kill their sibling & kill for them.
My daughter will not let anyone and I do mean anyone pick on her baby brother. She's been like that since the day he came home.
That was me as a kid. I'd bully the shit out of my little brother. But let someone else try, I literally threw hands lol. That's my kid to pick on back off lmao.
Pick on yes, bully not cool. Don't be the sibling that takes it too far and thinks bullying is just sibling rough housing.
One would hope
Yeah, not all brothers, sadly.
One of my brothers would laugh at me having to deal with that (but would probably get mad if it was his gf being harassed instead of me). The other might laugh because he knew the creepy old guy was going to be put in his place by me when I was ready and he was in for a good show. 😈
>Brothers can be dicks, but they will not let someone treat their sister that way. Hashtag: NotAllBrothers Some brothers are just shitbags.
 Rock on, dude.
Damn, your young woman is going to be the reason more than one girl gets home safe as she goes through life.
Just a moment… give this to your daughter: *seal of badassery*
She's not badass, she's.... 
https://preview.redd.it/d9u3lrac9u5d1.png?width=500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=bc2a2814577a05ded64e22e342523e05fbd7c7f4
I'm Teamdogemama and I approve of this message!
Good job on you for raising a daughter that is confident enough to not only handle that situation for another young girl, but also calling out the other kid! Thank you!
Yes! Not only knowing the right thing to do, but being brave enough and confident enough to use her voice to do the right thing!
Thank you for raising a daughter that can and will say NO loudly and with conviction. Hopefully she will teach other young women to do the same.
What a fucking champion your kiddo is. Well done on both her and you.
My goal: raise my boys to be like your daughter, and not the chode that stood there laughing.
I had to google chode. Bang! Nail on the head. You hit it.
Chode?
Chode, noun, a penis that is wider than it is long
Thank you! I'd never heard it before!
Honestly, I wouldn’t know exactly what it was. It was just one of those ubiquitous insults from my childhood that seemed like a good time to use.
Fuck Boomers, sounds like you did a great job as a parent. Thanks for raising an awesome kid!
I'm WAY older than your daughter and, shamefully, I may have hesitated. That she jumped right into it - twice!! - is incredible. That she had that confidence at such a young age is unbelievably awesome. You, madam, have raised a queen. She's going to run the world. Good on you both!
Would have been even better if she had called him out directly as a pervert.
I have multiple times before. When I managed the McDonald's he wanted to kiss one of my cashiers. I stepped in and said try kissing me and see what happens. He drove off fast.
Maybe if more people called him (the creep) out he might leave town before he gets seriously hurt. Congratulations to your daughter for doing her part to protect other (shy?) girls.
Or they could temporarily go blind while a few adults sort him out. (Somewhat /s)
Oh I was just sexually harassing a random young stranger as a joke! Goes to show how boomer men were raised to treat girls/women.
👍👍👍👍👍
Give your daughter a big high five from all of us.
I’m confused as to why this local pervert is not in jail
Honestly I'm amazed he's not on a registry somewhere. Lucky he has a reputation so girls know to avoid at all cost.
Yeah this is disturbing behaviour that often will lead to escalation
Unfortunately they end up finding someone with mental illness or deficits or someone with drug addiction to live with them and be manipulated by them.
I'm proud of this little sister! Great job, Mama!
As a former cashier who had a manager who took every customers side over employees, THANK YOU. To both your daughter and you. I would have loved it if a customer stepped in like that.
Awesome reaction and good teaching moment for everyone weighing earshot (not just the teenage boy, the girl just learned how to handle it too). What a creep.
There's excusing boomer behavior then there's this shit. Why hasn't the police given him a stern talking to?
This girls friends are lucky to have her.
The guy who laughed at her discomfort 🙄 what good are you if you can’t protect us? Bear.
Bear.
I bet a fuckin’ bear would have mauled the shit out of that dude. Just sayin’
Bear.
Go baby bear, you done good mama.
Of course the boomer blames the guy for not defending her from him even though she told him no multiple times. I guess he can't hear women talk....
He doesn't respect them enough to listen. Plus "no doesn't actually mean no". That whole bs 🙄
The kids are alright.
Best response I've seen when someone claims their creepy, insulting, or mild racist comment is "just a joke", is to ask the person to explain how it's funny. Usually shuts then up fast
Sarcasm at the expense of someone also.
Wow wow wow . Raised that baby right !
You have done a phenomenal job as a parent. Your daughter is an amazing person.
I hope that girl takes this as a sign to dump the chump. he laughed at her discomfort. that's awful. you're raising a great kid, btw. ❤️
Hell yes!
Seconded. HELL yes!!
That's some *FUCK YEAH* energy right there Certified badassery
This is amazing. I hope to be the kind of mom you are and raise my daughter this way.
Your daughter is the MVP! I would have been like "Girl, let's go shopping, it's on me!". haha Good for her!!
Good for her - and for you! The harassment of young women is constant.
You should call the police on him!
Everyone should call the police on him every time.
This generation puts up with no bs!
Call the police. The man is harassing underage teenagers. That’s disturbing. Children should not have to be approached by a man begging for sex.
My 27 year old daughter lives in a condo that is predominantly senior citizens. She has endured an elderly man sexually harassing her saying that he wants to see her in a bikini. One man has insisted that she go to a comedy club with him and now she’s going. She just won’t shut these boomer fools down. Could you send your daughter over to talk with her? Maybe she can get thro to her where her father and I have failed.
That is a parenting win on top of a good person win.
Just saying, if I were here I’d have clapped. Your daughter is a badass. That guy should just be in jail for reasons.
I've never been more proud of your daughter. She sounds like a badass.
Your daughter is a badass hero imo! And you must be as well for raising her!
You have raised a great one!
You raised one badass young lady! I bet that old pervert didn't know what but him!
I'm proud of your daughter too! We need as many people like her in the world as we can get.
What is with all these boomer men being perverts; aren't a good number of them married?
They’re all married.
Good for her! 😊 People today don’t usually stand up for others when they’re in situations they can’t handle themselves, but they should! You definitely raised a good daughter! This was over 10 years ago, but one of the boys my best went to school with got severely beat up on the playground by a boy who was extremely violent (at only 10 years old). All the teachers were allowed to do to break it up was blow a whistle, no contact (that’s grounds for firing, believe it or not). The teacher looked over this badly battered boy and told him he was fine, he could go to class… I guess she was blind or stupid, I don’t know… My son happened to run into him in the boy’s room right after and this boy was crying because he was so badly hurt and had to go back to class. My son literally said, “The hell with this,” and took him to the nurse’s office. It’s a good thing he did. The boy had a black eye, a sprained arm and a broken leg from the attack… Yes, it was that violent. My son, for doing the right thing, got yelled at and lost recess for 3 days (can we say cover up?) He didn’t tell me until AFTER he’d served his sentence what had transpired and I’d never been so proud of him and told him so. He stuck up for what was right, took punishment he didn’t deserve to stand in his principals and didn’t ask me for help. But you know I didn’t let that go… I called the principal and did what I was best at. I lost it on him as best I could without involving four letter words because it was BS. Seriously, you’re going to punish children for doing what’s RIGHT?! THAT’S brilliant… I actually remember saying that to him… If they think that’s not going to make the kids worse, guess again. Needless to say, my son got an apology from his teacher for punishing him for doing the right thing but was told that, next time, just let her know where he was going first. Fair enough… People learned nothing from Crosby, Stills and Nash… Teach your children well… That went in one ear and it the other with some people.
What she did is a hell of a lot better than some ignorant asshole trying to be a "white knight" and beating up some weak old mentally ill old guy without knowing the whole story. (The girl in OP's story) What your son did was wonderful, and what evey student should do, but most don't. And Jesus Fucking Christ this thing at schools where teachers/staff can't break up fights needs to go back to how it was before - as long as teachers aren't touching kids "private parts" and no one is taking off clothes, or saying sexual things to minors, teachers need to be able to handle problems like breaking up fights. And absolutely they should be REQUIRED to file a police report ANY time there is an assault where one child did not participate in the fight by choice. We have to accept that sometimes kids will fight, and it's not a big deal - but it's not OK for one kid to beat up another when they want nothing to do with it. Any kid that bullies and picks on smaller kids that can't fight back needs to be isolated and given therapy as likely they might be going through abuse at home.
OP, this should also be in r/daddit. Sounds like you are a great Dad.
Yo, somebody has a metal as fuck kid! Good on y’all for being awesome! You totally got scooped by her though!
Oh man that had to feel good! Good for your daughter for stepping up and doing the right thing and reassuring her self confidence, good for you for raising her right, and good for the poor girl who was being harassed by a predator.
Congratulations momma bear, you raised a delightfully bad ass daughter!
It's a good thing they are all on their way out. But not soon enough.
We need more ladies out there like your daughter putting these filthy shitbirds in their place
I'm so proud of her as well!! Good on her for protecting a sister and tearing into boyfriend as well. I knew the next generation of women would do us proud!! Tell her there is an old lady out here that's heart is swelling with joy after reading this.
atta girl. good on you for raising a righteous lil feminist w/ some moxie
Your daughter rocks! Great job parenting!
Congrats on raising a queen.
Your daughter is a force to be reckoned with. Good job.
I am so proud of your daughter! I can only hope to raise my son such that he doesn’t ever need to be lit into because he did the right thing to begin with. Well done, you.
Your daughter is awesome
Your daughter is a warrior. Great work
Hell yes. Make sure she knows she did the right thing and you are hell proud of her for doing that.
Awesome on your daughter. And you obviously did a good job raising her.
Tell your kiddo she has a fan club in BBF!
Damn! Good for her! You should be proud!
Hell yeah
I'm proud of your daughter
Boomers being fools and zoomer being cool
If he is 75y/o and married then I know who this is But it's a small city so probably just one of many
What boy?
Cool of her, but also be careful. I've had men put their hands on me for sticking up for my shyer/smaller friends. There's no end to the audacity of some people, particularly when in an altered state of mind (drugs, alcohol, dementia, etc).
I wish either of my parents were a quarter as good as you.
I remember when my boomer mom said something about my child's strawberry mark on her shoulder and my kid told her "we don't talk about other people's bodies". It was awesome, I kind of wish I could see her have more opportunities to respond like that but obviously not having them often is preferable.
Tell your daughter we need more women like her. 
Congratulations 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾✌🏽
I've also never been prouder of your daughter.
Should have John Cena slammed his old ass
Your 17 year old had more guts then most people do in their 30s (including me) She sounds pretty bad ass and you should be proud 👏 That old man sounds like a real piece of trash. I hope no woman falls for his bullshit.
Ugh! I worked somewhere where an 80+ year old man would hit on me. I was 23. At least I was of age, but my middle aged conworers just laughed. I wished someone would have stepped in for me like your daughter did. Great job!!
I hope she got ice cream for laying into the boy. I wish more elder millennial women would’ve done that when we were 17.
This is exactly what everyone should do and honestly, the target gal should have been trained to be much more forceful. We’re always so worried about being nice. She doesn’t owe that guy his comfort.
You raised a real one.
*This Boomer is known in my small town as a pervert, he hits on teenagers all the time.* I still can’t get over this part
Awe! Similar story with my kids. Daughter steps between, old guy bows up like he's going to hit her, and before I could breathe, my sons were all over it. I've never been more proud to be the one raising them. ❤️
Yeah… and then everyone clapped. 🙄 Nice karma farm though I guess.
Stood up and clapped*
My daughter took on her teenage niece for being mean to grandma and other aunt. Honestly how I raised 3 kids willing to take on anyone 🙄 (I’m a major introvert but will come to the defense of children).
Your daughter is *awesome*!
There would be less broken spirit young ladies if more people would step up and speak up
That's good parenting. That's an awesome daughter you have.
kids today are built differently
She's a bright one. Wish more women would be like this instead of trying to conquer and divide each other.
You should be very proud of your daughter, she got the right stuff…great job momma! 👏👏👏
Woodchippers go brrrrrr.... But seriously if it's a small enough town I'd organize a group to come camp outside his house with flyers and shit. Make him worried to provoke "extreme" reactions. I don't care how young/old you are, if you're over 20/21 and hitting on anyone younger than 18/19 you're nasty. Good on your daughter for being protective. We ladies have to stick together.
Hell 👏🏽 Yes 👏🏽
I love this so much
Way to go daughter! Mom that is some class A parenting!
Damn dude is trying to pick up underage sugarbabies right on the street. How are the cops not already dealing with him?
You are amazing!! Thank you for standing up for that poor young woman, and teaching your daughter to do the same! When we women support & care for each other, the cycle of abuse is broken, and we can live freely! 😁