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My boomer parents were better than this, but still. When I waited a few months to make the announcement, they said “finally!” when I did, like I’d been imposing on them by having them wait.
LOL. My mom kept begging me to announce the pregnancy before we were comfortable doing so bc she wanted to tell people. They did at least respect our wishes for the most part.
My MiL posted my miracle pregnancy on Facebook as well as all of my medical information that made the pregnancy very high risk. Then announced the birth on Facebook within 2 hours of him being born when I wasn’t even in recovery yet. I don’t understand why boomers do this. She did beg forgiveness for the first announcement, though, bc we had explicitly told her not to tell anyone bc the pregnancy was so high risk. She didn’t realize that also meant “don’t post it on Facebook.”
Ugh that’s terrible. I’m so sorry to hear. But thank you for the reminder that we will ALSO have to be very detailed and explicit about what not to share (and where not to share) when baby comes, too. Ironic thing is, this is coming from the same person who was butthurt that we didn’t call all immediate and extended family from the hospital when our first was born and sent a text instead. Like, if you think something should be shared firsthand, maybe give us some time to do that??
It's better to Not tell them. Let them be angry about finding out later instead of you getting stressed because they are making announcements without care for your feelings.
*oh I'm so sorry we didn't tell you, we were just too busy to all Anyone!*
parents think they own everything about you.
when my kids were babies, i did share things about them as if it was my news alone.
But as they got older, I started to realize that some of the stories I wanted to tell were THEIR stories, and it was not my place to share them. It was a bit of a dance. I wanted to share MY stories with my friends, and my stories were so intertwined with theirs.
I found ways to tell those stories, or share my heart with friends, that focused on my experience and not my kids’ experience.
But I’ll say this: When I run into friends and extended family, **they ask about my kids.** They ask specific questions: Are they working? Where are they working? Are they done with college? What year are they in?
They don’t take my non-informative answers quietly. I’ll say, “they’re fine,” and these people ask more specific questions. They would absolutely ask, “Are they expecting kids yet? Do they plan to have kids?” if my kids were married.
So it can be hard to be the parent who doesn’t really want to share. I mean, I wouldn’t tell a pregnancy, but also, if you’ve waited to tell *me* at 12 weeks, I would need to be specifically told not to share it, or who to not share it with.
Because 12 weeks is when most people *start* sharing the news.
And word of mouth is how that kind of info spreads in the family. Pregnancy announcements aren’t a thing in the etiquette books. People send them sometimes, but they’re weird.
A well reasoned, thought out, very informative answer - are you a unicorn? Thank you. This helps me see things from their perspective. I so appreciate it - I have a bit more empathy for their side.
One thing boomers don't seem comfortable sharing is their age...just saying, if you want revenge...
Maybe you could just tell your mom, "so I heard from my best friend that you told her I was pregnant and we were talking about how it would have been nice if you had let me tell her. So I told her, that's right, but my mom is 75 and back in her day there were no secrets..."
How is this so true?!?!?
My mother is so secretive about her age. As a kid she used to tell me she was years younger than she was as a "joke" and of course I didn't realise it was a joke and would tell others and then feel like a moron when it was obviously untrue to them.
I tell my parents nothing because nothing has been confidential when it comes to information about others.
You: "...because not everyone knows yet." (Meaning don't fucking tell, we all know this)
Boomers: "Oh we'll take care of that and tell everyone for you. We're helping/doing you a favour!"
Also my boomer parents: why do you never tell us anything? (Although these days its "why doesn't *he* talk to us at all?")
Exactly!! Our (internal because god forbid you call them out) answer is also “we don’t talk to you because you use our problems against us or blame us for creating them in the first place or tell us to pray on it and we will get the answers we seek”)
Edit: And. AND!!! When I did ask them to help us after we gave birth the first time by telling all of the extended family for us because we were exhausted and wanted to spend time with baby: “But that should really be something they hear directly from you!”
That edit. Oh my fucking god REALLY?!?
And I have called mine out on their bs particularly mum, I even wanted to heal past hurts/actual trauma. Yeahhhhh, now Im no contact (my choice). Wouldn't recommend it but it has been healthier for me. BUT thats a whole other issue for a "raised by" sub not necessarily boomers being boomers though.
WTF means “why the face” to some folks. What’s commonly understood for, by and amongst folks able to bear children and what’s ‘known’ by those old enough to have birthed that cohort are often wildly different things.
This one, sadly, is a clear case of ESH.
You *didn’t* tell them **don’t tell anyone** so you can’t logically be mad that they told people.
Ok that’s fair but also kind of my point. For Millennials at least, it seems like it’s a given that people deserve their privacy and unless we’ve been explicitly told we can share, we don’t. Whereas for Boomers, the opposite is true. They assume they can share whatever they like unless they have been told explicitly not to. Which to me is the more rude and inconsiderate of the two.
My dad was exactly like this. I knew he was a literal narcissist and chalked up his behavior to that, but there's something about the Boomer generation as a whole that makes this kind of behavior/attitude oddly much more pervasive when compared to other generations.
I told my dad my boyfriend (now husband) and I were planning on getting engaged over the next few months but weren't sure when. Cue my aunt calling me the next day asking if we set a date yet. I asked my dad why he would take it upon himself to 1. share news that was *mine* to share and 2. do so before there was even something to announce yet. He told me to grow up and if this was my attitude I was in for a "lifetime of disappointment" (boy, was he right - just not in the way he meant).
When I got pregnant with my daughter I told him we weren't announcing anything until she was born and not to say anything to anyone. Sure enough, I go on FB and see he's commented on one of my friend's posts (this post had absolutely nothing to do with pregnancy, babies, etc. - I think my friend was just announcing he placed in a screenwriting competition). He wrote "Has cbm984 told you the good news yet?". I don't know if he didn't think I would see it but seriously... how dumb do you have to be to write something like that? Either my friend was going to say "Yes! Congratulations on the grandbaby!" thus spilling the beans or he would say "What news?" giving my dad a chance to spill the beans. Either way, the beans are spilled which is exactly what I asked him not to do. And now, all my mutual friends can see his comment and, not being as dumb as rocks, could deduce what he was suggesting with that question.
I asked my friend to delete my dad's comment, which he did. But at that point I was done. I called my mom and said, "Dad obviously isn't taking me seriously so here's what you need to tell him. If I see or hear anything that suggests he's announcing my pregnancy to anyone else, he won't get to see his granddaughter. He can sit at home and wait for me to decide when he gets to see her. He won't get pictures. He won't get updates. He'll be cut off."
His antics stopped after that but the man had to risk not being able to meet his granddaughter before he was forced into not making everything about himself.
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My boomer parents were better than this, but still. When I waited a few months to make the announcement, they said “finally!” when I did, like I’d been imposing on them by having them wait.
LOL. My mom kept begging me to announce the pregnancy before we were comfortable doing so bc she wanted to tell people. They did at least respect our wishes for the most part.
My MiL posted my miracle pregnancy on Facebook as well as all of my medical information that made the pregnancy very high risk. Then announced the birth on Facebook within 2 hours of him being born when I wasn’t even in recovery yet. I don’t understand why boomers do this. She did beg forgiveness for the first announcement, though, bc we had explicitly told her not to tell anyone bc the pregnancy was so high risk. She didn’t realize that also meant “don’t post it on Facebook.”
Ugh that’s terrible. I’m so sorry to hear. But thank you for the reminder that we will ALSO have to be very detailed and explicit about what not to share (and where not to share) when baby comes, too. Ironic thing is, this is coming from the same person who was butthurt that we didn’t call all immediate and extended family from the hospital when our first was born and sent a text instead. Like, if you think something should be shared firsthand, maybe give us some time to do that??
Don’t tell them when you go into labor. Wait until the baby is born.
It's better to Not tell them. Let them be angry about finding out later instead of you getting stressed because they are making announcements without care for your feelings. *oh I'm so sorry we didn't tell you, we were just too busy to all Anyone!*
They do it for attention and up votes. It's called 'I have no life and need something to get me kudos.'
parents think they own everything about you. when my kids were babies, i did share things about them as if it was my news alone. But as they got older, I started to realize that some of the stories I wanted to tell were THEIR stories, and it was not my place to share them. It was a bit of a dance. I wanted to share MY stories with my friends, and my stories were so intertwined with theirs. I found ways to tell those stories, or share my heart with friends, that focused on my experience and not my kids’ experience. But I’ll say this: When I run into friends and extended family, **they ask about my kids.** They ask specific questions: Are they working? Where are they working? Are they done with college? What year are they in? They don’t take my non-informative answers quietly. I’ll say, “they’re fine,” and these people ask more specific questions. They would absolutely ask, “Are they expecting kids yet? Do they plan to have kids?” if my kids were married. So it can be hard to be the parent who doesn’t really want to share. I mean, I wouldn’t tell a pregnancy, but also, if you’ve waited to tell *me* at 12 weeks, I would need to be specifically told not to share it, or who to not share it with. Because 12 weeks is when most people *start* sharing the news. And word of mouth is how that kind of info spreads in the family. Pregnancy announcements aren’t a thing in the etiquette books. People send them sometimes, but they’re weird.
A well reasoned, thought out, very informative answer - are you a unicorn? Thank you. This helps me see things from their perspective. I so appreciate it - I have a bit more empathy for their side.
One thing boomers don't seem comfortable sharing is their age...just saying, if you want revenge... Maybe you could just tell your mom, "so I heard from my best friend that you told her I was pregnant and we were talking about how it would have been nice if you had let me tell her. So I told her, that's right, but my mom is 75 and back in her day there were no secrets..."
How is this so true?!?!? My mother is so secretive about her age. As a kid she used to tell me she was years younger than she was as a "joke" and of course I didn't realise it was a joke and would tell others and then feel like a moron when it was obviously untrue to them. I tell my parents nothing because nothing has been confidential when it comes to information about others.
You: "...because not everyone knows yet." (Meaning don't fucking tell, we all know this) Boomers: "Oh we'll take care of that and tell everyone for you. We're helping/doing you a favour!" Also my boomer parents: why do you never tell us anything? (Although these days its "why doesn't *he* talk to us at all?")
Exactly!! Our (internal because god forbid you call them out) answer is also “we don’t talk to you because you use our problems against us or blame us for creating them in the first place or tell us to pray on it and we will get the answers we seek”) Edit: And. AND!!! When I did ask them to help us after we gave birth the first time by telling all of the extended family for us because we were exhausted and wanted to spend time with baby: “But that should really be something they hear directly from you!”
That edit. Oh my fucking god REALLY?!? And I have called mine out on their bs particularly mum, I even wanted to heal past hurts/actual trauma. Yeahhhhh, now Im no contact (my choice). Wouldn't recommend it but it has been healthier for me. BUT thats a whole other issue for a "raised by" sub not necessarily boomers being boomers though.
Ha! Well I guess you should have told them it was a secret and not tell 😂😂😉
WTF means “why the face” to some folks. What’s commonly understood for, by and amongst folks able to bear children and what’s ‘known’ by those old enough to have birthed that cohort are often wildly different things. This one, sadly, is a clear case of ESH. You *didn’t* tell them **don’t tell anyone** so you can’t logically be mad that they told people.
Ok that’s fair but also kind of my point. For Millennials at least, it seems like it’s a given that people deserve their privacy and unless we’ve been explicitly told we can share, we don’t. Whereas for Boomers, the opposite is true. They assume they can share whatever they like unless they have been told explicitly not to. Which to me is the more rude and inconsiderate of the two.
Ha! I had this situation with my brain tumor. Other people knew, because of my mom, before I could tell them. I was not really a fan of that.
That’s awful!
I knew better than this when I was 3. My mom told me that she was pregnant with my brother and not to tell anybody. I didn't.
My dad was exactly like this. I knew he was a literal narcissist and chalked up his behavior to that, but there's something about the Boomer generation as a whole that makes this kind of behavior/attitude oddly much more pervasive when compared to other generations. I told my dad my boyfriend (now husband) and I were planning on getting engaged over the next few months but weren't sure when. Cue my aunt calling me the next day asking if we set a date yet. I asked my dad why he would take it upon himself to 1. share news that was *mine* to share and 2. do so before there was even something to announce yet. He told me to grow up and if this was my attitude I was in for a "lifetime of disappointment" (boy, was he right - just not in the way he meant). When I got pregnant with my daughter I told him we weren't announcing anything until she was born and not to say anything to anyone. Sure enough, I go on FB and see he's commented on one of my friend's posts (this post had absolutely nothing to do with pregnancy, babies, etc. - I think my friend was just announcing he placed in a screenwriting competition). He wrote "Has cbm984 told you the good news yet?". I don't know if he didn't think I would see it but seriously... how dumb do you have to be to write something like that? Either my friend was going to say "Yes! Congratulations on the grandbaby!" thus spilling the beans or he would say "What news?" giving my dad a chance to spill the beans. Either way, the beans are spilled which is exactly what I asked him not to do. And now, all my mutual friends can see his comment and, not being as dumb as rocks, could deduce what he was suggesting with that question. I asked my friend to delete my dad's comment, which he did. But at that point I was done. I called my mom and said, "Dad obviously isn't taking me seriously so here's what you need to tell him. If I see or hear anything that suggests he's announcing my pregnancy to anyone else, he won't get to see his granddaughter. He can sit at home and wait for me to decide when he gets to see her. He won't get pictures. He won't get updates. He'll be cut off." His antics stopped after that but the man had to risk not being able to meet his granddaughter before he was forced into not making everything about himself.