Think about what you're asking here... you admit to her being YOUR dog, but don't want her to be bonded with you?
It's in the nature of the breed. They pick one person to be "theirs," typically the one who cares for them most, and they never want to leave that person's side. There's a reason they are called velcro dogs. This is the only type of bond they will have. Short of neglecting her, which is cruel, you can't change how much she loves and wants to be around you. You can train her on things like "place" and "relax" so she doesn't bug you when you're busy to get some reprieve.
I think your missing my issue. She is refusing to play with other people willing to play with her simply because im here. She would prefer to stare at me on the toilet than engage with someone else happily tossing her toy or calling her. If im home and awake and my partner tries to walk her she REFUSES to go.
I love her, i spend hours of my day training her, but i need a break and its to her benefit that she can seperate herself from me. At this point its becoming separation anxiety and thats not good for either of us.
I hear your isssue and see your perspective but the above advice is true. I’ve felt what your feeling and it can be too much sometimes.
I highly recommended training an “off switch”. Make a command to get them to just watch and observe like a collie would it’s flock. I use “relax” as the command where play is over and “chill” for resting after that. Start for short periods and let them watch you work. Increase duration over time or give them a puzzle toy in that spot to chill.
These dogs ancestors where bred to bond extremely hard to one person- their Shepard. Everything else is a distraction for a true working dog- and that’s what this breed was created for.
It drive my mom nuts when she tries to play with my girl but she’s disinterested and just watching me. It makes me smile and appreciate our bind more. She feels more content sitting there around me than playing with someone else and it’s weird but she can do either and it’s her choice.
I'm just pointing out that you won't get her to he less attached to you specifically. There's nothing you can do to change that, but you can train her to chill out when you don't have time to play with her or keep her busy. For separation anxiety, if there's nobody else home to keep her company you need to make sure she's comfortable being crated and make it a nice environment for her. It's all going to take time and patience but that's just part of the bargain you make when you bring this type of dog into your life.
My dog has similar tendencies, if I'm around, he doesn't care at all about other people wanting to play with him unless it's a game of fetch. Your bf can try to bond with her more and try taking her on walks when you're not around and make it a fun time for her, that may help with her refusal to go on walks with him if you are around.
Is the Velcro thing true for most BCs?
I’ve had resource guarding issues with mine in the past where he nips people who come close to me. I’d prefer it if he got along better with my wife at the very least.
I'm also my dogs favorite in the house. No matter how much play or attention she gets she still expects some form of attention from me if I been busy and neglecting her a bit that day.
All you have to do is give them 30sec of your time, they just want some bonding with their #1. It's the price you have to pay, enjoy it while you can.
Was having back trouble a while ago and my wife tried to take my boy for a walk. He was game until he realized I wasn't coming and refused to go with her. When I first got him I was working full time so my wife was the one playing with him during the day and she's still the one who plays with him around the house the most but he'll drop everything if I'm doing something else nearby. If I leave, he sits by the door till I get back. It's a big responsibility being that person. I had some idea what I was getting into when I got him. I figure it's like being a parent. It's not easy but has significant rewards.
Its funny bc even though i used to think my boyfriend was her person, looking back on it i think its always been me. we were her third home in two years, but my bf is highly active. Like "25 mile a day through hikes" active, so we knew it would be a lot of work but were game.
Then right before we took her i tore my acl. Even tho i could walk she was AWFUL on leash and i couldnt resist her pulling me and didnt have the stamina to work on it so for a year i barely walked her and had to get creative to work out her energy. Until my partner became a firefighter, and i became the primary parent and primary walker. I'm a lot stricter than he is and i think that wound up providing a sense of security that really made her attatch to me completely. Its exhausting
I am clearly the centre of my dogs world. Staring, yes at everything I'm doing if I'm not doing something with him, but you can teach them to relax more. If I try to do some jobs in the garden he moves to different positions and stares, every time I look up he's somewhere else. Its like I have multiple identical dogs, lol.
I agree what others are saying. Teach to go down on a mat and wait whilst you get on with a job in the house. Or stay on the sofa and watch some TV, that worked better with my boy as it gave him something else to look at. My boy looked offended, even hurt to start with, like it was the worst thing in the world. He grew to accepted it as a command to please me. After a while it becomes more normal thing to do. I must admit though that I do less household jobs than before I had him. Taking a that I'll do attitude. On the whole I am happier to be doing something with him.
In a way, when they are young and you do most of the training and care you've taught them to be attached and listening to you. So you also need to teach them that doing nothing with you for a while is something good too, and that your happy to see it. If you just look irritated it won't work. Like everything it's practice and patience. And also just appreciate that your dog loves you and wants your attention, like a child who will never really grow up. You can have a life long bond, which many people are grateful for, but like all relationships with commitment, there can be a downside too. If you want a different balance then you need to show and tell them what to do instead.
Youtube has been incredible with taking some of that attention, and she does know place. I think im just shocked that she'd rather stare at me than play with someone else.
A couple of thoughts. If she won't go out on a walk with your partner without you, try setting off out of the door like your going, then quietly turn round and go back home after a couple of minutes. She may then continue on the walk.
I get what you are saying that you think there is an unhealthy over attachment (and more than just a normal bc thing). The whining is too much. Given that she had multiple homes before you, the separation anxiety could be inherently worse. It maybe worth exploring medication. We used prozac (Reconcile) at low dose, a quarter dose took the edge of anxiety/reactivity, just made him a little more chilled overall. A full dose for his body weight was way too strong, looked like hallucinating. So stopped it after first dose. Latter on I tried it at a quarter dose and found it quite helpful after a couple of weeks. I'm not saying this will make a major difference, just that she maybe more receptive to engage with other people more easily, with encouragement. It may also help with the whining. There is also a tablet called Anxitane (try Amazon) which helped ours. I tried it cos a behaviouralist vet mentioned it on an online article that said that he tries that first before pharmaceuticals.
Also regarding leash pulling, aside from any training issue and the fact that many bcs are not really good leash dogs, we found a direct link between anxiety and the extent of leash pulling. Our boy is very active daily, mostly off leash now, but I try to do some days doing less as well. Sometimes doing less can take the edge of the adrenaline buzz so he can switch off more easily. I think it's a really fine balance between doing too much or not enough training/exercise with their one person. And I found that balance difficult, but I have had to show him that its OK to not be doing something actively with me that doesn't require him to focus and stare at me. His general mode is to be very attached and stare but he's gotten better if I've done less a couple of days a week and gnore him for a while. TV and youtube videos have been so helpful to me too, lol. Hope that all makes sense.
I'll keep those in mind. If the seperation anxiety seems to get worse im not against medication. I have used natural botanical tinctures to calm her down before but they tend to mostky knock her out for an hour. She's currently on gabapentin due to an injury and even that barely has any effect on the anxious energy.
She's not bad on leash when we're going home or are in busy public places, its just the daily usual circuit and getting to our off leash destination, and NONE of the typical tricks (stopping and waiting, turning around, etc) worked. You're correct its a really fine balance between the right amount of exercise and too much.
Strict routine really works the best but unfortunately with work schedules that's impossible now. I try to keep things as regular as possible but its definitely added to the recent anxiety. YouTube can be amazing sometimes but she still wants me next to her, like she cant relax if im not within her sphere. Same with relaxing in the yard watching the birds and squirrels- she wants me with her.
Think about what you're asking here... you admit to her being YOUR dog, but don't want her to be bonded with you? It's in the nature of the breed. They pick one person to be "theirs," typically the one who cares for them most, and they never want to leave that person's side. There's a reason they are called velcro dogs. This is the only type of bond they will have. Short of neglecting her, which is cruel, you can't change how much she loves and wants to be around you. You can train her on things like "place" and "relax" so she doesn't bug you when you're busy to get some reprieve.
I think your missing my issue. She is refusing to play with other people willing to play with her simply because im here. She would prefer to stare at me on the toilet than engage with someone else happily tossing her toy or calling her. If im home and awake and my partner tries to walk her she REFUSES to go. I love her, i spend hours of my day training her, but i need a break and its to her benefit that she can seperate herself from me. At this point its becoming separation anxiety and thats not good for either of us.
I hear your isssue and see your perspective but the above advice is true. I’ve felt what your feeling and it can be too much sometimes. I highly recommended training an “off switch”. Make a command to get them to just watch and observe like a collie would it’s flock. I use “relax” as the command where play is over and “chill” for resting after that. Start for short periods and let them watch you work. Increase duration over time or give them a puzzle toy in that spot to chill. These dogs ancestors where bred to bond extremely hard to one person- their Shepard. Everything else is a distraction for a true working dog- and that’s what this breed was created for. It drive my mom nuts when she tries to play with my girl but she’s disinterested and just watching me. It makes me smile and appreciate our bind more. She feels more content sitting there around me than playing with someone else and it’s weird but she can do either and it’s her choice.
I'm just pointing out that you won't get her to he less attached to you specifically. There's nothing you can do to change that, but you can train her to chill out when you don't have time to play with her or keep her busy. For separation anxiety, if there's nobody else home to keep her company you need to make sure she's comfortable being crated and make it a nice environment for her. It's all going to take time and patience but that's just part of the bargain you make when you bring this type of dog into your life. My dog has similar tendencies, if I'm around, he doesn't care at all about other people wanting to play with him unless it's a game of fetch. Your bf can try to bond with her more and try taking her on walks when you're not around and make it a fun time for her, that may help with her refusal to go on walks with him if you are around.
Is the Velcro thing true for most BCs? I’ve had resource guarding issues with mine in the past where he nips people who come close to me. I’d prefer it if he got along better with my wife at the very least.
I'm also my dogs favorite in the house. No matter how much play or attention she gets she still expects some form of attention from me if I been busy and neglecting her a bit that day. All you have to do is give them 30sec of your time, they just want some bonding with their #1. It's the price you have to pay, enjoy it while you can.
Was having back trouble a while ago and my wife tried to take my boy for a walk. He was game until he realized I wasn't coming and refused to go with her. When I first got him I was working full time so my wife was the one playing with him during the day and she's still the one who plays with him around the house the most but he'll drop everything if I'm doing something else nearby. If I leave, he sits by the door till I get back. It's a big responsibility being that person. I had some idea what I was getting into when I got him. I figure it's like being a parent. It's not easy but has significant rewards.
Its funny bc even though i used to think my boyfriend was her person, looking back on it i think its always been me. we were her third home in two years, but my bf is highly active. Like "25 mile a day through hikes" active, so we knew it would be a lot of work but were game. Then right before we took her i tore my acl. Even tho i could walk she was AWFUL on leash and i couldnt resist her pulling me and didnt have the stamina to work on it so for a year i barely walked her and had to get creative to work out her energy. Until my partner became a firefighter, and i became the primary parent and primary walker. I'm a lot stricter than he is and i think that wound up providing a sense of security that really made her attatch to me completely. Its exhausting
I am clearly the centre of my dogs world. Staring, yes at everything I'm doing if I'm not doing something with him, but you can teach them to relax more. If I try to do some jobs in the garden he moves to different positions and stares, every time I look up he's somewhere else. Its like I have multiple identical dogs, lol. I agree what others are saying. Teach to go down on a mat and wait whilst you get on with a job in the house. Or stay on the sofa and watch some TV, that worked better with my boy as it gave him something else to look at. My boy looked offended, even hurt to start with, like it was the worst thing in the world. He grew to accepted it as a command to please me. After a while it becomes more normal thing to do. I must admit though that I do less household jobs than before I had him. Taking a that I'll do attitude. On the whole I am happier to be doing something with him. In a way, when they are young and you do most of the training and care you've taught them to be attached and listening to you. So you also need to teach them that doing nothing with you for a while is something good too, and that your happy to see it. If you just look irritated it won't work. Like everything it's practice and patience. And also just appreciate that your dog loves you and wants your attention, like a child who will never really grow up. You can have a life long bond, which many people are grateful for, but like all relationships with commitment, there can be a downside too. If you want a different balance then you need to show and tell them what to do instead.
Youtube has been incredible with taking some of that attention, and she does know place. I think im just shocked that she'd rather stare at me than play with someone else.
A couple of thoughts. If she won't go out on a walk with your partner without you, try setting off out of the door like your going, then quietly turn round and go back home after a couple of minutes. She may then continue on the walk. I get what you are saying that you think there is an unhealthy over attachment (and more than just a normal bc thing). The whining is too much. Given that she had multiple homes before you, the separation anxiety could be inherently worse. It maybe worth exploring medication. We used prozac (Reconcile) at low dose, a quarter dose took the edge of anxiety/reactivity, just made him a little more chilled overall. A full dose for his body weight was way too strong, looked like hallucinating. So stopped it after first dose. Latter on I tried it at a quarter dose and found it quite helpful after a couple of weeks. I'm not saying this will make a major difference, just that she maybe more receptive to engage with other people more easily, with encouragement. It may also help with the whining. There is also a tablet called Anxitane (try Amazon) which helped ours. I tried it cos a behaviouralist vet mentioned it on an online article that said that he tries that first before pharmaceuticals. Also regarding leash pulling, aside from any training issue and the fact that many bcs are not really good leash dogs, we found a direct link between anxiety and the extent of leash pulling. Our boy is very active daily, mostly off leash now, but I try to do some days doing less as well. Sometimes doing less can take the edge of the adrenaline buzz so he can switch off more easily. I think it's a really fine balance between doing too much or not enough training/exercise with their one person. And I found that balance difficult, but I have had to show him that its OK to not be doing something actively with me that doesn't require him to focus and stare at me. His general mode is to be very attached and stare but he's gotten better if I've done less a couple of days a week and gnore him for a while. TV and youtube videos have been so helpful to me too, lol. Hope that all makes sense.
I'll keep those in mind. If the seperation anxiety seems to get worse im not against medication. I have used natural botanical tinctures to calm her down before but they tend to mostky knock her out for an hour. She's currently on gabapentin due to an injury and even that barely has any effect on the anxious energy. She's not bad on leash when we're going home or are in busy public places, its just the daily usual circuit and getting to our off leash destination, and NONE of the typical tricks (stopping and waiting, turning around, etc) worked. You're correct its a really fine balance between the right amount of exercise and too much. Strict routine really works the best but unfortunately with work schedules that's impossible now. I try to keep things as regular as possible but its definitely added to the recent anxiety. YouTube can be amazing sometimes but she still wants me next to her, like she cant relax if im not within her sphere. Same with relaxing in the yard watching the birds and squirrels- she wants me with her.