Relationships are extremely hard for those of us with BPD to keep and maintain unfortunately. That being said, it's not an impossible feat, either! Splits suck for us just as much as they do you, I promise. Have you tried talking to him about his outbursts and how they make you feel? It sounds like, without much more context, he's agreed to treatment so that's a good thing? I think talking about your feelings about his outbursts would also help greatly. Sometimes we don't realize we're doing things that hurt those around us without them being pointed out. The more they get pointed out to us, the more likely we are to notice we're doing them and work on stopping that action.
I'm not trying to give your husband excuses, but if you are in this for the long run and want to stay together, I would definitely try what I said...
Read "I hate you-don't leave me" by Jerold J. Kreisman and Hal Straus. It will help you understand BPD on a deeper level and there is a whole chapter on communicating with a Borderline. You may find it very helpful.
I've found, myself a male with BPD, and very aware of my condition and feelings, but not always able to control them, I can say 7/10 times if I give myself the opportunity to get it out and actually hear how absolutely over the top or overwhelming it is, can give me a shock to recognize an "oh shit" moment and bring me back to a level where I can speak in a more stable frame of mind. I will say it has taken a long time to get to this place, and it is not always successful.. but patience, understanding, space if required. (For you both to be safe, and for him to gain space from the moment) it's a tightrope. I'm sorry you both have to live with this. I'm sorry he has to be in mental anguish. But it is not a death sentence, for him or, your relationship. Peace to you both.
[Here are some free DBT resources.](https://www.reddit.com/r/BorderlinePDisorder/comments/1873fcq/free_dbt_resources/?share_id=ldmliWpgaC8g73t8pYy19&utm_name=ioscss)
Dbt therapy might greatly benefit him. Also, i HIGHLY recommended watching some youtube videos on the subject. When i was diagnosed with bpd my boyfriend went on a spree trying to learn everything he could. It could potentially make your husband feel very seen and validated.
Here I've linked some options for videos to watch. Of course you're not required, you can find your own as well, or use other resources!
Videos:
---Unveiling the Secrets: dealing with partner splitting on you [ https://youtu.be/NiCCCvyGY3w?si=5d_W3UYMa5EQiJBt ]
---Spotting Borderline Personality Disorder [ https://youtu.be/cgap0Mjx4xM?si=qU6KmlhPY1TLvSVA ]
---How to Support a Partner with BPD [ https://youtu.be/j2-P0J8ezLs?si=Dv16f7cFMu-UIS8o ]
---bpd strategies and techniques for parents and partners [ https://youtu.be/Vsj8QaDcjQI?si=XxaSzNb6B1RGvkjb ]
--If you date someone with BPD [ https://youtu.be/rT5PN7IhyPc?si=ONWHA6YbVAva0hDC ]
A psychologist youtuber i recomment as well is DrRamani! She has quite a few videos discussing BPD
I wish you and your husband endless luck on the start of his healing journey, even if he may not have BPD. Just remember to focus on your health as well, and for both of you to not push yourself way past your limits :)
Edited to add a line that i forgot to write
Relationships are extremely hard for those of us with BPD to keep and maintain unfortunately. That being said, it's not an impossible feat, either! Splits suck for us just as much as they do you, I promise. Have you tried talking to him about his outbursts and how they make you feel? It sounds like, without much more context, he's agreed to treatment so that's a good thing? I think talking about your feelings about his outbursts would also help greatly. Sometimes we don't realize we're doing things that hurt those around us without them being pointed out. The more they get pointed out to us, the more likely we are to notice we're doing them and work on stopping that action. I'm not trying to give your husband excuses, but if you are in this for the long run and want to stay together, I would definitely try what I said...
Read "I hate you-don't leave me" by Jerold J. Kreisman and Hal Straus. It will help you understand BPD on a deeper level and there is a whole chapter on communicating with a Borderline. You may find it very helpful.
I've found, myself a male with BPD, and very aware of my condition and feelings, but not always able to control them, I can say 7/10 times if I give myself the opportunity to get it out and actually hear how absolutely over the top or overwhelming it is, can give me a shock to recognize an "oh shit" moment and bring me back to a level where I can speak in a more stable frame of mind. I will say it has taken a long time to get to this place, and it is not always successful.. but patience, understanding, space if required. (For you both to be safe, and for him to gain space from the moment) it's a tightrope. I'm sorry you both have to live with this. I'm sorry he has to be in mental anguish. But it is not a death sentence, for him or, your relationship. Peace to you both.
[Here are some free DBT resources.](https://www.reddit.com/r/BorderlinePDisorder/comments/1873fcq/free_dbt_resources/?share_id=ldmliWpgaC8g73t8pYy19&utm_name=ioscss)
Dbt therapy might greatly benefit him. Also, i HIGHLY recommended watching some youtube videos on the subject. When i was diagnosed with bpd my boyfriend went on a spree trying to learn everything he could. It could potentially make your husband feel very seen and validated. Here I've linked some options for videos to watch. Of course you're not required, you can find your own as well, or use other resources! Videos: ---Unveiling the Secrets: dealing with partner splitting on you [ https://youtu.be/NiCCCvyGY3w?si=5d_W3UYMa5EQiJBt ] ---Spotting Borderline Personality Disorder [ https://youtu.be/cgap0Mjx4xM?si=qU6KmlhPY1TLvSVA ] ---How to Support a Partner with BPD [ https://youtu.be/j2-P0J8ezLs?si=Dv16f7cFMu-UIS8o ] ---bpd strategies and techniques for parents and partners [ https://youtu.be/Vsj8QaDcjQI?si=XxaSzNb6B1RGvkjb ] --If you date someone with BPD [ https://youtu.be/rT5PN7IhyPc?si=ONWHA6YbVAva0hDC ] A psychologist youtuber i recomment as well is DrRamani! She has quite a few videos discussing BPD I wish you and your husband endless luck on the start of his healing journey, even if he may not have BPD. Just remember to focus on your health as well, and for both of you to not push yourself way past your limits :) Edited to add a line that i forgot to write