Here we have the concept of "Ficar" (literally means to stay) where it's a phase before "Namorar" (dating) where the pair pretty much acts like a couple, put some boundaries or not, and then, after some time, one of them ask to make it "official" (namorar), usually the man. Not all people will give the same time to ficar, some will date faster, others not. In your case, it seems she needs more time.
It's more like a phase of knowing each other more deeply, without compromising too much. It's very useful, in my opinion.
This! OP this is probably it. This step does exist, and partners test the waters to see how the relationship will go etc..
My advice: play along. This works almost like an official relationship. She likes you and is preparing for commitment, and as much as we are open and like to explore, we also commit hard. If she sees you as a keeper, it is only natural for her (in our culture) to take it a little slow so as not to enter a not-so-good relationship.
Just ask her what she means, what she thinks about you 2, what are her fears and insecurities about it etc..
This is the right answer OP
As a Brazilian who dated a kiwi guy, I remember that not long after we started going out, he started to refer me as his girlfriend
To me, we were still "ficantes", I would refer to him as "the guy I'm seeing". After some months, after realising that well, since I hadn't left him, might as well start referring him as my boyfriend
What I learnt after we talked about it is that for Brazilians, you first have a try out with the person and then you talk things through to decide to make yourselves an official couple. In Aussie/Kiwi culture, the try out is part of the official relationship, you become a couple and then see if you guys work out
The now popular in the internet "situationship" is how brazilians have been dating for the longest time, and to us, making a relationship official without this tryout time feels really really rushed
A “situationship” is when you are more than just hooking up with someone, but you never really made anything official yet. It is quite similar to “ficar”, but generally speaking, Brazilians kind of expect to have a non-official, loosely defined relationship, while most other cultures see that under a negative light.
“Ficar” has a neutral connotation in Portuguese, while a “situationship” usually means something negative.
My question for this is as follows, are ficantes exclusive or they are still going out and meeting various people to go on dates?
Then the ones who they feel like they want to meet again, that becomes a ficante? With time, the favourite person becomes the partner?
In BR we say things like "eu fiquei com ela" (I "stayed" with her) to refer to casually kissing or one night stands with someone... However we also say "estou ficando com ela" (I'm staying with her) to mean we are at this stage of non-committal getting to know someone. So "Ficar" really depends on context, but usually is to refer to NOT having a commitment. Someone you tried for a while but didn't worked out, or someone you had a fling for a while, or someone you had a one night stands are people you "ficou" (stayed).
Some people in this stage of relationship are already preparing for said commitment, like not seeing anybody else, not flirting anymore, really trying to know their partner, etc... And there's also people who use this type of relationship to avoid the repercussions of seeing more than one partner at a time... That is often not successful, but it's the weaponized incompetence kind of excuse, like "oh, i didn't know we were not seeing other people, we are just ficantes"... Brazilians are quite monogamous anyways, so that's why this often fails. To all intents and purposes, you're still single whilst you're in this type of relationship, so you either "make it official" or walk away after some try out time.
Non exclusive is the short answer, in general. You usually hook up with someone, that progresses into "ficante" and eventually ghosting or dating - "breaking" up with a ficante is somewhat rare... both parties usually notice the interest is dwindling and other hook ups / ficantes take over your focus.
You can be "ficante" for years, works like an open relationship.
I dont think that non exclusive describes it right. It's common to a couple of "ficantes" to be exclusive. It's really a test-drive for the dating itself
I had never thought of "ficando" as a "situationship".
I think a "situationship" usually has been going for a while and is fairly complicated, like a relationship withouth labels, mismatched expectations, blurred lines, exclusivity is not clear.
"Ficando" for me has always been simple and straight forward - chat once in a while, meet & have sex here and there. The boundaries seem pretty clear to me. You're not a couple at all.
Maybe that's just my take.
This.
However do be aware that “ficar” usually doesn’t mean you 2 are exclusive yet.
Also keep in mind that this is nowhere near a mandatory step in Brazil and many of us do not like this step precisely because it implies not exclusivity.
Most likely said girl likes you as a FWB but still wanna keep her options open in case someone else with more to offer shows up.
You can talk and be honest to her and let her know that you want to date exclusively and if she doesn’t then you need to decide if you want to remain non-exclusive FWB or part ways.
Ficante básico ou primeira ficante 😂… even if you’re are in the “ficar” stage you could be just a basic fwb or the primary one… especially if she is only 23 years old these are the new terms I learned recently.
Also if you are at this first stage with her, it doesn't mean necessarily that she wants to be your girlfriend. Some girls like to do it with multiple people since it doesn't involve commitment. The best thing to do is to talk to her and ask if she is looking for a long term relationship. I am also not a fan of this cultural system since it usually only leads to confusion in relationships, we even have the word "ficante sério" to denote when a couple is at this first stage but wants exclusivity just like a normal dating relationship.
As mentioned not everyone follows this, my last long term relationship with a Brazilian girl went straight to dating and we even didn't ask each other, we just felt like it was natural we were dating.
"Ficante sério" is more brazilian than a caipirinha. The stage is set for all the benefits of a relationship in which you still hold argument "why are you mad I slept with X? We're only ficando".
As a Brazilian that grew up in Australia since a baby, it's funny that I naturally preferred and did things this way without even realizing it's a proper thing we do
Ficar is more aligned with dating (in the American concept) than Namorar. Namorar means to be in a serious relationship. This is a translation issue that I see quite often and creates a lot of confusion.
I would add that "namorar" usually requires:
- Meeting each other's parents
- A "proposal"
- For some Brazilians, silver "wedding bands" (though these sometimes come after the proposal, most couples wait until it is a "namoro sério," which usually happens 6 months after the proposal)
Not necessarily. You can ficar without sex. Making out with someone at the club is also ficar. You can go out/date and just kiss, and that's ficar. It is very normal to ficar without sex when you're getting to know someone. Actually, if someone tells me "eu fiquei com ele/ela", I won't immediately assume they had sex, but that they made out.
Hooking up is having casual sex and usually without the intention to turn it into a serious relationship.
Nah hooking up means fucking. Ficar usually extends from kissing to heavy petting, up to and including finger banging and blowjobs depending on the person. I never thought of it but it's weird that blowjobs are sometimes a possibility when ficando but almost never cunnilingus
No one has covered this yet for the poor Australian. 'Namorar' means 'to fall in love' its kind of the level where you are falling in love to the person and that's why you want more than just 'ficar' so it's quite a serious step and more of a big deal then 'we are exclusive'. Using the word 'love' is more common and less of a big deal in Latin culture than yours.
And in Brazil it's kind of step where you start to meet parents, be invited to family events. You know in British, commonwealth, American culture there is quite a big gap between dating someone and being engaged. 'Namorar' is a closer step towards engagement. But don't worry, in modern times you are not expected to propose any time soon.
But in the past.....
That's true most western culture wouldn't have the partners involve in anything at all unless it was marriage or maybe fiance. Although they would take a few months to a year before going on a family holiday or trip (but it varies).
With some cultures of arranged marriage, there's no opportunity to date and there's some where they can date but aren't exclusive or seeing their family yet.
Definitely means you CAN do that, not necessarily doing. There is the stage of "ficando só com você" (only with you) which means the person is not your bf/gf but is not seeing other people.
>You have to dip yourself in orange juice then run through a supermarket
In case it is not clear, this comment was made in jest. There is no such tradition.
It doesn't have to be a supermarket, any store or even public space will be fine. Also, while orange Juice is more traditional in the south, if she is from the north you should look for Araça, Jambo or Sapoti. While these might be harder to find in Australia, I am sure should would appreciate you going the extra mile.
That's a common cultural shock. Foreigners usually assume the relationship becomes "official" just by living it. Brazilians don't see it that way until it is expressly said so. I didn't get how long you two have been together. Usually this kind of talk comes after 3 months or so (it varies from person to person, but I would say thats a good average value for the general population).
I'm just assuming here, but what seemed to have happened is that she was waiting for you to do a romantic gesture when proposing, like doing it in a dinner or so. Also, be aware that today is Brazilian valentines day so if this happened today she could be upset by seeing other people's posts on Instagram with their loved ones but wasn't able to post it herself since it wasn't officialized before.
It's hard to tell though, maybe she is just not into a relationship right now, I'm only trying to give you some general panorama of cultural things you should keep in mind.
I was aware today was "Dia dos namorados". We did many things together. We were seated really close to each other when the topic came up. At least I'm not the only person who's been through this. Safe to say I feel like an idiot.
I think you are right about just needing more time. She's a really complex woman, but she's said that when she's around me, things are different. She can let her guard down, and she is already seeing a future where we have a family. But she also said that, in her mind, I'm far ahead of where I should be in reality. Basically, even though we've only known each other for a month, my relationship with her, I'm way ahead than where I actually should be. To clarify, that's how she sees me! I think she's still a little confused with how I'm so far ahead. Idk. It's just really confusing. Felt kind of like a rejection
I think you should be ok, by what you described in this reply she is thinking about having a relationship with you, just need some more time to make sure that it will work out. It doesn't matter how intense you feel, the thing is that time can't be skipped when understanding if that's really the person you want to have by your side, it's like brewing wine. Doesn't matter the force you apply when pressing the grapes, you still need to wait the bottle to ferment. She hasn't said 'no', it was just a "Let's wait a bit more".
Just keep it going as it was and if everything continue the way they are, I would say it is ok to talk about this again within 2 months.
A month? That's like yesterday in Brazilian time. She for sure wouldn't think it is a serious relation that fast and not without a official request or yours, so it is everything going ok for you
>Basically, even though we've only known each other for a month, my relationship with her, I'm way ahead than where I actually should be. To clarify, that's how she sees me! I think she's still a little
So that explains everything, that's the culture shock, you should have included this in the post.
For most brazilians one month is not enough time for someone to commit, you're still in the "ficar" step.
Does she know your friends and family? Do you hang out in public? Do you have pictures with her on social media? Did you spend the entire weekend together? After you go through all of these things you have to propose to her with the silver ring (anel de namoro) since she mentioned it, only then your relationship will be official.
I advise you to time your commitment, don't love bomb her, brazilian in general are very perceptive of it.
I think a proposal should happen between 3-6 months after your first time together.
OP, to be sure, did you ask to be BF/GF or did you ask *if you can already see you two as being* BF/GF?
This might sound silly to you, but commonly in Brazil one would expect to be "formally" asked to be GF/BF, not do this in-retrospective-acknowledgement ("oh are we BF/GF?")
I can see why she would say that if youn tried to this, and she sort of meant "Well, you need to ask officially".
Op how long are you two together? I dunno but it felt to me that maybe you guys haven't even had sex. In Brazil most relationships go like this:
First date: hook up, kissing, maybe sex maybe not
Second step: a lot of kissing and sex
Repeat second step for 2-3 months
Ask her to be your girlfriend
There's absolutely NO way a girl from Brazil would consider you a boyfriend if you guys haven't had sex yet
I am dating a girl in Brazil, I have known for 6 months, and she is my girlfriend and even tells her friends, family this. We will meet soon, but we haven't even met in person, but we both love each other.
One month is a short time for us. My friend before was right, wait for 3 months to ask and make something special, not as much special as proposing a marriage, but something special enough to be recorded
>Safe to say I feel like an idiot.
You're not, she could've taken that more lightly and just explained it to you how her culture is like and what she expects of you but she left it for you to find out
Dude, just to clarity one aspect of "ficar" that might guide you to a path of frustration and despair. Here in Brazil, more traditional people, like me, expect that this phase should be exclusive, even without the formal request to be bf/gf. If I discovered that I girl that I see a future with is dating with other guys, I would lose totally the interest in her. And that might be the case concerning her.
Other people, however, only consider a exclusive relationship after the official proposal. If I were you I would make sure you know how she feels about it before having another partner.
The fact that she is discussing having a family with you is really impressive and shows that she is really interested. So keep it up! After 3 months, ask her to be your gf and buy her a ring with roses.
And that is it :)
Well.. maybe she just not into a relationship right now.. believe me, she’ll be ready when she invites you to her grandma birthday party. Or other relative.
It happens a lot, something like guess what, now you’re my bf
OP, I just saw a comment where you said you two met a month ago, that’s the main information you should have put on your post
one month is way too soon for most, we usually pop the question about being exclusive after 3 to 4 months getting to know each other
have you met her friends or family? have she met yours?
we are not the “we kissed, so we’re dating” type, mostly of us will officially date already having major feelings and information about each other
Yeah I totally agree... To be totally honest I have a feeling they didn't even fuck yet and he's already thinking about being her boyfriend. It doesn't work like that in here you can't expect to be someone bf without the intimacy of sex
SLC ele pareceu meio virj, farejei o cheiro de cabaço de longe e isso é MT comum lá fora, os gringos são MT lerdão
Lol, she is "ficando" with you.
"Ficar" is, basically, Schrodinger dating in our culture: she dates and doesn't date you at the same time. Just like as the observer in Quantum Mechanics, in the very moment you tried to measure the state on which your relationship were, the wave function collapsed, and she had to choose one possibility: not dating.
TL:DR: you found out about Quantum Dating, also knows as "Ficar"
Op culturally we are a very sexual country... Maybe you tried asking her to be your gf without even having sex before. No women from Brazil would ever accept a relationship with someone she didn't even had sex... I dunno, I might be wrong and you guys already did it but still I got this feeling that you guys didn't even had sex
Ask what she means. Brazilian culture is far from a monolith, depending on where she comes from and other circumstances, like religion and general upbringing, she might have different expectations. In my social bubble here in Brazil I never heard of any "traditions", you simply ask someone to be your partner and they either accept or refuse it.
Brazilians are quite care free people and don't take things very seriously. I’m Brazilian and to give you an idea my mom was never shy about talking about sex, even at an early age. Something that may be considered taboo in many households. Brazilians are just very open people so it’s no surprise to me that although your relationship seemed very intimate and moving in a more serious direction, for her it may have been quite “normal” or what she considered to be “expected” at the very least, so not as serious. Which would suggest she's not ready to make things official. With that being said there are no “steps” Maybe there’s a language barrier and she’s having trouble explaining herself but I have no idea what she’s talking about. In Brazil it’s quite simple if two people like each other and get along then they typically date unless neither one wants anything serious
Ps I’m giving an oversimplification of Brazilians as a whole, obviously there are those that are not like this, but it has been through my experiences that most Brazilians that I’ve come across are like this.. so if you don’t agree that’s okay we just have a difference in opinion pls don’t attack me lol
Not all Brazilians are like that. Brazil is a large country with cultural and customs differences in each region. Experiences can vary greatly from one family to another and from one place to another. While some people and families might be more open about certain topics, others can be more reserved. When it comes to relationships, there is a wide range of behaviors and expectations. Therefore, it's important not to generalize and to recognize that each individual has their own way of viewing and handling relationships.
My wife distinctly remembers the moment we made things official. I had very little memory of it. Hahaha take that for what you will. But she really valued that moment.
Don’t overthink it bro. You now know that the end goal is to directly ask her if she wants to make things official with you, as bf gf. So take steps toward that!
Man, look. I asked my girlfriend in our second date and she didn't accepted back then (And i'm Brazilian), but now we are dating for 2 years. Sometimes we fumble, but still gets the girl. So no panic.
did u two kiss? did u two been further than that? the steps she might have meant are kiss, foreplays, sex. in brazil for many ppl its normal to do all those things for weeks or months before one of them ask to make things official. if no one asked to be official that means ur nothing more than fwb.
Sorry I’m kinda confused about some comments (I’m American).. so you said if they didn’t have sex it would be super weird.. what if you weren’t fwb at all.. could someone still ask to be bf/gf.. I guess just curious and I know everyone is different
when we are getting to know someone we dont need to make anything clear, not fwb or anything, we just hang out and do those stuffs i mentioned, at some point one of them(usually the man) will ask to be official if thats what he wants and thinks she wants that too.
asking someone to be bf/gf before even having sex or even kissing? that only works with young teens, virgins, and ppl from churches or something. other than that it will follow the pattern i mentioned in the rest of the cases that I can think of right now.
Ohh ok.. I come from a Christian family (I’m not really anymore, but the values are kind of still with me) so that’s what I was wondering about like if they didn’t kiss (besides like beijo na bochecha) or have sex would it still be normal to “ask out” as a namorado/a etc.. maybe other regions are different, but thank you for explaining it
Unless you're a teen/virgin, most people in Brazil will find it weird to be asked to be bf/gf before having sex.
It's kinda like being celibate until marriage, only religious people want that. Most adults wouldn't want to commit to a serious relationship before making sure you're sexually compatible. Asking a girl to be your gf = serious relationship
Hi there! People have already said but you’re cool, don’t take that as a rejection if all signs tell you otherwise.
Here we usually hookup first, then start going out together, learning more about each other, doing things together but still not official. It seems you’re in that phase now.
Some people are very chill about it and doesn’t need anything special, some do it quite fast. My last girlfriend we met the first time, then in a month we were chilling in the sofa together and it was basically like that “are we dating?” “Well if we are not, do you want to be my girlfriend?” “Lol yeah” and nothing changed lol.
But other people maybe need more time, sometimes they want to know the other families (just briefly) so they feel secure they’re being taking seriously and you’re not using them. Some girls actually want something more special almost like asking to marry lol a special date, special night and an official asking. In older times you’d even have to ask her father for it, but nowadays that is basically gone no one does it anymore (except for marriage, sometimes that happens even though rare).
Anyway, I think you’re still cool. Keep going out, treating her nice and showing you’re serious about it, make she feel special and if you feel it’s the right time, make something special to ask her finally. You can also talk more about it with her if you are worried about it, explain there might be some cultural differences but you want to learn and respect it.
You need to be careful when using the terms date/dating for namorar. It confuses the gringos. Cause you were in fact dating (ficando) for a month. What you meant with the question "are we dating?" would be better translated as "are we a couple?" or "are we in a relationship?".
Also, I see a lot o Brazilians calling ficar hooking up, hook up means having casual sex. I don't think the general order is to hook up then to go out together. It does happen (especially since Tinder became popular), but I think if you meet someone outside hookup apps, you will normally start out as friends, talk a lot, go on dates, kiss, then sex. These last two things can happen on the first date or after several dates.
Intimacy/sex if you haven’t (post doesn’t say). If you are sleeping together, she either wants you to make a bigger deal about asking to show it’s important, OR she’s not totally interested in the way of being bf/gf (at least at this point).
I’ve heard Australians are kinda 50/50 daters, like don’t tend toward chivalry, girls buy their own drinks/dinner, etc., which I hear they’re great with women’s social equality, also; but a lot of cultures/people aren’t really that way when it comes to romantic relationships, & it still leans heavily on the masculine to move relationships forward at all levels, so you might consider searching about what that looks like if it’s different than what you’re used to…like for a man to be leading/romancing/courting, including initiating dtr~if you’re willing & into it enough, that is!)
Really? Nobody pointed out you're too young to be using the word "soulmates"?
Man, I'm from Brazil and I've lived my young adulthood brokenhearted constantly, from the teens on, up until - out of nowhere, when I had accepted my lonely fate for good - Ifound my loving wife. The problem is I've been sold too well and too early on the idea of "finding one's soulmate", a concept I've grown to reject with age and maturity - because making a relationship work has nothing to do with destiny and a lot to do with a multitude of factors one can actually control.
If you guys are enjoying each other, that's what really counts. Live the moment and enjoy life, be your best self for you TODAY, and be nice to people around you. Life is lived one day at a time, and you're sure to find someone eventually.
Be happy, my man!
Best thing to do is NOT ask a Brazilian girl to be your gf. You lose the balance of power. Let her do it! At some point she will break and ask you! If a Brazilian chick likes you believe me she doesn’t want to remain in ficando com Vc land!
Brazilian women have these “unwritten rules” about relationships that are really confusing for some folks from Brazil (and specially from abroad)…
You thought you were official, she said you weren’t, you asked right away, she backed down. I’m not surprised.
To most women here, being someone’s “official” girlfriend is a big deal, even if you guys were dating for a while. So, you can’t just ask her out of the blue.
You don’t have to take her to a fancy restaurant and whatnot to pop the question, but try making it unique, like taking her back to the place you first met or buying her a surprise gift (doesn’t have to be expensive, just thoughtful).
Good luck, man. Hope she’s worth it and you guys make each other happy.
There are not one-fits-all set of "steps" in Brazil, but what I would expect that she is talking about is a very formal and cheesy ask for her to be your girlfriend. Not just "hey, be my GF" but something along the lines of planning a whole expensive romantic day to culminate into you asking with a promise ring or something like that.
The one thing that is different between the cultures is that unless you explicitly name it so people are usually not exclusive in Brazil and not GF/BF, very possibly she is seeing other people while you were assuming you were in a relationship.
I would discuss with her exactly what she wants to consider that you are formally GF/BF but to be honest to me it sounds like that it's not really what she wants. If it was, even if she was a little disappointed with you not going through the "steps", she would still accept to be your GF on the spot or at least discuss explicitly what needs to be done to make it happen asap.
Her dodgy answer sounded like a typical Brazilian excuse to not say "no" to your ask to be exclusive explicitly and not lose you as a potential casual date, but I hope to be wrong.
My man, buy flowers, invite her to your home or a restaurant, ask her to be your girlfriend. We dont have any ritual or something like that here, the only think I can think of is this I said, ask her in a special day, dont just go to her and say: “wanna be my girlfriend?” Like its nothing.
And yeah in Brazil we consider as BF/GF after asking officially.
If she still says something in that way maybe she’s just in doubt yet or dont want to date you in this way… In my experience with girls I dated before, I used to talk to them for like months before something official, but I dont know if this is common or just happened to me
Im not Brazilian I just live here. But based on reading the replies and your post im gonna guess that she just thinks its too fast. Usually id personally go on like 10+ long dates which usually takes a couple months, have sex etc before asking someone into a relationship. I really dont think there is some special custom in Brazil, Ive lived here 2 years now and it seems pretty much the same as anywhere else.
Id probably keep dating her if I were you and ask again in maybe 2 months. Asking before then sounds kinda pushy since you already asked. But just my opinion. You can also date other people too if you have the time, dont need to put all your eggs in one basket.
Why you need her to be your girlfriend? Keep the relationship the way it is and tell her that whenever she wants it to get official and serious, you’ll be ready. There’s a lot of things to consider such as introduction to the families, etc…
I dated my wife for 10 years and we only became bf/gf in the last 20% of this time. We moved and lived together for another 5-6 years and only then we got married.
Don’t rush things and live the relationship… official titles only make things less fun than it is supposed to be.
In my own conception, and I tell this as someone who “ficou” (dated) for nearly 3 months and then asked her to be my girlfriend.
There isn’t really any steps, time or “culture”. The only one being the man asking her, normally with gifts, surprises, maybe flowers, in a nice place/restaurant.
Or she just doesn’t want to date you or right now, in this case, there’s a really good chance she is seing someone else and don’t want to stop it now.
This is how things work here, basically.
Consider getting her a promise ring when you ask, almost like a proposal to be your girlfriend. I had a similar experience to you, and didn’t realize you basically propose to be gf/bf with a promise ring of some sort. Sometimes the guy wears one too, but I didn’t go that far and just got her one.
Ask her properly, with a surprise and beautiful things. Also, in some parts of Brazil we have the custom of giving an "anel de namoro", that is, a "dating ring", it is a silver ring used on the ring finger of the right hand.
Where is she from? I know it's a thing in São Paulo, but not a thing in many other states.
So this is totally a thing. Have in mind that right now she is seeing many stories of her friends being given beautiful surprises in this "dia dos namorados". If you two manage to be together in the following months, ask her to date you around the third month. Make something special.
Sometimes, people in Brazil prefer to "ficar" rather than date because it gives them the freedom to get involved with other people without the pressure and commitment of a relationship.
We have a strong hook up culture, but when one person really likes the other, there is no minimum time or steps necessary to try for an official relationship.
I hope this isn't your case, but sometimes this bullshit of "ficar" is just an excuse to see other people. Anyways, make things clear and talk to her if you want exclusivity.
She means she wants you to properly ask… like in a nice romantic dinner, maybe with a ring (not that common but seems like what she meant), etc. very clear for me as a Brazilian girl!
But he said that he did it, and that she said that weird shit about culture. I'm Brazilian and idk what she meant. I'm also a man, so that might be why I don't know.
dont even get me started on the fact that we, brazilians, use a silver ring for when we are officially dating, so u might want to take notes on that too
Right now you can date her while also fucking other Australian hotties. Get over your relationship hangups and jealousy issues and enjoy life while you're young.
Don't try to marry some hottie that you're horny for and have only known a month.
There are millions of girls out there that you would fall just as hard for. Don't mistake chance for fate. Don't fall into ownership and jealousy shit. Have your cake and eat it too. And eat it too.
We should all be more Brazilian when it comes to dating.
She is just stalling. And... No, this is not a Brazil thing, despite the "ficar" (e.g. the couple is staying until they see If they want to make It serious).
As Said by others "ficar" or stay is básically a buffer Zone where Two people stay togerher in a middle of the Road situation but are not in a serious relation só they wont feel bad If they Hook UP with someone else they feel is better because *w were Just staying".
Honestly? Biggest BS brazilians invented, specially to not feel guilty during carnival and so as to be able to fall on the lap of each other after february If they dont find anyone better during It.
People want to feel engaged but dont want the requirements and duties of being in one.
It is more serious than simple hooking up, but not as a real engagement. It is a fixed Hook UP with some experimenting.
Ive seen people that stayed for some time and all of sudden one of them disrupted It and engaged with someone. It happened to me when I was in college. My ex met me online and we engaged after 3 weeks. Little did I know she had been "staying" with a Guy from her university for almost a year prior to Meeting ne. He'd pick UP Girls in front of her while she deep inside nurtered that he moved their relationship further. He was Just playing with her and she kept with hin because PEOPLE DONT WANT TO STAY ALONE. It was kinda toxic because most of times one of the two Will eventually Cope.
The social context helps you understand.
Insanely accurate, thank you. Brazilians are not all assholes afraid of commitment, people are trying hard to make this toxic behavior "cultural" here on this thread, it's hilarious.
Young adults love to play this "lets pretend to be boyfriend/girlfriends but we are not" not because of "culture", but because people ALLOWED this to be an option (solitude also plays a part in this society). In a society that has such a rotation while in young age plus the way brazilians relativize stuff like relationships, religion, norms and customs, that's what allowed this bs to be normalized. This is a movement of PART of brazilian young adults, NOT ALL young adults or teens like this. I'd say 50/50 despise this bs
Most adults past 30 don't do this or care for this, and a lot o people despise this "staying" culture. Please, don't fricking normalize this as culture. IT IS NOT!!! and thank you abyssurd for supporting this.
OP, she might not be stalling you. Honestly, not all people that do this test the waters sh\* take it the same way. Some really prefer to use this way to check if you two make a good pair instead of going straight to the let's see. Others really just use this as hoop movement from person to person, playing with emotions.
I'm brazilian, but I just despise the term "ficante", like holy shit it just sounds like the most toxic thing ever to me. I understand that you can have a bunch of casual encounters with someone that is not your gf/bf, sure. But when it gets to this point of inventing this term, it just irks me.
Idk, I'm feeling insane cause recently I was into this girl who was becoming quite a close friend who would trade flirty comments and deep conversations with me and swore she was single. But suddenly she became colder to me (while not rejecting my advances outright), and I overheard something that made me sure she was talking about seeing someone (among other signs). I got very frustrated that she lied to me since she was such a "friend" and cut contact with her, and our friendship just blew up spectacularly.
But when I see people talking about "ficante" being this super cool and normal thing, I'm like "Ah nice, so the morally acceptable thing for me to do is to just stand beside her like a moron and watch her flirt with a billion guys, cause, who knows, she is in her "ficante" phase so it's just a normal thing for her to show interest in a lot of people, but she might really like me down the road!"
I'd rather be alone.
Haha dude since we are talking about bad experiences, I'll toss another one to the mix.
Went to this rather $$$ place in Vila with someone I matched a few hours ago. She suggested a place and I said vamos since it was a special day. I was going out regardless, might as well get her. Two bottles of wine, a few shots and a nice Italian dinner later we land up in another bar that's about to close, we get 2 more drinks $$. As they are closing, tabs settled, the "date" begins chatting with guys from another table and invited them to ours. I was awed but Brazilians are friendly so I rolled with it. The conversation doesn't seem to end and this one guy was particularly flirty. They exchange numbers to hangout later (oops!) - for the last hour, she has spent more time talking to them than me. Maybe she's as drunk as me but it doesn't matter. I felt like a fool but I had a good time so far, it's a special day, and I just want to celebrate.
We then decide to go to this Techno party(sink cost fallacy), we get in and she wants to drink more. I told her I don't want to drink more and she was mad. She said consumo minimo es ~$100 I still didn't want to drink. She said she's going to another table with the guys and I said go. Came back a few times apologizing but I ignored her. Ah, the gall!!!
Anyway she wanted a fancy dinner which she got but it was such a waste of time. I think most of these women are pretentious high-class and not worth more a pint at the corner bar.
Tbh I've had better experiences meeting women at McD(their choice) than this. Makes me think, they are really not cut for this. It's all a pretense and the "dating standards" belong on the street. It's not worth raising the standard when adjusting to their standards is far simpler.
The silver lining is I met a dentist at the same party, she really just wanted to go out for icecream and learn more about the culture. We had a blast hanging out for a week!
I'm not familiar with the specifics of your relationship with her, but in Brazil, there are certain regions where it's considered polite to "ask for permission" from her parents to officially acknowledge that you're dating. This courtesy is observed even if you're not anywhere near proposing or anything serious. This was my experience when I was in my 20s, and in some regions, it's still customary. It's possible that this is what she was referring to. However, the best course of action would be to ask her directly. Clarifying this won't hurt, and it can help avoid misunderstandings.
Good luck! :)
Are you Brazilian? This sounds incredibly outdated for most of us, I'm sure. Like, 1960s outdated. But definitely possible, it's a huge country with some very conservative bubbles.
I am Brazilian, yes. And this is not outdated in smaller cities and religious families. It is pretty much standard practice in my small town, and as far as I know this has happened to all my female friends my age too. I am in my 30s now and my first boyfriend at 22 asked my father's permission to date me.
not true, we wait for the guy to ask us… that’s all she’s waiting for. not all of us will let the guy know we are waiting, normally that’s done once you are about to piss off and seen as a last resort. he needs to ask her to be his GF on a romantic setting that’s it.
If you guys are "dating", maybe just next time you call her out bring her some flowers. Nothing fancy or anything. Some romantic gestures. She will appreciate it and you will have a good time. Btw, yesterday was valentine's day for Brazilians.
I think you should just ask if she wants properly, take her to dinner or something and ask nicely, if she doesn’t want , she doesn’t.
I don’t see a big deal here, you assumed it, she said you can’t assume… then you ask!
Yo ma man have you asked her what does she want in a boyfriend? How should things progress, what is commitment to her? Questions like these might give you some clue about how she is and her expectations.
I am also a BR woman and I never like these commitment rings (also is she Christian?) I read somewhere about she wanting a ring, so if that is true she might be evangelical and they tend to be pretty “conservative” in the courting process.
So I guess just ask her what an ideal ask should be and build from there.
Yeah so it makes sense her talking about a ring. She might be more on the dating conservative side. I would recommend to kind of sprinkle some of these questions here and there and see what she answers you. Don’t be so direct to avoid giving away your strategy lol
I wish you both happiness ❤️
Brazilian generally don’t know how to say no, if she is tip toeing around things without commitment. She’s either in the “ficante” stage or she’s likely giving you the run around, sorry mate.
yep. as a brazilian girl, no matter how deep your chats have gotten, you have to make it official and ask her if she wants to be your girlfriend. a ring is nice but not obligatory. it seems like she would like it, tho. but ask. you've got the gringo card. not that deep, but here it works that way, the shift is never automatic.
My girlfriend is quite conservative and it took 7 months and her entire family approving me before she gave me a ring and asked to be her boyfriend.
Give it time.
Honestly I find this to be not the norm at all. Yeah, I know that we have concepts like “Ficar”, but he’s trying to make it oficial and not just getting to know her better. She’s probably being cautious and taking her time. Wait one more month and try again
Curious myself with this. Is it super important to define a relationship with a Brazilian? I’ve been talking to/seeing someone for the past few months and idk what we are. We go out in public to eat, take pictures, her family/friends even know I exist and they apparently think I’m great( and yes I’ve met most of them ).
But is she my GF if I haven’t brought it up and defined it? Like everything we do would scream, “yes we are dating”, but according to some of these replies, we technically aren’t? The only thing that’s ever been mentioned of that would be when me, her and her friend were out eating after a show, and she said, “no no IM her best friend, you are her boyfriend”. I’m so at a loss here 😅
Yeah, if you know her family and are taking pictures together, you are serious. C'mon. Use your big boy words and communicate. Ask her to be your girlfriend, make it official. And do it nicely like take her out for dinner, flowers, etc. Don't fumble it!
Here we usually meet someone and start to going out, have fun, some kisses and that doesn’t mean that we’re together.
Then you tell your interest and start “ficar” stay along and everybody see you like a couple, but you don’t get in her life like meet parents like BF or knowing her workspace etc
Then you officially propose and become a couple, and it’s a normal dating.
brazilians hate commitment so situationships are the norm before deciding to call someone a bf/gf. she's probably seeing other guys if you two haven't "made it official" (asked her to be your gf) and is probably not interested in being exclusive right now.
it sucks, i hate it, but that's what people do here and what's considered normal
She is stalling you. If you asked her and she answered that it was not a properly question, this means that she does not want to make official by now. In Brazil this happens when or she doesn't have intent to date you (currently), probably only a hookup or because she has other relationships (hookups) in this moment and it would be considered "cheating" if she said yes to you in the moment you asked.
I personally think it’s dumb, but generally Brazilian girls (at least my generation) want you to propose to her as if you were asking here to marry you to make it official.
I see everyone else’s “ficar” argument and it is very true but it usually ends when someone officially asked, if she said that she’s seems to be avoidant of something, you already did the ficar part, even if it may have been a bit short… idk I find that answer a bit ridiculous it’s too easy to brush things as “cultural and tradition” but this is two real people that seemingly like each other. I don’t want you be pessimistic but that’s a low hit and she seems avoidant of something serious, and I that’s okay she should just be honest about it.
edit: oh one month hahaha, that is indeed very very early, sorry, although again I don’t see why she wouldn’t give it a shot.
She should be more clear as to what her expectations are. If you’re going to have a relationship with someone from a different culture then communication is even more important. She can’t just brush you off and assume that whatever she’s used to is the only way to do it.
Yeah OP date in Brazilian language is more deep and serious than in other cultures as I see... the ideia is to know more spend more time of course sticking with each other even though you see as a date but for her is more for a "testing grounds" like the others here said
In Brazil, Kiss someone or have sex with this people doesnt mean that you and this people are dating. In Brazil, there is the "ficar", is basically doing things that couples do with some people, but you arent dating; mostly this "ficar" doesnt becomes a date.
Srry for the bad english, i tried without the translator
It may be complex as other dudes say, or more simple. Usually brazilian women would like you put effort in your proposal, if you just say "wanna be my gf" will not cut it. Plan a fancy date, get a silver ring, get well dessed and them propose. That should show that you are serius about all that.
P.S. 1: brazilians are easy going and open in the beggining of relationship, but if you want us to commit you usually have to be serious and show effort.
P.s. 2: the silver ring is like a engagement ring, but in Brazil couples use them when being in a serious relationship. Usually they are silver and when you engage you can get a new one or put inscriptions on the ring you already have.
As a brit the Brazilian levels of dating confused me. My (now) wife explained it and I just went with it, feels like there is little traditions and 'levels' rather than just letting things happen. It not as big, but they are almost like asking someone to get married, there is the propsal and then the relationship is another level, and it steps up after the wedding.
My advice is just to ask her to explain. But (in Rio anyway) it is common that people will 'ficar' the level below bf/gf, you could be spending every weekend at each others house, doing everything together, but is not exclusive. To me the interaction seems like a proper relationship, but with commitment levels of a fuck buddy.
But, I am not brazilian. Talk to this woman and see what she says, what does she want to do to step up to different levels. Different people have different ideas of what the steps are before becoming bf/gf. For me a lot of these steps seemed kind of weird that I needed to say this, or do that, but they werent hard or unpleasent, but for me the performance of these steps didnt seem important.
Tbh, as a Brazilian, I also find it kinda confusing sometimes, but I guess it really just depends on the person. I think it's especially a bit weird of her to try to impose this dating dynamic when she's not even in Brazil ou relating to a Brazilian person.
She probably thought you were just "ficando", which is basically a situationship.
Here we don't presume we're dating, it must have a talk to make things official. Otherwise, you're just getting to know each other, without the commitments of a relationship.
What everyone is saying about "ficar" is true and that's definitely what she means, but to me you guys were already ficantes and you asking her to be your girlfriend was the natural next step lol
But hey, I'm definitely in the minority when it comes to the Brazilian dating culture. I've always dated good friends so the steps taken towards officialising the relationship were different. I've always found the "ficando sério" stage hilariously dumb, it never made sense to me. Either we're dating for real or we aren't and we're just buds who make out sometimes lol
In Brazil, the guy asks the girl to be his girlfriend, similar to a marriage proposal but for dating. Before he asks her, they are "ficando," which means they are just knowing each other, just hanging out. In Brazil, we like to make it very explicit that we are a real couple. It's also common for a couple that is dating to use a "valentine's ring." This ring looks like a wedding ring but is made from silver, not gold, and is worn on the other hand. I know that the ring tradition is not common outside Brazil, so just ask her to be your girlfriend with some flowers, maybe during a special dinner.
Some people have talked about it but in Brazil we have many steps of relationship.
Firstly, Brazilians only consider two people to be dating when one of them explicitly asks the other. So you can be together for a whole year with a brazilian person, if you didnt ask they probably dont aee you as a boyfriend.
The general idea is:
Pegar (Hook up)
Ficar (non-committal dating)
Namorar (actuall date)
Noivar (engage)
Namorido (You are dating but live together as if you were married)
Casar (to marriage)
Those are the basic ones, there are more steps. She probably meant she sees you as a ficante (someone you are getting together but wasnt fully commited yet)
HOWEVER, this is weird and you should feel a bit thrown back. You are totally ficantes (stage three), asking IS the next step, it feels like she doesnt want to commit and she's creating excuses, because if you asked right away this shouldve been enough.
More information could help with the analysis but I think she is using culture (and your lack of knowledge of our culture) so she can avoid it.
You should say something along the lines of "Well, I want to fully commit, I need we to take the next step. Whats troubling you about it? What can I do to help it?
"
Even though I agree we consider many more steps on relationships and if you didn't ask she wouldn't feel you were there yet, asking is enough, her answer didn't make sense. Moreover, we tend to be more lenient about this steps with foreigners since we know this is something we do, not everyone else, and if she really likes you she probably shouldve said yes right away, if she didnt she's either unsure about you or she has something troubling her that is making it hard for her to fully commit (she could be afraid she will come back to Brasil some day for exemple).
Its a small red flag imo, might not be such a big deal, she might not realize how important it is for you or she might just be allowing the culture crash to be worst than it need to be and dont realize. However, you are right to feel a bit taken back, it was weird
Good luck
In Brasil people like to be ficando which means basically not an official relationship so they can still be open to meet new people and talk to what they call "contatinhos" which means the contacts in their phones that they are flirting.
When you are in a relationship officially dating, you need to be exclusive with that person and some people are not ready for that step. Especially when they are talking to multiple people that for them is interesting.
People do that in Brasil I think you should know
In Brasil people like to be ficando which means basically not an official relationship so they can still be open to meet new people and talk to what they call "contatinhos" which means the contacts in their phones that they are flirting.
When you are in a relationship officially dating, you need to be exclusive with that person and some people are not ready for that step. Especially when they are talking to multiple people that for them is interesting.
People do that in Brasil I think you should know
In Brasil people like to be ficando which means basically not an official relationship so they can still be open to meet new people and talk to what they call "contatinhos" which means the contacts in their phones that they are flirting.
When you are in a relationship officially dating, you need to be exclusive with that person and some people are not ready for that step. Especially when they are talking to multiple people that for them is interesting.
People do that in Brasil I think you should know
Yeah, she a hoe, bro. Brazilian culture doesn't like exclusivity and in a study made this year, over 80% admitted to cheating on their partners. And those are just the ones who admitted.
Either kick her ass to the curb or understand that it's part of her culture to not be loyal, she is as likely to stay with you as she is to fuck another dude and not feel bad about it whatsoever since it's part of her culture.
You wanna keep it 100? Look for someone with a similar culture, you two are not soul mates, you're just agreeing with whatever she says because you're horny. If she was your soul mate you wouldn't define her as "complex" which is short for "she's fucking confusing but I believe it's worth sticking around".
Almost everywhere else in the world, the moment you show interest on someone and that person says she's interested in you, that's it, you're now in a exclusivity period, you're testing each other, fucking another dude is absolutely unacceptable, even if you're not dating officially, as long as there is a prospect, that person is supposed to conduct herself as if you were dating, else she's not interested.
Don't accept her bullshit gaslighting that it's "her culture" or "it's normal" in this promiscuous generation that girls have body counts in the 300+ by the time they're 20. Sometimes far above that. Find yourself a real woman, they're still out there.
Dawg, if you know each other for that long, and treat each other the way you do and she's saying something like this then you aren't soulmates.
People in Brazil are different, but it's guaranteed that when people start this type of talk, you're gonna have trouble later on
She's just fooling around
Lmao lots of camaradas here thinking they know better than us Brazilians, there are some unspoken Brazilian cultures that are not on google and looking it up won’t help you one bit (this for the people in the comments as well) there are some girls who will be clingy and will want to date right away and some that will do what she did it’s different for everyone.
While all comments mentioning Ficar are right, and that's likely the case, it can also indicate that she don't see you as a boyfriend material. Ficar could be:
"I don't know you well enough to date yet, but want to fool around, and let's see what happens - no expectation".
"I think I would like to date you, but want to know you better first, and want to fool around while i figure out"
"I already know I don't want you, but want to fool around anyway, so I won't be totally honest with you, and give you hope to get what I want".
I'd say n general anything beyond 1 month is suspicious.
She's waiting for something better... Run dude, she's just placing you on hold, not worth your time. If she wanted a relationship, she would have done it already.
OP please realize that most responses in this thread use the word “dating” as a synonym for being in a commited relationship. I don’t know why Brazilians make this mistake so often.
I’m Brazilian and I’m dating with an American. We as Brazilian usually goes slow when is about relationship, but honestly if she’s interested to date you would know. Like for me and my boyfriend was about 5/6 dates and we started to dating… so those steps I think it’s bullshit.
I’ve dated an Aussie and I’ve lived in Brazil too.
So the main difference is that in australia girls take the first steps. So by the time they’ve chosen you they want to be G/B.
Meanwhile in Brazil, guys play around a lot, so girls are used to this. Making them not wanting to formalize B/G so fast. There’s this time of “ficar” that’s basically be non-attachment fuck buddies.
Until both decide to move forward formalising the relationship. Introducing family, social networks, etc.
Hope this helps. Good luck.
Here we have the concept of "Ficar" (literally means to stay) where it's a phase before "Namorar" (dating) where the pair pretty much acts like a couple, put some boundaries or not, and then, after some time, one of them ask to make it "official" (namorar), usually the man. Not all people will give the same time to ficar, some will date faster, others not. In your case, it seems she needs more time. It's more like a phase of knowing each other more deeply, without compromising too much. It's very useful, in my opinion.
This! OP this is probably it. This step does exist, and partners test the waters to see how the relationship will go etc.. My advice: play along. This works almost like an official relationship. She likes you and is preparing for commitment, and as much as we are open and like to explore, we also commit hard. If she sees you as a keeper, it is only natural for her (in our culture) to take it a little slow so as not to enter a not-so-good relationship. Just ask her what she means, what she thinks about you 2, what are her fears and insecurities about it etc..
This is the right answer OP As a Brazilian who dated a kiwi guy, I remember that not long after we started going out, he started to refer me as his girlfriend To me, we were still "ficantes", I would refer to him as "the guy I'm seeing". After some months, after realising that well, since I hadn't left him, might as well start referring him as my boyfriend What I learnt after we talked about it is that for Brazilians, you first have a try out with the person and then you talk things through to decide to make yourselves an official couple. In Aussie/Kiwi culture, the try out is part of the official relationship, you become a couple and then see if you guys work out The now popular in the internet "situationship" is how brazilians have been dating for the longest time, and to us, making a relationship official without this tryout time feels really really rushed
What is this "situationship" people are saying all of a sudden?
A “situationship” is when you are more than just hooking up with someone, but you never really made anything official yet. It is quite similar to “ficar”, but generally speaking, Brazilians kind of expect to have a non-official, loosely defined relationship, while most other cultures see that under a negative light. “Ficar” has a neutral connotation in Portuguese, while a “situationship” usually means something negative.
Just to add to the comment above, situationship is negative because it usually means that one or both parties have a problem with commitment
My question for this is as follows, are ficantes exclusive or they are still going out and meeting various people to go on dates? Then the ones who they feel like they want to meet again, that becomes a ficante? With time, the favourite person becomes the partner?
In BR we say things like "eu fiquei com ela" (I "stayed" with her) to refer to casually kissing or one night stands with someone... However we also say "estou ficando com ela" (I'm staying with her) to mean we are at this stage of non-committal getting to know someone. So "Ficar" really depends on context, but usually is to refer to NOT having a commitment. Someone you tried for a while but didn't worked out, or someone you had a fling for a while, or someone you had a one night stands are people you "ficou" (stayed). Some people in this stage of relationship are already preparing for said commitment, like not seeing anybody else, not flirting anymore, really trying to know their partner, etc... And there's also people who use this type of relationship to avoid the repercussions of seeing more than one partner at a time... That is often not successful, but it's the weaponized incompetence kind of excuse, like "oh, i didn't know we were not seeing other people, we are just ficantes"... Brazilians are quite monogamous anyways, so that's why this often fails. To all intents and purposes, you're still single whilst you're in this type of relationship, so you either "make it official" or walk away after some try out time.
Non exclusive is the short answer, in general. You usually hook up with someone, that progresses into "ficante" and eventually ghosting or dating - "breaking" up with a ficante is somewhat rare... both parties usually notice the interest is dwindling and other hook ups / ficantes take over your focus. You can be "ficante" for years, works like an open relationship.
I dont think that non exclusive describes it right. It's common to a couple of "ficantes" to be exclusive. It's really a test-drive for the dating itself
I had never thought of "ficando" as a "situationship". I think a "situationship" usually has been going for a while and is fairly complicated, like a relationship withouth labels, mismatched expectations, blurred lines, exclusivity is not clear. "Ficando" for me has always been simple and straight forward - chat once in a while, meet & have sex here and there. The boundaries seem pretty clear to me. You're not a couple at all. Maybe that's just my take.
This. However do be aware that “ficar” usually doesn’t mean you 2 are exclusive yet. Also keep in mind that this is nowhere near a mandatory step in Brazil and many of us do not like this step precisely because it implies not exclusivity. Most likely said girl likes you as a FWB but still wanna keep her options open in case someone else with more to offer shows up. You can talk and be honest to her and let her know that you want to date exclusively and if she doesn’t then you need to decide if you want to remain non-exclusive FWB or part ways.
Ficante básico ou primeira ficante 😂… even if you’re are in the “ficar” stage you could be just a basic fwb or the primary one… especially if she is only 23 years old these are the new terms I learned recently.
Also if you are at this first stage with her, it doesn't mean necessarily that she wants to be your girlfriend. Some girls like to do it with multiple people since it doesn't involve commitment. The best thing to do is to talk to her and ask if she is looking for a long term relationship. I am also not a fan of this cultural system since it usually only leads to confusion in relationships, we even have the word "ficante sério" to denote when a couple is at this first stage but wants exclusivity just like a normal dating relationship. As mentioned not everyone follows this, my last long term relationship with a Brazilian girl went straight to dating and we even didn't ask each other, we just felt like it was natural we were dating.
"Ficante sério" is more brazilian than a caipirinha. The stage is set for all the benefits of a relationship in which you still hold argument "why are you mad I slept with X? We're only ficando".
As a Brazilian that grew up in Australia since a baby, it's funny that I naturally preferred and did things this way without even realizing it's a proper thing we do
Ficar is more aligned with dating (in the American concept) than Namorar. Namorar means to be in a serious relationship. This is a translation issue that I see quite often and creates a lot of confusion.
I would add that "namorar" usually requires: - Meeting each other's parents - A "proposal" - For some Brazilians, silver "wedding bands" (though these sometimes come after the proposal, most couples wait until it is a "namoro sério," which usually happens 6 months after the proposal)
This isn't some mandatory or mega set in stone step though. She could have as well said that she needs more time.
Ficar = hooking up
Not necessarily. You can ficar without sex. Making out with someone at the club is also ficar. You can go out/date and just kiss, and that's ficar. It is very normal to ficar without sex when you're getting to know someone. Actually, if someone tells me "eu fiquei com ele/ela", I won't immediately assume they had sex, but that they made out. Hooking up is having casual sex and usually without the intention to turn it into a serious relationship.
You beat me to it!
Nah hooking up means fucking. Ficar usually extends from kissing to heavy petting, up to and including finger banging and blowjobs depending on the person. I never thought of it but it's weird that blowjobs are sometimes a possibility when ficando but almost never cunnilingus
That's a spot-on description of what "ficar" in terms of dating means here in brazil. I do consider both the same thing, though.
No one has covered this yet for the poor Australian. 'Namorar' means 'to fall in love' its kind of the level where you are falling in love to the person and that's why you want more than just 'ficar' so it's quite a serious step and more of a big deal then 'we are exclusive'. Using the word 'love' is more common and less of a big deal in Latin culture than yours. And in Brazil it's kind of step where you start to meet parents, be invited to family events. You know in British, commonwealth, American culture there is quite a big gap between dating someone and being engaged. 'Namorar' is a closer step towards engagement. But don't worry, in modern times you are not expected to propose any time soon. But in the past.....
That's true most western culture wouldn't have the partners involve in anything at all unless it was marriage or maybe fiance. Although they would take a few months to a year before going on a family holiday or trip (but it varies). With some cultures of arranged marriage, there's no opportunity to date and there's some where they can date but aren't exclusive or seeing their family yet.
Not compromising, committing.
Falou tudo, pode fechar o tópico.
Ficar is kinda I wanna kiss you, maybe more, but I don't want to get official
Does ficar mean you are seeing other people as well?
Definitely means you CAN do that, not necessarily doing. There is the stage of "ficando só com você" (only with you) which means the person is not your bf/gf but is not seeing other people.
You have to dip yourself in orange juice then run through a supermarket
Shit I used cachaça instead of orange juice
That was the traditional way, I see you're a gentleman
>You have to dip yourself in orange juice then run through a supermarket In case it is not clear, this comment was made in jest. There is no such tradition. It doesn't have to be a supermarket, any store or even public space will be fine. Also, while orange Juice is more traditional in the south, if she is from the north you should look for Araça, Jambo or Sapoti. While these might be harder to find in Australia, I am sure should would appreciate you going the extra mile.
You're right. The tradition at least in sp and minas is coffee
You would fit right in, in Australia 👌
That's a common cultural shock. Foreigners usually assume the relationship becomes "official" just by living it. Brazilians don't see it that way until it is expressly said so. I didn't get how long you two have been together. Usually this kind of talk comes after 3 months or so (it varies from person to person, but I would say thats a good average value for the general population). I'm just assuming here, but what seemed to have happened is that she was waiting for you to do a romantic gesture when proposing, like doing it in a dinner or so. Also, be aware that today is Brazilian valentines day so if this happened today she could be upset by seeing other people's posts on Instagram with their loved ones but wasn't able to post it herself since it wasn't officialized before. It's hard to tell though, maybe she is just not into a relationship right now, I'm only trying to give you some general panorama of cultural things you should keep in mind.
I was aware today was "Dia dos namorados". We did many things together. We were seated really close to each other when the topic came up. At least I'm not the only person who's been through this. Safe to say I feel like an idiot. I think you are right about just needing more time. She's a really complex woman, but she's said that when she's around me, things are different. She can let her guard down, and she is already seeing a future where we have a family. But she also said that, in her mind, I'm far ahead of where I should be in reality. Basically, even though we've only known each other for a month, my relationship with her, I'm way ahead than where I actually should be. To clarify, that's how she sees me! I think she's still a little confused with how I'm so far ahead. Idk. It's just really confusing. Felt kind of like a rejection
I think you should be ok, by what you described in this reply she is thinking about having a relationship with you, just need some more time to make sure that it will work out. It doesn't matter how intense you feel, the thing is that time can't be skipped when understanding if that's really the person you want to have by your side, it's like brewing wine. Doesn't matter the force you apply when pressing the grapes, you still need to wait the bottle to ferment. She hasn't said 'no', it was just a "Let's wait a bit more". Just keep it going as it was and if everything continue the way they are, I would say it is ok to talk about this again within 2 months.
Thank you. I needed this
A month? That's like yesterday in Brazilian time. She for sure wouldn't think it is a serious relation that fast and not without a official request or yours, so it is everything going ok for you
>Basically, even though we've only known each other for a month, my relationship with her, I'm way ahead than where I actually should be. To clarify, that's how she sees me! I think she's still a little So that explains everything, that's the culture shock, you should have included this in the post. For most brazilians one month is not enough time for someone to commit, you're still in the "ficar" step. Does she know your friends and family? Do you hang out in public? Do you have pictures with her on social media? Did you spend the entire weekend together? After you go through all of these things you have to propose to her with the silver ring (anel de namoro) since she mentioned it, only then your relationship will be official. I advise you to time your commitment, don't love bomb her, brazilian in general are very perceptive of it. I think a proposal should happen between 3-6 months after your first time together.
This is way too much. That would be the case only for very conservative women.
OP, to be sure, did you ask to be BF/GF or did you ask *if you can already see you two as being* BF/GF? This might sound silly to you, but commonly in Brazil one would expect to be "formally" asked to be GF/BF, not do this in-retrospective-acknowledgement ("oh are we BF/GF?") I can see why she would say that if youn tried to this, and she sort of meant "Well, you need to ask officially".
Op how long are you two together? I dunno but it felt to me that maybe you guys haven't even had sex. In Brazil most relationships go like this: First date: hook up, kissing, maybe sex maybe not Second step: a lot of kissing and sex Repeat second step for 2-3 months Ask her to be your girlfriend There's absolutely NO way a girl from Brazil would consider you a boyfriend if you guys haven't had sex yet
I am dating a girl in Brazil, I have known for 6 months, and she is my girlfriend and even tells her friends, family this. We will meet soon, but we haven't even met in person, but we both love each other.
One month is a short time for us. My friend before was right, wait for 3 months to ask and make something special, not as much special as proposing a marriage, but something special enough to be recorded
>Safe to say I feel like an idiot. You're not, she could've taken that more lightly and just explained it to you how her culture is like and what she expects of you but she left it for you to find out
Dude, just to clarity one aspect of "ficar" that might guide you to a path of frustration and despair. Here in Brazil, more traditional people, like me, expect that this phase should be exclusive, even without the formal request to be bf/gf. If I discovered that I girl that I see a future with is dating with other guys, I would lose totally the interest in her. And that might be the case concerning her. Other people, however, only consider a exclusive relationship after the official proposal. If I were you I would make sure you know how she feels about it before having another partner. The fact that she is discussing having a family with you is really impressive and shows that she is really interested. So keep it up! After 3 months, ask her to be your gf and buy her a ring with roses. And that is it :)
Well.. maybe she just not into a relationship right now.. believe me, she’ll be ready when she invites you to her grandma birthday party. Or other relative. It happens a lot, something like guess what, now you’re my bf
OP, I just saw a comment where you said you two met a month ago, that’s the main information you should have put on your post one month is way too soon for most, we usually pop the question about being exclusive after 3 to 4 months getting to know each other have you met her friends or family? have she met yours? we are not the “we kissed, so we’re dating” type, mostly of us will officially date already having major feelings and information about each other
Yeah I totally agree... To be totally honest I have a feeling they didn't even fuck yet and he's already thinking about being her boyfriend. It doesn't work like that in here you can't expect to be someone bf without the intimacy of sex SLC ele pareceu meio virj, farejei o cheiro de cabaço de longe e isso é MT comum lá fora, os gringos são MT lerdão
sigo o voto do relator
Lol, she is "ficando" with you. "Ficar" is, basically, Schrodinger dating in our culture: she dates and doesn't date you at the same time. Just like as the observer in Quantum Mechanics, in the very moment you tried to measure the state on which your relationship were, the wave function collapsed, and she had to choose one possibility: not dating. TL:DR: you found out about Quantum Dating, also knows as "Ficar"
Damn. When you put it like that, it kind of makes sense now
Just chill. If things are flowing you'll get there. Just need to sync up the expectations. I'm hoping for the best. Cheers
Op culturally we are a very sexual country... Maybe you tried asking her to be your gf without even having sex before. No women from Brazil would ever accept a relationship with someone she didn't even had sex... I dunno, I might be wrong and you guys already did it but still I got this feeling that you guys didn't even had sex
Ask what she means. Brazilian culture is far from a monolith, depending on where she comes from and other circumstances, like religion and general upbringing, she might have different expectations. In my social bubble here in Brazil I never heard of any "traditions", you simply ask someone to be your partner and they either accept or refuse it.
Brazilians are quite care free people and don't take things very seriously. I’m Brazilian and to give you an idea my mom was never shy about talking about sex, even at an early age. Something that may be considered taboo in many households. Brazilians are just very open people so it’s no surprise to me that although your relationship seemed very intimate and moving in a more serious direction, for her it may have been quite “normal” or what she considered to be “expected” at the very least, so not as serious. Which would suggest she's not ready to make things official. With that being said there are no “steps” Maybe there’s a language barrier and she’s having trouble explaining herself but I have no idea what she’s talking about. In Brazil it’s quite simple if two people like each other and get along then they typically date unless neither one wants anything serious Ps I’m giving an oversimplification of Brazilians as a whole, obviously there are those that are not like this, but it has been through my experiences that most Brazilians that I’ve come across are like this.. so if you don’t agree that’s okay we just have a difference in opinion pls don’t attack me lol
Thank you for the help. The only thing I can think of is that promise ring thing! She told me about that all the way back on our first date
Not all Brazilians are like that. Brazil is a large country with cultural and customs differences in each region. Experiences can vary greatly from one family to another and from one place to another. While some people and families might be more open about certain topics, others can be more reserved. When it comes to relationships, there is a wide range of behaviors and expectations. Therefore, it's important not to generalize and to recognize that each individual has their own way of viewing and handling relationships.
Talking about what u/Hot_Respect_339 said
My mom never talked about sex
Sorte sua
My wife distinctly remembers the moment we made things official. I had very little memory of it. Hahaha take that for what you will. But she really valued that moment.
Okay. What did you do? This just makes me feel like I've left a stain on our relationship now 😞
I don't think it left a stain at all. Maybe she'll even have a laugh if you say to her that you know now that you guys are only "ficando".
Don’t overthink it bro. You now know that the end goal is to directly ask her if she wants to make things official with you, as bf gf. So take steps toward that!
You're overthinking it. Relax!
Man, look. I asked my girlfriend in our second date and she didn't accepted back then (And i'm Brazilian), but now we are dating for 2 years. Sometimes we fumble, but still gets the girl. So no panic.
I bet it doesnt mean anything, but its up to you to read your situation, with brazilians or any women in the world
People here will bend over backwards and come up with 100 new dating stages to avoid commitment. I just gave up.
did u two kiss? did u two been further than that? the steps she might have meant are kiss, foreplays, sex. in brazil for many ppl its normal to do all those things for weeks or months before one of them ask to make things official. if no one asked to be official that means ur nothing more than fwb.
Yeah, if they didn't have sex yet it would be super weird for her and she's probably too embarrassed to explain
Sorry I’m kinda confused about some comments (I’m American).. so you said if they didn’t have sex it would be super weird.. what if you weren’t fwb at all.. could someone still ask to be bf/gf.. I guess just curious and I know everyone is different
when we are getting to know someone we dont need to make anything clear, not fwb or anything, we just hang out and do those stuffs i mentioned, at some point one of them(usually the man) will ask to be official if thats what he wants and thinks she wants that too. asking someone to be bf/gf before even having sex or even kissing? that only works with young teens, virgins, and ppl from churches or something. other than that it will follow the pattern i mentioned in the rest of the cases that I can think of right now.
Ohh ok.. I come from a Christian family (I’m not really anymore, but the values are kind of still with me) so that’s what I was wondering about like if they didn’t kiss (besides like beijo na bochecha) or have sex would it still be normal to “ask out” as a namorado/a etc.. maybe other regions are different, but thank you for explaining it
Unless you're a teen/virgin, most people in Brazil will find it weird to be asked to be bf/gf before having sex. It's kinda like being celibate until marriage, only religious people want that. Most adults wouldn't want to commit to a serious relationship before making sure you're sexually compatible. Asking a girl to be your gf = serious relationship
Hi there! People have already said but you’re cool, don’t take that as a rejection if all signs tell you otherwise. Here we usually hookup first, then start going out together, learning more about each other, doing things together but still not official. It seems you’re in that phase now. Some people are very chill about it and doesn’t need anything special, some do it quite fast. My last girlfriend we met the first time, then in a month we were chilling in the sofa together and it was basically like that “are we dating?” “Well if we are not, do you want to be my girlfriend?” “Lol yeah” and nothing changed lol. But other people maybe need more time, sometimes they want to know the other families (just briefly) so they feel secure they’re being taking seriously and you’re not using them. Some girls actually want something more special almost like asking to marry lol a special date, special night and an official asking. In older times you’d even have to ask her father for it, but nowadays that is basically gone no one does it anymore (except for marriage, sometimes that happens even though rare). Anyway, I think you’re still cool. Keep going out, treating her nice and showing you’re serious about it, make she feel special and if you feel it’s the right time, make something special to ask her finally. You can also talk more about it with her if you are worried about it, explain there might be some cultural differences but you want to learn and respect it.
You need to be careful when using the terms date/dating for namorar. It confuses the gringos. Cause you were in fact dating (ficando) for a month. What you meant with the question "are we dating?" would be better translated as "are we a couple?" or "are we in a relationship?". Also, I see a lot o Brazilians calling ficar hooking up, hook up means having casual sex. I don't think the general order is to hook up then to go out together. It does happen (especially since Tinder became popular), but I think if you meet someone outside hookup apps, you will normally start out as friends, talk a lot, go on dates, kiss, then sex. These last two things can happen on the first date or after several dates.
Intimacy/sex if you haven’t (post doesn’t say). If you are sleeping together, she either wants you to make a bigger deal about asking to show it’s important, OR she’s not totally interested in the way of being bf/gf (at least at this point). I’ve heard Australians are kinda 50/50 daters, like don’t tend toward chivalry, girls buy their own drinks/dinner, etc., which I hear they’re great with women’s social equality, also; but a lot of cultures/people aren’t really that way when it comes to romantic relationships, & it still leans heavily on the masculine to move relationships forward at all levels, so you might consider searching about what that looks like if it’s different than what you’re used to…like for a man to be leading/romancing/courting, including initiating dtr~if you’re willing & into it enough, that is!)
Really? Nobody pointed out you're too young to be using the word "soulmates"? Man, I'm from Brazil and I've lived my young adulthood brokenhearted constantly, from the teens on, up until - out of nowhere, when I had accepted my lonely fate for good - Ifound my loving wife. The problem is I've been sold too well and too early on the idea of "finding one's soulmate", a concept I've grown to reject with age and maturity - because making a relationship work has nothing to do with destiny and a lot to do with a multitude of factors one can actually control. If you guys are enjoying each other, that's what really counts. Live the moment and enjoy life, be your best self for you TODAY, and be nice to people around you. Life is lived one day at a time, and you're sure to find someone eventually. Be happy, my man!
Best thing to do is NOT ask a Brazilian girl to be your gf. You lose the balance of power. Let her do it! At some point she will break and ask you! If a Brazilian chick likes you believe me she doesn’t want to remain in ficando com Vc land!
Brazilian women have these “unwritten rules” about relationships that are really confusing for some folks from Brazil (and specially from abroad)… You thought you were official, she said you weren’t, you asked right away, she backed down. I’m not surprised. To most women here, being someone’s “official” girlfriend is a big deal, even if you guys were dating for a while. So, you can’t just ask her out of the blue. You don’t have to take her to a fancy restaurant and whatnot to pop the question, but try making it unique, like taking her back to the place you first met or buying her a surprise gift (doesn’t have to be expensive, just thoughtful). Good luck, man. Hope she’s worth it and you guys make each other happy.
There are not one-fits-all set of "steps" in Brazil, but what I would expect that she is talking about is a very formal and cheesy ask for her to be your girlfriend. Not just "hey, be my GF" but something along the lines of planning a whole expensive romantic day to culminate into you asking with a promise ring or something like that. The one thing that is different between the cultures is that unless you explicitly name it so people are usually not exclusive in Brazil and not GF/BF, very possibly she is seeing other people while you were assuming you were in a relationship. I would discuss with her exactly what she wants to consider that you are formally GF/BF but to be honest to me it sounds like that it's not really what she wants. If it was, even if she was a little disappointed with you not going through the "steps", she would still accept to be your GF on the spot or at least discuss explicitly what needs to be done to make it happen asap. Her dodgy answer sounded like a typical Brazilian excuse to not say "no" to your ask to be exclusive explicitly and not lose you as a potential casual date, but I hope to be wrong.
I hope you are as well 😞
My man, buy flowers, invite her to your home or a restaurant, ask her to be your girlfriend. We dont have any ritual or something like that here, the only think I can think of is this I said, ask her in a special day, dont just go to her and say: “wanna be my girlfriend?” Like its nothing. And yeah in Brazil we consider as BF/GF after asking officially. If she still says something in that way maybe she’s just in doubt yet or dont want to date you in this way… In my experience with girls I dated before, I used to talk to them for like months before something official, but I dont know if this is common or just happened to me
Natural brazillian
Im not Brazilian I just live here. But based on reading the replies and your post im gonna guess that she just thinks its too fast. Usually id personally go on like 10+ long dates which usually takes a couple months, have sex etc before asking someone into a relationship. I really dont think there is some special custom in Brazil, Ive lived here 2 years now and it seems pretty much the same as anywhere else. Id probably keep dating her if I were you and ask again in maybe 2 months. Asking before then sounds kinda pushy since you already asked. But just my opinion. You can also date other people too if you have the time, dont need to put all your eggs in one basket.
She may be talking about asking her parents first. Somewhat normal here in the south. Use to be the standard previous generation
Why you need her to be your girlfriend? Keep the relationship the way it is and tell her that whenever she wants it to get official and serious, you’ll be ready. There’s a lot of things to consider such as introduction to the families, etc… I dated my wife for 10 years and we only became bf/gf in the last 20% of this time. We moved and lived together for another 5-6 years and only then we got married. Don’t rush things and live the relationship… official titles only make things less fun than it is supposed to be.
In my own conception, and I tell this as someone who “ficou” (dated) for nearly 3 months and then asked her to be my girlfriend. There isn’t really any steps, time or “culture”. The only one being the man asking her, normally with gifts, surprises, maybe flowers, in a nice place/restaurant. Or she just doesn’t want to date you or right now, in this case, there’s a really good chance she is seing someone else and don’t want to stop it now. This is how things work here, basically.
This is correct
Consider getting her a promise ring when you ask, almost like a proposal to be your girlfriend. I had a similar experience to you, and didn’t realize you basically propose to be gf/bf with a promise ring of some sort. Sometimes the guy wears one too, but I didn’t go that far and just got her one.
They’ve known each other for one month. Don’t ruin this by getting rejection sensitivity.
Ask her properly, with a surprise and beautiful things. Also, in some parts of Brazil we have the custom of giving an "anel de namoro", that is, a "dating ring", it is a silver ring used on the ring finger of the right hand. Where is she from? I know it's a thing in São Paulo, but not a thing in many other states.
She is from Sao Paulo
So this is totally a thing. Have in mind that right now she is seeing many stories of her friends being given beautiful surprises in this "dia dos namorados". If you two manage to be together in the following months, ask her to date you around the third month. Make something special.
Sometimes, people in Brazil prefer to "ficar" rather than date because it gives them the freedom to get involved with other people without the pressure and commitment of a relationship. We have a strong hook up culture, but when one person really likes the other, there is no minimum time or steps necessary to try for an official relationship. I hope this isn't your case, but sometimes this bullshit of "ficar" is just an excuse to see other people. Anyways, make things clear and talk to her if you want exclusivity.
She means she wants you to properly ask… like in a nice romantic dinner, maybe with a ring (not that common but seems like what she meant), etc. very clear for me as a Brazilian girl!
She just meant that you should ask her to be, straight away, formal thing. I think it's just it
My Brazilian wife says she’s just not that into you bro. “Ficar” is kid shit.
They're 22 lol
Sounds like a kid to me
That's what I'm saying, they're kids. They finna do kid shit.
Touche lol. Fair enough.
You didn't ask her to be her boyfriend = y'all aren't dating.
But he said that he did it, and that she said that weird shit about culture. I'm Brazilian and idk what she meant. I'm also a man, so that might be why I don't know.
Ele literalmente falou que não pediu
"I asked her straight away" o que vc acha que isso significa?
>a Brazilian women She's more than one woman?
What you have here is a dream woman. Learn the traditional steps and then take them. I’m looking for someone like that l (Brazilian) here in Miami.
In Brazil no one is your girlfriend until you actually pop the question " Do you wanna be my girlfriend?" Untill than you are not exclusive.
For a brazillian you are dating only when you make the proposition to make it official.
dont even get me started on the fact that we, brazilians, use a silver ring for when we are officially dating, so u might want to take notes on that too
I think the easiest way is to ask directly to her what does she really mean instead of rely on what someone from her country might think 🥴
Ask her what are the steps, it may be different from person to person
Right now you can date her while also fucking other Australian hotties. Get over your relationship hangups and jealousy issues and enjoy life while you're young. Don't try to marry some hottie that you're horny for and have only known a month. There are millions of girls out there that you would fall just as hard for. Don't mistake chance for fate. Don't fall into ownership and jealousy shit. Have your cake and eat it too. And eat it too. We should all be more Brazilian when it comes to dating.
She is just stalling. And... No, this is not a Brazil thing, despite the "ficar" (e.g. the couple is staying until they see If they want to make It serious). As Said by others "ficar" or stay is básically a buffer Zone where Two people stay togerher in a middle of the Road situation but are not in a serious relation só they wont feel bad If they Hook UP with someone else they feel is better because *w were Just staying". Honestly? Biggest BS brazilians invented, specially to not feel guilty during carnival and so as to be able to fall on the lap of each other after february If they dont find anyone better during It. People want to feel engaged but dont want the requirements and duties of being in one. It is more serious than simple hooking up, but not as a real engagement. It is a fixed Hook UP with some experimenting. Ive seen people that stayed for some time and all of sudden one of them disrupted It and engaged with someone. It happened to me when I was in college. My ex met me online and we engaged after 3 weeks. Little did I know she had been "staying" with a Guy from her university for almost a year prior to Meeting ne. He'd pick UP Girls in front of her while she deep inside nurtered that he moved their relationship further. He was Just playing with her and she kept with hin because PEOPLE DONT WANT TO STAY ALONE. It was kinda toxic because most of times one of the two Will eventually Cope. The social context helps you understand.
Pode fechar o tópico.
Insanely accurate, thank you. Brazilians are not all assholes afraid of commitment, people are trying hard to make this toxic behavior "cultural" here on this thread, it's hilarious.
Young adults love to play this "lets pretend to be boyfriend/girlfriends but we are not" not because of "culture", but because people ALLOWED this to be an option (solitude also plays a part in this society). In a society that has such a rotation while in young age plus the way brazilians relativize stuff like relationships, religion, norms and customs, that's what allowed this bs to be normalized. This is a movement of PART of brazilian young adults, NOT ALL young adults or teens like this. I'd say 50/50 despise this bs Most adults past 30 don't do this or care for this, and a lot o people despise this "staying" culture. Please, don't fricking normalize this as culture. IT IS NOT!!! and thank you abyssurd for supporting this. OP, she might not be stalling you. Honestly, not all people that do this test the waters sh\* take it the same way. Some really prefer to use this way to check if you two make a good pair instead of going straight to the let's see. Others really just use this as hoop movement from person to person, playing with emotions.
I'm brazilian, but I just despise the term "ficante", like holy shit it just sounds like the most toxic thing ever to me. I understand that you can have a bunch of casual encounters with someone that is not your gf/bf, sure. But when it gets to this point of inventing this term, it just irks me. Idk, I'm feeling insane cause recently I was into this girl who was becoming quite a close friend who would trade flirty comments and deep conversations with me and swore she was single. But suddenly she became colder to me (while not rejecting my advances outright), and I overheard something that made me sure she was talking about seeing someone (among other signs). I got very frustrated that she lied to me since she was such a "friend" and cut contact with her, and our friendship just blew up spectacularly. But when I see people talking about "ficante" being this super cool and normal thing, I'm like "Ah nice, so the morally acceptable thing for me to do is to just stand beside her like a moron and watch her flirt with a billion guys, cause, who knows, she is in her "ficante" phase so it's just a normal thing for her to show interest in a lot of people, but she might really like me down the road!" I'd rather be alone.
Haha dude since we are talking about bad experiences, I'll toss another one to the mix. Went to this rather $$$ place in Vila with someone I matched a few hours ago. She suggested a place and I said vamos since it was a special day. I was going out regardless, might as well get her. Two bottles of wine, a few shots and a nice Italian dinner later we land up in another bar that's about to close, we get 2 more drinks $$. As they are closing, tabs settled, the "date" begins chatting with guys from another table and invited them to ours. I was awed but Brazilians are friendly so I rolled with it. The conversation doesn't seem to end and this one guy was particularly flirty. They exchange numbers to hangout later (oops!) - for the last hour, she has spent more time talking to them than me. Maybe she's as drunk as me but it doesn't matter. I felt like a fool but I had a good time so far, it's a special day, and I just want to celebrate. We then decide to go to this Techno party(sink cost fallacy), we get in and she wants to drink more. I told her I don't want to drink more and she was mad. She said consumo minimo es ~$100 I still didn't want to drink. She said she's going to another table with the guys and I said go. Came back a few times apologizing but I ignored her. Ah, the gall!!! Anyway she wanted a fancy dinner which she got but it was such a waste of time. I think most of these women are pretentious high-class and not worth more a pint at the corner bar. Tbh I've had better experiences meeting women at McD(their choice) than this. Makes me think, they are really not cut for this. It's all a pretense and the "dating standards" belong on the street. It's not worth raising the standard when adjusting to their standards is far simpler. The silver lining is I met a dentist at the same party, she really just wanted to go out for icecream and learn more about the culture. We had a blast hanging out for a week!
I'm not familiar with the specifics of your relationship with her, but in Brazil, there are certain regions where it's considered polite to "ask for permission" from her parents to officially acknowledge that you're dating. This courtesy is observed even if you're not anywhere near proposing or anything serious. This was my experience when I was in my 20s, and in some regions, it's still customary. It's possible that this is what she was referring to. However, the best course of action would be to ask her directly. Clarifying this won't hurt, and it can help avoid misunderstandings. Good luck! :)
Are you Brazilian? This sounds incredibly outdated for most of us, I'm sure. Like, 1960s outdated. But definitely possible, it's a huge country with some very conservative bubbles.
I am Brazilian, yes. And this is not outdated in smaller cities and religious families. It is pretty much standard practice in my small town, and as far as I know this has happened to all my female friends my age too. I am in my 30s now and my first boyfriend at 22 asked my father's permission to date me.
On small cities it still somewhat common especially for religions families
Deep chats?
We've had plenty of those! Pretty much every date has consisted of emotional and being up out past chats
Means she can still see other people during this phase. If she chooses you, she’ll let you know
not true, we wait for the guy to ask us… that’s all she’s waiting for. not all of us will let the guy know we are waiting, normally that’s done once you are about to piss off and seen as a last resort. he needs to ask her to be his GF on a romantic setting that’s it.
He did ask her. She said no. If she was waiting for him to ask, she would’ve said yes.
she didn’t say no to being his gf. he asked her bluntly straight after she said they were not official. she wants a proper “proposal” it seems…
If you guys are "dating", maybe just next time you call her out bring her some flowers. Nothing fancy or anything. Some romantic gestures. She will appreciate it and you will have a good time. Btw, yesterday was valentine's day for Brazilians.
I think you should just ask if she wants properly, take her to dinner or something and ask nicely, if she doesn’t want , she doesn’t. I don’t see a big deal here, you assumed it, she said you can’t assume… then you ask!
🫠
Maybe she means taking her on an actual date? Try dating for a bit before skipling right to being serious.
As a Brazilian Man, I never really had to "Ficar" with anyone and I've never seen It as some kind of mandatory step.
Yo ma man have you asked her what does she want in a boyfriend? How should things progress, what is commitment to her? Questions like these might give you some clue about how she is and her expectations. I am also a BR woman and I never like these commitment rings (also is she Christian?) I read somewhere about she wanting a ring, so if that is true she might be evangelical and they tend to be pretty “conservative” in the courting process. So I guess just ask her what an ideal ask should be and build from there.
I have not asked her these questions. We are both pretty new to the dating sphere. She is Christian btw
Yeah so it makes sense her talking about a ring. She might be more on the dating conservative side. I would recommend to kind of sprinkle some of these questions here and there and see what she answers you. Don’t be so direct to avoid giving away your strategy lol I wish you both happiness ❤️
Brazilian generally don’t know how to say no, if she is tip toeing around things without commitment. She’s either in the “ficante” stage or she’s likely giving you the run around, sorry mate.
As a Brazilian, I say: run
yep. as a brazilian girl, no matter how deep your chats have gotten, you have to make it official and ask her if she wants to be your girlfriend. a ring is nice but not obligatory. it seems like she would like it, tho. but ask. you've got the gringo card. not that deep, but here it works that way, the shift is never automatic.
Ela pode tá “ficando” com outra pessoa também e não quer falar
My girlfriend is quite conservative and it took 7 months and her entire family approving me before she gave me a ring and asked to be her boyfriend. Give it time.
Honestly I find this to be not the norm at all. Yeah, I know that we have concepts like “Ficar”, but he’s trying to make it oficial and not just getting to know her better. She’s probably being cautious and taking her time. Wait one more month and try again
Curious myself with this. Is it super important to define a relationship with a Brazilian? I’ve been talking to/seeing someone for the past few months and idk what we are. We go out in public to eat, take pictures, her family/friends even know I exist and they apparently think I’m great( and yes I’ve met most of them ). But is she my GF if I haven’t brought it up and defined it? Like everything we do would scream, “yes we are dating”, but according to some of these replies, we technically aren’t? The only thing that’s ever been mentioned of that would be when me, her and her friend were out eating after a show, and she said, “no no IM her best friend, you are her boyfriend”. I’m so at a loss here 😅
Yeah, if you know her family and are taking pictures together, you are serious. C'mon. Use your big boy words and communicate. Ask her to be your girlfriend, make it official. And do it nicely like take her out for dinner, flowers, etc. Don't fumble it!
Here we usually meet someone and start to going out, have fun, some kisses and that doesn’t mean that we’re together. Then you tell your interest and start “ficar” stay along and everybody see you like a couple, but you don’t get in her life like meet parents like BF or knowing her workspace etc Then you officially propose and become a couple, and it’s a normal dating.
brazilians hate commitment so situationships are the norm before deciding to call someone a bf/gf. she's probably seeing other guys if you two haven't "made it official" (asked her to be your gf) and is probably not interested in being exclusive right now. it sucks, i hate it, but that's what people do here and what's considered normal
She is stalling you. If you asked her and she answered that it was not a properly question, this means that she does not want to make official by now. In Brazil this happens when or she doesn't have intent to date you (currently), probably only a hookup or because she has other relationships (hookups) in this moment and it would be considered "cheating" if she said yes to you in the moment you asked.
I personally think it’s dumb, but generally Brazilian girls (at least my generation) want you to propose to her as if you were asking here to marry you to make it official.
I see everyone else’s “ficar” argument and it is very true but it usually ends when someone officially asked, if she said that she’s seems to be avoidant of something, you already did the ficar part, even if it may have been a bit short… idk I find that answer a bit ridiculous it’s too easy to brush things as “cultural and tradition” but this is two real people that seemingly like each other. I don’t want you be pessimistic but that’s a low hit and she seems avoidant of something serious, and I that’s okay she should just be honest about it. edit: oh one month hahaha, that is indeed very very early, sorry, although again I don’t see why she wouldn’t give it a shot.
She should be more clear as to what her expectations are. If you’re going to have a relationship with someone from a different culture then communication is even more important. She can’t just brush you off and assume that whatever she’s used to is the only way to do it.
This is the only answer: She wants to ride the AU dick carrousel a while more before using you as a breadbasket. I am Brazilian, believe me.
Yeah OP date in Brazilian language is more deep and serious than in other cultures as I see... the ideia is to know more spend more time of course sticking with each other even though you see as a date but for her is more for a "testing grounds" like the others here said
In Brazil, Kiss someone or have sex with this people doesnt mean that you and this people are dating. In Brazil, there is the "ficar", is basically doing things that couples do with some people, but you arent dating; mostly this "ficar" doesnt becomes a date. Srry for the bad english, i tried without the translator
It may be complex as other dudes say, or more simple. Usually brazilian women would like you put effort in your proposal, if you just say "wanna be my gf" will not cut it. Plan a fancy date, get a silver ring, get well dessed and them propose. That should show that you are serius about all that. P.S. 1: brazilians are easy going and open in the beggining of relationship, but if you want us to commit you usually have to be serious and show effort. P.s. 2: the silver ring is like a engagement ring, but in Brazil couples use them when being in a serious relationship. Usually they are silver and when you engage you can get a new one or put inscriptions on the ring you already have.
As a brit the Brazilian levels of dating confused me. My (now) wife explained it and I just went with it, feels like there is little traditions and 'levels' rather than just letting things happen. It not as big, but they are almost like asking someone to get married, there is the propsal and then the relationship is another level, and it steps up after the wedding. My advice is just to ask her to explain. But (in Rio anyway) it is common that people will 'ficar' the level below bf/gf, you could be spending every weekend at each others house, doing everything together, but is not exclusive. To me the interaction seems like a proper relationship, but with commitment levels of a fuck buddy. But, I am not brazilian. Talk to this woman and see what she says, what does she want to do to step up to different levels. Different people have different ideas of what the steps are before becoming bf/gf. For me a lot of these steps seemed kind of weird that I needed to say this, or do that, but they werent hard or unpleasent, but for me the performance of these steps didnt seem important.
Tbh, as a Brazilian, I also find it kinda confusing sometimes, but I guess it really just depends on the person. I think it's especially a bit weird of her to try to impose this dating dynamic when she's not even in Brazil ou relating to a Brazilian person.
Don't worry. After 6 months "ficando", we bought a apartment together. Today, 15 years later, we are married with a kid
She probably thought you were just "ficando", which is basically a situationship. Here we don't presume we're dating, it must have a talk to make things official. Otherwise, you're just getting to know each other, without the commitments of a relationship.
What everyone is saying about "ficar" is true and that's definitely what she means, but to me you guys were already ficantes and you asking her to be your girlfriend was the natural next step lol But hey, I'm definitely in the minority when it comes to the Brazilian dating culture. I've always dated good friends so the steps taken towards officialising the relationship were different. I've always found the "ficando sério" stage hilariously dumb, it never made sense to me. Either we're dating for real or we aren't and we're just buds who make out sometimes lol
Just fu***** ask her with all words possible.
irmão vc ainda esta na fase de ficante básico, tenham calma meu amigo, vai da certo
In Brazil, the guy asks the girl to be his girlfriend, similar to a marriage proposal but for dating. Before he asks her, they are "ficando," which means they are just knowing each other, just hanging out. In Brazil, we like to make it very explicit that we are a real couple. It's also common for a couple that is dating to use a "valentine's ring." This ring looks like a wedding ring but is made from silver, not gold, and is worn on the other hand. I know that the ring tradition is not common outside Brazil, so just ask her to be your girlfriend with some flowers, maybe during a special dinner.
I may be way off but maybe she was testing the waters to see if you were serious?
Some people have talked about it but in Brazil we have many steps of relationship. Firstly, Brazilians only consider two people to be dating when one of them explicitly asks the other. So you can be together for a whole year with a brazilian person, if you didnt ask they probably dont aee you as a boyfriend. The general idea is: Pegar (Hook up) Ficar (non-committal dating) Namorar (actuall date) Noivar (engage) Namorido (You are dating but live together as if you were married) Casar (to marriage) Those are the basic ones, there are more steps. She probably meant she sees you as a ficante (someone you are getting together but wasnt fully commited yet) HOWEVER, this is weird and you should feel a bit thrown back. You are totally ficantes (stage three), asking IS the next step, it feels like she doesnt want to commit and she's creating excuses, because if you asked right away this shouldve been enough. More information could help with the analysis but I think she is using culture (and your lack of knowledge of our culture) so she can avoid it. You should say something along the lines of "Well, I want to fully commit, I need we to take the next step. Whats troubling you about it? What can I do to help it? " Even though I agree we consider many more steps on relationships and if you didn't ask she wouldn't feel you were there yet, asking is enough, her answer didn't make sense. Moreover, we tend to be more lenient about this steps with foreigners since we know this is something we do, not everyone else, and if she really likes you she probably shouldve said yes right away, if she didnt she's either unsure about you or she has something troubling her that is making it hard for her to fully commit (she could be afraid she will come back to Brasil some day for exemple). Its a small red flag imo, might not be such a big deal, she might not realize how important it is for you or she might just be allowing the culture crash to be worst than it need to be and dont realize. However, you are right to feel a bit taken back, it was weird Good luck
In Brasil people like to be ficando which means basically not an official relationship so they can still be open to meet new people and talk to what they call "contatinhos" which means the contacts in their phones that they are flirting. When you are in a relationship officially dating, you need to be exclusive with that person and some people are not ready for that step. Especially when they are talking to multiple people that for them is interesting. People do that in Brasil I think you should know
In Brasil people like to be ficando which means basically not an official relationship so they can still be open to meet new people and talk to what they call "contatinhos" which means the contacts in their phones that they are flirting. When you are in a relationship officially dating, you need to be exclusive with that person and some people are not ready for that step. Especially when they are talking to multiple people that for them is interesting. People do that in Brasil I think you should know
In Brasil people like to be ficando which means basically not an official relationship so they can still be open to meet new people and talk to what they call "contatinhos" which means the contacts in their phones that they are flirting. When you are in a relationship officially dating, you need to be exclusive with that person and some people are not ready for that step. Especially when they are talking to multiple people that for them is interesting. People do that in Brasil I think you should know
Yeah, she a hoe, bro. Brazilian culture doesn't like exclusivity and in a study made this year, over 80% admitted to cheating on their partners. And those are just the ones who admitted. Either kick her ass to the curb or understand that it's part of her culture to not be loyal, she is as likely to stay with you as she is to fuck another dude and not feel bad about it whatsoever since it's part of her culture. You wanna keep it 100? Look for someone with a similar culture, you two are not soul mates, you're just agreeing with whatever she says because you're horny. If she was your soul mate you wouldn't define her as "complex" which is short for "she's fucking confusing but I believe it's worth sticking around". Almost everywhere else in the world, the moment you show interest on someone and that person says she's interested in you, that's it, you're now in a exclusivity period, you're testing each other, fucking another dude is absolutely unacceptable, even if you're not dating officially, as long as there is a prospect, that person is supposed to conduct herself as if you were dating, else she's not interested. Don't accept her bullshit gaslighting that it's "her culture" or "it's normal" in this promiscuous generation that girls have body counts in the 300+ by the time they're 20. Sometimes far above that. Find yourself a real woman, they're still out there.
Dawg, if you know each other for that long, and treat each other the way you do and she's saying something like this then you aren't soulmates. People in Brazil are different, but it's guaranteed that when people start this type of talk, you're gonna have trouble later on She's just fooling around
Lmao lots of camaradas here thinking they know better than us Brazilians, there are some unspoken Brazilian cultures that are not on google and looking it up won’t help you one bit (this for the people in the comments as well) there are some girls who will be clingy and will want to date right away and some that will do what she did it’s different for everyone.
She doesn't want.
While all comments mentioning Ficar are right, and that's likely the case, it can also indicate that she don't see you as a boyfriend material. Ficar could be: "I don't know you well enough to date yet, but want to fool around, and let's see what happens - no expectation". "I think I would like to date you, but want to know you better first, and want to fool around while i figure out" "I already know I don't want you, but want to fool around anyway, so I won't be totally honest with you, and give you hope to get what I want". I'd say n general anything beyond 1 month is suspicious.
She's waiting for something better... Run dude, she's just placing you on hold, not worth your time. If she wanted a relationship, she would have done it already.
OP please realize that most responses in this thread use the word “dating” as a synonym for being in a commited relationship. I don’t know why Brazilians make this mistake so often.
it's because Brazilian women are full of "frescura" . Tell her to "stop with the frescura"
Bem vindo ao Brasil caralho kkkkkkkkkkkkkk Brasileira é ligeira man, vai ter que ser também
I’m Brazilian and I’m dating with an American. We as Brazilian usually goes slow when is about relationship, but honestly if she’s interested to date you would know. Like for me and my boyfriend was about 5/6 dates and we started to dating… so those steps I think it’s bullshit.
I’ve dated an Aussie and I’ve lived in Brazil too. So the main difference is that in australia girls take the first steps. So by the time they’ve chosen you they want to be G/B. Meanwhile in Brazil, guys play around a lot, so girls are used to this. Making them not wanting to formalize B/G so fast. There’s this time of “ficar” that’s basically be non-attachment fuck buddies. Until both decide to move forward formalising the relationship. Introducing family, social networks, etc. Hope this helps. Good luck.