Welcome to the world of young boys growing up with access to hard porn & thinking it's part of a normal sexual relationship. Pretty sure if at the beginning of every film they showed the "prep" the girls and women go though a lot of them would soon realise it for what it is.
My ex made me do anal too, and told me the exact same thing (that’d he’d leave me if I didn’t). He left me anyway and was cheating half of our relationship. Men like this are trash through and through. Please listen to your body and don’t do it if you don’t wholeheartedly want to. It was a painful and traumatizing experience. LEAVE HIM as soon as possible and prioritize yourself. There are good men out there and you deserve better.
I would never let a man treat me this way — ever in my lifetime. Maybe verbally, emotionally, psychologically, but when it comes to my body, you’ll have to fight me over my boundaries. I think we all have our limits. Some people won’t put up with the physical, or the emotional, or mental abuse. We all have the line, and when they cross it, we leave. I always did. I never allowed a man to tell me they would leave me for an unreasonable expectation. I never gave them the chance.
I definitely won’t let a man treat me like this ever again. I’m so thankful I’m out of that relationship now. It didn’t help that I had childhood trauma and didn’t know what a healthy relationship looked like. Now, after therapy, I’m aware of what is healthy and what isn’t. I’ll leave immediately if my current partner did anything even remotely similar to the last one. He fully took advantage of me, and I don’t want that to happen to OP.
I haven't even read everything you've written. Just off the title alone you need to leave him! There is absolutely nothing you could say that would make that sentence acceptable.
Literally same. I didn’t read a single thing. Break up w him. I don’t care. There’s no logical excuse for this. If he is so willing to break it off over that, then respect yourself and break it off bc he is trying to coerce you into doing something you don’t want to do.
I think you mean, "exactly, no one should ever have to feel pressure into doing anything they don't want to do, whether that would be overstepping personal boundaries, cause pain, emotional or physical trauma"
This boy does not love you, he is quite literally using you and when you don’t give him what he wants he gets mad. He is a *predator* and HE is the one who is manipulating you. Please leave this abusive relationship, one day you will look back and grieve for your 20 y/o self for tolerating his abuse and manipulation. He knows exactly what he’s doing, leave and never look back!
Exactly. If he loved her he wouldnt possibly say things (paraphrasing) like “if we dont do anal we may aswell not be together” he is QUITE LITERALLY dating her FOR anal lmfao.
Hey there,
This relationship is really toxic. That needs to be said.
>In the beginning of the relationship he told me anal is a big deal for him and if I weren’t to do it there is not a reason to be together.
#1: That is NOT love. Holy crap, not even close. He does not love you. He loves what you, or more specifically, one part of YOUR BODY, can do for HIM. I am so sorry that he is treating you this way.
#2: HE is manipulating YOU! He is trying to guilt trip you into giving him access to YOUR body. And a part you don’t even want to give! And it’s perfectly okay/reasonable that you don’t want to give it!! Let alone the fact that it’s PAINFUL for you!!! No means no. Hard stop. YOU are in charge of YOUR body, not him. He is a hard core whiner who thinks he can threaten you with a breakup to get what he wants. He knows that YOU love HIM, and thinks this tactic will work.
I am so sorry that this is happening to you. And I would HIGHLY suggest that you leave. I have been in your exact shoes, and had someone try to manipulate me and take advantage of me. 1000% I wish I had left. I wish it had ended a million times sooner than it did. It was so toxic and I allowed him to hurt me in a deep and personal way that I did not deserve.
Don’t be like me. Stand up for yourself! Love yourself enough to go find what you DESERVE. REAL, TRUE LOVE. Not this bullshit.
When I was in a similar situation, I also had low self worth. It’s not something that’s easy to recover from, especially if you grew up in an abusive family like I did. It’s almost programmed into your psyche that you are worthless, so any scrap of love feels amazing, and the fear of losing that love is crippling. Stay strong OP, and try to learn to love yourself slowly but surely.
Perhaps I should have been more compassionate. My comment came from personal experience. Accepting anything because at least they wanted me. It has been a long road to building my self-worth.
Or their post is just BS. I guess it’s just my age. I didn’t even know about anal at 16, let alone 19, 20, or maybe up to 25. But, I’ve read some posts on Reddit before, that sound so ridiculous, they could only be made up. But, who knows? 🤷♀️
Yeah times have changed though - people are having sex way earlier and casual sex has made women more sexually liberated but also taken them down a path of becoming hyper-sexual for men’s validation. There’s literally 20 year olds on TikTok who boast about being with married men.
And then there’s porn that’s more accessible than ever. Even on Reddit.
First of all the format is cringy. Secondly there was one in this relationship who actually communicated their wants and needs and you call that person toxic.
I was trying to write number one (using the pound sign) and that’s what happened. And using someone for their body is not an acceptable want or need. Gain a moral compass doofus.
Learn to communicate. If someone says they need something you can’t give them, tell them that. Don’t lead them on, that is manipulative.
Stop trying to be a victim you are not. It’s basic incompatibility. Happens all the time.
A month into our relationship my ex said he “needed” oral and anal sex to be satisfied, even though it made me sick when I did it (he of course didn’t want to reciprocate oral because he didn’t “love doing it”) the conversation was the moment I knew I was not going to continue our relationship. I love when guys go down on me but I’d NEVER get mad at them if they don’t want to and don’t enjoy it. To be pushed to do something that causes PAIN shows that you are not in a healthy relationship. No loving partner would want their partner to be in pain (unless that’s a mutual kink) leave this weirdo asap.
Your weird porn addict perv boyfriend is not someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. He wants to breakup for the most stupid reason. Let him. Tell him to go fuck guys if that’s what he wants to do, he’ll get pissed. Sorry you wasted 3 years on him but you’re still just 20. You got plenty of time.
What the hell is the obsession with anal. This is simply because he has been brain washed by porn. A horrible disgusting industry that is so derogatory towards women. I'm male I have had anal with my girlfriend, it was actually something she wanted to try. We have done it a few times and both agreed that vaginal sex is so much better. Sex is an important part of a relationship however no woman should be forced, pressured or manipulated in to doing something they don't want or can't do. I'm sorry to say because I know you love him. But this is abusive behaviour and he's an arsehole, it will take time to heal and it will be tough. But you're young and you will find someone who is so much better and loves you no matter what position you like in bed. The longer you stay in this relationship the more damaging it is to your mental health. You have done absolutely nothing wrong, get out sooner rather than later, you are worth more than that.
He should be respecting your body and your decisions. That’s what a healthy relationship is. If it makes you uncomfortable and in pain he should know to stop. I had a boyfriend like this years and years ago and it wasn’t until I was in therapy that I realized it’s abuse. Know your worth girl, you don’t deserve this, sex should be pleasurable and enjoyable for you, and you should never have to do something that you aren’t okay with. I hope you have the courage to either put your foot down and set a boundary about it or leave.
You don’t do it and break up with him 😁 I’ve always set this firm boundary in my relationships and if someone cannot accept it, bye! No one is entitled to ANY part of someone else’s body.
Girl….
If you are posting on here, deep down you know he’s wrong to be treating you like this.
I know right now it seems like the end of the world. Young love feels so fresh, heartbreak is a new emotion, and losing a relationship feels world ending.
But if you don’t break up with him, you will be missing out on a whole lot of ppl who will love you and be physically compatible with you.
This little man child needs to grow up. Leave him.
You have tried everything, and you're still open to it despite the issues. You've been extremely accommodating to the idea meanwhile all he's done is try things his way. It seems contradictory of him to make anal a make or break thing but refuse "aids" that will make you more comfortable.
And the arguing should NOT happen at all. I've been there - girl tried something, saying she really wanted to but it was a challenge. I got frustrated and tried to "help" but obviously it killed the mood and I don't think I ever apologised for it.
So even if you do end up being successful and giving him what he wants, his approach to getting it is questionable and it could be a sign of what's to come if you stay together.
Sweetheart, as someone who has done anal with multiple partners -
This guy is treating you like shit. If you don't like it, you aren't going to magically start liking it, AND there's health risks. I've found as a straight male it's just not worth the effort.
It sounds like he's getting off on the control somewhat. This whole situation is very concerning. Go and live your best life without him.
buy him those rubber butts at the adult store his mind is already in the dump with all the corn he prob watches getting those fantasies so why do you have to be objectified, get him a butt and imo find a guy that’s got his priorities straight, that’s embarrassing for him all he thinks about is anal what a loser.
If the relationship is make or break over a specific sexual act, I’m sorry to say but you can get someone who treats you much better. It doesn’t feel like it in the moment, but you can. He’s essentially trying to coerce you into a sexual act you don’t want to do. Move aside the feelings you have for him and see that what he is doing is so completely wrong and messed up, if he cared for you he wouldn’t threaten a break up over not doing anal. If he saw you crying and still wanted to force you into it, this man has bigger issues that will present themselves down the line… Please for your own sake, leave him and your future self will thank you!! Trust me leave him now and you’re going to doge a huge bullet. This is manipulation and abuse regardless of how you feel about him. Idk if it makes a difference but I’m a guy and if this was happening to any of my female friends etc I’d be screaming at them to leave him
That’s absolutely insane. Having a preference or fetish is one thing but trying to impose it like that in a relationship is frankly emotionally manipulative and abusive. Dump him before he dumps you, I hope he’d learn and not do that to another girl
That’s a childish reason honestly. Most couples breakup because communication, incompatibilities, marriage/no marriage, wanting kids/not wanting kids etc. Your bf wants to breakup over anal. Well let him go find anal and when he realizes that he messed up a good thing don’t take him back.
Guy here: Leave him immediately and never look back. Consenting adults can do whatever they want, but you deserve someone who respects you and what works for you. His unwillingness to do that speaks to a structural character problem.
You need to find someone who is sexually compatible with you. Being manipulated into doing something you don't like is wrong.
There are plenty of men out there content without anal.
Your “boyfriend” isn’t compatible with you. You’re too young to know what a good boyfriend is like. A good boyfriend puts you first not his porn fueled fantasy. Break up with him now and find someone who respects you.
My ex-husband wanted anal. We tried it once when we were dating and I didn’t like it. It’s a one way hole. You’re not supposed to put things in it.
The fact that he liked it so much pointed to deeper problems that I wasn’t aware of at the time.
He lacked empathy and when my feelings were hurt he got angry instead of soothing my pain. After many years I felt like I didn’t even exist - as if I was a thing - because he was so emotionally callous toward me. I stayed for so long because I loved him… until I realized that he wasn’t loving me. That’s when I realized I deserved better than the way he treated me and got the strength to leave. It was such a relief to be free. That was over 10 years ago and I’ve been happier since making that decision.
Learn from my mistakes. Walk away now! That dude doesn’t deserve the love you have to give. Break up with him and take some time for yourself to heal and grow and wait to start dating u Tokyo have decided what you will and will not accept in a man. Trust me, you’re better off being single than in an unhealthy relationship.
I get it that you want to try really hard for him and that’s really sweet. However, if it genuinely makes you uncomfortable and you don’t know what you should do, then he should understand that it’s not right for you. At the end of the day, sex isn’t absolutely everything in a relationship. Nor is it a right and thus should always be consensual. If he doesn’t accept it then he should take a hard look at himself and decide what he wants more- to love you for who you are or pursue his fetish.
If someone does not respect your body and boundaries wants to keep pushing them on you, then this person doesn’t love you.
If it’s such a big deal to him, go buy yourself a dildo and tell him to bend over. And if he says: Nah, I don’t want anything up my ass!
Answer him: It’s a deal breaker for me. You keep telling me that I should take it up my rear, yet you don’t want to try it yourself… how come? Besides, it’s pleasant for most men, their G-Spot is there. :( :(
Watch him shut up about it.
Men like that want things their own way and treat you horribly because they don’t see you as a human being. They see you as a bangmaid to do whatever they want.
Don't do anything that you're not happy with sexualy, you're just being manipulated and used ,
Where do you think this ends ,you're young, and do you really want to be hurt for years to come 🤔 with this awful creep...walk away 💔
He’s a piece of shit break up with him I promise you there’s someone better out there. Never do something you aren’t comfortable doing. It has to be your choice and if he can’t respect that he doesn’t care about you
The two of you are sexually incompatible, so you absolutely need to separate so the both of you can find people who are compatible to you. Relationships are more than just love, they are also about compatibility. Although he has the right to communicate his sexual needs and its completely valid for him to not want to continue a relationship with someone not fufilling those needs, but his belligerent reactions to you not being able to fulfill those needs it outrageous and immature. And you not being into it just shows you are not made for eachother. You need to find a partner that likes the same things you do or enjoys doing new things mutually.
Your boyfriend seems to be perverse and disrespectful. He isnt good for you and if you do it in this way, you may regret in the future. Like a female friend said: "if you like anal so much, look for a man who likes it"
Throw the entire dude in the garbage. It's where he belongs.
That he even insists on doing something you're uncomfortable about and that is painful to you.. what a massive POS.
Leave his ass, for real. And never look back. This dude isn't worth shit.
He sounds abusive. Demanding you to perform a sexual act you dont want to do and that hurts you and that you are VOICING YOU DONT ENJOY is rape. Whether its a woman doing this to a man, or vice versa. Rape is a big word but it is non consenting intercourse. He sounds childish and immature and controlling, making you feel bad for not wanting to, not allowing you alternative routes, giving you ultimatums that the relationship shouldnt exist if ___ doesnt happen. Im suprised you are even asking anything here about this. Why would you want to be with someone like that. Have some self respect
Basic incompatibility. He stated from the beginning he wanted something that was a deal breaker for him. You didn’t know if it was something you could give him. You tried, you couldn’t, and that should have been the end of the relationship right there.
He shouldn’t try to make you give him something you don’t want to give and you shouldn’t try to make him give up something he wants (and something he clearly said was a dealbreaker from the beginning).
Now both are you are trying to change each other. Not a healthy foundation for a relationship.
Jfc people you need to get a grip. Love and sexual compatibility are not the same thing. Yes, the way he approaches the subject is fucked up beyond all recognition, but being in love with one another despite being sexually incompatible is still a possibility. When one side of the relationship feels unfulfilled the relationship is due to break down sooner or later unless some compromises are made.
I'm sorry this is happening to you. you shouldn't physically and emotionally hurt yourself to make your bf satisfied. he is not even considering your mental and physical wellbeing. I don't think he cares for you :( break up
Break up with him. As a dude that’s done anal, it’s really not all that to me. It’s probably more of a placebo affect for guys. Girls are the ones that really feel it. He didn’t even want to try it with the alternative you offered? Yeah, break up with him.
I feel like he's secretly gay, honestly lol.
But anyway, I have never done that but if he's being an asshole about it, then you should talk to him and express how you feel. Sounds like he's a selfish prick who doesn't really care about anyone but himself if he's willing to end your special connection because of that!
If he's really adamant about it, he should get a prostitute or skank off the street and pay her. He can't force you to do things that are painful or you don't like it! What an ass, seriously!
Get rid of him; I’ve trying with the wife for 17 years and the one chance I had she was so drunk I felt bad and didn’t do it. I’m still with her 17 years and three kids later. It isn’t the end of the world. If he can’t see that then he’s an immature dumbass. There’s more important things in the world than exploring the “ham flower”.
Wow this is a shitty situation. I mean either way you go sounds like going to be a pain in the ass.
Watch anal porn see if you can get used to the idea and get turned on by it. Have him slowly start with a finger and work up to bigger things. That should help with his desire for anal too
Sexual compatibility is really important and if it’s not there it’s absolutely a valid reason to breakup.
It is NOT valid, however, for him to keep pressuring you and picking fights over it. You don’t need to keep trying something you clearly do not enjoy to please a partner. It’s okay for you to try it and then realize it’s not for you — that is NOT manipulation, it’s literally you just changing your mind after trying out the experience. And that’s okay. He’s also allowed to break up with you if it’s so important to him. He’s not allowed to berate you or manipulate you into anal if you don’t want it though. You two need to accept that this won’t be part of your relationship or move from each other. Easier said than done, I’m sure. But you both deserve a relationship where needs and desires are met without causing harm to one another.
Please please please listen to us 😔 you deserve better. If this is how he’s treating you now, he will treat you in ways that will keep you miserable for the rest of your life. That is if he doesn’t use you, bring you down, then toss you aside later.
Lol you two will grow out of this phase. It’s not love. If he wants to breakup with you cause you don’t like anal, he never loved you. Sorry to break it to you. Breakup with him before he does first and don’t look back. There are better guys out there who will respect your boundaries.
you're too young to waste your time with someone like this. these are your years to have fun and figure out who you are.
let him waste his life masturbating to anal porn
He’s a shitbag person. You should break up with him first tbh. Just based of the title alone I can tell he’s not a healthy partner and a real sexually craven animal
I remember how horrible I was in my 18-20s. I lost my virginity to anal, crazy story, she felt pressured to put out before I went to college early (early start program cause I didn’t get accepted normally). Anyways it just ended up being a toxic situation and I didn’t help making her feel pressured sometimes, and she ended up cheating on me. I crashed out, but since then although I’ve had other bad relationships I’ll never forget how terrible I was to my first love.
I say all that to say, do yourself a favor and break up with him. Also 16 is way too young to be having those kinds of conversations, that literally sounds like a kid who just watches porn all day, doesn’t know what he’s doing, and feels like he needs a story to tell to impress his other friends who don’t know what they’re talking about, even if you guys are of age now. I would treat that as a red flag, he’s got some growing to do.
I’m old. I tried anal. I don’t like anal. I’ve been in several long term relationships and said no anal and no one ever pushed the subject further. If they did I would break up with them in a heartbeat. It’s okay to say no to anything you are don’t want to do!
If anal is a dealbreaker tell him you are willing. Ask him to go to the store and get you some lube as well as the strap on. Since he is so big on it, the size of the dong should matter too. It should be huge. I would be all up for it. Please leave this relationship. Do not stand for something that removes your autonomy. At that age and how pushy he is, it tells me the level of inexperience and he could potentially injure you. Anal can be enjoyable to some but no for everyone and he could hurt you.
You deserve a better relationship. Good luck and stay safe.
YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO SAY NO IF YOU DON’T WANT IT. You’re thinking so much about how to please him and not enough about yourself. Your partner should be someone you are able to trust and make you feel safe when you communicate your feelings. He’s accusing you of manipulating, yet he is the one manipulating you into giving him sex. That’s coercion. Someone who coerces you into having sex is not someone that cares about you. Notice how you went from communicating something you don’t like to looking for a way to make him happy. Be brave and do yourself the favor of leaving this relationship. Your future you will thank you.
Reddit is usually very fast to tell people to leave their partners. But this time it’s totally justified! He’s the one being manipulative and the fact he’s so okay with you doing something you don’t want to is absolutely horrible. He doesn’t have your best interests in mind, and he’s gaslighting you into getting something he wants. Sickening
For anal to work, you have to want to do it and be able to relax totally. This man boy doesn’t seem like he has your best interests at heart. My advice is break it off, find someone that treats u well and explore the things you’re into too!
If you don’t like it, you don’t have to do it.(not sure if you have used lube or not).
If you’re not into anal, you don’t need to force yourself into doing anal.
You need to get out of this relationship. It’s okay that it’s one of his sexual desires, but if he’s completely disregarding or what you’re comfortable with then he is not the one you want to spend your life with.
You are not the problem, he told your 16 year old self if you didnt do anal sex he would break up with you. That is what porn (and misoginy) do to your brain unfortunately. Leave him, believe me you will find some one better
Be careful with that I got pressed down buy a guy and he did it anyways regardless of me saying I didn’t want to do it and it hurt 😔 I punched him after
there are a lot of emotions here but the barebone fact is that sexual compatibility is a thing.
you can probably influence it to a degree but you can also just leave it be and let it auto-define itself based on your life experiences.
separating because of sexual incompatability need not be a bad thing. the alternative seem to be worse, suppressing yourself or denying a part of yourself just to stay in a relationship.
Was a big reason me and the ex broke up tbh, gotta have give and take in a relationship otherwise it screams that you don't care about your man enough to do anything he wants.
I have just read in a book that no matter how much we love the person, we usually feel bad when we do things that our partner wants but we dont only to pleasure them.
Bro I don’t even have to read past the first paragraph your in pain you told him it hurts and it’s ok to change your mind. Personally I wouldn’t waste your time with someone that thinks anal is the most important thing in your relationship!
You don’t want or enjoy anal, he’s pressuring you by making you feel bad because you promised to do it. But it hurts you and you don’t enjoy it, you gave it your best shot, it didn’t work out. It would be a different story if you never tried, but you did. It’s just not for you, at least not at this time. Imagine if you were with someone that had the same interests as you, sexually speaking. Now imagine staying with your current boyfriend and continuing to try to force yourself into doing something you don’t want or enjoy. What kind of trauma will you have to deal with in the aftermath? And for what? There are literally millions of people in the world. He’s not the one for you.
Sorry but I didn’t even need to read your post, but the title and the first couple sentences are enough. He’s pathetic, I’m sorry, but he is. How is anal so important? That’s childish and you need to leave him and look for someone who is more respectful.
Also never do something sexually you’re not comfortable with. Ever. If you don’t want to do it, then don’t. That’s his problem
He’s a manipulative POS and you deserve better, imagine starting fights with your girlfriend over anal. This literally has pissed me so off reading this. He’s vile.
Leave him. This is bad path and you do not want it. Nobody should pressure you about this, not even a bit. He can go find someone else. He's just treating you like a sex toy. No respect. Trust me, this only ends in pain. Go now.
I wonder how the OP is doing… I concur that he is a fucking idiot and must be painfully encouraged by porn. Makes me sad to think some guys have such an immature and unfulfilling attitude to sex; which then hurts people like yourself. I’m so sorry you’re getting hurt by this. PLEASE LEAVE HIM ASAP.
Op no offense but I don’t think you have a whole lot of respect for yourself. This whole thing is really sad. Please find someone to talk to. If you are a student, perhaps your school’s mental health/counselling Center? Great way to get some free therapy!
You’re coming into your 20s which is such a fun time. You’re just going to miss everything because this guy is a controlling, abusive jerk. Is this really the life you want for yourself? For fucks sake.
You guys are so young you might not see it but you will be fine. Bottom line is you aren't compatible. We only know a few paragraphs of information but I see a lot of kink shaming in responses. I don't like this type of sex either but that doesn't necessarily make him a bad person. We all have our deal breakers and sounds like this is his. Therapy may help you see there's billions of men out there. You will be ok without him, I promise.
Miss, he ain’t worth it if he is willing to break up with you over something that you’re not comfortable doing. I’m sure that you’ll find someone who’s worth your time and would respect your wishes.
Girl, run as fast as you can. If a man can’t respect your sexual boundaries, he isn’t the one and you’re better off finding someone that will respect you for your decision. (28F) It took me 13 years to try it (anal). My high school boyfriend asked and I told him I didn’t want to. Fast forward a decade later I was ready to explore with my body. Everyone is different. If you’re not ready, you’re not ready and you should be honest with him. if your partner can’t accept that, trust me there are so many decent men out there. Don’t let a man pressure you into doing something you’re not comfortable with with your body. Just trying to give some helpful advice and I wish you the best of luck! 🫶🏻
Yea break up. It’s him manipulating you and trying to get you to do something that hurts you badly for a bit of pleasure. Frankly he doesn’t love you, he loves anal and he is only around because you think you will give in
bb, ur happiness matters too. You do not need to please him and do anything for him ever. You already compromised and tried doing it and you learned that you really dislike it. That’s it. He shouldn’t push for more and you shouldn’t feel like you need to cross your own boundaries anymore than you already have.
I think you guys should break up.
You clearly want different things. And... Love is not enough to keep a relationship. A relationship is made of compromises, sure, but if something is a no, it is unhealthy to force it to become a yes, even a maybe.
I understand you feel upset with yourself because you think "he immediately told me he wanted that and now I'm the liar who said yes but doesn't want to do it. he's right and I'm wrong" but honestly... even if you feel like a liar, a manipulator.. You are not. You genuinely wanted to meet his need, and you effort shows it. But... Sometimes no matter how much you want to do something for another person, you just can't.
Yes, a relationship is also about meeting each person's needs and desires. But way too ofter we think that this always means you have to meet his and he has to meet yours, while in reality you have to meet your own desires too and he has to meet his.
~~Respect him~~ and respect yourself. Break up.
Don't force yourself to do something you dont want to do.
Just... Respect each other enough to let go of something that would make both of you dissatisfied.
Edit: ~~respect him.~~
Clearly a poor choice of words, as you made me aware of. No respect for manipulators.
Absolutely, I agree. Actually rereading my comment... it's kinda bad because I didn't put what i meant into words as well as I should have. I think it's clear that I meant that no one should be in a relationship with someone they want to change and that if two people are not compatible it is best to breakup, but explicitly writing "respect him" was definitely a poor choice, considering the fact that he is not simply having a preference (which is fair) but trying to manipulate her into doing something she does not want to do. No respect for him.
Also, i have to say this just because i think it's fair. He is not a nice guy. A good guy would never say that. A good guy would not tell you that a relationship is worthless unless it has something he wants. A good guy would not make an ultimatum "this or breakup". I think you really should breakup with him. He's genuinely not a nice guy.
Your bf is a rapist… he may not have actually done it yet (although I’d bet you have other stories of him going against your consent) but he’s tryna force you to do a sex act you don’t want, AND it hurts you… as soon as he actually yells at you enough and manipulates you enough to do anal, he’s not gonna stop when you’re crying. Him asking over and over again and YELLING?? and not taking no for an answer is coercion and non-consensual. You def need to leave him. He’s coercing you and manipulating you. He’s a disgusting misogynist predator and SO manipulative. You deserve so much better than this nasty creep. PLEASE DUMP HIM. Don’t let him treat you like this, no matter WHAT he says. He’ll say ANYTHING to get what he wants, remember that.
1st off I read EVERYTHING so I’m giving my honest input. I hate to be that person to tell you the harshness of this but you do also have some responsibility in this. It was a bit manipulative. Both parties need to be accountable. I get it you love him but Let me start off with this: Some people just ARNT sexually compatible and I want to say THAT IS OKAY. To some people that is a deal breaker. That is also okay. To others they can try to go along with it and discover new erotic things along the way. This is based on the comfort of each partner. In the beginning, He forwardly outright told you and set a boundary. You told him you were willing and give him the hope that you might be into it. Your mistake was that you kept going and forcing yourself to continue something YOURE not into. I know you love him but intercourse is supposed to be enjoyable for both parties. If you don’t like it you don’t have to but it goes the same that stop giving him the hope you’ll come around to it. It’s not meant to be and unless you both can come up with some compromise that will mutually make both of you happy which seems unlikely then it’s just not going to work. Stop forcing yourself to do something you’re uncomfortable and just not into and stop making this strained sexual relationship last longer than it needs to. Unfortunately, in some way, shape, or form. Weather it’s life goals, different ideas, or in your case sexual experience. Sometimes relationships just aren’t compatible and it’s not meant to be. You can’t force him to see reason when you said you would and you can’t force yourself to do something that isn’t making you happy and giving you a negative sexual experience.
The manipulative part was you saying you would do it knowing it hurts you and you don't want to. You lied to him to get him to date you. Regardless of if anyone thinks it's stupid he told you ahead of time thst it was a deal breaker.
It's not manipulation if OP has already tried it beforehand with someone else, liked it and thought 'hey I can do this'. OP never lied to him, it seems like at the time OP was under the assumption that she actually enjoyed it, but once trying it with their partner they realized it's actually painful, that they don't like it. It also shouldn't be painful if their boyfriend is doing his job correctly, instead of having a conversation about how she's in pain during it and finding ways to soothe the pain and make it enjoyable her partner is only thinking about himself.
You lied and said you would do something when you had no intention of doing so . That was manipulative because if you wouldn't have said you would do it he wouldn't have stayed . You lied in order to get your way . and now your both unhappy.
He told you at the age of 16 anal was a big deal to him? Totally normal..
that guy is what i like to call “mentally a blockhead"
Porn brained
*Donkey* brained!!
I came here to say the same thing
Welcome to the world of young boys growing up with access to hard porn & thinking it's part of a normal sexual relationship. Pretty sure if at the beginning of every film they showed the "prep" the girls and women go though a lot of them would soon realise it for what it is.
Lmak okay do girls always ask when getting to know each other what’s one crazy thing sexually you wanna do lmao I always say anal
My ex made me do anal too, and told me the exact same thing (that’d he’d leave me if I didn’t). He left me anyway and was cheating half of our relationship. Men like this are trash through and through. Please listen to your body and don’t do it if you don’t wholeheartedly want to. It was a painful and traumatizing experience. LEAVE HIM as soon as possible and prioritize yourself. There are good men out there and you deserve better.
I would never let a man treat me this way — ever in my lifetime. Maybe verbally, emotionally, psychologically, but when it comes to my body, you’ll have to fight me over my boundaries. I think we all have our limits. Some people won’t put up with the physical, or the emotional, or mental abuse. We all have the line, and when they cross it, we leave. I always did. I never allowed a man to tell me they would leave me for an unreasonable expectation. I never gave them the chance.
I definitely won’t let a man treat me like this ever again. I’m so thankful I’m out of that relationship now. It didn’t help that I had childhood trauma and didn’t know what a healthy relationship looked like. Now, after therapy, I’m aware of what is healthy and what isn’t. I’ll leave immediately if my current partner did anything even remotely similar to the last one. He fully took advantage of me, and I don’t want that to happen to OP.
You're 19 break up with him, find someone who likes what you like. :)
Don't like anal? How about 2 nals?
That was so bad it was good, also the beginning of Liking anal
20
Ooo you'd do well with those spot-the-difference games. Good show! You're right!
I haven't even read everything you've written. Just off the title alone you need to leave him! There is absolutely nothing you could say that would make that sentence acceptable.
Literally same. I didn’t read a single thing. Break up w him. I don’t care. There’s no logical excuse for this. If he is so willing to break it off over that, then respect yourself and break it off bc he is trying to coerce you into doing something you don’t want to do.
Exactly she is too young to have to feel pressured into anal of all things
I think you mean, "exactly, no one should ever have to feel pressure into doing anything they don't want to do, whether that would be overstepping personal boundaries, cause pain, emotional or physical trauma"
This boy does not love you, he is quite literally using you and when you don’t give him what he wants he gets mad. He is a *predator* and HE is the one who is manipulating you. Please leave this abusive relationship, one day you will look back and grieve for your 20 y/o self for tolerating his abuse and manipulation. He knows exactly what he’s doing, leave and never look back!
Exactly. If he loved her he wouldnt possibly say things (paraphrasing) like “if we dont do anal we may aswell not be together” he is QUITE LITERALLY dating her FOR anal lmfao.
Hey there, This relationship is really toxic. That needs to be said. >In the beginning of the relationship he told me anal is a big deal for him and if I weren’t to do it there is not a reason to be together. #1: That is NOT love. Holy crap, not even close. He does not love you. He loves what you, or more specifically, one part of YOUR BODY, can do for HIM. I am so sorry that he is treating you this way. #2: HE is manipulating YOU! He is trying to guilt trip you into giving him access to YOUR body. And a part you don’t even want to give! And it’s perfectly okay/reasonable that you don’t want to give it!! Let alone the fact that it’s PAINFUL for you!!! No means no. Hard stop. YOU are in charge of YOUR body, not him. He is a hard core whiner who thinks he can threaten you with a breakup to get what he wants. He knows that YOU love HIM, and thinks this tactic will work. I am so sorry that this is happening to you. And I would HIGHLY suggest that you leave. I have been in your exact shoes, and had someone try to manipulate me and take advantage of me. 1000% I wish I had left. I wish it had ended a million times sooner than it did. It was so toxic and I allowed him to hurt me in a deep and personal way that I did not deserve. Don’t be like me. Stand up for yourself! Love yourself enough to go find what you DESERVE. REAL, TRUE LOVE. Not this bullshit.
OP must have low self-worth because no person who values themselves would have started a relationship on these grounds.
When I was in a similar situation, I also had low self worth. It’s not something that’s easy to recover from, especially if you grew up in an abusive family like I did. It’s almost programmed into your psyche that you are worthless, so any scrap of love feels amazing, and the fear of losing that love is crippling. Stay strong OP, and try to learn to love yourself slowly but surely.
Perhaps I should have been more compassionate. My comment came from personal experience. Accepting anything because at least they wanted me. It has been a long road to building my self-worth.
Shes also 19.
Fair, I’m 40 so I’ve had plenty of hard lessons along the way. And I didn’t have Reddit to get advice from either.
Or their post is just BS. I guess it’s just my age. I didn’t even know about anal at 16, let alone 19, 20, or maybe up to 25. But, I’ve read some posts on Reddit before, that sound so ridiculous, they could only be made up. But, who knows? 🤷♀️
Yeah times have changed though - people are having sex way earlier and casual sex has made women more sexually liberated but also taken them down a path of becoming hyper-sexual for men’s validation. There’s literally 20 year olds on TikTok who boast about being with married men. And then there’s porn that’s more accessible than ever. Even on Reddit.
Cringy post
Ur a cringey person for saying that so idc what u think tbh
First of all the format is cringy. Secondly there was one in this relationship who actually communicated their wants and needs and you call that person toxic.
I was trying to write number one (using the pound sign) and that’s what happened. And using someone for their body is not an acceptable want or need. Gain a moral compass doofus.
Learn to communicate. If someone says they need something you can’t give them, tell them that. Don’t lead them on, that is manipulative. Stop trying to be a victim you are not. It’s basic incompatibility. Happens all the time.
A month into our relationship my ex said he “needed” oral and anal sex to be satisfied, even though it made me sick when I did it (he of course didn’t want to reciprocate oral because he didn’t “love doing it”) the conversation was the moment I knew I was not going to continue our relationship. I love when guys go down on me but I’d NEVER get mad at them if they don’t want to and don’t enjoy it. To be pushed to do something that causes PAIN shows that you are not in a healthy relationship. No loving partner would want their partner to be in pain (unless that’s a mutual kink) leave this weirdo asap.
10000000%
Go find another boyfriend. Plenty of men who like only vaginal.
*brings out microphone* DUMP THIS LOSERRRRR
Your weird porn addict perv boyfriend is not someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. He wants to breakup for the most stupid reason. Let him. Tell him to go fuck guys if that’s what he wants to do, he’ll get pissed. Sorry you wasted 3 years on him but you’re still just 20. You got plenty of time.
What the hell is the obsession with anal. This is simply because he has been brain washed by porn. A horrible disgusting industry that is so derogatory towards women. I'm male I have had anal with my girlfriend, it was actually something she wanted to try. We have done it a few times and both agreed that vaginal sex is so much better. Sex is an important part of a relationship however no woman should be forced, pressured or manipulated in to doing something they don't want or can't do. I'm sorry to say because I know you love him. But this is abusive behaviour and he's an arsehole, it will take time to heal and it will be tough. But you're young and you will find someone who is so much better and loves you no matter what position you like in bed. The longer you stay in this relationship the more damaging it is to your mental health. You have done absolutely nothing wrong, get out sooner rather than later, you are worth more than that.
He should be respecting your body and your decisions. That’s what a healthy relationship is. If it makes you uncomfortable and in pain he should know to stop. I had a boyfriend like this years and years ago and it wasn’t until I was in therapy that I realized it’s abuse. Know your worth girl, you don’t deserve this, sex should be pleasurable and enjoyable for you, and you should never have to do something that you aren’t okay with. I hope you have the courage to either put your foot down and set a boundary about it or leave.
Withdrawing consent is not manipulation but him gaslighting you by using that to guilt you is. Dump him, he ain't shit.
You don’t do it and break up with him 😁 I’ve always set this firm boundary in my relationships and if someone cannot accept it, bye! No one is entitled to ANY part of someone else’s body.
Girl…. If you are posting on here, deep down you know he’s wrong to be treating you like this. I know right now it seems like the end of the world. Young love feels so fresh, heartbreak is a new emotion, and losing a relationship feels world ending. But if you don’t break up with him, you will be missing out on a whole lot of ppl who will love you and be physically compatible with you. This little man child needs to grow up. Leave him.
You have tried everything, and you're still open to it despite the issues. You've been extremely accommodating to the idea meanwhile all he's done is try things his way. It seems contradictory of him to make anal a make or break thing but refuse "aids" that will make you more comfortable. And the arguing should NOT happen at all. I've been there - girl tried something, saying she really wanted to but it was a challenge. I got frustrated and tried to "help" but obviously it killed the mood and I don't think I ever apologised for it. So even if you do end up being successful and giving him what he wants, his approach to getting it is questionable and it could be a sign of what's to come if you stay together.
Break up with him!!! You’re 19! You’ll find SO much better
I didn’t read it bc the title is all I need to know. Break up with him and tell him to go get a boyfriend.
A person who truly loves you will not subject you to pain for his pleasure. Dump him.
Sweetheart, as someone who has done anal with multiple partners - This guy is treating you like shit. If you don't like it, you aren't going to magically start liking it, AND there's health risks. I've found as a straight male it's just not worth the effort. It sounds like he's getting off on the control somewhat. This whole situation is very concerning. Go and live your best life without him.
You need to dump him ASAP! He's a prick for not respecting you! That's not love!
Porn has rotted his brain.
If you’re not sexually compatible that’s okay, break up and you’ll find someone who likes what you like and vice versa :)
It's not about being compatible here. He's obviously a massive douche.
He’s an abusive POS. It’s not about compatibility
Yeah dude I don’t need to read more than just the title of this post. Let him break up with you. You do not need to be with someone like that.
buy him those rubber butts at the adult store his mind is already in the dump with all the corn he prob watches getting those fantasies so why do you have to be objectified, get him a butt and imo find a guy that’s got his priorities straight, that’s embarrassing for him all he thinks about is anal what a loser.
If the relationship is make or break over a specific sexual act, I’m sorry to say but you can get someone who treats you much better. It doesn’t feel like it in the moment, but you can. He’s essentially trying to coerce you into a sexual act you don’t want to do. Move aside the feelings you have for him and see that what he is doing is so completely wrong and messed up, if he cared for you he wouldn’t threaten a break up over not doing anal. If he saw you crying and still wanted to force you into it, this man has bigger issues that will present themselves down the line… Please for your own sake, leave him and your future self will thank you!! Trust me leave him now and you’re going to doge a huge bullet. This is manipulation and abuse regardless of how you feel about him. Idk if it makes a difference but I’m a guy and if this was happening to any of my female friends etc I’d be screaming at them to leave him
Don’t blow out your asshole for some loser that doesn’t care about your enjoyment. When a man asks me for anal I tell him, you first.
That’s absolutely insane. Having a preference or fetish is one thing but trying to impose it like that in a relationship is frankly emotionally manipulative and abusive. Dump him before he dumps you, I hope he’d learn and not do that to another girl
Nah man. I mean if anal is really THAT important to him that’s fine but you definitely shouldn’t have to be in pain to keep him. Let him go
Also know that remaining in situations like this can cause major trauma
That’s a childish reason honestly. Most couples breakup because communication, incompatibilities, marriage/no marriage, wanting kids/not wanting kids etc. Your bf wants to breakup over anal. Well let him go find anal and when he realizes that he messed up a good thing don’t take him back.
If he actually loved you he wouldn’t be yelling at you over something so dumb. Why does he like anal so much?
Guy here: Leave him immediately and never look back. Consenting adults can do whatever they want, but you deserve someone who respects you and what works for you. His unwillingness to do that speaks to a structural character problem.
You need to find someone who is sexually compatible with you. Being manipulated into doing something you don't like is wrong. There are plenty of men out there content without anal.
Tell him to lay with men
Your “boyfriend” isn’t compatible with you. You’re too young to know what a good boyfriend is like. A good boyfriend puts you first not his porn fueled fantasy. Break up with him now and find someone who respects you.
My ex-husband wanted anal. We tried it once when we were dating and I didn’t like it. It’s a one way hole. You’re not supposed to put things in it. The fact that he liked it so much pointed to deeper problems that I wasn’t aware of at the time. He lacked empathy and when my feelings were hurt he got angry instead of soothing my pain. After many years I felt like I didn’t even exist - as if I was a thing - because he was so emotionally callous toward me. I stayed for so long because I loved him… until I realized that he wasn’t loving me. That’s when I realized I deserved better than the way he treated me and got the strength to leave. It was such a relief to be free. That was over 10 years ago and I’ve been happier since making that decision. Learn from my mistakes. Walk away now! That dude doesn’t deserve the love you have to give. Break up with him and take some time for yourself to heal and grow and wait to start dating u Tokyo have decided what you will and will not accept in a man. Trust me, you’re better off being single than in an unhealthy relationship.
I get it that you want to try really hard for him and that’s really sweet. However, if it genuinely makes you uncomfortable and you don’t know what you should do, then he should understand that it’s not right for you. At the end of the day, sex isn’t absolutely everything in a relationship. Nor is it a right and thus should always be consensual. If he doesn’t accept it then he should take a hard look at himself and decide what he wants more- to love you for who you are or pursue his fetish.
If someone does not respect your body and boundaries wants to keep pushing them on you, then this person doesn’t love you. If it’s such a big deal to him, go buy yourself a dildo and tell him to bend over. And if he says: Nah, I don’t want anything up my ass! Answer him: It’s a deal breaker for me. You keep telling me that I should take it up my rear, yet you don’t want to try it yourself… how come? Besides, it’s pleasant for most men, their G-Spot is there. :( :( Watch him shut up about it. Men like that want things their own way and treat you horribly because they don’t see you as a human being. They see you as a bangmaid to do whatever they want.
He sounds weird, you can prob do way better girly
Don't do anything that you're not happy with sexualy, you're just being manipulated and used , Where do you think this ends ,you're young, and do you really want to be hurt for years to come 🤔 with this awful creep...walk away 💔
He’s a piece of shit break up with him I promise you there’s someone better out there. Never do something you aren’t comfortable doing. It has to be your choice and if he can’t respect that he doesn’t care about you
The two of you are sexually incompatible, so you absolutely need to separate so the both of you can find people who are compatible to you. Relationships are more than just love, they are also about compatibility. Although he has the right to communicate his sexual needs and its completely valid for him to not want to continue a relationship with someone not fufilling those needs, but his belligerent reactions to you not being able to fulfill those needs it outrageous and immature. And you not being into it just shows you are not made for eachother. You need to find a partner that likes the same things you do or enjoys doing new things mutually.
Your boyfriend seems to be perverse and disrespectful. He isnt good for you and if you do it in this way, you may regret in the future. Like a female friend said: "if you like anal so much, look for a man who likes it"
I also didn’t read the details. Just from the title alone. Run.
Dump his ass
Then he's a shallow fuck literally..bye..next
I read the title and immediately said “fuck him”
Ma’am I’m sorry to tell you this but he ain’t the one
Throw the entire dude in the garbage. It's where he belongs. That he even insists on doing something you're uncomfortable about and that is painful to you.. what a massive POS. Leave his ass, for real. And never look back. This dude isn't worth shit.
There's someone better for each of you. Leave for both your sakes.
You leave him. This is the only path forward. He’s literally telling you, your butt is more important to him than YOU. That’s not love. Leave.
He sounds abusive. Demanding you to perform a sexual act you dont want to do and that hurts you and that you are VOICING YOU DONT ENJOY is rape. Whether its a woman doing this to a man, or vice versa. Rape is a big word but it is non consenting intercourse. He sounds childish and immature and controlling, making you feel bad for not wanting to, not allowing you alternative routes, giving you ultimatums that the relationship shouldnt exist if ___ doesnt happen. Im suprised you are even asking anything here about this. Why would you want to be with someone like that. Have some self respect
I’m really sorry for you :( this is pretty messed up on his part to pressure you
Basic incompatibility. He stated from the beginning he wanted something that was a deal breaker for him. You didn’t know if it was something you could give him. You tried, you couldn’t, and that should have been the end of the relationship right there. He shouldn’t try to make you give him something you don’t want to give and you shouldn’t try to make him give up something he wants (and something he clearly said was a dealbreaker from the beginning). Now both are you are trying to change each other. Not a healthy foundation for a relationship.
Leave Now !!!!! RUN !!!
Jfc people you need to get a grip. Love and sexual compatibility are not the same thing. Yes, the way he approaches the subject is fucked up beyond all recognition, but being in love with one another despite being sexually incompatible is still a possibility. When one side of the relationship feels unfulfilled the relationship is due to break down sooner or later unless some compromises are made.
I'm sorry this is happening to you. you shouldn't physically and emotionally hurt yourself to make your bf satisfied. he is not even considering your mental and physical wellbeing. I don't think he cares for you :( break up
Break up with him. As a dude that’s done anal, it’s really not all that to me. It’s probably more of a placebo affect for guys. Girls are the ones that really feel it. He didn’t even want to try it with the alternative you offered? Yeah, break up with him.
That is bizarre to say the least.
I feel like he's secretly gay, honestly lol. But anyway, I have never done that but if he's being an asshole about it, then you should talk to him and express how you feel. Sounds like he's a selfish prick who doesn't really care about anyone but himself if he's willing to end your special connection because of that! If he's really adamant about it, he should get a prostitute or skank off the street and pay her. He can't force you to do things that are painful or you don't like it! What an ass, seriously!
Get rid of him; I’ve trying with the wife for 17 years and the one chance I had she was so drunk I felt bad and didn’t do it. I’m still with her 17 years and three kids later. It isn’t the end of the world. If he can’t see that then he’s an immature dumbass. There’s more important things in the world than exploring the “ham flower”.
Wow this is a shitty situation. I mean either way you go sounds like going to be a pain in the ass. Watch anal porn see if you can get used to the idea and get turned on by it. Have him slowly start with a finger and work up to bigger things. That should help with his desire for anal too
Sexual compatibility is really important and if it’s not there it’s absolutely a valid reason to breakup. It is NOT valid, however, for him to keep pressuring you and picking fights over it. You don’t need to keep trying something you clearly do not enjoy to please a partner. It’s okay for you to try it and then realize it’s not for you — that is NOT manipulation, it’s literally you just changing your mind after trying out the experience. And that’s okay. He’s also allowed to break up with you if it’s so important to him. He’s not allowed to berate you or manipulate you into anal if you don’t want it though. You two need to accept that this won’t be part of your relationship or move from each other. Easier said than done, I’m sure. But you both deserve a relationship where needs and desires are met without causing harm to one another.
Leave him.
Please please please listen to us 😔 you deserve better. If this is how he’s treating you now, he will treat you in ways that will keep you miserable for the rest of your life. That is if he doesn’t use you, bring you down, then toss you aside later.
Girl... find someone who treasures you and doesn't pressure you into doing things you don't like nor want to do.
lol see ya dude.
WTF OP, this is a no no no no no. This is not at all what a respectful relationship looks like. Dump him and find someone who respects you.
I’m sorry but you need to leave. Be with someone that likes to do things that turn YOU on and doesn’t cost you pain
Drop him like he’s yesterday’s garbage. Go lead a happy life.
Don't date garbage. You're only 19 you deserve better.
FFS. This is coercive rape if you back down.
Lol you two will grow out of this phase. It’s not love. If he wants to breakup with you cause you don’t like anal, he never loved you. Sorry to break it to you. Breakup with him before he does first and don’t look back. There are better guys out there who will respect your boundaries.
OP, please don't delete this post, no matter what decision you make. Save it, and read it in a few years. Trust me. Hugs.
what the fuck, what porn does to moids lmaoo.
Drop the zero my dude… there’s a lot better men out there who aren’t gonna cry that they don’t get anal. My guess is secretly gay lol
you're too young to waste your time with someone like this. these are your years to have fun and figure out who you are. let him waste his life masturbating to anal porn
He doesnt deserve you. DONT force yourself to do something you dont want to. I know you love him buy you deserve better.
He’s a shitbag person. You should break up with him first tbh. Just based of the title alone I can tell he’s not a healthy partner and a real sexually craven animal
wtf
I remember how horrible I was in my 18-20s. I lost my virginity to anal, crazy story, she felt pressured to put out before I went to college early (early start program cause I didn’t get accepted normally). Anyways it just ended up being a toxic situation and I didn’t help making her feel pressured sometimes, and she ended up cheating on me. I crashed out, but since then although I’ve had other bad relationships I’ll never forget how terrible I was to my first love. I say all that to say, do yourself a favor and break up with him. Also 16 is way too young to be having those kinds of conversations, that literally sounds like a kid who just watches porn all day, doesn’t know what he’s doing, and feels like he needs a story to tell to impress his other friends who don’t know what they’re talking about, even if you guys are of age now. I would treat that as a red flag, he’s got some growing to do.
Babes please run. He isn’t normal at all.
I’m old. I tried anal. I don’t like anal. I’ve been in several long term relationships and said no anal and no one ever pushed the subject further. If they did I would break up with them in a heartbeat. It’s okay to say no to anything you are don’t want to do!
Noppity nope. If that’s a dealbreaker, especially all of a sudden after 3 years dodge that bullet. Dodge it and clench!
If anal is a dealbreaker tell him you are willing. Ask him to go to the store and get you some lube as well as the strap on. Since he is so big on it, the size of the dong should matter too. It should be huge. I would be all up for it. Please leave this relationship. Do not stand for something that removes your autonomy. At that age and how pushy he is, it tells me the level of inexperience and he could potentially injure you. Anal can be enjoyable to some but no for everyone and he could hurt you. You deserve a better relationship. Good luck and stay safe.
YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO SAY NO IF YOU DON’T WANT IT. You’re thinking so much about how to please him and not enough about yourself. Your partner should be someone you are able to trust and make you feel safe when you communicate your feelings. He’s accusing you of manipulating, yet he is the one manipulating you into giving him sex. That’s coercion. Someone who coerces you into having sex is not someone that cares about you. Notice how you went from communicating something you don’t like to looking for a way to make him happy. Be brave and do yourself the favor of leaving this relationship. Your future you will thank you.
Tell him you’ll try it if he lets you peg him first. But no seriously. You’re 20. There are many guys out there, throw him away
Reddit is usually very fast to tell people to leave their partners. But this time it’s totally justified! He’s the one being manipulative and the fact he’s so okay with you doing something you don’t want to is absolutely horrible. He doesn’t have your best interests in mind, and he’s gaslighting you into getting something he wants. Sickening
For anal to work, you have to want to do it and be able to relax totally. This man boy doesn’t seem like he has your best interests at heart. My advice is break it off, find someone that treats u well and explore the things you’re into too!
Gross, break up with this guy and find someone you are compatible with. He sounds f'd up!
If you don’t like it, you don’t have to do it.(not sure if you have used lube or not). If you’re not into anal, you don’t need to force yourself into doing anal.
didn’t even read the whole thing just by the title he’s trying to manipulate you LEAVE HIM FIRST!!
You need to get out of this relationship. It’s okay that it’s one of his sexual desires, but if he’s completely disregarding or what you’re comfortable with then he is not the one you want to spend your life with.
This was the most wild thing I’ve ever heard. Bro you’re a whole child, get off the hub. Love≠anal
Let him break up with you, let the toxic weed remove itself from your life
For me it was the other way around. My ex kept asking for it but I didnt wanna do it to her.
You’ll literally just be the “I’ve done anal” girl in his books! Escape while you can sister
that's what porn does to kids at an early age.
Tell him to bang a dude
Listen I didn’t read the post but fuck him. Dump him.
You are not the problem, he told your 16 year old self if you didnt do anal sex he would break up with you. That is what porn (and misoginy) do to your brain unfortunately. Leave him, believe me you will find some one better
What the f*** did i just read?😭
Be careful with that I got pressed down buy a guy and he did it anyways regardless of me saying I didn’t want to do it and it hurt 😔 I punched him after
there are a lot of emotions here but the barebone fact is that sexual compatibility is a thing. you can probably influence it to a degree but you can also just leave it be and let it auto-define itself based on your life experiences. separating because of sexual incompatability need not be a bad thing. the alternative seem to be worse, suppressing yourself or denying a part of yourself just to stay in a relationship.
Was a big reason me and the ex broke up tbh, gotta have give and take in a relationship otherwise it screams that you don't care about your man enough to do anything he wants.
I have just read in a book that no matter how much we love the person, we usually feel bad when we do things that our partner wants but we dont only to pleasure them.
Bro I don’t even have to read past the first paragraph your in pain you told him it hurts and it’s ok to change your mind. Personally I wouldn’t waste your time with someone that thinks anal is the most important thing in your relationship!
You don’t want or enjoy anal, he’s pressuring you by making you feel bad because you promised to do it. But it hurts you and you don’t enjoy it, you gave it your best shot, it didn’t work out. It would be a different story if you never tried, but you did. It’s just not for you, at least not at this time. Imagine if you were with someone that had the same interests as you, sexually speaking. Now imagine staying with your current boyfriend and continuing to try to force yourself into doing something you don’t want or enjoy. What kind of trauma will you have to deal with in the aftermath? And for what? There are literally millions of people in the world. He’s not the one for you.
Sorry but I didn’t even need to read your post, but the title and the first couple sentences are enough. He’s pathetic, I’m sorry, but he is. How is anal so important? That’s childish and you need to leave him and look for someone who is more respectful. Also never do something sexually you’re not comfortable with. Ever. If you don’t want to do it, then don’t. That’s his problem He’s a manipulative POS and you deserve better, imagine starting fights with your girlfriend over anal. This literally has pissed me so off reading this. He’s vile.
He’s probably never even done it. You are so young. Get rid of him. He seems toxic.
Leave him. This is bad path and you do not want it. Nobody should pressure you about this, not even a bit. He can go find someone else. He's just treating you like a sex toy. No respect. Trust me, this only ends in pain. Go now.
Wise Man he is but needs to not let the dark force stick to his lightsaber.
I wonder how the OP is doing… I concur that he is a fucking idiot and must be painfully encouraged by porn. Makes me sad to think some guys have such an immature and unfulfilling attitude to sex; which then hurts people like yourself. I’m so sorry you’re getting hurt by this. PLEASE LEAVE HIM ASAP.
Your boyfriend likes anal sex more than you? Bruh.
Maybe he’s gay
If he can't respect your boundaries, then I hate to say it, but chances are he doesn't love you.
Op no offense but I don’t think you have a whole lot of respect for yourself. This whole thing is really sad. Please find someone to talk to. If you are a student, perhaps your school’s mental health/counselling Center? Great way to get some free therapy! You’re coming into your 20s which is such a fun time. You’re just going to miss everything because this guy is a controlling, abusive jerk. Is this really the life you want for yourself? For fucks sake.
What are you wasting your time on with him for; There’s a man out there you’ll like so much that it might even be YOUR idea. Move on
You guys are so young you might not see it but you will be fine. Bottom line is you aren't compatible. We only know a few paragraphs of information but I see a lot of kink shaming in responses. I don't like this type of sex either but that doesn't necessarily make him a bad person. We all have our deal breakers and sounds like this is his. Therapy may help you see there's billions of men out there. You will be ok without him, I promise.
kinda sounds like he was using you for his pleasure. He sucked. I’m glad that you’ve gotten away from him. He lost out. Don’t look back!
Just move on from this trash human
Miss, he ain’t worth it if he is willing to break up with you over something that you’re not comfortable doing. I’m sure that you’ll find someone who’s worth your time and would respect your wishes.
this is a red flag… consent can change at anytime and him forcing you to do this is wrong
People are allowed to seek sexual fulfillment in life, these comments need to stop demonizing it.
If not doing a sexual act that’s outside of the normal foreplay/sex is a deal breaker for him then he honestly isn’t the one for you
Girl, run as fast as you can. If a man can’t respect your sexual boundaries, he isn’t the one and you’re better off finding someone that will respect you for your decision. (28F) It took me 13 years to try it (anal). My high school boyfriend asked and I told him I didn’t want to. Fast forward a decade later I was ready to explore with my body. Everyone is different. If you’re not ready, you’re not ready and you should be honest with him. if your partner can’t accept that, trust me there are so many decent men out there. Don’t let a man pressure you into doing something you’re not comfortable with with your body. Just trying to give some helpful advice and I wish you the best of luck! 🫶🏻
Yea break up. It’s him manipulating you and trying to get you to do something that hurts you badly for a bit of pleasure. Frankly he doesn’t love you, he loves anal and he is only around because you think you will give in
bb, ur happiness matters too. You do not need to please him and do anything for him ever. You already compromised and tried doing it and you learned that you really dislike it. That’s it. He shouldn’t push for more and you shouldn’t feel like you need to cross your own boundaries anymore than you already have.
Fuck. This. Little. Boy. Also he’s clearly fucking gay.
I think you guys should break up. You clearly want different things. And... Love is not enough to keep a relationship. A relationship is made of compromises, sure, but if something is a no, it is unhealthy to force it to become a yes, even a maybe. I understand you feel upset with yourself because you think "he immediately told me he wanted that and now I'm the liar who said yes but doesn't want to do it. he's right and I'm wrong" but honestly... even if you feel like a liar, a manipulator.. You are not. You genuinely wanted to meet his need, and you effort shows it. But... Sometimes no matter how much you want to do something for another person, you just can't. Yes, a relationship is also about meeting each person's needs and desires. But way too ofter we think that this always means you have to meet his and he has to meet yours, while in reality you have to meet your own desires too and he has to meet his. ~~Respect him~~ and respect yourself. Break up. Don't force yourself to do something you dont want to do. Just... Respect each other enough to let go of something that would make both of you dissatisfied. Edit: ~~respect him.~~ Clearly a poor choice of words, as you made me aware of. No respect for manipulators.
Fuck respecting him. He’s the manipulator
Absolutely, I agree. Actually rereading my comment... it's kinda bad because I didn't put what i meant into words as well as I should have. I think it's clear that I meant that no one should be in a relationship with someone they want to change and that if two people are not compatible it is best to breakup, but explicitly writing "respect him" was definitely a poor choice, considering the fact that he is not simply having a preference (which is fair) but trying to manipulate her into doing something she does not want to do. No respect for him.
Also, i have to say this just because i think it's fair. He is not a nice guy. A good guy would never say that. A good guy would not tell you that a relationship is worthless unless it has something he wants. A good guy would not make an ultimatum "this or breakup". I think you really should breakup with him. He's genuinely not a nice guy.
Your bf is a rapist… he may not have actually done it yet (although I’d bet you have other stories of him going against your consent) but he’s tryna force you to do a sex act you don’t want, AND it hurts you… as soon as he actually yells at you enough and manipulates you enough to do anal, he’s not gonna stop when you’re crying. Him asking over and over again and YELLING?? and not taking no for an answer is coercion and non-consensual. You def need to leave him. He’s coercing you and manipulating you. He’s a disgusting misogynist predator and SO manipulative. You deserve so much better than this nasty creep. PLEASE DUMP HIM. Don’t let him treat you like this, no matter WHAT he says. He’ll say ANYTHING to get what he wants, remember that.
1st off I read EVERYTHING so I’m giving my honest input. I hate to be that person to tell you the harshness of this but you do also have some responsibility in this. It was a bit manipulative. Both parties need to be accountable. I get it you love him but Let me start off with this: Some people just ARNT sexually compatible and I want to say THAT IS OKAY. To some people that is a deal breaker. That is also okay. To others they can try to go along with it and discover new erotic things along the way. This is based on the comfort of each partner. In the beginning, He forwardly outright told you and set a boundary. You told him you were willing and give him the hope that you might be into it. Your mistake was that you kept going and forcing yourself to continue something YOURE not into. I know you love him but intercourse is supposed to be enjoyable for both parties. If you don’t like it you don’t have to but it goes the same that stop giving him the hope you’ll come around to it. It’s not meant to be and unless you both can come up with some compromise that will mutually make both of you happy which seems unlikely then it’s just not going to work. Stop forcing yourself to do something you’re uncomfortable and just not into and stop making this strained sexual relationship last longer than it needs to. Unfortunately, in some way, shape, or form. Weather it’s life goals, different ideas, or in your case sexual experience. Sometimes relationships just aren’t compatible and it’s not meant to be. You can’t force him to see reason when you said you would and you can’t force yourself to do something that isn’t making you happy and giving you a negative sexual experience.
The manipulative part was you saying you would do it knowing it hurts you and you don't want to. You lied to him to get him to date you. Regardless of if anyone thinks it's stupid he told you ahead of time thst it was a deal breaker.
It's not manipulation if OP has already tried it beforehand with someone else, liked it and thought 'hey I can do this'. OP never lied to him, it seems like at the time OP was under the assumption that she actually enjoyed it, but once trying it with their partner they realized it's actually painful, that they don't like it. It also shouldn't be painful if their boyfriend is doing his job correctly, instead of having a conversation about how she's in pain during it and finding ways to soothe the pain and make it enjoyable her partner is only thinking about himself.
You lied and said you would do something when you had no intention of doing so . That was manipulative because if you wouldn't have said you would do it he wouldn't have stayed . You lied in order to get your way . and now your both unhappy.
Put a lotion and do the anal
Mutual concessions is the best strategy for this misunderstanding between the sides. Be civil and avoid radical steps such as breakup.