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Sadblob1

I can second this. Caught him w/ the girl he told me not to worry about. He broke up w/ me but couldn't handle the pain, so as he said, he is running away and leaned on her. Then he said he regrets breaking up with me, still loves me. A friend told me, he said he still missed me. I'm pass it, over it. Over him. Your ex, HAS to grieve the lost of the relationship and of you. Whether they are actively healing/doing it or not is up to them. If not, and they with someone else, it's just a bandage for a gaping wound. They will have moment when reality hits them and it sucks. And when they are finally ready to heal, they will have to start w/ you. So they will feel the lost, sooner or later or during. My best advice is you heal too, for you deserve to give yourself peace. It's gonna take time, but you are worth more than someone's maybe. You deserve better and deserve to treat yourself better too.


Fearless-Flow-1640

I agree


Heartless_Absinthe

My situation is so similar to this. He ran to her so fast, just to avoid dealing with the feelings. He's tried to tell me this hurts him but how can it when I was so easily replaced with the one person I "didn't need to worry about"? I finally cut all contact but man, feels pretty bad.


Sadblob1

I'm sorry to hear this. What kills me is the disrespect for the relationship we had and the disrespect of me. You couldnt give our relationship the time it needed to be grieved? But I do think about it this way, the lost of the relationship hurted so much that he wasn't able to stand on his own and go through the pain. Instead, he was weak and had to lean on someone else to mask the pain. Him doing this/going down this route proves he is selfish and only thinks of himself. And you do not need a selfish person in your life. You need someone who will put you and your feelings first. So going NC is a good things and I know it hurt rn but remind yourself you are deservent of more. It does get easier over time. I'm 6/7 months in and I don't have feelings for him. Only anger and hurt about this situation but I know I'll get through it, as you will too.


ltl01234

This is really reassuring to hear. I know my ex isn’t the one for me, but I can’t help but still be so angry and hurt that he’s now dating one of his FRIENDS that he used to hang out with when we were together. I’m still so angry and hurting after months which feels silly but the concept of him doing this to me is too much. But I’m glad to know I’m not alone I’m feeling this way


elliemb103

Do you mind if i dm you? i’m dealing with a similar situation but very fresh


Sadblob1

Sure, go for it.


Rustplayer_g

My gf of 4 years told me she lost feelings for me and instantly started dating the guy from work I wasn’t supposed to worry about. She showed no remorse but the other night I went to give her her things and she cried and cried, and so did I. I want her back. I was a genuine bad boyfriend but never fixed any of the problems. She doesn’t trust I’ll fix them.


Czarzu

updates?


Rustplayer_g

We’re married 🤣 very happily. Stayed broken up no contact for months and came back together. We value communication and making eachother a priority


[deleted]

Nice, dude! How many months were you broken up and NC? And did they reach out first?


Rustplayer_g

A little over 4


[deleted]

Happy for you, man! Wish you and your wife all thr best!


nojudgment4593

Congratulations!! That’s awesome. Did you go no contact after her things and her crying? After you stayed no contact for months, did you reach out or did she?


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Rustplayer_g

Don’t chance after what’s gone man. Things happen. Life’s weird. Stay focused on you and give other good women chances.


SympathyCareful636

Working towards this right now glad to that man


Asset1987

Sheesh I needed to hear this. Well, back to sadness.


Fearless-Flow-1640

Praying for your happiness


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RadSpatula

I see so many posts like this and I don’t really get it—who cares if they regret it or not? It doesn’t change anything. I could give AF if you regret it to your dying day because that does nothing for me. It doesn’t undo the pain and irrevocable damage you caused. It doesn’t make me somehow suddenly happy again to know you realized you effed up. I’ve known that all along. What I want is my life back, my peace back, and my mental health restored. I mean, if this helps people more power to you but I just don’t get why it matters.


JusticeAX

I do care, but is because a selfish ego-driven idea. I want to believe at least I was important to my ex gf. Because if not, I'm worthless until she find some other way to have control over her life without me, she depended on me for so log for so many things, security, fun, house help, money. Now she is a lot more independent so Im worthless in her life.


RadSpatula

You’re not worthless just bc one person doesn’t see your value. My ex ghosted me after four years, living together, and adopting a dog (ghosted the dog too). He didn’t do it because I’m not worth it bro, he did it because he’s an emotionally deficient coward.


MagicalSmokescreen

"You’re not worthless just bc one person doesn’t see your value" I needed this. Thank you. And many virtual pets, treats, and ear scritches to the doggie.


Embarrassed-Oil3127

I love this! “He did it bc he’s an emotionally deficient coward” flipped a switch for me. It’s so succinct and spot in. Knowing he cares or missed me doesn’t matter. He sucks and will never not suck as a partner. So why would I want him back or care if he regrets dumping me.


modidlee

When someone you love breaks up with you it can make you think "Wow if this person I genuinely love doesn't even see my value what chance do I have with anyone else?" But realizing that they do sometimes regret their decision can help you realize that you can move on and other people _will_ value you.


Fearless-Flow-1640

You’re right it doesn’t matter. But it’s to ease the anxiety of all. To show that the dumpee isn’t the only one hurting


theshreddude

I like the way you think.


lushily

my ex shuts down from intense emotions and it doesn't really ever seem like he will really feel the pain and the loss as I have, so...sadly, this doesn't console me. I wish it did


kalalika

Exactly my thoughts. Avoidants are just gonna avoid, and it has sucked knowing he moved on much much quicker than I did because I feel things deeply and he doesn't.


Sadblob1

He is literally do what an avoidant does, avoid. He avoids his feeling by having a distraction - rebound, alcohol, etc. Everything you have felt, he will feel them too one day when he can no longer mentally or emotionally ignore his feelings. I call it the hitting rock bottom stage. Either deal with your emotions or its gonna deal with you.


kalalika

I really wish I could believe that, it's been over 3 years since we broke up and we've reconnected a few times in between but never to reconcile. I will live my life not knowing why he didn't think I was worth it.


OutrageousPanda944

Wow same


Fearless-Flow-1640

They will at some point they always do.


Narengi

Second on this. It’s humanly impossible to push down feelings forever.


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MagicalSmokescreen

Same. For me, once trust is broken, there is no going back. I can't think of someone the same ever again. It takes me a long time to give up on someone, and hurts very much to do so, but once I do, I don't look back.


[deleted]

This is pretty common. All of my exs have said this exact thing . Lol Nonnew


Fearless-Flow-1640

This is the way friend


maxellabella

I miss him. But he's a huge asshole, sleazy, narcissistic dj. Do I sometimes want to get in touch? Yes. But realising how much he hurt me stops me from doing so. He repulses me and I do not regret dumping him. Josh B if you're reading this. If you remain the person that you are, you'll never find the relationship you said you've always wanted. You can sleep with as many people as you want, they'll never be me.


Difficult_Garbage369

That last part!! PERIOD!!👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 YOU GO GURL!


starsinthesky12

I’m so curious if this is even remotely true for my ex but really no idea. Have to be okay with not knowing. We never know what’s in someone else’s head either way because I had no idea he started having doubts about our relationship before the breakup.


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MagicalSmokescreen

It's definitely suspicious if a dumper or ghoster reaches out. And selfish. Like, it's all about them and how they feel and what they want. It's a big no from me. Looking back leads nowhere good.


throwaway_ra_review

Yep. I just found this out the hard way. I feel so stupid because I knew it, but I let it happen anyway.


throwaway_ra_review

Almost the exact same thing just happened to me. Hit me up if you want to chat.


[deleted]

So they start contacting you and leave you wondering whether you should hold on or move on.


Fearless-Flow-1640

Move on the day they leave


[deleted]

That is hard for me you know I still love her. I'm being weak here.


darkserenity15

I’m in the exact same boat man


MagicalSmokescreen

If someone starts crawling back, my first thought is that they want something. Especially after a long time of radio silence. Suspicious. At the end of the day, I am on team don't look back. Once my trust--which is hard to earn as it is--has been destroyed, that which destroyed it will always be in the back of my mind. And if someone can do something that hurtful, they have it in them, and will do it again. I can't do that. I could never feel safe again.


Narengi

What breaks the trust is different for everyone. If the relationship wasn’t abusive and was long term, I think people do deserve a second chance, with caution and lots of communication.


[deleted]

I know even if that's the case I can't do anything. I already said I'm being weak here.


[deleted]

As someone that’s been on both sides of this, I can confirm. I broke up with someone last week and I’m heartbroken over it. Not everyone that comes into your life is meant to stay.


Fearless-Flow-1640

Facts


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[deleted]

Probably. I broke up with her to protect my own heart, but I was really into her. It was an open relationship and I wanted to be exclusive. She wouldn’t give me that, so bye.


Mermaid_woman

Generally speaking, what if you fucked up though and that's why they broke up with you? And you didn't give them enough reasons to miss you and want to take you back?


Fearless-Flow-1640

Depends on the circumstances that’s true but if you were good they will miss and think about you


highcvltured

I really needed to see this.


ultrastacks

fuck her. she doesn’t deserve me. i’m so much better off. hold your head high and keep your pride intact they don’t deserve it


[deleted]

Most girl dumpers feel like this as I’ve seen on the posts. But male dumpers don’t care as fuck


MadeOfShipwrecks

And yet the male dumpers come back way more


nottherealaccount_22

My experience is very limited, but I think it's the other way around. As a "male dumper", I am still a fucking wreck after almost half a year. Lots of my male friends seemed to go through the same with their breakups.


growingmahurr

Weird statement because most dumpee posts I’ve seen that miss their ex are majority men. And even if you search “dumpers regret” here you’ll find it majority guys missing the girl they ended things with. Where are you getting at male dumpers don’t care when like u/MadeOfShipwrecks said, most males come back. Don’t see much guys posting that their girl dumper reached out. Girl dumpers typically have a lineup of men already set for comforting before the breakup even happens, making sure they’re not alone. Even if they’re not intentionally going to jump into a relationship with them just yet. They have a cheerleader hype squad of best “friends” who will inflate their ego and their decision to leave, even reassuring them their mistakes and toxic behaviors were justified or weren’t toxic at all, so she just carries it all over to the next dude who was lined up waiting for the breakup to be finished. The cycle repeats until she realizes her mistakes and faults with that ex she dumped and saw how she could’ve saved the relationship too. By then it’s too late. Male dumpers typically are hit with the regret they let the good girl get away a little bit after they made some stupid decision. Whether it’s breaking up for some dumb fuck reason, an impulse feeling, cheating, what have you. The guy makes attempts to get the girl back but more times than not, depending on the circumstances, she doesn’t want to give him another shot. The guy eventually says fuck you to her, uses his boy squad to hype him up to be a player and if he ends up continuing his piss poor choices, ends up sleeping around to move on from the girl and ends up lonely. Until eventually, he matures and sees his actions are taking him no where but a string of lost and empty connections, and fixes himself.


E-135

This post is so stupid. Sorry but there's no good to let anger or frustration out in this way, saying males are like this, females are like that..


growingmahurr

There’s no need to get offended. I apologize if you were. If you’ve read a lot of posts and seen videos of “typical” experiences, it’s really just that, typical. Your experience can be this situation, it can be different. I don’t see reason to get upset unless you feel targeted, which you shouldn’t feel targeted if your situation was not a typical one.


[deleted]

But mate, look, on reddit the male/female ratio is 63 / 34. Sure thing that it seems like men are more likely to be the hurt dumpee. At least on reddit.


Disastrous-Nerve2191

I mean I've seen many posts mirroring this opinion in a female favor and those are still up so idk I see bias.


E-135

Well one way or another it's not right and a toxic way to deal with emotions. Doesn't really matter if they are still up or not


[deleted]

I wish your comment most probable while the chance of what I said is not definitely low. I cannot link all the references, and I have hardly read male dumpers missing their exes and going back to them.


[deleted]

I am a 26M. I've had 5 girlfriends, 6 times I was dumped (currently going through 2nd breakup with my last girlfriend). Every single girl I've ever been with eventually came back after dumping me. I never wanted any of the breakups, always told them that's not what I want and went NC very soon after the break-up once I see they're confident in their decision and got some answers.


joecolt4dfive

Right on time brother! 🙌🙏💪


Fearless-Flow-1640

Got you brother


stancedpolestar

How long were you guys broken up for before they started talking to you again?


Fearless-Flow-1640

6 months


Emotional_Support_21

I'm the dumper. And it has been extremely hard. I know I made the right choice because the relationship was unhealthy and I was unhappy, but I miss the relationship and I miss the good moments.


ScienceWriterLady

Did you ever contact the person you left again?


Emotional_Support_21

Oh yeah, for a moment. But essentially it was not doing any good for any of us.


ScienceWriterLady

What made you reach out and how long after the breakup did you do it?


Emotional_Support_21

I'm not sure, like a month? Are you holding on to hope they will reach out?


throwaway781302

How are you now?


Soggy-Eye-

my guilty pleasure to this post is that it makes me feel good knowing he misses me while in a relationship and the fact he was the dumper. broke up about 6 months ago and he would on and off tweet about me constantly and reminisce about us, and not even 2 weeks ago he was making a joke about him missing the smell of my metal septum when we kissed😭 then his sister posted him going to prom with this one random girl admittedly i did do some lurking and found her account and she has his initial with a ring emoji in her bio! so they’ve been dating and idk for how long but all i know is not even 2 weeks ago he was still reminiscing about me i feel bad for the girl because she got together with a boy who’s still broken(not just about me but about a lot of bad shit that’s going on in his like like death of close relatives and just shit karma that’s been happening to him ever since we split.) and with all that in mind i know he probably needs his void filled and needs as much love he can get so that’s wat also makes me feel bad but yk! at the end of the day he was selfish for himself now i gotta be selfish for my own sake! but i will say again that ADMITTEDLY this is my current guilty pleasure ☺️


fbom45

I'm the dumpee I was with my gf for 11 years. Poor communication on her part to discuss the important things in life ultimately left me bitter over time. The crazy thing is we've had a pretty awesome life together. Nothing in life is perfect but the recipe was there. After this last break up and we truly had time to talk did I realize that totality of the situation and how my actions played a role. That conversation both made us have a ahaaa moment and I felt connected to her closer than I had ever been it feels amazing but this isn't reality my reality is we're not together I lived in the same house sleep in the same bed don't have access to the woman I once loved so very deeply all while trying to get myself in a good headspace. It would be so much easier if she was a terrible person but the truth is she's an amazing person even though we're broken up she still takes the time to check on me to make sure I'm good.


Even-Equivalent

It'll be impossible to heal and move on especially as a dumpee if she can just pop in whenever, please in the coming future save yourself some heart ache and cut contact, I can tell how much pain you're in...


jermhoop

I second this... I am a dumper this year and am still grieving 4 months later... I miss her. She got married very quickly after we last talked. It hurt... I'm not sure she has taken the full time to grieve. But I'm very sad and miss her, but knew the break up had to happen...


ScienceWriterLady

Why’d it have to happen? Just curious


jermhoop

Here are the main reasons I broke up with her. Keep in mind, I'm 44 years old (male) and she is 44 years old (female) and this was the hardest thing I've ever done. I just knew deep deep down it wouldn't work long term: We weren't aligned spiritually. She wanted to get married in a Mormon Temple and I tried, but just couldn't get there She made poor life decisions and was bad with money - I was worried what would happen if I died and she had to manage everything Her kids (she had 4) were very stressful to deal with as was her ex-husband She needed a lot of attention to feel secure - way more than I was able to give I wasn't my best self overall - I gave up hobbies and other interests to make her happy I was having a health spiral downward and we weren't aligned in food interests - she liked a lot of sweets and sugary things and I have a chronic illness that makes those hard. I knew my life would last maybe another 10 years with her... And when I say these things, she was without a doubt the purest, sweetest, gentlest, beautiful soul I've ever known. We had a 10 out of 10 in emotional and physical chemistry and talked for hours upon hours. It was the logistics of life around her that ended up being impossible for me to navigate. I wasn't strong enough to be her man. And that sentence breaks my heart... But it is true... We stayed in contact for a couple months after our breakup with me mostly contacting her, which caused her pain that I regret because I still wasn't marrying her, but then she got married very quickly a couple weeks after we last talked to a 34 year old guy, which was also heart breaking. I'm guessing every situation is unique, but this one stings. I still wonder if I made the right choice, but I chose my health and being there for my two daughters over marrying her and I had my reasons, but damn... A damned if I do, damned if I don't choice...


ScienceWriterLady

That sounds really tough. Did you ever talk to her about these concerns? Did she offer to work on them? It sounds like some could be addressed with a conversation — like the diet thing. It might be harder to address the kids thing (since she can’t just get rid of them) and the religion thing (assuming you’re not also Mormon). I’m 32 and my ex bf just broke up with me out of the blue stating reasons that were totally fixable and that he never before communicated with me. So this is why I ask if you tried communicating with your ex and working on it together before breaking things off.


jermhoop

I did talk to her about it many times. She was very willing to work with me as best she could. She was a very sweet, pure, and precious soul. I grew up Mormon and am familiar with it, just don't practice it like she does. Definitely tried working through things - about 14 months and she even would juice vegetables for me. She cared about my health, but also loved her treats and sugary things. I don't know if I'll find another woman like her and I still think about her every day. But she got married so quickly and I made her cry many times by not marrying her when I reached out earlier in the year. I'll always remember her.


Kdarl

This post is so timely. I was just thinking and grieving over her a little after a couple of weeks of feeling ok and NC. Wondering what she is doing. How had she been. Does she think of our good times. Does she miss the chats and shares we enjoyed. The sadness and longing were starting to creep in. Feel much better after seeing this post, for whatever reason. Thank you OP!


Fearless-Flow-1640

Got you brotha


[deleted]

Honestly I’ve been feeling so sad for almost a year because of the breakup, finally o just woke up, yes I still am sad about it, yes I still think about how it could have been different but In the end I finally realized it’s about being happy, yeah it’s over yeah it could have been in the worst way but it’s because they aren’t happy anymore. There’s no words that can describe that either and that sucks but I’ve been there too and finally after almost a year I realize it’s not fair no matter how unfair she was to me for her to fix “being happy together”


isak99

No, I don't. I don't miss my toxic and negative GF. I miss her sometimes, but didn't regret for a second. You can't fix bad people, as much as you try.


Disastrous-Nerve2191

I mean sure they can feel like that but they were the ones that dumped you in the first place so it's on them 100%.


OutrageousPanda944

I mean if the person didn’t act right during the relationship it’s definitely not 100% on them


Disastrous-Nerve2191

I mean cool yeah but I'm not talking about that. Talking about when someone just breaks up outta nowhere with no good reason why.


Harendorf

If someone breaks up out of nowhere, there are good reasons why. The sudden act of breaking up might not be as elegant and classy as the dumpee would have prefered, but there are no "beautiful" and "movie like" ways of breaking up, nor the abruptness of it means that there were no issues. Also, I would like to point out that there are 2 persons in a relationship, and that it takes two to make it work. Except if it's a matter of cheating, leaving your partner for what seems a "better" match or abuse and violence, the reasons as to why it ended (no matter how it did) is shared, even if not equally.


Disastrous-Nerve2191

I mean its true it does take two to tango, however, if a partner doesn't communicate it to the person they are going to eventually break up with it over is 100% in the wrong. How are you supposed to fix behavior that the person who wants it fixed never brings it up? I was not mentioning abuse or violence at all with my post. It's the people who break up for no reason over trivial things that are a issue. Especially when they let a relationship go on for longer than a year which makes it a waste of time.


Nervous-Story5899

I’d like to hear this from a dumper’s POV


nottherealaccount_22

I am the dumper after 7 years. It's been almost 6 months since the breakup. I've never hurt so bad in my 30 years. I've felt the whole fucking range of emotions from missing her, feeling intense love and affection towards her to feeling fiery rage and hatred (the only time I actually dreamt about her was a couple of days ago, me screaming at her and telling her how much I fucking hate her guts for what she'd become - pretty weird but I guess... thanks for playing this scenario out for me, brain..?). One thing have been constant - pain. Pain, confusion, guilt, regret, doubt, anger, almost all the time, with no end in sight. Good luck building your next relationship with this kind of baggage... So yeah, we're all different, and there are shitty people out there, but generally, I think dumpers DO hurt. A lot.


nojudgment4593

Any update? Are you still separated or did you ever reach out to reconcile?


henreywienharts

She told you that to make you feel better lol. Sorry buddy


khmlowlife

How long you guys broke up ?


Fearless-Flow-1640

6 months ago


khmlowlife

Honestly, lucky you


Playful-King9997

I do miss her, so much. I regret that we had to break up. But sometimes there are things you just can't find a way out of, no matter how hard you try.


Whiplash322

Well not really


davegolijat

Fuck me this is spot on for me as the dumper. I just wish things could have been different... I think about it a lot and I regret not seeing that we weren't a good match earlier. Could have caused us both much less pain.


[deleted]

I recently found out my ex is dating a coworker that he used to complain about being annoying and weird. Before him and I started dating she was interested in him but he wanted me and didn’t pursue anything with her. I just found out they’ve been dating for 4 months now. I wonder if he thinks about me at all.


Even-Equivalent

As anyones boyfriend/girlfriend its a sad rule but anyone that your partner talks to you about is a potential date, its truer the younger someone is, but also generally true through however many ages. My answer to you is a little but not fully yet, they need things to slow down for them to consider the past.


Royal-Teaa

Doesn't matter if they regret it or not. The fact that you think like that ( regretting it ) will make you feel terrible. So try to move on, no matter how much they missed you. Also you have to expect the unexpected i mean by that that you will someday meet the right one, no one knows when, why and how but eventually you will. Stay positive


Ashamed_Assignment_5

Idk man, the whole point is to get to a spot in your life where you're like "I don't care if she sleeps with the whole town smile😊"


Fearless-Flow-1640

I’m already there haha been for a while. She actually tried to come back I’m the one who declined.


Why_Howdy

I’ve been the dumper in 3/4 relationships and I can confirm it is NOT easy. Just a different set of challenges. Ultimately breakups involve everyone. Positioning one person as the cause of the breakup and suggesting that they aren’t also hurt by it is not at all accurate or helpful in my opinion. If someone isn’t hurt by going through a breakup, regardless of their role in the relationship ending, then something is/was seriously wrong with that person or that relationship.


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Even-Equivalent

Follow that advice, if it seems too fast, they may have already been talking or she had a crush on them for sometime, with women its usually a good bit faster for them to get things romantically because its rare for guys or other chicks to turn them down. The best way to weigh if someone loves you or not, is by staying true to your feelings and what you want,(I still love you, I WILL miss you but can get over that in time, you don't want to be with me, so I'm going to go move on) and letting their heart grow fonder through you not being there. You not telling them isn't a punishment its just how they want things to be. Realistically a break up is when you become strangers again, and that was their choice.


[deleted]

Yeah I agree with this - my ex broke up with me by sobbing in my lap and a week later told me she was at harm to herself and needed to come over, told me I was the one for her and telling me how hard this breakup was going to be etc... two weeks later started dating someone else. There's no way she could go from that to feeling nothing, the feelings will eventually catch up with her i'm sure. I've blocked her on all socials (it hurt seeing her post her new relationship) so even if she did hit that deep regret with her rebound, I'll never hear of it but it's nice to know the hurt they caused us does eventually catch up on themselves


Dangerous-Education1

Ew if he wanted me back I would say no💀 like he hurt me once and I know he would do it again. I cant put myself thru that again


Timely-Cat-273

My husband asked for a divorce in November saying he fell out of with me, 4 months later suggested we work it out. Changed his mind 2 weeks later and says it’s too late. Every time he’s drunk he calls me and tells me he wishes he could fall back in love with me so can stay together. Very confusing, wish we could be no contact but we have a 2 year old.


Aurora-M

Yes, dumpers can regret their choice. My first long term relationship was just a little over 6 years. He broke up with me right before finishing grad school because he wasn’t sure what he wanted. He reached out once every 1-2 months to see how I was doing before asking me to get back together 14 months after the breakup. I said no because I had moved on by then. Now I’m currently out of a 3+ yr relationship, also dumpee again. Although this one feels more painful since he was about to move to be with me when suddenly he told me he had started having feelings for someone else. Broke up with me because he felt guilty having feelings for two people. I am assuming he wants to see what happens with this other person since it doesn’t make sense to me why else he’d leave me :( not sure if this a “grass is greener” situation and if he will come back. It’s only been 3 weeks NC and 4 weeks since the breakup, and part of me does hope he will come back.


ScienceWriterLady

any update on this? How are you doing now?


Illustrious_Sea_5654

I broke up with my fiance last month. We were together for almost seven years. Damn right it hurts. It's been nearly a month and most of the time my heart feels like it's beating too hard, like it's a struggle just to breathe. I burst into tears at some point every day. I think about him constantly - what would he think about this movie? What did he have for dinner? Would this joke have made him laugh? We recently went NC for good, but he accused me several times post break up of not caring, not truly loving him, of being happy without him. He asked me if I'd already found someone else, like I could even consider doing that right now. I strongly feel like I never want to find anyone else ever again. And I get it. I get he's hurting. I feel awful, I wish I could hold him like I used to, talk him through the pain. But I can't. That's not my place anymore. And that hurts, too. I think about how much pain he caused me. His bad temper, his arrogance. We argued all the time. Sometimes I scroll through old messages when I'm missing him badly, and am reminded of the fact that, going back years, roughly half of our texts are from fights. I'm reminded how he treated me when things were bad, when he insulted me, talked down to me, preyed on my insecurities. How he manipulated me. Hell, I'm reminded how I just fucking took it. I tried to communicate and fix our problems so many times, only for him to get defensive and aggressive in response. I know what we had was toxic. I know I made the right choice. But it still hurts. It still hurts.