The only way you will get someone to treat you incredible is when you do the same to yourself. Self respect and self worth have boundaries that will eliminate the middle man.
As a liberal woman in a fairly conservative city in her mid-30s, I'm skeptical. I know it's a numbers game, and I don't have the emotional strength to get back on the apps. I start grad school again in the fall, and have a very demanding full time job. I had taken time off of my studies after covid because I, like many, re-evaluated my priorities and decided to invest more time into my personal life. Now all of that time has been for naught (BU with my dream man who was the perfect harmony of professional, adventurous, athletic, nerdy, and sexy AF), I can't take any more leave of absences from my program, and I'll be almost 40 by the time I graduate.
I don't mean to be a downer, and I wish I had more hope, but I feel like I'm now past my physical prime and the available pool of candidates will only wane from here. I wish I could go back in time and tell my mid-20s self (and perhaps now to all of you young workaholics) that investing time in your personal life is just as important as your professional life. Would love to hear any counters/success stories of folks who were in a similar spot.
My darling babe, I work in the medical field and you are are still so young. We all are! Imagine your age on a tineline to 100. You're at 30%! When you are 40 you'll be at 40%!
When I was 18 I was internally telling myself I was expiring. It's really toxic for women out there and I wish we could be comfortable at any age because the truth is love happens randomly regardless of it. :]
You seem amazing and such a hard worker. You're going to find someone on your level, you baddie you.
30 female here. I know I'm "young"-ish, but
I feeeeel you so much. I'm scared of being alone, especially since I work at home. I literally don't have anyone to talk to on a daily basis.
And dating apps? Oh God, I'm just not into them. I have friends who tried it and the guys they matched up with were utter failures. Most of them lied through their teeth.
I had a step back too, because I contacted my ex yesterday, and now I'm regretting it. He ignored my message and my pain doubled immensely.
I also am losing hope.
I am 32 and as an expat living in a foreign country, I feel the same. I have no friends here, I dont know anyone outside work. Meeting new people in meetups is fine but they all have their groups/friends and i feel like a misfit.
Dating apps - I am not just into them. I tried it and I feel like the need to put a fake persona rather than be my own self to impress someone. So I just avoid them.
I thought I found someone and I was happy with her but after she left me 3 weeks back, I think I am not good enough for anyone. I have lost all hope and think that I will be lonely all my life. At 32, I feel old. I dont think I fit in anymore. I feel like the only option for me is to go back to my country and restart. But from a professional point of view, it will be like committing a career suicide. I am so confused. I can't focus on my work after my breakup. I keep on thinking about her all day , look at our pics, our chats. I relive them everyday. It just hurts. The summer with all this free time, I can't stop thinking about her. It hurts more since I had so many plans with her this summer.
I wanted to get married to her, put down my roots and start focusing on the next phase of my life. But now I have to restart again on the personal front and it is impacting my professional life as well. I am just so clueless and hopeless now.
The next problem is where to find this "new" person to love. And how sure are we that this person will love us the same way?
My ex is also an expat in my country, and we were actually planning to get married this year and move to another country. I also took a remote job that will enable me to be with him wherever he wanted us to settle. And this damn remote job has me stuck at home working. I am starting to hate my job. Yeah, it's hard to focus at work when my head keeps replaying those chaotic months I wish I could change. I could have done better, I could have saved the relationship. š¢
I love him and at the same time angry at him because he made me believe in our future. It was wonderful. He was amazing. And now, all I see of MY future is a solitary one. š„
I feel like I am not good enough for someone. It has really put me off. I know I have some flaws but now after the breakup I feel like I will never be good enough and will be forever alone.
I don't want to think about being alone. I don't want to be alone.
We can do this. Please don't give up just yet. I don't want to give up either.
Let's try to support one another, since that's what this sub is all about.
After a few hours of reflection and receiving no reply from my ex, I have decided to try the dating apps. I want to find love again. It's going to be difficult, but let's do our best.
Do not give up. You are enough.
Met a guy off dating apps. Went through lots of dates on there to find someone who actually interests me. It works! Anyways, stop contacting your ex. Youāre gonna find someone! And look back on it and cringe and wished youāve didnāt send those silly messages, like I did.
Which one? I was on a dating app "our time" last month. No connections. Also, it seems like guys don't say much on profile. I laid it all out on mine. All I got with guys was "what are you looking for in a partner."
Same. Iām a 33 year old attorney and have a demanding job. Just started a new job as an associate attorney.. i feel stuck in a difficult life and I want love but Iām just incapable. Donāt have the emotional capacity for dating apps eitherā¦. Fuuuhhhh Iām scared Iāll end up alone. I miss my ex but he can find anyone as heās younger than me (31) and heās a professional too
THIS IS SO TRUE. My new man treats me like a princess, and compliments me every day even when I know Iām not looking my best, he accepts me and my flaws, spoils me with affection and possessions, all in all he just does everything he can to remind me that he cares for me. And I learned I deserved so much more than my ex. Donāt give up and always make sure to put in the effort you ask to receive.
Itās just hard. I spent 10 years with him. My entire 20s. I believed him when he said I wasnāt good enough. I believed him when he told me I was selfish. I believed him when he told me I was the abuser and a narcissist.
I know that Iām going to be damaged for years. Maybe even permanently. Iāve got a long road ahead of me.
I have to learn to love myself. Iāve got to learn Iām worthy, before I can try to love someone else.
I donāt even want to think about another relationship right now, but what scares me is when I do and when I feel like Iām ready, what do I do? I feel like ricky Bobby āidk what to do with my handsā haha
Iāve not ādatedā or tried to date at all as an adult, and the thought of that scares me even more than being alone right now.
Literally went through the same thing. When I found out she cheated on me and lied for over a year, that betrayal was what almost killed me. I'll be 31 in August. I feel like damaged goods some days but I keep pushing forward. I've gone on to do incredible things I would have never done with her. I've gone on dates but I'm not sure I'm ready to jump into a new relationship because it wouldn't be fair to put past baggage on someone new.
Sometimes it's not even that they're "better" than your ex. An ex can be a really wonderful person who treated you well, but life and its complications got in the way.
We get older, we move to new places, we experience new things, and figure out more about ourselves. Your next partner will be more in tune with the person you are at that time, just like how your ex was in tune with the person you were in the past.
So yeah, chances are we will all find someone for us going ahead. It'll be different, but it'll still be good. We've just got to get over this bump in the road before we can get there.
I really hope so, my ex was a truly wonderful person, but I think I need to take a break from romance for a while. The only relationship Iām looking for right now is a better one with myself.
Nah. Sorry it doesn't work like that. You're falling into the fallacy of thinking of life as one journey of discovery and of constant linear growth. That isn't how life works. One good or bad experience isn't followed by a countervening force. Nobody knows your story and you go into a new relationship if you have the looks to do so with a blank slate for better as well as worse.
this is SO true! last year I was going through the worst breakup ever :( I truly loved this guy and wanted to be with him forever, (at least thatās what I thought then) but now, I have an amazing new partner who truly adores me as much as I adore him. Itās honestly the best relationship Iāve been so far, Iām truly happy. I wish I could go back in time and tell all of this to my past self. You WILL find someone better, I promise.
I needed to hear this. I seen the ex today. 2 tears triangulating. He (again) moved back in with her and was leaving in her truck with her kid in tote and his boat that he claimed he sold to some other guy. I don't know why I am trauma bonded by this guy who's lies so much and I have been in NC but finally I looked to see he has blown up my phone on two occasions from the time he moved back in with the other woman, after I called cops on her for coming to my house unnanounce.
I sent him a text and my head is spinning.
I wish to be over it and to forget about him.
He was no good to do what he did and does.
He gave me a necklace for christmas but I later found it was given to her before hand. All these fucked up things and I have anger and sadness with disgust.
Can any one relate?
Honestly, we all have flaws, but at this point I feel bad about how our relationship went.
My ex had some incredible characteristics (could be super fun, silly, warm) but then cold and mean as ice.
Looking back, I am not really sure what happened sometimes. I think I also need to be better if I am honest and feel bad for the emotional stress my ex suffered, though she abused me emotionally. I really tried the best I knew at the time, but it was not enough.
My ex abused me sexually/emotionally
He told me didn't want me during our first and last kiss. I mean it was my first kiss and kept kissing only because he was turned on and Right there he complimented other girls and compared me to his ex who booked him a hotel room and brought him gifts and asked to marry her she flew from some other country to be with him but he rejected her because he doesn't like easy to get girls š in one month he was with some other girl and they bragged about their sex on Facebook. I had sexual feelings for him even though he hurt me and I couldn't stand their flirting on my timeline so I unfriended him on facebook.the next year he proposed to my second cousin who was also a childhood friend.it didn't work but I still feel hurt because he told me commitment is out of his system and he doesn't want to get married but he proposed to her even though she was a serial dater who called everyone darling and sweetheart. I've been depressed and single all these years.
With some therapy I could handle my situation and now every time I think about everything that happened I just tell myself that I deserve more than what he offered me I deserve to be loved and complimented I deserve someone who accepts their flaws and doesn't project their wrong doings on me. Being with him didn't feel good at all . He's currently married to some blonde girl and he's still in touch my second cousin. I don't envy any of them
My ex was incredible so the next one better be fucking Keanu Reeves š¤š»
Your Keanu Reeves is gonna treat you so much better than any incredible ex could.
Thank you, i hope so
Keanu where are u my love
This is how I feel. š„²
The only way you will get someone to treat you incredible is when you do the same to yourself. Self respect and self worth have boundaries that will eliminate the middle man.
He is such a one of a kind guy
You're magnificent!
If the next one is fucking Keanu Reeves, you've already lost.
Lol š
As a liberal woman in a fairly conservative city in her mid-30s, I'm skeptical. I know it's a numbers game, and I don't have the emotional strength to get back on the apps. I start grad school again in the fall, and have a very demanding full time job. I had taken time off of my studies after covid because I, like many, re-evaluated my priorities and decided to invest more time into my personal life. Now all of that time has been for naught (BU with my dream man who was the perfect harmony of professional, adventurous, athletic, nerdy, and sexy AF), I can't take any more leave of absences from my program, and I'll be almost 40 by the time I graduate. I don't mean to be a downer, and I wish I had more hope, but I feel like I'm now past my physical prime and the available pool of candidates will only wane from here. I wish I could go back in time and tell my mid-20s self (and perhaps now to all of you young workaholics) that investing time in your personal life is just as important as your professional life. Would love to hear any counters/success stories of folks who were in a similar spot.
My darling babe, I work in the medical field and you are are still so young. We all are! Imagine your age on a tineline to 100. You're at 30%! When you are 40 you'll be at 40%! When I was 18 I was internally telling myself I was expiring. It's really toxic for women out there and I wish we could be comfortable at any age because the truth is love happens randomly regardless of it. :] You seem amazing and such a hard worker. You're going to find someone on your level, you baddie you.
30 female here. I know I'm "young"-ish, but I feeeeel you so much. I'm scared of being alone, especially since I work at home. I literally don't have anyone to talk to on a daily basis. And dating apps? Oh God, I'm just not into them. I have friends who tried it and the guys they matched up with were utter failures. Most of them lied through their teeth. I had a step back too, because I contacted my ex yesterday, and now I'm regretting it. He ignored my message and my pain doubled immensely. I also am losing hope.
I am 32 and as an expat living in a foreign country, I feel the same. I have no friends here, I dont know anyone outside work. Meeting new people in meetups is fine but they all have their groups/friends and i feel like a misfit. Dating apps - I am not just into them. I tried it and I feel like the need to put a fake persona rather than be my own self to impress someone. So I just avoid them. I thought I found someone and I was happy with her but after she left me 3 weeks back, I think I am not good enough for anyone. I have lost all hope and think that I will be lonely all my life. At 32, I feel old. I dont think I fit in anymore. I feel like the only option for me is to go back to my country and restart. But from a professional point of view, it will be like committing a career suicide. I am so confused. I can't focus on my work after my breakup. I keep on thinking about her all day , look at our pics, our chats. I relive them everyday. It just hurts. The summer with all this free time, I can't stop thinking about her. It hurts more since I had so many plans with her this summer. I wanted to get married to her, put down my roots and start focusing on the next phase of my life. But now I have to restart again on the personal front and it is impacting my professional life as well. I am just so clueless and hopeless now.
The next problem is where to find this "new" person to love. And how sure are we that this person will love us the same way? My ex is also an expat in my country, and we were actually planning to get married this year and move to another country. I also took a remote job that will enable me to be with him wherever he wanted us to settle. And this damn remote job has me stuck at home working. I am starting to hate my job. Yeah, it's hard to focus at work when my head keeps replaying those chaotic months I wish I could change. I could have done better, I could have saved the relationship. š¢ I love him and at the same time angry at him because he made me believe in our future. It was wonderful. He was amazing. And now, all I see of MY future is a solitary one. š„
I feel like I am not good enough for someone. It has really put me off. I know I have some flaws but now after the breakup I feel like I will never be good enough and will be forever alone.
I don't want to think about being alone. I don't want to be alone. We can do this. Please don't give up just yet. I don't want to give up either. Let's try to support one another, since that's what this sub is all about. After a few hours of reflection and receiving no reply from my ex, I have decided to try the dating apps. I want to find love again. It's going to be difficult, but let's do our best. Do not give up. You are enough.
Met a guy off dating apps. Went through lots of dates on there to find someone who actually interests me. It works! Anyways, stop contacting your ex. Youāre gonna find someone! And look back on it and cringe and wished youāve didnāt send those silly messages, like I did.
Which one? I was on a dating app "our time" last month. No connections. Also, it seems like guys don't say much on profile. I laid it all out on mine. All I got with guys was "what are you looking for in a partner."
49/m. 50 in July. Same. Gave up two years ago. Radical acceptance works if you work at it. Best of luck whatever your decision
Same. Iām a 33 year old attorney and have a demanding job. Just started a new job as an associate attorney.. i feel stuck in a difficult life and I want love but Iām just incapable. Donāt have the emotional capacity for dating apps eitherā¦. Fuuuhhhh Iām scared Iāll end up alone. I miss my ex but he can find anyone as heās younger than me (31) and heās a professional too
THIS IS SO TRUE. My new man treats me like a princess, and compliments me every day even when I know Iām not looking my best, he accepts me and my flaws, spoils me with affection and possessions, all in all he just does everything he can to remind me that he cares for me. And I learned I deserved so much more than my ex. Donāt give up and always make sure to put in the effort you ask to receive.
I miss this feeling of being someone's everything hehe
She wonāt find anyone better. Sheāll regret it forever. She already does. I just know it. Serves her right, too.
Itās just hard. I spent 10 years with him. My entire 20s. I believed him when he said I wasnāt good enough. I believed him when he told me I was selfish. I believed him when he told me I was the abuser and a narcissist. I know that Iām going to be damaged for years. Maybe even permanently. Iāve got a long road ahead of me. I have to learn to love myself. Iāve got to learn Iām worthy, before I can try to love someone else. I donāt even want to think about another relationship right now, but what scares me is when I do and when I feel like Iām ready, what do I do? I feel like ricky Bobby āidk what to do with my handsā haha Iāve not ādatedā or tried to date at all as an adult, and the thought of that scares me even more than being alone right now.
Literally went through the same thing. When I found out she cheated on me and lied for over a year, that betrayal was what almost killed me. I'll be 31 in August. I feel like damaged goods some days but I keep pushing forward. I've gone on to do incredible things I would have never done with her. I've gone on dates but I'm not sure I'm ready to jump into a new relationship because it wouldn't be fair to put past baggage on someone new.
Sometimes it's not even that they're "better" than your ex. An ex can be a really wonderful person who treated you well, but life and its complications got in the way. We get older, we move to new places, we experience new things, and figure out more about ourselves. Your next partner will be more in tune with the person you are at that time, just like how your ex was in tune with the person you were in the past. So yeah, chances are we will all find someone for us going ahead. It'll be different, but it'll still be good. We've just got to get over this bump in the road before we can get there.
I really hope so, my ex was a truly wonderful person, but I think I need to take a break from romance for a while. The only relationship Iām looking for right now is a better one with myself.
This is the way. Both for your own happiness, and for the health of any future relationships.
Nah. Sorry it doesn't work like that. You're falling into the fallacy of thinking of life as one journey of discovery and of constant linear growth. That isn't how life works. One good or bad experience isn't followed by a countervening force. Nobody knows your story and you go into a new relationship if you have the looks to do so with a blank slate for better as well as worse.
this is SO true! last year I was going through the worst breakup ever :( I truly loved this guy and wanted to be with him forever, (at least thatās what I thought then) but now, I have an amazing new partner who truly adores me as much as I adore him. Itās honestly the best relationship Iāve been so far, Iām truly happy. I wish I could go back in time and tell all of this to my past self. You WILL find someone better, I promise.
Yep. Iāve been looking for that āSomeone betterā everyone promised for 16 years. Still lookingā¦.
I NEEDED THIS!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank youšā¤ļø
I needed to hear this. I seen the ex today. 2 tears triangulating. He (again) moved back in with her and was leaving in her truck with her kid in tote and his boat that he claimed he sold to some other guy. I don't know why I am trauma bonded by this guy who's lies so much and I have been in NC but finally I looked to see he has blown up my phone on two occasions from the time he moved back in with the other woman, after I called cops on her for coming to my house unnanounce. I sent him a text and my head is spinning. I wish to be over it and to forget about him. He was no good to do what he did and does. He gave me a necklace for christmas but I later found it was given to her before hand. All these fucked up things and I have anger and sadness with disgust. Can any one relate?
(x) Doubt
I just want her.
Thank you I am going through one right now as well and thank you for sharing this
Been more than 2 years. Havent found anyone. Donāt have any hopes for it either
Thatās what I keep telling myself
Itās just living in a town of only 2,000 and the next closets towns have less than that.. makes it so very difficult. Plus in that situation everyone knows everyone or is related to someone. Then if you find someone you get .. oh I remember when he dated this one or that one.. š©
Honestly, we all have flaws, but at this point I feel bad about how our relationship went. My ex had some incredible characteristics (could be super fun, silly, warm) but then cold and mean as ice. Looking back, I am not really sure what happened sometimes. I think I also need to be better if I am honest and feel bad for the emotional stress my ex suffered, though she abused me emotionally. I really tried the best I knew at the time, but it was not enough.
This is true. Last year I was begging for the bare minimum, now Iām receiving much more than the bare minimum.
I really hope so
My ex abused me sexually/emotionally He told me didn't want me during our first and last kiss. I mean it was my first kiss and kept kissing only because he was turned on and Right there he complimented other girls and compared me to his ex who booked him a hotel room and brought him gifts and asked to marry her she flew from some other country to be with him but he rejected her because he doesn't like easy to get girls š in one month he was with some other girl and they bragged about their sex on Facebook. I had sexual feelings for him even though he hurt me and I couldn't stand their flirting on my timeline so I unfriended him on facebook.the next year he proposed to my second cousin who was also a childhood friend.it didn't work but I still feel hurt because he told me commitment is out of his system and he doesn't want to get married but he proposed to her even though she was a serial dater who called everyone darling and sweetheart. I've been depressed and single all these years. With some therapy I could handle my situation and now every time I think about everything that happened I just tell myself that I deserve more than what he offered me I deserve to be loved and complimented I deserve someone who accepts their flaws and doesn't project their wrong doings on me. Being with him didn't feel good at all . He's currently married to some blonde girl and he's still in touch my second cousin. I don't envy any of them