You said it's your fault but I don't see anything here that could be your fault at all. You have some physical health problems and that can't be your fault unless you purposefully chose to harm your bones or body? Then, even then, that could have been due to mental health crises. And another thing is that you seem to have mental health issues, which of course everyone with CPTSD has! And THAT is not your fault either the same as it's not any of our faults in this subreddit. You didn't ask to have trauma. Someone else (or more than one person) caused your trauma. And no one asks for panic attack or wants them on purpose. They are terrifying and painful. You have them, but it's not your fault.
I agree that this is SO hard and I can't imagine that pain of having your baby taken and only getting to see the child once a week. I am so sorry you're facing this. But you do not need to take blame for any of this. Your family is not helping by attacking you and laughing at you. They are being the problem there. Don't listen to their lies. You came here for help and that's SMART because a tiny part of you must know you're a GOOD PERSON and this isn't your fault.
I wish I had answers for the more immediate parts of your horrible situation. Sometimes there are resources in towns for things like this. I hope someone who knows more about this than me can chime in. But for my part I hope you know that while these problems ARE awful and anyone would feel bad about it, you don't need to be carrying all this guilt and shame on top of it. No one is perfect of course but you certainly are NOT doing any of this on purpose.
Hello and Welcome to /r/CPTSD! If you are in immediate danger or crisis, please contact your local [emergency services](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_emergency_telephone_numbers), or use our list of [crisis resources](https://old.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_support_resources). For CPTSD Specific Resources & Support, check out the [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index). For those posting or replying, please view the [etiquette guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/peer2peersupportguide).
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I'm so SO sorry to hear. It must be absolutely devastating. It's obvious how much you love your little one and it's not your fault that the trauma made it too difficult to cope. The lack of support for mental health is crippling. I fell apart when my little one was born, I wasn't prepared for it, and then my mental health just crumbled with postnatal and the stress of having a newborn. If you want to talk about it feel free to get in touch.
At this point your son is still in your life and as he grows all you can do is dig deep and be there for him to show him how much you love him. If your medication isn't working could you ask for a change? Some are better than others though it's an absolute minefield getting one that works and agrees with you. Take the time you have and please don't blame yourself. I just want you to know, you're not alone and I know the feeling of falling into the abyss feeling like nothing will ever be ok again. I truly hope you're okay. Always here for you x
You said it's your fault but I don't see anything here that could be your fault at all. You have some physical health problems and that can't be your fault unless you purposefully chose to harm your bones or body? Then, even then, that could have been due to mental health crises. And another thing is that you seem to have mental health issues, which of course everyone with CPTSD has! And THAT is not your fault either the same as it's not any of our faults in this subreddit. You didn't ask to have trauma. Someone else (or more than one person) caused your trauma. And no one asks for panic attack or wants them on purpose. They are terrifying and painful. You have them, but it's not your fault. I agree that this is SO hard and I can't imagine that pain of having your baby taken and only getting to see the child once a week. I am so sorry you're facing this. But you do not need to take blame for any of this. Your family is not helping by attacking you and laughing at you. They are being the problem there. Don't listen to their lies. You came here for help and that's SMART because a tiny part of you must know you're a GOOD PERSON and this isn't your fault. I wish I had answers for the more immediate parts of your horrible situation. Sometimes there are resources in towns for things like this. I hope someone who knows more about this than me can chime in. But for my part I hope you know that while these problems ARE awful and anyone would feel bad about it, you don't need to be carrying all this guilt and shame on top of it. No one is perfect of course but you certainly are NOT doing any of this on purpose.
Hello and Welcome to /r/CPTSD! If you are in immediate danger or crisis, please contact your local [emergency services](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_emergency_telephone_numbers), or use our list of [crisis resources](https://old.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_support_resources). For CPTSD Specific Resources & Support, check out the [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index). For those posting or replying, please view the [etiquette guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/peer2peersupportguide). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/CPTSD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm so SO sorry to hear. It must be absolutely devastating. It's obvious how much you love your little one and it's not your fault that the trauma made it too difficult to cope. The lack of support for mental health is crippling. I fell apart when my little one was born, I wasn't prepared for it, and then my mental health just crumbled with postnatal and the stress of having a newborn. If you want to talk about it feel free to get in touch. At this point your son is still in your life and as he grows all you can do is dig deep and be there for him to show him how much you love him. If your medication isn't working could you ask for a change? Some are better than others though it's an absolute minefield getting one that works and agrees with you. Take the time you have and please don't blame yourself. I just want you to know, you're not alone and I know the feeling of falling into the abyss feeling like nothing will ever be ok again. I truly hope you're okay. Always here for you x