I'm really sorry you're going through this. I won't pretend to understand, but it sounds really painful.
I wonder if you could use this as motivation instead of punishment though. Motivation to keep improving, to meet healthy people, to progress with school, all to better yourself for you and in turn, for your son. You have a better chance of regaining custody if you do that then if you allow these negative punishing thoughts to overwhelm you and stop you pursuing anything good or joyful in life.
Edit: on a side note, after reading your posts, have you ever tried emdr therapy?
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I'm really sorry you're going through this. I won't pretend to understand, but it sounds really painful. I wonder if you could use this as motivation instead of punishment though. Motivation to keep improving, to meet healthy people, to progress with school, all to better yourself for you and in turn, for your son. You have a better chance of regaining custody if you do that then if you allow these negative punishing thoughts to overwhelm you and stop you pursuing anything good or joyful in life. Edit: on a side note, after reading your posts, have you ever tried emdr therapy?
Hello and Welcome to /r/CPTSD! If you are in immediate danger or crisis, please contact your local [emergency services](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_emergency_telephone_numbers), or use our list of [crisis resources](https://old.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_support_resources). For CPTSD Specific Resources & Support, check out the [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index). For those posting or replying, please view the [etiquette guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/peer2peersupportguide). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/CPTSD) if you have any questions or concerns.*