FUCK sage. I hate the smell so much, I wish I could strangle every goddamn neopagan hippie and white suburban mom to death. I hate living in an apartment complex next to this sage-huffing moron who insists that it ācleanses her soulā. Iāve asked her several times to maybe stop burning as much of that god-forsaken plant but she keeps on torching that shit like itās top-quality weed.
Have you considered that you might be a demon? J/k sounds like she way overdoes it.
Go put a line of salt in front of her doorway and see how she reacts
I guess Iām one of those āneopagan hippiesā lol Practicing that religion takes much more research. Sage is closed Native American practice, so I donāt use it. There are so many other ways to do a cleanse. Even if a cleansing method wasnāt a closed practice itās still imperative to take into consideration the people around you and be aware of what smells can be harmful to pets if you have any
Hi hi Iām Native and just wanted to let you know that using specifically white sage is a closed practice but burning other types of sage is not. I would urge non-Natives to avoid calling it smudging as *that* is specific to Native peoples, but āsagingā ācleansing with sageā āsmoke cleansingā and other names that are not specific to the cultural practice of smudging is A okay. Iām not sure that I would be doing it if I wasnāt Native myself bc it wouldnāt have the same meaning or relevance but itās not wrong to do. Also buying bundles from a corporation/not sourcing them from ethical places or simply growing it yourself is an absolute waste of a spiritual practice in general but thatās another story lol
Not to mention, burning it if you're not Native or initiated into a tribe is WILDLY disrespectful to them. This is why I prefer, and will never stop using, incense.
Maybe this is my own trauma speaking but I read the line about letting stuff go in a passive aggressive dismissive manipulative kind of way given the context
I once got a package for Christian Winter Holiday from my NC parental abuser one year after I had found my little sister again. One of the items in the box was a set of Futhark runestones, and I honestly felt slimy about it. I'm sorry your abuser uses similar tactics... it is a special hurt when something that is meant to be healing is tarnished like that
As a possible fellow Heathen, I would have thrown those runes to Goodwill or Ebay (for money) and gotten myself a nice tarot deck instead. What the actual fuck...
I would, but I canāt be mad at the rock for being picked by my dad. Itās still a beautiful rock and I do like it. I plan on doing a very intense energy cleanse on it before putting it with the rest of my crystals. I know you or others may not believe in the whole energy cleansing thing, but I do and I know itāll make me feel better
Agreed! I donāt think crystals can cure cancer or whatever, more so the crystal gives out an energy that helps guide you to something that can help you
Well, you could always give it to someone else who could use it and pick one out for yourself that doesn't have that energy attached to it for you. I've had to work to recognize similar things that I've held onto that bring me grief because of their inherent value and get them out of my life and replace them if necessary.
...also the rock could just be fulfilling its ultimate destiny if you used it as a weapon lmao. "Accept this, motherfucker!"
Thatās a good idea and Iām glad it has worked for you. However, I donāt think itāll work for me. Iād feel terrible for giving someone something with an energy attached to my father. I love the crystal, but I hate who gave it, so I just need to find a way to separate that tie, which I will probably do via the energy cleansing I mentioned
Whatās right for you is right. A cleanse sounds like it could be pretty powerfulālike wiping any pathetic āpowerā he ever had away, and letting the stone be itself, with full clarity. Itās not forgetting, not forgivingā¦kind of more a declaration that you have the power to see reality and real beauty and strength, and he canāt turn what you know is true against you. Cause heās weak, and the heart is strong.
energy cleansing is one of those things where I donāt know if I actually believe in it, but Iām sure as hell not going to take my chances lol
Especially if the object was picked by my abuser I would just feel better cleansing it- if nothing else it might help you feel less negatively toward it <3
I feel you! He bought me a pair of Hello Kitty pajama pants a while back and although theyāre ājust pantsā, I still did an energy cleanse because I did not want any of his energy anywhere near my body. It made me feel better and I can actually feel comfortable wearing them now
As a gem collector myself, I had gotten a very beautiful stone gifted from a toxic partner. After I had the strength to end that relationship I slowly let go of all the reminders around my home. But this stone was so nice, and it too was shaped into a heart. I loved it, and I knew the stone itself was blameless. I cleansed it as best as I could, but I could not look at it without thinking of him.
I needed to let it go. I agonized. But then I realized a person cut it from a much larger stone and shaped it. And still it remained a stone. I too could cut it to pieces and it would remain beautiful stone, but it would have my own intentionality to its shape instead of the intention of the person who sold it or bought it. After finding that peace, smashing it was one of the most cathartic feelings of release Iād had up to that point. And returning the pieces to the ground was therapeutic and simpatico.
Allowing things to stay the same is also an intentional decision youāre making and that can be empowering too when that decision is truly yours and yours alone. I just wanted to share this in case you felt limited to keeping the stone the way it is for the stoneās sake.
A word of caution, if it still doesn't feel right after cleansing, don't try to force it. I had a similar experience years ago and never got the gifted stones to feel clean. Pretty sure I threw them out last move
Let it be a garden stone. Let nature cleanse it.
Get another rock.
Accept that this may be the closest that hell ever get to admitting what an asshat he is.
He has built his reality around an certain image of himself and accepting that he hurt you wouldn't fit inside that shape.
It would break who he is to accept that truth.
And people like that are too cowardly to risk casting off their persona and remaking themselves.
If my father ever did that, I'd put on rubber gloves and get rid of it.
The trash can is too good for it. I'm gonna stick it in a port-a-potty. A gentle metaphor that his words and gifts are nothing but shit to me.
Don't be afraid to do the same. I'm biased, but in my opinion this is grade A manipulation into either making you feel guilty, or to make you think he's changed when he's not.
Definitely take what I said with a grain of salt. I don't have context obviously. But this is kind of a classic move abusers pull to lure you back in. Speaking from experience....
I accepted years ago that he will never change. Thanks for the encouragement. Iām not afraid of doing the same as you wouldāve in this situation (despite my absolute hatred of public bathrooms), but I canāt get upset at a rock for being chosen by my dad. Manipulation tool or not (it most likely is) itās still a tool. I canāt blame the tool for something the tool user used it to do
First off OP I wanna say I'm sorry that your dad would send this to you. It sounds like he wants to send more hurt, not more healing. But rest assured this stuff is not to be fucked with; if he wants to send hurt he will retrieve it back upon himself tenfold. To send this to someone you've abused is more than fucked up and he will see no harvest from what he has sown.
The stone, from a witchcraft standpoint, can now only be used if it's cleansed since it's bean used for harm. Bury it, if you never want it to see the light of day. Or if you wanna cleanse the stone put it in a flowing stream or sun/moonlight for 24hours. That'll rid it of your abusers intentions and you can use it for loterally whatever you want. Be free of his influence. Or chuck it in the ocean. Do whatever you have to to get this man away from your mind.
I do actually practice witch craft and Iāve put it on a windowsill that gets some good moon and sun light. Gonna probably use water and incense too on top of it
Erg. This is one of those āmultiple truthā situations that are really frustrating.
Both things can be true, liking the object and hating who it was gifted from because of your history. Itās ok to be confused.
Iād sit on it for a few days, maybe journal your feelings out. Itās not out of the question to keep the rock or buy one of your own.
Maybe burry dadās rock or chuck it in a lake and get one of your own to reward yourself for pulling through all that BS.
The fact that youāre able to separate the rock and your dad is a good sign ā¤ļø
Damn. I love my pretty rocks, especially mangano calcite. But the only "acceptance" that stone should be teaching you is that he hurt you and is only trying to manipulate you into letting you abuse you even more. This looks like his attempt at love-bombing.
damn when youāre forced to live with them they always give the most ridiculous gifts (when they do) but when youāre out they automatically know what you like
my dad used to do this too omg. the gaslighting is insane. and a healing crystal???? excuse me if iām overstepping here but your dad can go curl up in a cold ditch.
Not to be aggressive but... Compensation. Absolute compensation. I don't believe for a second he actually gives a shit about your interests, it's more about having a vague idea about what someone likes. Enjoy the gift, reclaim it. Maybe there is a comfort character you could associate it with instead? Easier to send your kid a gift than to actually sit down and work on oneself...
Does anyone have advice on what to do with gifts you love but can't move past the person that gave it to you? I have a necklace from a narc sibling that jd love to wear but I can't even look at it without thinking about them and all the shit they put me through.
itās so fucking suspicious when they start acting genuinely nice,,,, likeee WHAT KIND OF TORTURE ARE U GONNA PUT ME THROUGH CUZ I KNOW THIS CAME WITH A CATCH .
and then if it doesnāt, & itās likeā¦. idc. iām still suspicious even with no catch, cuz itās probably just to shame you or gaslight you in future arguments š
iāve never understood why my dad would buy me gifts when at the same time i would be verbally abused for having things he BOUGHT me. itās all about control. heād monitor how often i used the gift and constantly ask about it. but yeah, the most recent bizarre thing is that i posted on facebook about my recent autism diagnosis and spoke about my PTSD diagnosis and he told me he was proud of me and that it was brave of me to make that post. i didnāt think much of it, until i watched baby reindeer and saw a comment that said āwhen the rapist told donny he was brave for sharing his story that made me feel sickā and it was like an awakening moment for me. WHY WOULD MY ABUSER BE PROUD OF ME FOR SHARING MY STORY? I HAVE A STORY BECAUSE OF YOU!! ITāS SO BIZARRE AND FUCKS WITH THE MIND.
This is what the Chinese would call a āsugarcoated bulletā.
The baddest mfs are known to eat the sugarcoat, then fire the bullet back to its source.
Talked abt my own cptsd last night for the first time ever and then today, literally the next day, I see this on my reddit front page. Call me schizophrenic but that correlatesā¦
So I donāt know your father. I donāt know what his intentions are. I do know the only thing abusers can do is either stay away from you or do whatever they can to aid your healing if they want to make amends.
Iām not sure if this is what heās doing because I do not know him.
If I got this it wouldn't have occurred to me that it was passive aggressive or manipulation (maybe bc im autisti?). Interesting reading these comments
As someone who is really bad at picking up social cues (I do not have an autism diagnosis, but I do highly suspect it) I understand this perfectly. I only posted this because I had so many confusing emotions about liking a gift from someone who hurt you. I was not expecting the comments to be this intense lol
I do think it could be cognitive dissonance, abusers justify their behaviour in their heads... I think we have a tendency to catastrophise when we're hurt which is normal but no healthier than gaslighting ourselves. Still abuse still not okay, but abusers aren't literal supervillians
My grandpa was the narcissist (among many others lol) in my family, he would constantly send us news paper clippings of the dangers of emotionally unstable children. And we all went mad with insanity because itās like they know what theyāre doing but ā¦ādonātā at the same time. You canāt even make this shit up if you wanted to.
My grandpa was the narcissist (among many others lol) in my family, he would constantly send us news paper clippings of the dangers of emotionally unstable children. And we all went mad with insanity because itās like they know what theyāre doing but ā¦ādonātā at the same time. You canāt even make this shit up if you wanted to.
My dad did a similar thing with a letter saying that he still loved me and an Xbox remote. Idk why they do this shit, especially after them not being in your life anymore
my best friend's abusive mother sent him crystals to "cleanse him of negative energy". it's a toxic gift but you're allowed to like it as long as it doesn't trouble you to keep it. if it does trouble you, my friend took the route of smashing his crystal with a hammer in our driveway, and it made a beautiful glittery mess
Im really happy you posted about this. Getting actually good gifts from abusers is really hard mentally. Iām moving and so many things I donāt want to get rid of but I canāt look at them without feeling sick. Thankfully, a lot are things I can donate so I donāt feel as bad about it. I hope at some point I can reach the point you have. In cleansing them and seeing the objects for what they are not where they came from.
Could be a sign heās trying to improve himself and trying to help you heal from his abuse. Not impossible for a former abuser to have improved themselves and want to try to mend the damage theyāve done. I wouldnāt fuckin trust it, but the chance isnāt 0
Youāre a kinder person than I am. I wouldāve yeeted that thing into a river ASAP and texted him a short but frank message along the lines of āa rock is not going to fix years of hurt.ā
I understand where youāre coming from, and he is claiming to be on a healing journey, but I know that he is someone who is really good at keeping appearances. I do wish that he will be a better person and gets the help he needs, especially for the people who will be in his life, but I accepted years ago that he isnāt a man of change and will always believe he is in the right.
My abusive ex saging the house to "cleanse the bad energy" mf the call is coming from inside the house Edit for clarity
he did this quite a bit. We had a sage bundle on top of the fridge that held steroids and growth hormones lol
You're aware of the lunacy my friend, that's half the battle and you're doing great š«
FUCK sage. I hate the smell so much, I wish I could strangle every goddamn neopagan hippie and white suburban mom to death. I hate living in an apartment complex next to this sage-huffing moron who insists that it ācleanses her soulā. Iāve asked her several times to maybe stop burning as much of that god-forsaken plant but she keeps on torching that shit like itās top-quality weed.
Iām sorry š I, personally, *LOVE* the smell of sage. I associate it with my Life Partner. Itās important not to overdo it, tho.
ya same, i find it SO relaxing, sometimes i burn it when im smoking weed and it just sends me into another dimension
Have you considered that you might be a demon? J/k sounds like she way overdoes it. Go put a line of salt in front of her doorway and see how she reacts
I guess Iām one of those āneopagan hippiesā lol Practicing that religion takes much more research. Sage is closed Native American practice, so I donāt use it. There are so many other ways to do a cleanse. Even if a cleansing method wasnāt a closed practice itās still imperative to take into consideration the people around you and be aware of what smells can be harmful to pets if you have any
Hi hi Iām Native and just wanted to let you know that using specifically white sage is a closed practice but burning other types of sage is not. I would urge non-Natives to avoid calling it smudging as *that* is specific to Native peoples, but āsagingā ācleansing with sageā āsmoke cleansingā and other names that are not specific to the cultural practice of smudging is A okay. Iām not sure that I would be doing it if I wasnāt Native myself bc it wouldnāt have the same meaning or relevance but itās not wrong to do. Also buying bundles from a corporation/not sourcing them from ethical places or simply growing it yourself is an absolute waste of a spiritual practice in general but thatās another story lol
Not to mention, burning it if you're not Native or initiated into a tribe is WILDLY disrespectful to them. This is why I prefer, and will never stop using, incense.
While I have to say I use Juniper, I thought it was white sage specifically?
Indigenous person here- it is in fact white sage that shouldnāt be used by non-Natives! Other types of sage are fine though!
A little sage is good, but itās such a strong scent that itās very easy to be overwhelming.
I sage maybe once a year ish for good vibes lol but I donāt think it smells nice eitherā¦
Aren't you supposed to eat that stuff not burn it
Hi wtf are you me?? How the Fuck do we have such a similar experience??
Maybe this is my own trauma speaking but I read the line about letting stuff go in a passive aggressive dismissive manipulative kind of way given the context
I did as well... but that might be *my* trauma speaking
I think thatās what all of our alarm bells are saying
I don't have any trauma and it sounds bad to me if that helps Also please someone tell me why this sub keeps popping up in my feed for some reason
For sure this is another attempt to convince you to rug sweep
if I got this stone from my abuser, I'd be furious. He's playing with you.
yeah, he definitely is, especially with this being somewhat close to my birthday and āout of the blueā. itās just what he does
I once got a package for Christian Winter Holiday from my NC parental abuser one year after I had found my little sister again. One of the items in the box was a set of Futhark runestones, and I honestly felt slimy about it. I'm sorry your abuser uses similar tactics... it is a special hurt when something that is meant to be healing is tarnished like that
As a possible fellow Heathen, I would have thrown those runes to Goodwill or Ebay (for money) and gotten myself a nice tarot deck instead. What the actual fuck...
He sent me two tarot decks and an empath oracle deck in addition to the crystal
Even MORE fucked up. At that point, I'd buy strictly altar supplies, or maybe a pagan rosary.
If my abusers tried to pull something like this, I would smash it into pieces and send those pieces back to them.
Leave it somewhere theyāll step on it barefoot
My first initial response: āThrow it at emā
This reminds me of a meme I saw one time about using crystals for protection. š
LOL *perfect*
Feels very backhanded seeing it's a "Stone of Acceptance"... like he's saying "just accept what happened and move the fuck on already." You know?
I think itās more targeted at my insecurities, which he definitely added to
*jesus* that's rough
I'd throw the fucking stone in his face. What the actual fuck.
Fashion the point of the rock into a spear and-
The real healing energy comes from smacking the crystal into your abuser
He fell into my crystal. He fell into my crystal 10 times.
If you'd have been there, if you'd have seen it.....
I betcha you woulda done the same!
Crystal needs a charging. Like soul stones in Elder Scrolls.
Yeah, ideally at several hundred meters per second
Shatter this one in the street and go get one of your own.
I would, but I canāt be mad at the rock for being picked by my dad. Itās still a beautiful rock and I do like it. I plan on doing a very intense energy cleanse on it before putting it with the rest of my crystals. I know you or others may not believe in the whole energy cleansing thing, but I do and I know itāll make me feel better
TBH: as long as youāre using it in a purely spiritual way, and not as a replacement for proper help (physical & mental) then that sounds healthy.
Agreed! I donāt think crystals can cure cancer or whatever, more so the crystal gives out an energy that helps guide you to something that can help you
Yep, just cleanse itĀ
Well, you could always give it to someone else who could use it and pick one out for yourself that doesn't have that energy attached to it for you. I've had to work to recognize similar things that I've held onto that bring me grief because of their inherent value and get them out of my life and replace them if necessary. ...also the rock could just be fulfilling its ultimate destiny if you used it as a weapon lmao. "Accept this, motherfucker!"
Thatās a good idea and Iām glad it has worked for you. However, I donāt think itāll work for me. Iād feel terrible for giving someone something with an energy attached to my father. I love the crystal, but I hate who gave it, so I just need to find a way to separate that tie, which I will probably do via the energy cleansing I mentioned
Whatās right for you is right. A cleanse sounds like it could be pretty powerfulālike wiping any pathetic āpowerā he ever had away, and letting the stone be itself, with full clarity. Itās not forgetting, not forgivingā¦kind of more a declaration that you have the power to see reality and real beauty and strength, and he canāt turn what you know is true against you. Cause heās weak, and the heart is strong.
Tl;dr he might have put the whammy on it, but manganese is good stuff, and nothing his pass-agg ass does can change that fact.
energy cleansing is one of those things where I donāt know if I actually believe in it, but Iām sure as hell not going to take my chances lol Especially if the object was picked by my abuser I would just feel better cleansing it- if nothing else it might help you feel less negatively toward it <3
I feel you! He bought me a pair of Hello Kitty pajama pants a while back and although theyāre ājust pantsā, I still did an energy cleanse because I did not want any of his energy anywhere near my body. It made me feel better and I can actually feel comfortable wearing them now
As a gem collector myself, I had gotten a very beautiful stone gifted from a toxic partner. After I had the strength to end that relationship I slowly let go of all the reminders around my home. But this stone was so nice, and it too was shaped into a heart. I loved it, and I knew the stone itself was blameless. I cleansed it as best as I could, but I could not look at it without thinking of him. I needed to let it go. I agonized. But then I realized a person cut it from a much larger stone and shaped it. And still it remained a stone. I too could cut it to pieces and it would remain beautiful stone, but it would have my own intentionality to its shape instead of the intention of the person who sold it or bought it. After finding that peace, smashing it was one of the most cathartic feelings of release Iād had up to that point. And returning the pieces to the ground was therapeutic and simpatico. Allowing things to stay the same is also an intentional decision youāre making and that can be empowering too when that decision is truly yours and yours alone. I just wanted to share this in case you felt limited to keeping the stone the way it is for the stoneās sake.
Thank you for sharing your experience. If the crystal still reminds me of him then Iāll do what you did
A word of caution, if it still doesn't feel right after cleansing, don't try to force it. I had a similar experience years ago and never got the gifted stones to feel clean. Pretty sure I threw them out last move
I wonāt. Iāve been learning to listen to my body more and if I feel bad energy Iāll find a way to give it back to the Earth
If it means anything, if this rock is legit it'll glow under a blacklight
Let it be a garden stone. Let nature cleanse it. Get another rock. Accept that this may be the closest that hell ever get to admitting what an asshat he is.
Oh donāt worry, I accepted years ago that he will never admit to causing me pain lol
He has built his reality around an certain image of himself and accepting that he hurt you wouldn't fit inside that shape. It would break who he is to accept that truth. And people like that are too cowardly to risk casting off their persona and remaking themselves.
You hit the nail right on the head
Put his fail rock in the garden and get a new rock.
Better option: chuck it through his window and get a new rock.
Nah cus I'd be so mad what the fuck
This is the most passive-aggressive way of saying āget over itā Iāve ever seen. Fuck him.
"wow, this is worthless."
Thatās such a sick joke.
How Kind! He gifted you a projectile to hurl at him!
If my father ever did that, I'd put on rubber gloves and get rid of it. The trash can is too good for it. I'm gonna stick it in a port-a-potty. A gentle metaphor that his words and gifts are nothing but shit to me. Don't be afraid to do the same. I'm biased, but in my opinion this is grade A manipulation into either making you feel guilty, or to make you think he's changed when he's not. Definitely take what I said with a grain of salt. I don't have context obviously. But this is kind of a classic move abusers pull to lure you back in. Speaking from experience....
I accepted years ago that he will never change. Thanks for the encouragement. Iām not afraid of doing the same as you wouldāve in this situation (despite my absolute hatred of public bathrooms), but I canāt get upset at a rock for being chosen by my dad. Manipulation tool or not (it most likely is) itās still a tool. I canāt blame the tool for something the tool user used it to do
That's very fair, and I can see me using that perspective too.
First off OP I wanna say I'm sorry that your dad would send this to you. It sounds like he wants to send more hurt, not more healing. But rest assured this stuff is not to be fucked with; if he wants to send hurt he will retrieve it back upon himself tenfold. To send this to someone you've abused is more than fucked up and he will see no harvest from what he has sown. The stone, from a witchcraft standpoint, can now only be used if it's cleansed since it's bean used for harm. Bury it, if you never want it to see the light of day. Or if you wanna cleanse the stone put it in a flowing stream or sun/moonlight for 24hours. That'll rid it of your abusers intentions and you can use it for loterally whatever you want. Be free of his influence. Or chuck it in the ocean. Do whatever you have to to get this man away from your mind.
I do actually practice witch craft and Iāve put it on a windowsill that gets some good moon and sun light. Gonna probably use water and incense too on top of it
Nice! Get those bad intentions out and use it for good for you! That's what we've gotta do from these people y'know? Sending healing your way.
My mother does stuff like this. I usually regift the things.
Erg. This is one of those āmultiple truthā situations that are really frustrating. Both things can be true, liking the object and hating who it was gifted from because of your history. Itās ok to be confused. Iād sit on it for a few days, maybe journal your feelings out. Itās not out of the question to keep the rock or buy one of your own. Maybe burry dadās rock or chuck it in a lake and get one of your own to reward yourself for pulling through all that BS. The fact that youāre able to separate the rock and your dad is a good sign ā¤ļø
Thatās actually twisted as hell. What the fuck?
Record a short video of you throwing that thing in a body of water or off a cliff and send that to him..
I canāt if I want to keep the relationship low contact as Iām very financially dependent on him
Damn. I love my pretty rocks, especially mangano calcite. But the only "acceptance" that stone should be teaching you is that he hurt you and is only trying to manipulate you into letting you abuse you even more. This looks like his attempt at love-bombing.
damn when youāre forced to live with them they always give the most ridiculous gifts (when they do) but when youāre out they automatically know what you like
my dad used to do this too omg. the gaslighting is insane. and a healing crystal???? excuse me if iām overstepping here but your dad can go curl up in a cold ditch.
Not to be aggressive but... Compensation. Absolute compensation. I don't believe for a second he actually gives a shit about your interests, it's more about having a vague idea about what someone likes. Enjoy the gift, reclaim it. Maybe there is a comfort character you could associate it with instead? Easier to send your kid a gift than to actually sit down and work on oneself...
That last line hit hard. My entire life he bought my love
(Not me imagining you breaking it in half and sending it back near his birthday)
If I got that from my parents I'd smash it with hammer... wtf
Does anyone have advice on what to do with gifts you love but can't move past the person that gave it to you? I have a necklace from a narc sibling that jd love to wear but I can't even look at it without thinking about them and all the shit they put me through.
Enjoy it, OP. <3 Sounds like you have plans for the stone that involves keeping it.
Throw it through his window bestie ā¤ļø
Id smash it to peices and send it back, hes weird for that.
Throw it away š®, passing through his hands probably neutralized it anyway.
If my parents got me this āstone of acceptanceā they would get it back through the window
itās so fucking suspicious when they start acting genuinely nice,,,, likeee WHAT KIND OF TORTURE ARE U GONNA PUT ME THROUGH CUZ I KNOW THIS CAME WITH A CATCH . and then if it doesnāt, & itās likeā¦. idc. iām still suspicious even with no catch, cuz itās probably just to shame you or gaslight you in future arguments š
iāve never understood why my dad would buy me gifts when at the same time i would be verbally abused for having things he BOUGHT me. itās all about control. heād monitor how often i used the gift and constantly ask about it. but yeah, the most recent bizarre thing is that i posted on facebook about my recent autism diagnosis and spoke about my PTSD diagnosis and he told me he was proud of me and that it was brave of me to make that post. i didnāt think much of it, until i watched baby reindeer and saw a comment that said āwhen the rapist told donny he was brave for sharing his story that made me feel sickā and it was like an awakening moment for me. WHY WOULD MY ABUSER BE PROUD OF ME FOR SHARING MY STORY? I HAVE A STORY BECAUSE OF YOU!! ITāS SO BIZARRE AND FUCKS WITH THE MIND.
U should beat him to death with it it would be good carma lol For legal reasons this is a joke
This is what the Chinese would call a āsugarcoated bulletā. The baddest mfs are known to eat the sugarcoat, then fire the bullet back to its source.
ah yes, my dad started gifting me stuff as soon as child protection services launched an investigation. what a coincidence
Talked abt my own cptsd last night for the first time ever and then today, literally the next day, I see this on my reddit front page. Call me schizophrenic but that correlatesā¦
Lmao mine did the same shit
So I donāt know your father. I donāt know what his intentions are. I do know the only thing abusers can do is either stay away from you or do whatever they can to aid your healing if they want to make amends. Iām not sure if this is what heās doing because I do not know him.
Happened to me last week and Iām feeling the same. Just trying to ignore the fact of who gave it to me, and enjoy it as is.
Wow. I hate the concept of "healing crystals" even more now. What an asshole
If I got this it wouldn't have occurred to me that it was passive aggressive or manipulation (maybe bc im autisti?). Interesting reading these comments
As someone who is really bad at picking up social cues (I do not have an autism diagnosis, but I do highly suspect it) I understand this perfectly. I only posted this because I had so many confusing emotions about liking a gift from someone who hurt you. I was not expecting the comments to be this intense lol
I do think it could be cognitive dissonance, abusers justify their behaviour in their heads... I think we have a tendency to catastrophise when we're hurt which is normal but no healthier than gaslighting ourselves. Still abuse still not okay, but abusers aren't literal supervillians
Based on the little description that came with the rock, its naturally a better parent than him lol
the YouTubers I grew up on who turned out to be terrible people were better parents than him lol
š¤¢abusers always are so fucking weird. Wouldāve been cool to not have been abused in the first place, but thanks for the cool crystal, I guess.
Relatable but wrong parental figure for me š„² but she wouldnāt give a gift, just more trauma (NC life is great now š©µ)
Iām grateful that I have low contact with him. Iād much rather have to deal with these gifts every once in a while than living with him
Can definitely understand that. Keep your head up lovely, karma will come for the abusers soon enough ā¤ļø
Wow he bought you absolute fucking garbage pseudoscience Throw it in his face.
Even if it is pseudoscience I still love pretty rocks lol
I wouldnāt overthink it. He sent it to you that youāll āfinally find it you to forgive him.ā Enjoy your pretty rock!
My grandpa was the narcissist (among many others lol) in my family, he would constantly send us news paper clippings of the dangers of emotionally unstable children. And we all went mad with insanity because itās like they know what theyāre doing but ā¦ādonātā at the same time. You canāt even make this shit up if you wanted to.
My grandpa was the narcissist (among many others lol) in my family, he would constantly send us news paper clippings of the dangers of emotionally unstable children. And we all went mad with insanity because itās like they know what theyāre doing but ā¦ādonātā at the same time. You canāt even make this shit up if you wanted to.
stone him
Manipulation. At a low level 2. Rookie.
Throw it at his face. Tell him to accept it.
He wants you to "get over it already" or to not "ruin his reputation" probs
Well, that's a fucked up way of saying "Get over it". I'd chuck it through his window.
Iād assault him with the rock
Bruh this hit so hard in the relatable
My dad did a similar thing with a letter saying that he still loved me and an Xbox remote. Idk why they do this shit, especially after them not being in your life anymore
my best friend's abusive mother sent him crystals to "cleanse him of negative energy". it's a toxic gift but you're allowed to like it as long as it doesn't trouble you to keep it. if it does trouble you, my friend took the route of smashing his crystal with a hammer in our driveway, and it made a beautiful glittery mess
Im really happy you posted about this. Getting actually good gifts from abusers is really hard mentally. Iām moving and so many things I donāt want to get rid of but I canāt look at them without feeling sick. Thankfully, a lot are things I can donate so I donāt feel as bad about it. I hope at some point I can reach the point you have. In cleansing them and seeing the objects for what they are not where they came from.
My mum giving me crystals like here itāll keep out the 5G and help you connect with ur inner child
It's a false apology. A silent "see I'm not as bad as you make me out to be. I just want what's best for you."
How narcissistic is your dad?
Could be a sign heās trying to improve himself and trying to help you heal from his abuse. Not impossible for a former abuser to have improved themselves and want to try to mend the damage theyāve done. I wouldnāt fuckin trust it, but the chance isnāt 0
It's also not impossible for former abusers to get back into the cycle I wouldn't trust it
I wouldnāt fuckin trust it either, but part of me does want to keep the hope alive.
Youāre a kinder person than I am. I wouldāve yeeted that thing into a river ASAP and texted him a short but frank message along the lines of āa rock is not going to fix years of hurt.ā
I understand where youāre coming from, and he is claiming to be on a healing journey, but I know that he is someone who is really good at keeping appearances. I do wish that he will be a better person and gets the help he needs, especially for the people who will be in his life, but I accepted years ago that he isnāt a man of change and will always believe he is in the right.