My mom was such a loud, mouthed asshole I stopped letting her around my friends and activities when I was a teenager. She'd always try some dumbass shit with the express goal of humiliating me in front of people I respected.
My mom used to do this too. She would flat out say it’s her job as my mom to embarrass me, and she thought it was hilarious. She also would just broadcast every minor detail about my life on social media, and it hit a breaking point a little over a year ago when she thought it would be okay to start broadcasting details about an injury my wife had to my entire extended family. What makes it worse is she even said “oh don’t worry I’m just telling certain people,” as if that makes it okay. After she did that I had to go no contact.
I never understood how “it’s my job as a parent/mom to embarrass you became such a common and accepted phrase. Like why did it come up and why is it so pervasive?
I think there is a difference between a parent embarrassing their kid by loving on them and the typical stuff like telling your kid you love them while they cringe, versus broadcasting their life on social media or posting pictures of them online that aren’t flattering or are ones they explicitly told their parents not to post but they did anyway.
It took a little getting used to for me, but when other people "embarrass" their kids it's by being loving, cutesy, and not hip which is "embarrassing" to children and teenagers. I was always used to the snide jabs and public broadcasting of embarrassing secrets.
Same. It’s like she knew exactly what to say to hurt me the most too. To top it off she couldn’t keep a secret to save her life even if she didn’t use it against me. So every time I thought we were getting along it was followed by immediate betrayal.
I’ve distanced myself alot and I still feel guilty that she is so miserable. I almost wish she was worse so I could cut ties completely.
MIL got caught telling things to her daughter (who then tells everything to everyone else and so on) and when confronted, she says: ”but i told her not to tell anybody! you can’t even trust your own daughter nowadays” like girl I told YOU to not tell this to anyone.. sigh
My mom became this friend when I was a child. Emotional incest, she saw me as her partner and treated me as such and refused to realize I was a child. She'd tell me things people told her in confidence, and being a child I wouldn't treat them with the gravity and secrecy required. Then she'd get mad at me for blabbing, even though she was the one who was supposed to keep her mouth shut in the first place.
I mean my uncle deserves to be publicly shamed for grooming that minor and cheating on his fiance to be with her. If my family won't condemn him for it the public absolutely should. They treated her like a harlot and homewrecker when she was barely old enough to vote. Gods forbid a predator get some consequences. Bro tried to bribe his own step daughter to sleep with him. That deserves to be public knowledge and people should keep their kids away from him. Especially if my family are gonna be a bunch of little enablers.
The- the victim got outed for all of that?? Not the uncle?? Thats so fucked. Thats such a fucktarded shift in blame. Tbh it sounds scarily like the situation with my mom enabling my stepdad and me not even being old enough to do anything, and themnim the one ruining the family💀.
I hope your uncle gets the infamy he deserves 🫡
Unfortunately the minor ended up completely groomed by him only further enabled by my family. She's probably still engaged to him now. I stopped keeping tabs after cutting off the family cold turkey. I just couldn't keep fighting for better when I was the only one that seemed to want it. She did try to escape him but he started spreading really cruel and disgusting rumors to her adoptive mother and anyone she could hope to rely on. He even admitted he was lying about her to force her hand after the fact. Her adoptive mother is not a good person to say the least considering she is the only reason my uncle got his clutches on her to begin with let alone her enabling the relationship after he manipulated her back into his home. I just feel disgusted. I feel bad for her but at the end of the day she's a grown woman now and older than me. I can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves anymore especially when I can barely keep myself afloat.
Wow... That's incredibly saddening. What a terrible man, i can't believe he won. Hopefully she's content with her life now and not miserable, the poor girl. Im sure your attempts were appreciated, but its better to focus on yourself when things like that are too far gone. Good luck man
It wasn't clear to me. There are quite a few people including my own blood who believe regardless of severity you don't speak on family business. Maybe OP meant different. I don't know OP. But I know plenty who would take those words to mean any family business regardless of harm.
My mom used to shame me for not telling her absolutely everything about my life and said how if I keep secrets from her, “it erodes her trust in me and hurts her as a mother.”
What’s sad though is I was conditioned to over share and still struggle with this to a point. I’m a lot better now about not over sharing, but it’s ridiculous that she’s flat out telling me she just doesn’t trust me and that she assumes I’m keeping secrets and therefore hurting her. It’s a guilt trip tactic to manipulate, I know, but it’s just too bad that quite frankly my parents will never really get to know me because I know my mom will just use things against me or shame me for not being the person she wanted and demanded me to be.
this is so relatable. i’ve stopped telling my mother anything important about my life. during the moments when i really needed her, she used my vulnerability against me. it made me into such a distrusting person, i could never put my guard down. now she literally cries to me because i don’t include her.
Mine does the same nowadays and shames me for spending more time with my wife’s side of the family. My dad says I locked them out of my life. I also struggle with fundamental trust issues with everyone, and don’t tell my parents things because I know my mom is physically incapable of not telling others about my life because she craves drama, rumors, and gossip.
I had a “family” where one “family member” told all their work buddies (+ their boss) AND the mayor and a couple of neighbours. Another “family member” (a non blood relative) told their other family members, and “another family member” told people that worked at the police department and random people of the city and countless amounts of his friends about my self harm cuts and the fact that I was going to be sent to inpatient (age 14 and later 16). I was always told by those same abusers that abused me since toddlerhood in some of the sickest, covert and most cruelest of ways; CSA + familial trafficked started at age 4, socially isolated and kept confined to a dog cage in the toddler years up until age 9, covert physical abuse, denied an education by age 13– before then I was verbally abused and outcasted by teachers and was a SPED student, and a whole lot of other abuse that the self harm and being in a inpatient would make me completely unbelievable to anyone. I was never believed on anything before then anyway not even over a stolen pencil. I had one sibling an older brother who was showered with love, kindness, compassion, safety and was believed and believed in by my abusers.
My abusers also spread false stories about me to others and were instantly believed.
I was shocked finding and hearing of stories of others who self harmed and it was kept a personal matter (not told to abusers or random people child doesn’t know) and that most of the families found help for their child outside of inpatient and gave them compassion and support and believed their child.
My mom told her friends about my burnout, severe anxiety and overall bad mental health. It's really fun to be at their wedding anniversary and suddenly women come up to you and are like ":( oh honey. How are you holding up?" And a lot of unsolicited advice. It was awkward as hell.
When I was in the worst depression of my life and left a job that destroyed my mental health and stayed unemployed while I rebuilt it, my mom flat out told me I needed to find a new job because she was starting to get embarrassed talking to her friends about me. She didn’t understand why that wasn’t okay, she legitimately thought that that would motivate me. As if what her friends think about me would be the motivating factor to go out and restart my career.
Truth be told I do still struggle with what other people think about me because she raised me like this. Everything was only about what others think about us, and trying to win their approval instead of just doing stuff for ourselves and not caring what others think.
Its so weird when random family just does that 😭 like thanks gramma cathy for the concern but you didnt need to sit me down and tell me that everythings fine and i didn't deserve that. Im doing alright not thinking about it!
No but really. Thanks random friend of my mom, but I would rather talk to my own friends and therapists. I also would very much like to not discuss my mental health on a wedding anniversary. This is a place to celebrate my parents being together for a long time and I don't want to sour the mood by crying.
Man that’s a great way to put it. I wish I had said something like this because my mom LOVED to socially coast off of me by posting everything on social media. When I used to tell her I don’t want her sharing all this she would always talk about “oh but [people who knew me once when I was 3, or people my parents know who I don’t] absolutely need to know these things!”
In all reality it’s because my mom was a stay at home mom who gave up on having a career in the early 90s and never really has done anything besides have kids, so she has nothing in her own life to talk about besides political drama. Quite frankly I pity her for that, because what a sad life that must be to have to socially coast off your own kids because that’s essentially the only contribution to this world she’s really ever actually made.
I learned from a super young age to never, ever, tell my mom anything because it would get to my aunts and uncles and cousins immediately. They would then try to casually talk to me about whatever it was, and dance around it like they were "just asking" and then report whatever I said back to my mom.
I thought this would stop as I grew up but it did not. The amount of family I still talk to anymore I can count on one hand.
My mom's friend called me every day ( multiple times a day) for a week to help me with my resume cause my mom has been complaining to everyone how I'm struggling to get a job.
The advice was genral advice I've heard 100 times before.
My family did this and now I’m getting complaints from my grandma to stop posting memes and stuff online about my trauma. Just doing the exact same shit yall did 😂
My parents couldn't even do the bare minimum of respecting my privacy when I got my period for the first time. I was 12 so obviously I felt awkward and gross when it started, but my parents had to tell everybody 🙄 family, friends, coworkers, fellow church goers, etc.
My dad is also a school teacher where I grew up, so he was always telling the other students and faculty about the sensitive details of my life.
bruh the first day i got my period my mom told my grandma who then told my aunt who then came to me and joyously hugged me and said "welcome to the big girl world!"
worst fuckin birthday moment ever
i only recently learned that my mom told my grandma bc she was shocked i get it so young (9) so for a long time i kinda held a small grudge against my mom for that moment
I was essentially forbidden from telling people about our home life, but that never really stopped me from talking to friends about some of the shit I was going thru (a few were even witnesses). Yet, the instant I did something shameful, the *whole household* had to get involved like it was a spectacle. No privacy or boundaries. They also outed me (31NB) to the rest of the family before I was ready to come out to them myself.
I'm in a relationship, and because I'm NC with my family, I see my partner's family for all the major holidays and for the occasional Sunday dinner. His sister and his mom are gossipy, and honestly, it makes me super uncomfortable because of how my family used to over share, exaggerate, misunderstand, or make things up about me to others. I have a really hard time opening up to them, and they have asked my partner why I seem so closed off. At the same time, when I do share things, I get weird reactions, especially from older family members. Weird faces, the occasional "okay? That's new." etc... His sister will often repeat things I've said or done and laugh and say, "That's great!" or ask me to say things like I just said, and it feels like I'm being quoted. I'm not sure if I'm paranoid or if I am right to be bothered, especially because the intent isn't out of trying to make me look bad to others (I dont think). I have no problem being open with his dad's side, as they aren't like that at all.
Ugh. This happened to me.
My mother spread the word that I was 18 dating a guy who was 42 with 2 kids. (Feel free to shame. Young & dumb. Worst idea of my LIFE.)
"Mom" decided to tell the ENTIRE family and I wound up cutting them all out of my life for about 4yrs.
Now I don't talk to those same people for similar reasons. Funny how that works, eh?
god I remember my stepmom telling people the most personal things about me. that I was grounded for touching myself as a teenager, that I was failing classes, she even bragged about how she thought I was a lost cause and a drug dealer... I wasn't, I just wanted to be respected, to be in control of something. self sabotage was the only way I could control something, if I was failing it was my choice. then my last semester when I kicked myself in the ass and actually graduated she and my dad claimed credit like they somehow pushed me in the right direction. god I just wanna scream
It's always the humiliating secrets getting shared and gossiped about in the family and not the damning ones that *should* be well known. It's always "my daughter/niece/granddaughter is depressed and suicidal, haha what a crybaby" but never "my son/nephew/grandson is a rapist and child molester, ew what a monster"
me, a chronically ill teenager: mom, please stop posting so many details about my symptoms and treatments. i don’t like people knowing that much about my life. just say we went to the doctor.
my mom: well it’s *my* life too and i have every right to post as many details about you as i want
My mom told my entire family, close, extended, not even related to ME personally, all about me getting sexually abused. I took 4 years to say anything because i didnt want her to tell everyone. I didn't even tell her myself, a psyciatrist told her!
She’s so real for this. My mom would share my business on those autism momma pages on Facebook despite me NOT being autistic (I have ADHD and anxiety, even got tested for autism as a kid and it came out negative). Like, it’s not a bunch of stranger’s business that I had a meltdown at school because my anxiety was bad that day. That’s not something you share on the internet.
One time I tried to ask my mom in private if it was normal for me to have a metallic smell on my period (I was young and I didn’t understand that’s what blood smells like) and she said it was and then later in front of the whole extended family when I said I was going to take a shower she called out to me “make sure we wash everywhere especially down there so we don’t have a bad smell” and I died inside so much. She says she doesn’t remember this lol but I bet she does
I remember mom caught me asleep in an embarrassing situation. I asked her in a panic to not tell her husband, to not tell anyone because it was embarrassing. She promised she wouldn't. Then fast forward and some random woman comes up to me in figure skating and makes a joke about me falling asleep like that. Random teenage boys I didn't even know harassed me on the street "DID YOU (embarrassing event) AGAIN?!". During a thanksgiving dinner my mom just announced it to everyone, friends and family. Anytime she claims to have never broken a promise I bring that up. She denies it... I don't even tell people who my kids celebrity crush is. I can't imagine sharing things that were specifically asked not to be shared
my mother would tell anyone who would listen about my “sadness” but would berate me when i sought out support & professional help. she cried when she found out i went to therapy without telling her, i was 24.
I think those people who recklessly brought me into this world would explode if they didn't tell my business. However whatever business of mine they have to tell is extremely outdated. If I don't say anything all they can do is make shit up
Random person from my mom's work was told about me being in psych ward before my brother because "she had nobody to talk about her hard situation". And she was so happy to say it to me, because that co worker (she did not even knew him) also had daughter in hospital, so she wasn't alone in these trying times!
I’m dealing this bullshit right now… I even explicitly told every family member I don’t want them airing my shit to everyone, but they do. I’ll send this meme whenever I catch wind of some nefarious shit going on. I have already cut off my own sister so they know I am not fucking around.
Yuppppp
My mother has outed me to at least nine people and told at least seven people about being SA‘ed as a small child. She told a priest about both of them. To absolutely no one’s surprise, she gets surface level only now.
😮💨😮💨 I wish my family understood this... I had a bad mental health episode earlier this year that ended with me in the hospital for 3 days... Next time I see family they couldn't stop talking about it... But I sure as heck wasn't the one that told any of my family....
Why is it so hard to respect your kid's privacy???
In my house we were scolded for confiding in people on what actually went on because “they just wouldn’t understand our family dynamic” yet mom would turn around and make post after post on Facebook how awful her life and family is.
My mom turned my being in residential treatment into a pity party for herself within the family.
The result was the family asking me if I knew "how bad I'd made my mother's life"... She neglected to tell them she abandoned me for years while I was trafficked and only ended up with custody because my father got caught.
Parents are gross.
My dad could never 😂 that man is physically incapable of not gossiping with his family. He used to talk with the phone on speaker and the things I learned about the family that way is absolutely disgusting.
My moms not any better though 😅 I tell her “hey, DONT tell your mom and dad about this traumatic event that happened to me” and literally less than 24 hours later she has already told them. According to her she was just *so emotional* that she couldn’t help it 🤦🏼♀️
I never talked to Mom or dad about anything. It was safer that way.
Of course, now that I'm on my own and can call them out, they call me delusional and say I'm being influenced by outside sources. Okay... Whatever.
I've been through SA and yet to tell my mom and dad because of how much they talk. I know they would go tell everyone in the world if they knew, and I'd rather not have everyone close to me know. I'd rather be the one to tell some one I went through it not them hearing it from someone else. Due to the situation to my parents would probably put the blame on me as well.
"Please don't tell anyone" -you
"I'm your mother/father/family member, of course i won't" -family member.
*Immediately tells entire family and anyone they see*
Like come on.
Ugh my dad did this to the point that I had to ask him, point b look blank, DO NOT SHARE. Honestly I think it had to do more with his ego than anything. We didn't have regular school achievements he could brag about, so I guess gossip was the next best thing? Funny bc he chose to homeschool us.
Ah yes, the two extremes of unhealthy parental attitudes toward this:
"I will gossip about EVERY single thing about my child to anyone who will listen, and will bring back comparisons of them to others"
vs.
"Not a single detail about any of us EVER will leave this house and if I find out you're 'gossiping' about the family you're in big trouble"
I know no parent is perfect, but damn man, why do so many of them land on one of the extremes instead of somewhere in the middle?? It's like some really shitty statistical anomaly.
my mom. bless her heart. she can't keep a secret for shit, even when she tries. she either says it before thinking "wait im supposed to not say this" or she straight up forgets she wasn't supposed to tell. and of course, my family be gosspy as hell, so everything gets around to them too. she also has an oversharing problem, so even strangers know some of my struggles and incidents where i fucked up.
i unfortunately learned very quickly that none of them could be trusted with any private info. *especially* not my own mother.
Wow. This hits home. Raised by my grandmother who put me in harmful situations and then would tell everyone what happened to me and how she 'saved' me from the baddies. Everyone thought she was so wonderful.
My SIL mother sends out the most horrifying Xmas letter every year detailing all her other kids dating failures and such. I take a video of myself burning it without opening it to them every year. She is a terrible narcissist.
My mother telling everyone how I was SA'd while the only thing she told me is that I was lying because I did not want her happy...
Random number texting me they know what happened to me..
Cousin telling me I should not leave home at 18 'in spite of what happened' to me because we only have one mother.
Good memories yeah
This kinda reminds me of my own parents. They would tell their friends just about everything we did even if it was embarrassing. My dad would even brag to his buddies about how much we hated our punishments and would call us out during parties to "testify". I hated it so much. The only things they wouldn't share to the world was things what were embarrassing for themselves. I feel like I couldn't ever trust telling them anything
My mom was so bad. She spent about 7 hours every day on the phone gossiping. As a result all her friends were also the worst people. And I turned into the bad guy when I moved out and got away from it. When she was dying, I told her friends that she was, and they didn't believe me until she was intubated.
Then I told them they can all go gossip about me and my dead mom. Or fight me, I was really done with it all. They chose to tell me about how she didn't love me. Wow, shocker.
the public shaming is real lol when I got groomed at 12-13 my stepdad essentially kept telling all family members and I overheard him even telling our neighbour about it, how disgusting I am, everything I did, etc. then was offended when i begged him to stop. Also threatened to send screenshots to more extended family, my personal friends and teachers. such a gossip!
My former sister in law did this when I came to her during one of the hardest parts of my life. I told her everything, trusting that she would keep her word and not tell anyone. Months later, at a party, one of her friends came up to me and asked me how things were going because SIL had told her everything. Turns out she had told all of her friends everything. It absolutely destroyed my and my husband’s relationship with her. She never understood why what she did was wrong. I feel horrible for her kids
I was spending a lot of time in psych wards so my dad told the entire family I had some kind of life threatening stomach condition. I had to pretend to be sick to keep up the lie.
I don’t think the second part meant that at all. I feel it meant that if something were mentioned at home that she would not and also believes that parents shouldn’t go on and blabber about their child’s personal challenges and struggles (or embellish or even deliberately lie about what the child said/acts). It’s why she ended it with “I don’t understand why parents do this.”
Still amazes me how much my father gossiped. Even my mom told him to shut the fuck up.
my parents stayed friends with my bullies because they were better friends with them then they were with me.
My dad talk on the phone more than my mom. The man just love to hear his voice.
I wish my mom did that, she just joined in
My mom was such a loud, mouthed asshole I stopped letting her around my friends and activities when I was a teenager. She'd always try some dumbass shit with the express goal of humiliating me in front of people I respected.
My mom used to do this too. She would flat out say it’s her job as my mom to embarrass me, and she thought it was hilarious. She also would just broadcast every minor detail about my life on social media, and it hit a breaking point a little over a year ago when she thought it would be okay to start broadcasting details about an injury my wife had to my entire extended family. What makes it worse is she even said “oh don’t worry I’m just telling certain people,” as if that makes it okay. After she did that I had to go no contact.
I never understood how “it’s my job as a parent/mom to embarrass you became such a common and accepted phrase. Like why did it come up and why is it so pervasive?
I think there is a difference between a parent embarrassing their kid by loving on them and the typical stuff like telling your kid you love them while they cringe, versus broadcasting their life on social media or posting pictures of them online that aren’t flattering or are ones they explicitly told their parents not to post but they did anyway.
I'm like yeah, it's not like it's a blurred line between the two, it's a whole ass gap. Ugh
It took a little getting used to for me, but when other people "embarrass" their kids it's by being loving, cutesy, and not hip which is "embarrassing" to children and teenagers. I was always used to the snide jabs and public broadcasting of embarrassing secrets.
Same. It’s like she knew exactly what to say to hurt me the most too. To top it off she couldn’t keep a secret to save her life even if she didn’t use it against me. So every time I thought we were getting along it was followed by immediate betrayal. I’ve distanced myself alot and I still feel guilty that she is so miserable. I almost wish she was worse so I could cut ties completely.
MIL got caught telling things to her daughter (who then tells everything to everyone else and so on) and when confronted, she says: ”but i told her not to tell anybody! you can’t even trust your own daughter nowadays” like girl I told YOU to not tell this to anyone.. sigh
My mom became this friend when I was a child. Emotional incest, she saw me as her partner and treated me as such and refused to realize I was a child. She'd tell me things people told her in confidence, and being a child I wouldn't treat them with the gravity and secrecy required. Then she'd get mad at me for blabbing, even though she was the one who was supposed to keep her mouth shut in the first place.
I mean my uncle deserves to be publicly shamed for grooming that minor and cheating on his fiance to be with her. If my family won't condemn him for it the public absolutely should. They treated her like a harlot and homewrecker when she was barely old enough to vote. Gods forbid a predator get some consequences. Bro tried to bribe his own step daughter to sleep with him. That deserves to be public knowledge and people should keep their kids away from him. Especially if my family are gonna be a bunch of little enablers.
The- the victim got outed for all of that?? Not the uncle?? Thats so fucked. Thats such a fucktarded shift in blame. Tbh it sounds scarily like the situation with my mom enabling my stepdad and me not even being old enough to do anything, and themnim the one ruining the family💀. I hope your uncle gets the infamy he deserves 🫡
Unfortunately the minor ended up completely groomed by him only further enabled by my family. She's probably still engaged to him now. I stopped keeping tabs after cutting off the family cold turkey. I just couldn't keep fighting for better when I was the only one that seemed to want it. She did try to escape him but he started spreading really cruel and disgusting rumors to her adoptive mother and anyone she could hope to rely on. He even admitted he was lying about her to force her hand after the fact. Her adoptive mother is not a good person to say the least considering she is the only reason my uncle got his clutches on her to begin with let alone her enabling the relationship after he manipulated her back into his home. I just feel disgusted. I feel bad for her but at the end of the day she's a grown woman now and older than me. I can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves anymore especially when I can barely keep myself afloat.
Wow... That's incredibly saddening. What a terrible man, i can't believe he won. Hopefully she's content with her life now and not miserable, the poor girl. Im sure your attempts were appreciated, but its better to focus on yourself when things like that are too far gone. Good luck man
Then clearly this is a situation different from what OP means to refer to.
It wasn't clear to me. There are quite a few people including my own blood who believe regardless of severity you don't speak on family business. Maybe OP meant different. I don't know OP. But I know plenty who would take those words to mean any family business regardless of harm.
My secrets are never secrets to my mom, so just doesn't get to know my secrets at all.
My mom used to shame me for not telling her absolutely everything about my life and said how if I keep secrets from her, “it erodes her trust in me and hurts her as a mother.” What’s sad though is I was conditioned to over share and still struggle with this to a point. I’m a lot better now about not over sharing, but it’s ridiculous that she’s flat out telling me she just doesn’t trust me and that she assumes I’m keeping secrets and therefore hurting her. It’s a guilt trip tactic to manipulate, I know, but it’s just too bad that quite frankly my parents will never really get to know me because I know my mom will just use things against me or shame me for not being the person she wanted and demanded me to be.
this is so relatable. i’ve stopped telling my mother anything important about my life. during the moments when i really needed her, she used my vulnerability against me. it made me into such a distrusting person, i could never put my guard down. now she literally cries to me because i don’t include her.
Mine does the same nowadays and shames me for spending more time with my wife’s side of the family. My dad says I locked them out of my life. I also struggle with fundamental trust issues with everyone, and don’t tell my parents things because I know my mom is physically incapable of not telling others about my life because she craves drama, rumors, and gossip.
I had a “family” where one “family member” told all their work buddies (+ their boss) AND the mayor and a couple of neighbours. Another “family member” (a non blood relative) told their other family members, and “another family member” told people that worked at the police department and random people of the city and countless amounts of his friends about my self harm cuts and the fact that I was going to be sent to inpatient (age 14 and later 16). I was always told by those same abusers that abused me since toddlerhood in some of the sickest, covert and most cruelest of ways; CSA + familial trafficked started at age 4, socially isolated and kept confined to a dog cage in the toddler years up until age 9, covert physical abuse, denied an education by age 13– before then I was verbally abused and outcasted by teachers and was a SPED student, and a whole lot of other abuse that the self harm and being in a inpatient would make me completely unbelievable to anyone. I was never believed on anything before then anyway not even over a stolen pencil. I had one sibling an older brother who was showered with love, kindness, compassion, safety and was believed and believed in by my abusers. My abusers also spread false stories about me to others and were instantly believed. I was shocked finding and hearing of stories of others who self harmed and it was kept a personal matter (not told to abusers or random people child doesn’t know) and that most of the families found help for their child outside of inpatient and gave them compassion and support and believed their child.
My mom told her friends about my burnout, severe anxiety and overall bad mental health. It's really fun to be at their wedding anniversary and suddenly women come up to you and are like ":( oh honey. How are you holding up?" And a lot of unsolicited advice. It was awkward as hell.
When I was in the worst depression of my life and left a job that destroyed my mental health and stayed unemployed while I rebuilt it, my mom flat out told me I needed to find a new job because she was starting to get embarrassed talking to her friends about me. She didn’t understand why that wasn’t okay, she legitimately thought that that would motivate me. As if what her friends think about me would be the motivating factor to go out and restart my career. Truth be told I do still struggle with what other people think about me because she raised me like this. Everything was only about what others think about us, and trying to win their approval instead of just doing stuff for ourselves and not caring what others think.
Its so weird when random family just does that 😭 like thanks gramma cathy for the concern but you didnt need to sit me down and tell me that everythings fine and i didn't deserve that. Im doing alright not thinking about it!
No but really. Thanks random friend of my mom, but I would rather talk to my own friends and therapists. I also would very much like to not discuss my mental health on a wedding anniversary. This is a place to celebrate my parents being together for a long time and I don't want to sour the mood by crying.
My kid's take on this (in regards to my mom) is "I am not your news. I share my stories." I wish I had had her clarity when I was young.
Man that’s a great way to put it. I wish I had said something like this because my mom LOVED to socially coast off of me by posting everything on social media. When I used to tell her I don’t want her sharing all this she would always talk about “oh but [people who knew me once when I was 3, or people my parents know who I don’t] absolutely need to know these things!” In all reality it’s because my mom was a stay at home mom who gave up on having a career in the early 90s and never really has done anything besides have kids, so she has nothing in her own life to talk about besides political drama. Quite frankly I pity her for that, because what a sad life that must be to have to socially coast off your own kids because that’s essentially the only contribution to this world she’s really ever actually made.
I learned from a super young age to never, ever, tell my mom anything because it would get to my aunts and uncles and cousins immediately. They would then try to casually talk to me about whatever it was, and dance around it like they were "just asking" and then report whatever I said back to my mom. I thought this would stop as I grew up but it did not. The amount of family I still talk to anymore I can count on one hand.
My mom's friend called me every day ( multiple times a day) for a week to help me with my resume cause my mom has been complaining to everyone how I'm struggling to get a job. The advice was genral advice I've heard 100 times before.
My family did this and now I’m getting complaints from my grandma to stop posting memes and stuff online about my trauma. Just doing the exact same shit yall did 😂
@ your grandma in every single one of those memes and posts 🥰
My parents couldn't even do the bare minimum of respecting my privacy when I got my period for the first time. I was 12 so obviously I felt awkward and gross when it started, but my parents had to tell everybody 🙄 family, friends, coworkers, fellow church goers, etc. My dad is also a school teacher where I grew up, so he was always telling the other students and faculty about the sensitive details of my life.
bruh the first day i got my period my mom told my grandma who then told my aunt who then came to me and joyously hugged me and said "welcome to the big girl world!" worst fuckin birthday moment ever i only recently learned that my mom told my grandma bc she was shocked i get it so young (9) so for a long time i kinda held a small grudge against my mom for that moment
I was essentially forbidden from telling people about our home life, but that never really stopped me from talking to friends about some of the shit I was going thru (a few were even witnesses). Yet, the instant I did something shameful, the *whole household* had to get involved like it was a spectacle. No privacy or boundaries. They also outed me (31NB) to the rest of the family before I was ready to come out to them myself.
I'm in a relationship, and because I'm NC with my family, I see my partner's family for all the major holidays and for the occasional Sunday dinner. His sister and his mom are gossipy, and honestly, it makes me super uncomfortable because of how my family used to over share, exaggerate, misunderstand, or make things up about me to others. I have a really hard time opening up to them, and they have asked my partner why I seem so closed off. At the same time, when I do share things, I get weird reactions, especially from older family members. Weird faces, the occasional "okay? That's new." etc... His sister will often repeat things I've said or done and laugh and say, "That's great!" or ask me to say things like I just said, and it feels like I'm being quoted. I'm not sure if I'm paranoid or if I am right to be bothered, especially because the intent isn't out of trying to make me look bad to others (I dont think). I have no problem being open with his dad's side, as they aren't like that at all.
My mom doesn’t excessively gossip (just a lil) but she does embarrass me for no reason.
Ugh. This happened to me. My mother spread the word that I was 18 dating a guy who was 42 with 2 kids. (Feel free to shame. Young & dumb. Worst idea of my LIFE.) "Mom" decided to tell the ENTIRE family and I wound up cutting them all out of my life for about 4yrs. Now I don't talk to those same people for similar reasons. Funny how that works, eh?
god I remember my stepmom telling people the most personal things about me. that I was grounded for touching myself as a teenager, that I was failing classes, she even bragged about how she thought I was a lost cause and a drug dealer... I wasn't, I just wanted to be respected, to be in control of something. self sabotage was the only way I could control something, if I was failing it was my choice. then my last semester when I kicked myself in the ass and actually graduated she and my dad claimed credit like they somehow pushed me in the right direction. god I just wanna scream
It's always the humiliating secrets getting shared and gossiped about in the family and not the damning ones that *should* be well known. It's always "my daughter/niece/granddaughter is depressed and suicidal, haha what a crybaby" but never "my son/nephew/grandson is a rapist and child molester, ew what a monster"
me, a chronically ill teenager: mom, please stop posting so many details about my symptoms and treatments. i don’t like people knowing that much about my life. just say we went to the doctor. my mom: well it’s *my* life too and i have every right to post as many details about you as i want
No because if I do the same I'm an asshole
My mom did that so the whole family could humiliate me. On a completely unrelated note, it's almost impossible for me to open up to people.
My mom told my entire family, close, extended, not even related to ME personally, all about me getting sexually abused. I took 4 years to say anything because i didnt want her to tell everyone. I didn't even tell her myself, a psyciatrist told her!
She’s so real for this. My mom would share my business on those autism momma pages on Facebook despite me NOT being autistic (I have ADHD and anxiety, even got tested for autism as a kid and it came out negative). Like, it’s not a bunch of stranger’s business that I had a meltdown at school because my anxiety was bad that day. That’s not something you share on the internet.
One time I tried to ask my mom in private if it was normal for me to have a metallic smell on my period (I was young and I didn’t understand that’s what blood smells like) and she said it was and then later in front of the whole extended family when I said I was going to take a shower she called out to me “make sure we wash everywhere especially down there so we don’t have a bad smell” and I died inside so much. She says she doesn’t remember this lol but I bet she does
I remember mom caught me asleep in an embarrassing situation. I asked her in a panic to not tell her husband, to not tell anyone because it was embarrassing. She promised she wouldn't. Then fast forward and some random woman comes up to me in figure skating and makes a joke about me falling asleep like that. Random teenage boys I didn't even know harassed me on the street "DID YOU (embarrassing event) AGAIN?!". During a thanksgiving dinner my mom just announced it to everyone, friends and family. Anytime she claims to have never broken a promise I bring that up. She denies it... I don't even tell people who my kids celebrity crush is. I can't imagine sharing things that were specifically asked not to be shared
my mother would tell anyone who would listen about my “sadness” but would berate me when i sought out support & professional help. she cried when she found out i went to therapy without telling her, i was 24.
If I had kids I would want them to know they can trust their family if they ever need to reach out for help, even if they need help because of me
I think those people who recklessly brought me into this world would explode if they didn't tell my business. However whatever business of mine they have to tell is extremely outdated. If I don't say anything all they can do is make shit up
Random person from my mom's work was told about me being in psych ward before my brother because "she had nobody to talk about her hard situation". And she was so happy to say it to me, because that co worker (she did not even knew him) also had daughter in hospital, so she wasn't alone in these trying times!
It's important and can be very helpful. If done correctly and sensibly. I think it's also something very cultural.
Sorry but which part is important and helpful? I'm confused by your comment.
Talking about what is happening in your house to members of the extended family. Them knowing what is happening.
That's entirely different from what's being talked about here.
I’m dealing this bullshit right now… I even explicitly told every family member I don’t want them airing my shit to everyone, but they do. I’ll send this meme whenever I catch wind of some nefarious shit going on. I have already cut off my own sister so they know I am not fucking around.
Yuppppp My mother has outed me to at least nine people and told at least seven people about being SA‘ed as a small child. She told a priest about both of them. To absolutely no one’s surprise, she gets surface level only now.
Oh, what I wouldn’t give to have a mother that doesn’t tell people my personal business…
😮💨😮💨 I wish my family understood this... I had a bad mental health episode earlier this year that ended with me in the hospital for 3 days... Next time I see family they couldn't stop talking about it... But I sure as heck wasn't the one that told any of my family.... Why is it so hard to respect your kid's privacy???
In my house we were scolded for confiding in people on what actually went on because “they just wouldn’t understand our family dynamic” yet mom would turn around and make post after post on Facebook how awful her life and family is.
My mom has always done this. In front of us, or behind our backs. My mom was not ever to be trusted.
My mom turned my being in residential treatment into a pity party for herself within the family. The result was the family asking me if I knew "how bad I'd made my mother's life"... She neglected to tell them she abandoned me for years while I was trafficked and only ended up with custody because my father got caught. Parents are gross.
My aunt is currently doing this to my 15y cousin. Any benign teen-ism she does is shared and mocked on Facebook. It infuriates me
Reading this from my room because my mom literally just got done screaming at me in front of her friends
Yep.
My dad could never 😂 that man is physically incapable of not gossiping with his family. He used to talk with the phone on speaker and the things I learned about the family that way is absolutely disgusting. My moms not any better though 😅 I tell her “hey, DONT tell your mom and dad about this traumatic event that happened to me” and literally less than 24 hours later she has already told them. According to her she was just *so emotional* that she couldn’t help it 🤦🏼♀️
I never talked to Mom or dad about anything. It was safer that way. Of course, now that I'm on my own and can call them out, they call me delusional and say I'm being influenced by outside sources. Okay... Whatever.
I've been through SA and yet to tell my mom and dad because of how much they talk. I know they would go tell everyone in the world if they knew, and I'd rather not have everyone close to me know. I'd rather be the one to tell some one I went through it not them hearing it from someone else. Due to the situation to my parents would probably put the blame on me as well.
And my mom wonders why I stopped talking to her nearly as much as I used to.
I wish my mom would stop. At least now I know why people who I thought I could trust would start looking at me strange at one point in my life
"Please don't tell anyone" -you "I'm your mother/father/family member, of course i won't" -family member. *Immediately tells entire family and anyone they see* Like come on.
Ugh my dad did this to the point that I had to ask him, point b look blank, DO NOT SHARE. Honestly I think it had to do more with his ego than anything. We didn't have regular school achievements he could brag about, so I guess gossip was the next best thing? Funny bc he chose to homeschool us.
But when you spill the beans it's "what gets cooked in this house gets eaten in this house." Yes, that is a direct quote.
I think my mom actively enjoyed doing this. She liked hurting me and it is just hitting me now, she likes to brag too
Ah yes, the two extremes of unhealthy parental attitudes toward this: "I will gossip about EVERY single thing about my child to anyone who will listen, and will bring back comparisons of them to others" vs. "Not a single detail about any of us EVER will leave this house and if I find out you're 'gossiping' about the family you're in big trouble" I know no parent is perfect, but damn man, why do so many of them land on one of the extremes instead of somewhere in the middle?? It's like some really shitty statistical anomaly.
my mom. bless her heart. she can't keep a secret for shit, even when she tries. she either says it before thinking "wait im supposed to not say this" or she straight up forgets she wasn't supposed to tell. and of course, my family be gosspy as hell, so everything gets around to them too. she also has an oversharing problem, so even strangers know some of my struggles and incidents where i fucked up. i unfortunately learned very quickly that none of them could be trusted with any private info. *especially* not my own mother.
Wow. This hits home. Raised by my grandmother who put me in harmful situations and then would tell everyone what happened to me and how she 'saved' me from the baddies. Everyone thought she was so wonderful.
Oh boy new thing to add to the list of things i hadn't registered as abusive thing. Gotta catch 'em all
My SIL mother sends out the most horrifying Xmas letter every year detailing all her other kids dating failures and such. I take a video of myself burning it without opening it to them every year. She is a terrible narcissist.
Is this not supposed to happen?
My mother telling everyone how I was SA'd while the only thing she told me is that I was lying because I did not want her happy... Random number texting me they know what happened to me.. Cousin telling me I should not leave home at 18 'in spite of what happened' to me because we only have one mother. Good memories yeah
This kinda reminds me of my own parents. They would tell their friends just about everything we did even if it was embarrassing. My dad would even brag to his buddies about how much we hated our punishments and would call us out during parties to "testify". I hated it so much. The only things they wouldn't share to the world was things what were embarrassing for themselves. I feel like I couldn't ever trust telling them anything
My mom was so bad. She spent about 7 hours every day on the phone gossiping. As a result all her friends were also the worst people. And I turned into the bad guy when I moved out and got away from it. When she was dying, I told her friends that she was, and they didn't believe me until she was intubated. Then I told them they can all go gossip about me and my dead mom. Or fight me, I was really done with it all. They chose to tell me about how she didn't love me. Wow, shocker.
the public shaming is real lol when I got groomed at 12-13 my stepdad essentially kept telling all family members and I overheard him even telling our neighbour about it, how disgusting I am, everything I did, etc. then was offended when i begged him to stop. Also threatened to send screenshots to more extended family, my personal friends and teachers. such a gossip!
My former sister in law did this when I came to her during one of the hardest parts of my life. I told her everything, trusting that she would keep her word and not tell anyone. Months later, at a party, one of her friends came up to me and asked me how things were going because SIL had told her everything. Turns out she had told all of her friends everything. It absolutely destroyed my and my husband’s relationship with her. She never understood why what she did was wrong. I feel horrible for her kids
I was spending a lot of time in psych wards so my dad told the entire family I had some kind of life threatening stomach condition. I had to pretend to be sick to keep up the lie.
Top girl is right, bottom girl is dead ass wrong and you have a right to talk to whoever you want about whatever you need to talk about.
I don’t think the second part meant that at all. I feel it meant that if something were mentioned at home that she would not and also believes that parents shouldn’t go on and blabber about their child’s personal challenges and struggles (or embellish or even deliberately lie about what the child said/acts). It’s why she ended it with “I don’t understand why parents do this.”
Wait why is it on this sub? Is this not normal thing people do?