i’ve always looked at it like this - from my time as a sex worker i’ve seen firsthand how the men who paid me behaved with me and my content, and therefore if my partner is desperate to do similar with other ladies online, I really, really don’t want to be with them. :) Maybe I just have trauma, but idc. There are women who are okay with it, and they can be with them. Thats fine and I’m happy for those people that they’re that comfortable. But if you’re with *me*, then please respect my wishes or get gone. I do not care, ur out the door the second I find out.
I’m not camming anymore for mental health reasons, but my partner knows my history. He doesn’t view it as hypocritical at all that i’d be uncomfortable with him paying for or watching porn, even if I was still working, as I have a unique insight of being the woman on the screen. I’ve had exes with growing porn addictions in the past, where I was working and tried to be okay with their own porn habits, and I’ll never put myself through that again.
Before anybody replies or downvotes or whatever, take a breath and please see my first paragraph where I said I’m happy for you if you and your partner have a different perspective. I don’t care what yall do, i’m not in that relationship. Just offering my own experience on the internet. :)
I only read the first paragraph but yes exactly! It’s like they ignored the part where I said if they don’t care if their partner watches it that’s fine too!
Ugh, thank you so much. I basically said something very similar in another thread and I was kind of asking for feedback because I felt so conflicted and confused about how I felt, but after a couple of downvotes and someone directly calling me a hypocrite (even though I acknowledged I was being hypocritical in my post 😭) I could see the writing on the wall and I deleted it. Felt pretty shitty honestly, I really wanted to discuss this with other sex workers. Sometimes it feels like, in these spaces, we're not allowed to have complicated or contradictory feelings or criticisms regarding what we do and how we see the world. It's made being a sex worker a very lonely time for me, frankly. Thanks for this, and thank you OP, I feel a little bit less like an ogre for not wanting the person I date to engage in an industry I know, intimately, is often abusive and can perpetuate abusive mindsets.
No problem. Human beings are allowed to be complex and have differing thought processes on things - especially I’d say in this industry where everyone’s experience is different. You’re no hypocrite, and you deserve love and a relationship that doesn’t cause you stress or confusion. All the best to you babe <3
People enjoying your work have rules set with their partner. Whether or not they are following them is up to them. It's ok for you to not have the same rules with your partner. As long as the person that loves you understands why and is happy to accept your boundaries, that's all that matters.
Especially because your customers may be single and you can support a single man doing whatever he feels like doing, while your partner has made a commitment to care about your feelings.
Love how much traction this thread has. What works for us is keeping all porn consumption to strictly inspirational/artistic approaches. The conversation needs to be about lighting, positioning, camera work, and chemistry. I rarely watch porn but when I do it’s with an artistic/educational eye. Most of the things that get his rocks off aren’t things that we would make a video of, so I don’t care to know about them. Paying for porn as a creator feels like going to a restaurant as a chef… if you’re doing it all the time you’re not a pro in my opinion, just an enthusiast. If you do it occasionally and intentionally it can be enjoyable, but eating out all the time is a slippery slope. There’s no reason for my partner to be chatting, buying customs, or paying to unlock content. Free porn is fine but like I said if it’s not my interests and if I can’t recreate it myself I don’t want to know about it. If theres curiosity about what’s behind someone’s paywall that opens up another discussion, and we have paid to see someone’s content but it always comes back to inspiring our own projects.
I like that! I do something similar and have him help me and get his thoughts sometimes since he is a man. I’m glad you guys were able to find something that works :)
I agree! I just had this conversation with one of my guy friends. I believe every single relationship is different, and only those people can decide what works best for them, but for ME .. I do not want my partner to watch porn. I had an ex that was heavily addicted to it (which is what led to camming, but that's another story). I surprisingly don't watch porn myself either aside from logging into my sites and seeing clips.
It's a tough boundary, and I can absolutely understand how a partner could feel like you're being hypocritical, but for me, I'm not comfortable with it for many reasons. Camming is a JOB. Contrary to popular belief we are not just logging on to be sexual with men to get our rocks off and cheat. We are earning a living.
Thank you for validating that point.
Of course! I'm glad you have people in your life you're able to have healthy discussions with. I'm surprised some people don't see this a job and separate it from their personal life. That seems so draining.
Everybody’s relationship/ family finances has different rules.. I was being decimated in the comments yesterday for saying that I don’t want my husband paying for privates. Free porn is fine.
I don’t think we should have to settle for less boundaries because of our profession.
Yes!!!!! And we are saving up for my heart surgery so yeah… is my life worth a fucking custom? Lmfaooo. When I was arguing with a girl in the comments I was like dude I would literally film myself doing anal standing on my head if my husband asked… just to save money! That pissed the lady arguing with me off so much. 😂😂
And that’s a fine boundary to have! Whatever works for the relationship. And I 100% agree. I don’t want anyone to feel like they have to because that’s so fucked
Every person is allowed to have their own boundaries, and boundaries in a relationship. If your boundary includes them not watching porn that is more than okay as long as it’s communicated. Our jobs don’t make our boundaries or beliefs change.
There are also so many women that are fine with men watching porn or doing xyz. If that's what they need they can date one of those girls. It's not unfair. There are so many compromises with dating it seems silly to get stuck on this one. Like if you date me (a brunette) you cannot date a blonde. It's not evil to not let you date a blonde and you can go date one if you prefer but you can't do both. I kinda think this idea that you should let men do whatever they feel like doing is coming from a belief that they won't want to be with you if you make it too hard for them by having feelings and insecurities.
No. I agree. I had communicated that I didn’t personally agree with watching porn in monogamous relationships and if not watching it was a deal breaker on his end, then the relationship could end, no hard feelings.
He proposed two months later and we had a baby so it really wasn’t that important to him🤷🏼♀️
To defend our side of it I feel like this is a job for us. Yes most of us enjoy it and have fun. However, we wouldn’t do it if we didn’t get paid whereas our man looking at porn/paying for porn is more personal to me
Wanting a partner that doesn't consume porn is a valid thing to want, especially as a sex worker... But boundaries are things that you establish with regards to your own behavior not the behavior of other people. "I have a boundary about dating people who consume adult entertainment." Is a valid boundary. The "i dont want to let my partner watch porn" isn't a boundary, it's a rule. A lot of people watch porn, and a lot of those people have partners that aren't a fan, but both parties should be up front with the other and weigh those boundaries together.
Damn right Goddess!! Xx
Some of us simply can’t *afford* to have our line of work conform to our personal beliefs and ideals, and that’s okay. Love to all of you.
Look I’m just saying I’m all for us working together and for us working but when you get involved in someone’s relationship like that.
“Fuck your boundaries, WE NEED CLIENTS.” Girl this is not the way.
Normally I’d be done with this but I refuse to let people who this post wasn’t for take it over and bully the people the post actually was for. Y’all do that on every post like this. I didn’t ask for your opinions and stand by what I said. Don’t let anyone make y’all feel like you have to live how they live. You don’t have to be okay with porn consumption in your relationship. Doesn’t matter if you make it or not. Hypocrite, insecure, etc etc I don’t care. YOU DONT HAVE TO BE OKAY WITH PORN CONSUMPTION IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP.
The worst part is that if you look at her profile it says she’s only cammed “off and on for a few years, but never made money from it,” and has only been on SP less than a year. Her entire comment history is her coming in here and acting like an authority to cam girls that have been in the industry full time for years and years. I’m thinking there’s some dopamine farming going on there.
She spends so much time on Reddit typing out argumentative novels that there is no way she’s putting in the hours into sw that we are.
The best part is, I’m a professional Dominatrix and have done sex work for years. Have a good day cupcake go clock in and do all those hours you’re talking about :)
If I were in a relationship with a guy, the only content he should be consuming is mine.
I know what men come looking for from me - it's what they're missing in a relationship at home. If someone I'm in a relationship with feels like he needs to do that too, then there is an issue with our relationship & it likely wouldn't last.
You’re welcome! I’d be upset too and if you are then that’s okay. Personally i feel like if you have money to pay that girls bills then mine better be paid up in advance 💀💀
The problem with this debate is that everyone is arguing different things and the nuances are lost. I see a lot of miscommunication going on.
Also, I think we're getting too hung up on the word "hypocrite." Humans are full of contradictions and hypocrisies. I think factory farms are awful, and that for ecological reasons, and that we should all drastically reduce or eliminate meat consumption. And yet I still eat meat sometimes. Is it hypocritical? Absolutely! I try to be better, but I'm not perfect, that is okay too.
Downvote all you want, I'm using a throwaway so I really don't care. 😂
Who are some of you to say what a boundary is and isn't? And saying you shouldn't "control" your partners porn intake?
No one is forcing their partner to stay with them, if the partner disagrees with the boundary, they are free to leave. Don't try to tell people they can't feel what they feel.
And calling OP a hypocrite? You are part of the problem. Do better.
I also won't be engaging in replies to my comment.
Totally disagree, I think it's not right to be censoring someone's porn intake, and unless it is harming things, it's none of the others business.
I mean each couple has their own rules, but I think it's hypocritical and an insecure thing to do. Dont be in a relationship then
Interacting with somebody while masturbating is completely different from just watching porn though. So many people are sneaking behind their wives backs to pay for camgirls and there’s a reason for that.
I don’t care if my girlfriend watches porn. If she were paying a camgirl by the minute and talking/interacting with her? Not to mention burning through our potential savings for buying a house like we’ve talked about? No way.
I can’t see why exchanging nudes with a coworker is typically automatically flagged as cheating but paying to exchange nudes with a sex worker wouldn’t be.
I get that part for sure!! Totally agree that's where I'm like ehhhhhh. It's, iffy for sure, that part it's like... yeah. Paying on clip sites and subscriptions like OF, or even watching a cam show but not interacting is where I think a basic line is.
Though I have bought my partner content before! But it was me reaching out not him. Idk, it deff brings up a lot of things like trust, what's your view on sex and masturbation, what about emotionally cheating. Deff lots to work through
Yeah idk why OP totally reframed this conversation. The post about our partners and porn that was just recently popping way off and got hundreds of comments *specifically* said that it’s ridiculous that sex workers would get jealous of their partner paying for porn.
Yeah, tipping and chatting with someone one on one is worlds away from watching prefilmed porn, as far as intimacy goes, it's a completely different connection. They can't be considered the same activity when it comes to boundaries in a relationship at all. (And men are *going to* watch porn. Good luck to anyone trying to "forbid" their partner from doing it, considering that it's just normal as hell lol)
Really? I didn't see anyone say sex workers shouldn't get jealous. Jealousy is a totally normal thing in relationships - but it should be confronted and the reasons behind it addressed. I dont think its healthy to say "lets just avoid other people so we never feel uncomfortable" but its totally valid to say "I dont feel like I get the type of attention I want or need and it makes me feel bad knowing you're giving the type of attention I want to someone else."
So is the money spent on the cam girl the biggest issue you’d have with it or is it the actual interaction itself? No judgement/argument just genuinely curious.
The interaction. If she started spending hundreds to the point where she couldn’t take turns buying dinner or getting groceries etc. too then the money would be an issue to me.
Yup controlling him so hard. Poor guy. Can’t believe we both agreed on a clear guideline on how I would like to be treated in the relationship. Thank you for opening my eyes <3
It’s basically saying they have no problem subjecting someone else to what they wouldn’t want someone to do to them and that’s super questionable to me
Yeah, it's completely inappropriate even as a "civilian" to try and control what masturbatory habits another person has - men are *going* to watch porn either way, and if as a partner you tell them that's off the table, they're still going to do it and just lie about it obviously. I've never understood intruding someone's personal space like that and trying to set up rules for what they do in their alone time. (Watching porn isn't cheating after all. It's there to help them get off, end of story.)
But **as fellow sex workers** it's just even more ludicrous lol. Absolute textbook definition of hypocritical and it's not ok to delude each other into saying it isn't.
You don't have to pretend to be okay with something you're not :) If your partner is lying to you to do something they know upsets you then I hope you consider leaving
Some people in here are big mad 💀 you’re the one in the relationship, your boundaries are between each other and they’ll be different depending on each person. If one person says it’s not for them, that’s up to them. People would do better to just mind their business and focus on their own relationships instead of preaching to other people (not you OP, the haters in here lol).
It’s problems like this that make me grateful I am poly.
One quick question, if your husband/partner wanted to also cam to make money, would your opinions change? (My partner and I both cam separately, and we absolutely had to work through various jealousies early on, like what if one of us gets more attention? What if one of us is way more successful? Ultimately what we do makes us feel fulfilled, and it’s all for the good of our household, and we talk all the time about our boundaries and feelings.
Honestly as long as it is a discussion and not a demand, it’s all good. If you both have decided on boundaries then no one can take that away or honestly judge you. Just don’t issue ultimatums. Decide on boundaries mutually, otherwise it’s just someone bossing someone else around
I try to get him to do sex work I think he's be good at it because he's really cute. But I am biased. But anyway It's a job so that's something I'd personally be open to. And yes that's all I want to make clear that if both people are fine with it theirs no problem and if one isn't then its okay to leave. I don't think setting that boundary is control because both people have a choice to be together or not. To me I see it the same as "You wont call me a bitch." And that person can either agree or we won't continue whatever relationship we had and I will find someone who is okay with what I'll allow.
I’m okay with it because it’s something he did before we met. It’s how he’s so comfortable with what I do, and how we stay faithful. I know it doesn’t work for everyone, but I never have to worry on him cheating. I have been by those who never watched it, and it’s only watched when I’m not home.
Obviously whatever rules or agreements you have in a relationship are fine as long as both of you agree. However, I think this particular rule is insane and hypocritical and whatever partner you get that agrees to it is delusional.
You can't spank it to people online but I can let people spank it to me?
Yeah, that's the point. You're offering them sustenance, and in exchange for all that you're offering, you expect that they don't go looking for more people to meet their needs as well.
Why does it beg those questions? Who is charging their partner to look at their OF or do a sexy skype??? What about it is complicated?
Plus what if the partner is constantly hungry, and someone else's meat is offered at a more convenient time and location in between their meals when they are eating your tasty meat?
Up to the butcher and their partner 🤷♀️ it’s okay for the butcher to want that boundary and also okay for the partner to not be okay with it. So’s life
Good lord I’m not reading all this. Do whatever works for you and your relationship! You don’t have to be okay with porn consumption!! Doesn’t matter if you make it!! Have a great day :)
As a SWer, I do think I’d feel insecure if a monogamous partner paid cam girls and onlyfans content creators to get his needs fulfilled. I don’t mind them watching porn or going to the strip club, but my brain goes to “am I so lame that you you need to pay money to have a sexual experience with another women or man or they who isn’t me)
I am not okay with it when someone is an ADDICT. One of my exes was but I was too naive to realize how bad it was early on. He ALWAYS had porn tabs open— to the point where he was called out by his own friends in public.
Sex with porn addicts is also horrible.
I probably would’ve had less of a problem with it if he also didn’t OWE me money while spending on it.
That experience was so bad that I’ve been avoiding anyone with a porn addiction red flag. Which is unfortunate because I sometimes like watching certain categories/ women produced porn before sex. But you give some of these men an inch, they take a mile…
life is about boundaries.. you didn't have to be ok with anything... this is like a new theme where everyone keeps asking if their feelings are valid... always
Well since this is clearly in response to the thread I started I'll bite.
First of all it's important to know the difference between a boundary and a restriction. Boundaries are on yourself "I don't date people who look at porn in relationships" and restrictions are on other people "you can't look at porn if you're in a relationship with me." So you're not talking about boundaries, you are talking about restrictions being placed on other people. Grown, autonomous, adult human beings.
It's perfectly valid to say "I dont date people who look at porn in a relationship" - but you should date people who have the same belief coming in to the relationship, NOT try to change someone and place restrictions on them. That's a control issue not a "boundary." And trying to control or change people - THAT is not okay.
Besides - we all know that telling someone they CANT do something only makes them want to do it MORE (hello to all the taboo kinks out there that exist for this very reason)....and it just makes them more secretive about it. The majority of men who regularly use porn to masturbate wont REALLY stop when they get in a relationship - but they WILL hide it better (and swear they stopped). Just look at most of your clients for proof of this. Restricting a grown mans behavior is also only going to make him resent you in the long run. So just date people who also believe porn in a relationship is bad.....it's that easy.
Except....you're a sex worker. So it'll be much more difficult to find someone who both respects and values sex workers and is okay with you doing that sort of work while he is being told he's not allowed to consume it. But just because it's difficult doesn't mean it's impossible.
And all of that being said - masturbation is a private thing. A solo thing....between you and yourself. No one else. I don't really think it's anyones business but your own what you do when you masturbate or what you use to get off. And masturbation is totally normal - even when in a relationship. It's not about you. Its a stress reliever, it relaxes people and it doesn't take anywhere near as much time, energy, work or consideration as sex does.
Our of curiosity - how would you feel if your partner told you to stop doing sex work? What if he told you you weren't allowed to use sex toys to masturbate (on your own - not during shows)? Would you agree to that?
You had me on your side until it turned into “you’re a sex worker, it’s the same thing to consume sex work as it is to create it.”
Seriously?
I’m on hour 39 *this week* of streaming. That is not the same thing *at all* as MikeLiterus69 paying me $15.99 a minute to secretly jack off in the shower for 3.27 minutes while his wife meal preps for their family.
I disagree with OP’s take on porn restriction and would never expect to be able to dictate my partner’s viewing habits. But I also strongly disagree that we should “get over” the fact that our partners might exchange sexual texts, videos, and conversations with another human being, you two are having two completely different conversations. But being a sex worker doesn’t mean that I am not entitled to monogamy. Are you creating your content for pleasure or money? Because I’m doing it for money. I’m doing it for a down payment on *our house.*
If my partner paid to masturbate with another human being then that would not have anything to do with our livelihood as a couple, it would be for shared sexual pleasure and it would be a social sexual act with another person behind my back solely for pleasure, which in our monogamous relationship is *cheating.*
Where did I say its the same thing to consume sex work as to create it??? Are you replying to someone else?? Because I literally never said that.
I also never said anyone needs to "get over" anything - you keep putting things in quotes liek I said them and I'm so confused because I didn't say any of those things. I also didn't say you aren't entitled to monogamy (but I also dont think looking at porn makes a person non-monogamous). I really feel like you replied to the wrong person because I didnt say any of the things you're saying I did....not even close.
I think your opinion on monogamous relationships and their boundaries become void when you aren’t monogamous. It’s not a restriction, you can leave the relationship if you don’t agree with /any/ boundary someone has.
"You cant watch porn in this relationship" is NOT a boundary. It is a restriction. "I dont date people who watch porn" is a boundary. Whether Im monogamous or not does that change that boundaries are things that govern YOURSELF. And restrictions govern OTHER people. You can look it up if you want to - this has NOTHING to do with me being non-monogamous (and I can be monogamous any time I like - it's a CHOICE and I was for nearly 35 years, longer than some of you have been alive).
So it's a restriction that they've opted in on by choosing to be in the relationship and can opt out of by exiting. They still have their freedom but no one has the freedom to cross your boundaries.
why are you so deeply incapable of allowing people to feel how they feel..? we don't ALL have to agree with you, and there's really no need to cram your massively stubborn opinions down others throats. there is no right or wrong answer here, stop trying to win
I havent asked anyone to stop feeling what they feel. I have simply asked further questions to try and understand the REASON behind WHY they feel what they do. Its called curiosity and wanting to understand where other people are coming from - Im on the spectrum though and for whatever reason neurotypical people seem to think this means "YOU ARE QUESTIONING ME" and they get defensive....but for no actual reason.
And in this comment all I did was correct a persons misusage of the word.....which is the responsible thing to do. This thread is not talking about boundaries within a relationship. It is talking about restrictions on people within a relationship. And if you want to place restrictions on your partner you are welcome to. But call it what it is - dont pretend its a boundary because boundaries are placed on YOURSELF not OTHERS.
so by saying, "i feel a bit uncomfortable with you paying for services from camgirls" i am enforcing a restriction? i'm not so sure. I have no problem with my partner watching porn, but using cam sights is too intimate IMO. You say that you are just trying gain further understanding, which also being neuro i totally get. However arguing with anyone who expresses a difference in opinion is not the way to go. Anyway, you clearly have some searious responsibilities to attend to..... likeee correcting peoples grammar..? lol enjoy babe x
Saying you feel uncomfortable with something isn't restricting anyone. Its up to them to decide whether they will stop or not. I think its very strange behavior to expect your partners to regulate your emotions. Any therapist will tell you that discomfort is normal and there are many ways to cope. But controlling other people is not the way to do it.
I am not arguing with anyone. I dont argue when there is no right/wrong answer. Thats idiotic. But people think discussing is arguing because people dont like to be questioned and they jump to getting defensive so to THEM it feels like a fight. But to me it just feels like "wow I just asked a question....why are you getting defensive?"
Also I didn't correct anyones grammar - I corrected their word usage. Those things are different. My grammar is awful - but I do know the difference between boundaries and restrictions. And if I was using a word incorrectly I would want someone to tell me so I dont look stupid - or worse misonform people who may not know better either.
I like your focus on not trying to force a change on someone, but I also think it's possible that people might not know what their precise boundaries are until they experience them. At that point, I think it's fair to clarify "I think I want to adhere to this boundary, so if keeping me around is important to you, you may want to consider changing". It's possible the significant other is okay with trying to change, and that may be preferable to just up and leaving with no warning.
That said, I think I'm going to aim for more poly oriented partners, because jealousy in general seems like something to solve internally more than requiring a significant other to restrict themselves. At least for me, nude art/content (and a variety of it) is useful for creativity, so I think I'd rather not be restricted.
I am all for telling a person what my boundaries are and giving them the option to operate within them. If THEY want to change its up to them but I will not put restrictions on a partner. I dont believe in treating adults like children and dont think it does anything for a relationship.
And do know that poly people absolutely experience jealousy - but we do just as you said, we resolve it (ourselves and with our partners help if possible) but without requiring others to change or placing restrictions on them so we can avoid discomfort.
Our society largely encourages avoidance of discomfort rather than learning coping with it and its really a shame because its impossible to avoid entirely. We’d be better off if we focused on how to cope than how to try and avoid it.
The problem in my opinion, is not to be okay with your partner watching porn but to be only okay with your partner watching porn for free, or to be a freeloader on campsites but not a paying client. That’s not only hypocrite, that’s messed up.
I understand this but don’t at the same time. If it’s just transactional, then why does it matter if he watches it? Or pays a cam girl if he’s feeling a little lonely?
No judgment at all, I totally understand potentially feeling insecure about your partner consuming this content but then wouldn’t it work the other way as well? Just curious and would love to hear some perspectives. I never cared even before getting into the industry
I don’t think it’s healthy/appropriate to rely on your significant other to meet all your needs like that! Plenty of people feel lonely in entire groups of friends or in marriages. What if he’s just bored and wants to play? Hahah
Then you are probably just not inclined to be monogamous and you can date guys like that and you'll both feel great about it. That's good bc those people are out there and need to be with other people like them. But most people are actually pretty cool with just one person The male hormones that drive them to seek other mates go down dramatically once they have bonded with a partner. Some men dont have the same receptors for the bonding hormones and they will always continue to seek excitement from new females. Every friend group has a guy that is just girl crazy like that. But it's actually a small group. And only 20% of men ever actually cheat. Most of them can feel bored and feel like they want to play and then just play with themselves instead and not take pity on themselves about it.
You said you dont think it's healthy to rely on one person for sexual needs and that you think it's cool if someone goes to another person because they are bored and lonely. It's not a dig. Monogamy is a spectrum, it just
sounds like you're comfortable without strict monogamy.
Is it fine if they have transactional sex with a sex worker because youre busy and he's lonely? Is it fine if they take escorts on dates? The line has to be drawn somewhere and where is dependent on the 2 people in the relationship. There doesn't need to be a standard.
I agree with you. The internet is the internet. You cannot control, what a man sees, interacts or does with his time. This post seems very controlling. Say you do find your partner paying for other only fan models and patreon to other models as well, if he was doing it for you too, would there be a problem? You are the person in that relationship, not this other internet stranger who’s making her money the same way you are. It’s just another client to her. I think it’s very controlling it has nothing to do with monogamy or poly. It’s everything to do with control. If you want to say it’s a boundary then okay, go find someone who will only accept you and no ones else for their form of work. Telling a man watching porn is outside ‘your’ boundary is crazy. Is it a crime to fuck himself ? Lol. Because he’s “fantasizing” other women? Sounds like insecurities. And trust me I’m no pick me, but I seriously wouldn’t see a problem with a man being a man. Especially if he’s attentive, and a good partner to me. I’m not here to control him, I’m here to be his partner
Both sides are valid.
What I don't agree with are the people who are okay with porn as long as it's free. Free porn is so often unethical, with many, many actors/actresses being coerced or pressured into things they didn't agree to originally or even raped in videos. There have been cases of underage victims in videos. There's also revenge porn or stolen content. I'm not saying that applies to all free porn, but it applies to A LOT of it and you never know which videos it does apply to. Remember when a bunch of girls came foward about James Dean?
I'm not a fan of porn consumption in my relationships, but I can deal with a s/o if they choose to disrespect that. The potential victim isn't here to protect themselves and you can't unview that content. If someone is going to stomp all over my boundaries, the least they can do is limit the amount of people hurt in the situation. I'd be really disappointed and disgusted to learn that I'm with someone who doesn't respect sex workers and doesn't think they deserve to get paid. Disrespecting a boundary and being a freeloader would be two separate issues to me.
Paid porn doesn't solve ALL of these problems, but eliminating free porn would be a huge first step.
And I'm not talking about personally interacting with a cam girl or anything like that, that would be very different to me. I'm talking about paying for a clip for example, or maybe a subscription site.
So basically TDLR; be okay with porn or not, but free porn isn't a valid option.
As someone who has lost thousands of dollars and hours of revenue and time to dealing with my stolen content constantly leaked and posted on pages and forums, and my entire fan sites leaked, I'm shocked to see the downvotes on your very valid post.
Thanks, babe! I'm so sorry you went through that. I'm sure it was devastating. I definitely don't want to add to those numbers if I can help it 😬
I'm disappointed and confused by the amount of support free porn apparently gets in this subreddit...? I'm guessing this sub attracts a lot of new SW who don't yet realize how devastating and demoralizing it is to go through what you did. Also, as someone above pointed out, it makes sense that cam girls and content creators would have different opinions and experiences. Thanks for weighing in :)
Can you name some examples? I guess free content/previews from creators on sites like Twitter or fansly would technically count as free porn...when I wrote my comment I was thinking along the lines of full length clips on PH and the like.
I post full length porn videos on pornhub for free to the user because I earn money for clicks and it brings me new fans. There are also plenty of videos made by companies where the models are paid by the day and then the company owns the content and may post it for free. Like if Vixen has a free video. Those girls are paid well and benefit a ton from the exposure.
Yeah, that's fair. But on a free site with millions of other videos, you would never know which ones are paying creators and which ones were problematic. Sure you could probably narrow it down if you had time to look through each person's profile beforehand, but it's easier and safer to pay a couple bucks on a paid site.
I’ll never be able to understand how some people rationalize to themselves taking money from someone else’s partner to do something for them that they would have a problem with someone else doing for their own partner - it’s absolutely hypocritical - you are actively participating in creating the environment that you’re condemning but applying those goalposts only to your own relationship
Not every customer has a partner for starters. We can't know who does and doesn't and we dont know for sure what boundaries they've set with their partners. That's up to them to do the right thing. People have agreements about all kinds of things... like not staying up all night playing video games, or not wasting too much money on alcohol. That's not on the companies selling those things to regulate.
I think the words in your edit are salty. No woman exists to get ‘picked’. You’re upset at those calling you hypocrites but ur being just as salty backkkk lol. How can you say ‘do what you want’ but also ‘yeah but don’t do that’ in the same post. Also ‘don’t let anyone shame u’ but dishingggg out the shame. You’re shaming non traditional relationships hugely. Flip the coin. Stop being annoying
Salty and don’t forget annoyed. Y’all are little gnats buzzing in my ear. I’m upset at the women insulting other women because they don’t live life like they do. If you think other women need to be okay with their partner consuming porn just because you are then you’re a problem and yes that gives pick me vibes. I don’t give a damn if you let your partner watch porn as I said in my post.
i’ve always looked at it like this - from my time as a sex worker i’ve seen firsthand how the men who paid me behaved with me and my content, and therefore if my partner is desperate to do similar with other ladies online, I really, really don’t want to be with them. :) Maybe I just have trauma, but idc. There are women who are okay with it, and they can be with them. Thats fine and I’m happy for those people that they’re that comfortable. But if you’re with *me*, then please respect my wishes or get gone. I do not care, ur out the door the second I find out. I’m not camming anymore for mental health reasons, but my partner knows my history. He doesn’t view it as hypocritical at all that i’d be uncomfortable with him paying for or watching porn, even if I was still working, as I have a unique insight of being the woman on the screen. I’ve had exes with growing porn addictions in the past, where I was working and tried to be okay with their own porn habits, and I’ll never put myself through that again. Before anybody replies or downvotes or whatever, take a breath and please see my first paragraph where I said I’m happy for you if you and your partner have a different perspective. I don’t care what yall do, i’m not in that relationship. Just offering my own experience on the internet. :)
I only read the first paragraph but yes exactly! It’s like they ignored the part where I said if they don’t care if their partner watches it that’s fine too!
Ugh, thank you so much. I basically said something very similar in another thread and I was kind of asking for feedback because I felt so conflicted and confused about how I felt, but after a couple of downvotes and someone directly calling me a hypocrite (even though I acknowledged I was being hypocritical in my post 😭) I could see the writing on the wall and I deleted it. Felt pretty shitty honestly, I really wanted to discuss this with other sex workers. Sometimes it feels like, in these spaces, we're not allowed to have complicated or contradictory feelings or criticisms regarding what we do and how we see the world. It's made being a sex worker a very lonely time for me, frankly. Thanks for this, and thank you OP, I feel a little bit less like an ogre for not wanting the person I date to engage in an industry I know, intimately, is often abusive and can perpetuate abusive mindsets.
No problem. Human beings are allowed to be complex and have differing thought processes on things - especially I’d say in this industry where everyone’s experience is different. You’re no hypocrite, and you deserve love and a relationship that doesn’t cause you stress or confusion. All the best to you babe <3
Sometimes I feel like a hypocrite thanks for reminding me my feelings are valid 💗💗💗
People enjoying your work have rules set with their partner. Whether or not they are following them is up to them. It's ok for you to not have the same rules with your partner. As long as the person that loves you understands why and is happy to accept your boundaries, that's all that matters.
Especially because your customers may be single and you can support a single man doing whatever he feels like doing, while your partner has made a commitment to care about your feelings.
Ur not don’t worry :)
fr lmaooo i wish my man would be spending money on other bitches. TUH
That part
I like how you are sympathizing with both sides lol bc that really is the point...it's whatever you want.
Thanks I appreciate you <3
Love how much traction this thread has. What works for us is keeping all porn consumption to strictly inspirational/artistic approaches. The conversation needs to be about lighting, positioning, camera work, and chemistry. I rarely watch porn but when I do it’s with an artistic/educational eye. Most of the things that get his rocks off aren’t things that we would make a video of, so I don’t care to know about them. Paying for porn as a creator feels like going to a restaurant as a chef… if you’re doing it all the time you’re not a pro in my opinion, just an enthusiast. If you do it occasionally and intentionally it can be enjoyable, but eating out all the time is a slippery slope. There’s no reason for my partner to be chatting, buying customs, or paying to unlock content. Free porn is fine but like I said if it’s not my interests and if I can’t recreate it myself I don’t want to know about it. If theres curiosity about what’s behind someone’s paywall that opens up another discussion, and we have paid to see someone’s content but it always comes back to inspiring our own projects.
I like that! I do something similar and have him help me and get his thoughts sometimes since he is a man. I’m glad you guys were able to find something that works :)
I agree! I just had this conversation with one of my guy friends. I believe every single relationship is different, and only those people can decide what works best for them, but for ME .. I do not want my partner to watch porn. I had an ex that was heavily addicted to it (which is what led to camming, but that's another story). I surprisingly don't watch porn myself either aside from logging into my sites and seeing clips. It's a tough boundary, and I can absolutely understand how a partner could feel like you're being hypocritical, but for me, I'm not comfortable with it for many reasons. Camming is a JOB. Contrary to popular belief we are not just logging on to be sexual with men to get our rocks off and cheat. We are earning a living. Thank you for validating that point.
Of course! I'm glad you have people in your life you're able to have healthy discussions with. I'm surprised some people don't see this a job and separate it from their personal life. That seems so draining.
Exactly! Every relationship and boundaries are different. If you are a dj that can't allow you to put every single song in the house
Everybody’s relationship/ family finances has different rules.. I was being decimated in the comments yesterday for saying that I don’t want my husband paying for privates. Free porn is fine. I don’t think we should have to settle for less boundaries because of our profession.
This is exactly how I feel, are you poor too?lol
Yes!!!!! And we are saving up for my heart surgery so yeah… is my life worth a fucking custom? Lmfaooo. When I was arguing with a girl in the comments I was like dude I would literally film myself doing anal standing on my head if my husband asked… just to save money! That pissed the lady arguing with me off so much. 😂😂
And that’s a fine boundary to have! Whatever works for the relationship. And I 100% agree. I don’t want anyone to feel like they have to because that’s so fucked
Every person is allowed to have their own boundaries, and boundaries in a relationship. If your boundary includes them not watching porn that is more than okay as long as it’s communicated. Our jobs don’t make our boundaries or beliefs change.
There are also so many women that are fine with men watching porn or doing xyz. If that's what they need they can date one of those girls. It's not unfair. There are so many compromises with dating it seems silly to get stuck on this one. Like if you date me (a brunette) you cannot date a blonde. It's not evil to not let you date a blonde and you can go date one if you prefer but you can't do both. I kinda think this idea that you should let men do whatever they feel like doing is coming from a belief that they won't want to be with you if you make it too hard for them by having feelings and insecurities.
No. I agree. I had communicated that I didn’t personally agree with watching porn in monogamous relationships and if not watching it was a deal breaker on his end, then the relationship could end, no hard feelings. He proposed two months later and we had a baby so it really wasn’t that important to him🤷🏼♀️
That's awesome. It definitely isn't that important to most guys.
Exactly :)
To defend our side of it I feel like this is a job for us. Yes most of us enjoy it and have fun. However, we wouldn’t do it if we didn’t get paid whereas our man looking at porn/paying for porn is more personal to me
Wanting a partner that doesn't consume porn is a valid thing to want, especially as a sex worker... But boundaries are things that you establish with regards to your own behavior not the behavior of other people. "I have a boundary about dating people who consume adult entertainment." Is a valid boundary. The "i dont want to let my partner watch porn" isn't a boundary, it's a rule. A lot of people watch porn, and a lot of those people have partners that aren't a fan, but both parties should be up front with the other and weigh those boundaries together.
Damn right Goddess!! Xx Some of us simply can’t *afford* to have our line of work conform to our personal beliefs and ideals, and that’s okay. Love to all of you.
💕💕
Honestly the women shaming other women for the boundaries sound like they’re saying “BABES LET HIM BE MY CLIENT I NEED THE MONEY!”
No forreal!
Look I’m just saying I’m all for us working together and for us working but when you get involved in someone’s relationship like that. “Fuck your boundaries, WE NEED CLIENTS.” Girl this is not the way.
Normally I’d be done with this but I refuse to let people who this post wasn’t for take it over and bully the people the post actually was for. Y’all do that on every post like this. I didn’t ask for your opinions and stand by what I said. Don’t let anyone make y’all feel like you have to live how they live. You don’t have to be okay with porn consumption in your relationship. Doesn’t matter if you make it or not. Hypocrite, insecure, etc etc I don’t care. YOU DONT HAVE TO BE OKAY WITH PORN CONSUMPTION IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP.
The worst part is that if you look at her profile it says she’s only cammed “off and on for a few years, but never made money from it,” and has only been on SP less than a year. Her entire comment history is her coming in here and acting like an authority to cam girls that have been in the industry full time for years and years. I’m thinking there’s some dopamine farming going on there. She spends so much time on Reddit typing out argumentative novels that there is no way she’s putting in the hours into sw that we are.
The best part is, I’m a professional Dominatrix and have done sex work for years. Have a good day cupcake go clock in and do all those hours you’re talking about :)
If I were in a relationship with a guy, the only content he should be consuming is mine. I know what men come looking for from me - it's what they're missing in a relationship at home. If someone I'm in a relationship with feels like he needs to do that too, then there is an issue with our relationship & it likely wouldn't last.
I agree. Or they have the name “cheatinghusband 1234” and telling me I can have their wives spot in bed. Like I don’t want that for myself.
Ewwwwww still warm and smelling like her shampoo, some guys are such creeps
I have a hard line at not being ok with him on token/pay to play sites. I do feel kinda hypocritical so that's a nice reminder. Thank u
You’re welcome! I’d be upset too and if you are then that’s okay. Personally i feel like if you have money to pay that girls bills then mine better be paid up in advance 💀💀
100% yes!
The problem with this debate is that everyone is arguing different things and the nuances are lost. I see a lot of miscommunication going on. Also, I think we're getting too hung up on the word "hypocrite." Humans are full of contradictions and hypocrisies. I think factory farms are awful, and that for ecological reasons, and that we should all drastically reduce or eliminate meat consumption. And yet I still eat meat sometimes. Is it hypocritical? Absolutely! I try to be better, but I'm not perfect, that is okay too.
Downvote all you want, I'm using a throwaway so I really don't care. 😂 Who are some of you to say what a boundary is and isn't? And saying you shouldn't "control" your partners porn intake? No one is forcing their partner to stay with them, if the partner disagrees with the boundary, they are free to leave. Don't try to tell people they can't feel what they feel. And calling OP a hypocrite? You are part of the problem. Do better. I also won't be engaging in replies to my comment.
Spot on! Thanks for knowing what a boundary is.
Totally disagree, I think it's not right to be censoring someone's porn intake, and unless it is harming things, it's none of the others business. I mean each couple has their own rules, but I think it's hypocritical and an insecure thing to do. Dont be in a relationship then
Interacting with somebody while masturbating is completely different from just watching porn though. So many people are sneaking behind their wives backs to pay for camgirls and there’s a reason for that. I don’t care if my girlfriend watches porn. If she were paying a camgirl by the minute and talking/interacting with her? Not to mention burning through our potential savings for buying a house like we’ve talked about? No way. I can’t see why exchanging nudes with a coworker is typically automatically flagged as cheating but paying to exchange nudes with a sex worker wouldn’t be.
I get that part for sure!! Totally agree that's where I'm like ehhhhhh. It's, iffy for sure, that part it's like... yeah. Paying on clip sites and subscriptions like OF, or even watching a cam show but not interacting is where I think a basic line is. Though I have bought my partner content before! But it was me reaching out not him. Idk, it deff brings up a lot of things like trust, what's your view on sex and masturbation, what about emotionally cheating. Deff lots to work through
Yeah idk why OP totally reframed this conversation. The post about our partners and porn that was just recently popping way off and got hundreds of comments *specifically* said that it’s ridiculous that sex workers would get jealous of their partner paying for porn.
Yeah, tipping and chatting with someone one on one is worlds away from watching prefilmed porn, as far as intimacy goes, it's a completely different connection. They can't be considered the same activity when it comes to boundaries in a relationship at all. (And men are *going to* watch porn. Good luck to anyone trying to "forbid" their partner from doing it, considering that it's just normal as hell lol)
Really? I didn't see anyone say sex workers shouldn't get jealous. Jealousy is a totally normal thing in relationships - but it should be confronted and the reasons behind it addressed. I dont think its healthy to say "lets just avoid other people so we never feel uncomfortable" but its totally valid to say "I dont feel like I get the type of attention I want or need and it makes me feel bad knowing you're giving the type of attention I want to someone else."
So is the money spent on the cam girl the biggest issue you’d have with it or is it the actual interaction itself? No judgement/argument just genuinely curious.
The interaction. If she started spending hundreds to the point where she couldn’t take turns buying dinner or getting groceries etc. too then the money would be an issue to me.
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Yup controlling him so hard. Poor guy. Can’t believe we both agreed on a clear guideline on how I would like to be treated in the relationship. Thank you for opening my eyes <3
That part. The unfortunate effects of the popularization of therapy talking linguo.
100%
Fr, especially if you yourself actively make it
It’s basically saying they have no problem subjecting someone else to what they wouldn’t want someone to do to them and that’s super questionable to me
Doesn’t matter if you disagree not your relationship :) do what’s best for you
Yeah, it's completely inappropriate even as a "civilian" to try and control what masturbatory habits another person has - men are *going* to watch porn either way, and if as a partner you tell them that's off the table, they're still going to do it and just lie about it obviously. I've never understood intruding someone's personal space like that and trying to set up rules for what they do in their alone time. (Watching porn isn't cheating after all. It's there to help them get off, end of story.) But **as fellow sex workers** it's just even more ludicrous lol. Absolute textbook definition of hypocritical and it's not ok to delude each other into saying it isn't.
You don't have to pretend to be okay with something you're not :) If your partner is lying to you to do something they know upsets you then I hope you consider leaving
Some people in here are big mad 💀 you’re the one in the relationship, your boundaries are between each other and they’ll be different depending on each person. If one person says it’s not for them, that’s up to them. People would do better to just mind their business and focus on their own relationships instead of preaching to other people (not you OP, the haters in here lol).
Ikr! This was just a little positive reassurance post and people are getting so heated about what others do in their relationships.
Love this post! DO BETTER LADIES.
THAT PART 🗣️🗣️
It’s problems like this that make me grateful I am poly. One quick question, if your husband/partner wanted to also cam to make money, would your opinions change? (My partner and I both cam separately, and we absolutely had to work through various jealousies early on, like what if one of us gets more attention? What if one of us is way more successful? Ultimately what we do makes us feel fulfilled, and it’s all for the good of our household, and we talk all the time about our boundaries and feelings. Honestly as long as it is a discussion and not a demand, it’s all good. If you both have decided on boundaries then no one can take that away or honestly judge you. Just don’t issue ultimatums. Decide on boundaries mutually, otherwise it’s just someone bossing someone else around
I try to get him to do sex work I think he's be good at it because he's really cute. But I am biased. But anyway It's a job so that's something I'd personally be open to. And yes that's all I want to make clear that if both people are fine with it theirs no problem and if one isn't then its okay to leave. I don't think setting that boundary is control because both people have a choice to be together or not. To me I see it the same as "You wont call me a bitch." And that person can either agree or we won't continue whatever relationship we had and I will find someone who is okay with what I'll allow.
I think cam girls and content creators/pornstars are going to have different opinions on this , vastly different. Something to take into account.
I’m okay with it because it’s something he did before we met. It’s how he’s so comfortable with what I do, and how we stay faithful. I know it doesn’t work for everyone, but I never have to worry on him cheating. I have been by those who never watched it, and it’s only watched when I’m not home.
And if you're fine with that thats all that matters! Sounds like yall communicated and came to an agreement that works :)
Preach🫶🏻 to each their own
Obviously whatever rules or agreements you have in a relationship are fine as long as both of you agree. However, I think this particular rule is insane and hypocritical and whatever partner you get that agrees to it is delusional. You can't spank it to people online but I can let people spank it to me?
Yup. My work does not =do whatever you want.
That is so clearly not the point I was making. It is obviously hypocritical, you can accept it or not but it is.
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I get what you're saying, but respectfully...to me it seems more like being a butcher and asking your partner not to order meat from another shop. Lol
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Yeah, that's the point. You're offering them sustenance, and in exchange for all that you're offering, you expect that they don't go looking for more people to meet their needs as well. Why does it beg those questions? Who is charging their partner to look at their OF or do a sexy skype??? What about it is complicated?
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Plus what if the partner is constantly hungry, and someone else's meat is offered at a more convenient time and location in between their meals when they are eating your tasty meat?
Up to the butcher and their partner 🤷♀️ it’s okay for the butcher to want that boundary and also okay for the partner to not be okay with it. So’s life
Right, were also not entering into relationships with people that aren't down to have the kind of relationship we need.
Right on!! And if two people’s boundaries don’t work together then you can leave the relationship
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Can I ask what makes you see it as a flaw?
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Good lord I’m not reading all this. Do whatever works for you and your relationship! You don’t have to be okay with porn consumption!! Doesn’t matter if you make it!! Have a great day :)
Yes I’m just sharing my opinion madam you have a. Great day as well
As a SWer, I do think I’d feel insecure if a monogamous partner paid cam girls and onlyfans content creators to get his needs fulfilled. I don’t mind them watching porn or going to the strip club, but my brain goes to “am I so lame that you you need to pay money to have a sexual experience with another women or man or they who isn’t me)
I am not okay with it when someone is an ADDICT. One of my exes was but I was too naive to realize how bad it was early on. He ALWAYS had porn tabs open— to the point where he was called out by his own friends in public. Sex with porn addicts is also horrible. I probably would’ve had less of a problem with it if he also didn’t OWE me money while spending on it. That experience was so bad that I’ve been avoiding anyone with a porn addiction red flag. Which is unfortunate because I sometimes like watching certain categories/ women produced porn before sex. But you give some of these men an inch, they take a mile…
life is about boundaries.. you didn't have to be ok with anything... this is like a new theme where everyone keeps asking if their feelings are valid... always
Thank you
Of course! This “discussion” topic drives me insane because everyone just wants to be right on something that’s a personal opinion
Well since this is clearly in response to the thread I started I'll bite. First of all it's important to know the difference between a boundary and a restriction. Boundaries are on yourself "I don't date people who look at porn in relationships" and restrictions are on other people "you can't look at porn if you're in a relationship with me." So you're not talking about boundaries, you are talking about restrictions being placed on other people. Grown, autonomous, adult human beings. It's perfectly valid to say "I dont date people who look at porn in a relationship" - but you should date people who have the same belief coming in to the relationship, NOT try to change someone and place restrictions on them. That's a control issue not a "boundary." And trying to control or change people - THAT is not okay. Besides - we all know that telling someone they CANT do something only makes them want to do it MORE (hello to all the taboo kinks out there that exist for this very reason)....and it just makes them more secretive about it. The majority of men who regularly use porn to masturbate wont REALLY stop when they get in a relationship - but they WILL hide it better (and swear they stopped). Just look at most of your clients for proof of this. Restricting a grown mans behavior is also only going to make him resent you in the long run. So just date people who also believe porn in a relationship is bad.....it's that easy. Except....you're a sex worker. So it'll be much more difficult to find someone who both respects and values sex workers and is okay with you doing that sort of work while he is being told he's not allowed to consume it. But just because it's difficult doesn't mean it's impossible. And all of that being said - masturbation is a private thing. A solo thing....between you and yourself. No one else. I don't really think it's anyones business but your own what you do when you masturbate or what you use to get off. And masturbation is totally normal - even when in a relationship. It's not about you. Its a stress reliever, it relaxes people and it doesn't take anywhere near as much time, energy, work or consideration as sex does. Our of curiosity - how would you feel if your partner told you to stop doing sex work? What if he told you you weren't allowed to use sex toys to masturbate (on your own - not during shows)? Would you agree to that?
You had me on your side until it turned into “you’re a sex worker, it’s the same thing to consume sex work as it is to create it.” Seriously? I’m on hour 39 *this week* of streaming. That is not the same thing *at all* as MikeLiterus69 paying me $15.99 a minute to secretly jack off in the shower for 3.27 minutes while his wife meal preps for their family. I disagree with OP’s take on porn restriction and would never expect to be able to dictate my partner’s viewing habits. But I also strongly disagree that we should “get over” the fact that our partners might exchange sexual texts, videos, and conversations with another human being, you two are having two completely different conversations. But being a sex worker doesn’t mean that I am not entitled to monogamy. Are you creating your content for pleasure or money? Because I’m doing it for money. I’m doing it for a down payment on *our house.* If my partner paid to masturbate with another human being then that would not have anything to do with our livelihood as a couple, it would be for shared sexual pleasure and it would be a social sexual act with another person behind my back solely for pleasure, which in our monogamous relationship is *cheating.*
💯💯💯
Where did I say its the same thing to consume sex work as to create it??? Are you replying to someone else?? Because I literally never said that. I also never said anyone needs to "get over" anything - you keep putting things in quotes liek I said them and I'm so confused because I didn't say any of those things. I also didn't say you aren't entitled to monogamy (but I also dont think looking at porn makes a person non-monogamous). I really feel like you replied to the wrong person because I didnt say any of the things you're saying I did....not even close.
I think your opinion on monogamous relationships and their boundaries become void when you aren’t monogamous. It’s not a restriction, you can leave the relationship if you don’t agree with /any/ boundary someone has.
"You cant watch porn in this relationship" is NOT a boundary. It is a restriction. "I dont date people who watch porn" is a boundary. Whether Im monogamous or not does that change that boundaries are things that govern YOURSELF. And restrictions govern OTHER people. You can look it up if you want to - this has NOTHING to do with me being non-monogamous (and I can be monogamous any time I like - it's a CHOICE and I was for nearly 35 years, longer than some of you have been alive).
So it's a restriction that they've opted in on by choosing to be in the relationship and can opt out of by exiting. They still have their freedom but no one has the freedom to cross your boundaries.
why are you so deeply incapable of allowing people to feel how they feel..? we don't ALL have to agree with you, and there's really no need to cram your massively stubborn opinions down others throats. there is no right or wrong answer here, stop trying to win
I havent asked anyone to stop feeling what they feel. I have simply asked further questions to try and understand the REASON behind WHY they feel what they do. Its called curiosity and wanting to understand where other people are coming from - Im on the spectrum though and for whatever reason neurotypical people seem to think this means "YOU ARE QUESTIONING ME" and they get defensive....but for no actual reason. And in this comment all I did was correct a persons misusage of the word.....which is the responsible thing to do. This thread is not talking about boundaries within a relationship. It is talking about restrictions on people within a relationship. And if you want to place restrictions on your partner you are welcome to. But call it what it is - dont pretend its a boundary because boundaries are placed on YOURSELF not OTHERS.
so by saying, "i feel a bit uncomfortable with you paying for services from camgirls" i am enforcing a restriction? i'm not so sure. I have no problem with my partner watching porn, but using cam sights is too intimate IMO. You say that you are just trying gain further understanding, which also being neuro i totally get. However arguing with anyone who expresses a difference in opinion is not the way to go. Anyway, you clearly have some searious responsibilities to attend to..... likeee correcting peoples grammar..? lol enjoy babe x
Saying you feel uncomfortable with something isn't restricting anyone. Its up to them to decide whether they will stop or not. I think its very strange behavior to expect your partners to regulate your emotions. Any therapist will tell you that discomfort is normal and there are many ways to cope. But controlling other people is not the way to do it. I am not arguing with anyone. I dont argue when there is no right/wrong answer. Thats idiotic. But people think discussing is arguing because people dont like to be questioned and they jump to getting defensive so to THEM it feels like a fight. But to me it just feels like "wow I just asked a question....why are you getting defensive?" Also I didn't correct anyones grammar - I corrected their word usage. Those things are different. My grammar is awful - but I do know the difference between boundaries and restrictions. And if I was using a word incorrectly I would want someone to tell me so I dont look stupid - or worse misonform people who may not know better either.
I think you should quit while you're ahead lmao
I like your focus on not trying to force a change on someone, but I also think it's possible that people might not know what their precise boundaries are until they experience them. At that point, I think it's fair to clarify "I think I want to adhere to this boundary, so if keeping me around is important to you, you may want to consider changing". It's possible the significant other is okay with trying to change, and that may be preferable to just up and leaving with no warning. That said, I think I'm going to aim for more poly oriented partners, because jealousy in general seems like something to solve internally more than requiring a significant other to restrict themselves. At least for me, nude art/content (and a variety of it) is useful for creativity, so I think I'd rather not be restricted.
I am all for telling a person what my boundaries are and giving them the option to operate within them. If THEY want to change its up to them but I will not put restrictions on a partner. I dont believe in treating adults like children and dont think it does anything for a relationship. And do know that poly people absolutely experience jealousy - but we do just as you said, we resolve it (ourselves and with our partners help if possible) but without requiring others to change or placing restrictions on them so we can avoid discomfort. Our society largely encourages avoidance of discomfort rather than learning coping with it and its really a shame because its impossible to avoid entirely. We’d be better off if we focused on how to cope than how to try and avoid it.
The problem in my opinion, is not to be okay with your partner watching porn but to be only okay with your partner watching porn for free, or to be a freeloader on campsites but not a paying client. That’s not only hypocrite, that’s messed up.
Thats for the people who allow porn in their relationship and this post to reassure people who don't.
Did you at least read the original post before posting this ? That was the main convo.
This is my post and it’s not about this topic
This topic is a joke coming from a sex worker. I ain't wasting my time reading garbage
I swear. This community is a joke.
I understand this but don’t at the same time. If it’s just transactional, then why does it matter if he watches it? Or pays a cam girl if he’s feeling a little lonely? No judgment at all, I totally understand potentially feeling insecure about your partner consuming this content but then wouldn’t it work the other way as well? Just curious and would love to hear some perspectives. I never cared even before getting into the industry
If your partner is feeling "lonely" theres an issue in your relationship and them seeking out a cam girl is not the answer.
I don’t think it’s healthy/appropriate to rely on your significant other to meet all your needs like that! Plenty of people feel lonely in entire groups of friends or in marriages. What if he’s just bored and wants to play? Hahah
Then you are probably just not inclined to be monogamous and you can date guys like that and you'll both feel great about it. That's good bc those people are out there and need to be with other people like them. But most people are actually pretty cool with just one person The male hormones that drive them to seek other mates go down dramatically once they have bonded with a partner. Some men dont have the same receptors for the bonding hormones and they will always continue to seek excitement from new females. Every friend group has a guy that is just girl crazy like that. But it's actually a small group. And only 20% of men ever actually cheat. Most of them can feel bored and feel like they want to play and then just play with themselves instead and not take pity on themselves about it.
Wait I’m not sure what my comment had to do with monogamy
You said you dont think it's healthy to rely on one person for sexual needs and that you think it's cool if someone goes to another person because they are bored and lonely. It's not a dig. Monogamy is a spectrum, it just sounds like you're comfortable without strict monogamy.
I said needs in general, not sexual needs specifically. Lots of men pay cam girls ‘cause they’re lonely and they just talk
Lol touché. I did not read it that way. I don't think most girls would be down with that either though.
Wow.
What?? I’m sincerely asking 😅
Is it fine if they have transactional sex with a sex worker because youre busy and he's lonely? Is it fine if they take escorts on dates? The line has to be drawn somewhere and where is dependent on the 2 people in the relationship. There doesn't need to be a standard.
I agree with you. The internet is the internet. You cannot control, what a man sees, interacts or does with his time. This post seems very controlling. Say you do find your partner paying for other only fan models and patreon to other models as well, if he was doing it for you too, would there be a problem? You are the person in that relationship, not this other internet stranger who’s making her money the same way you are. It’s just another client to her. I think it’s very controlling it has nothing to do with monogamy or poly. It’s everything to do with control. If you want to say it’s a boundary then okay, go find someone who will only accept you and no ones else for their form of work. Telling a man watching porn is outside ‘your’ boundary is crazy. Is it a crime to fuck himself ? Lol. Because he’s “fantasizing” other women? Sounds like insecurities. And trust me I’m no pick me, but I seriously wouldn’t see a problem with a man being a man. Especially if he’s attentive, and a good partner to me. I’m not here to control him, I’m here to be his partner
Both sides are valid. What I don't agree with are the people who are okay with porn as long as it's free. Free porn is so often unethical, with many, many actors/actresses being coerced or pressured into things they didn't agree to originally or even raped in videos. There have been cases of underage victims in videos. There's also revenge porn or stolen content. I'm not saying that applies to all free porn, but it applies to A LOT of it and you never know which videos it does apply to. Remember when a bunch of girls came foward about James Dean? I'm not a fan of porn consumption in my relationships, but I can deal with a s/o if they choose to disrespect that. The potential victim isn't here to protect themselves and you can't unview that content. If someone is going to stomp all over my boundaries, the least they can do is limit the amount of people hurt in the situation. I'd be really disappointed and disgusted to learn that I'm with someone who doesn't respect sex workers and doesn't think they deserve to get paid. Disrespecting a boundary and being a freeloader would be two separate issues to me. Paid porn doesn't solve ALL of these problems, but eliminating free porn would be a huge first step. And I'm not talking about personally interacting with a cam girl or anything like that, that would be very different to me. I'm talking about paying for a clip for example, or maybe a subscription site. So basically TDLR; be okay with porn or not, but free porn isn't a valid option.
As someone who has lost thousands of dollars and hours of revenue and time to dealing with my stolen content constantly leaked and posted on pages and forums, and my entire fan sites leaked, I'm shocked to see the downvotes on your very valid post.
Thanks, babe! I'm so sorry you went through that. I'm sure it was devastating. I definitely don't want to add to those numbers if I can help it 😬 I'm disappointed and confused by the amount of support free porn apparently gets in this subreddit...? I'm guessing this sub attracts a lot of new SW who don't yet realize how devastating and demoralizing it is to go through what you did. Also, as someone above pointed out, it makes sense that cam girls and content creators would have different opinions and experiences. Thanks for weighing in :)
Some porn is free to the user while the creator still gets paid fairly. So there is ethical free porn.
Can you name some examples? I guess free content/previews from creators on sites like Twitter or fansly would technically count as free porn...when I wrote my comment I was thinking along the lines of full length clips on PH and the like.
I post full length porn videos on pornhub for free to the user because I earn money for clicks and it brings me new fans. There are also plenty of videos made by companies where the models are paid by the day and then the company owns the content and may post it for free. Like if Vixen has a free video. Those girls are paid well and benefit a ton from the exposure.
Yeah, that's fair. But on a free site with millions of other videos, you would never know which ones are paying creators and which ones were problematic. Sure you could probably narrow it down if you had time to look through each person's profile beforehand, but it's easier and safer to pay a couple bucks on a paid site.
If you go under the pornstar's profile, it will be paid. But yeah a paid site is a safe bet.
I’ll never be able to understand how some people rationalize to themselves taking money from someone else’s partner to do something for them that they would have a problem with someone else doing for their own partner - it’s absolutely hypocritical - you are actively participating in creating the environment that you’re condemning but applying those goalposts only to your own relationship
Not every customer has a partner for starters. We can't know who does and doesn't and we dont know for sure what boundaries they've set with their partners. That's up to them to do the right thing. People have agreements about all kinds of things... like not staying up all night playing video games, or not wasting too much money on alcohol. That's not on the companies selling those things to regulate.
You don’t have to understand it. The world keeps spinning. That’s life
Some people lack morals, consistency or options.
I think the words in your edit are salty. No woman exists to get ‘picked’. You’re upset at those calling you hypocrites but ur being just as salty backkkk lol. How can you say ‘do what you want’ but also ‘yeah but don’t do that’ in the same post. Also ‘don’t let anyone shame u’ but dishingggg out the shame. You’re shaming non traditional relationships hugely. Flip the coin. Stop being annoying
Salty and don’t forget annoyed. Y’all are little gnats buzzing in my ear. I’m upset at the women insulting other women because they don’t live life like they do. If you think other women need to be okay with their partner consuming porn just because you are then you’re a problem and yes that gives pick me vibes. I don’t give a damn if you let your partner watch porn as I said in my post.
You’re literally doing what you wish wasn’t being done to you
Watching porn? Or working a job.
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Correct. That is how boundaries work