There are some comments on this thread which have been removed for threatening violence, either towards other users or towards children.
Please don’t make these comments- it is against the spirit of this sub and you will be banned under Rule 2.
You've got to go deep. Build a loving supportive relationship with them as a father figure. Spend time with them, get to know them, really become a special person in their life. Then one day in the future suddenly turn to them and shout "Psyche! I never loved you because you're inherently unlovable and always will be!" Then leave and never come back.
When you shag their mum, make sure they hear that there my is being fucked, get her screaming blue murder, that way they will have mental scars forever.
Next morning, look at them straight in the eye, and say, ” your mum was a shit ride, just like you on the scooter you cunt”
Find out where they live, earn the trust, learn their gaming habits and usernames, shag their mah and record it, wipe your cock on their belongings and then humiliate them on their favourite game while blasting the audio of their mother getting shagged over in game audio chat.
#gobigorgohome
I had some kids shout at me from the other side of the street "OI MATE YOU WANT A ?"
I shouted back that I already had one and they fell about laughing. No idea what they were on about but I'm glad my answer was funny.
That’s brilliant, not only is he advertising he’s a slut, but also their mam is a slut, it’s a self compliment and insult in one, triple points of the scallywag is dadless
Some 12/13 yo kid threatened to ‘do’ me in Morrisons car park the other day because I politely asked him to move his bike out the way, his mates were egging him on to ‘bang me’, I laughed it off but if I was old or disabled it would of been a scarey experience, kids 🙄
Had this in an Odeon a few weeks back after I told the little bastard to shut up. He was all mouth until I stood up. He shat himself, jumped over a row of seats and faceplanted.
I had a rare trip to the cinema a few months back and had a Falling Down rage at a couple of teenagers who were being disruptive and only realised about 15 minutes later than not a single person in the place had returned to munching their popcorn or was rustling sweet packets. The silence was eerie until bit by bit a little bit of noise returned.
Years ago, I think it was Top Gun, that's how long ago, a bunch of annoying kids kept talking loudly and chucking stuff around. I stood turned and said in a low but very audible voice " Shut the f*CK up and stop p* sing about before I pick you up one at a time and kick you out, people are here to watch the film" the entire audience was uncannily silent the rest of the film.
Don't fall for their intimidation tactics. Take off your shirt, punch yourself in the face, and scream at a nearby seagull. Show them you're a golden god whose rage is untethered and knows no bounds.
I’m quite introverted, but one of my bravest moments was when I nipped to the corner shop and some little kids asked me to get some fags for them. I just laughed and said “Na”, so one of them got all big and strolled over and said “Yeah why not?” and strangely deep from within from out of nowhere I just went “‘COS I DONT FUCKING WANT TO ALRIGHT?!” and he got all meek and walked away. Little shits. I trembled afterwards 😂
Something similar happened to me a decade+ ago (I was 19). Walking back from Peckham after dropping off 3k in cash for a deposit for a lease. A couple of kids probs around 16 stopped me asking if I had a BB. I was confused and was like BB gun..No bruv blackberry... What's in your pockets discussion etc happened. I just pointed to an alley way and said "follow me." They really lost all confidence then. I may looked like a skinny hippy kid with long hair but I grew up with a bunch of crack/ heroin dealers and general scumbags where if you let them take the piss theyd walk over you. So two little shits trying to hide their uniform didn't really worry me also I felt very cocky that day.
I got stopped in an underpass near Salford Precinct by someone asking what phone I had—I just loudly declared 'I DON'T HAVE FUCKING _TIME_ FOR THIS' and walked off. Somehow it worked. It was in 2014 and I'm still feeling the adrenaline from it, honestly.
I once had a similar thing where - out of the blue - I hatched the plan of just pretending I couldn't make out what they were saying, just kept walking at the same speed and saying "sorry mate, can't make you out? Sorry? I'm in a rush, sorry?"
They seemed a bit thrown off and I was able to carry on.
Reminds me of a lad I know; a few years back he got accosted by some little Scallys who wave a tenner at him and start blagging him to get them 10 Richmond, he agrees, comes back out shortly after, says " sorry mate, they only sell them in packs of 8" and proceeds to hand the scrote a packet of sausages, kept the change too.
Why do teenagers do the fake deep voice? I serve a few teenagers a day at work and they all try to make their voice deeper, are they trying to fit in with the grown ups?
Overcompensating for voice breaking. When your register starts to change, you don't have a reference point for what natural talking feels like any more. It's very strange.
And yes, also you want to sound more grown up than you are.
I live in Redditch (I know, I know...) And some poor bloke got stabbed and killed outside Asda last year after telling off some young kids who were messing around in the toilets and generally being dreadful.
A bloke got stabbed (luckily survived) in my town because he was with his kid playing in the park and he asked some teenagers to move from blocking the climbing frame they were smoking weed in.
I really feel we need some harsher punishment for 12-18 years old honestly. These little shits know they can get away with stuff.
I'm surprised that 'banging' somebody is still in the slang vocabulary of todays youth. That was 'in' when I was growing up in the noughties, most other slang terms from that time have reached their expiry date by now.
The adult in me says, don't rise to it at all. That's what will deflate them the most.
The teenager in me says, now. Now is the time to punch a child.
The child in me is waiting for them to do it again so I can stick my arm out and clothesline them.
Take your pick.
Yup, you have to police these situations yourself these days, a nice kick to the side of the scooter should make sure they don’t do it to anyone else again.
Tbh the adult in me thinks "I'm a fully grown man. I'm probably double your size. Obviously they know the societal implication I can't hit them. But they should be aware it's a possibility and should happen"
Bring your chin down to protect your neck while continuing to stare in their eyes. Bring up your hands and say "I don't want no trouble ya hear". Flex your traps and core. Slightly bend your knees.
Here comes the important part. In a low voice begin to say "wolowolowolowolowolo" slowly increasing in volume. They should be surprised by now. Begin to sway side to side and loosen all facial muscles and your anal sphincter and your kegal muscle. By now you should be pretty loud and your opponents will have stepped back and appear visibly shaken.
Begin to piss and shit yourself and let your eyes roll to the back of your head. By now, you're chanting "WOLOWOLOWOLOWOLO" at the top of your lungs.
They will run away. Everyone within a one mile radius will feel a terrifying presence within their soul.
Marvel as you ascend into your planar form.
They do it at mine too. One of them barked at me, repeatedly, while ignoring my request to go inside (it was the end of break). Unfortunately for him I know full well his dad will rescind privileges for bad behaviour at school, so I simply raised my eyebrows at the kid and then when I next had a moment I phoned dad and asked him to explain to me what the meaning of this behaviour was. Kid was furious with me when he found out but he hasn't done it again.
I’m more ‘kid, in my previous job I used to to get ‘I hope your kids get cancer’ shouted at me - barking like a dog is frankly weaksauce.’
Or
‘Weren’t you crying over a skinned knee/headache/bellyache at the nurses station last week?’ Because they normally were before telling me to fuck off when I don’t send them home.
A lot of our pastoral managers use exactly that approach and it works an absolute charm. Our kids tend to have respect issues, particularly with women, so my preferred persona (ie the one I've found that actually works for me) as a barely over 5 foot woman, is to subtly ingrain the idea that I can cause them problems in other ways through the cunning use of the school behaviour policy.
Helpfully I broke up a fight the other week where the social media video (because of course the other kids filmed it and put it on snapchat) made it appear as though I pulled a 6 foot tall 16 year old boy to the ground. This has given me more street cred than anything else I've done in the last 6 years at the school despite the fact I very clearly explain whenever it is raised to me that all I did was restrain him and then he fell over, taking me with him.
We have a kid that does this at work, he’s very socially awkward at the best of times and he does it to get any kind of interaction from his peers. The sad part is it’s making any chance of building positive relationships harder for himself…
A flung, open bag of dog shit all over seemed to take the humour out of the situation when a little group thought it was fun to run up and scream at my dog.
I was down by the Bristol harbour side and there were some “youths” (fat twelve year olds) riding their bikes around the traffic circle purposefully blocking cars. I just kept driving which they took great offence to and gave me the bird. So I rolled down my window and called the one “a fat ginger haired cunt” and his mate wasn’t too happy by this so started running after my car. I can only assume the person I offended was to large to roll after me so his friend had to do the pursuing. So, I drove slowly enough that he could keep up but fast enough that he couldn’t actually catch the car. I did this with my hand out the window whilst doing the universal symbol for being a wanker whilst he chased me. This went on for a good 200m before he gave up. Needless to say I was impressed that he got 200m but he was certainly no Usain Bolt. You might say it’s petty doing this to 12 year olds. Personally, I think I’m doing the country a favour whipping them into shape.
As much as they would deserve a form of payback, ignore them. As others have said this will annoy them more than any other reaction. I deal with little pricks daily in my job, and once we confronted a load of them and it took about 6 months to finally break them and get them to fuck off. Ignoring them is a quicker route.
Nothing too extreme or exciting. Basically it ranged from outright banning them from our workplace to them being watched at all times. It would depend who was in charge at the time. I work in a supermarket and one group would come in, mess stuff up, shoplift etc.
They were acting and speaking to us like (rude) adults, so they got treated like rude adults. They didn't like that. It's amazing how some teenagers will speak to adults like dirt but then are aghast what they get the same back. We also got the police to go to the school and get to them and their parents through that route. A few came in to apologise with their parents.
Pretty soon after that they stopped coming in. Looking back we should've dealt with it by not engaging with them (beyond stopping their behaviour in store) and just letting the police deal with it, but this group were uniquely irritating.
Pepper spray might be illegal. However if you have a handful of minced chillies in your hand to fling at the face of one of them, it's a culinary incident.
Edit: I'm being flippant. Just in case.
A kid pushed past me on the stairs in a tube station last year after smashing into several strangers running up the stairs, and I instinctively stuck my foot out and kicked his heel out. He went flying. I quickly realised he had a lot of friends with him and I'd just assaulted a child. I politely asked him to leave me alone, and he asked what I was going to do if he didn't. "You going to hit a kid? I'll fucking kill you" he said. Something cracked a little inside my brain and I gave the kid a wild, wide-eyed grin and quietly replied in my jolly, posh voice, "nooo I wouldn't hit you. I'd bite your fucking nose off, you little cunt." And snapped my teeth at him.
I've no idea where this came from, but his friends immediately walked off and you could see his tiny caveboy brain trying to comprehend the situation, and deciding that maybe he didn't want to find out if the weirdly happy man in the suit would actually try to orally amputate his nose. "Fucking wanker" he said, and walked off.
I've since decided that not kicking children in the first place is probably a better plan of action.
Sounds intimidating, I don’t envy you.
However, from what I’ve seen of young peeps on scooters, I fear for them – hopping on and off the curb, rarely any lights, no reflective clothing. You only have to get a car in the face once, and you’re so much jam on the road. Brings a whole new meaning to ‘roadman’.
It really depends. Like, really.
Some do this kind of shit as a gloat at how indestructible they are, and how powerless you are to stop them. Doing nothing in this case proves them right.
And some do it just for jokes, to get the reaction. Doing nothing in this case is refusing to give them what they want.
As a former one of these kids I think you’re right. I didn’t do stuff for a reaction from people, infact if an adult reacted and we didn’t have a group I’d shit myself. You do it for the ones you can bully. The people who do nothing and you feel superior over. “You can’t do nothing and even if you could you wouldn’t you shitbag”.
It’s just for fun aswell in your mind at the time. You don’t think you’re doing it for some sort of hierarchical reason, you’re just doing it because it’s fun and funny in the same way it’s funny to jump out and scare people, you see it as harmless fun and why are the adults so uptight, being triggered by me shouting.
Of course nowadays and area dependant even a kid in a group of 2 could have a knife and feel brave enough to step back to you so it’s ultimately not worth it.
at least you’re honest, but yeah this is basically just ‘bullying people to make my ego feel good’ in a nutshell, which is why most bullies do it in the first place. they’re insecure on some level so they need to have power over someone else to help fight away their own feelings of being inferior. it’s very cringe and sad honestly
Not really. I was bullied throughout high school, not rising to it never had any effect whatsoever. They'll just do something you can't ignore next, like throwing food on you.
Unfortunately though, best way or not, can't really do much else as an adult.
It’s probably different for boys, but as a girl punching one of my girl bullies in the face stopped the whole gang of them forever, when a year of ignoring them just led to escalation.
(So scientifically it would be good for society for adults to be allowed to punch anti-social teenagers.)
Take that, Lyndsey you weak bitch.
Yep, same. The more I ignored them the more it escalated. They all clubbed together to ring me at home and shout abuse once. Mum recorded it and sent it to the school, so obviously that was ignored too. Fun times.
I bet they're all doing the most boring shit imaginable though, and I hope you're living your best life without the tossers.
How do you think a police officer would react? If a teenager had the balls to scream in a police officers ear, I'm pretty sure the immediate reaction is going to be to push them away as a minimum. You free to do the same? It's all about reasonable force and it's fair to say to protect your hearing, its reasonable to push somebody away.
We had to get the police involved and one them got a asbo warning their parents sorted it from their. My dad had Alzheimers and before he went into home he would stand at is gate waiting for us to come home sad ano
But these youths where torturing him slabbering at him obsentities and general disorder.
The distinguished English gentlemen should carry a cane or an umbrella on him when abroad. Should the scooter have spoked wheels you now have a place to put your cane or umbrella.
Should the riders be helmetless, and should you have chosen an umbrella, you may also choose to open your umbrella at the eye level of the riders just before the scooter reaches you.
All of this was of course an accident caused by the reckless driving of these young hooligans.
I was walking with my husband and two lads on bikes rode past us. One shouted at my husband "Oi, did I give you a blow job last night? You never called me back" and it was just so self-deprecating and stupid that we laughed for a good five minutes.
I think his aim was to make him look stupid or imply my husband was gay, but obviously if that had happened it'd say more about this kids blowjob skills and the quantity in which he provides them than anything else. From the mouths of babes, eh?
They're just looking for some kind of a reaction, positive or negative, probably because they're missing that kind of recognition at home. It's sad really. I'm glad you managed to get a nice brew in you and it helped you calm down.
I don't know if this is the place for a confession.. but..
I (at the time male 40ish) was riding my bike in a country park, I stopped at the top of a hill to get a fly out of my eye, a large man (35-45ish) was sleeping on the grass, his son 9-12-ish was playing with a football near me, while I was plucking the fly out the kid started in with "you're a C\*\*t" and carried on.. "f980ing C\*\*t" on and on it went "stupid c\*\*t".. I could tell he was emboldened by his large father being close by and decided to get on my bike and ride off.. I started down the hill and the kid decided to jump right in my path and call me a C\*\*t one more time.. I could have swerved and avoided him, but I was moving.. he wasn't moving, karma, he took the left handle bar full to the face, screamed "Daaaad!!" and fell to the floor, by the time Dad had woken up and got to his feet I was 100 feet away an accelerating, my chain fell off on the bumpy hill, but know what? karma flipped it back on again as I sped away.. I hope that kid learned that at the very least make sure dad is awake before you start behaving like a dick.
Either ignore them or if they get close enough, look them square in the eye and tell them they have a shit stain on the back of their trousers and just walk away and ignore any response as they flounder
It **really** takes the wind out of their sails as they dont expect it - i have had stunning success with this method 🤣
The crucial thing is to engage with them on your terms, they are trying to run rings around you and wind you up. Ignore what they say or derail them
I feel you. I am 68 and have sadly learnt that while most youths are good people, a few are not.
That is why I cannot walk the pavements in peace, choosing to cross over the road to the far pavement to continue my journey whenever I see youths on the same side of the road walking towards me.
Sad times indeed.
Say, in a cold voice with a heavy Eastern European accent, that one more prank like that and they will be fed alive to pigs, and be sure to add "kurwa" at the end.
This sounds like part of a limerick. In fact, I'm inspired.
*There was an old lady in Bristol,*
*Who hit a young child with an oar.*
*He'd been throwing rocks,*
*So she gave him some knocks,*
*And now he won't do it no more.*
Keep a can of silly string or shaving cream on you. Maybe in a custom holster.
Have some fun with the little bastards 😜
ETA: Dont forget to wear gloves, and maybe a cowboy hat!
Last week I (23f) was out walking my dog and in the space of 5 minutes had two lots of teenage boys (12-15) try to intimidate me
First ones were on electric scooters and I wasn't really paying attention I saw them coming but was watching my dog. The one behind screamed at me which made me jump and look, then he stuck his leg out to try and kick me.
The second time about two minutes later screamed bang at me as they rode past on bikes.
Both instances left me a bit rattled to be honest but when I looked behind to see them leave they were looking back to gauge my reaction.
I wish I'd have said something to them but it's probably best not to, just the new culture of intimidation because they know they'll get away with it.
I'd fall to floor screaming in pain, get my phone out and pretend to call the Police stating that you have been physically assaulted by two youths on their scooters..
Start to give a description of the two idiots..
I garatuee once the surprise of you suddenly falling and screaming they shit themselves and leg it.
Anytime anyone gets in your face is the time it's ok to punch someone. People need to respect others space, all you need to say is you felt threatened and needed to defend yourself. As long as your not stomping on them or beating the shit out of them you'll be fine.
It's healthy for people to find out when the fuck about, it'll help them grow into better people.
A homeless man in my area was recently murdered by a 16 year old. They had snatched his £10 phone off of him, and he took no shit and snatched it back. The kid didn't want to lose face so stabbed him fatally in the heart once. That's the risk you're running nowadays. When I was a little cunt an adult would chase me and give me a slap.
When I was doing security door work I couldn’t believe the difference in kids nowadays to kids in the 90’s. I’ve been spat on, had rocks thrown at me and even had one wee bastard try to Zidane me in the solar plexus.
I just get right in their faces nowadays if I’m in my free time and some wee dick tries to get big.
You missed out an important detail - what did they shout?
For example if it was "help" perhaps you should have done something. Maybe their scooter was stuck in circling about mode, and they wanted to be pushed over to stop themselves getting too dizzy.
If they are getting that close give them a quick shoulder to take them off the scooter.
The more they get away with it the more they will do it. Give them the parenting everyone has failed to do so far 😂
Got shoulder barged by some youthful cunt a few months back and when he squared up to me after, raised a fist and watched him flinch so hard he tried to crawl back up his mother.
His mate then started on me and, annoyingly my glasses ended up broken. Not had any bother since but I'm also glad I didn't get stabbed (and it feels like I still could).
Actually got a photo of them though 😂 saved for future reference
A few months ago I was driving through a town centre and a 11/12 year old boy spat on my car twice as I drove past. I didn't know the kid so it wasn't targeted, but his mates found it hilarious.
Other people in the town centre saw, and the best retaliation is doing nothing at all. They want a rise out of you so they can further abuse you knowing you can't fight back. Knowing that all of the other people walking around saw what vile little cunts they are was enough for me in this instance.
It might make you feel better to watch [this](https://youtu.be/iTYMhTOeNL0) video, it cuts off before you can see what happens, but knowing they definitely got a comeuppance is good.
Teenagers are dangerous now. It depends where you are and how at threat you feel, some kids are just being bellends and you can ignore them some will stab you rather than look soft. The biggest hardest bloke in the world is gonna be in hospital if a group of 20 sixteen year olds jump him.
I worked in the private security industry for a long time and now work in the public sector and yeah if it felt necessary I'd strike a teenager. They are just as capable of stabbing you in the liver as an adult and the police and security treat them as such.
Sometimes it's best to ignore them and move on with your day than risk biting off more than you can chew, sometimes I see kids who think it's a badge of honour among their family to stick a knife in someone and do a prison sentence. You can't change that mentality on your own.
There are some comments on this thread which have been removed for threatening violence, either towards other users or towards children. Please don’t make these comments- it is against the spirit of this sub and you will be banned under Rule 2.
Find out where they live, shag their mum and become their step dad.
You've got to go deep. Build a loving supportive relationship with them as a father figure. Spend time with them, get to know them, really become a special person in their life. Then one day in the future suddenly turn to them and shout "Psyche! I never loved you because you're inherently unlovable and always will be!" Then leave and never come back.
Did you get those cigarettes yet dad?
I think he must be getting milk too ...
Dad?
...Dad?
FATHER … ??
[удалено]
UNHAND ME SHAMAN
Take this tincture…
✊️
When you shag their mum, make sure they hear that there my is being fucked, get her screaming blue murder, that way they will have mental scars forever. Next morning, look at them straight in the eye, and say, ” your mum was a shit ride, just like you on the scooter you cunt”
The revenge fantasies of the sheltered freaks on here are always so amusing
Ah the old Jeff Winger.
Schmitty!!! Duh!!!
Modern problems require Modern solutions. Shag their dad and become their step mum.
Find out where they live, earn the trust, learn their gaming habits and usernames, shag their mah and record it, wipe your cock on their belongings and then humiliate them on their favourite game while blasting the audio of their mother getting shagged over in game audio chat. #gobigorgohome
Gobi Gorgo Home?
Once heard a bloke in Tesco car park shout "Fuck off, I'm probably your dad" and that seemed pretty effective
I had some kids shout at me from the other side of the street "OI MATE YOU WANT A?"
I shouted back that I already had one and they fell about laughing. No idea what they were on about but I'm glad my answer was funny.
He was offering you a holy grail.
That’s brilliant, not only is he advertising he’s a slut, but also their mam is a slut, it’s a self compliment and insult in one, triple points of the scallywag is dadless
In Delhi I heard: "Do you know who my Dad is?" Answer came: "Nah bro, Do you?" Big fight.
Some 12/13 yo kid threatened to ‘do’ me in Morrisons car park the other day because I politely asked him to move his bike out the way, his mates were egging him on to ‘bang me’, I laughed it off but if I was old or disabled it would of been a scarey experience, kids 🙄
Those specific threats sound extremely worrying
Had this in an Odeon a few weeks back after I told the little bastard to shut up. He was all mouth until I stood up. He shat himself, jumped over a row of seats and faceplanted.
I had a rare trip to the cinema a few months back and had a Falling Down rage at a couple of teenagers who were being disruptive and only realised about 15 minutes later than not a single person in the place had returned to munching their popcorn or was rustling sweet packets. The silence was eerie until bit by bit a little bit of noise returned.
Years ago, I think it was Top Gun, that's how long ago, a bunch of annoying kids kept talking loudly and chucking stuff around. I stood turned and said in a low but very audible voice " Shut the f*CK up and stop p* sing about before I pick you up one at a time and kick you out, people are here to watch the film" the entire audience was uncannily silent the rest of the film.
Oddly enough it was the recent Top Gun that I was at.
Don't fall for their intimidation tactics. Take off your shirt, punch yourself in the face, and scream at a nearby seagull. Show them you're a golden god whose rage is untethered and knows no bounds.
This is not a starter car! This is a finisher car!
Bonus points for doing your best Ragnar Lothbrok impression, slapping them all individually and screaming, 'Who wants to be King?!'
Further bonus points if the confrontation ends with a blood eagle.
I’m quite introverted, but one of my bravest moments was when I nipped to the corner shop and some little kids asked me to get some fags for them. I just laughed and said “Na”, so one of them got all big and strolled over and said “Yeah why not?” and strangely deep from within from out of nowhere I just went “‘COS I DONT FUCKING WANT TO ALRIGHT?!” and he got all meek and walked away. Little shits. I trembled afterwards 😂
The trembling was a physiological reaction to an adrenaline dump. No shame.
Look at this loser over here, succumbing to basic physiological reactions! What a numpty!
Situations like this I always picture that scene from peep show where mark chases those kids with a pole as Sophie watches by on the bus 😂
Alright Clean Shirt?
Lol made me think of.. -Now ask for it like a lady. -No I don't think.. -Alright cya. -CAN I HAVE MY BLACKBERRY BACK PLEASE
Something similar happened to me a decade+ ago (I was 19). Walking back from Peckham after dropping off 3k in cash for a deposit for a lease. A couple of kids probs around 16 stopped me asking if I had a BB. I was confused and was like BB gun..No bruv blackberry... What's in your pockets discussion etc happened. I just pointed to an alley way and said "follow me." They really lost all confidence then. I may looked like a skinny hippy kid with long hair but I grew up with a bunch of crack/ heroin dealers and general scumbags where if you let them take the piss theyd walk over you. So two little shits trying to hide their uniform didn't really worry me also I felt very cocky that day.
I got stopped in an underpass near Salford Precinct by someone asking what phone I had—I just loudly declared 'I DON'T HAVE FUCKING _TIME_ FOR THIS' and walked off. Somehow it worked. It was in 2014 and I'm still feeling the adrenaline from it, honestly.
I once had a similar thing where - out of the blue - I hatched the plan of just pretending I couldn't make out what they were saying, just kept walking at the same speed and saying "sorry mate, can't make you out? Sorry? I'm in a rush, sorry?" They seemed a bit thrown off and I was able to carry on.
Reminds me of a lad I know; a few years back he got accosted by some little Scallys who wave a tenner at him and start blagging him to get them 10 Richmond, he agrees, comes back out shortly after, says " sorry mate, they only sell them in packs of 8" and proceeds to hand the scrote a packet of sausages, kept the change too.
That's fucking outstanding.
5 stars
I always say "yeah ok but there's a 500% markup". Actually worked once, easiest £50 I ever made. It's worth shopping next to the grammar school
An additional response, should you ever need it: ‘because they stunt your growth…and you’re looking pretty stunted already’ 😂
Why do teenagers do the fake deep voice? I serve a few teenagers a day at work and they all try to make their voice deeper, are they trying to fit in with the grown ups?
Because all teenagers are batman
Overcompensating for voice breaking. When your register starts to change, you don't have a reference point for what natural talking feels like any more. It's very strange. And yes, also you want to sound more grown up than you are.
I live in Redditch (I know, I know...) And some poor bloke got stabbed and killed outside Asda last year after telling off some young kids who were messing around in the toilets and generally being dreadful.
A bloke got stabbed (luckily survived) in my town because he was with his kid playing in the park and he asked some teenagers to move from blocking the climbing frame they were smoking weed in. I really feel we need some harsher punishment for 12-18 years old honestly. These little shits know they can get away with stuff.
6 months mine clearance in ukraine. Builds Character.
I hate when people say “they are just kids”. Exactly, which means they are more likely to do some really stupid crap.
"Sorry kiddo, I don't swing that way but it's okay if you're gay, it's 2023"
I'm surprised that 'banging' somebody is still in the slang vocabulary of todays youth. That was 'in' when I was growing up in the noughties, most other slang terms from that time have reached their expiry date by now.
See this is when if I saw someone do that I would wonder over and start shouting a th the kids and scare the shit out of then
The adult in me says, don't rise to it at all. That's what will deflate them the most. The teenager in me says, now. Now is the time to punch a child. The child in me is waiting for them to do it again so I can stick my arm out and clothesline them. Take your pick.
Just stick ur foot out and knock the scooter over say you were walking away
And at this point, report them for dangerous driving and hitting you. This would hopefully teach a valuable lesson
A valuable lesson that the police don't do fuck all for minor crimes?
Yup, you have to police these situations yourself these days, a nice kick to the side of the scooter should make sure they don’t do it to anyone else again.
Yea there are no consequences these days. In my day if you didn’t want to get punched in the face you wouldn’t go around annoying adults
Tbh the adult in me thinks "I'm a fully grown man. I'm probably double your size. Obviously they know the societal implication I can't hit them. But they should be aware it's a possibility and should happen"
Get on all fours and gallop after them. That’ll show them.
Bring your chin down to protect your neck while continuing to stare in their eyes. Bring up your hands and say "I don't want no trouble ya hear". Flex your traps and core. Slightly bend your knees. Here comes the important part. In a low voice begin to say "wolowolowolowolowolo" slowly increasing in volume. They should be surprised by now. Begin to sway side to side and loosen all facial muscles and your anal sphincter and your kegal muscle. By now you should be pretty loud and your opponents will have stepped back and appear visibly shaken. Begin to piss and shit yourself and let your eyes roll to the back of your head. By now, you're chanting "WOLOWOLOWOLOWOLO" at the top of your lungs. They will run away. Everyone within a one mile radius will feel a terrifying presence within their soul. Marvel as you ascend into your planar form.
That’ll just convert them to your side though, what you really need to do is steal their relics.
Age of Empires FTW!
ERECTUS!
You made me laugh , Thanks
The ole eldritch horror comeback
I'd get on my belly and slither after the little bastards that would learn them
M3GAN style
I like it! ‘What happened to those kids on scooters?’ ‘They’re 34 feet southwest and approximately 5 feet deep.’
But did you manage to contemplate death at least?
Yeah dw lol
Do you ever think about what it was like before you were born?
I read the books and honestly it sounds a bit lame
This exact same thing happened to me while I was walking my dog. Even the dog ignored them.
How do you get your shirt so clean?
Oi clean shirt!
Look, I know it must be difficult being a kid, not a lot of schemes... But, you know, I'm not the borough.
Fuck off cleanshirt!
Reminds me of [this](https://youtu.be/94ZBgiEuYPU).
Can I have some of your Coke?
Ah look he’s a pedo!
His name is Peter File I know cross references but two great shows.
Oh you've combined IT Crowd and Peep Show. You might get a crossover... You know from mixing the two TV Shows... A giggle of that sort.
We have paedos in the UK, thank you. Unless they had a certain fascination for feet...
This great country is no longer the British Isles, it's the Paedoph Isles!
For some reason teenagers like to loudly bark at other kids in our school. Some sort of primate hierarchy bullshit.
They do it at mine too. One of them barked at me, repeatedly, while ignoring my request to go inside (it was the end of break). Unfortunately for him I know full well his dad will rescind privileges for bad behaviour at school, so I simply raised my eyebrows at the kid and then when I next had a moment I phoned dad and asked him to explain to me what the meaning of this behaviour was. Kid was furious with me when he found out but he hasn't done it again.
I’m more ‘kid, in my previous job I used to to get ‘I hope your kids get cancer’ shouted at me - barking like a dog is frankly weaksauce.’ Or ‘Weren’t you crying over a skinned knee/headache/bellyache at the nurses station last week?’ Because they normally were before telling me to fuck off when I don’t send them home.
A lot of our pastoral managers use exactly that approach and it works an absolute charm. Our kids tend to have respect issues, particularly with women, so my preferred persona (ie the one I've found that actually works for me) as a barely over 5 foot woman, is to subtly ingrain the idea that I can cause them problems in other ways through the cunning use of the school behaviour policy. Helpfully I broke up a fight the other week where the social media video (because of course the other kids filmed it and put it on snapchat) made it appear as though I pulled a 6 foot tall 16 year old boy to the ground. This has given me more street cred than anything else I've done in the last 6 years at the school despite the fact I very clearly explain whenever it is raised to me that all I did was restrain him and then he fell over, taking me with him.
We have a kid that does this at work, he’s very socially awkward at the best of times and he does it to get any kind of interaction from his peers. The sad part is it’s making any chance of building positive relationships harder for himself…
Woof
Unexpected Blackadder
A flung, open bag of dog shit all over seemed to take the humour out of the situation when a little group thought it was fun to run up and scream at my dog.
You go for the dog, all bets and societal niceties are off
I was down by the Bristol harbour side and there were some “youths” (fat twelve year olds) riding their bikes around the traffic circle purposefully blocking cars. I just kept driving which they took great offence to and gave me the bird. So I rolled down my window and called the one “a fat ginger haired cunt” and his mate wasn’t too happy by this so started running after my car. I can only assume the person I offended was to large to roll after me so his friend had to do the pursuing. So, I drove slowly enough that he could keep up but fast enough that he couldn’t actually catch the car. I did this with my hand out the window whilst doing the universal symbol for being a wanker whilst he chased me. This went on for a good 200m before he gave up. Needless to say I was impressed that he got 200m but he was certainly no Usain Bolt. You might say it’s petty doing this to 12 year olds. Personally, I think I’m doing the country a favour whipping them into shape.
This is the funniest thing I've read today 🤣
I love this. It's also actually kind of nice, you gave him some exercise.
“Quiet you virgins “ usually works
"tell your mum I'll be round after you've gone to sleep again"
“You know I could have been your dad, but the dog beat me over the fence”
Tell your mum I left a tenner on the mantlepiece but I expect change.....
"Come back when your balls have dropped"
As much as they would deserve a form of payback, ignore them. As others have said this will annoy them more than any other reaction. I deal with little pricks daily in my job, and once we confronted a load of them and it took about 6 months to finally break them and get them to fuck off. Ignoring them is a quicker route.
How did you finally break them?!
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Nothing too extreme or exciting. Basically it ranged from outright banning them from our workplace to them being watched at all times. It would depend who was in charge at the time. I work in a supermarket and one group would come in, mess stuff up, shoplift etc. They were acting and speaking to us like (rude) adults, so they got treated like rude adults. They didn't like that. It's amazing how some teenagers will speak to adults like dirt but then are aghast what they get the same back. We also got the police to go to the school and get to them and their parents through that route. A few came in to apologise with their parents. Pretty soon after that they stopped coming in. Looking back we should've dealt with it by not engaging with them (beyond stopping their behaviour in store) and just letting the police deal with it, but this group were uniquely irritating.
I’m not saying it’s right, but it does amaze me how much trust kids have in a stranger to not absolutely batter them.
Never been taught cause and effect nor have the brain capacity to think forwards in time.
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Speak softly, carry a large stick
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I had two proper kickings when I was in my twenties in Glasgow, Scotland. I deserved them and I learned a lot. Totally worth the ptsd.
Shouting in someones ears unprovoked is assault. Stopping that is self defense.
Pepper spray might be illegal. However if you have a handful of minced chillies in your hand to fling at the face of one of them, it's a culinary incident. Edit: I'm being flippant. Just in case.
Didn't one of the Spinal Tap drummers die in a "freak catering incident"?
A kid pushed past me on the stairs in a tube station last year after smashing into several strangers running up the stairs, and I instinctively stuck my foot out and kicked his heel out. He went flying. I quickly realised he had a lot of friends with him and I'd just assaulted a child. I politely asked him to leave me alone, and he asked what I was going to do if he didn't. "You going to hit a kid? I'll fucking kill you" he said. Something cracked a little inside my brain and I gave the kid a wild, wide-eyed grin and quietly replied in my jolly, posh voice, "nooo I wouldn't hit you. I'd bite your fucking nose off, you little cunt." And snapped my teeth at him. I've no idea where this came from, but his friends immediately walked off and you could see his tiny caveboy brain trying to comprehend the situation, and deciding that maybe he didn't want to find out if the weirdly happy man in the suit would actually try to orally amputate his nose. "Fucking wanker" he said, and walked off. I've since decided that not kicking children in the first place is probably a better plan of action.
An eye-roll as you go about your day seems to really bother them
Buy yourself a mobility scooter and join their gang as a support vehicle?
Sounds intimidating, I don’t envy you. However, from what I’ve seen of young peeps on scooters, I fear for them – hopping on and off the curb, rarely any lights, no reflective clothing. You only have to get a car in the face once, and you’re so much jam on the road. Brings a whole new meaning to ‘roadman’.
Not rising to it was the best way to disappoint teenagers. Trust me.
It really depends. Like, really. Some do this kind of shit as a gloat at how indestructible they are, and how powerless you are to stop them. Doing nothing in this case proves them right. And some do it just for jokes, to get the reaction. Doing nothing in this case is refusing to give them what they want.
As a former one of these kids I think you’re right. I didn’t do stuff for a reaction from people, infact if an adult reacted and we didn’t have a group I’d shit myself. You do it for the ones you can bully. The people who do nothing and you feel superior over. “You can’t do nothing and even if you could you wouldn’t you shitbag”. It’s just for fun aswell in your mind at the time. You don’t think you’re doing it for some sort of hierarchical reason, you’re just doing it because it’s fun and funny in the same way it’s funny to jump out and scare people, you see it as harmless fun and why are the adults so uptight, being triggered by me shouting. Of course nowadays and area dependant even a kid in a group of 2 could have a knife and feel brave enough to step back to you so it’s ultimately not worth it.
at least you’re honest, but yeah this is basically just ‘bullying people to make my ego feel good’ in a nutshell, which is why most bullies do it in the first place. they’re insecure on some level so they need to have power over someone else to help fight away their own feelings of being inferior. it’s very cringe and sad honestly
Not really. I was bullied throughout high school, not rising to it never had any effect whatsoever. They'll just do something you can't ignore next, like throwing food on you. Unfortunately though, best way or not, can't really do much else as an adult.
It’s probably different for boys, but as a girl punching one of my girl bullies in the face stopped the whole gang of them forever, when a year of ignoring them just led to escalation. (So scientifically it would be good for society for adults to be allowed to punch anti-social teenagers.) Take that, Lyndsey you weak bitch.
Yep, same. The more I ignored them the more it escalated. They all clubbed together to ring me at home and shout abuse once. Mum recorded it and sent it to the school, so obviously that was ignored too. Fun times. I bet they're all doing the most boring shit imaginable though, and I hope you're living your best life without the tossers.
How do you think a police officer would react? If a teenager had the balls to scream in a police officers ear, I'm pretty sure the immediate reaction is going to be to push them away as a minimum. You free to do the same? It's all about reasonable force and it's fair to say to protect your hearing, its reasonable to push somebody away.
It's doing nothing which has led to the behaviour we see from kids nowadays, front him up and tell him to fuck off.. Loudly
Treat them with the utmost disdain and indifference with a big pinch of nonchalance.
Electric scooters? If so I’d fake a injury and claim against those scum bags
We had to get the police involved and one them got a asbo warning their parents sorted it from their. My dad had Alzheimers and before he went into home he would stand at is gate waiting for us to come home sad ano But these youths where torturing him slabbering at him obsentities and general disorder.
The distinguished English gentlemen should carry a cane or an umbrella on him when abroad. Should the scooter have spoked wheels you now have a place to put your cane or umbrella. Should the riders be helmetless, and should you have chosen an umbrella, you may also choose to open your umbrella at the eye level of the riders just before the scooter reaches you. All of this was of course an accident caused by the reckless driving of these young hooligans.
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I was walking with my husband and two lads on bikes rode past us. One shouted at my husband "Oi, did I give you a blow job last night? You never called me back" and it was just so self-deprecating and stupid that we laughed for a good five minutes. I think his aim was to make him look stupid or imply my husband was gay, but obviously if that had happened it'd say more about this kids blowjob skills and the quantity in which he provides them than anything else. From the mouths of babes, eh? They're just looking for some kind of a reaction, positive or negative, probably because they're missing that kind of recognition at home. It's sad really. I'm glad you managed to get a nice brew in you and it helped you calm down.
I don't know if this is the place for a confession.. but.. I (at the time male 40ish) was riding my bike in a country park, I stopped at the top of a hill to get a fly out of my eye, a large man (35-45ish) was sleeping on the grass, his son 9-12-ish was playing with a football near me, while I was plucking the fly out the kid started in with "you're a C\*\*t" and carried on.. "f980ing C\*\*t" on and on it went "stupid c\*\*t".. I could tell he was emboldened by his large father being close by and decided to get on my bike and ride off.. I started down the hill and the kid decided to jump right in my path and call me a C\*\*t one more time.. I could have swerved and avoided him, but I was moving.. he wasn't moving, karma, he took the left handle bar full to the face, screamed "Daaaad!!" and fell to the floor, by the time Dad had woken up and got to his feet I was 100 feet away an accelerating, my chain fell off on the bumpy hill, but know what? karma flipped it back on again as I sped away.. I hope that kid learned that at the very least make sure dad is awake before you start behaving like a dick.
The drive-by abuser from Monkey Dust becomes reality
Get on all fours, starts screaming and chase them. Ain't no way they'd wanna fuxk with you again or anyone for that matter
Either ignore them or if they get close enough, look them square in the eye and tell them they have a shit stain on the back of their trousers and just walk away and ignore any response as they flounder It **really** takes the wind out of their sails as they dont expect it - i have had stunning success with this method 🤣 The crucial thing is to engage with them on your terms, they are trying to run rings around you and wind you up. Ignore what they say or derail them
I feel you. I am 68 and have sadly learnt that while most youths are good people, a few are not. That is why I cannot walk the pavements in peace, choosing to cross over the road to the far pavement to continue my journey whenever I see youths on the same side of the road walking towards me. Sad times indeed.
Say, in a cold voice with a heavy Eastern European accent, that one more prank like that and they will be fed alive to pigs, and be sure to add "kurwa" at the end.
Username checks out 😂
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T posing to assert dominance
“Fuck off you adopted cunt”
Bad question, but what did they shout? Just a wordless howling?
Literally just a howl 🤷♂️
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This sounds like part of a limerick. In fact, I'm inspired. *There was an old lady in Bristol,* *Who hit a young child with an oar.* *He'd been throwing rocks,* *So she gave him some knocks,* *And now he won't do it no more.*
For the benefit of non-Brits who may be confused, I should point out that Bristol is always pronounced to rhyme with oar.
Never heard of her, but I’d like to buy her a pint
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Keep a can of silly string or shaving cream on you. Maybe in a custom holster. Have some fun with the little bastards 😜 ETA: Dont forget to wear gloves, and maybe a cowboy hat!
Only gloves, a Cowboy hat and the custom holster? No other clothes? I'd be surprised if they bothered you at all 😂
Last week I (23f) was out walking my dog and in the space of 5 minutes had two lots of teenage boys (12-15) try to intimidate me First ones were on electric scooters and I wasn't really paying attention I saw them coming but was watching my dog. The one behind screamed at me which made me jump and look, then he stuck his leg out to try and kick me. The second time about two minutes later screamed bang at me as they rode past on bikes. Both instances left me a bit rattled to be honest but when I looked behind to see them leave they were looking back to gauge my reaction. I wish I'd have said something to them but it's probably best not to, just the new culture of intimidation because they know they'll get away with it.
I'd fall to floor screaming in pain, get my phone out and pretend to call the Police stating that you have been physically assaulted by two youths on their scooters.. Start to give a description of the two idiots.. I garatuee once the surprise of you suddenly falling and screaming they shit themselves and leg it.
Best reddit I've read all week
Anytime anyone gets in your face is the time it's ok to punch someone. People need to respect others space, all you need to say is you felt threatened and needed to defend yourself. As long as your not stomping on them or beating the shit out of them you'll be fine. It's healthy for people to find out when the fuck about, it'll help them grow into better people.
A homeless man in my area was recently murdered by a 16 year old. They had snatched his £10 phone off of him, and he took no shit and snatched it back. The kid didn't want to lose face so stabbed him fatally in the heart once. That's the risk you're running nowadays. When I was a little cunt an adult would chase me and give me a slap.
When I was doing security door work I couldn’t believe the difference in kids nowadays to kids in the 90’s. I’ve been spat on, had rocks thrown at me and even had one wee bastard try to Zidane me in the solar plexus. I just get right in their faces nowadays if I’m in my free time and some wee dick tries to get big.
Freeze on the spot and give them the most psychopathic stare you can, should scare them off.
You missed out an important detail - what did they shout? For example if it was "help" perhaps you should have done something. Maybe their scooter was stuck in circling about mode, and they wanted to be pushed over to stop themselves getting too dizzy.
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Planned FUTURE retaliation is always best. If these kids live locally, buy a compact megaphone and flex on their eardrums next time you see them.
If they are getting that close give them a quick shoulder to take them off the scooter. The more they get away with it the more they will do it. Give them the parenting everyone has failed to do so far 😂
Got shoulder barged by some youthful cunt a few months back and when he squared up to me after, raised a fist and watched him flinch so hard he tried to crawl back up his mother. His mate then started on me and, annoyingly my glasses ended up broken. Not had any bother since but I'm also glad I didn't get stabbed (and it feels like I still could). Actually got a photo of them though 😂 saved for future reference
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“I own my house, you’ll never sing that”
A few months ago I was driving through a town centre and a 11/12 year old boy spat on my car twice as I drove past. I didn't know the kid so it wasn't targeted, but his mates found it hilarious. Other people in the town centre saw, and the best retaliation is doing nothing at all. They want a rise out of you so they can further abuse you knowing you can't fight back. Knowing that all of the other people walking around saw what vile little cunts they are was enough for me in this instance. It might make you feel better to watch [this](https://youtu.be/iTYMhTOeNL0) video, it cuts off before you can see what happens, but knowing they definitely got a comeuppance is good.
You have to scream and chase them with a steel pipe like Mark Corrigan
Teenagers are dangerous now. It depends where you are and how at threat you feel, some kids are just being bellends and you can ignore them some will stab you rather than look soft. The biggest hardest bloke in the world is gonna be in hospital if a group of 20 sixteen year olds jump him. I worked in the private security industry for a long time and now work in the public sector and yeah if it felt necessary I'd strike a teenager. They are just as capable of stabbing you in the liver as an adult and the police and security treat them as such. Sometimes it's best to ignore them and move on with your day than risk biting off more than you can chew, sometimes I see kids who think it's a badge of honour among their family to stick a knife in someone and do a prison sentence. You can't change that mentality on your own.
Just quote Sideshow Mel: "isn't your mother a well known whore?"
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Stroke the cat? Is that what the kids call it these days?
"Stroked the cat", now there's a euphemism...
3rd lap.
I'd laugh at them....
I tend to make fun of their clothing by talking about how their parents bought it. They always get very upset by it.
“The final lap, hang in there!”