It will only get worse when it's discovered that the Archbishop of Canterbury can only move diagonally and so will need 10 turns to get in behind the altar.

Lol I didn't even think of that. Hopefully all the people with knighthoods don't start jumping over seats to get to the front row.

I'd be impressed (and pretty surprised) if many of the people with knighthoods were capable of doing that!

Wait until you see the surprise when Windsor castle smashes through the door and takes a seat after flattening half of London in it's wake.

Or swaps places with Charles and takes the crown

By chess logic, this make no sense to me

Castling

What did you call me?

A record breaker yeah

Please consider this your invitation to r/AnarchyChess

My opponent just cheated, why are people hacking in chess???

I think they just enjoy the feeling of the Anal Vibrator.

Wait until someone uses the en passant rule (google it).

You've done it now, the pawns are fighting each other in pairs.

Holy hell

You can usually take it for granted that someone pointing out illogical stuff in chess knows what en passant is.....

That'll be nothing once some random ned advances from the 7th rank... THE QUEEN SHALL BE REBORN!

EN PASSANT

Let's just take some pawn to the end and really get the party started

There are a few - Farrah, Murray and Strauss are all still in pretty good shape, off the top of my head.

Wait, when did they knight Al Murray?!

Al Murray ain't vaulting any chairs let's be real.

As the pub landlord he could chair a vault.

After seeing him on Taskmaster, I can only imagine how much a knighthood cost him.

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\*defeated. "We beat the German Empire and they gave us Uganda, so getting a country without having to go there sounds like winning. Result!"

Not forgetting Jagger.

Remind me, which piece moves like Jagger?

the maroon ones, should be five of them

The Maroon can move five, and *only 5* places in any direction across the board. Must waggle a hand to and fro while it does.

"Hooves like Jagger", confirmed, he is a knight.

Hamilton

I’ve seen sir Elton John perform a [flying kick](https://thumbs.gfycat.com/AncientShockingAnemoneshrimp-size_restricted.gif)

Imagine my surprise when some random guy rushed through the ranks from the back and became the new Queen.

Seems more legit than some tart in a lake handing out swords

Not a very good basis for a system of governance, a watery bint passing out swords.

The current system is "I was squeezed out of THIS persons vagina, instead of that person, so I'm king"

I mean is that really any better than the American "I recognize that guys name" system?

Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses

Not some farcical aquatic ceremony!

Bints lobbing scimitars

That random guy has a name. It is Camilla.

Fooking prawns

District 9 chess set?

I hate fooking prawns

Isn't Patrick Stewart a "Sir" and doesn't that signify being a knight and if so that is who is on the horse in my mind and he is smiling and doing the laugh he did portraying Jean-Luc Picard during the scene where he is being stabbed thru the heart by the Naussican in that one episode because that laugh is just perfect for jumping through a church or whatever on a horse pretending to be a chess piece

peasant walks forward becomes the new queen

The Middleton's are solidly middle class.

What about Camilla? She's the one becoming Queen Consort, Will and Kate are still another funeral away from the throne.

[Camilla will be Queen proper](https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2023/apr/04/camilla-to-be-crowned-queen-alongside-king-charles), second to the king obviously.

It’ll be like the DVD logo when he finally boings into position. A huge cheer will go up!

Surely an archbishop should get some extra moves? Like he can move diagonally and then gets to make some questionable statements about same sex marriage before his turn is up.

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WOLOLO

Archbishops should be in 5D chess

This fantasy chess piece that combines a knight + bishop is sometimes called an archbishop. https://www.wikipedia.org/wiki/Princess_(chess)

Realistically, he can get anywhere he's trying to go in two moves, but he can only access half of the cathedral

That's why you need the Archbishop of York to accompany him covering the other half.

Or when Johnny English bursts in and lifts up his frock to reveal a tattoo on his bottom saying “Jesus is coming look busy”

I laughed until my sides hurt.

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These are my favorite jokes.

Absolute gold this is.

Fuck sake I thought this was about how he's a lot older than she was at her coronation. I play chess every day. Smh.

You took the bait lol 🎣

I just hope nobody hangs a knight or bishop... sacking a few however... oh god the puns don't stop, do they?

I'm getting a little board of them now

Lemme check if I've got any more

I’ve had enough of this mate

I 100% bit on the joke. God damn it.

I didnt click the link so I only realised this was a joke when I got to this comment. Despite the fact all the comments preceding this comment were chess jokes.

>I thought this was about how he's a lot older than she was at her coronation. SAME 😂

I know, right. Came in here about to comment on most people his age are retired, or at least hoping they can soon.

Do you know en passant ??

I wouldn’t care if it took 4 extra hours if we got the king, knights and bishops to all be skidding around the floor playing a real life version of chess.

That's why it's such a exclusive event, it would be too dangerous for them to let us pawns in, we'd be massacred.

>Vimes had never got on with any game much more complex than darts. Chess in particular had always annoyed him. It was the dumb way the pawns went off and slaughtered their fellow pawns while the kings lounged about doing nothing that always got to him; if only the pawns united, maybe talked the rooks round, the whole board could've been a republic in a dozen moves. Edit: banned from the sub for posting this lmao Edit again: which is fine by me! I'd way prefer mods be too strict about No Politics rather than too lax. Was only a 24hr ban. Edit the third: ban reversed because the mods are awesome

Except of course that in chess the queen, knights and bishops (and to some extent the king, who can always outrun a pawn unless cornered) are *not* useless figureheads - they could easily slaughter an entire boardful of pawns if they didn't have to worry about the opposing high value pieces.

I guess it would depend whether these newly-republican pawns would be allowed to "turn around". In that case they're immediately threatening the whole back row.

Gutted that our monarch doesn't lead our armed forces into battle, on horseback. There are a couple of swords in the Crown Jewels and I imagine at least one of them is magical enough to turn the tide of a battle.

I'm sure we have a piece of the One True Cross laying around in the British Museum somewhere.

I mean, the armoured knight was a real force to reckon with on a battlefield. The king, with the finest armour and the most impressive horse, must've looked like a gold-adorned super tank. All I'm saying is that we should build a literal super tank adorned with the king's arms and golden accents for him to ride into battle!

So you're saying they are exactly like real life nobility.

I could become the next Queen!

That's what all the pawns think

Following this logic, if a pawn gets to the other side of the cathedral the queen will come back to life in zombie mode

*Sir Elton John and Sir David Beckham have arrived. They are moving in their trademark L patterns.*

_Windsor Castle smashes through the doors of the abbey and takes a seat, leaving a trail of destruction all across west London in it's wake_

I think you'll find Beckham is still moving one square forward at a time. And he's not happy about it!

Should've paid his taxes then. Who does he think he is, the Royal Family?

laughed out loud here alone for a weird reason you know, in portuguese (my native language) the knight piece is known as 'horse' ('cavalo')... For a second, after you mentioned Beckham and Elton John i thought it was a joke about them having big dicks or something like that. Had to adjust the language for a sec.

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It's old but gold

And the King is old, and has gold.

So I've been told.

It's a tale you were sold

I was thinking how he moves quite well for a man of 74.

Mick Jagger is 5 years older, so he has some catching up to do.

I took even longer 😂 I feel stupid now but I snort laughed when I worked out what the arrows where about

Yeah took me too long and then I groaned more than any pun I think I've seen on Reddit.

It could take forever if someone castles and he gets locked behind some pawns.

Best laugh I had all day 😄

Me too. I was wondering what was wrong with him.

Should have posted this in r/anarchychess

/r/monarchychess

Even better

Half a dozen people have crossposted it there, I'm glad they were able to _check_ it out.

There ya go, mate

I thought we were there already

Holy hell

Google en coronation

Aaaaaay! I took the bait, got annoyed for no reason haha

My dream would be for someone to share this all pissed off without getting it

I will admit to have stolen it. I await the Facebook Fallout.

Steal it all you like, we need to cast the net out wide to catch the idiots lol

I’m currently learning the basics of chess and this really made me laugh, well done 😂

Ngl I clearly need to brush up on them because I forgot that the King can also move diagonally.

Control the centre Develop pieces Castle early That's basically it, right?

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All you need is a bit of vibrating adult gadgetry and you'll be set

Where do I find such a thing? I really want to cheat at chess.

Google anal pissant

I can blunder way more pieces in better ways than either Ian or Ding

No, you need to turn as many little ones into Queens as quickly as you can.

Take my upvote

At first I thought this was r/okmatewanker taking the piss then I thought it was r/anarchychess when I saw it was a chess joke, truly a ride.

This made me laugh so hard I woke my doggo up!

I would like to apologise to doggo

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That would be high treason!

Wonder what Cromwell would say about that.

Camilla was just a pawn of the royals. But she went all the way with Charles and is now turning into a Queen

Crowning the arch bishop only takes 2 longer than the queens

Best monarchy joke I've seen in a long time.

The king of monarchy jokes I hope

If he takes 50 steps and no one dies, he can declare a draw

Too proud to use a Nobility Scooter then...

Her Majesty would have approved this post

This is good humour. Thank you.

I feel smart for getting the joke

Elton John's probably going to struggle at least an hour trying to get the the piano

He never could move very straight.

I have huge appreciation for this post

Does that mean if one of us lowly peasants can cross the room without getting gunned down (squid game style), we get promoted to a queen as well?

William's is gonna be a little in-between because he looks like a horse.

Castling is a right ball ache with this set.

For security reasons the King has a larger entourage of Knights and bishops. Pawns are not allowed entry.

Hooooooly hell lol

This is one of the worst jokes I ever saw, and even one of the smartest ones. Huahuahuahua

Dad joke on an international level

I showed it to my dad and he had a right chuckle

I guffawed, thank you

Fucking hell. Take my upvote. Bastard.

I got really grumpy for about 45 seconds before I finally got the joke.

r/Anarchychess sends its regards 🍸

Bravo, you silly bugger.

This is a very satisfying joke, thank you.

well done sir. I hope this is all your own work.

The picture of the queen is a classic meme captioned "be careful, she can move in any direction". I thought the concept was a good enough joke that it deserved to be revived for the coronation so I found the first image and added the arrows.

r/chessmemes would love this

This physically hurt me when I got the joke.

Oh, that's good! Now, bring me the check, mate.

Take my upvote and leave

That’s top tier joke right there

Totally didn't get it until I saw the arrows.

Fuck sake I believed this for a moment. Well done.

You sir, took the bait 🎣😂

For a second I thought this was actually going to happen because he's in his 70's then I looked at the pictures and realised

It is true, he'll actually be the oldest monarch ever at the time of his coronation, while the queen was crowned at 25.

Took me a few seconds to twig, but I love it! Thanks for the laugh.

r/anarchychess

"So the bent vicar stands next to the queen. And the queen... goes in every direction. And you say they let children play this game?"

And he might castle

Absolutely Sterling OP 🤣

HER MAJESTY THE QUEEN WILL RISE AGAIN AND YOU WILL BEQUEATH HER FEET WITH YOUR SOULS CRUSHED BY HER STRENGTH

This is legit, good humor. Well done.

It took me a solid few mins to register that this entire thing was a chess joke and not a real thing. Maybe I should lay off the weed lol

It took me a few seconds to realise this was a joke 🤣

Wait, so you're saying if I run all the way behind the altar, I would have to marry Charles?

This took me a second. I was like, “Oh no… what’s wrong with him?”

now with even more limited social mobility?

It's a queen's gambit. All over for me

Knight to e4

He finally inhereits the chess joke.

Hahaha you fucking UK people got me fucked up man holy shit

This is absolutely fucking ridiculous

This is hilarious

r/monarchychess

Lmao

I literally saw the headline and thought, "well, he's nearly 75 and she was, like, mid-20s for her coronation." Didn't get the joke until I FINALLY opened the images.

The reality has just set in of only being able to blindlessly move one step forward each time like a shite lemming.

Yes, very good.

I'm physically breaking due to how funny i find this.

Took me a moment but I enjoyed this, got a hearty chuckle from me.

All of us pawns are having a laugh. The nervous humour of the front lines! 😬