Damn, I could slam 2 or 3 of these and then go wild on [The Apparatus™](r/TheApparatus)

Everyone knows that was just decoration.

We actually used the apparatus once in PE

I used it ONCE because they were taking pictures of the new hockey club uniforms on it

Hockey?! And hockey Uniforms?!! Best we had were battered rounders bats

And a flat football

and a couple of dodgeballs with bites taken out of them (??)

Dodgeballs were great if you wanted a little snack mid game

Pretty sure they made the rounders bats in DT classrooms, they were all in such a depressing state. Remember getting new ones, and they come with a rubber grip! Quickly found it was satisfying to pick at, quickly leading to more deteriorated bats 🙄

It was an after school club, and alot of the richer kids did it so i assume thats why

I used it once in year 1, for about 10 minutes

We had a dedicated after school club to use it once a week. In pe lessons I think it only came out 3 times in the entirely of primary.

We're lucky we used it like once a month 😭

/r/TheApparatus

Thank you, didn’t know I needed this

This is amazing!! The laugh I didn’t know I needed 😂

You actually got to use the apparatus?!!

Reddit beings, can we all chip in to hire a school hall with apparatus and this cake and have a party, with cauliflowers fluffy playing at full volume

If you're missing Cauliflowers Fluffy, jamesbpartridge on ig and tiktok tours the country doing "Assembly Bangers" concerts! They're great fun

I don’t know if it was a my school specific thing but if we add some cauliflower cheese to this it could be perfect

Cauliflower cheese was every single day and I loved every second of it It is absolutely needed

Was 4 out of 5 days for me. Friday was the promised day. Sausages, chips and beans. Oooooh yeah.

Mary Poppins once had eggs and cauliflower cheese at school made by the teacher. The teacher asked how was it? Mary Poppins replied "super cauliflower cheese but your eggs are quite atrocious".

At Glastonbury they had a primary school bangers set. (Hyms) It was amazing

Went to my local theatre to see a guy singing primary bangers. I knew them all. He’s now doing a Christmas show. Can’t wait :)

I’ll bring the OHP for hymns!

THE BROAD BRAND ARE SLEEPING IN A BLANKETY BED 🎶

The apparatus in the school halls were the best. I only ever saw them out and setup twice the whole 7 years I was at school

I did! Though I was scared of using it lmao

Probably the most uncomfortable thing from school days. That and getting the end of the bench seat with those two white rubber bumps.

I must be too old. The apparatus was absolutely used and I vividly remember, age 7, being told by the headmistress (not sure why she was running the PE lesson) that there was "no point using mats because if you fall from that height you're dead anyway." Fun times :)

You didn’t use it? The frame thing that you pulled out and bolted into the floor? Used it all through primary school.

The apparatus was just something every school needs to get for a higher ofsted report. Evidence of using the apparatus removes these ofsted points however 😅.

NOBODY IS ALLOWED ON THE APPARATUS.

I went to a sports mark certified primary school and I remember using the apparatus once in 7 years - it's an heirloom specifically for show

That big wooden bastard you could climb up? We used it like once and we were jumping off it to a big mat on the floor and there was a guy opposite me and we both said for the other person to jump first then we both jumped at the same time and i landed half on the floor 💀 dont worry though i got a wet paper towel.

I hope you brought your pumps

I hope you brought your PE kit and don't have to play in your vest and knickers

Early 00’s my mate got pinned to the wall by the neck by an unhinged PE teacher for touching the wall mounted apparatus.

I think we used the apparatus about once in my entire 6 years of primary school

My favourite was the rope swings! I miss the smell 🤣🤣

You got to use that we used it once in pe

This was too funny

Memory unlocked 🤯

Recipe please, this looks delicious. 

I got the recipe here: [https://bakingwithgranny.co.uk/recipe/school-cake/](https://bakingwithgranny.co.uk/recipe/school-cake/) The icing and sprinkles are indeed the best part :) (also i used half butter and half margarine instead of only margarine for better flavour and added 2tsp vanilla extract to the batter)

I love that it's just called 'school cake'. I wonder if there are other cakes named after the location you eat them in. Train cake. Office cake. Construction site cake.

Urinal cake

Do you mean those free yellow cakes that are provided as a tasty snack whilst at the urinal?

Lemon zing, my favourite flavour

unlike custard - warm is definitely better than cold

I’m convinced Eton Mess is just a pavlova that went wrong but it was for the kids so it didn’t matter and the cook served it anyway

Read this as “Elon Musk is just a pavlova that went wrong.” Still made sense.

That’s exactly what happened.

My local Indian does a railway curry, which is supposedly like the curry they serve on Indian trains.

Construction site cake 🤣

Bingo cake ! big thanks to the elder ladies who took the time to make them haha

It can be referred to as Tottenham cake too, they sell em in Greggs but no where near as good

There's a cake in Iceland called "happy marriage cake"

I was going to say my grandma always made this cake for any occasion, and then I saw that link. I have to assume there's a whole generation of women out there who only know one recipe, and some of them became dinner ladies.

We never got icing and sprinkles, ours had a thin layer of jam with desiccated coconut. Lovely, but you spent the afternoon lessons picking coconut out of your teeth

That crochet knight in the background is amazing. Would you happen to have a recipe for that one as well?

thanks, I crocheted it myself :) unfortunately it's been years since I made it so I don't remember where I got the pattern from, although there seem to be plenty of good ones if you just Google hollow knight crochet pattern, some even look better than this

It's so very lovely! And thank you I'll look it up right away :D

I made this the other day using this recipe! It was delicious, also scary how unhealthy it is, not that it stopped me eating seconds (and thirds..)

I make this regularly. Absolutely love it, as do my kids

Definitely need the recipe

Make a square cake. Pour icing over cake. Add sprinkles.

The icing wants to be eaten, no need to feel sorry for it.

Needs to be drowned in thick skin-laden custard for authenticity.

Pink custard if you want the North East school experience.

Pink or green in the north west. I think the green one was supposed to be mint flavoured but wasn’t.

For 5 solid years in high school, I had 2 pink school cakes with custard for desert, day in, day out. Never wavered. Because it was lush. And the school offered it as the consistent option for dessert that never changed. The icing was the perfect thickness, thin enough to form a layer but not so thick it became sickly (About 1-2mm), and the sponge was just the perfect composition balanced between heavy and light. It was without doubt the best thing about school dinners. I have never been able to find school cake quite like it since anywhere. And god knows I've tried (Including getting a family member who is quite the baker to try and replicate it).

I've never found a pink one, but Parsons Bakery in Wales and the south west do a chocolate one that is 100% accurate and perfect

I feel the same way about school sausages! Best sausages I’ve ever had in my life! I’ve never been a big fan of fancy sausages, so these were ideal, also, I don’t know how they cooked them but they were always so oily but in the best way. Used to have a sausage sarnie every break time for the first two years of secondary school until they stopped offering them (really sad day).

I'd guess they pan fry them to just browning then in the oven till cooked/time to serve. Or in oven covered till 20ish mins before serving, then lid off to brown. I do both at work ... not a school but serving 30ish people in one sitting.

Thank you! I wonder if leaving them on the side for 10 minutes might help too, cos the skin is always really soft.

ahhh then yeah they are oven baked with a lid on the pan HTH

In my middle school (1985-88) it was always either this cake or a slice of parkin cake, both great. I've never liked custard so that was moot. The kitchen staff did what are still about the best french fries I've ever had so that and fish fingers was my lunch literally every day with a milkshake, slice of either above cake and a bag of KP Worcestershire sauce crisps (still possibly the greatest example of that flavour) Lunch of champions, that... well, for an 8-10 yo anyway.

But if you _believed_ you could persuade yourself it was.

Green was mint yea

We had pink and green in my school(north east) green was definitely supposed to be mint haha Pink was my fave

My primary school legitimately managed to make the green one mint flavoured- sort of a mint choc-chip flavour to it.

Green? Can't decide if I'm lucky or I missed out 😄

You sure it hadn’t just gone off?

The green one tasted a bit nicer tbh But why did they both always taste like washing up liquid?? Or was that just my school 🤣😭

We had pink, green, brown and normal in the south east.

Brown? I assume chocolate but that's not a colour I'd want custard in.

Yeah I think it was meant to be chocolate custard but all 4 colours tasted the same so they were just called by colour. Still ate it though. If you could smell cake before lunch then it was a big guessing game as to what colour custard was gonna be served and what colour icing was on the cake.

This comment makes me hungry.

As a northerner this just confirms everything I have come to know about them "southerners"

lol “it grim up north”. This was in the mid to late 70’s when the gov still sort of cared about school kids. Although they did take away the free little bottle of milk.

> free little bottle of milk Think it was 10p in the 90s for me.

In the 70’s they gave 5/6 year olds a little glass bottle. It came around mid morning and they forced it on you.

Forced is absolutely the word! I hated lukewarm milk so I used to swap my full bottle for a friend's (she liked it) empty bottle when the teacher wasn't looking. Except more than once she was looking and I was shouted at and kept in at playtime as a punishment.

Ours wasn’t warm as the school was next door to the unigate dairy. I don’t mind milk but they gave us the one with the cream at the top and I hated that. (Silver top)

Next to unigate is living the dream - I'd have been fine with it cold. Our teachers obviously had a thing with us not getting chilled because in the winter (when I'd have happily drunk it) they used to warm the bottles on the huge square radiator. It's a wonder we weren't all ill. I still remember the cream on top!

same in the early 90s, at least at my primary school. we had a milk monitor as well

Yeah the bastards brought it back and took it away again in the late 80s for us. I was gutted.

Sounds about right

We definitely had pink custard in the south west. I don't remember green.. or brown (and I'm fairly sure i'd remember it lol).. this was the 1990s though so maybe times had changed!

This just brought back a visceral, repressed memory of unnatural pink custard.

Woah mate. That's "tubby custard" around these parts!

Btw - they made pink custard by it being 50:50 birds custard powder and pink blancmange powder when making the custard.

Hahaha, brilliant! I've wondered for going on 40 years how it was made. Cheers.

also the south east.

Pink in south wales too a lot of the time

I lived in Buckinghamshire in the 1970s, def had pink custard, I used to give it to my best friend. Along with the 3rd of a pint of milk with the little red straws..... I'm way nostalgic. And I hate milk.... that cake looks awesome though... I'm now going through my baking cupboard...

Wee aye pink custard fucking rights mate

I'm a londoner and hell even i did the pink custard thing.

My husband was recently in the hospital. I was staying with him, and the staff were kind enough to sling me a menu each day as well. My husband didn't grow up in the UK, so he was very hesitant about the offerings, but I found myself on a nostalgia trip through every school dinner I've ever had. And god they're disgusting, but part of me cannot get enough. It was the custard that did it for me. Sponge cake with jam, or apple crumble, or toffee pudding, all with that god-awful custard. I was raving about it and literally watched my husband's opinion of me and my tastes lower several notches in real-time.

I swear that custard is how I heal. Every time I've had surgery the custard has been the pivot point where you could see me starting to heal

I remember we always had cold custard as an option. They convinced us it was a delicacy and not a cost cutting method when they’d made too much the day before. Anyway it was thick, gloopy and delicious

They’d add sliced bananas to ours. I loved it. Many did not. Ergo, the leftovers were consumed by me and mostly me

Cold Custard > Warm Custard any day

They gave you custard, where did you go to school Buckingham palace!

Unbranded wholesale basics custard powder. Instructions written on packet: 35g powder to 35g sugar and 1 pint milk. Instructions followed by school: 35g powder to 1 pint water.

We had green stuff

Skin Laden, the lesser-known relative.

I can taste this pic, and it tastes like happiness

This and the same sponge cake with jam and coconut sprinkled on. Both amazing

My mum is a terrible baker and she used to make the jam and coconut one for my birthday every year, a special memory you've just reminded me of

That makes it even more special!

I've made that one using [John Kirkwood's recipe](https://youtu.be/2Kcj-MeONjY?si=dBShp6IPiyENwHWv), turned out great.

That looks absolutely amazing! Think I'll get my son whisking at the weekend and get one made. Thank you.

Yep, my primary school had both - had to have it with custard too :)

Give me syrup sponge any day.

Mate school cake is one of the primordial cakes. That shit has you putting the triangle in the square hole of your brain for a split second before ripping you back to the depressing reality of adulthood, stripping you of that childhood happiness all over again. Drugs ain't got shit on school cake.

Sang some hymns beforehand I hope!

LORD OF THE DANCE SETTEE 🎵

From the Come and Praise book

I was cold, I was naked (suppress laughter) were you there, were you there 🎶

HE HELD THE WHOLE WORLD IN HIS HANDS

THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD IN HIS PANTS

The animals went in two by two, hoorah hoorah!

COME BY CAR MY LORD, COME BY CAR

🎵 Give me oil in my lamp keep me burning 🎵

lone voice... "of kings" HAHAHAHAHAH

I just lip synched to everyone else's singing to any hymns we had to sing beforehand.

“Sun up in the morning, time to get a moving, got a busy day lots of work to be done. Minutes turn to hours, seeds becoming flowers everything around us is a moving along”

Oh sinner man, where do you run to?

Good job at making it last more than 5 minutes lol that looks amazing

Off topic but I like your hollow knight plush

aw thanks :) I crocheted it

NO WAY CAN I PAY YOU TO CROCHET ME ONE??? DM ME PLEASE

Gis the recipe

used this recipe : [https://bakingwithgranny.co.uk/recipe/school-cake/](https://bakingwithgranny.co.uk/recipe/school-cake/) (used half butter, half margarine instead of only margarine, and added 2tsp vanilla extract to the batter)

You can tell this recipe is authentic because it makes almost a kilo of cake batter. Presumably for the hundred or so kids it's meant to be fed to.

yeah i 0.75x'd the recipe to serve 9 instead of 12

Oh lovely, just right with a cup of tea!

Lovely crumb!

thank you it came out well and the cake was almost melt-in-your-mouth

Bloody loved that at school! Especially if I could get the custard skin! (unpopular opinion: pink custard wasn't all that good). Chocolate concrete or the corkflake tart - you know the one, it had a layer of jam atop a sheet of carboard-esque pastry. My favourite lunch was sausage, chips & beans! I had it so often that one of the cooks would save me a couple of sausages if they were going quick.

Oh wow please send me some 🤤 To relive school puddings I'm going to go with the easy route and have some tinned peaches with custard.

i think it would get a bit squished in the post haha fortunately it takes like 20 minutes to make if you're interested, tastes exactly like it used to

That's a nice mug.

thanks :) it's my favourite at the moment, got it from a place called kenji 2 years ago, idk if they still sell it

I've tried several 'school cake" recipes and they look the part, they just don't have that same taste the cake at my school had. Probably the ingredients are just better quality now tbf.

i used this recipe [https://bakingwithgranny.co.uk/recipe/school-cake/](https://bakingwithgranny.co.uk/recipe/school-cake/) and used half butter, half margarine instead of full margarine and added vanilla extract, although if you wanted it to be a bit less tasty and probably more accurate to how you remember, i'd use only margarine and no vanilla. although personally the way i made it tastes almost exactly how i remember, especially the texture although i suppose it depends on how each school made theirs.

I got to relive this cake when I worked in a primary school, it’s still as good as ever! This was my favourite pudding at school, this and the chocolate mousse with the sprinkles!

Good Lord, I loved this — little rural school, I was so very happy then. We had custard — probably Bird’s. Flapjacks with raisins, green apples, there was a wonderful pudding of a sort of chocolate sponge with tinned pears at the bottom as well, I remember, dusted with granulated sugar. Not icing sugar. I was given two helpings of cheesy pasta (the best I have ever tasted) once before sports, it still sticks in my head as one of the most sweet petty kindnesses of my life. Does anyone remember the Yorkshire TV version of the *Pilgrim’s Progress*, that was RE. Religious instruction and cake are inseparable in my head, for some reason, Friday afternoons. Please don’t laugh but I am almost in tears, thank you. So very little to make us happy.

Wheres the lumpy custard??

Great, now I’m hungry for cake 🙄

Uunggghhhh. ALDI have started selling this and I’m so upset I’m on a strict diet :(

We call this magic cake in our house. Magic because it’s so easy to make but tastes so damn good.

I like your cockery.

Love the little hollow knight guy in the back

Let's have a slice

4 pies? That’s insane!

yeah i'm not eating all of them, don't worry haha

You dancer! I’ll swap you 5 football stickers for a piece!

You've got to say, that's a thoroughly accurate recreation of the primary school dining experience. Just needs some spam fritters and pasta shells with grated cheddar on for the main course.

The nostalgia in a slice of cake.

I have no memories of school puddings, I mostly had packed lunches or went home. I didn't eat much food as a child (something I should have been taking to the doctor about) on the odd occasion when I did have a school dinner I never made it to pudding. I just couldn't eat a full meal, the staff kept me inside to force me to eat but eventually gave up because I just refused lol. I finally had a school pudding earlier this year from a shop, it was ok I wouldn't get it again. No nostalgia I suppose

This stuff was banging! Sometimes we had custard with it too.

yeah, if i had custard on hand i'd drown it in an instant, like i used to have it at primary school

Awesome job! Now make some school pizza!

This makes me happy. School dinners at my primary school were 😍😍😍 This has taken me right back! Looks delicious.

SO nostalgic - weirdly I think it's making a comeback, keep seeing it in shops recently! My school always served it with custard!

Nice looking cake, but that plate is horrendous. Are those pictures of shrimp?

Honestly, it's the only good thing about my entire time in school. Does anybody actually look back at school with fondness because I certainly fucking don't...

I do, maybe it’s because we were on the outskirts of a big city or near the countryside but I loved school, good friends, no responsibilities and generally very chill with no bullying or anything going on

I think I've maintained less than 10 friends from my entire school career. Similarly, I was in an outskirts school in a rather nice area. Except I was the outcast. Relentless bullying, which sent me to very, very dark places pretty much from Y7 to the moment I left, and I swore ever going back would be far too soon. I've been back once to collect my art GCSE pieces a year later, and a year 7 tried to square off with me... Fond memories...

You have the same plates as me. Blasphemy!

Beautiful!! The age old debate…hot cake/cold custard or cold cake/hot custard…?

Needs pink custard

Nice Hollow Knight plushy

The last school I worked in I made a point of asking how it was made… turns out the school I worked in used a box mix! They’d add one extra egg than required and 50/50 milk and water. Was a standard plain sponge mix and then add sprinkles to the batter or Jam on the top after cooking!

I love the hollow knight plushie in the background

Nice. I bought some slices at a school fair on Saturday. I gave them some of my homemade flapjack too.

Damn you just unlocked a core memory for me, I'm not a big fan of cake but I remember these being *delicious*.

I just spotted the pies in the back, and now I'm hungry and impressed at your good taste.

Fellow Hollow Knight chad

We had these in secondary school. One time I got one and put it in my bag, encased in plastic wrap of course. By the time I had remembered it existed it became more of a mush than a cake but I ended up preferring to eat it like that so I ended up having my friends look on in horror as I happily mutilated my cake to paste to eat in the way that brought me the most joy Thanks for unlocking that memory lol

Heeey I see that crocheted vessel!! Did you make him yourself?

That a Hollow Knight plush in the background? Hell yeah, login, school cake like that was my favourite

The cake looks lovely but I did think your plate had some beautifully illustrated maggots around the edge

No cake has ever been the same since, and that was 25 years ago 😭