I was just thinking sitting next to the manager was always handy when travelling as he paid, plus after a couple you could get all sorts of juicy tit bits out of him š
So today I thought I learned that tidbit is incorrect. However, it is just the form generally preferred in the US and NA. It's not actually incorrect, and originates from the phrase 'tyd bit'
https://sesquiotic.com/2014/05/04/titbit-tidbit/
https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/titbit
I travel a lot with work, and while what you say is generally true, thereās wiggle room.
Think about when you are on a long journey with a friend - what would you do then? On an 8 hour flight with my wife, for example, we donāt chat the whole way. We read, watch movies, listen to podcasts etc. Weāll obviously check in with each other now and then, but you get the situation as Iām sure it is one youāre familiar with.
With a work colleague, it is not identical, but you can take some of it and apply. If you bring your laptop and are getting ahead with work for the day - perfect. You might not even be working the whole time - they wonāt know. How about a newspaper or book? Let the chat lull and have a read. Itās not rocket science, but use your common sense here. You canāt ignore your colleague completely, but you also donāt have to entertain each other for hours.
I think it depends how often you're travelling together, if its something that's usually done and how long the journey is.
The longer the journey the less rude it is to busy yourself.
If you travel often it becomes more casual because of that.
I think its rude in this case because the manager seems excited about it, I just think there are some social expectations that go along with work and you can't avoid it without seeming rude. Not that it is rude, but people will think it is more often than not.
"Accidentally" booked the train before and had to rush to make it on the day, so didn't let boss know. Ignore messages along the way. They probably won't really care anyway.
Beautiful. It really is.
Have spent the evening with some Germans trying to explain all manner of British-ness from eating sausages for breakfast (wurst? For breakfast?) to what "spill the beans" means - adding to more breakfast confusion.
I've got no chance of explaining this sub š„°
I remember trying to explain to Americans what a "cheeky nandos" (or just a cheeky-anything) means. Sometimes you stop and realise how stupid some of it must sound.
I've lived in this country for 16 years and I still don't understand it. Anytime I ask someone to explain they just shrug and admit it's stupid. I get that it's stupid but what does it mean š¤£
As I understand it, what makes it cheeky is that it's a treat you haven't necessarily "earned" or aren't really supposed to be having.
Tbh, it's less stupid and more revealing that apparently it's so ingrained we can't allow ourselves to just have something nice for the sake of having something nice. We have to do something to "earn" it first.
We say cheeky in front of lots of things. A wee cheeky wine tonight etc. Nandoās was just really popular at the time with lads etc . It just means you probably shouldnāt really be doing it but youāre gonna be cheeky and do it anyway to treat yourself. Whatās so hard to understand?
I understand your point but I cannot imagine getting the same train as my manager or any colleague and not sitting with them, it's just the nature of things. Have things changed in this regard?
I'd definitely say you don't want to lose your seat reservation though, so sit there and let your manager find you. If it is busy it won't happen.
I'm an older millennial and worked with a younger millennial. He had to go to London with our boomer boss for an event. Our boss assumed they would hang out in the hotel and go for a curry after work etc.
I assumed this would be the case, like being away from home and having a few beers with a work colleague type of thing. The younger lad was like no chance. He made all these plans to spend time on his own and to visit friends in London after work etc. Our boss was visibly hurt by the idea.
I'm a millennial and have done both, the difference being when I've wanted to take advantage of geography to visit friends or make plans, I've voiced that desire in passing in front of the people I'm travelling with at the point of the trip being mentioned.
In my opinion it would be incredibly rude to ditch someone on the day.
Exactly. Coming from someone who tried otherwise and ended up coming across dickish or passive aggressive,Ā the best way to address it is early, directly and clearly stating intentions.
This. Iām Gen X and have done exactly the same. So long as you raise it immediately the trip is mentioned - AND get everyoneās agreement - most colleagues have no problem.
Doing it on the regular would be rude. But if itās only occasional (and because the person/reason is very important in your life) then there is rarely any pushback.
>In my opinion it would be incredibly rude to ditch someone on the day.
Counterpoint - it's just as rude to assume someone is entitled to your time outside of work hours, even if you are on a work trip. At least ask or invite.
It's work. How is that concept, not hitting home?
"I want to be best for "the work thing", so I'm going to nap on the train and clear my head on my own when we get there see you at the "work thing".
It's not hard to be honest or lie. Whichever.
>In my opinion it would be incredibly rude to ditch someone on the day
Id say it's more rude to feel entitled to somebody's time just cause you're on a work trip together
Youāre on a work tripĀ - the clue is kind of in the name. Itās hardly a surprise that people will often expect to hang out together a bit in the evening. Itās basic rapport-building ā shouldnāt be the most challenging thing in the world.
Yeah, itās good bonding time. We used to do it and a few beers and food and someone will do or say something mildly stupid thatāll amuse everyone for a bit.
You can normally tell the colleagues who have been of work trips together, they have a tighter bond, and normally a better relationship. I would certainly want that with my boss.
I'm a medium millenial and I'd expect that any evening plans would be made in advance, with the company paying if we were going to dinner or the pub. Nothing too involved, just a "who's in" in slack.
I had this a few years back, was on a long term project so staying in a hotel with the rest of the project leads. We had our own projects going on, in the same geographical region so work put us all up together.
Most of us would meet up after work, get food, few drinks etc. There was one lad who, for whatever reason, just didn't....ever.
It created a distinct rift - for one, most of us did take it a bit personally. Wouldn't ever even nip in for a beer. And for two, he found himself quite left out because we were debriefing most nights, sharing issues/pain points/tips and so on.
I can see both sides - I did a few weeks abroad, with a manager who may aswell have been my grandad. It was fucking hard work, and I did tactically retreat a few times and tell him I'd got my own plans. Again, though, we did do stuff - it's just....playing nice isn't it.
I think people who actively avoid this stuff are missing out - getting a personal connection with people is good.
I know Casual is all about the bants, etc, but I would make a plea to consider the neurodiverse amongst us.
When I have to do all day work things with actual people, I finding it very mentally and physically draining, like my social battery is run down, and the thought of having to spend more time with people would make me want to actually weep.
When my line manager cottoned on to this, and explained to the rest of the team, everyone understood just fine. And with the upside of when I did socialise out of hours, it was all the better!
People "actively avoid" things for more reasons than meet the eye, innit.
Right. Rant over, thank you for coming to my Ted Talk etc etc
I am currently sat in this situation. Like, in the hotel room right now. There are two pregnant women in my team, and everyone else has kids. It is all they talk about, no exaggeration. I am infertile and have no interest in having kids besides.
We went out for dinner and drinks and in the entire three hours, I literally said two sentences. I wished more than anything that I could have just taken a book into a nice restaurant and read for a bit with dinner..
As nice as I am sure they all can be, there is just no space for me to connect and I really just wanna go home...
I'm Autistic and Gen X. To work, I'm performing a character, and that's *exhausting AF*. When I finish work, and the time leading up to work, are transition times, & I'm mentally processing. I'm frequently unable to speak at these times. If I'm forced to socialise in these times, I will start to shut down, or even meltdown. If I see people I work with on the bus, I ignore them. I *have* to. (I have emailed people who take the same bus as me and explained what's happening). I know that in regular-person-world that reads as rude, but in my world, all their rules - forcing people to be social etc - is extremely rude.
In answer to OP's question, I would say to the boss that the journey is essential processing time, and will allow me to be able to be present and fresh during the day, and ask if we can catch up with coffee once we arrive.
After 50 years of trying to fit in to regular-people-rules, resulting in nightly meltdowns, I need to be Autistic first and British second.
It's weird, this def used to be me when I was in my 20s. I felt so overstimulated, and in new places, around a lot of new stuff and plans, I needed as much rest time as possible. Every interaction when i was younger felt like a little social quiz that I could fail if I didn't put full conventration into the interaction. I didn't want to spend time with my boss or other people or strangers, i wanted to do the thing and go back to my hotel room and relax. I was tired, it was tiring. I didn't dislike them, it was just a lot!
In my 30s, it's not my favorite thing to do, but it's bearable and I can force myself to have a decent time. I see the value in having those moments with my coworkers where we get to know eachother beyond all the stuff we have to force eachother to do. It creates a moment where we can be people and remember that when our day to day stuff hits. My relationships are better with people now. I do actually slightly get something out of it now that benefits us all.
That said, as a millenial I would never hold it against someone else for wanting to just ride alone, eat alone, rest, and get the job done. I get it, and it doesn't mean they don't like me or my company. I think maybe that's just a weird conept for older generations or neurotypical people who don't ever feel that overstim/social drain.
Yeah, Iām ND and my company have at my request excluded me from having to attend mandatory company events where thereās socialisation because after a day of work my social battery is often in minus figures and I have to spend an evening being quiet to recover. Weāre a young firm with a really good DEI initiative and I am very open about why I donāt socialise with colleagues if they ask. Seeing people in this sub expecting 10+ hours of being around people inside and outside of work hours are genuinely making me break out in goosebumps š
yeah I've done this throughout my career too. People take it as being rude but honestly sometimes I just don't have it in me. Now I'm older it's a bit better but over the years it's been a big issue. I even got a new job and they invited me out for 5 a side and pizza before I'd started. can you imagine that? So I accidentally got lost after the football and couldn't find them again. Job didn't go at all well. Best thing is to find a company where these kinds of situations don't emerge in the first place.
Yikes! Sports AND socialising?
I'm lucky that I now work in a university with a thriving ND network and we have our own Teams type chat where we can cry over seemingly trivial things like the lighting in the office.
And I'm part of a team I'm happy to socialise with but they all know after an hour or two, I'm going to head home.
Conversely to you, I found it way easier when I was younger and I'm a much more sensitive pickle in my 40's.
Seconding this. I'm physically disabled and aftrt a full day I am trashed. I've been asked to go to an event in a few months and planning it and attending will take up a lot of physical and brain energy. Adding time on in the evening to socialise might end me.
Absolutely - am neurodiverse (amongst other things) and I donāt drink. People donāt realise how loud they get after ājust one or twoā and I honestly canāt stand it. If I even attend work events I only stay for an hour max and thatās usually because theyāre in the same venue as the initial conference and Iām just waiting for the food to come out before I go.
As much as I agree with all the people saying that it shouldn't be expected to socialise outside of work, the fact remains that a lot of connections are made outside of official meetings, and being able to rely on those personal connections can get things done where otherwise you may find resistance.
I agree, this may not be fair for those who prefer to avoid social events, personally I don't enjoy work social events either, but it's also a human trait that we prefer to work with, or help, those with whom we have a personal connection.
I'm in complete agreement that people shouldn't be shamed or blamed for not socialising with work people, but in reality, they probably will be missing out.
Actually, 'just playing nice' is a ridiculous expectation. After work is my free time, if I don't like the person/have nothing in common with them spending time with them is just draining tbh. I for once never feel like I've 'missed out' if I'd gone to recharge my batteries in the way that pleases me. I'd be resentful spending time with someone I don't want to spend time with.
See, I'm also a younger milenial, and I just couldn't understand doing that. It just seems so rude to me. I know that not everybody has to be friends outside of work, particularly with different levels of seniority etc, and that everybody is entitled to some boundaries but to not extend a bit of grace and socialise with a coworker you are out of town with for one night? Couldn't be me.
When I've gone away for work with colleagues we all get paid for the entire time away so even though we have breaks and get our own hotel rooms it's understood you're there to work quite a lot and be with your colleagues. Or is that abnormal?
The times we spent apart were sleep time, in the mornings before breakfast and an hour or two after 5pm and before dinner. We had to have dinners with business people we were meeting though so that was technically work too.
I also got one afternoon to myself but I had to go do some drone photography while the others investigated a golf course (AKA they raced the golf buggies around it lol). They were jealous I got to play with the drone and I was jealous I missed out on big silly dodgems lol
I'm 32 and I'd much rather spend my free time doing things I enjoy rather than socialising with colleagues. I spend enough time with them during work hours, my evenings are my own. But everyone's different
Iāve never been to London so Iād definitely want to do my own thing if it was my first trip. The boss would be welcome to tag along but the hell would I hang around a hotel with him
Idk what I am if gen z or millennial (Iām from 1996) but when I see ppl on the train that I know from work I just say hi and only sit with them if invited. I have coworkers younger than me who have told me they want to listen music and recharge and that is perfectly acceptable and I leave them alone.
Also I donāt feel guilty of telling coworkers or managers I donāt want to hang out after an event. Iām just sincere and tell them I need time alone after a long day of talking with other ppl. Nobody has ever been offended by this as far as I know.
And I always follow the most basic obvious rule for interaction when in public transport ā¦ If you know the person but they have headphones on DONT BOTHER THEM they probably donāt want to talk.
Iām 36 and if Iām sharing a train down to London with colleagues Iāll just say to them, āIām not a morning person and this is nothing against you but I just want to spend this journey listening to podcasts. The second we hit Euston/Marylebone, you have my full attention.ā Itās never offended anyone so far and I have some great relationships with my colleagues.
I totally agree. A work trip (if travelling with colleagues) start the moment youāre travelling together. Conversations usually are a mix of work and other topics and Iāve found out a lot more useful internal work info (or office politics š«£) when travelling with colleagues as youāre out of the office and people tend to be more open.
Also, you donāt talk the whole journey - who wants to. The convo will die or you can politely say youāre going to have a nap or listen to some music once the initial conversations start to dwindle, especially if itās just two people
Sorry but this is a terrible idea lmao. How do you expect that interaction to unfold?
> *OP and their manager sitting on the train, awkward silence*
> OP: soā¦ how much are you paying me for this train trip?
If you wanna have that conversation have it before the trip. Not during, when the manager is probably looking for a light, casual chat over coffee?
Yes that is how I would see it too. For me, any excess travel time to your usual commute, which would be any travel if you wfh would be classed by me as working. Happy to speak to the boss as I would do if I was working.
Yeah if this were your normal commute to the office you'd be in a better position to say 'hey this is my quiet time/me time, no offence but can we catch up later?', but if you're travelling in work hours or your contract would consider your travel time to a work event as work hours (even if they're outside your normal hours), you gotta just suck it up
I get what you're saying but sometimes putting a bit of time in with a manager can pay you back in spades .
Having built up good relationships with various managers in the company I work for has helped me in so many ways.
Hay I need X day off for reasons is that cool .... Yup no problem
I could really do with getting home early on Friday my kid had a thing I'd like to see .... Sure no problem
I'm really not sure how to get X thing done .... Don't worry I know someone who's great at that I'll put you in touch.
There's a million reasons to keep friendly with those higher in the company and it's one morning one trip to make the effort on . It's worth it in the long run to just suck it up for one morning.
I wonder if itās occurred to OP that the manager isnāt *super* excited about sitting together either. They are being a good manager and providing OP with some one-on-one casual time to network/mentor in an informal setting. The manager is good being up his morning too, Iām sure heād rather listen to a podcast or catch up with his kids.
Edit: a word.
I was going to say just tell him the truth... But this is what I would do . It's a great opportunity to strengthen your relationship with your manager and get a lot more out of it.
Tbh so far the managers I've had I've built great relationships at work anyway, so I'd probably not do this with them - also because they're not the type of people who would ask me to, because they were all very life-work balance minded anyway. So I guess it depends on the manager, what type of work you do, what type of work opportunities you are looking for.
For example, if it was Michael Scott, I'd run the other way š
Yeah I agree with this. Sometimes I reply to my manager about mundane things early in the morning on text because I know she will take note of me being occasionally online at those times, or it just build a rapport that Iāve definitely been able to take advantage of for difficult situations at work.
On the flip side, now I have this relationship Iām also able to just say āhey Iād rather sit on my own and use the time to make sure im mentally prepared for the dayā and my boss will just be fine with it.
Pick your battles I guess.
I love the idea that in true British fashion, the manager is probably on this sub, reading these replies, just as OP intended.
Zero interaction, problem solved.
Manager goes home sadly to his lonely house.
*"Thought I'd made a friend,"* he tells the spider plant that wouldn't bother to reply, even if it could. *"I guess it's just you and me again."*
As Mr Manager eats cold beans from the can in front of a flickering telly showing nothing but black and white repeats of Heartbeat, the spider plant summons all of its strength and hurls itself into the sink, straight down the rubbish disposal and into blessed oblivion.
How do you tell your manager (Vodafone Steve Cooper, 32 peacock Avenue), that you (Vodafone data analyst, Andrew Bolton, Sheffield) don't want to sit next to him on the train (08:55 from Hull to Heathrow, Tuesday 16th July) to the Company management conference?
You just gotta sit with the guy. The consequences for not outweigh the joy you would get from sitting along.
Having said that hey if you didn't see where he sat that morning your good. You'll have an excuse
As I'm often the boss on the other end of this I'd be mortified if someone was sat with me who genuinely didn't want to be there. I'm an introvert and would be more than happy to sit by myself.
However, these sorts of trips are a great way to talk to people and get to know them on a more genuine level. I've sat with plenty of bosses in the past, I had a five hour car trip with one that started at 4.30am. They never turn out as bad as you think they will. At the end of them you also feel like you know the person a lot better than you would of spending six months with them in an office.
If youāre travelling during working hours that means youāre working mate. Suck it up and fake interest in those spreadsheets. However your manager is a human too and probably just wants to chat.
Iām 23 and if Iām being honest if I got the train to work and my boss was on it and talking to me, Iām sitting with them everyday, you want a good bond with your boss and having an outside of work chat goes a long long way with how they feel about you , think of it that youāve already made good terms with them before youāve even started your day, you have the whole evening to yourself so a train journey isnāt too much
This is the real answer, especially as the guy says he likes his boss. You'd think this was obvious. I'm not a morning person either and I'd still just persist, if I come across rude I can use words to explain that I'm a bit tired still.
Had this with an old manager once, just spoke to her in a casual way about it. Turned out she was of the same opinion, and was quite happy to sit apart.
On a later trip she even went as far as to just say āIāll meet you in Londonā, despite us departing from the same station.
Same. Idk why everyone is being so dramatic about it.
I've had work journeys where I've told bosses and colleagues I'd prefer to sit separately bc I like my own space. I'm perfectly friendly and well liked at work.
Maybe I just don't wanna be in 'work' mode for a multi hour journey. Let a gal listen to podcasts and stare out the window.
That second comment suggests they weren't happy about it to me... I'd also be of the same opinion if someone said they didn't want to talk to me... fine, don't want to sit with someone who doesn't want to sit with me, wouldn't be happy about it... Idk the context though!
I just say Iām not a morning person. Itās not a lie and everyone knows it. It works and people leave me alone on these kind of journeys. It helps that I make up for it with too much talk once Iām fully awake, though.
My very first business trip & I was booked next to my manager on an 11hr flight in coach, like that the guy was ok ā¦. But ā¦..
We get to the airport check in & were told see the agent at the gate - we were both upgraded to business class but unfortunately they wouldnāt have seats together for us - a pause & then together both of us a little too eggar said oh thatās unfortunate but also we take it.
Thatās when I realized my Mgr no more wanted to spend 11hrs with me than I with him. !!!!
I have been in this exact situation as boss, peer, and employee. Just tell him. Some of the commenters on here must have crap bosses and colleagues from what I am reading. Be honest. "Hi Mr Boss man. Been thinking about that train journey. I really would appreciate having the time to myself on the journey to make sure I am in the right head space for the day." If he takes offence, he is a dick! I have had this discussion both ways and it's never been a problem.
Get stuck in traffic, your car breaks down, your bus is running late, an old lady fell over in front of you and needed help. Just make something up mate and get the next train.
Yeah, you just have to do it now really. Heās expressed interest in getting to know you more and itās a good move to just sit there and be cool. It will pay off in the long run to be on good terms.
In the future, just try to avoid booking the same train if you can. Figure out when they are travelling and claim some reason why you have to go a bit later.
But your manager himself prob does not want to talk about job outside of work hours. Than this is a test, show him that you are interested in your job.
You've reserved your seats, the seats around either of you may also have been reserved.
Just say to him, that in case you have to move if you sit near him, you'll come find him about half way into the journey when you can best judge availability near him.
That way you only have to spend half the journey next to him, worse case that is, or just don't bother and say you were reading/listening to a podcast and just forgot.
Tell him you get travel sickness so like to put on headphones and try to get some shut eye. Perhaps you'll still sit next to him but can give you an excuse to chuck on some headphones and shut him out? Maybe it won't work but worth a shot!
Just say you've had a long week, and is it it okay if you chill and sleep on the journey, catch up near the end (but you don't)
Or, get on late, go to other end of train. Say you couldn't find him.
Or, be late, missed the train, damn! Roadworks/traffic /partner telling me she is pregnant but its not mine. Get a different train.
I didn't have this issue, luckily. My boss knew I wanted to learn and would just about do anything when on shift, but the second I clock out, don't try shit. Mutual respect.
People are just like animals, give off a tone or a certain attitude and they'll understand it. Like if your boss is calling you outside work and you aren't someone they should be relying on, don't pick it up. They'll get the message, but if they don't, then I guess be blunt. That could ironically be a double-edged sword, though so just have to be careful in how you word it. Idk maybe " listen (insert name or title) I'm willing to learn and take on more responsibilities but work hasn't started yet and this is my personal time, so with all truly due respect (i add the "truly" because ive always hated that expression) could you sit somewhere else".
honestly just tell him u love talking to him and everything but you like your time on the travel home to be solo, and it's not just for him it's for anyone so he dont think anyone
āSorry, i get travel sick / donāt do well on trains, and i just need to rest on my own / wonāt be very sociable on the journey.ā
Embellish to taste.
Find out whereās heās going to sit, then āoops, I missed the train, but Iāll get on the next one!ā
Proceed to sit as far away as possible from whatever carriage heās in.
I guess it depends on the broader context around your role and relationship. Is a promotion coming up? Is this a useful opportunity for 'face time' with your manager. If so, it would probably be best to suck it up.
If there's nothing notable on the horizon, I'd probably politely ask him to align on anything needed for the conference ahead of time so you're fully on it and suggest you stick to your assigned seats where you can just review everything properly at your own pace.
Don't shower for as long as possible so you eminate eau de tramp parfum.
Maybe rub raw onion garlic and marmite on your face and clothes, buy a skunk and agitate the critter so that it sprays its anal glands with its pungant rotten egg jizz on your clothes.
This should ensure the manager keeps their distance.
Alternatively tell them you would like to sit away from them as you suffer from claustrophobia as your bedroom was under the stairs in between visits to Hogwarts college of Wizardry.
Im a employer. If i was paying you and it was on your time i would expect you to sit next to me. If your travelling out of work hours there should be no obligation. Otherwise, fake a headache and some time to rest, hangover, insomnia the list is emdles good luck
If its within working hours you're just shit outta luck. If it's not say you'd like to catch up on some sleep, reading something important, listening to a podcast you've made a habit of hearing at *that time, that day* of the week etc
Are you getting paid whilst travelling? If so, then honestly, you should be just trying to crack on with work.
But you could always pull off the "travel sick."
Just another one of reasons why I hate life... This shit is insanity.
I we have to jump hoops to get a moment to ourselves.
Being an introvert in general is an absolute curse, especially in big cities.
I'm currently a NEET and this thread reminds me how much I hate working. I can't stand all this shit, the work interactions, the clawing for escape...
I have no place or future in this world.
Seize the opportunity to build a relationship with the manager, you donāt always get this amount of time with them. To hint that you would rather not travel with him would be very politically un-savvy.
Just say it as it is. I personally don't care about the infamous British custom of beating around the bush. I prefer speak ability like the Dutch routinely engage in, especially in Amsterdam. They call it bespreekbarheid.
Tell him that you get travel sick and you usually just have your head down most of the journey, talking to people or focusing on things makes you feel ill.
Get on the train a little late..or maybe wesr a little disguise so he don't notice or see you, till you get to where your going, or maybe bring a book, so he sees it, or even bring some big ass beats headphones and blast some music... they not like us
If you know anyone that needs to talk about anything to him, tell him āI think he/she said it was urgentā. He may or may not go looking for them. If you donāt know, then I donāt really have any other ideas
There isn't. Anything you do say will be interpreted as rude.
Yup, this is one you just suck up.
Sounds like a perfect opportunity to get drunk on a train.
I was just thinking sitting next to the manager was always handy when travelling as he paid, plus after a couple you could get all sorts of juicy tit bits out of him š
Nb. Messing with his tit bits may result in a strongly worded email from HR.
I'm just glad he or she didn't use the awful and incorrect "tid bit"
So today I thought I learned that tidbit is incorrect. However, it is just the form generally preferred in the US and NA. It's not actually incorrect, and originates from the phrase 'tyd bit' https://sesquiotic.com/2014/05/04/titbit-tidbit/ https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/titbit
I'm more irritated than I should be that you've written "US and NA" rather than "US and Canada"
Nah, he was a lascivious git and would have loved it š
Pause
Sit next to the manager, but wear headphones and a sleep mask for the entire journey.
Sounds like you need the Cinco Face Time Party Snoozer!
The manager is basically just a chilled out entertainer.
Friend first, boss second. Probably entertainer third
Everet, Milligan, Cleese.... Sessions.
Thatās not me in bed with another man called David
I suppose I've created an atmosphere where I'm a friend first and a boss second. Probably an entertainer third.
I hope he brings his guitar.
šµšµšµ Free Love on the Free Love Freeway šµšµšµ
That's lunch
Winnersh
The love is free and the freeways hard
**I got some** hot love on the hot love highway, goinā home, cause my babyās gone!
Sheās deeaaaddd. Sheās not dead!
We add this line to sooooo many songs when we are singing them
On the Free Love Railway, surely!?
He went home at lunch and got it.
There goes David Brent. I must remember to thank him.
He went home to get it
I prefer a flan
He went home to get it.
He'll go home to get it anyway
My name is David I can verify this
I read this as cheese sessions and was about to volunteer to sit next next to your manager.
Tremendous š
Strings to Brent's bow ... a) philanthropist
āBrent mused.ā
Brent quipped...
Both in our thirties.
*Born in* the ā30s, more like!
Look at the state of you
Hungā¦ like a shire horse
Assistant TO the Manager
Agreed. It would be less complicated to murder him.
Bonus points if you find someone on the train to do it.
I canāt think of any precedent that would suggest finding a Stranger on a Train to do that for you would be a bad idea
Throw manager from the train!
Criss cross!
Correct answer. Just take the L - accept it will be a long work day. Itās better for the long haul.
More than rude, the manager will think OP doesn't like them personally.
Don't think he does tbf š
I travel a lot with work, and while what you say is generally true, thereās wiggle room. Think about when you are on a long journey with a friend - what would you do then? On an 8 hour flight with my wife, for example, we donāt chat the whole way. We read, watch movies, listen to podcasts etc. Weāll obviously check in with each other now and then, but you get the situation as Iām sure it is one youāre familiar with. With a work colleague, it is not identical, but you can take some of it and apply. If you bring your laptop and are getting ahead with work for the day - perfect. You might not even be working the whole time - they wonāt know. How about a newspaper or book? Let the chat lull and have a read. Itās not rocket science, but use your common sense here. You canāt ignore your colleague completely, but you also donāt have to entertain each other for hours.
I think it depends how often you're travelling together, if its something that's usually done and how long the journey is. The longer the journey the less rude it is to busy yourself. If you travel often it becomes more casual because of that. I think its rude in this case because the manager seems excited about it, I just think there are some social expectations that go along with work and you can't avoid it without seeming rude. Not that it is rude, but people will think it is more often than not.
"Accidentally" booked the train before and had to rush to make it on the day, so didn't let boss know. Ignore messages along the way. They probably won't really care anyway.
This post is a beautiful collision of Britishness and Redditism
Beautiful. It really is. Have spent the evening with some Germans trying to explain all manner of British-ness from eating sausages for breakfast (wurst? For breakfast?) to what "spill the beans" means - adding to more breakfast confusion. I've got no chance of explaining this sub š„°
Very strange, seeing as a traditional Bavarian breakfast isā¦ sausages
I remember trying to explain to Americans what a "cheeky nandos" (or just a cheeky-anything) means. Sometimes you stop and realise how stupid some of it must sound.
I've lived in this country for 16 years and I still don't understand it. Anytime I ask someone to explain they just shrug and admit it's stupid. I get that it's stupid but what does it mean š¤£
As I understand it, what makes it cheeky is that it's a treat you haven't necessarily "earned" or aren't really supposed to be having. Tbh, it's less stupid and more revealing that apparently it's so ingrained we can't allow ourselves to just have something nice for the sake of having something nice. We have to do something to "earn" it first.
That's the best (read: only) explanation I've had, thank you!
Whatās really stupid about it is the belief that Nandoās is a treat. Itās just fucking chicken
TIL having a ācheeky Nandosā = šš
If I ever hear anyone say 'Cheeky Nando's' I grimace, a little bit of sick comes up and I think... What a whopper! And not the Burger King kind.
We say cheeky in front of lots of things. A wee cheeky wine tonight etc. Nandoās was just really popular at the time with lads etc . It just means you probably shouldnāt really be doing it but youāre gonna be cheeky and do it anyway to treat yourself. Whatās so hard to understand?
The cheeky Nandos is not a Nandos which is unearned. It's a Nandos which is squeezed in to the schedule unexpectedly, so becomes cheeky.
It's a collision of naivity and bad manners.
I understand your point but I cannot imagine getting the same train as my manager or any colleague and not sitting with them, it's just the nature of things. Have things changed in this regard? I'd definitely say you don't want to lose your seat reservation though, so sit there and let your manager find you. If it is busy it won't happen.
I'm an older millennial and worked with a younger millennial. He had to go to London with our boomer boss for an event. Our boss assumed they would hang out in the hotel and go for a curry after work etc. I assumed this would be the case, like being away from home and having a few beers with a work colleague type of thing. The younger lad was like no chance. He made all these plans to spend time on his own and to visit friends in London after work etc. Our boss was visibly hurt by the idea.
I'm a millennial and have done both, the difference being when I've wanted to take advantage of geography to visit friends or make plans, I've voiced that desire in passing in front of the people I'm travelling with at the point of the trip being mentioned. In my opinion it would be incredibly rude to ditch someone on the day.
Exactly. Coming from someone who tried otherwise and ended up coming across dickish or passive aggressive,Ā the best way to address it is early, directly and clearly stating intentions.
This. Iām Gen X and have done exactly the same. So long as you raise it immediately the trip is mentioned - AND get everyoneās agreement - most colleagues have no problem. Doing it on the regular would be rude. But if itās only occasional (and because the person/reason is very important in your life) then there is rarely any pushback.
Maybe I just donāt get it. If youāre on a business trip youāre expected to hang out with your coworkers and boss the whole timeā¦?
>In my opinion it would be incredibly rude to ditch someone on the day. Counterpoint - it's just as rude to assume someone is entitled to your time outside of work hours, even if you are on a work trip. At least ask or invite.
Thatās not the norm though. Youāre using logic over custom, but in reality rudeness is determined in relation to custom not logic
If ur travelling to somewhere with someone how is it rude to assume theyāll be hanging out with you š
It's work. How is that concept, not hitting home? "I want to be best for "the work thing", so I'm going to nap on the train and clear my head on my own when we get there see you at the "work thing". It's not hard to be honest or lie. Whichever.
Why did you put the comma in that sarky sentence? Genuinely wondering. Was it to be extra sarky. It doesnāt fit :P
>In my opinion it would be incredibly rude to ditch someone on the day Id say it's more rude to feel entitled to somebody's time just cause you're on a work trip together
Youāre on a work tripĀ - the clue is kind of in the name. Itās hardly a surprise that people will often expect to hang out together a bit in the evening. Itās basic rapport-building ā shouldnāt be the most challenging thing in the world.
Iām 23 and I would have assumed that we would be hanging out haha , you always want to impress your boss and outside of work is the time to do it
Don't go out for dinner with your boss because you want to try to impress them. Go out for dinner with your boss because they're paying.
Iām really not that broke that this would ever be the reason. Iād go for the progression on my career, not for some free chicken.
Yeah, itās good bonding time. We used to do it and a few beers and food and someone will do or say something mildly stupid thatāll amuse everyone for a bit.
You can normally tell the colleagues who have been of work trips together, they have a tighter bond, and normally a better relationship. I would certainly want that with my boss.
No... It really is not. A good boss understands cost. If you give him your time for free.... You are a mug.
I'm a medium millenial and I'd expect that any evening plans would be made in advance, with the company paying if we were going to dinner or the pub. Nothing too involved, just a "who's in" in slack.
If youāre a medium, you should be able to read their mindsā¦
But remember - a well done medium is rare.
I had this a few years back, was on a long term project so staying in a hotel with the rest of the project leads. We had our own projects going on, in the same geographical region so work put us all up together. Most of us would meet up after work, get food, few drinks etc. There was one lad who, for whatever reason, just didn't....ever. It created a distinct rift - for one, most of us did take it a bit personally. Wouldn't ever even nip in for a beer. And for two, he found himself quite left out because we were debriefing most nights, sharing issues/pain points/tips and so on. I can see both sides - I did a few weeks abroad, with a manager who may aswell have been my grandad. It was fucking hard work, and I did tactically retreat a few times and tell him I'd got my own plans. Again, though, we did do stuff - it's just....playing nice isn't it. I think people who actively avoid this stuff are missing out - getting a personal connection with people is good.
I know Casual is all about the bants, etc, but I would make a plea to consider the neurodiverse amongst us. When I have to do all day work things with actual people, I finding it very mentally and physically draining, like my social battery is run down, and the thought of having to spend more time with people would make me want to actually weep. When my line manager cottoned on to this, and explained to the rest of the team, everyone understood just fine. And with the upside of when I did socialise out of hours, it was all the better! People "actively avoid" things for more reasons than meet the eye, innit. Right. Rant over, thank you for coming to my Ted Talk etc etc
I am currently sat in this situation. Like, in the hotel room right now. There are two pregnant women in my team, and everyone else has kids. It is all they talk about, no exaggeration. I am infertile and have no interest in having kids besides. We went out for dinner and drinks and in the entire three hours, I literally said two sentences. I wished more than anything that I could have just taken a book into a nice restaurant and read for a bit with dinner.. As nice as I am sure they all can be, there is just no space for me to connect and I really just wanna go home...
I'm Autistic and Gen X. To work, I'm performing a character, and that's *exhausting AF*. When I finish work, and the time leading up to work, are transition times, & I'm mentally processing. I'm frequently unable to speak at these times. If I'm forced to socialise in these times, I will start to shut down, or even meltdown. If I see people I work with on the bus, I ignore them. I *have* to. (I have emailed people who take the same bus as me and explained what's happening). I know that in regular-person-world that reads as rude, but in my world, all their rules - forcing people to be social etc - is extremely rude. In answer to OP's question, I would say to the boss that the journey is essential processing time, and will allow me to be able to be present and fresh during the day, and ask if we can catch up with coffee once we arrive. After 50 years of trying to fit in to regular-people-rules, resulting in nightly meltdowns, I need to be Autistic first and British second.
What a refreshing post to read, so relatable. Well Done.
yes, exactly. It's very hard though isn't it, as you know how it's being perceived.
It's weird, this def used to be me when I was in my 20s. I felt so overstimulated, and in new places, around a lot of new stuff and plans, I needed as much rest time as possible. Every interaction when i was younger felt like a little social quiz that I could fail if I didn't put full conventration into the interaction. I didn't want to spend time with my boss or other people or strangers, i wanted to do the thing and go back to my hotel room and relax. I was tired, it was tiring. I didn't dislike them, it was just a lot! In my 30s, it's not my favorite thing to do, but it's bearable and I can force myself to have a decent time. I see the value in having those moments with my coworkers where we get to know eachother beyond all the stuff we have to force eachother to do. It creates a moment where we can be people and remember that when our day to day stuff hits. My relationships are better with people now. I do actually slightly get something out of it now that benefits us all. That said, as a millenial I would never hold it against someone else for wanting to just ride alone, eat alone, rest, and get the job done. I get it, and it doesn't mean they don't like me or my company. I think maybe that's just a weird conept for older generations or neurotypical people who don't ever feel that overstim/social drain.
Yeah, Iām ND and my company have at my request excluded me from having to attend mandatory company events where thereās socialisation because after a day of work my social battery is often in minus figures and I have to spend an evening being quiet to recover. Weāre a young firm with a really good DEI initiative and I am very open about why I donāt socialise with colleagues if they ask. Seeing people in this sub expecting 10+ hours of being around people inside and outside of work hours are genuinely making me break out in goosebumps š
yeah I've done this throughout my career too. People take it as being rude but honestly sometimes I just don't have it in me. Now I'm older it's a bit better but over the years it's been a big issue. I even got a new job and they invited me out for 5 a side and pizza before I'd started. can you imagine that? So I accidentally got lost after the football and couldn't find them again. Job didn't go at all well. Best thing is to find a company where these kinds of situations don't emerge in the first place.
Yikes! Sports AND socialising? I'm lucky that I now work in a university with a thriving ND network and we have our own Teams type chat where we can cry over seemingly trivial things like the lighting in the office. And I'm part of a team I'm happy to socialise with but they all know after an hour or two, I'm going to head home. Conversely to you, I found it way easier when I was younger and I'm a much more sensitive pickle in my 40's.
Seconding this. I'm physically disabled and aftrt a full day I am trashed. I've been asked to go to an event in a few months and planning it and attending will take up a lot of physical and brain energy. Adding time on in the evening to socialise might end me.
Absolutely - am neurodiverse (amongst other things) and I donāt drink. People donāt realise how loud they get after ājust one or twoā and I honestly canāt stand it. If I even attend work events I only stay for an hour max and thatās usually because theyāre in the same venue as the initial conference and Iām just waiting for the food to come out before I go.
As much as I agree with all the people saying that it shouldn't be expected to socialise outside of work, the fact remains that a lot of connections are made outside of official meetings, and being able to rely on those personal connections can get things done where otherwise you may find resistance. I agree, this may not be fair for those who prefer to avoid social events, personally I don't enjoy work social events either, but it's also a human trait that we prefer to work with, or help, those with whom we have a personal connection. I'm in complete agreement that people shouldn't be shamed or blamed for not socialising with work people, but in reality, they probably will be missing out.
Actually, 'just playing nice' is a ridiculous expectation. After work is my free time, if I don't like the person/have nothing in common with them spending time with them is just draining tbh. I for once never feel like I've 'missed out' if I'd gone to recharge my batteries in the way that pleases me. I'd be resentful spending time with someone I don't want to spend time with.
See, I'm also a younger milenial, and I just couldn't understand doing that. It just seems so rude to me. I know that not everybody has to be friends outside of work, particularly with different levels of seniority etc, and that everybody is entitled to some boundaries but to not extend a bit of grace and socialise with a coworker you are out of town with for one night? Couldn't be me.
Oh shit, Iām the old guy dragging my colleagues out here.
I don't agree with that in the workplace!
When I've gone away for work with colleagues we all get paid for the entire time away so even though we have breaks and get our own hotel rooms it's understood you're there to work quite a lot and be with your colleagues. Or is that abnormal? The times we spent apart were sleep time, in the mornings before breakfast and an hour or two after 5pm and before dinner. We had to have dinners with business people we were meeting though so that was technically work too. I also got one afternoon to myself but I had to go do some drone photography while the others investigated a golf course (AKA they raced the golf buggies around it lol). They were jealous I got to play with the drone and I was jealous I missed out on big silly dodgems lol
I'm 32 and I'd much rather spend my free time doing things I enjoy rather than socialising with colleagues. I spend enough time with them during work hours, my evenings are my own. But everyone's different
Iāve never been to London so Iād definitely want to do my own thing if it was my first trip. The boss would be welcome to tag along but the hell would I hang around a hotel with him
Idk what I am if gen z or millennial (Iām from 1996) but when I see ppl on the train that I know from work I just say hi and only sit with them if invited. I have coworkers younger than me who have told me they want to listen music and recharge and that is perfectly acceptable and I leave them alone. Also I donāt feel guilty of telling coworkers or managers I donāt want to hang out after an event. Iām just sincere and tell them I need time alone after a long day of talking with other ppl. Nobody has ever been offended by this as far as I know. And I always follow the most basic obvious rule for interaction when in public transport ā¦ If you know the person but they have headphones on DONT BOTHER THEM they probably donāt want to talk.
I'm 19 and I'd go for curry.
Iām 36 and if Iām sharing a train down to London with colleagues Iāll just say to them, āIām not a morning person and this is nothing against you but I just want to spend this journey listening to podcasts. The second we hit Euston/Marylebone, you have my full attention.ā Itās never offended anyone so far and I have some great relationships with my colleagues.
I totally agree. A work trip (if travelling with colleagues) start the moment youāre travelling together. Conversations usually are a mix of work and other topics and Iāve found out a lot more useful internal work info (or office politics š«£) when travelling with colleagues as youāre out of the office and people tend to be more open. Also, you donāt talk the whole journey - who wants to. The convo will die or you can politely say youāre going to have a nap or listen to some music once the initial conversations start to dwindle, especially if itās just two people
Are you travelling during working hours? If you areā¦ youāre working, buddy.Ā
Even if you aren't travel in work hours, you are working and should be being compensated...and also have to sit by your boss
This could be a topic of conversation for you both, during the journey.
Sorry but this is a terrible idea lmao. How do you expect that interaction to unfold? > *OP and their manager sitting on the train, awkward silence* > OP: soā¦ how much are you paying me for this train trip? If you wanna have that conversation have it before the trip. Not during, when the manager is probably looking for a light, casual chat over coffee?
Yes that is how I would see it too. For me, any excess travel time to your usual commute, which would be any travel if you wfh would be classed by me as working. Happy to speak to the boss as I would do if I was working.
Yeah if this were your normal commute to the office you'd be in a better position to say 'hey this is my quiet time/me time, no offence but can we catch up later?', but if you're travelling in work hours or your contract would consider your travel time to a work event as work hours (even if they're outside your normal hours), you gotta just suck it up
Took some scrolling down to find this. Exactly right.
I get what you're saying but sometimes putting a bit of time in with a manager can pay you back in spades . Having built up good relationships with various managers in the company I work for has helped me in so many ways. Hay I need X day off for reasons is that cool .... Yup no problem I could really do with getting home early on Friday my kid had a thing I'd like to see .... Sure no problem I'm really not sure how to get X thing done .... Don't worry I know someone who's great at that I'll put you in touch. There's a million reasons to keep friendly with those higher in the company and it's one morning one trip to make the effort on . It's worth it in the long run to just suck it up for one morning.
I wonder if itās occurred to OP that the manager isnāt *super* excited about sitting together either. They are being a good manager and providing OP with some one-on-one casual time to network/mentor in an informal setting. The manager is good being up his morning too, Iām sure heād rather listen to a podcast or catch up with his kids. Edit: a word.
I was going to say just tell him the truth... But this is what I would do . It's a great opportunity to strengthen your relationship with your manager and get a lot more out of it. Tbh so far the managers I've had I've built great relationships at work anyway, so I'd probably not do this with them - also because they're not the type of people who would ask me to, because they were all very life-work balance minded anyway. So I guess it depends on the manager, what type of work you do, what type of work opportunities you are looking for. For example, if it was Michael Scott, I'd run the other way š
Yeah I agree with this. Sometimes I reply to my manager about mundane things early in the morning on text because I know she will take note of me being occasionally online at those times, or it just build a rapport that Iāve definitely been able to take advantage of for difficult situations at work. On the flip side, now I have this relationship Iām also able to just say āhey Iād rather sit on my own and use the time to make sure im mentally prepared for the dayā and my boss will just be fine with it. Pick your battles I guess.
That's a very good point once your manager gets to know you as a person it's easier to say you need an hour down time .
I love the idea that in true British fashion, the manager is probably on this sub, reading these replies, just as OP intended. Zero interaction, problem solved.
Manager goes home sadly to his lonely house. *"Thought I'd made a friend,"* he tells the spider plant that wouldn't bother to reply, even if it could. *"I guess it's just you and me again."* As Mr Manager eats cold beans from the can in front of a flickering telly showing nothing but black and white repeats of Heartbeat, the spider plant summons all of its strength and hurls itself into the sink, straight down the rubbish disposal and into blessed oblivion.
How do you tell your manager (Vodafone Steve Cooper, 32 peacock Avenue), that you (Vodafone data analyst, Andrew Bolton, Sheffield) don't want to sit next to him on the train (08:55 from Hull to Heathrow, Tuesday 16th July) to the Company management conference?
You just gotta sit with the guy. The consequences for not outweigh the joy you would get from sitting along. Having said that hey if you didn't see where he sat that morning your good. You'll have an excuse
As I'm often the boss on the other end of this I'd be mortified if someone was sat with me who genuinely didn't want to be there. I'm an introvert and would be more than happy to sit by myself. However, these sorts of trips are a great way to talk to people and get to know them on a more genuine level. I've sat with plenty of bosses in the past, I had a five hour car trip with one that started at 4.30am. They never turn out as bad as you think they will. At the end of them you also feel like you know the person a lot better than you would of spending six months with them in an office.
It's money in the bank. Getting to know your boss on a more personal level greases the wheel for future favours and good-standing
Nothing more British than both forcing yourselves to make small talk, both assuming it's what the other person expects.
If youāre travelling during working hours that means youāre working mate. Suck it up and fake interest in those spreadsheets. However your manager is a human too and probably just wants to chat.
Also he could feel more comfortable saying letās discuss work, when in reality he just wants to talk in general.
Iām 23 and if Iām being honest if I got the train to work and my boss was on it and talking to me, Iām sitting with them everyday, you want a good bond with your boss and having an outside of work chat goes a long long way with how they feel about you , think of it that youāve already made good terms with them before youāve even started your day, you have the whole evening to yourself so a train journey isnāt too much
This is the real answer, especially as the guy says he likes his boss. You'd think this was obvious. I'm not a morning person either and I'd still just persist, if I come across rude I can use words to explain that I'm a bit tired still.
Had this with an old manager once, just spoke to her in a casual way about it. Turned out she was of the same opinion, and was quite happy to sit apart. On a later trip she even went as far as to just say āIāll meet you in Londonā, despite us departing from the same station.
Same. Idk why everyone is being so dramatic about it. I've had work journeys where I've told bosses and colleagues I'd prefer to sit separately bc I like my own space. I'm perfectly friendly and well liked at work. Maybe I just don't wanna be in 'work' mode for a multi hour journey. Let a gal listen to podcasts and stare out the window.
That second comment suggests they weren't happy about it to me... I'd also be of the same opinion if someone said they didn't want to talk to me... fine, don't want to sit with someone who doesn't want to sit with me, wouldn't be happy about it... Idk the context though!
Just us, a pile of Chinese food and a couple of 'fuck off' spreadsheets.
A succulent Chinese meal
... A cheeky Chinese even
Whoosh
Also whoosh? There is an entire thread on this post about the British use of the word cheeky before food.
I just had to whoosh you because it was a missed opportunity to continue the comment. But alas, good one.
Do you wanna make shed loads of freakinā money?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I just say Iām not a morning person. Itās not a lie and everyone knows it. It works and people leave me alone on these kind of journeys. It helps that I make up for it with too much talk once Iām fully awake, though.
Do the British thing and miss the train, catch the next one.
My very first business trip & I was booked next to my manager on an 11hr flight in coach, like that the guy was ok ā¦. But ā¦.. We get to the airport check in & were told see the agent at the gate - we were both upgraded to business class but unfortunately they wouldnāt have seats together for us - a pause & then together both of us a little too eggar said oh thatās unfortunate but also we take it. Thatās when I realized my Mgr no more wanted to spend 11hrs with me than I with him. !!!!
I have been in this exact situation as boss, peer, and employee. Just tell him. Some of the commenters on here must have crap bosses and colleagues from what I am reading. Be honest. "Hi Mr Boss man. Been thinking about that train journey. I really would appreciate having the time to myself on the journey to make sure I am in the right head space for the day." If he takes offence, he is a dick! I have had this discussion both ways and it's never been a problem.
Tell your manager that you suffer from travel sickness and it would be better for them if you say with headphones and closed your eyes on your own.
Get stuck in traffic, your car breaks down, your bus is running late, an old lady fell over in front of you and needed help. Just make something up mate and get the next train.
Hide in the toilet and say you had the squits.
Yeah, you just have to do it now really. Heās expressed interest in getting to know you more and itās a good move to just sit there and be cool. It will pay off in the long run to be on good terms. In the future, just try to avoid booking the same train if you can. Figure out when they are travelling and claim some reason why you have to go a bit later.
I wouldn't id just move.
But your manager himself prob does not want to talk about job outside of work hours. Than this is a test, show him that you are interested in your job.
Nah, just quit mate. Only solution
Sounds like a business trip and you probs getting paid?
You've reserved your seats, the seats around either of you may also have been reserved. Just say to him, that in case you have to move if you sit near him, you'll come find him about half way into the journey when you can best judge availability near him. That way you only have to spend half the journey next to him, worse case that is, or just don't bother and say you were reading/listening to a podcast and just forgot.
Tell him you get travel sickness so like to put on headphones and try to get some shut eye. Perhaps you'll still sit next to him but can give you an excuse to chuck on some headphones and shut him out? Maybe it won't work but worth a shot!
Just sit with him. Honestly wtf??
Just say you've had a long week, and is it it okay if you chill and sleep on the journey, catch up near the end (but you don't) Or, get on late, go to other end of train. Say you couldn't find him. Or, be late, missed the train, damn! Roadworks/traffic /partner telling me she is pregnant but its not mine. Get a different train.
I didn't have this issue, luckily. My boss knew I wanted to learn and would just about do anything when on shift, but the second I clock out, don't try shit. Mutual respect. People are just like animals, give off a tone or a certain attitude and they'll understand it. Like if your boss is calling you outside work and you aren't someone they should be relying on, don't pick it up. They'll get the message, but if they don't, then I guess be blunt. That could ironically be a double-edged sword, though so just have to be careful in how you word it. Idk maybe " listen (insert name or title) I'm willing to learn and take on more responsibilities but work hasn't started yet and this is my personal time, so with all truly due respect (i add the "truly" because ive always hated that expression) could you sit somewhere else".
honestly just tell him u love talking to him and everything but you like your time on the travel home to be solo, and it's not just for him it's for anyone so he dont think anyone
Miss this train or book an early train or Get on a call, excuse yourself and keep speaking to someone or the other or just act like you're on call.
āSorry, i get travel sick / donāt do well on trains, and i just need to rest on my own / wonāt be very sociable on the journey.ā Embellish to taste.
Manager I donāt want to sit next to you
Find out whereās heās going to sit, then āoops, I missed the train, but Iāll get on the next one!ā Proceed to sit as far away as possible from whatever carriage heās in.
Maybe you can just tell them you try to travel with headphones on bc you get motion sickness?
You could feign travel sickness and what works best for you is music and some shut-eye or rest/silence
I guess it depends on the broader context around your role and relationship. Is a promotion coming up? Is this a useful opportunity for 'face time' with your manager. If so, it would probably be best to suck it up. If there's nothing notable on the horizon, I'd probably politely ask him to align on anything needed for the conference ahead of time so you're fully on it and suggest you stick to your assigned seats where you can just review everything properly at your own pace.
Don't shower for as long as possible so you eminate eau de tramp parfum. Maybe rub raw onion garlic and marmite on your face and clothes, buy a skunk and agitate the critter so that it sprays its anal glands with its pungant rotten egg jizz on your clothes. This should ensure the manager keeps their distance. Alternatively tell them you would like to sit away from them as you suffer from claustrophobia as your bedroom was under the stairs in between visits to Hogwarts college of Wizardry.
Keep farting, coughing, sneezing etc... Blowing into your tissues. Maybe that'll work.
Miss the train get the next one
Just sit next to him and be boring, heāll get sick of you
Im a employer. If i was paying you and it was on your time i would expect you to sit next to me. If your travelling out of work hours there should be no obligation. Otherwise, fake a headache and some time to rest, hangover, insomnia the list is emdles good luck
When they engage in conversation say āsorry I have a headache and i didnāt get much sleep last-night, so I need to rest.
If itās a on off, suck it up. If itās ever day then bun that.
If its within working hours you're just shit outta luck. If it's not say you'd like to catch up on some sleep, reading something important, listening to a podcast you've made a habit of hearing at *that time, that day* of the week etc
Use duolingo and say you learning a language?
Are you getting paid whilst travelling? If so, then honestly, you should be just trying to crack on with work. But you could always pull off the "travel sick."
Just another one of reasons why I hate life... This shit is insanity. I we have to jump hoops to get a moment to ourselves. Being an introvert in general is an absolute curse, especially in big cities.
I'm currently a NEET and this thread reminds me how much I hate working. I can't stand all this shit, the work interactions, the clawing for escape... I have no place or future in this world.
Just bit the bullet. It's just one train ride, what's the worst that can happen? Just talk to him for a bit and don't worry too much
Iāve had this issue before and lied and said I have to finish my book club book cos we were meeting really soon. Can also be an audio book ;)
Tell him you'll video call your wife or some uncle that lives in australia and you only talk to once a month so want some privacy.
Seize the opportunity to build a relationship with the manager, you donāt always get this amount of time with them. To hint that you would rather not travel with him would be very politically un-savvy.
Just say it as it is. I personally don't care about the infamous British custom of beating around the bush. I prefer speak ability like the Dutch routinely engage in, especially in Amsterdam. They call it bespreekbarheid.
Say that you want some time to be alone for a while (everybody wants some alone time)
You will have to seat next to your manager- suck it up, I promise you it wonāt be as bad as you think
Telling him you don't want to sit with him is a career limiting move. A term my boss introduced me to.
Say you're doing online family therapy and does he mind if you sit seperately for a while so not to disturb him. Then never go back to your seat.
Lie, say you get travel sick and say what helps you sleeping/listening to music or something that makes you not great to sit next to
Tell him that you get travel sick and you usually just have your head down most of the journey, talking to people or focusing on things makes you feel ill.
Get on the train a little late..or maybe wesr a little disguise so he don't notice or see you, till you get to where your going, or maybe bring a book, so he sees it, or even bring some big ass beats headphones and blast some music... they not like us
"To be fair mate. I get motion sick, I will be taking anti travel sick meds that makes me drowsy. So I won't be good company, I will be napping."
If you know anyone that needs to talk about anything to him, tell him āI think he/she said it was urgentā. He may or may not go looking for them. If you donāt know, then I donāt really have any other ideas