Have “daddy” take over feeding Alley his meals for a while, lots of treats and pets when Alley will accept them. Other than that, it’ll just take time for Alley to go back to his normal self.
And make sure he is very calm and quiet around Alley. No sudden movements or loud voices. Just slow, deliberate movements and soothing tones. And have him watch his body language as well. Make sure he tries not to tower over Alley, and approach him more from Alley's level if possible so he doesn't appear threatening.
I do this all the time for my cats and do the head bop and slow blink to reinforce I'm just one of the pack even though they treat me more like their passed mom, Hera, may her soul rest in peace. ❤️
Also get down to floor level and act all cat-ish when meeting friend's cats. 😻
Ive tripped so many times over my cat that i swear she knows what "im sorry baby" means by now, i say it and her tail goes back pointing up being a happy cat again.
I think he just needs to spend some time rekindling... Aka all the good things: food/treats, play, pets, slow blinking eyes, smooth voice, no staring, no abrupt movements and also i find doing it sitting on the ground works well because it probably feels less scary than seeing a big hooman standing up and tall. He should initiate contact and go in that room where the cat hides, but leave some space so it doesnt feel unsafe. Theyre not starting from zero relationship, its just about saying everything is still alright
Yes my cats are mostly used to being stepped on at this point. They know they’re asking for it when they plant themselves silently under or
Between my feet while im cooking or doing chores. 😑 one of them keeps well away but the other two are slower on the uptake but at least they dont seem to hold grudges, praise the lord.
one of my cats will actively place himself beneath my feet because he knows it will get him my attention and he's an attention hog who needs it 24/7 and any attention elsewhere is a slight on my part and indicates I'm neglecting him (according to him)
My jerk of a cat, Louie, will run ahead of me and then stop right in front of me as I’m walking through the house. It’s mostly at night when it’s dark. He is just being a brat and trying to get negative attention, has to be. I’m more used to it now. I hear him come running and then a little shuffle noise as he tries to cut me off. What a little shit he is, now that I’m thinking this through!! 😂
Oh my gosh, my maine coon cat likes to park himself right behind me. There have been many times when I've almost stepped on his tail, so I stumble and while trying to avoid him, I step on the *fur* of his tail, and in the process of nearly tumbling over him he scoots off. With my foot firmly planting his hair down, it ends up being ripped from his tail. 🥺🥺🥺 It doesn't bleed or look sore but leaves a decently sized bald spot on his tail.
This has happened a few times, and *I've* been the one to learn to step carefully behind myself.
We had a cat who would do that. We called it cat trapping. She would run in front of you, and throw herself in front of your feet. When you tripped on her, she would get fussed over and pets.
I’ve dropped multiple things on my cat, including a full water bowl 😩
He’s also been in the kitchen as a full sized flat top skillet came crashing down mere inches from him.
Ive stepped on him, accidently kicked him, scared him with a pet and he went running face first into the ottoman. One time, I shifted in bed and sent him flying off with a well-placed hip thrust 😂
He’s always gotten over it, although he does seem especially wary of me in the kitchen and would often run quickly through the kitchen area after an incident just in case.
Yes, I immediately fawn over my cat when I do something like this, and they get over it. But I've also learned not to yell when something like this happens.
Yeah same. Used to have to wait a few days for the cat to come around again, but now if I’m apologetic and comfort them wherever they’re hiding we end up fine. They like to run under people, shits just gonna happen from time to time lol. Thankfully no real injuries.
If he could take over exclusively feeding and playing with Alley for awhile and really amp up the high value treats and toys that might help him warm up again.
This is true! When I got my cat she jumped on my back unexpectedly, clawed me as she was sliding down. It was so painful and she was drawing blood, I screamed for my partner to get her off. Our relationship wasn’t great after that but after spending time alone with her & some treats I’m now the fave!
I’ve had that happen. My cat likes to jump from the top of a pinball machine to the top of the refrigerator, and back again, with the doorway of the kitchen between the two. She is usually very good about calculating distance/angle, etc. She missed twice and fell, and I really don’t like when she does this. So when I am in my kitchen, and she is on the refrigerator I stand in the doorway and sort of hunch my back, as a hint to her to climb on my shoulder. She will do this and use me as a bridge to walk on to get back on top of the pinball machine. One time I did this while shirtless. She made her way to my shoulder and lost her footing, and slid straight down my back, digging her claws all the way dry down. She was fine. Me, not so much.
PS, I get a tetanus shot regularly, every 10 years.
I've accidentally kicked my cat clear across the room when she got in front of me as I was walking. She was unhurt but very scared, and the only thing that really worked to help her was time and space. Have your husband give Alley treats and pats if he accepts them, but don't push too hard. Let him come to your husband on his own terms, and once he does that he should realise pretty quickly that he didn't mean to scare him. This isn't permanent, he will get back to being the same loving kitty he used to be.
My husband fully stepped on our sleeping cat in the dark. She wasn’t hurt but she hid in the evenings for a week or so and was wary of him. She was fine after a couple weeks though like it never happened. She’s still VERY sensitive if she gets slightly stepped on now and will retreat somewhere. It’s very dramatic. lol.
This happened to one of my cats. He’s dark grey too so even harder to see in the dark, and took to sleeping at the top of the stairs for a while, in front of a door to the bathroom. Was just a matter of time until someone stepped on him lol
funny enough, that's exactly where our cats like to hang out! I've taken to patting the stairs if I'm going up in the dark, and still managed to step on him (he was on the side, just next to the empty patch of stairs I was patting)
I’ve done this too, I sleep on my belly with my leg stretched out and my cat sleeps next to my foot, I didn’t hear her jump onto the bed so I literally kicked my foot out pretty hard to get comfortable and she went flying into the wall in rag doll mode. I literallt felt so bad I started crying lol but she was absolutely fine I just gave her a treat and cuddles and she was back to sleeping by my leg again 10 minutes later. But flea baths- she HATED me for days 🤣
I agree with others who mentioned for him to feed the cat, but I also recommend being patient. The cat most likely got very scared, despite it being an accident. Have him sit on the floor when the cat is around and just let the cat go to him; don't force it or rush it, or the cat might continue on being scared.
It should go back to normal. Just give it some time.
Cats pick up on emotions - if your husband is feeling anxious because the cat is anxious it’s a perpetual cycle… just act normal and the cat will forgive. It was a one off incident.
I know a lot of people are suggesting treats/food, but left field idea: our highly anxious and reactive cat still won't take food/treats/etc from us after 9 years about 80% of the time. What he goes apeshit for is being brushed so rather than offering treats when he's been spooked by, for instance, a celebratory cheer at a winning goal we pull out the brush so he knows he's not in trouble or danger.
The tl;Dr of this is it's important to consider the potential of alternative motivators when kitty's being skittish
Yeah once years ago I used a treat to lure my cat out to take her to the vet. Ever since then if I act at all different than normal when giving treats she spooks and hides. 😥
This sort of reminds me of how anytime I looked at my chihuahua in the winter he would run and hide because he was afraid that I was going to put a sweater on him!!
I used food once. ONCE. To bribe my cat into the kitchen where the carrier for the vet was.
To this day she won't come to eat her wet food when I'm the one preparing it.
Dramatic asshole. Sorry I wanted to make sure you weren't dying of kidney failure.
This may sound ridiculous- but in addition to all of these great ideas have your husband vocally tell Alley (while maintaining a respectful distance) exactly what you’ve said. That he didn’t mean it and is very sorry Alley was hurt. Cats are sensitive animals for the most part and after working with them for a long time I really believe they recognize intent, even if they don’t understand every word.
I agree with this. If I yell about something, cat-related or no, I try to quietly, slowly, and calmly apologize to and comfort any nearby cats. And then be extra quiet and slow moving for at least a little while after.
It's taken a long time to earn my ferals' trust (4 years for one of them), so I will do anything, even if it seems silly, to maintain that trust. Like you, I do think they understand the intent of an apology, even if they don't know the words.
This doesn't sound ridiculous. I also believe cats understand intent, especially cats who have spent a lot of time around you.
It really sounds like both OP and her husband are anxious for the cat to forgive him, and the cat can pick up on that anxiety. I truly believe that if the husband says calmly, sorry I hurt you, they both act normally, and he takes over feeding to reinforce the positive incentives, the cat will relax.
Both my daughter and I trip over our cats sometimes. We say oops, sorry, offer a quick pet and move on. If it happens again, I would definitely advise the husband not to yell (I think he yelled out) as this makes the entire situation more scary.
I recently had the pleasure of meeting a rescue cat whose former owner had taken him to the vet to be euthanized because he was pooping all over (it…wasn’t solid). He’s only nine, and the vet called our rescue to take him.
His tummy troubles were fixable, and I swear that poor cat knew exactly what his person was trying to do. I’ve seen a lot of upset and grieving rescues, but this guy stood out. He has such a presence- like a solid little lion- but he not only felt hurt and abandoned, his pride was wounded because he thought he was needed and his guardian had just tried to toss him.
One thing that I’ve learned is that cats don’t always see themselves as our fuzzy little babies (some do- do they ever!) Some cats see themselves as a fierce protector or as a part of the family team- and when that role is taken away or shaken they react much as humans do when they have suffered a loss (of a job, of functioning, of a role such as “parent”). Some get angry, some get depressed, some get on with things and are more resilient.
Thinking this way about cats has helped me to see what is really happening when they don’t adjust to a new baby, or if they have a behaviour change.
It’s not projection of human behaviour or emotions but recognition that our pets and domestic animals such as horses are close observers of our tone, behaviour, and family dynamics, and that they have their own type of sentience- some animals need a “job”, some need to feel in charge or important. Some just want cuddles, or the security of all the food. They have their own social roles when they are with others of their kind, and want us to respect what their role is.
Even though I don’t always know what they may be trying to “tell” me, I tell them things all the time.
When they arrive at the (no-kill) shelter I tell them they are safe, they haven’t done anything wrong to be here, and this is a place to rest and heal. They won’t be here forever.
If they won’t eat and are depressed (many are) I tell them they matter, we are worried about them, and we want them to feel better. I’m not claiming to be SURE this is why, but many start eating after that.
I think cats in particular pick up quickly on any kind of perceived rejection, and by directly addressing that with them we can more easily gain or regain their trust.
If you had told me I would be typing these words ten years ago I would not have believed you, I am/was the least “woo” person ever. A decade of cats in crisis has made me think differently about our relationship with all animals.
Cats understand more than people think, if I accidentally step (lightly because I immediately notice, on their tails) I go to them to say sorry and give them ear scratches if they are ok with that, of they are still upset I give them time and an hour later they have forgiven me. They also used to run between our legs when walking but they learned it’s not a good idea, so hopefully they never do that again, that’s awful for both parties. The tone of the voice is important and body language, highper voice for praising, saying sorry, use gor for play, and make yourself lower to the ground. lower voice is “hey, don’t eat that plant” for example or “get off the kitchen bench” together with pointing at the ground (our cats understand when we point at things, also positive things) and make yourself taller. (Sometimes they think this is hilarious and will tease us till we get up)
I agree! I talk to my cats like they are people. I had a friend that was a cat sitter in her spare time and said my cats seemed to understand English and it weirded her out a bit 😂
the easist way is wait until she gets hungry and your husband will be the one to appear with the food ta-da
do this a few times
take her off the all you can eat buffet schedule for a few days if that was the policy
So, I see this on reddit all the time, and I'm sorry it has nothing to do with this topic but... What does it mean when a person who posted something less than a day ago, in this case 16h ago at the time of my comment, is posting from a \[deleted\] account? Did they post and then immediately delete their entire account?
Yeah that's pretty much what it means.
It always makes me wonder too though-- what would cause somebody who left such a normal/pleasant comment here to up and delete their entire account lol? Cause when I lost access to my last one I'd had for 14 years, I was so angry that I refused to make a new one and just lurked for two years. All those saved posts that I'm never ever gonna go back in and look at again, gone.
I've accidentally stepped on my cats tail 3 times. I've of course tried to comfort him but one of those times I got him good when he just flopped down in front of me with no warning while I was walking.
He was not happy and avoided me. So I just acted normal like nothing had happened. Now I'm the one who feeds him so he has to interact with me especially for treats. Very quickly he got over his issues due to not making a big deal and of course giving him his treats.
Things I do is make sure my cat is interactive when getting his treats. Some treats he gets on his tree stand and he has to go to certain levels when I call them out. Other treats he has to high five, speak and give paw shakes so he is forced to do things with me to get his treats.
Have your husband teach him things to get his favorite treats that way if something like that happens again your cat should get over the issue quickly to get their treats.
Edit: Read this after I posted it, I said treats a lot lol. For treats for humans, take a drink every time I say treats ;)
BLINK BLINK BLINK!!! That’s the best way to tell a cat you’re sorry. If I make a faux pas of any kind, I have to give my cat some space and let her come to me, but whenever I can I just use all the cat body language I can mimic to let her know,,,, I’m sorry! Cats are labeled assholes, but they’re very forgiving and trusting if you can be honest about rebuilding a connection.
I didn't see anyone say this yet, but have you taken Alley to the vet? Even if you don't see an injury, there still could be one. Also, tell the vet what's happening and they may have some suggestions for what to do as well.
I accidentally kicked my cat in the face while crushing cardboard boxes :( she had a little busted lip but thankfully she didn't take it personally and let me hold a cold compress to it for a while. I gave her lots of treats and cuddles and eventually she stopped being wary of my feet again.
I think your husband just needs to keep showering your cat with love and treats and they will go back to being buddies eventually. I don't think it will take too long, cats are usually very forgiving
Laughing, ONLY because one of our cats held a mega grudge against me for over a year (after biting me badly enough for me to need 3 months of wound care & not being able swim all summer) because WE tried to put him in a harness so he could go outside. He *didn't* hate his other parent (who also participated equally but didn't get bitten, go figure) He's just now coming around to "ok, I kinda forgive you because you give me plate snacks" & letting me pet him. They're funny in how long they decide to be traumatized &/or embarrassed. Another of ours will hide & sulk for a while if we see her "miss" a jump & look silly & laugh at her.
I had a cat who would play like a kitten unless she clocked someone was watching her. Then she'd immediately stop and look at us like YOU SAW NOTHING.
I miss her, she was adorable.
I was trying to get my cats and son inside from our patio at the same time and when I did I closed the door at the same time the cat ran back out and hit her with the door. She screamed freaked out hid. This was in May. Today July 1st was the first time she’s been willing to even go near our outside the patio door. Not any advice just sharing my experience with how long it took my cat to understand the patio can’t hurt her. Even trying to carry her out she would freak out
This might be an unpopular take but talk to your husband about his reaction. Everyone has tripped, stepped on or had incidents with stairs and their cats. Most people immediately cry “ouch” and then jump to “oh no are you OK”? There was and is a real lack of empathy displayed towards the animal.
They only have tone and body language to interpret humans by so it’s working against him here. Your husband being hurt is weird and the cat knows he’s reacting differently. The human here is making it about him and his feelings but an adult 20X the size and weight of the animal hurt him (accidentally) and then displayed anger.
Animals will not pretend to save your feelings - your cat is scared of him and from the cat’s perspective, rightly so. I know we are all human but unless you know how to explain in cat language it doesn’t matter.
I want to add to all the recommendations: have your husband go into the room where Alley is hiding, and lay all the way down on the floor, face up with arms and legs out and relaxed (not straight like a board). Don't look at Alley, don't try reaching for him, just lay there. And tell him to start explaining everything that happened in that moment, from Alley catching up between his legs, to the beer and the yelling, all of it. And have him explain that he's sorry, he didn't mean to scare him. How much he loves him, everything that he loves about him. Tell your husband not to look at Alley, even if he comes out to investigate and sniff him. Don't look at Alley until the cat is at his face, looking at him first.
I've done this countless times with countless cats as an introduction, and I think it makes a difference. They have the opportunity to see you, completely vulnerable with your tummy up (think of how scary it is for a little cat to have their tummy out to the world). And they get to hear the nice, quiet sound of your voice as you explain everything and apologize to them. It gives them the chance to explore you with sight, smell, and sound, without feeling like they're being watched (which can trigger a prey response). And I think their little brains can pull it all together so they know you aren't a threat and that you're sorry.
i have a multi cat house and stuff always happens. some are affected more than the others. my feral cat who i won over and brought inside gets upset for days when i put flea meds on her.
my other cat got caught in my swinging kitchen door and was fine right after (she is obsessed with me and very trusting).
another cat i popped on the butt because i seriously thought she was spraying my wall…come to find out she was wiggling her tail because she was happy to see me. this one was hard because i had no experience with a cat that did that. my only time to see that was when a cat was trying to spray. she was pretty upset and i gave her a little space for the day and when i fed her the next and days after i gave her lots of special attention to win back her trust.
so trust is huge for cats and making your husband be the primary person to feed and make contact with her would be helpful. whatever her favorite things to do like snacks or getting pet, he should be doing it.
I am very clumsy, so I guess it's lucky I don't have a grudge-holding cat. I've tripped over and startled my two girls more times than I can count.
I'm sorry this happened -- I hope it will be a tiny blip in your history with Alley, and he'll be back to his old papa-loving self very soon.
My husband recently shaved his beard and our cat hasn't been the same with him since. It is getting better but not the same level of affection that she had when there was a beard involved.
have kicked my cats across the room several times(of cos unintentionally) but when its meal & treat times they just fall in line weaving between my legs and all.
food, solution to all problems. haha.
Have you always had alley? It’s possible she’s been abused in the past. I recently had an incident with my cat and they way he reacted seemed extreme which makes me think he could have come from bad places before I adopted him
I like others advice to let husband give treats and feed and it should earn trust back hopefully
Kitties have a great memory and throw tantrums like no other. It’ll take time but I promise he’ll come around. Not only have I had cats for over 20 years I’ve also studied cat behavior.
It'll blow over. I "traumatized' my cat with my black leather knee high boots once. He ran around the corner too fast and ran straight into me while wearing the boots. He would back away from them and cower for a few days afterwards. He is no longer afraid of the boots!
Hubby needs to gently pick up alley, cradle loosely but securingly and rub on him, talk softly and lovingly a couple minutes each time, slowly love on him until that fear is replaced with that mutual love. I've been in a very similar happening and it took a bit but my baby is back at sleeping by my head, follows me everywhere again. Patience, Love, and Loose Space will heal this.
Oh poor little man! And his Dad too. It happened to our little lady but thankfully she didn't seem to care at all. My husband almost broke his foot! Please tell him not to feel guilty. It happens a lot with cats. They just want to be around all the time! Little nutters.
also depends on cats personality. My current cat used to be all-drama-all-day-offended-by-anything, ignored it to get her out of that habit. But making sure hubby acts 'normal' and chill is a good idea.
I'm fairly new to cats. But we have a one year old who is on the anxious side. When she has gotten scared because of something I did. I go get her and hold her and give her all kinds of love. She is usually resistant, but also once I put her down she doesn't run anymore.
She has done similar to me twice when she got scared and I was crushed too. She's scared and needs your husband to reconnect with her doing loving things, like people recommended, treats, play, feeding her meals. The human side is hurt and wants to retreat too. But if he can just consistently show love to her she will come back around.
So sorry that happened. I hate when I unintentionally scare my babies.
I am constantly stepping on (and tripping over) my cats because they are always underfoot. This predictably causes them to avoid me for a couple of days afterward. They always come around again which inevitably leads to me tripping over them again. It's a vicious cycle that I predict will one day kill me when I hit my head on a counter or table. They will then eat my body, and the circle of life will be complete.
Make eye contact when walking around w the cat, let him know you see him. If my cat is laying on the floor n I walk to him without looking at him.. he bolts, otherwise he watches my feet.
Your cat will forgive him but he may need to show some deference, show him u are conscious about not stepping on him
Have his daddy beg for forgiveness and kiss the floors his paws touch. That’s the only way.
Oh and let him feed and play with him exclusively for the next week or so.
Bumping the advise about having your husband start feeding/bribing with treats.
Had a similar thing happen with my cat and my best friend. TLDR is she was playing with the cat a little intensely (but not unreasonably) at the same moment I accidentally dropped something that made a loud noise and yelped from suprise. Cat got spooked, slashed my friend, and wouldn't get out from under the couch for a solid day. She warmed back up to me within a day or two, but started getting really cagey whenever my friend would come back over, but with a few treats and lots of care to move slowly and not make too much noise, it all worked out in time
Get him to feed Alley. I had to give my cat a flea bath and for a while after she wouldn’t even look at me. She was fine with my boyfriend but she acted terrified when I was around. I know it sounds silly but I was heartbroken!!
Then my boyfriend said why don’t I get up and feed her in the morning instead of him so for the next few days I got up early with my boyfriend to feed her and she was absolutely fine with me after that.
Also get him to give alley treats as that might speed the process up a bit
It will just take time. Your husband should continue to be gentle and talk to him, but not be too pushy. Sometimes you have to wait for them to come to you. It will happen, he just needs time. It's one of the biggest injustices in the world that we can't explain to our animals that something we did was an accident.
Much like humans , your cat is upset and stressed about the incident. He is not traumatized, he just can’t trust his human at the moment.
You should have your husband feed him, and clean his litter for awhile, give him treats and most importantly give him space for. Eventually he’ll come around and forgive him.
Daddy does all food, treats for a while. Pick up some high value treats. Maybe some stinky bits of fish or those wet licky pouches. Let dad do more of the playing. A fishing type toy with a long reach can be good for playing from far.
does he sit on the floor and be more low? Could make the cat more comf knowing less Of a trip risk. Worth having a few floor parties With you floor chilling.
Aww I’m sorry your kitty is traumatized, unfortunately it does happen! When I first got my cat, a very similar thing happened with her and my fiancé. My fiancé was convinced that she hated him for a while and that I’d be the cats favorite forever. Wellll the cat got over it and barely looks at me while he’s her whole world now lol
Let him take over feeding and give lots of treats. Those churo treat sticks are like liquid gold to cats. Let her come out of her shell in her own time and try not to pressure her too much.
This happens all too often with cats. In particular, my spicy ragdoll is always trying to run ahead of me. They understand the words, "I'm sorry." I would just have him make eye contact with her and say these words genuinely and do that slow blink. They understand. It has worked every time! They know who loves and cares for them. I wish humans were this resilient. I'd do that with churu, too, if she is hiding out. Food---the great motivator! They're sentient, so they'll translate the message!
My dad did the same thing with my cat a few days ago, although Molly wasn't nearly as traumatized, though she'll accept pets, but won't go near him to wake him up in the morning anymore or sit on the couch. Although in Dad's case he was brushing Molly's fur and Molly really loves her hairbrush. So she tried to grab it to bring it closer to her face, and accidentally got a claw/ nail snagged really good into Dad's finger. Bled a lot and hurt a lot. Molly got scared and ran. Dad wasn't mad because this cat never bites or scratches except 1 (now 2) times when she's playing or getting into the mood a little too much and gets carried away.
Alley will come around with time. Just let your hubby feed her, pet her, and speak gently to her. The cat will naturally come around him more when she feels like it.
My husband loves animals so much the neighbors called him Doctor Dolittle. He got into an altercation with our cat Simon when Simon was somewhere he shouldn’t have been and got scared when my husband grabbed him. He actually bit my husband out of pure startlement, and my husband yelled and smacked him.
I thought that was the end, that the two would never be friends again. My husband was able to win Simon’s trust back by being patient and kind. It took a couple of weeks, I think. Be patient. They’ll be friends again.
it will take some time
generally I think it will come to rights after a while
one of my guys accidentally got sticky packing tape on three of his paws and could not get it off.
it took me forever to get him out from under the bed after he ran through basically the whole house.
it is now almost a year later and it is like it never happened.
just be calm - no more "jumping on the bed" and see if your husband can use a very calm and slightly higher pitch voice to talk to him for a while - and some treats
It'll be ok. Everyone has given great advice. I can only offer my hindsight, anytime you have an accident with the cat, there needs to be immediate apology and regain of trust right then. My husband accidentally closed a door on our cat's tail. The screaming....she ran from him but I scooped her up and brought her over to him so that he could apologize and pet her. Of course we also rushed her to the vet for X-rays to make sure she hadn't broken a tail bone. Gave her a few days of peace and quiet, and husband was extra super gentle with her for a good seven days. They made up. Good luck to ya!
Whenever my cats are scared I pet them and say "it's ok". Short words are easier to learn. I did it every time I vacuumed and now they aren't even scared of it.
Your husband should become the primary caregiver. He should take over all cat activities, feeding, treats, brushing, litter. All of it.
It's going to take time to earn back the trust
You’ve gotten plenty of good advice, I’m just here to say I love the name! I have a boy cat named Alley as well ❤️ Hoping Alley warms back up to hubby in no time!
Bach Pet Rescue Remedy, daily. Husband offer tube treats to Alley. Together on the couch. Dad MUST remain calm around Ally at all times. No loud voices, no sudden movements.
One of our cats had a horrible habit of darting through closing doors at the last possible second. He had full permission to go from the house to the sunporch and vice versa whenever he wanted, but he ALWAYS had to dart and be sneaky about it.
Our door to the porch has a tight seal so it needs a little extra force to close and I’m sure you can guess where this is going. He darted behind me at the last second and I sah-LAMMED that poor cat in the door, chopping him hard square across his middle. He went “huh-MEOWCH” and I went “” because I thought I’d probably blunt-trauma-ed my poor cat.
He RAN for the basement and hid for the day. He wasn’t hurt (he was a solid beast) but he was PISSSED and utterly betrayed that I’d chopped him.
He got over it. He wasn’t hurt (I checked) but he made me suffer a good dose of guilt. By the next day we were good again, and I learned (he didn’t) to be more diligent about slamming the door.
I’ve done this accidentally once when I was a newer cat owner. My cat, Ciel, was doing something I didn’t like and since I was used to dogs, I clapped really loud a few times and it scared the shit out of him. Never did it again and he avoided me like the plague. What I did to rebuild our trust was to make sure he knew my room was still his safe space. Kept it clean. He was hanging out in the bathroom a lot so I put a carrier in there and blocked the hiding spots to increase his confidence. Worked like a charm and after I did that, in a few days we were basically normal. What I’ve heard is that you shouldn’t let a cat hide in these circumstances, but it’s obviously situational, and seemed to work for us. A year or two later now and he’s still my best friend, making biscuits and meowing at me like a little princess 🙂
- Use feliway diffuser, really calls my cats down
- install cat trees if you don’t have them already. Height gives them confident
- Get husband to feed all the meals
- Get delicious snacks (eg dine in tube) and get husband to hand feed to cat for positive association
- Husband to talk quietly to cat to rebuild bond
- understand it will take a while
One of my little idiots got a plastic bag stuck on his leg and in the process of tearing around our house scared shitless, he tore out a handful of his nails in the carpet. My husband had to wrangle him into the carrier to get him to the vet when he was in full fight or flight panic mode. For a few days he would growl and swat every time he saw my husband, but then he just kind of snapped out of it and went back to being his little bff. Give it time. (Lots of treats and pets might help also!)
I know this sounds weird, but if he hasn’t done it already, ask your husband to sincerely apologize to Alley. Have him stroke Alley while gently apologizing. When I’ve frightened or accidentally hurt any of my cats in the past, the first thing I do is immediately and profusely apologize so they know it was an accident. Ends the issue immediately.
Have yr husband get down at Alley's level (if possible), explain what happened, & apologize. Repeat gently & w Love as much as needed
I have pet banter w my kitties, but when I've hurt them on accident doing something similar, I apologize & tell them directly what happened & that I'm sorry.
One time, I called my cat in from the yard, went inside for a moment, & when she was coming in she got attacked by a pit while i was inside coming back out. Thankfully she was ok & survived unscathed, but was so very traumatized. I cared for her & apologized so much itm, but over a year later she still wasnt fully warm w me so I sat w her & had a serious talk where I told her how bad I felt, she could trust me, I was grateful she was my cat, I would never call her in like that again etc
I think she actually understood bc after that our relationship changed for the better & she noticeably warmed up to me. Ive always thought animals are more conscious & sentient than humans give them credit for ~ cats esp. I love to coo in all the voices ofc - I also talk to them like humans - explaining where I'm going, what's going on in the house, apology for stumbles, etc.
Keep gently apologizing & reiterating to Alley that it was an accident, yr sorry, & daddy is a safe space & I bet he'll warm. Also Treats! Treats are great & heal all wounds:) humans & cats are not so different in our needs - esp w trust & boundaries <3 Sending love to Alley & y'all! <3
Ugh this happened with one of my dogs once. My husband did yell at him, but just like "Hey, get away from that!" Nothing crazy at all. And for DAYS afterward, Zavey would retreat to this rarely-used room. Like he was self-exiling. We were both crushed. My husband just kept trying to coax him to join "the pack," which included us, our other dog, and our cat at the time. Eventually, he did return, but God it was upsetting. Now if my husband has to tell him to stop doing something, he is careful to immediately pet and praise him afterwards. Not 100% sure it will work on cats, but that's my 2 cents.
Well what about the cat keeps biting me. He can’t scratch his claws are missing. He was my sister’s cat and she had him declawed. He likes to demand that u rub him. He pushes against your hand , so u have to rub him. I mad the mistake of rubbing him to long and he bit me. He broke the skin on my hand and he attacked my leg. He knows he doing wrong because he runs after the fact. I’m getting feed up with this biting. He’s 12 and I think he’s too old to learn to stop. Aside from these 6 bites he’s a good cat. I took him in my sister was taking him to the pound. Maybe I should have let her. He’s been here for 4 months.
Other people have provided good advice I just wanted to say I'm sorry your cat had a big scare! Something like that happened to my cat a couple days ago where I accidentally spooked her really badly and she was terrified of my office for days (even though that's where she used to hang out all the time). She's started getting back to normal but it's still a sucky feeling. Some cats just have a stronger fight-or-flight than others.
My bigger cat probably thinks his name is 'I'm so sorry baby's after accidentally tripping over him often....he's quite clingy and a follower wherever I go so it inevitably happens. The kitten wisely learns from all this😎
Sounds like non recognition aggression. Minus the aggression part. Have you looked it up? It's not always between two cats can happen with people too during traumatic events. My cats had it, took a few weeks to sort. We had to seperate them and gradually re introduce
Ive accidentally hurt my cat a few times. Cats and doors, not a good mix when you have a hyperactive cat lmao. They get very skittish after it happens, but you need to just sit by them, let them come to you. Have some treats or food, so they can get more comfortable if they’re not letting you come near them.
Once they are more comfortable, play with them for a little bit, so they feel everything is normal and okay again.
If they 100% want to be left alone though, don’t put them, could scare them more.. just let them come out on their own time. If you’re a loving pet owner, your cat won’t forget that. They just need a little time to feel safe again.
have your husband take over feeding and playing with alley and tell him not to take it so hard. animals don't understand accidents so they think that being hit or stepped on accidentally is actually on purpose. like if you stepped on their tail accidentally they think you did because your upset at them or they weren't supposed to be in that spot. it'll take time but your cat will warm up to your husband again. he just feels that the person he trusted the most is angry at him and doesn't want to cause anymore problems hence the hiding.
I have 5 of the fuckers (I’m kidding I love them they are truly my whole life) and trust me they get over it eventually. Just gotta keep working at it. Seriously one time I set a couch down on one by accident while I was cleaning (I thought they were all in the other room) got her to the vet to get checked out she was fine just bruised and I swear she hid from me for like a solid month. Regular play time, treats, cat nip and just being near them without acknowledging them in my experience are the greatest tricks
Let me tell you, we had a daddy/kitty incident when one of ours was a few months old. I think about 10/12 years later that the kitty grudge started lifting.
I've always wondered about this. I have 3 cats and there have been numerous occasions where I've either stepped on them or hit them either with a hand or elbow turning over in bed or folding clothes... the list is endless but they just happened to be coming towards me when I was moving. I always feel awful because they retreat as well and I go to them and apologize lol but pick them up and cuddle them. Hopefully they just forgotten it but I can't help feeling like they store up that perceived trauma. I agree with the comments about having your hubby feed and give treats also playtime as well. If Alley will let him pick her up and sit on the couch that would be good too. Does she like to be brushed? Brushing is good bonding time as well if she will let him.
Did he apologize after the incident? I've stepped on, spilled on, accidentally kicked many babies over the years & the first thing I do is, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that!!" and none of them held it against me for more than an hour.
Hope you all find peace together. It sucks when the babies are upset.
If I were your husband I'd pick him up and cuddle him, whether he likes it or not. So Alley can see he's the same wonderful guy he's always known. Face his fear sort of thing.
Animals don't understand face your fear as humans do. Human concepts do not work on animals and if Alley is seeing him as a threat, all this does is reinforce to Alley... He's a threat as he's doing something I don't want by force.
Please, nobody do that. This will definitely make it worse. Alley will feel like she doesn't trust you because she told you she doesn't want to be bothered and you violated that. No means no, and that's universal.
First of all, you could stop anthropomorphizing your cat …. Give it time.
The cat will be just fine. This happens to everyone. - that happens to us on our daily basis here -
Have “daddy” take over feeding Alley his meals for a while, lots of treats and pets when Alley will accept them. Other than that, it’ll just take time for Alley to go back to his normal self.
Yes, OP should try to avoid giving anything to Alley so that Alley will turn to husband for attention and food.
And make sure he is very calm and quiet around Alley. No sudden movements or loud voices. Just slow, deliberate movements and soothing tones. And have him watch his body language as well. Make sure he tries not to tower over Alley, and approach him more from Alley's level if possible so he doesn't appear threatening.
So crawling on all four😂 I just imagined a 6 foot man doing this and it’s hilarious
I do this all the time for my cats and do the head bop and slow blink to reinforce I'm just one of the pack even though they treat me more like their passed mom, Hera, may her soul rest in peace. ❤️ Also get down to floor level and act all cat-ish when meeting friend's cats. 😻
Awww
And play too! Whatever Alley’s favourite toy or game or wand is, only dad can do it. It will take time, but Alley should come around
Ive tripped so many times over my cat that i swear she knows what "im sorry baby" means by now, i say it and her tail goes back pointing up being a happy cat again. I think he just needs to spend some time rekindling... Aka all the good things: food/treats, play, pets, slow blinking eyes, smooth voice, no staring, no abrupt movements and also i find doing it sitting on the ground works well because it probably feels less scary than seeing a big hooman standing up and tall. He should initiate contact and go in that room where the cat hides, but leave some space so it doesnt feel unsafe. Theyre not starting from zero relationship, its just about saying everything is still alright
Yes my cats are mostly used to being stepped on at this point. They know they’re asking for it when they plant themselves silently under or Between my feet while im cooking or doing chores. 😑 one of them keeps well away but the other two are slower on the uptake but at least they dont seem to hold grudges, praise the lord.
Thanks to my 4 cats, I have learned to walk in strange ways. I am wondering if I should start my own ministry of silly walks.🤣
I’ll join when you get it started! Lol
thanks to my cat i know how to fall in slow motion to not fall onto him
one of my cats will actively place himself beneath my feet because he knows it will get him my attention and he's an attention hog who needs it 24/7 and any attention elsewhere is a slight on my part and indicates I'm neglecting him (according to him)
My jerk of a cat, Louie, will run ahead of me and then stop right in front of me as I’m walking through the house. It’s mostly at night when it’s dark. He is just being a brat and trying to get negative attention, has to be. I’m more used to it now. I hear him come running and then a little shuffle noise as he tries to cut me off. What a little shit he is, now that I’m thinking this through!! 😂
We call that "the Gato-stop". Little fuckers do it on purpose.
RIGHT? lol Hubert will flop and splay across the hall, the little asshole. I love him so much
getting break checked by a cat, what a little stinker!
Oh my gosh, my maine coon cat likes to park himself right behind me. There have been many times when I've almost stepped on his tail, so I stumble and while trying to avoid him, I step on the *fur* of his tail, and in the process of nearly tumbling over him he scoots off. With my foot firmly planting his hair down, it ends up being ripped from his tail. 🥺🥺🥺 It doesn't bleed or look sore but leaves a decently sized bald spot on his tail. This has happened a few times, and *I've* been the one to learn to step carefully behind myself.
We had a cat who would do that. We called it cat trapping. She would run in front of you, and throw herself in front of your feet. When you tripped on her, she would get fussed over and pets.
I’ve dropped multiple things on my cat, including a full water bowl 😩 He’s also been in the kitchen as a full sized flat top skillet came crashing down mere inches from him. Ive stepped on him, accidently kicked him, scared him with a pet and he went running face first into the ottoman. One time, I shifted in bed and sent him flying off with a well-placed hip thrust 😂 He’s always gotten over it, although he does seem especially wary of me in the kitchen and would often run quickly through the kitchen area after an incident just in case.
Yes, I immediately fawn over my cat when I do something like this, and they get over it. But I've also learned not to yell when something like this happens.
I starting wondering if my poor cat thought OMG SORRY meant "take that kitty" because every time I said it I hurt her lol. Why, why do you trip me
Yeah same. Used to have to wait a few days for the cat to come around again, but now if I’m apologetic and comfort them wherever they’re hiding we end up fine. They like to run under people, shits just gonna happen from time to time lol. Thankfully no real injuries.
If he could take over exclusively feeding and playing with Alley for awhile and really amp up the high value treats and toys that might help him warm up again.
This is true! When I got my cat she jumped on my back unexpectedly, clawed me as she was sliding down. It was so painful and she was drawing blood, I screamed for my partner to get her off. Our relationship wasn’t great after that but after spending time alone with her & some treats I’m now the fave!
I’ve had that happen. My cat likes to jump from the top of a pinball machine to the top of the refrigerator, and back again, with the doorway of the kitchen between the two. She is usually very good about calculating distance/angle, etc. She missed twice and fell, and I really don’t like when she does this. So when I am in my kitchen, and she is on the refrigerator I stand in the doorway and sort of hunch my back, as a hint to her to climb on my shoulder. She will do this and use me as a bridge to walk on to get back on top of the pinball machine. One time I did this while shirtless. She made her way to my shoulder and lost her footing, and slid straight down my back, digging her claws all the way dry down. She was fine. Me, not so much. PS, I get a tetanus shot regularly, every 10 years.
I’m sorry I laughed.
I've accidentally kicked my cat clear across the room when she got in front of me as I was walking. She was unhurt but very scared, and the only thing that really worked to help her was time and space. Have your husband give Alley treats and pats if he accepts them, but don't push too hard. Let him come to your husband on his own terms, and once he does that he should realise pretty quickly that he didn't mean to scare him. This isn't permanent, he will get back to being the same loving kitty he used to be.
My husband fully stepped on our sleeping cat in the dark. She wasn’t hurt but she hid in the evenings for a week or so and was wary of him. She was fine after a couple weeks though like it never happened. She’s still VERY sensitive if she gets slightly stepped on now and will retreat somewhere. It’s very dramatic. lol.
ive done this too, i have a black cat so i had no clue since he usually sleeps in my bed
Sounds like someone might need a glow in the dark, or light up collar.
lol probably
This happened to one of my cats. He’s dark grey too so even harder to see in the dark, and took to sleeping at the top of the stairs for a while, in front of a door to the bathroom. Was just a matter of time until someone stepped on him lol
Did he stop sleeping there pretty quickly lol?
No lol. Had to happen a few different times for him to pick another really stupid spot, like halfway up the stairs lol.
funny enough, that's exactly where our cats like to hang out! I've taken to patting the stairs if I'm going up in the dark, and still managed to step on him (he was on the side, just next to the empty patch of stairs I was patting)
Yeah not mine. He’s gotta sleep right in the middle of the stair lol
I’ve done this too, I sleep on my belly with my leg stretched out and my cat sleeps next to my foot, I didn’t hear her jump onto the bed so I literally kicked my foot out pretty hard to get comfortable and she went flying into the wall in rag doll mode. I literallt felt so bad I started crying lol but she was absolutely fine I just gave her a treat and cuddles and she was back to sleeping by my leg again 10 minutes later. But flea baths- she HATED me for days 🤣
the sooner you and hubby calm, the faster kitty will realize it was just a tragic mistake and move on.
I agree with others who mentioned for him to feed the cat, but I also recommend being patient. The cat most likely got very scared, despite it being an accident. Have him sit on the floor when the cat is around and just let the cat go to him; don't force it or rush it, or the cat might continue on being scared. It should go back to normal. Just give it some time.
Get a ‘fishing rod’ toy with a feather! It will give kitty some ‘safe’ space and cats cant resist the feather. He will forget dad ever scared him.
Cats pick up on emotions - if your husband is feeling anxious because the cat is anxious it’s a perpetual cycle… just act normal and the cat will forgive. It was a one off incident.
I agree, act normal. If I accidentally step on my cat, I apologize sweetly, rub his paw, then continue on and he forgets
I know a lot of people are suggesting treats/food, but left field idea: our highly anxious and reactive cat still won't take food/treats/etc from us after 9 years about 80% of the time. What he goes apeshit for is being brushed so rather than offering treats when he's been spooked by, for instance, a celebratory cheer at a winning goal we pull out the brush so he knows he's not in trouble or danger. The tl;Dr of this is it's important to consider the potential of alternative motivators when kitty's being skittish
Yeah once years ago I used a treat to lure my cat out to take her to the vet. Ever since then if I act at all different than normal when giving treats she spooks and hides. 😥
This sort of reminds me of how anytime I looked at my chihuahua in the winter he would run and hide because he was afraid that I was going to put a sweater on him!!
I used food once. ONCE. To bribe my cat into the kitchen where the carrier for the vet was. To this day she won't come to eat her wet food when I'm the one preparing it. Dramatic asshole. Sorry I wanted to make sure you weren't dying of kidney failure.
Yup, apparently it only takes once!
This may sound ridiculous- but in addition to all of these great ideas have your husband vocally tell Alley (while maintaining a respectful distance) exactly what you’ve said. That he didn’t mean it and is very sorry Alley was hurt. Cats are sensitive animals for the most part and after working with them for a long time I really believe they recognize intent, even if they don’t understand every word.
I agree with this. If I yell about something, cat-related or no, I try to quietly, slowly, and calmly apologize to and comfort any nearby cats. And then be extra quiet and slow moving for at least a little while after. It's taken a long time to earn my ferals' trust (4 years for one of them), so I will do anything, even if it seems silly, to maintain that trust. Like you, I do think they understand the intent of an apology, even if they don't know the words.
This doesn't sound ridiculous. I also believe cats understand intent, especially cats who have spent a lot of time around you. It really sounds like both OP and her husband are anxious for the cat to forgive him, and the cat can pick up on that anxiety. I truly believe that if the husband says calmly, sorry I hurt you, they both act normally, and he takes over feeding to reinforce the positive incentives, the cat will relax. Both my daughter and I trip over our cats sometimes. We say oops, sorry, offer a quick pet and move on. If it happens again, I would definitely advise the husband not to yell (I think he yelled out) as this makes the entire situation more scary.
I recently had the pleasure of meeting a rescue cat whose former owner had taken him to the vet to be euthanized because he was pooping all over (it…wasn’t solid). He’s only nine, and the vet called our rescue to take him. His tummy troubles were fixable, and I swear that poor cat knew exactly what his person was trying to do. I’ve seen a lot of upset and grieving rescues, but this guy stood out. He has such a presence- like a solid little lion- but he not only felt hurt and abandoned, his pride was wounded because he thought he was needed and his guardian had just tried to toss him. One thing that I’ve learned is that cats don’t always see themselves as our fuzzy little babies (some do- do they ever!) Some cats see themselves as a fierce protector or as a part of the family team- and when that role is taken away or shaken they react much as humans do when they have suffered a loss (of a job, of functioning, of a role such as “parent”). Some get angry, some get depressed, some get on with things and are more resilient. Thinking this way about cats has helped me to see what is really happening when they don’t adjust to a new baby, or if they have a behaviour change. It’s not projection of human behaviour or emotions but recognition that our pets and domestic animals such as horses are close observers of our tone, behaviour, and family dynamics, and that they have their own type of sentience- some animals need a “job”, some need to feel in charge or important. Some just want cuddles, or the security of all the food. They have their own social roles when they are with others of their kind, and want us to respect what their role is. Even though I don’t always know what they may be trying to “tell” me, I tell them things all the time. When they arrive at the (no-kill) shelter I tell them they are safe, they haven’t done anything wrong to be here, and this is a place to rest and heal. They won’t be here forever. If they won’t eat and are depressed (many are) I tell them they matter, we are worried about them, and we want them to feel better. I’m not claiming to be SURE this is why, but many start eating after that. I think cats in particular pick up quickly on any kind of perceived rejection, and by directly addressing that with them we can more easily gain or regain their trust. If you had told me I would be typing these words ten years ago I would not have believed you, I am/was the least “woo” person ever. A decade of cats in crisis has made me think differently about our relationship with all animals.
You are amazing and I really enjoyed reading this. Thank you for all of the work that you do! The kitties in your life are so lucky to have you.
Aww, thanks! I’m pretty lucky to have them too…
Cats understand more than people think, if I accidentally step (lightly because I immediately notice, on their tails) I go to them to say sorry and give them ear scratches if they are ok with that, of they are still upset I give them time and an hour later they have forgiven me. They also used to run between our legs when walking but they learned it’s not a good idea, so hopefully they never do that again, that’s awful for both parties. The tone of the voice is important and body language, highper voice for praising, saying sorry, use gor for play, and make yourself lower to the ground. lower voice is “hey, don’t eat that plant” for example or “get off the kitchen bench” together with pointing at the ground (our cats understand when we point at things, also positive things) and make yourself taller. (Sometimes they think this is hilarious and will tease us till we get up)
I was raised to explain things and apologize to our pets. Some people think it’s crazy, but I agree with you. It makes a difference!
I agree! I talk to my cats like they are people. I had a friend that was a cat sitter in her spare time and said my cats seemed to understand English and it weirded her out a bit 😂
the easist way is wait until she gets hungry and your husband will be the one to appear with the food ta-da do this a few times take her off the all you can eat buffet schedule for a few days if that was the policy
The cat will be fine as long as he goes back to his routine
So, I see this on reddit all the time, and I'm sorry it has nothing to do with this topic but... What does it mean when a person who posted something less than a day ago, in this case 16h ago at the time of my comment, is posting from a \[deleted\] account? Did they post and then immediately delete their entire account?
Yeah that's pretty much what it means. It always makes me wonder too though-- what would cause somebody who left such a normal/pleasant comment here to up and delete their entire account lol? Cause when I lost access to my last one I'd had for 14 years, I was so angry that I refused to make a new one and just lurked for two years. All those saved posts that I'm never ever gonna go back in and look at again, gone.
Oh man, I would die if I lost this account. I have memories in here. Reddit is a place.
i've always wondered the same
I've accidentally stepped on my cats tail 3 times. I've of course tried to comfort him but one of those times I got him good when he just flopped down in front of me with no warning while I was walking. He was not happy and avoided me. So I just acted normal like nothing had happened. Now I'm the one who feeds him so he has to interact with me especially for treats. Very quickly he got over his issues due to not making a big deal and of course giving him his treats. Things I do is make sure my cat is interactive when getting his treats. Some treats he gets on his tree stand and he has to go to certain levels when I call them out. Other treats he has to high five, speak and give paw shakes so he is forced to do things with me to get his treats. Have your husband teach him things to get his favorite treats that way if something like that happens again your cat should get over the issue quickly to get their treats. Edit: Read this after I posted it, I said treats a lot lol. For treats for humans, take a drink every time I say treats ;)
BLINK BLINK BLINK!!! That’s the best way to tell a cat you’re sorry. If I make a faux pas of any kind, I have to give my cat some space and let her come to me, but whenever I can I just use all the cat body language I can mimic to let her know,,,, I’m sorry! Cats are labeled assholes, but they’re very forgiving and trusting if you can be honest about rebuilding a connection.
I didn't see anyone say this yet, but have you taken Alley to the vet? Even if you don't see an injury, there still could be one. Also, tell the vet what's happening and they may have some suggestions for what to do as well.
I accidentally kicked my cat in the face while crushing cardboard boxes :( she had a little busted lip but thankfully she didn't take it personally and let me hold a cold compress to it for a while. I gave her lots of treats and cuddles and eventually she stopped being wary of my feet again. I think your husband just needs to keep showering your cat with love and treats and they will go back to being buddies eventually. I don't think it will take too long, cats are usually very forgiving
Laughing, ONLY because one of our cats held a mega grudge against me for over a year (after biting me badly enough for me to need 3 months of wound care & not being able swim all summer) because WE tried to put him in a harness so he could go outside. He *didn't* hate his other parent (who also participated equally but didn't get bitten, go figure) He's just now coming around to "ok, I kinda forgive you because you give me plate snacks" & letting me pet him. They're funny in how long they decide to be traumatized &/or embarrassed. Another of ours will hide & sulk for a while if we see her "miss" a jump & look silly & laugh at her.
I had a cat who would play like a kitten unless she clocked someone was watching her. Then she'd immediately stop and look at us like YOU SAW NOTHING. I miss her, she was adorable.
I was trying to get my cats and son inside from our patio at the same time and when I did I closed the door at the same time the cat ran back out and hit her with the door. She screamed freaked out hid. This was in May. Today July 1st was the first time she’s been willing to even go near our outside the patio door. Not any advice just sharing my experience with how long it took my cat to understand the patio can’t hurt her. Even trying to carry her out she would freak out
This might be an unpopular take but talk to your husband about his reaction. Everyone has tripped, stepped on or had incidents with stairs and their cats. Most people immediately cry “ouch” and then jump to “oh no are you OK”? There was and is a real lack of empathy displayed towards the animal. They only have tone and body language to interpret humans by so it’s working against him here. Your husband being hurt is weird and the cat knows he’s reacting differently. The human here is making it about him and his feelings but an adult 20X the size and weight of the animal hurt him (accidentally) and then displayed anger. Animals will not pretend to save your feelings - your cat is scared of him and from the cat’s perspective, rightly so. I know we are all human but unless you know how to explain in cat language it doesn’t matter.
I want to add to all the recommendations: have your husband go into the room where Alley is hiding, and lay all the way down on the floor, face up with arms and legs out and relaxed (not straight like a board). Don't look at Alley, don't try reaching for him, just lay there. And tell him to start explaining everything that happened in that moment, from Alley catching up between his legs, to the beer and the yelling, all of it. And have him explain that he's sorry, he didn't mean to scare him. How much he loves him, everything that he loves about him. Tell your husband not to look at Alley, even if he comes out to investigate and sniff him. Don't look at Alley until the cat is at his face, looking at him first. I've done this countless times with countless cats as an introduction, and I think it makes a difference. They have the opportunity to see you, completely vulnerable with your tummy up (think of how scary it is for a little cat to have their tummy out to the world). And they get to hear the nice, quiet sound of your voice as you explain everything and apologize to them. It gives them the chance to explore you with sight, smell, and sound, without feeling like they're being watched (which can trigger a prey response). And I think their little brains can pull it all together so they know you aren't a threat and that you're sorry.
i have a multi cat house and stuff always happens. some are affected more than the others. my feral cat who i won over and brought inside gets upset for days when i put flea meds on her. my other cat got caught in my swinging kitchen door and was fine right after (she is obsessed with me and very trusting). another cat i popped on the butt because i seriously thought she was spraying my wall…come to find out she was wiggling her tail because she was happy to see me. this one was hard because i had no experience with a cat that did that. my only time to see that was when a cat was trying to spray. she was pretty upset and i gave her a little space for the day and when i fed her the next and days after i gave her lots of special attention to win back her trust. so trust is huge for cats and making your husband be the primary person to feed and make contact with her would be helpful. whatever her favorite things to do like snacks or getting pet, he should be doing it.
I've totally sat on or stepped on my cats. Thankfully they are very forgiving
I am very clumsy, so I guess it's lucky I don't have a grudge-holding cat. I've tripped over and startled my two girls more times than I can count. I'm sorry this happened -- I hope it will be a tiny blip in your history with Alley, and he'll be back to his old papa-loving self very soon.
My husband recently shaved his beard and our cat hasn't been the same with him since. It is getting better but not the same level of affection that she had when there was a beard involved.
have kicked my cats across the room several times(of cos unintentionally) but when its meal & treat times they just fall in line weaving between my legs and all. food, solution to all problems. haha.
Have you always had alley? It’s possible she’s been abused in the past. I recently had an incident with my cat and they way he reacted seemed extreme which makes me think he could have come from bad places before I adopted him I like others advice to let husband give treats and feed and it should earn trust back hopefully
I re-traumatize my cats chasing them to tell them I’m sorry 😂
Kitties have a great memory and throw tantrums like no other. It’ll take time but I promise he’ll come around. Not only have I had cats for over 20 years I’ve also studied cat behavior.
It'll blow over. I "traumatized' my cat with my black leather knee high boots once. He ran around the corner too fast and ran straight into me while wearing the boots. He would back away from them and cower for a few days afterwards. He is no longer afraid of the boots!
My cat just forgets the next day so just let him go on his routine for awhile, should be fine.
Hubby needs to gently pick up alley, cradle loosely but securingly and rub on him, talk softly and lovingly a couple minutes each time, slowly love on him until that fear is replaced with that mutual love. I've been in a very similar happening and it took a bit but my baby is back at sleeping by my head, follows me everywhere again. Patience, Love, and Loose Space will heal this.
Time usually fixes stuff with my cats <3
Your husband needs to interact with kitty .
Oh poor little man! And his Dad too. It happened to our little lady but thankfully she didn't seem to care at all. My husband almost broke his foot! Please tell him not to feel guilty. It happens a lot with cats. They just want to be around all the time! Little nutters.
also depends on cats personality. My current cat used to be all-drama-all-day-offended-by-anything, ignored it to get her out of that habit. But making sure hubby acts 'normal' and chill is a good idea.
I'm fairly new to cats. But we have a one year old who is on the anxious side. When she has gotten scared because of something I did. I go get her and hold her and give her all kinds of love. She is usually resistant, but also once I put her down she doesn't run anymore. She has done similar to me twice when she got scared and I was crushed too. She's scared and needs your husband to reconnect with her doing loving things, like people recommended, treats, play, feeding her meals. The human side is hurt and wants to retreat too. But if he can just consistently show love to her she will come back around. So sorry that happened. I hate when I unintentionally scare my babies.
I am constantly stepping on (and tripping over) my cats because they are always underfoot. This predictably causes them to avoid me for a couple of days afterward. They always come around again which inevitably leads to me tripping over them again. It's a vicious cycle that I predict will one day kill me when I hit my head on a counter or table. They will then eat my body, and the circle of life will be complete.
Dr Bach’s rescue remedy for pets works really well to help calm my cats. They also have flower essences that help with trauma recovery.
Treats and time. Honestly, I say one always kicks a cat twice. First is the mistake then you both dodge. Everyone recovers given time and good things
Make eye contact when walking around w the cat, let him know you see him. If my cat is laying on the floor n I walk to him without looking at him.. he bolts, otherwise he watches my feet. Your cat will forgive him but he may need to show some deference, show him u are conscious about not stepping on him
Have his daddy beg for forgiveness and kiss the floors his paws touch. That’s the only way. Oh and let him feed and play with him exclusively for the next week or so.
Bumping the advise about having your husband start feeding/bribing with treats. Had a similar thing happen with my cat and my best friend. TLDR is she was playing with the cat a little intensely (but not unreasonably) at the same moment I accidentally dropped something that made a loud noise and yelped from suprise. Cat got spooked, slashed my friend, and wouldn't get out from under the couch for a solid day. She warmed back up to me within a day or two, but started getting really cagey whenever my friend would come back over, but with a few treats and lots of care to move slowly and not make too much noise, it all worked out in time
Get him to feed Alley. I had to give my cat a flea bath and for a while after she wouldn’t even look at me. She was fine with my boyfriend but she acted terrified when I was around. I know it sounds silly but I was heartbroken!! Then my boyfriend said why don’t I get up and feed her in the morning instead of him so for the next few days I got up early with my boyfriend to feed her and she was absolutely fine with me after that. Also get him to give alley treats as that might speed the process up a bit
Patience is the key.
It will just take time. Your husband should continue to be gentle and talk to him, but not be too pushy. Sometimes you have to wait for them to come to you. It will happen, he just needs time. It's one of the biggest injustices in the world that we can't explain to our animals that something we did was an accident.
Much like humans , your cat is upset and stressed about the incident. He is not traumatized, he just can’t trust his human at the moment. You should have your husband feed him, and clean his litter for awhile, give him treats and most importantly give him space for. Eventually he’ll come around and forgive him.
Daddy does all food, treats for a while. Pick up some high value treats. Maybe some stinky bits of fish or those wet licky pouches. Let dad do more of the playing. A fishing type toy with a long reach can be good for playing from far. does he sit on the floor and be more low? Could make the cat more comf knowing less Of a trip risk. Worth having a few floor parties With you floor chilling.
Aww I’m sorry your kitty is traumatized, unfortunately it does happen! When I first got my cat, a very similar thing happened with her and my fiancé. My fiancé was convinced that she hated him for a while and that I’d be the cats favorite forever. Wellll the cat got over it and barely looks at me while he’s her whole world now lol Let him take over feeding and give lots of treats. Those churo treat sticks are like liquid gold to cats. Let her come out of her shell in her own time and try not to pressure her too much.
I’ve tripped over my cat a few times. I always fall. I just feed them keep giving treats and pets and they forgive me. He’s on my lap right now.
This happens all too often with cats. In particular, my spicy ragdoll is always trying to run ahead of me. They understand the words, "I'm sorry." I would just have him make eye contact with her and say these words genuinely and do that slow blink. They understand. It has worked every time! They know who loves and cares for them. I wish humans were this resilient. I'd do that with churu, too, if she is hiding out. Food---the great motivator! They're sentient, so they'll translate the message!
My dad did the same thing with my cat a few days ago, although Molly wasn't nearly as traumatized, though she'll accept pets, but won't go near him to wake him up in the morning anymore or sit on the couch. Although in Dad's case he was brushing Molly's fur and Molly really loves her hairbrush. So she tried to grab it to bring it closer to her face, and accidentally got a claw/ nail snagged really good into Dad's finger. Bled a lot and hurt a lot. Molly got scared and ran. Dad wasn't mad because this cat never bites or scratches except 1 (now 2) times when she's playing or getting into the mood a little too much and gets carried away. Alley will come around with time. Just let your hubby feed her, pet her, and speak gently to her. The cat will naturally come around him more when she feels like it.
My husband loves animals so much the neighbors called him Doctor Dolittle. He got into an altercation with our cat Simon when Simon was somewhere he shouldn’t have been and got scared when my husband grabbed him. He actually bit my husband out of pure startlement, and my husband yelled and smacked him. I thought that was the end, that the two would never be friends again. My husband was able to win Simon’s trust back by being patient and kind. It took a couple of weeks, I think. Be patient. They’ll be friends again.
it will take some time generally I think it will come to rights after a while one of my guys accidentally got sticky packing tape on three of his paws and could not get it off. it took me forever to get him out from under the bed after he ran through basically the whole house. it is now almost a year later and it is like it never happened. just be calm - no more "jumping on the bed" and see if your husband can use a very calm and slightly higher pitch voice to talk to him for a while - and some treats
It'll be ok. Everyone has given great advice. I can only offer my hindsight, anytime you have an accident with the cat, there needs to be immediate apology and regain of trust right then. My husband accidentally closed a door on our cat's tail. The screaming....she ran from him but I scooped her up and brought her over to him so that he could apologize and pet her. Of course we also rushed her to the vet for X-rays to make sure she hadn't broken a tail bone. Gave her a few days of peace and quiet, and husband was extra super gentle with her for a good seven days. They made up. Good luck to ya!
Whenever my cats are scared I pet them and say "it's ok". Short words are easier to learn. I did it every time I vacuumed and now they aren't even scared of it.
Your husband should become the primary caregiver. He should take over all cat activities, feeding, treats, brushing, litter. All of it. It's going to take time to earn back the trust
You’ve gotten plenty of good advice, I’m just here to say I love the name! I have a boy cat named Alley as well ❤️ Hoping Alley warms back up to hubby in no time!
Bach Pet Rescue Remedy, daily. Husband offer tube treats to Alley. Together on the couch. Dad MUST remain calm around Ally at all times. No loud voices, no sudden movements.
One of our cats had a horrible habit of darting through closing doors at the last possible second. He had full permission to go from the house to the sunporch and vice versa whenever he wanted, but he ALWAYS had to dart and be sneaky about it. Our door to the porch has a tight seal so it needs a little extra force to close and I’m sure you can guess where this is going. He darted behind me at the last second and I sah-LAMMED that poor cat in the door, chopping him hard square across his middle. He went “huh-MEOWCH” and I went “” because I thought I’d probably blunt-trauma-ed my poor cat.
He RAN for the basement and hid for the day. He wasn’t hurt (he was a solid beast) but he was PISSSED and utterly betrayed that I’d chopped him.
He got over it. He wasn’t hurt (I checked) but he made me suffer a good dose of guilt. By the next day we were good again, and I learned (he didn’t) to be more diligent about slamming the door.
I’ve done this accidentally once when I was a newer cat owner. My cat, Ciel, was doing something I didn’t like and since I was used to dogs, I clapped really loud a few times and it scared the shit out of him. Never did it again and he avoided me like the plague. What I did to rebuild our trust was to make sure he knew my room was still his safe space. Kept it clean. He was hanging out in the bathroom a lot so I put a carrier in there and blocked the hiding spots to increase his confidence. Worked like a charm and after I did that, in a few days we were basically normal. What I’ve heard is that you shouldn’t let a cat hide in these circumstances, but it’s obviously situational, and seemed to work for us. A year or two later now and he’s still my best friend, making biscuits and meowing at me like a little princess 🙂
I feel like Alley will definitely come around. I see there’s a lot of good advice here for you. Hang in there! This can be mended.
- Use feliway diffuser, really calls my cats down - install cat trees if you don’t have them already. Height gives them confident - Get husband to feed all the meals - Get delicious snacks (eg dine in tube) and get husband to hand feed to cat for positive association - Husband to talk quietly to cat to rebuild bond - understand it will take a while
One of my little idiots got a plastic bag stuck on his leg and in the process of tearing around our house scared shitless, he tore out a handful of his nails in the carpet. My husband had to wrangle him into the carrier to get him to the vet when he was in full fight or flight panic mode. For a few days he would growl and swat every time he saw my husband, but then he just kind of snapped out of it and went back to being his little bff. Give it time. (Lots of treats and pets might help also!)
He needs to beg for forgiveness repeatedly, sweet talk your cat, bribe with treats and gentleness….say sorry over and over. I speak from experience!!
I know this sounds weird, but if he hasn’t done it already, ask your husband to sincerely apologize to Alley. Have him stroke Alley while gently apologizing. When I’ve frightened or accidentally hurt any of my cats in the past, the first thing I do is immediately and profusely apologize so they know it was an accident. Ends the issue immediately.
Have yr husband get down at Alley's level (if possible), explain what happened, & apologize. Repeat gently & w Love as much as needed I have pet banter w my kitties, but when I've hurt them on accident doing something similar, I apologize & tell them directly what happened & that I'm sorry. One time, I called my cat in from the yard, went inside for a moment, & when she was coming in she got attacked by a pit while i was inside coming back out. Thankfully she was ok & survived unscathed, but was so very traumatized. I cared for her & apologized so much itm, but over a year later she still wasnt fully warm w me so I sat w her & had a serious talk where I told her how bad I felt, she could trust me, I was grateful she was my cat, I would never call her in like that again etc I think she actually understood bc after that our relationship changed for the better & she noticeably warmed up to me. Ive always thought animals are more conscious & sentient than humans give them credit for ~ cats esp. I love to coo in all the voices ofc - I also talk to them like humans - explaining where I'm going, what's going on in the house, apology for stumbles, etc. Keep gently apologizing & reiterating to Alley that it was an accident, yr sorry, & daddy is a safe space & I bet he'll warm. Also Treats! Treats are great & heal all wounds:) humans & cats are not so different in our needs - esp w trust & boundaries <3 Sending love to Alley & y'all! <3
Ugh this happened with one of my dogs once. My husband did yell at him, but just like "Hey, get away from that!" Nothing crazy at all. And for DAYS afterward, Zavey would retreat to this rarely-used room. Like he was self-exiling. We were both crushed. My husband just kept trying to coax him to join "the pack," which included us, our other dog, and our cat at the time. Eventually, he did return, but God it was upsetting. Now if my husband has to tell him to stop doing something, he is careful to immediately pet and praise him afterwards. Not 100% sure it will work on cats, but that's my 2 cents.
Have daddy spend time in a closed room, with treats, give rubs and love!
Exposure therapy and a lot of patience.
They a scammer
Well what about the cat keeps biting me. He can’t scratch his claws are missing. He was my sister’s cat and she had him declawed. He likes to demand that u rub him. He pushes against your hand , so u have to rub him. I mad the mistake of rubbing him to long and he bit me. He broke the skin on my hand and he attacked my leg. He knows he doing wrong because he runs after the fact. I’m getting feed up with this biting. He’s 12 and I think he’s too old to learn to stop. Aside from these 6 bites he’s a good cat. I took him in my sister was taking him to the pound. Maybe I should have let her. He’s been here for 4 months.
Other people have provided good advice I just wanted to say I'm sorry your cat had a big scare! Something like that happened to my cat a couple days ago where I accidentally spooked her really badly and she was terrified of my office for days (even though that's where she used to hang out all the time). She's started getting back to normal but it's still a sucky feeling. Some cats just have a stronger fight-or-flight than others.
My bigger cat probably thinks his name is 'I'm so sorry baby's after accidentally tripping over him often....he's quite clingy and a follower wherever I go so it inevitably happens. The kitten wisely learns from all this😎
Sounds like non recognition aggression. Minus the aggression part. Have you looked it up? It's not always between two cats can happen with people too during traumatic events. My cats had it, took a few weeks to sort. We had to seperate them and gradually re introduce
Ive accidentally hurt my cat a few times. Cats and doors, not a good mix when you have a hyperactive cat lmao. They get very skittish after it happens, but you need to just sit by them, let them come to you. Have some treats or food, so they can get more comfortable if they’re not letting you come near them. Once they are more comfortable, play with them for a little bit, so they feel everything is normal and okay again. If they 100% want to be left alone though, don’t put them, could scare them more.. just let them come out on their own time. If you’re a loving pet owner, your cat won’t forget that. They just need a little time to feel safe again.
have your husband take over feeding and playing with alley and tell him not to take it so hard. animals don't understand accidents so they think that being hit or stepped on accidentally is actually on purpose. like if you stepped on their tail accidentally they think you did because your upset at them or they weren't supposed to be in that spot. it'll take time but your cat will warm up to your husband again. he just feels that the person he trusted the most is angry at him and doesn't want to cause anymore problems hence the hiding.
I have 5 of the fuckers (I’m kidding I love them they are truly my whole life) and trust me they get over it eventually. Just gotta keep working at it. Seriously one time I set a couch down on one by accident while I was cleaning (I thought they were all in the other room) got her to the vet to get checked out she was fine just bruised and I swear she hid from me for like a solid month. Regular play time, treats, cat nip and just being near them without acknowledging them in my experience are the greatest tricks
Let me tell you, we had a daddy/kitty incident when one of ours was a few months old. I think about 10/12 years later that the kitty grudge started lifting.
I've always wondered about this. I have 3 cats and there have been numerous occasions where I've either stepped on them or hit them either with a hand or elbow turning over in bed or folding clothes... the list is endless but they just happened to be coming towards me when I was moving. I always feel awful because they retreat as well and I go to them and apologize lol but pick them up and cuddle them. Hopefully they just forgotten it but I can't help feeling like they store up that perceived trauma. I agree with the comments about having your hubby feed and give treats also playtime as well. If Alley will let him pick her up and sit on the couch that would be good too. Does she like to be brushed? Brushing is good bonding time as well if she will let him.
Did he apologize after the incident? I've stepped on, spilled on, accidentally kicked many babies over the years & the first thing I do is, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that!!" and none of them held it against me for more than an hour. Hope you all find peace together. It sucks when the babies are upset.
That darn cat should apologize to your husband! Your husband should be the one to get treats. He spilled his beer 🍺, dammit
Give him space and time. He feels betrayed most likely
If I were your husband I'd pick him up and cuddle him, whether he likes it or not. So Alley can see he's the same wonderful guy he's always known. Face his fear sort of thing.
Yeah let’s just violate the cats autonomy that will work
Please do not do this.
Animals don't understand face your fear as humans do. Human concepts do not work on animals and if Alley is seeing him as a threat, all this does is reinforce to Alley... He's a threat as he's doing something I don't want by force.
Lol reddit mfs even think they can psychologically assess cats now. Wild. As others point out, don't do this. It'll make the problem worse
If you are trying to cuddle a cat that is not in the mood to be cuddled you may end up with a face full of scratches.
That’s……not how cats work.
Please, nobody do that. This will definitely make it worse. Alley will feel like she doesn't trust you because she told you she doesn't want to be bothered and you violated that. No means no, and that's universal.
First of all, you could stop anthropomorphizing your cat …. Give it time. The cat will be just fine. This happens to everyone. - that happens to us on our daily basis here -