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Probably one of those weird charismatic retreats I also went to as a kid. I had people yelling and falling over during adoration. It was scary as hell.
Please contact your local bishop as the conduct of the man crossed a line
I think so. I have no idea why those exist. I can’t imagine anyone yelling and falling over, I would have probably had a nervous breakdown.
My mother said she was going to contact them for keeping us up so late and for the inappropriateness of the man.
I am so sorry that happened to you. I would make a complaint with your parish/Confirmation leaders, and definitely share that you felt uncomfortable. Confirmation is not about coercion, pressure, and deprivation, and I'm so sorry that was your experience.
When you feel ready, I would try looking for other opportunities for building up your faith, like a small group discussion/Bible study-type group with people your age, or maybe some time with people you know and admire that will help you with your faith journey.
Thank you. I go to normal confirmation classes and in comparison to this, they are MUCH more calming.
My mother is planning to report the guy to the parish. I pray he gets dealt with. Bless your night:)
This is...so strange. Sorry you had to go through that. I was required to do similar thing as a kid in Catholic school but it was all silent prayer time, talks about the faith, confession, and daily mass. There was a sharing session at the end of the day with other kids but it didn't get weird like that.
I wish it was like that. The people acted extremely cult-like and unnerving.
They didn’t have a “sharing session”, but on the second day they separated the girls, and they made us go into two lines, and it was a game of “step over the line if ____” while they would ask us really uncomfortable questions 😭.
Sounds like a campy speed dating event 😬 Sharing (if done at all) should be about insights gained on the retreat and realizing where God is acting in your life! You're right to be disappointed and scandalized by all of it. It's not like the school I went to was particularly conservative. What you experienced was not normal.
Nobody who's not a priest in Confession, or the parents of a minor, has the right to ask questions about (I'm assuming) sexual behavior of minors.
Getting all the members of a small group, to make admissions in front of that small group, while the leaders control the questioning, is a common evil way to get control of that group, and possibly hold blackmail material over them for later.
If anybody had come up with something spectacularly bad, that person could have become either the scapegoat of the group, or have been taken away for bad treatment. Everyone else would be afraid to question, and more malleable.
Luckily, it seems like your group kept their heads, more or less.
Who organized the retreat? Get in contact with them and let them know what happened. Likewise, I would get in touch with your diocese.
Otherwise, this sounds like my experience with various retreats. I despised them and always tried to get out of them. Even when I taught RCIA, the parish I volunteered at insisted on this really cringe setup and the kids hated it.
Exactly!! The volunteers from my parish seemed very uncomfortable. It was also very difficult because my older sister has very severe social anxiety and the forced socializing was taking a toll on both of us.
My mom is going to contact the retreat and report the weird guy, and also all of the other uncomfortable experiences.
Ok are all confirmation retreats UNHINGED??? Mines was back in 2014 I think and it took place at some camp with cabins and everything over, also friday - sunday. The first night they took away all watches phones and clocks bc we were on God’s Time. we were told to not talk and only communicate by passing notes??? One of our mentors did a crazy testimony about his dad murdering someone who had molested him(later learned it was not true) Theeeen Sunday morning we took a hike up a long steep trail… while carrying a giant heavy wooden cross lol we all had to take turns carrying it uphill and downhill
WHAT.
That is 10x worse than mine. I was allowed to have all of my electronics, TALK, and the only actual physical activity I did was a 10 minute walk from the church and back while praying a rosary. And it was peaceful.
Yours sounds like abuse. That is terrifying
I will say there was some really nice parts like our confirmation teachers told our parents to collect written letters from friends and family and we got to read them privately. I was sobbing from how sweet the letters were.
"Why are you doing these things? They don't seem appropriate for a confirmation retreat."
"Confirmation retreat? Lady, this is a course on combat survival and evasion!"
Yep, that's how the CIA/OSS trained people on "the Farm."
Except that one OSS guy during WWII, who said, "Of course I know where I am. I worked summers at this golf club for four years, and my parents' house is right down the road!"
So they asked him not to tell anybody where they were, or use too much of his local knowledge during the exercises. Which he politely did. :)
It's in \*You're Stepping on My Cloak and Dagger\*, a very funny memoir, especially if you've read other OSS/CIA memoirs that mentioned the Farm, or seen TV/movie use of the lore.
I’m pretty sure blindfolding people and transporting them is like actually illegal too? Like the kind of stuff they do during frat hazing kind of illegal
Mine was back in 2003. It was only a day retreat so nothing overnight. Phones weren't a big deal at the time. It was kind of like a mini ACTs retreat with games. A little cheesy at times but not this level of weird.
No they aren't. I organised some retreats and they simply was classes mixed with games and prayer. On the last one some parents actually asked me to ban mobile phones, though. Obviously I denied the request, which was actually pretty useless: kids don't abuse of their phones if they are having fun.
That is very upsetting. I don’t know if you feel comfortable with it but please talk to your parents about your experience. I am a mother and two of my kids will be going for a day time retreat soon. I would be really upset about this experience. The hours alone are not normal or healthy for teens. Plus the PDA and the way you felt with them touching you is really not okay. Our church has so much healing to overcome this type of thing should absolutely not be happening. I’m not saying for sure there were bad intentions but the people in charge of these retreats need to be very aware of who and what is happening.
Please talk to someone who you feel comfortable with who can talk to your parish about this.
I’m glad you could talk to her. I’m glad your trusted yourself also to know that this was not right I pray you have a much better experience going forward and congratulations on your upcoming confirmation (I’m assuming that’s what the retreat was for). Many blessings to you.
I witnessed a strange creepy one last year with my child. Keeping them up extremely late for no reason but sleep deprivation and manipulation. These are horrible for getting kids to love their faith.
Is this a common thing? That’s insane. I thought I just got unlucky.
And, yes exactly this place seemed very very manipulative, and the sleep deprivation was terrible. I made sure to note that in their little feedback bin lol.
It is common to cause sleep deprivation in religious retreats. It causes people to become more emotional and not be able to think straight due to the lack of sleep. Therefore making them easier to persuade into doing/saying what the retreat leaders want .
Well, it's not common in a healthy retreat.
Heck, when I've gone to retreats, they send everybody to bed at a fairly early hour, especially if it's being run by a religious order that sings the Hours and therefore has to get up again in the middle of the night.
And they don't want the retreat people getting up in the middle of the night, usually, which is why your retreat sleeping area is usually in a quiet corner of the order's dorm spaces. So they won't wake you up.
I mean your average retreat leader is not sitting over there twirling their mustaches going "Huehuehue I'll deprive them of sleep so that they will be more pliable to my suggestion that they play UNO slap >:)"
Most of time, the late nights are caused by leaders who are just out of touch and thinking, "Kids like to stay up late, right?"
Geeeez , Im not saying ALL retreat leaders are like this . I’m just pointing a common technique used among leaders that relates to OP’s post. That’s all.
Im not taking it personally. I have like 5 other people saying the same thing you did about “it’s not like that at the retreats I go to “ . It’s more like everyone doesn’t realize that I’m not talking specifically about them .
I've been to retreats and so have my kids. I have NEVER seen anything like this. Soooo many red flags you mentioned and absolutely inappropriate behavior. This needs to be reported.
This is NOT normal Catholic behavior.
It’s being reported by my mother! I pray that it will help. I’m pretty sure they’ve done retreats for multiple years, and it’s saddening that they’ve probably gotten away with this for THIS long.
This is definitely not normal (especially that princess part, just ew!), I'm glad you told your mom and she's taking steps to report it! Don't let anyone convince you that what happened was okay or that it was 'no big deal'. We as a community need to be on the lookout for things like this and ensure that it's addressed immediately so that no one else goes through the same thing. The parish needs to know that these people are not fit to facilitate such camps. I'm sorry you had to go through such an experience, but thank God that you were given the wisdom to see the wrong and the strength to stand up against it.
It reminds me a lot of Catholic charismatic services. I went to one once, and it just wasn’t my cup of tea, but very similar behavior: loud singing of modern music, praying over one person, falling to ground in prayer. Only difference is the service I went to they were all very kind.
I would highly encourage you to share your concern with your parents if you’re comfortable doing so. These concerns should be shared and they would be the best to do so. And id also mention the other friends who felt the same. Complaints / concerns should be able to be shared anonymously - if that’s a concern. If you felt ick in your gut than that’s enough to know it’s not right and I would bet your parents would very much like to know that you didn’t feel safe. So sorry you went through this - you speaking up / sharing your experience would hopefully prevent this from happening to anyone else. A lot of what you spoke of I experienced in retreats in COLLEGE and minus the creepiness - Feels like it’s a giant step beyond inappropriate and the parish / diocese should be made aware and hopefully address it. Hope you’re doing ok, I’m sure it’s hard to shake off. If you feel up to it, would encourage you to pray and hopefully you will gain some peace. You didn’t cause this and you’re incredibly brave for even sharing it here.
I’m so happy to hear that - I bet the weight of what you were feeling and wrestling with has been replaced with great love knowing your mom has your safety of mind body and spirit as the most important thing in life! Hoping you continue to feel the warm light of the lord knowing you are very much loved and looked after by him, the holy family, and your parents. Will keep a special prayer intention close for you and your family when I say the rosary and Divine Mercy Chaplet - Better days ahead!
Normally I would say to complain to the parish, see if anything happened, etc.
In this case, I would ABSOLUTELY complain to the diocese/archdiocese IMMEDIATELY, as well as the parish. If the retreat was run by an organization that consisted of more than just these weirdos, you need to complain to them also.
BECAUSE this is the season for retreats and Confirmation retreats, and this crud absolutely will not stand. It has to stop right now, and these people need to be removed from contact with spiritually vulnerable people. They are not competent or safe.
It's actually not that difficult to run a standard retreat, and the worst that would happen is bad song choice or annoying talking styles. In general, God is supposed to be doing the heavy lifting.
When people decide to get "creative" or to get their jollies from a bunch of minors, you get this stuff. Clearly the people running this retreat had NO sense of boundaries, or of what is appropriate with kids, and that can easily lead to criminal stuff happening.
The amount of hassle and paperwork involved in requiring every single volunteer to have safe environment training and clearances on file is a constant thorn in our side, but this experience is a perfect example of why we need it.
Maybe the core organizers are trained, but they brought in a “prayer team” or somehow got other parishioners involved, who as you said have no sense of boundaries.
I feel terrible for OP and their friends.
Some of the kids in my own parish youth group are practically family, but I almost never even get within arm’s length of any of them, and not one kid is ever alone with an adult. Why? Training and boundaries, people!
Thank you for saying this. The whole new charismatic movement was the big thing when I came into the Church and I couldn’t help but think that it was completely incompatible and foreign based off of the books I was reading while coming into the Church (Augustine, Benedict, Bernard of Clairvaux, etc. )
I know people who managed to keep it fruitful, but it was as a part of their spiritual life and not the whole thing. It's like expecting God to feed you emotional dessert all the time, all your life, to do nothing but charismatic stuff.
I mean, St. Augustine and St. Bernard's preaching was full of fervor and the love of Christ, and there were plenty of miracles happening and lots of spiritual awakening. But there was also other stuff.
It reminded me of the parable of the sower and seed that sprouted quickly but then dried out. All of the charismatic groups that were around me when I came into the Church don’t exist anymore.
I like to say different strokes for different folks. I went to a service once and, while I was uncomfortable, these were some of the kindest, full of the spirit people I had met.
And while I prefer a quiet reverence, I am happy they are growing closer to God.
Even aside from the creepy individual, this sounds uncomfortably close to a cult indoctrination weekend, and it is not necessary to take things to such extremes just to prepare young people for the sacrament.
First of all, I'm sorry this happened to you and it's awesome that 1) you so clearly see what was wrong, 2) you have a healthy relationship with your mom and can talk to her about it, 3) your mom is standing up for you! So even though it's all creepy and wrong what happened, there is some good in it as well :)
I don't know how it is where you live, but in my country there is an official child protection complaint form on each diocese's website. I think in the US it's called Safe Environment on the Diocese website. Maybe it's best if your mom makes a formal complaint that has **paper trace**, not just an in-person one.
I hope the rest of your preparation will go amazing and you get to experience the Holy Spirit in a good and healthy way on the day of your Confirmation! God bless!
Wow, thank you!!
The retreat was over an hour away from us so, I don’t know what my mom is going to do but the report won’t be in person.
Thank you for your kind wishes, God bless!
So sorry this happened to you. Absolutely unacceptable. The Priests who are in charge of this nonsense also need to be held accountable.
Remember, there’s SO MUCH Protestant influence (charismatic nonsense) in the Church today, in some regions (or Dioceses) it’s blurred the lines of what it really means to be Roman Catholic.
I’m a fairly recent adult convert and I just want to say I hate just about everything you said I’m glad you are speaking up for yourself and making light of a very awful situation and experience. These things in 2024 should never happen past or present. Do not stop being vocal until something very drastic changes about that especially to the Father and administrators and especially the Bishop where possible. I’ve considered helping at camps or retreats specifically because I hear of these things occasionally and I can read a room pretty well that I would’ve loved to have some “words” with this person who is a very least a bully. Remaining silent allows this to continue and who knows how far it’ll go. God bless you. and remember the faith and Christ don’t do these things. Catholicism is beautiful and God is great all the time. it’s people who need an attitude adjustment.
Yeah this is exceedingly weird. Sounds like a very protestantized retreat to “reach out to the kids” but yeah that’s overkill. And if the guy made you feel weird and people were touching you without permission, you need to talk to somebody about this. My cousin died a few years, but he led a lot of youth confirmation groups and would be appalled at this.
That sounds horrific. My retreat was shockingly helpful, with a few hokey over breakers, but mostly just good opportunities for reflection and inquiry.
I'm sorry your experience was so different.
I am okay. It did take a bit of a toll on me and my sisters, but it will pass and we will be okay. Thank you very much, and I hope your day is blessed.
Sorry you went through that. Unfortunately, not that uncommon. Lots of high school retreats seem to focus on exhausting the teens to the point of delirium so they can get a Jesus high. Lots of oversharing and bad vibes. It's the opposite of what a retreat should be, and it's counterproductive regardless of whether or not the retreatant had a good experience. Even if they had a good experience, now they think that's the way to encounter God.
As for the creepy guy, report him to the safe environment coordinator of whatever parish sponsored the retreat. You should be able to find that info easily on the parish website.
Write out what happened in detail, including all names, dates and times, and send the report to your Bishop. CC your parish priest and your principal with this was organized through a school.
This is my worst nightmare and why I have never been on a retreat since high school.
What is so difficult about respecting people's boundaries, no matter their age?
Young people - call your parents as soon as you feel uncomfortable.
I regret not doing that. For some reason, I was afraid my mom would be mad at me. She paid for the retreat (unknowing of how terrible it was.) So instead I pushed through for the full days. She was not mad at all, I don’t know what was going through my head.
It's hard to tell when we need help, and when we should just push through alone.
Prudence and humility can work together, and experience helps with prudence.
I'm sorry that this happened; but given all the weird "struggle sessions" and culty stuff that goes on, you will now be alert to early warning signs. And this can help you help other people.
Confirmation means "strengthening." The Holy Spirit strengthens us to live the Christian life, against the snares of "the world, the flesh, and the Devil." As you can see, we need that strengthening.
I've got to admit that because the American Catholic Church joined the youth group scene late back in the 90s or 00s, the only resources available at the time were charismatic Protestant ones. Even to this day, our resources are still inspired by the charismatic movement. This isn't to discount charismaticism wholesale—it did wonders for me when I was your age. I'm just pointing this out because charismaticism isn't going to be everyone's cup of tea, *and we as a Church should be ok with that.*
First, I encourage you to talk to an adult leader in your parish about this creepy guy. Bring it first to an adult on the youth team. If that doesn't go anywhere, then bring it to the office staff. And if that doesn't go anywhere, bring it to a priest. Father will ask you if you talked to anyone else, at which point you'll be able to say you did go through every other channel. And if that goes nowhere, bring it to the chancery.
But the second important thing to remember that just because the parish requires a particular retreat doesn't mean it has to be your only retreat. You clearly are a young Catholic who knows you've been jipped on a good, prayerful experience. (That's wonderful because I wasn't there when I was your age!) I would encourage you to have your own "retreat" by spending time with the Blessed Sacrament. Even if it's as simple as asking your parents if you can stay after Mass for an extra 10-15 mins to pray, that will do wonders. I'm sure God the Holy Spirit will prepare you for the Sacrament in these small moments!
God bless, and let's keep each other in prayer as you and I both prepare for Sacraments which confer a character on the soul :)
u/AznGlory \-- Well, maybe that was the only "easily accessible" bunch of resources, but that's only because the Catholic Church in America had largely thrown out all the previous youth resources of centuries.
I mean, that's not to say that everything from previous generations was perfectly wise... but if you go to any library that is old enough, or poke around enough through online archives of books, there are tons of Catholic retreat resources from medieval times, early Modern times, and Victorian times. Not to mention the entire 20th century before Vatican II.
And a ton of it was exactly pointed at kids and youth, to the point that it was innovative to have retreats for adult working people who weren't in religious orders (or rich and vaguely unsatisfied with life).
But there was a lot of forgetting going on, and a lot of people who were unsure whether anything old in Catholicism was still allowed. And meanwhile, there were Protestant publishing houses putting out these unified programs with workbooks and film strips and posters, so Catholics picked that instead.
Btw... I think it would be appropriate to call on the intercession of Argentina's newest canonized saint, "Mama Antula." Because her big thing was running Ignatian-style retreats for young women (and others too, but mostly young women), at a time when the Jesuits had been temporarily disbanded, and many people were unsure if Ignatian spirituality was still okay.
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mar%C3%ADa\_Antonia\_de\_Paz\_y\_Figueroa](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mar%C3%ADa_Antonia_de_Paz_y_Figueroa)
Mama Antula, please pray for all retreatgoers and retreat givers!
O Holy Spirit, giver of the Seven Gifts, please prepare all Confirmandi despite all obstacles! It is You Who strengthen and confirm us, and it is Your gifts that make us Your soldiers and heralds. Teach us and remind us of all we should know, and help us to use all our gifts for good. Amen.
Ugh the absolute HOLD that charismatic Catholicism took on youth ministry activities over the past 2 decades distresses me - I had a similar experience at my own Confirmation retreat, and it was so frustrating because I was one of the few kids there who even liked my faith and going to Mass. I had a miserable time, and the other kids just came out of it laughing at the music/praying over stuff. I so hope the tide finally turns because I hear so many stories like this where people have strange and awkward experiences rather than being motivated and inspired in their faith. It just isn't working, but youth ministers still cling to it.
I'm so sorry for your experience! As others have already said, please do talk to your parents and bring it up with the people running the retreat and with your pastor.
Sounds like a typical charismatic retreat from a suburban parish that probably removed kneelers and has the tabernacle in a side chapel. I say that because that was my experience growing up. Some kids like it, but it was clearly not for you - I'm sorry. Once you are confirmed and are an adult you can move to a more reverent parish.
That’s very weird and not what you should have experienced. I’m sorry you went through that. Please tell your parents first, then the priest and youth minister.
So sorry you experienced this! Definitely doesn't sound like the type of retreat the church wants for it's members.
I had a very similar experience as well. I absolutely hated my retreat. It was a two night weekend trip, I didn't know ANYONE and there was zero effort to help kids get to know one another because it was a diocesan school and I was in the minority as an outsider.
Same things - super late nights being forced to sing songs while we're exhausted. I remember we had adoration for like 4 freaking hours and we were forced to kneel on this small carpet squares that did nothing to help your knees. Hurt so bad. Lots of weird charismatic things and the guy who led the retreat was just super touchy feely and emotional. Super weird experience.
You're not alone!
Big oof. I’m a convert (completed RCIA in 2018). I’ve considered a retreat a few times, but I also suffer from intense social anxiety and “ice breakers” and “games” are extremely uncomfortable for me. It’s kept me away, and by some of the stories here, I still just stick to not going on retreats. 😂
OP, I’m so sorry for what you went through. The part where the man was too close to you was legitimately terrifying. I’m so glad you could talk to your mom and that there were other witnesses from your parish who were also uncomfortable. Hopefully all of those things combined will effect change.
I've chaperoned a few youth retreats and it's always exhausting. A lot of planners have a philosophy that every hour needs to be booked so that the kids don't get bored, sneak back to their phones, get into worse trouble, etc. The schedule is probably due to this.
That one creepy guy needs to be uninvited from all youth activities. Tell your parents, tell your pastor, tell the organizers of the retreat. Tell your friends to do the same. Every adult on that retreat is supposed to be Safe Environment trained.
This reminds me of the cursillo retreat (known as walk to Emmaus by Protestants but I went to a catholic one) that I went on. It traumatized me for a good two months. It was charismatic, and uncomfortable. The priest literally yelled at me in confession. Are you sure it is a retreat specifically sponsored by your archdiocese? I am sorry you went through this. Talk to your parents about it. I’ve heard acts is similar so I don’t recommend doing an acts retreat if this upset you.
**Report immediately to your bishop.**
Obviously, the creepy man needs to be reported.
But don't stop there. Tell your bishop about how weird the whole experience was, and how it had the opposite effect of what was intended.
This freaky evangelical crap needs OUT of the Church.
I went to a retreat pretty much just like this but I was 17 at the time. We stayed up until 10:30-11 pm and woke at 7 am. They also offered adoration until 2 am if you wanted to (I LOVE my sleep so I never went) now my church was apart of the Charismatic Movement so I’m not too surprised we had people prayed in tongues over us and we had hours long adoration singing the same songs. But I’m a woman and I had only women group leaders because they separated between boys and girls and we literally weren’t allowed to cross the colored lines for boys and girls rooms or else you were sent home. Like it was serious.
That guy definitely sounds creepy especially with calling you princess, as well as other girls having the same feeling about him. I would have your mom report him because even if he meant well (which it sounds like he didn’t) there are lines you aren’t supposed to cross and since you guys were uncomfortable and minors it seems like it was.
I hope you and your sisters can tell your parents about this and they in turn can discreetly relay things to the DRE. The fact that so many of you saw this guy as creepy means there is something there that needs to be looked at, or at least the guy needs to have some better training.
I am a former catechist for HS, and RcIA leader and I think your antennae were detecting a problem that should not be ignored.
God bless you kiddo!
Dude I’m sorry about all this.
This sounds exactly like the retreat we all went on when I was in high school.
The thing is, it has the opposite effect. This retreat changed my life and set me on a path that has kept me growing in Grace and gifts of faith. I’m so lucky I got to go on this retreat.
But the way you describe everything, I can see how this would be really not fun for some people. The staying up late was tough. If you’re not “into” worshiping God through music, that would be tough.
If you’re not into being close and touchy with others, that would be tough.
I hope it doesn’t hurt you further than this just being a bad weekend. But I do hope you continue growing in your faith, there is literally nothing more valuable this world could ever offer.
thank you.
it’s not that i’m not “into” worshiping God through music, it’s more that the music was extremely exhausting. they sang the same songs multiple times in a course of a couple of hours, the songs were terrible (in my opinion). they weren’t like normal gospel music, it was more like very modern country(?) that they were playing for multiple hours on end.
i do think i will be holding this experience close to me as an example of what certain churches and parishes can be and how to avoid them. i’m grateful that i was able to take something out of this, and i will be continuing to grow in my faith. God bless you:)
My mom didn’t know at all and she feels terrible! She hates those types & we never ever go to them for church. Our confirmation program isn’t like that at all, so I have no idea why a retreat like that was required for us!
Damn I've only been on one retreat with an Opus Dei group and it was only really silent personal time for prayer and meditation interspersed with Latin Mass and Confession. Then again, that kind of retreat was very different from the one you got sent on and it was advertised as such as a silent retreat.
What I really hated was being forced to go to our parish's youth group because I too have some pretty bad social anxiety and it was even worse back then in my early to mid teens. It was so overly extroverted and apart from the (major megachurch vibes) youth leaders with their contemporary Protestant jives (not horrible but it felt out of place) the whole thing just seemed so dead and you could *FEEL* how much everyone hated being there. It only served to detriment my enthusiasm for my faith and it doesn't surprise me that it's died and been brought back 3 or 4 times with different leaders.
Sorry for my mini-rant lol, I do sympathize with you and what you were subjected to gives me the creeps. Please report that man to your parish, he probably shouldn't be around minors.
Thank you. And I relate to everything you’ve said on the youth group.
My older sister went with me and she has severe social anxiety. I just have regular anxiety and even then the amount of forced, extroverted socializing was freaking me out, so I can’t imagine how she felt in this.
It seemed like the retreat was SO much more focused on themselves, or making us have some weird form of fun, than God. It was saddening because I was truly excited for connecting with Him, especially Adoration, but with the way the program worked, it feels like it was ripped away.
And yes, my mom is reporting the guy!:)
No problemo! I do hope that you get more opportunities soon to have a more spiritually enriching encounter with our Lord, whether at home, at Mass, or on a proper retreat :)
>And yes, my mom is reporting the guy!:)
😊👍
I’m so sorry this happened to you OP, that you had to be another victim in the disease known as charismatic Catholicism.
Contact your bishop and report it all.
All the best.
I am speaking here as someone who is involved in education in my parish, though mostly on the adult side. I hope someone from your parish tells you this too, but I’m sorry you got put through this. You completing your sacraments of initiation, which is your right as a Catholic Christian, absolutely should not be conditioned on people awkwardly imposing fringe personal spiritualities on you.
I feel that we make our young people jump through far too many hoops for first communion and confirmation. The only condition should be your desire to love Jesus to the best of your ability.
That really sucks. I never encountered that in my confirmation prep, and my kids haven't either (both in catechism/confirmation and in Catholic school activities). The retreats they go on are all very positive experiences. Even the kids from families who aren't Catholic, or religious, really enjoy them.
My folks did dallying in the charismatic movement in the early 90s, but it was quite harmless. Weird, yes, but nothing at all like this.
As other folks have said, you and your parents will need to report this to the parish.
If you see something say something.
Look, this guy might be a creep, or he might just not know how to work with teenagers. You and your sisters need to tell your parents to start with, and get them to help you talk to one of your priests. If he's a creep, he needs to be outed. If he's just a goober that doesn't understand teens or the kind of vibe he's giving off, then he needs to have an adult talk to him to fix it.
Regarding all the rest .. I was an adult when I got confirmed, so I sympathize, but I don't know what "normal" looks like. Honestly, sounds more like a weekend at a Holiness Church. Did you handle any snakes?
I was bullied so bad during retreats at my Catholic high school. I let it get between me and God for a long time and I'm still dealing with the trauma. Also, like with you, there was a sexually abusive component. It's so frustrating how bad the Church can mess this stuff up. I went on a retreat later in life with my wife, and I still didn't love it, even though there was no bullying. Perhaps it just brought back bad memories. I'm still very much a sinner, but luckily my wife has helped me to get back closer to God and the Church. I don't really have much to say or much advice, other than to say I've been there, and I now wish that it wouldn't have let it get in the way of my relationship with God and the Church so much. I'll pray for you.
You should report that man to your parish. All your sisters having weird experiences with him and PDA in front of you kids is unacceptable. It will be easy for you to try to minimize it or explain it away but these sorts of things need to be documented and corrected before they get worse.
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Probably one of those weird charismatic retreats I also went to as a kid. I had people yelling and falling over during adoration. It was scary as hell. Please contact your local bishop as the conduct of the man crossed a line
I think so. I have no idea why those exist. I can’t imagine anyone yelling and falling over, I would have probably had a nervous breakdown. My mother said she was going to contact them for keeping us up so late and for the inappropriateness of the man.
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EXACTLY!
Sounds like the entire thing crossed the line. Disgusting.
Exactly this. The bishop must be alerted. This seems like a very gross retreat.
I am so sorry that happened to you. I would make a complaint with your parish/Confirmation leaders, and definitely share that you felt uncomfortable. Confirmation is not about coercion, pressure, and deprivation, and I'm so sorry that was your experience. When you feel ready, I would try looking for other opportunities for building up your faith, like a small group discussion/Bible study-type group with people your age, or maybe some time with people you know and admire that will help you with your faith journey.
Thank you. I go to normal confirmation classes and in comparison to this, they are MUCH more calming. My mother is planning to report the guy to the parish. I pray he gets dealt with. Bless your night:)
This is...so strange. Sorry you had to go through that. I was required to do similar thing as a kid in Catholic school but it was all silent prayer time, talks about the faith, confession, and daily mass. There was a sharing session at the end of the day with other kids but it didn't get weird like that.
I wish it was like that. The people acted extremely cult-like and unnerving. They didn’t have a “sharing session”, but on the second day they separated the girls, and they made us go into two lines, and it was a game of “step over the line if ____” while they would ask us really uncomfortable questions 😭.
Sounds like a campy speed dating event 😬 Sharing (if done at all) should be about insights gained on the retreat and realizing where God is acting in your life! You're right to be disappointed and scandalized by all of it. It's not like the school I went to was particularly conservative. What you experienced was not normal.
Nobody who's not a priest in Confession, or the parents of a minor, has the right to ask questions about (I'm assuming) sexual behavior of minors. Getting all the members of a small group, to make admissions in front of that small group, while the leaders control the questioning, is a common evil way to get control of that group, and possibly hold blackmail material over them for later. If anybody had come up with something spectacularly bad, that person could have become either the scapegoat of the group, or have been taken away for bad treatment. Everyone else would be afraid to question, and more malleable. Luckily, it seems like your group kept their heads, more or less.
Who organized the retreat? Get in contact with them and let them know what happened. Likewise, I would get in touch with your diocese. Otherwise, this sounds like my experience with various retreats. I despised them and always tried to get out of them. Even when I taught RCIA, the parish I volunteered at insisted on this really cringe setup and the kids hated it.
Exactly!! The volunteers from my parish seemed very uncomfortable. It was also very difficult because my older sister has very severe social anxiety and the forced socializing was taking a toll on both of us. My mom is going to contact the retreat and report the weird guy, and also all of the other uncomfortable experiences.
Ok are all confirmation retreats UNHINGED??? Mines was back in 2014 I think and it took place at some camp with cabins and everything over, also friday - sunday. The first night they took away all watches phones and clocks bc we were on God’s Time. we were told to not talk and only communicate by passing notes??? One of our mentors did a crazy testimony about his dad murdering someone who had molested him(later learned it was not true) Theeeen Sunday morning we took a hike up a long steep trail… while carrying a giant heavy wooden cross lol we all had to take turns carrying it uphill and downhill
WHAT. That is 10x worse than mine. I was allowed to have all of my electronics, TALK, and the only actual physical activity I did was a 10 minute walk from the church and back while praying a rosary. And it was peaceful. Yours sounds like abuse. That is terrifying
I will say there was some really nice parts like our confirmation teachers told our parents to collect written letters from friends and family and we got to read them privately. I was sobbing from how sweet the letters were.
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"Why are you doing these things? They don't seem appropriate for a confirmation retreat." "Confirmation retreat? Lady, this is a course on combat survival and evasion!"
Yep, that's how the CIA/OSS trained people on "the Farm." Except that one OSS guy during WWII, who said, "Of course I know where I am. I worked summers at this golf club for four years, and my parents' house is right down the road!" So they asked him not to tell anybody where they were, or use too much of his local knowledge during the exercises. Which he politely did. :) It's in \*You're Stepping on My Cloak and Dagger\*, a very funny memoir, especially if you've read other OSS/CIA memoirs that mentioned the Farm, or seen TV/movie use of the lore.
I’m pretty sure blindfolding people and transporting them is like actually illegal too? Like the kind of stuff they do during frat hazing kind of illegal
Did you do a Kairos retreat?! I've heard they're pretty weird.
Mine was back in 2003. It was only a day retreat so nothing overnight. Phones weren't a big deal at the time. It was kind of like a mini ACTs retreat with games. A little cheesy at times but not this level of weird.
No they aren't. I organised some retreats and they simply was classes mixed with games and prayer. On the last one some parents actually asked me to ban mobile phones, though. Obviously I denied the request, which was actually pretty useless: kids don't abuse of their phones if they are having fun.
That is very upsetting. I don’t know if you feel comfortable with it but please talk to your parents about your experience. I am a mother and two of my kids will be going for a day time retreat soon. I would be really upset about this experience. The hours alone are not normal or healthy for teens. Plus the PDA and the way you felt with them touching you is really not okay. Our church has so much healing to overcome this type of thing should absolutely not be happening. I’m not saying for sure there were bad intentions but the people in charge of these retreats need to be very aware of who and what is happening. Please talk to someone who you feel comfortable with who can talk to your parish about this.
My mother has heard about it. She is reporting everything I’ve told her. Thank you very much, I really appreciate this message:) bless your night
I’m glad you could talk to her. I’m glad your trusted yourself also to know that this was not right I pray you have a much better experience going forward and congratulations on your upcoming confirmation (I’m assuming that’s what the retreat was for). Many blessings to you.
I witnessed a strange creepy one last year with my child. Keeping them up extremely late for no reason but sleep deprivation and manipulation. These are horrible for getting kids to love their faith.
Is this a common thing? That’s insane. I thought I just got unlucky. And, yes exactly this place seemed very very manipulative, and the sleep deprivation was terrible. I made sure to note that in their little feedback bin lol.
It is common to cause sleep deprivation in religious retreats. It causes people to become more emotional and not be able to think straight due to the lack of sleep. Therefore making them easier to persuade into doing/saying what the retreat leaders want .
Well, it's not common in a healthy retreat. Heck, when I've gone to retreats, they send everybody to bed at a fairly early hour, especially if it's being run by a religious order that sings the Hours and therefore has to get up again in the middle of the night. And they don't want the retreat people getting up in the middle of the night, usually, which is why your retreat sleeping area is usually in a quiet corner of the order's dorm spaces. So they won't wake you up.
In the retreats I organised, kids usually caused sleep deprivation on the organisers. Making them stop chatting on the evening was a major struggle. 🙃
I mean your average retreat leader is not sitting over there twirling their mustaches going "Huehuehue I'll deprive them of sleep so that they will be more pliable to my suggestion that they play UNO slap >:)" Most of time, the late nights are caused by leaders who are just out of touch and thinking, "Kids like to stay up late, right?"
Geeeez , Im not saying ALL retreat leaders are like this . I’m just pointing a common technique used among leaders that relates to OP’s post. That’s all.
And all I said was that I disagree that it's being done for some manipulative purpose. No need to take it personally
Im not taking it personally. I have like 5 other people saying the same thing you did about “it’s not like that at the retreats I go to “ . It’s more like everyone doesn’t realize that I’m not talking specifically about them .
I've been to retreats and so have my kids. I have NEVER seen anything like this. Soooo many red flags you mentioned and absolutely inappropriate behavior. This needs to be reported. This is NOT normal Catholic behavior.
It’s being reported by my mother! I pray that it will help. I’m pretty sure they’ve done retreats for multiple years, and it’s saddening that they’ve probably gotten away with this for THIS long.
This is definitely not normal (especially that princess part, just ew!), I'm glad you told your mom and she's taking steps to report it! Don't let anyone convince you that what happened was okay or that it was 'no big deal'. We as a community need to be on the lookout for things like this and ensure that it's addressed immediately so that no one else goes through the same thing. The parish needs to know that these people are not fit to facilitate such camps. I'm sorry you had to go through such an experience, but thank God that you were given the wisdom to see the wrong and the strength to stand up against it.
Thank you very very much. This is genuinely very touching. God bless you 🤍
Yeah definitely nothing I went through during confirmation.
I’m glad, it was NOT fun
this does not sound like Catholicism to be frank
It reminds me a lot of Catholic charismatic services. I went to one once, and it just wasn’t my cup of tea, but very similar behavior: loud singing of modern music, praying over one person, falling to ground in prayer. Only difference is the service I went to they were all very kind.
I'm so sorry. Retreats should be fun and calming. This is not normal.
thank you. my sister and i will okay and i really do appreciate your comment:) bless your day.
I would highly encourage you to share your concern with your parents if you’re comfortable doing so. These concerns should be shared and they would be the best to do so. And id also mention the other friends who felt the same. Complaints / concerns should be able to be shared anonymously - if that’s a concern. If you felt ick in your gut than that’s enough to know it’s not right and I would bet your parents would very much like to know that you didn’t feel safe. So sorry you went through this - you speaking up / sharing your experience would hopefully prevent this from happening to anyone else. A lot of what you spoke of I experienced in retreats in COLLEGE and minus the creepiness - Feels like it’s a giant step beyond inappropriate and the parish / diocese should be made aware and hopefully address it. Hope you’re doing ok, I’m sure it’s hard to shake off. If you feel up to it, would encourage you to pray and hopefully you will gain some peace. You didn’t cause this and you’re incredibly brave for even sharing it here.
Thank you so so much. Reading this truly touched me. My mother is going to report everything I’ve told her. I pray that you have a blessed day.
I’m so happy to hear that - I bet the weight of what you were feeling and wrestling with has been replaced with great love knowing your mom has your safety of mind body and spirit as the most important thing in life! Hoping you continue to feel the warm light of the lord knowing you are very much loved and looked after by him, the holy family, and your parents. Will keep a special prayer intention close for you and your family when I say the rosary and Divine Mercy Chaplet - Better days ahead!
Normally I would say to complain to the parish, see if anything happened, etc. In this case, I would ABSOLUTELY complain to the diocese/archdiocese IMMEDIATELY, as well as the parish. If the retreat was run by an organization that consisted of more than just these weirdos, you need to complain to them also. BECAUSE this is the season for retreats and Confirmation retreats, and this crud absolutely will not stand. It has to stop right now, and these people need to be removed from contact with spiritually vulnerable people. They are not competent or safe. It's actually not that difficult to run a standard retreat, and the worst that would happen is bad song choice or annoying talking styles. In general, God is supposed to be doing the heavy lifting. When people decide to get "creative" or to get their jollies from a bunch of minors, you get this stuff. Clearly the people running this retreat had NO sense of boundaries, or of what is appropriate with kids, and that can easily lead to criminal stuff happening.
The amount of hassle and paperwork involved in requiring every single volunteer to have safe environment training and clearances on file is a constant thorn in our side, but this experience is a perfect example of why we need it. Maybe the core organizers are trained, but they brought in a “prayer team” or somehow got other parishioners involved, who as you said have no sense of boundaries. I feel terrible for OP and their friends. Some of the kids in my own parish youth group are practically family, but I almost never even get within arm’s length of any of them, and not one kid is ever alone with an adult. Why? Training and boundaries, people!
Charismatic and Catholicism do not go together. Sorry to hear this
Thank you for saying this. The whole new charismatic movement was the big thing when I came into the Church and I couldn’t help but think that it was completely incompatible and foreign based off of the books I was reading while coming into the Church (Augustine, Benedict, Bernard of Clairvaux, etc. )
I know people who managed to keep it fruitful, but it was as a part of their spiritual life and not the whole thing. It's like expecting God to feed you emotional dessert all the time, all your life, to do nothing but charismatic stuff. I mean, St. Augustine and St. Bernard's preaching was full of fervor and the love of Christ, and there were plenty of miracles happening and lots of spiritual awakening. But there was also other stuff.
It reminded me of the parable of the sower and seed that sprouted quickly but then dried out. All of the charismatic groups that were around me when I came into the Church don’t exist anymore.
I like to say different strokes for different folks. I went to a service once and, while I was uncomfortable, these were some of the kindest, full of the spirit people I had met. And while I prefer a quiet reverence, I am happy they are growing closer to God.
Even aside from the creepy individual, this sounds uncomfortably close to a cult indoctrination weekend, and it is not necessary to take things to such extremes just to prepare young people for the sacrament.
First of all, I'm sorry this happened to you and it's awesome that 1) you so clearly see what was wrong, 2) you have a healthy relationship with your mom and can talk to her about it, 3) your mom is standing up for you! So even though it's all creepy and wrong what happened, there is some good in it as well :) I don't know how it is where you live, but in my country there is an official child protection complaint form on each diocese's website. I think in the US it's called Safe Environment on the Diocese website. Maybe it's best if your mom makes a formal complaint that has **paper trace**, not just an in-person one. I hope the rest of your preparation will go amazing and you get to experience the Holy Spirit in a good and healthy way on the day of your Confirmation! God bless!
Wow, thank you!! The retreat was over an hour away from us so, I don’t know what my mom is going to do but the report won’t be in person. Thank you for your kind wishes, God bless!
So sorry this happened to you. Absolutely unacceptable. The Priests who are in charge of this nonsense also need to be held accountable. Remember, there’s SO MUCH Protestant influence (charismatic nonsense) in the Church today, in some regions (or Dioceses) it’s blurred the lines of what it really means to be Roman Catholic.
I’m a fairly recent adult convert and I just want to say I hate just about everything you said I’m glad you are speaking up for yourself and making light of a very awful situation and experience. These things in 2024 should never happen past or present. Do not stop being vocal until something very drastic changes about that especially to the Father and administrators and especially the Bishop where possible. I’ve considered helping at camps or retreats specifically because I hear of these things occasionally and I can read a room pretty well that I would’ve loved to have some “words” with this person who is a very least a bully. Remaining silent allows this to continue and who knows how far it’ll go. God bless you. and remember the faith and Christ don’t do these things. Catholicism is beautiful and God is great all the time. it’s people who need an attitude adjustment.
Thank you. It’s being reported and I pray that it will help. My mom is going to tell them everything I’ve shared on here + more.
I just hope this experience doesn’t put a gap between you and the Catholic Church. Remember this community is here and we support you.
Update!
Yeah this is exceedingly weird. Sounds like a very protestantized retreat to “reach out to the kids” but yeah that’s overkill. And if the guy made you feel weird and people were touching you without permission, you need to talk to somebody about this. My cousin died a few years, but he led a lot of youth confirmation groups and would be appalled at this.
That sounds horrific. My retreat was shockingly helpful, with a few hokey over breakers, but mostly just good opportunities for reflection and inquiry. I'm sorry your experience was so different.
I am okay. It did take a bit of a toll on me and my sisters, but it will pass and we will be okay. Thank you very much, and I hope your day is blessed.
Sorry you went through that. Unfortunately, not that uncommon. Lots of high school retreats seem to focus on exhausting the teens to the point of delirium so they can get a Jesus high. Lots of oversharing and bad vibes. It's the opposite of what a retreat should be, and it's counterproductive regardless of whether or not the retreatant had a good experience. Even if they had a good experience, now they think that's the way to encounter God. As for the creepy guy, report him to the safe environment coordinator of whatever parish sponsored the retreat. You should be able to find that info easily on the parish website.
Write out what happened in detail, including all names, dates and times, and send the report to your Bishop. CC your parish priest and your principal with this was organized through a school.
This is my worst nightmare and why I have never been on a retreat since high school. What is so difficult about respecting people's boundaries, no matter their age? Young people - call your parents as soon as you feel uncomfortable.
I regret not doing that. For some reason, I was afraid my mom would be mad at me. She paid for the retreat (unknowing of how terrible it was.) So instead I pushed through for the full days. She was not mad at all, I don’t know what was going through my head.
I’m glad she is advocating for you.
It's hard to tell when we need help, and when we should just push through alone. Prudence and humility can work together, and experience helps with prudence. I'm sorry that this happened; but given all the weird "struggle sessions" and culty stuff that goes on, you will now be alert to early warning signs. And this can help you help other people. Confirmation means "strengthening." The Holy Spirit strengthens us to live the Christian life, against the snares of "the world, the flesh, and the Devil." As you can see, we need that strengthening.
I've got to admit that because the American Catholic Church joined the youth group scene late back in the 90s or 00s, the only resources available at the time were charismatic Protestant ones. Even to this day, our resources are still inspired by the charismatic movement. This isn't to discount charismaticism wholesale—it did wonders for me when I was your age. I'm just pointing this out because charismaticism isn't going to be everyone's cup of tea, *and we as a Church should be ok with that.* First, I encourage you to talk to an adult leader in your parish about this creepy guy. Bring it first to an adult on the youth team. If that doesn't go anywhere, then bring it to the office staff. And if that doesn't go anywhere, bring it to a priest. Father will ask you if you talked to anyone else, at which point you'll be able to say you did go through every other channel. And if that goes nowhere, bring it to the chancery. But the second important thing to remember that just because the parish requires a particular retreat doesn't mean it has to be your only retreat. You clearly are a young Catholic who knows you've been jipped on a good, prayerful experience. (That's wonderful because I wasn't there when I was your age!) I would encourage you to have your own "retreat" by spending time with the Blessed Sacrament. Even if it's as simple as asking your parents if you can stay after Mass for an extra 10-15 mins to pray, that will do wonders. I'm sure God the Holy Spirit will prepare you for the Sacrament in these small moments! God bless, and let's keep each other in prayer as you and I both prepare for Sacraments which confer a character on the soul :)
Wow. Thank you. I will keep you in my prayers. 🙏
u/AznGlory \-- Well, maybe that was the only "easily accessible" bunch of resources, but that's only because the Catholic Church in America had largely thrown out all the previous youth resources of centuries. I mean, that's not to say that everything from previous generations was perfectly wise... but if you go to any library that is old enough, or poke around enough through online archives of books, there are tons of Catholic retreat resources from medieval times, early Modern times, and Victorian times. Not to mention the entire 20th century before Vatican II. And a ton of it was exactly pointed at kids and youth, to the point that it was innovative to have retreats for adult working people who weren't in religious orders (or rich and vaguely unsatisfied with life). But there was a lot of forgetting going on, and a lot of people who were unsure whether anything old in Catholicism was still allowed. And meanwhile, there were Protestant publishing houses putting out these unified programs with workbooks and film strips and posters, so Catholics picked that instead. Btw... I think it would be appropriate to call on the intercession of Argentina's newest canonized saint, "Mama Antula." Because her big thing was running Ignatian-style retreats for young women (and others too, but mostly young women), at a time when the Jesuits had been temporarily disbanded, and many people were unsure if Ignatian spirituality was still okay. [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mar%C3%ADa\_Antonia\_de\_Paz\_y\_Figueroa](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mar%C3%ADa_Antonia_de_Paz_y_Figueroa) Mama Antula, please pray for all retreatgoers and retreat givers! O Holy Spirit, giver of the Seven Gifts, please prepare all Confirmandi despite all obstacles! It is You Who strengthen and confirm us, and it is Your gifts that make us Your soldiers and heralds. Teach us and remind us of all we should know, and help us to use all our gifts for good. Amen.
Ugh the absolute HOLD that charismatic Catholicism took on youth ministry activities over the past 2 decades distresses me - I had a similar experience at my own Confirmation retreat, and it was so frustrating because I was one of the few kids there who even liked my faith and going to Mass. I had a miserable time, and the other kids just came out of it laughing at the music/praying over stuff. I so hope the tide finally turns because I hear so many stories like this where people have strange and awkward experiences rather than being motivated and inspired in their faith. It just isn't working, but youth ministers still cling to it. I'm so sorry for your experience! As others have already said, please do talk to your parents and bring it up with the people running the retreat and with your pastor.
Sounds like a typical charismatic retreat from a suburban parish that probably removed kneelers and has the tabernacle in a side chapel. I say that because that was my experience growing up. Some kids like it, but it was clearly not for you - I'm sorry. Once you are confirmed and are an adult you can move to a more reverent parish.
That’s very weird and not what you should have experienced. I’m sorry you went through that. Please tell your parents first, then the priest and youth minister.
So gross and not ok. Please tell your parents too, I would be pretty ticked off if you were my daughter.
I had terrible experiences at retreats as a kid (Baptist church, though). Now that I’m a parent. I have decided to never let my kids go on one.
Trust your instincts. The whole thing was crazy.
So sorry you experienced this! Definitely doesn't sound like the type of retreat the church wants for it's members. I had a very similar experience as well. I absolutely hated my retreat. It was a two night weekend trip, I didn't know ANYONE and there was zero effort to help kids get to know one another because it was a diocesan school and I was in the minority as an outsider. Same things - super late nights being forced to sing songs while we're exhausted. I remember we had adoration for like 4 freaking hours and we were forced to kneel on this small carpet squares that did nothing to help your knees. Hurt so bad. Lots of weird charismatic things and the guy who led the retreat was just super touchy feely and emotional. Super weird experience. You're not alone!
Seems like a big departure to what a confirmation retreat should be like. Mine was pretty normal and not this "praying over" and gospel singing thing.
Big oof. I’m a convert (completed RCIA in 2018). I’ve considered a retreat a few times, but I also suffer from intense social anxiety and “ice breakers” and “games” are extremely uncomfortable for me. It’s kept me away, and by some of the stories here, I still just stick to not going on retreats. 😂 OP, I’m so sorry for what you went through. The part where the man was too close to you was legitimately terrifying. I’m so glad you could talk to your mom and that there were other witnesses from your parish who were also uncomfortable. Hopefully all of those things combined will effect change.
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Now THAT does sound appealing! Thank you for the idea. I will look into it further.
I've chaperoned a few youth retreats and it's always exhausting. A lot of planners have a philosophy that every hour needs to be booked so that the kids don't get bored, sneak back to their phones, get into worse trouble, etc. The schedule is probably due to this. That one creepy guy needs to be uninvited from all youth activities. Tell your parents, tell your pastor, tell the organizers of the retreat. Tell your friends to do the same. Every adult on that retreat is supposed to be Safe Environment trained.
This reminds me of the cursillo retreat (known as walk to Emmaus by Protestants but I went to a catholic one) that I went on. It traumatized me for a good two months. It was charismatic, and uncomfortable. The priest literally yelled at me in confession. Are you sure it is a retreat specifically sponsored by your archdiocese? I am sorry you went through this. Talk to your parents about it. I’ve heard acts is similar so I don’t recommend doing an acts retreat if this upset you.
Sorry this happened
**Report immediately to your bishop.** Obviously, the creepy man needs to be reported. But don't stop there. Tell your bishop about how weird the whole experience was, and how it had the opposite effect of what was intended. This freaky evangelical crap needs OUT of the Church.
This doesn’t sound Catholic. This sounds like a charismatic Pentecostal service I saw in TN.
I went to a retreat pretty much just like this but I was 17 at the time. We stayed up until 10:30-11 pm and woke at 7 am. They also offered adoration until 2 am if you wanted to (I LOVE my sleep so I never went) now my church was apart of the Charismatic Movement so I’m not too surprised we had people prayed in tongues over us and we had hours long adoration singing the same songs. But I’m a woman and I had only women group leaders because they separated between boys and girls and we literally weren’t allowed to cross the colored lines for boys and girls rooms or else you were sent home. Like it was serious. That guy definitely sounds creepy especially with calling you princess, as well as other girls having the same feeling about him. I would have your mom report him because even if he meant well (which it sounds like he didn’t) there are lines you aren’t supposed to cross and since you guys were uncomfortable and minors it seems like it was.
I hope you and your sisters can tell your parents about this and they in turn can discreetly relay things to the DRE. The fact that so many of you saw this guy as creepy means there is something there that needs to be looked at, or at least the guy needs to have some better training. I am a former catechist for HS, and RcIA leader and I think your antennae were detecting a problem that should not be ignored. God bless you kiddo!
Thank you so much! It’s being reported by my parents, god bless you!:)
Dude I’m sorry about all this. This sounds exactly like the retreat we all went on when I was in high school. The thing is, it has the opposite effect. This retreat changed my life and set me on a path that has kept me growing in Grace and gifts of faith. I’m so lucky I got to go on this retreat. But the way you describe everything, I can see how this would be really not fun for some people. The staying up late was tough. If you’re not “into” worshiping God through music, that would be tough. If you’re not into being close and touchy with others, that would be tough. I hope it doesn’t hurt you further than this just being a bad weekend. But I do hope you continue growing in your faith, there is literally nothing more valuable this world could ever offer.
thank you. it’s not that i’m not “into” worshiping God through music, it’s more that the music was extremely exhausting. they sang the same songs multiple times in a course of a couple of hours, the songs were terrible (in my opinion). they weren’t like normal gospel music, it was more like very modern country(?) that they were playing for multiple hours on end. i do think i will be holding this experience close to me as an example of what certain churches and parishes can be and how to avoid them. i’m grateful that i was able to take something out of this, and i will be continuing to grow in my faith. God bless you:)
Yuck! So sorry you went through that. We have charismatic types in my area. I avoid them like the plague!!
My mom didn’t know at all and she feels terrible! She hates those types & we never ever go to them for church. Our confirmation program isn’t like that at all, so I have no idea why a retreat like that was required for us!
Don't blame yourself for sure. Call your mom to take you home should it happen again. I hope it doesn't though.
I definitely will! Thanks a lot, bless your day:)
Weirdo super religious loons.
write an anonymous letter to the parish priest
Damn I've only been on one retreat with an Opus Dei group and it was only really silent personal time for prayer and meditation interspersed with Latin Mass and Confession. Then again, that kind of retreat was very different from the one you got sent on and it was advertised as such as a silent retreat. What I really hated was being forced to go to our parish's youth group because I too have some pretty bad social anxiety and it was even worse back then in my early to mid teens. It was so overly extroverted and apart from the (major megachurch vibes) youth leaders with their contemporary Protestant jives (not horrible but it felt out of place) the whole thing just seemed so dead and you could *FEEL* how much everyone hated being there. It only served to detriment my enthusiasm for my faith and it doesn't surprise me that it's died and been brought back 3 or 4 times with different leaders. Sorry for my mini-rant lol, I do sympathize with you and what you were subjected to gives me the creeps. Please report that man to your parish, he probably shouldn't be around minors.
Thank you. And I relate to everything you’ve said on the youth group. My older sister went with me and she has severe social anxiety. I just have regular anxiety and even then the amount of forced, extroverted socializing was freaking me out, so I can’t imagine how she felt in this. It seemed like the retreat was SO much more focused on themselves, or making us have some weird form of fun, than God. It was saddening because I was truly excited for connecting with Him, especially Adoration, but with the way the program worked, it feels like it was ripped away. And yes, my mom is reporting the guy!:)
No problemo! I do hope that you get more opportunities soon to have a more spiritually enriching encounter with our Lord, whether at home, at Mass, or on a proper retreat :) >And yes, my mom is reporting the guy!:) 😊👍
Who sponsored this? Sounds way off line, and I would have hated that too. Good luck to you.
I’m so sorry this happened to you OP, that you had to be another victim in the disease known as charismatic Catholicism. Contact your bishop and report it all. All the best.
I am speaking here as someone who is involved in education in my parish, though mostly on the adult side. I hope someone from your parish tells you this too, but I’m sorry you got put through this. You completing your sacraments of initiation, which is your right as a Catholic Christian, absolutely should not be conditioned on people awkwardly imposing fringe personal spiritualities on you. I feel that we make our young people jump through far too many hoops for first communion and confirmation. The only condition should be your desire to love Jesus to the best of your ability.
No one should be touching you or forcing you to touch others, *please* report these incidents to your diocese.
That really sucks. I never encountered that in my confirmation prep, and my kids haven't either (both in catechism/confirmation and in Catholic school activities). The retreats they go on are all very positive experiences. Even the kids from families who aren't Catholic, or religious, really enjoy them. My folks did dallying in the charismatic movement in the early 90s, but it was quite harmless. Weird, yes, but nothing at all like this. As other folks have said, you and your parents will need to report this to the parish.
If you see something say something. Look, this guy might be a creep, or he might just not know how to work with teenagers. You and your sisters need to tell your parents to start with, and get them to help you talk to one of your priests. If he's a creep, he needs to be outed. If he's just a goober that doesn't understand teens or the kind of vibe he's giving off, then he needs to have an adult talk to him to fix it. Regarding all the rest .. I was an adult when I got confirmed, so I sympathize, but I don't know what "normal" looks like. Honestly, sounds more like a weekend at a Holiness Church. Did you handle any snakes?
I was bullied so bad during retreats at my Catholic high school. I let it get between me and God for a long time and I'm still dealing with the trauma. Also, like with you, there was a sexually abusive component. It's so frustrating how bad the Church can mess this stuff up. I went on a retreat later in life with my wife, and I still didn't love it, even though there was no bullying. Perhaps it just brought back bad memories. I'm still very much a sinner, but luckily my wife has helped me to get back closer to God and the Church. I don't really have much to say or much advice, other than to say I've been there, and I now wish that it wouldn't have let it get in the way of my relationship with God and the Church so much. I'll pray for you.
You should report that man to your parish. All your sisters having weird experiences with him and PDA in front of you kids is unacceptable. It will be easy for you to try to minimize it or explain it away but these sorts of things need to be documented and corrected before they get worse.