I love this answer! It’s accurate, and to the point. She couldn’t even handle 1 job! She needs to stop bitchin about his 2nd one and see she’s blessed that he’s willing to take on another one! NTA
I keep thing of the story of chicken little. You didn’t help make bread, you don’t get to help eat it. Earlier this year I gave her a chunk of money hoping she would see the positive. The day after spending it she was complaining about the tournament I worked to get it.
I just feel like I am missing something.
Your wife is unhappy at work. She’s unhappy at home. She’s unhappy with you being happy umpiring. Seeing a pattern here? Maybe she needs to work on her and stop worrying about the little extra you’re bringing in rn.
NTA. She doesn’t want you to work as an umpire, but wants the money - she can’t have it both ways. What you want to spend the money on is not frivolous, but smart!
NTA. I strongly recommend marriage counseling for both you and your wife to attend together. And individual counseling for your wife. She is being extremely unsupportive and seems to expect that you spend all of your time and money catering to her needs. That's not healthy for either of you. She should be grateful that you're bringing in some extra money through something that you find challenging and enjoyable. Having known many couples in similar situations to yours, I can almost predict she is not going back to work anytime soon, so save all that you can for necessities, not vacations.
Dude, this entire post should be a wake up call for you.
Please re-read it.
You have a wife that doesn’t support you or have any interest in saving money. She is super lazy and even has a therapist that supports his laziness.
Can you imagine if you quit your job and made her work two jobs and then told her you want to take money for a vacation and not spend on the kids?
Divorce sucks. Living with a loser spouse sucks more. You decide!
NTA
Your wife has serious problems.
It appears she's bitter about how her life turned out and is taking out her misery in you.
Does she spend time on social media? Tik tok?
If so, that might be the problem.
I hate it that you have to deal with this
I'm seeing lots of red flags here
You do you!!!
She definitely doesn't deserve a vacation
Her lack of support defies the unwritten laws of a marriage
You supported her
Where is the reciprocation?
Good luck
Take care of yourself
There is a lot to unpack in this one and we obviously have not heard your wife's side of the story.
Her counselor supports her taking three months off work without pay while you're already working a second job? I could believe 30 days, 60 would be a stretch for a professional to suggest risking your family's financial stability. How does this counselor think they are going to get paid if your wife has no income? Did you hear the counselor say this or did your wife tell you they said it? It doesn't make sense to tell someone with emotional issues to also risk financial instability for that long of a period.
If her constant complaining and mood issues are stemming from her occupation, she, and your entire family would be better served for a short leave of absence so she can look for another job. Does she have any PTO? Have the two of you discussed her finding a different job?
It also sounds like you should take two cars to these games when you are umpiring. That way, once your kids are done playing, she can take them home while you work the rest of the games. You are going to make more mistakes. You shouldn't also fear being berated by the person who is supposed to be supporting you.
It sounds like your spending plan for the money from your second job is geared toward ensuring your children don't suffer from a reduced income while your wife isn't working. Explain this to her in this way. If she is still upset about how it is being spent, you have bigger issues.
It doesn't sound like a vacation is in your budget. Maybe you could suggest a day trip or weekend to somewhere local. It also sounds like the two of you need to sit down and discuss a budget and where your income is spent.
Good luck, and please update! - NTA
>. I had to eject a father that had climbed up a fence and was screaming obscenities at me. She told me his daughter was probably going to off herself because I sent the guy off the field.
This was the worst and most concerning part of your post to me, OP. The resentment she has about time you spend, and how the money should be spent - could be chalked up to communication and I would definitely say couples counseling is needed.
But that comment? Gosh. It is almost like she actively hates you and wants to somehow punish you or see you suffer. I can't imagine any other scenario where someone would say something like that knowing it would hurt you.
Please get some individual counseling as well. And have a serious talk with your wife about how she is hurting you.
She has had an unpaid 3 month vacation!
What a brat! Also complains about you umpiring, but wants to benefit from it? How entitled!
NO! I would spend the money on a divorce lawyer.
Seriously do what you want with the umpiring money! You earned it. She did not provide any income for 3 mos- all on you!
Since she complains about it constantly, why should she get a vacation out of it?
Also, unless you have about six months worth of your f/T jobs money set aside in case of a catastrophic emergency, why in the world would you not want to have a back up for those smaller, significant life emergencies like a car repair? Most mechanics in my area charge $175 an hour for labor alone, not including parts!
Your wife has nothing to do with her off time, is bored, and being an inconsiderate AH trying to sabotage your second job. Keep that extra money, and I hope you have it in a separate account because she sounds like the type who would take it upon herself to spend it without consulting you first! It’s fine if you want to treat her to, maybe a weekend getaway, but it’s smart to have a backup savings in this economy!
If she wants a vacation, then she can get another job to pay for it. I hope you are keeping her in a tight financial leash while she’s not contributing to the expenses.
Keep a close eye on your bank accounts and your credit cards. It might be a good time to lower your credit limit in case she tries to spend money she’s not earning. (I had a credit card that was my main card. I kept the limit at $500 because I didn’t want to overspend. If I needed to make a big purchase via a credit card, I would use a different one that kept a 0 balance and pay it off immediately)
What you earn at your second job (that she bitches about) is yours to do what you want with it. Keep it in a different bank account or bank.
Until she is earning she has absolutely no right to judge you for what YOU do with YOUR money. Also she has no right to be sabotaging anything of yours full stop! I would demand marriage counselling asap if it was me. This cannot stand she is completely disrespecting you and your job. Good luck op.
First, NTA. Second, I’m sorry but your wife is going through some things and taking out her frustrations and feelings of powerlessness on you. Third, I really hope she starts making progress in therapy because her behavior right now is destructive to the marriage. Sabotaging your training, devaluing your side gig, saying emotionally abusive things about your job performance, etc. She can only shoot so many holes into the foundation of your marriage before it falls apart.
It sounds like she’s generally unsupportive and drags you down to her level of misery. Is she in a mental hole because of a toxic job environment, or is she toxic? I’m sure the 3 month break will bring some clarity.
Meanwhile, your family can’t afford a vacation. That’s the choice she made when she stopped working. Home repairs and looking after the children should be the priority for any parent.
Not only are you NTA for being the only responsible parent, but your wife sounds like a selfish brat. She either needs to grow up and suck it up for the time being, or find another job and start paying for her selfish wants.
NTA. I hope your wife gets a good therapist. She might benefit from seeing her doctor and checking out whether she needs antidepressants or not. She sounds very depressed.
Sorry your family is going through this😢. I wish all of you relief from your struggles. If she is depressed, it takes a lot of care, concern and compassion on your part to help make things better.
A pissing contest about how to spend the extra money is not helpful at this time. Good luck. 🙏
NTA- she clearly hates that you’re doing something you enjoy while she worked a job she hated- and she doesn’t get to tell you how to spend your money?? It’s not like you’re putting you and her into debt!
Before I got through the story, my thought was, 'joint money, joint decisions.' However, she hasn't supported you in any way, shape, or form at all. Has gone out of her way to make it difficult for you to even get the training required but now she wants to benefit from it? Hell No!
You earned this extra money, spend it how you feel fit.
Side Note: Your wife sounds like one of those types of people who are only happy if they are complaining about something, it could be anything but they have to complain....I feel for ya! Best of Luck
I'm a SAHM. My husband transfers his entire paycheck from his full time job to my account, then I pay the bills and handle expenses for the family. His full time job is restaurant work, so we're not living the high life but our needs are mostly covered by it. He works a second part time job as well a few hours a week. The money he makes from that job is 100% his to do whatever he wants, no questions, no strings attached. I feel like he deserves something of his own because he works hard to care for us. What is your wife's problem?
NTA, but someone sure is.
"You've made a point of bitching about HOW I earn this money, so you don't get to bitch about how I SPEND the money" NTA
I love this answer! It’s accurate, and to the point. She couldn’t even handle 1 job! She needs to stop bitchin about his 2nd one and see she’s blessed that he’s willing to take on another one! NTA
This is the right answer. She's so damn negative, I'd be hard pressed not to tell her to shut up and never say anything about it again.
I keep thing of the story of chicken little. You didn’t help make bread, you don’t get to help eat it. Earlier this year I gave her a chunk of money hoping she would see the positive. The day after spending it she was complaining about the tournament I worked to get it. I just feel like I am missing something.
Perfecto!
Your wife is unhappy at work. She’s unhappy at home. She’s unhappy with you being happy umpiring. Seeing a pattern here? Maybe she needs to work on her and stop worrying about the little extra you’re bringing in rn.
There is a common denominator for the wife's unhappiness and I don't think it's Op either.
I’m wondering if the job is her problem, or if she’s just incredibly toxic everywhere she goes?
Sounds like she is an unhappy person to me.
NTA. She doesn’t want you to work as an umpire, but wants the money - she can’t have it both ways. What you want to spend the money on is not frivolous, but smart!
NTA. I strongly recommend marriage counseling for both you and your wife to attend together. And individual counseling for your wife. She is being extremely unsupportive and seems to expect that you spend all of your time and money catering to her needs. That's not healthy for either of you. She should be grateful that you're bringing in some extra money through something that you find challenging and enjoyable. Having known many couples in similar situations to yours, I can almost predict she is not going back to work anytime soon, so save all that you can for necessities, not vacations.
NTA She sounds as if she’s already decided to be SAHM with a serving of “Lady of the Manor” on the side.
Dude, this entire post should be a wake up call for you. Please re-read it. You have a wife that doesn’t support you or have any interest in saving money. She is super lazy and even has a therapist that supports his laziness. Can you imagine if you quit your job and made her work two jobs and then told her you want to take money for a vacation and not spend on the kids? Divorce sucks. Living with a loser spouse sucks more. You decide!
You’re right.
NTA Your wife has serious problems. It appears she's bitter about how her life turned out and is taking out her misery in you. Does she spend time on social media? Tik tok? If so, that might be the problem.
NTA. I was thinking differently when I read the headline but you are completely spending it on the family so it is not like you are not sharing it
Same here. Definitely NTA.
I hate it that you have to deal with this I'm seeing lots of red flags here You do you!!! She definitely doesn't deserve a vacation Her lack of support defies the unwritten laws of a marriage You supported her Where is the reciprocation? Good luck Take care of yourself
There is a lot to unpack in this one and we obviously have not heard your wife's side of the story. Her counselor supports her taking three months off work without pay while you're already working a second job? I could believe 30 days, 60 would be a stretch for a professional to suggest risking your family's financial stability. How does this counselor think they are going to get paid if your wife has no income? Did you hear the counselor say this or did your wife tell you they said it? It doesn't make sense to tell someone with emotional issues to also risk financial instability for that long of a period. If her constant complaining and mood issues are stemming from her occupation, she, and your entire family would be better served for a short leave of absence so she can look for another job. Does she have any PTO? Have the two of you discussed her finding a different job? It also sounds like you should take two cars to these games when you are umpiring. That way, once your kids are done playing, she can take them home while you work the rest of the games. You are going to make more mistakes. You shouldn't also fear being berated by the person who is supposed to be supporting you. It sounds like your spending plan for the money from your second job is geared toward ensuring your children don't suffer from a reduced income while your wife isn't working. Explain this to her in this way. If she is still upset about how it is being spent, you have bigger issues. It doesn't sound like a vacation is in your budget. Maybe you could suggest a day trip or weekend to somewhere local. It also sounds like the two of you need to sit down and discuss a budget and where your income is spent. Good luck, and please update! - NTA
NTA, what you are planning on spending the money on is not exclusively for you it is for your family.
NTA I don't understand why she is willing to die on this hill. Seriously, it's an umpire gig.
NTA. I would seek legal counseling unless you are truly deeply in love with this angry mean person.
>. I had to eject a father that had climbed up a fence and was screaming obscenities at me. She told me his daughter was probably going to off herself because I sent the guy off the field. This was the worst and most concerning part of your post to me, OP. The resentment she has about time you spend, and how the money should be spent - could be chalked up to communication and I would definitely say couples counseling is needed. But that comment? Gosh. It is almost like she actively hates you and wants to somehow punish you or see you suffer. I can't imagine any other scenario where someone would say something like that knowing it would hurt you. Please get some individual counseling as well. And have a serious talk with your wife about how she is hurting you.
Yeaaaaaaaaaa, there's a big problem with the wording of that specific vitriol, surrrrrrrrprise, the problem is not op
She has had an unpaid 3 month vacation! What a brat! Also complains about you umpiring, but wants to benefit from it? How entitled! NO! I would spend the money on a divorce lawyer. Seriously do what you want with the umpiring money! You earned it. She did not provide any income for 3 mos- all on you!
Since she complains about it constantly, why should she get a vacation out of it? Also, unless you have about six months worth of your f/T jobs money set aside in case of a catastrophic emergency, why in the world would you not want to have a back up for those smaller, significant life emergencies like a car repair? Most mechanics in my area charge $175 an hour for labor alone, not including parts! Your wife has nothing to do with her off time, is bored, and being an inconsiderate AH trying to sabotage your second job. Keep that extra money, and I hope you have it in a separate account because she sounds like the type who would take it upon herself to spend it without consulting you first! It’s fine if you want to treat her to, maybe a weekend getaway, but it’s smart to have a backup savings in this economy!
If she wants a vacation, then she can get another job to pay for it. I hope you are keeping her in a tight financial leash while she’s not contributing to the expenses. Keep a close eye on your bank accounts and your credit cards. It might be a good time to lower your credit limit in case she tries to spend money she’s not earning. (I had a credit card that was my main card. I kept the limit at $500 because I didn’t want to overspend. If I needed to make a big purchase via a credit card, I would use a different one that kept a 0 balance and pay it off immediately) What you earn at your second job (that she bitches about) is yours to do what you want with it. Keep it in a different bank account or bank.
Hang on. First she complains unceasingly about her own job and now that she's not working she decides it's okay to complain about yours? Nah. NTA.
Until she is earning she has absolutely no right to judge you for what YOU do with YOUR money. Also she has no right to be sabotaging anything of yours full stop! I would demand marriage counselling asap if it was me. This cannot stand she is completely disrespecting you and your job. Good luck op.
First, NTA. Second, I’m sorry but your wife is going through some things and taking out her frustrations and feelings of powerlessness on you. Third, I really hope she starts making progress in therapy because her behavior right now is destructive to the marriage. Sabotaging your training, devaluing your side gig, saying emotionally abusive things about your job performance, etc. She can only shoot so many holes into the foundation of your marriage before it falls apart.
I'm trying to figure out why this female wants to be married. Where is her contribution? She sounds ridiculously entitled. NTA
NTA Spend it however you wish. U earn it, U spend it.
It sounds like she’s generally unsupportive and drags you down to her level of misery. Is she in a mental hole because of a toxic job environment, or is she toxic? I’m sure the 3 month break will bring some clarity. Meanwhile, your family can’t afford a vacation. That’s the choice she made when she stopped working. Home repairs and looking after the children should be the priority for any parent. Not only are you NTA for being the only responsible parent, but your wife sounds like a selfish brat. She either needs to grow up and suck it up for the time being, or find another job and start paying for her selfish wants.
NTA. I hope your wife gets a good therapist. She might benefit from seeing her doctor and checking out whether she needs antidepressants or not. She sounds very depressed. Sorry your family is going through this😢. I wish all of you relief from your struggles. If she is depressed, it takes a lot of care, concern and compassion on your part to help make things better. A pissing contest about how to spend the extra money is not helpful at this time. Good luck. 🙏
NTA- she clearly hates that you’re doing something you enjoy while she worked a job she hated- and she doesn’t get to tell you how to spend your money?? It’s not like you’re putting you and her into debt!
Sounds like she’s jealous that you can find or make your own happiness WITHOUT HER
Before I got through the story, my thought was, 'joint money, joint decisions.' However, she hasn't supported you in any way, shape, or form at all. Has gone out of her way to make it difficult for you to even get the training required but now she wants to benefit from it? Hell No! You earned this extra money, spend it how you feel fit. Side Note: Your wife sounds like one of those types of people who are only happy if they are complaining about something, it could be anything but they have to complain....I feel for ya! Best of Luck
I'm a SAHM. My husband transfers his entire paycheck from his full time job to my account, then I pay the bills and handle expenses for the family. His full time job is restaurant work, so we're not living the high life but our needs are mostly covered by it. He works a second part time job as well a few hours a week. The money he makes from that job is 100% his to do whatever he wants, no questions, no strings attached. I feel like he deserves something of his own because he works hard to care for us. What is your wife's problem? NTA, but someone sure is.