I would find a good lawyer and have papers ready for her when she gets back. Your wife is cheating on you and whether you want to continue to marriage or not she n needs to understand that what she has chosen to do ended your marriage. Whether it continues or not depends on how you deal with her cheating. Getting served immediately upon her return will at the least make her understand the gravity of what she has chosen to do.
She may already be done with the marriage and her lashing out at you is just her setting up the separation before you divorce. Lesbian sex is going to be very exciting to her as unique and new. Illicit sex is incredibly exciting for a lot of people. She may be besotted by all this new and exciting stuff and she may have already decided she needs to end your marriage. Good luck with however you want to proceed.
I don’t think there’s any questions as to what she’s doing over there and you know it. I think you should go ahead and start the paperwork you can even have you know and have it ready for when she gets back. I don’t even think there’s reason to communicate with her for the rest of the time that she’s there.
Cause she is having the time of her life cheating right now and every time you two talk it turns in to a fight. She is gonna do her thing and not let you ruin it. Now that she is caught she is going out in a blaze of glory and will see if she can patch it up when she gets back.
My friend….that whole raging out on you and bringing up an ancient make out, that was projecting.
She’s trying to deflect and feel less guilty. She’s acting super sketchy and you had her dead to rights on the hotel points.
She clearly hasn’t done this before - lying and subterfuge - and she’s not good at it. At all.
That might be a small solace. Who cares if she contacts you, don’t respond. Let her be the one on the other end wondering what’s going on.
She blew up her world. And she knows it.
All for some rug munching dalliance.
Serve the bitch.
You need to make the consequences clear. That this just isn’t a “we will talk about when you get back” thing. This is a ‘you just ended our marriage’ thing
I think it’s skill because she knows she got caught. She made two lies because it’s facing an omission is a lie just not spoken. So you’ve caught her in two different very serious. Lies one about sharing the bed with somebody that she has probably already had an emotional affair with if not more and then, you found her out on that and then you found out about the paying for the room which she came up with some kind of BS answer for. You’re gonna split a room for 25 bucks? I don’t think so so you’ve caught her dude don’t know what to say. And apparently she doesn’t either.
Shes thinking up many answers to the many different questions you will be asking her , when she gets home and her girlfriend.is helping her with the answers
to nip this in the bud and stop all the bullshit. If you want to know for sure what happening. Tell her you want to take her out for lunch to discuss your relationship
drive to lunch , pull thru an office park, drive up to a building , put your phone on record and when she ask you where are we. You mention to her we are BOTH going to take a lie detector test , to see if either of us has been on faithful while we were apart the last two months. The truth will be in here eyes and you’ll usually get a parking lot confession
The next step is yours !!
Just start looking for another place. Meet with your lawyer asap, and have them send her a text while she is away. That way, this will be on her mind the entire time left. I would just leave her on read and not respond to anything and save every text for your lawyer. I would begin to separate all assets with your lawyers blessing of course. Take half the money out of any joint savings and put it in another account but don’t touch it. Let your lawyer guide you.
You not responding and your lawyer reaching out to inform her that she is going to need legal guidance moving forward should put a major damper on the rest of her stay. I would definitely get anything of value to you boxed and put into storage so that when she does return, it’s gonna hit her like a ton of bricks. The huge difference is that from my understanding of what you wrote, is that you came clean to her, but she was doing you dirty behind your back. Not only did she cheat, she lied and deceived you.
I wouldn’t pick up any call or respond to any text. Period. I would get yourself sti tested in case this has been going on.
In the mean time, if there is an old iPad or laptop that she may be connected to at home, I would start digging for more evidence for your lawyer. I would start to look at all credit cards and online phone bills to see who this person is and try to find out if they have a significant other that should know as well.
Updateme
Here's my question (and it's opinion based).
She hasn't reached out to me at all in two days. Zero. Radio silence.
Why do you think this is? Wouldn't an innocent person be blowing up my phone pleading their innocence? Or not? What are your thoughts?
She's working on her story. She's figuring how to make it your fault. Expect gaslighting and blame shifting. She doesn't want to be the bad guy in her own story.
Then expect lovebombing too. Look up the terms gray rocking, 180, and DARVO.
Updateme!
If my husband and I had this going down and it was a misunderstanding and he wasn’t contacting me either???? I would tell my program and friends I have a family emergency and need to fly back to the states and I would be on the first flight out. I would call a friend or family to help me with you and you would know I was on the way. Silence is the death knell.
Absolutely! My guy, she knows she has been caught, that’s why she blew up on you about the prior cheating. The more defensive they are, the more guilty that they are. This is tried and true!
Not only does she know that she blew her own doors in by the slip up, she knows that you busted her for trying to lie and cover it up with that bullshit take of splitting the $50 fee.
So now, she is trying to figure out how she can come up with something that she can smooth all this out. The reason she hasn’t reached out to you yet is that she can’t. She knows she is fucked. She knows that you know that she has cheated, she knows that you know it was a single bed, she knows that you know she was so proud of her self for saving money and using points, she knows that you know she lied about all of this, she knows that you even busted her when she lied again to cover it all up, and worst of all, she knows that you now know, that this is something that she took time to plan out. With that being said, she knows that she can’t even try to pass this shit off as a drunken “mistake.” Cheaters always try to say it was a mistake, but we all that it’s the furthest thing from a mistake.
She planned all of this and made several conscious decisions along the way, none of which took your feelings or your marriage into consideration. She knows that you now know all of this. She is basically backed into a corner with no logical excuses to give you but the cold hard truth that she is a liar and a cheater and she doesn’t know how to face that yet.
What she is going to try to do, is play this shit off like it’s all your fault (which it’s not). You have made your amends over the last 14 years. She is going to try to spin this as her get outta jail free card or her hall pass over your kiss from way back then. Then to add insult to injury, she is gonna tell you that she didn’t reach out because you told her that you guys will talk about it when she gets home. So this is going to be her half-brained reason for not trying to reach out. The best thing you can do, is not reach out, not take any of her calls, not respond to any texts. This will definitely eat her alive inside. Right now, she is praying that you text her or call her so that she knows that you still care. She is praying that you open that door for her, because she knows that the minute that you do, she can go right back to being a hard ass and trying to spin this shit and blame shift on to you about 14 years ago. That is why it’s imperative that you don’t reach out regardless no matter what. The longer you don’t, them more uncomfortable it’s going to become for her. Remember the opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference! That’s what she needs to face right now. Anything else from you is ammunition for her.
Get to your lawyer. Start gathering evidence, if you can find and reach out to the other person’s significant other, asap. The better you will be. They have a right to know! This will absolutely ruin that trip, and why wouldn’t you. You have to sit there and feel like shit currently knowing that if your wife was a dinosaur, she’d be a Lickalotapus! No one deserves that!
Yes if she was innocent she would be trying to contact you she knows you know. Text her that you are going to speak to a lawyer about a divorce because you don't want to be married to a cheater. If she returns to you in the next few days you'll listen to her as long as she doesn't try to gaslight you. She needs to admit she's cheating.
What was the actual apology message she sent you? She could think that was adequate depending on the type of person she is.
She tried hiding the fact she slept in the same bed, same room, and it was planned with someone else. It didn't slip her mind. Shit like that doesn't slip people's mind and it's bothersome she thinks so lowly of you that she thinks you would possibly believe that.
Her bringing up the cheating from 10 years ago was her ace in the hole that it was okay she physically slept with someone else and tried to deceive you.
Without her stepping up and coming clean about everything, this is not looking good. The longer she waits, the harder it will be to believe anything she says since she already lied to you numerous times.
yes OP, I like what the above poster said. Tell her since you have repeatedly lied to me , I’ve decided to contact a divorce attorney. We can talk about our break up when you get home. I hope it was worth it. ! and then ghost the shit out of her block, her phone number or email and all social media This will at least put a DAMPER on the rest of her trip she will be wondering if …..
updateme
I would send one message
“I’m not sure what you thought would happen here. Yes, I did mess up and kiss someone 10 years ago, but I have spent everyday since then making sure you never doubt me again. This is different. You planned this. You purposely got one room with one bed and slept with another person. You had no intention of telling me, and then lied or dismissed me when confronted. You clearly have no respect for me, yourself, or our marriage. You have destroyed my trust and I can’t be married to someone I don’t trust. I hope he/she was worth it because you just lost your marriage. I will have the rest of your things packed up when you return.”
Then watch your phone light up. You need to make the consequences clear. Screw this “we will talk when you return stuff.” Nah, you had a chance to talk and you blew it.
Updateme!
So yeah, it's obvious she's cheating, the defensiveness and aggression is usually the first sign. Also she didn't forget, women who are excited about something always want to share even the tinest of details. She lied and got caught in a lie and is trying to come uo with the best way to gaslight you.
I don't know about you, but I'm a nice person who gets really mean when disrespected. You've been the one trying to initiate contact since she left, then you caught her in a lie and she went psycho on you and hasn't reached out ince then. I personally would not contact her again, if she doesn't reach out till she comes home thr. I'll be waiting for her with her things packed.
If she does reach out in the next few days, tell her that as of the moment you want a divorce, see how she reacts to that
She provided very strong examples of DARVO and Blame shifting. That’s because she knows you KNOW exactly what is going on. The only question now is what are you going to do about it?
I would contact an attorney and get divorce proceedings rolling. It’s up to you whether you give her warning or not. If she continues her dismissive behavior towards you, I would blindside her when she gets home. Use the next 25 days to completely divide assets and even go so far as to set up alternative living arrangements for her. If she changes her tune and becomes remorseful (true remorse), it’s your call, but she’d n have to work hard to reconcile.
She sounds like she is in the affair fog right now and only a shock will bring her out of it.
“It’s a lot harder to be walked on when you are standing up!”
Updateme
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What you did 10 years ago is not the same thing. Find a lawyer and get the process started. Is there any way to have the paperwork sent to her?
If not then let her know what’s going on.
There’s no doubt that she is cheating
OP , do you have a 25 day Head-start to think about your next move?
In the meantime, move half of your assets to a separate account, while everything is fresh in your mind write down everything that she said, so you will remember everything , when you get emotional and have a nasty confrontation that brewing . contact 3 to 4 of the best divorce attorneys in your area for a consultation while she is away. Your wife cannot use these attorneys, because it becomes a conflict of interest. Always listen to your lawyer.
NO ONE SAYS YOU HAVE 2 DIVORCE
But at least you will know all your options , alimony , division of assets
If applicable child custody , Child care
good luck !
updateme
Talk to a lawyer, have her served with divorce papers the second she steps foot on American soil, even if you for some reason want to continue this marriage she needs to understand the gravity of what she did
You need to send her a message telling her that she needs to return home immediately to discuss the marriage. If she doesn't return in the next couple of days you will be filing for divorce because of her unfaithfulness.
The fact that she hasn't tried to contact you multiple times to sort out her lies tells you that she is cheating and has been for some time.
Have the papers ready and serve her once she returns. If you are really mad serve her at her workplace. Cite her lesbian relationship as a cause as well as irreconcilable differences.
It was total defensiveness. She is guilty as hell. Your marriage could be over depending on how important same sex, and this "friend" are to her.
The newness of same sex, and "friend" are probably stronger than boring old you.
Can you live with an open relationship?
Short of honesty and transparency, when she returns, you should consider a polygraph.
Subscribeme
You might want to remind her (if you talk to her again) that your “ cheating” was kissing and hers is a full blown affair. Both still cheating imo but definitely not the same.
I’m with others and think divorce is a real consideration. But I differ in the application, in that I think you ought to send it to her as soon as possible. While she is in her affair fog.
Man, don't waste your energy, you know it's over when your partner becomes shady, lies to you and betrays you. It's just on you how you proceed from this. You know she's cheating and lieing to you, living her life. Get your life in order and move on, don't waste energy for someone who clearly doesn't appreciate you. You seem a bit co-dependent.
Probably an alternative opinion than others but here goes.
You've both worked things out for the better after your episode so why can't you do that after hers?
Trickle truthing occurs when you make a well structured question of her version of events and projecting happens when she can no longer defend herself. You need to establish calm communication and find out where her head is at. Only then can you rationally understand your next move.
Geez man I'm really sorry you are going through this but I have to be honest most of the comment here are right.
She's betrayed you, tried to turn tables on you and even done everything from rage and anger to crying etc to try and resolve the issue so far.
Her not contacting you is not because she is innocent or anything rather she is trying to come up with the perfect plan for whenever she comes back home.
Again man sorry you are going through all of this, it's bad right now but things will look way way WAAAAY better 6-12 months down the line. It's the same when any relationship goes to hell.
She doesn't seem like she's interested or worthwhile to be working towards a life together.
Let her enjoy herself, most times we just want to relax. It’s like a high school girlhood thing ( despite we are grown). I can’t explain but whenever I’m around other females that makes me feel comfortable; I just wanna forget about reality for a bit.
Don’t let quick judgment cloud your feelings, it seems like she wasn’t over what you did; could be that she masked her feelings and just wanted to move on in peace instead of trying to keep understanding why you did what you did.
Our body and brain have a funny way of masking our emotions.
New country and culture that she might never get to explore before or again; stop coming off as nagging. Men hate when women nag, so why are you nagging her? Your lack of self-trust is projecting on her.
If she wanted to be with a woman, she would have done that and inform you about it or include you. She just knew that finding out about that side of her would now cause you to judge every female that comes into her life randomly.
Do you know her type (in females), if not,ask. Instead of being emotional and ruining your marriage over maybe cause.
I would find a good lawyer and have papers ready for her when she gets back. Your wife is cheating on you and whether you want to continue to marriage or not she n needs to understand that what she has chosen to do ended your marriage. Whether it continues or not depends on how you deal with her cheating. Getting served immediately upon her return will at the least make her understand the gravity of what she has chosen to do. She may already be done with the marriage and her lashing out at you is just her setting up the separation before you divorce. Lesbian sex is going to be very exciting to her as unique and new. Illicit sex is incredibly exciting for a lot of people. She may be besotted by all this new and exciting stuff and she may have already decided she needs to end your marriage. Good luck with however you want to proceed.
I don’t think there’s any questions as to what she’s doing over there and you know it. I think you should go ahead and start the paperwork you can even have you know and have it ready for when she gets back. I don’t even think there’s reason to communicate with her for the rest of the time that she’s there.
What's your opinion on how she hasn't made any other attempts to contact me since? What do you think the root of something like that is?
Cause she is having the time of her life cheating right now and every time you two talk it turns in to a fight. She is gonna do her thing and not let you ruin it. Now that she is caught she is going out in a blaze of glory and will see if she can patch it up when she gets back.
This.
My friend….that whole raging out on you and bringing up an ancient make out, that was projecting. She’s trying to deflect and feel less guilty. She’s acting super sketchy and you had her dead to rights on the hotel points. She clearly hasn’t done this before - lying and subterfuge - and she’s not good at it. At all. That might be a small solace. Who cares if she contacts you, don’t respond. Let her be the one on the other end wondering what’s going on. She blew up her world. And she knows it. All for some rug munching dalliance. Serve the bitch.
You need to make the consequences clear. That this just isn’t a “we will talk about when you get back” thing. This is a ‘you just ended our marriage’ thing
I think it’s skill because she knows she got caught. She made two lies because it’s facing an omission is a lie just not spoken. So you’ve caught her in two different very serious. Lies one about sharing the bed with somebody that she has probably already had an emotional affair with if not more and then, you found her out on that and then you found out about the paying for the room which she came up with some kind of BS answer for. You’re gonna split a room for 25 bucks? I don’t think so so you’ve caught her dude don’t know what to say. And apparently she doesn’t either.
Shes thinking up many answers to the many different questions you will be asking her , when she gets home and her girlfriend.is helping her with the answers to nip this in the bud and stop all the bullshit. If you want to know for sure what happening. Tell her you want to take her out for lunch to discuss your relationship drive to lunch , pull thru an office park, drive up to a building , put your phone on record and when she ask you where are we. You mention to her we are BOTH going to take a lie detector test , to see if either of us has been on faithful while we were apart the last two months. The truth will be in here eyes and you’ll usually get a parking lot confession The next step is yours !!
She doesn’t give a fuck about you, are you dense?
I'm in Amsterdam tomorrow for 3 days. I Can check it out if you need it.
Just start looking for another place. Meet with your lawyer asap, and have them send her a text while she is away. That way, this will be on her mind the entire time left. I would just leave her on read and not respond to anything and save every text for your lawyer. I would begin to separate all assets with your lawyers blessing of course. Take half the money out of any joint savings and put it in another account but don’t touch it. Let your lawyer guide you. You not responding and your lawyer reaching out to inform her that she is going to need legal guidance moving forward should put a major damper on the rest of her stay. I would definitely get anything of value to you boxed and put into storage so that when she does return, it’s gonna hit her like a ton of bricks. The huge difference is that from my understanding of what you wrote, is that you came clean to her, but she was doing you dirty behind your back. Not only did she cheat, she lied and deceived you. I wouldn’t pick up any call or respond to any text. Period. I would get yourself sti tested in case this has been going on. In the mean time, if there is an old iPad or laptop that she may be connected to at home, I would start digging for more evidence for your lawyer. I would start to look at all credit cards and online phone bills to see who this person is and try to find out if they have a significant other that should know as well. Updateme
Here's my question (and it's opinion based). She hasn't reached out to me at all in two days. Zero. Radio silence. Why do you think this is? Wouldn't an innocent person be blowing up my phone pleading their innocence? Or not? What are your thoughts?
She's working on her story. She's figuring how to make it your fault. Expect gaslighting and blame shifting. She doesn't want to be the bad guy in her own story. Then expect lovebombing too. Look up the terms gray rocking, 180, and DARVO. Updateme!
If my husband and I had this going down and it was a misunderstanding and he wasn’t contacting me either???? I would tell my program and friends I have a family emergency and need to fly back to the states and I would be on the first flight out. I would call a friend or family to help me with you and you would know I was on the way. Silence is the death knell.
That would be the right thing to do, but it seems like she is definitely gonna FAFO and try apologizing later.
Absolutely! My guy, she knows she has been caught, that’s why she blew up on you about the prior cheating. The more defensive they are, the more guilty that they are. This is tried and true! Not only does she know that she blew her own doors in by the slip up, she knows that you busted her for trying to lie and cover it up with that bullshit take of splitting the $50 fee. So now, she is trying to figure out how she can come up with something that she can smooth all this out. The reason she hasn’t reached out to you yet is that she can’t. She knows she is fucked. She knows that you know that she has cheated, she knows that you know it was a single bed, she knows that you know she was so proud of her self for saving money and using points, she knows that you know she lied about all of this, she knows that you even busted her when she lied again to cover it all up, and worst of all, she knows that you now know, that this is something that she took time to plan out. With that being said, she knows that she can’t even try to pass this shit off as a drunken “mistake.” Cheaters always try to say it was a mistake, but we all that it’s the furthest thing from a mistake. She planned all of this and made several conscious decisions along the way, none of which took your feelings or your marriage into consideration. She knows that you now know all of this. She is basically backed into a corner with no logical excuses to give you but the cold hard truth that she is a liar and a cheater and she doesn’t know how to face that yet. What she is going to try to do, is play this shit off like it’s all your fault (which it’s not). You have made your amends over the last 14 years. She is going to try to spin this as her get outta jail free card or her hall pass over your kiss from way back then. Then to add insult to injury, she is gonna tell you that she didn’t reach out because you told her that you guys will talk about it when she gets home. So this is going to be her half-brained reason for not trying to reach out. The best thing you can do, is not reach out, not take any of her calls, not respond to any texts. This will definitely eat her alive inside. Right now, she is praying that you text her or call her so that she knows that you still care. She is praying that you open that door for her, because she knows that the minute that you do, she can go right back to being a hard ass and trying to spin this shit and blame shift on to you about 14 years ago. That is why it’s imperative that you don’t reach out regardless no matter what. The longer you don’t, them more uncomfortable it’s going to become for her. Remember the opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference! That’s what she needs to face right now. Anything else from you is ammunition for her. Get to your lawyer. Start gathering evidence, if you can find and reach out to the other person’s significant other, asap. The better you will be. They have a right to know! This will absolutely ruin that trip, and why wouldn’t you. You have to sit there and feel like shit currently knowing that if your wife was a dinosaur, she’d be a Lickalotapus! No one deserves that!
Very well said
Yes if she was innocent she would be trying to contact you she knows you know. Text her that you are going to speak to a lawyer about a divorce because you don't want to be married to a cheater. If she returns to you in the next few days you'll listen to her as long as she doesn't try to gaslight you. She needs to admit she's cheating.
What was the actual apology message she sent you? She could think that was adequate depending on the type of person she is. She tried hiding the fact she slept in the same bed, same room, and it was planned with someone else. It didn't slip her mind. Shit like that doesn't slip people's mind and it's bothersome she thinks so lowly of you that she thinks you would possibly believe that. Her bringing up the cheating from 10 years ago was her ace in the hole that it was okay she physically slept with someone else and tried to deceive you. Without her stepping up and coming clean about everything, this is not looking good. The longer she waits, the harder it will be to believe anything she says since she already lied to you numerous times.
Do not reach out to her. You are gonna have to Fight yourself, but don’t do it unless is one text only that lays out the consequences of her actions
OK, I know it’s tough, but do not contact her. The indifference will drive her crazy.
It’s been a while…any update?
She’s in love and you’re about to get dumped. May as well meet with a lawyer and get a head start bud. Updateme
yes OP, I like what the above poster said. Tell her since you have repeatedly lied to me , I’ve decided to contact a divorce attorney. We can talk about our break up when you get home. I hope it was worth it. ! and then ghost the shit out of her block, her phone number or email and all social media This will at least put a DAMPER on the rest of her trip she will be wondering if ….. updateme
I would send one message “I’m not sure what you thought would happen here. Yes, I did mess up and kiss someone 10 years ago, but I have spent everyday since then making sure you never doubt me again. This is different. You planned this. You purposely got one room with one bed and slept with another person. You had no intention of telling me, and then lied or dismissed me when confronted. You clearly have no respect for me, yourself, or our marriage. You have destroyed my trust and I can’t be married to someone I don’t trust. I hope he/she was worth it because you just lost your marriage. I will have the rest of your things packed up when you return.” Then watch your phone light up. You need to make the consequences clear. Screw this “we will talk when you return stuff.” Nah, you had a chance to talk and you blew it. Updateme!
I would also place a hold on the joint accounts. This will get her attention. Updateme!
So yeah, it's obvious she's cheating, the defensiveness and aggression is usually the first sign. Also she didn't forget, women who are excited about something always want to share even the tinest of details. She lied and got caught in a lie and is trying to come uo with the best way to gaslight you. I don't know about you, but I'm a nice person who gets really mean when disrespected. You've been the one trying to initiate contact since she left, then you caught her in a lie and she went psycho on you and hasn't reached out ince then. I personally would not contact her again, if she doesn't reach out till she comes home thr. I'll be waiting for her with her things packed. If she does reach out in the next few days, tell her that as of the moment you want a divorce, see how she reacts to that
She provided very strong examples of DARVO and Blame shifting. That’s because she knows you KNOW exactly what is going on. The only question now is what are you going to do about it? I would contact an attorney and get divorce proceedings rolling. It’s up to you whether you give her warning or not. If she continues her dismissive behavior towards you, I would blindside her when she gets home. Use the next 25 days to completely divide assets and even go so far as to set up alternative living arrangements for her. If she changes her tune and becomes remorseful (true remorse), it’s your call, but she’d n have to work hard to reconcile. She sounds like she is in the affair fog right now and only a shock will bring her out of it. “It’s a lot harder to be walked on when you are standing up!” Updateme
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What you did 10 years ago is not the same thing. Find a lawyer and get the process started. Is there any way to have the paperwork sent to her? If not then let her know what’s going on. There’s no doubt that she is cheating
OP , do you have a 25 day Head-start to think about your next move? In the meantime, move half of your assets to a separate account, while everything is fresh in your mind write down everything that she said, so you will remember everything , when you get emotional and have a nasty confrontation that brewing . contact 3 to 4 of the best divorce attorneys in your area for a consultation while she is away. Your wife cannot use these attorneys, because it becomes a conflict of interest. Always listen to your lawyer. NO ONE SAYS YOU HAVE 2 DIVORCE But at least you will know all your options , alimony , division of assets If applicable child custody , Child care good luck ! updateme
Talk to a lawyer, have her served with divorce papers the second she steps foot on American soil, even if you for some reason want to continue this marriage she needs to understand the gravity of what she did
OP, whe does she get back? Good Luck! UpdateMe!
You need to send her a message telling her that she needs to return home immediately to discuss the marriage. If she doesn't return in the next couple of days you will be filing for divorce because of her unfaithfulness. The fact that she hasn't tried to contact you multiple times to sort out her lies tells you that she is cheating and has been for some time.
Have the papers ready and serve her once she returns. If you are really mad serve her at her workplace. Cite her lesbian relationship as a cause as well as irreconcilable differences.
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It was total defensiveness. She is guilty as hell. Your marriage could be over depending on how important same sex, and this "friend" are to her. The newness of same sex, and "friend" are probably stronger than boring old you. Can you live with an open relationship? Short of honesty and transparency, when she returns, you should consider a polygraph. Subscribeme
You might want to remind her (if you talk to her again) that your “ cheating” was kissing and hers is a full blown affair. Both still cheating imo but definitely not the same. I’m with others and think divorce is a real consideration. But I differ in the application, in that I think you ought to send it to her as soon as possible. While she is in her affair fog.
Obviously she cheating it doesn't matter if it's a male or female there fucking .I would be furious really
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Before you take any advice from us talk to a lawyer
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I think you know the answer OP. Updateme
Man, don't waste your energy, you know it's over when your partner becomes shady, lies to you and betrays you. It's just on you how you proceed from this. You know she's cheating and lieing to you, living her life. Get your life in order and move on, don't waste energy for someone who clearly doesn't appreciate you. You seem a bit co-dependent.
Probably an alternative opinion than others but here goes. You've both worked things out for the better after your episode so why can't you do that after hers? Trickle truthing occurs when you make a well structured question of her version of events and projecting happens when she can no longer defend herself. You need to establish calm communication and find out where her head is at. Only then can you rationally understand your next move.
Geez man I'm really sorry you are going through this but I have to be honest most of the comment here are right. She's betrayed you, tried to turn tables on you and even done everything from rage and anger to crying etc to try and resolve the issue so far. Her not contacting you is not because she is innocent or anything rather she is trying to come up with the perfect plan for whenever she comes back home. Again man sorry you are going through all of this, it's bad right now but things will look way way WAAAAY better 6-12 months down the line. It's the same when any relationship goes to hell. She doesn't seem like she's interested or worthwhile to be working towards a life together.
OP, it's been a few days. Any updates?
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If it’s a chick and she’s willing to keep you in the loop I’d just say it’s all good and embrace the situation
Let her enjoy herself, most times we just want to relax. It’s like a high school girlhood thing ( despite we are grown). I can’t explain but whenever I’m around other females that makes me feel comfortable; I just wanna forget about reality for a bit. Don’t let quick judgment cloud your feelings, it seems like she wasn’t over what you did; could be that she masked her feelings and just wanted to move on in peace instead of trying to keep understanding why you did what you did. Our body and brain have a funny way of masking our emotions. New country and culture that she might never get to explore before or again; stop coming off as nagging. Men hate when women nag, so why are you nagging her? Your lack of self-trust is projecting on her. If she wanted to be with a woman, she would have done that and inform you about it or include you. She just knew that finding out about that side of her would now cause you to judge every female that comes into her life randomly. Do you know her type (in females), if not,ask. Instead of being emotional and ruining your marriage over maybe cause.
Oh of course, she's demonstrated completely trustworthy behavior so far...