i also recently cleaned most of the pile of clothes up, my mom comes in and not even a “thank you” or “good job”, i get a “don’t throw those out cause most of my clothes are in there”. they’re soaked in cat piss. it’s beyond washing, and she says she’ll go through it but never fucking does.
Vinegar added to the washing machine does an unbeatable job at removing cat pee smell from clothes. I usually end up adding about a cup but it may take more if they’re really soaked.
This and enzymatic cleaner! I've had vinegar fail just a few times, or leave a mild unpleasant smell behind (could've been a bit of leftover piss) and enzymatic cleaner takes care of it
Considering your dogs pee and shit all over the floor, I'd say chances are the dog also saw it fit to poo and pee on those clothes from avoiding pooing in the same spot. Best to throw it away I wouldn't risk infection spreading over my skin by having a small residue infecting my open pores.
Hey friend. Just sending some love and energy from someone who has been in the trenches with a hoarder mom (complete with cat waste).
I really hope you can get out of there soon. Distancing myself from my HP made such a difference for my life, health, and my relationship with her.
There’s a book called Children of Hoarders that might be helpful in finding ways to communicate, bcs the animal waste puts this in biohazard territory and you absolutely deserve better.
Yes you definitely deserve better. I don’t know how old you are but I hope you can find a way out asap. Is there anyway you have a family member you could stay with?
I’m an adult child of HP and I’m lucky that my moms not animal hoarder- just food, clothes, shoes, and many things she’s going to “use, or sell”.
No one deserves to live in dirty house- I’m sorry you are stuck with the situation, sending love and compassion. No advice unless you ask. You have a safe space for venting here.
My mom amassed an absurd collection of clothes that she always swore she was going to sell (she was also addicted to online shopping so she was buying these clothes at an insane rate). Guess who never sold a single item and guess who had to actually deal with them when she died? 🙃
Oh my gosh, so sorry that you had to deal with that. My mom is 70 now and still has clothes from 1970-1980s ( she used to be big shopping addict). Her clothes fill 2 full closets, multiple garbage bags, and at least 10 storage bins ( shoes /purses too) , maybe more. Now she only seems to struggle with buying too much food .
I wish I could get the right therapist to help me deal with her mental illness- because I am not doing so well.
How did you deal with all that ? If you don’t mind sharing?
I’d be happy to share, yeah!
So the first step for me was to determine what (if anything) had legit value. Everyone’s definition of value will be different; personally, I did not think selling hundreds of items of clothing for like 2-10 dollars apiece was worth it (you’ll likely be online selling, so you have to factor in the shipping price and however much of a cut the site you’re using to sell takes) so the stuff that fell into that category has been donated in massive bagfuls. It’s an ongoing process.
On the other hand, my mom was obsessed with a few specific semi-“nice” brands of clothing, and she “collected” (hoarded) them by the literal pound. She always stressed to the rest of us that they were worth “a lot,” so I did some research and spent a couple months selling it online for much less than other people were selling for. We made a nice little chunk of change on that, but honestly, my wish from the outset was to donate the stuff and be done with it, and given the chance again that is what I would still want to do. Doing a “death cleaning” for a hoarder is such a headache and it’s so overwhelming, you really want to pick and choose what’s going to get that much of your effort and attention.
My advice is to invest in heavy duty contractor bags and get ready to drive around to all the thrift stores near you to make frequent donations. It’s helpful to have at least one other person to lend a hand, but if that’s not feasible, you can really get into a zone listening to podcasts and bagging clothes by yourself. Also, unless there’s a strict time limit imposed on you, try to give yourself grace to work on it a little at a time—some days you’ll get a lot more done than others, and that’s ok.
Let me know if you have any other questions or ever want to talk!
Thank you so very much for sharing this. My mom is getting older and I need to get myself some mental health treatment and move on. If she refuses treatment all signs say that she will live in a hoard to some degree until she dies ( which makes me sick and sad) .
Your story helps me to know what I believe I need to do. Just let most of it go. We are blue collar people. We don’t have a lot of high quality/designer items.
I may reach out and Thank you for your kindness and I hope the clean out didn’t traumatize you too much. Take care of yourself!
Of course, I hope it was helpful/insightful for you! I absolutely recommend that when the time comes, once you take out the stuff you want to keep, just go ham with the donations. Spread the wealth—drop stuff off at all the thrift stores and shelters in the area until you’re cleaned out.
I’ve found that the more you focus on how much other people will appreciate and enjoy the stuff, the easier and easier it becomes to part with.
It’s hard work, but it is amazing how much better you feel after even a little bit of cleaning. And it just keeps getting better the more you do. You take care of yourself, too! ❤️
Don't feel bad or guilty about your feelings, children of hoarded homes often grow to resent their parents, its a perfectly natural response to what they have put you through. They have prioritized their mental illness and their hoard over you. You have to run/escape from the hoard, the sooner the better. Hoarders rarely if ever change and society rarely ever makes them. It is truly sad that a society is so accepting of such abuse.
Adding on:
Yep spot on the anger and anxiety is just your nervous system protecting you.
It’s normal to feel this way. Hate them or love them. All this guilt and shame is not yours.
i also recently cleaned most of the pile of clothes up, my mom comes in and not even a “thank you” or “good job”, i get a “don’t throw those out cause most of my clothes are in there”. they’re soaked in cat piss. it’s beyond washing, and she says she’ll go through it but never fucking does.
Vinegar added to the washing machine does an unbeatable job at removing cat pee smell from clothes. I usually end up adding about a cup but it may take more if they’re really soaked.
This and enzymatic cleaner! I've had vinegar fail just a few times, or leave a mild unpleasant smell behind (could've been a bit of leftover piss) and enzymatic cleaner takes care of it
Borax too.
Considering your dogs pee and shit all over the floor, I'd say chances are the dog also saw it fit to poo and pee on those clothes from avoiding pooing in the same spot. Best to throw it away I wouldn't risk infection spreading over my skin by having a small residue infecting my open pores.
Hey friend. Just sending some love and energy from someone who has been in the trenches with a hoarder mom (complete with cat waste). I really hope you can get out of there soon. Distancing myself from my HP made such a difference for my life, health, and my relationship with her. There’s a book called Children of Hoarders that might be helpful in finding ways to communicate, bcs the animal waste puts this in biohazard territory and you absolutely deserve better.
Yes you definitely deserve better. I don’t know how old you are but I hope you can find a way out asap. Is there anyway you have a family member you could stay with? I’m an adult child of HP and I’m lucky that my moms not animal hoarder- just food, clothes, shoes, and many things she’s going to “use, or sell”. No one deserves to live in dirty house- I’m sorry you are stuck with the situation, sending love and compassion. No advice unless you ask. You have a safe space for venting here.
My mom amassed an absurd collection of clothes that she always swore she was going to sell (she was also addicted to online shopping so she was buying these clothes at an insane rate). Guess who never sold a single item and guess who had to actually deal with them when she died? 🙃
Oh my gosh, so sorry that you had to deal with that. My mom is 70 now and still has clothes from 1970-1980s ( she used to be big shopping addict). Her clothes fill 2 full closets, multiple garbage bags, and at least 10 storage bins ( shoes /purses too) , maybe more. Now she only seems to struggle with buying too much food . I wish I could get the right therapist to help me deal with her mental illness- because I am not doing so well. How did you deal with all that ? If you don’t mind sharing?
I’d be happy to share, yeah! So the first step for me was to determine what (if anything) had legit value. Everyone’s definition of value will be different; personally, I did not think selling hundreds of items of clothing for like 2-10 dollars apiece was worth it (you’ll likely be online selling, so you have to factor in the shipping price and however much of a cut the site you’re using to sell takes) so the stuff that fell into that category has been donated in massive bagfuls. It’s an ongoing process. On the other hand, my mom was obsessed with a few specific semi-“nice” brands of clothing, and she “collected” (hoarded) them by the literal pound. She always stressed to the rest of us that they were worth “a lot,” so I did some research and spent a couple months selling it online for much less than other people were selling for. We made a nice little chunk of change on that, but honestly, my wish from the outset was to donate the stuff and be done with it, and given the chance again that is what I would still want to do. Doing a “death cleaning” for a hoarder is such a headache and it’s so overwhelming, you really want to pick and choose what’s going to get that much of your effort and attention. My advice is to invest in heavy duty contractor bags and get ready to drive around to all the thrift stores near you to make frequent donations. It’s helpful to have at least one other person to lend a hand, but if that’s not feasible, you can really get into a zone listening to podcasts and bagging clothes by yourself. Also, unless there’s a strict time limit imposed on you, try to give yourself grace to work on it a little at a time—some days you’ll get a lot more done than others, and that’s ok. Let me know if you have any other questions or ever want to talk!
Thank you so very much for sharing this. My mom is getting older and I need to get myself some mental health treatment and move on. If she refuses treatment all signs say that she will live in a hoard to some degree until she dies ( which makes me sick and sad) . Your story helps me to know what I believe I need to do. Just let most of it go. We are blue collar people. We don’t have a lot of high quality/designer items. I may reach out and Thank you for your kindness and I hope the clean out didn’t traumatize you too much. Take care of yourself!
Of course, I hope it was helpful/insightful for you! I absolutely recommend that when the time comes, once you take out the stuff you want to keep, just go ham with the donations. Spread the wealth—drop stuff off at all the thrift stores and shelters in the area until you’re cleaned out. I’ve found that the more you focus on how much other people will appreciate and enjoy the stuff, the easier and easier it becomes to part with. It’s hard work, but it is amazing how much better you feel after even a little bit of cleaning. And it just keeps getting better the more you do. You take care of yourself, too! ❤️
Don't feel bad or guilty about your feelings, children of hoarded homes often grow to resent their parents, its a perfectly natural response to what they have put you through. They have prioritized their mental illness and their hoard over you. You have to run/escape from the hoard, the sooner the better. Hoarders rarely if ever change and society rarely ever makes them. It is truly sad that a society is so accepting of such abuse.
Adding on: Yep spot on the anger and anxiety is just your nervous system protecting you. It’s normal to feel this way. Hate them or love them. All this guilt and shame is not yours.
Poor doggy, too 😔 I'm sorry you have to live in this unhealthy home.
I’m so sorry. You deserve so much better.
You don’t deserve this and this won’t last forever <3
This looks worse than my situation