“The one” is a romantic ideal that is currently popular in our culture. It might even be based on that pagan idea of “twin flames”. It’s not based on the Bible. The Bible only says to be equally yoked spiritually, meaning that you should both be Christians. Choose someone who loves God that you want to be with and then follow what the Bible says about how to treat each other. Submit your marriage to the Lord. When you get married they are now “the one”.
“Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife.”
1 Corinthians 7:27
“But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.”
Matthew 6:33 ❤️
Jesus loves you and that should be enough, right? Be cautious that marriage doesn’t become an idol..
“Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.”
Philippians 4:11
“If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple. And whosoever doth not bear his cross, and come after me, cannot be my disciple.”
Luke 14:26-27
i guess? is it really that bad that i want to be married though? i already told God to take it out of my heart if i’m not good enough for marriage and here i am 10 years later practically begging for the same thing. i’m just not good enough for it though. and i asked Him to make me better, but idk
We should want what Christ wants because we die with him on the cross and rise with him from the grave. We *need* to be married to Christ, then he will give us what else we need.
“The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.”
Psalm 23:1
Either your whole body will be full of light or of darkness; take heed that the light that is in you is not darkness. Why are you begging for a husband instead of seeking the complete satisfaction that Christ promises?
Have you considered that the devil is using what you don’t have to distract you from what you do and could have in Christ?
“But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you. Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”
John 14:26-27
That’s Satan attacking you. It may be a true desire that you really have, however we aren’t called to have our own desires, but to seek to do God’s will alone. A husband may very well be in his will for your life, or he may only call you to marry Christ. Trust that God has the best plan for you and he will bless you abundantly.
Satan is the father of lies and he will send distraction and lie he can to corrupt your heart against God and blind you from his great love. Jesus loves you so much to suffer for you; love him and he promises to give you everything you need and a more abundant life❤️
Hmm. I knew my wife was the one because I felt at home with her the first time we met. My feelings of at home ness was the sign.
We had a lot of issues from the beginning, because I was acting out sexually. I kept trying to comfort myself with sexual acts, any time I felt shame. And I had a boat load of it because of past hurts and how they would bubble up frequently. So, I was acting out a lot. Lots of porn, putting her on the back burner, and even seeking out other relationships or risky behavior.
She did three things I hadn't every experienced before in response to my behaviors: forgive me, unconditionally love me, and identify that it was a hurt part of me acting out. This was unmerrited grace and mercy that shocked me into wanting to change. So, I got therapy, got into a sex recovery group, and became pretty intentional about change.
Have we had issues because of my acting out? Yeah, of course. Has she been scarred, yup. But, she's stayed by my side, and God has renewed the life of our marriage. I have never doubted that she is loyal and comitted to me. Do I recommend doing these things to find out if your potential wife is similar? No. You might not even value commitment and loyalty. But, you can get a sense of these things with how she serves the Lord, what her relationship is like to her parents, and how she lives her life in the pursuits she has. Want a barometer? Read Proverbs 31. That's a pretty good indicator of the things to look for in a wife, and I believe they're in mine. Does she have her issues just as a person? yeah, but who doesn't.
so wait, additional question: did you ever feel nervous to talk to her by chance? because i can honestly say guys i’ve liked in the past i was always the one to make the first move (terrible since i am the woman), but this guy, i freeze up all the time and it’s funny to me because i feel like i have no reason to be this nervous, but i do get nervous.
also, would you say your wife knew you were the one as well? have you two ever talked about it?
Well, no, because we met online and messaged each other for like 2 weeks before going on our first date. We were mutual about wanting to be with each other from that point forward, and virtually have talked together everyday for the last 9ish years. We just talked about it, and agree we didn't know from the beginning. I'll say for me though, one our first day I had a vision of her and I, older, with kids. And I hadn't had that with any other dates in my life. So, maybe so in a way!
oh, okay i see. i can relate to the vision thing, but i am starting to think that maybe i have a very good imagination. i question the recent visions i have had concerning my situation
With that, I'd say continue to pray about God's will for you, and be patient. The rest, I would say is about living for the Lord and seeing how this person fits into your life as you serve God. If he can be a part of that life, respect it, and show you he wants to build you up... that might be some green flags!
idk what to think. so far we smile at each other and wave never had a full conversation. all i know is multiple people say that they can see us together
That’s not a bad thing. Right not it’s not a marriage, a partnership, or even dating. There’s a lot of potential right now and that IS exciting.
I’d still advise you to serve Jesus, pray for what you want, and make yourself available to this love interest with a heart inclined toward God.
Like Ruth!
i just pray that God gives me the chance to be his wife. i know i can do it. i may not have the best circumstances at the moment, but i know that i can do it. this is all i ever wanted to do and i want to give that to him.
I had to stalk your account to make sure you weren’t my husband. Our story is so similar. He struggled with a porn addiction in the beginning of our relationship and it caused a lot of issues/hurt. But I still loved him and I knew that he had deep rooted issues from his past that he needed to work through. I think when he realized he really loved me and wanted a future with me is when he started therapy and joined a small group at church for men going through the same thing. He genuinely wanted to change. And he did. I’m so proud of him. I know your wife is proud of you.
I am still scarred from the things he put me through, but at the same time over it because he is a different person and I know his biggest fear is hurting me and I know he will never intentionally hurt me.
I knew he was the one when everything started making sense. I was very, very lukewarm when I met my husband and he was on fire for the Lord. Something about him just made me like him so much and I couldn’t put my finger on it. He made me want to be a better person and a better Christian. Then when I eventually let Jesus into my heart, I quickly realized the reason I was so drawn to him was because he was so full of Jesus. I knew what God was doing when he crossed our paths and I just know that it had to part of God’s plan. I would not have the relationship that I have with Jesus if I hadn’t have met my husband.
If I were looking for a spouse, I would make sure to find someone who wants to put God first in the relationship. Someone who is equally yoked. Someone you truly, truly trust.
But I have to say that I wasn’t looking for a husband when I met mine. God’s timing is perfect and He knows what He’s doing and He has a plan for you.
about the timing, how long did it take for you two to actually be together? i wonder…and did you ever have any doubts before or maybe even during the relationship?
He was hesitant about me being his “girlfriend” because at the time, like I mentioned I was lukewarm. I believed in God, but had no relationship with Him at all. I didn’t know Him. I am so ashamed of this, but I really liked this guy so I pretended to become a big Christian girl and were official after 2 months of knowing each other. The reason I say God knew what He was doing was because I really did become a big Christian girl after months of faking it.
At first I didn’t have any doubts, which is the weird part because I’ve never not doubted someone before. If you see my reply to another user on this thread, I went into detail about an issue he had. I didn’t find out about this issue until months into being in a relationship. I started to have doubts because I’ve always heard the saying “men will never change” but he put in the work and he did change.
last question (sorry for so many questions btw): do you know if God ever told you he was your husband or going to marry you? i know this is different for everyone, but i am curious because i had high hopes and faith and today i am hearing the complete opposite and idk if it’s the anxiety or not, but it is getting to me. i just want to be with this guy, but something is off. i feel like maybe he thinks i’m ugly
The issue he had did cause some insecurity within myself and made me believe that he thought that I was ugly too. But after we worked through that issue, I was so confident that he was who I was going to marry. No question. I had faith that everything was going to work out. It was a weird feeling, because it wasn’t like I was trying to convince myself that he was the one. I just knew that he was.
It may be anxiety. Especially if what’s getting to you isn’t typical. I would get anxious about being married every now and then. I never literally heard God tell me he was the one. But the confidence, faith and hope that I had in my now husband was something that could only come from God. P.s I don’t mind answering questions so feel free to ask however many you need to :)
see, i had confidence two days ago, but yesterday was strange. idk if it’s because i thought i looked so hideous or what, but i just kept hearing how i wasn’t good enough or how he wouldn’t marry me. but all before he was. now idk. i really don’t. i mean i do - i really do feel like he could be the one and that he will treat me right - but now after hearing how he won’t marry me, and a “if you see him today, he’s marrying another girl and not you”, it’s like a big game of “he loves me, he loves me not” and i’m scared. other times i hear how i will end up marrying a man that doesn’t love me, even to the point of killing me. and that’s not him. but i know the guy i want to marry is very sweet. i just am so confused on whether or not he will actually like me because of how i look and i’m also tall so idk i just don’t feel very feminine
Is he telling you these things or are they in your head?
I’m not super tall, 5’7, but I do have broad shoulders and PCOS which causes me to grow hair where only men should be growing hair. I feel like I look masculine too. Obviously I want to take care of the body God gave me, but I know he married me and loves me for who I am on the inside. I act feminine and I am feminine even despite my physical appearance.
that’s the thing. i can’t tell, but the way things go, i’m assuming it’s God. that’s why i try and go to other people for confirmation, but then they get mad at me and tell me i have no faith. and all i did was ask for the truth!
and at least you act feminine so it balances it out. i can be a tomboy sometimes, but i do dress girly it’s just my voice is not that great. one time i even got asked if i was a boy or a girl while i was wearing a dress
I'm not married, but I have things I wish to share. The Bible doesn't say anything about "The One," or soulmates," or anything like that. It also doesn't mention any "signs" God will give you to indicate who this supposed person is.
It's up to us to evaluate these people. We have free will in the matter. In 1 Corinthians 7, we're given the freedom to marry. We're not told that God has one specific partner in mind.
I wouldn't wait around for something to happen. While you're still single, do everything you possibly can to become a man that a woman will want to join with and marry, and a man her family will approve of. Take care of your physical appearance. Explore your interests so you can find a well-paying career path that can provide for a family. Learn how to build wealth and budget. Become a godly, honest, humble, and compassionate man that a godly woman will be attracted to.
Dating is all about evaluating, though. Examine their character. See if they're honest, humble, with good communication skills, and integrity. See what their lifestyle is like. What they do with their time, their money, their family, their friends. See if they work hard, and whether they're in a career that can pay the bills.
The idea of "soulmates" originates with Greek philosophy and mythology. The Bible doesn't mention this idea anywhere.
so God making Eve for Adam meant nothing? or is that just specifically for Adam? also, me being the woman, should i literally just wait? because if a man finds a wife, i shouldn’t be finding anything technically, right? i am just confused as to where i may be crossing a boundary or not doing much at all
My bad, I thought you were a guy, lol. I'm not sure Adam and Eve means anything in that sense. Besides, that was before they screwed up the world, lol. There's probably lots of people who want marriage badly but never find it, not because it's their fault or God's fault, but because it's just a bad world. Bad things happen.
You don't have to just wait, no. It's OK to be active here. If you're interested in someone, tell them. If you want to date online, you can try that. If you want to explore social settings or hobbies that'll allow you to meet more people, that's good too. If you see guys you're interested in, take the risk and approach them. Don't worry too much about cultural expectations.
We should strike a balance between doing nothing and chasing this obsessively, I think.
it’s okay lol i should have been specific.
i may or may not try it with this guy. in the past i always made the first move and got rejected or forced things by overexplaining my feelings so idk. all i know is, i feel like this one person is a great choice! but i also feel like maybe i am not the best. and then there’s my looks so idk.
i think about him a lot, and can even imagine a life with him, but i do feel like i will get rejected and i’m sad because i want him to like me. i want him to want to marry me. not tomorrow because that’s unrealistic lol but after the dates and the year/years we find that we love each other and are ready to
Well, our thoughts and emotions can be hard to control, I know. We shouldn't base important relationship decisions off of these, but do careful evaluating. And we don't always know the real reasons that people reject us.
Pretty much everybody wants romantic love, and everyone wants a partner that chooses us, desires us, and is willing to pursue us. That's totally normal and human. It's OK and good to want these things, but before we pursue them, we should prepare ourselves accordingly.
judging by your last paragraph i am going to say maybe what i am hoping for won’t work because i am not suitable for anybody or anything. i am a loser tbh
not too much traits, more just looks, and i’m not all too financially stable at the moment and don’t work the best job in the world. i’m trying to move out of my parents house. i’m 27 too. i feel like i’m running out of time
Hmmm. OK. I've been there, too. That can be tough. I myself am single at 29. My honest advice?
If you can't afford to get married or start a family, why would you bother dating in the first place? I know this sounds blunt, but It's important to think practically too when it comes to making decisions about love, romance, marriage, etc. Love is great and good, but it doesn't pay the bills. But love should compel you to find a way to pay the bills. Financial struggles cause a lot of stress in marriages and lead to a lot of marriages being ruined or broken. It's wise to consider that, and wise to set yourself up for success here. Finding a batter-paying job and an affordable place to live is stressful and difficult enough on your own. It'll be even more difficult if a partner or kids enter the mix.
I know this probably isn't what you want to hear, but financial stability, financial wisdom, and steady income is crucial to a lasting marriage, and your future in-laws will definitely be looking for that. We always want to start these things out on a solid foundation. I would plan for and work toward these goals before entering a relationship.
Look, a relationship is a good thing to want. But we need to work on ourselves to get there.
We're always our own harshest critic. Will you "never" be good enough? Only you can determine this. We should always strive to improve. I know we live in a hard world, where terrible things happen, and we can't always control what these things are. But we can control our decisions and actions.
Pray, and keep praying. Surround yourself with people who love you, care about you, and can invest in you. And pray for friends who can do this for you. When Jesus was on earth, He addressed doubt like this: *“For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you”* (Matt 17:20)*.* Instead of focusing on how much doubt we have, Jesus addressed the size of our faith. No matter how much you doubt, Jesus says just a mustard seed of faith is enough. You can endure hardship, and experience doubt, and still have faith. Even if your faith feels small in the face of her questions and struggles Jesus can do miracles with only a mustard seed.
When life gets hard, and our doubts surface, it always seems easier to give up on the whole mess rather than fight. Doubt is always there when faith is required. But when we doubt the Truth, it's still true.
I'm sorry, I can't imagine how heavy your burdens are. But a relationship is a good thing to want. Let it motivate you to improve, so you can put yourself in a batter place to achieve that.
i don’t have people that love me like that. i asked God for friends and i’m still working on finding them. even in my family, it always seems like a backhanded thing or like i have to do something they want for them to tell me they love me.
i know i can be his wife. i can do it even if i am not at my best right now. i just need the chance.
also, even if i do have little faith, i don’t know why i always get attacked for it (not you, i’m talking other christians even irl). they will say i don’t believe in God just because i get down or have some doubts. faith of a mustard seed is not complete faith. it’s okay when in the bible people get discouraged, but when it’s me, it’s like i’m the scum of the earth. i hate that.
Oh, gosh. I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how hard that is. Everybody needs people around them who love can build you up. We're not meant to go through life alone.
There's no "faith-meter." We don't need a certain "level" of faith in order for God to work. That's the whole point of Jesus' mustard-seed analogy.
I hope you can find some solid friends soon. Still, my advice is still to work on yourself and improve as much as you can so you can. Relationships and marriage are similar to job applications in some way. You have to work on your own traits and build up certain skills and assets so you can stand out, and so guys will want to join their life to yours, and so you can have a stable life together.
I hope it works out for you soon, sis!
I don’t think there’s a “one”. I think the person becomes your “one” once you marry them and become one flesh.
I chose my husband who loves God and loves me. We have similar values, beliefs and goals in life, and we were attracted to each other and wanted to be together :) I think a godly foundation and attraction and common values is a good foundation that you can build with a lot of people
I waited a long time to get married, because I wanted to be sure. The first moment I laid eyes on my wife, I knew she was the one. She wasn't even a Christian at the time, but she is now and we both got baptized/re-baptized together not long ago.
I can't cite scripture backing that up (more likely I could cite scripture that does the opposite, i.e., unequally yoked), but I knew in my heart she was the one for me.
No, I really never did. I was ready to fully commit from day one and can't imagine being with anyone else. I can't say that'll be everyone's experience, but it was mine. I did have a significant number of past relationships, so I had a basis for comparison in my sureness.
I think the vast majority of people in the world don't know for sure and will have doubts. That doesn't means there's anything wrong with them or you, or their marriage is doomed. In my case, I just got lucky, and it probably had a lot to do with finally being in the right mindset when I met my wife. I remember talking to my dad about this a long time ago, and he admitted he wasn't sure he was ready to marry my mom, but it turned out to be the best decision of his life.
oh wow, i’m glad they did though and i’m assuming they are still together (yay!)
and you are definitely lucky, but i have to say, as humans, i’m sure we are not always in our right minds 24/7. that’s why i don’t totally think i am so wrong somewhere. i definitely don’t want to marry him over pure lust or anything. i truly desire to give someone my all, and now that i believe that he can be the one, or even that he is, i want to be able to do that.
but now that i said i believe he is the one there’s a voice in the back of my mind disagreeing so idk what that is. this is why i can never be too hopeful
I just read more of this discussion and your replies. There's nothing wrong with you; you're just young and will have plenty of opportunities to find the person that makes you happy. Don't put the pressure on yourself. Be patient. Go to church. Involve yourself in the community. Do you. The relationship will present itself and evolve when it's time.
i hope so. i mean so far, he knows that i like him or that people think we should date, but we haven’t had an actual conversation just yet. he works right next door so we are both busy unless he comes in. i just hope he will pursue me. idk. i’m not sure of what to think. but i’m used to getting rejected at the same time so i am automatically thinking i’m not good enough
Don't worry about the relationship at this point. Build the friendship. The best relationships are built on friendship and mutual respect. If it's meant to be, it will be. If it's not, there's probably something better in store for you.
The great irony in dating is the more you want it, the harder it is to get, but as soon as you stop looking and trying, it happens. At least from a guy's perspective that's how it is.
this is true. i just wish i would stop freezing up when i see him. i really want to get to know him.
i mean, so far, it must be a good sign that when my boss talked to him he was smiling about the whole thing. her words, i wouldn’t know because i wasn’t there. i just don’t know. she just keeps saying he will ask me out but idk if she’s being just as hopeful as i am
FYI, a lot of guys have a real hard time approaching a woman, even if he knows she's interested. That's one reason it's easier to just start as friends.
For me, it was my 3rd wife. I wasn't sure that I was allowed to get married a third time. So I prayed about it. Before I got an answer we decided to get ready for the wedding. We spent all day running around. We did a lot of driving that day, and the car broke down. It was getting dark. It was a bad area. As I was about to get out of the car to get help. Then my wife was in fear, grabbing my arm and asking where I was going? Realizing her emotions, I knew to stay and pray with her. After we prayed over the situation and what to do. I then decided to turn the key. As I turned the key on then the radio, it went on, and Paster Brothers was yelling on the radio, saying, "YOUR OUT OF GAS." We looked at each other with relief for our gas gage was broken. I listen to Paster Brothers every morning when I go to work. It just happens to be on at that time on the christian radio station I listen to. I thought this might be a fluke that this happened to answer our prayers getting ready for our wedding. Maybe, but during our honeymoon, it happened again just after talking about that situation as we were driving home. Talking about running out of gasoline and the radio letting us know. Just as we had this conversation as we were driving. Than as we went around the corner, there was Freedom Village. Paster Brothers place. So we stopped, and a rodeo was going on. We were able to see Paster Brothers and rodeo on our honeymoon before it was over, for we were heading home. We then realized it was not a fluke, and God was saying we have His permission to be married. We are from Canada and just happens that going to Watgan's Glenn, we had to go down finger lakes and not knowing ware Freedom Village was . It just happens to be on the way we decided to head back to Canada. We have a God story to tell at weddings or anytime we have the opportunity to tell.
The spirit speaks to everyone differently. Recognizing how He speaks to you can be hard. But, it is so worth it. Perhaps you could make it a goal to discover how you personally receive revelation from the spirit. The experiences I have had throughout my life and the revelations I have received are the foundation for my faith.
that’s all i’ve been doing for 10 years. even today i am hearing that if i see him today, he’s not my husband and pretty much everything i heard before and thought was real is a lie
That's awesome that you continue to seek God's spirit. It took me years to recognize it. I kept praying and then expecting the spirit to come in X or Y form. Then one day, it clicked and I realized it was Z. I don't believe there is a single "soulmate" that we are destined to be with. Rather, I believe that two people committed to God and each other can *"become"* right for each other. God refines us when we choose to follow Him.
hopefully what i heard (about him coming today) isn’t true then. idk. it also doesn’t make sense that if i see someone today they won’t marry me. so i have to hide? even if i wear a certain color or shirt today, it affects the voices i hear. if he is going to love me, it shouldn’t matter what color i wear, what i eat, etc. but unfortunately, this is how i feel it is even with God. i feel like everything i have to do is perfect in order for God to love me or just be in good standing with him. i really like this guy and i plan on loving him unconditionally. i just pray for the same in return from him. love doesn’t have to be this hard
You definitely don't have to be perfect in order to be loved! By God or your future spouse. Perfection comes through Christ. It isn't something we can achieve by ourselves. To expect our actions to be perfect can create unrealistic expectations that can be harmful when we fail to live up to them. Give yourself a little grace, and then ask God for a lot of grace. He will lead you if you let Him.
“The one” is a romantic ideal that is currently popular in our culture. It might even be based on that pagan idea of “twin flames”. It’s not based on the Bible. The Bible only says to be equally yoked spiritually, meaning that you should both be Christians. Choose someone who loves God that you want to be with and then follow what the Bible says about how to treat each other. Submit your marriage to the Lord. When you get married they are now “the one”.
this makes sense. i have to see if he believes in God
“Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife.” 1 Corinthians 7:27 “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” Matthew 6:33 ❤️
There is no “the one”. If you want a happy marriage seek a spouse that loves Jesus more than they could ever love you.
I'm of the opinion that if you are waiting for "the one", you are setting yourself up for disappointment.
i know no one is perfect, i just wonder who will love me for once. i keep getting rejected
Jesus loves you and that should be enough, right? Be cautious that marriage doesn’t become an idol.. “Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.” Philippians 4:11 “If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple. And whosoever doth not bear his cross, and come after me, cannot be my disciple.” Luke 14:26-27
i guess? is it really that bad that i want to be married though? i already told God to take it out of my heart if i’m not good enough for marriage and here i am 10 years later practically begging for the same thing. i’m just not good enough for it though. and i asked Him to make me better, but idk
We should want what Christ wants because we die with him on the cross and rise with him from the grave. We *need* to be married to Christ, then he will give us what else we need. “The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.” Psalm 23:1 Either your whole body will be full of light or of darkness; take heed that the light that is in you is not darkness. Why are you begging for a husband instead of seeking the complete satisfaction that Christ promises? Have you considered that the devil is using what you don’t have to distract you from what you do and could have in Christ? “But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you. Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” John 14:26-27
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That’s Satan attacking you. It may be a true desire that you really have, however we aren’t called to have our own desires, but to seek to do God’s will alone. A husband may very well be in his will for your life, or he may only call you to marry Christ. Trust that God has the best plan for you and he will bless you abundantly. Satan is the father of lies and he will send distraction and lie he can to corrupt your heart against God and blind you from his great love. Jesus loves you so much to suffer for you; love him and he promises to give you everything you need and a more abundant life❤️
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? How so. Did you read all of what I said?
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Hmm. I knew my wife was the one because I felt at home with her the first time we met. My feelings of at home ness was the sign. We had a lot of issues from the beginning, because I was acting out sexually. I kept trying to comfort myself with sexual acts, any time I felt shame. And I had a boat load of it because of past hurts and how they would bubble up frequently. So, I was acting out a lot. Lots of porn, putting her on the back burner, and even seeking out other relationships or risky behavior. She did three things I hadn't every experienced before in response to my behaviors: forgive me, unconditionally love me, and identify that it was a hurt part of me acting out. This was unmerrited grace and mercy that shocked me into wanting to change. So, I got therapy, got into a sex recovery group, and became pretty intentional about change. Have we had issues because of my acting out? Yeah, of course. Has she been scarred, yup. But, she's stayed by my side, and God has renewed the life of our marriage. I have never doubted that she is loyal and comitted to me. Do I recommend doing these things to find out if your potential wife is similar? No. You might not even value commitment and loyalty. But, you can get a sense of these things with how she serves the Lord, what her relationship is like to her parents, and how she lives her life in the pursuits she has. Want a barometer? Read Proverbs 31. That's a pretty good indicator of the things to look for in a wife, and I believe they're in mine. Does she have her issues just as a person? yeah, but who doesn't.
so wait, additional question: did you ever feel nervous to talk to her by chance? because i can honestly say guys i’ve liked in the past i was always the one to make the first move (terrible since i am the woman), but this guy, i freeze up all the time and it’s funny to me because i feel like i have no reason to be this nervous, but i do get nervous. also, would you say your wife knew you were the one as well? have you two ever talked about it?
Well, no, because we met online and messaged each other for like 2 weeks before going on our first date. We were mutual about wanting to be with each other from that point forward, and virtually have talked together everyday for the last 9ish years. We just talked about it, and agree we didn't know from the beginning. I'll say for me though, one our first day I had a vision of her and I, older, with kids. And I hadn't had that with any other dates in my life. So, maybe so in a way!
oh, okay i see. i can relate to the vision thing, but i am starting to think that maybe i have a very good imagination. i question the recent visions i have had concerning my situation
With that, I'd say continue to pray about God's will for you, and be patient. The rest, I would say is about living for the Lord and seeing how this person fits into your life as you serve God. If he can be a part of that life, respect it, and show you he wants to build you up... that might be some green flags!
idk what to think. so far we smile at each other and wave never had a full conversation. all i know is multiple people say that they can see us together
That’s not a bad thing. Right not it’s not a marriage, a partnership, or even dating. There’s a lot of potential right now and that IS exciting. I’d still advise you to serve Jesus, pray for what you want, and make yourself available to this love interest with a heart inclined toward God. Like Ruth!
i just pray that God gives me the chance to be his wife. i know i can do it. i may not have the best circumstances at the moment, but i know that i can do it. this is all i ever wanted to do and i want to give that to him.
I had to stalk your account to make sure you weren’t my husband. Our story is so similar. He struggled with a porn addiction in the beginning of our relationship and it caused a lot of issues/hurt. But I still loved him and I knew that he had deep rooted issues from his past that he needed to work through. I think when he realized he really loved me and wanted a future with me is when he started therapy and joined a small group at church for men going through the same thing. He genuinely wanted to change. And he did. I’m so proud of him. I know your wife is proud of you. I am still scarred from the things he put me through, but at the same time over it because he is a different person and I know his biggest fear is hurting me and I know he will never intentionally hurt me.
Praise God. I'm proud of your husband, too. And, I know you're a blessing. Praying for continued growth and change in the Lord for you two.
I knew he was the one when everything started making sense. I was very, very lukewarm when I met my husband and he was on fire for the Lord. Something about him just made me like him so much and I couldn’t put my finger on it. He made me want to be a better person and a better Christian. Then when I eventually let Jesus into my heart, I quickly realized the reason I was so drawn to him was because he was so full of Jesus. I knew what God was doing when he crossed our paths and I just know that it had to part of God’s plan. I would not have the relationship that I have with Jesus if I hadn’t have met my husband. If I were looking for a spouse, I would make sure to find someone who wants to put God first in the relationship. Someone who is equally yoked. Someone you truly, truly trust. But I have to say that I wasn’t looking for a husband when I met mine. God’s timing is perfect and He knows what He’s doing and He has a plan for you.
about the timing, how long did it take for you two to actually be together? i wonder…and did you ever have any doubts before or maybe even during the relationship?
He was hesitant about me being his “girlfriend” because at the time, like I mentioned I was lukewarm. I believed in God, but had no relationship with Him at all. I didn’t know Him. I am so ashamed of this, but I really liked this guy so I pretended to become a big Christian girl and were official after 2 months of knowing each other. The reason I say God knew what He was doing was because I really did become a big Christian girl after months of faking it. At first I didn’t have any doubts, which is the weird part because I’ve never not doubted someone before. If you see my reply to another user on this thread, I went into detail about an issue he had. I didn’t find out about this issue until months into being in a relationship. I started to have doubts because I’ve always heard the saying “men will never change” but he put in the work and he did change.
last question (sorry for so many questions btw): do you know if God ever told you he was your husband or going to marry you? i know this is different for everyone, but i am curious because i had high hopes and faith and today i am hearing the complete opposite and idk if it’s the anxiety or not, but it is getting to me. i just want to be with this guy, but something is off. i feel like maybe he thinks i’m ugly
The issue he had did cause some insecurity within myself and made me believe that he thought that I was ugly too. But after we worked through that issue, I was so confident that he was who I was going to marry. No question. I had faith that everything was going to work out. It was a weird feeling, because it wasn’t like I was trying to convince myself that he was the one. I just knew that he was. It may be anxiety. Especially if what’s getting to you isn’t typical. I would get anxious about being married every now and then. I never literally heard God tell me he was the one. But the confidence, faith and hope that I had in my now husband was something that could only come from God. P.s I don’t mind answering questions so feel free to ask however many you need to :)
see, i had confidence two days ago, but yesterday was strange. idk if it’s because i thought i looked so hideous or what, but i just kept hearing how i wasn’t good enough or how he wouldn’t marry me. but all before he was. now idk. i really don’t. i mean i do - i really do feel like he could be the one and that he will treat me right - but now after hearing how he won’t marry me, and a “if you see him today, he’s marrying another girl and not you”, it’s like a big game of “he loves me, he loves me not” and i’m scared. other times i hear how i will end up marrying a man that doesn’t love me, even to the point of killing me. and that’s not him. but i know the guy i want to marry is very sweet. i just am so confused on whether or not he will actually like me because of how i look and i’m also tall so idk i just don’t feel very feminine
Is he telling you these things or are they in your head? I’m not super tall, 5’7, but I do have broad shoulders and PCOS which causes me to grow hair where only men should be growing hair. I feel like I look masculine too. Obviously I want to take care of the body God gave me, but I know he married me and loves me for who I am on the inside. I act feminine and I am feminine even despite my physical appearance.
that’s the thing. i can’t tell, but the way things go, i’m assuming it’s God. that’s why i try and go to other people for confirmation, but then they get mad at me and tell me i have no faith. and all i did was ask for the truth! and at least you act feminine so it balances it out. i can be a tomboy sometimes, but i do dress girly it’s just my voice is not that great. one time i even got asked if i was a boy or a girl while i was wearing a dress
I'm not married, but I have things I wish to share. The Bible doesn't say anything about "The One," or soulmates," or anything like that. It also doesn't mention any "signs" God will give you to indicate who this supposed person is. It's up to us to evaluate these people. We have free will in the matter. In 1 Corinthians 7, we're given the freedom to marry. We're not told that God has one specific partner in mind. I wouldn't wait around for something to happen. While you're still single, do everything you possibly can to become a man that a woman will want to join with and marry, and a man her family will approve of. Take care of your physical appearance. Explore your interests so you can find a well-paying career path that can provide for a family. Learn how to build wealth and budget. Become a godly, honest, humble, and compassionate man that a godly woman will be attracted to. Dating is all about evaluating, though. Examine their character. See if they're honest, humble, with good communication skills, and integrity. See what their lifestyle is like. What they do with their time, their money, their family, their friends. See if they work hard, and whether they're in a career that can pay the bills. The idea of "soulmates" originates with Greek philosophy and mythology. The Bible doesn't mention this idea anywhere.
so God making Eve for Adam meant nothing? or is that just specifically for Adam? also, me being the woman, should i literally just wait? because if a man finds a wife, i shouldn’t be finding anything technically, right? i am just confused as to where i may be crossing a boundary or not doing much at all
My bad, I thought you were a guy, lol. I'm not sure Adam and Eve means anything in that sense. Besides, that was before they screwed up the world, lol. There's probably lots of people who want marriage badly but never find it, not because it's their fault or God's fault, but because it's just a bad world. Bad things happen. You don't have to just wait, no. It's OK to be active here. If you're interested in someone, tell them. If you want to date online, you can try that. If you want to explore social settings or hobbies that'll allow you to meet more people, that's good too. If you see guys you're interested in, take the risk and approach them. Don't worry too much about cultural expectations. We should strike a balance between doing nothing and chasing this obsessively, I think.
it’s okay lol i should have been specific. i may or may not try it with this guy. in the past i always made the first move and got rejected or forced things by overexplaining my feelings so idk. all i know is, i feel like this one person is a great choice! but i also feel like maybe i am not the best. and then there’s my looks so idk. i think about him a lot, and can even imagine a life with him, but i do feel like i will get rejected and i’m sad because i want him to like me. i want him to want to marry me. not tomorrow because that’s unrealistic lol but after the dates and the year/years we find that we love each other and are ready to
Well, our thoughts and emotions can be hard to control, I know. We shouldn't base important relationship decisions off of these, but do careful evaluating. And we don't always know the real reasons that people reject us. Pretty much everybody wants romantic love, and everyone wants a partner that chooses us, desires us, and is willing to pursue us. That's totally normal and human. It's OK and good to want these things, but before we pursue them, we should prepare ourselves accordingly.
yeah. i just hope this works out with him…i don’t know. maybe i am not good enough
judging by your last paragraph i am going to say maybe what i am hoping for won’t work because i am not suitable for anybody or anything. i am a loser tbh
Oh? Why do you say that? If there's traits about you that you think will warn guys off, well, do you think those are impossible to overcome?
not too much traits, more just looks, and i’m not all too financially stable at the moment and don’t work the best job in the world. i’m trying to move out of my parents house. i’m 27 too. i feel like i’m running out of time
Hmmm. OK. I've been there, too. That can be tough. I myself am single at 29. My honest advice? If you can't afford to get married or start a family, why would you bother dating in the first place? I know this sounds blunt, but It's important to think practically too when it comes to making decisions about love, romance, marriage, etc. Love is great and good, but it doesn't pay the bills. But love should compel you to find a way to pay the bills. Financial struggles cause a lot of stress in marriages and lead to a lot of marriages being ruined or broken. It's wise to consider that, and wise to set yourself up for success here. Finding a batter-paying job and an affordable place to live is stressful and difficult enough on your own. It'll be even more difficult if a partner or kids enter the mix. I know this probably isn't what you want to hear, but financial stability, financial wisdom, and steady income is crucial to a lasting marriage, and your future in-laws will definitely be looking for that. We always want to start these things out on a solid foundation. I would plan for and work toward these goals before entering a relationship.
well maybe that’s why he will reject me. i will never be good enough
Look, a relationship is a good thing to want. But we need to work on ourselves to get there. We're always our own harshest critic. Will you "never" be good enough? Only you can determine this. We should always strive to improve. I know we live in a hard world, where terrible things happen, and we can't always control what these things are. But we can control our decisions and actions. Pray, and keep praying. Surround yourself with people who love you, care about you, and can invest in you. And pray for friends who can do this for you. When Jesus was on earth, He addressed doubt like this: *“For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you”* (Matt 17:20)*.* Instead of focusing on how much doubt we have, Jesus addressed the size of our faith. No matter how much you doubt, Jesus says just a mustard seed of faith is enough. You can endure hardship, and experience doubt, and still have faith. Even if your faith feels small in the face of her questions and struggles Jesus can do miracles with only a mustard seed. When life gets hard, and our doubts surface, it always seems easier to give up on the whole mess rather than fight. Doubt is always there when faith is required. But when we doubt the Truth, it's still true. I'm sorry, I can't imagine how heavy your burdens are. But a relationship is a good thing to want. Let it motivate you to improve, so you can put yourself in a batter place to achieve that.
i don’t have people that love me like that. i asked God for friends and i’m still working on finding them. even in my family, it always seems like a backhanded thing or like i have to do something they want for them to tell me they love me. i know i can be his wife. i can do it even if i am not at my best right now. i just need the chance. also, even if i do have little faith, i don’t know why i always get attacked for it (not you, i’m talking other christians even irl). they will say i don’t believe in God just because i get down or have some doubts. faith of a mustard seed is not complete faith. it’s okay when in the bible people get discouraged, but when it’s me, it’s like i’m the scum of the earth. i hate that.
Oh, gosh. I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how hard that is. Everybody needs people around them who love can build you up. We're not meant to go through life alone. There's no "faith-meter." We don't need a certain "level" of faith in order for God to work. That's the whole point of Jesus' mustard-seed analogy. I hope you can find some solid friends soon. Still, my advice is still to work on yourself and improve as much as you can so you can. Relationships and marriage are similar to job applications in some way. You have to work on your own traits and build up certain skills and assets so you can stand out, and so guys will want to join their life to yours, and so you can have a stable life together. I hope it works out for you soon, sis!
I don’t think there’s a “one”. I think the person becomes your “one” once you marry them and become one flesh. I chose my husband who loves God and loves me. We have similar values, beliefs and goals in life, and we were attracted to each other and wanted to be together :) I think a godly foundation and attraction and common values is a good foundation that you can build with a lot of people
I waited a long time to get married, because I wanted to be sure. The first moment I laid eyes on my wife, I knew she was the one. She wasn't even a Christian at the time, but she is now and we both got baptized/re-baptized together not long ago. I can't cite scripture backing that up (more likely I could cite scripture that does the opposite, i.e., unequally yoked), but I knew in my heart she was the one for me.
so you never had doubts or were nervous at all?
i ask because this is a crucial part of my situation
i ask because this is a crucial part of my situation
No, I really never did. I was ready to fully commit from day one and can't imagine being with anyone else. I can't say that'll be everyone's experience, but it was mine. I did have a significant number of past relationships, so I had a basis for comparison in my sureness.
okay. maybe something is wrong with me then
I think the vast majority of people in the world don't know for sure and will have doubts. That doesn't means there's anything wrong with them or you, or their marriage is doomed. In my case, I just got lucky, and it probably had a lot to do with finally being in the right mindset when I met my wife. I remember talking to my dad about this a long time ago, and he admitted he wasn't sure he was ready to marry my mom, but it turned out to be the best decision of his life.
oh wow, i’m glad they did though and i’m assuming they are still together (yay!) and you are definitely lucky, but i have to say, as humans, i’m sure we are not always in our right minds 24/7. that’s why i don’t totally think i am so wrong somewhere. i definitely don’t want to marry him over pure lust or anything. i truly desire to give someone my all, and now that i believe that he can be the one, or even that he is, i want to be able to do that. but now that i said i believe he is the one there’s a voice in the back of my mind disagreeing so idk what that is. this is why i can never be too hopeful
I just read more of this discussion and your replies. There's nothing wrong with you; you're just young and will have plenty of opportunities to find the person that makes you happy. Don't put the pressure on yourself. Be patient. Go to church. Involve yourself in the community. Do you. The relationship will present itself and evolve when it's time.
i hope so. i mean so far, he knows that i like him or that people think we should date, but we haven’t had an actual conversation just yet. he works right next door so we are both busy unless he comes in. i just hope he will pursue me. idk. i’m not sure of what to think. but i’m used to getting rejected at the same time so i am automatically thinking i’m not good enough
Don't worry about the relationship at this point. Build the friendship. The best relationships are built on friendship and mutual respect. If it's meant to be, it will be. If it's not, there's probably something better in store for you. The great irony in dating is the more you want it, the harder it is to get, but as soon as you stop looking and trying, it happens. At least from a guy's perspective that's how it is.
this is true. i just wish i would stop freezing up when i see him. i really want to get to know him. i mean, so far, it must be a good sign that when my boss talked to him he was smiling about the whole thing. her words, i wouldn’t know because i wasn’t there. i just don’t know. she just keeps saying he will ask me out but idk if she’s being just as hopeful as i am
FYI, a lot of guys have a real hard time approaching a woman, even if he knows she's interested. That's one reason it's easier to just start as friends.
for sure. but it does seem like when a guy really wants a girl, he does everything it takes to get her. at least that’s how i see it
For me, it was my 3rd wife. I wasn't sure that I was allowed to get married a third time. So I prayed about it. Before I got an answer we decided to get ready for the wedding. We spent all day running around. We did a lot of driving that day, and the car broke down. It was getting dark. It was a bad area. As I was about to get out of the car to get help. Then my wife was in fear, grabbing my arm and asking where I was going? Realizing her emotions, I knew to stay and pray with her. After we prayed over the situation and what to do. I then decided to turn the key. As I turned the key on then the radio, it went on, and Paster Brothers was yelling on the radio, saying, "YOUR OUT OF GAS." We looked at each other with relief for our gas gage was broken. I listen to Paster Brothers every morning when I go to work. It just happens to be on at that time on the christian radio station I listen to. I thought this might be a fluke that this happened to answer our prayers getting ready for our wedding. Maybe, but during our honeymoon, it happened again just after talking about that situation as we were driving home. Talking about running out of gasoline and the radio letting us know. Just as we had this conversation as we were driving. Than as we went around the corner, there was Freedom Village. Paster Brothers place. So we stopped, and a rodeo was going on. We were able to see Paster Brothers and rodeo on our honeymoon before it was over, for we were heading home. We then realized it was not a fluke, and God was saying we have His permission to be married. We are from Canada and just happens that going to Watgan's Glenn, we had to go down finger lakes and not knowing ware Freedom Village was . It just happens to be on the way we decided to head back to Canada. We have a God story to tell at weddings or anytime we have the opportunity to tell.
please don’t hate me for misunderstanding, but you went on a honeymoon before the wedding?
Oh no . After we got married it was a long weekend for us. Being May two four we call it.
oh, okay. you’re definitely lucky to be married to who you wanted and someone who loves you back. someone God told you, that you would marry
Yes, I agree. Thank you
I prayed and asked God. He answered me. She also prayed and asked God. He also answered her.
you’re lucky. i’m praying, but i wouldn’t have a clue if he is.
The spirit speaks to everyone differently. Recognizing how He speaks to you can be hard. But, it is so worth it. Perhaps you could make it a goal to discover how you personally receive revelation from the spirit. The experiences I have had throughout my life and the revelations I have received are the foundation for my faith.
that’s all i’ve been doing for 10 years. even today i am hearing that if i see him today, he’s not my husband and pretty much everything i heard before and thought was real is a lie
That's awesome that you continue to seek God's spirit. It took me years to recognize it. I kept praying and then expecting the spirit to come in X or Y form. Then one day, it clicked and I realized it was Z. I don't believe there is a single "soulmate" that we are destined to be with. Rather, I believe that two people committed to God and each other can *"become"* right for each other. God refines us when we choose to follow Him.
hopefully what i heard (about him coming today) isn’t true then. idk. it also doesn’t make sense that if i see someone today they won’t marry me. so i have to hide? even if i wear a certain color or shirt today, it affects the voices i hear. if he is going to love me, it shouldn’t matter what color i wear, what i eat, etc. but unfortunately, this is how i feel it is even with God. i feel like everything i have to do is perfect in order for God to love me or just be in good standing with him. i really like this guy and i plan on loving him unconditionally. i just pray for the same in return from him. love doesn’t have to be this hard
You definitely don't have to be perfect in order to be loved! By God or your future spouse. Perfection comes through Christ. It isn't something we can achieve by ourselves. To expect our actions to be perfect can create unrealistic expectations that can be harmful when we fail to live up to them. Give yourself a little grace, and then ask God for a lot of grace. He will lead you if you let Him.