If it’s going to make you waste mental energy worrying about who pays, and you hang out on this forum…honestly buy yourself piece of mind and just pick up the bill. If someone offers to partially or fully reimburse you, great. If not, you’ve saved yourself the stress—which is worth something in and of itself
I do this with my in laws to save myself the anxiety. I always say hey I'll Venmo you later and I always do with tax and tip. So much more comfortable of an experience.
Coworkers? Split the bill or charge it to the firm.
Close friends? Will pay on occasion like birthdays otherwise split.
Family? Will pay the entire bill.
I endorse this 100%. It's somewhat dependent on very personal factors but as a broad starting point, it makes sense.
Coworkers, even friendly, is not a context where gift giving or receiving is important. Keep in mind that people don't feel good about receiving charity, and you might come off as an arrogant prick if you aren't careful. There are little things you could do if, for example, you want to order a $500 bottle of wine - order it, share it, and pick up the tab for that part of the meal, maybe with a self-deprecating joke about being the only one dumb enough to pay that much for wine!
Close friends - here's where equality is the most important. Again, highly context dependent, but the main safe and sane way to manage things is to be equal all the time. You can probably get away with it sometimes if there's an excuse but I wouldn't make it a habit. The kind and friendly thing to do here is to value your friends as friends and eat at cheaper places with them.
Family - depending on the family circumstances which as we all know can be very complicated, it's totally fine to grab the whole bill. Not every time, again, no one wants to be a charity case. Make some traditions - you host Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner at your house, ask them to bring mashed potatoes, but you provide the turkey and wine. Etc.
You either split it each time or you take turn paying for the crowd. Assuming this isn’t a special event/treat, it’s not being “frugal” to let them pay, rather it’s “cheap.”
Keep in mind sometimes others want to treat. It’s also important to accept a gift. It makes the buyer feel good to give.
That’s of course if it’s not a regular thing, awkward or a company dinner. If it’s couples- split it. If it’s regular you can take turns.
If it will be reimbursed by the company, most senior person is required to pay by policy for controls reasons.
If its just social (and I am the best paid) and its small and it was my invite, I'll just say "my treat" and pay.
If its pricier that looks a bit obnoxious, so I'll look for a way to grab the lion's share such as grabbing a round of drinks before dinner or grabbing the check and ignoring/waiving off tip when people figure their share, etc. When checks are split up it seems someone is always left getting the short end of the stick, and I just make sure that is me.
Usually someone pays, then rest venmo or give them cash. This is assuming you guys are work friends and not 'real friends' yet. If someone wants to pay because they got a promo or whatever, that's a rare occasion where I don't insist on splitting a check.
If it’s regular and not company-paid, split or rotate the payer.
Mostly, I’d be concerned about not mooching. It’s slimy and if your goal is chubbyfire, you can afford to eat out if you choose to.
I find that to be very “cheap.” I am not a big spender but I would not look forward to going out to eat with a person who spent 5-10 annoying minutes at the end of a good time dividing up who ordered what.
I feel like it highly depends on what the income status of the group is and what the relative differences are between the group.
If everyone is making 100k+ and the difference at a typical restaurant is 5-10$ per person. between splitting evenly and per person, then it's cheap.
If it's between someone who is making 100k+ and minimum wage, then I feel splitting is a way of respecting everyone's ability to contribute to the time together. I've felt some people feel disrespected or like a charity case if they're not given the opportunity to pay.
Though I lean towards yes - splitting at the very end is annoying. I tend to let others do the actual math in a group setting haha.
Except that the difference can be much more than 5-10 dollars per person. I don’t eat / drink a lot and it’s not rare that I will have had half of what others had in monetary value
I on the contrary hate it when people pay the full thing and force me to pay the full thing the next time
For two reasons
- I’m usually fine with one main meal and a glass of wine. I don’t want to subsidize everyone’s multiple cocktails etc
- I don’t feel like paying for people I’ve barely met
- bonus reason: I was on a terrace once with friends’ friends, we were all headed to the same concert. The friends’ friends ordered alcohol for their 15yo. I absolutely don’t want to subsidize that
Actually one does not need to spend “5-10 annoying minutes at the end of good time”. All we do is inform the server when asking for the bill that we will be paying separately. For the most part they divvy it up correctly.
Do you start the meal telling everyone you will only pay for what you get or something?
Understand it for folks under 25 but for established 30+ folks, sitting there with a calculator splitting meals is one of those annoying things on earth. Even my friends that are schoolteachers don’t do this.
At 25 this is normal and should be expected. In your 30s with closer friends at the same socioeconomic level it’s nice to pay for each other. You hope to be surrounded by people who never take advantage and don’t pay.
We need more information.
If it’s casual drinks with coworkers in my circles everyone would pay for their consumption
If it’s you as the boss taking them out for a team building kind of thing, you pay it and expense it. That’s what I typically did once a month when some business partners were in town and we went for dinner with my team
No matter who we go out with, we tell the waiter that we would like separate checks in advance. We even offer to change seats so that the waiter better understands which one of us is the spouse of the other. Separate checks is totally fair and nobody argues.
Split with who got what. Except for a specific really good friend, i pay because her financial situation isn’t good. Im not chubbyFIRE, but $50 for a meal isn’t going to drop me.
If it’s a birthday or special occasion, I will generally pick it up. If it’s just two friends catching up, we just split it or, if we see one another more frequently, we trade off. The trading off and splitting has backfired for me, however; I am not cheap but I don’t drink. I have a few friends who are heavy drinkers and we usually split the bill. I will admit, I do get annoyed at subsidizing their drinks every time. It’s only an extra $20-40 but it irritates me.
It depends. If it is new friends, generally it is whoever initiates the invite. So if people we recently meet invite us out to dinner and take the check to pay, I will always pull my card out to split the bill, but dont push. Works the other way around, if we invite new friends I offer to pick up the bill and politely refuse if they offer to pay. To me, this sort of sets the bar for how to act moving forward.
I have friends where it is a constant rotation. They pay, then we pay, and so on. I have friends who have taken advantage of me by over ordering when it was our turn. That happens once, I ask for separate bills in the future. It has happened twice, one couple which we were friends with for years before they moved. Guy was a real a\*hole (wives were friends). Never offered to pick up/split the bill even when we did.
Bottom line, I generally always suggest splitting the bill and I will usually offer to cover the tip (or additional tip if 18% added) if our portion would have been higher (usually is with two kids who eat kids meals).
Obviously there are no standard answer. Use common sense for each situation
Just figure out any method that does not unduly burden people of lesser income, while also not hurting their ego by making a big deal of grabbing for the bill.
Often when having a casual lunch with multiple co-workers we would just get one bill and everyone would throw in cash until the total + reasonable tip was reached. When it was a "mixed" group, such as engineers and lower paid clerical staff, the higher paid engineers picked up a bigger portion of the bill.
If it is a group of 4 or so co-workers that frequently dined together we just more or less took turns.
We would stick the boss (whose high compensation was public knowledge via 10-Qs and form 4s) with the bill at the more expensive restaurant.
My wife and I have used the same "take turns, kind of" when traveling with couples with lower NW. we just took turns picking up various expenses, but we tended to pick up the more expensive ones.
With some other couples we would just hand the server 2 credit cards and they would bill half to each.
If it’s a random lunch then everyone should want to split. But at happy hour or whatever, buy a round, buy some apps, be generous. It’s not a lot of money in the grand scheme of things. I always assume that if I’m going out with any group, I am making the decision to be a generous friend
I like being viewed as generous. I desire paying for extended family, but if they offer, I graciously accept as well.
Coworkers... that's unusual. I think always split there.
if it's frequently with the same people, then you should take turns. otherwise it's whoever invited whom out. regardless, you should look like you're trying to pay
I buy my shit, they buy their shit. If I’m trying to fuck them, then I buy their shit. If it’s like 10 people and I’m feeling happy, I might buy all the shit.
If it’s going to make you waste mental energy worrying about who pays, and you hang out on this forum…honestly buy yourself piece of mind and just pick up the bill. If someone offers to partially or fully reimburse you, great. If not, you’ve saved yourself the stress—which is worth something in and of itself
This. A few years ago I started doing this, and it made meals out with friends so much lower stress.
just venmo your share without being prompted to
I do this with my in laws to save myself the anxiety. I always say hey I'll Venmo you later and I always do with tax and tip. So much more comfortable of an experience.
Brother in law, fine. Parents in law, weird
My immigrant father’s in law head would probably explode if I didn’t let him pay the dinner bill, lol.
Coworkers? Split the bill or charge it to the firm. Close friends? Will pay on occasion like birthdays otherwise split. Family? Will pay the entire bill.
I endorse this 100%. It's somewhat dependent on very personal factors but as a broad starting point, it makes sense. Coworkers, even friendly, is not a context where gift giving or receiving is important. Keep in mind that people don't feel good about receiving charity, and you might come off as an arrogant prick if you aren't careful. There are little things you could do if, for example, you want to order a $500 bottle of wine - order it, share it, and pick up the tab for that part of the meal, maybe with a self-deprecating joke about being the only one dumb enough to pay that much for wine! Close friends - here's where equality is the most important. Again, highly context dependent, but the main safe and sane way to manage things is to be equal all the time. You can probably get away with it sometimes if there's an excuse but I wouldn't make it a habit. The kind and friendly thing to do here is to value your friends as friends and eat at cheaper places with them. Family - depending on the family circumstances which as we all know can be very complicated, it's totally fine to grab the whole bill. Not every time, again, no one wants to be a charity case. Make some traditions - you host Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner at your house, ask them to bring mashed potatoes, but you provide the turkey and wine. Etc.
You either split it each time or you take turn paying for the crowd. Assuming this isn’t a special event/treat, it’s not being “frugal” to let them pay, rather it’s “cheap.”
For coworker meals offering to split or pay a portion seems like a no brainer unless someone has a company card they can throw it all on.
Take turns or split it. I would never let the same person pay more than once.
Keep in mind sometimes others want to treat. It’s also important to accept a gift. It makes the buyer feel good to give. That’s of course if it’s not a regular thing, awkward or a company dinner. If it’s couples- split it. If it’s regular you can take turns.
If it will be reimbursed by the company, most senior person is required to pay by policy for controls reasons. If its just social (and I am the best paid) and its small and it was my invite, I'll just say "my treat" and pay. If its pricier that looks a bit obnoxious, so I'll look for a way to grab the lion's share such as grabbing a round of drinks before dinner or grabbing the check and ignoring/waiving off tip when people figure their share, etc. When checks are split up it seems someone is always left getting the short end of the stick, and I just make sure that is me.
Usually someone pays, then rest venmo or give them cash. This is assuming you guys are work friends and not 'real friends' yet. If someone wants to pay because they got a promo or whatever, that's a rare occasion where I don't insist on splitting a check.
If it’s regular and not company-paid, split or rotate the payer. Mostly, I’d be concerned about not mooching. It’s slimy and if your goal is chubbyfire, you can afford to eat out if you choose to.
Credit card roulette. Everyone tosses their card into a hat and the server draws one. Lucky winner pays.
I split bills every time. I make it clear that I don't split in half or whatever. Everybody pays for what they get. Simple.
I find that to be very “cheap.” I am not a big spender but I would not look forward to going out to eat with a person who spent 5-10 annoying minutes at the end of a good time dividing up who ordered what.
I feel like it highly depends on what the income status of the group is and what the relative differences are between the group. If everyone is making 100k+ and the difference at a typical restaurant is 5-10$ per person. between splitting evenly and per person, then it's cheap. If it's between someone who is making 100k+ and minimum wage, then I feel splitting is a way of respecting everyone's ability to contribute to the time together. I've felt some people feel disrespected or like a charity case if they're not given the opportunity to pay. Though I lean towards yes - splitting at the very end is annoying. I tend to let others do the actual math in a group setting haha.
Except that the difference can be much more than 5-10 dollars per person. I don’t eat / drink a lot and it’s not rare that I will have had half of what others had in monetary value
I on the contrary hate it when people pay the full thing and force me to pay the full thing the next time For two reasons - I’m usually fine with one main meal and a glass of wine. I don’t want to subsidize everyone’s multiple cocktails etc - I don’t feel like paying for people I’ve barely met - bonus reason: I was on a terrace once with friends’ friends, we were all headed to the same concert. The friends’ friends ordered alcohol for their 15yo. I absolutely don’t want to subsidize that
Like said before. We go out a lot and every time the waiter knows exactly what everybody had and the check is always correct.
Actually one does not need to spend “5-10 annoying minutes at the end of good time”. All we do is inform the server when asking for the bill that we will be paying separately. For the most part they divvy it up correctly.
Do you start the meal telling everyone you will only pay for what you get or something? Understand it for folks under 25 but for established 30+ folks, sitting there with a calculator splitting meals is one of those annoying things on earth. Even my friends that are schoolteachers don’t do this.
We do it all the time. The waiter knows who had what. Never a problem.
Ehh your area is different than mine then. 90%+ of restaurants around here explicitly won’t do separate checks
I’m 25, so take this with a grain of salt, but I would ask the waiter up front for individual checks. I wouldn’t want to front a very expensive bill
At 25 this is normal and should be expected. In your 30s with closer friends at the same socioeconomic level it’s nice to pay for each other. You hope to be surrounded by people who never take advantage and don’t pay.
This is pretty good advice, obviously depends on different factors
Sometimes not possible
Just go Dutch
We need more information. If it’s casual drinks with coworkers in my circles everyone would pay for their consumption If it’s you as the boss taking them out for a team building kind of thing, you pay it and expense it. That’s what I typically did once a month when some business partners were in town and we went for dinner with my team
I usually pay for my friends, or they do. Not worth the energy to try to split
You and your friends are well off
No matter who we go out with, we tell the waiter that we would like separate checks in advance. We even offer to change seats so that the waiter better understands which one of us is the spouse of the other. Separate checks is totally fair and nobody argues.
I'm happy to pay or go Dutch.
Your mom
Why not go Dutch? These are co workers not family or close friends. I won’t pay for them unless there is a culture to do so
Split with who got what. Except for a specific really good friend, i pay because her financial situation isn’t good. Im not chubbyFIRE, but $50 for a meal isn’t going to drop me.
If it’s a birthday or special occasion, I will generally pick it up. If it’s just two friends catching up, we just split it or, if we see one another more frequently, we trade off. The trading off and splitting has backfired for me, however; I am not cheap but I don’t drink. I have a few friends who are heavy drinkers and we usually split the bill. I will admit, I do get annoyed at subsidizing their drinks every time. It’s only an extra $20-40 but it irritates me.
If you’re the boss you pay. Colleagues split.
It depends. If it is new friends, generally it is whoever initiates the invite. So if people we recently meet invite us out to dinner and take the check to pay, I will always pull my card out to split the bill, but dont push. Works the other way around, if we invite new friends I offer to pick up the bill and politely refuse if they offer to pay. To me, this sort of sets the bar for how to act moving forward. I have friends where it is a constant rotation. They pay, then we pay, and so on. I have friends who have taken advantage of me by over ordering when it was our turn. That happens once, I ask for separate bills in the future. It has happened twice, one couple which we were friends with for years before they moved. Guy was a real a\*hole (wives were friends). Never offered to pick up/split the bill even when we did. Bottom line, I generally always suggest splitting the bill and I will usually offer to cover the tip (or additional tip if 18% added) if our portion would have been higher (usually is with two kids who eat kids meals).
Everyone throws their credit card in and we divide it evenly.
Obviously there are no standard answer. Use common sense for each situation Just figure out any method that does not unduly burden people of lesser income, while also not hurting their ego by making a big deal of grabbing for the bill. Often when having a casual lunch with multiple co-workers we would just get one bill and everyone would throw in cash until the total + reasonable tip was reached. When it was a "mixed" group, such as engineers and lower paid clerical staff, the higher paid engineers picked up a bigger portion of the bill. If it is a group of 4 or so co-workers that frequently dined together we just more or less took turns. We would stick the boss (whose high compensation was public knowledge via 10-Qs and form 4s) with the bill at the more expensive restaurant. My wife and I have used the same "take turns, kind of" when traveling with couples with lower NW. we just took turns picking up various expenses, but we tended to pick up the more expensive ones. With some other couples we would just hand the server 2 credit cards and they would bill half to each.
If it’s a random lunch then everyone should want to split. But at happy hour or whatever, buy a round, buy some apps, be generous. It’s not a lot of money in the grand scheme of things. I always assume that if I’m going out with any group, I am making the decision to be a generous friend
I like being viewed as generous. I desire paying for extended family, but if they offer, I graciously accept as well. Coworkers... that's unusual. I think always split there.
if it's frequently with the same people, then you should take turns. otherwise it's whoever invited whom out. regardless, you should look like you're trying to pay
If it's a work thing, it's on the company. Most Senior puts down their card. Otherwise everyone gets their own cheque.
I buy my shit, they buy their shit. If I’m trying to fuck them, then I buy their shit. If it’s like 10 people and I’m feeling happy, I might buy all the shit.