I was about 7 or 8 in 1979 when my aunt had to come home from California to Wisconsin for health reasons. She had colitis and that's how I learned the word.
When I heard the Beatles singing the song I 'heard' colitis in the lyric and found it strange that they were singing about a poop problem.
Manfred Mann's version is the only Springsteen-penned song to hit #1 on the Hot 100. Bruce came close with Dancing in the Dark, but he doesn't have his own number one single which seems crazy.
There really is no other way to sing that song! Especially for those of us who are old enough to have grown up with it. We didn’t have "Google The Lyrics Of ___" back then. Making shit up was better 😊
You know…I always thought Paul(the real estate novelist…who never had time for a wife) and Davy(who’s still in the Navy, and probably will be for life)….are….well….let’s just say….Confirmed Bachelors….wink wink, nudge nudge..say no more, say no more!
Like he just rides around on the main character's shoulder, trying to keep him out of trouble, but they always get into misadventures. And Tiny Danza has to figure out how to get out of it, but only the main character can see him, so everyone thinks he's talking to himself.
“Spare him his life from his mom’s sausages!
Oh mama Mia mama Mia mama mama Mia smell my toes
The elbow sub has a deviled pudding side for meeeee for meeeeeeeee for MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE”
Then do jazz hands instead of headbanging
You can make any song with the word Paradise about Bagel Bites
“Two tickets to bagel bites. Pack your bags we’ll eat tonight”
“I can see bagel bites by the dashboard light”
“This must be just like heatin up bagel bites!”
“Take me down to the bagel bite city”
You get it.
I also like to sing “Baklava” in the La Di Da part of simon and garfunkle’s “the boxer”
That is the first in a series of books. There are also *He's Got The Whole World In His Pants, When A Man Loves A Walnut,* and the Christmas-themed *Deck The Halls With Buddy Holly.*
And probably more.
Love in a Winnebago, fooling around in the camping grounds. Love in a Winnebago, getting it on when we’re driving around.
Love in an Elevator - Aerosmith
I wanna rock'n'roll all night - and part of every day (reserving the remainder of the day for rest, to recharge for further rockenrolling. Very sensible, Kiss were)
In high school, this one kid changed the lyrics of *Oh Pretty Woman* from “the kind I’d like to meet” to “the kind I’d like to beat”.
Had to keep an eye on that one…
"There's nothing that 100 men on Mar(s) could ever do."
There's nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do
I bless the rains down in Africa. Toto
My personal story about this one is when my family of 4 were all in the car listening to this song when I asked them if it bothered any of the rest of them that they don't sing the "s" in yhe word Mars? I got a lot of confused looks and they asked for clarification of just what I was talking about. I honestly thought that's what they were singing and we all got a good laugh. Because of that, I'll sing it that way until I die.
Not classic rock, but too good to not to share.
I keep my pants up with a piece of twine.
I pull these ends out on these pockets of mine
I keep my fly wide open all the time
Well if your mine
Just pull the twine
You can’t hide your flabby thighs (Lyin’ Eyes)
Dirty Cheese and the Thunder Chief (Dirty Deeds)
Cannon Ball, Cannon Ball (Panama)
Alone, listless
Breakfast table in an otherwise empty room
Young girl, violence
Center of a “rhododendron” (Pearl Jam)
Purdy lil love song (Heard it in a Love Song - Marshall Tucker Band)
We’ve had it with your guitar playing (We’ve had it with your discipline - Saturday Nigh’s Alright for Fighting- Elton John)
I probably have more, just can’t think of them all.
My kindergartner loved to sing “Do a little dance, make a little love, get down tonight”.
I told her it was a more age appropriate “Do a little dance, read another book, get down tonight”.
EDITED because I’ve got one!
“Don’t mess around my eyes are shaped like bugs” from ‘I wear my sunglasses at night.’
I heard it just after this post and couldn’t help myself! Lol
I have nothing. I just like to say this made me laugh and I love it so much!!! Good luck on your endeavors ruining Rock for your wife.
* Lay me down in sheets from Lenin
* You picked a fine time to leave me your seal, with 400 children and a crop in the field (Kenny Rogers, not really Classic Rock)
Loraine.
Loraine can ruin anything.
CCR can’t find her. (“I wanna know, have you ever seen Loraine?”)
Jimmy Cliff is better off without her. (“I can see clearly now, Loraine is gone.”)
Ann Peebles can’t stand her. (“I can’t stand Loraine, against my window)
The Eurhythmics are so annoyed that she’s here, you can almost hear the eye-roll. (“Here comes Loraine again”)
And according to Milli Vanilli it’s all her fault.
(“Blame it on Loraine”)
But it’s okay. Adele is taking care of it.
(“I set fire, to Loraine.”)
..Had a new guy brought in to job site, just to nail up trim in townhouse units that were almost ready for punch list.. he was told (by foreman) to cut up a pallet of red wood for decorative trim in master bedroom..
.. guy was in doing work; foreman asked me where new guy was, as almost whole pallet gone, but guy couldn't be found.. I said, you wanted him, you hired him, I don't know..
I find him in the first unit.. he had trimmed ALL the walls in just one room with the redwood..
Foreman came in, and I was singing,
"Ricky don't use that lumber.."
Billy Idol is a treasure trove
**White Wedding** "Gimme that cornbread (Take me back home, yeah!)" / "I've been a wafer so long (I've been away for so long)."
**Rebel Yell:** "Well he's out all night with the laissez-faire (Well he's out all night to collect a fare)."
**Eyes Without A Face:** "Pleasure so bizarre (Les yeux sans visage)" / "Jiggle those boobs (Gigolo cool)."
The girl with colitis goes by.
On a dark desert highway, cool whip and a bear.
warm smell of refritos...
...the warm smell of Cletus... Because the bear's name was Cletus.
Warm smell of carnitas
Here's another "misheard lyrics" goodie from the Eagles. Some pu$$y on a highway And show me a sign And take it to the limit one more time
I was about 7 or 8 in 1979 when my aunt had to come home from California to Wisconsin for health reasons. She had colitis and that's how I learned the word. When I heard the Beatles singing the song I 'heard' colitis in the lyric and found it strange that they were singing about a poop problem.
That’s not the real lyric?
She was a fax machine, she kept her modem clean
She's got electric boobs!
Her mom has too (two?).
You know how Reggie has a bag o’ queens, yo ho!!!
Pa pa pa penny in the chest
I’ve got two chickens to paralyze!
Two tits and a pair of dice
“She’s got a chicken to ride and she don’t care (my baby Don-key)” -ticket to ride
She’s got a tick in her eye, and she don’t care….
She's got a pickle to ride
"And there's a wino down the road" - Stairway to Heaven :)
I should’ve stolen Oreos…
And ladle full snow.
“Wrapped up like a douche.” - Blinded By The Light Manfred Mann’s Earth Band
Blinded by the light, Too much jerkin off when I'm lonely in the night.
And little early birdie gave my anus curly whirly
Always hear it no matter what.
OMG this one got me cry-laughing.
Written by Springsteen.
Yeah but you can understand his "Blinded" even with the Bruceisms. I totally thought the MM was douche for most of my childhood.
Me too. I was surprised to find out Bruce even wrote this. I think I was in highschool 🤔 early-mid '90s.
Manfred Mann's version is the only Springsteen-penned song to hit #1 on the Hot 100. Bruce came close with Dancing in the Dark, but he doesn't have his own number one single which seems crazy.
I thought this was the actual lyric tbh
Silicone sister with the magical minister…
… another rubber in the night
My wife *hates* this song. I don't think changing the lyrics would do anything for her. 🤣🤣
There really is no other way to sing that song! Especially for those of us who are old enough to have grown up with it. We didn’t have "Google The Lyrics Of ___" back then. Making shit up was better 😊
wrapped up like a douche in the goiter of the night
...by the foreman of the night
Dirty deeds done with sheep
Dirty deeds... DunDerChief!
Dirty Dean and the Thunder Chief…
This is what I heard as a kid!
Thirty thieves and a Thunder Chief.
Boner of a lonely heart-Yes
Owner of a smelly fart
Owner of an old Dodge dart.
Boner of a lonely guard
Owner of a parking lot
Who Can It Be Now = "Poop and a pee now"
If you like bean enchiladas…..
Don’t forget the chorus “I’ll never be your pizza burger” from The Rolling Stones “beast of burden”
No, no, no! It's "I'll never leave your pizza burnin'".
I think I smell a pizza burnin
"Your love is like Sam Kinison, sam Kinison is what we need."
Thoreau is like Ralph Emerson, Ralph Emerson is what I read...
Hehe..”shake it up, just like Sam Kinison”.
“I’m drivin’ my microwave..” (Eddie Rabbit)
I’m adopted! From Another one Bites the Dust.
Another one rides the bus….:
I seriously ruined my friends on this song when I told them my misheard line, “I got adopted!” They can’t unhear it now.
I thought it was "Not adopted!"
Me too, not adopted!
And the piano sounds like a carnivore (Piano Man)
and the microphone sells lots of beer
…and he’s talking with Davy, who’s still eatin gravy, and probably will be for life
You know…I always thought Paul(the real estate novelist…who never had time for a wife) and Davy(who’s still in the Navy, and probably will be for life)….are….well….let’s just say….Confirmed Bachelors….wink wink, nudge nudge..say no more, say no more!
"Wake up to find out that you are *disguised as a squirrel*. . . ." "She's got *Marty Feldman* eyes. . . ."
I could see Jerry slipping that in.
"Warm smell of fajitas rising up through air" Eagles Hotel Californua.
Some day monkey won't play piano song, play piano song...
Bingo Chet Had A Light On
My father always swore the lyrics were "big old jet with a light on"
I’ve also seen “Ego Jan and the rhino”
Big ol' Jed in a lineup...
I thought it was "Big ol' Jed and Lionel". I figured they were kidnappers or gangsters of some kind.
My ex wife thought it was "Big Old Jed Carolina" like some kind of straight to video Indiana Jones knock off
You take it in the bum, baby REO Speedwagon Edit: If that's the way you want it baby 😏
I met Tony Danza. He is very short but was a nice guy. I'd let him hold me closer.
So..... Hold me closer *Tiny* Danza?
*Tiny Danza* would be a great animated show about a tiny mischievous Tony Danza that helps people face their challenges
Like he just rides around on the main character's shoulder, trying to keep him out of trouble, but they always get into misadventures. And Tiny Danza has to figure out how to get out of it, but only the main character can see him, so everyone thinks he's talking to himself.
Someone call netflix. They'll greenlight anything.
Free- let’s move before they raise the fucking rent
War Pigs: oooolllllldddd lawn chair!
don’t forget “just like witches with fat asses”
This one actually made me crack up.
My husband told me his dad would sing, "Feel like makin' lunch" instead of Feel Like Makin' Love, and now I can't unhear it. 😑
I sometimes sang this one as "Feel like takin' drugs".
The Box Tops - "Gimme a chicken for an aeroplane..."
Sharif don’t like it (he’s mentally retarded) rock the casbah, rock the casbah…
TIL that it isn’t mentally retarded…. Mind blown. I have heard them edit that part out on the radio.
Lock the taskbar
“Spare him his life from his mom’s sausages! Oh mama Mia mama Mia mama mama Mia smell my toes The elbow sub has a deviled pudding side for meeeee for meeeeeeeee for MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE” Then do jazz hands instead of headbanging
And little early bird gave my anus curly whirly
Alien Woman -LA Woman
Message in my butthole.
A year has passed since I broke my nose...
Sharief won't like it, Lock the taskbar, lock the taskbar \- The Clash, Rock the Casbah
Lock the cashbox, lock the cashbox...
It doesn’t make a difference if we’re naked or not
Good, it’s not just me.
Every time you go away,you take a piece of meat with you
"All of the tourists are covered in boils" Margaritaville - Jimmy Buffet
You can make any song with the word Paradise about Bagel Bites “Two tickets to bagel bites. Pack your bags we’ll eat tonight” “I can see bagel bites by the dashboard light” “This must be just like heatin up bagel bites!” “Take me down to the bagel bite city” You get it. I also like to sing “Baklava” in the La Di Da part of simon and garfunkle’s “the boxer”
Free Balling!
Always.
"Uptown Squirrel" My favorite to do to people that I came up with was Boston - More than a feelin "Morgannn Freemaaan"
There is an entire book devoted to this topic: Scuse Me While I Kiss This Guy by Gavin Edwards
That is the first in a series of books. There are also *He's Got The Whole World In His Pants, When A Man Loves A Walnut,* and the Christmas-themed *Deck The Halls With Buddy Holly.* And probably more.
"Padded bra! Padded bra-ah!" - Panama, Van Halen
Gimme the Beach Boys and free my soul...
If she's a fan of Prince, you can ruin that too by changing "Purple Haze" to "Purple Rain." It actually rhymes better. Purple rain, all in my brain...
🎶 Slow-motion Walter. Fire engine guy. 🎵
There's a bathroom on the right - CCR (Bad Moon on the Rise I was walking the dog - Ozzy (Shot in the Dark)
"Don't masturbate with the guy in shades, on no"
Love in a Winnebago, fooling around in the camping grounds. Love in a Winnebago, getting it on when we’re driving around. Love in an Elevator - Aerosmith
True classic ruined forever? Ok..... AC/DC’s “It’s A Long Way To The Shop If You Want a Sausage Roll”
Hit me with your moose cock-Pat Benatar still makes me laugh years later.
I’ve also heard “Sleeping in the wet spot”?
Another Pat Benatar lyric is "Love In The Batmobile"
Big old jet airliner = Big ole Jed left a light on.
Is your house flooded? Check it and see
electric boobs
She's got electric boobs, a bowl of soup...
Kicking your cat all over the place
You got mud on your face, big disc brakes...
"I'm not talkin' about the linen" \-I'd Really Love To See You Tonight
Growing up, my wife always thought the lyrics to "Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap" was "Thirty Thieves & the Thunderchief." You're welcome. 🤣
You can grow your own weed... Fleetwood Mac
You can snort your cocaaaiiine
“Don’t let your son go down on me” - Sir Elton You’re welcome
“Wrapped up like a douche”
Awww.. my dad used to sing "there's a bathroom on the right". I grew up with it. I still sing it that way to this day. I really miss him 🎶💔🎶
“I want a piece of David” - The Ramones
"Come on baby, like my pie"
> "Hold me closer Tony Danza" Count the head lice on the highway...
Red hot love. For over 50 years my wife thought radar love was red hot love.
You need kool-aid, baby I'm not foolin. and this one's country, not rock: Got a little turd on my boots.
Secret asian man...secret asian man...Al's a man who leads a life of danger
Sittin’ on a cock cause I’m gay
Okay, but we’re talking about lyrics. ❤️
Ha Ha 🙂
Ten-inch waistband Just a ten-inch waistband THEY’RE SMALL-WAISTED!!
I wanna rock'n'roll all night - and part of every day (reserving the remainder of the day for rest, to recharge for further rockenrolling. Very sensible, Kiss were)
Big ol' Jed had a light on -Jet Airliner, Steve Miller Band
In high school, this one kid changed the lyrics of *Oh Pretty Woman* from “the kind I’d like to meet” to “the kind I’d like to beat”. Had to keep an eye on that one…
“Spent a long time with my cock and balls!”
Ohhh oh We’re halfway there ohhh oh women’s underwear!
Lookin’ for a lover that won’t blow my brother, she’s so hard to find. Take it easy…
Hit me with your pet shark
“Poo, poo, poo, poopin out my back door!” CCR
"There's nothing that 100 men on Mar(s) could ever do." There's nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do I bless the rains down in Africa. Toto My personal story about this one is when my family of 4 were all in the car listening to this song when I asked them if it bothered any of the rest of them that they don't sing the "s" in yhe word Mars? I got a lot of confused looks and they asked for clarification of just what I was talking about. I honestly thought that's what they were singing and we all got a good laugh. Because of that, I'll sing it that way until I die.
Whitney Houston: "I'm shaving off my muff for youuu.."
Every time you go away You take a peice of meat with you
Not classic rock, but too good to not to share. I keep my pants up with a piece of twine. I pull these ends out on these pockets of mine I keep my fly wide open all the time Well if your mine Just pull the twine
You can’t hide your flabby thighs (Lyin’ Eyes) Dirty Cheese and the Thunder Chief (Dirty Deeds) Cannon Ball, Cannon Ball (Panama) Alone, listless Breakfast table in an otherwise empty room Young girl, violence Center of a “rhododendron” (Pearl Jam) Purdy lil love song (Heard it in a Love Song - Marshall Tucker Band) We’ve had it with your guitar playing (We’ve had it with your discipline - Saturday Nigh’s Alright for Fighting- Elton John) I probably have more, just can’t think of them all.
My friends dad would sing, “if you want to hang out you got to bring it out; caffeine” cause he was against drugs and stuff
Been dazed and confused for so long it's not true.... Wommdiddywommdiddywommdiddywooo...
Little Pete Townshends for you and me.
My husband does that, makes any song's lyrics dirty. Ruined 30 years worth of songs for me! 😅🤣
Little tiddy for Jack from Diane
Dirty deeds, done with sheep
Mama don't take my clothes and throw 'em away (Kodachrome)
Just keep Fuckin’ onnnnn
"White puffs of smoke" Tubes
The Lady Takes Reds ("Lunatic Fringe") Red Rider She's So Popular ("Jeux sans frontières) Peter Gabriel Virgin ("Urgent") Foreigner
Dirty deeds and the thunder chief.
Squirt so good, c'mon baby make it squirt so good!
Dirty Deeds, Done with sheep! Dirty Deeds, Little Bo Peep!
"The chickens are comin' and I just can't pretend"
Not classic rock per se, but.... Depeche Mode - "I just can't get it up, I just can't get it up..."
Then I saw her ace and she had a big beaver
"Lookin' for a lover who won't blow my brother" - Eagles "Take It Easy"
My kindergartner loved to sing “Do a little dance, make a little love, get down tonight”. I told her it was a more age appropriate “Do a little dance, read another book, get down tonight”.
EDITED because I’ve got one! “Don’t mess around my eyes are shaped like bugs” from ‘I wear my sunglasses at night.’ I heard it just after this post and couldn’t help myself! Lol I have nothing. I just like to say this made me laugh and I love it so much!!! Good luck on your endeavors ruining Rock for your wife.
Oh I, I just died in your armpits tonight…must’ve been some kinda cheese…sure blew me away…
Can’t find David Letterman by Pearl Jam
* Lay me down in sheets from Lenin * You picked a fine time to leave me your seal, with 400 children and a crop in the field (Kenny Rogers, not really Classic Rock)
And I'm never going to dance again Cos I'm a cripple and I'm in a wheelchair
I’ll never leave your pizza buuurnin’ -Beast of Burden
"I know the pizzas fit" -Tool
“And the radio plays that forgotten song…Revelie’s comin’ on Strong” - Golden Earring Which is actually “Brenda Lee’s Coming on Strong”.
Jean Genie lives on his back The Jean Genie loves chicken snacks
Loraine. Loraine can ruin anything. CCR can’t find her. (“I wanna know, have you ever seen Loraine?”) Jimmy Cliff is better off without her. (“I can see clearly now, Loraine is gone.”) Ann Peebles can’t stand her. (“I can’t stand Loraine, against my window) The Eurhythmics are so annoyed that she’s here, you can almost hear the eye-roll. (“Here comes Loraine again”) And according to Milli Vanilli it’s all her fault. (“Blame it on Loraine”) But it’s okay. Adele is taking care of it. (“I set fire, to Loraine.”)
..Had a new guy brought in to job site, just to nail up trim in townhouse units that were almost ready for punch list.. he was told (by foreman) to cut up a pallet of red wood for decorative trim in master bedroom.. .. guy was in doing work; foreman asked me where new guy was, as almost whole pallet gone, but guy couldn't be found.. I said, you wanted him, you hired him, I don't know.. I find him in the first unit.. he had trimmed ALL the walls in just one room with the redwood.. Foreman came in, and I was singing, "Ricky don't use that lumber.."
She dont like,she dont like,she don't like,PROPANE!!
I’ve got 2 chickens to paralyze
Don't fear the reefer My candelabra She was shakin' ( woh woh wowoh) Having a seizure (woh woh wowoh)
Convulsing up and down and all around
Billy Idol is a treasure trove **White Wedding** "Gimme that cornbread (Take me back home, yeah!)" / "I've been a wafer so long (I've been away for so long)." **Rebel Yell:** "Well he's out all night with the laissez-faire (Well he's out all night to collect a fare)." **Eyes Without A Face:** "Pleasure so bizarre (Les yeux sans visage)" / "Jiggle those boobs (Gigolo cool)."
"It's a nice day for a... *light sweater*. It's a nice day for a... *CARDIGAN!"*
Ooh, these are good! Won’t be able to unhear them now lol.
Free ballin-free Falling
Scuse me while I kiss this guy...
Hey bade I think your pizzas burnin…beast of burden
You want to make a... soup and salad bar (INXS, Suicide Blonde)
The screen door slams, Mary's dresses waves.... Thunder road, Go ahead read the liner notes!
And she's talking to Davey, who's smothered in gravy, and probably will be for life! Ooooohhhh la Dee daaah da Dee daaah daaah.
"My name is Perry Mason, I'm addicted to drugs"