Don't mention it, let him figure it out the hard way. Once she's getting dicked down while he's just fucking his hand, he will appreciate wtf he had. Then make sure you follow up with "sorry, now that I've been fucking other people, I realize how boring it was. I don't want to close the relationship "
It can happen, but I think it’s easier for men if they are single. But not impossible. Just gotta know how to advertise yourself. Plus, there are dating apps designed for this, like Feeld (sp?).
There’s been so many instances of this on the internet where the men later regret this because they always think they’re going to pull more than they actually do & they’re also surprised at how easy/often the women can be out.
And it's not that hard to figure it out without testing the waters. Like, there's a reason why you have tons of female OnlyFan models selling their pictures and a lonely dude (but again, they sell it for other dudes.)
I have zero experience with ethical polygamy but this sounds about right.
And I'm telling it as fit, nice looking man in my early 40s (girls would hit on me regularly in my 20s and 30s, and make compliments.)
I do. In my experience, when people are in it for the right reasons, both parties can pull about equally. Women get men easier, but they are much more picky, so things even out. When people just jump into it with no thought, and especially when the man forces it, the woman will be much less picky (at least at first). Unfortunately, this doesn't end well for the woman or the man. It will ultimately be unfulfilling for both parties.
You're going to go swimming in a sea of dicks, while he's still sitting on Dry Cock Island. LOL. It's gonna be beautiful! Update us! I want to see how long he lasts before demanding you stop sleeping with other men.
This will be just a band aid. If you continue, more than likely you will start getting more attention going on more dates. Your husband will slowly start getting jealous because he is not able to get as many or even any kind of dates. Then he will want close it back up. This overall shouldn’t even be considered and you should focus on yourself
He isn’t into the idea of maybe spicing things up within the marriage first? Toys, getting away, new positions, watching porn, role playing, sub/dom role switching, playing online, fantasy sharing, kinks, orgasm deprivation, edging…
Like, opening the relationship just seems like such a cop out to me. No effort. No thought. Just… let’s fuck other people. With all the effort and money that will take, instead of fixing the relationship with the person you hopefully die in bed next to one night. 🤷🏻♂️
This rarely ends well. It might work temporarily because it’s new and fun and exciting and whatever, over time, the success rate of relationships like this is like, 0%.
You agreeing to let your husband fuck other people because he said he’s bored of fucking you makes me sad for you.
Lifestyle has rules, and they seem to work pretty well for most couples who follow them. (Rule 1: the marriage comes first). This kind of fuck around and find out ENM stuff almost never works.
My missus and I have done this, but with a healthy relationship where sex is healthy now and a priority after putting in work together. It can still have it's own challenges, so I'd be real hesitant to go along with this and as others have said, the man often finds he's not as successful as the female partner and it circles right back to an unhealthy situation.
On the flip side, you'll be having sex again which is fantastic, and for you it may offer you a chance to reevaluate things!
When you inevitably start getting infinite opportunities to get laid and he does not, you are going to see a whole new, hypocritical side to your husband. This is the disintegration of your marriage in slow motion. He already has someone in mind, BTW. Good luck!
But most likely the woman will get much more opportunities and more attention. He will eventually regret it and try to close the marriage. But by then, it will be too late. OP needs to have an exit plan, because I agree this marriage is teetering on separation and divorce.
I'm in an open marriage, though I'm pretty sure he didn't expect anyone to be interested in me. He was wrong. Definitely lay down some guidelines in writing.
Yeah this'll work right up until you have a guy you really care for who's great in bed, everything your husband isn't, and husband gets some random hookup pregnant. Suddenly he'll see the error of his ways and want to close the relationship.
Your husband is going to learn about the ancient adage of my people. Fuck around and find out. He's going to learn very quickly that you'll be a lot more popular than he in the dating market.
Honestly, it sounds like he already has someone lined up. Get tested, as he may have already been cheating, and this is his way of "getting away with it."
You should be aware of what will happen if you do this.
You will have access to as many attractive men as you want for casual sex, and probably will be able to find someone who will invest emotionally in you as well.
Your husband will probably continue to have sex with whoever he is having sex with now until one of them gets bored. He’s likely going to struggle to find “attractive” romantic partners, and if he does happen to find one he will likely have to invest all his effort into keeping her happy and become emotionally distant from you.
If he doesn’t find another partner he’s likely to become bitter and resentful towards you.
Your marriage is pretty much over already. Am open marriage will just prolong the suffering a bit longer.
Every guy friend I’ve ever had has regretted getting into an open marriage. The husband’s prospects weren’t quite as good as their wives and they ended up being upset/jealous because the wives ended up getting all the action…and eventually divorced after meeting who became their new husband.
Lastly, not all guys think like this…I’ve been with my wife for at or over 20 years. We’ve had our dead bedroom time…but…in all those years she’s honestly become more attractive to me than she was when we were in our 20’s.
This is like watching a train wreck happen in slow motion. Do yourself a favour and get your ducks in a row and contact a lawyer, prepare everything for what _will_ come.
The odds are in your favor if you guys decide to open the relationship, for a woman it will be easier to get laid. He might realise that he made a wrong decision.
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I think this really only works if both people are into it and fully agree with it. If anyone is apprehensive and not all in, it will almost surely lead to failure.
I've had suspicions for a while that my ex girlfriend (who broke up with me largely over me not being ready for monogamy) is now living a poly lifestyle. Well, she just came out publicly today that she is poly, that today is her one year anniversary with her poly partner. This partner is fully integrated into her family life. Like, she sits with him at big family get togethers, and her husband and children are sitting at the same table across from them. And her children are sometimes out with her and the partner. She's all in. And it seems that everyone is happy.
Her son is going off to college this year, and her daughter is 12. I'm pretty sure they have been fully versed in what is going on and why. I do wonder if she waited until they were old enough to understand, because she'd been wanting to do this for at least nine years. I don't know when she actually started practicing.
Ugh.. I just don’t understand …
There are infinite ways to keep things exciting and naughty , he’s gonna end up losing you to a Jackhammer who is gonna rock your world
😂
My wife and I got together too young. We both admit this. We are very happy together and the sex is great but infrequent. We just want more than the other can provide sexually. So we opened up our marriage. Agreed on a few rules. Works great for us. We’ve even had a few threesomes now with her “girlfriends”.
You are living my dream. I think I've determined that I am polyamorous (I'm not sure where the line is drawn between "just want to fuck other people" and "polyamorous"). Being able to explore a little would fill ever void I have, although I'm pretty sure my success rate would be near zero.
I wish my wife and I could explore this, but there’s zero chance she’d be willing to open up the marriage. Bravo to you both for being so open minded and accepting of each others wants and desires.
I'm in the same boat with my fiance. My sex drive is a lot higher than his, which isn't his fault, but it still results in a lot of self care. And toys just aren't a great substitute for the real thing.
My wife had several threesomes prior to dating me and expressed that she was bisexual. Nothing like that has ever happened with me, and she hasn't so much as hugged (romantically) another girl since we've been together.
In my opinion, An open relationship = end of relationship
How this ends: You’ll have a guy you’ll really fall for, who's great in bed (everything your husband isn't) you’ll fall in love with him..and worst case scenario, your husband gets some random hookup pregnant. Suddenly he'll see how much he’s messed up and want to ‘close the relationship’ meanwhile you’ve moved on with the new guy.
His reasoning seems like a shallow answer to a deeper problem.
No long excited because we have done it so many times just seems like a bs answer to something much deeper.
Suggesting an open marriage is like trying to put a bandaid on a broken arm. It really doesn't solve anything and only lets the deeper issue fester.
Everyone I've ever seen go down this route eventually ended up separated. Maybe not for years or even a decade, but eventually. Largely IMHO because the real issues in a marriage no longer have a reason to be discussed and the bond slowly erodes.
I hope you get some good sex.
Whatever you do if you start getting action and he doesn’t DON’T CLOSE IT BACK UP!
1. STI\STD checks.
2. Boundaries/Rules.
3. If he can then you can too.
Expectations: your husband will have a different experiences. you will stay at same sex desert.
Reality: your husband will have a different experiences but didn't mean better sex. You certainly will find someone that fucks better than your husband and ask for divorce.
Ok I've NOT done it but from what I hear / seen on TV
YOU will end up getting ALL the attention and the ride of your life.....
He will end up POTLESS, his little ego shattered and his smaller dick shrivelled up
So I say go for it ...enjoy the passion and the "romance " keep me posted 🍾🍻
Yeah, my husband once told me that he wants to fuck another woman while I watch. That was fun to hear.
Your husband is either already fucking someone else on the side, or he has someone lined up and ready to go. He's putting the open marriage idea out there so you'll sign off on him fucking other women, and he can say that he's not cheating on you because you agreed to it.
He'll be happy for a bit; he gets to bang his schmoopies while he thinks you're sitting at home crying into a pint of Ben & Jerry's. In reality, his side pieces will dump him as soon as they realize that you signed off on the whole thing - I mean, where's the excitement in that? He won't be able to do freaky shit with any hot co-eds because he won't be able to land any while you'll be crowd-surfing a mosh pit of dicks.
Or, you can start pulling your assets where he can't get them, lawyer up, and tell him to fuck all the other people he wants while you serve him with divorce papers. Take him to the cleaners in the divorce settlement, and live happily ever after.
Maybe it's just me but I don't see this ending well.. one of you will probably grow bitter and resentful (I assume your partner) you will basically become room mates. Have you guys thought of spicing up the bedroom a bit? Such as role play, different outfits even wigs, toys, getting a sex position book.. I would try that before opening the relationship.
you might want to consider a swingers club, where you could still be together. if it works or not really boils down to if you can both control jealousy or not.
As others have said, you'll probably benefit even more in the open relationship. I suggest you take him up on the request and see how it plays out for both of you. But you might want to start researching a legal separation.
You will get laid much quicker and probably better. He might want to reclaim you afterwards, he might also resent you for being more successful in getting laud than him, although it was his idea.
Could put a spark in it or could break you up for good, but you will probably at least get much more sex.
Have you considered that he might already have a love interest in mind and therefor might want to open up?
If he has its already doomed. You cannot fight for 2 if he gave up on you.
My wife and I are married for 13y now and she is not that sexually active or interested, but we do it „every chance we get“, which is when the son is at the grandparents and its not red week… but this is only every 2 months or so. I dont consider it really dead but also not fulfilling. It would feel differently if she would have given up on us, it would kill me in months
Hes most likely lying to spare your feelings. The more honest option is he doesnt find you attractive and cant get erect.
Some of the comments here are amused by "haha women are guaranteed dicks while he'll never fuck anyone!!" but hes already not fucking someone (his wife).
God please just divorce. This is just embarrassing for you (not meant to be rude, I feel genuinely sad for u to be in this situation, but u need to leave)
My ex did similar shit, we barely had sex to begin with and then after almost a year of no sex she comes up and says "I want to experiment with being more promiscuous"
Felt fucking awful.
You will have all the guys you want lined up down the street for sex. He will have a much harder time finding willing partners. Be ready for him to slam the “Open Marriage Door” shut as quickly as it starts.
I feel like you should also consider how you would feel if after he hasn’t had sex with you in however long he proceeds to go out and hook up with a bunch of people
After leaving my db, I entered the world of polyamory. I’m not sure if it’s for me long-term, but it has really been great and such a learning experience.
You have to have really honest communication with your husband if you’re going to do this. And you need to set some ground rules.
Recognize that the rules can change as you grow in this I would recommend maybe having a check in once every couple of weeks to talk about how things are going (you don’t necessarily have to talk about what you’ve done outside the marriage or who you are seeing… unless sharing that info is part of the arrangement). But just make sure you’re checking in about how you feel about the overall dynamic. Positives, negatives concerns, etc..
Recognize that jealousy is a normal feeling. It’s a signal that there is something you may not be getting from your husband that you need. And it’s also a signal that there may be some thing you are not giving yourself that you need. Just because there is jealousy or any other kind of bump in the road does not mean that an open marriage is not for you …not to say that it is for everybody. But a lot of people give up on it too early because they hit a speed bump.
Just take it slow at first. It’s easier to start off with a little bit of openness and gradually get more open versus starting off very open and then trying to close up.
Lastly, make sure you’re both getting tested for STDs regularly.
Enjoy it. If your communication with your husband has not helped your dB it's unlikely that you'll both be up to the task of managing the complex emotions that arise out of having an open marriage. If he finds someone instantly it's very likely he was already in a relationship with her. It's common knowledge that most men find it harder to find partners in open relationships than women. If he hasn't been cheating then prepare for him to get angry that you are finding dates and he's not. Ensure that he knows you won't close your your side until he gets a date, or whatever unfair hoops he'll want you to jump through so he gets what he wants, because he's already shown he doesn't care about your feelings about sex.
If you’re out of shape make sure to get in to shape first. I’m not cheating, but I did lose about 40 pounds and I’m getting looks that I hadn’t in years. I even had an old female friend ask me if I was still married. My wife still isn’t interested in me
I am one of those cases where we opened our relationship in a time when it was almost a dead bedroom and it worked. He wanted excitement and he questioned that we can still make our thing work and the such. I wanted more sex, I wanted to fix things so I agreed.
It was the best thing we could have done to be honest. He went and ticked his boxes, I always kept the option open though up to this point, other than sexting I haven't actually done anything with a different person. And that's ok cause for me, having the option is what matters.
We are closer than ever 4 years in after this decision, but it took us a lot of talking and agreeing that if, for example, one of us realizes it is not working or they feel awful or whatever they feel we talk about it not get angry on it. We treated opening up as an experiment and it worked and we kept it like that. When you open it up as a trial it gives you the comfort of being able to test, explore and try without a hammer above your head.
I hope it works. As someone who opened it up while being the monogamous one in the relationship, I have no regrets at all today despite it being very difficult emotionally at that time.
Monogamy is not a perfect fit for many. Others say it’s outdated. It may not be ideal for you guys so give non monogamy a go before you head for divorce.
Well, this is likely to end up with you having dates and him not. That seems to be the most common result. Have you spoken about that aspect?
Don't mention it, let him figure it out the hard way. Once she's getting dicked down while he's just fucking his hand, he will appreciate wtf he had. Then make sure you follow up with "sorry, now that I've been fucking other people, I realize how boring it was. I don't want to close the relationship "
I wouldn’t speak about it. Let this be a learning experience for him given his attitude about having sex with her.
Unless he already has someone lined up. Hate to say it...
As a HLM in a flipped situation (I want to suggest open marriage to LL wife), this is really not encouraging...
It can happen, but I think it’s easier for men if they are single. But not impossible. Just gotta know how to advertise yourself. Plus, there are dating apps designed for this, like Feeld (sp?).
There’s been so many instances of this on the internet where the men later regret this because they always think they’re going to pull more than they actually do & they’re also surprised at how easy/often the women can be out.
Watching the cold reality hit new guys when they start, that the current market value of cock is exactly zero, is always priceless.
And it's not that hard to figure it out without testing the waters. Like, there's a reason why you have tons of female OnlyFan models selling their pictures and a lonely dude (but again, they sell it for other dudes.)
Not only that, but the biggest consumers of male porn creators are gay men, not straight women. Most women are not fiending for random penis.
As Chris rock once said: “Dick is free, pussy costs money. Any investment on dick is a bad investment:)”
I have zero experience with ethical polygamy but this sounds about right. And I'm telling it as fit, nice looking man in my early 40s (girls would hit on me regularly in my 20s and 30s, and make compliments.)
I do. In my experience, when people are in it for the right reasons, both parties can pull about equally. Women get men easier, but they are much more picky, so things even out. When people just jump into it with no thought, and especially when the man forces it, the woman will be much less picky (at least at first). Unfortunately, this doesn't end well for the woman or the man. It will ultimately be unfulfilling for both parties.
You're going to go swimming in a sea of dicks, while he's still sitting on Dry Cock Island. LOL. It's gonna be beautiful! Update us! I want to see how long he lasts before demanding you stop sleeping with other men.
Hey who knows, he may also be able to go swimming in a sea of dicks!
This will be just a band aid. If you continue, more than likely you will start getting more attention going on more dates. Your husband will slowly start getting jealous because he is not able to get as many or even any kind of dates. Then he will want close it back up. This overall shouldn’t even be considered and you should focus on yourself
He isn’t into the idea of maybe spicing things up within the marriage first? Toys, getting away, new positions, watching porn, role playing, sub/dom role switching, playing online, fantasy sharing, kinks, orgasm deprivation, edging… Like, opening the relationship just seems like such a cop out to me. No effort. No thought. Just… let’s fuck other people. With all the effort and money that will take, instead of fixing the relationship with the person you hopefully die in bed next to one night. 🤷🏻♂️
I feel like this should be the last thing. Marriages in trouble usually don't survive opening it up.
Some even from a very secure place don’t survive opening up. I agree this should not be a first step when there are sexual troubles in a relationship.
Yeah he's not playing fair here.
It’s exactly as you said. I’ve been there, done that.
This rarely ends well. It might work temporarily because it’s new and fun and exciting and whatever, over time, the success rate of relationships like this is like, 0%. You agreeing to let your husband fuck other people because he said he’s bored of fucking you makes me sad for you.
Right. Tell him fine and he can do it while being single
You are wrong. The success rate is not 0. Some of the strongest, happiest marriages are lifestyle relationships.
Yeah, but this situation isn't going that way. It could work, but definitely more ENM than lifestyle.
Lifestyle has rules, and they seem to work pretty well for most couples who follow them. (Rule 1: the marriage comes first). This kind of fuck around and find out ENM stuff almost never works.
Well, I'm no expert on if the ENM works out but yeah, the lifestyle still has the marriage as the focus and that's not likely to happen for the OP.
My missus and I have done this, but with a healthy relationship where sex is healthy now and a priority after putting in work together. It can still have it's own challenges, so I'd be real hesitant to go along with this and as others have said, the man often finds he's not as successful as the female partner and it circles right back to an unhealthy situation. On the flip side, you'll be having sex again which is fantastic, and for you it may offer you a chance to reevaluate things!
When you inevitably start getting infinite opportunities to get laid and he does not, you are going to see a whole new, hypocritical side to your husband. This is the disintegration of your marriage in slow motion. He already has someone in mind, BTW. Good luck!
But most likely the woman will get much more opportunities and more attention. He will eventually regret it and try to close the marriage. But by then, it will be too late. OP needs to have an exit plan, because I agree this marriage is teetering on separation and divorce.
I'm in an open marriage, though I'm pretty sure he didn't expect anyone to be interested in me. He was wrong. Definitely lay down some guidelines in writing.
Yeah this'll work right up until you have a guy you really care for who's great in bed, everything your husband isn't, and husband gets some random hookup pregnant. Suddenly he'll see the error of his ways and want to close the relationship.
For so many reasons, it's not a good idea.
I look forward to seeing him post on r/openmarriageregret
Your husband is going to learn about the ancient adage of my people. Fuck around and find out. He's going to learn very quickly that you'll be a lot more popular than he in the dating market.
I’ve never seen this plan work for long.
Be ready to stand your ground when he inevitably wants to close it again
I'd say fine and get a divorce lawyer. You didn't get married with the intention of you both fkng other people
Honestly, it sounds like he already has someone lined up. Get tested, as he may have already been cheating, and this is his way of "getting away with it."
You should be aware of what will happen if you do this. You will have access to as many attractive men as you want for casual sex, and probably will be able to find someone who will invest emotionally in you as well. Your husband will probably continue to have sex with whoever he is having sex with now until one of them gets bored. He’s likely going to struggle to find “attractive” romantic partners, and if he does happen to find one he will likely have to invest all his effort into keeping her happy and become emotionally distant from you. If he doesn’t find another partner he’s likely to become bitter and resentful towards you. Your marriage is pretty much over already. Am open marriage will just prolong the suffering a bit longer.
Every guy friend I’ve ever had has regretted getting into an open marriage. The husband’s prospects weren’t quite as good as their wives and they ended up being upset/jealous because the wives ended up getting all the action…and eventually divorced after meeting who became their new husband. Lastly, not all guys think like this…I’ve been with my wife for at or over 20 years. We’ve had our dead bedroom time…but…in all those years she’s honestly become more attractive to me than she was when we were in our 20’s.
Men really overestimate their market value when suggesting an open relationship.
Waiting for the update where husband is mad he doesn’t have 25 yr old bikini models crawling all over him
This is like watching a train wreck happen in slow motion. Do yourself a favour and get your ducks in a row and contact a lawyer, prepare everything for what _will_ come.
The odds are in your favor if you guys decide to open the relationship, for a woman it will be easier to get laid. He might realise that he made a wrong decision.
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I think this really only works if both people are into it and fully agree with it. If anyone is apprehensive and not all in, it will almost surely lead to failure. I've had suspicions for a while that my ex girlfriend (who broke up with me largely over me not being ready for monogamy) is now living a poly lifestyle. Well, she just came out publicly today that she is poly, that today is her one year anniversary with her poly partner. This partner is fully integrated into her family life. Like, she sits with him at big family get togethers, and her husband and children are sitting at the same table across from them. And her children are sometimes out with her and the partner. She's all in. And it seems that everyone is happy.
Guarantee that's going to mess up her kids.
Her son is going off to college this year, and her daughter is 12. I'm pretty sure they have been fully versed in what is going on and why. I do wonder if she waited until they were old enough to understand, because she'd been wanting to do this for at least nine years. I don't know when she actually started practicing.
Ugh.. I just don’t understand … There are infinite ways to keep things exciting and naughty , he’s gonna end up losing you to a Jackhammer who is gonna rock your world 😂
My wife and I got together too young. We both admit this. We are very happy together and the sex is great but infrequent. We just want more than the other can provide sexually. So we opened up our marriage. Agreed on a few rules. Works great for us. We’ve even had a few threesomes now with her “girlfriends”.
You are living my dream. I think I've determined that I am polyamorous (I'm not sure where the line is drawn between "just want to fuck other people" and "polyamorous"). Being able to explore a little would fill ever void I have, although I'm pretty sure my success rate would be near zero.
Aw that’s so sweet
Do you have a written agreement?
No just a few ground rules that can be amended at anytime by either party.
I wish my wife and I could explore this, but there’s zero chance she’d be willing to open up the marriage. Bravo to you both for being so open minded and accepting of each others wants and desires.
I'm in the same boat with my fiance. My sex drive is a lot higher than his, which isn't his fault, but it still results in a lot of self care. And toys just aren't a great substitute for the real thing.
My wife had several threesomes prior to dating me and expressed that she was bisexual. Nothing like that has ever happened with me, and she hasn't so much as hugged (romantically) another girl since we've been together.
In my opinion, An open relationship = end of relationship How this ends: You’ll have a guy you’ll really fall for, who's great in bed (everything your husband isn't) you’ll fall in love with him..and worst case scenario, your husband gets some random hookup pregnant. Suddenly he'll see how much he’s messed up and want to ‘close the relationship’ meanwhile you’ve moved on with the new guy.
His reasoning seems like a shallow answer to a deeper problem. No long excited because we have done it so many times just seems like a bs answer to something much deeper. Suggesting an open marriage is like trying to put a bandaid on a broken arm. It really doesn't solve anything and only lets the deeper issue fester. Everyone I've ever seen go down this route eventually ended up separated. Maybe not for years or even a decade, but eventually. Largely IMHO because the real issues in a marriage no longer have a reason to be discussed and the bond slowly erodes.
I hope you get some good sex. Whatever you do if you start getting action and he doesn’t DON’T CLOSE IT BACK UP! 1. STI\STD checks. 2. Boundaries/Rules. 3. If he can then you can too.
Expectations: your husband will have a different experiences. you will stay at same sex desert. Reality: your husband will have a different experiences but didn't mean better sex. You certainly will find someone that fucks better than your husband and ask for divorce.
If you’re not 100% sure, then it’s already a terrible idea. HE will end up hurt.
Just leave and he can have what he's asking for and you get to stop worrying about him completely as you do what's right for you
I feel poly or open is only more likely to work if your SO is actually still attracted / wants you.
Ok I've NOT done it but from what I hear / seen on TV YOU will end up getting ALL the attention and the ride of your life..... He will end up POTLESS, his little ego shattered and his smaller dick shrivelled up So I say go for it ...enjoy the passion and the "romance " keep me posted 🍾🍻
Yeah, my husband once told me that he wants to fuck another woman while I watch. That was fun to hear. Your husband is either already fucking someone else on the side, or he has someone lined up and ready to go. He's putting the open marriage idea out there so you'll sign off on him fucking other women, and he can say that he's not cheating on you because you agreed to it. He'll be happy for a bit; he gets to bang his schmoopies while he thinks you're sitting at home crying into a pint of Ben & Jerry's. In reality, his side pieces will dump him as soon as they realize that you signed off on the whole thing - I mean, where's the excitement in that? He won't be able to do freaky shit with any hot co-eds because he won't be able to land any while you'll be crowd-surfing a mosh pit of dicks. Or, you can start pulling your assets where he can't get them, lawyer up, and tell him to fuck all the other people he wants while you serve him with divorce papers. Take him to the cleaners in the divorce settlement, and live happily ever after.
Damn
Go for it. Bet he ends up wanting to close it right back up when you have suitors lined around the block and he has to beg for dates.
Maybe it's just me but I don't see this ending well.. one of you will probably grow bitter and resentful (I assume your partner) you will basically become room mates. Have you guys thought of spicing up the bedroom a bit? Such as role play, different outfits even wigs, toys, getting a sex position book.. I would try that before opening the relationship.
That is the idea of opening our marriage... to spice things up. Unfortunately, the other possibility is that it could ruin things completely 😕
Open it up. Get your confidence back. Leave. The person (me) In a glass house, throwing stones over here.
Just fuck other guys, and divorce him.
you might want to consider a swingers club, where you could still be together. if it works or not really boils down to if you can both control jealousy or not.
As others have said, you'll probably benefit even more in the open relationship. I suggest you take him up on the request and see how it plays out for both of you. But you might want to start researching a legal separation.
sad
You will get laid much quicker and probably better. He might want to reclaim you afterwards, he might also resent you for being more successful in getting laud than him, although it was his idea. Could put a spark in it or could break you up for good, but you will probably at least get much more sex. Have you considered that he might already have a love interest in mind and therefor might want to open up? If he has its already doomed. You cannot fight for 2 if he gave up on you. My wife and I are married for 13y now and she is not that sexually active or interested, but we do it „every chance we get“, which is when the son is at the grandparents and its not red week… but this is only every 2 months or so. I dont consider it really dead but also not fulfilling. It would feel differently if she would have given up on us, it would kill me in months
Hard to put that genie back in the bottle.
Hes most likely lying to spare your feelings. The more honest option is he doesnt find you attractive and cant get erect. Some of the comments here are amused by "haha women are guaranteed dicks while he'll never fuck anyone!!" but hes already not fucking someone (his wife).
God please just divorce. This is just embarrassing for you (not meant to be rude, I feel genuinely sad for u to be in this situation, but u need to leave)
My ex did similar shit, we barely had sex to begin with and then after almost a year of no sex she comes up and says "I want to experiment with being more promiscuous" Felt fucking awful.
You will have all the guys you want lined up down the street for sex. He will have a much harder time finding willing partners. Be ready for him to slam the “Open Marriage Door” shut as quickly as it starts.
That will backfire on him in no time flat!
I feel like you should also consider how you would feel if after he hasn’t had sex with you in however long he proceeds to go out and hook up with a bunch of people
After leaving my db, I entered the world of polyamory. I’m not sure if it’s for me long-term, but it has really been great and such a learning experience. You have to have really honest communication with your husband if you’re going to do this. And you need to set some ground rules. Recognize that the rules can change as you grow in this I would recommend maybe having a check in once every couple of weeks to talk about how things are going (you don’t necessarily have to talk about what you’ve done outside the marriage or who you are seeing… unless sharing that info is part of the arrangement). But just make sure you’re checking in about how you feel about the overall dynamic. Positives, negatives concerns, etc.. Recognize that jealousy is a normal feeling. It’s a signal that there is something you may not be getting from your husband that you need. And it’s also a signal that there may be some thing you are not giving yourself that you need. Just because there is jealousy or any other kind of bump in the road does not mean that an open marriage is not for you …not to say that it is for everybody. But a lot of people give up on it too early because they hit a speed bump. Just take it slow at first. It’s easier to start off with a little bit of openness and gradually get more open versus starting off very open and then trying to close up. Lastly, make sure you’re both getting tested for STDs regularly.
Enjoy it. If your communication with your husband has not helped your dB it's unlikely that you'll both be up to the task of managing the complex emotions that arise out of having an open marriage. If he finds someone instantly it's very likely he was already in a relationship with her. It's common knowledge that most men find it harder to find partners in open relationships than women. If he hasn't been cheating then prepare for him to get angry that you are finding dates and he's not. Ensure that he knows you won't close your your side until he gets a date, or whatever unfair hoops he'll want you to jump through so he gets what he wants, because he's already shown he doesn't care about your feelings about sex.
That part, about him being tired of fucking you, that's why this is a bad idea.
Opening up a marriage that's already struggling is not a good idea! It will only make the cracks bigger!
If you’re out of shape make sure to get in to shape first. I’m not cheating, but I did lose about 40 pounds and I’m getting looks that I hadn’t in years. I even had an old female friend ask me if I was still married. My wife still isn’t interested in me
I am one of those cases where we opened our relationship in a time when it was almost a dead bedroom and it worked. He wanted excitement and he questioned that we can still make our thing work and the such. I wanted more sex, I wanted to fix things so I agreed. It was the best thing we could have done to be honest. He went and ticked his boxes, I always kept the option open though up to this point, other than sexting I haven't actually done anything with a different person. And that's ok cause for me, having the option is what matters. We are closer than ever 4 years in after this decision, but it took us a lot of talking and agreeing that if, for example, one of us realizes it is not working or they feel awful or whatever they feel we talk about it not get angry on it. We treated opening up as an experiment and it worked and we kept it like that. When you open it up as a trial it gives you the comfort of being able to test, explore and try without a hammer above your head. I hope it works. As someone who opened it up while being the monogamous one in the relationship, I have no regrets at all today despite it being very difficult emotionally at that time.
Monogamy is not a perfect fit for many. Others say it’s outdated. It may not be ideal for you guys so give non monogamy a go before you head for divorce.