Do you have any close friends you can reach out to ? During the early stages of my separation my friends, sister, and mom were vital to me getting through the day. When I had the urge to text him I would text my best friend. I would write a message out as if I was speaking to him and would send it to her instead. She would listen and let me say what I needed to say. I always felt better after. Now 7 months later, I have no urge to message him at all. I no longer have to send her messages directed to him. Surround yourself with support if you can and remember time DOES heal. I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but one day it won’t hurt so much.
I know that feeling. My ex was my best friend. We had been together almost half of my life and every second not with him felt like a lifetime. Leaving work and not calling him felt so weird. The time felt like it was passing so slowly. Coming home and him not there felt so lonely. We have to rewire our brains for our new life and that takes a lot of time. I still miss being married, but I don’t miss him if that makes sense.
Oh I absolutely felt this way ! I lost 16 pounds in two weeks. I couldn’t even bring myself to drink water. All I did was cry. It felt like a death. Honestly how shitty he treated me while seperated made me miss him less and less. I will never forget how he treated me during that time. I also would go back and read the screenshots I had of him telling his coworker he wants to fuck her so bad. I kept telling myself over and over that man is not for me. I deserve better no matter how bad it hurts. I was also unhappy for years prior to me finding the messages. For years I cried myself to sleep because I was so lonely. So I did grieve my marriage while still in it. I was just so loyal I couldn’t bring myself to leave him until he betrayed me.
I can relate to this. Mornings and evenings are so hard. I just miss the security and familiarity of my life at the house with my kids and wife and pets. Unfortunately we have to go through the grief to feel better, yet I don’t want to go through anything. I just want to go back to my life.
I cannot emphasize “surround yourself with support” enough.
The first 6 months after my ex told me she wanted a divorce, I forged better connections with some close friends and saw my family more (not that anything made me stay away from anyone before, I just didn’t need it the same way).
It wasn’t always because I was hurting, either (though that was part of it sometimes). It was suddenly realizing I needed a social outlet, even as an introvert, even if just texting.
It’s now been a year and a half since the “break up”, and 14 months since I moved out. While I periodically still think about texting her, we’re still friends and so sometimes I do - but it’s much more just “Oh, I saw this movie and I think you’d like it” and not just the need to talk with an intimate partner.
I'm only at 6ish weeks and it's a mindfuck. Wanting them to reach out but they dont. Wanting to reach out but feeling like it's useless to do so. Trapped in in this netherworld inbetween acceptance and grief.
Journal perhaps? Try to stop romanticizing about them and find the things that are the opposite of putting them on a pedestal. I think only by taking a critical look at the relationship can we start the process of little by little letting go and looking to heal ourselves. I've taken to tattoo therapy and a grief counselor. I have a limited support group of friends who will let me work through feelings.
None of it compares to having the one person I sorely want to be there but I have to assume that person no longer exists and holding onto a memory is only holding me back.
As for eating I went 10 days straight without eating. Or. Sleeping. Lost 27lbs in these 6 weeks. now only eating once a day and getting 1-3 hrs sleep
Want to reach out and wanting them to reach out is so damn hard. I just want relief from the trauma of this pain and transition it’s hard to look at the marriage without putting my wife in a pedestal. But taking a critical look at it seems like it might help. I’ve been hesitant to do that because I’m just still so confused by the whole thing, why it happened, why my wife acts so different and me just blaming myself for everything. The self blame for me has been the hardest to get over. Add in my utter fear of being. Alone and just surviving out here is overwhelming. I have to just remember it’s going to take a long time to get used to a new life, to build new routines etc. I want it all to happen now.
I saw another comment of yours and adding my own experience which may or may not be applicable.
My ex and I barely fight or argue. We get along really good infact. Our marriage had it's dips and valleys in terms of intimacy and communication but it was never onerous.
On D day she just uncharacteristically tore into me about something minor and not even really my fault. Then at the end she stated she was done. It was over.
Her reasons were dredging up 10-25 yr old stuff we had worked past. Her therapist has upped her meds and "saw things clearly now" and she didn't want to be like her parents relationship. Just villianizing me beyond belief.
What she didn't mention, until a week later when I had time to think and started realizing things didn't add up her, was the she had waited to make it "formal* to immediately jump into a relationship with someone else. Which she of course denies that she was cheating. Like you just be married and in a relationship with someone else in 7 days. Emotional or physical doesn't matter.
So if you're not getting clear answers she's either hiding something
or is doing all this based on reacting to emotions and really trying to deal with them the only way she can currently see working. Typically childhood trauma and insecure attachment styles (such as myself)!can operate in this manner.
Well, you make some good points. Thanks for sharing. My wife came home from a weekend trip and told me she just couldn’t do it anymore. Our marriage was the same as yours. We got along, had ups and downs with intimacy etc. ironically, I thought things were getting better. I was working very hard to engage and be intimate. I had a major depressive episode last year that really was hard for her I think. Of course there’s more to it.
I’ve just never gotten a clear answer. She had some sort of breakdown and now she won’t even talk to me. I just re-traumatize her, she says. I agree, she’s hiding something. Her treatment of me just went to shit in the weeks after she told me she wanted to split. I really don’t think she is seeing someone else. She has never really been able to process emotions, so k think that is what happened. I think it hit her that her parents were emotionally abusive and it just incapacitated her. She projected that on to me and the marriage and that was it.
It all is still so confusing to me though. I’d love to just talk with her. Hell we always talked shit out, but maybe we didn’t? To tell you the truth, I don’t think I ever knew what she was thinking or feeling. I’ve always been worried about losing her. Of course, I blame myself for everything, which I know is not true.
I don’t think she’s happier now. I think she’s barely getting by. She won’t talk to me unless it’s about the kids. If I try to bring anything else up she has threatened to cut off all communication with me. It’s so sad. We took these vows to work together to make it through this life. I want to support her and love her, yet I somehow became the cause of her misery. It’s just an awful, awful situation. I’m barely surviving myself.
Sorry for the long post. Thanks for your response.
When I need something to occupy my time and mental focus.. I have a tattoo already in mind.. some are easy. Some are painful.
Either way it alleviates my anxiety for an hr or two.
I had a lot of similar feelings, pretty much all of those feelings honestly. The first month was the worst. It took me a few months to start accepting things but it was a gradual incline after that.
We separated 2 years ago and divorced has been finalized for a while now. I have a great life now and the best partner I could ask for. You'll get there little by little.
There's something magical about scrambled eggs, right? They are easy to make. They are easy to eat. They are reasonably nutritious. If I'm being honest, I haven't stopped eating scrambled eggs every morning since I was left 😂
I was not expecting culinary brilliance in this subreddit, but here it is.
I also imagine you can freeze/refrigerate a batch to reheat daily for breakfast. Yum.
You can. I got so fed up with prying the little monstrosities out of a cupcake pan that i turned it into a casserole. Ill cut a few squares out of it and microwave.
I lost 28 lbs in 3 months so I get that 100%.
I started the same as you and realized I was reaching out to my ex because I wanted them to feel guilty for what they did. But they never were and I just kept defaulting to that. Just start up text exchanges with absolutely anyone thatll listen. Vent to anyone and everyone that'll listen. It'll break you of relying on them.
I've had 3 meals since Tuesday :(
And I can't just stop talking to my best friend.
I don't have to have her as a romantic partner, but I really still need her as a friend right now.
I was there a few weeks ago. I'm a month out and it gets better. Trust me. She's not the person you thought she was, and you'll come to realize that quickly if you only look forward and not backwards.
That’s the hard part. Is she not the person I thought she was? Did she change? I just had this idea tha people don’t change. This aspect of my wife and how she is now I’ve seen before, but never directed at me. When I honestly look at what would happen if we got back together after all of this, I don’t think it would work. Realizing there is no going back is like a punch in the gut. I literally can’t breathe. What will I do now? It’s such a scary, insecure place to be right now. Peace to all of you dealing with this nightmare.
I watched my ex discard friendships for 15 years and I only ever heard her side of it so I always had her back. Now I'm the latest to be discarded and I saw that she was the problem in all of those cases likely. I also know that even if she came crawling back and said all the right things, it would never work knowing what I know now.
What will you do? Go find another woman to spend time with. I went on a date with a woman and she gave me a compliment about my watch. Literally just "oh I really like that watch"... and I almost cried. I hadn't heard a compliment in longer than I can remember.
It was that moment I was fixed on moving forward. Shit, find yourself a few woman and you'll be so busy you won't have time to worry about what she's doing haha
I’d love to spend time with someone else at some point. Not sure I’m ready now. I don’t think I heard many compliments either. I always complimented my wife. However, I could have done so much more to show her how much I adored her. In a marriage it’s give and take. We both were tired. I just wish we had another chance to really build a relationship again. I just want to start over with her.
That's not looking forward. Coulda shoulda woulda... we all could have done a lot differently but it's irrelevant at this point. Just take the lessons and apply them to whatever comes next
You’re right, it’s not. I wish I could at this point, but I really see no future for me right now. I know I need to be strong for my kids. What if I can’t? I’m destroyed. My life is over. I blame myself for it all and can’t live with that much longer.
Been there my man. Blaming yourself is called accountability and it's a rare character trait these days. That alone is a reason to think highly of yourself. Being strong for your kids is number 1. But also, you're allowed to share your emotions with them. It'll teach them that it's OK to express themselves
Been there my man. Blaming yourself is called accountability and it's a rare character trait these days. That alone is a reason to think highly of yourself. Being strong for your kids is number 1. But also, you're allowed to share your emotions with them. It'll teach them that it's OK to express themselves
I was getting the kids ready for school one day early on and just start balling. My 7 year old asked if I was OK. I said "Can i just get a big hug from you guys" and i group hugged my 5 and year old. I said "I just love you guys and I'm super sad that mommy and daddy aren't going to be married anymore".
I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
I’m exactly the same. 3 very small meals since Tuesday. I just can’t fathom food. I try to drink a little wine at night to calm my nerves and even that is not going down well the one thing I am doing is going for very very very long walks. Every minute I can be walking I am. I understand why Forrest Gump just ran and ran. If I sit around I feel physically sick.
It’s so hard to just get up and get out there and do it though. Man, I’d probably feel better if I walked 10 miles a day too. Exercise is supposedly the most effective treatment for depression.
I want to do that. Thanks am doing that. But it’s like I don’t believe in myself or that things will get better. Just seems like there are so many elements of this situation that are out of our control. It’s overwhelming.
You’re doing better than I was at week three. Hang in there. It’s the worst thing I’ve ever experienced in my like. I felt like my skin was on fire. I once read it takes about a month for every year that you were together and I found that it sort of worked like that for me. I still miss my ex wife like crazy and sometimes I lose a day or two to it, but life does go on. I didn’t think I could live without her, but I’m doing ok.
The urge to reach out is the worst. I keep trying to find things I just have to text him about. Because we were inseparable until this week it’s so hard to go from talking all day to nothing. He refuses to talk about the issues that are causing the split. So i write out long texts in my notes app and never send them. I saw something once that said sometimes you don’t get closure. Just move on. I’m trying to tell myself that. And I remind myself that as much as it seemed we were best friends there was a darkness looming there that I chose to ignore.
I'm so sorry. I struggle with this too. We don't want to be together, but my stbxh and I are still on good terms and I have made the mistake of texting a few "How are you's?" I have to remind myself we need the distance and should only talk about things that affect our children. I have a friend I am probably clingy with, but I think she understands. Reach out to others. Journal. Find a hobby to distract.
This is so hard. For me it felt like an addiction I had to detox from. It is painful, but best to go no contact, unless it is business or kids.
I joined a divorce support group, which helped a lot. Also, stated busy. New hobbies , hiking groups and exercise. I am several years out now and feel indifferent about him now.
Take care.
I’m with you. My wife and I used to text all day about whatever. It’s been 3 months for me. I finally had a good day yesterday, but this morning I just woke up missing my wife so much.
I miss family meals too. Things have been so weird with schedules and stuff that when the kids are at my place, we haven’t gotten into a groove eating together etc.
I just miss my wife and family terribly this morning.
In 3 weeks, you've barely had time to figure out new routines. It's all very fresh. It will take months to adapt and start to adjust.
The best way to not do something is to replace it with something else. Find someone else, like a friend or family member, to interact with in his place.
Do you have any close friends you can reach out to ? During the early stages of my separation my friends, sister, and mom were vital to me getting through the day. When I had the urge to text him I would text my best friend. I would write a message out as if I was speaking to him and would send it to her instead. She would listen and let me say what I needed to say. I always felt better after. Now 7 months later, I have no urge to message him at all. I no longer have to send her messages directed to him. Surround yourself with support if you can and remember time DOES heal. I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but one day it won’t hurt so much.
7 months seems like a lifetime away 😢
I know that feeling. My ex was my best friend. We had been together almost half of my life and every second not with him felt like a lifetime. Leaving work and not calling him felt so weird. The time felt like it was passing so slowly. Coming home and him not there felt so lonely. We have to rewire our brains for our new life and that takes a lot of time. I still miss being married, but I don’t miss him if that makes sense.
Please tell us your secrets. I miss my STBX so much I can barely breathe. I miss him and the marriage.
Oh I absolutely felt this way ! I lost 16 pounds in two weeks. I couldn’t even bring myself to drink water. All I did was cry. It felt like a death. Honestly how shitty he treated me while seperated made me miss him less and less. I will never forget how he treated me during that time. I also would go back and read the screenshots I had of him telling his coworker he wants to fuck her so bad. I kept telling myself over and over that man is not for me. I deserve better no matter how bad it hurts. I was also unhappy for years prior to me finding the messages. For years I cried myself to sleep because I was so lonely. So I did grieve my marriage while still in it. I was just so loyal I couldn’t bring myself to leave him until he betrayed me.
I’m so sorry that happened to you.
I can relate to this. Mornings and evenings are so hard. I just miss the security and familiarity of my life at the house with my kids and wife and pets. Unfortunately we have to go through the grief to feel better, yet I don’t want to go through anything. I just want to go back to my life.
I cannot emphasize “surround yourself with support” enough. The first 6 months after my ex told me she wanted a divorce, I forged better connections with some close friends and saw my family more (not that anything made me stay away from anyone before, I just didn’t need it the same way). It wasn’t always because I was hurting, either (though that was part of it sometimes). It was suddenly realizing I needed a social outlet, even as an introvert, even if just texting. It’s now been a year and a half since the “break up”, and 14 months since I moved out. While I periodically still think about texting her, we’re still friends and so sometimes I do - but it’s much more just “Oh, I saw this movie and I think you’d like it” and not just the need to talk with an intimate partner.
This so much. Going on 6 months NC and time does heal. Glad to hear you're in a better place. We all deserve peace and happiness.
I'm only at 6ish weeks and it's a mindfuck. Wanting them to reach out but they dont. Wanting to reach out but feeling like it's useless to do so. Trapped in in this netherworld inbetween acceptance and grief. Journal perhaps? Try to stop romanticizing about them and find the things that are the opposite of putting them on a pedestal. I think only by taking a critical look at the relationship can we start the process of little by little letting go and looking to heal ourselves. I've taken to tattoo therapy and a grief counselor. I have a limited support group of friends who will let me work through feelings. None of it compares to having the one person I sorely want to be there but I have to assume that person no longer exists and holding onto a memory is only holding me back. As for eating I went 10 days straight without eating. Or. Sleeping. Lost 27lbs in these 6 weeks. now only eating once a day and getting 1-3 hrs sleep
Want to reach out and wanting them to reach out is so damn hard. I just want relief from the trauma of this pain and transition it’s hard to look at the marriage without putting my wife in a pedestal. But taking a critical look at it seems like it might help. I’ve been hesitant to do that because I’m just still so confused by the whole thing, why it happened, why my wife acts so different and me just blaming myself for everything. The self blame for me has been the hardest to get over. Add in my utter fear of being. Alone and just surviving out here is overwhelming. I have to just remember it’s going to take a long time to get used to a new life, to build new routines etc. I want it all to happen now.
I saw another comment of yours and adding my own experience which may or may not be applicable. My ex and I barely fight or argue. We get along really good infact. Our marriage had it's dips and valleys in terms of intimacy and communication but it was never onerous. On D day she just uncharacteristically tore into me about something minor and not even really my fault. Then at the end she stated she was done. It was over. Her reasons were dredging up 10-25 yr old stuff we had worked past. Her therapist has upped her meds and "saw things clearly now" and she didn't want to be like her parents relationship. Just villianizing me beyond belief. What she didn't mention, until a week later when I had time to think and started realizing things didn't add up her, was the she had waited to make it "formal* to immediately jump into a relationship with someone else. Which she of course denies that she was cheating. Like you just be married and in a relationship with someone else in 7 days. Emotional or physical doesn't matter. So if you're not getting clear answers she's either hiding something or is doing all this based on reacting to emotions and really trying to deal with them the only way she can currently see working. Typically childhood trauma and insecure attachment styles (such as myself)!can operate in this manner.
Well, you make some good points. Thanks for sharing. My wife came home from a weekend trip and told me she just couldn’t do it anymore. Our marriage was the same as yours. We got along, had ups and downs with intimacy etc. ironically, I thought things were getting better. I was working very hard to engage and be intimate. I had a major depressive episode last year that really was hard for her I think. Of course there’s more to it. I’ve just never gotten a clear answer. She had some sort of breakdown and now she won’t even talk to me. I just re-traumatize her, she says. I agree, she’s hiding something. Her treatment of me just went to shit in the weeks after she told me she wanted to split. I really don’t think she is seeing someone else. She has never really been able to process emotions, so k think that is what happened. I think it hit her that her parents were emotionally abusive and it just incapacitated her. She projected that on to me and the marriage and that was it. It all is still so confusing to me though. I’d love to just talk with her. Hell we always talked shit out, but maybe we didn’t? To tell you the truth, I don’t think I ever knew what she was thinking or feeling. I’ve always been worried about losing her. Of course, I blame myself for everything, which I know is not true. I don’t think she’s happier now. I think she’s barely getting by. She won’t talk to me unless it’s about the kids. If I try to bring anything else up she has threatened to cut off all communication with me. It’s so sad. We took these vows to work together to make it through this life. I want to support her and love her, yet I somehow became the cause of her misery. It’s just an awful, awful situation. I’m barely surviving myself. Sorry for the long post. Thanks for your response.
that line that the person no longer exists …. i need that, thank you.
What is tattoo therapy?
When I need something to occupy my time and mental focus.. I have a tattoo already in mind.. some are easy. Some are painful. Either way it alleviates my anxiety for an hr or two.
I had a lot of similar feelings, pretty much all of those feelings honestly. The first month was the worst. It took me a few months to start accepting things but it was a gradual incline after that. We separated 2 years ago and divorced has been finalized for a while now. I have a great life now and the best partner I could ask for. You'll get there little by little.
Oh god I could’ve written this myself. No thoughts to add but I have been connecting with others on Reddit and that’s helped. Feel free to message me!
I just tried to message you and it wouldn't let me
Scrambled eggs are easy to eat. As for the reaching out stuff, find someone to substitute him with.
Lmao scrambled eggs was my go to when I was grieving the hardest and had no appetite.
The first week I didn't eat anything and lost 20 pounds. It took a long time to figure out that was the only thing I could keep down at the time.
There's something magical about scrambled eggs, right? They are easy to make. They are easy to eat. They are reasonably nutritious. If I'm being honest, I haven't stopped eating scrambled eggs every morning since I was left 😂
I've moved on to egg cups. They are delicious.
Hold up. *Egg cups*? I'm gonna need some clarification.
Line the cups of a muffin tin with bacon. Put in an egg. Top with cheese. Bake at 400• F for 20 minutes. You can do other stuff, but that's my go to.
You are a truly magnificent human being. Thank you! ❤️
I was not expecting culinary brilliance in this subreddit, but here it is. I also imagine you can freeze/refrigerate a batch to reheat daily for breakfast. Yum.
You can. I got so fed up with prying the little monstrosities out of a cupcake pan that i turned it into a casserole. Ill cut a few squares out of it and microwave.
You're going through withdrawals. Imagine being a drug addict and you have to quit the drug to get better. You're doing it cold turkey.
I lost 28 lbs in 3 months so I get that 100%. I started the same as you and realized I was reaching out to my ex because I wanted them to feel guilty for what they did. But they never were and I just kept defaulting to that. Just start up text exchanges with absolutely anyone thatll listen. Vent to anyone and everyone that'll listen. It'll break you of relying on them.
I've had 3 meals since Tuesday :( And I can't just stop talking to my best friend. I don't have to have her as a romantic partner, but I really still need her as a friend right now.
I was there a few weeks ago. I'm a month out and it gets better. Trust me. She's not the person you thought she was, and you'll come to realize that quickly if you only look forward and not backwards.
That’s the hard part. Is she not the person I thought she was? Did she change? I just had this idea tha people don’t change. This aspect of my wife and how she is now I’ve seen before, but never directed at me. When I honestly look at what would happen if we got back together after all of this, I don’t think it would work. Realizing there is no going back is like a punch in the gut. I literally can’t breathe. What will I do now? It’s such a scary, insecure place to be right now. Peace to all of you dealing with this nightmare.
I watched my ex discard friendships for 15 years and I only ever heard her side of it so I always had her back. Now I'm the latest to be discarded and I saw that she was the problem in all of those cases likely. I also know that even if she came crawling back and said all the right things, it would never work knowing what I know now. What will you do? Go find another woman to spend time with. I went on a date with a woman and she gave me a compliment about my watch. Literally just "oh I really like that watch"... and I almost cried. I hadn't heard a compliment in longer than I can remember. It was that moment I was fixed on moving forward. Shit, find yourself a few woman and you'll be so busy you won't have time to worry about what she's doing haha
I’d love to spend time with someone else at some point. Not sure I’m ready now. I don’t think I heard many compliments either. I always complimented my wife. However, I could have done so much more to show her how much I adored her. In a marriage it’s give and take. We both were tired. I just wish we had another chance to really build a relationship again. I just want to start over with her.
That's not looking forward. Coulda shoulda woulda... we all could have done a lot differently but it's irrelevant at this point. Just take the lessons and apply them to whatever comes next
You’re right, it’s not. I wish I could at this point, but I really see no future for me right now. I know I need to be strong for my kids. What if I can’t? I’m destroyed. My life is over. I blame myself for it all and can’t live with that much longer.
Been there my man. Blaming yourself is called accountability and it's a rare character trait these days. That alone is a reason to think highly of yourself. Being strong for your kids is number 1. But also, you're allowed to share your emotions with them. It'll teach them that it's OK to express themselves
Been there my man. Blaming yourself is called accountability and it's a rare character trait these days. That alone is a reason to think highly of yourself. Being strong for your kids is number 1. But also, you're allowed to share your emotions with them. It'll teach them that it's OK to express themselves
I’m not sure. I don’t want to dump my feelings on them, but at the same time it is good for them to see their dad ‘feel’.
I was getting the kids ready for school one day early on and just start balling. My 7 year old asked if I was OK. I said "Can i just get a big hug from you guys" and i group hugged my 5 and year old. I said "I just love you guys and I'm super sad that mommy and daddy aren't going to be married anymore". I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
I’m exactly the same. 3 very small meals since Tuesday. I just can’t fathom food. I try to drink a little wine at night to calm my nerves and even that is not going down well the one thing I am doing is going for very very very long walks. Every minute I can be walking I am. I understand why Forrest Gump just ran and ran. If I sit around I feel physically sick.
I was told to do 10 miles of walking every day and I have. It's definitely the most therapeutic thing for me right now.
It’s so hard to just get up and get out there and do it though. Man, I’d probably feel better if I walked 10 miles a day too. Exercise is supposedly the most effective treatment for depression.
I work out every day too. I'm doing everything I can just to better myself for me.
I want to do that. Thanks am doing that. But it’s like I don’t believe in myself or that things will get better. Just seems like there are so many elements of this situation that are out of our control. It’s overwhelming.
Same here. I was overweight so kind of happy about it…but also know I’m not in a good spot mentally.
You’re doing better than I was at week three. Hang in there. It’s the worst thing I’ve ever experienced in my like. I felt like my skin was on fire. I once read it takes about a month for every year that you were together and I found that it sort of worked like that for me. I still miss my ex wife like crazy and sometimes I lose a day or two to it, but life does go on. I didn’t think I could live without her, but I’m doing ok.
I have 25 years. I dislike that idea immensely
The urge to reach out is the worst. I keep trying to find things I just have to text him about. Because we were inseparable until this week it’s so hard to go from talking all day to nothing. He refuses to talk about the issues that are causing the split. So i write out long texts in my notes app and never send them. I saw something once that said sometimes you don’t get closure. Just move on. I’m trying to tell myself that. And I remind myself that as much as it seemed we were best friends there was a darkness looming there that I chose to ignore.
That is the worst. I desperately want closure. I want to know ‘why’ in a clear way, not just random explanations.
I understand this so much. She was my person for 15 years how do you walk away from that kind of connection?
I'm so sorry. I struggle with this too. We don't want to be together, but my stbxh and I are still on good terms and I have made the mistake of texting a few "How are you's?" I have to remind myself we need the distance and should only talk about things that affect our children. I have a friend I am probably clingy with, but I think she understands. Reach out to others. Journal. Find a hobby to distract.
This is so hard. For me it felt like an addiction I had to detox from. It is painful, but best to go no contact, unless it is business or kids. I joined a divorce support group, which helped a lot. Also, stated busy. New hobbies , hiking groups and exercise. I am several years out now and feel indifferent about him now. Take care.
where did you find a divorce support group?
I’m with you. My wife and I used to text all day about whatever. It’s been 3 months for me. I finally had a good day yesterday, but this morning I just woke up missing my wife so much. I miss family meals too. Things have been so weird with schedules and stuff that when the kids are at my place, we haven’t gotten into a groove eating together etc. I just miss my wife and family terribly this morning.
In 3 weeks, you've barely had time to figure out new routines. It's all very fresh. It will take months to adapt and start to adjust. The best way to not do something is to replace it with something else. Find someone else, like a friend or family member, to interact with in his place.