Mentionitis! I laughed at that because it is exactly how I found out as well. He mentioned the new secretary, even though I never knew about any of the other workers names, and said “in case you see a call from her, that’s why”. I remember it being so odd that I went and looked her up on social media and found the name and that they followed each other (on both of his accounts) and screenshotted it in September.
So when December rolled, I went back to my screenshots because something felt off, I saw he unfollowed her. I would’ve had no reference point if I had ignored it, but it seemed so out of place when she mentioned her that I did it just in case and kept my mouth closed.
That day in December, after we went to his work Christmas party and I didn’t see her, I asked “oh, is ____ here?”. Nobody knew who I was talking about. I reached out to her that night and she confirmed the infidelity and sent screenshots.
When confronted, he said he met her before me and they hadn’t talked in a few years. Obviously the screenshots she shared with me said differently.
She never worked with him and was in another state lol
The time stamps of the messages is what sent me over the edge. While he and I were texting and trying to reconcile, he was messaging her between messages with me.
We meet to sign the divorce today.
I had hunches because of the way he spoke about her. Put her on a pedestal while tearing me down. Then I found out from our mutual friends after he left that they had been hanging out together and telling people they were together.
She had been acting so angry towards me. I felt something was off but didn't really expect anything really. But it was enough for me to go through her phone and I saw texts between them. She then proceeded to gaslight me saying there's no affair. And then last week, said how could she cheat if he lives in another state. So ya, the gaslighting continues to this day and I doubt she'd ever admit to it because then she'd feel bad and she'll do anything to be the victim.
I was coming back from hiking and there were dozens of Ring Doorbell notifications within a short time. I assumed it was my kids horsing around; so, I inactivated the live audio and it was my STBX talking about her new man with a friend of hers. Stupid. Then again she denied everything despite my neighbors seeing her with the guy at a fundraiser too. My wife is mentally unstable and still won’t come completely clean about it. At least be discrete…This was good in a way as it gave me the kick in the arse to see the light and run.
Lots of things came out at once. I was away on a work trip and my dog sitter had called me, he was grabbing dinner downtown alone. I called the restaurant, he was not alone. Then he went on a business trip alone, they always mention that they are alone when they are not. He brought me back a gift with several items for a female that were not for me. When I called the hotel they had no one by his name staying there when he said he was there. We are divorced and they are together now so good luck with that.
After separating... my small children with no clue told me one day that they used to go out with mommy and other man and his daughter...... but but but, I was told it was mother-children day
This wasn’t what caused the divorce, and it was a case of what I will call pathetic one-sided emotional cheating, but it added a tonne of tension to our relationship from the get-go and I was proven right — but also terribly wrong — in the end. It’s a vaguely amusing story, so I’ll write it here anyway.
When we started seeing each other, he was incredibly vulnerable about how things had ended horribly with his ex of 5 years (because he cheated, duh). His willingness to be upfront and seemingly honest and regretful about this actually drew me in. He established that they were still in contact, but just as friends. I didn’t have a problem with that at all.
Then, the strange inconsistencies began. One moment he would be asking me to attend events that she might be at; the next moment, it would be called off because it was too awkward. One moment they were on pleasant and civil terms, and she was totally over him; the next, she would have blocked him everywhere off out of jealousy upon hearing about me, only for them to seemingly resume texting again. I noted that the relationship seemed very volatile and unstable and suggested that they perhaps should not be friends for the time being.
It came to a head when he was showing me something on his phone and a selfie from her with a cute dog (that I interpreted as a thirst trap) popped up. I told him that everything made me feel incredibly uncomfortable and he told me of his own volition that he wanted to block her and go no-contact once and for all because of her toxicity.
The next week? He’s happily texting her again. I was *very* upset by this because he was flagrantly breaking a boundary that he had established of his own will. He made me out to be the bad guy here, saying how much she still needed him and how he owed her at least that after wronging her so badly. He literally said that he used to feel jealous but no longer did, and that I should learn from him.
He also had a case of mentionitis (LOVE this term) and tied everything back to her in conversation. I didn’t mind at first because I do mention exes too, but it was beginning to grate on me. It wasn’t before long that the comparisons began. Anything I did that he wasn’t happy about? She would never do that, so he wasn’t used to my aberrant behaviour. Anything he found me deficient in? She was so much better. Etc, etc.
Her presence seemed to abate a bit after we got married. Until, out of the blue, he showed me a text from her asking to get back together around two years after we tied the knot. I was blindsided and asked him what he responded with. He said very smugly and righteously that he has told her he was married and never to contact him ever again.
After the separation, he told a mutual friend (who relayed the information to me) that he and his ex communicated privately the whole time at the beginning and that he and I were in an open relationship till we got married. Newsflash: we were not.
When I found this out, I’m not going to lie or make excuses for myself: I contacted her to confront her directly. Nothing extreme or threatening, just to the tone of “I know now, and I can’t believe you would do this.” I had no emotional investment in him by that time but I was FURIOUS that my intuitions had been correct all along and that I had no clue how deep the affair had gone or how long it has gone on for.
Guess what! The poor woman is PERPLEXED by my message, like can’t-fake-it levels of confused. She then proceeded to gather and send me text screenshots between them that went years back. I immediately saw that he was always the one initiating contact while she politely stonewalled him. When he first told her about me, she said she was HAPPY for him and ominously implored him to please treat me well and learn from his past mistakes. I saw him REPEATEDLY attempting to meet up with her alone (at the events he would change his mind about taking me to last minute!) and be fobbed off. She would ask him explicitly if I knew and was okay with it, he would say “no I don’t care”, and she would then shut him down. She didn’t even know that we were married because she had moved on so quickly and took no interest in his personal life. I saw that he had RECYCLED selfies that he sent me, and she would simply ignore them. A week before we got married, he was texting her how much he missed her while she continued politely stonewalling.
The one time she did send the dog picture? It was her BOYFRIEND’S dog, which he knew, and it was her way of telling him to please leave her alone. The text asking to get back together? He faked it (she’s a blue text person and the text was in green); she was in a happy relationship at the time. What I thought was an affair was just him pathetically refusing to let her go, to the point that he would lie about it to other people.
We ended up bonding and becoming friends over this, and she helped me gain clarity over just how much of a pathological liar he was and the horrific extent to which he had misrepresented their relationship and downplayed the extent of his abuse. It’s so funny that, post-divorce, she went from being The Other Woman to a treasured friend and beloved confidante.
I also caught him dm’ing a porn star. Uh…other than that, he threatened to leave me for a semi-famous electronic musician but I’m pretty sure that was all fabricated to mess with my head, much like the text from his ex, because I saw no evidence whatsoever of their having any kind of connection other the implausible narrative he wove.
Not my story, but my husband found out when he was out for a walk with their baby (now my stepdaughter). His ex-wife had left her phone in the pram and it was blowing up with sexts from my husband’s then-friend, who he had been confiding in and getting advice from about their marital problems. It was brutal.
My ex was talking to a much younger coworker than me. I had a bad feeling for months. Finally one day I checked his phone and sure enough they had been sexting through TikTok. Checked our phone bill and I managed to figure out her number and saw how often they talked while working night shift together 🤦♀️
Knew something was up. Checked his phone. He hooked up with her on a trip I paid for. I spent my 25th anniversary alone, so he could "see his family". I should have dumped him years ago.
I found out after finding condoms (that we don’t use) and Viagra, and some spray that makes men last longer. I was cleaning his car. Something I like to do. We been married 18 years. I asked him who he’s cheating on me with and he dodged the question, he’s reluctant to tell me but then he said “he’s been trying to talk to this girl”. I wanted info on her, he’s reluctant. Protecting her like she’s his life. He then said they have been talking and that she makes him happy, she knew he had a crush on her (coworker of his) and she liked it. So I’m guessing they were an item? And it ended after he got a heart attack and coworkers told her he had a wife. So there ya go. So he says that ended last year but who knows. He still protects her, won’t let me talk to her to get her side. She’s younger, without children (we have 4), hs same interest as him, in shape..but denies he cheated. 🤷🏻♀️ the gaslight and manipulation, is she the other women?? I’m questioning this now.
Not my story, but in the early days of Facebook we found out a relative was the other man when a mutual posted photos of his so's wedding.
Mentionitis! I laughed at that because it is exactly how I found out as well. He mentioned the new secretary, even though I never knew about any of the other workers names, and said “in case you see a call from her, that’s why”. I remember it being so odd that I went and looked her up on social media and found the name and that they followed each other (on both of his accounts) and screenshotted it in September. So when December rolled, I went back to my screenshots because something felt off, I saw he unfollowed her. I would’ve had no reference point if I had ignored it, but it seemed so out of place when she mentioned her that I did it just in case and kept my mouth closed. That day in December, after we went to his work Christmas party and I didn’t see her, I asked “oh, is ____ here?”. Nobody knew who I was talking about. I reached out to her that night and she confirmed the infidelity and sent screenshots. When confronted, he said he met her before me and they hadn’t talked in a few years. Obviously the screenshots she shared with me said differently. She never worked with him and was in another state lol
The time stamps of the messages is what sent me over the edge. While he and I were texting and trying to reconcile, he was messaging her between messages with me. We meet to sign the divorce today.
I had hunches because of the way he spoke about her. Put her on a pedestal while tearing me down. Then I found out from our mutual friends after he left that they had been hanging out together and telling people they were together.
His Facebook profile picture is a drawing of him cuddling with his two new partners. He used my money to pay for it.
She had been acting so angry towards me. I felt something was off but didn't really expect anything really. But it was enough for me to go through her phone and I saw texts between them. She then proceeded to gaslight me saying there's no affair. And then last week, said how could she cheat if he lives in another state. So ya, the gaslighting continues to this day and I doubt she'd ever admit to it because then she'd feel bad and she'll do anything to be the victim.
I was coming back from hiking and there were dozens of Ring Doorbell notifications within a short time. I assumed it was my kids horsing around; so, I inactivated the live audio and it was my STBX talking about her new man with a friend of hers. Stupid. Then again she denied everything despite my neighbors seeing her with the guy at a fundraiser too. My wife is mentally unstable and still won’t come completely clean about it. At least be discrete…This was good in a way as it gave me the kick in the arse to see the light and run.
Lots of things came out at once. I was away on a work trip and my dog sitter had called me, he was grabbing dinner downtown alone. I called the restaurant, he was not alone. Then he went on a business trip alone, they always mention that they are alone when they are not. He brought me back a gift with several items for a female that were not for me. When I called the hotel they had no one by his name staying there when he said he was there. We are divorced and they are together now so good luck with that.
He posted about it on Reddit!
After separating... my small children with no clue told me one day that they used to go out with mommy and other man and his daughter...... but but but, I was told it was mother-children day
This wasn’t what caused the divorce, and it was a case of what I will call pathetic one-sided emotional cheating, but it added a tonne of tension to our relationship from the get-go and I was proven right — but also terribly wrong — in the end. It’s a vaguely amusing story, so I’ll write it here anyway. When we started seeing each other, he was incredibly vulnerable about how things had ended horribly with his ex of 5 years (because he cheated, duh). His willingness to be upfront and seemingly honest and regretful about this actually drew me in. He established that they were still in contact, but just as friends. I didn’t have a problem with that at all. Then, the strange inconsistencies began. One moment he would be asking me to attend events that she might be at; the next moment, it would be called off because it was too awkward. One moment they were on pleasant and civil terms, and she was totally over him; the next, she would have blocked him everywhere off out of jealousy upon hearing about me, only for them to seemingly resume texting again. I noted that the relationship seemed very volatile and unstable and suggested that they perhaps should not be friends for the time being. It came to a head when he was showing me something on his phone and a selfie from her with a cute dog (that I interpreted as a thirst trap) popped up. I told him that everything made me feel incredibly uncomfortable and he told me of his own volition that he wanted to block her and go no-contact once and for all because of her toxicity. The next week? He’s happily texting her again. I was *very* upset by this because he was flagrantly breaking a boundary that he had established of his own will. He made me out to be the bad guy here, saying how much she still needed him and how he owed her at least that after wronging her so badly. He literally said that he used to feel jealous but no longer did, and that I should learn from him. He also had a case of mentionitis (LOVE this term) and tied everything back to her in conversation. I didn’t mind at first because I do mention exes too, but it was beginning to grate on me. It wasn’t before long that the comparisons began. Anything I did that he wasn’t happy about? She would never do that, so he wasn’t used to my aberrant behaviour. Anything he found me deficient in? She was so much better. Etc, etc. Her presence seemed to abate a bit after we got married. Until, out of the blue, he showed me a text from her asking to get back together around two years after we tied the knot. I was blindsided and asked him what he responded with. He said very smugly and righteously that he has told her he was married and never to contact him ever again. After the separation, he told a mutual friend (who relayed the information to me) that he and his ex communicated privately the whole time at the beginning and that he and I were in an open relationship till we got married. Newsflash: we were not. When I found this out, I’m not going to lie or make excuses for myself: I contacted her to confront her directly. Nothing extreme or threatening, just to the tone of “I know now, and I can’t believe you would do this.” I had no emotional investment in him by that time but I was FURIOUS that my intuitions had been correct all along and that I had no clue how deep the affair had gone or how long it has gone on for. Guess what! The poor woman is PERPLEXED by my message, like can’t-fake-it levels of confused. She then proceeded to gather and send me text screenshots between them that went years back. I immediately saw that he was always the one initiating contact while she politely stonewalled him. When he first told her about me, she said she was HAPPY for him and ominously implored him to please treat me well and learn from his past mistakes. I saw him REPEATEDLY attempting to meet up with her alone (at the events he would change his mind about taking me to last minute!) and be fobbed off. She would ask him explicitly if I knew and was okay with it, he would say “no I don’t care”, and she would then shut him down. She didn’t even know that we were married because she had moved on so quickly and took no interest in his personal life. I saw that he had RECYCLED selfies that he sent me, and she would simply ignore them. A week before we got married, he was texting her how much he missed her while she continued politely stonewalling. The one time she did send the dog picture? It was her BOYFRIEND’S dog, which he knew, and it was her way of telling him to please leave her alone. The text asking to get back together? He faked it (she’s a blue text person and the text was in green); she was in a happy relationship at the time. What I thought was an affair was just him pathetically refusing to let her go, to the point that he would lie about it to other people. We ended up bonding and becoming friends over this, and she helped me gain clarity over just how much of a pathological liar he was and the horrific extent to which he had misrepresented their relationship and downplayed the extent of his abuse. It’s so funny that, post-divorce, she went from being The Other Woman to a treasured friend and beloved confidante. I also caught him dm’ing a porn star. Uh…other than that, he threatened to leave me for a semi-famous electronic musician but I’m pretty sure that was all fabricated to mess with my head, much like the text from his ex, because I saw no evidence whatsoever of their having any kind of connection other the implausible narrative he wove.
Not my story, but my husband found out when he was out for a walk with their baby (now my stepdaughter). His ex-wife had left her phone in the pram and it was blowing up with sexts from my husband’s then-friend, who he had been confiding in and getting advice from about their marital problems. It was brutal.
My ex was talking to a much younger coworker than me. I had a bad feeling for months. Finally one day I checked his phone and sure enough they had been sexting through TikTok. Checked our phone bill and I managed to figure out her number and saw how often they talked while working night shift together 🤦♀️
Knew something was up. Checked his phone. He hooked up with her on a trip I paid for. I spent my 25th anniversary alone, so he could "see his family". I should have dumped him years ago.
I found out after finding condoms (that we don’t use) and Viagra, and some spray that makes men last longer. I was cleaning his car. Something I like to do. We been married 18 years. I asked him who he’s cheating on me with and he dodged the question, he’s reluctant to tell me but then he said “he’s been trying to talk to this girl”. I wanted info on her, he’s reluctant. Protecting her like she’s his life. He then said they have been talking and that she makes him happy, she knew he had a crush on her (coworker of his) and she liked it. So I’m guessing they were an item? And it ended after he got a heart attack and coworkers told her he had a wife. So there ya go. So he says that ended last year but who knows. He still protects her, won’t let me talk to her to get her side. She’s younger, without children (we have 4), hs same interest as him, in shape..but denies he cheated. 🤷🏻♀️ the gaslight and manipulation, is she the other women?? I’m questioning this now.