I feel this! It's been 2 yrs for me but my kids are grown. I lost everything I worked for for 20yrs just to be untied to any future payments. The loss of the family unit will be something I will never get over I fear. I'm sad about the life I lost but mostly about the family unit. It's difficult when the woman gets a golden ticket whenever she decides to leave. It wasn't good for a very long time but it was never really an option for me to leave just because I wasn't happy with everything. Best wishes my friend I wish you well.... you are not ALONE!!
Thanks man...yeah I mean the two years has gone quick and I'm getting used to the ebbs and flows of when I'm with the kids and when I'm not but I just can't shake the loss of family...I have remained in the family home for financial reasons and I'm kind of stuck here for a few years, started to think it's not helping.... thanks man, wish you the best in finding some peace with it.
8 weeks in now. 3 little kids also 50/50 here.
Its a terrible feeling missing out on them half of the time. Wife chose for her own happiness. It messes up my mind.
What helps me cope is meeting friends and family in the time the kids are not around. Focus on yourself. Get therapy, hit the gym. All Advices you will find in every thread. It really helps coping. The feeling of missing the kids will never go away. You only will get used to it more over time.
Good luck brother
Ah man, 8 weeks in? Man, I was still in a mess on the floor at that point...good to hear you've got yourself to that stage already, took me a couple of months to even think about what to do next....thanks man, best of luck with your journey, hope it goes as well as possible.
Hobbies, especially physical ones. Mountain biking for me. Sometimes I ride technical trails with friends. Sometimes long cross-country miles alone listening to music. Pedaling rhythmically for miles and listening to music is the closest I feel to happy when my daughter’s not around. I have her about 60% of the time, if that matters.
This is the way....another surprising bonus of divorce is that I am in the best physical shape of the last 30 years! It's nice to get a new lease of life through a bit of fitness and well being, I've been very neglectful of myself for years so it's nice to have some time to attend to that. Thanks man, hope you've got something cool lined up for the weekend.
You never really get over it but you make the best of your time with the kids when you have them. Honestly I am a better dad now that I don't have to deal with the drama my ex bipolar wife caused for everyone.
Ha...oh I feel that man. The quality of the time I get with my kids has increased immeasurably... the lack of stress and list of things that 'had' to be done etc...agh, don't miss her one bit, just so frustrated that if I had picked a better partner it could have all been so simple you know.....but yeah, take my blessings on this one, my relationship with my son particularly is a million times better than it was within the marriage. Thanks man, have a great weekend.
yeah we tend to put that burden on ourselves as far as "if I only picked another person" but in reality it's not like that. My ex and I were very well paired when we were younger. The fact is we both changed. Her mental illness was fun when she was younger but it got worse and twisted when she got older. People change. Life changes. You just deal with it and move forward.
You know what man, I never really looked at it like that but yeah....exactly that...she wasn't in the greatest shape mentally and when we were just us as a couple, the spontaneity and slight craziness was fun but when it came to having kids and raising a family....yeah...not fun.... that's major food for thought to me man, thankyou.
exactly, same situation for me, my ex is bipolar with npd and body dysmorphia, on heavy meds, I spent years trying to "make her happy", it was exhausting. I am not perfect either but I was the one sitting by myself at our marriage therapist when she just would not show up. I would of walked to the moon to keep my family together. But it takes 2 people doing the work. The cool thing is I look back and I know my morals and character stayed in a positive place, her not so much. So there is no guilt on my end. I did what a good man should of done. Best to you.
It takes a while to heal, and everyone heals at different rates. I am 6 years since my divorce, have my daughter 50/50, and honestly am perfectly fine at this point. I have time with my daughter when I have her and just live life when I don’t.
It gets easier with time, but I know it sure doesn’t feel like that at first.
Thanks man....I'm looking forward to the day that I can just accept it without the sadness coming over me...most days I'm fine but it's still frequent that I cast a thought for it and the movie reel of good times plays in my head but I know that's just my mind playing tricks on me...it was never perfect like the photos make it look.
Thanks man, hope you have a good weekend wether you're with your daughter or just doing some living! I'm on the 'just living' bit this weekend, it's quiet and chilled but hella boring ha....
You find things to do and be there for your kids. I’m the one who picks up from the school nurse when they’re ill or runs them to most medical or other daytime appointments. Or the one they call when they’re in a bind.
I wish I could say it’s completely fulfilled that loss but I still do feel it. Made the mistake of going on a vacation together with the ex and kids although we stayed in separate rooms. I felt off and was in a funk seeing all the supposed intact families there. Don’t think I’d do it again.
Ooof....shared vacation? Takes a big man to try and go through that for his kids, kudos brother. I couldn't do that myself but we have not had an amicable seperation and I haven't actually even spoken to her in over 18 months now....
Yeah, I've found mysefl getting more involved with stuff at their school, helping to organise events etc and I have found that nice to show them what it's like to get more involved with the school and community at large. I'm enjoying it and will probably try to do more.
And yo...if you're the one they call when they are in a bind, then you know you're doing the right things man, nice one brother, thanks for your comment, have a great weekend man.
I could have wrote this same post. Been a year and spend most of my free time and money trying to get the ex to adhere to decree and do whats best for kid
I could have written this myself. I feel ya man, boy do I feel ya. Being a father , husband, family, house, neighborhood, perfection - until someone decides she’s not happy and see ya! Focusing on the positives but I still have my rough days.
If I knew the answer I'd tell you, but I'm right there with you.
I did get a glimmer of hope to regain that feeling when I became serious with a woman with kids of her own. It wasn't the same but it felt close, having our kids together and then have our lives when they weren't around. It was different and not the exact feeling I was looking to regain but the feeling of a "new" family certainly filled the void
I feel this! It's been 2 yrs for me but my kids are grown. I lost everything I worked for for 20yrs just to be untied to any future payments. The loss of the family unit will be something I will never get over I fear. I'm sad about the life I lost but mostly about the family unit. It's difficult when the woman gets a golden ticket whenever she decides to leave. It wasn't good for a very long time but it was never really an option for me to leave just because I wasn't happy with everything. Best wishes my friend I wish you well.... you are not ALONE!!
I told mine I would never have done what she did but I will always be grateful she did.
Thanks man...yeah I mean the two years has gone quick and I'm getting used to the ebbs and flows of when I'm with the kids and when I'm not but I just can't shake the loss of family...I have remained in the family home for financial reasons and I'm kind of stuck here for a few years, started to think it's not helping.... thanks man, wish you the best in finding some peace with it.
8 weeks in now. 3 little kids also 50/50 here. Its a terrible feeling missing out on them half of the time. Wife chose for her own happiness. It messes up my mind. What helps me cope is meeting friends and family in the time the kids are not around. Focus on yourself. Get therapy, hit the gym. All Advices you will find in every thread. It really helps coping. The feeling of missing the kids will never go away. You only will get used to it more over time. Good luck brother
Ah man, 8 weeks in? Man, I was still in a mess on the floor at that point...good to hear you've got yourself to that stage already, took me a couple of months to even think about what to do next....thanks man, best of luck with your journey, hope it goes as well as possible.
Its all about mindset. Offcourse grieve and sadness are here. But mindset is everything.
Hobbies, especially physical ones. Mountain biking for me. Sometimes I ride technical trails with friends. Sometimes long cross-country miles alone listening to music. Pedaling rhythmically for miles and listening to music is the closest I feel to happy when my daughter’s not around. I have her about 60% of the time, if that matters.
This is the way....another surprising bonus of divorce is that I am in the best physical shape of the last 30 years! It's nice to get a new lease of life through a bit of fitness and well being, I've been very neglectful of myself for years so it's nice to have some time to attend to that. Thanks man, hope you've got something cool lined up for the weekend.
You never really get over it but you make the best of your time with the kids when you have them. Honestly I am a better dad now that I don't have to deal with the drama my ex bipolar wife caused for everyone.
Ha...oh I feel that man. The quality of the time I get with my kids has increased immeasurably... the lack of stress and list of things that 'had' to be done etc...agh, don't miss her one bit, just so frustrated that if I had picked a better partner it could have all been so simple you know.....but yeah, take my blessings on this one, my relationship with my son particularly is a million times better than it was within the marriage. Thanks man, have a great weekend.
yeah we tend to put that burden on ourselves as far as "if I only picked another person" but in reality it's not like that. My ex and I were very well paired when we were younger. The fact is we both changed. Her mental illness was fun when she was younger but it got worse and twisted when she got older. People change. Life changes. You just deal with it and move forward.
You know what man, I never really looked at it like that but yeah....exactly that...she wasn't in the greatest shape mentally and when we were just us as a couple, the spontaneity and slight craziness was fun but when it came to having kids and raising a family....yeah...not fun.... that's major food for thought to me man, thankyou.
exactly, same situation for me, my ex is bipolar with npd and body dysmorphia, on heavy meds, I spent years trying to "make her happy", it was exhausting. I am not perfect either but I was the one sitting by myself at our marriage therapist when she just would not show up. I would of walked to the moon to keep my family together. But it takes 2 people doing the work. The cool thing is I look back and I know my morals and character stayed in a positive place, her not so much. So there is no guilt on my end. I did what a good man should of done. Best to you.
Sounds like my ex wife!
It takes a while to heal, and everyone heals at different rates. I am 6 years since my divorce, have my daughter 50/50, and honestly am perfectly fine at this point. I have time with my daughter when I have her and just live life when I don’t. It gets easier with time, but I know it sure doesn’t feel like that at first.
Thanks man....I'm looking forward to the day that I can just accept it without the sadness coming over me...most days I'm fine but it's still frequent that I cast a thought for it and the movie reel of good times plays in my head but I know that's just my mind playing tricks on me...it was never perfect like the photos make it look. Thanks man, hope you have a good weekend wether you're with your daughter or just doing some living! I'm on the 'just living' bit this weekend, it's quiet and chilled but hella boring ha....
You find things to do and be there for your kids. I’m the one who picks up from the school nurse when they’re ill or runs them to most medical or other daytime appointments. Or the one they call when they’re in a bind. I wish I could say it’s completely fulfilled that loss but I still do feel it. Made the mistake of going on a vacation together with the ex and kids although we stayed in separate rooms. I felt off and was in a funk seeing all the supposed intact families there. Don’t think I’d do it again.
Ooof....shared vacation? Takes a big man to try and go through that for his kids, kudos brother. I couldn't do that myself but we have not had an amicable seperation and I haven't actually even spoken to her in over 18 months now.... Yeah, I've found mysefl getting more involved with stuff at their school, helping to organise events etc and I have found that nice to show them what it's like to get more involved with the school and community at large. I'm enjoying it and will probably try to do more. And yo...if you're the one they call when they are in a bind, then you know you're doing the right things man, nice one brother, thanks for your comment, have a great weekend man.
I have both my kids 50/50.. but for sure what I miss the most and having trouble getting over is the loss of family unit we had together.
I could have wrote this same post. Been a year and spend most of my free time and money trying to get the ex to adhere to decree and do whats best for kid
I could have written this myself. I feel ya man, boy do I feel ya. Being a father , husband, family, house, neighborhood, perfection - until someone decides she’s not happy and see ya! Focusing on the positives but I still have my rough days.
If I knew the answer I'd tell you, but I'm right there with you. I did get a glimmer of hope to regain that feeling when I became serious with a woman with kids of her own. It wasn't the same but it felt close, having our kids together and then have our lives when they weren't around. It was different and not the exact feeling I was looking to regain but the feeling of a "new" family certainly filled the void