Traditional weddings in themselves don't excite me. Picking out the right gift, getting dressed up, eating the same shite food, cheesy dancing, cash bar, milquetoast pinterest/etsy flair, sitting at the rifraf table (somebody's college roommate, brides single uncle, grooms friend from work). etc gets old fast. If it's not for somebody I really care about, it's hard to enjoy.
That being said, I've been to some kickass weddings recently. One of my friends had a wedding at a pub venue. The alt rock band he's in supplied the music, there was unlimited brews on tap, and of course pub trivia. We did an escape room for the stag party. So really, weddings can be alright. They just often aren't
Hell no I love weddings. My wife and I have the best time. Decent to great food, free drinks, free party, dressing up, somtimes with friends or family in beautiful settings. Seeing people on one of their happiest days. Seeing all of their crazy family/good people watching.
I agree with what you said but it isn’t really free. I gift close (best) friends 200+ dollars and less close friends 100 or 150 depending on relationship
This is the correct attitude to have. God, people act like being invited to a party to celebrate love and happy times is the equivalent of getting several teeth pulled with no anesthesia.
Where did I indicate that? Just saying, it’s weird to moan and groan about something that is A. optional to attend and B. literally just a type of party/gathering.
I'm 35M. So far, I've attend three. My brother's, my sister's and a friend's. It was cool to celebrate the special day of someone I care about.
But if the bridge or groom made it miserable or awkward then that would be different. But I've never experienced that.
I really do wonder what it's like to love someone so much you know that you want to spend the rest of your life with that person. And to know that they feel the same way.
Right?! I love weddings! They're always so fun. I've been in the bridal party, invited directly, plus one for a friend, always having a great time. I'm the go-to plus one for my friends, and I've been told it's because I'm fun at weddings. Not to brag, I just love attending weddings!
Yup, I've only been to 3 weddings as an adult, the first was with an ex in the beginning of the relationship so I didn't know anyone and it was okay. Didn't dislike it. But the last 2 I've been to with people I actually know and like were a blast. I loved being able to dress up around my friends who don't get to see me dress up often, and I get to have tons of drinks and great food while hanging out with great people. I have another wedding next year that I'm looking forward to.
I’m pretty confident that I will never be available for another baby shower unless it is my future daughter in law. My sister is done, my SIL has no children, my friends are older than me. I send gifts via Amazon with minimal thought to cousins. Thank god.
I would not be offended if someone like OP didn’t want to come. You know not everyone says yes (something like 30% will say no). If I knew someone hated weddings I might only invite them so they don’t feel bad not being invited but please just say no. It would piss me off if someone grumpy showed up and brought the whole atmosphere down with them.
Don't worry, I won't dare display the grumpy. I keep in inside. But they'll get their support, and their gift. I didn't say I'd go in there and burn the place down. I'm talking about inner feelings. And I wish to God they didn't invite me. I originally planned on not RSVPing on time "accidentally". That plan worked until the bride contacted me inquiring about my attendance for a head count. At that point I knew this was another emotional obligation that I must pay for and suffer through on behalf of someone else's feelings. Life's like that sometimes. Doesn't make it enjoyable.
Doesn't help the fact that it still hurts. Sure, you can easily choose not to go when it is of someone you don't care about, but if it is of your friend who you've been with for so long and used to hang out everyday, it becomes harder to say no. Especially, if you're not feeling good mentally around that time, it makes you feel like you're making it about yourself by not going. Even an excuse of "i had a very important meeting" or something doesn't help the fact that you'll feel bad about it.
Fortunately my friend understood and didn't mind. We still hang out and stuff, though less than before.
No, it was to you. To me, it pertains. Its an emotional obligation. Much like holiday gatherings with family. Unless you don't go. But you will tarnish the relationship by opting out.
Yeah true. But it makes sense kinda, you basically spent so much time with them and suddenly ditching the moment that means the most to them? Almost feels like you’re being selfish. But you’re not, you know that deep inside you still do care about your friend. I was very lucky my friend understood. Even though things aren’t going to be the same because he’s married now and won’t have much time for me, but we still hang out from time to time like we used to before. And i think that’s what should remain
I dislike weddings. Not passionately, but they are an annoyance and they are boring. Now that I don’t drink anymore they are probably even more boring. Luckily I haven’t attended a wedding since I quit alcohol.
The only redeeming thing is food. Assuming there is good food. And even then, once the food part is over, all I want is to leave.
You are not alone. I also hate weddings. What an expensive time-suck. It makes much more sense to get married at a courthouse with a couple of witnesses, then go on an amazing honeymoon or spend the money on a down payment for a house, or just invest the money. Weddings are not something to invest in; marriages are.
Bingo. If somebody wants to go all out on their wedding, that’s great, have fun. But for my wife and I, it just made more sense to do a small, private courthouse thing, then take our witnesses (our 2 best friends, our adult daughters and my wife’s brother/SIL) out to a really nice lunch, before we went off to DC (we live just outside the city) for 3 days for room service, shopping, eating and exploring. We put a few thousand dollars into house projects (our daughters had recently moved out, so we turned their old rooms into an office and a guest room, then updated the guest bathroom), then on our first anniversary we went to London for 9 days. It was *awesome* and we don’t regret for a minute not going into debt for a big party.
It’s been a little over a year and some family members are still just finding out lol. We didn’t feel the need to make it a big deal or even announce it, because we were worried it would come off as a gift-grab, seeing as how we weren’t doing a traditional wedding/reception.
Honestly, half our family members thought we already were married, seeing as how we’ve been together 18+ years! It’s actually been kind of fun, when we run into people we hadn’t seen for a few years. They ask us what’s new, we give a brief update: kids moved out, doing well, wife got a promotion, my health is back on track, then casually drop in “Oh, yeah, and we got married.” Reactions have been priceless.
I hate attending weddings, too. I admit I’m petty. I had married at 18 and because my friends were young and clueless, I received zero gifts despite my spending as much as I could afford to give them a fun time. No one thought to throw a shower or bachelorette party.
Years later, as these friends got married, I gave monetary and other gifts, as is customary. I resented spending hundreds on each couple when I received nothing.
I told you I’m petty.
It depends on whose wedding and who I'm with. Family member weddings are boring. The ones of friends are okay if there are cool people to joke with. Then the reception is a party with food and dancing.
Yes! Wedding are so inconvenient for people. I don’t care that you’re getting married, do your thing, congrats but I only get 52 weekends a year and I don’t want to spend one of them on a wedding.
I fucking hate weddings! The ceremonies are always longer than they need to be and the reception always has the worst band/DJ. Then you’re stuck at a table with people you don’t know when there are tables or a table filled with people you don’t know. The bride says “oh I thought it’d be more fun if people met new people.” That’s not fun! We’re all going to drink and then change seats and sit with our friends.
If the bride and groom are the only people I know, forget it! I’ll send you a nice gift but don’t worry about sending me an RSVP card. Save your money.
Everyone should elope.
I definitely would elope if time comes, just hoping my partner would agree lol
I don't like wedding ceremonies and stuff, even more so in my culture. I don't want that much unwanted attention and unnecessary things. I'd rather have a party later where I invite everyone telling I eloped and I can withstand that, but not the whole ceremony stuff.
I fucking hate weddings. Idiotic small talk with people you barely know. Dumb awkward party games. Time and money sink.
"We get free food and get to dress up, and see how the event looks!" These people are in it for the gossip and shit talk.
I love weddings! But sadly haven't been to one in about 10 years and I don't know when the next one will be. Everyone I know is already married or too young to be married. I need to make friends with more single people.
I’m curious, if you were forced to go to a wedding and you wanted it to be enjoyable, how would you want it or what would you want to be there to make it better?
They're divisive (as you can see from this thread); one group think they're pretty tedious, boring affairs that go on too long, cost to much and aren't enjoyable - and another group that simply loves them and is excited by them.
The problem as I see it is there's only one sort of wedding that's common; ones that cater to the latter and not the former.
The best wedding I went to was essentially a dinner party of about 12 people around the same table.
I'm 32 and have been to a bunch of weddings and have increasingly hated having to attend the more I go to. At first they were more fun but it's the same cliche things over and over, some of which I can't believe are still a thing like the garter belt toss for instance. The food is mass produced and typically not great but you're there for such a long part of the day you'll be starving if you don't eat it anyways. There's usually a lot of waiting around and awkward small talk. You also have to get dressed up which is sort of a dumb concept to me. I know I'm an outlier on it but as a male I don't really see why I need to dress like it's the 1800s to convey that something is important. It kind of feels like we just put on this fake veneer of our real selves for these made up events. I am married myself and I do really enjoy my marriage and think it's an absolutely wonderful thing for anyone to have the privilege to enjoy, but the modern celebration of it just seems really commericalized and forced to me. It's like people just assume they have to hold this outrageous event with features and of a magnitude they would never do otherwise just because it's what everyone else does. And to make it worse many young couples put the massive expense of it on a credit card and start their new lives together off in a ton of debt. Even in cases where they can afford it or it's paid for by their parents it still seems like such a waste of money to me. They'd be so much better off putting that money towards just about anything else than a one night fairytale.
So yeah I tend to cringe whenever the invitations come in the mail. (Another antiquated and expensive wedding trend)
And I'd also add to the people who say you don't have to go that almost never goes over well. I've not gone to a couple weddings for legit reasons and people hold grudges for a long time over it. And I've been at weddings where anyone's absence is very much noticed and becomes the subject of thorny gossip. Everyone is obviously free to do what they want and I'm sure some people really don't care whether everyone attends or not but for the most part if you're invited there's a strong expectation that you go. And if you're asked to be part of the bridal party all of the expectations for that day and beyond are 10x for men and 100x for women. (I don't know how women do it)
I will say with all of that said, there are still fun parts to every wedding especially once the actual party begins. But I definitely don't think the pros outweigh the cons especially for the cost and especially at the expense of your entire Saturday (at minimum if you're lucky).
Nope! I absolutely love weddings even if I barely know the other guests - it’s so fun! A reason to dress up, wear extra makeup - I love seeing how the couple did the decor etc I never turn down an invite unless I absolutely have to
Lol nope but my boyfriend also loves wedding! He gets to see me dolled up, party, eat a bunch of food and talk to random strangers! He always leaves with new friends lol one wedding they had a second meal of McDonald - he was really in heaven that night!
Some of my longest friendships didn’t come to my wedding. You don’t have to go if you hate them. I would prefer that you don’t. I only want people at mine who wanted to have a good time, not sour people who might bring the mood down.
Lie if you have to about the reason but don’t go and ruin someone else’s day.
You're conflating being miserable and showcasing that I'm miserable. I didn't say I'd attend and mope the whole time. I'm talking about my inner feelings.
Yup, weddings, baby showers. Hen nights are usually pretty good, but most weddings are so damn boring unless I really care about the couple I usually send a gift and stay away. Baby showers are the worst. Stupid games and baby/kid talk. I have neither, and I would rather be locked in a closet than attend a baby shower.
I have a kid, and I hate baby showers. I can talk kids with the best of them, but playing stupid games and watching someone open presents... ugh! Come on fever!
Generally speaking yes I hate going to weddings. I've been to one that was on top of a mountain that was really intimate and super fun. Other than that, they're just meh. I didn't even want my own wedding but my hubby didn't want to elope.
What would make weddings more fun for you? I saw a couple comments about alternative/themed weddings that sound fun, so now I'm genuinely curious because I don't want my future wedding to suck!
as someone who doesn’t love weddings, i think the best way to make it fun is to have a smaller wedding of people you truly know and love. adding every random cousin and coworker to the guest list just adds stress to the newlyweds and the guests in my opinion. it feels more like a church service or an award ceremony than a party.
secondly, please do something to eliminate the waiting time that guests experience in traditional weddings. waiting for the ceremony to start, waiting for the ceremony to be over, waiting for the pictures to be taken, waiting for the food to be ready, waiting for the speeches, etc. it kills the energy and vibe when the whole wedding lasts hours and half the time is spent waiting for the next thing.
and lastly have snacks and drinks readily available starting when guests walk through the door! no one more grumpy than hungry people!
Yeah. I'm not a fan of weddings either. They all just seem like a ritual to where the couple commits themselves to be stuck with each other for life. (Until they go through a pain in the ass divorce)
But yeah, I go just to see family, friends, and the party after the ceremony. It's the ceremony part I'm not a fan of.
I hate destination weddings (if you like them thats great!) But I don't like them bc you are forced on a vacation to a place you may not want to go and stuck being around the people they invited and the one i went too i got pretty tired of a bunch of them quickly and the groom who i was friends with was busy with entertaining family, dealing with wedding stuff etc. So the person i came for i harsly saw out of the week there. It wasn't awful or anything overall but when i drop 2k+ for a vacation I don't ever plan on spending it with people i don't care for or don't know. The only people I would do this for are my brother's but they are not well off enough to afford it so I am not worried about it lol
I don’t despise them but also don’t particularly like them. They usually feel very stuffy and formal, like you can’t just be yourself and relax. The ceremony and photo sessions can be really long and boring. It’s also an odd group of people being that it includes friends, family, children, and likely a lot of people that you don’t know or have anything in common with. And I’ve always just found it really awkward to be a part of the best day of the newlyweds’ life when you are only a casual friend or distant family member. I’m sure that a small/intimate wedding would be much more enjoyable but i’ve personally never been to one smaller than like 100 people.
Can't eat too much, you'll bulge out of your outfit. Can't drink too much, might embarrass yourself. Can't be but so comfortable, you're wearing formal clothes. Can't just stay to yourself, you seem like a buzz kill. Buy the clothes, pay to stay somewhere (the wedding i'm going to is out of state), remember to pack everything you need, money on the gift, take off work. Its all just stress, stress, stress. The things we do for those we care about.
I hate weddings. It’s probably because I generally have to go alone and I don’t dance unless I’m drunk at a club/bar. Like too drunk for a normal wedding. Lol
I stress getting the right gift for the right amount of money and the right dress and all that. But I do like the party.
As long as it's from a friend and I know enough people there or bring someone and it's not a wedding with my parents where I don't know anyone or just family who I am not that close to.
Yeah, I am a wedding Grinch for sure. I'm happy for the couple but really dislike being herded around, having to buy/rent expensive clothing, being pressured to dance and stuff, etc. To anyone saying you can just not go - once you go to ONE wedding you lose that option in your social group. If you choose not to go to another, the couple think "Oh but you went to \_\_\_\_'s you must not value our friendship". It'd be like if I expected friends and family to drop $300 on a Warhammer army to celebrate something important with me and got mad if they weren't having fun doing the thing I insisted we do lol. The one wedding I did enjoy was really sweet, just about the couple, took place in a backyard, and had no dress code. People were comfortable and happy and the whole thing felt a lot more genuine than usual.
I also do not enjoy weddings. I’m not a good dancer (I feel quite awkward attempting to dance), I don’t drink alcohol and I’m not the biggest fan of being social for extended periods of time.
I would love to deny invites to weddings, but seeing as I am married and my partner has a large family and large group of friends - I’m obligated to attend.
Based on my outward appearance, I’m having a wonderful time. In my own head, I’m already at home tucked into bed and secretly counting down every second until we leave.
Absolutely! Just feels more like an obligation and compromising due to it being my husbands family/friends and wanting to keep peace.
It’s such a short amount of my time (in the grand scheme of things), that I suck it up and attend.
Personally love them but one of my closest friends detests it. He politely came to our after party but we were understanding that he bowed out of the ceremony. It's not for everyone!
No, but I do hate sitting through overly religious ceremonies. They're too long, impersonal, and really squash the love right out of the whole thing.
I love the short and sweet ceremonies my friends and family have done that focus on the love of the bride and groom and their shared life together.
Nobody but your grandma wants to hear 6 prayers and 4 passages in a row read by some pastor we've never met while the bride and groom don't say a peep for 35 minutes.
I have said no to weddings where I would have to go stag or where I hadn’t seen the person in a number of years and wasn’t anything more than a casual friend. Otherwise, I love weddings. Free food and drinks and an excuse to put on some nice clothes.
Weddings are super fun! I can tell you, after having recently gotten married myself, I have more fun at other people's weddings because I don't have to do a single damn thing. I just attend, chill, and have fun. Having a wedding of your own is so stressful
No way, weddings are so fun! I have an excuse to dress up, dance, catch up with people I love, and celebrate the legal union of other people I love?? And possibly make out with someone in that way you can *only* really make out with someone after a wedding because of the love magic? Yes please.
Weddings and any kind of shower, graduations, pampered chef, LuLaRoe…NO THANK YOU. I’m an introvert and would much rather give them my money and stay home. Small talk, especially when I have to SHOUT and struggle to hear who I’m talking with, is agonizing and exhausting. I love having my immediate family over for cookouts and bday parties but am ready for them to leave after a few hours. No all day shingdings for me.
Destination wedding invites go straight into the trash. No I am not going to spend $2000 to watch the two of you say "I love you" to each other. We can hang our then you get back.
I think those weddings are a nice way to say "we don't want you at our wedding but we also don't want you to feel we didn't invite you" lol
I mean, that's a good way to only invite people who truly care enough to come with hehe
But yeah it could be exhausting.
Ahh i see. Yeah i guess, idk. I honestly would elope if i ever marry, without even family imo because they’d be the one who’d tell me to invite and shit because of “society” lmao
Haha you basically kinda described why people like to spend so much money on that! To feel important for that one special day. I don’t mind though, if people want that attention and there are others who are giving it to them, good for them.
But it isn’t for me. I need attention sometimes, sure, but not that kind of attention haha
I already cringe at others wedding, idk how much i would cringe if i have to go that route for my own wedding lol
Nope. My childhood was spent decorating weddings. My mother was abusive toward me, using her business to control me. Then, she'd buddy buddy with the bride and so we'd be forced to attend sometimes. So I'd be surrounded by strangers in a boring event having my mother bark orders at me to do things because since she's now friends with the bride, it meant everything was free (oh, I'm sorry, we got to eat at the wedding. My bad, mom).
The only wedding I look forward to is my own, and it is for only two reasons. Seeing the one I love in her dress, and saying that "I do" that seals that final promise that I hope we will never break.
My finance and I are eloping. We don’t drink and I’m so fucking tired of being around drunk people at weddings. Shut up, you’re not funny, and sadly people just talk shit about how you. It’s all, “so and so got so sloppy last night”, and “oh, remember at blah blah’s wedding?”.
I’ve hardly been to any because I don’t have many friends. Fine by me. I don’t hate them, they can be quite fun as long as there’s good food and dancing. Alcohol helps, lol.
I don't like seeing everyone enjoying themselves. It's like they're rubbing it in. Events with 'normies' are always sobering, makes me feel detached from humanity. Like they have all this going on, and I'm on the outside of it all.
I am genuinely thrilled for people who are getting married. The problem is with the wedding money complex. There are 3 major problems with traditional weddings in the US:
1. They are incredibly excessive and wasteful. I realize I am in the NY area so this may not be true or everyone but here they are out of control. A cocktail hour used to be some small hits d’oeuvres. The wedding I just went to has a cocktail hour with a sushi bar, Italian station, Mexican station and sliders. Then we had to sit down for 3 hours for dinner. The dinner was expensive and delicious and not one person at my table had more than a few bites. What is the point? The waiter told me all the food gets thrown out. Same with the flowers. Each table setting had a garden of flowers in giant vases that no one can carry. It’s gross. And lots of time it’s more than anyone should ever spend for one night.
2. The receptions all follow the same script and so they are boring and repetitive. Couples gets introduced and comes out making the raise the roof gesture. Then first dance, some contemporary song, the courses, after the dinner band starts playing the. Motown hits. Meanwhile if you are a person who really does like talking to new people or catching up it’s impossible because the band is so friggin loud.
3. Weddings are a big commitment of money, time and energy. But unlike other things -like let’s say a ski weekend—it’s assumed that everyone enjoys this and so you cannot choose not to go. Even if you just did the exact same thing the month before.
Just have a beautiful wedding in a park with fresh food and let people dance, talk, rest, whatever. Or on a beach. Or have a small dinner party. This wedding ritual thing is an industry and it’s boring
The problem is that obviously not every wedding you go to is going to be with close friends. Half the weddings I get invitations to are semi-distant family or people my wife knows. Going to a big social event where everyone seems to know each other except for you, yeah, uh that sucks fucking ass.
Doesn’t matter whether or not I go, the prompt of this post was “DAE despise going to weddings” and I’m just explaining why sometimes that indeed is the case..
Traditional weddings in themselves don't excite me. Picking out the right gift, getting dressed up, eating the same shite food, cheesy dancing, cash bar, milquetoast pinterest/etsy flair, sitting at the rifraf table (somebody's college roommate, brides single uncle, grooms friend from work). etc gets old fast. If it's not for somebody I really care about, it's hard to enjoy. That being said, I've been to some kickass weddings recently. One of my friends had a wedding at a pub venue. The alt rock band he's in supplied the music, there was unlimited brews on tap, and of course pub trivia. We did an escape room for the stag party. So really, weddings can be alright. They just often aren't
Hell no I love weddings. My wife and I have the best time. Decent to great food, free drinks, free party, dressing up, somtimes with friends or family in beautiful settings. Seeing people on one of their happiest days. Seeing all of their crazy family/good people watching.
I agree with what you said but it isn’t really free. I gift close (best) friends 200+ dollars and less close friends 100 or 150 depending on relationship
This is the correct attitude to have. God, people act like being invited to a party to celebrate love and happy times is the equivalent of getting several teeth pulled with no anesthesia.
So we should all like the same things?
Where did I indicate that? Just saying, it’s weird to moan and groan about something that is A. optional to attend and B. literally just a type of party/gathering.
You indicated that by what you said. Then you doubled-down.
Same! I absolutely love weddings. When love is in the air and your parting with friends, it’s just so much fun
I'm 35M. So far, I've attend three. My brother's, my sister's and a friend's. It was cool to celebrate the special day of someone I care about. But if the bridge or groom made it miserable or awkward then that would be different. But I've never experienced that. I really do wonder what it's like to love someone so much you know that you want to spend the rest of your life with that person. And to know that they feel the same way.
Right?! I love weddings! They're always so fun. I've been in the bridal party, invited directly, plus one for a friend, always having a great time. I'm the go-to plus one for my friends, and I've been told it's because I'm fun at weddings. Not to brag, I just love attending weddings!
Yup, I've only been to 3 weddings as an adult, the first was with an ex in the beginning of the relationship so I didn't know anyone and it was okay. Didn't dislike it. But the last 2 I've been to with people I actually know and like were a blast. I loved being able to dress up around my friends who don't get to see me dress up often, and I get to have tons of drinks and great food while hanging out with great people. I have another wedding next year that I'm looking forward to.
it's baby showers for me. Gack!
Yup. Especially when they play games with diapers (real or not) and have everyone drinking out of baby bottles. Eww...
WTH people really do that?
Yes those I dislike.
I’m pretty confident that I will never be available for another baby shower unless it is my future daughter in law. My sister is done, my SIL has no children, my friends are older than me. I send gifts via Amazon with minimal thought to cousins. Thank god.
Same!
[удалено]
Often not without DEEPLY insulting the person.
They’ll get over it
when you're putting on a party for hundreds of people, you'll barely even notice one of them not coming
Depends how close you are to the bride or groom.
Or whether you ARE the bride or the groom.
if your close friend or cousin declines, you def will notice. if your aunt’s 2nd husband’s son declines, sure you won’t notice.
Just tell them you're too drunk to attend their wedding next month. No doubt they'll understand
Unless you're immediate family of the person getting married, not really. Unless the couple in general is wildly oversensitive, anyway.
I would not be offended if someone like OP didn’t want to come. You know not everyone says yes (something like 30% will say no). If I knew someone hated weddings I might only invite them so they don’t feel bad not being invited but please just say no. It would piss me off if someone grumpy showed up and brought the whole atmosphere down with them.
Don't worry, I won't dare display the grumpy. I keep in inside. But they'll get their support, and their gift. I didn't say I'd go in there and burn the place down. I'm talking about inner feelings. And I wish to God they didn't invite me. I originally planned on not RSVPing on time "accidentally". That plan worked until the bride contacted me inquiring about my attendance for a head count. At that point I knew this was another emotional obligation that I must pay for and suffer through on behalf of someone else's feelings. Life's like that sometimes. Doesn't make it enjoyable.
Oh no! Anyway
Doesn't help the fact that it still hurts. Sure, you can easily choose not to go when it is of someone you don't care about, but if it is of your friend who you've been with for so long and used to hang out everyday, it becomes harder to say no. Especially, if you're not feeling good mentally around that time, it makes you feel like you're making it about yourself by not going. Even an excuse of "i had a very important meeting" or something doesn't help the fact that you'll feel bad about it. Fortunately my friend understood and didn't mind. We still hang out and stuff, though less than before.
Emotional obligations. Just like holidays with the family.
Wait, I think you meant to reply the guy above me because the reply doesn’t make sense to me
No, it was to you. To me, it pertains. Its an emotional obligation. Much like holiday gatherings with family. Unless you don't go. But you will tarnish the relationship by opting out.
Yeah true. But it makes sense kinda, you basically spent so much time with them and suddenly ditching the moment that means the most to them? Almost feels like you’re being selfish. But you’re not, you know that deep inside you still do care about your friend. I was very lucky my friend understood. Even though things aren’t going to be the same because he’s married now and won’t have much time for me, but we still hang out from time to time like we used to before. And i think that’s what should remain
Not really.. If I didn't like the person. I'd just say no. I figure it's a free meal and a piece of cake. >\_o
The cake is my favorite part.
I dislike weddings. Not passionately, but they are an annoyance and they are boring. Now that I don’t drink anymore they are probably even more boring. Luckily I haven’t attended a wedding since I quit alcohol. The only redeeming thing is food. Assuming there is good food. And even then, once the food part is over, all I want is to leave.
Oh, if I was still sober, this wedding would be an absolute no-go.
Only thing worse than having to go to a wedding - a DESTINATION wedding. Will not do.
Never. Absolutely never.
You are not alone. I also hate weddings. What an expensive time-suck. It makes much more sense to get married at a courthouse with a couple of witnesses, then go on an amazing honeymoon or spend the money on a down payment for a house, or just invest the money. Weddings are not something to invest in; marriages are.
Bingo. If somebody wants to go all out on their wedding, that’s great, have fun. But for my wife and I, it just made more sense to do a small, private courthouse thing, then take our witnesses (our 2 best friends, our adult daughters and my wife’s brother/SIL) out to a really nice lunch, before we went off to DC (we live just outside the city) for 3 days for room service, shopping, eating and exploring. We put a few thousand dollars into house projects (our daughters had recently moved out, so we turned their old rooms into an office and a guest room, then updated the guest bathroom), then on our first anniversary we went to London for 9 days. It was *awesome* and we don’t regret for a minute not going into debt for a big party. It’s been a little over a year and some family members are still just finding out lol. We didn’t feel the need to make it a big deal or even announce it, because we were worried it would come off as a gift-grab, seeing as how we weren’t doing a traditional wedding/reception. Honestly, half our family members thought we already were married, seeing as how we’ve been together 18+ years! It’s actually been kind of fun, when we run into people we hadn’t seen for a few years. They ask us what’s new, we give a brief update: kids moved out, doing well, wife got a promotion, my health is back on track, then casually drop in “Oh, yeah, and we got married.” Reactions have been priceless.
I love that, and really, it’s so smart to use your money for things that really make a difference in your lives.
Me 😆
I hate attending weddings, too. I admit I’m petty. I had married at 18 and because my friends were young and clueless, I received zero gifts despite my spending as much as I could afford to give them a fun time. No one thought to throw a shower or bachelorette party. Years later, as these friends got married, I gave monetary and other gifts, as is customary. I resented spending hundreds on each couple when I received nothing. I told you I’m petty.
It depends on whose wedding and who I'm with. Family member weddings are boring. The ones of friends are okay if there are cool people to joke with. Then the reception is a party with food and dancing.
So don’t go?
Yes! Wedding are so inconvenient for people. I don’t care that you’re getting married, do your thing, congrats but I only get 52 weekends a year and I don’t want to spend one of them on a wedding.
Preach!
a lot of them are really fun. but i've also never been to one that did the 'full church day' type wedding.
I fucking hate weddings! The ceremonies are always longer than they need to be and the reception always has the worst band/DJ. Then you’re stuck at a table with people you don’t know when there are tables or a table filled with people you don’t know. The bride says “oh I thought it’d be more fun if people met new people.” That’s not fun! We’re all going to drink and then change seats and sit with our friends. If the bride and groom are the only people I know, forget it! I’ll send you a nice gift but don’t worry about sending me an RSVP card. Save your money. Everyone should elope.
I definitely would elope if time comes, just hoping my partner would agree lol I don't like wedding ceremonies and stuff, even more so in my culture. I don't want that much unwanted attention and unnecessary things. I'd rather have a party later where I invite everyone telling I eloped and I can withstand that, but not the whole ceremony stuff.
Weddings sure can be rough if you go solo and only know the bride & groom
Exactly.
Hate em. Zzzzzzzzzzz
I fucking hate weddings. Idiotic small talk with people you barely know. Dumb awkward party games. Time and money sink. "We get free food and get to dress up, and see how the event looks!" These people are in it for the gossip and shit talk.
I think it’s nice that people think of me to attend. But I don’t wanna go lol. I’ll send you a card with money to NOT invite me to your wedding.
That's what they're after anyway - the gifts.
I love weddings! But sadly haven't been to one in about 10 years and I don't know when the next one will be. Everyone I know is already married or too young to be married. I need to make friends with more single people.
I’m curious, if you were forced to go to a wedding and you wanted it to be enjoyable, how would you want it or what would you want to be there to make it better?
A zoom wedding. Where I can just tune in online. Sitting at home, wearing my pajamas, being a fatass.
They're divisive (as you can see from this thread); one group think they're pretty tedious, boring affairs that go on too long, cost to much and aren't enjoyable - and another group that simply loves them and is excited by them. The problem as I see it is there's only one sort of wedding that's common; ones that cater to the latter and not the former. The best wedding I went to was essentially a dinner party of about 12 people around the same table.
Weddings, baby showers, birthdays....okay maybe I just despise attending events.
I'm with you. Everyone just loves to have the spotlight. And gifts.
I recently missed one of my close friends' wedding. It's that bad
HATE! I do not dance or drink.
I'm 32 and have been to a bunch of weddings and have increasingly hated having to attend the more I go to. At first they were more fun but it's the same cliche things over and over, some of which I can't believe are still a thing like the garter belt toss for instance. The food is mass produced and typically not great but you're there for such a long part of the day you'll be starving if you don't eat it anyways. There's usually a lot of waiting around and awkward small talk. You also have to get dressed up which is sort of a dumb concept to me. I know I'm an outlier on it but as a male I don't really see why I need to dress like it's the 1800s to convey that something is important. It kind of feels like we just put on this fake veneer of our real selves for these made up events. I am married myself and I do really enjoy my marriage and think it's an absolutely wonderful thing for anyone to have the privilege to enjoy, but the modern celebration of it just seems really commericalized and forced to me. It's like people just assume they have to hold this outrageous event with features and of a magnitude they would never do otherwise just because it's what everyone else does. And to make it worse many young couples put the massive expense of it on a credit card and start their new lives together off in a ton of debt. Even in cases where they can afford it or it's paid for by their parents it still seems like such a waste of money to me. They'd be so much better off putting that money towards just about anything else than a one night fairytale. So yeah I tend to cringe whenever the invitations come in the mail. (Another antiquated and expensive wedding trend) And I'd also add to the people who say you don't have to go that almost never goes over well. I've not gone to a couple weddings for legit reasons and people hold grudges for a long time over it. And I've been at weddings where anyone's absence is very much noticed and becomes the subject of thorny gossip. Everyone is obviously free to do what they want and I'm sure some people really don't care whether everyone attends or not but for the most part if you're invited there's a strong expectation that you go. And if you're asked to be part of the bridal party all of the expectations for that day and beyond are 10x for men and 100x for women. (I don't know how women do it) I will say with all of that said, there are still fun parts to every wedding especially once the actual party begins. But I definitely don't think the pros outweigh the cons especially for the cost and especially at the expense of your entire Saturday (at minimum if you're lucky).
Amen!
I don’t despise them but I for sure feel like they are such a waste of money that I struggle to enjoy them.
Nope! I absolutely love weddings even if I barely know the other guests - it’s so fun! A reason to dress up, wear extra makeup - I love seeing how the couple did the decor etc I never turn down an invite unless I absolutely have to
You're not a guy, are you.
Lol nope but my boyfriend also loves wedding! He gets to see me dolled up, party, eat a bunch of food and talk to random strangers! He always leaves with new friends lol one wedding they had a second meal of McDonald - he was really in heaven that night!
LOL! You're funny.
There is zero reason to dress up, especially to attend some cheeseball event riddled with cringey moments.
No, I love them
Some of my longest friendships didn’t come to my wedding. You don’t have to go if you hate them. I would prefer that you don’t. I only want people at mine who wanted to have a good time, not sour people who might bring the mood down. Lie if you have to about the reason but don’t go and ruin someone else’s day.
You're conflating being miserable and showcasing that I'm miserable. I didn't say I'd attend and mope the whole time. I'm talking about my inner feelings.
The worst thing you can do to a friend or loved one is invite them to a wedding.
I couldn't agree more.
Yup, weddings, baby showers. Hen nights are usually pretty good, but most weddings are so damn boring unless I really care about the couple I usually send a gift and stay away. Baby showers are the worst. Stupid games and baby/kid talk. I have neither, and I would rather be locked in a closet than attend a baby shower.
I have a kid, and I hate baby showers. I can talk kids with the best of them, but playing stupid games and watching someone open presents... ugh! Come on fever!
All they care about is the gift anyway.
Wouldn't know. Never been invited to one, even though I've been the groom at two weddings.
Yes. I'm trying to improve my attitude though. They are supposed to be celebratory after all.
I used to enjoy them but I just find them all the same. I almost find them boring.
Seven weddings. Six funerals. 1 christening. No more. The next I attend will be my own.
Generally speaking yes I hate going to weddings. I've been to one that was on top of a mountain that was really intimate and super fun. Other than that, they're just meh. I didn't even want my own wedding but my hubby didn't want to elope.
What would make weddings more fun for you? I saw a couple comments about alternative/themed weddings that sound fun, so now I'm genuinely curious because I don't want my future wedding to suck!
Ideal wedding to attend for me would be a zoom wedding where I could just tune in from home.
as someone who doesn’t love weddings, i think the best way to make it fun is to have a smaller wedding of people you truly know and love. adding every random cousin and coworker to the guest list just adds stress to the newlyweds and the guests in my opinion. it feels more like a church service or an award ceremony than a party. secondly, please do something to eliminate the waiting time that guests experience in traditional weddings. waiting for the ceremony to start, waiting for the ceremony to be over, waiting for the pictures to be taken, waiting for the food to be ready, waiting for the speeches, etc. it kills the energy and vibe when the whole wedding lasts hours and half the time is spent waiting for the next thing. and lastly have snacks and drinks readily available starting when guests walk through the door! no one more grumpy than hungry people!
I’ve NEVER been to a wedding with an open bar, they’re incredibly rare in the UK. If that was a thing here I’d like them a lot more.
Yeah. I'm not a fan of weddings either. They all just seem like a ritual to where the couple commits themselves to be stuck with each other for life. (Until they go through a pain in the ass divorce) But yeah, I go just to see family, friends, and the party after the ceremony. It's the ceremony part I'm not a fan of.
I hate destination weddings (if you like them thats great!) But I don't like them bc you are forced on a vacation to a place you may not want to go and stuck being around the people they invited and the one i went too i got pretty tired of a bunch of them quickly and the groom who i was friends with was busy with entertaining family, dealing with wedding stuff etc. So the person i came for i harsly saw out of the week there. It wasn't awful or anything overall but when i drop 2k+ for a vacation I don't ever plan on spending it with people i don't care for or don't know. The only people I would do this for are my brother's but they are not well off enough to afford it so I am not worried about it lol
I don’t despise them but also don’t particularly like them. They usually feel very stuffy and formal, like you can’t just be yourself and relax. The ceremony and photo sessions can be really long and boring. It’s also an odd group of people being that it includes friends, family, children, and likely a lot of people that you don’t know or have anything in common with. And I’ve always just found it really awkward to be a part of the best day of the newlyweds’ life when you are only a casual friend or distant family member. I’m sure that a small/intimate wedding would be much more enjoyable but i’ve personally never been to one smaller than like 100 people.
Can't eat too much, you'll bulge out of your outfit. Can't drink too much, might embarrass yourself. Can't be but so comfortable, you're wearing formal clothes. Can't just stay to yourself, you seem like a buzz kill. Buy the clothes, pay to stay somewhere (the wedding i'm going to is out of state), remember to pack everything you need, money on the gift, take off work. Its all just stress, stress, stress. The things we do for those we care about.
They’re fun as long as you’re not in the wedding lol.
I hate weddings. It’s probably because I generally have to go alone and I don’t dance unless I’m drunk at a club/bar. Like too drunk for a normal wedding. Lol
Loveeee weddings!! Arab ones that is
Love weddings!
I stress getting the right gift for the right amount of money and the right dress and all that. But I do like the party. As long as it's from a friend and I know enough people there or bring someone and it's not a wedding with my parents where I don't know anyone or just family who I am not that close to.
Yeah, I am a wedding Grinch for sure. I'm happy for the couple but really dislike being herded around, having to buy/rent expensive clothing, being pressured to dance and stuff, etc. To anyone saying you can just not go - once you go to ONE wedding you lose that option in your social group. If you choose not to go to another, the couple think "Oh but you went to \_\_\_\_'s you must not value our friendship". It'd be like if I expected friends and family to drop $300 on a Warhammer army to celebrate something important with me and got mad if they weren't having fun doing the thing I insisted we do lol. The one wedding I did enjoy was really sweet, just about the couple, took place in a backyard, and had no dress code. People were comfortable and happy and the whole thing felt a lot more genuine than usual.
I also do not enjoy weddings. I’m not a good dancer (I feel quite awkward attempting to dance), I don’t drink alcohol and I’m not the biggest fan of being social for extended periods of time. I would love to deny invites to weddings, but seeing as I am married and my partner has a large family and large group of friends - I’m obligated to attend. Based on my outward appearance, I’m having a wonderful time. In my own head, I’m already at home tucked into bed and secretly counting down every second until we leave.
You can for sure say no
Absolutely! Just feels more like an obligation and compromising due to it being my husbands family/friends and wanting to keep peace. It’s such a short amount of my time (in the grand scheme of things), that I suck it up and attend.
Personally love them but one of my closest friends detests it. He politely came to our after party but we were understanding that he bowed out of the ceremony. It's not for everyone!
Yep same here weddings have always sucked I hate going to the church then the reception blah blah blah. Free booze is probs the only upside lol.
Booze and cake - only good parts of a wedding.
The wedding ceremony, yes. They're all boring and corny as hell. But the receptions are some of the best parties I've ever been to.
Free food, chance to see old friends. Nope. But I don’t blame you
Half of the time, I make an excuse not to attend. I do send very nice gifts, though.
That's the only reason they invite people anyway. Gifts and money.
No, but I do hate sitting through overly religious ceremonies. They're too long, impersonal, and really squash the love right out of the whole thing. I love the short and sweet ceremonies my friends and family have done that focus on the love of the bride and groom and their shared life together. Nobody but your grandma wants to hear 6 prayers and 4 passages in a row read by some pastor we've never met while the bride and groom don't say a peep for 35 minutes.
Nope, I love them. Great reason to get dressed up.
Typical weddings? Meh. I had a Halloween wedding, costumes highly encouraged. Favors were a candy bar.
I have said no to weddings where I would have to go stag or where I hadn’t seen the person in a number of years and wasn’t anything more than a casual friend. Otherwise, I love weddings. Free food and drinks and an excuse to put on some nice clothes.
I'm cool with weddings. I have noticed some situations turn up on Reddit that make me think twice about attending them, though.
Weddings are super fun! I can tell you, after having recently gotten married myself, I have more fun at other people's weddings because I don't have to do a single damn thing. I just attend, chill, and have fun. Having a wedding of your own is so stressful
Nope! I love showing up to weddings! 😊
No way, weddings are so fun! I have an excuse to dress up, dance, catch up with people I love, and celebrate the legal union of other people I love?? And possibly make out with someone in that way you can *only* really make out with someone after a wedding because of the love magic? Yes please.
Weddings and any kind of shower, graduations, pampered chef, LuLaRoe…NO THANK YOU. I’m an introvert and would much rather give them my money and stay home. Small talk, especially when I have to SHOUT and struggle to hear who I’m talking with, is agonizing and exhausting. I love having my immediate family over for cookouts and bday parties but am ready for them to leave after a few hours. No all day shingdings for me.
That's the difference I'm picking up on. It comes down to introverts and extroverts.
Me, and on was my own.
Weddings suck!!! Just go to the courthouse, be done in a few minutes, and let’s all get on with our lives.
Yeah haha weddings are super lame if they’re not someone I truly care about.
Destination wedding invites go straight into the trash. No I am not going to spend $2000 to watch the two of you say "I love you" to each other. We can hang our then you get back.
I think those weddings are a nice way to say "we don't want you at our wedding but we also don't want you to feel we didn't invite you" lol I mean, that's a good way to only invite people who truly care enough to come with hehe But yeah it could be exhausting.
They want the gifts.
This is the true answer.
Who, the people who does destination weddings? I’m confused
Right. You send them money/gifts even though you don't attend. What's confusing?
Ahh i see. Yeah i guess, idk. I honestly would elope if i ever marry, without even family imo because they’d be the one who’d tell me to invite and shit because of “society” lmao
Same! I don't do anything that entails being fussy, dramatic, having spotlight, putting people through hassle - all for me? How self absorbed.
Haha you basically kinda described why people like to spend so much money on that! To feel important for that one special day. I don’t mind though, if people want that attention and there are others who are giving it to them, good for them. But it isn’t for me. I need attention sometimes, sure, but not that kind of attention haha I already cringe at others wedding, idk how much i would cringe if i have to go that route for my own wedding lol
Nope. My childhood was spent decorating weddings. My mother was abusive toward me, using her business to control me. Then, she'd buddy buddy with the bride and so we'd be forced to attend sometimes. So I'd be surrounded by strangers in a boring event having my mother bark orders at me to do things because since she's now friends with the bride, it meant everything was free (oh, I'm sorry, we got to eat at the wedding. My bad, mom). The only wedding I look forward to is my own, and it is for only two reasons. Seeing the one I love in her dress, and saying that "I do" that seals that final promise that I hope we will never break.
The question was if you despise weddings…
Dude no need to trauma dump
My finance and I are eloping. We don’t drink and I’m so fucking tired of being around drunk people at weddings. Shut up, you’re not funny, and sadly people just talk shit about how you. It’s all, “so and so got so sloppy last night”, and “oh, remember at blah blah’s wedding?”.
Quite a contradictory comment
Yup they’re pretty terrible as a general rule
Yes because… 1. Too many people. 2. It’s depressing because I know I’ll never have/experience that (wedding).
I’ve hardly been to any because I don’t have many friends. Fine by me. I don’t hate them, they can be quite fun as long as there’s good food and dancing. Alcohol helps, lol.
Alcohol is essential.
I don't like seeing everyone enjoying themselves. It's like they're rubbing it in. Events with 'normies' are always sobering, makes me feel detached from humanity. Like they have all this going on, and I'm on the outside of it all.
Love weddings. They’re just expensive for both guests and the bride and groom.
I'm a single dude who just enjoys the hell outta weddings theyre like movies to me lol
I am genuinely thrilled for people who are getting married. The problem is with the wedding money complex. There are 3 major problems with traditional weddings in the US: 1. They are incredibly excessive and wasteful. I realize I am in the NY area so this may not be true or everyone but here they are out of control. A cocktail hour used to be some small hits d’oeuvres. The wedding I just went to has a cocktail hour with a sushi bar, Italian station, Mexican station and sliders. Then we had to sit down for 3 hours for dinner. The dinner was expensive and delicious and not one person at my table had more than a few bites. What is the point? The waiter told me all the food gets thrown out. Same with the flowers. Each table setting had a garden of flowers in giant vases that no one can carry. It’s gross. And lots of time it’s more than anyone should ever spend for one night. 2. The receptions all follow the same script and so they are boring and repetitive. Couples gets introduced and comes out making the raise the roof gesture. Then first dance, some contemporary song, the courses, after the dinner band starts playing the. Motown hits. Meanwhile if you are a person who really does like talking to new people or catching up it’s impossible because the band is so friggin loud. 3. Weddings are a big commitment of money, time and energy. But unlike other things -like let’s say a ski weekend—it’s assumed that everyone enjoys this and so you cannot choose not to go. Even if you just did the exact same thing the month before. Just have a beautiful wedding in a park with fresh food and let people dance, talk, rest, whatever. Or on a beach. Or have a small dinner party. This wedding ritual thing is an industry and it’s boring
I’d rather go to a funeral
Yuuup. Everyone always just ends up upset. Too much fucking drama.
No. Who the fuck hates going to weddings and partying the night away with friends? Must be a miserable fuck to hate weddings
The problem is that obviously not every wedding you go to is going to be with close friends. Half the weddings I get invitations to are semi-distant family or people my wife knows. Going to a big social event where everyone seems to know each other except for you, yeah, uh that sucks fucking ass.
So don't go to those?
Doesn’t matter whether or not I go, the prompt of this post was “DAE despise going to weddings” and I’m just explaining why sometimes that indeed is the case..
You're right. Flushing money down the toilet is so much fun.
Yeah, I’m the miserable one for not wanting to dress up, spend a lot of money, and waste my night being exposed to hours of cringe. 🙄
No? The fuck?
I despise attending anything. Weddings, funerals, birthdays, holiday parties, reunions, etc. I don’t like any of it.