As a mom and teacher, no! I certainly would not judge. I do find some of the younger teachers with no kids make comments but I always tell them routine is important, they are paying for it regardless, it’s none of your business! When I have days off, I still send my kid. Please, utilize the service you are paying for!
I‘m a teacher so still a „few years out“ , but can confirm- colleagues without own children are quick to judge parents , but those who do have them simply roll their eyes when the tirades start up. I was never in the position of having a toddler and newborn at the same time but find the idea nightmarish! Take all the help you can get!
Yes! I'm a Behavior Specialist now, but I worked in education and childcare for 15 years prior. I've never met a daycare teacher who complained about ANYTHING related to parental leave. We all know, whether personally or from our loved ones, that post-partum is TOUGHHHHH. Mom especially, but everyone. Having a baby is a major life which causes natural, temporary imbalances in normalcy. Teachers know that maintaining as much healthy normalcy as possible is ideal & will do their best to support any parent trying!
I’ve had so many parents send their children to school all day while being at home on maternity leave/paternity leave with a new baby and have never thought twice about it. If anything, it makes it easier for us as your child’s teacher to keep their routine as regular and uninterrupted as possible! Because little are so sensitive to change, it’s often harder on everyone to switch up the routine too much/inject new elements (like a new sibling, for example). But even if that weren’t the case, I’ve never even considered judging a parent for needing the time at home with their new baby with as few complications/distractions as possible. We know parental leave is no vacation!
Yes exactly! There was no way to keep his spot if I pulled him out and he’s done soooo well at this daycare, it seemed like it would be best to keep his spot for when I go back to work and still send him! He loves going everyday and I know it’s probably a lot more fun for him there during these days where I’m mostly just feeding and dealing with a fussy newborn all day!
They wouldn't allow you to just pay the fees without him attending? I'm not saying you should've, I'm just wondering if they wouldn't allow it, why they wouldn't?
It does disrupt the class not knowing if a child is going to be attending or not because they are paid to be there. I’m sure you could get special accommodation but why pay for something your child benefits so greatly from and not use it? I’m 100% sending my preschooler to daycare when I have our new baby. She needs the consistency when everything else is crazy
I have done this, I never did end up sending her in. I gave them advance notice as far as I knew she wasn't going in, which was usually two days at a time to a week at a time (Ie, she wont be in this week). I think they were happy enough to have less kids.
Also it gives them a place that didn't change. Daycare is the same, but home now has new schedules, less parental time, different sounds/smells. Keeping them in daycare gave them a strong root system emotionally. And helps you keep up your energy and focus so the time you spend with them is more quality than the frazzled split time you would otherwise be doing thru out the day
He is learning valuable socialisation skills and making friends. That is worth its weight in gold and you are absolutely doing the right thing. Anyone judging you can jog on. Congratulations on your new arrival! x
I have two kids. I understand why you're doing what you're doing 100%. I don't judge. In fact we tend to suggest changes in schedule or enrollment before baby arrives so the older child has the smallest alteration to their schedule possible.
Thank you 🥹 I wish I was the mom who could handle both at home 24/7 but I’m just not. I’m grateful we still have our daycare because I don’t have family here either so it’s so hard some days!
Honey, I get paid to teach other people's 2-6 year olds. I tried the sahm thing too. I was literally so exhausted and over stimulated that I don't remember a lot of things from their infancy. Your infant needs a ton of one on one care, your older child deserves a mom who can engage with them when they get home. If that means daycare, please don't feel guilty about it. Most people now don't have the support needed to be stay at home moms. And it takes a LOT of support.
You know how people say not to get a puppy when you have a newborn? This is exactly why.
Your toddler and your infant have very different needs, and they’re both *a lot.* And you’re still recovering from pregnancy and child birth yourself, while being sleep deprived. It’s a lot to juggle, and by sending your older son to school you’re making sure he is getting his needs met. It’s not just a benefit for you. It’s a benefit for him. Even though things are changing at home, he still has school which is predictable and stable. He’s getting play time with peers, and he’s getting developmentally appropriate activities with him in mind. He’s getting outside time (I assume) and all kinds of things that help him where he’s at.
Even super mom would struggle to make those things happen for him while also caring for a newborn and recovering. Some parents aren’t able to offer their child that. I’ve seen parents lose their spot or lose their nanny bc they simply couldn’t afford to pay to hold the spot. So instead of feeling guilty for continuing to send him, maybe reframe it to gratitude that you’re able to do so and in doing so, provide your son with the stability and consistency that’s best for him. ❤️
I'm also in Canada and am also doing the same thing. I treasure the time that my oldest is in daycare because it gives me some one on one time with my baby. My toddler is so attention seeking and jealous (typical toddler) that my poor, easy-going baby gets kinda neglected on the weekends. Now that he is older I usually keep her home one day a week to go do fun activities (zoo, parks, etc), but it is completely exhausting in an all-encompassing way to have them both home. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have daycare for her.
Don't beat yourself up! Humans were not meant to do *anything* alone but ESPECIALLY parenting. "It takes a village" is not a metaphor. It's literal.
Lev Vygotsky observed and explained the Zone of Proximal Development which discusses how children (but it applies to all ages) can do things on their own, but they can do more with the guidance of someone older/more experienced. All humans, but children especially, are social learners. Immediately from birth, we learn how to interact and survive in our environment through observation and replication of the behaviors around us. This is why it's important for children and teens to have peers of different ages in their microsystem and mesosystem.
Anyway, 1 or 2 adults are not *supposed* to raise children alone. We were not created for such extreme independence from our community.
Please give yourself grace and patience and love 💜
Just some solidarity! I had a 6 month maternity leave with my 2nd, and kept my 4yr old in preschool full time until 5pm.
He also thrives on routine, and there was no way I could give him all the attention and energy he needed, while also tending to a newborn
As a mom and an RECE, I’ve done this once and about to do it again for 18 months 😆 nobody judges a mom for sending their toddler to daycare while taking care of a newborn! The only thing I lowkey judge parents about is when their kid at daycare is sick and still keeps sending them, like come on, I know you’re on mat leave, give your kid some home days to rest 🫤
Well I’m glad I am not alone lol! It’s honestly been a saving grace for me while also looking after a newborn! I’m so thankful 🙏🏻 and yes I totally agree with that too! My son actually wasn’t feeling great yesterday so of course I kept him home! That’s actually the nice part about being on maternity leave when they’re sick, no one’s missing work!
It’s honestly the best part! No guilt trips because I work in a kindergarten room, so I missed sooooo much work while we’re already short staffed because my toddler was sick so often when started daycare. But yeah nobody would judges, if anything they think we’re rich 😆
The only time I've really ever judged/been annoyed with a parent for something like this was actually just recently. The parent brought their child (1) in & mentioned that they thought their child was having a rough day, but really gave no ideas as to why.
After an hour and a half or so of the child screaming on & off & only being consoled for about 5 minutes at a time, we messaged the parent & they offered to come in to see if they could comfort their child & told us that they had the day off work. They also mentioned that their child might be getting some back molars in.
They came in, played with their kid for about 15 minutes & left again, obviously making the child upset again. Then about 45 minutes later had the nerve to ask if their child was doing okay since they had left. The answer was no, not really, but because it was near lunch & nap time they did not come get their poor kiddo.
I have judged some other parents for plenty of other things, but never for taking some time to bond with one of their kids and get used to a new routine!
We had a child who on his last day was clearly out of it but not sick enough to force the parents to come get him. Both parents were home as they were moving and had the day off.
Dad came to drop something off. He saw his son laying on the floor, pale and sniffly. He shrugged, said “see you later” and came at closing.
I get moving is hectic but he should not have been there that day. Like you said, these cases are the only times I judge. Along with the one mom who made a snarky comment to her daughter “I’m sure your teachers wonder why I send you on my day off but I pay too much for you to come here”. Like, lady. None of us cared until you made that dumbass comment.
There are two other times I can think of off the top of my head. The child (also 1) in this family at this time was an only child.
We were trying to figure out scheduling for Black Friday (we were open) since so many families wouldn't be there. We knew these parents had the day off from work because they work at a local company that was closed that day. But they told us they would be bringing their child in for the whole day. And sure enough, their child was dropped off at 6:30am, just like every other day. We're pretty sure they were all out shopping, which I get, but that was obviously a little frustrating.
The same family did the same thing during one of the worst snowstorms of the year. I live just 10 minutes away from the center and it took two hours to shovel my driveway. We weren't allowed to close & luckily someone was able to get to the center at opening time. They said the dad swung into the parking lot like there was no snow on the ground, dropped the child off & left. That child was 1 of maybe 6 at the center the whole day. 🫠
I judged *hard* a family that brought their 5 year old in when a school break had started and all his older siblings and his cousins were at home spending time with the grandparents and he was the only one *not* doing that and he *knew* it. And the parents still picked him up late!!!!
Also I know everyone deserves time to themselves and sometimes you just need a day, but for goodness sake do not drop your kid off (who is there full time, all day every day) and then tell the teachers how you're going to spend the day cuddled up on the couch watching t.v. because they're absolutely going to wonder why you aren't keeping your kid with you.
That is totally fair! I couldn’t imagine coming in and not just bringing them home with me!
Any sickness or off days, he definetly stays home with me! Just yesterday he wasn’t feeling himself so I just kept him home so he could have a day to rest!
I'm going to be real honest here.
Unless you're condescending or a jerk to the staff, we have too much to do and keep track of to spend a lot of time judging the individual parents in our classes.
It's attitude or neglecting to do stuff like bring diapers/clothes in on time that stays on the memory. Even a one-off grumpy can be overcome with an apology and acknowledgement that we are human.
Daycare operates the same way the wider world operates in that most of the time people really aren't looking askance at you, or they've forgotten about whatever it was that you think you did within 10 minutes of you being out of sight.
Maybe inexperienced staff who are still in the When I Am a Parent I Will Execute My Perfectly Prepared Pre-Parenting Style and Plan Unlike These Amateurs phase of their lives, but those aren't the people you should be worried about drawing sideeye from anyway.
There are 3 and only 3 things I will ever judge a parent for doing.
1. Not paying your bill.
2. Loading up your RSV+ child at my place with ibuprofen and dropping her off at 0630 on a Monday without telling me she was sick since Friday night; so when that medicine wears off and she gets sicker than snot I get terrified/pissed/homicidal.
3. Doing the above while your car reeks of weed.
And only one parent ever did those things to me, so I guess I'm not judging anyone now.
The only judgement I ever pass is on parents who send in sick kids AND don’t be honest (I even respect that sometimes there’s stuff you HAVE to do at work and load a kid up with Tylenol. Life is hard) if you tell me “I have a meeting from 8-11 I can get him after that” I will tough it out and have your back as their teacher.
Or if you are a parent who doesn’t respect my opinions at all. We can have differing opinions, but when a parent dismisses my experience or training because of hand waving reasons i get judgey.
But other then that you do you. Enjoy that new baby and your toddler gets to play and learn. Win win.
Honestly for me it depends. We have a child who’s mother is on mat leave and they drop them off as soon as our door open (usually sitting in the parking lot before we open) and picks them up 10 minutes to close (7am-6pm). They cry for their Mom so much throughout the day or just wander around saying that they miss their mom, and then that turns to anger and frustration for the child. Breaks my heart because they are honestly the sweetest and chillest kid.
We only judge in certain situations. Here’s an example or two. We have a 2 year old who just had a new baby sibling a few weeks ago. The mom and dad both get 8 weeks off. They took the kid to get shots then brought him to daycare. He was sick (from the shots) and they had to come get him. Why not just keep him home if both parents are home? Same family. They drop the kid off one day 6am-5pm and post them having a day of fun with the newborn. Bringing him to their cabin and on the boat. I totally get they pay good money but at least keep it off social media. I get it they probably wanted a relaxing day without the toddler but it seems a little sad in my opinion to be showing it off.
Wait, I don’t understand the second instance. Assuming your kid isn’t sick or anything, and assuming you’ve paid significant (non refundable) expense to have them in daycare…you should be…ashamed to use it?
I wouldn’t judge someone for hiring a babysitter for a date night out, and to me it’s not that different.
Is the social media the problem here, and just generally being tacky about it? Or maybe just that it was such a long day? Or that the child is being left out of fun? What am I missing?
Edit: okay, I think I understand now—it’s not inherently wrong to pay for someone to watch your kid to give you a break. But 11 hours is way too much, and there’s a tacky and untacky way to do it.
The social media aspect is tacky, also leaving your child at daycare for 11 hours with both parents home is tacky. If both parents are working sure, but that’s a long time for a small child. Parents do this all the time where they say I’m gonna go do XYZ all day as they have the right too. But it’s strictly my opinion they should keep their personal time personal. Not tell the daycare workers who are taking care of their hellion child, “i’m going to go watch movies all day, bye little Jonny, see you at 5:30.” Just keep it to yourself. Lol
Ok, I think I get that, thanks for clarifying. A babysitter is 3-4 hours tops but 11 hours is a lot.
I don’t do a lot of social media so I’m not sure what the protocol is, but that sounds like a valid opinion.
I'm a mom of a little kid and a teacher and I would never judge someone in your situation. Having a baby is SO hard and dealing with a little kid on top of that would be VERY difficult. I would do the same thing honestly! Your kid is probably having a good time at school with their friends. Get some rest, take care of the baby and try not to worry about it. You got this! 💚
Thank you, this really helps me not be so hard on myself ♥️ He loves going and I assume it’s a lot more fun there than being stuck at home with a fussy newborn all day!
When a parent leaves the kid for 10+ hours and parents are home with or without siblings, it's annoying.. 10 hours is a long day for an adult. 7-8 seems more appropriate unless you have to work a 10 hour day. Also sending sick kids loaded up on Tylenol knowing damn well they are sick and should be home. The meds wear off eventually and they will get sent home and out for at least 24 hours meds free. But I do understand that juggling a newborn is difficult with another small child needing something every 5 minutes
I don’t judge the parents choice but I love the children in my care and sometimes it’s not judgement for the parents choice it’s me worrying for one of my little guys.
If the chid is emotionally struggling themselves or still at childcare for 9 hours a day type thing.
Depends on the kids, honestly. If your older is pretty compliant and generally chill, probably not. If they're a wild, screaming, biting terror, yeah there's probably some judgment that you expect us to spend most of the week with them.
I don't think most people criticize a new mom for wanting bonding time with baby. But sometimes you wonder what the expectation was when they decided to have two under two or two under three. Did they not think that it might be hard having an active toddler at the same time as a newborn? And yet, historically, it's also a completely commonplace thing?
I’ll be completely honest here. When I worked at the daycare, yes. I absolutely judged parents for doing similar things. For sitting in their cars for an hour before picking up their kid, for bringing their kid on their days off and on holidays. Now that I’m a mom… I am so so sorry for judging those parents. I truly didn’t understand it before but now I absolutely get it. You can’t get anything done with babies at home and sometimes you just want a little peace! So I would say if they don’t have kids, they might be judging you, but only because they don’t understand. I think anyone with kids of their own totally understands!
I don’t judge unless the child is sick. Not sick enough to be sent home, but also just clearly not doing well and parents could easily take them home. Same with if we have to send them home for any reason and a parent gives lip. You’re home. This is your child. I don’t feel as bad as I do for a working parent who may have to scramble around.
BUT…these parents are the minority. Most even tell us “hey, I’m home, please let me know if he’s off or having a rough day”.
We have several teacher parents who send their child full weeks in the summer. One, they have stuff to do and it’s nice for them to have a break. Two, it’s good for the child to keep up their routine. I’ve found kids who stay home for the entire summer or mom’s maternity leave really struggle when they return.
At the end of the day, why parents pay for care is not my business. I am here to watch your child, help them grow and make sure they’re safe. Parenting is a tough job. Especially if you have another little one at home! You’re not a bad mom for giving yourself a much needed break.
Honestly, teachers who judge parents for this should reconsider why they do what they do.
Thank you, I really appreciate your perspective on this and it’s so nice to hear ♥️
I completely agree on the sick part. That’s actually the nicest part of being on maternity leave is anytime he’s sick or having an off day, so easy to keep him home with me and no parents are missing work! I’ve also talked to them and said to call anytime if I’m ever needed.
I only judge if kids are there from pretty much open to close when the parents could be with them more. If he’s doing a more standard 9-4 day, that’s perfectly acceptable.
The only time I can’t help but feel a little distasteful about it is when the child left at daycare starts realizing new sibling is getting more attention and time with mom/dad than they are. It hurts them and you can tell which parents realize and try to equalize versus the ones who turn a blind eye. If you’re at least trying to equalize to make your older one feel included, and not leaving them for even longer than previous, I can’t judge nor blame you.
So this is a tricky question to answer b/c it’s so much about life perspective. A lot of daycare workers are quite young & thus, immature in life. When I was younger & didn’t actually understand what it took to parent multiple kids - yes, I would have judged & thought that older sibs would develop jealousy etc. Now that I’ve been working in childcare for over 20yrs & have raised kids of my own? Hell no. You are maintaining your older child’s routine which is hugely important! You are creating space for yourself to parent more effectively despite a lack of sleep etc that comes with a new baby. You are prioritizing your family’s needs. Give yourself the grace! Daycare might judge but chances are they don’t have your perspective! There’s very little point in creating stress/suffering just to appease someone else’s naive opinions.
Not until recently, however one child in my class (3 years old) was having a very hard time after his baby brother was born. To the point where he was crying multiple times a day asking why mommy, daddy, and the baby were home but he was in school. I get that baby’s are hard and would never judge a parent for sending their child to preschool while on maternity and paternity leave, but he was literally the last child to go home everyday. They knew he was struggling (we would let them know and ask to send family photos) but they would still pick him up 5 minutes before closing even though they were both home.
I worked in daycare in my 20s and hell yes we were judging. Now i’m 50 and raised kids and i know better.
so my advice is do not give a single F what anyone thinks about it.
i would only judge in two instances: the first, if your child is sick and you load them up with meds to sneak them in the door knowing that they're ill.
the second, if you bring your kid in at open and pick them up at close every single day while you're at home. that's a really long day for a kiddo. sometimes it's unavoidable, and in my career i had parents who genuinely worked those hours - but there were also tons of parents who just didn't want to be bothered with their own kids.
No, I have two kids that had siblings in the last three weeks. They come every day! I'm happy to have them. I'd miss them terribly if they stayed home! Plus I know its hard having a baby on top of your other kids. I have 3! So please! Send your child to school! Its okay!
I'm going to be honest some probably are but I'm not and the ones who are well a lot of them aren't moms themselves. Use this maternity leave to bond with your second baby like you got to do with your first. Do what is right for your family. Your a fantastic mom don't worry about what anyone that's not in your little family think about it!
We’ve had a lot of parents have second children while their children were in our care, and I can’t think that I’ve considered them being on maternity leave at all. I just kind of think “family just had a new baby” and flag it as a life change that might exhibit in behavior.
I can definitely say that I get frustrated, not judging but frustrated, when kids go on very very long vacation breaks, because it does disrupt their routine and learning and once they return it takes more time for them to re-learn some things. I think that it’s great that you are keeping your first child’s routine consistent. Children thrive on routine. You caring about your kids routine and how disruption of that can affect him as a sign that you give a shit, and I can’t say that we ever judge parents to give a shit. So many parents don’t give a shit, and that’s what we don’t like.
To be 100% honest, yes. I understand not pulling them completely but half days or an extra home day can really be beneficial for a kid. Especially when after lunch/ nap there isn’t much curriculum being done so you’re child isn’t missing out on it. But I’m not you and I don’t know what’s best for you. People are judgemental , or they did it themselves, their own mother did or they have seen other moms doing it. It’s shitty but there’s most likely a thought in most teachers heads like “why is this child not getting bonding time with the new family too? “
I’m only wondering because after having kids I find the newborn stage so important for me to have lots of one on one time with the new baby. I’m about to have my 3rd. I do pretty much all the newborn care, and would rather my husband or nanny do stuff with the older kid(s). Of course I’ll spend one on one time with them, but they want to run around and go places, and not just lay with me and the new baby while I recover, figure out breastfeeding, nap, etc. If parents have to pay for the spot anyway, and the kids enjoy daycare, I don’t see a problem with sending them. Everyone pays for services to outsource something they don’t want to do. Is getting DoorDash morally wrong when I can cook my own food? Is hiring a house cleaner bad when I could technically clean my own house? I feel the same with child care. If I can afford help during a really exhausting time, then I’m
going to use it.
Then accept that you’ll be judged for that. Sounds like no one but you bonds with the babies which isn’t right. I’ve also seen kids tank in school while mom and or dad are home with the baby. I’ve also seen kids flourish when having extra time at home with their family.
My kids aren’t in daycare, one just graduated prek, so not sure who will be judging me. I’ve stayed home with my kids since I had the eldest.
I’m talking about the 4th trimester when the baby breastfeeds every few hours, obviously the rest of the family bonds with them? But if I’m breastfeeding and the baby is contact napping often, it makes sense for me to do that and my husband has the older kids. If you have a baby one day maybe the dynamic will make more sense since you seem confused.
So much for trying to not be snarky. The you described before was that you get the new born solo until not breast fed while husband has the other kids. Making it seems as if you weren’t spending time with the older kids because you sent them off with a nanny or their dad. Pardon me for being confused by your privilege to pay others for childcare with you just not being with them so you could just be with them as infants.
As an educator why are you upset that someone is paying for child care?
And I’m not “just with my kids when they’re infants”. I just got a nanny last year, before that I had my first two kids by myself most of the time due to my husband’s work schedule. We hired a nanny to help, since he travels for work and is self employed so is constantly on call. We have no family around to help. I’m trying to shed light on why a family may choose to outsource childcare. Some people have a “village” of relatives that can help. We don’t have any relatives nearby, and if we did they wouldn’t provide childcare. My mom has no interest, and my in-laws are still working full time. So we hire our “village” and there’s nothing wrong with that.
Because newborns are exhausting and up all night. With the toddler at daycare there’s at least a chance of Mom getting to sleep when baby sleeps (which definitely doesn’t line up with toddler’s naps yet, I promise). Maternity leave is survival mode.
Which is why I suggested part time. Kids shouldn’t be in school for 8+ hours when they really don’t need to be. The kid knows you’re home without them and don’t understand why.
Sleep deprivation night after night isn’t something you can understand until you’ve experienced it. It just isn’t. When you go weeks or months without getting more than 2 hours of sleep in a row, you can understand. Sleep deprivation is literal torture.
My second was born in late 2021 and we pulled our 2 year old out of daycare for the first month due to Covid concerns - still paying to keep her spot of course. But our new baby just…didn’t sleep. He had reflux, he hated his swaddles, he hated his bassinet. I was an absolute mess, combined with postpartum hormones. My 2 year old, having a hard time with the sudden huge life change, also went on a sleep strike. So my husband was up all night with her, I was up all night with the baby, getting maybe 4 nonconsecutive hours a night tops. We had no family help. 2 year old also started fighting naps during the day and was furious at home no longer being the center of attention. After a week, I called the daycare on the verge of tears saying we needed to bring her back ASAP and thankfully if they were judgmental they kept it to themselves, because I was truly not OK. With her at daycare, I could SOMETIMES eke out a respite nap during my newborn’s cat naps, or at least just relax on the couch holding the baby, without a screaming toddler losing her mind. Maternity leave is also a job, my friend. Newborns breastfeed on demand, sometimes HOURLY, there’s diapers, laundry, not to mention all the usual household chores while also taking care of a tiny baby who refuses to be put down. Not to mention pumping, washing bottles, washing pump parts, and if you get lucky like me, trips to urgent care for mastitis!
So judge away, but I am sooooo thankful for daycare during that stage of life. It was a godsend for my family.
I’m just being honest like op asked. Yes teachers judge. Are we always right? Of course not. But it still happens. I’m sorry for your situation and covid obviously made it way more stressful. Again I’m not suggesting to fully pull your child in daycare/preschool either. I’ve had parents that after the first month kept their kid home for two days a week. I’ve had parents not change schedules at all, I’ve seen parents pick up earlier. You have to do what’s best for your family.
I was looking for this answer. I think it’s great to be able to send your toddler to daycare if they enjoy it while being on maternity leave, some toddlers love the structure and friends daycare provides!😊
But I’ve never worked in a center that didn’t have judgmental and gossipy teachers in every room, I’ve heard teachers judge for the most trivial things, and shame and judge eachother to. It’s like the field just attracts those kinds of people the most. I did my best to not get involved, most of the time those kinds of teachers didn’t like me anyways I’m sure, but they talk so loud everyone hears it
For things like being entitled and rude or being oblivious about what’s realistic when it comes to group care, yeah I’ll judge a parent for that. But for keeping a child in a consistent routine when something new has happened in their life, I will not judge for that, and I’ve never seen a coworker do that either.
Wow that sounds like a healthy environment to work in, it must be a very quality center if the teachers are that understanding to not judge parents for things like this. Keeping a consistent routine for a toddler is good anyways, like you said. I wish all centers could have this mentality and not gossip about parents just because they made a choice you don’t like.
Absolutely not! Unless your child is extremely difficult for the teachers or other children. We completely understand and are happy to provide the relief. The job security is nice too.
Ugh I had coworkers complain about this and I’d always shut them down. It’s none of our business when your kid is there and why. You pay for them to be there, we get paid to be there… so it shouldn’t matter ❤️It’s literally what we applied to do.
I recommend parents keep the routine the same and encourage them to keep bringing the older kid. But if you’re home, I do think you should be picking up by 4 or keeping your child’s day to only 8hrs at most. I do have a hard time with families with two parents on parental leave and older kid is at school 8-5:30. It’s too long.
I completely agree! I should have added in my post as I’ve seen a few comments but I do pick him up early! Usually like 3-3:30pm after they’re done their final snack! I find that works perfect for us!
Yeah that’s a great pick up time! You should absolutely not feel guilty. The baby gets really important solo cuddle/bonding time and your older kid gets a world away from baby!
The only reason I pulled my son from care when I had my second was that daycare was over an hour away, so 4 hours a day would of been needed just to drop him off and pick him up. Plus I took a year off of work on maternity leave. Otherwise we would of kept his days.
Absolutely not. You need to do what’s best for your children and family at the end of the day, and our role is to support your needs. If this works for your family, there’s nothing to be ashamed of. If teachers are judging you, they need to re evaluate their role and work within the profession.
The teachers without children might judge, I know I didn't understand before having my own children. But don't worry about it, they just don't understand how difficult parenthood is.
Yes and no. I remember working at a place with a lot of staff kids, and occasionally a staff kid showed up when their parent didn't. People would TALK, even though realistically that's what daycare is for. Everybody needs a break, and it's wonderful that you have one on one time to bond with your newborn. But yes, some people are gonna talk. Hopefully there are more shutting them down
The only thing I have deeply truly judged is a parent picking up a 3.5 year old child on a motorcycle, which was apparently not against California state law at the time (only a handful of years ago). They had a helmet, etc for him but it terrified me!
Most of us are not judging. I almost always recommend keeping your child in care and following their regular routine when possible. Having a new sibling at home is hard, and preschool can add some much needed consistency. It drives me nuts that subsidy gets cut when parents have another child.
I know some educators who do judge, but the ones who do tend to have very strong support systems and familial help. Not everyone has access to extra hands daily.
I *do* judge a little when all of the children in a family are in care, and baby gets picked up a few hours earlier on the regular for some extra one on one time... Or gets to spend the day at home while the other child comes in on their own birthday.... Judgment is mainly because I'm sad for the preschoolers watching it happen.
As a teacher and a mom, absolutely not!! I have one parent of one of my 2’s that is on Maternity leave currently! We encouraged kiddos parents to keep bringing her everyday because it would help her adjust to the big change at home easier by keeping her daily routine the same!! She’s handled it fantastically!
We have a parent who just had a baby too and sends her toddler. I would prefer her coming as she has continued her potty training and in underwear now. She stayed home for a week with him when she first got out and all she wanted was to wear diapers. Plus her dad is in a coma and it's just Mom, new born baby and toddler. I would much rather her come all day so her mom can get any and all needed rest. But it isn't even just her case, I've had this experience multiple times and never once thought of it as weird. It's pretty typical. I would prefer my student to continue to keep their routine so they're not thrusted back into a routine that was taken from them and having to learn it all over again. Low ratios are always great but I love my kiddos and if the parents are gone there's still always a reason to send them, even if it's only a half day to get chores around the house done. The only time I've judged a parent, is one who didn't have a job and would pick up their kids at 6pm and drop them off at 7a when they could easily be picking up by 3-5 but I only judge them because it seems to make the kids so sad, and they were always tired and overstimulated and always the last kids to get picked up at the end of the day. Regardless Parents deserve breaks and if daycare can give that to you, use it!!!
I work at a daycare, am currently on maternity leave, my other child goes 2 days a week, I would send him more if there was staffing. No judgement here, happily ignoring anyone else’s opinion. Do you momma!
I own an in home program and the only time I judge is when the parents have their child with me from sun up to sundown and go online and pretend they are so exhausted from being a full time parent and doing everything without any help. That irks me. Maam, your child is with me almost sixty hours a week, your child is with me more waking hours than with you…and you’re exhausted? Also, those are the parents who never appreciate what I do and are the first to complain and will rip their children out when I enforce my boundaries and then find out the grass is not greener and want their child to come back to me. I have a long waitlist and when I have had to tell parents their child’s spot has already been filled I’ve had some say “so you really never loved my child at all. It was all about money to you wasn’t it?” And those are the parents my colleagues and I are judging. Children thrive on routine and consistency. When a child goes on vacation, I dread their first week back with me because it’s going to be an uphill battle. I would never ever judge your situation and be thankful you are considerate of your child’s needs and recognize how important his routine and schedule is. But also, especially on a Friday, if you can pick up an hour or two early, you’re going to be the MVP 💙
I feel like alot of the people I work with definitely understand your position and wouldn't blame you or judge you at all for sending your other child to daycare while you're on maternity leave. Alot of moms do that. My sister included, who just had her 3rd! Even if someone does judge you for it, as long as you and your family knows you're a good mom, and that you love your kids and are doing what is best for you and them, then that's all that matters! Don't sweat what anyone else thinks!
Girl no!! You are paying for daycare with hard earned money from your job and you get maternity pay. Adjusting to another baby is tough and this arrangement saved me. I was able to bond with the baby, while the older child could have a semblance of normalcy during the day. Embrace the beauty of that!!
If your child is generally well behaved I assure you the teachers don’t think abt it.
However if your child is one of those that has a lot of behaviors, they absolutely are wishing you’d come get him 😭
Had this same situation at a previous center of mine. The student was a tough one, and mom was home, every day the teachers would go to the break room to vent
Routine is SO important, every time my students come back from a vacation or holiday break they’re so out of whack and it takes a bit for them to get back in the swing of things and remember that school has a different schedule and set of rules than home.
Especially considering you have a baby at home your home routine is a bit out of sorts for the time being and you wouldn’t be able to give as much attention to your older child right now. Being in a place he knows, with people he knows and trusts, where routine is the same despite having home routine thrown off a bit probably helps to keep him centered. I’ve seen a few kids get thrown off by having a new sibling around and having a normal day to day during the week definitely helps them to stay on track!
No judgement at all! I am curious how you’ll be able to handle 2 kids when your first isn’t in daycare.
Do you have support at home to take care of him as having two is just too much at this time? I often worry about signs of PPD when women are feeling too overwhelmed to the point that they can’t take care of their children because it’s too much. Hoping you have a great support system!
Absolutely not!! Routine and structure are SO important, especially in the midst of a big life change like a new sibling. Allowing your child to continue to have that structure is helping them so much, which is not only good for them but honestly the teachers as well. A well-regulated kid who's there 5 days a week is way easier than a kid who doesn't know what to expect and is there 3 days a week. Not to mention, having alone time with the new baby is something you'll never regret.
I never judged parents for bringing them full time. I only judged when there was refusal to keep the kid home when needed, like when they were sick and such. Or if they left the kid at school from open to close, or the opposite and brought them later than normal because they let them sleep super late, throwing off the daycare daily schedule. Just continuing the child's normal schedule after new baby was never something i would judge for 🥰
I would never judge a parent for that!!! It’s good for your kid to continue his normal routine, I personally do not like when kids get out of routine so I’d prefer he kept going 5 days regularly. Plus he enjoys it there.
I don’t have my own kids but I’ve babysat for a full weekend multiple times and I want to DIE when I finally get home and can go be alone lol. I literally don’t have kids because I find that way to difficult. My first time doing a weekend babysitting gig I was 17 and was SO TIRED after two nights I literally got on birth control cuz of it 😂😂😂
If you can find any (safe obviously lol) way to make your life easier with a newborn AND toddler you take it!!!
As an infant teacher -- SEND HIM! Keep that routine, it'll benefit everyone! As a parent -- SEND HIM!! Use your village as you need (daycare is definitely part of your village!) When I had my youngest, I still sent my 4 year old. I just adjusted her hours (normally we were 615 am - 215 pm and I want getting up that early with a baby). She usually went 830 and I would pick up by 1 so she could still be with her friends and getting education and all the good stuff. Don't feel guilty, this will help every one the most
You are supposed to be sleeping/resting when the baby is. You can’t do that with a toddler at home. There have been far too many news stories about really good parents who have undergone the effects of sleep deprivation and have done horrible out of character things. that stuff will alter your brain chemistry when combined with the hormonal changes that come with having a baby. You are a fantastic mom for making a smart and safe decision for your family.
Ps: Bad moms are never afraid people think they are bad moms. Please take care of yourself, you literally just made a person with your body. Whatever needs you have are valid and whoever is judging you for those needs, will always find something to judge you for and if it wasn’t you, it would be someone else. Some people really are just miserable babe 😬😬
When I was working in the toddler room, the parent I judged was the one who consistently left their son an hour past close. She would always come in with her nails freshly done and the toe separators still between her toes. Not a care in the world. She was on a voucher so she never had to pay the late fees, I stayed late for free those days. With my own child at home waiting for me. Yeah…I’m still bitter 🥴it went on for over a year with no help from the director.
I am not a teacher, but I do have 2 kids and I think it's absolutely wonderful that you are able to spend 1 on 1 time with your second! I did not get the same bonding with my second that I did my first because I had both of them, I really wish I could have given her that!
Are there things I judge parents for? Definitely. Keeping your child in their routine when they’ve had their life flipped upside down with a new baby is CERTAINLY not one of them. Now, if your child was on the doorstep 10 minutes before we opened and the last one in the building when we closed and I know you’re home, then there might be some side-eye, but there’s nothing wrong with keeping your child as structured as things can be during such an intense period of change!
I’ve been a preschool teacher for more than fourteen years. I’m also NMNK. I’m not privy to all happenings in families’ lives, nor should I be. There’s no room for judgement.
As a younger childless teacher, this makes so much sense to me, and I'd never judge! I'm actually more shocked when people with newer babies take their other kid home at lunch. Like in my head I have sympathy for them because I assume it's way too much to have all the kids all the time. This definitely sounds like the best choice for you!!
As a childless ECE teacher for 2-5s, absolutely not judging you and I actually recommend this to my families who can afford to keep care while being on maternity leave. My current center actually actually works with families to do drop in care for maternity leave at a cheaper rate as well for families who can't afford routine full/part time care while not working (I'm in the States so it's not a very affordable option to most to keep a child in full time care on mat leave.)
Children DO benefit from routine and a new baby is a hard adjustment on everyone! You need as much rest and support as you can get after having a baby and our job is to not only teach and care for your child but to support the families as well.
As a mom and teacher, no, I don't judge. I have worked with people who did - they had way too much time on their hands and they wanted to know what all the parents were doing (and she spied on parents and coworkers in her time away from work. She got fired for calling a parent's job to see what hours the parent worked, she was simply crazy.) As far as I'm concerned, if the daycare is getting paid to keep your child, it's no one's business what you are doing during that time. When my son was young I sent him to his daycare even if I was off, because we had to pay even on days he was out. If I have to pay, you have to keep him at daycare.
My vice is judging. Oh, and gossiping.
But in this case, no. If you can afford it, use this time to bond with baby and attempt to get some sleep. You'll be a better mom for it. It's also better for your older child to maintain their routine and normalcy anyway! Seriously, it's a win-win.
Cross that off your list of things to worry about.
I’ll level with you. Yes. SOME teachers will talk shit. Only child free teachers, though. People with kids of their own get it.
But no, a lot of us understand. I’m child free, but I’ve been working with kids for 25 years. I’ve nannied for a lot of families that went from one kid to two, and I have no problems at all continuing to come while the parents are on leave. It’s great for the older child because it gives them a sense of normalcy, and they’re getting attention and and an outlet for their energy instead of always having to wait for Mom to nurse or be quiet bc the baby is sleeping.
Plus, it’s really good for Mom to get to have that time with the new baby. You will never be able to have the same sole focus as you did with the first, but both parents and baby need that rest and bonding time just as much as the first baby did. I love being able to give that to parents. One of my favorite tricks is when mom goes out or takes the baby on a walk I like to slip in and put clean sheets on the bed and wash all of their towels and stuff. Encore Mamas deserve those little of rest and being taken care of.
Wow. That was a tangent and a half. 😂 All that to say- there isn’t a damn thing wrong with keeping your older child in their routine. And anyone that tells you different is insane, especially since you have to pay to hold the spot.
Mom and teacher here, absolutely not. Maternity leave is still a blur to me, it was fight or flight, it was hard enough with just a new baby! I can’t imagine healing from childbirth and caring for a new baby while also juggling another child whose life is now upheaved by this huge change. It’s beneficial to keep their routine, so they are experiencing as little change as possible.
i as well as all of my coworkers actually advocate for children to have little/no changes to their routine if possible. adding a new little one is already so much of a change and school can be a huge stability for these kiddos! i personally have seen harder adjustment periods for children who’s school time isn’t remaining consistent than those who are.
Daycare is a resource! Use it however you wish! I have parents who both have the summers off, but use their free time to work on hobbies and spend time together and I love that for them. I also have plenty of parents who bring their children five days a week despite being on maternity leave. Use the time to bond with the new baby and take care of yourself! We do not judge that at all!
(Source: Infant room teacher and mom who plans to do the same thing when I eventually have my second)
Young educators who are new to the field I find will judge.
But as a mom and someone who always connected with the families I worked with i am also so happy when the child stays and then I also get to see the baby grow during drop of and pick up throughout the year
Absolutely not judging you for this. From my experience daycare teachers know that keeping routines is the best for new transitions with kids. I’d imagine if anyone was (wrongfully) judging someone for this, it’d be other parents
You are paying for 5 days a week. You are keeping the child on a consistent schedule and that helps the teachers have a smoother day. The kid feels better because they know what to expect each day.
It’s important to keep life as stable as possible when a new baby arrives. I see no reason why your toddler shouldn’t continue his routine of daycare. Perhaps the only change may be an earlier pick up time while you are home.
Good teachers will not judge you. It's very helpful to your child to keep their schedule as consistent as possible, which is also helpful to their teachers.
Enjoy your time home with your new baby!
I would enjoy the first bit of your leave to meet your new baby. Towards the end decide if you want to pull them out for a week or a few sporadic days. Going from 1 to 2 is an adjustment. Some teachers will judge, others understand fully. Fuck em all
No! I’m a mom & a teacher as well & it’s SO HARD having both at home. I might question if your child is the first one dropped off & last one picked up but I wouldn’t judge, just be curious as to what’s happening.
Absolutely not! Keeping toddler's routine consistent is great. We've had a few parents continue to bring their older child(ren) to daycare when a new baby arrives in the family. The reason is almost always something related to the older child(ren) being out of hand, rowdy, overwhelming, etc. We get it! And we are happy to help. Congratulations mama! Wishing you all the best.
there are definitely some people that do, but when that happens at my center i very quickly remind them that it would be entirely worse if they were gone for weeks and then came back an absolute mess.
As a mom and teacher, I’ve done it and would do it again. The baby needs individual attention either way, and this way the toddler still gets to have regular days.
No way! In high school my school had a daycare attached that all of the child development students worked at, and it was very common when the teachers had babies that their older kiddos would keep coming. Routine is important, socializing is important - seems like the best choice to me!
Personally, no. I'm absolutely not. But I've heard it from older providers. Some of them are judging you, but that's their own issue. We, as a society, are way too individualistic. Women (and people in general) are supposed to have support, not go it alone just because you aren't at work.
As long as I get paid I have no judgment . I think it’s good for parents to stay in daycare when a new baby comes so they can play with their friends .
Not for one second. Heal and take the time you need. Your child needs to continue a routine and it’s such a great way to keep him on a schedule. This is what would happen in large family with support. You would get time to rest and spend time to bond with your new baby. Some families like to take a week off and I thinks it’s crazy. You have so much time to let the siblings get to know each other but you have so little time to rest and bond in the beginning. Take a deep breath and let yourself just be. You deserve it and so does your new little
As a teacher no. You need time to heal and recover and to bond with the new baby PLUS your older child will have meltdowns if you change routines right now!
WE ARE NOT JUDGING YOU!! If anything, we’re thankful that you’re trying to keep the routine the same. And I don’t have children. But I do appreciate a solid routine!
Absolutely not! Honestly, some complain about part time schedules. It’s a lot harder to settle in and get in the routine of daycare. I’ve never heard or felt any judgement about full time care.
I judge parents for a lot of things but not this issue. You are paying for the spot, your toddler needs socialization and stimulation. You and baby need rest and probably have appts that are just 100x easier without the toddler. Also, if you try to keep his routine the same, it's less likely he'll regress or resent the baby.
Consistency means a lot to little people, and home life is far from it when there’s a crying, pooping baby taking up all the space.
It’s nice to have something just for you, is it not? Daycare can be that.
No I don’t judge. I encourage it.
Parent to parent if I could've had that space to just love on and get to know my newborn while knowing my older one was out there happy and living their best life with their nursery peers I'd have bitten your hand off for it!
Oh my goodness, no judgment at all! Almost every single mom at my daycare, that has a child in daycare and pregnant with another, kept their other child/children in daycare full time while on maternity leave.
This is so good for a few reasons. Your new baby and you need time to adjust to your new routine and schedule. Your little one ,that is already in daycare, is used to the daycare schedule, and at that young age, most children thrive with consistency. In a perfect world it would be great to keep both kids home and spend time together but the reality is, the newborn stage is hard! No matter how many times a mom goes thru it!Enjoy your new baby, and maternity leave, these moments are so short!
Nope. Not at all. I also sent my first to school after I had my second and I was a teacher at the school. She didn’t go for a full day but those few hours in the morning were everything.
I personally wouldn’t judge and I don’t think everyone would, but I know at the centers I’ve worked at this would have been a topic of discussion amongst some of the teachers. Daycares are notoriously gossip ridden
A new baby is like a full time job, I promise you the only ones who might judge are the ones who haven't been around a newborn. Add on top of it recovering from birth? We have a little boy with 3 older siblings, they have just had a baby, and the kids are here every day, or at least the youngest ones. Kids need routines, and a new sibling is a lot, so while things change at home, when he's at school he is in a familiar environment that has a routine he is used to.
Plus, a lot of kids with new siblings start taking longer naps. Babies make a lot of noise, and in a smaller home or apartment they might be waking their older siblings up.
Awwww congrats!!! So I own a preschool but my daughter is too young so she goes to a different one right now. I totally get the “are they judging me” feeling like even today I had an appointment so my husband and I both picked our daughter up together which never happens. I just kept thinking “omg are they judging me” 🙈 Consistency is sooo important especially for kids and especially when they most likely don’t have as much consistency at home currently. School is their outlet and many times I’ve found it helps with the transition bc everything in their little world
has changed except for that! The thing that frustrates me in these situations is the schedule—parents on leave that come in super late and at random times, then just want to stay and hang out, or leave their kid there until the very last minute where you’re waiting to go pick up your kid and they’re there until close every single night and many times they’re the only ones there.Congrats again and best of luck in one of the biggest/toughest transitions ever!! ❤️
I find the people that judge the most are the ones that don’t have kids themselves. I completely understand, and when I give birth to baby #2 and go on ML, my toddler will most likely be in daycare the majority of the time too.
I don’t even have a job or a new baby and I send both my kids 3 days a week. I guess I am a full time student but this summer I won’t be in school and will still be sending them.
Edit: I can’t believe how judgemental some people in this sub are. As if I am not allowed to have a support system while getting an education. As if I don’t have to hold my kids’ spot for the summer so I can go back to school in the fall. If you think parents paying for their kids to get an early education is bad then why are you in the field? If you are judging parents like this you are the problem.
I see a lot of comments on this sub of teachers judging parents who send their kids to daycare/preschool when they are off work. What I think they aren’t noticing is that sometimes when someone is off of work, they might have other things to do that require childcare for one or more of their children. They also aren’t recognizing that a lot of times the child themself may want to go to school and play with their friends rather than stay home, especially if they are very social. There is also the most obvious, which they should be most understanding of, is that kids thrive on routine! When you randomly take a child out of their normal routine, especially if it’s for a significant period of time, it can be difficult for the child to adjust when it is time to go back.
So are people judging you? Probably. That’s what everyone does to parents. It’s apart of the package. At I personally judging you? Nope! You are doing what’s best for your family, and that is the best thing a parent can do! Also, personally I completely understand the need to send them to childcare for your own personal reasons too.
As a mom and teacher, no! I certainly would not judge. I do find some of the younger teachers with no kids make comments but I always tell them routine is important, they are paying for it regardless, it’s none of your business! When I have days off, I still send my kid. Please, utilize the service you are paying for!
Thank you, this makes me feel better.
I‘m a teacher so still a „few years out“ , but can confirm- colleagues without own children are quick to judge parents , but those who do have them simply roll their eyes when the tirades start up. I was never in the position of having a toddler and newborn at the same time but find the idea nightmarish! Take all the help you can get!
Weird, for me it's been the opposite. The people I've heard judging for that are the oldest, the grandmas, not the people without kids.
I feel like it's a combination of forgetting what it was like and that when they did have kids, it was a completely different time.
I knew a LOT more about childraising before i had kids!
Yes! I'm a Behavior Specialist now, but I worked in education and childcare for 15 years prior. I've never met a daycare teacher who complained about ANYTHING related to parental leave. We all know, whether personally or from our loved ones, that post-partum is TOUGHHHHH. Mom especially, but everyone. Having a baby is a major life which causes natural, temporary imbalances in normalcy. Teachers know that maintaining as much healthy normalcy as possible is ideal & will do their best to support any parent trying!
Hell biggest thing I heard was more envy that they could afford it and how much they wished they had that option
I’ve had so many parents send their children to school all day while being at home on maternity leave/paternity leave with a new baby and have never thought twice about it. If anything, it makes it easier for us as your child’s teacher to keep their routine as regular and uninterrupted as possible! Because little are so sensitive to change, it’s often harder on everyone to switch up the routine too much/inject new elements (like a new sibling, for example). But even if that weren’t the case, I’ve never even considered judging a parent for needing the time at home with their new baby with as few complications/distractions as possible. We know parental leave is no vacation!
Yes exactly! There was no way to keep his spot if I pulled him out and he’s done soooo well at this daycare, it seemed like it would be best to keep his spot for when I go back to work and still send him! He loves going everyday and I know it’s probably a lot more fun for him there during these days where I’m mostly just feeding and dealing with a fussy newborn all day!
They wouldn't allow you to just pay the fees without him attending? I'm not saying you should've, I'm just wondering if they wouldn't allow it, why they wouldn't?
It does disrupt the class not knowing if a child is going to be attending or not because they are paid to be there. I’m sure you could get special accommodation but why pay for something your child benefits so greatly from and not use it? I’m 100% sending my preschooler to daycare when I have our new baby. She needs the consistency when everything else is crazy
I have done this, I never did end up sending her in. I gave them advance notice as far as I knew she wasn't going in, which was usually two days at a time to a week at a time (Ie, she wont be in this week). I think they were happy enough to have less kids.
Also it gives them a place that didn't change. Daycare is the same, but home now has new schedules, less parental time, different sounds/smells. Keeping them in daycare gave them a strong root system emotionally. And helps you keep up your energy and focus so the time you spend with them is more quality than the frazzled split time you would otherwise be doing thru out the day
He is learning valuable socialisation skills and making friends. That is worth its weight in gold and you are absolutely doing the right thing. Anyone judging you can jog on. Congratulations on your new arrival! x
I have two kids. I understand why you're doing what you're doing 100%. I don't judge. In fact we tend to suggest changes in schedule or enrollment before baby arrives so the older child has the smallest alteration to their schedule possible.
Thank you 🥹 I wish I was the mom who could handle both at home 24/7 but I’m just not. I’m grateful we still have our daycare because I don’t have family here either so it’s so hard some days!
Honey, I get paid to teach other people's 2-6 year olds. I tried the sahm thing too. I was literally so exhausted and over stimulated that I don't remember a lot of things from their infancy. Your infant needs a ton of one on one care, your older child deserves a mom who can engage with them when they get home. If that means daycare, please don't feel guilty about it. Most people now don't have the support needed to be stay at home moms. And it takes a LOT of support.
You know how people say not to get a puppy when you have a newborn? This is exactly why. Your toddler and your infant have very different needs, and they’re both *a lot.* And you’re still recovering from pregnancy and child birth yourself, while being sleep deprived. It’s a lot to juggle, and by sending your older son to school you’re making sure he is getting his needs met. It’s not just a benefit for you. It’s a benefit for him. Even though things are changing at home, he still has school which is predictable and stable. He’s getting play time with peers, and he’s getting developmentally appropriate activities with him in mind. He’s getting outside time (I assume) and all kinds of things that help him where he’s at. Even super mom would struggle to make those things happen for him while also caring for a newborn and recovering. Some parents aren’t able to offer their child that. I’ve seen parents lose their spot or lose their nanny bc they simply couldn’t afford to pay to hold the spot. So instead of feeling guilty for continuing to send him, maybe reframe it to gratitude that you’re able to do so and in doing so, provide your son with the stability and consistency that’s best for him. ❤️
I'm also in Canada and am also doing the same thing. I treasure the time that my oldest is in daycare because it gives me some one on one time with my baby. My toddler is so attention seeking and jealous (typical toddler) that my poor, easy-going baby gets kinda neglected on the weekends. Now that he is older I usually keep her home one day a week to go do fun activities (zoo, parks, etc), but it is completely exhausting in an all-encompassing way to have them both home. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have daycare for her.
Don't beat yourself up! Humans were not meant to do *anything* alone but ESPECIALLY parenting. "It takes a village" is not a metaphor. It's literal. Lev Vygotsky observed and explained the Zone of Proximal Development which discusses how children (but it applies to all ages) can do things on their own, but they can do more with the guidance of someone older/more experienced. All humans, but children especially, are social learners. Immediately from birth, we learn how to interact and survive in our environment through observation and replication of the behaviors around us. This is why it's important for children and teens to have peers of different ages in their microsystem and mesosystem. Anyway, 1 or 2 adults are not *supposed* to raise children alone. We were not created for such extreme independence from our community. Please give yourself grace and patience and love 💜
Just some solidarity! I had a 6 month maternity leave with my 2nd, and kept my 4yr old in preschool full time until 5pm. He also thrives on routine, and there was no way I could give him all the attention and energy he needed, while also tending to a newborn
As a mom and an RECE, I’ve done this once and about to do it again for 18 months 😆 nobody judges a mom for sending their toddler to daycare while taking care of a newborn! The only thing I lowkey judge parents about is when their kid at daycare is sick and still keeps sending them, like come on, I know you’re on mat leave, give your kid some home days to rest 🫤
Well I’m glad I am not alone lol! It’s honestly been a saving grace for me while also looking after a newborn! I’m so thankful 🙏🏻 and yes I totally agree with that too! My son actually wasn’t feeling great yesterday so of course I kept him home! That’s actually the nice part about being on maternity leave when they’re sick, no one’s missing work!
It’s honestly the best part! No guilt trips because I work in a kindergarten room, so I missed sooooo much work while we’re already short staffed because my toddler was sick so often when started daycare. But yeah nobody would judges, if anything they think we’re rich 😆
The only time I've really ever judged/been annoyed with a parent for something like this was actually just recently. The parent brought their child (1) in & mentioned that they thought their child was having a rough day, but really gave no ideas as to why. After an hour and a half or so of the child screaming on & off & only being consoled for about 5 minutes at a time, we messaged the parent & they offered to come in to see if they could comfort their child & told us that they had the day off work. They also mentioned that their child might be getting some back molars in. They came in, played with their kid for about 15 minutes & left again, obviously making the child upset again. Then about 45 minutes later had the nerve to ask if their child was doing okay since they had left. The answer was no, not really, but because it was near lunch & nap time they did not come get their poor kiddo. I have judged some other parents for plenty of other things, but never for taking some time to bond with one of their kids and get used to a new routine!
We had a child who on his last day was clearly out of it but not sick enough to force the parents to come get him. Both parents were home as they were moving and had the day off. Dad came to drop something off. He saw his son laying on the floor, pale and sniffly. He shrugged, said “see you later” and came at closing. I get moving is hectic but he should not have been there that day. Like you said, these cases are the only times I judge. Along with the one mom who made a snarky comment to her daughter “I’m sure your teachers wonder why I send you on my day off but I pay too much for you to come here”. Like, lady. None of us cared until you made that dumbass comment.
There are two other times I can think of off the top of my head. The child (also 1) in this family at this time was an only child. We were trying to figure out scheduling for Black Friday (we were open) since so many families wouldn't be there. We knew these parents had the day off from work because they work at a local company that was closed that day. But they told us they would be bringing their child in for the whole day. And sure enough, their child was dropped off at 6:30am, just like every other day. We're pretty sure they were all out shopping, which I get, but that was obviously a little frustrating. The same family did the same thing during one of the worst snowstorms of the year. I live just 10 minutes away from the center and it took two hours to shovel my driveway. We weren't allowed to close & luckily someone was able to get to the center at opening time. They said the dad swung into the parking lot like there was no snow on the ground, dropped the child off & left. That child was 1 of maybe 6 at the center the whole day. 🫠
I judged *hard* a family that brought their 5 year old in when a school break had started and all his older siblings and his cousins were at home spending time with the grandparents and he was the only one *not* doing that and he *knew* it. And the parents still picked him up late!!!! Also I know everyone deserves time to themselves and sometimes you just need a day, but for goodness sake do not drop your kid off (who is there full time, all day every day) and then tell the teachers how you're going to spend the day cuddled up on the couch watching t.v. because they're absolutely going to wonder why you aren't keeping your kid with you.
That is totally fair! I couldn’t imagine coming in and not just bringing them home with me! Any sickness or off days, he definetly stays home with me! Just yesterday he wasn’t feeling himself so I just kept him home so he could have a day to rest!
I'm going to be real honest here. Unless you're condescending or a jerk to the staff, we have too much to do and keep track of to spend a lot of time judging the individual parents in our classes. It's attitude or neglecting to do stuff like bring diapers/clothes in on time that stays on the memory. Even a one-off grumpy can be overcome with an apology and acknowledgement that we are human. Daycare operates the same way the wider world operates in that most of the time people really aren't looking askance at you, or they've forgotten about whatever it was that you think you did within 10 minutes of you being out of sight. Maybe inexperienced staff who are still in the When I Am a Parent I Will Execute My Perfectly Prepared Pre-Parenting Style and Plan Unlike These Amateurs phase of their lives, but those aren't the people you should be worried about drawing sideeye from anyway.
There are 3 and only 3 things I will ever judge a parent for doing. 1. Not paying your bill. 2. Loading up your RSV+ child at my place with ibuprofen and dropping her off at 0630 on a Monday without telling me she was sick since Friday night; so when that medicine wears off and she gets sicker than snot I get terrified/pissed/homicidal. 3. Doing the above while your car reeks of weed. And only one parent ever did those things to me, so I guess I'm not judging anyone now.
The only judgement I ever pass is on parents who send in sick kids AND don’t be honest (I even respect that sometimes there’s stuff you HAVE to do at work and load a kid up with Tylenol. Life is hard) if you tell me “I have a meeting from 8-11 I can get him after that” I will tough it out and have your back as their teacher. Or if you are a parent who doesn’t respect my opinions at all. We can have differing opinions, but when a parent dismisses my experience or training because of hand waving reasons i get judgey. But other then that you do you. Enjoy that new baby and your toddler gets to play and learn. Win win.
The one time I judged was when mom dropped off her baby 5 days a week, 7-5, while on maternity leave. For the baby she was dropping off, lol.
Honestly for me it depends. We have a child who’s mother is on mat leave and they drop them off as soon as our door open (usually sitting in the parking lot before we open) and picks them up 10 minutes to close (7am-6pm). They cry for their Mom so much throughout the day or just wander around saying that they miss their mom, and then that turns to anger and frustration for the child. Breaks my heart because they are honestly the sweetest and chillest kid.
We only judge in certain situations. Here’s an example or two. We have a 2 year old who just had a new baby sibling a few weeks ago. The mom and dad both get 8 weeks off. They took the kid to get shots then brought him to daycare. He was sick (from the shots) and they had to come get him. Why not just keep him home if both parents are home? Same family. They drop the kid off one day 6am-5pm and post them having a day of fun with the newborn. Bringing him to their cabin and on the boat. I totally get they pay good money but at least keep it off social media. I get it they probably wanted a relaxing day without the toddler but it seems a little sad in my opinion to be showing it off.
Sorry mom gets 3 months dad gets 8 weeks off, but 8 weeks together.
Wait, I don’t understand the second instance. Assuming your kid isn’t sick or anything, and assuming you’ve paid significant (non refundable) expense to have them in daycare…you should be…ashamed to use it? I wouldn’t judge someone for hiring a babysitter for a date night out, and to me it’s not that different. Is the social media the problem here, and just generally being tacky about it? Or maybe just that it was such a long day? Or that the child is being left out of fun? What am I missing? Edit: okay, I think I understand now—it’s not inherently wrong to pay for someone to watch your kid to give you a break. But 11 hours is way too much, and there’s a tacky and untacky way to do it.
The social media aspect is tacky, also leaving your child at daycare for 11 hours with both parents home is tacky. If both parents are working sure, but that’s a long time for a small child. Parents do this all the time where they say I’m gonna go do XYZ all day as they have the right too. But it’s strictly my opinion they should keep their personal time personal. Not tell the daycare workers who are taking care of their hellion child, “i’m going to go watch movies all day, bye little Jonny, see you at 5:30.” Just keep it to yourself. Lol
Ok, I think I get that, thanks for clarifying. A babysitter is 3-4 hours tops but 11 hours is a lot. I don’t do a lot of social media so I’m not sure what the protocol is, but that sounds like a valid opinion.
I'm a mom of a little kid and a teacher and I would never judge someone in your situation. Having a baby is SO hard and dealing with a little kid on top of that would be VERY difficult. I would do the same thing honestly! Your kid is probably having a good time at school with their friends. Get some rest, take care of the baby and try not to worry about it. You got this! 💚
Thank you, this really helps me not be so hard on myself ♥️ He loves going and I assume it’s a lot more fun there than being stuck at home with a fussy newborn all day!
When a parent leaves the kid for 10+ hours and parents are home with or without siblings, it's annoying.. 10 hours is a long day for an adult. 7-8 seems more appropriate unless you have to work a 10 hour day. Also sending sick kids loaded up on Tylenol knowing damn well they are sick and should be home. The meds wear off eventually and they will get sent home and out for at least 24 hours meds free. But I do understand that juggling a newborn is difficult with another small child needing something every 5 minutes
I don’t judge the parents choice but I love the children in my care and sometimes it’s not judgement for the parents choice it’s me worrying for one of my little guys. If the chid is emotionally struggling themselves or still at childcare for 9 hours a day type thing.
Depends on the kids, honestly. If your older is pretty compliant and generally chill, probably not. If they're a wild, screaming, biting terror, yeah there's probably some judgment that you expect us to spend most of the week with them. I don't think most people criticize a new mom for wanting bonding time with baby. But sometimes you wonder what the expectation was when they decided to have two under two or two under three. Did they not think that it might be hard having an active toddler at the same time as a newborn? And yet, historically, it's also a completely commonplace thing?
Honestly? Depends. If your child is a terror, yes absolutely.
I’ll be completely honest here. When I worked at the daycare, yes. I absolutely judged parents for doing similar things. For sitting in their cars for an hour before picking up their kid, for bringing their kid on their days off and on holidays. Now that I’m a mom… I am so so sorry for judging those parents. I truly didn’t understand it before but now I absolutely get it. You can’t get anything done with babies at home and sometimes you just want a little peace! So I would say if they don’t have kids, they might be judging you, but only because they don’t understand. I think anyone with kids of their own totally understands!
I don’t judge unless the child is sick. Not sick enough to be sent home, but also just clearly not doing well and parents could easily take them home. Same with if we have to send them home for any reason and a parent gives lip. You’re home. This is your child. I don’t feel as bad as I do for a working parent who may have to scramble around. BUT…these parents are the minority. Most even tell us “hey, I’m home, please let me know if he’s off or having a rough day”. We have several teacher parents who send their child full weeks in the summer. One, they have stuff to do and it’s nice for them to have a break. Two, it’s good for the child to keep up their routine. I’ve found kids who stay home for the entire summer or mom’s maternity leave really struggle when they return. At the end of the day, why parents pay for care is not my business. I am here to watch your child, help them grow and make sure they’re safe. Parenting is a tough job. Especially if you have another little one at home! You’re not a bad mom for giving yourself a much needed break. Honestly, teachers who judge parents for this should reconsider why they do what they do.
Thank you, I really appreciate your perspective on this and it’s so nice to hear ♥️ I completely agree on the sick part. That’s actually the nicest part of being on maternity leave is anytime he’s sick or having an off day, so easy to keep him home with me and no parents are missing work! I’ve also talked to them and said to call anytime if I’m ever needed.
I only judge if kids are there from pretty much open to close when the parents could be with them more. If he’s doing a more standard 9-4 day, that’s perfectly acceptable.
The only time I can’t help but feel a little distasteful about it is when the child left at daycare starts realizing new sibling is getting more attention and time with mom/dad than they are. It hurts them and you can tell which parents realize and try to equalize versus the ones who turn a blind eye. If you’re at least trying to equalize to make your older one feel included, and not leaving them for even longer than previous, I can’t judge nor blame you.
So this is a tricky question to answer b/c it’s so much about life perspective. A lot of daycare workers are quite young & thus, immature in life. When I was younger & didn’t actually understand what it took to parent multiple kids - yes, I would have judged & thought that older sibs would develop jealousy etc. Now that I’ve been working in childcare for over 20yrs & have raised kids of my own? Hell no. You are maintaining your older child’s routine which is hugely important! You are creating space for yourself to parent more effectively despite a lack of sleep etc that comes with a new baby. You are prioritizing your family’s needs. Give yourself the grace! Daycare might judge but chances are they don’t have your perspective! There’s very little point in creating stress/suffering just to appease someone else’s naive opinions.
Not until recently, however one child in my class (3 years old) was having a very hard time after his baby brother was born. To the point where he was crying multiple times a day asking why mommy, daddy, and the baby were home but he was in school. I get that baby’s are hard and would never judge a parent for sending their child to preschool while on maternity and paternity leave, but he was literally the last child to go home everyday. They knew he was struggling (we would let them know and ask to send family photos) but they would still pick him up 5 minutes before closing even though they were both home.
I worked in daycare in my 20s and hell yes we were judging. Now i’m 50 and raised kids and i know better. so my advice is do not give a single F what anyone thinks about it.
i would only judge in two instances: the first, if your child is sick and you load them up with meds to sneak them in the door knowing that they're ill. the second, if you bring your kid in at open and pick them up at close every single day while you're at home. that's a really long day for a kiddo. sometimes it's unavoidable, and in my career i had parents who genuinely worked those hours - but there were also tons of parents who just didn't want to be bothered with their own kids.
No, I have two kids that had siblings in the last three weeks. They come every day! I'm happy to have them. I'd miss them terribly if they stayed home! Plus I know its hard having a baby on top of your other kids. I have 3! So please! Send your child to school! Its okay!
I'm going to be honest some probably are but I'm not and the ones who are well a lot of them aren't moms themselves. Use this maternity leave to bond with your second baby like you got to do with your first. Do what is right for your family. Your a fantastic mom don't worry about what anyone that's not in your little family think about it!
We’ve had a lot of parents have second children while their children were in our care, and I can’t think that I’ve considered them being on maternity leave at all. I just kind of think “family just had a new baby” and flag it as a life change that might exhibit in behavior. I can definitely say that I get frustrated, not judging but frustrated, when kids go on very very long vacation breaks, because it does disrupt their routine and learning and once they return it takes more time for them to re-learn some things. I think that it’s great that you are keeping your first child’s routine consistent. Children thrive on routine. You caring about your kids routine and how disruption of that can affect him as a sign that you give a shit, and I can’t say that we ever judge parents to give a shit. So many parents don’t give a shit, and that’s what we don’t like.
Some people are Katty, including early educators. Ignore them, trust yourself.
To be 100% honest, yes. I understand not pulling them completely but half days or an extra home day can really be beneficial for a kid. Especially when after lunch/ nap there isn’t much curriculum being done so you’re child isn’t missing out on it. But I’m not you and I don’t know what’s best for you. People are judgemental , or they did it themselves, their own mother did or they have seen other moms doing it. It’s shitty but there’s most likely a thought in most teachers heads like “why is this child not getting bonding time with the new family too? “
Not to sound snarky but do you have kids of your own?
I don’t think that’s really relevant because it’s a shared opinion among many teachers I’ve worked with whether they have kids or not.
I’m only wondering because after having kids I find the newborn stage so important for me to have lots of one on one time with the new baby. I’m about to have my 3rd. I do pretty much all the newborn care, and would rather my husband or nanny do stuff with the older kid(s). Of course I’ll spend one on one time with them, but they want to run around and go places, and not just lay with me and the new baby while I recover, figure out breastfeeding, nap, etc. If parents have to pay for the spot anyway, and the kids enjoy daycare, I don’t see a problem with sending them. Everyone pays for services to outsource something they don’t want to do. Is getting DoorDash morally wrong when I can cook my own food? Is hiring a house cleaner bad when I could technically clean my own house? I feel the same with child care. If I can afford help during a really exhausting time, then I’m going to use it.
Then accept that you’ll be judged for that. Sounds like no one but you bonds with the babies which isn’t right. I’ve also seen kids tank in school while mom and or dad are home with the baby. I’ve also seen kids flourish when having extra time at home with their family.
My kids aren’t in daycare, one just graduated prek, so not sure who will be judging me. I’ve stayed home with my kids since I had the eldest. I’m talking about the 4th trimester when the baby breastfeeds every few hours, obviously the rest of the family bonds with them? But if I’m breastfeeding and the baby is contact napping often, it makes sense for me to do that and my husband has the older kids. If you have a baby one day maybe the dynamic will make more sense since you seem confused.
So much for trying to not be snarky. The you described before was that you get the new born solo until not breast fed while husband has the other kids. Making it seems as if you weren’t spending time with the older kids because you sent them off with a nanny or their dad. Pardon me for being confused by your privilege to pay others for childcare with you just not being with them so you could just be with them as infants.
As an educator why are you upset that someone is paying for child care? And I’m not “just with my kids when they’re infants”. I just got a nanny last year, before that I had my first two kids by myself most of the time due to my husband’s work schedule. We hired a nanny to help, since he travels for work and is self employed so is constantly on call. We have no family around to help. I’m trying to shed light on why a family may choose to outsource childcare. Some people have a “village” of relatives that can help. We don’t have any relatives nearby, and if we did they wouldn’t provide childcare. My mom has no interest, and my in-laws are still working full time. So we hire our “village” and there’s nothing wrong with that.
I’m perfectly aware of why parents outsource childcare. It’s your attitude i don’t care for.
Because newborns are exhausting and up all night. With the toddler at daycare there’s at least a chance of Mom getting to sleep when baby sleeps (which definitely doesn’t line up with toddler’s naps yet, I promise). Maternity leave is survival mode.
Which is why I suggested part time. Kids shouldn’t be in school for 8+ hours when they really don’t need to be. The kid knows you’re home without them and don’t understand why.
Sleep deprivation night after night isn’t something you can understand until you’ve experienced it. It just isn’t. When you go weeks or months without getting more than 2 hours of sleep in a row, you can understand. Sleep deprivation is literal torture. My second was born in late 2021 and we pulled our 2 year old out of daycare for the first month due to Covid concerns - still paying to keep her spot of course. But our new baby just…didn’t sleep. He had reflux, he hated his swaddles, he hated his bassinet. I was an absolute mess, combined with postpartum hormones. My 2 year old, having a hard time with the sudden huge life change, also went on a sleep strike. So my husband was up all night with her, I was up all night with the baby, getting maybe 4 nonconsecutive hours a night tops. We had no family help. 2 year old also started fighting naps during the day and was furious at home no longer being the center of attention. After a week, I called the daycare on the verge of tears saying we needed to bring her back ASAP and thankfully if they were judgmental they kept it to themselves, because I was truly not OK. With her at daycare, I could SOMETIMES eke out a respite nap during my newborn’s cat naps, or at least just relax on the couch holding the baby, without a screaming toddler losing her mind. Maternity leave is also a job, my friend. Newborns breastfeed on demand, sometimes HOURLY, there’s diapers, laundry, not to mention all the usual household chores while also taking care of a tiny baby who refuses to be put down. Not to mention pumping, washing bottles, washing pump parts, and if you get lucky like me, trips to urgent care for mastitis! So judge away, but I am sooooo thankful for daycare during that stage of life. It was a godsend for my family.
I’m just being honest like op asked. Yes teachers judge. Are we always right? Of course not. But it still happens. I’m sorry for your situation and covid obviously made it way more stressful. Again I’m not suggesting to fully pull your child in daycare/preschool either. I’ve had parents that after the first month kept their kid home for two days a week. I’ve had parents not change schedules at all, I’ve seen parents pick up earlier. You have to do what’s best for your family.
Honestly? Yeah, probably. I've never worked in a daycare where there weren't staff members who regularly made fun of and criticized the parents.
I was looking for this answer. I think it’s great to be able to send your toddler to daycare if they enjoy it while being on maternity leave, some toddlers love the structure and friends daycare provides!😊 But I’ve never worked in a center that didn’t have judgmental and gossipy teachers in every room, I’ve heard teachers judge for the most trivial things, and shame and judge eachother to. It’s like the field just attracts those kinds of people the most. I did my best to not get involved, most of the time those kinds of teachers didn’t like me anyways I’m sure, but they talk so loud everyone hears it
For things like being entitled and rude or being oblivious about what’s realistic when it comes to group care, yeah I’ll judge a parent for that. But for keeping a child in a consistent routine when something new has happened in their life, I will not judge for that, and I’ve never seen a coworker do that either.
Wow that sounds like a healthy environment to work in, it must be a very quality center if the teachers are that understanding to not judge parents for things like this. Keeping a consistent routine for a toddler is good anyways, like you said. I wish all centers could have this mentality and not gossip about parents just because they made a choice you don’t like.
I did before I had kids of my own. Then reality kicked my butt. I’m also on mat leave and send my 4 year old 2-3 days a week.
Absolutely not! Unless your child is extremely difficult for the teachers or other children. We completely understand and are happy to provide the relief. The job security is nice too.
Ugh I had coworkers complain about this and I’d always shut them down. It’s none of our business when your kid is there and why. You pay for them to be there, we get paid to be there… so it shouldn’t matter ❤️It’s literally what we applied to do.
I recommend parents keep the routine the same and encourage them to keep bringing the older kid. But if you’re home, I do think you should be picking up by 4 or keeping your child’s day to only 8hrs at most. I do have a hard time with families with two parents on parental leave and older kid is at school 8-5:30. It’s too long.
I completely agree! I should have added in my post as I’ve seen a few comments but I do pick him up early! Usually like 3-3:30pm after they’re done their final snack! I find that works perfect for us!
Yeah that’s a great pick up time! You should absolutely not feel guilty. The baby gets really important solo cuddle/bonding time and your older kid gets a world away from baby!
The only reason I pulled my son from care when I had my second was that daycare was over an hour away, so 4 hours a day would of been needed just to drop him off and pick him up. Plus I took a year off of work on maternity leave. Otherwise we would of kept his days.
Absolutely not. You need to do what’s best for your children and family at the end of the day, and our role is to support your needs. If this works for your family, there’s nothing to be ashamed of. If teachers are judging you, they need to re evaluate their role and work within the profession.
The teachers without children might judge, I know I didn't understand before having my own children. But don't worry about it, they just don't understand how difficult parenthood is.
Yes and no. I remember working at a place with a lot of staff kids, and occasionally a staff kid showed up when their parent didn't. People would TALK, even though realistically that's what daycare is for. Everybody needs a break, and it's wonderful that you have one on one time to bond with your newborn. But yes, some people are gonna talk. Hopefully there are more shutting them down
The only thing I have deeply truly judged is a parent picking up a 3.5 year old child on a motorcycle, which was apparently not against California state law at the time (only a handful of years ago). They had a helmet, etc for him but it terrified me!
I have a mom who is doing the same thing and I dont judge at all!! I have no idea what is going on in her life so its not my place to
Most of us are not judging. I almost always recommend keeping your child in care and following their regular routine when possible. Having a new sibling at home is hard, and preschool can add some much needed consistency. It drives me nuts that subsidy gets cut when parents have another child. I know some educators who do judge, but the ones who do tend to have very strong support systems and familial help. Not everyone has access to extra hands daily. I *do* judge a little when all of the children in a family are in care, and baby gets picked up a few hours earlier on the regular for some extra one on one time... Or gets to spend the day at home while the other child comes in on their own birthday.... Judgment is mainly because I'm sad for the preschoolers watching it happen.
I’m due with my second and our daycare actually recommended keeping our first on her normal schedule to ease the transition!
As a teacher and a mom, absolutely not!! I have one parent of one of my 2’s that is on Maternity leave currently! We encouraged kiddos parents to keep bringing her everyday because it would help her adjust to the big change at home easier by keeping her daily routine the same!! She’s handled it fantastically!
We have a parent who just had a baby too and sends her toddler. I would prefer her coming as she has continued her potty training and in underwear now. She stayed home for a week with him when she first got out and all she wanted was to wear diapers. Plus her dad is in a coma and it's just Mom, new born baby and toddler. I would much rather her come all day so her mom can get any and all needed rest. But it isn't even just her case, I've had this experience multiple times and never once thought of it as weird. It's pretty typical. I would prefer my student to continue to keep their routine so they're not thrusted back into a routine that was taken from them and having to learn it all over again. Low ratios are always great but I love my kiddos and if the parents are gone there's still always a reason to send them, even if it's only a half day to get chores around the house done. The only time I've judged a parent, is one who didn't have a job and would pick up their kids at 6pm and drop them off at 7a when they could easily be picking up by 3-5 but I only judge them because it seems to make the kids so sad, and they were always tired and overstimulated and always the last kids to get picked up at the end of the day. Regardless Parents deserve breaks and if daycare can give that to you, use it!!!
I work at a daycare, am currently on maternity leave, my other child goes 2 days a week, I would send him more if there was staffing. No judgement here, happily ignoring anyone else’s opinion. Do you momma!
I did before I had kids. Now that I have kids, nah. You do you.
I did before I had kids. Now that I have kids, nah. You do you.
I own an in home program and the only time I judge is when the parents have their child with me from sun up to sundown and go online and pretend they are so exhausted from being a full time parent and doing everything without any help. That irks me. Maam, your child is with me almost sixty hours a week, your child is with me more waking hours than with you…and you’re exhausted? Also, those are the parents who never appreciate what I do and are the first to complain and will rip their children out when I enforce my boundaries and then find out the grass is not greener and want their child to come back to me. I have a long waitlist and when I have had to tell parents their child’s spot has already been filled I’ve had some say “so you really never loved my child at all. It was all about money to you wasn’t it?” And those are the parents my colleagues and I are judging. Children thrive on routine and consistency. When a child goes on vacation, I dread their first week back with me because it’s going to be an uphill battle. I would never ever judge your situation and be thankful you are considerate of your child’s needs and recognize how important his routine and schedule is. But also, especially on a Friday, if you can pick up an hour or two early, you’re going to be the MVP 💙
I feel like alot of the people I work with definitely understand your position and wouldn't blame you or judge you at all for sending your other child to daycare while you're on maternity leave. Alot of moms do that. My sister included, who just had her 3rd! Even if someone does judge you for it, as long as you and your family knows you're a good mom, and that you love your kids and are doing what is best for you and them, then that's all that matters! Don't sweat what anyone else thinks!
Girl no!! You are paying for daycare with hard earned money from your job and you get maternity pay. Adjusting to another baby is tough and this arrangement saved me. I was able to bond with the baby, while the older child could have a semblance of normalcy during the day. Embrace the beauty of that!!
If your child is generally well behaved I assure you the teachers don’t think abt it. However if your child is one of those that has a lot of behaviors, they absolutely are wishing you’d come get him 😭 Had this same situation at a previous center of mine. The student was a tough one, and mom was home, every day the teachers would go to the break room to vent
Routine is SO important, every time my students come back from a vacation or holiday break they’re so out of whack and it takes a bit for them to get back in the swing of things and remember that school has a different schedule and set of rules than home. Especially considering you have a baby at home your home routine is a bit out of sorts for the time being and you wouldn’t be able to give as much attention to your older child right now. Being in a place he knows, with people he knows and trusts, where routine is the same despite having home routine thrown off a bit probably helps to keep him centered. I’ve seen a few kids get thrown off by having a new sibling around and having a normal day to day during the week definitely helps them to stay on track!
No judgement at all! I am curious how you’ll be able to handle 2 kids when your first isn’t in daycare. Do you have support at home to take care of him as having two is just too much at this time? I often worry about signs of PPD when women are feeling too overwhelmed to the point that they can’t take care of their children because it’s too much. Hoping you have a great support system!
Absolutely not!! Routine and structure are SO important, especially in the midst of a big life change like a new sibling. Allowing your child to continue to have that structure is helping them so much, which is not only good for them but honestly the teachers as well. A well-regulated kid who's there 5 days a week is way easier than a kid who doesn't know what to expect and is there 3 days a week. Not to mention, having alone time with the new baby is something you'll never regret.
Nope! I did it before I worked in a daycare. I needed that bonding resting time with my 2nd. So I sent my first to before and after care
I never judged parents for bringing them full time. I only judged when there was refusal to keep the kid home when needed, like when they were sick and such. Or if they left the kid at school from open to close, or the opposite and brought them later than normal because they let them sleep super late, throwing off the daycare daily schedule. Just continuing the child's normal schedule after new baby was never something i would judge for 🥰
Not at all. Thats recommended by everyone who knows anything about childhood development, postpartum, mental health, etc.
I would never judge a parent for that!!! It’s good for your kid to continue his normal routine, I personally do not like when kids get out of routine so I’d prefer he kept going 5 days regularly. Plus he enjoys it there. I don’t have my own kids but I’ve babysat for a full weekend multiple times and I want to DIE when I finally get home and can go be alone lol. I literally don’t have kids because I find that way to difficult. My first time doing a weekend babysitting gig I was 17 and was SO TIRED after two nights I literally got on birth control cuz of it 😂😂😂 If you can find any (safe obviously lol) way to make your life easier with a newborn AND toddler you take it!!!
As an infant teacher -- SEND HIM! Keep that routine, it'll benefit everyone! As a parent -- SEND HIM!! Use your village as you need (daycare is definitely part of your village!) When I had my youngest, I still sent my 4 year old. I just adjusted her hours (normally we were 615 am - 215 pm and I want getting up that early with a baby). She usually went 830 and I would pick up by 1 so she could still be with her friends and getting education and all the good stuff. Don't feel guilty, this will help every one the most
You are supposed to be sleeping/resting when the baby is. You can’t do that with a toddler at home. There have been far too many news stories about really good parents who have undergone the effects of sleep deprivation and have done horrible out of character things. that stuff will alter your brain chemistry when combined with the hormonal changes that come with having a baby. You are a fantastic mom for making a smart and safe decision for your family. Ps: Bad moms are never afraid people think they are bad moms. Please take care of yourself, you literally just made a person with your body. Whatever needs you have are valid and whoever is judging you for those needs, will always find something to judge you for and if it wasn’t you, it would be someone else. Some people really are just miserable babe 😬😬
When I was working in the toddler room, the parent I judged was the one who consistently left their son an hour past close. She would always come in with her nails freshly done and the toe separators still between her toes. Not a care in the world. She was on a voucher so she never had to pay the late fees, I stayed late for free those days. With my own child at home waiting for me. Yeah…I’m still bitter 🥴it went on for over a year with no help from the director.
I am not a teacher, but I do have 2 kids and I think it's absolutely wonderful that you are able to spend 1 on 1 time with your second! I did not get the same bonding with my second that I did my first because I had both of them, I really wish I could have given her that!
Yup
Are there things I judge parents for? Definitely. Keeping your child in their routine when they’ve had their life flipped upside down with a new baby is CERTAINLY not one of them. Now, if your child was on the doorstep 10 minutes before we opened and the last one in the building when we closed and I know you’re home, then there might be some side-eye, but there’s nothing wrong with keeping your child as structured as things can be during such an intense period of change!
I’ve been a preschool teacher for more than fourteen years. I’m also NMNK. I’m not privy to all happenings in families’ lives, nor should I be. There’s no room for judgement.
The daycare isn’t the one judging you
As a younger childless teacher, this makes so much sense to me, and I'd never judge! I'm actually more shocked when people with newer babies take their other kid home at lunch. Like in my head I have sympathy for them because I assume it's way too much to have all the kids all the time. This definitely sounds like the best choice for you!!
As a childless ECE teacher for 2-5s, absolutely not judging you and I actually recommend this to my families who can afford to keep care while being on maternity leave. My current center actually actually works with families to do drop in care for maternity leave at a cheaper rate as well for families who can't afford routine full/part time care while not working (I'm in the States so it's not a very affordable option to most to keep a child in full time care on mat leave.) Children DO benefit from routine and a new baby is a hard adjustment on everyone! You need as much rest and support as you can get after having a baby and our job is to not only teach and care for your child but to support the families as well.
As a mom and teacher, no, I don't judge. I have worked with people who did - they had way too much time on their hands and they wanted to know what all the parents were doing (and she spied on parents and coworkers in her time away from work. She got fired for calling a parent's job to see what hours the parent worked, she was simply crazy.) As far as I'm concerned, if the daycare is getting paid to keep your child, it's no one's business what you are doing during that time. When my son was young I sent him to his daycare even if I was off, because we had to pay even on days he was out. If I have to pay, you have to keep him at daycare.
I would do the exact same thing! Maternity leave is to bond with the new baby 😊
My vice is judging. Oh, and gossiping. But in this case, no. If you can afford it, use this time to bond with baby and attempt to get some sleep. You'll be a better mom for it. It's also better for your older child to maintain their routine and normalcy anyway! Seriously, it's a win-win. Cross that off your list of things to worry about.
I’ll level with you. Yes. SOME teachers will talk shit. Only child free teachers, though. People with kids of their own get it. But no, a lot of us understand. I’m child free, but I’ve been working with kids for 25 years. I’ve nannied for a lot of families that went from one kid to two, and I have no problems at all continuing to come while the parents are on leave. It’s great for the older child because it gives them a sense of normalcy, and they’re getting attention and and an outlet for their energy instead of always having to wait for Mom to nurse or be quiet bc the baby is sleeping. Plus, it’s really good for Mom to get to have that time with the new baby. You will never be able to have the same sole focus as you did with the first, but both parents and baby need that rest and bonding time just as much as the first baby did. I love being able to give that to parents. One of my favorite tricks is when mom goes out or takes the baby on a walk I like to slip in and put clean sheets on the bed and wash all of their towels and stuff. Encore Mamas deserve those little of rest and being taken care of. Wow. That was a tangent and a half. 😂 All that to say- there isn’t a damn thing wrong with keeping your older child in their routine. And anyone that tells you different is insane, especially since you have to pay to hold the spot.
Not only child free teachers will judge.
Mom and teacher here, absolutely not. Maternity leave is still a blur to me, it was fight or flight, it was hard enough with just a new baby! I can’t imagine healing from childbirth and caring for a new baby while also juggling another child whose life is now upheaved by this huge change. It’s beneficial to keep their routine, so they are experiencing as little change as possible.
i as well as all of my coworkers actually advocate for children to have little/no changes to their routine if possible. adding a new little one is already so much of a change and school can be a huge stability for these kiddos! i personally have seen harder adjustment periods for children who’s school time isn’t remaining consistent than those who are.
Daycare is a resource! Use it however you wish! I have parents who both have the summers off, but use their free time to work on hobbies and spend time together and I love that for them. I also have plenty of parents who bring their children five days a week despite being on maternity leave. Use the time to bond with the new baby and take care of yourself! We do not judge that at all! (Source: Infant room teacher and mom who plans to do the same thing when I eventually have my second)
Young educators who are new to the field I find will judge. But as a mom and someone who always connected with the families I worked with i am also so happy when the child stays and then I also get to see the baby grow during drop of and pick up throughout the year
Absolutely not judging you for this. From my experience daycare teachers know that keeping routines is the best for new transitions with kids. I’d imagine if anyone was (wrongfully) judging someone for this, it’d be other parents
You are paying for 5 days a week. You are keeping the child on a consistent schedule and that helps the teachers have a smoother day. The kid feels better because they know what to expect each day.
It’s important to keep life as stable as possible when a new baby arrives. I see no reason why your toddler shouldn’t continue his routine of daycare. Perhaps the only change may be an earlier pick up time while you are home.
Good teachers will not judge you. It's very helpful to your child to keep their schedule as consistent as possible, which is also helpful to their teachers. Enjoy your time home with your new baby!
I would enjoy the first bit of your leave to meet your new baby. Towards the end decide if you want to pull them out for a week or a few sporadic days. Going from 1 to 2 is an adjustment. Some teachers will judge, others understand fully. Fuck em all
No! I’m a mom & a teacher as well & it’s SO HARD having both at home. I might question if your child is the first one dropped off & last one picked up but I wouldn’t judge, just be curious as to what’s happening.
Absolutely not! Keeping toddler's routine consistent is great. We've had a few parents continue to bring their older child(ren) to daycare when a new baby arrives in the family. The reason is almost always something related to the older child(ren) being out of hand, rowdy, overwhelming, etc. We get it! And we are happy to help. Congratulations mama! Wishing you all the best.
there are definitely some people that do, but when that happens at my center i very quickly remind them that it would be entirely worse if they were gone for weeks and then came back an absolute mess.
As a mom and teacher, I’ve done it and would do it again. The baby needs individual attention either way, and this way the toddler still gets to have regular days.
No way! In high school my school had a daycare attached that all of the child development students worked at, and it was very common when the teachers had babies that their older kiddos would keep coming. Routine is important, socializing is important - seems like the best choice to me!
Personally, no. I'm absolutely not. But I've heard it from older providers. Some of them are judging you, but that's their own issue. We, as a society, are way too individualistic. Women (and people in general) are supposed to have support, not go it alone just because you aren't at work.
As long as I get paid I have no judgment . I think it’s good for parents to stay in daycare when a new baby comes so they can play with their friends .
Not for one second. Heal and take the time you need. Your child needs to continue a routine and it’s such a great way to keep him on a schedule. This is what would happen in large family with support. You would get time to rest and spend time to bond with your new baby. Some families like to take a week off and I thinks it’s crazy. You have so much time to let the siblings get to know each other but you have so little time to rest and bond in the beginning. Take a deep breath and let yourself just be. You deserve it and so does your new little
Nah, this is normal. I sent my kids to my workplace when I was on Mat leave.
As a teacher no. You need time to heal and recover and to bond with the new baby PLUS your older child will have meltdowns if you change routines right now!
you need your rest ant price does not change so do your job
I saw this post and came back here to share with you: https://www.reddit.com/r/toddlers/s/URFD3a54ud
No judgment here! ☺️
WE ARE NOT JUDGING YOU!! If anything, we’re thankful that you’re trying to keep the routine the same. And I don’t have children. But I do appreciate a solid routine!
Absolutely not! Honestly, some complain about part time schedules. It’s a lot harder to settle in and get in the routine of daycare. I’ve never heard or felt any judgement about full time care.
Honestly, as a person who does nursery, with so many families and stuff I wouldn’t give it any thought. We have better things to gossip about 😂
I judge parents for a lot of things but not this issue. You are paying for the spot, your toddler needs socialization and stimulation. You and baby need rest and probably have appts that are just 100x easier without the toddler. Also, if you try to keep his routine the same, it's less likely he'll regress or resent the baby.
Consistency means a lot to little people, and home life is far from it when there’s a crying, pooping baby taking up all the space. It’s nice to have something just for you, is it not? Daycare can be that. No I don’t judge. I encourage it.
Parent to parent if I could've had that space to just love on and get to know my newborn while knowing my older one was out there happy and living their best life with their nursery peers I'd have bitten your hand off for it!
Oh my goodness, no judgment at all! Almost every single mom at my daycare, that has a child in daycare and pregnant with another, kept their other child/children in daycare full time while on maternity leave. This is so good for a few reasons. Your new baby and you need time to adjust to your new routine and schedule. Your little one ,that is already in daycare, is used to the daycare schedule, and at that young age, most children thrive with consistency. In a perfect world it would be great to keep both kids home and spend time together but the reality is, the newborn stage is hard! No matter how many times a mom goes thru it!Enjoy your new baby, and maternity leave, these moments are so short!
Nope. Routine is incredibly important. You’re doing a good thing (as long as the kid isn’t there from open to close because that ish pisses me off)
Nope. Not at all. I also sent my first to school after I had my second and I was a teacher at the school. She didn’t go for a full day but those few hours in the morning were everything.
I personally wouldn’t judge and I don’t think everyone would, but I know at the centers I’ve worked at this would have been a topic of discussion amongst some of the teachers. Daycares are notoriously gossip ridden
A new baby is like a full time job, I promise you the only ones who might judge are the ones who haven't been around a newborn. Add on top of it recovering from birth? We have a little boy with 3 older siblings, they have just had a baby, and the kids are here every day, or at least the youngest ones. Kids need routines, and a new sibling is a lot, so while things change at home, when he's at school he is in a familiar environment that has a routine he is used to. Plus, a lot of kids with new siblings start taking longer naps. Babies make a lot of noise, and in a smaller home or apartment they might be waking their older siblings up.
Awwww congrats!!! So I own a preschool but my daughter is too young so she goes to a different one right now. I totally get the “are they judging me” feeling like even today I had an appointment so my husband and I both picked our daughter up together which never happens. I just kept thinking “omg are they judging me” 🙈 Consistency is sooo important especially for kids and especially when they most likely don’t have as much consistency at home currently. School is their outlet and many times I’ve found it helps with the transition bc everything in their little world has changed except for that! The thing that frustrates me in these situations is the schedule—parents on leave that come in super late and at random times, then just want to stay and hang out, or leave their kid there until the very last minute where you’re waiting to go pick up your kid and they’re there until close every single night and many times they’re the only ones there.Congrats again and best of luck in one of the biggest/toughest transitions ever!! ❤️
I find the people that judge the most are the ones that don’t have kids themselves. I completely understand, and when I give birth to baby #2 and go on ML, my toddler will most likely be in daycare the majority of the time too.
I don’t even have a job or a new baby and I send both my kids 3 days a week. I guess I am a full time student but this summer I won’t be in school and will still be sending them. Edit: I can’t believe how judgemental some people in this sub are. As if I am not allowed to have a support system while getting an education. As if I don’t have to hold my kids’ spot for the summer so I can go back to school in the fall. If you think parents paying for their kids to get an early education is bad then why are you in the field? If you are judging parents like this you are the problem.
I see a lot of comments on this sub of teachers judging parents who send their kids to daycare/preschool when they are off work. What I think they aren’t noticing is that sometimes when someone is off of work, they might have other things to do that require childcare for one or more of their children. They also aren’t recognizing that a lot of times the child themself may want to go to school and play with their friends rather than stay home, especially if they are very social. There is also the most obvious, which they should be most understanding of, is that kids thrive on routine! When you randomly take a child out of their normal routine, especially if it’s for a significant period of time, it can be difficult for the child to adjust when it is time to go back. So are people judging you? Probably. That’s what everyone does to parents. It’s apart of the package. At I personally judging you? Nope! You are doing what’s best for your family, and that is the best thing a parent can do! Also, personally I completely understand the need to send them to childcare for your own personal reasons too.
Nobody is judging you.