There are SO many things that could be going on. Perhaps the child is getting molars or going through a growth spurt where things just feel uncomfortable. I wouldn't worry about the child "starving" and continue offering the regular food. Sometimes, kids just go through periods of "surviving on air" where they don't eat much. I personally would also stop telling mom her toddler is "having a hard day." It seems like mom comes to get the child often, so it may be reinforcing "if I cry, mom will come." Do what you can to redirect the child when the meltdown starts. Maybe they just need some extra love for a few weeks?
I forgot to say that she's definitely teething off and on--in fact, that was the initial reason they gave for her crankiness, which was why I didn't like how the conversation jumped to "you're just not feeding her enough". The child is also very bonded to me (she calls me Mommy, no matter how many times I correct it) and so when she's miserable, it's tough as she doesn't want comfort from other staff and just wants to be attached to my hip all day, which we have been working on getting her away from as it is.
Could you maybe work on teaching her some self soothing techniques? I had one child who cried a lot and always wanted to be held. We worked with her to learn to get a stuffy to snuggle, and she also learned to kind of rock herself. Yes, we still snuggled her a lot, but sometimes no one was available to hold her because we had to do diapers and snack and things. Maybe start telling her "I can't hold you right now because I need to do X. Can you get a stuffy and rock it for me? I will give you a big hug when I'm done."
Honestly with this mom I would video her child refusing to eat or picking at her food, and send the video to mom so that she knows that the child is being fed and that the child is being picky.
That may be a gray area and could get her into trouble. I worked at a center before where we are observing behaviors at school that a child was not having at home. I asked my supervisor if we could record said behavior to show to the interventionist helping the family outside of school, since we were unable to arrange and time for them to come in, as was told we could not and the parents could sue us for that if we didn’t get their explicit permission to do so first.
I would imagine that would be because you’re sending the video of the child to an outside third party. I imagine the vast majority of centers have some sort of app communication where photos and videos are sent daily to the parents/guardians alone. At my center it’s normal to take and send photos of all aspects of the day, it’s a selling point in fact, and snack/meal times are included in that.
I should have clarified this. We were not going to send the video. We were going to set up a meeting afterschool with the interventionist to view the video on the device it was recorded on (which had no WiFi or internet access, an old school digital camera) at the in person meeting and show the family as well. The interventionist was unable to come observe the child during school hours (8am-3pm) because of her other clients, but was available to meet after school (after 5pm).
We had permission from the family to share any written or verbally communicated information regarding the child and their behaviors with the interventionist. However, we never were granted consent to share video or photo documentation of said behaviors. This was the issue. Not that we were speaking to a third-party, who we were toldz by the family to work with, but that we did not have permission to record their child outside of the scope of our normal daily photo and video taking. We couldn’t specifically record the behavior, but if the behavior happened in the background of a video we were already recording (for example, we often recorded circle time and posted it to our class app) then it was allowed. Obviously, if the behavior was happening in the background, we wouldn’t post the video lol. It was a very sticky legal situation.
I wonder if she's liking the fruit pouches and soup because they're soft and soothing on raw gums? Will she take some yogurt or a "popsicle" (basically a frozen smoothie with yogurt, fruit, and veg)?
Document everything; what food she was offered, when, her response, etc in a communication book if you use that kind of system. Your tracks will be covered that way, and if you need to escalate by getting management involved you will be able to point to what you did to try and make it work. If mom does send food, document what the child eats or doesn't eat from that food. The only way to combat wild accusations is with factual information.
Document a ton! Mom should have already been notified that it was noticed little miss wasn’t eating as much. Do you guys use an app where you send home information about their day? If so, make sure you accurately document how much or little she is eating. She could be going through a phase, or it could be a sign of something going on at home. So be vigilant.
Document via feeding diary even if you don't share it in full.
You could also ask that mother send "always acceptable" foods but I would advise you (and to let her know also) that you will not throw away any foods so uneaten items get packed away again. With a fractious parents always document on paper as well even if it's for your own records. But I think it's a good option to offer, even if you have to put in some boundaries around it.
With a parent that is often combative, I try to be as least reactionary as possible, and to not take anything personally. It sounds like this parent has some significant trauma and other issues. You probably are going to need to adjust your expectation about cooperation/appreciation on her part. If something is implied, just let it roll of your back and do not react other than to answer direct questions, or say thank you for her providing further information. Grey rocking can really calm that down. And honestly, when I slip into that mode with a difficult parents, it also often helps ME stay unruffled emotionally too so I can maintain a connection to them, which is important.
Have you tried pureeing her food? Works great for my LO when he's teething or just being extra fussy for whatever reason. Sometimes spoon feeding him helps.
Unfortunately When in a childcare center/school that really isn’t something that can be done. Food is served for the whole class not based on individual child (toddler and up).
The act of using a stick blender takes 30 seconds. The prep, planning, and cleanup do not take 30 seconds. Storing extras does not take 30 seconds. Dealing with the food waste does not take 40 seconds. A stick blender does not retail for $30seconds.
“It takes 30 seconds!” is a hummingbird that can peck you to death. Lots of things only take 30 seconds, but 30 seconds is still a measurable amount of time, and time isn’t the only cost here
Well yeah if you really overcomplicate it then it might take longer. It takes me 30 seconds including clean up. There is no planning or prep as the meal is already made and there is less waste because my toddler actually eats his food.
Unfortunately at my center, all food modifications had to be signed off by a doctor. So unless there's a medical reason for this girl to have her food blended (i.e she has no teeth, she has a malformation in her mouth, etc), our cook would be breaking state regulations. Doing that would lead to an investigation and her possibly being fired. So it's really not as easy as just blending it up when you're in a childcare center.
Are you following the sane sanitation, safety standards and licensing ratios as a center? No? Then you aren’t doing the same work that you’re telling other people to do
Yes, and who is going to step out of the classroom to go to the kitchen? Who is going to wash and sanitize the blender? In what sink? And what bowl will you use to puree it in? Where will you store it? Who will wash and sanitize that? Who will wash and sanitize all the surfaces you did it on? And who will watch the kids while you do it?
Everything sounds easy until you actually have to deal with it in a licensed work environment.
Who is already in the kitchen making the food? Surely they must be used to catering to different dietary requirements? Pureeing food seems very easy in comparison to making an alternative dish for a kid who is lactose intolerant, for example.
They serve foods without allergens so that everyone can eat the same food. It’s a matter of cutting things smaller at that point, not pureeing food. Puréed foods for babies typically come from home.
My son's nursery does whatever dietary requirements the kids need, including vegetarian, halal etc. If they made food that everyone could eat it would probably be plain rice.
I would imagine that is rare. Specialized food comes from home, or the things that are selected crossover well can be eaten by kids with many diets. There’s no way the kitchen staff is making three or four different meals at most daycare centers.
Im in the United States. In my state, which is Missouri school is a bit free facility. They accommodate for certain food allergies/dietary preferences. For instance, I have a child who was dairy and egg free because of allergies. But he could have it baked in. So they provided dairy free cheese, and soy/rice milk , and will give a substitute for that child.
Almost two is tricky. Is your center equipped to offer a variety of foods?
At some of the centers I've worked at, there'd be a few options (we had menus for the week) with children who were pickier, I negotiated to offer them a finger foods tray of the different menu options. I found that picky eaters will eat something if they have a choice.
A few types of fruit, cheese, sandwich etc. I don't know how your center is set up so this may not be an option but if it is definitely explore it.
Also note: 23 months can be cranky for so many reasons. With teething headaches can happen. Loud noises and l8ghts can exasperate that. Maybe try directing tot for some quiet time when she's starting to melt down.
Quiet time would be a relatively quieter space with books for coloring, reading,playing with sand, etc. Something that Allows the toddler to wind down without winding down.
I might be wrong but it is possible that the baby has some autistic traits - meltdowns and food refusal are early signs (among other things). If she has a tantrum, you can stop it by offering the item she is being upset about. Meltdowns are different and can’t be stopped until they run their course - there is no on/off switch. If she prefers some foods, is it possible to get those foods for her? Having a hangry kid is not helping anyone.
I hate to say it but if the mother is an addict could the child have possibly been born with an addiction and is going through withdrawal? If they're going through withdrawal and teething it could cause serious meltdowns.
Unless mom is still breastfeeding or is giving the child drugs, a 23 month old would not be going through withdrawal. If baby was born exposed to drugs, there's a very high chance kiddo is going to have behavioral and emotional regulation problems her entire life.
OP, if you think this child has been exposed to drugs via breastmilk or parental neglect, you are required to report it to child services.
Mom has already been removed from the home at least once that I know of and has (I think) gone through treatment or is going through treatment. I'm not privy to the current details. But she is not BFing. Her relatives have more than once referred to the child as a "crack baby" in someone else's presence, so it's almost guaranteed that Mom was using during the pregnancy. I should add that I already document everything she is offered and how much of it she eats, I do that for EVERY child as I feel that is important.
I’d say her behaviour and mom’s reaction is enough to warrant a call to CAS. The irrational behaviour, and child’s emotional state could be because the mom is using again.
for what it’s worth, extensive studies have shown that crack and cocaine use have no impact on childhood development or outcomes past newborn stage. there are a couple symptoms that are present when the baby is first born, but they quickly even out with out children.
> If baby was born exposed to drugs, there's a very high chance kiddo is going to have behavioral and emotional regulation problems her entire life.
Yep this is a great point. These isn't great research on substance exposed children versus the wealth of knowledge on FAS (although if there were illicit drugs during pregnancy, there often is also alcohol use) but neurodevelopmental impacts are associated and can look like a wide variety of things (learning issues, developmental delays, behavioral issues...). Around age two would be a time where previously subtle differences here would start to become more apparent compared to same-aged peers.
But, honestly, if mom is an addict, even in the off chance the child was not exposed to drugs prenatally, the parent-child relationship is likely disrupted, leading to attachment issues and/or trauma-related behaviors from the child.
there are actually several massive longitudinal
studies on the effects of crack and cocaine use during pregnancy.
they have found that there are NO long term effects to childhood development. what we attribute to crack use by the mother is typically a result of extraneous trauma and social circumstance.
true about crack/cocaine — luckily those babies seem to come out unscathed. Opioid use during pregnancy is associated with neurodevelopmental issue though.. I would assume today a parent struggling with addiction is probably an opioid user.
OP said that relatives had referred to the child as a “crack baby”- which is a horrible thing to say about a child, but it also why i commented specifically about crack/cocaine use.
can i ask why you’d assume the parent was struggling with opioids? i work in addictions and personally know more parents who struggle with stimulant use, though opioids are a close second.
I missed the crack baby comment. I would assume most addicts are polypharmacy users but I assuming opioids I guess based on my own experience. I work with kids with disabilities. All the ones who were drug exposed were opioid exposed; the parents dealing with addiction are dealing with opioid addiction. I know a lot of kids who have lost a parent due to an accidental overdose. Perhaps that is just my own bias because the babies exposed to stimulants aren't in need of services so I don't come across them.
absolutely i do!!!! these are newspaper articles but they reference and summarize some very reputable peer reviewed studies, and have interviews with the head researchers.
https://www.inquirer.com/philly/health/20130721__Crack_baby__study_ends_with_unexpected_but_clear_result.html
https://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/27/health/27coca.html
I am really worried about that. OP , if you are worried either about the mother herself or the child or both you should talk to the correct people.
(I do apologize for suggesting they still maybe breastfeeding I've seen weirder things lately it's crazy)
Breastfeeding until age 2 is not that crazy. But I agree that if they think something more is going on with mom or the kid then they should make a report.
I think it may depend on the age of the commenter. Millennials mostly understand BF until around age 2 or 3 is more the accepted ‘medical’ suggestion now, even if most western countries’ average age of weening is probably more like 12-18mo at oldest. Even if it’s super uncommon in a lot of places to go beyond, it’s certainly not weird or gross or anything negative at all.
I don't want anyone to feel wrong weird or gross about doing what you feel is best for your child! As long as your children are happy and loved and that you are doing your best to make sure all their needs are met then that is what is important!
Thank you for soothing me on my concerns that I was wrong, I appreciate you.
Also, saying that a kid is "still breastfeeding" at that age can mean almost anything. As a nanny, the 2.5-year-old I care for still breastfeeds a few times a day. Not for very long, and he only gets a tiny percentage of his daily calories and nutrition from it, because at this point it's more about having those few minutes to cuddle with his mom without interruption. His mom stopped pumping a long time ago, so I haven't prepped a bottle of pumped milk or formula for him since he was able to start drinking cow's milk.
It’s actually super ironic you’re apologizing for suggesting BF 2yr old, when in fact it’s your apology which is the “offensive” suggestion, that it’s weird to do so. lol.
“Offensive” in quotes because I definitely understand you’re not intending to be.
Well I had like two or three comments saying the baby's age like I was wrong to suggest it, so then I'm like oh is it weird I didn't think it was but maybe I'm in the wrong.
I'm more used to working with kids who are definitely eating solids so from like late threes and up. So I do tend to forget when people stop with the milk and start with more solid foods.
hey just so you know- all the most reputable longitudinal data have found that crack or cocaine exposure in utero has no correlation to long term health or behavioural issues. most of these issues we perceive as being due to crack or cocaine exposure are actually due to other trauma or socio-economic barriers
This was my first thought. She could be dealing with long-term effects of drug withdrawal. And perhaps Mom is using other less-serious (but still harmful) drugs to wean herself off of the harder drugs, and the girl is inhaling the smoke from either cigarettes or marijuana. Definitely not something I would bring up with the mom unless the child is smelling strongly of such, and unfortunately, not much you can do about it (unless you live in a state where marijuana is still illegal).
Comfort the baby as much as you can. She will eat when she’s hungry. And maybe take and send pictures of the child with the plate of food in front of her.
It depends on if the child is still breastfeeding or not most substances can transmit through breast milk and if they are still drinking it they're still getting the substance. Now if they were recently weaned then they would be gone through withdrawal. But this is just a theory.
Hopefully the mother gets the assistance she needs.
Edit reading back through I'm really worried about the child calling OP mother, do we know if the child also calls their mother, mother? I don't want to speculate but I have personally seen the similar problems where a child who wasn't getting enough attention at home started gravitating towards child care minders. Especially with the information that all they are getting is fruit pouches and soup that's a very quick 'get out of my face' kind of food. I.e. throw it at the kid and go do something else.
Best you can do is just show the child positive self-soothing techniques but also show them boundaries that crying will not always get them what they want and if possible mashup some of the food that is served if that's what they're used to having more mashy foods.
Continue reinforcing that you're not "Mommy" and I would also create a healthy step back, I guess, where when they start getting too clingy perhaps tell them that you are needed somewhere else but you have a stuffed animal friend that they would like to perhaps hold on to that way they're not always on you.
I have cared for the same kid since he was five months old (he’s three years old now). He sometimes calls me mom, and I quickly shut that down. Now all it takes is raised eyebrows and then he calls me by my name. Mom is a special title with specific rights and responsibilities, and I will never take that from his rightful mom. They toyed with calling me Aunt (name), and that would have been ok, but we eventually landed on Nanny (name) or just (name).
I bring it up because maybe it's not withdrawal, but a more serious issue such as FAS or something related.
Withdrawal is not the only issue that can happen to a child of an addict. FAS and related issues could be presenting itself right now in this almost-2-year-old.
I am well aware of everything you are saying and more.
The commenter ONLY mentioned withdrawal, so I replied to that. Any other comments you have about other topics don't really make sense in this thread as a reply to me.
It sounds like the child is teething and their mouth hurts. I don’t know if this is a thing everywhere but the center I worked at had teething toys we put in the freezer and we sanitized them between every use. I don’t know if that’s an option for you guys but that could help with the fussing. As far as the eating goes try offering various soft foods and purées. Ideally they would be on solids at that age but if they’re teething and can’t chew those might be an easier way to ensure the child eats.
My son has really bad days when he is teething. I actually stick to baby food pouches for him whenever he is teething usually because it’s uncomfortable to eat solids. My son a bit older than this though and is a picky eater.
I would just keep offering the child whatever it is that’s being served to all of the other children and whatever Mom says just in one ear and out the other. if the mother is actually having the issues that she is having she’s gonna complain and she’s not gonna do anything beyond that. What was offered for lunch and how much the child ate. I doubt the mother would call the authorities, possibly looking into the home life as well to see if there’s neglect that the child will not eat food and if the mother is having those issues she doesn’t want that they start digging a little bit deeper
Tread lightly? She’s an addict, you call child protective services and tell them something is going with this kid. Her behavior is due to something happening at home. Have you worked with babies of addicts? They are likely in withdrawal and could have even gotten into something in the home.
FACS is already involved with this family (and so are independent family support & development workers), like I said, Mom has been in treatment and was taken out of the home. No, I haven't worked with babies of addicts (knowingly) before because that's not been a common thing in our small town.
Off topic but are you really an INTJ? I love that. Ok with all the services mom has, is it possible to reach out to the child’s caseworker and ask if they have a liaison for babies going by through withdrawal? They might have a lead on a person that can come in and share tips/evaluate.
She’s not an infant who is detoxing -
She’s 23 months old.
They are NOT “likely in withdrawal” -
What an ignorant comment for someone who claims to have worked with this population to make…
Wow
> jump to conclusions of various kinds or accuse us of just wanting to send her home for ratio reasons.
Unless this is a state facility, kick the family out with the explanation that they are clearly not satisfied by the level of care your facility can provide and the child would be best served at a facility that meets the parent's standards.
My money is on that the child has screen time while eating at home. Food without becomes boring, and the fruit is at least giving some dopamine back to that part of routine.
There are SO many things that could be going on. Perhaps the child is getting molars or going through a growth spurt where things just feel uncomfortable. I wouldn't worry about the child "starving" and continue offering the regular food. Sometimes, kids just go through periods of "surviving on air" where they don't eat much. I personally would also stop telling mom her toddler is "having a hard day." It seems like mom comes to get the child often, so it may be reinforcing "if I cry, mom will come." Do what you can to redirect the child when the meltdown starts. Maybe they just need some extra love for a few weeks?
I forgot to say that she's definitely teething off and on--in fact, that was the initial reason they gave for her crankiness, which was why I didn't like how the conversation jumped to "you're just not feeding her enough". The child is also very bonded to me (she calls me Mommy, no matter how many times I correct it) and so when she's miserable, it's tough as she doesn't want comfort from other staff and just wants to be attached to my hip all day, which we have been working on getting her away from as it is.
Could you maybe work on teaching her some self soothing techniques? I had one child who cried a lot and always wanted to be held. We worked with her to learn to get a stuffy to snuggle, and she also learned to kind of rock herself. Yes, we still snuggled her a lot, but sometimes no one was available to hold her because we had to do diapers and snack and things. Maybe start telling her "I can't hold you right now because I need to do X. Can you get a stuffy and rock it for me? I will give you a big hug when I'm done."
Honestly with this mom I would video her child refusing to eat or picking at her food, and send the video to mom so that she knows that the child is being fed and that the child is being picky.
That may be a gray area and could get her into trouble. I worked at a center before where we are observing behaviors at school that a child was not having at home. I asked my supervisor if we could record said behavior to show to the interventionist helping the family outside of school, since we were unable to arrange and time for them to come in, as was told we could not and the parents could sue us for that if we didn’t get their explicit permission to do so first.
Yeah, I highly doubt mom would be receptive to a video of that nature in this situation 😬
I would imagine that would be because you’re sending the video of the child to an outside third party. I imagine the vast majority of centers have some sort of app communication where photos and videos are sent daily to the parents/guardians alone. At my center it’s normal to take and send photos of all aspects of the day, it’s a selling point in fact, and snack/meal times are included in that.
I should have clarified this. We were not going to send the video. We were going to set up a meeting afterschool with the interventionist to view the video on the device it was recorded on (which had no WiFi or internet access, an old school digital camera) at the in person meeting and show the family as well. The interventionist was unable to come observe the child during school hours (8am-3pm) because of her other clients, but was available to meet after school (after 5pm). We had permission from the family to share any written or verbally communicated information regarding the child and their behaviors with the interventionist. However, we never were granted consent to share video or photo documentation of said behaviors. This was the issue. Not that we were speaking to a third-party, who we were toldz by the family to work with, but that we did not have permission to record their child outside of the scope of our normal daily photo and video taking. We couldn’t specifically record the behavior, but if the behavior happened in the background of a video we were already recording (for example, we often recorded circle time and posted it to our class app) then it was allowed. Obviously, if the behavior was happening in the background, we wouldn’t post the video lol. It was a very sticky legal situation.
I wonder if she's liking the fruit pouches and soup because they're soft and soothing on raw gums? Will she take some yogurt or a "popsicle" (basically a frozen smoothie with yogurt, fruit, and veg)?
We would write down every time we offered food and if the child refused we’d write that down as well. So parents could see we were offering food.
Document everything; what food she was offered, when, her response, etc in a communication book if you use that kind of system. Your tracks will be covered that way, and if you need to escalate by getting management involved you will be able to point to what you did to try and make it work. If mom does send food, document what the child eats or doesn't eat from that food. The only way to combat wild accusations is with factual information.
Document a ton! Mom should have already been notified that it was noticed little miss wasn’t eating as much. Do you guys use an app where you send home information about their day? If so, make sure you accurately document how much or little she is eating. She could be going through a phase, or it could be a sign of something going on at home. So be vigilant.
Document via feeding diary even if you don't share it in full. You could also ask that mother send "always acceptable" foods but I would advise you (and to let her know also) that you will not throw away any foods so uneaten items get packed away again. With a fractious parents always document on paper as well even if it's for your own records. But I think it's a good option to offer, even if you have to put in some boundaries around it. With a parent that is often combative, I try to be as least reactionary as possible, and to not take anything personally. It sounds like this parent has some significant trauma and other issues. You probably are going to need to adjust your expectation about cooperation/appreciation on her part. If something is implied, just let it roll of your back and do not react other than to answer direct questions, or say thank you for her providing further information. Grey rocking can really calm that down. And honestly, when I slip into that mode with a difficult parents, it also often helps ME stay unruffled emotionally too so I can maintain a connection to them, which is important.
Have you tried pureeing her food? Works great for my LO when he's teething or just being extra fussy for whatever reason. Sometimes spoon feeding him helps.
Unfortunately When in a childcare center/school that really isn’t something that can be done. Food is served for the whole class not based on individual child (toddler and up).
What do you do about allergies?!
Often times schools will not serve any foods with allergens so all the children can eat the same foods.
We offer an easy alternative. Hand pureeing food is definitely not something we have manpower for.
It takes 30 seconds with a stick blender. They're very cheap if you don't have one already.
The act of using a stick blender takes 30 seconds. The prep, planning, and cleanup do not take 30 seconds. Storing extras does not take 30 seconds. Dealing with the food waste does not take 40 seconds. A stick blender does not retail for $30seconds. “It takes 30 seconds!” is a hummingbird that can peck you to death. Lots of things only take 30 seconds, but 30 seconds is still a measurable amount of time, and time isn’t the only cost here
Well yeah if you really overcomplicate it then it might take longer. It takes me 30 seconds including clean up. There is no planning or prep as the meal is already made and there is less waste because my toddler actually eats his food.
Unfortunately at my center, all food modifications had to be signed off by a doctor. So unless there's a medical reason for this girl to have her food blended (i.e she has no teeth, she has a malformation in her mouth, etc), our cook would be breaking state regulations. Doing that would lead to an investigation and her possibly being fired. So it's really not as easy as just blending it up when you're in a childcare center.
Are you following the sane sanitation, safety standards and licensing ratios as a center? No? Then you aren’t doing the same work that you’re telling other people to do
I'm sure adding the stick blender attachment to the already huge pile of washing up isn't going to mess up your licensing ratios all that much.
….do you hear yourself?
Yes, and who is going to step out of the classroom to go to the kitchen? Who is going to wash and sanitize the blender? In what sink? And what bowl will you use to puree it in? Where will you store it? Who will wash and sanitize that? Who will wash and sanitize all the surfaces you did it on? And who will watch the kids while you do it? Everything sounds easy until you actually have to deal with it in a licensed work environment.
Who is already in the kitchen making the food? Surely they must be used to catering to different dietary requirements? Pureeing food seems very easy in comparison to making an alternative dish for a kid who is lactose intolerant, for example.
They serve foods without allergens so that everyone can eat the same food. It’s a matter of cutting things smaller at that point, not pureeing food. Puréed foods for babies typically come from home.
My son's nursery does whatever dietary requirements the kids need, including vegetarian, halal etc. If they made food that everyone could eat it would probably be plain rice.
I would imagine that is rare. Specialized food comes from home, or the things that are selected crossover well can be eaten by kids with many diets. There’s no way the kitchen staff is making three or four different meals at most daycare centers.
Not sure why you’re getting downvoted, my kids nursery does the same.
Not every school has a lunch program
Im in the United States. In my state, which is Missouri school is a bit free facility. They accommodate for certain food allergies/dietary preferences. For instance, I have a child who was dairy and egg free because of allergies. But he could have it baked in. So they provided dairy free cheese, and soy/rice milk , and will give a substitute for that child.
Almost two is tricky. Is your center equipped to offer a variety of foods? At some of the centers I've worked at, there'd be a few options (we had menus for the week) with children who were pickier, I negotiated to offer them a finger foods tray of the different menu options. I found that picky eaters will eat something if they have a choice. A few types of fruit, cheese, sandwich etc. I don't know how your center is set up so this may not be an option but if it is definitely explore it. Also note: 23 months can be cranky for so many reasons. With teething headaches can happen. Loud noises and l8ghts can exasperate that. Maybe try directing tot for some quiet time when she's starting to melt down. Quiet time would be a relatively quieter space with books for coloring, reading,playing with sand, etc. Something that Allows the toddler to wind down without winding down.
I might be wrong but it is possible that the baby has some autistic traits - meltdowns and food refusal are early signs (among other things). If she has a tantrum, you can stop it by offering the item she is being upset about. Meltdowns are different and can’t be stopped until they run their course - there is no on/off switch. If she prefers some foods, is it possible to get those foods for her? Having a hangry kid is not helping anyone.
I hate to say it but if the mother is an addict could the child have possibly been born with an addiction and is going through withdrawal? If they're going through withdrawal and teething it could cause serious meltdowns.
Unless mom is still breastfeeding or is giving the child drugs, a 23 month old would not be going through withdrawal. If baby was born exposed to drugs, there's a very high chance kiddo is going to have behavioral and emotional regulation problems her entire life. OP, if you think this child has been exposed to drugs via breastmilk or parental neglect, you are required to report it to child services.
Mom has already been removed from the home at least once that I know of and has (I think) gone through treatment or is going through treatment. I'm not privy to the current details. But she is not BFing. Her relatives have more than once referred to the child as a "crack baby" in someone else's presence, so it's almost guaranteed that Mom was using during the pregnancy. I should add that I already document everything she is offered and how much of it she eats, I do that for EVERY child as I feel that is important.
That kind of instability can cause a lot of issues all on its own, even without drug exposure.
I’d say her behaviour and mom’s reaction is enough to warrant a call to CAS. The irrational behaviour, and child’s emotional state could be because the mom is using again.
for what it’s worth, extensive studies have shown that crack and cocaine use have no impact on childhood development or outcomes past newborn stage. there are a couple symptoms that are present when the baby is first born, but they quickly even out with out children.
> If baby was born exposed to drugs, there's a very high chance kiddo is going to have behavioral and emotional regulation problems her entire life. Yep this is a great point. These isn't great research on substance exposed children versus the wealth of knowledge on FAS (although if there were illicit drugs during pregnancy, there often is also alcohol use) but neurodevelopmental impacts are associated and can look like a wide variety of things (learning issues, developmental delays, behavioral issues...). Around age two would be a time where previously subtle differences here would start to become more apparent compared to same-aged peers. But, honestly, if mom is an addict, even in the off chance the child was not exposed to drugs prenatally, the parent-child relationship is likely disrupted, leading to attachment issues and/or trauma-related behaviors from the child.
there are actually several massive longitudinal studies on the effects of crack and cocaine use during pregnancy. they have found that there are NO long term effects to childhood development. what we attribute to crack use by the mother is typically a result of extraneous trauma and social circumstance.
true about crack/cocaine — luckily those babies seem to come out unscathed. Opioid use during pregnancy is associated with neurodevelopmental issue though.. I would assume today a parent struggling with addiction is probably an opioid user.
OP said that relatives had referred to the child as a “crack baby”- which is a horrible thing to say about a child, but it also why i commented specifically about crack/cocaine use. can i ask why you’d assume the parent was struggling with opioids? i work in addictions and personally know more parents who struggle with stimulant use, though opioids are a close second.
I missed the crack baby comment. I would assume most addicts are polypharmacy users but I assuming opioids I guess based on my own experience. I work with kids with disabilities. All the ones who were drug exposed were opioid exposed; the parents dealing with addiction are dealing with opioid addiction. I know a lot of kids who have lost a parent due to an accidental overdose. Perhaps that is just my own bias because the babies exposed to stimulants aren't in need of services so I don't come across them.
That’s interesting and very very good news. Do you have any interesting articles about that?
absolutely i do!!!! these are newspaper articles but they reference and summarize some very reputable peer reviewed studies, and have interviews with the head researchers. https://www.inquirer.com/philly/health/20130721__Crack_baby__study_ends_with_unexpected_but_clear_result.html https://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/27/health/27coca.html
I am really worried about that. OP , if you are worried either about the mother herself or the child or both you should talk to the correct people. (I do apologize for suggesting they still maybe breastfeeding I've seen weirder things lately it's crazy)
Breastfeeding until age 2 is not that crazy. But I agree that if they think something more is going on with mom or the kid then they should make a report.
Breastfeeding at 2 is incredibly normal and encouraged by medical professionals. 👍🏻
Okay cool, thank you because I was wondering if I was wrong when people were saying that the child was two why would they still be breastfeeding?
I think it may depend on the age of the commenter. Millennials mostly understand BF until around age 2 or 3 is more the accepted ‘medical’ suggestion now, even if most western countries’ average age of weening is probably more like 12-18mo at oldest. Even if it’s super uncommon in a lot of places to go beyond, it’s certainly not weird or gross or anything negative at all.
I don't want anyone to feel wrong weird or gross about doing what you feel is best for your child! As long as your children are happy and loved and that you are doing your best to make sure all their needs are met then that is what is important! Thank you for soothing me on my concerns that I was wrong, I appreciate you.
Also, saying that a kid is "still breastfeeding" at that age can mean almost anything. As a nanny, the 2.5-year-old I care for still breastfeeds a few times a day. Not for very long, and he only gets a tiny percentage of his daily calories and nutrition from it, because at this point it's more about having those few minutes to cuddle with his mom without interruption. His mom stopped pumping a long time ago, so I haven't prepped a bottle of pumped milk or formula for him since he was able to start drinking cow's milk.
It’s actually super ironic you’re apologizing for suggesting BF 2yr old, when in fact it’s your apology which is the “offensive” suggestion, that it’s weird to do so. lol. “Offensive” in quotes because I definitely understand you’re not intending to be.
Well I had like two or three comments saying the baby's age like I was wrong to suggest it, so then I'm like oh is it weird I didn't think it was but maybe I'm in the wrong. I'm more used to working with kids who are definitely eating solids so from like late threes and up. So I do tend to forget when people stop with the milk and start with more solid foods.
hey just so you know- all the most reputable longitudinal data have found that crack or cocaine exposure in utero has no correlation to long term health or behavioural issues. most of these issues we perceive as being due to crack or cocaine exposure are actually due to other trauma or socio-economic barriers
That's wonderful to hear! Gives these precious babies a better chance if the parents are guided and monitored through parenting.
This was my first thought. She could be dealing with long-term effects of drug withdrawal. And perhaps Mom is using other less-serious (but still harmful) drugs to wean herself off of the harder drugs, and the girl is inhaling the smoke from either cigarettes or marijuana. Definitely not something I would bring up with the mom unless the child is smelling strongly of such, and unfortunately, not much you can do about it (unless you live in a state where marijuana is still illegal). Comfort the baby as much as you can. She will eat when she’s hungry. And maybe take and send pictures of the child with the plate of food in front of her.
All in all , I wish the best of luck for everyone involved
Wow, my first read through the post I completely missed that part. That's so sad 😭💔
The child is 2 years old
It depends on if the child is still breastfeeding or not most substances can transmit through breast milk and if they are still drinking it they're still getting the substance. Now if they were recently weaned then they would be gone through withdrawal. But this is just a theory. Hopefully the mother gets the assistance she needs. Edit reading back through I'm really worried about the child calling OP mother, do we know if the child also calls their mother, mother? I don't want to speculate but I have personally seen the similar problems where a child who wasn't getting enough attention at home started gravitating towards child care minders. Especially with the information that all they are getting is fruit pouches and soup that's a very quick 'get out of my face' kind of food. I.e. throw it at the kid and go do something else. Best you can do is just show the child positive self-soothing techniques but also show them boundaries that crying will not always get them what they want and if possible mashup some of the food that is served if that's what they're used to having more mashy foods. Continue reinforcing that you're not "Mommy" and I would also create a healthy step back, I guess, where when they start getting too clingy perhaps tell them that you are needed somewhere else but you have a stuffed animal friend that they would like to perhaps hold on to that way they're not always on you.
I have cared for the same kid since he was five months old (he’s three years old now). He sometimes calls me mom, and I quickly shut that down. Now all it takes is raised eyebrows and then he calls me by my name. Mom is a special title with specific rights and responsibilities, and I will never take that from his rightful mom. They toyed with calling me Aunt (name), and that would have been ok, but we eventually landed on Nanny (name) or just (name).
Things like Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and related issues follow you throughout life.
True but not at all what we are talking about? She specifically said withdrawal.
I bring it up because maybe it's not withdrawal, but a more serious issue such as FAS or something related. Withdrawal is not the only issue that can happen to a child of an addict. FAS and related issues could be presenting itself right now in this almost-2-year-old.
I am well aware of everything you are saying and more. The commenter ONLY mentioned withdrawal, so I replied to that. Any other comments you have about other topics don't really make sense in this thread as a reply to me.
Well, pardon me for trying to give other ideas. Have the day you deserve.
It sounds like the child is teething and their mouth hurts. I don’t know if this is a thing everywhere but the center I worked at had teething toys we put in the freezer and we sanitized them between every use. I don’t know if that’s an option for you guys but that could help with the fussing. As far as the eating goes try offering various soft foods and purées. Ideally they would be on solids at that age but if they’re teething and can’t chew those might be an easier way to ensure the child eats.
My son has really bad days when he is teething. I actually stick to baby food pouches for him whenever he is teething usually because it’s uncomfortable to eat solids. My son a bit older than this though and is a picky eater. I would just keep offering the child whatever it is that’s being served to all of the other children and whatever Mom says just in one ear and out the other. if the mother is actually having the issues that she is having she’s gonna complain and she’s not gonna do anything beyond that. What was offered for lunch and how much the child ate. I doubt the mother would call the authorities, possibly looking into the home life as well to see if there’s neglect that the child will not eat food and if the mother is having those issues she doesn’t want that they start digging a little bit deeper
Tread lightly? She’s an addict, you call child protective services and tell them something is going with this kid. Her behavior is due to something happening at home. Have you worked with babies of addicts? They are likely in withdrawal and could have even gotten into something in the home.
FACS is already involved with this family (and so are independent family support & development workers), like I said, Mom has been in treatment and was taken out of the home. No, I haven't worked with babies of addicts (knowingly) before because that's not been a common thing in our small town.
Off topic but are you really an INTJ? I love that. Ok with all the services mom has, is it possible to reach out to the child’s caseworker and ask if they have a liaison for babies going by through withdrawal? They might have a lead on a person that can come in and share tips/evaluate.
I'm totally an INTJ, which can be a challenge in the daycare setting at times, yes. Thanks. And thanks for the suggestion.
She’s not an infant who is detoxing - She’s 23 months old. They are NOT “likely in withdrawal” - What an ignorant comment for someone who claims to have worked with this population to make… Wow
The affect’s are life long. Especially seen in the birth to 5. Get a clue.
> jump to conclusions of various kinds or accuse us of just wanting to send her home for ratio reasons. Unless this is a state facility, kick the family out with the explanation that they are clearly not satisfied by the level of care your facility can provide and the child would be best served at a facility that meets the parent's standards.
My money is on that the child has screen time while eating at home. Food without becomes boring, and the fruit is at least giving some dopamine back to that part of routine.