I'm okay with children getting into conflicts with one another. I'm always on stand by and watching from the periphery, but if kids start to argue with one another about how to play with the blocks, or taking turns with the dolls...it shows me they're appropriately figuring out how to communicate with one another. Much better than the children immediately resorting to hitting or pushing.
Exactly! I’ve seen some pretty impressive examples of 4/5 year-olds solving their own issues; sometimes another kid will act as peacemaker between two who are fighting! But they have to be trained in that and given space to practice on their own.
Yes, this would be my answer too! Great one!
I also don't stop children from expressing their emotions with one another, even with yelling. If someone hurts another or does something mean, I feel like it is more than justified to yell "STOP, no, you hurt me, I'm mad" etc. I see a lot of teachers step in and try to have the conversation in a sing-song voice "Oh, so-and-so, let's stay calm and use nice words" etc. and I just feel like that is so unrealistic and it doesn't respect the harmed child's experience and their feelings.
I let kids work it out for the most part unless I feel one (or both) of them needs help with framing their feelings or problem solving. Kids (at least the ages I worked with, 3-5) are quite capable. One thing I would see that is kind of funny is that if one child didn't want to share and the other child is trying to play together but then gets frustrated, they will leave and the one child will be left alone. That was once my own son and I saw the conflict happen and afterwards he looked over to me teary eyed and I'm like, well?! What do you expect? If you are unwilling to share, sometimes that is the natural consequence, friends won't want to play.
A lot of times when adults step in, we are keeping kids from learning these things.
In a conversation with another adult, I learned a lot about my own bias. She was talking about her husband, who was Italian, and the issues she had associating with his family. She found them extremely loud, boisterous, and overly emotional. She felt that their straightforward approach was over the top and insensitive.
I had been struggling with a similar issue from the opposite perspective. People “like her” felt buttoned-up and dishonest to me. In the community where I grew up, women who used an overly sweet, polite tone to your face were catty behind your back.
I caught myself being a hater and then realized we are both functional adults with jobs and lives who happen to disagree on politeness and might always find each other annoying. It’s amazing how early that starts, isn’t it?
idk though as an autistic person from the first type of family, I find the second sort super difficult and tiring to deal with lol. Please just communicate clearly with me instead of playing weird petty etiquette games!!
Yes! I love watching them work out their own conflicts! So many times I’ve had teachers who want to immediately step in and end the argument. That’s such a valuable time for them to learn how to work things out and most of the time, they do! Of course if it gets out of control I’ll step in but most of the time it’s not necessary.
I love when my kiddos figure out how to communicate. It can take some time, but when that skill starts showing up and gets practiced a lot it’s really cool!
We have a few kids who take forever to use the bathroom because they’re too busy looking at themselves in the bathroom mirror, sometimes posing 😂 the behavior is a bit challenging but I love their confidence
I don’t mind toy dumping. I will redirect you to clean up alllllll day long. You will learn quickly that it is just nooooooot worth your time. I have a sensory bin just for that feeling.
A lot of teachers get frustrated. But I have noooo problem standing near you directing you to pick up toys.
One of my biggest issues with a supply staff we had was that she would watch the kid bump a bin, let them walk away, then clean up the toys. No! Have the child clean it! It made me want to scream
I usually don't mind it, but we have some kids that will dump a bin, then just sit next to it and cry while you try to redirect them to clean. Even helping them, they won't do it. It's worse at the end of the day because they know their parents are coming soon and will stall all the way up until their parents pick up and escape having to clean.
I have 100% asked a parent to wait before because so help me I’ll win.
I think my favorite was I had a group of 3s, farrrr too old to be bucket dumping, who tore up my home center and then spent half an hour goofing instead of cleaning.
So I sent the rest of the class outside to play on scheudle. And explained to my three rebels that we could hang out all day or they could clean up the way they knew how.
They were so astounded they cleaned the home center in 10 minutes. And the next day A goes to B “I think we probably shouldn’t dump all the buckets today.”
Haha, yeah, we've done the latter too. It was a half an hour into outside play before the 3 that refused to clean their mess were finally able to join the group outside because they were just THAT stubborn.
I started with my daughter helping me clean up bins by like 15-18 months old (depending on the child) but as soon as they can help pick something up put it away make it part of the process to have them help. It’ll take three times as long at first, but it pays off
Challenging behaviors are typically frustrating for me, but one I did find amusing due to the sheer ridiculousness of it was a kiddo who pooped his pants out of anger because he had to wait for me to change the littler kids' diapers before we could all go out and play outside. The part that made me laugh despite how gross the clean up and all was was LIKE, in my head, I'm thinking 'buddy, what was the POINT? Now you have to wait even LONGER!'
I had this one kid many years ago. Another girl in my class had a family member bring her a change of clothes bc she had on a sweatsuit and it ended up being way warmer than expected. This boy saw this and immediately demanded to change his clothes, but what he was wearing was fine for the weather and plus he had only shirts and underwear in his cubby anyway.
He harassed me the whole morning about changing and got more and more upset. Finally at lunch, he gets the bright idea that if he pees himself, I’d HAVE to let him change. Well remember that he only had underwear in his cubby? And I unfortunately did not have access to the extra clothes box at the moment 😢😢 He only came half-days so he had to go home in a shirt and underwear. Not a happy camper at all lol. I let his grandma know what happened.
If he had stayed the whole day, I’d have found him some pants but no guarantee that they wouldn’t have been pink and floral.
Oh, I love when they get angry. One, it's such an important emotion to express. Two...sometimes it's just a little funny. I DON'T LAUGH! But, ya know, when you have a 20 month old that thinks they are looking and sounding so menacing!!! Still, validate those feelings and show healthy ways to show that anger.
Honestly, I don't mind tantrums overall because they're developmentally appropriate and they can be a safe way to let out those emotions. You wanna throw yourself out on the floor and scream at the top of your lungs? So long as you're not hurting anyone, go ahead. That's okay. When you calm down, we'll work on other tactics! But it's safer than banging their head into something or hurting another kid out of frustration.
Also agree, whining is a hard stop. I can handle crying, screaming, shrieking. But if you whine....\*eye twitch\*
It's not even a challenging behavior, more of a pet peeve: crawling around pretending to be animals. It's fine when they're outside but in the classroom it always seems to be a precursor to more rowdy forms of play.
I get it! One year we had 3 little girls who we called The Kitty Girls because they were cats all day, every day. They weren’t disruptive but once in a while I would just want them to communicate with me or the other kids in words, not meows.
One teacher at my old center couldn’t let the kids play puppies anyone cause someone would always be the “owner” and boss everyone around and tell them to do tricks over and over
I don't mind the loners as much as others seem to do. My co-teacher always gets upset when we have one or two children that refuse to participate in the group activities. I don't care. We have so many opportunities for them to build their cooperative skills.
On the flip side, I don't care for the clinging whiny ones but they do. So it balance out.
Mine wasn’t the kids, it was my co-teacher. My co-teacher was mentally handicapped. So while she was 25, mentally she was about 12. She had a favorite child, and would spend literally hours holding him. I’m wrangling 9 other kids who all want to be held and snuggled, too, and she’d ignore them all to just wander around holding the kid.
I finally snapped after about 3 weeks of trying to nicely get her to help out, and told her that I don’t care one bit that his grandma was your teacher 10 yrs ago, or that you go to church with his parents, PUT HIM DOWN NOW, and help me change these diapers.
She changed HIS, and then tried to hold him!! I took him from her, set him down, told him to go play, and told her she had 4 more diapers to change. She kept trying to sneak back to him, and I warned her I would have her transferred to a different class if she didn’t actually help me.
It was a nightmare. She was basically the 11th child I had to constantly keep an eye on. She had a tendency to give in to whatever kids wanted to keep them quiet. One kid would fight sleep until someone came by and patted his butt (but not lightly..the kid wanted to be damn near spanked). I told her she had to stop, and while she could sit in the chair near him and occasionally tell him to close his eyes, or make sure he wasn’t acting up (he was a biter who would be fine one second, then BAM, other kid is bleeding, screaming, and has Biter’s signature 3-tooth-print somewhere on them). She thought she could just hold him all day instead of Favorite.
No ma’am. He gets one time per day. If he bites anyone after that, call his dad for pickup. I can’t restrain him or have eyes on just him 24/7, and once his dad was inconvenienced 2-3 times, he managed to break the kid of that habit. She never had any clue what was going on, despite me having a schedule posted, or seeing me cleaning, changing, doing stories or circle time (she said she couldn’t read the kids stories, yet she read Twilight 18273859 times, and never talked about anything but those stupid books). I had to constantly ask her to check on an upset kid, or remind her to shut the door when she came in/out. Had to tell her to help me set up lunch, or do diapers, or do bibs, or set up cots, she never could figure out that we do the same thing every single day, on a schedule. It was the most draining part of my day.
I finally told the director, who quietly observed me doing everything, including 90% of her job, too, and was like “Girl, if you can’t handle helping Panda, we’ll have to change your class.” They tried sending her to all the other rooms, and no one else would work with her. She eventually lost the job, but honestly she wasn’t safe for the kids. She let them run, snuck them candy, never cleaned up, had to be reminded to go use the bathroom and to wash her hands after. She wasn’t hateful, but she was rough, and grabbed them a little too hard, squeezed them a little too much, etc. got frustrated super easily.
I get she was disabled, and I tried to cut her slack and show some grace to her, but just because you can hire someone for a tax break, and only pay her $4.50/hr, doesn’t mean they are a good fit, or qualified to do it. There’s a reason 12 year olds can’t work there. She might physically be 25, but mentally, she’s only 6 years older than the oldest kid we had. She made my job 110% harder. My best days were the ones when she was out sick, and I got a float for the day.
Omg I have a nearly identical story! I just sent an email to my boss about getting my previous co-teacher out of my room last month. She has down syndrome and initially I had no issue working with her, but I sort of expected her to "get it" after a few months and she *did not.* I'm autistic, so I figured I could even understand taking longer to learn things. I wrote up lists for her; her duties, who the potty training students were, etc. I really tried. But the children didn't listen to her *at all*, leaving me to do all of the classroom management. I also was relieved when she was out sick. It's not a good feeling. Now I'm hearing that the other teacher they put her with doesn't want her either. It's really a shame. She loves the kids, she just doesn't seem to have what it takes.
I actually don't mind when toddlers don't want to share. Sharing is a complex social skill, and it's developmentally appropriate for littles to not share. Instead of trying to force toddlers to share, I just tell the child who wants the toy/activity that they will get a turn when the first child is done. Biting however is my trigger. I know it's developmentally appropriate, but I hate it. Perhaps it's because I was bitten frequently when I was in daycare myself.
Developmentally expected doesn't make it safe, or comfortable. It's totally reasonable to really dislike biting.
As a MOM my response to biting was to ABRUPTLY put the child away from my body and say "ouch! That hurts! Be gentle!"
The surprise and abruptness makes the act of biting unpleasant for them, too. (Otherwise it has no effect on them. They may not even notice they've done it. ... But this is harder when the person being bitten is not you, for sure ❤️🩹.)
I’m the same way re: sharing. Sometimes you’re just NOT DONE with something—you shouldn’t have to relinquish every single thing you try to engage with just because someone asks you to. Now, if a kid is walking around with a toy or material for an extended amount of time and it’s clear that they’re not actually PLAYING with it, they’re just hoarding it? If it is indeed a school toy and not their personal item from home, then I’ll redirect them to something else that they’ll actually ENGAGE with so someone else can have a turn with the thing they’re hoarding. But that’s also part of developing play skills.
It’s funny after the fact.
The fact being that the other ones being climbed on/knocked over/stepped on/pushed around weren’t seriously injured
Only then it can be funny.
/s (if needed this was said in a jokey way, not a “matter of fact” way)
I absolutely love the ‘NO!’ phase. ‘No’ is such an important word, and it drives me crazy (negatively) when other teachers/parents try to tell the child they aren’t allowed to say no. Every child should be allowed to set boundaries. It is so important to learn to say no, especially when faced with something we do not want to do. (Ex. I tell parents that if a child says no to a hug from me, not to push it. They don’t want a hug right now and that is OKAY).
Of course, is a child says ‘NO DIAPER!’ at diaper time, that’s different. But also a great teaching moment, because then we can talk about how I can see they don’t want to stop playing to get a clean diaper, but it is important to change so they can stay clean and not get a diaper rash.
No phase is best phase.
My son is 15 months and we just went to the doctor.
“can I look at your ears?” “No”
“This is my tongue. Can you show me your tongue?” “No”
“Do you want to look at my cool stethoscope?” “No”
He is so polite about it but he is so firm and I find it hilarious
The no phase cracks me up too! I always just respond with “okay. 🤷🏻♀️”
I’ve always had to stop myself from rolling my eyes when I hear another teacher admonish a child for daring to utter the word “no.” A lot of the time I can tell it’s coming from a place of control—“You don’t tell your teachers ‘no’!”
Lady they’re two, the concept of respect is not a thing for them. They’re literally still figuring out what words mean.
EDIT: I mean it goes without saying but the “okay 🤷🏻♀️” will be followed by me continuing with typical classroom management, obviously. Like if a child says no to a diaper change, I’ll acknowledge, hey I get it, you don’t want your diaper changed right now, but we’re gonna change your diaper because it’s my job to keep your body safe, and sometimes your grownups need to make choices for you to keep you safe, etc. something like that.
like, i get you don’t want your diaper changed. or maybe you just enjoy saying “no”. but that doesn’t mean i’m going to let you sit in your own waste, sorry kiddo. 😂
Exactly!! I’m doing this for your health and safety, and the health and safety of others, because I’m the only person in this equation whose frontal lobe is FINISHED, so I’m gonna be making the health and safety decisions, thank you very much, but you’re allowed to feel however you want to feel about that. 🤣
I agree. I find it more frustrating reminding kids that they have autonomy and can take charge of their own problems than teaching kids to tone it down. Mostly because the former is either due to a lack of confidence or some form of weaponized incompetence where they’ve started relying on someone else to speak for them/tell them how they should feel or to stand up for them. I definitely admire the kids who are already assertive, know how to use their voice, or try everything possible before asking for help. They are already working on their problem solving skills, and demonstrate resilience/self confidence. It’s much easier to teach a kid that when they start feeling frustrated that it’s time to ask for help or how to phrase things better to get what they want.
The weaponized incompetence just gets to me and I have to make the conscious effort to remind myself to be more empathetic in how I respond to those kids. There will be kids sitting looking at me while Suzy is sitting on her hand saying “Suzy is sitting on my hand”. “Suzy bumped into me”. Like tell her that?? Like do you really need me to tell you to move your hand? There are kids who come over and tell me this child was calling them mean things or ordering them around during pretend play but then they continue to play with said child everyday. Maybe that’s not the best person to play with?? I have to remind them that it’s their choice who they play with and they should start enforcing their own boundaries.
People will label them “needy” kids but it’s very much created at home. They are typically more sheltered such that they are used to someone else always taking care of any problem they face and so they look to someone else even when they don’t need it. It’s like they already don’t trust their natural instincts or gut because mom or dad would always step in or probably over policed their behaviors and now they don’t know what to pick. I think it’s most annoying because it’s a problem created by poor parenting decisions and the solution is unlearning already ingrained lessons rather than learning new things.
Thanks for this perspective shift on my assertive, determined, independent kid.
Even though I’ve deliberately cultivated this by (like you say) giving her space to do things herself and the chance to struggle before she succeeds, her strength of will is kind of full on and a lot to content with at home. But you’ve made me realise that kids with less autonomy could be demanding in a different way and you can’t just somehow add that drive in at a later age if it hasn’t been nurtured.
I’m glad I was able to give you more perspective! It’s really about how you frame things. I have teachers talking negatively about kids who will go ask a different teacher the same question even when another already said no. In my brain that kid is smart enough to recognize that teachers don’t always agree or communicate, and is simply attempting to problem solve to get what they want.
If your child is the way you described you’ve definitely given them the right tools to foster independence, which is ultimately what parents are here for. The other side of the coin is avoiding hyperindependent tendencies or perfectionism but that’s more about how you teach them to handle failure/mistakes. I’ve noticed kids tend to learn those types of responses based on observing you via modeling ideal behavior rather than listening to you explicitly explaining it. It’s about how we react when we ourselves mess up, fail, make a mistake, or hurt others.
Additionally, kiddos who experience a lot of learned helplessness will often, at least in my experience, engage in power struggles in different areas because they still feel that desire for independence, they just don’t know how to express it because they “can’t do it.”
In my experience, if you’re able to help the super headstrong kids develop the skills to actually DO the things they want to do independently (within the realm of safety and developmental appropriateness obviously), they feel more confident and are maybe LESS inclined to engage in power struggles with their caregivers (outside of the extent to which small children are just…going to do that anyway). Not ALWAYS the case, of course, but this has just been my experience.
Also, helping them develop new skills gives them a chance to practice emotional regulation, which is HUGE and something that children need to be taught and supported in.
That is def a better term for the examples I was giving and I guess I am talking about both when I mean I find it difficult. That’s actually really interesting to think about because the behavior itself is not so different but motivation/intent or blame is what’s different, which makes one term’s imply a more negative characterization.
I guess the line is drawn depending on when people think the individual actually becomes responsible for their actions and whether you can decipher their motivation. The example of learned helpless would be telling the adult “Suzy is sitting on my hand” instead of knowing to just move it or the toddler who drops their fork next to their chair and reaches out for it crying waiting for you to hand it to them instead of standing up and just grabbing it.
Weaponized incompetence is more deceitful like the kid purposely trying to get out of a task they have learned the skill for by feigning inability so someone will just do it for them. It’s more about escape and avoidance of an unpreferred task. Like the kid who demands you to put their shoes on even though you’ve seen them do it independently 100x. Sometimes I also see this as means of getting 1:1 attention, not just with task avoidance.
I would hope with learned helplessness people would direct their annoyance towards the parent and not judge the child, but with weaponized incompetence people start attacking the kid’s character. Even if kids are engaging in weaponized incompetence the only reason it works for them is because somebody is reinforcing it so responsibility should still be put on the adult to enforce better boundaries and not give in.
Regardless of the type a kid is engaging in I get annoyed at all of it because it’s the behavior itself I find annoying in like a face palm type of way. I have to consciously remind myself that the reason they’re still doing it is because someone is reinforcing it either out of over sheltering or avoiding enforcing boundaries to prevent tantrums. Both become equally frustrating because you cannot modify the behavior if other adults aren’t also reinforcing the learned behavior.
I like when they argue with each other and it stays within themselves (as in they don’t tattle to me). They’re figuring out great social skills through conflict and as long as no one’s getting hurt, I just watch.
I honestly don’t mind crying. I work with older preschoolers who don’t cry much, and when they do I feel like it’s needed and cathartic. Plus then we get to talk it out and use some mindfulness strategies, or I get to snuggle a sweet little sniffling boo.
Not that I reward tears or let them use crying to avoid consequences.
I love kids who ask a ton of questions out of sheer enthusiasm and curiosity, even when they aren’t relevant. Yes it can slow things down and be annoying when you’re trying to do a lesson, but I love finding ways to use what they said and encourage their curiosity.
I also don’t mind kids with wild emotional swings, especially if they are pretty honest and affectionate. Several kids like that have been treated as troublemakers because they just had so many emotions that they wore on their sleeves, and the teacher (or parents) found it exhausting to deal with them. But I’ve had some success building relationships with those kids, and letting them feel comfortable around me, so that they can begin to learn emotional control as well as self expression.
I hate spitting beyond anything. Like not the kids that spit unintentionally when they talk, but the kids who deliberately blow raspberries all the time (past the baby stage), put water in their mouth just to spit it at you, etc.
But the one I “love” is the separation anxiety. I have been known as the one to slowly calm a child down and get them loving the place within a few weeks whereas coworkers will be like “nope. This is too much for me”.
I love sassy kids.
I also don’t mind when they argue a punishment/consequence. Let them plead their case. Sometimes they have a perspective that makes me rethink things.
I always like the "naughty" mischievous children. They were my favorite. The ones who don't fit in a box and tell you I'm turning that box into a circle just watch me. Oh they were a handful climbing shelves, trying to escape the room, no being the favorite word. But the challenge in finding out what makes them tick and how am I going to get through that was awesome.
I had a little girl who was super hyperactive with no filter and extremely impulsive. She did things that made me laugh all the time but I had to hide it 😭 one of the funniest ones was yelling out "Penis!" on the playground lolll! Another time she took her shoes off and was absolutely smaking the floor with her concrete grippers. Was super disruptive to the class, but it would have been too much fun being her nanny or something!
I liked the "lawyer" kids, the ones who would find loopholes in what you said, or sass back with a smart-ass answer. Like I know it's kinda disrespectful but I always had to hold back my laughter at their quick thinking and problem solving skills to get what they want.
I also have a huge soft spot for anxious kids, I totally get it, even though it's really tricky to help them when all they want is mum/dad.
My least favourite behaviour to deal with is being physically attacked, like kids who get angry and will kick/bite/try to hurt you/other kids.
I’m a behavioral therapist so I deal with kids who have aggressive behaviors, and more challenging behaviors like undressing, self injurious behaviors and spitting. I’m known for being a therapist who’s willing to take on challenging cases and is sort of OK with anything.
What gets to me, though, is kids who *have* the ability to do something, and simply will refuse to try to do it at all until an adult steps in and helps. This can be with anything from opening their applesauce to dressing and undressing to standing up for themselves and communicating their needs. I know that a lot of this starts at home, and these kids usually have parents who will step in and do everything for them, so it’s almost a learned helplessness, even if they have the ability. I work with a lot of kids on basically teaching them how to trust their instincts and their own abilities.
Idk if this counts but when I ask them why they did something.
One of my students kicked a ball right at another girl during lunch and it hit her and made her spill her food. After cleaning the other girl up I asked the first one why she kicked the ball at her friend. She shrugged and said “I think I kicked it at the wrong angle.” I don’t know what I was expecting but it wasn’t that.
The “whys”. I love being able to then turn it back and ask them to explain. (Obviously answering questions they don’t know.) They end up feeling really smart and it stops the endless “why?”
So if I say “Friends, we’re going to put our toys away!”
“Why?”
“Friends why do we put our toys away?”
“Uh, so we can find them again!”
“Good job! So we can find them again!”
Had a child a few years back who, when overwhelmed, would just drop to the floor, lay on their back and scream to the ceiling or sky. I was so damned envious!
Not necessarily a challenging behavior but I don’t mind the kids calling me teacher. It drives some teachers nuts and they always correct the kids - “My name isn’t teacher, it’s Mrs. So and so”. It just doesn’t bother me.
I don’t mind it when kids cry. I of course want to help them get through it, and I don’t want them to be upset. But I always feel better after a good cry, and I know they need to express their emotions. I was always a crier growing up, and unless I was seriously injured it was always met with stop crying, you’re fine or anger. I relish the opportunity to validate their feelings, offer my support, tell them it’s okay to be sad, help them regulate and teach them coping skills. The hardest part about kids crying in my opinion is often most adults reactions.
I’ll bet they do it a lot after that! I only chase a runner if it’s potentially dangerous. Is your facility safe enough? Be careful not to reinforce it because they could run from parents or grands not able to get them and in an unsafe place.
I don’t influence them to do it. I follow the daycare policy about that. This is just the face they make when they do it that is funny. I laugh inside, I don’t show that I find it funny.
YES!!! I love a stubborn kid! Way, way back when I was an infant teacher the day I met this one baby (we'll call her G) I told her parents- "this kid will rule the world if you can survive her teenage years"! I'm still good friends with the family and this is still rings true today! G has always been so head strong, stubborn, knows what she wants and will find a way to get it. These kids are the ones I truly love to take care of. I enjoy helping them navigate those big feelings and watching them get stronger in their head and heart. Sometimes I have to remember not to get in a battle of wills with them though, because adults lose those all the time 🤣
kids saying hurtful words doesn’t phase me. every time a kid tells me “i hate you” i always tell them “that’s okay!” my co teacher was amazed by it lol. that really triggered her but it doesn’t bother me at all. the kids really don’t have to like me! but 99% of the time when they say that, they’re just mad and they love me again in 5 minutes, and i always know that when they start saying things like that to me
weirdly enough, when the babies get into a yelling phase. it can totally be irritating but redirecting by teaching them how to whisper is so funny. hearing a baby whisper-babble?? cutest thing ever
Oh man. I had a baby (maybe a very young toddler by that time) in my room who loved to make, like, pterodactyl noises at the top of her lungs. Particularly while others were asleep. She and I practiced being “quiet pterodactyls” (complete with flapping “wings” because I am a dork) and eventually I could remind her to be a quiet pterodactyl because her friends were napping and she would whisper-shriek and flutter her hands. It was the _cutest thing._
Sometimes their attitude makes me laugh! Even though they mean it and probably don’t get the humor, I have a dry sense of humor and I can’t help but chuckle when they make blunt comments or get super dramatic about something.
“She said it’s yoga day BUT ITS NOT 🙄🙄 UGH” sometimes I’ll even get a “BRO” or “God”. It’s like they are 4 going on 16. Kills me. I have to try so hard not to laugh sometimes!
I teach infants and when they're right around that year mark a few of them start actually rolling their eyes and testing out their sass levels and it's honestly fricken hilarious because they've obviously learned it from someone and think it works
I work with 12-24 month olds and towards the end of my room they often play the “why” game. I see other teachers get aggravated but I’m just happy they are talking to me.
Sometimes it’s fun to jump down the “why” rabbit hole with a child until you get to the point we’re you just say “I don’t know”. It shows them adults are learning about the world too and there are still some things we do not know.
Maybe id be more annoyed by the why phase of it was constant on my room and with every child, but for now it’s just a select few have done it usually right before they are ready to transition up to the next room.
I love sassy kids with an attitude. Some teachers can’t stand when the older preschoolers have an attitude but I think it’s absolutely hysterical. The kids at my center with the biggest attitudes are very funny and also usually like when you give it back to them.
I don't mind the attitudes and back talking 😂 it drives my lead crazy somedays, but when a kid tells us "ugh I already knoowwww you don't need to tell me" I just look at them and tell them "ok, but can you say that in a different tone of voice for me?" They're 4/5 they're like the teenagers of preschool 😂 they're just feeling some big feelings and annoyance 99% of the time. I feel the same way as an adult, but I learned how to filter myself.
I shouldn't but it's always a bit funny to me when a child is so angry that they get to the point where they forget what they're angry about and then come out of it a bit confused.
The second one is a language one, where they say a regular word like a swear word, it's way funnier than intentional swearing.
Thirdly, I enjoy teaching toddlers boundaries, they just want to be so loving but they have to learn to gain consent and allow their peers to say yes or no, that includes when they tackle hug others and can take a bit of time to learn.
And the other thing I'm firm on is that I want the toddlers in my care to engage in the room but I will not force them to sit down and engage unless they want to, I do try to do one planned experience a day and I try to get them to engage in one to two group times to aid growing their attention span but there are some days where they are too lent up for group time and I won't push it. They've got literal years of being forced to sit down in schooling.
My favorite is babies who can't walk yet bullying each other. One baby in my class was like a crawling shark who would pick on one specific friend and pull their clothes or try to stand up using them as a ladder.
Everything but meanness! So I went into teaching kids with intellectual disabilities. Seen a lot so far but only one kid with genuinely mean behavior.
Patient, semi enthusiastic still and like a behavioral challenge? Get a cert and come get that sped money! Or even be a para or 1:1 aide. We are DESPERATE for good workers.
When they try to learn what the boundaries are and where the line is during play. It’s draining but it does make me happy because it’ll help them later on.
Anything 2’s related. I love love the age cuz once you’ve mastered them they still find something to get you! I love going into a classroom full of havoc and finish out the year with 8-16 amazing little friends.
the arguing. i’m not talking about the constant “no”. i’m talking about the preschoolers who try to defend their argument with reasons as to why they are right. especially when they argue with their friends. it’s so entertaining to watch where the conversation goes before (or if) intervention is needed.
I don’t have any that I “like” or “enjoy” necessarily—my answer might have been different four or five years ago before the burnout set in—but there are some that I definitely don’t necessarily MIND as much.
Like, I don’t enjoy tantrums (except for the odd funny tantrum…you know the ones I’m talking about). But I’m not going to begrudge a kid having one, or scramble to stop them from happening. If I can recognize that a kid is being triggered by something and help step in and de-escalate/co-regulate before it gets to a boiling point, I will, but if I can’t? Go ahead and let it out. I get it. You’re mad. Go ahead and be mad, and when you’re done you’re done. 🤷🏻♀️
NOW, have I been in situations where I’m in massive sensory overload or I’m being pulled in a dozen different directions and you’re a child experiencing a tantrum and I just need to remove myself OR YOU from the room momentarily? Yes absolutely, because I’m a human being with a fried nervous system. You can still throw down! Just throw down over THERE and let me finish reading this book or changing this diaper or taking this sip of water.
Some teachers treat tantrums like they’re something much bigger and more nefarious than they are, and while they can be symptomatic of an issue that needs to be further addressed (like in OLDER children, for example), honestly I just remind myself that these children are still learning how to function in a tiny body that’s full to the brim of conflicting emotions, and a big part of my job is to teach them how to navigate that! The least I can do is provide a safe space for them to process their big feelings.
It’s the screaming for me. To sum it up, I get migraines. It’s hard to find time to focus on one child throwing a tantrum when a room full of kids, toys, and laundry needs my attention.
Can handle: Mad, Aggressive, NO!, big wailing crocodile tears-for show, "oh no I just climbed up here and am stuck...."
Can't deal have to tap out: Spitting, barfing
I love spicy backtalk/oppositional kids. (As long as they are not my biological children lol) It really doesn't irritate me at all, I don't get into power struggles, I don't care to have the last word. I do have to watch out sometimes because if the kid is witty or at some points I have to really resist cracking a smile.
I don't have any problem with children who don't yet understand how to handle interpersonal conflict and keep wanting adults to intervene. That doesn't mean I actually intervene when they can work the problem out themselves. But I am happy to facilitate their working it out with other children, going over big problems vs small problems, helping them deal with other feelings, etc. It seems like literally EVERYONE else says that "tattling" is the one thing they don't want to deal with. Sometimes kids get that tone of voice that seems to annoy every single adult except me ("whining"), and I don't mind that either. I don't know why these things push so many teachers' and assistants' buttons, but it sure seems like they do, over and above a lot of other behaviors that cause many more problems for other children.
Whenever a child doesn’t end a turn with something, I’d say, “This belongs to everyone, not just you. You’ve had a turn. Now, it’s someone else’s turn.” I offer several choices, just as you do. If they want to complain, I let them. After this happens enough, the kid starts to realize that I’ll be just as protective of them when their turn comes again.
When there’s whining, I say “Enough” in either Greek, Hebrew, or Arabic. (Kids know that, when my English takes a break, they need to do so, too.) I calmly say, “When you whine or cry while you’re talking, I don’t understand your words. I want to hear what you have to say. Take all the time you need. When you’re ready to talk calmly and clearly, I’ll still be hear to listen.)
Clingy/whiny kiddos. Whining has never really bugged me and some of the things they say when they're in that mood are absolutely hilarious. And i love the kiddos that just want to be little ducklings and follow your every move. Eventually they get older and dont want constant love and to be with their teachers 24/7 so i enjoy the clingy phase while it lasts. But i have a co-teacher who hates it😂😂 she deals with our spitters while i get the whiners and clingers😂
I'm okay with children getting into conflicts with one another. I'm always on stand by and watching from the periphery, but if kids start to argue with one another about how to play with the blocks, or taking turns with the dolls...it shows me they're appropriately figuring out how to communicate with one another. Much better than the children immediately resorting to hitting or pushing.
Exactly! I’ve seen some pretty impressive examples of 4/5 year-olds solving their own issues; sometimes another kid will act as peacemaker between two who are fighting! But they have to be trained in that and given space to practice on their own.
Awww I love the little peace makers. That is always so interesting to watch unfold.
Yes, this would be my answer too! Great one! I also don't stop children from expressing their emotions with one another, even with yelling. If someone hurts another or does something mean, I feel like it is more than justified to yell "STOP, no, you hurt me, I'm mad" etc. I see a lot of teachers step in and try to have the conversation in a sing-song voice "Oh, so-and-so, let's stay calm and use nice words" etc. and I just feel like that is so unrealistic and it doesn't respect the harmed child's experience and their feelings. I let kids work it out for the most part unless I feel one (or both) of them needs help with framing their feelings or problem solving. Kids (at least the ages I worked with, 3-5) are quite capable. One thing I would see that is kind of funny is that if one child didn't want to share and the other child is trying to play together but then gets frustrated, they will leave and the one child will be left alone. That was once my own son and I saw the conflict happen and afterwards he looked over to me teary eyed and I'm like, well?! What do you expect? If you are unwilling to share, sometimes that is the natural consequence, friends won't want to play. A lot of times when adults step in, we are keeping kids from learning these things.
In a conversation with another adult, I learned a lot about my own bias. She was talking about her husband, who was Italian, and the issues she had associating with his family. She found them extremely loud, boisterous, and overly emotional. She felt that their straightforward approach was over the top and insensitive. I had been struggling with a similar issue from the opposite perspective. People “like her” felt buttoned-up and dishonest to me. In the community where I grew up, women who used an overly sweet, polite tone to your face were catty behind your back. I caught myself being a hater and then realized we are both functional adults with jobs and lives who happen to disagree on politeness and might always find each other annoying. It’s amazing how early that starts, isn’t it?
idk though as an autistic person from the first type of family, I find the second sort super difficult and tiring to deal with lol. Please just communicate clearly with me instead of playing weird petty etiquette games!!
Yes! I love watching them work out their own conflicts! So many times I’ve had teachers who want to immediately step in and end the argument. That’s such a valuable time for them to learn how to work things out and most of the time, they do! Of course if it gets out of control I’ll step in but most of the time it’s not necessary.
I love when my kiddos figure out how to communicate. It can take some time, but when that skill starts showing up and gets practiced a lot it’s really cool!
We have a few kids who take forever to use the bathroom because they’re too busy looking at themselves in the bathroom mirror, sometimes posing 😂 the behavior is a bit challenging but I love their confidence
I had a kid KISS THEIR REFLECTION IN THE TOILET PAPER HOLDER! I was like…ma’am. I am glad you love yourself. But toooooo much
gonna start taking notes and doing some mirror posing, I need a confidence booster😂
I don’t mind toy dumping. I will redirect you to clean up alllllll day long. You will learn quickly that it is just nooooooot worth your time. I have a sensory bin just for that feeling. A lot of teachers get frustrated. But I have noooo problem standing near you directing you to pick up toys.
One of my biggest issues with a supply staff we had was that she would watch the kid bump a bin, let them walk away, then clean up the toys. No! Have the child clean it! It made me want to scream
I had a kid once who was so frustrated with me he went “go do something else.” And I was like “buddy this is what they pay me to do. I got all day”
I usually don't mind it, but we have some kids that will dump a bin, then just sit next to it and cry while you try to redirect them to clean. Even helping them, they won't do it. It's worse at the end of the day because they know their parents are coming soon and will stall all the way up until their parents pick up and escape having to clean.
I have 100% asked a parent to wait before because so help me I’ll win. I think my favorite was I had a group of 3s, farrrr too old to be bucket dumping, who tore up my home center and then spent half an hour goofing instead of cleaning. So I sent the rest of the class outside to play on scheudle. And explained to my three rebels that we could hang out all day or they could clean up the way they knew how. They were so astounded they cleaned the home center in 10 minutes. And the next day A goes to B “I think we probably shouldn’t dump all the buckets today.”
Haha, yeah, we've done the latter too. It was a half an hour into outside play before the 3 that refused to clean their mess were finally able to join the group outside because they were just THAT stubborn.
New mom here, At what age can I start getting my toddler to pick up a dumped toy bin?
I started with my daughter helping me clean up bins by like 15-18 months old (depending on the child) but as soon as they can help pick something up put it away make it part of the process to have them help. It’ll take three times as long at first, but it pays off
Thanks for the reply. Maybe mine is 12m and I can tell we’re not quite there yet.
Challenging behaviors are typically frustrating for me, but one I did find amusing due to the sheer ridiculousness of it was a kiddo who pooped his pants out of anger because he had to wait for me to change the littler kids' diapers before we could all go out and play outside. The part that made me laugh despite how gross the clean up and all was was LIKE, in my head, I'm thinking 'buddy, what was the POINT? Now you have to wait even LONGER!'
I had this one kid many years ago. Another girl in my class had a family member bring her a change of clothes bc she had on a sweatsuit and it ended up being way warmer than expected. This boy saw this and immediately demanded to change his clothes, but what he was wearing was fine for the weather and plus he had only shirts and underwear in his cubby anyway. He harassed me the whole morning about changing and got more and more upset. Finally at lunch, he gets the bright idea that if he pees himself, I’d HAVE to let him change. Well remember that he only had underwear in his cubby? And I unfortunately did not have access to the extra clothes box at the moment 😢😢 He only came half-days so he had to go home in a shirt and underwear. Not a happy camper at all lol. I let his grandma know what happened. If he had stayed the whole day, I’d have found him some pants but no guarantee that they wouldn’t have been pink and floral.
Oh, I love when they get angry. One, it's such an important emotion to express. Two...sometimes it's just a little funny. I DON'T LAUGH! But, ya know, when you have a 20 month old that thinks they are looking and sounding so menacing!!! Still, validate those feelings and show healthy ways to show that anger. Honestly, I don't mind tantrums overall because they're developmentally appropriate and they can be a safe way to let out those emotions. You wanna throw yourself out on the floor and scream at the top of your lungs? So long as you're not hurting anyone, go ahead. That's okay. When you calm down, we'll work on other tactics! But it's safer than banging their head into something or hurting another kid out of frustration. Also agree, whining is a hard stop. I can handle crying, screaming, shrieking. But if you whine....\*eye twitch\*
It's not even a challenging behavior, more of a pet peeve: crawling around pretending to be animals. It's fine when they're outside but in the classroom it always seems to be a precursor to more rowdy forms of play.
I get it! One year we had 3 little girls who we called The Kitty Girls because they were cats all day, every day. They weren’t disruptive but once in a while I would just want them to communicate with me or the other kids in words, not meows.
One teacher at my old center couldn’t let the kids play puppies anyone cause someone would always be the “owner” and boss everyone around and tell them to do tricks over and over
I don't mind the loners as much as others seem to do. My co-teacher always gets upset when we have one or two children that refuse to participate in the group activities. I don't care. We have so many opportunities for them to build their cooperative skills. On the flip side, I don't care for the clinging whiny ones but they do. So it balance out.
I agree. Kids aren’t feeling social every day no more than adults are.
Right! Also sensory issues are a thing. Some kids don't like the feeling of glue, feathers, or water.
Mine wasn’t the kids, it was my co-teacher. My co-teacher was mentally handicapped. So while she was 25, mentally she was about 12. She had a favorite child, and would spend literally hours holding him. I’m wrangling 9 other kids who all want to be held and snuggled, too, and she’d ignore them all to just wander around holding the kid. I finally snapped after about 3 weeks of trying to nicely get her to help out, and told her that I don’t care one bit that his grandma was your teacher 10 yrs ago, or that you go to church with his parents, PUT HIM DOWN NOW, and help me change these diapers. She changed HIS, and then tried to hold him!! I took him from her, set him down, told him to go play, and told her she had 4 more diapers to change. She kept trying to sneak back to him, and I warned her I would have her transferred to a different class if she didn’t actually help me. It was a nightmare. She was basically the 11th child I had to constantly keep an eye on. She had a tendency to give in to whatever kids wanted to keep them quiet. One kid would fight sleep until someone came by and patted his butt (but not lightly..the kid wanted to be damn near spanked). I told her she had to stop, and while she could sit in the chair near him and occasionally tell him to close his eyes, or make sure he wasn’t acting up (he was a biter who would be fine one second, then BAM, other kid is bleeding, screaming, and has Biter’s signature 3-tooth-print somewhere on them). She thought she could just hold him all day instead of Favorite. No ma’am. He gets one time per day. If he bites anyone after that, call his dad for pickup. I can’t restrain him or have eyes on just him 24/7, and once his dad was inconvenienced 2-3 times, he managed to break the kid of that habit. She never had any clue what was going on, despite me having a schedule posted, or seeing me cleaning, changing, doing stories or circle time (she said she couldn’t read the kids stories, yet she read Twilight 18273859 times, and never talked about anything but those stupid books). I had to constantly ask her to check on an upset kid, or remind her to shut the door when she came in/out. Had to tell her to help me set up lunch, or do diapers, or do bibs, or set up cots, she never could figure out that we do the same thing every single day, on a schedule. It was the most draining part of my day. I finally told the director, who quietly observed me doing everything, including 90% of her job, too, and was like “Girl, if you can’t handle helping Panda, we’ll have to change your class.” They tried sending her to all the other rooms, and no one else would work with her. She eventually lost the job, but honestly she wasn’t safe for the kids. She let them run, snuck them candy, never cleaned up, had to be reminded to go use the bathroom and to wash her hands after. She wasn’t hateful, but she was rough, and grabbed them a little too hard, squeezed them a little too much, etc. got frustrated super easily. I get she was disabled, and I tried to cut her slack and show some grace to her, but just because you can hire someone for a tax break, and only pay her $4.50/hr, doesn’t mean they are a good fit, or qualified to do it. There’s a reason 12 year olds can’t work there. She might physically be 25, but mentally, she’s only 6 years older than the oldest kid we had. She made my job 110% harder. My best days were the ones when she was out sick, and I got a float for the day.
Omg I have a nearly identical story! I just sent an email to my boss about getting my previous co-teacher out of my room last month. She has down syndrome and initially I had no issue working with her, but I sort of expected her to "get it" after a few months and she *did not.* I'm autistic, so I figured I could even understand taking longer to learn things. I wrote up lists for her; her duties, who the potty training students were, etc. I really tried. But the children didn't listen to her *at all*, leaving me to do all of the classroom management. I also was relieved when she was out sick. It's not a good feeling. Now I'm hearing that the other teacher they put her with doesn't want her either. It's really a shame. She loves the kids, she just doesn't seem to have what it takes.
Oh, boy… that’s a lot.
I actually don't mind when toddlers don't want to share. Sharing is a complex social skill, and it's developmentally appropriate for littles to not share. Instead of trying to force toddlers to share, I just tell the child who wants the toy/activity that they will get a turn when the first child is done. Biting however is my trigger. I know it's developmentally appropriate, but I hate it. Perhaps it's because I was bitten frequently when I was in daycare myself.
Developmentally expected doesn't make it safe, or comfortable. It's totally reasonable to really dislike biting. As a MOM my response to biting was to ABRUPTLY put the child away from my body and say "ouch! That hurts! Be gentle!" The surprise and abruptness makes the act of biting unpleasant for them, too. (Otherwise it has no effect on them. They may not even notice they've done it. ... But this is harder when the person being bitten is not you, for sure ❤️🩹.)
I’m the same way re: sharing. Sometimes you’re just NOT DONE with something—you shouldn’t have to relinquish every single thing you try to engage with just because someone asks you to. Now, if a kid is walking around with a toy or material for an extended amount of time and it’s clear that they’re not actually PLAYING with it, they’re just hoarding it? If it is indeed a school toy and not their personal item from home, then I’ll redirect them to something else that they’ll actually ENGAGE with so someone else can have a turn with the thing they’re hoarding. But that’s also part of developing play skills.
The mobile babies trying to crawl on top of each other makes me laugh. They treat each other like furniture.
It’s funny after the fact. The fact being that the other ones being climbed on/knocked over/stepped on/pushed around weren’t seriously injured Only then it can be funny. /s (if needed this was said in a jokey way, not a “matter of fact” way)
I absolutely love the ‘NO!’ phase. ‘No’ is such an important word, and it drives me crazy (negatively) when other teachers/parents try to tell the child they aren’t allowed to say no. Every child should be allowed to set boundaries. It is so important to learn to say no, especially when faced with something we do not want to do. (Ex. I tell parents that if a child says no to a hug from me, not to push it. They don’t want a hug right now and that is OKAY). Of course, is a child says ‘NO DIAPER!’ at diaper time, that’s different. But also a great teaching moment, because then we can talk about how I can see they don’t want to stop playing to get a clean diaper, but it is important to change so they can stay clean and not get a diaper rash. No phase is best phase.
My son is 15 months and we just went to the doctor. “can I look at your ears?” “No” “This is my tongue. Can you show me your tongue?” “No” “Do you want to look at my cool stethoscope?” “No” He is so polite about it but he is so firm and I find it hilarious
The no phase cracks me up too! I always just respond with “okay. 🤷🏻♀️” I’ve always had to stop myself from rolling my eyes when I hear another teacher admonish a child for daring to utter the word “no.” A lot of the time I can tell it’s coming from a place of control—“You don’t tell your teachers ‘no’!” Lady they’re two, the concept of respect is not a thing for them. They’re literally still figuring out what words mean. EDIT: I mean it goes without saying but the “okay 🤷🏻♀️” will be followed by me continuing with typical classroom management, obviously. Like if a child says no to a diaper change, I’ll acknowledge, hey I get it, you don’t want your diaper changed right now, but we’re gonna change your diaper because it’s my job to keep your body safe, and sometimes your grownups need to make choices for you to keep you safe, etc. something like that.
like, i get you don’t want your diaper changed. or maybe you just enjoy saying “no”. but that doesn’t mean i’m going to let you sit in your own waste, sorry kiddo. 😂
Exactly!! I’m doing this for your health and safety, and the health and safety of others, because I’m the only person in this equation whose frontal lobe is FINISHED, so I’m gonna be making the health and safety decisions, thank you very much, but you’re allowed to feel however you want to feel about that. 🤣
But whyyyyy? 😁
I agree. I find it more frustrating reminding kids that they have autonomy and can take charge of their own problems than teaching kids to tone it down. Mostly because the former is either due to a lack of confidence or some form of weaponized incompetence where they’ve started relying on someone else to speak for them/tell them how they should feel or to stand up for them. I definitely admire the kids who are already assertive, know how to use their voice, or try everything possible before asking for help. They are already working on their problem solving skills, and demonstrate resilience/self confidence. It’s much easier to teach a kid that when they start feeling frustrated that it’s time to ask for help or how to phrase things better to get what they want. The weaponized incompetence just gets to me and I have to make the conscious effort to remind myself to be more empathetic in how I respond to those kids. There will be kids sitting looking at me while Suzy is sitting on her hand saying “Suzy is sitting on my hand”. “Suzy bumped into me”. Like tell her that?? Like do you really need me to tell you to move your hand? There are kids who come over and tell me this child was calling them mean things or ordering them around during pretend play but then they continue to play with said child everyday. Maybe that’s not the best person to play with?? I have to remind them that it’s their choice who they play with and they should start enforcing their own boundaries. People will label them “needy” kids but it’s very much created at home. They are typically more sheltered such that they are used to someone else always taking care of any problem they face and so they look to someone else even when they don’t need it. It’s like they already don’t trust their natural instincts or gut because mom or dad would always step in or probably over policed their behaviors and now they don’t know what to pick. I think it’s most annoying because it’s a problem created by poor parenting decisions and the solution is unlearning already ingrained lessons rather than learning new things.
Thanks for this perspective shift on my assertive, determined, independent kid. Even though I’ve deliberately cultivated this by (like you say) giving her space to do things herself and the chance to struggle before she succeeds, her strength of will is kind of full on and a lot to content with at home. But you’ve made me realise that kids with less autonomy could be demanding in a different way and you can’t just somehow add that drive in at a later age if it hasn’t been nurtured.
I’m glad I was able to give you more perspective! It’s really about how you frame things. I have teachers talking negatively about kids who will go ask a different teacher the same question even when another already said no. In my brain that kid is smart enough to recognize that teachers don’t always agree or communicate, and is simply attempting to problem solve to get what they want. If your child is the way you described you’ve definitely given them the right tools to foster independence, which is ultimately what parents are here for. The other side of the coin is avoiding hyperindependent tendencies or perfectionism but that’s more about how you teach them to handle failure/mistakes. I’ve noticed kids tend to learn those types of responses based on observing you via modeling ideal behavior rather than listening to you explicitly explaining it. It’s about how we react when we ourselves mess up, fail, make a mistake, or hurt others.
Additionally, kiddos who experience a lot of learned helplessness will often, at least in my experience, engage in power struggles in different areas because they still feel that desire for independence, they just don’t know how to express it because they “can’t do it.” In my experience, if you’re able to help the super headstrong kids develop the skills to actually DO the things they want to do independently (within the realm of safety and developmental appropriateness obviously), they feel more confident and are maybe LESS inclined to engage in power struggles with their caregivers (outside of the extent to which small children are just…going to do that anyway). Not ALWAYS the case, of course, but this has just been my experience. Also, helping them develop new skills gives them a chance to practice emotional regulation, which is HUGE and something that children need to be taught and supported in.
Is it weaponized incompetence or is it learned helplessness? Those are two very different things.
That is def a better term for the examples I was giving and I guess I am talking about both when I mean I find it difficult. That’s actually really interesting to think about because the behavior itself is not so different but motivation/intent or blame is what’s different, which makes one term’s imply a more negative characterization. I guess the line is drawn depending on when people think the individual actually becomes responsible for their actions and whether you can decipher their motivation. The example of learned helpless would be telling the adult “Suzy is sitting on my hand” instead of knowing to just move it or the toddler who drops their fork next to their chair and reaches out for it crying waiting for you to hand it to them instead of standing up and just grabbing it. Weaponized incompetence is more deceitful like the kid purposely trying to get out of a task they have learned the skill for by feigning inability so someone will just do it for them. It’s more about escape and avoidance of an unpreferred task. Like the kid who demands you to put their shoes on even though you’ve seen them do it independently 100x. Sometimes I also see this as means of getting 1:1 attention, not just with task avoidance. I would hope with learned helplessness people would direct their annoyance towards the parent and not judge the child, but with weaponized incompetence people start attacking the kid’s character. Even if kids are engaging in weaponized incompetence the only reason it works for them is because somebody is reinforcing it so responsibility should still be put on the adult to enforce better boundaries and not give in. Regardless of the type a kid is engaging in I get annoyed at all of it because it’s the behavior itself I find annoying in like a face palm type of way. I have to consciously remind myself that the reason they’re still doing it is because someone is reinforcing it either out of over sheltering or avoiding enforcing boundaries to prevent tantrums. Both become equally frustrating because you cannot modify the behavior if other adults aren’t also reinforcing the learned behavior.
I like when they argue with each other and it stays within themselves (as in they don’t tattle to me). They’re figuring out great social skills through conflict and as long as no one’s getting hurt, I just watch.
the shriek of ”I don’t wanna go outside/inside!” followed by doing that pose of the dragon ball z character lying in a crater
I honestly don’t mind crying. I work with older preschoolers who don’t cry much, and when they do I feel like it’s needed and cathartic. Plus then we get to talk it out and use some mindfulness strategies, or I get to snuggle a sweet little sniffling boo. Not that I reward tears or let them use crying to avoid consequences.
I love kids who ask a ton of questions out of sheer enthusiasm and curiosity, even when they aren’t relevant. Yes it can slow things down and be annoying when you’re trying to do a lesson, but I love finding ways to use what they said and encourage their curiosity. I also don’t mind kids with wild emotional swings, especially if they are pretty honest and affectionate. Several kids like that have been treated as troublemakers because they just had so many emotions that they wore on their sleeves, and the teacher (or parents) found it exhausting to deal with them. But I’ve had some success building relationships with those kids, and letting them feel comfortable around me, so that they can begin to learn emotional control as well as self expression.
I hate spitting beyond anything. Like not the kids that spit unintentionally when they talk, but the kids who deliberately blow raspberries all the time (past the baby stage), put water in their mouth just to spit it at you, etc. But the one I “love” is the separation anxiety. I have been known as the one to slowly calm a child down and get them loving the place within a few weeks whereas coworkers will be like “nope. This is too much for me”.
I love sassy kids. I also don’t mind when they argue a punishment/consequence. Let them plead their case. Sometimes they have a perspective that makes me rethink things.
I always like the "naughty" mischievous children. They were my favorite. The ones who don't fit in a box and tell you I'm turning that box into a circle just watch me. Oh they were a handful climbing shelves, trying to escape the room, no being the favorite word. But the challenge in finding out what makes them tick and how am I going to get through that was awesome.
“I’m turning that box in to a circle, just watch me” is a wonderful phrase.
I had a little girl who was super hyperactive with no filter and extremely impulsive. She did things that made me laugh all the time but I had to hide it 😭 one of the funniest ones was yelling out "Penis!" on the playground lolll! Another time she took her shoes off and was absolutely smaking the floor with her concrete grippers. Was super disruptive to the class, but it would have been too much fun being her nanny or something!
I liked the "lawyer" kids, the ones who would find loopholes in what you said, or sass back with a smart-ass answer. Like I know it's kinda disrespectful but I always had to hold back my laughter at their quick thinking and problem solving skills to get what they want. I also have a huge soft spot for anxious kids, I totally get it, even though it's really tricky to help them when all they want is mum/dad. My least favourite behaviour to deal with is being physically attacked, like kids who get angry and will kick/bite/try to hurt you/other kids.
Kids that refuse to participate. Ok, no problem chill over there
I’m a behavioral therapist so I deal with kids who have aggressive behaviors, and more challenging behaviors like undressing, self injurious behaviors and spitting. I’m known for being a therapist who’s willing to take on challenging cases and is sort of OK with anything. What gets to me, though, is kids who *have* the ability to do something, and simply will refuse to try to do it at all until an adult steps in and helps. This can be with anything from opening their applesauce to dressing and undressing to standing up for themselves and communicating their needs. I know that a lot of this starts at home, and these kids usually have parents who will step in and do everything for them, so it’s almost a learned helplessness, even if they have the ability. I work with a lot of kids on basically teaching them how to trust their instincts and their own abilities.
Idk if this counts but when I ask them why they did something. One of my students kicked a ball right at another girl during lunch and it hit her and made her spill her food. After cleaning the other girl up I asked the first one why she kicked the ball at her friend. She shrugged and said “I think I kicked it at the wrong angle.” I don’t know what I was expecting but it wasn’t that.
The “whys”. I love being able to then turn it back and ask them to explain. (Obviously answering questions they don’t know.) They end up feeling really smart and it stops the endless “why?” So if I say “Friends, we’re going to put our toys away!” “Why?” “Friends why do we put our toys away?” “Uh, so we can find them again!” “Good job! So we can find them again!”
Had a child a few years back who, when overwhelmed, would just drop to the floor, lay on their back and scream to the ceiling or sky. I was so damned envious!
Not necessarily a challenging behavior but I don’t mind the kids calling me teacher. It drives some teachers nuts and they always correct the kids - “My name isn’t teacher, it’s Mrs. So and so”. It just doesn’t bother me.
I don’t mind it when kids cry. I of course want to help them get through it, and I don’t want them to be upset. But I always feel better after a good cry, and I know they need to express their emotions. I was always a crier growing up, and unless I was seriously injured it was always met with stop crying, you’re fine or anger. I relish the opportunity to validate their feelings, offer my support, tell them it’s okay to be sad, help them regulate and teach them coping skills. The hardest part about kids crying in my opinion is often most adults reactions.
The runners. Running after a kid and scream “runner! Runner!” And seeing the look on their little face enjoying this moment. 😌 Dopamine seeking!
I’ll bet they do it a lot after that! I only chase a runner if it’s potentially dangerous. Is your facility safe enough? Be careful not to reinforce it because they could run from parents or grands not able to get them and in an unsafe place.
I don’t influence them to do it. I follow the daycare policy about that. This is just the face they make when they do it that is funny. I laugh inside, I don’t show that I find it funny.
YES!!! I love a stubborn kid! Way, way back when I was an infant teacher the day I met this one baby (we'll call her G) I told her parents- "this kid will rule the world if you can survive her teenage years"! I'm still good friends with the family and this is still rings true today! G has always been so head strong, stubborn, knows what she wants and will find a way to get it. These kids are the ones I truly love to take care of. I enjoy helping them navigate those big feelings and watching them get stronger in their head and heart. Sometimes I have to remember not to get in a battle of wills with them though, because adults lose those all the time 🤣
Don't mind: big feelings. Do mind: manipulative behaviors. In preK/kinder this can be a WHOLE thing.
kids saying hurtful words doesn’t phase me. every time a kid tells me “i hate you” i always tell them “that’s okay!” my co teacher was amazed by it lol. that really triggered her but it doesn’t bother me at all. the kids really don’t have to like me! but 99% of the time when they say that, they’re just mad and they love me again in 5 minutes, and i always know that when they start saying things like that to me
weirdly enough, when the babies get into a yelling phase. it can totally be irritating but redirecting by teaching them how to whisper is so funny. hearing a baby whisper-babble?? cutest thing ever
Oh man. I had a baby (maybe a very young toddler by that time) in my room who loved to make, like, pterodactyl noises at the top of her lungs. Particularly while others were asleep. She and I practiced being “quiet pterodactyls” (complete with flapping “wings” because I am a dork) and eventually I could remind her to be a quiet pterodactyl because her friends were napping and she would whisper-shriek and flutter her hands. It was the _cutest thing._
Sometimes their attitude makes me laugh! Even though they mean it and probably don’t get the humor, I have a dry sense of humor and I can’t help but chuckle when they make blunt comments or get super dramatic about something. “She said it’s yoga day BUT ITS NOT 🙄🙄 UGH” sometimes I’ll even get a “BRO” or “God”. It’s like they are 4 going on 16. Kills me. I have to try so hard not to laugh sometimes!
I don't mind the "Why?" kids. I have zero issues explaining stuff to them. No child will ever hear "because I said so" from me.
I teach infants and when they're right around that year mark a few of them start actually rolling their eyes and testing out their sass levels and it's honestly fricken hilarious because they've obviously learned it from someone and think it works
I work with 12-24 month olds and towards the end of my room they often play the “why” game. I see other teachers get aggravated but I’m just happy they are talking to me. Sometimes it’s fun to jump down the “why” rabbit hole with a child until you get to the point we’re you just say “I don’t know”. It shows them adults are learning about the world too and there are still some things we do not know. Maybe id be more annoyed by the why phase of it was constant on my room and with every child, but for now it’s just a select few have done it usually right before they are ready to transition up to the next room.
I think one of the easiest to deal with is taking things from other kids. “When you take, you can’t play” and move the kiddo
I love sassy kids with an attitude. Some teachers can’t stand when the older preschoolers have an attitude but I think it’s absolutely hysterical. The kids at my center with the biggest attitudes are very funny and also usually like when you give it back to them.
I honestly love the just plopping their body down and refusing to walk cuz like yeah okay let’s both sit down I got all day hahahaha
I don't mind the attitudes and back talking 😂 it drives my lead crazy somedays, but when a kid tells us "ugh I already knoowwww you don't need to tell me" I just look at them and tell them "ok, but can you say that in a different tone of voice for me?" They're 4/5 they're like the teenagers of preschool 😂 they're just feeling some big feelings and annoyance 99% of the time. I feel the same way as an adult, but I learned how to filter myself.
I shouldn't but it's always a bit funny to me when a child is so angry that they get to the point where they forget what they're angry about and then come out of it a bit confused. The second one is a language one, where they say a regular word like a swear word, it's way funnier than intentional swearing. Thirdly, I enjoy teaching toddlers boundaries, they just want to be so loving but they have to learn to gain consent and allow their peers to say yes or no, that includes when they tackle hug others and can take a bit of time to learn.
And the other thing I'm firm on is that I want the toddlers in my care to engage in the room but I will not force them to sit down and engage unless they want to, I do try to do one planned experience a day and I try to get them to engage in one to two group times to aid growing their attention span but there are some days where they are too lent up for group time and I won't push it. They've got literal years of being forced to sit down in schooling.
My favorite is babies who can't walk yet bullying each other. One baby in my class was like a crawling shark who would pick on one specific friend and pull their clothes or try to stand up using them as a ladder.
Everything but meanness! So I went into teaching kids with intellectual disabilities. Seen a lot so far but only one kid with genuinely mean behavior. Patient, semi enthusiastic still and like a behavioral challenge? Get a cert and come get that sped money! Or even be a para or 1:1 aide. We are DESPERATE for good workers.
When they try to learn what the boundaries are and where the line is during play. It’s draining but it does make me happy because it’ll help them later on.
Anything 2’s related. I love love the age cuz once you’ve mastered them they still find something to get you! I love going into a classroom full of havoc and finish out the year with 8-16 amazing little friends.
the arguing. i’m not talking about the constant “no”. i’m talking about the preschoolers who try to defend their argument with reasons as to why they are right. especially when they argue with their friends. it’s so entertaining to watch where the conversation goes before (or if) intervention is needed.
I don’t have any that I “like” or “enjoy” necessarily—my answer might have been different four or five years ago before the burnout set in—but there are some that I definitely don’t necessarily MIND as much. Like, I don’t enjoy tantrums (except for the odd funny tantrum…you know the ones I’m talking about). But I’m not going to begrudge a kid having one, or scramble to stop them from happening. If I can recognize that a kid is being triggered by something and help step in and de-escalate/co-regulate before it gets to a boiling point, I will, but if I can’t? Go ahead and let it out. I get it. You’re mad. Go ahead and be mad, and when you’re done you’re done. 🤷🏻♀️ NOW, have I been in situations where I’m in massive sensory overload or I’m being pulled in a dozen different directions and you’re a child experiencing a tantrum and I just need to remove myself OR YOU from the room momentarily? Yes absolutely, because I’m a human being with a fried nervous system. You can still throw down! Just throw down over THERE and let me finish reading this book or changing this diaper or taking this sip of water. Some teachers treat tantrums like they’re something much bigger and more nefarious than they are, and while they can be symptomatic of an issue that needs to be further addressed (like in OLDER children, for example), honestly I just remind myself that these children are still learning how to function in a tiny body that’s full to the brim of conflicting emotions, and a big part of my job is to teach them how to navigate that! The least I can do is provide a safe space for them to process their big feelings.
Omg, yes. I have such a soft spot for a fierce personality. Especially a fierce girl, if I’m fully honest.
It’s the screaming for me. To sum it up, I get migraines. It’s hard to find time to focus on one child throwing a tantrum when a room full of kids, toys, and laundry needs my attention.
Can handle: Mad, Aggressive, NO!, big wailing crocodile tears-for show, "oh no I just climbed up here and am stuck...." Can't deal have to tap out: Spitting, barfing
Temper tantrums. Especially when they throw themselves on the floor and kick all dramatically. Its so ridiculous
I love spicy backtalk/oppositional kids. (As long as they are not my biological children lol) It really doesn't irritate me at all, I don't get into power struggles, I don't care to have the last word. I do have to watch out sometimes because if the kid is witty or at some points I have to really resist cracking a smile.
I don't have any problem with children who don't yet understand how to handle interpersonal conflict and keep wanting adults to intervene. That doesn't mean I actually intervene when they can work the problem out themselves. But I am happy to facilitate their working it out with other children, going over big problems vs small problems, helping them deal with other feelings, etc. It seems like literally EVERYONE else says that "tattling" is the one thing they don't want to deal with. Sometimes kids get that tone of voice that seems to annoy every single adult except me ("whining"), and I don't mind that either. I don't know why these things push so many teachers' and assistants' buttons, but it sure seems like they do, over and above a lot of other behaviors that cause many more problems for other children.
I don’t think the way you handle her tantrums teaches her not to do them.
Whenever a child doesn’t end a turn with something, I’d say, “This belongs to everyone, not just you. You’ve had a turn. Now, it’s someone else’s turn.” I offer several choices, just as you do. If they want to complain, I let them. After this happens enough, the kid starts to realize that I’ll be just as protective of them when their turn comes again. When there’s whining, I say “Enough” in either Greek, Hebrew, or Arabic. (Kids know that, when my English takes a break, they need to do so, too.) I calmly say, “When you whine or cry while you’re talking, I don’t understand your words. I want to hear what you have to say. Take all the time you need. When you’re ready to talk calmly and clearly, I’ll still be hear to listen.)
Clingy/whiny kiddos. Whining has never really bugged me and some of the things they say when they're in that mood are absolutely hilarious. And i love the kiddos that just want to be little ducklings and follow your every move. Eventually they get older and dont want constant love and to be with their teachers 24/7 so i enjoy the clingy phase while it lasts. But i have a co-teacher who hates it😂😂 she deals with our spitters while i get the whiners and clingers😂