Sounds to me like your mind is having a field day analyzing something it can’t understand. Don’t try to get back what you “lost”. Start with the basics. You could read the book again.
Do the practices in it, like becoming aware of your body, catch yourself at the slightest irritation right before you’re overcome by the emotion, bring your focus to your breath...etc
It may help to think of it as a practice and not a destination you reach and try to remain at. That helps me.
Two ideas:
First, the Buddha didn't meditate until he became enlightened and then stop. He practiced until the day he died. Are you doing some kind of practice to keep deepening your presence?
Second, maybe there's some changes in your brain chemistry because of the habitual drug use. I'm gonna oversimplify this, just to open the idea for you to consider. Brains are chemical, and they try to maintain some kind of balance between relaxed and alert. If you use a drug that floods your brain with a bunch of "it's all chill" chemicals, your brain will produce less of those on its own. It will also crank up production of stress chemicals, because if a bear starts to chase you, your brain wants you to to notice, care, and run away!
So withdrawal happens when you stop adding the feel-good chemicals, and the brain is suddenly out of balance, still making too much stress and not enough chill (again, oversimplified). Even though the worst of it is over in a relatively short time, it can take a year or more for the brain to get back into a healthy balanced state.
If that's part of the issue, it will be good for you to figure it out and examine it closer. When you know what you're working with, you can choose practices to support yourself and your healing.
Were you a cannabis user when you read the book and believed you became enlightened?
I was a user at that time yes
Sounds to me like your mind is having a field day analyzing something it can’t understand. Don’t try to get back what you “lost”. Start with the basics. You could read the book again. Do the practices in it, like becoming aware of your body, catch yourself at the slightest irritation right before you’re overcome by the emotion, bring your focus to your breath...etc It may help to think of it as a practice and not a destination you reach and try to remain at. That helps me.
Fall to Grace.
Two ideas: First, the Buddha didn't meditate until he became enlightened and then stop. He practiced until the day he died. Are you doing some kind of practice to keep deepening your presence? Second, maybe there's some changes in your brain chemistry because of the habitual drug use. I'm gonna oversimplify this, just to open the idea for you to consider. Brains are chemical, and they try to maintain some kind of balance between relaxed and alert. If you use a drug that floods your brain with a bunch of "it's all chill" chemicals, your brain will produce less of those on its own. It will also crank up production of stress chemicals, because if a bear starts to chase you, your brain wants you to to notice, care, and run away! So withdrawal happens when you stop adding the feel-good chemicals, and the brain is suddenly out of balance, still making too much stress and not enough chill (again, oversimplified). Even though the worst of it is over in a relatively short time, it can take a year or more for the brain to get back into a healthy balanced state. If that's part of the issue, it will be good for you to figure it out and examine it closer. When you know what you're working with, you can choose practices to support yourself and your healing.
Observe your feelings. Read the book again. It didn't go anywhere