I love being friends with other fours. I think one of the most healing things you can do as a four is be friends with other fours as a constant practice of unlearning our unhealthy 4 main character syndrome. Being in relation with other fours helps me keep my individualism in line and recognize that our shared desire to be unique individuals can be applied to our collective friendship. Obviously I occasionally feel imposter syndrome or jealous of their taste or style but I always remind myself that this cool person chose to be in friendship with me and that says something about me! Overall, I feel extremely seen by other fours and I love being around their flavor of life curation. I enjoy the intersection and combination of our niche interests, and shared depth.
I’ve had a very close 4 friend for about 5 years now. (I’ve also had a bunch of 4 friends through the years and a 4 ex romantic partner). I feel like I tend to attract and be attracted to 4s a lot actually but there’s a love/hate aspect to it always.
It’s a rocky dynamic but I feel like there’s a level of respect and understanding that’s very instinctive, like we tend to just get what’s a touchy subject and where to give space (where other types may feel like they’re walking on eggshells around 4s or don’t understand why something may be a big deal etc.) and respect each other’s individuality and moodiness without taking it too personally and that’s a place that takes a lot of communication and misunderstandings and trial and error to get to with other types.
On the other hand there is a lot of mirroring and projections and if we’re being unhealthy and not seeing past our egos it’s VERY unhealthy and dramatic and self-sabotage galore. 4 drama on steroids. No one has triggered and hurt me so bad with plain words like a close 4 friend, we know where it hurts and if we’re all emotional and self-absorbed… I’m talking DRAMA. And with so much mirroring if the communication isn’t worked on there can be a lot of triggering and misinterpretation cause the other’s behaviour may hit close to home and reflect your own unconscious patterns and it’s so easy to project, it can get messy for sure.
So, idk. Pros and cons.
I could see how that might be a thing. I don’t think I have any other 4 friends. And sometimes I wonder if I’d be friends with myself lol. I definitely wouldn’t want to date myself.
Here is a portion of the enneagram institute compatibility of 4-4
“For all of their potential sensitivity, Fours also tend to withdraw from others and to withhold their attention and affection when they are having a conflict with someone. Fours have a profound lack of trust in others, and this lack of trust can extend even to their intimate partner. A period of testing will invariably happen that may be too much for the other Four to bear. They can be annoyed by the other’s quirks and “sensitivities” and unacknowledged demands. They can be intolerant of the other, making each other walk on eggshells, ironically making it difficult to bring up certain issues with the other.”
https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/relationship-type-4-with-type-4/
I do have a lot of sensitivities and if ours don’t align, then I will retreat from you.
Two of my closest friends are 4s. One of them is a fellow therapist and self-identified HSP and the other is a very philosophical artist. I treasure my 4 friends- they can meet me in places none of my other friends really can and some magical things tend to happen in those places. My 4 friends make me feel seen and understood so well too - not sure if that's their 4-ness or our sameness.
I am a four and my two closest friends are fours. I am drawn to people who ‘see me’ on a deep level so to me it makes sense to be close to others with similar wounds. I also have other four friends I keep more at a distance and find a bit hard to be around
I do believe there are other fours out there who are healthy enough that I could be friends with them and not clash too much, and I would love to meet someone like that. Most fours I come across are unhealthily narcissistic or otherwise hard to be around.
I love other fours. I find myself repeatedly attracted to them lately - one a romantic interest and one a friend. I think it helps when the four is more on the integrated side of the health scale. Then it's really fun; you both understand each other in an almost uncanny, implicit way that actually feels like such a relief and wonderful bond. I have come to really appreciate it. On the other hand, I can imagine it could get difficult during times of more "disintegration" but I would say that the same would be true in any combo. Healthy integration will always lead to healthier relationships and I think the outcome is that you're able to have positive and enjoyable relationships with all of the types. So that's what I like to focus on: moving myself towards integration.
I do have a couple of 4 friends but sometimes it feels like competition as to who has more main character energy that day. Sometimes I'm winning and other times I'm not 🤪
I was friend with another 4 but we always kept distance. We together practiced wellness and even did daily journaling every night together to keep eachother on track, but strictly made sure we were both respecting eachother's boundaries. It was a really odd relationship I had, but also the most spiritual and surreal one. I feel like a different person before and after I met them.
I think 4’s and 4’s would be great. I feel like “artists get other artists” (not that 4’s are ‘artists’ ) but I feel like something about the emotional world, 4’s would understand other 4’s better than any other type.
I love being friends with other fours. I think one of the most healing things you can do as a four is be friends with other fours as a constant practice of unlearning our unhealthy 4 main character syndrome. Being in relation with other fours helps me keep my individualism in line and recognize that our shared desire to be unique individuals can be applied to our collective friendship. Obviously I occasionally feel imposter syndrome or jealous of their taste or style but I always remind myself that this cool person chose to be in friendship with me and that says something about me! Overall, I feel extremely seen by other fours and I love being around their flavor of life curation. I enjoy the intersection and combination of our niche interests, and shared depth.
Yes - well said and same here!
I’ve had a very close 4 friend for about 5 years now. (I’ve also had a bunch of 4 friends through the years and a 4 ex romantic partner). I feel like I tend to attract and be attracted to 4s a lot actually but there’s a love/hate aspect to it always. It’s a rocky dynamic but I feel like there’s a level of respect and understanding that’s very instinctive, like we tend to just get what’s a touchy subject and where to give space (where other types may feel like they’re walking on eggshells around 4s or don’t understand why something may be a big deal etc.) and respect each other’s individuality and moodiness without taking it too personally and that’s a place that takes a lot of communication and misunderstandings and trial and error to get to with other types. On the other hand there is a lot of mirroring and projections and if we’re being unhealthy and not seeing past our egos it’s VERY unhealthy and dramatic and self-sabotage galore. 4 drama on steroids. No one has triggered and hurt me so bad with plain words like a close 4 friend, we know where it hurts and if we’re all emotional and self-absorbed… I’m talking DRAMA. And with so much mirroring if the communication isn’t worked on there can be a lot of triggering and misinterpretation cause the other’s behaviour may hit close to home and reflect your own unconscious patterns and it’s so easy to project, it can get messy for sure. So, idk. Pros and cons.
That summary seems to make a lot of sense!
The 4 manual forbids other 4s from even being in the same building as each other. Thus it is spoken.
It really seems that way, doesn’t it?
I could see how that might be a thing. I don’t think I have any other 4 friends. And sometimes I wonder if I’d be friends with myself lol. I definitely wouldn’t want to date myself. Here is a portion of the enneagram institute compatibility of 4-4 “For all of their potential sensitivity, Fours also tend to withdraw from others and to withhold their attention and affection when they are having a conflict with someone. Fours have a profound lack of trust in others, and this lack of trust can extend even to their intimate partner. A period of testing will invariably happen that may be too much for the other Four to bear. They can be annoyed by the other’s quirks and “sensitivities” and unacknowledged demands. They can be intolerant of the other, making each other walk on eggshells, ironically making it difficult to bring up certain issues with the other.” https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/relationship-type-4-with-type-4/ I do have a lot of sensitivities and if ours don’t align, then I will retreat from you.
Two of my closest friends are 4s. One of them is a fellow therapist and self-identified HSP and the other is a very philosophical artist. I treasure my 4 friends- they can meet me in places none of my other friends really can and some magical things tend to happen in those places. My 4 friends make me feel seen and understood so well too - not sure if that's their 4-ness or our sameness.
I am a four and my two closest friends are fours. I am drawn to people who ‘see me’ on a deep level so to me it makes sense to be close to others with similar wounds. I also have other four friends I keep more at a distance and find a bit hard to be around
I do believe there are other fours out there who are healthy enough that I could be friends with them and not clash too much, and I would love to meet someone like that. Most fours I come across are unhealthily narcissistic or otherwise hard to be around.
I love other fours. I find myself repeatedly attracted to them lately - one a romantic interest and one a friend. I think it helps when the four is more on the integrated side of the health scale. Then it's really fun; you both understand each other in an almost uncanny, implicit way that actually feels like such a relief and wonderful bond. I have come to really appreciate it. On the other hand, I can imagine it could get difficult during times of more "disintegration" but I would say that the same would be true in any combo. Healthy integration will always lead to healthier relationships and I think the outcome is that you're able to have positive and enjoyable relationships with all of the types. So that's what I like to focus on: moving myself towards integration.
I hate you all. /s
I do have a couple of 4 friends but sometimes it feels like competition as to who has more main character energy that day. Sometimes I'm winning and other times I'm not 🤪
I was friend with another 4 but we always kept distance. We together practiced wellness and even did daily journaling every night together to keep eachother on track, but strictly made sure we were both respecting eachother's boundaries. It was a really odd relationship I had, but also the most spiritual and surreal one. I feel like a different person before and after I met them.
I think 4’s and 4’s would be great. I feel like “artists get other artists” (not that 4’s are ‘artists’ ) but I feel like something about the emotional world, 4’s would understand other 4’s better than any other type.
I am
I am!
My favorite people are fours. We get each other!
Would not reccomend
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That’s not what OP was saying. They were asking if there’s a natural tendency of 4s to not be attracted to each other as friends
My best friend since Highschool is a 4x5 and I am 4x3. He has driven our third amigo insane and she is an 8. Maybe because we are “bros” it works out.